


Personal Sacrifice

by stacy_l



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Adult Content, Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Dark, Depression, Drama, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Psychological Warfare, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Sacrifice, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content, Sexual Slavery, Sexual Tension, Sexual Violence, Slavery, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Torture, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:27:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 387,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stacy_l/pseuds/stacy_l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When one member of SG-1 is captured by an old enemy the challenges he must face to survive threatens to destroy a strong and trusting relationship between two lovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Capture

**Author's Note:**

> * Nominated for Best Angst (Jack/Daniel) Story in the SG-1 Fan Fiction Awards 2004  
> * Nominated for Best BDSM or Non-con Story in the SG-1 Fan Fiction Awards 2004  
> * Nominated for Best Slash Novel in the SG-1 Fan Fiction Awards 2004
> 
> This story was originally posted in April 2003. The story takes place in Season 5.
> 
> This story includes many scenes that may be disturbing to some readers due to some of the issues covered within so read at your own risk. This story has many highly emotional scenes contained within so be prepared for an emotional roller coaster. I have put a lot of work into this story and have been working on it for over a year. I do hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! Any feedback will be greatly appreciated! (Remember that a happy author is a well-fed author!)

**THE CAPTURE**

**EARTH: THE TAU'RI HOME WORLD**

General George Hammond rushed into the embarkation room when the computers picked up SG-1's code being transmitted to the SGC. SG-1 had just departed several minutes before and should not be returning so soon unless they were under fire. As he entered the embarkation room he saw Major Carter and Teal'c exit the wormhole retreating backwards down the ramp weapons aimed at the ready. Shortly after their sudden appearance came their Commanding Officer his gun also drawn at the ready. He immediately questioned, "Colonel what happened? SG-1 only deployed a few minutes ago." 

"Heavy fire, sir. Jaffa everywhere..." replied the Colonel obvious distress marring his facial features as he stared expectantly at the gate muttering encouragement to their fourth member, "Come on Daniel, where are you? Come on!" 

O'Neill continued to watch the rippling water expecting Daniel to emerge within seconds, silently praying for the man to show himself. When the young civilian failed to make an appearance Jack felt his heart skip a beat. Oh God, where was Daniel? He was right behind him. Where the hell was he? He had hollered to Daniel mere seconds ago ordering him through the wormhole when Jaffa fired and nearly took his damned head off. Daniel had reacted on instinct shoving him as hard as he could through the wormhole telling him that he needed to move. Daniel had only been a step behind him. He should be here so where the hell was he? 

As the wormhole disengaged with still no appearance by Daniel he felt his heart plummet. He turned worried eyes towards Teal'c and Sam. They were both looking at him in a mix of fear and shock. Daniel had not exited the Stargate, which could mean only one thing: he had been captured and overtaken by the Jaffa before getting the chance to enter the wormhole. Shit! Shit! They had to go back! 

Hammond watched the other three members of SG-1 as they waited on edge for their fourth member. When the gate shut down with no sign of the linguist Hammond felt worry fill him. Something had happened to Daniel Jackson and he had been unable to return with his team through the gate. Hammond questioned, "What happened to Doctor Jackson? Why didn't he follow you through the gate?" 

Sam spoke up first, "He did sir. He was right behind the Colonel." 

Jack shook his head as he felt Daniel's absence travel straight to the core of his being causing an incredible ache and an overwhelming feeling of intense fear and extreme loneliness to encompass him. He tried to ignore those intense emotions replying, "He was right behind me, sir. A Jaffa fired at me. Daniel shoved me through the wormhole to get me out of danger. He was right behind me! Right behind me, sir." 

"Well, he isn't here now. Tell me what happened." 

Teal'c spoke up, "It would appear the planet is under the direct control of a system lord. The Jaffa were many. They were prepared for us." 

“Jaffa? Did you see whom they served?" 

"I did not." 

"So Doctor Jackson is now a prisoner on a hostile world with a hostile Goa'uld lord that none of us know?" 

Sam swallowed hard as she answered, "It would seem so sir." 

Hammond's worry tripled as Major Carter supplied him with the one answer he had hoped not to hear. Doctor Jackson was now MIA and they had no idea just who ruled that world. SG-1 had made a lot of enemies among the system lords so any capture by them could prove very dangerous to the members of SG-1. If they were lucky then Jackson had been captured by one of the minor system lords, of course with Doctor Jackson's luck and SG-1's luck he was most likely now imprisoned by one of the major system lords, one who knew SG-1 very well. He questioned, "So we have no idea what we are even up against? Do you even have the slightest idea of who that system lord might be?" 

"No sir, but whoever it is Daniel is in a hell of a lot of trouble and we have to go back for him." 

"And you will, you will Colonel but first I want you and your remaining team to report to the infirmary." 

"With all due respect sir, the longer we wait the more danger Daniel is in.” 

"Correct me if I'm wrong Colonel, but you said that the Jaffa were attacking at the gate." 

"Yes sir." 

"So if they did capture Doctor Jackson then they will still be at the gate awaiting your retrieval of him. They have been already alerted to your presence, and they don't know if more will follow or if you will return. A few minutes in the infirmary is not going to kill any of you. Report there immediately." 

Three grumbled yes sirs preceded the order and Hammond watched them go. They were all worried about Daniel Jackson and he knew that they wanted to return to retrieve him, but they had no idea just who they were up against. He decided that contacting Jacob Carter might not be a bad idea at the moment. Maybe he could help shed some light on just who now inhabited the planet of P47-O89. One of his men was now MIA and that did not sit well with him at all. 

Jack paused to gaze upon the Stargate longingly feeling his heart beginning to crack and shatter into tiny little pieces as he felt the impact of Daniel's missing presence. The man was on the other side of that gate and they couldn't retrieve him yet. He hung his head as he suddenly realized that he hadn't even told the man that he loved him before they parted company. What if they couldn't retrieve him? What if...he closed his eyes shutting a lid on his debilitating thoughts. He wasn't about to accept defeat. Oh no. They were going back and they were bringing Daniel home! 

As he stood gazing at the Stargate he whispered tender words of support and encouragement to his lover hoping that Daniel would be able to hear him some how, someway, "Daniel please be all right and please hang on. We’re coming for you, love. You just have to hold on a little bit longer. We're coming!"

 

 **P47-O89: THE PLANET OF BURSIRIS**  
 **The Capture and the Sentence**

He grinned wickedly as he noticed the Tau'ri his guards brought before him. Ah yes, Daniel Jackson, Doctor Daniel Jackson. The one his host was obsessed with. He would draw much pleasure from imprisoning this man. Oh yes. Jackson not only had the nerve to attack and to disrespect his god but haunted his dreams and thoughts, as well. Though he wanted to get revenge on the young man for daring to attack him on Earth he also wanted complete control over him. His host had many, many interesting memories of the Tau'ri. Those memories were now his own and he couldn't seem to forget those intense images of the man before him on fire and responding to his host so readily, so openly and so passionately. Daniel Jackson drove him to distraction and no Tau'ri had ever managed to do so before. He wanted to kill the Tau'ri at first, but now he desired to own him. He wanted to make Doctor Jackson a permanent part of his legion. Once he did so he could quiet his host's constant yearnings for the young man, and he could silence the tormenting thoughts the man stirred within him. 

As he focused on the Tau'ri now being held between two of his guards he smiled upon seeing the spirit in him. He was rather pleased that this man happened to be the one Tau'ri his guards had managed to capture. The other three had succeeded in escaping but not this one. He scanned the man's body noting that he had become more muscular since their last meeting...yes, more muscular and much more appealing. He could feel his host’s body automatically responding to the man before him making his desire burn all the more. He would own the man body and soul. Daniel Jackson would soon serve him or suffer. His smile broadened as Jackson met his gaze evenly glaring coldly at him. Oh, he would be much fun to train and educate. 

As Daniel was escorted into a palace by two guards he felt his anger increase. He had been stupid in his actions and ended up getting himself captured. He had been too slow entering the wormhole succeeding in getting himself shot at with a zat gun before he made a successful escape. His team had no sooner arrived on the planet before they were attacked by Jaffa. They had no choice but to retreat and return to the Stargate. They had made it to the gate, dialed Earth's gate then started heading through. Daniel had been at the rear and just before entering the wormhole felt the familiar zap of a zat gun. He slipped into unconsciousness and was captured immediately. He was unsure of which Goa'uld lord controlled this planet and was curious to see who it was. As he was led into the main chamber he felt his heart skip a beat and guilt threaten to swamp him as the familiar face of an attractive young woman turned to greet him...Sarah...the Goa'uld was Osiris. As he recalled their last meeting he was certain that Osiris would not be very happy to see him, especially if he ever discovered the truth about what had happened to his queen. He felt very uneasy but refused to allow the snake to see his fear. 

Daniel glared coldly at the Goa'uld lord before him thinking of Sarah and how she was still trapped within her own body. Here was another person that he could not save. Here was another person he had failed. Sarah looked as he remembered her on the outside but he wondered if there was any trace of the vibrant young woman still in that body or had Osiris managed to destroy her with his evil? He pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind as he began to watch Osiris closely trying to determine what the Goa'uld had planned for him. As the Goa'uld lord continued to stare intently at him casting him a hungry gaze Daniel felt his insides quiver. He couldn't miss the obvious desire burning in the snake's eyes. Was that Osiris blatantly ogling him or was that Sarah? He shivered beneath the study feeling all of his nerves standing on end. The Goa'uld lord obviously wanted him for more than just punishment. 

As Osiris inquired about the gate he felt his hope plummet when the guards relayed that a shield had been properly placed so that no one could travel to or leave the planet. Great. That meant the only way Sam, Jack and Teal'c could help him is if they got their hands on a ship and he just didn't see that happening any time soon. He would have to find his own way out and hope that he could find a way off of the planet himself. 

He swallowed hard when he heard Osiris' next command, refusing to be baited or to show any fear or worry to the one who had captured him. He raised his chin defiantly as the Goa'uld lord grinned sinisterly at him before demanding that he be stripped naked. He would be damned if he'd show this snake that he was the least bit ashamed or upset by such an order. Osiris obviously didn't want to provide him with many comforts during his stay here. As he recognized the lecherous stare being directed his way by the system lord he felt greatly disturbed. He heard the guards mutter ‘yes my lords’ before his clothing was grabbed at and torn off of his body in a less than elegant fashion. He remained still as the guards stripped him completely naked determined not to give Osiris any ammunition to use against him and as his body was bared for all he unconsciously shivered as the cool air in the room tantalized his now exposed body. He choked back his embarrassment not wanting Osiris to see how being so blatantly displayed to all in the room affected him. 

Daniel had to struggle with his need for modesty. He wanted more than anything to cover himself but resisted the urge knowing that Osiris would greatly enjoy such attempts on his part. He chose, instead, to clench his hands into fists as he continued to present Osiris with a look of impassivity. He held his eyes locked with Osiris' own as the snake proceeded to scan his body ever so slowly. As he noticed the undisguised lust and desire burning in Sarah's eyes his stomach turned to acid. After Osiris finished his open appraisal the snake approached commenting, "Yes, you are indeed a very fine specimen. You are much too beautiful to be placed in my dungeons." 

Daniel didn't react. He only continued to glare sinisterly at the snake feeling an overwhelming urge to wrap his hand around the snake's neck and squeeze, but he couldn't do that or he would hurt Sarah. He waited for what was to happen next hearing one of the guards addressing Osiris, "My Lord, what would you like us to do with the human?" 

Osiris again scanned Daniel's body obvious appreciation sparkling in Sarah’s eyes as they raked over him. Daniel tried not to respond to that hungry look and found that he wished he had something to cover himself with, but he refused to let the snake see his emotions. He instead watched Osiris wondering what the Goa'uld lord would do with him now. 

Osiris was very impressed with the man now before him, but as he saw the defiance and spirit in those eyes he knew that he would have to curb those traits just a little and he had the perfect way to do so. He wanted the man and ached for the man. He was determined to claim the Tau'ri as his own but not before he worked on suppressing that spirit a bit. There were many things the young man could do very well to please him. Oh yes...his host and this human had been involved and had mated on several different occasions. From her memories Osiris had learned just how well the Tau'ri before him could perform pleasurable acts. The man had a very talented mouth and hands. It was because of the thoughts he successfully pulled from the host's mind regarding this man that he suddenly desired to mate with him. He didn't care if the Tau'ri would be temporarily stripped of his man hood in fact he felt that it was a necessity for now. He could draw much pleasure from the man before him and he could educate the man in the ways to please his god, but the first step would have to be chastity. He would mark the man as his property, as his slave by locking such a device on his beautiful assets. Daniel Jackson would quickly learn that only his lord had the power to set him free of the device and thus would become much more controllable and subservient to him. 

Osiris' grin broadened into a lecherous sneer as he said, "He will serve me well as an eunuch. Fit the Tau'ri with a collar, a lead chain and a chastity belt then return him to me. He will serve as my faithful servant or he will be executed." 

Daniel swallowed hard. Shit! He was to serve as Osiris' faithful servant? He was to serve as a damn eunuch for Osiris? Shit! This was not good. Did that mean he would be stripped of his manhood? Well now that didn't sound pleasant. DAMN! 

As soon as the guards grabbed him he fought earning himself a nice backhand for his troubles. Osiris immediately demanded, "STOP! RELEASE HIM!” 

The guards did so immediately. Then Osiris demanded, "You are to care for my servant as you would care for me. He is not to be touched or harmed. Only his god has the power to punish him and to satisfy him. Do not let me catch you laying another hand on him or you shall both perish for the crime. He is to serve by my side. He will attend me wherever I go. You must therefore treat him as you would your god." 

"Yes My Lord. We are sorry, My Lord." 

"Take him to the priest. Inform him that the Tau'ri is to be fitted with a chastity belt only. I do not want anything to happen to his most valuable assets. I simply want his manhood secured." 

Daniel tried not to show just how relieved that order made him feel. He was only to be fitted with a chastity belt. He would still be keeping his manhood...oh thank God! He could handle a chastity belt in fact he'd probably be safer wearing one of those damn things since most snakes seemed to have this strange desire for him. He could handle it as long as he was able to remain completely intact. He could handle it...he hoped. 

Osiris focused on Daniel again then aimed a zat gun at him firing the weapon directly at him. He grinned as the Tau'ri collapsed to the floor instantly and began to writhe as his body convulsed wickedly in response to the weapon's power. He then bent down beside Daniel and quietly taunted, "Your god desires you be collared, slave..." 

Daniel focused on Osiris briefly feeling fear fill him as the Goa'uld told him he was to be collared. As he fired the zat gun Daniel became nearly incapacitated and unable to move. He dropped to the floor in mere seconds feeling his body jerk and convulse in response to the electrical current now traveling through him. He heard Osiris speaking those few words that would seal his fate before blackness grabbed him and tugged him under. 

Osiris continued to sneer at the Tau'ri now unconscious in his throne room casually deactivating his weapon before turning to his guards and ordering, "Clean him up then prepare him for your god. When he is ready bring him before me. You may leave." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

The guards picked up the unconscious Tau'ri and carried him to the priest. Upon seeing the unconscious man the priest questioned, "What is this?" 

"Osiris wishes the Tau'ri to be properly collared and chastised. He will now serve as servant and eunuch to our lord Osiris." 

The priest nodded his head saying, "Then it shall be done." 

“Our lord also does not wish the Tau'ri to lose any of his assets. He merely wants them secured." 

The priest looked at the guard in surprise at the unusual request. Usually when his lord requested a prisoner be made into a eunuch he meant that he wanted the man emasculated. The request to allow this man to keep his genitals was quite strange. Obviously Osiris had future plans for this man to come willingly into his bed and be able to perform all the functions that a man is able to. Interesting. He would have to lock a chastity belt on the new slave if he was to keep all of his assets. 

He then focused on forging a collar for the young Tau'ri. He affixed a recall device in the collar as well knowing that his lord would want one to ensure that his newest servant would not get the urge to flee. As he affixed the device to the collar he set the sensors as well. The collar would sound a silent alarm if the slave attempted to escape and trigger a tracking device within the collar. It would, also, direct pain to the wearer if he became uncontrollable. The collar would also be impossible for the wearer to remove...this was another precaution his lord took, especially when dealing with possible unruly slaves. He was certain that Osiris would be pleased that his priest thought of such precautions. 

Once the collar was completed he fit it around the young man's neck checking to make certain it wasn't too tight then secured a chain onto the collar for his god. After affixing these two devices he worked on affixing a chastity belt on the man. He smiled as he worked on locking the slave up nice and tight for his lord. His first duty was to shave the slave of all his pubic hair. When completed with the task he added a soothing cream to the newly shaven area to help prevent itching and irritation. He then focused on affixing the device. He quickly fitted the device on the Tau'ri's body securing the belt around his waist then carefully inserting the Tau'ri's still flaccid penis into a metal tube on the inside of the front shield. He then secured the front shield to the belt around the man's waist and over his mid-section. He carefully flipped the man over to secure the chains now running from the bottom of the front shield, back between his thighs and diagonally up across each of the man's butt cheeks before securing them to the back of the waist belt. His final application was the rear shield that covered the man's ass crack effectively. 

When the device was in place he stood back to admire his handy work. The entire belt was made of gold and was marked with Osiris' seal, as was the collar around the man's throat. The waist belt was made up of gold and a black rubber material that lined the inside of the entire belt. The front shield began skinny at the top then widened over the genitals. Affixed to the front of the plate was a gold lock that would prevent the man from removing his penis from the tube it now resided in. The tube would effectively prevent the slave from becoming erect, from orgasm and from pleasuring himself without his lord's consent. On the back two chains crossed diagonally across each of the man's ass cheeks while a solid gold strap lay in the valley between those cheeks. They were locked in place as well. There was no possible way for the slave to get out of the device unless Osiris wished it to be so. A small rubber tube extended from the lower part of the front shield for urination and there was also a hole burrowed in the rear shield strap through which the man could take care of his other bodily needs. 

When completed with his duties he called the guards back inside then said, "He is prepared for our lord Osiris. You may take him." 

"Thank you." 

Daniel was still unconscious so the guards returned and carried him to their lord. When Osiris saw the young man he said, "Place him on the altar and await his return to wakefulness." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Send for Zeenan." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Zeenan was Osiris' First Prime and Osiris was prepared to assign Doctor Jackson to him as his responsibility. As his guards exited to retrieve his First Prime Osiris focused his attention on the young man now laid out on the altar. He smiled as he noticed the Tau'ri was properly fitted with a collar, chastity belt and lead chain per his request. His smile broadened further as he ran his fingers gently over the collar now affixed around the young man's neck. Again he allowed his eyes to roam the length of the man's lithe, sensual body feeling his fingers twitching with the need to touch, caress and fondle. He planned to eventually learn every little inch of this man's delectable body. He would sample the man from head to toe and educate him on how to please his lord both in and out of the bedchamber. He would be required to serve his lord in whatever way he desired or he would suffer for his refusal and defiance. Osiris continued to smile as the young man moaned softly. It was now time for Doctor Jackson's education to begin. 

Daniel could feel consciousness returning. His body felt stiff and achy. He tried to recall what happened and remembered the damned zat gun. Osiris had fired a zat gun at him telling him that he would be collared...shit! He immediately reached for his throat as he recalled Osiris' last command and swallowed hard as his fingers found the newest fixture to his body. Shit, a damned collar! He was fuckin' collared! SHIT! He tried not to think of what the collar represented knowing that to do so would only make him panic so he forced his mind to calm and continued to mentally assess his present condition. Panicking now would not be a good idea, especially when he had no idea just where and with whom he was waking. 

Daniel clenched his eyes shut hearing the rapid beating of his heart in his chest as his mind continued to shout all kinds of warnings to him about his present predicament. He shoved those thoughts out of his mind attempting to clear his head of everything but as he shifted he became aware that the collar wasn't the only thing that was now attached to his body. He could feel an insistent pressure around the vicinity of his groin. The pressure wasn't extreme, it was just a tad bit uncomfortable and as he shifted slightly he became aware that his groin was definitely encased in something...damn that fucking chastity belt! He snapped his eyes open as he heard a low chuckle echoing to him and as he focused the first person he saw was Osiris smiling at him in glee. He felt his insides crawling as the Goa'uld lord sneered at him. 

The Goa'uld lord noticed his newest servant awaking and said, "Open your eyes and look upon your god's face, slave." 

As Daniel focused on him Osiris grinned then ordered, "Sit up. Rise before your god." 

"Go to hell!" 

Immediately after his comment he felt pain so severe digging at his throat nearly choking off his air. He couldn't scream all he could do was hiss and curl up. The pain was extreme. He grabbed at his throat trying desperately to dislodge the collar that was obviously the source of his new found suffering. He struggled to pull air into his lungs gasping as the pain didn't ease only increased. Then as quickly as the pain began it stopped, and Daniel fell back against the altar inhaling shakily and carefully rubbing over the collar now locked onto his throat. When he started to regain a normal semblance of breathing he heard the Goa'uld lord speaking to him, "You will soon learn that pain is the price you will pay for your defiance. The collar now secured around your throat comes complete with pain inducing sensors. All I must do to trigger the pain is to press this button. As soon as my finger depresses the button pain will fill you. I have the collar only on medium setting but I can and will increase it if I must. If you cannot learn your new status, your new position and your new role then you will be punished for that inability." 

"Great..." 

His comment was cut off as pain enveloped him for a second time. He attempted to scream again but his protests were silenced as agony continued to slice through him originating from the collar. He tried to curl up even more as the pain became overwhelming only stilling when the pain ceased. He tensed as he felt a gentle hand brush the hair off of his temple and he attempted to pull away knowing who was touching him. The Goa'uld lord spoke softer now, "Your life can be full of pain and suffering or full of pleasure, young one. The choice is yours. You will serve me to the best of your ability in whatever functions I desire of you. If you refuse to attend to my needs then I will trigger the collar. The choice is yours." 

"I have no choice..." 

"You now belong to me, Tau'ri and the sooner you accept that your new place is by my side the sooner you will be able to move on. You belong to me now. I have collared you and have staked my claim on you. Your duty is to remain by my side. You will serve me always. When I must make negotiations or speak to my armies you will be by my side. Your status is very honored so you had better appreciate the graciousness of your god to grant you such a high standing in my legion. You will learn to serve my needs and will serve as a liaison for me. My host has informed me that you are a very intelligent Tau'ri capable of speaking many of the ancient tongues. Your skills will be of much use to me. You have many other skills she has told me of and I shall enjoy exploring them all." 

"Won't others be a little bit put off when they see that your…interpreter is collared and chained to your side?" 

"No. They will not. As a Goa'uld lord I am free to treat my servants in the ways I see fit. To insult you or to insult the way I treat you is a dishonor to me. You do not seem to understand your new status by my side. You will be granted the same respect as I. You will function as my servant and you will do whatever I ask of you. You will learn to address me in softer tones as well. You must remember your place. You are my slave and must speak as one when addressing me. You show dishonor by not doing so. When you speak to me you will address me as My Lord." 

"The hell I will..." 

Again the agony swarmed him filling him and driving the breath from him. He could feel his body convulsing in response to the ignition of pain. He knew that if he had to endure much more of the excruciating pain he'd probably soon beg not to be punished. 

As quickly as the pain found him it ended again casting him into silence. He lay still listening to his heavy breathing and the pounding of his heart in his ears. He heard Osiris speaking again, "You only harm yourself when you refuse to comply with your god's demands. I will soon turn the frequency up higher if you cannot learn your place. Now what do you address me as, Tau'ri? WHAT?" 

Daniel swallowed hard slipping his tongue out between his lips in an effort to moisten them. He wanted to refuse the Goa'uld lord again, but the pain was nearly unbearable and he knew that if he defied the snake again the pain would return. He mentally cursed determined not to give up more of himself than the evil lord demanded. He quieted his voice as he answered, "My Lord." 

"Very good Tau'ri. You will prove to be a very good servant indeed. Before you join me my First Prime Zeenan will escort you to the bathing house. You may bathe then you will see My'la. She will prepare you before you join with me. If you cause them any difficulty I will ensure that you will suffer for your defiance. Is that understood?" 

"Yes..." 

"Do not forget to address me appropriately. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel glanced up as a foreboding man entered the room. He focused on the newest visitor noting the gold phoenix tattoo on the man's forehead. The man reminded him strangely of Teal'c and as Osiris addressed the man he realized that this was Osiris' First Prime. The man cast a curious glance his way as Osiris told him of what he wished him to do. He was relieved that he saw no malice in the man only curiosity. 

"Very good... Ah Zeenan, I am glad you have joined us. Please take my newest servant to the bathhouse then have My'la prepare him before he is brought to me. He is to be treated with the same respect that you bestow upon me. If he tells me that you have harmed him in any way then you will suffer." 

"My Lord, he is a Tau'ri. He is not to be trusted." 

"He is my servant and if he tells me that you have mistreated him or that anyone has mistreated him I will see that the offender is properly flogged. If I find any marks on my servant then everyone will suffer. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"You may take Daniel to the bath house." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris watched as Zeenan escorted the Tau'ri out of the room and grinned. He was certain that bending the man's spirit would provide him with much entertainment, indeed. 

Zeenan escorted the man to the bathhouse then said, "You will bathe. If you refuse then I will bathe you. Is that understood?" 

"Uh...yeah..." 

"I will stand outside. You may summon me when you are finished." 

Daniel didn't say anything. He watched as the Jaffa exited the room feeling a bit anxious. The Jaffa seemed very direct and abrupt. He also didn't seem too friendly whether that was due to his new status or the fact that he was a Tau'ri and an enemy Daniel didn't know...he wasn't even all that certain he wanted to know. He decided not to waste time pondering about things choosing instead to enter the tub and bathe as quickly as he was able. Once finished he was then escorted to a bedroom and ordered to lie down. He hesitantly obeyed wondering exactly what was in store for him now. 

Several moments later a young woman entered and approached him. She was dark skinned with a lengthy mane of black hair that trailed down to her mid-back. She looked a bit like Sha're. She wore a long white gown that was trimmed in gold. The top of the gown was low cut and covered only her breasts. There was a diamond shape cut into the gown between the bodice and the waist that revealed her stomach. The gown then wrapped around her waist like a skirt. She looked almost like a belly dancer in the outfit. Along with the outfit many gold bracelets adorned her wrists and she wore ankle bracelets and thin gold sandals. She was an attractive woman, which really didn't surprise him all that much for it seemed that Osiris had the same penchant as the rest of the system lords did for attractive attendants and servants. 

The woman spoke drawing his undivided attention as she did so, "I am My'la. I will help to prepare you for your god. Do not be afraid for I am to apply oil to your skin." 

"Um, okay..." 

She approached and urged him to lie on his belly then she set to work on her task. She carefully started rubbing oil into his back and broad shoulders smiling when the man beneath her seemed to begin to relax a bit. As she worked the oil into his skin she found herself admiring the smooth, well-defined contours of his body. Her lord Osiris chose a very desirable servant. He was definitely attractive. His fawn colored hair shined in the light, and she could see red and gold highlights. The collar her lord chose was of solid gold and added to the man's beauty. She knew that he had been fitted with a slave collar yet the collar looked more like an ornamental necklace on him. Attached to the collar was a gold chain that trailed down over his tan skin and also added to his attractiveness. Her lord had chosen very well indeed for the man wore the marks of a slave yet the fixtures made him more alluring, more noticeable not as a slave but as a very desirable young servant. Her lord would be very appreciative of his newest slave. 

As she continued to examine him she noticed that his body was, indeed, well formed. He was muscular and tanned to perfection. He also had the most vivid blue eyes. His eyes looked as blue as the sky. Her lord had definitely chosen well. The two of them together would make a very striking pair indeed. 

When she was finished with his backside she urged him to turn over and worked on his front side. As she worked the oil into his finely shaped legs she blushed upon seeing the chastity belt he wore. It was gold and sparkled catching the sun's light. She wondered why her lord would have chosen to keep such a man locked up. Then she recalled that Zeenan had told her that this man was to be a eunuch. Her lord obviously could not bring himself to emasculate such a fine specimen. She was certain that underneath the belt lay a very attractive piece of equipment indeed. Again instead of the chastity device taking away from the man's attractiveness it added mystery to him leaving much to the imagination. One could spend hours examining the man and trying to envision just what he had hidden beneath that device. 

She knew that she was blushing and quickly attempted to change the direction of her thoughts. She was to be preparing him for his lord not ogling him and admiring him. Clearing her throat she focused again on her task resisting the urge to allow her mind to toy with fantasies of just what the newest servant would be like in bed. All that pent up desire and passion...He was probably fire and heat...passionate, very passionate and spirited...yes, she could see his spirit shining in his eyes so rare a gift to see among the lord's slaves. Rare indeed was also that raw passion and raw beauty that seemed to fill him, seemed to be him... 

She knew exactly why her lord had chosen this one to sit by his side on his throne. He was an exquisite creature who, even while trussed up in marks of indentured servitude, demanded respect and commanded attention. 

When she completed her task she quietly ordered, "You must stand." 

Daniel rose to his feet feeling a bit embarrassed knowing that he stood practically naked before the woman. She smiled as she ran her fingers casually back through his hair adding, "You are a very beautiful creature, indeed. The oil accentuates your appeal. You shine like the sun. Your body glistens and shimmers in the light. Osiris will be greatly pleased. Come we must finish your preparation." 

Daniel blushed at the woman's comments and swallowed hard knowing that if she thought he was appealing the Goa'uld lord would also. Great. Now he would have to spurn the sexual advances of a damned snake! Well, now things just seemed to be going from bad to worse. 

As she led him through the small chamber into a bigger, more elegant chamber she smiled then said, "These are our lord's chambers and they are now your chambers as well." 

"What?" 

"As our lord's attendant you will remain at your lord's side always. Your duty is to be by his side and to attend to his needs as he commands of you." 

"Right...I don't think so." Oh hell no! There was no way that he was about to accept that Osiris' bedchamber was also his, obviously his position as Osiris' eunuch would keep him in very close proximity to the Goa'uld lord always. Shit! There was no way in hell he would be able to sleep in the same room as that thing. No way in hell! 

My'la saw the conflicting emotions in the new slave's eyes. She also saw his stubbornness and unwillingness to accept what she was telling him. She had no doubts in her mind that this young slave would prove to be a very big challenge to her lord. She thought it only fair to give him some advice, "Do not attempt to anger our lord. He has granted you a great honor...an honor that many have desired to fill but can no longer for you have become his most favored." 

"His most favored?" Okay he definitely didn't like the sound of that. He was not only Osiris' servant and eunuch now he was the Goa'uld's most favored? Great, just great! He had to find a way out of this mess! 

She led him to what appeared to be a dresser of some sort then ordered, "Extend your arms." 

Daniel hesitantly obeyed watching as she slipped white armbands onto each of his upper arms. It didn't slip his notice that the bands contained the mark of Osiris. She then slipped a thin gold band on Daniel's ring finger. He questioned, "Why the ring?" 

"Because it is what Osiris wishes." 

"Right..." 

Okay, the ring was definitely not good either. No doubt that little idea came from Sarah. A ring meant a lot of things...like, for instance, marriage...was Osiris trying to tell him something by having My'la place it on him? Why did he suddenly feel as if his position of most favored also placed him in similar standing with a Goa'uld queen? Shit that didn't sound good at all! Ah, hell this situation was only continuing to grow worse by the minute! 

He jerked his eyes away from his hand and focused on My'la as she reached for his groin. When she started to clean his chastity belt he pulled back instantly saying, "Uh...you don't have to do that..." 

"I must make certain that you are perfect for our lord." 

"Uh, yeah...well...I...I'm sure you don't need to..." 

She focused on him smiling as she questioned, "You are shy?" 

Daniel glanced up at her before casting his eyes away then said, "Uh, well...I ...yes...just a little bit." 

She nodded then said, "Osiris will teach you how to be more sexually free..." 

Okay, more sexually free? Now that did not sound very good at all! He hated to think of just what Osiris would do to...discourage his shyness. Why did performing certain sexual favors for his "lord" in front of a live audience come to mind so easily? Shit! He had to get away from here! 

The woman's smile broadened further as she scanned the man to assure herself that he was indeed ready to be presented to his lord. Satisfied with his appearance she continued, "Perhaps you are now ready to accompany our lord." 

She called for Zeenan who entered and stopped surprised at just how attractive the Tau'ri now appeared. He boldly scanned the newest servant making no attempt to conceal his obvious interest in the man. He then grinned...yes he would do nicely for his lord. He was very beautiful. He would compliment his lord most favorably, Zeenan was certain. 

My'la interrupted his obvious admiration of the Tau'ri slave saying, "Take the eunuch to his lord. He is ready." 

"Indeed he is." 

Daniel shifted uncomfortably under the First Prime's heated gaze all too aware that the man was ogling him just as much as the woman was. He hoped he didn't have that same effect over everyone he met or he was in a lot of trouble. 

Zeenan escorted Daniel back to Osiris' main chambers. When Osiris focused on Daniel he approached casually wrapping his right hand around the gold chain that hung down over the center of Daniel's broad back. He smiled wickedly as he gently tugged on the chain pulling Daniel's head back some as a result. He carefully examined the collar and the lead impressed with the workmanship of both. He had requested that the collar be made of solid gold and that the lead chain and chastity belt also be made of solid gold so that they would look more appealing on his new servant's voluptuous body. As he surveyed the man before him he was very pleased with what he saw. The lead and the collar only added to the man's beauty making him a very striking creature to behold. He was very pleased with his newest slave. He chuckled huskily as he felt the stirrings of desire within his host's body for the man before him. His host was obviously also very attracted to the young man before him. Yes, he could sense her lust and desire for this man and couldn't help but taunt her, _'Soon my dear Sarah, soon he will belong to both of us. You will soon have the one you have always desired. We shall enjoy much pleasure from him. The pleasure I receive from him I will share with you...my gift to you.'_

He smiled as he focused on his new acquisition, "Now we are indeed ready to face our followers, my beloved eunuch." 

Daniel shivered in response to that comment finding that even with the damned chastity belt on he felt totally exposed and totally naked before Osiris. The snake made little effort to conceal his obvious desire for him. Daniel felt ill just thinking about it...the damned snake was lusting after him. He felt his insides twisting more so as the reality sunk in. 

Osiris smiled before continuing, "You have much to learn as my newest servant but do not fear for My'la, Zeenan and I will work with you to teach you the proper ways to carry yourself while you serve me. If you cannot learn from your lessons then you will suffer and so will your friends. I know of how to get to them Daniel Jackson so do not test me. You will remain by my side for all time. You will serve me to the best of your ability and you will submit to my rule. If you cannot submit to me then this host will, also, suffer much pain from me. Do not force me to take my anger out on those you care deeply for and do not force me to set off the collar to induce much pain into your lovely body, though watching you thrashing about does have some definite appeal. Test me and you shall find out just how unforgiving a Master I can be. Is that understood?" 

Daniel swallowed hard, aware that he was effectively trapped with this snake and he knew that if he refused to cooperate or submit that he and those he loved would suffer. He had no choice except to submit, but that didn't mean he would give Osiris himself. He would do as the evil lord commanded if only to keep his friends from suffering an ill fate. Compliance was not his strong point but he would have to try his damnedest to convince Osiris that he was truly submitting or else he would never be free. He had to figure out how he was going to escape the Goa'uld lord and he needed time to plot his escape but for now he would yield to the evil lord to keep his friends safe and secure, to keep Sarah safe and to keep from suffering the extremely agonizing effects of the collar now encircling his throat. 

He glanced up as Osiris yanked on the lead chain demanding, "Is that understood?" 

Forcing himself to address Osiris properly he responded, "Yes My Lord." 

Osiris grinned wickedly then said, "You must learn to bow to me when you address me my servant. Your tones are too harsh and you are not meek enough. Zeenan will teach you proper etiquette while in my presence. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Good." 

Daniel felt his insides twist in disgust at having to address the damned snake as his lord. He definitely was not the subservient type. He could feel anger and rage welling up within as he was told of what he must learn from Osiris' First Prime. His tones were too harsh? He wasn't meek enough? He needed to be taught proper etiquette? Bullshit! He had to control the boiling rage that now fueled him as Osiris informed him of his special "trainings", so not only would he have to submit to Osiris he would have to be educated on the proper ways to behave around him? Hell no! He sure as hell wasn't about to make his required trainings easy for anybody. If he could help it he would make those sessions as miserable for his "teachers" as was humanly possible. How dare Osiris tell him he needed to be trained to obey! What the hell was he a damned dog? Was he to be taught how to sit, roll over and pant? Fucking bastard! He had to get away from here! 

Osiris continued still smiling sweetly from the beautiful face of Sarah drawing entirely too much pleasure from making his new servant squirm. He continued in a smug tone of voice, "When I am upon my throne your place is beside me. Your place is always by my side. If there is no place for you to sit then you will dutifully lower to your knees. Is that understood?" 

"Um..." 

"IS IT?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"You will learn how to gracefully lower to your knees beside your lord when it is necessary. I cannot have a sloppy servant by my side so you must learn how to conduct yourself as if you were a god. When I present myself all will be looking at both of us to make a judgment. First impressions are the most important therefore you must learn to carry yourself as a god even though you bear the marks of a simple slave. Is that understood, my pet?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

My pet? MY PET? What was that about? He could feel his rage still increasing as Osiris continued to so kindly inform him of what was expected of him. He was to lower gracefully to his knees if there were no other seats available? He wasn't a damned dog so why the hell did Osiris continue to speak with him and of him as if he were a puppy in need of training? God that made him so damned angry! He clenched his fists tightly at his sides trying to resist his overwhelming urge to wipe that damned smirk off of Osiris' face. He gritted his teeth as Osiris continued, "Zeenan will instruct you on the way you must carry yourself while by my side and you will see My'la for your speech training. You will also go through basic position training. I will be providing those lessons for you, my dear pet, for part of your duty as my slave is to learn positions that I would like you to assume. Your position training will begin when I require further services from you. Your lessons will begin promptly each morning immediately after you rise and each evening before you retire. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." Oh yeah, that's understood. He was to be trained on how to behave for the snake. God this was so humiliating. Zeenan and My'la were going to train him? He had to take speech lessons and position training? Now just what in the hell was position training? He really didn't want to know. He continued to clench his fists at his sides glaring coldly at the Goa'uld lord aware that it was disrespectful and not really giving a damn that it was. He felt an overwhelming urge to beat the shit out of Osiris but remained calm still glaring sinisterly at the snake. 

Osiris added, "You must first learn to kneel willingly by your Master's side until otherwise commanded or until I am in need of something so come, let us practice." 

Osiris tugged on the lead chain just enough for Daniel to feel it and he started to move feeling the need to defy the Goa'uld lord fill him. The only thing that kept him from not doing so was the threat Osiris had made against his friends and Sarah. 

Osiris continued to grin seeing the anger and rage in his servant. Daniel Jackson obviously did not like to be told what he would be doing and how he would be serving his lord. The Tau'ri slave would prove to be quite an interesting challenge, indeed. Osiris was certain that he would draw much enjoyment from meeting that challenge daily. 

Osiris softly crooned, "You will accept that your lord will lead you everywhere on your chain. You are my humble servant and by escorting you by a lead you will quickly learn your place." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"You are learning already. This pleases me so, Daniel."

Daniel gritted his teeth wanting nothing more than to wrap his fingers around that slender neck and squeeze until Osiris' taunting voice was silenced permanently. He closed his eyes against the vengeful thought remembering that to do so would also kill Sarah. He cleared the thoughts from his mind noticing that Osiris took his seat upon his throne moving with the elegance of Sarah as he did so. He felt his throat constrict as he recalled just how graceful Sarah was before Osiris stole her life. Osiris' voice floated to him as he stated, "There is no other seat beside me so where shall my faithful servant sit?" 

Daniel cursed as he approached Osiris, stood beside his throne then lowered to his knees. As he assumed the subservient position Daniel could feel humiliation begin to burn within. 

Osiris grinned as he continued, "Very good. If I should desire your company then your proper position will be sitting either at my feet or slightly beyond my left shoulder. If I desire to stroke you, caress you or touch you whether an audience is present or not you will accept these gestures and properly respond to them. I want a sexually desirable slave. I want those who see us together to envy you and to envy me. I want them to see just how precious a servant I have in you. Is that understood?" 

Bastard! Daniel bit back the insult as he meekly replied, "Yes My Lord." 

Osiris grinned as he deliberately ran the fingers of his left hand through Daniel's hair beginning at the back of his neck. Daniel tensed and jerked away, but Osiris was quicker as he instantly gripped a hand full of the short hair and yanked Daniel's head back before he had time to slip free of his lord's grasp. With his right hand he yanked on the lead chain pulling Daniel painfully against the side of his throne. He then leaned down twisting Daniel's head so he was looking up at him. He growled, "You will learn to submit to me, my precious servant. You will learn whom you belong to. If you insist on testing me then you will continue to suffer. Is that understood, slave?" 

Daniel glared sinisterly up at Osiris struggling to keep any evidence of the pain he was now experiencing from crossing his face or entering his eyes. He heard the sneer Osiris placed on the last word for emphasis...slave. That single word did very good at summing up exactly what he now was: a slave, a servant and Osiris' pet. He shivered at those thoughts. He had to get away. He had to try. As Osiris continued to yank on his leash Daniel felt anger fill him. Osiris not only made him his damned servant but also had him fitted with a collar and a damned leash. He was tethered to the fuckin' snake like a damned dog or something...how humiliating. He knew of course that was one of the reasons Osiris ordered him to be chained and collared to make him feel shame and humiliation...the bastard! The anger within him continued to build and without thought of the possible consequences of his actions Daniel spat directly in the snake's face. 

Osiris only sneered at him again, anger marring Sarah's beautiful face. He felt the grip on his hair release, heard the First Prime approach him and then felt her free hand press against his forehead. He felt the cold metal and the curviness of the jewel piece set in that metal. He knew what was coming. He had experienced it so often that he tensed in preparation for the pain. In the next instant his breath caught in his throat as the weapon came to life and the energy emitting from the hand device began to burn and drill into his skull. He tightly closed his eyes beginning to quietly voice his pain only to fall silent as Osiris yanked viciously on his lead chain. Osiris held the device there for what seemed like an eternity before it suddenly shut off. Daniel quickly found himself on hands and knees gasping for breath, swallowing hard and feeling the fine sheen of sweat now spreading across his face and body. Aw shit, did that ever fucking hurt! He had forgotten how agonizing that damned weapon was. Shit! 

As he started to recover and prepared to rise he felt hands suddenly grip his upper arms and felt him self being physically drawn to his feet. He was certain the First Prime helped him but when he focused on the one lending him aid he was surprised to see Osiris before him, now standing and still holding him upright. He then released him and Daniel flinched as her left hand pressed tenderly against his cheek. He swallowed hard confused by the sudden change in the Goa’uld, in him, in its demeanor, and as he spoke in that gravely voice he found himself wondering why the hell Osiris would have chosen to help him after his defiance. He could understand if Sarah had stepped forward regaining temporary control of her body to help him but not Osiris. Why would Osiris dare help him? He tensed as Osiris continued, "I am sorry, my precious slave, but you required discipline. You committed a horrible crime when you disrespected your god before our First Prime and our guards." 

"Our?" What the hell? 

Osiris nodded his head before continuing, "Yes. My First Prime, my guards, my followers are now ours, my dear favored. They look to you as if you are my queen. Your position, your status, places you in equal standing with my goddess. If you dare to defy me so openly again you will be swiftly dealt with. You will be taken to my dungeons and locked away until I decide that you have learned your lesson...locked away in a cell so small that you will be unable to stand...a very dark, very cold and very soundproof cell. You will be kept there until you are convinced that you have been forgotten. If you continue to defy me then you may get the chance to learn how your parents felt on that fateful day, trapped beneath that cover stone..." 

Daniel visibly paled and nearly blanched at that comment. SHIT! Osiris knew about his parents and knew of his little fear? Sarah...her memories...he must've pulled those memories from her about his life. Damn it! If he knew of the fate that befell his parents and of just how edgy small, pitch black spaces made him feel at times just what the hell else did he know? Oh God! What had he told Sarah about his life? He had confided in her often so just how much of his personal life did the snake now know about? 

He flinched again as his attention returned to that hand still caressing his cheek and felt his skin crawl in response to the unwanted touch. He remained silent focusing on Osiris again as the snake continued, "Do not make me have to punish you in such a way, slave. I do not wish to cause you further harm but should you openly challenge me in front of my followers and my legion then you will find your fate in my dungeons. The choice is yours. Do you understand what I am saying to you?" 

Daniel felt ash fill his mouth as he responded, "Yes My Lord." 

Zeenan watched the exchange between his lord and his new favored with open interest. Daniel Jackson was a very interesting creature, indeed. He had been shocked, even appalled, at the Tau'ri's lack of respect for his god but even though he desired to correct the human himself for such open defiance he noticed something few other servant's exhibited that this one was full of... spirit. As Daniel Jackson seemed to acquiescence to Osiris he noticed that the man seemed a bit more docile after the threat but the man's spirit was still raging inside of him. Daniel Jackson wanted to lash out and to attack his lord. His body language screamed of his need to fight, his need to resist, his need to maintain control and Zeenan felt the beginnings of respect budding within for the young Tau'ri who was now a slave to his lord...obviously there was much more to Daniel Jackson than met the eye. 

As Osiris sat upon his throne again Daniel gritted his teeth hating the light tug on his leash that indicated he was to assume his position beside his lord. He lowered to his knees beside Osiris' throne feeling his hatred for the Goa'uld increase as he was made to submit to the snake that now inhabited Sarah Gardner. 

Osiris smiled as he watched Daniel lower to his knees. Once the man was settled he watched him intently. The man was very handsome, indeed and he was certain that Daniel Jackson looked immaculate kneeling beside his throne. The clothes he had been wearing had covered much of the young man's fine, tanned physique. The man was sinewy and sculpted to perfection. A beautiful creature, an exotic creature...rare among the Tau'ri to find one with eyes of such vivid clarity...blue eyes set into a face framed by golden hair. The hair was short but he would demand his servant grow it long for the man was extremely attractive with those long silky locks flowing down about his shoulders. He knew how Daniel Jackson would look with longer hair for in Sarah's memories it was that length. He was indeed a fine specimen...for a Tau'ri. If he didn't have such a fondness for his host and didn't find great pleasure in the desirable body he now inhabited he would have taken this young man to be his host in an instant. Of course, should something happen to his present host where she was injured gravely then he would help himself to his servant and take control of him to continue living. A human slave had many advantages and this particular slave had many, many advantages indeed. 

He glanced up as a guard entered his room and bowed before him. He questioned, "Has the Stargate been successfully secured?" 

"Yes My Lord. No one will be able to arrive or leave without first dismantling the security device." 

"Very good. I do not wish to be bothered by those who may return for my favored. He will be remaining with us. He serves me now. He belongs to me." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris reached over to Daniel and deliberately started to pet the top of his head like one would a dog. Daniel felt anger and rage start to build within as the Goa'uld lord continued to treat him as if he were its damned pet. Osiris spoke while continuing to stroke Daniel's head, "See that there are guards posted at the Stargate always. Even with the security features in place we still do not wish to be disturbed. The Tau'ri were able to travel to our planet before but now they no longer have the means to do so. When they try to dial our address they shall be very disappointed to discover that they cannot return here to retrieve this one. Perhaps they will cease trying when they discover that he is no longer theirs but that he belongs to Osiris now." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"You may be excused." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

Osiris nodded his head and watched as his guard exited the room. Once he was gone Osiris focused his attention on Daniel still stroking his head like one would their adoring pet. He then jeered, "Did you hear that, my slave?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Your friends will not be coming back to retrieve you. They have no means to breech our defenses. You belong to me now. You must willingly accept that you are now mine. I control your destiny slave. You will yield to me from this day forward. You will remain by my side for all time. Daniel Jackson you are now a slave and servant to your lord Osiris and you shall always be so." 

Daniel swallowed hard as the snake taunted him with those few comments reminding him that he was trapped here with no escape. If the gate truly was secured and unable to be breached by the SGC then he truly had no escape. He truly was Osiris' servant and slave. He wore a collar, leash and chastity belt marked properly with Osiris' seal. He was now Osiris' property. He belonged to Osiris now and forever unless he escaped or was somehow rescued but until either of those things occurred he was merely a servant and a slave to the evil Goa'uld lord.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Janet Fraiser was very unhappy to learn that a member of SG-1 disappeared. When only three members entered her infirmary after recently departing she felt her heart ache for the missing member. As she examined Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill she gave them a clean bill of health noticing that Colonel O'Neill seemed very upset and easily distracted. She knew why he seemed so depressed...Doctor Daniel Jackson. The man who was now missing was all the Colonel could think about. Any fool could see that Jack O'Neill had it bad for his archaeologist. The man was in love, deeply in love with his younger teammate and his absence in the Colonel's life was enough to send O'Neill into full-blown depression. As she examined him she kept her eyes on him. He didn't look at her except when she spoke directly to him and he couldn't sit still. He kept shifting and dazing. His shoulders were slumped forward and he kept wringing his hands together...yep, definite worry present there. She would have to speak to him later. He barely lifted his head when she announced that she was finished before heading out of the infirmary in a rush. 

She watched the Colonel leaving knowing that she would have to speak to the General about his mental health. Colonel O'Neill was obviously taking Daniel's disappearance extremely hard and the man had only been missing for an hour at the most. She shook her head greatly saddened by the effect one member's absence was already having on SG-1. They were a very close-knit team and when one member disappeared every member suffered. The absence of one of them was just like losing a family member. They all worried, they all struggled to locate the missing member and they all ran the whole gambit of emotions together. She shook her head before focusing on her final patient. 

When she glanced at her final patient, she smiled. Major Samantha Carter was her favorite patient. She had noticed an unusual attraction for the petite blond in the last two years. They had always talked with one another and were very close friends, especially when Cassie entered her life but some where along the line the young Major came to mean more to her than she should. They were friends but Janet found herself often fighting and denying her intense attraction to the woman. She had never been with another woman her entire life but she was certain that what she felt for Samantha Carter was more than just friendship. She continued to deny her true feelings knowing that Sam would never reciprocate. She attempted to make small talk to block the other emotions filling her as she quietly asked, "What's his hurry?" 

Sam glanced up at her then replied, "Daniel. The General is planning on redialing P47-O89 shortly. We're going back for him." 

Janet nodded as she began to examine Sam. She could feel her hands shaking and mentally yelled at herself to keep them under control. As she pressed her fingers to either side of Sam's neck she swallowed hard glancing at the young woman as she did so. She felt an overwhelming urge to lean forward and capture those rosy lips... She had to stop this! She inhaled sharply before asking, "What happened?" 

"We were attacked by an army of Jaffa...we retreated...Daniel should have made it back with us. He was directly behind the Colonel but...but..." 

Janet focused on Sam's face noting the down casting of the woman's eyes and the sorrowful expression on her face. Sam was worried for Daniel as well. She had the sudden urge to pull the younger woman against her, comfort her and calm her but knew that this wasn't the time or place to do so...not to mention that even though Sam Carter successfully put her on edge she doubted the Major felt anything other than friendship for her. 

Janet continued, "Do you know who captured him?" 

"No, no. We no sooner arrived then we had to head back to the gate. Teal'c couldn't identify the marks the Jaffa bore on their foreheads so we have no idea just who owns that planet. God, Janet, he didn't make it. He didn't...what if...what will happen to him? What if they...what if we can't find him? What if..." 

“Shh, relax Sam. You'll find Daniel. You always do. He'll be fine. Daniel's a very strong individual. He'll be fine." 

"But what if..." 

"Try not to think of the what ifs. Focus on locating him and bringing him home. You know Daniel. He has nine lives, Sam. He'll be fine. Trust me." 

Sam simply nodded her head unable to look at Janet. She was very worried for Daniel and feared that maybe this time Daniel's nine lives wouldn't protect him. Oh God if they couldn't get to him...she shook her head trying to focus on the positives. Janet was right. Daniel had nine lives and was very strong. He always managed to survive and always managed to return home. She had to remain positive and not give up for if she felt that locating him was now hopeless then she was giving up on her friend and she wasn't about to do that!

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Daniel remained on his knees by his lord's side feeling rage and anger continuing to build within. He was pissed off and he was struggling with an inner battle. He wanted to resist, to attack, to strike out, to curse and to defy...but the penalty for doing any of those things was much, much too high. He was effectively trapped in a Catch 22. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't and he definitely did not like being pinned between a rock and a hard place. He continued to focus on the floor beneath him clenching his fists tightly together at each of his sides. 

Zeenan was very intrigued by the newest slave. He stood by watching as Osiris explained exactly what he would be taught and how he would serve. He could see the young man's anger and rage at being told what he would and would not do. As he focused on the newest servant now he could still see the stubborn set of the man's jaw, the tight clenching of his fists and the rigid way he held himself beside his lord. He could tell that he slave was struggling to remain submissive and meek. He was a proud creature, one who did not like being told what to do. He had known freedom but now he was to learn how to serve as a slave. He was no longer free and Zeenan could see the defiance and outrage present in the man's entire being. This was a man who would most likely attempt escape at every chance he is given. This was a man who would fight tooth and nail whenever an opportunity presented itself to him. He was remaining compliant at the moment but Zeenan knew that complacency was merely a mask that the slave was using to convince Osiris that he would obey. The man was obviously full of spirit and strength and was not prepared to surrender all to his lord. Interesting... 

Zeenan was saddened greatly to see such fiery spirit in the young Tau'ri for he knew that Osiris would do whatever he could to destroy it. Daniel Jackson would soon learn his station and become docile like all of Osiris' servants. Osiris did not like to see spirit in his slaves for it made them too much of a threat to him. A spirited slave had power and strength. A spirited slave was a major threat to him for he or she had the ability to urge others to do things. That is why the young Tau'ri was fitted with a collar, leash and chastity belt within his first hour of being brought before his lord. Humiliation, degradation and intimidation worked wonders when it came to breaking one of spirit. It was obvious to him that Osiris was prepared to tame Daniel Jackson's wild, savage spirit and make him a mere slave, a creature to be placed on display that spoke of how powerful Osiris truly was for to own such a beautiful creature and have it trained to always obey demonstrated that Osiris was, indeed, strong and powerful. 

Zeenan was frustrated. He knew that there was no way he could help the young man maintain his spirit. His job was to be Daniel Jackson's keeper now. He was assigned to watch the new servant and to train him in proper etiquette. As he silently observed the slave he knew that to train him was not going to be very easy. In fact, he was certain that the man would make the trainings very difficult. He would be an interesting challenge but it was such a shame that he must be broken to serve his lord...such a shame. 

As two guards entered the room escorting a young woman Zeenan noticed the Tau'ri glance up for the first time. His expression was unreadable but his interest in the young woman was obvious. There was something about her that intrigued him for this was the first time he had looked up since being ordered to kneel beside Osiris' throne. 

Daniel continued to clench his hands tightly together. He could feel his fingernails digging deeply into the sensitive flesh of his palms but didn't give a damn. In fact, the pain helped keep him focused on figuring out a way to escape Osiris' hold. He gritted his teeth as a dull ache started to center around his bent knees. How long had he been in this position? How long had he been kneeling like a damn slave beside his master's throne? Master...he'd be damned if he would address a snake as his master. Hell no! He already knew what Osiris intended for him. He would be educated and trained on how to be totally subservient to his lord. He already knew the collar and leash were part of that particular training. Though those two fixtures on his body made him feel totally degraded there was still no way in hell that he was going to offer Osiris his allegiance and serve him respectfully. Osiris wanted to break him of his spirit but the Goa'uld lord was about to find out that when he captured him and forced him to be fitted with a collar, leash and chastity belt he succeeded in pissing his servant off instead of encouraging submissiveness within him. He'd be damned if he would voluntarily surrender all to a goddamned snake! 

Daniel glanced up as he heard the approach of two of Osiris' phoenix guards. As he focused on the guards he noticed that they held a young woman between them. She was struggling with the guards attempting to escape their tight grips on her upper arms. He could feel sympathy for the woman who struggled so valiantly against her captors for like him she was trying to flee Osiris. Why was she here? Was she a prisoner or had she been chosen for implantation? He continued to silently observe her hearing Osiris speak in a voice that commanded obedience, "Cease struggling!" 

He continued to keep his eyes on the woman noticing that she immediately lowered her head and stopped fighting against the guards still holding her between them. As she spoke her voice was soft and low, "Yes My Lord." 

He found himself wondering why the woman so quickly complied with Osiris' command after showing such spirit upon being dragged into the room. Osiris must hold a tight rein on all of his followers for they seemed to know that obedience to their god was always required. He wondered just what Osiris did to acquire complete obedience from all of his followers. He swallowed hard as he envisioned Osiris demanding examples be made of those who did not comply...most likely a gruesome display of horrible torture and abuse. 

Osiris smiled as the woman ceased struggling the instant he commanded her to. She was very intriguing much like his newly acquired slave. She was spirited and was a very beautiful creature. Why had his guards brought her before him? 

Osiris rose to his feet and approached the guards inquiring, "Why have you brought this one before me?" 

The guards both bowed their heads in a show of respect as they answered, "She has dared to challenge you, My Lord." 

Osiris grinned seemingly amused by that answer. He then reached out and pressed his fingers under her chin lifting her face up to look upon it. Her skin was smooth and supple beneath his fingertips. He could see a spark of defiance and challenge in her hazel eyes as she focused her gaze intently on him...so this young one chose to challenge her lord? She would need to be punished by her lord for such a crime...a pity that one so beautiful had committed such an act. He continued, "To speak out against your god is an act of treason and one who commits such a crime must be punished..." 

"Yes My Lord..." 

"You are a very beautiful creature...there may be another choice for you." 

"Yes My Lord?" 

Osiris grinned as he answered in a softer more persuasive tone of voice, "Perhaps you would desire to join my legion and become a child of the gods..." 

Daniel continued to watch the exchange knowing that the woman would be punished for committing a crime. Her crime was speaking out against Osiris? Because she dared speak out against him he was prepared to punish her? Obviously freedom of speech was yet another of those rights that Osiris did not grant to his followers. He was saddened to hear that she would suffer for such a miniscule thing. As Osiris offered her another choice he was appalled to hear what it was...she could become a child of the gods? NO! Without thought he jerked his head up and interrupted, "No!" 

When all who were in the room focused on him he realized his mistake and was certain he would suffer for speaking out of turn. As Osiris turned to focus on him he refused to look away choosing, instead, to send a silent challenge to Osiris with his eyes. 

Osiris turned upon hearing his newest servant speak. He smiled at the man still perched upon his knees beside his throne in an obvious subservient position that attained to his status in Osiris' legion. He casually approached Daniel maintaining eye contact with his defiant slave the entire time. Once to Daniel he leaned down and gently cupped Daniel's face in his right hand. When Daniel was prepared to jerk away Osiris slid his hand back through his hair and seized the lead chain attached to his collar. He wrapped his fingers around the leash and gave it a light tug to indicate that his servant was to rise. His smile broadened as the man drew to his feet and allowed himself to be lead over to the prisoner. 

The woman was unaware of the man's presence until he interrupted Osiris. She was surprised that he spoke so freely but when she focused on him and noted the position he was presently in, the collar around his throat and the chastity belt locked around his middle she knew what his status was. He was Osiris' new favored. One who was to be respected and obeyed as if he were Osiris himself. She glared coldly at Osiris' favored watching as her lord urged him to his feet and led him before her. He could also make a judgment on her and if he decided that she was to be lashed or placed in the dungeons she knew that her lord would concede to his decision for he had as much power as Osiris did in such decisions. 

He was a mere servant, a slave, one who should be treated as a worker and a laborer not as royalty but his marks of servitude did not matter for he had been fitted with a chastity belt and was positioned beside her lord's throne. The belt alone was an indicator of his present status, for Osiris would only choose to lock up his favored...any others he desired to prevent from having the ability to pleasure another were emasculated and made to wear long silk robes lined in purple that indicated that they were Osiris' prized eunuchs. 

Osiris brought Daniel to a halt before the young woman then smiled as he crooned, "Is she not beautiful, my precious one? She would be perfect." 

Daniel swallowed hard glancing at the woman noticing her defiance and anger. She looked at him as if his presence alone disgusted her. He tried not to let her views of him disturb him. Osiris was asking him if she would make a fitting child? Osiris was asking HIM if she was perfect enough to be implanted with a symbiote? She was attractive but he wasn't about to agree that she should be implanted. He knew what happened to those who became hosts and wasn't about to agree to allow someone to be made one. He spoke softer, "No My Lord. We do not have need for any more children. Please allow her to leave and return to her home." 

The woman gasped now staring at Daniel with an expression of shock and confusion. She had been insulted when he disagreed with his lord about her being perfect for a child of the gods. If she had a choice between being locked into the dungeons or becoming a child of the gods she would happily accept the ritual of implantation. When Osiris' favored requested that she be allowed to return to her home she had no idea how to even react. She was certain that he was like Osiris and desired to control all those who opposed his lord, but he was requesting she be released? Why? What reason did he have for making such a request? 

Osiris smiled wickedly as Daniel spoke those words. He considered Daniel's request but knew that to release her now after she had committed treason and not punish her for doing so that others would soon learn that she had gotten away with insulting her lord. No, he couldn't allow her to leave his palace unpunished. She would have to either serve as a child of the gods or serve time in his dungeons. He focused on her again as he continued, "Pity... she would make a very beautiful child, my precious... Are you certain you do not wish for her to join our legion?" 

Daniel continued to clench his hands together in fists still fighting his growing urge to knock Osiris flat. He had been unsure of why the woman was brought here but when Osiris suggested she be made a child of the gods...he knew all too well what that meant for her...her fate would be sealed and she would become trapped like Sarah now was, like his wife had been, like Skaara had been...trapped inside their bodies living an eternal hell as a parasite controlled them. He didn't want this woman to meet such a gruesome fate. He answered, "Yes My Lord." 

"Take her to the dungeons." 

Daniel gasped when Osiris made that decision. He immediately attempted to persuade Osiris to release her, "My Lord, if I may..." 

Osiris pressed his pointer finger across Daniel's lips to silence him as he replied, "No my precious servant, you may not..." 

Daniel couldn't stop his automatic response as he jerked his head away from Osiris not wanting the Goa'uld lord to touch him at all. He momentarily forgot what he was about to say so disturbed by the unwanted touch. He returned his gaze to Osiris as the Goa'uld lord glared sinisterly at him before ordering the woman be locked in the dungeons. 

The dungeons? Why wouldn't he allow her to leave? He felt somewhat defeated for Osiris didn't even consider his request. Why should he though for he had no sway in Osiris' legion because he was a simple-minded slave...a servant? Why would Osiris even consider his requests? The answer was simple enough...he wouldn't. He had no choices. He could only do as his lord commanded of him. He had no freedom left and no rights. His rights consisted of those Osiris granted him. He was to serve Osiris as his slave and eunuch. He had no power of his own...god he had to escape soon! He had to! 

Once they were alone again Osiris spoke, "You must learn to watch the things you say and you do in the presence of others. Do not make me have to punish you by throwing you in the dungeons for your continued inability to monitor your actions and comments while amongst our followers and our legion. If you cannot learn how to behave then I fear your fate will find you serving time in my dungeon where you will be forgotten. Is that understood?" 

Hating himself for yielding to the snake he lowered his eyes speaking softly, "Yes My Lord." 

"Very good." 

Osiris turned to reclaim his seat upon his throne leading Daniel to his side where he watched him as he immediately lowered to his knees beside him. He smiled as he noticed yet again that this young Tau'ri was a very fast learner. 

Osiris watched his newest servant throughout the rest of the afternoon noting the tenseness within him and knowing that it was no longer just due to finding himself suddenly in service to him. He knew why else his servant seemed angrier. He remained silent continuing to observe him expecting that anger to abate but it didn't. Finally he had enough and gently prodded, "You are angry, my favored. Tell me why." 

Daniel didn't move or speak he only continued to glare ice daggers at the floor. He clenched his eyes shut when he felt fingers suddenly running through his hair caressing him lovingly, petting him as if he were a dog. He felt ill and wanted nothing more than to jerk away from the touch. Instead he continued to hold himself rigid and do nothing more. Osiris' voice flowed over him turning his blood to ice as he again realized that he would be here for a very long time in service to a Goa'uld lord until he managed to somehow flee or his friends surmounted a rescue. He lifted his head slightly when Osiris continued, "It is her, is it not? The woman that I passed judgment on early this day...she... disturbs you. Why?" 

Daniel bit back a retort but found that he couldn't remain silent so he demanded, “Why couldn’t she be set free?” 

"She committed a crime..." 

"She spoke out against you and for that she is condemned to imprisonment?" 

"She was given another choice and you denied her." 

Daniel turned rage filled eyes up at the phoenix lord as he said with barely controlled rage, "That is because we both know what becoming a child of the gods does to someone. I couldn't allow her to be made a host to one of you. She would die, and it would rule her. I will not allow someone to be offered up as a host to a goddamned parasite!" 

Osiris knew he should be angry with his slave for his sudden defiance, but he found that he was rather amused. He heard Zeenan's movements knowing that his First Prime was preparing to either aid in the slave's punishment or protect the slave from punishment. He wondered which was the true reason for Zeenan's sudden actions. He glanced up shaking his head and watching as Zeenan dropped back but still lingered nearby in case his lord should require his assistance. He then focused back on his servant smirking before taunting, "Ah such fire, such spirit and such anger within... You are everything that I have so far imagined my precious slave. You will serve me well..." 

"The hell I will!" 

"Oh hush now there is no need for that, slave. Just because you are angry about the woman's fate does not mean that you must take your anger out on your master." 

"My...? Bastard!" 

Osiris again raised his hand non-verbally ordering Zeenan to remain where he was while also assuring him with a brief glance that he would handle the situation. He continued as if he hadn't heard his servant's obvious insult, "Daniel I rule this planet and my rules are law. I have made many laws and when one breaks those laws then one must serve the consequence. She spoke out against me, against us. I have no choice but to discipline her, for if I fail to do so then others will follow her lead. If I become lenient with one then all will expect me to be thus with them." 

"Maybe you need to become more lenient." 

"Whatever do you mean, Daniel?" 

"You are punishing her for a small infraction. She spoke out against you, My Lord. To you it's a crime, it's disrespectful but she doesn't deserve to be locked up for months or years just because she has an opinion. She spoke out against you. I'm certain that your followers all do at one time or another they just don't make their opinions public. When you rule you will always have those who oppose you and those who support you. There will always be people who follow you that don't like you or that don't like your rules. People by nature are judgmental and opinionated. There will always be people who speak out against you. You can't prevent it and you can't lock them all away in a dungeon for months or years simply because they don't like you or they don't agree with you. It's just not right." 

Osiris' grin broadened into a smile. Yes he had chosen wisely in selecting Daniel Jackson for his favored. He would indeed keep life very...interesting. He could see Daniel's point and already the man was swaying his thoughts on the issue and all he had done was speak up, get a bit angry and put voice to his thoughts on the subject. He nodded as he said, "Perhaps you are correct. I will consider your words Daniel, but I will not make a decision tonight." 

He then stood up and urged, "Come now and rise. Let us go eat then we shall retire for the evening." 

Daniel was so shocked that Osiris even considered his words that all he could manage was a quiet, "Uh, yes...yes My Lord" before rising and following Osiris. As they made their way towards the entrance way Osiris paused turning to look at him as he said, "Daniel, you are now my servant, my slave, but I require you to walk BESIDE me not behind me. Your position places you in equal standing with my queen. She was never made to walk behind me and I do not intend to order you to do so now, at least not while we are in our palace so please come forward. You will walk beside me unless I say otherwise." 

"Uh...um, thank...thank you...My Lord." 

"Come you must be very hungry for you have not eaten since this morning." 

Zeenan watched the two leave the room side by side. He stayed behind them shocked that Osiris addressed his servant by name and that he considered his servant's words. He was even more shocked that his lord did not punish his servant for speaking out against him. He shook his head finding that his respect for the young Tau'ri slave was still growing. Osiris might just have found his match in Daniel Jackson and he might just have found someone that meant more to him than just another personal servant. 

As evening became night Daniel became more anxious. Osiris ordered him to his feet and proceeded to escort him to his bedchamber. Once in the room Daniel allowed his eyes to scan the interior. Like the halls they had passed through this room was covered in gold from floor to ceiling and raised hieroglyphs appeared along the surface. As he glanced at the ceiling he noticed it too was gold with some silver interspersed in various areas throughout. 

Off to his left stood an elegant desk complete with several drawers and there was a mirror mounted to the back of it. The desk was an off-white color and was trimmed in gold. The chair sitting at the desk was made of a silver metal and the seat cushion was gold...obviously Osiris had some kind of penchant for gold for it was everywhere. As he continued to scan the room noticing the plush white carpet beneath his feet he heard Osiris tell him that the desk now belonged to him. He jerked his eyes up to focus on the Goa'uld lord swallowing hard as he inquired, "Why do I need a desk in your room?" 

"Our room, my precious slave, our room." 

Oh hell no! There was no way in hell he was going to remain in this room and sleep with, and sleep with that...thing. No way in hell! He started to shake his head in denial when Osiris interrupted threatening, "If you refuse to sleep in my bed of your own free will then you will be secured to the bed until you learn your place." 

He would be tied in the bed? Would the Goa'uld lord do that? Surely not...but as Daniel focused on the face of Sarah he could see that Osiris was determined to do exactly as he threatened. He shivered at the realization that if he refused he would be secured in that bed. If he was secured he would be totally defenseless and Osiris would be able to do whatever the hell he wanted to do to him. He shuddered at those thoughts deciding that to lie willingly in that bed was much more appealing than to be secured in that bed. He realized that the snake placed him in another Catch 22, the bastard! 

He glanced nervously at the bed noticing that it was a king size bed so maybe he could just sleep on the very edge of it? There was enough room for them to lie side by side without touching but Daniel was certain that Osiris had other plans. He couldn't fool himself into believing that lust and desire had not been prevalent in the serpent's eyes all evening. He knew that Osiris wanted him and that knowledge left him feeling a bit unsettled. The last thing he needed was to dodge passes from the snake lord and to be asked repetitively for sexual favors. He felt his insides clench as he thought of what his fate now held for him. A lifetime of imprisonment and a lifetime of dodging the Goa'uld lord's sexual advances and seductions...of course, he also knew that Osiris would not wait patiently for those sexual favors. One day he would demand them and if Daniel refused him then he would pay a high price for such rejection. He closed his eyes hoping that his friends would locate him before that day ever arrived. The last thing he wanted was to have to give his body to the Goa'uld lord every single time he demanded it. 

Osiris quietly observed Daniel watching the emotions playing across that handsome face and wondering just what the young Tau'ri was thinking of. As he watched the expressions playing across that perfect face he started to examine the man closely. His hair was short but that would soon change for he would demand his servant grow it long. He recalled how beautiful Daniel Jackson's hair was when it was long and flowing down across his back, softly framing his face and adding youthfulness to his appearance. Sarah had many images of Daniel that way in her memory and Osiris discovered that he loved that hair. He wanted to be able to rake his fingers through his servant's hair and to feel the soft, silky texture of it that Sarah had been privileged to stroke so long ago. As he reveled in her memories of stroking that hair he could feel his host's body responding to the images. Yes, Sarah was as excited as he was at the prospect of touching and loving the man beside him. 

He continued to watch Daniel noting the stubborn set of his jaw and the look of nervousness and uncertainty sparking in those eyes and across that face. His lips were so perfect, so luscious. Those lips were begging to be loved, to be kissed and to be stroked. Those lips were begging to please and to be pleased in return. As Daniel unconsciously slipped his tongue out to lick his bottom lip, a nervous gesture Sarah recalled from when hey had been dating, Osiris softly groaned feeling the heat beginning within. The ache and longing within was growing by the minute. 

He didn't want to pressure Daniel into sexual relations just yet. Sarah's memories showed him just how shy the man could be but once he was stimulated he could be wild, lascivious and wanton. The man was so passionate and so fiery. The memories Sarah had of this young man in the throes of passion, in the throes of ecstasy were enough to charge him up sexually to the max. He wanted Daniel Jackson body and soul. He wanted the man in his bed, serving him sexually in whatever means he requested. The man was passionate about everything and he found that he wanted to own that passion, to control the creature that was so wild, so untamed, so spirited and so savage. 

Osiris smiled as he questioned softly, "What is your decision to be, my precious slave?" 

Daniel glanced up nervously momentarily forgetting just what the Goa'uld lord had asked him. As he calmed the words made sense in his brain and he answered, "Yes My Lord." 

"Yes what?" 

"I will...lie beside you in your bed." 

"Our bed Daniel, our bed. Let me hear you say it...come now. Speak." 

"Our...bed..." 

"You will remain in our bed without the need for restraints, slave?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Very well then...you may lay down upon our bed and make yourself comfortable. I shall be in the bathhouse. I wish to bathe before lying beside you this night. Zeenan will be outside of this room until I return so should you desire a chance to attempt escape I would suggest against it. You will be captured instantly and you will be punished. You will find no mercy at the whip. I assure you, my dear. I have no qualms about ordering your beautiful backside to be lashed into perfect crimson. I shall return shortly." 

Daniel shuddered in response to those last two comments...lashed into perfect crimson? Oh God that image alone made his stomach bunch up into knots. The only way that could happen...would be to lash him until there was nothing left of his back. The images that entered his mind were very unpleasant indeed. He could visualize his back having all the skin sheered off of it and what would remain would be a bloody mess...oh shit he was going to be sick! How could one be so, so...so damned sinister? 

He hesitantly approached the bed pressing a hand to the comforter spread out across it. The material felt soft and plush under his fingers. Well, he had a choice: he could either get in the bed willingly or...be tied to the damned thing. He slowly eased the comforter back revealing the fluffy pillows beneath. He felt as if he were preparing to enter the gates of hell as he eased the covers down then sat upon the mattress. He glanced around the room again then focused on the vacant spot to his left, soon that spot would be filled by none other than Osiris him self. He most definitely was not looking forward to his sleeping arrangements. How could he spend all night lying beside a creature who obviously wanted to do more with him than just make him serve as menial labor? 

He shook his head again forcing himself, literally forcing himself to slide his sleek body beneath the covers. He could feel the silky material as it slid easily over his skin, gliding down over the contours of his muscular thighs to his ankles. He hesitantly pulled the velvety material up to his hips quietly moaning as the material tantalized and caressed his skin so smoothly. Okay, this bed was just a bit too comfortable for his liking. No doubt Sarah also had some influences on Osiris regarding what to purchase for their bedroom suites. Sarah loved satiny materials...as he glanced around the room before settling onto his right side he allowed his eyes to sweep the interior again. He was rather surprised to see so many nuances of Sarah Gardner in this room. He could see her touch in this room. He was certain that Osiris wasn't crazy about some of the things now present but Sarah would love these things... was Sarah still inside, hiding deep within her own body and slowly fighting to reclaim herself by influencing Osiris in the slightest, least invasive ways? 

As he stretched his body out across the damask sheets he again moaned. The feel of satin always stimulated him as well. He would have to keep that knowledge quiet...of course Sarah knew that about him already so Osiris most likely had that knowledge. He closed his eyes shifting again and growing frustrated as the cold chain attached to his collar fell gently against his back. God, even while asleep he would be reminded of his new status and new life. He had a momentary concern that the chain might harm him in the night if he turned and successfully entwined it around his body. He shook his head telling himself to quite worrying about it. He allowed his eyes to drift shut determined not to sleep. All he would do is rest his eyes. He would not fall asleep. He wouldn't! 

He saw Jack in his mind's eye and wondered how his lover was feeling at the moment. Jack would probably take his absence extremely hard. This would be his first night in a long time that he would be falling asleep in a big bed all alone. Oh God Jack, I'm so sorry...so sorry this has happened and so sorry that I can't be with you, can't get to you...so sorry. He could feel moisture at the corner of his eyes and mentally forced it back. He would not cry. He would not allow helplessness and hopelessness to reign supreme within him. He would escape this new prison and he would return to the love of his life. He just might have to wait a few weeks for that to happen. He could do that. He could hold on for Jack and for himself. He could. 

Osiris left the bedchamber wanting to ease Daniel into his first night of lying together. Sarah's memories revealed much to him regarding Daniel, his emotions and his feelings. He knew that to lie in a bed with one who was holding him captive would be very difficult so he decided to take things slowly. He would bathe every night around this time to allow Daniel the chance to settle in the bed and drift asleep or at least become more relaxed before he would return and ease himself into the bed beside the man. Eventually Daniel would become use to sleeping with him and would become more relaxed, but it would take time. 

Sarah smiled as she spoke softly, 'Thank you, My Lord.'

"For what?"

‘Bringing him to us...and being sympathetic to his needs.'

"He will be with us a long time. He will have to become use to my, our presence, in his life."

'Yes. He will.'

"Of that I am certain. Now you must sleep. We will be joining him shortly."

'Good night, My Lord.'

"Good night, Sarah."

Osiris felt his host settling and smiled. She was becoming bolder. This was the first time she dared to speak to him without hesitation. During his time on the ship after leaving Earth Osiris had become lonely and started to initiate conversations with Sarah. Slowly they started to speak with one another but still were not on equal ground. Osiris came to enjoy his conversations with Sarah and tried to encourage her to speak more freely to him. This was the first time she took the initiative to do so and it made Osiris happy to know that Sarah felt confident enough to speak on her own without having to be coaxed. In the past her attempts to communicate were met with instant suffering, as he would silence her the only way he knew how. Their time together on a ship, alone, traveling through space with no knowledge of where they would end up and no one else to speak with had changed his opinions a bit on how one should relate to their host. Though he spoke freely with her and allowed her to speak with him he knew that to reveal this to other system lords would make him appear weak so he rarely initiated conversations with her in front of others. 

As Osiris finished bathing he quickly dried himself off deciding that it was time to return to his bedchamber. He paused outside the closed door and excused Zeenan thanking him for taking the time to stand guard. Once Zeenan left he gently eased the door open so as not to disturb Daniel. 

As his eyes fell to the man now lying on the bed, the covers wrapped around him and his eyes closed he smiled warmly. Either Daniel was now asleep or he was beginning to fall asleep. Either way the man was more relaxed now than before he had left. Osiris removed his robes then approached the far side of the bed. He slowly eased the covers up and slid between the sheets feeling the damask rubbing lovingly across his feminine body. He slid to within an inch of Daniel not wanting to touch him just yet sensing that Daniel might jerk awake in shock if he did so. He decided to allow Daniel to become comfortable with him lying in bed so close against him. He spooned his body around Daniel's still not touching him and keeping a very thin barrier of about an inch of air between him and Daniel not wanting to startle the man or upset him. He propped his head up on his right elbow and focused intently on Daniel's face. Obviously the man was asleep for he barely even moved as he was joined in the bed. 

Osiris smiled feeling an overwhelming urge to touch the man and without thought pressed a finger feather light against Daniel's cheek. The man moaned softly before speaking a name that startled his host. Osiris quieted Sarah saying, "Shh hush, go back to sleep Sarah..."

'But he said Jack...Jack that's a man's name...'

"So it is."

'I...I...he...he's in love with...with a man?'

"Why does this shock you, my dear? You were the one to introduce him to another male if your memories are true."

Sarah blushed and Osiris could sense her embarrassment. She spoke even softer, 'Yes...we...I did...but...'

"There is nothing wrong with desiring another man, Sarah...most would consider me male and I have this uncontrollable need and desire for this virile young man beside me...beside us. There is nothing wrong with loving a man."

'I know it's just...I never expected. I mean...'

“You are shocked by this discovery?"

'Yes.'

"Why?"

'Because it's...this is Daniel...'

 _"The man you love with all of your heart..."_

Again he could sense her blushing before she spoke softly, 'Yes.'

"You fear that he does not love you in return...or that this love for another man has destroyed your chances with him? Fear not, little one, for he is ours now. He belongs to me now and he will grow to love us both as you, as we, both love him."

 _'Love? How can you love him when you don't even know him?'_

"Your memories of your time with him..."

'Oh...'

"Sleep, little one. We shall discuss these things at another time. I sense that you are very tired and are in need of replenishing. Rest. Rest now."

'Yes My Lord.'

Osiris sensed Sarah returning once again to sleep and focused his attention on the man at his side. He remained staring down on that perfect face admiring Daniel as he slept so deeply beside him. He soon grew tired himself and lowered himself to the pillow casually pressing his left hand on Daniel's hip hoping that by doing so Daniel would soon grow at ease with his touches. Sleep found him shortly thereafter.

 

 **THE REALIZATION**  
 **Missing In Action**

Jack O'Neill said goodbye to everyone and headed to his lover's office just like any other afternoon. He stopped before Daniel's door and reached to turn the knob with Daniel's name on his lips then froze. He stood like a statue his hand touching the knob, his lover's name on the tip of his tongue for several long minutes before the loneliness and overwhelming sadness set in. He inhaled shakily, dropping his head and feeling despair enter as it threatened to overtake him. Daniel...Daniel's not here...he's gone, missing...MIA... He's trapped on that planet...trapped and they had no means with which to rescue him. They had tried to redial those coordinates so many times but they could no longer connect with P47-O89. The Stargate wouldn't engage. It was almost as if someone shut down the gate on that planet. It was as if the gate on that planet were buried under rock and unable to be accessed. 

Daniel was on that planet and he was alone. As he stood before Daniel's office door now he recalled how he had been on the verge of tears as Hammond ordered the computer to redial the Stargate address again and again with no success. He knew, they knew, where Daniel was but they now had no way to retrieve him or help him. 

Jack could feel the beginnings of tears collecting at the edges of his eyes and refused to allow them release. He haphazardly wiped the back of his hand across his eyes feeling the denial of Daniel's fate swamp him. He couldn't do this, not here...what would people think if they caught a Colonel standing in the hall crying his damned eyes out? He had to get out of the mountain and get home. As he stood in the hallway he hardened his resolve, standing straighter he turned and headed down the hall determined to exit the mountain and go home. 

He was a military Colonel. He couldn't afford to allow his emotions to become so scattered. He had to remain strong for his teammates. He had to move onward as if Daniel's disappearance hadn't affected him at all and he could do that. He could just like he had when Charlie died. He could become a hard-nosed Colonel all over again. He had to do so. He would act as if Daniel's disappearance didn't matter and he would succeed in doing so. He was certain he'd be successful...that is until he entered his bedroom and his eyes fell onto a bed that was now empty and much too big to sleep in alone. As he stared at his empty bed the hard-nosed Colonel felt himself fall against his door frame and sag to the floor where he turned inward on himself curling into as tight a ball as he was able and allowing the first tears of anger, of rage, of despair and of loss fall.

 

* * * *

 

It was time to leave but instead of exiting the mountain as she had planned Major Sam Carter found herself entering Doctor Fraiser's infirmary. As she entered the infirmary she noticed Janet was speaking with a patient. Should she wait or just leave? Why was she here in the first place? She meant to go home not to visit Janet and take up her time. She watched the Doctor as the woman spoke soothingly to her patient as she checked his vitals and made certain that all the machines he was hooked up to were working to her standards. She turned and started heading for the door when a soft voice asked, "Sam, Sam, what is it? What's wrong?" 

She stopped clenching her eyes shut as those simple words resulted in bringing back the pain of Daniel's sudden absence. She wanted to turn to acknowledge the woman but couldn't. Hands, gentle and caring, braced her about the shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze before the friendly voice suggested, "Why don't we go to my office?" 

Sam finally found her voice as she whispered, "But your patients...I...I have to go." 

"No Sam. Running away isn't going to help you at all." 

"I don't even know why I'm here. I..." 

Those hands gently turned her around so that they were face to face, but Sam still couldn't bring herself to look up. That soft calming voice of her friend continued, "Sam, you came here for a reason. You sought me out... It's Daniel isn't it?" 

Sam found herself looking at Janet again and could only muster enough energy to nod her head. Janet continued in her calm voice, "Would you like to talk about it?" 

Again Sam shook her head so without further words being spoken Janet guided the woman into her office and closed the door. She offered Sam a seat, but Sam declined the offer choosing instead to again lower her head. Silence stretched between them for several long minutes before Sam chuckled sadly and said, "This is so silly. I don't know why I'm acting like this. Daniel's been gone before. He'll be back. He always is." 

"Then tell me what's so different about this time, Sam?" 

"I...I...he's fine. He'll be back in a day or two. He will...he will...he..." 

Sam dropped her head lower sighing heavily. Again silence stretched between them before Sam interrupted it, "What if we fail this time, Janet? What if he can't get away? What if...what if he's trapped there? We've always been able to find him and rescue him or he has found his own way but this time...I don't know, Janet...this time it...it just feels...different. I don't know how to explain it...things just feel...different." 

"And you're afraid that this time he may not return?" 

"Yes...we tried to dial that planet, oh God, hundreds of times but...but we can't...the gate won't engage. It's almost as if...as if they sealed their gate so we couldn't get to him and if they felt it necessary to seal the gate not even two hours after we left... They won't let him get to us either, Janet. I'm afraid that whoever owns that planet wanted Daniel and now that he's there...they're insuring that they'll hold on to him but...doesn't that sound silly?" 

"No..." 

"How could they even know Daniel?" 

"Maybe they aren't keeping him because of who he is... They may want to interrogate him...or, or...he could be useful as a servant. Sam, we don't know why they're hanging onto him. We can't spend all our time wondering why or thinking of all the things they could possibly be doing to him. We need to focus on how to get him back even with that gate locked out. We have to find a way around it." 

"I just feel like, I don't know, like he's not coming back this time and I've never, never felt this way before. I've never felt this certain and it...it scares me, Jan. It really scares me." 

Janet could tell Sam was extremely upset and without thought she pulled the young woman into her arms and held her close offering comfort in touch.

 

* * * * 

 

Teal'c walked into the gate room and stood at the base of the Stargate staring at its magnificence rising above him. His mind was on the young man now trapped on the other side of that gate and the fate that now befell him. For a system lord to find it necessary to make their Stargate unreachable meant one thing...they didn't want any visitors...ever again. A system lord rarely shut down their Stargate unless they were an outcast or chose to rule without any interference. What bothered him more than anything was the fact that he had no knowledge of who now held Daniel Jackson and the fact that it was obvious they wanted to hold onto him, which could only mean a few things...things Teal'c wasn't yet ready to share with the others. They would most likely believe Daniel was being interrogated, which might be true but Teal'c suspected something else altogether. Maybe the system lord who ruled that planet had decided to keep Daniel Jackson as his personal servant...only threats to take one's favored or threats to the system lord itself could cause them to lock down their gate. System Lords were very, very protective of their favoreds. A favored was viewed as being just as important as one's Queen. To attack one's favored was to attack the system lord he or she belonged to. If the Goa'uld lord who now held Daniel Jackson decided to appoint him to the status of most favored...they might never get their friend back.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

The following morning Daniel awoke feeling quite confused and as his eyes took in his surroundings nothing looked familiar. This wasn't his room and this sure as hell wasn't the room he shared with Jack so where the hell was he? As he heard a soft moan off to his left he froze closing his eyes as realization struck...he had fallen asleep! Shit how could he have fallen asleep knowing that he was in a strange environment and his enemy now lay with him? He remembered everything...running to the gate, being pursued by Jaffa guards, a staff weapon nearly killing Jack and his desperate attempt to shove Jack out of the path of the deadly blast...being brought before Osiris, being struck with a zat gun and fitted with a collar, a leash and chastity belt...becoming Osiris' personal slave...being given the option of lying in bed willingly or being tied in place...everything came back and he once again felt the grimness and the danger of his situation flood his system. He had to get out of here. He had to escape, to flee...he had to put as much distance between him and his enemy as was humanly possible. 

Daniel jerked in surprise when he felt a soft, dainty hand gently brush his left cheek. Osiris...Osiris was touching him and he couldn't stall his automatic response to the vile touch as he jerked free from it practically launching himself out of the bed. Those hands didn't leave him instead they both pressed against his upper arms holding him in place and urging him to lie down once again. No, NO! He didn't want to lie here beside his enemy...NO! 

As those hands refused to yield and remained persistent he recalled another's hands doing the same thing. He remembered another creature touching him and wanting him as much as Osiris wanted him now... She too was a beautiful creature and she was a snake... She had been beautiful but deadly. She had looked so fragile like Sarah now did but like Sarah she was not human...Hathor was his enemy and she desired him as much as Osiris wanted him now. He shuddered as he recalled her voice, her hands on his body and her scent as she used him and attempted to own him just as Osiris was now doing. Why was he remembering her now? That had happened so very long ago so why were the memories suddenly surfacing? He pushed those memories to the back of his mind hearing the voice of his captor addressing him, "You turn from me now but in time you will learn to accept my touches upon your body...in time you will learn to yield to me, my precious slave." 

Daniel clenched his eyes shut as warning bells and shudders of disgust ran through his body in response to the unwanted touch. He spoke with confidence and determination, "I really don't think so." 

Osiris smiled before continuing, "Do not be so quick to doubt. You will see that in time you will accept me as your lord and you will accept your place by my side as my favored. In time the transition will occur." 

"How do you know? How can you be so certain that I won't kill you while you sleep?" 

Osiris continued to smile as he answered, "Because you would not harm my host. There is love for her within you. You would protect her. You could not bring yourself to destroy her, Daniel Jackson. You cannot kill without remorse." 

Daniel felt anger sear within upon hearing that nonchalant comment and was quick to reply, "Oh, I can kill, believe me. I can, I have and I will..." 

Osiris shook his head impressed with Daniel's courage to speak to him in such a way. It took a lot of courage to speak out against one's captor knowing that pain could result. It took a lot of courage for one to speak up and threaten to kill another knowing that their life was presently in the hands of their would be victim. His Tau'ri slave to say the least intrigued him... He decided to call Daniel on his bluff by commenting, "Words, those are merely words. They are empty threats, Daniel. You could never bring yourself to kill me for in order to destroy me you would also have to destroy Sarah." 

"Then I'll destroy her too." 

Osiris could hear Sarah gasping in shock at hearing the sarcasm and threat in Daniel's voice. He hushed her before once again addressing Daniel, "Empty threats do not cause injury, Daniel, so why waste your breath to make them?" 

Sarah's voice spoke softly as she questioned, 'My Lord, what are you doing?'

"Telling him things that he already knows."

‘Why?'

"Quiet now. Hush."

Sarah grumbled some comment that made Osiris grin before she did as he ordered and fell silent continuing to listen to the exchange between Daniel and Osiris. She focused on Daniel as the man suddenly turned around to focus fully on them a strange, unidentifiable emotion reflecting in the depths of his blue eyes as he spoke, "Several years ago I would never have considered killing another but that was then and this is now. Sarah knows of who I was but she knows nothing of who I now am. Five years is a long time and a lot can happen, a lot can change in that time..." 

Sarah had to speak to Daniel and in her own voice she interrupted, "Yes, but matters of the heart never do, Daniel. You may know how to kill now, but you will not do so for it would destroy you." 

Daniel felt a mix of anger, frustration, surprise and wonder fill him as Sarah spoke but he couldn't be certain if the real Sarah Gardner was speaking with him or if Osiris was only using her voice to shock him and gain control so he decided to test the serpent by asking, "Sarah's already gone so why use her against me?" 

Again Sarah's voice came to him causing him to feel that huge mix of emotions within and effectively making him a bit uncertain, "Did you believe Sha're gone? If so why did you spend so much time searching for her determined to save her? Why did you even bother?" 

Sha're? How could Sarah know anything about Sha're? The answer was simple...she couldn't. Daniel had never told Sarah about his wife so the only way she could know anything about his precious Abydonian wife was through the memories of Osiris for he would have learned by now how much of a threat the Tau'ri now were to the system lords and he would have taken the time to learn as much as he could regarding the one SG team that was responsible for the destruction of so many other system lords. He was now certain that Osiris was the one speaking with him in Sarah's voice and instead of acknowledging the surprise comment he asked a question of his own, "You don't believe I'm capable of it do you?" 

"Oh, everyone is capable of murder, Daniel, but not everyone is willing to take such drastic action to destroy a life." 

Daniel added almost as if it were an afterthought, "I wouldn't be destroying a life. I'd be saving one." 

Again Osiris countered his comment with one of his own, "At the risk of your own soul, Daniel? If you destroy another then a part of you will also be destroyed. Would you sacrifice your soul to destroy another, my dear servant?" 

Daniel remained silent not even entertaining that notion in the least. He watched as Osiris rose out of bed looking smug and felt the incredible urge come over him to do just as he threatened. All it would take, all he would need to do is reach over, wrap his hands around that slim neck and squeeze. He could see it now in his mind's eye. Osiris would be shocked but soon his face would become blank as death found him. It would be so easy to kill him. It would be too easy. 

Daniel swallowed hard as he suddenly realized that he actually contemplated murder for a few minutes. He shook his head a bit shocked by the direction of his thoughts. God what was happening to him? He's only been here a day and he was already entertaining the notion of murder, not murder in self-defense but cold-blooded murder. It was one thing to kill to defend him self but to actually strangle someone while they lay defenseless beside him...now that was completely different. He shook his head watching as Osiris paused at the door before turning to inform, "My'la will be here shortly to attend to you. When she is done I shall expect you to report to our throne room and take your place by my side. I will send breakfast with My'la so that you may eat before you are needed." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

Osiris nodded before exiting the room and leaving Daniel alone to wonder why he was suddenly fantasizing about cold-blooded murder.


	2. The Trainings

**THE TRAININGS**  
 **Daniel's Education Begins**

Daniel arose, entered the bathhouse and bathed. As soon as he was finished My'la attended to him helping ready him for his lord. When he was ready he prepared to leave the room stopping as My'la said, "Hello Zeenan, he is ready to begin his training." 

Zeenan approached the two smiling as he replied, "Good. This morning you will begin your service training..." 

Daniel jerked his head up focusing on the Jaffa guard as he questioned, "My service training?" 

Zeenan held Daniel's gaze as he evenly replied, "I know that our Lord has already spoken with you regarding this issue. You will attend these trainings and you will do exactly as I command of you." 

Daniel glared at Zeenan studying him closely as he tried to formulate his impressions of the Jaffa. Instead of arguing he simply stated, "Look, I don't need to be trained..." 

“It is Osiris' wishes." 

Lifting his chin higher as he cast a defiant look towards Zeenan he firmly asked, "Don't I have a say?" 

Refusing to remain silent Zeenan calmly replied, "No and if you choose to defy him in this manner you will suffer much for your defiance." 

"I'm no slave." 

Zeenan watched the young man before him noticing the challenge reflecting in those eyes. The man was spirited, proud and strong. He would not willingly comply. His respect for the young man grew even more yet he wondered just how long that spirit, that fire and that determination would last before Osiris successfully crushed it and snuffed it out. No this man was no slave yet that was his new position, his new status in life...though it angered him the man would have to learn that for himself. Zeenan decided that a reminder was now in order, "You are no longer free. You now belong to Osiris. You will attend these trainings; you will pay attention and you will practice what you are taught." 

Daniel drew his chin up higher glaring at Zeenan as he simply replied, "No." 

Yes, this one would have to learn his place, his status in Osiris' legion. His spirit would probably earn him quite a few disciplines. Osiris would drive the spirit from this man before fully claiming him as his favored. He softened his voice seeing Daniel's opposition in the way he held his body, the look in his eyes and his facial expressions, "Daniel, do not make me have to inform Osiris of your defiance. He will not be happy." 

"I don't care! I'm not happy and I don't belong here!" 

"You will be trained every day and every evening. Osiris will want daily reports of your progress." 

"So..." 

"Daniel..." 

Daniel scowled at the Jaffa with open hostility refusing to give him even an edge. Zeenan sighed heavily. He had expected Daniel to refuse and to make his trainings extremely difficult. He tried to control his anger realizing that he was failing miserably at the task. He didn't know what to do. If he reported Daniel's non-compliance... Zeenan decided on a different approach as he said, "Let me tell you what I mean by service training, young one." 

He watched Daniel closely and though the man still presented him with that menacing look he knew that at least he was paying attention...obviously he would need to find a different tactic to use with the young man. He chose to begin by telling and explaining. He focused on Daniel as he continued, "Service training is very important." 

"Right..." 

Okay a comment, sarcastic but it was a comment. At least he knew for certain that Daniel was listening after all. Encouraged by that small indicator that he at least managed to gain the man's attention he continued, "Service training, in essence, is training the body... There are many services one in your position must be adept at. You accompany our lord everywhere therefore you must learn to carry yourself as the gods themselves. You also must learn how to best meet our lord's needs. What my job requires is that I teach you what our lord wants from you. You will have many duties that you must perform admirably. For instance, if you enter a meeting with our lord and fail to bow or to greet in the proper way many people can get hurt. Most of the gods have short tempers, they are impatient and if you insult them, whether it is intentional or not, they may lash out at the nearest person...which is usually an attendant or servant of theirs. Certain behaviors and mistakes may get you thrown into the dungeons where our lord will be unable to free you again. There is much you must learn. You must take your trainings seriously or you may find yourself dead or locked away." 

"What do these...duties entail?" 

Ah, curiosity...good...he smiled realizing that Daniel was, in fact, paying attention. He answered, "You must be taught to be attentive to Osiris' needs, to anticipate and to act when you see that your lord requires something." 

"Right...I don't think so." 

"You must familiarize yourself with Osiris' habits and his desires...no one is expecting you to be a mind reader but eventually you should be so adept at attending your lord that serving him will become second nature to you. You will attend him always. You will be taught to limit your conversation unless Osiris engages you in a discussion. You will be taught to read the various non-verbal hand gestures that all the gods teach to their favored's. It is almost a secret communication that few can read and interpret. He will use many gestures to speak with you, to warn you, to signal you to him, to indicate things he needs or things he would like you to pay attention to. You will be trained to properly request to leave your lord's side while before followers, system lords and servants..." 

Daniel's interest when Zeenan mentioned the non-verbal hand gestures of silent almost secret communication wasn't hard to miss. Zeenan smiled as he realized that he now knew just where to begin Daniel's service training...non-verbal cues and gestures. Excellent. 

Daniel continued to listen to Zeenan's explanation feeling his anger only build as more and more expectations were being given. He had to learn how to service his lord? Ah, hell no...of course, if he wanted to get out of here and wanted to convince Osiris that his plans were not to escape at the first chance he has then he would have to at least pay attention. According to Zeenan Osiris expected him to change everything and learn to serve. Right, don't see that happening.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

General George Hammond glanced at the Stargate watching as the titanium iris opened to allow passage. He waited patiently for Jacob Carter to exit the wormhole hoping that Jacob could offer them some kind of help in locating their missing friend. He had no idea what else to do. Every day they dialed the planet of P47-089 and every single time they failed to make a connection. It bothered him greatly knowing that Doctor Jackson was just on the other side of that wormhole and they were still unable to save him. Damn whoever now held him prisoner must have built some sort of shield or force field around their gate. They had to do something to make it impossible to establish any sort of connection with a planet that had been previously accessible to them. 

As Jacob stepped onto the ramp he headed to the embarkation room to greet him smiling as he saw his old friend again. He quickly greeted, "Hello Jacob. Welcome." 

Jacob returned the smile focusing on his friend, glad to see him again. He wondered why George sent for him and hoped that there wasn't trouble stirring. He warmly responded, "George, how have you been? It's been a long time." 

Hammond nodded his head and answered truthfully, "Yes Jacob, it has. So how is Selmac?" 

"Good." 

"And..." 

Jacob held up a hand to halt Hammond's words knowing that something was definitely bothering him before inquiring, "What's the matter, George?" 

He sighed heavily and lowered his gaze before placing a hand on Jacob's right shoulder and answering, "We need your help again, Jacob. Yours and Selmac's..." 

"Why? What's the matter George?" 

He again downcast his gaze momentarily before refocusing to say, "Daniel Jackson's missing..." 

Daniel? Daniel Jackson was missing? Now he understood why George seemed so upset and so distracted. He treated Daniel as his son and greatly respected the young archaeologist. His disappearance would definitely affect George as well as his daughter and the rest of her team. He nodded before asking, "He's missing? What happened to him, George?" 

"He was...taken as a prisoner on a planet that SG-1 was supposed to investigate for possible allies, weapons...the usual but..." 

"But what? What happened to him George?" 

"The planet was uninhabited or so we thought but we were wrong and...Daniel paid the price. SG-1 arrived on the planet just in time to have a face off with an army of Jaffa." 

"An army of Jaffa? Who did they serve?" 

"Teal'c didn't get a close enough look at the symbols. Jacob, we don't know who holds Daniel prisoner and we have been unable to establish a connection with that planet ever since his capture. We have tried numerous times to dial the planet but any attempts at making contact have failed. It's almost as if...as if they knew we were going to return and they want to keep Daniel there permanently. We have suspected that there may be some sort of force field or shield now in place that prevents contact with that planet. We know that Daniel is there but have been unable to return for him. I'm sorry to bring you here about this but frankly I had no idea where else to turn. I was hoping that maybe you or Selmac could help us bring our boy back home." 

"I'd like to see the coordinates. I don't know maybe Selmac or I will recognize the symbols and be able to tell you where he is. All we can do is see what information you have. If there is a force field blocking access to that world then the only other way in would be for us to get a ship and travel there through space. If that doesn't work our only other option will be simply to...wait. I know that this isn't exactly what you want to hear but there is no way onto that planet if a force field or some sort of shield has been activated to prevent entrance." 

"Any help would be greatly appreciated, Jacob. All we want is to get our boy back home where he belongs." 

"I understand that George, believe me I do but I still have to make you aware that we may be able to help but there is no guarantee." 

"Thanks Jacob." 

"Any time." 

He followed George to the briefing room rather upset by the fact that he might not be able to help Daniel after all. He wondered who now held the young man and just what planet they accessed. He hoped that he could do more for them then just wait with them. He and Selmac would have to work on a plan of action if what George believed was true.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Daniel grumbled after he finished bathing knowing that he had to report to My'la before retiring. Voice training...God just how many damned types of training was he required to take? He hated having to train to comply, train to be obedient, train to serve...he had been so pissed off at Zeenan this morning when the Jaffa insisted that he must pay attention, that he must do as he is told or he will be punished by Osiris. Son of a bitch! He had to get away from here. This training was ridiculous. He reluctantly entered the room where his voice training was to occur. My'la was already waiting for him and when she saw him she smiled appreciatively. Daniel cursed as he forced himself to enter the room. He noticed that there were no chairs in the room...how convenient. 

My'la said, "Welcome. Here you will be taught how to speak to your lord with respect and how to carry yourself in a respectful demeanor while in his presence." 

"Sounds exciting." 

My'la frowned then approached him. She said, "Daniel, I know that you have no desire to be here. I know that you would much rather escape than remain here as a slave. I know that until two days ago you were free and now you no longer are. I know how hard all of this is for you but try to make the best of things. I do not want to train you but I have no choice in the matter. If I refuse to do so then our lord will punish me. Please try to do as I tell you. Please." 

Daniel said nothing. He simply remained silent watching the woman before him as snatches of memory of his beautiful wife danced before him. My'la had the same dark hair and the same dark complexion. She reminded him so much of his wife that it almost hurt to look at her. 

My'la continued taking Daniel's silence to mean that he was listening but choosing not to speak, "If our lord is not pleased with the reports I bring to him then he will order a guard to attend us while you train. Now he is presently granting you a little freedom by allowing the two of us to work together without another joining us." 

"I'm not a slave." 

"I know that you are not a slave and Zeenan knows that you are not a slave. You are a very proud, strong young man but you now belong to Osiris, Daniel. You serve him now. You were not born a slave but when he placed his marks upon you… Your fate has been sealed by your lord Daniel. He has decided that you are to serve as his slave by his side. You are no longer free. You must try to make the best of your present situation. There is presently no escape for you. Osiris has had the Stargate sealed and the only way to get here now is to travel by ship. He has a very sophisticated shield designed around the entire planet. You will be with us for a while Daniel and if you would only cooperate then things will be so much easier for you. I know that you are not happy here and probably never will be but you are here none-the-less." 

"Why do I have to take all these...trainings...?" 

"Because Osiris also knows that you are not a slave and were not born a slave. Therefore, you must be trained to become one. If he is dissatisfied with your progress he will throw you in his dungeons and you will lose the honored status he has granted you. You will be forgotten Daniel...you will die slowly in his dungeons. This I do not wish to see happen to you. Try to learn from these trainings...try to tolerate them and try to make an effort to do what is required of you." 

Daniel lowered his gaze feeling angry and frustrated. He was trapped and he would most likely be here for a while. The last thing he wanted to do was cause My'la any suffering because of his defiance. He slowly nodded his head indicating that he would try...try was the key word here. He was not used to being subservient and there were many things that he would not be willing to try. 

My'la smiled as she continued, "Very good...let me first explain to you what voice training is. It deals with respect and demeanor as I have said before. As you may have guessed voice training also focuses on such things as tone, volume and cadence or rhythm. Your tones must be pleasing to your lord's ears as well as others you will encounter. Most of us express our emotions using our voices I fear that in this status you must learn to disguise your emotions behind pleasant speech...Osiris does not wish to hear anger in your voice when you are in a meeting with another system lord...he does not wish to hear submissive tones when you address a system lord as their equal either. As Zeenan has told you the first things you must learn is to carry your self as a god...speak as a god, move as a god, behave as a god. By being trained to behave as a system lord you will quickly earn respect of others without even realizing that you have done so. A god carries him self in a certain way that places him above all others. It is very important that you learn to do so as well. Do you understand, Daniel?" 

"Yes." 

My'la nodded her head before continuing, "You must also learn that while you may have important things to say to use your voice is a privilege granted by your lord. You can be denied the right to speak at any time should Osiris desire you to be silent. If you cannot remain silent when he requests it of you then you will be gagged and made to attend him as such. All who see you will know that you have offended your lord in such a manner that he has decided to make you mute. You will attend Osiris wherever he goes therefore if he condemns you to the gag you will wear it until he permits you the right to speak again." 

"Great..." 

"It is not pleasant to be denied the right to speak. Many have experienced such a punishment while in service to Osiris. When he takes the right to speak away from one of his servant's the condemnation usually lasts anywhere from a week to a month before they are permitted to have their voice back." 

Daniel couldn't believe he was hearing this. Osiris could deny a person the right to speak? He gagged those who failed to listen? Oh wonderful. What the hell was wrong with this picture? He shook his head still a bit surprised by My'la's kindly explanation. He focused on her as she continued, "The basics of voice training begin with learning the proper way to address your lord. I fear this may be of some difficulty for you. You still hesitate to address Osiris as your lord and there are times when one can hear your disgust and your anger in being made to address Osiris as such. I am rather surprised that he has not yet punished you for your hesitancy. I can only assume that is because you have been with us for such a short period of time. He will only tolerate such inflections in your voice for so long before he will tire of it and most likely order you to be silenced until you learn the proper way to address your lord." 

"I see..." 

"Do you? I know how hard it is for one such as yourself to address another as your lord and your master, but you must learn to do so without hesitancy and with respect. If you cannot then I fear your time with us will be rather difficult for you. You must learn to integrate the words 'My Lord' and 'My Master' into your everyday vocabulary. These titles show respect to your lord. You must be able to speak them without hesitation..." 

"Let me guess...if I fail to learn to address him as...’My Lord’ I'll be sentenced to silence and gagged? Great alternative there...I see he's just as pig headed as the rest of the system lords..." 

"Daniel! You must not ever insult your lord in my presence, or in any other's presence. To do so will get you sentenced to the dungeons and permanently muted. You must learn to watch what you say around everyone. Do not be surprised if a servant reports to Osiris when you have failed to do something that is expected of you. You have angered some when you were appointed to the status of favored. Many strive for that position and to have an outsider, a stranger, an enemy be captured and immediately appointed to such an honored status tends to upset many. Due to this you must be extra careful and must pay close attention to all of your trainings. The faster you learn how to carry yourself and how to behave the quicker you will earn the respect of the others and dispel the anger in those who covet your status." 

Well, now he never thought about that. Guess he'd have to pay more attention to the damned trainings then he originally planned to. He knew just how dangerous one could get when they coveted a position and another was appointed in their place. Jealousy could make one many deadly enemies. Well, all right so he'd pay attention and practice some of the things taught to him but he wasn't about to make the trainings easy...especially on Zeenan. 

My'la dropped the topic and focused on informing him of what his first assignment would be. She said, "You must always address Osiris as ‘Lord’. He may require you to call him ‘Master’ at times as well. If he does so then you must learn when you must change his title from Lord to Master...for instance, he may require you address him as master when he trains you or when you are in the bedchamber while outside of that room it is acceptable for you to address him as ‘Lord’. You must watch and learn. He will tell you if he requires you to call him anything but ‘Lord’. Assume also that if he requires you call him ‘Master’ in the bedchamber one night that every night after that or whenever you are in the bedchamber you continue to address him as ‘Master’. You must assume that he is requiring this of you until he tells you otherwise." 

"Right...so I can just call him ‘Lord’? I don't have to...I won't have to address him as ‘Master’?" 

"No, unless he requires it of you." 

Thank heavens. Lord he could handle...he hoped but to call the Goa'uld his master...he shuddered at that thought. He hoped that he would never be required to address the snake as such. By addressing him as ‘Master’ that was almost like admitting that he was merely a slave. When using ‘Lord’ to address him it felt more relaxed...more like he was a follower or worker instead of the system lord's personal servant and slave. He swallowed hard as he questioned, "Do you think he will?" 

"I would suggest to you that you prepare yourself to expect it. He may only require that title when he is training you." 

"When he's training me?" 

"He is in charge of your position training. Do you not remember him telling you of this?" 

"Uh, sort of..." 

My'la nodded before softly chastising, "You must learn to pay better attention to your lord as well, Daniel. If he discovers that you have been inattentive he will also punish you for allowing your mind to stray from your duties." 

"Okay so I need to pay more attention to him...I think I can do that..." 

"There is no thinking about it you must do so. You do not have a choice. You must understand that." 

"All right...all right." 

“You must work on addressing Osiris as ‘My Lord’. The title must follow every sentence but can be permitted at the end of thoughts. When he asks you a question or says your name you must quickly respond with 'My Lord' to show him that you are paying attention and that you are awaiting his next comment." 

"Right...that's going to take some work." 

"I never said this would be easy, Daniel. You must try to do as I have told you today. We will practice often but tonight we will not. Your voice trainings are every evening before you retire and you are required to attend them. We will end this session early this evening but most will be much longer. With voice training you should focus on four things: what you say, how you say it, when you say it and why you say it... I will end this session with that. Tomorrow I expect to see you here at this time. If you miss a training session I have no choice but to report it to our lord who will be quick to punish you for your indiscretion. You may now return to your lord's chamber and prepare for rest." 

He started to leave pausing to turn back to her and utter a quick, "Uh, thank you My'la," before exiting the room. 

My'la smiled as Daniel left her alone. She knew that Daniel was going to have some difficulty with the trainings but he had no other choice in the matter. He was required to report for them daily and if he failed to make an appearance then he would be punished. She only hoped that with time he would learn to accept what was now being demanded from him for if he failed to do so then his life here would be far from easy.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

It was going to be another hellish night. Jack O'Neill flopped onto his left side punching at his pillow in an attempt to make him self more comfortable. He refused to open his eyes as he tried to will himself to sleep. He could do that. He could. He had no choice. He had to get up early to go to work. If he didn't soon get to sleep he'd be dead on his feet. He reached over to the left hand side of the bed feeling his heart plummet when he felt only his covers piled up in a twisted mess. He tried to ignore how that quiet observation made him want to cry. He growled in frustration as he snapped his eyes open. It was no use, no damn use! No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't do it! He just couldn't make himself sleep. He allowed his eyes to stare at the heap of blankets laying on his left occupying an empty space...a space that should already be occupied by another. 

He jerked upright in his bed shoving the pile of covers violently off the bed feeling uncontrolled rage surface. Those damn covers didn't belong there! They didn't! There was only one person who had the right to take that space and that was Daniel! God Daniel... Jack crossed his legs Indian style and dropped his head into his hands. He couldn't handle this. He couldn't. God he couldn't even sleep. He never could sleep easily when he was alone and when Daniel entered his life and became more than just his best friend he vowed never to sleep alone again...yet here he sat trying to grab any little amount of rest he could finding that the absence of Daniel's calm, even breathing, the absence of his warm body snuggled up against him and the absence of his manly scent tantalizing his senses was more than he could handle. He needed Daniel. He was lost without him. The man held his heart in his hands. He loved that man so very much and to face a world alone, a world without Daniel Jackson in it...it was hell, his hell on Earth.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

My'la smiled as Daniel reported to her and stood still while she dressed him in his chastity belt. When that was finished she urged him to lie on the bed and began to rub oil into his skin smiling as his body began to glisten upon the application. When completed she told him to rise and carefully slid the armbands onto each of his arms. 

Daniel submitted to her treatment remaining silent as she prepared him for Osiris but as he stood before her allowing her to carry out her duties he became curious about her, which prompted him to question, "My'la why are you here?" 

She lifted her gaze to him wondering why he chose to ask such an odd question. She answered, "To serve my lord in whatever way that I can." 

"Do you like serving him?" 

"Yes." 

"But...why? Don't you desire to be free?" 

My'la continued to watch Daniel hearing more in his words then she sensed he wanted to reveal to her. She inquired, "Daniel, why would you ask me such a question?" 

"I'm curious." 

She assessed him for several long moments before prompting, "Is that all you are?" 

"Yes." 

"Hmm..." 

As she turned from him shaking her head he knew that she sensed he had an ulterior motive, which angered him slightly but saddened him more than anything. He softly inquired, "You don't believe me..." 

My'la shook her head as she continued, "It is not that I do not believe you Daniel, it is that I sense there is more behind your words then just mere curiosity." 

Daniel sighed and turned from her as he quickly muttered, "All right forget I asked." 

He had been right. She didn't believe him. True he had thought of gaining her trust so she could help him to flee but at the moment all he wanted was to talk with her. He was so lonely on this planet. He didn't know anyone and the only people he had any sort of contact with on a semi-daily basis was her, Zeenan and the priest. Any other time he was with Osiris and he was truly lonely. He had hoped that he could find a friend in the woman before him. He had sensed that he could trust her and that she would speak with him. He also felt more relaxed around her than anybody else and he was certain that part of that comfort was due to the fact that she had those same doe-like eyes his wife had, the same wild mane of beautiful hair and the same beautiful skin tone. He was truly saddened when she refused to even speak to him on a more than professional level. He hung his head and allowed her to continue to prepare him for his lord deciding not to try to speak with her any more for it was obvious to him that she was not interested in simply talking. 

My'la watched the man hang his head as he turned abruptly and started for the door. Something in his posture and mannerisms made her suddenly speak, "He saved me..." 

Daniel's sudden halt did not slip passed My'la. As she watched him she sensed that he was very alone and simply needed someone to talk to. She couldn't deny him such a simple need so she continued, "I was to be a sacrifice to my Lord Osiris. He chose to grant me life. It was truly a miracle that my lord spoke in my defense. On that day I vowed to serve him always." 

"Why? What..." 

"Daniel, I had no one. My parents chose to sacrifice me to their god not because he required it of them but because they felt certain he would appease them and grant them immeasurable wealth. I was a mistake. I was not what they wanted in a child." 

Daniel turned to face her as he softly prompted, "What did they want?" 

"A boy. I was not a boy so I was..." 

"Expendable?" 

"Yes." 

"My'la I'm sorry I..." 

"Do not be for I am much happier here then I had been with my parents. Osiris has treated me very well and has kept me safe. He protects me and granted me a place of honor among our people. He has never tried to harm me." 

"Never?" 

"No." 

"Not even to punish..." 

She lowered her voice as she strove to answer that unfinished question, "Daniel, when he punishes his servants it is to make them better and help them to learn their place." 

"You mean help them to become more obedient and submissive..." 

She nodded before softly reminding, "Such is the duty of a slave, Daniel." 

"No." 

She raised her gaze to his inquiring, "You do not agree? Why is this so hard for you to accept? Why can you not just be happy to serve?" 

"Because I'm not a slave and this isn't my life. I had no choice..." 

"Slaves often do not have a choice in their lives Daniel. They exist to serve and will serve whomever claims them." 

"A slave isn't property, My'la. Slaves are people. How can you stand before me and tell me that a slave has no choices? Slaves are human and humans have choices..." 

She shook her head as she tried again to make Daniel understand, to make him see that he was wrong and that he was no longer a free man, "Daniel, you must accept that you are no longer free. Osiris has placed his mark upon you. You belong to him now. You are marked as his and he may do whatever he chooses to do with you. When he placed his mark upon your body you ceased to be free and became a slave. There is nothing you can do to change that now. Your friends cannot help you. No one here will help you. As long as you are marked you have no freedom. You are now a slave and servant to Osiris. You are no longer free for you are now owned." 

Daniel glared at her as he snapped, "I was captured. I didn't have a choice in that..." 

Keeping her tone soothing and calm she continued, "Yes you are unfortunately the spoils of war..." 

Daniel flinched in response to those words and My'la immediately regretted using them. She quickly changed her wording, "You were captured by our lord. Your choices are very slim. You have the choice to serve as your lord's favored, which is the highest rank a slave can receive. You have the choice to become a prisoner and live out your life in his dungeons or you have the choice to be simply a slave with no rank or privilege. You would be in the lowest rank and would be on loan so that anyone who has need of a slave, for whatever purpose, will be given you to service them. Daniel, the status you now hold is the best status a slave can acquire. You may hate to serve and hate to wear the marks of your servitude for all to see but do not throw such a gift back into your lord's face for you will not like the alternatives... I tell you this not to anger you, Daniel, but to help you." 

Daniel shook his head in frustration as he responded, "I don't understand why, how you can, how you allow him to rule your life and to control you. Don't you have a desire to do things for yourself? Don't you have a need to be yourself? Don't you ever want to go wherever you choose, do whatever you want, speak to whomever you want? Do you...have you ever thought of what life might be like if you were free?" 

My'la lowered her head as she answered him truthfully, "No Daniel, I have not, for I knew from the moment I was but a young child that I would be no more than a slave and servant to our lord Osiris. My parents were slaves and their parents were slaves...slavery has always been in my family Daniel. I was raised to know that I would always serve to the best of my ability. I was raised to accept such a station in life. I knew that this was to be my life and it is my life. I was raised to feel honored and privileged to be granted the responsibility of being a servant to my lord. This is my life Daniel. I know no other life. To me this is the best there is for me." 

"And that's where we're different because I was born free..." 

"Which is why this is all so very hard for you to comprehend. It is why you find it extremely difficult to yield to your lord, to address him as your lord and to serve him in whatever fashion he requests of you. I am not saying that this is a fair choice for you Daniel but it is now the only choice you have. There is no going back, Daniel. There is no returning to where you came from. You are now marked by your lord and the marks are a message to everyone you meet that you now belong to our lord Osiris. There is no escape for you unless our lord finds it in his heart to set you free again and I fear that he will not do so for he has fallen in love with you." 

Daniel flinched as if he were struck before saying, "No he hasn't. He doesn't even know me. Why the hell would you say something like that, My'la?" 

"Because it is true though you do not yet see it. One day he will make his feelings known. Daniel, he will not set you free. You must accept that you are now a slave and servant to your lord Osiris. You must accept your new station in life and you must perform to the best of your abilities. There is no going back for once you have been properly marked for all to see then all who meet you will know that you are a simple slave. No one will care that you were once Daniel Jackson for now you are simply Lord Osiris' favored and Lord Osiris' personal slave." 

Daniel jerked away from her hating that what she was saying was true. He hated the direction his life was now taking. All he wanted, all he yearned for was his freedom back. All he wanted was to be who and what he is not who and what another wishes him to be. He headed for the door refusing to look back at My'la. He paused briefly at the door keeping his back to her as he said, "Thank you for talking to me...and My'la...?" 

"Yes?" 

"You were wrong." 

"I am sorry. What do you mean?" 

He still refused to look at her holding his head lower as he softly answered, "I had no ulterior motive for speaking with you. All I wanted was...was a friend. I'm sorry you can't see into my heart and that you don't know me because if you did...you would have never accused me of having another motive. I'm sorry that you can't see me as simply a friend in need of someone's company. I'll be sure not to bother you with my simple needs ever again." 

He then left and My'la felt the first tears she cried in years escape from her eyes to roll down over her cheeks. She knew by his simple utterance that he would no longer try to speak to her about more than just duties. She knew for certain that she had just lost her one and possibly only chance to offer the man something he desperately needed. She knew that she had disappointed him and misjudged him and as she thought about his final words to her she wondered why she suddenly felt as if she had lost a truly magnificent treasure by pushing Daniel Jackson away.

 

* * * * * *

 

Daniel entered the bathhouse not realizing that Osiris was there. He approached the bath without looking up gasping as he glanced up to see Osiris rising out of the water casting a heated gaze his way. He started to turn when Osiris shook his head no, stepped completely out of the water and pointed to his feet. Daniel swallowed hard and blushed as he looked at Sarah now standing before him naked. He hesitantly approached and held his eyes to the ground inquiring, "Does my lord require any services from his servant this day?" 

Osiris smiled gleefully as he noticed that Daniel kept his head respectfully bowed and his eyes now glued to the floor in a proper show of subservience. Osiris spoke, "Yes that is how I wish you to approach me always, slave." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris gently prompted, "Master." 

"My..." 

"Master..." 

Daniel lifted his head flicking a gaze Osiris' way, seeing the anger and rage there in Sarah's eyes and quickly lowering his gaze to the floor yet again. Osiris softly chastised, "It would seem that you are not paying complete attention to your lessons, slave. Perhaps I should have My'la and Zeenan become much harsher where your training is concerned." 

"No My Lord, that won't be necessary." 

"Then address me properly. When I address you as slave you will call me master or you will be punished. Is that understood my precious slave?" 

Daniel felt anger and rage flood his body and immediately refused by answering, "Yes My Lord…" 

Osiris' anger surged forth when Daniel refused to address him as his master. He knew that there would come a time when Daniel would flat out refuse to do as bid and he wasn't about to allow it to continue. Osiris said evenly, "Has My'la yet covered the penalty for refusing to address me properly? If she has not then I must make certain that she is properly punished." 

"My Lord please..." 

"Has she discussed this very issue with you, slave?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Do you remember what the penalty is for your refusal?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"What did My'la say your punishment would be if you refused to address me properly, slave?" 

"That I could be denied the right to speak, My Lord." 

"Do you have any reason to doubt that I will do this, slave?" 

"No My Lord." 

"When I address you as slave what is my title?" 

Daniel said nothing feeling his rage building and wanting to lash out at Osiris. He hated the Goa'uld lord and refused to address him as his master. 

Osiris watched his servant gauging Daniel's willingness to do what he was requiring. As the man squared his shoulders and lifted his chin some Osiris knew he was refusing to comply. His slave was in need of further coaxing. He allowed the silence to stretch between them before continuing, "For your refusal to address me properly you will remain in silent service to your lord for two days. If you cannot remain silent for the amount of time I require then you will be properly gagged. In fact, I may consider sending you to your voice trainings properly gagged so that My'la can work on emphasizing the importance of complete obedience in all things to your master. If you cannot remain silent My'la will be punished in your steed, for she should have taught you the proper way to address your lord. If you would like to argue with me on this issue feel free to do so but know that if you do My'la will be lashed for a silent slave is to remain mute until his master grants him permission to speak again. Is that understood, slave?" 

Daniel opened his mouth to answer closing it instantly as Osiris' words echoed in his mind. If he spoke before Osiris permitted him to then My'la would be lashed instead of him. He couldn't allow that to happen, so he lowered his gaze and nodded his head in answer to the question feeling an incredible urge to strangle the Goa'uld lord sweep over him. 

Osiris smiled as he informed, "A guard will be assigned to you when you are not in my presence. He will tell me if you speak or utter a sound when you are forbidden to. Is that understood, slave?" 

Daniel nodded trying to keep a tight reign on his anger and his want to lash out both physically and verbally against Osiris. 

Osiris smiled as he ordered, "On your knees, slave! NOW!" 

Daniel immediately lowered to his knees uncertain of what would soon befall him. He remained on his knees staring intently at the floor, focusing on keeping his anger at bay and his head bowed low. He swallowed hard as Osiris reached down to claim his leash wrapping his hand around it before tugging on it slightly and ordering, "I want my slave to thank me by kissing both of my feet. NOW!" 

Daniel didn't move wincing as Osiris yanked on his leash before continuing, "Dare to defy me in this command and I will still punish My'la." 

Daniel mentally cursed before lowering to kiss each of Osiris' feet. He then sat back on his heels feeling humiliated at having to do so. Osiris grinned as he said, "That is how you will thank me when you have no voice with which to speak. Now dry me off and dress me, slave." 

Daniel again cursed but complied drying Osiris off before helping him into his royal attire. Osiris added, "You may now bathe. When you are finished you must report to our chambers so that you may ready yourself for My'la's training." 

Once in their bedchamber Osiris fastened the chastity belt back on Daniel then allowed him to attend to his own needs of combing his hair and readying himself. Once that was done Osiris ordered, "Slave, I want you on your knees before me. NOW!" 

Daniel quickly responded approaching Osiris before lowering to his knees and bowing his head awaiting his next command. Osiris made him stay like that for several long minutes before he said, "Raise your head and open your mouth to receive your gag. If you do not do so now My'la will suffer in your place." 

Daniel focused on Osiris feeling an overwhelming urge to slap that damned grin off of his face but as Osiris lifted his gag before him he quickly closed his eyes and opened his mouth to willingly accept the gag from his master. When the gag was in place and properly secured Osiris ordered him to rise to his feet and to turn his back towards him. He then continued, "I cannot yet trust you to leave your gag properly in place so your hands will now be secured, slave." 

Daniel stepped away gasping as Osiris quickly snatched his arms, pulled them behind his back and secured them together. Osiris smiled gleefully as he added, "Now you may report to My'la, slave." 

Daniel quickly exited the room and entered his "training room". He noticed that she wasn't yet there so he paced as he tried to keep his anger under control and tried to loosen his bindings. 

My'la entered smiling as she said, "Master Daniel, I'm sorry I was late but I...oh..." 

She glanced up then seeing that he was now gagged. She quickly closed the door and latched it then rushed over to Daniel stopping him by placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. He glanced at her and she could see his anger and rage simmering beneath the surface. She shook her head sadly as she said, "Why has our lord done this to you? What did you do to anger him, Daniel? Did you refuse to address him properly or...?" 

Daniel nodded his head. My'la nodded in understanding as she continued, "You refused to call him ‘Master’ didn't you? He demanded you do so and you refused him. Daniel, we talked about this. I told you what would happen if you refused him." 

Daniel glared at her and she continued, "He secured your arms behind your back so that you could not go against his orders and free yourself. He will keep you as such until he decides that you have learned your lesson. I cannot remove the gag or the bindings, Daniel, for to do so would mean that I would be punished. You must try to deal with this punishment and do as he commands." 

Daniel shook his head no. My'la continued, "Daniel being stubborn with this issue will get you no where but permanently muted. Do you wish for him to steal your voice completely? He can do that Daniel and he can do so without the use of gags. He will simply order your voice box removed or your vocal cords cut. He will find a permanent way to steal your voice. Daniel, this is a very serious offense. One in which our lord Osiris does not take lightly. Do not challenge him in this respect for it is you who will suffer. If you were to be permanently muted then he would place you in the lowest rank. You would lose your manhood first and become a talented eunuch who would exist to orally please and to satisfy those who desire a silent partner for pleasure. When you do not serve in the bedroom you will be made to grovel and crawl on all fours cleaning the floors and serving as a slave for hire. Anyone who has need of a slave will be given you to serve them and your duty would be to do as they say or be punished further. Daniel this is very serious. You must do as he says. Stubbornness will bring you nothing but heartache and suffering. He is merely asking for you to address him as master..." 

Daniel lifted his head as if prepared to make a comment only to find that the gag successfully prevented speech. My'la read his thoughts easily enough and quickly responded, "I know that you are no slave, Daniel. You have told us this on several occasions and I know how much it bothers you to have to address another as your master but this you must do. It is an act of defiance and disrespect to address your lord improperly. If you continue to refuse our lord he will tire of you and disgrace you before all others." 

Again she saw the anger in him and the frustration. He turned from her as he started to pace back and forth yet again trying to maintain a firm grip on his temper. He wanted to lash out and scream. He wanted to kick and shout. He wanted the infernal gag removed from his mouth and he wanted his freedom back. 

My'la again shook her head as she continued, "Tonight we will work on issues concerning your silent service..." 

Daniel jerked his head up and glared coldly at her. My'la responded, "I did not wish to work on these issues, Daniel. Our lord has given me specific orders that we shall take this time to work on issues concerning silent service to our lord. If you cannot listen to what I have to say and if you cannot apply what we discuss to your everyday interactions with our lord then Osiris will take over this particular part of your training and he will not be easy on you. I must do as he commands Daniel, and he gave me specific orders to focus on discussing the issues that deal with silent service." 

Daniel turned abruptly around and started pacing the opposite direction pausing long enough to nod at her before continuing to pace. She questioned again if he was listening and he again nodded his head while continuing his endless, agitated pacing the length of the small room. 

My'la began sensing that she would not get him to sit down even if she asked him to do so. She sighed before trying her best to explain things to the stubborn, furious man now before her. She wasn't sure where to start so she simply began, "It is sometimes desirable for a slave to be seen and not heard. This is why we must discuss this issue together." 

Daniel stopped to glance up at her tossing her a confused gaze in response. She nodded then continued, "Yes I know that discussion requires the two of us to be able to talk freely but there is nothing I or you can do about that at the moment. You will not be permitted to speak until Osiris deems you fit to do so. You must be patient and try to listen to what I must tell you of. Okay Daniel...?" 

He nodded as he again started to pace. She watched him for a few moments longer before informing him of what else he must learn, "A slave must learn how to speak only when spoken to. The only time this requirement is lifted is when you have a question for your lord or you have a need to alert our lord about something. You must learn to remain silent and not speak unless spoken to. Your lord is the only one permitted to initiate conversation. You do not. You must remember that you are to be seen and not heard..." 

She noticed that Daniel was becoming even more irritated as she continued but knew that though he didn't like what she had to say he had no choice but to listen to what she was telling him so she continued, "Silence extends beyond voice. You must learn to work in silence, to bath in silence, to walk in silence and even serve in silence. You are a slave Daniel and as such you are expected to do as your lord wishes. He is your master. You do everything to please him. You exist to serve him always. Though he may view you as an equal and even speak to you as an equal you must always remember that you are merely a slave to him and that he has the right to do whatever he chooses to you or with you. You have been properly marked by our lord Osiris ...when he placed his mark upon you then you became his property. You live to serve and to obey. If you cannot do these things then you will be punished severely for your inability to learn what is expected of you. You must learn to use your speech to humble yourself and to exalt your master. There are times in which he will require that you address yourself in the third person. You must do so without argument. You must remember your place in this legion. Though you have been granted a position of power and importance the fact remains that you are still merely a servant. You are still a slave to your lord." 

Daniel continued to pace wanting nothing more than to turn and leave this room before he lashed out and frightened My'la. He managed, however, to dampen down his anger and focus on his "lessons" doing as she asked even though he hated it. 

When My'la finished with his lessons Daniel nodded then exited the room returning to his bedchamber. Osiris was sitting in the bed reading something. He glanced up and said, "Oh hello slave. I see that My'la has completed with your training this evening. Come. Come here now." 

Daniel obeyed wanting to kill the bastard for daring to treat him like he was nothing. Osiris said, "Sit...sit down before me. Come turn your back to me again." 

Daniel obeyed wincing as Osiris freed his hands. He immediately pulled them forward rubbing over the tender, raw skin of his wrists and noticing that the restraints left deep impressions in his flesh which told him of just how tight the restraints had been secured. 

Osiris watched his servant as the man's first action upon being freed was to rub at his wrists. He then softly ordered Daniel to hold still as he removed the gag from the man's mouth. Daniel closed his eyes in relief still keeping his back towards the phoenix lord. He then stood up and exited the room. Osiris watched him go and decided to follow. He paused as he saw Daniel retrieve some water and drink some before he began to cough. The man then pressed his forehead against the wall inhaling shakily as he did so. 

Osiris slipped out of view to observe his servant wondering why the man refused to remain in their bedchamber. After a few moments Daniel turned from the wall and started to pace back and forth wrapping his arms tightly about himself as he stared at the floor. Osiris wondered what exactly was running through his slave's mind and continued to silently observe him. 

He lost track of just how long Daniel remained pacing endlessly and jerked up as Zeenan entered the room. He watched from the shadows as Zeenan questioned, "Daniel, why are you here? You should be with your lord resting." 

Daniel said nothing only continued to pace. Zeenan tried again, "Daniel, speak to me. Tell me what has you so upset." 

Daniel stopped in his pacing to glance up at Zeenan and merely shook his head. Zeenan persisted asking him again what was wrong. Daniel still remained silent pointing to his mouth and shaking his head no. Zeenan became even more confused. He asked, "What is it, Daniel? Why will you not speak to me?" 

Again Daniel gestured to his mouth and shook his head no growing even more frustrated when Zeenan didn't understand what he was trying to communicate to him. He chose to point to himself, shake his head no and point to his mouth again. Comprehension started to dawn in Zeenan's eyes as he softly questioned, "You cannot speak. Is this what you are trying to tell me?" 

Daniel nodded and Zeenan continued, "Why? Have you angered our lord, Daniel?" A simple shake of the head was the only response Zeenan received and he sighed in frustration before continuing, "He is punishing you by denying you the right to speak. Daniel, we discussed this possibility. My'la has spent several sessions explaining this very thing to you. Why have you chosen to anger our lord?" 

Daniel did nothing. The only answer Zeenan could draw from the man was his eyes going another shade colder. He unconsciously shivered knowing that he upset Daniel with his last comment so he relaxed and said, "I am sorry, young one. I do not wish to upset you further but you know what can happen if you refuse your lord..." 

Daniel turned abruptly from him jerking away as Zeenan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He turned to stare at Zeenan in surprise and uncertainty. Zeenan lowered his voice as he informed, "I will not hurt you, young one. Why do you yet fear me? You know that I will not harm you yet you are still afraid of me." 

A violent shake of the head was Daniel's response to that comment. Zeenan sighed again as he continued, "I have no desire to harm you, young one. I only desire to be your friend and to help you. Why will you not allow me to do so? Do you trust so little that you are afraid to allow another to get close to you?" 

Daniel glanced up at Zeenan eyeing him up with questions burning in the depths of his eyes. Zeenan shook his head again as he responded, "We must discuss this issue further but I will wait until you are granted permission to speak again. It is unfair of me to demand answers to questions when you have not the voice to answer me. Our lord would be proud to know that you still serve his sentence even when you are not in his presence. I believe that he has greatly misjudged you and your character overall. He does not yet trust you yet I sense you are one of the few people he can trust. There are very few servants who would remain obedient when they are not under a master's watchful eye." 

Daniel jerked his head up upon hearing the mention of “Master” and grew so angry that he wasn't sure of what to do. He made a very forceful jab towards the doorway. Zeenan interpreted, "You wish me to go? I have angered you in some way. Could it be because I referred to your lord as your master? Why can you not accept your place as a slave, Daniel Jackson?" 

He shook his head violently no then again jabbed his pointer finger towards the door. Zeenan nodded before replying, "I know that you are not a slave, Daniel. You have told us this before. We know that you have little knowledge of what being a slave entails and this is why you must see us for trainings daily. You are a very proud individual...one who does not like to be controlled by another. You are very independent and spirited yet now you are forced to bury those traits deep within. I wonder if Osiris realizes what he is doing to you by forcing you to comply and obey always. Does he realize that he is slowly destroying you? Does he care that he is slowly destroying his precious servant by forcing your compliance and obedience in everything you say and do?" 

Daniel lowered his gaze towards the floor shrugging his shoulders in answer to Zeenan's question. The gesture didn't slip passed Zeenan it only made him more certain that he was correct in his line of thought. He sensed that he would get no further with Daniel this night so he excused himself pausing to focus on Daniel and remind, "I am always here if you need to talk with someone. It is not healthy to keep your emotions and feelings locked deep inside of you, young one. If you cannot speak with or confide in another those things that have upset you or have hurt you in some way then you will slowly die inside. You cannot keep everything trapped within or those things will merely build up until they explode and tear you apart bit by painful bit. I do not say this to make you afraid, young one, I say this to help you. You must not keep everything locked deep within for it will only fester and build. I am always willing to listen to you and should you ask for my help or my ear I offer it freely to you. Good night, Daniel Jackson." 

Daniel cast an uncertain gaze Zeenan's way refusing to give the First Prime any indication that he was listening for several long minutes then he reached out placing a light hand on Zeenan's arm and nodded before turning away to resume the pacing he had started before being interrupted. 

Zeenan smiled warmly at Daniel before once again wishing him a good night and exiting the room to leave the man to his silent contemplations and musings regarding the havoc that was presently going on in his life. 

Osiris continued to secretly observe his servant noticing that what Zeenan had said was true. He could trust his servant more than he was giving the man credit for. He turned to head back to their bedchamber. Once in bed he reclined and closed his eyes quietly waiting for Daniel's return. 

It was several long minutes before he heard the approach of the other and the quietness with which his servant approached the bed. He decided to give Daniel some privacy listening to the sound of the man's robes rustling around as he undressed and prepared to retire. It was several more minutes before he felt the man sink down onto the mattress and quickly slide beneath the sheets keeping his back towards him and snuggling deeper into the covers now draped over him. 

Osiris decided not to alert Daniel to the fact that he was awake. He slid against the man and wrapped his arms around Daniel hearing the man suddenly gasp and whisper, "Don't touch me..." before he fell silent and curled into a protective ball. Osiris allowed Daniel to slip into a fetal position still maintaining a gentle hold on the man and holding him against him light enough to help ease him and tight enough that Daniel would not be quick to break free of the hold for fear that he would disturb his lord. 

He held Daniel against himself listening to his slave's shaky breathing and silently urging the man to relax and go to sleep but it would seem Daniel was having some difficulty complying with the silent order so Osiris settled for simply holding him and feeling that desirable body pressed up against his own stimulating him in ways that Daniel did not even yet realize. 

Sarah's voice echoed to him as she whispered a warning, 'Be careful My Lord.' 

'Why must I be careful?' 

'Because if you are not you may push him too far. You should not have used My'la to threaten him.' 

'Why not? It worked, did it not?' 

'Oh yes it worked. I knew that it would and so did you. You used my memories of the kind of person Daniel is against him. You knew that he would obey completely if you were to threaten another who was not involved. You are not treating him fairly. You should not have ordered him to remain silent.' 

'It is merely a punishment. It will be lifted in two days.' 

'Will it? Do you not realize what forbidding him to speak is doing to him? He is a linguist. He is used to solving most problems with his voice, with language, and you have just crudely cut off his biggest way to express himself to others.' 

'Then he will learn much faster to do as his master commands of him.' 

'He may call you master but it will not be out of respect, My Lord. He will address you as his master to spare others from suffering your wrath and your anger. He is more respectful to you when he addresses you as his lord. He will not address you as master of his own free will. It is unfair that you request such a demand from him.' 

'He will not have to address me as master always. Only when I refer to him as slave...I want him to learn what he is, Sarah...' 

'He already knows what he is in your eyes, My Lord. He doesn't need you to remind him of what his true status is here. The collar, leash and chastity belt effectively remind him on a daily basis that he is no longer free, that he is a slave and servant to you. You do not need to demand that he address you as master, My Lord, for he already knows what he is to you and Zeenan is right. You don't trust him. Even I have told you how honest Daniel is and how much you can trust him yet you refuse to believe me on such an issue. When will you place trust in the man you claim to care for more than you should, My Lord?' 

Silence answered her question and she knew that Osiris would say no more so she sighed in frustration before closing her eyes and going to sleep.

 

* * * *

 

Daniel entered the room where his voice trainings were to continue. He was thankful that he was free of the gag but still wondered just how the hell My'la was going to conduct the trainings when Osiris still forbid him to speak. He glanced up as she entered followed by a guard and Osiris. He glanced at her with questions burning in his eyes and as My'la reacted by down casting her gaze Daniel sensed this session was going to be very bad. He waited for My'la to begin. 

My'la looked up at Daniel then said, "Our lord has requested to observe the training session tonight."

Daniel pointed to the guard then shrugged his shoulders to indicate his question. My'la continued, "The guard is here to...correct you should you fail to do as I request." 

Daniel looked at the guard for the longest time then turned back to My'la. She said, "It is our lord's wish. He feels that you must learn to address him as master when prompted and that stealing your voice will not make a difference. He wants to try this method of training." 

Daniel continued to watch her, waiting for her to continue. She swallowed hard hating doing this to him and knowing how hard the next hour would be on the man before her. She pressed a tender hand to the side of his face saying, "Know that I do not do this of my own free will. There will be much pain if you cannot perform to your lord's standards. You are permitted to speak as long as we remain in this room but once this training is over you will again be condemned to silence." 

Daniel tried to ignore Osiris' intense gaze and the twisted leer on the guard's face as he held the controller to his collar in his hand. My'la continued, "Are you ready to begin?" 

Daniel nodded. My'la said, "Tonight what we will discuss is the proper usage of master. During this training you will be required to use master before and after every sentence you say. For example, when I ask you if you are ready to begin your answer should be Master, yes, Master. Do you understand?" 

Daniel nodded not liking her request but sensing that if he didn't at least try to comply with her requests that Osiris might turn his rage on her as he has threatened and punish her for his failure to obey. He decided that he would try to do as she said to save her from being harmed in his stead. He glanced up at My'la as she said, "You may speak now. Answer the question." 

"Yes." 

"The way I told you to answer it, Daniel. While in this training view me as your master and address me as such. Begin." 

Daniel swallowed hard finding it easier to address her as she requested. Now to address Osiris as such was an entirely different request and he already knew he would still refuse to do so but for My'la he would try to do as she requested of him throughout the training session so he responded, "Master, yes, Master." Feeling a bit silly addressing a woman as such. He shook his head as he said, "My'la this...you're a woman wouldn't Mistress..." 

My'la smiled softly at him as she answered, "Yes it would be more appropriate but you do not have a mistress, Daniel. You have a master therefore you will address me as master during these sessions." 

"Oh...okay..." 

Daniel winced as he felt a sudden shock to his throat. My'la frowned before informing, "Our lord has determined that tonight's training has begun. The guard will keep the setting of the collar low but with each mistake he will increase the voltage. You must address me as I told you." 

"Okay." 

Daniel again gasped as he felt slightly more pain. He realized that he didn't really have much of a choice. He'd have to do as she asked or soon he'd be writhing in pain on the floor from his damned collar. He mentally cursed his misfortune as he told himself that this was only training then softly repeated, "Master, okay, Master." 

My'la nodded not liking the direction this training was taking. She hated the use of pain to acquire one's cooperation and knew, sensed, that Daniel would not tolerate the pain for very long before he made it clear that he wouldn't cooperate as long as pain was used as an incentive. She knew that she had to continue the training or be disciplined for her non-compliance so she continued, "I will ask you a series of questions and you will answer them addressing me appropriately. Is that understood?" 

"Master, yes, Master." 

“When you address your lord as Master you must do so with humility. You must humble yourself. Your body language must announce that you are yielding to your master and that you are a loyal servant. This requires that you keep your head bowed towards the ground and your eyes focused on the floor. You show that you are submissive by performing these gestures. Do so now." 

"Yes Master...ah..." 

Daniel reached for his neck as more pain surged through the collar. He gently rubbed over the mark of his servitude wondering what the hell that zap was for. My'la quickly pointed out where his failure was and he quietly cursed. 

The training continued in this same fashion. My'la would ask Daniel questions and if he failed to answer as was expected then he was treated to pain from his collar. The more mistakes he made the more debilitating the effects of the collar became and he knew that soon he would be writhing on that floor in anguish screaming as the insane guard now in control of his collar drew some sick, demented thrill out of triggering the device and delivering him a surge of pain that would bring him crashing to his knees in humility. He glared at that sadistic guard feeling an incredible urge coming over him to lash out at him and knock him flat for being such a bastard. 

As he focused on My'la again hearing her next question he answered again neglecting to use the proper title of Master before his answer. As he realized his failure he became aware that he was screaming in pain and collapsing where he stood. As he tried to fight against the agony he reached for his throat desperately running his hand across the collar trying to somehow soothe the source of his present suffering. He felt his breath coming in short gasps as he struggled to regain a normal semblance of breathing certain that if the collar was triggered again he would not be able to recover as rapidly. Through the haze of pain he now found his brain submerged in he heard My'la ordering him to rise. He tried to focus on her catching a glimpse of her concerned face through his rapidly clouding vision. Again she ordered him to rise and with the little effort he managed to grab he pushed himself upright...or rather tried to push himself upright finding that he made it no further than a foot from the floor before he found himself again crashing his shoulder into the hard floor beneath him. He swallowed hard trying to speak as he answered, "Can't...I can't..." 

He no sooner got the words passed his lips when his collar came to life sending another powerful charge of intense agony through him. He found that all he could do was toss his head back and scream at the top of his lungs. He could feel the sweat on his face beginning to run down over his temple and tried unsuccessfully to rub it off. As quickly as the pain found him it again subsided leaving him breathless. My'la's voice filled his head as she prompted him again, "Daniel, you must rise. You must. The training is not yet finished." 

He cursed before responding, "It's finished. I can't...ah! SHIT!" 

His words turned into another scream of intense suffering as pain once again surged forth filling his body and stealing his remaining breath. He managed to turn onto his stomach burying his face in his now folded arms not wanting Osiris to see his pain and suffering that was surely written across his face as plain as day. As the pain started to decline he again attempted to speak this time turning his words into a gentle plea, "Tell them to stop! DAMN IT, TELL THEM!" 

As she saw the man before her tensing in preparation for another painful assault on his body she turned to look at her lord planning to plead for Daniel to be granted a break. She was shocked when she saw Osiris reach over to the guard, place his hand over top of the controller and shake his head no. The guard nodded then lowered the trigger and watched as his lord approached his servant. 

Osiris lowered beside Daniel and pressed a tender hand against the side of the man's face feeling the fine sheen of sweat now covering his precious slave. He calmed his voice as he spoke, "Hush, Daniel, hush. I do not wish to see you in such pain..." 

Daniel rubbed over his collar before turning to glare at the Goa'uld lord managing, "Oh I don't know. I sensed you liked seeing me in pain and at your mercy." 

Osiris jerked his gaze towards the guard and rapidly shook his head no knowing that the guard was prepared to carry out his other orders if given the say so. The guard eased his hand off of the button and continued to watch his lord. Osiris nodded then turned to focus on Daniel once again continuing, "I only wish for you to learn to properly address me as your master...until you are able to do so you will be denied the right to speak. Is that what you wish?" 

"Shit, I knew you lied...two days? Bullshit, fuckin' bullshit!" 

"Daniel, most of my servants who are condemned to silent service wear a bit or a gag in their mouths while they are serving their sentence. It is how I ensure no other will defy me in a similar manner. Do not make me have to do the same with you for if I must then the only time you will be free to open your mouth will be when you must eat... Now let me hear you answer your master properly." 

Daniel refused and tensed waiting for the collar to be triggered again. Osiris shook his head disappointed in his servant as he said, "Very well your condemnation to silent service will now be four days. I do not want to hear you at all. You move silently, you do as I ask quietly. I do not want to hear you at all. I want to see you and not hear you. Even at night you will not address me and you will move about making no sound at all. If you cannot do that then you will be properly gagged and I will use the bit on you to show you how important this request is to me." 

Daniel opened his mouth to speak and Osiris instantly pressed his hand over Daniel's mouth saying, "No sounds at all beginning now. You will rise silently and return to our chambers. Is that understood?" 

Daniel nodded his head yes then Osiris added, "We will continue this training tomorrow evening. Now you will go directly to bed and you will not defy that order, slave." 

Daniel carefully rose to his feet then exited the room refusing to look at anyone in the room and feeling his rage and anger only building at the Goa'uld lord who strove to own and control him body and soul.

 

* * * *

 

Sarah became saddened the instant that Osiris extended Daniel's condemnation to silence. Osiris sensing her sadness inquired, "Sarah, what is it?" 

'This will not help him, My Lord.' 

"You are speaking of Daniel?" 

'Yes. You cannot continue to condemn him to silence. You will only succeed in destroying him.' 

"Sarah we have been over this before. He must learn his place." 

'And I have told you before that he already knows his place.' 

"If he cannot address me properly then he does not know his place." 

'My Lord, when has he not yielded to you or your ruling? You say you do not want to destroy him or his spirit yet when he dares to oppose only once you cannot let it go unpunished. How can he maintain his spirit if you insist on his absolute obedience and servitude? Daniel is no slave. By treating him as you are you're only helping to destroy him. Please, My Lord, do not continue to insist that he must call you master. In time he will do so but as long as you force his compliance by condemning him, causing him pain or ordering him to do so he will oppose you in this ruling.' 

"No. He will learn..." 

'He will refuse to do so. If he calls you master now after you have condemned him and hurt him then he will feel as if he gave in and to accept that he allowed you to change him will only cause irreparable damage. He will never call you master if you demand it of him. If you were to simply ask him at another time he would probably comply but now...now he sees what you are doing as a test. If he addresses you as master of his own free will he will know that he has surrendered to you and you will lose him completely. You cannot continue to force this issue, My Lord, or you will destroy him.' 

Osiris shook his head refusing to speak further on the issue with Sarah. He instead turned to watch Daniel as the man lay on his side with his back again turned towards his lord. He was certain that Daniel was indeed awake but the man barely moved even an inch. He lay completely still holding himself rigid and somewhat compact. Osiris shook his head uncertain of just what to do about the stubborn man beside him and choosing to lay down himself and try to get some rest. 

 

* * * *

 

The trainings continued in the same fashion but by the fourth day Osiris became extremely disturbed by his servant's behavior. Within a matter of days Daniel went from attempting to address My'la as he should his lord to not saying anything. She would prompt him and instead of answering her questions he would simply lower his head to the ground and wrap his arms around himself. The only time he verbalized was when his collar was triggered. He no longer rose when told to even when ordered to rise. He refused to comply only screaming and curling inward on him self as the guard again triggered his collar. 

Tonight was no different. Daniel stood before My'la not even looking at her. As she asked him a question Daniel said nothing only groaned as his collar was triggered. Osiris continued to observe the session watching as My'la prompted Daniel yet again. Again her prompt was met with silence and Daniel crumpled to the floor screaming as his collar was again triggered. He automatically curled inward into a fetal position refusing to move or respond as My'la spoke his name. Osiris shook his head and nodded for her to continue prompting Daniel. 

My'la looked at her lord feeling the tears piercing her eyes as he nodded his head...a silent command that she was to continue Daniel's training. She allowed a tear to escape as she focused on the man now on the floor before her. For three days she watched him dying slowly under the harsh commands of their lord. When he no longer responded to her on the second day half way through the session she was certain that he was just being defiant but when he ceased responding even non-verbally to any prompts she knew that he had enough and decided just to shut completely down. He wouldn't even respond outside of the trainings. He no longer spoke and he no longer looked at anyone. 

My'la knew she was supposed to continue the session but couldn't bring herself to ask another question. She instead kneeled beside Daniel and gently touched his arm speaking his name again. She received no acknowledgement in response. She received no verbal, no non-verbal...nothing. She felt his body tensing as the guard again triggered the collar and as she felt the powerful agonizing current thrumming throughout his entire body setting every one of his nerves on end she couldn't stand it any longer. She yelled, "STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!" 

When Daniel's scream of pain fell silent she heard the guard address her lord and spoke up again demanding, "STOP THIS! My Lord can you not see what this is doing to your favored? You must stop these trainings." 

"He must learn his place." 

"He will no longer respond to me! He will not respond to anyone! How can I train him if he will do nothing?" 

The guard held up the controller and said, "That is why we have this." 

"Oh yes a lot of good that has done him. You cause him immense pain but does he obey your orders even after? No. My Lord, he is withdrawing into himself. He will not even speak non-verbally to me. He will not even look at me. Zeenan has even tried to speak with him but he still does nothing. My Lord, you...if you continue to persist with this training you will kill him." 

"He must learn..." 

"HE ALREADY KNOWS! HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS! Why must you continue to harm him when you accomplish nothing? My Lord he knows that he is a servant. He knows that he is a slave. He was doing well with these trainings until you insisted that he address you as master..." 

"He must learn to properly address his lord." 

"Do you know how difficult it was to get him to even address you as his lord? Do you have any idea just how long it has taken me to train him? We were making progress and now...and now he will not even speak. You have taken the training he has tried so hard to do and have placed him back at stage one. My Lord he is not a slave. He has never been a slave. He is not used to yielding to anyone's rule. He knows what freedom is and he has spent his entire life being free. You made him your slave and your servant and you have demanded he yield to you and he has. He has and it is so hard for him to do yet instead of complimenting him you have demanded more of his compliance and more of his obedience. He has been trying so much to do as I have been teaching him and what Zeenan has been teaching him. He does not agree with anything we have taught him but he has made the effort to learn what is expected of him and to perform to your standards. He has done so much. He has obeyed everything that you have commanded of him except to address you as master and instead of noticing, instead of realizing that this is the first thing he has refused to comply with you have ordered him silenced, condemned and tortured. Now...now he has completely withdrawn. Now, now he does nothing but remain silent and still. Is this what you wish from your servant? If you continue to push this issue he will remain as he now is, My Lord. Is this truly what you want from your favored?" 

Osiris considered her words then turned abruptly from her focusing on the guard and ordering, "Leave us and send Zeenan." 

"Yes My Lord." 

After the guard was gone Osiris approached and knelt beside Daniel saying, "It is a simple thing that I ask of you my precious one. Why will you not comply? Why have you shut yourself off from everyone? I did not wish to push you to this extreme, Daniel. I only desire you to address me as master when it is appropriate." 

Daniel didn't move, make a sound or even respond so Osiris reached over and started to gently stroke the man's hair as he continued, "You must learn to address me appropriately, Daniel. You are my favored, therefore, you do not have a choice in the matter..." 

My'la spoke with barely contained rage, "My Lord this is not helping him. You are only telling him to withdrawal further into himself. Have you heard nothing of what I have said?" 

"I am..." 

"Why is it so important that he address you as his master? Why can you not be satisfied with him addressing you as his lord? Why must you demand he give something that he is not yet willing to give?" 

"My'la..." 

She heard the warning in her lord's voice and fell silent but only for a few moments before she added, "Why do you hurt him so very much, My Lord?" 

"I do not hurt him." 

"Yes you do. You are hurting him now." 

Osiris glanced up suddenly as Zeenan entered the room. The moment his First Prime saw Daniel on the floor he was by the young man's side speaking softly to him, "Daniel? Daniel it is Zeenan. Daniel, come with me please. Come. We must get you off of this cold floor. This floor is not healthy for you, young one. Please come." 

Daniel still didn't react and Zeenan became fearful. He knew that his lord had ordered Daniel to remain silent and knew that to do so could potentially be dangerous to the young man. He now sensed that Daniel was no longer with them and felt an unfamiliar ache in the vicinity of his heart. He gasped as he suddenly realized that this simple slave, this simple Tau'ri had somehow and in some way wiggled his way into his heart when he wasn't paying attention. He shook his head at the revelation before pushing those thoughts aside, focusing on My'la and softly inquiring, "How long has he been behaving as such?" 

"Sev...several days...I... He...is he going to be all right, Zeenan?" 

Zeenan calmed his voice further as he answered, "He will be fine. He just needs a little bit of help to find his way back to us. My'la will you please go run a warm bath for him and gather some of your scented herbs. Those you are certain will calm him. I will take him to the bathhouse and tend to him there." 

Osiris demanded, "WHY?" 

"Because he is cold, My Lord. Because he is shivering and because he is in need of some solace, some comfort and some understanding. Can you not feel how he shakes? Can you not see how he has compacted himself? How he has placed a defensive shield up around himself?" 

"Why would he shake? Why would he feel the need to defend himself?" 

"My Lord he needs something that you cannot presently offer to him. Please allow me to..." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"Please allow me to care for him now. I will bring him to you when we are done. Please, My Lord." 

"Zeenan..." 

"My Lord, please..." 

Osiris sighed before granting, "You may go but first...I must do something for him that may help to bring him to life again." 

"My Lord?" 

Osiris spoke softly to Daniel, "Daniel, you may speak freely again if that is what you wish. If that is what you need then that is what I shall grant to you this day. I am lifting the condemnation that I have placed upon you, my precious. Now go with Zeenan and allow him to help you." 

Zeenan focused on Osiris a bit surprised by the sudden show of affection the Goa'uld lord showed to his favored and even more surprised that Osiris lifted a condemnation that he had only yesterday extended for more time. As Osiris nodded Zeenan carefully gathered Daniel into his arms, pulling the man against him before turning to exit the room and take him to the bathhouse certain that what Daniel Jackson needed was some gentle care and understanding, certain that what the man needed more than anything was Jack O'Neill and that there was no way he could bring the one who held this young man's heart in his hands to him...but he could be a friend to the man. He could be a friend and he could offer Daniel something that he desperately needed...friendship, concern, caring, understanding...someone he could depend on...someone who could help him to feel safe in an otherwise dangerously threatening world. 

As he entered the bathhouse carrying Daniel he continued to glance at the man silently urging him to react in some way to any stimuli but the man remained still in his arms. He remained quiet, unmoving and limp though Zeenan knew that he was awake. He shook his head sadly knowing that this is what his lord's desire to control his favored completely would do to him. He knew it but had hoped that things would never go this far. Yet as he gazed at the young man in his arms he was reminded that this is what complete control would do to Daniel Jackson. If Osiris didn't stop trying to maintain his hold on his favored so strongly he would push the man too far away to be brought back. He'd push the man so deep inside himself that the only thing remaining would be a soulless, emotionless, heartless, methodical drone in the place of the vibrant, spirited, brilliant man he now held so closely against him. He vowed not to allow that to happen. He would protect Daniel Jackson and prevent him from completely losing himself in this life of captivity he now existed in. He would fight with all he had to keep him safe and to keep him protected. 

He carefully carried Daniel to the bath and laid him gently down on the floor before removing his own clothing. Daniel's only reaction, only response was to instantly cave inward on him self curling into a tight ball and stilling once more. Again Zeenan felt an ache in his heart and stab of sympathy spearing him so deeply. He had to help this man to come back to them again. He had to or Daniel Jackson would lose himself in this place and he had so many more years that he would have to survive through before he had any chance of regaining his freedom. The man would remain with Osiris until his death. If Osiris grew displeased with his favored then Daniel Jackson would be cast aside, kept in chains serving as a lower ranked slave than his present status allotted. If, however, Osiris remained pleased with his favored then Daniel Jackson would live the rest of his days anchored to his lord's side, attending him every where and serving him to the best of his ability. Either sentence was a life of imprisonment for one brilliant young man but that was the only choices he now had. He felt his anger rise as he thought of the life this young man would now lead. It was unfair but that was simply the way of things. 

Zeenan carefully eased the still unresponsive man into his arms and carried him into the bath. Once in the bath he eased back onto his haunches carefully tugging Daniel against him. As he propped his back against the wall he widened his legs and guided Daniel between them assuring him that all he wanted to do was help him bathe and that nothing else would occur. When he was situated and gently gripped Daniel's upper arms urging him to slide back against him he became very disturbed knowing that the position they were both in probably scared the hell out of Daniel yet the man didn't even jump or tense when his back pressed against his chest. They were both naked and in very close proximity to one another those things alone should have upset Daniel but he failed to react at all. He again shook his head before grabbing the soap and a washcloth up speaking calmly, "I will help you to bathe yourself. I will move slowly so as not to upset or frighten you..." 

No answer proceeded the comments as Zeenan had hoped, instead dead silence still filled the room becoming almost unbearable in its intensity. He decided to continue to speak to the man now resting against him telling him what he was doing while silently urging him to respond in some way. Silence grew between them as Zeenan continued to carefully bathe Daniel growing more fearful the longer the man went without so much as a twitch of movement. He quickly found that the silence needed to be filled so without thought he softly spoke, "Daniel, I realize that the last several days have been extremely harsh. Our lord has become obsessed with his demands. He requests you call him master but cannot understand why you continue to refuse him or why you have withdrawn into yourself. I am sorry that he has such an intense need to do this to you, young one. I know that you rely on your speech for everything and I know that he has stolen something from you that you cannot survive without. I also know that by doing so he has pushed you into a very dark place..." 

Silence answered his comment, silence and stillness and he inhaled a shaky breath fearing that he might not succeed in bringing Daniel back from the prison his mind has placed him in. He decided to continue to speak hoping that he could draw some indication however futile from the man that would indicate that Daniel was still in there, "I understand your need to remain silent and if that is what you wish to do then I can accept that. I understand that this is the only way you are able to maintain your control. This is the only way you are able to defy your lord and his demands. I know that this is why you still remain silent. If one cannot speak then one cannot call another his master or his lord. This you have done to yourself. You have silenced your voice so that you do not have to speak the words our lord longs to hear from your very lips. I understand more than you realize young one. I know that you have a need to remain silent. I just want you to also know that if you need someone to speak to or to listen to you then I am here for you. I will always be here for you, young one. This I promise you...as long as you need me I will be here for you." 

Daniel tried to speak and tried to respond to Zeenan. He was scared. He was really, truly frightened. He had stopped talking originally to be defiant and oppositional. He would NOT call Osiris his master. He could handle calling the snake his lord but never his master. He had grown fearful when he drew so near to caving and giving the Goa'uld lord exactly what he demanded. He wasn't a fool either for he knew that if he surrendered those words to his lord that he longed to hear then Osiris would win and he would lose and if he lost...he wasn't certain if he'd ever be able to find his way back so he settled for silencing his voice, stealing from Osiris that which he so desperately wished and longed for. He would deny the Goa'uld lord the only way he knew how and that was by failing to respond to him at all. He quickly slipped into the silence refusing to even look at the Goa'uld lord let alone speak to him. He would not surrender another part of himself to this snake and especially not that! 

His decision was made three, or was it four, days ago and now he found that silence was all that remained within. He wanted to speak to Zeenan but hesitated fearing that if he did, if he spoke those words the Jaffa longed to hear then Osiris would again demand he surrender all to him and address him as his master and owner. He would not do that! As he listened to Zeenan's words a sudden calmness and sense of safety swept over him and for the first time since his arrival here he realized that he felt...protected, safe...shielded. He felt as if he just found the one and only person he could rely on and depend on in this hellish existence he now resided in. Somehow that Jaffa, Osiris' First Prime, slipped into his heart and became someone he started to trust, to rely on and to care about and he had no idea just how that happened. He has only known the Jaffa for a few short weeks and yet he felt so certain so sure that he could trust the Jaffa with his life. He wondered if the similarities between Zeenan and Teal'c had anything to do with those feelings of security he drew so easily from the Jaffa now holding him closely and as those last few thoughts sunk in he found himself able to relax a bit. He closed his eyes before allowing his head to drop back against Zeenan's powerful shoulder. As the calmness and safety continued to wrap around him he found himself willingly propping his head on that shoulder, sighing softly and relaxing a bit further. As Zeenan's first response to the sudden reaction was to tighten his hold on the man he was supporting Daniel slowly reached up and placed his hands over top of the Jaffa's holding his arms in place around him. 

Zeenan smiled as he sensed a difference in the young Tau'ri before him. Somehow, for some unexplainable reason this young man with him was now trusting him and showing him how much by relaxing in his embrace. As Daniel started to go lax and allowed his head to fall softly back against him Zeenan felt his heart skip a beat. Relief flooded him instantly because he had drawn a response from him. Daniel hadn't responded to him in several days, in fact he shut down so completely that he wouldn't respond to anybody. He just locked himself away from everyone. As Daniel shifted in his arms making himself even more comfortable Zeenan spoke again, "Thank you Daniel Jackson for accepting me as your friend and trusting me. I will make certain that you will not find your trust has been misplaced." 

A soft, hoarse whisper filled the room, so low that Zeenan doubted he would've been able to hear it if Daniel wasn't resting against him, "Thank...thank you Zeenan." He smiled warmly at the young man before lowering his own voice and assuring, "You may speak freely, Daniel. Our lord has lifted the condemnation and has granted you the right to speak yet again. You need not whisper any longer..." 

"If he finds out he'll...make me...and I can't...can't..." 

"Shh, shh I know that you cannot call him your master. I understand that this is a very hard thing for you to accomplish. You may feel free to speak with me without fear or worry of future actions or comments being used against you for such a minor request." 

"Thank...thanks…” 

"I believe that you no longer have to fear such a demand from our lord. Your silence has disturbed him greatly. He does not like to see you so withdrawn. He has granted your release from your condemnation to silence. Feel free to speak with him and around him now for he will not go back on his word..." 

"Yes he will, someday. He...I... He needs to control everything and what better way then to..." 

"I am certain that he is now too afraid to do so. He does not want to lose you in any way, including to complete silence due to a demand he makes that you are not ready to comply with and may never be able to comply with." 

"I...I tried, I tried for...for My'la. He said... He threatened to punish her for my failure to address him appropriately. I couldn't let him... Now, now I fear he has discovered my greatest weakness..." 

"My'la?" 

"No, no...compassion..." 

"To have compassion is not a weakness, my friend." 

"Yes it is when...when it can be used against you it becomes a weapon of great power. He now knows, he knows..."

"What does he know, Daniel?" 

"To earn my obedience all he must do is threaten another." 

Zeenan swallowed hard as he listened to that answer and felt his heart breaking for he knew that Daniel was correct. He knew that Osiris would resort to threatening others to gain his servant's undying devotion and obedience and suddenly he knew how to destroy Daniel Jackson. It was so simple, so easy and unfortunately Osiris now knew also. The key to destroying Daniel was to destroy others, to punish others for his disobedience. He knew and he prayed that Osiris would never become cruel enough to use Daniel's compassion against him for if he dared then Daniel could truly become lost to them...forever. 

As if Daniel read his thoughts he muttered, "You see now why it’s a weakness?" 

He wanted to deny that he did but found himself being honest as he answered softly, "Yes Daniel I do." 

Daniel's only response was to nod before continuing, "And there's nothing I can do about that. If I lose my compassion then..." 

"You will lose yourself." 

Silence filled the room stretching before Daniel softly answered, "Yes." 

"Compassion is part of what makes you so special. It is a shame that one such as our lord would dare to use it as a weapon." 

"I wish I could tell you that he wouldn't do that to me but I can't for he's already tried it and he will again...someday." 

"I shall try my best to protect you and prevent such a thing from happening to you, young one. I will not allow you to lose yourself in this place. This I promise you." 

"You can't prevent that Zeenan... I'm already dying you know. Inside...my emotions I'm... I know how to...I know..." 

"I may not be able to prevent you from losing some part of yourself here but I can prevent you from losing yourself completely. I will not let you become completely lost in this place Daniel. I promise you that I will not let you become completely lost." 

Daniel felt tears swelling up in his eyes in response to Zeenan's vow to him. He was grateful that Zeenan would try to protect him and watch over him, but he knew that even Zeenan could not prevent him from losing himself entirely in this place. The only way to prevent such a fate would be to escape. He would have to attempt escape soon and pray that he was successful for if he failed and was recaptured he risked losing his soul, his spirit, himself in this hellish nightmare forever.


	3. A Chance at Freedom

**A CHANCE AT FREEDOM**  
 **The Escape Attempt**

Daniel swallowed hard as he prepared to attempt escape. He made certain that Osiris was preoccupied then he quietly slipped out of the bedchamber and down the lengthy halls of the palace. He had to get away and he had to do so soon or Osiris would destroy him. As he exited the palace he sighed in relief then took off at a dead run. When he finally made it to the woods it wasn't long before the warning alarms were sounded. As he heard the shrill bells he knew that time was no longer on his side. He had to get away and he had to be quick about it for they had discovered his absence and were now searching for him. 

As he ran into the woods he only had one thought in mind: to make it as far from Osiris' lair as he was able. He had to try to make it to the Stargate and dial his way out of here. Of course he had no GDO any longer, for it had been confiscated along with his weapons and supplies the moment he had been captured and imprisoned. He knew that he should've first retrieved his GDO but knew that would take precious time that he could use to focus on escaping his oppressor. He would have to dial a friendly planet and have them contact the SGC for him. As he ran he had a brief thought of how his allies would react when they saw him standing before them in a collar, chastity belt and lead chain. He was certain that he would be a sight to be beheld. He shook his head focusing on running faster, harder and not even risking a backward glance. 

As he came across a stream he briefly thought about the depth of the creek and the speed with which the water was moving about in the stream. He took only a few moments to contemplate the risks of attempting to cross the stream before him. As he heard a shrill whistle being blown he didn't think. He darted into the water hissing loudly and nearly freezing to the spot as ice cold water splashed up around his ankles. Oh God, the water was damned cold! What the hell was the source of this stream a damned mountain spring? Feeling chills beginning to wrack his body Daniel forced himself to focus on making it to the opposite side of the stream. Without further thought or consideration he pushed himself onward gasping as upon reaching the center of the stream his foot dropped down in. He almost lost his balance but quickly recovered realizing that the water was now up to his hips. Damn and he thought that this looked like a small stream? This was more like a damned river! 

Hearing the alarms again he stepped forward bracing himself for the sudden drop in the stream bed. This time he dropped more gracefully but still managed to slosh some of the freezing water up over his chest. Damn this water was fucking cold! He forced his eyes ahead again seeing that he was almost to the other shore and without further hesitation he continued on in the direction of that distant shore this time moving with more caution in case the stream bed dropped or sloped even lower. As he neared the far shore the water level lowered considerably and he soon found himself standing on the opposite shore to where he had begun. He glanced briefly back in the direction of the palace and then with renewed energy surged forward dashing madly into the deep jungle growth ahead. 

As he moved he could feel grass, branches and briars slapping against his legs mainly slicing into his ankles but he didn't care. All he knew was that he had to make it to the Stargate and home as quickly as his feet could carry him. He continued to run realizing that his energy was beginning to dissipate. He stopped briefly to catch his breath hearing the loud shrill whistle much closer to him than before. Shit! He had to get out of here! 

Again he picked up his pace racing towards the gate hoping and praying that he would eventually make it there without being apprehended but as he cleared one of the last hills before the gate blue lightening streaked passed him to his left way too close...zat guns. Shit they were using zat guns! He knew that he had to get out of the open and dived behind a tree just as another blast zipped by his head and collided with a nearby tree. Damn! He jerked his head towards the gate seeing that the whole path was cleared. There were no trees or cover to duck behind. He would be a sitting duck if he attempted to make a break for that last hill. Shit! He was pinned and he had no way out. He felt his spirits fall as he realized the inevitability of his situation. He was trapped and he would be recaptured then returned to his master. Shit! 

He could hear the clomp clomps of the approaching Jaffa and as he peered over the edge of his hiding spot he could see the Phoenix heads of Osiris' guards...shit, there were at least a dozen of them! He needed a dozen guards to retrieve his slave? Why so many? What was he afraid of? 

Daniel froze as one of the Jaffa spoke, "I suggest that you surrender, for we know that you reside directly ahead of us. Your lord requests you be returned unharmed therefore you will be escorted back without the use of force...unless you decide to challenge us. Surrender now and you will be unharmed." 

Daniel remained where he was hearing his heart pounding and his breathing echoing in his ears sounding harsh and brittle. He wanted to kill and to scream. He was so damned close, so damned close to escape! He jerked around as noise behind him startled him and as he noticed five other guards now standing behind him he lowered his head in defeat. As the guards approached him and jerked him to his feet, imprisoning his arms all Daniel could muster was, "I'm sorry Jack...I tried. I tried so hard but I failed. I'm sorry..." 

The guards didn't hear his soft utterances to his lover they were focused on maintaining complete control over their prisoner. As he was dragged to the guards standing ahead of him he lowered his gaze. The guard who spoke only moments before gently pressed his fingers under Daniel's chin and pushed his head up. He then spoke softly, "Why did you have to attempt escape? Now you will be punished by our lord. We do not wish to see the one we have come to respect and honor executed." 

Daniel paled as the Jaffa said that. The Jaffa continued, "Execution is the penalty for escape, Master Daniel. I am surprised you have not been informed of this." 

The Jaffa noticed Daniel's uneasiness and continued, "Perhaps our lord will feel gracious and grant you exemption from such a penalty. You are greatly respected by all. I do not foresee our lord being so foolish as to destroy his favored when so many have come to respect and honor you as their master. Come and please do not attempt to escape again for if you do so then I cannot be responsible for what shall befall you, Master Daniel." 

Daniel lowered his head and nodded allowing the two guards still holding him to lead him on a path directly back towards the palace he had tried so hard to escape from without success. He winced as they jerked him forward jumping as the Jaffa who had just addressed him ordered, "HALT!" 

Both guards did so. He then ordered one of the guards to release him saying that he would escort Daniel to Osiris. Daniel noticed that the Jaffa was much gentler than the one whose place he had taken. Daniel glanced up at him and softly asked, "What is your name? I don't think we've met..." 

"We have not...I am Tel'tar." 

"Oh." 

"We have never met yet I know of whom you are, Master Daniel. I guard the palace walls. You will be seeing more of me I am certain." 

"Unless..." 

"No. Master Daniel, our lord is very fond of you. Our followers are very fond of you and we are very fond of you. Our lord Osiris would be a fool to destroy one who has come to be so vital to his legion." 

Daniel stared at him in shock and surprise. He was vital? How the hell was he vital to Osiris' legion when he was a damn servant? He was highly respected and honored by Osiris' followers? How the hell was that possible? He was a fucking slave! Slaves were not important. 

Tel'tar smiled at Daniel then continued, "You do not even realize your importance to this legion, to our lord Osiris' and to his followers do you, Master Daniel? How can you be so smart yet not even realize your importance? You do not even realize the power you possess, the power you hold over our lord. You do not even realize your beauty. How can one so intelligent, so educated in the tongues of the Ancients not realize his own importance, his own power and his own inner beauty? You are indeed a wonder Master Daniel. You fascinate everyone you encounter yet you do not even realize that you do so. Have you not questioned why it is our lord has chosen you to be granted the most important status in his legion that a servant can acquire? Do you not yet understand why you have been selected to serve at your lord's side always? Master Daniel, you have much to learn...come let us return to our lord." 

Daniel lowered his gaze and nodded his head allowing the guards to lead him back to Osiris' palace and into the throne room. As he neared the palace he could feel trepidation and anxiousness fill him. He knew what awaited him on the other side of those tall doors...imprisonment, punishment and slavery. As he was led closer and closer to the palace that rose high above him he could feel his spirits fall and his hesitation increase. He would be trapped in there again without permission to leave the palace. He would be locked away in the palace. He would be locked away from the brilliant outdoors and kept imprisoned in his magnificent gilded cage, locked away like a pet. He shuddered as he remembered what life in that menacing palace would hold for him. He could feel his heart aching and his spirit crying out against the injustice of it all. Why did he have to remain locked away from the world, from the universe and imprisoned by a system lord who desired only to own and master him? Why?

 

**THE DISCIPLINE**  
 **The Penalty for Escape**

He cursed violently as he was escorted directly to Osiris' throne room. Osiris glowered at him with his white glowing eyes as if he were staring straight through him. Daniel unconsciously shivered in response to witnessing the Goa'uld's ire towards him. He waited on edge for Osiris' rule...would he be put to death for his attempted escape? Would he be locked up in Osiris' dungeons or punished? What did Osiris now have planned for him? He swallowed hard as Sarah rose elegantly to her feet approaching him but not seeing him. She was no longer human she was a monster, a snake, a parasite hiding within a human being. Daniel felt another shiver travel the length of his body as she casually pressed her hand to the side of his face and quietly addressed him, "My dear slave, what did you believe you were accomplishing by attempting to flee from your god?" 

Daniel said nothing choosing, instead to keep a leery eye on the Goa'uld before him reminding himself that this was not Sarah. His outright refusal irritated Osiris for that same hand casually slid behind his neck before wrapping around the leash and yanking. He yelped as his head was yanked backwards by the lead attached to his collar. Osiris sneered at him as he continued, "Your crimes shall not go unpunished my dear pet but should you plead for your lord's forgiveness I may reward you. What shall your decision be?" 

"I will never beg you for anything!" 

"Oh on the contrary my dear slave you will. You will learn to crawl and grovel for your lord. You will learn to plead and beg for your lord's forgiveness or you shall suffer the wrath of Osiris. I give you one more chance to plead for my mercy." 

"Go to hell!" 

Osiris turned rage filled eyes towards the guards holding the stubborn Tau'ri between them and commanded, "See that he is properly lashed for his impudence. When you grow tired of punishing the slave then you may return him to my bedchamber. He is to be kept locked inside and his wounds are to be left unattended. Perhaps he will learn to submit to his god much more easily when he learns the penalty for denying his lord. Take him away!" 

"Yes My Lord." 

Zeenan watched as the spirited Tau'ri was dragged to the lashing post. He most definitely was not meek or quiet. He cursed and fought against the guards the entire way. Daniel Jackson was still as wild, untamed and spirited as the day Osiris first captured him. He casually glanced at his lord expecting to see more irritation and rage there for the slave's continued defiance and disrespect but instead of anger he saw...respect and awe? What? 

Osiris spoke softly as he addressed his First Prime, "Zeenan, see to it that they only punish him. I do not want his will broken. I simply want him punished." 

Zeenan stared in surprise before lowering his head, addressing his lord and following the guards to the punishment chamber. As he entered he stopped continuing to watch the scene as Daniel Jackson continued his resistance getting several decent strikes in before his right wrist was effectively locked into a restraint. He still continued to fight cursing as the guards overpowered him succeeding in locking his left wrist and his ankles in restraints. His friend Lanil saw him and approached quietly questioning, "Zeenan, why have you come?" 

"Osiris wishes the slave to be punished only. He does not want his will broken." 

Lanil paused for a moment before nodding and continuing, "Yes, his spirit is very strong. Several times he has almost succeeded in escaping a second time. I believe our lord has finally found his match in this young one." 

"Indeed, I believe that he has. Carry on." 

Lanil nodded before returning to the prisoner. He addressed the still combative man, "Young one, this fight is only draining you of much needed strength. Your lord has ordered you not to be attended after the lashing therefore you will be very weak. It would be wise of you to maintain your strength for the battle you will soon have to fight. You waste your energy struggling against the chains that now bind you. You are well secured. You have no escape." 

Daniel glared coldly at the guard and Lanil gasped, shocked that the man was still so full of spirit and defiance after spending much time serving their lord. Lanil bowed to the young man before saying, "Young one, know that we do not take pleasure from your suffering. We only carry out our lord's commands. You may calm yourself for you have demonstrated how worthy you are of our respect." 

He then glanced at Na'ton and nodded. Na'ton brandished the whip raising it before laying it to the slave's back. No scream came from the man who was now at the whip's mercy. The only sounds that echoed through the chamber were the snap of the whip and the sounds of the weapon impacting flesh. The slave fought to remain upright refusing to collapse against the chains that now imprisoned him. Both guards could tell that the young slave was very stubborn and very spirited. 

Na'ton was determined to finish this lashing as quickly as he was able for he had no wish to harm the Tau'ri who demonstrated such courage and such strength before their lord. He made his strikes fast and penetrating, driving into the slave until he slipped into merciful unconsciousness. Na'ton glanced at Lanil who nodded encouraging him to finish what he had started. Na'ton nodded then brought the whip down across the man's back ten final times before ceasing and indicating that the punishment was complete. 

Lanil approached the man sighing when he discovered that the slave was yet alive though fever was now within. Together he and Na'ton carefully released the slave and eased him down before taking him to Zeenan. Lanil noticed that his friend obviously cared for Osiris' favored for he gently cupped the man's left cheek in his hand saddened greatly that his beautiful face was now marred by pain and anguish. Lanil calmly spoke, "It is done. You may take him to our lord's chambers. He is to be laid upon their bed and left unattended. Our lord requested the chamber be sealed so that no one could attend to him as punishment for his crime." 

"This should not have happened, my friend." 

"You are correct. Death is the penalty for escape. Our lord is being very gracious on the slave's behalf." 

"As is his right as our god." 

"Yes, as is his right. Our god is, indeed, merciful." 

Zeenan held out his arms accepting the unconscious man into them. He inhaled sharply as the young Tau'ri whimpered when his arm came into contact with his now sheered flesh. Zeenan spoke quietly, "Shh, hush, young one, for I must touch your back to carry you to your chambers. I am sorry that I must hurt you but I have no other choice. Hush now. Be calm." 

Daniel's only response was a low moan and a toss of his head, which brought the right side of his face resting against Zeenan's chest. As the young servant propped his head against him Zeenan felt a fierce protectiveness sweep through him. Daniel Jackson was his responsibility, and he vowed to protect the young man as best he could. He again spoke soothingly explaining to the unconscious linguist what he was now doing. He then carried Daniel to their lord's bedchamber and over to the bed where he gently placed him on his belly glancing up as he heard a gasp from the entrance. He saw My'la enter the room and approach stating, "Our lord has requested he be punished for his escape." 

Zeenan continued to look upon Daniel's youthful face. He reached out and gently brushed hair off of his forehead sighing in frustration and sadness as Daniel again tossed his head. Though he was unconscious the man was also very restless. He quietly responded to My'la's comment as he continued to observe the young man now in the bed, "Yes." 

My'la quieted her own voice as she continued, "And he is to remain here unattended?" 

"Yes." 

"But he still bleeds." 

Oh yes. He bleeds, he hurts and he suffers. Zeenan wondered why Daniel chose to attempt escape. He knew that the man would probably make at least one escape attempt and had been surprised when Osiris merely ordered a lashing. Though his whipping was very brutal the man still drew breath and Osiris had requested his spirit not be broken. Has Osiris finally managed to find room to care in his heart? He shook his head continuing to silently observe Daniel. He could see the sweat beads trickling down over Daniel's face and soaking into his hair...fever. All brutal lashings caused a fever in the body. He would most likely be unconscious for several days drifting in and out of consciousness before successfully beginning the rocky road to healing. 

Zeenan was angry with his lord and grateful at the same time. He was grateful that Osiris found it in his heart to allow Daniel to live but angry that his lord had ordered such a vicious punishment for Daniel's opposition. He glanced up at My'la noting the same concern crossing her facial features that he was now holding for the Tau'ri. He didn't know what he could say to her to ease her worries so he settled for suggesting, "Prepare fresh sheets and blankets but do not place them on the bed until Osiris requests them. We must leave now for his punishment is not yet over." 

My'la focused intently on the slave who dared to attempt escape. He was pale and remained as still as death though he still lived for she could hear the shakiness in his breath as he lay imprisoned in the dark realm of unconsciousness. She turned to look at Zeenan noticing that the First Prime also seemed deeply concerned for the slave. As he focused on her yet again they both turned to hesitantly exit the bedchamber, sealing the room as commanded, both of them hoping that the young man locked within would survive the punishment his lord had requested. 

As evening drifted into nighttime Osiris entered his bedchamber finding his slave on his stomach lying still as death on the golden mattress. Blood was now soaked into the sheets beneath his body, dried now from the many hours he had been left unattended. He approached Daniel reaching a shaky hand towards his favored. He could feel his host's sorrow and anger towards him for what he had done. Momentarily ignoring her he pressed a tender hand to Daniel's face carefully sweeping those loose tendrils of golden hair off of Daniel's temple feeling the dampness upon his face and clinging to those few strands that attested to fever. His favored was very warm. His skin was covered in a light sheen of moisture produced by the sparking heat that now flooded his body. As he gently brushed the hair back off of the man's face he spoke quietly to his host, "Do not despair, for I have told you that I have the power to heal him…" 

She spoke with anger and rage tingeing her words, 'yet you choose not to use that power. You choose not to spare him such intense suffering.' 

"He escaped. The penalty for escape is death. I did not wish to end his life, for I have become rather fond of the one you still love but he had to be punished for his crimes against his god. Now cease your complaints or I shall be forced to direct much pain to you my dear Sarah." 

He smiled as his host quieted once again retreating inside her own mind. Though she was now silent Osiris knew that she was silently observing everything. She was very afraid for Daniel Jackson. Her fear was so strong that it flowed over and through him threatening to overwhelm him until he shoved those feelings aside choosing to focus all attention on his most favored. 

Osiris gently lifted his slave off of the mattress cradling him in his arms as if he were a mere child, one arm draped under his knees and the other supporting his back. He focused intently on the man as a soft moan of pain escaped from between slightly parted lips. His favored shifted becoming slightly restless until his head drifted against Osiris' chest. As soon as he propped his face against Osiris' chest Daniel Jackson shifted a bit more before falling silent yet again. Osiris smiled warmly at the man resting in his arms before carefully carrying him to the bathhouse. 

When Osiris saw My'la he instructed her to change the sheets and the bedding in their bedchamber before continuing to the bath. Once there he slowly lowered Daniel into the warm water before quickly stripping off his remaining clothing. When fully naked Osiris slid into the bath directly behind his still unconscious servant. Once he was relaxed he gently pulled Daniel back against him settling the man between his legs supporting him with his own body. As Daniel's back came in contact with his chest Osiris heard another pain-filled moan escape. He focused intently on his servant's beautiful face certain that Daniel was now returning to wakefulness. He spoke soothingly, "Shh, relax, my precious slave. I merely want to bathe you and clean you. Your injuries have not yet been attended to as per my orders. They are severe and require attention. You must relax and allow me to do this for you..." 

My'la paused at the door to the bathhouse shocked and surprised to see her lord being so gentle and careful with a disobedient slave. Her lord did not like to get his hands bloody or to tend to his slaves himself. She was completely surprised by how he was now attending to his favored. She couldn't move as she continued to quietly observe her lord speaking softly and reassuringly to Daniel while carefully washing the man's ruined back. She gasped when Zeenan approached her from behind turning to give him her attention. 

Zeenan saw My'la staring into the bathhouse and was curious to see what now held her attention so he approached then followed her gaze. He was not as surprised as she appeared to see their lord bathing Daniel Jackson with such care for he had witnessed more of their interactions than most. He lowered his voice as he spoke, "Our lord is very generous with his favored. He spends much time seeing to Daniel's comfort and his needs. This is not the first time I have witnessed his sincere concern for his favored. To see him treat his slave in such a fashion is a surprise to many for few expect to see one so powerful exhibit such care and concern for a mere slave... My'la you must prepare our lord's bedchamber for when he is finished bathing he will wish to retire." 

My'la nodded then exited the room preparing to change the sheets and covers on her lord's bed. Zeenan cast one last glance at the two bathing before he too turned and exited the room. 

Osiris continued to bath Daniel taking much care to be gentle with him. He smiled warmly as Daniel moaned before opening his eyes for the first time since the lashing. He immediately spoke, "Relax. Allow me to finish bathing you and tending to your injuries." 

As Daniel drifted towards wakefulness the first thing he became aware of was the pain that now seemed to have dulled. He tried to recall just what had happened to cause the stiffness and pain across his back. He moaned again as he attempted to shift feeling arms tighten just a hair around his waist. He tried to remember where he was and whom he was with. He could feel the body heat of the one behind him and the comforting warmth that now surrounded him. He could hear the faintest sounds of water lapping and bubbling gently around him and realized that he was in a bath he quietly croaked, "Ja'k...?" 

Osiris leaned forward pressing the left side of his face against the side of Daniel's head before speaking softly in his ear, "No my precious slave. Your Jack O'Neill is not with us..." 

Daniel recognized the silky voice of the one who held him and felt his insides twisting in sudden fear and apprehension. Osiris, he was still with Osiris and as that voice flowed over him the events of the last several hours returned to him. He remembered all too clearly his failed escape attempt and the ultimate punishment Osiris chose to bestow upon him for his crime. The lashing, a very brutal lashing that left him so weak that he could barely focus on his surroundings. He wanted to yell, to scream and to argue with Osiris but he just didn't seem to have the energy to do any of those things at the moment so he quietly muttered, "Mmm...Sarah...then..." 

Osiris allowed Sarah to address Daniel sensing that the man would respond much quicker to her than to him. As she was granted temporary control of her own body she spoke softly, "Yes Daniel, I'm here with you." 

That voice, her voice...he would know her voice anywhere. The melodious sounds of her husky voice lined and tinged with the slightest bit of an accent...Sarah...the voice belonged to Sarah. The voice was all hers. The deeper, gravely voice of the Goa'uld lord did not tinge her words or edge her voice. He responded much quicker to Sarah's voice still keeping his eyes closed trying to resist the urge to fall back into a deep, dreamless sleep as he spoke, "Sarah...I don't feel...so good...hot...thirsty..." 

"Yes that is understandable. Our lord ordered you punished for your escape attempt." 

Daniel simply nodded not having the energy or the strength to do anything else. He also became aware that he no longer had the strength to keep his head up and without thought he allowed his head to drift back against Sarah's left shoulder. 

Sarah smiled at Daniel's willingness to allow her to support him. She knew that he was weak, tired and feverish for Osiris' punishment was quite severe. She pressed her right hand tenderly against Daniel's cheek then forehead frowning when she felt the burning heat that was still raging within him. 

Daniel attempted to shift in her arms groaning as he began to slide into the water. Sarah reacted immediately bracing him and pulling him back against her holding him more firmly against her body. She shifted her left arm bracing him tighter so that he wouldn't slide again. She again pressed her hand against his fevered brow. Daniel moaned and turned into her hand as if her touch could cool him. She then continued in a soothing tone of voice, "Hush now Daniel. We will tend to your injuries. You just hush..." 

"We? Osiris?" 

"Yes, Osiris is here also..." 

"But you're...you...he..." 

"He grants me control of my body occasionally, but he still remains and watches." 

Daniel again nodded slightly finding that words were becoming a fleeting thing as exhaustion continued to stalk him. He started drifting asleep and mumbled, "Sorry...I'm so sorry Sarah...Sorry I couldn't...save you...sorry you're hurting...because of me...so sorry..." 

"Shh Daniel. You have nothing to be sorry for. I forgave you a long time ago... Osiris is not as evil as you may believe." 

"He's...Goa'uld..." 

"Yes..." 

"He's..." 

"Shh, conserve your strength. You are in need of rest and healing. Close your eyes, my dear sweet Daniel. Close your eyes..." 

Daniel relaxed further against Sarah/Osiris. He had no strength left to resist the Goa'uld lord so all he could do was obey. Before he drifted asleep again Osiris spoke to him also urging him to sleep. 

Sarah stepped back in her mind still worried about Daniel even though Osiris continuously assured her that he could heal Daniel if he so desired. She fell silent watching as the Goa'uld lord continued to bathe Daniel with such care and tenderness. She was still rather surprised at how Osiris truly felt about Daniel Jackson. Daniel was a slave now but one whom Osiris has grown to...love...at least that was the closest feeling she could associate with how Osiris felt about Daniel. The man still amazed her. Daniel had the amazing ability to capture everyone and to earn their trust, their concern and their love. She doubted the man even realized the kind of power he held over those he met. He was a rare human being: he had a kind heart, a kind soul and a brilliant mind all wrapped up into one beautiful package... 

She jumped as Osiris chuckled before addressing her, "You desire him still. You love him." 

'Yes.' What else could she say? She could lie to the Goa'uld but she knew that Osiris would know that she was lying for he knew what truly lay in her heart. He had known since the moment he "blended" with her how she felt about one brilliant archaeologist. She was, also, certain that because of her love for the man now resting against her Osiris quickly created a fondness of his own for Daniel Jackson. Osiris knew of her past life with Daniel and knew how she felt about the man still. Osiris interrupted her straying thoughts as he continued to speak to her, “He now belongs to me. He is ours my darling host, all ours.” 

‘Yes…’ Though she was saddened by the fact that Daniel was now a slave to Osiris she was happy that he was now here with them. She had missed him and needed him with her. She knew that Osiris treated him with much respect and always saw to his needs and comforts. Though Daniel was now Osiris' slave and servant he was rarely treated as one by her lord. Osiris even granted him an honored status in his legion, which pleased her immensely. Osiris again interrupted her thoughts as he said, "Rest. We will be retiring ourselves so rest." 

Sarah settled and started to drift asleep. Osiris was a very interesting creature indeed. When he had first entered her he ruled with an iron fist denying her even the briefest chance at regaining any control. After many long months aboard a ship with no other for company Osiris began to speak with her no longer ordering her silent or demanding that she yield to him completely. He explained to her what he was and told her that he knew she still existed inside her own body. He breathed life back into her by re-awaking her soul after curling up deep within herself. She was now more alive than ever before nurtured by Osiris' continued concern and fondness for her. He now treated her with the same respect and concern he bestowed upon Daniel. While he insisted on remaining in control most of the time he no longer attempted to suppress her allowing her to share his experiences and to witness his power. Tonight was the first time he had fully stepped back giving her complete control and warning her that if she attempted to fight him she would never be given control again. She was very grateful for his small gift to her. Their relationship still was not equal, for Osiris held most of the control and power but she no longer felt like a helpless prisoner locked within her own body. She actually enjoyed the times when Osiris would speak with her or share his thoughts with her. As sleep finally claimed her she smiled hearing Osiris whisper good night to her before he once again placed all his attention on Daniel and seeing to his comfort and needs. 

Osiris sensed the instant that Sarah started drifting asleep. He smiled then turned his focus back to his servant. He carefully bathed Daniel being very gentle when he was faced with cleaning the man's back. Once done he lifted the now unconscious man into his arms, dried him off with a towel and carried him into their bedchamber. He smiled as he noticed that they now had clean linens. He carried Daniel to their bed and carefully laid him on his stomach taking precautions not to jar him too much in the process. 

After assuring himself that Daniel was comfortable he retrieved ointment focusing on treating his lashes. He refused to use the sarcophagus or his hand device to heal his servant. He wanted this lesson to be forever ingrained in Daniel and the best way to do just that was by making him have to live with the vicious lashes still marring his back. 

After he finished cleaning the injuries he settled beside Daniel stretching his own body fully out before turning onto his right side to focus on his servant again. Daniel moaned softly as if he were waking and slowly tossed his head from side to side. He was restless. Osiris set to work calming the man, telling him to hush and relax. Daniel groaned again choking out, "Hot...mmm...I'm...hot..." 

"Hush, my sweet Daniel, hush. You have a fever that is why you feel hot. Just allow your self to relax and rest. Rest." 

Daniel groaned again tossing his head towards Osiris. Osiris knew that he needed to calm Daniel so the man could receive the healing rest his body needed. He gently pressed his hand to the side of Daniel's face watching as the man slowly opened his eyes. Daniel focused on him briefly then confusion filled his feverish stare. Daniel licked his lips before speaking just above a whisper, "Sarah, what are you...?" 

Daniel could feel the fever in him increasing and became restless. He felt so hot and his back throbbed. He slowly opened his eyes to see where he was at focusing on the woman beside him...who was she? What was her name again? God, why couldn't he think of her name? He spoke it so softly realizing he chose the correct name, but it didn't fit for some reason. Why? Her name was Sarah but...she wasn't Sarah? Who was she then if not Sarah? He groaned in frustration closing his eyes as his brain refused to function at its full capacity. God, he was tired. Why was he so tired? Why was his brain so muddled all of a sudden? He heard her voice, but she sounded different...more gravely and... Osiris. He was with Osiris so what had happened to place him in this state of intense heat, this uncomfortable warmth that made him feel both lethargic and exhausted at the same time? He shifted wanting to turn onto his side but pain greeted the move. He yelped quickly silencing his murmurings of anguish certain that the one beside him would find some sadistic thrill in knowing that he was suffering after having dared to disobey by...by what? Damn, why wasn't his mind working? Because of the fever...feverish...very feverish but why? What could have created the fever within his body? Damn it, why couldn't he think clearly? Hell, why was he so damned hot? He felt like he was in a damned inferno. 

Snippets of memories from earlier in the day filled his mind. He had escaped, ran from Osiris determined to get away when he was recaptured. His punishment was a brutal, vicious lashing...a lashing that produced this debilitating fever within his body. Why had the fever increased so drastically in mere moments? He remembered the bath and he hadn't been this hot so what caused his fever to spike? Better yet just when in the hell would the damned fever be gone? 

He quietly whimpered as the fever within seemed to escalate further pushing him closer to unconsciousness and exhaustion. He heard the voice of his captor speaking softly urging him to relax and to rest. How the hell could he rest when he felt as if his whole body were on fire? How? 

Osiris noticed that Daniel appeared to be less alert and more confused. He gently pressed the palm of his hand to Daniel's moist brow inhaling sharply as he felt the heat radiating from the man. He knew that a lashing as extensive as the one Daniel received would produce a fever but was a bit surprised that the fever was producing such heat and such confusion in his favored. He spoke softly to Sarah, "He is feverish, Sarah. I believe the fever has risen..." 

'If it gets too high he could die.' 

"Then I should prepare the sarcophagus." 

'No, you can't use that on a human being knowing the adverse effects such technology could have on him.' 

"It will heal him." 

Sarah could hear the concern and worry in Osiris' voice, which confused her further. Osiris always confused her. He wanted Daniel to suffer the effects of the lashing knowing a fever would arise yet he couldn't stand idly by and watch the man suffer. Why would he decide to punish Daniel only to become doubtful as to whether he wants to carry out that punishment? As he continued to watch Daniel with such deep concern Sarah could only shake her head. Only moments before he desired to make his servant suffer for his escape attempt yet now he wanted to heal the man completely. Why was Osiris so inconsistent with issues that concerned Daniel? Again she sensed that Osiris' feelings for his favored went very deep and that somewhere along the line when he became determined to hold onto Daniel Jackson the man had turned around and stolen his heart. Love was a very powerful emotion and she was more than a little bit certain that the emotion had found, and trapped, the powerful system lord known as Osiris for he would do anything for Daniel Jackson. 

Love could be a two-edged sword making one do crazy things to win the love of another. Daniel Jackson needed his freedom. The man was slowly dying here in this place. Sarah knew it and could see it in the man now lying beside her. He needed freedom, he needed responsibilities and he needed to be independent yet Osiris, in his desperate need to hold onto the young linguist stole all of those things from Daniel. She could see that he was slowly dying here, slowly deteriorating and it saddened her greatly. She confronted Osiris on this very issue several times but the Goa'uld lord didn't want to believe her...and this is where love became a two-edged blade...to love someone so intensely could create a strong bond between two people or place a permanent wedge between them. When someone is in love with another who doesn't love them in return they become blinded and could become controlling, domineering, overbearing...the problems that arise from this kind of a situation usually result in one not realizing just how much pain they are causing the other. In a way it's a trap: they love someone completely and will do anything for them, the last thing they want to do is harm...but because they love so deeply, so intensely, so completely they end up causing more harm and injury with no real knowledge of what they are doing to the one that is so precious to them. The love, the relationship, is already doomed when such a thing happens. 

Osiris was not really familiar with the concept of love. Sarah sensed through his memories that he had loved his Queen immensely but Isis didn't confuse him or make him desperate to hold on to her. Sarah was certain that this intense jealousy and this intense need to hold onto Daniel at all costs that was in Osiris was rooted in their differences. Daniel was a human being, a Tau'ri, the enemy...he was one who had helped to overthrow many system lords and fought to destroy them and destroy their hold over the universe. Daniel was not Goa'uld. He was a slave, a servant... Daniel was a Tau'ri. He was a member of a race of beings whom the system lords had labeled for years as dirty filthy slaves who were only good for hard manual labor. He has that belief ingrained within him trapped in the genetic memory of his species, but Osiris was seeing through Daniel and through her that the Tau'ri were not as inferior as he had once been taught and he was uncertain as to just how he was supposed to behave and feel for one who had been an enemy for so long. 

He loved Daniel Jackson, of this Sarah was certain but he was confused by why he needed the man just to breathe. He was confused as to why when Daniel wasn't in his presence he felt this horrible aching in his heart, in his soul. He never needed anyone or anything but now he was finding out that he needed Daniel Jackson. He didn't understand quite why that was all he knew was that he needed to hold onto his Tau'ri slave at all costs, for without that man life seemed rather pointless. How could one become so dependent on another? Osiris was a powerful ruler yet a simple denial from his favored could bring the system lord to his knees and the absence of his favored could destroy the Goa'uld lord so quickly. If one wanted to defeat Osiris then all one had to do was harm Daniel Jackson or steal him, for if something ever happened to that man Osiris would not rest until he was found and those who dared to harm his favored were dealt with. Daniel was in a highly honored position in Osiris' legion. Because of his position he was safe from harm but he was also now a target for as soon as the system lords were told of who has been appointed as Osiris' favored they would know just where to aim an attack that could destroy the system lord at his most vulnerable. He needed to keep his love for his servant from the eyes of others, for if they realized that he wasn't simply using Daniel as his personal servant and slave...if they realized that his love for the man by his side, for the slave by his side, was genuine and that he truly did care for his favored they would know where his weakness lays. 

Sarah continued to watch from inside herself as Osiris gently ran his fingers through Daniel's soft hair and continued to gently croon and whisper to the man in order to calm him. She smiled as Daniel sighed heavily and gave himself over to the Goa'uld lord's tender reassurances and comfort. She could see the tension beginning to dissipate in the man beside her. He was growing more familiar with Osiris and allowing the Goa'uld lord a few more liberties...not many mind you but he didn't seem as resistant to the system lord...of course, that could be simply because he was just too tired to fight right now...actually knowing Daniel Jackson as well as she did she was certain that he wasn't putting up much of a fight because he was exhausted. As Osiris spoke five little words so softly and quietly Sarah remembered what they had been discussing before she allowed her mind to run away with her thoughts, "Yes, I will heal him." 

‘No. You aren't going to use that sarcophagus on him. No.' 

"Yes." 

'Please don't. You don't have any idea if it will help him or cause other damage. Didn't you tell me one time that there were a race of beings that were like you but stopped their use of the sarcophagus because they felt it destroyed all the goodness within...?' 

"The Tok'ra..." 

'Yes them...if they stopped using it because they feared it altered their chemistry or...something what makes you so certain that the effects won't be the same for Daniel?' 

"Sarah I have used that sarcophagus for years..." 

'But you have not used it since your awakening, My Lord. Why have you chosen not to return to the healing chamber yourself? If you have made the decision not to use it on yourself then why would you use it on Daniel? Why would you use it on the man you love?' 

Osiris seemed to consider her questions. He quickly provided his reasons, “I do not use it because it will suppress you, Sarah. You could be destroyed if I use that sarcophagus again and I have become rather...fond of you." 

'You use the healing device but you refuse to use the sarcophagus so why then would you place your favored in the device you will not even dare use?' 

"He does not have a symbiote within." 

'No, he doesn't but his physiology is also not like yours, My Lord. The sarcophagus could cause irreparable damage. You have no way of knowing for certain what it could do to him. You have told me before that the healing device can induce pain into a human if used on them. It can cause them to convulse but is much safer to use than the sarcophagus... My Lord, doesn't that tell you anything?' 

Osiris sighed heavily as he continued in a low voice not wanting to accept defeat but knowing that her argument was valid, "I do not wish to run this risk of exposing him to such a device. You are right, little one, it is too dangerous...so what shall I do now?" 

‘A human being's normal body temperature remains at a constant...' 

"98.4 degrees...I have learned this from you, Sarah. I have learned much about human physiology from our joining. What is your reasoning for reminding me of this?" 

'If you have learned much then you know when a fever becomes dangerously high, My Lord...you know what you must do to bring his fever down. My Lord, Daniel's fever is not at a dangerous level yet. If he becomes still, does not move and his breathing becomes very shallow then begin to become concerned. If he ceases to sweat then we have to act quickly for that is the first sign of heat exhaustion which could lead to heat stroke...a very dangerous medical condition that if not treated properly could lead to brain damage and death... My Lord, forgive me for asking but if you are so concerned for Daniel then why did you order him lashed and left unattended in our bedchamber? Why will you do this to him again if he dares escape a second time...which he will do I am certain.' 

"Because I cannot have my favored running from me..." 

'In other words you can't live without him and if he escaped and succeeded you would become lost?' 

Osiris said nothing as he once again focused his full attention on his favored choosing to act as if he had not heard Sarah's comment. Sarah smiled as with his silence Osiris told her just how much he now loved Doctor Daniel Jackson... 'Daniel you don't even realize the effects and influence you have on others do you, my love? You don't even know that Osiris now loves you as much as I do. You still can't accept that someone could so easily fall in love with you. Do you still feel as if you don't deserve another's love because you couldn't save them from dying or has your Jack O'Neill stolen your heart, stolen your love and managed to hold on to you as I could not? Has your Jack O'Neill taught you of how worthy you are of another's love, care and concern? Do you love him as much as he undoubtedly loves you?' 

Osiris listened to Sarah's words. She spoke them aloud though he sensed that she didn't even realize she was doing so. He smiled softly as he answered, "I believe that he does, Sarah. He still calls for his Jack late into the night, when he's in pain or in need it is Jack he calls to. It is Jack he needs. It is Jack he trusts implicitly." 

'Yet it is Jack we are keeping him from.' 

"Sarah, I will not let him go. Do not even attempt to convince me to allow him to return to his home. He belongs to me, to us now. I will not let him go..." 

'Because you love him too.' 

Again Osiris didn't answer her comment. He returned his focus to Daniel allowing the silence to speak for him.

 

* * * *

 

Osiris slowly aroused from sleep not really certain of what disturbed his rest. As he became fully awake he could feel intense heat against the right side of his body. He tried to break through the sleep to make sense of why it felt so hot now when the source of heat suddenly moved. He opened his eyes remembering that Daniel lay beside him and that Daniel had a fever when they had lain down. He focused on his servant who was now tossing restlessly and mumbling incoherently. He reached over to soothe Daniel feeling heat radiating off of him in waves. He became even more fearful for his servant sighing in relief when he could feel a thin film of moisture coating Daniel's burning flesh. Sarah had said that if he stopped sweating then he would be in danger so for now he was safe. 

Osiris continued to watch Daniel as the man slowly started thrashing about. He continued to gently stroke the side of Daniel's face in hopes to soothe his ailing servant in some way. 

Daniel started to awake realizing that he was very hot. He attempted to toss the covers off of himself finding that he was a bit too weak to successfully complete such a simple task. He wondered briefly if this was how hell felt...being burned alive slowly as every inch of your body was consumed in flame. Again he made an attempt to kick the covers off of himself finding that he was burning up and he just couldn't handle the blankets any longer. He felt as if he were suffocating. He tried to open his eyes and tried to make his body move but the fever kept him stationary. He needed help. He needed someone to help him, to help him cool down. He was too hot. He muttered, “Jack…Ja’k help. Jack? Jack where are you?” 

He felt himself starting to panic as the man he was calling for didn't speak to him. Jack had to be here. He was always here, especially when he was ill. Where was Jack? Why wasn't Jack nearby? He needed Jack. Jack... "Ja'k please...need you...I need...I need...you...Ja'k!" 

From a far off distance he heard the soothing voice of someone hushing him and telling him to calm down. He felt a hand gently stroking the side of his face and could feel a body pressed up against his own. He released a shaky breath as he spoke softly, "Jack...hot... I'm so hot Jack...please..." 

The voice came back to him speaking in hushed tones, "Shh, shh. Relax. Rest. Please rest..." 

"I'm..." again he tossed his head trying to wake up. He was so hot. He needed those covers off. He tried to breathe, tried to remain calm but the covers were suffocating him. He struggled to breathe feeling as if the air around him was too thick to breathe. He swallowed hard as he again tried to kick the covers off. He moaned when pain traveled the length of his spine and the covers still remained. He tried again and whimpered as his attempts failed miserably. He felt a soothing, cool hand brushing across his forehead and fingers sweeping through his bangs. He moaned mumbling, "Hot, too hot...covers...please...Ja'k covers...off, they're too hot. Jack? Jack? Where are you? I need you! JACK!" 

He became suddenly very afraid sensing that Jack was far away and needing him desperately to be with him. He could feel a deep seeded fear fill him and it confused him. God Jack...why did he feel as if Jack were gone, as if... "JACK! Please I need you!" 

He started tossing more fitfully hearing the voice above him hushing him and urging him to calm down, telling him that he needed to relax or he'd get his injuries bleeding all over again. He didn't care. He just needed to get to Jack, needed to feel Jack's arms around him, needed to feel Jack. He needed Jack and couldn't explain why he felt so afraid that Jack was gone. He cried out again calling for his lover in desperation and need, but he still felt as if Jack were gone and it scared the hell out of him, "JACK I NEED YOU!"

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Jack O'Neill suddenly sat bolt upright in his bed feeling as if he were panicking and having a heart attack. He clutched his hand to his chest trying to focus on breathing and calming. What the hell was wrong? God, what the hell just happened? Why did he feel so... 'JACK I NEED YOU!' 

"Holy shit!" 

He felt goose bumps rising all across his skin making him feel extremely cold and afraid. He instantly wrapped his arms around his body trying to ward off the sudden unsettling chill that was traveling the length of his body. He could feel the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as one name floated to his now alert mind: Daniel. 

Damn it, he was having dreams about Daniel again. When would the dreams stop? Would they ever stop? Hell did he really want them to stop? NO! Ever since Daniel disappeared Jack's been waking up in the middle of the night with Daniel speaking to him or calling out to him. The dreams always ended with Daniel calling to him and saying he needed him. The dreams were freaking him out yet he didn't want them to stop because the dreams were all he had left of Daniel. Daniel was gone. He was MIA and no one knew how to save him. The dreams at first had been extremely unsettling and spooky even. He swore that it felt almost as if Daniel was really, truly calling out for him and he always was left with these odd creepy sensations that bugged the hell out of him as well and tonight was no exception. 

Jack shook his head in confusion. The calls always sounded so incredibly real as if Daniel were lying beside him in bed and calling out to him. They were strange and every dream was accompanied by strange sensations. Last night it was an overwhelming sense of anguish...almost as if Daniel was in pain or suffering and tonight, tonight it was the temperature. He kicked his covers off of him self as the warmth in them almost seemed to suffocate him. God, he was even sweating now. What the hell was that about? He quickly realized that even with the covers now off he still felt so damned hot and sweaty. God, would these weird dreams ever stop? They were really truly starting to scare the hell out of him. The dreams were so real, almost too real for his liking. 

He decided to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom he splashed cold water on his face and shook his head. He had to stop doing this. He had to! The dreams were keeping him up half the night. He didn't want the dreams to stop though because they were his only connection to Daniel. He felt closer to Daniel when he dreamed about him but his sleep was suffering. Every night he would dream and every night it was Daniel he would dream about. Daniel in pain, Daniel calling out to him, Daniel pleading with him...it was always Daniel. He wasn't sure what caused them all he knew was they were scaring the hell out of him. 

He wondered if someone could connect with another over vast distances. Could it be possible that he was really, truly connecting with his lover? Could Daniel really be sending him his fears, his emotions, his feelings and his uncertainties? They had seen a lot of bizarre things through the years since Daniel had opened the Stargate, a lot of bizarre things but this... Could this be possible? Could two people share such a strong connection, such a strong bond, that they could project their feelings and emotions towards their other half? Nah. 

He closed his eyes as he felt desperation, fear and uncertainty suddenly fill him. He tried to excuse those feelings as being a result of his overactive imagination. None of this was possible. There was no way one could connect with another over such a huge distance and share his emotions and suffering. No way, but as he opened his eyes he couldn't speak as he saw his lover before him in the throes of fever crying out to him desperately reaching for him and again those words came to him, 'Jack I need you...' 

He shook his head as the image vanished before him. He had to stop doing this! He was creeping himself out with these dreams. He wrapped his arms around himself as the chills flooded him again, "Ah this is nuts!" 

He could feel tears welling up in his eyes unbidden as he thought of his lover again. Daniel was MIA and they had no way to reach him, no way. Jack closed his eyes as he softly whispered, "Danny, hang on please. We're going to find you I promise. You have to hang on. Please Danny please." 

_'I'm trying Jack, but it's so hard, so hard...'_

Jack snapped open his eyes jerking around to stare at his bathroom door expecting to see Daniel there. When he saw no one he started to shake. My God it was...but that's impossible! There is no way, no way in...unless... No, no he refused to accept that. If Danny were...he would know that, he would. He would feel emptiness, a hole in his heart if that were true. Daniel's fine. He's just...he's fine. He is. 

Jack lowered to the floor as those tears started to fall and his heart ached horribly for the one man he could not get to. He curled up allowing himself to again mourn the loss of his lover. Daniel was coming back, he was! He just had to remain strong and had to carry on. God if the people at the SGC could see him now... He was so good at concealing his emotions, especially at work. He was so very good, but when he came home he was an absolute mess because when he came home Danny's absence became even more noticeable. When he was at work he was surrounded by people and he knew he had to stay strong but when he returned home... Here, here is where Daniel's disappearance hurt him the most because here, here every room, everything reminded him of Daniel. He couldn't even sleep without seeing the empty space beside him on their bed where his Danny was supposed to be. Everything reminded him of Daniel...the dent in the extra pillow where the man rested his head, the empty space in the bed, the empty coffee mug still sitting on the nightstand, the clothes draped over the chair, the shoes laying by the bed, the books scattered throughout, Danny's artifacts decorating various rooms throughout the house, his toothbrush by the sink...everything reminded him of Daniel, everything spoke of Daniel but the man wasn't here. He was gone, missing and the hard-nosed Colonel always came home an emotional wreck as a result. He was a mask of calm and control at work but when he got home, when he got home he allowed himself to miss his lover, to feel the absence of his lover, to face the things that spoke of Daniel and that screamed Daniel's name, to stare at his picture when sleep was elusive, to cook meals for two and set up plates for two, to rent a movie and make popcorn for two... He continued their rituals at home needing to feel close to his lover, as close as was humanly possible. 

The dreams were unsettling, scary and spooky. The echo of Daniel's voice crying out for him intruding even when he was awake, the flashes of his Danny in need, sad, upset, lonely... As real as those dreams felt and as freaky as they made him feel Jack accepted them. He wondered occasionally if Daniel was somehow connecting with him, communicating with him in those odd ways but then he wondered if his imagination was simply overactive. He felt better believing there was some odd connection there but to accept it as real scared him to death so he excused them as being his imagination. He needed Daniel so much that he was seeing the man, hearing the man and feeling his emotions so strongly. 

Jack curled up refusing to move from his place on the bathroom floor until he was ready. This was his time to be with Danny, to speak to Danny, to comfort the man when he was so very far away...and unbeknownst to Jack those thoughts held some merit for light years away there was a young man now relaxed in sleep, still very feverish but calm and relaxed because love was so powerful that it could travel great distances.


	4. Learning Sexual Servitude

**LEARNING SEXUAL SERVITUDE**

**ALANDRIA -- ATHENA'S PLANET**  
 **The Visit**

The planet was called Alandria and it was a beautiful place. They were to meet with the system lord Athena today. Daniel was curious about her. The Goa'uld lord in charge of this planet took on the persona of the Greek goddess Athena...the great huntress. He could see the planet from the main hold of the ship. It was colored similar to Earth but instead of seeing swirls of blue and white from this distance it was an interesting mix of purple and pink...very odd colors for the surface of a planet. He wondered what the surface looked like and what the inhabitants of the planet looked like. 

He accompanied Osiris to the transport rings watching as they lowered around them to whisk them to the surface of Alandria. When the rings lifted up over them returning to the ceiling Daniel glanced around and found himself standing in a very lavish sitting area. This was probably the meeting room. Without thought and without asking for permission Daniel approached the windows that he knew overlooked the city below. He wasn't sure of what to expect. The appearance of the city below was definitely not what he had been visualizing. 

Below them people walked the streets and tall, elegant buildings lined the streets. In several areas throughout the city stood huge, dramatic statues of hunters and animals. Statues of bears, wolves and birds...there were several statues of archers taking aim at their prey or preening their bows...the architecture was even extravagant. Obviously Athena loved elegance and beauty. 

Osiris remained silent as his servant left his side without seeking permission first. He found himself watching the man again raking his eyes appreciatively over the young, firm body of his favored. He could feel the heat and desire stirring within and smirked as his nipples hardened beneath the fabric of the elegant gown he now wore. He would make that man his. He would soon demand he serve in the bedroom and if his servant denied his lord... 

"Daniel?" 

As the man turned to face him, Osiris swallowed hard feeling that desire and hunger within only surmounting. He had a sudden urge to grab his servant, throw him on the meeting table and make love to him. He so wanted to hear that man screaming and pleading for more. He so wanted to feel the man as he eagerly responded to his lord. To have that magnificent creature bucking and writhing beneath him as he staked his final claim on him and marked the man as truly his...oh how he wanted that so. 

Osiris watched Daniel through hooded eyes not wanting to reveal his hunger to his favored just yet. Sarah said to go slowly and not to frighten the man so that's what he intended to do. He swallowed hard before softly prompting, "What have you failed to do properly?" watching the man as he seemed to contemplate that question. As the answer came to him he saw anger and stubbornness flare up in the man's eyes. He heard Sarah telling him to remain silent and wait. Daniel cast another quick glance out the window before slowly approaching him, lowering to his knees gracefully and softly requesting, "My Lord may your servant be granted permission to look upon the planet of Alandria?" 

Osiris smiled. Ah yes, Daniel Jackson was learning his place. Though the learning was progressing much slower than he liked he allotted the man the extra time to learn how to carry himself and how to perform as his personal attendant. The trainings were taking much longer than he had foreseen and many issues had to be repetitively covered because the man was so stubborn, but he was learning and he was becoming more a proper attendant each and every day. He knew that Daniel was patiently awaiting his answer and that it angered the young man to have to ask for rights, but this he refused to be lax on for Daniel needed to learn his place and his status. He answered, "Yes you may, my precious one." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

Osiris' smile broadened as Daniel remained on his knees still awaiting permission to rise and be excused. Yes his servant was learning his station very well. Osiris then added, "You may now rise." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

He watched as Daniel rose and approached the window again staring out at the streets in curiosity. They waited only a few more moments before Athena entered and approached welcoming, "Ah, Lord Osiris, I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to Alandria. Please have a seat so that we may discuss our agreement." 

"Thank you. Daniel, come attend to your lord." 

Daniel turned from the window softly responding, "Yes My Lord." 

He then approached Osiris keeping his head bowed in a proper show of submission to his master. Athena smiled as she raked her eyes appreciatively over Osiris' new favored. She said, "Ah, I see that you have acquired a favored one. He is most beautiful, Lord Osiris." 

"Yes he is. Athena may I introduce you to my favored Daniel. Daniel this is the goddess Athena." 

Daniel bowed gracefully before her keeping his eyes trained on the floor as he softly replied, "My Lady it is an honor to make your acquaintance." 

"Do you treat your lord well?" 

"Yes My Lady." 

"That is good to hear. Lord Osiris has been most unhappy since the disappearance of his queen. He is in need of one who is able to make him smile again. Come sit beside your lord. Do not be shy for as his favored you have my respect so come sit..." 

"My Lord?" 

"Come Daniel, sit beside your lord." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

Daniel sat down and Osiris leaned over softly whispering, "She has permitted you to cast your eyes above the floor my precious one. Remember you are to carry yourself as a god. Behave as you have been trained, my precious slave." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Athena smiled as she watched the young man cast his eyes upward nervously. She nodded as he made direct eye contact with her and found that he had beautiful eyes to match with a beautiful face. She could see why Osiris selected him for he was most striking. She turned from him to focus on Osiris questioning, "Now then what is the true reason for your visit to Alandria, Lord Osiris?" 

Daniel found himself glancing nervously at Osiris hearing the tension in Athena's words. She had sounded pleasant but now as she focused her gaze on Osiris she seemed far from happy to have him here. Osiris merely smiled as he assessed her before answering, "Our purpose is to forge a treaty with you and your followers." 

"Why would you want to forge an alliance with one who has been your enemy for far too long?" 

Enemy? Daniel now wondered about the history between these two. He glanced from Osiris to Athena and back again aware that the air was now sparking with an underlying tension. Osiris had told him that he and Athena were on opposite spectrums when it came to certain issues but he had said nothing about past discord running amongst them. He could now see Osiris was growing angry and decided to interrupt, "My Lord Osiris wishes to forge a treaty of peace. He has traveled very far for this meeting and would like to offer an alliance..." 

Athena glanced up at Daniel then at Osiris with a look of curiosity and question in her eyes. She liked this young man who had somehow won Osiris' favor. He was bold as well as stunning. She glanced at Osiris knowing that if it had been several years ago and his most favored had spoken without seeking his lord's permission first that Osiris would not have hesitated to punish him before her. Now as she watched him the only reaction he offered was to reach a hand over to his favored and touch his arm. She watched with growing interest as the young man jerked his gaze upright tensing as his lord touched him. When Osiris leaned over to whisper in his ear she noticed that he softly spoke. She caught snippets of his words. Enough to ascertain that he was explaining why he spoke without permission. She waited to see if Osiris would still punish his servant for showing disrespect before another system lord. When his words floated to her from across the table she could only stare in surprise. He was thanking his servant for speaking? What? As she continued to observe the two even closer she noticed something that shocked her even more: Osiris was doting on his favored. She could see an emotion she never expected to see in this particular enemy...love. He was in love with his favored. Without consideration she interrupted, "You love him." 

They both jerked their heads up staring at her intently. She realized then that she should not have made her knowledge known for Osiris would now see her as a possible enemy who could control him for she had discovered what none have yet realized: Osiris loved his servant and therefore his servant could bring about Osiris' destruction for one had only to hurt the one he obviously loved to succeed. She had noticed before with Isis that she was a weakness as well. Osiris was not one to foolishly love another. When he fell in love it was forever and his love was true. His capacity to love another so greatly always impressed her for who would ever believe that the great god Osiris could even begin to understand just what love meant? 

She silenced her thoughts before shaking her head and continuing, "Yes I will listen to your proposal. Please tell me of this alliance you wish to forge." 

Daniel continued observing her feeling very confused and anxious due to her comment...love, she had said that Osiris loved him. He...why? How? He sensed before that Osiris wanted him, desired him but love was never in the picture. God he hoped she were very wrong because if Osiris...loved him he'd never be free of the Goa'uld lord. He tried to push those troubling thoughts to the back of his mind not wanting to even begin to consider just what those words would mean for him, especially if they were true. As Athena spoke he felt relieved because she succeeded in drawing his attention away from such considerations. He noticed that she seemed more willing to listen to Osiris now and as he focused on Osiris the Goa'uld lord nodded before turning to her and beginning to explain what he was proposing. 

By the time Osiris was done with explaining things Athena was still undecided on her course of action. When she proposed a tour through her city Osiris accepted and together they left the palace. He dropped behind them and to Osiris' left following them as she began the tour. Before they even progressed very far Osiris was turning to gaze at him, holding his hand out and speaking his name. He knew what Osiris was ordering but was rather surprised. He softly questioned, "My Lord are you certain that...?" 

"Yes Daniel. I have told you where I desire you to be, not behind me beside me. Now come attend your lord." 

"Yes My Lord if that is what you wish." 

"It is what I require, my precious Daniel." 

Daniel bowed before softly replying, "Thank you, My Lord." 

Osiris only smiled as Daniel moved to where Osiris required him to stand. He gently grasped Daniel's hand before leaning over and whispering, "Be alert for any dangers, my precious. Remember to always be alert whether we are on a friendly planet or a hostile planet." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris' smile broadened further before he returned his focus to Athena who was still watching them and their interactions again seeing Osiris' love for his slave. Yes maybe she would agree to this alliance for if things started to go sour then all she would have to do in retaliation is to have his favored captured or destroyed. Osiris had let his guard down long enough for her to see his strongest weakness and if she had to she would cripple him by playing on that weakness. 

As Osiris gazed at Athena he felt unease fill him. She was looking at Daniel again and this was not the first time. He felt suddenly certain that she could not be trusted at all. She was no doubt thinking of taking Daniel as her own or using him against him. He would not give her the chance to do either. He unconsciously tightened his hold on Daniel's hand drawing a soft prompt of ‘My Lord’ from him in response. When he looked at Daniel he could see the questions there and wondered if Daniel realized that Athena was probably plotting a future retaliation should things not work out even as they spoke. He knew that she could be a danger but when she had spoke her suspicions of his feelings for Daniel he knew then that she could prove a very dangerous enemy and a very risky ally. He silenced his worries as they began their tour. He made certain to hold Daniel's hand the entire time knowing that he didn't like to be led about but sensing that if he didn't maintain his hold on Daniel that Athena's guards just might attempt to snatch him away and he was not intending on losing Daniel ever. 

As they continued to walk he noticed his servant casting his eyes about in awe as he looked at the elegant statues and the many people who inhabited Alandria. He tensed when Sarah spoke, 'My Lord look at him. See how he gazes about? This, this is what Daniel loves. To meet new cultures, to see how they live, how they interact... He could spend months just...watching them. This...this is what brings him to life for he has always had a deep love and appreciation for new cultures.' 

He nodded becoming quickly involved in watching his servant finding that to see such fire, such excitement within him was a magnificent thing to behold indeed and as Daniel continued to stare at everything Osiris found that he wanted to make love to this man. He decided then and there that it would be tonight. Tonight he would make his offer. He was quite certain that Daniel would deny him but he knew just how to gain his servant's complete compliance and if he had to resort to such tactics to gain Daniel's compliance then he would be solving two problems at once. Tonight...it would be tonight. 

After the tour was completed they returned to the palace to finish their meeting. Athena agreed to accept an alliance with them. He thanked her and told her that he would keep in touch. He quickly turned to Daniel urging him to come with him. He suddenly felt very nervous and anxious about what he planned to propose to Daniel tonight and wanted to get things progressing. Together they prepared to return to the ship. He led Daniel to the transport rings feeling his excitement continuing to build as he prepared to move their relationship onto yet another more intimate level.

 

* * * * * *

 

**ABOARD OSIRIS' SHIP**

**The Ultimatum**

Osiris smiled as he focused on his faithful servant. Daniel Jackson served him well in all capacities except for one and tonight he planned to change that. As the rings descended around them and transported them to the ship Osiris went to the helm. He said, "Come my servant, I want you to see Alandria from above." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel approached and looked out the main window seeing the planet of Alandria beneath them. Like before he noticed the stark beauty of the planet from space. Osiris watched him before saying, "My servant tonight I have a new request to make of you." 

"Yes My Lord?" 

He continued to watch Daniel as he gazed with great interest at Alandria before softly informing, "I want you to service me in all ways... You function very well as an eunuch yet you do not have a healthy avenue with which to release your sexual desires." 

Daniel jerked his head up stuttering, "My...My Lord, I do not..." 

"You will be granted such avenues beginning on this night. I require my eunuch to attend me in my bed. I require you to service me in every way, my precious eunuch." 

"No...no..." 

Oh God no. He couldn't do that! The Goa'uld lord was demanding he join him in their bed for more than just rest. He swallowed hard as dread filled his heart. He had known that Osiris desired him and wanted him since the beginning but the Goa'uld lord never did anything other than touch him and stroke him. Now he was demanding full service from his slave. Oh God, he couldn't...no... He started to shake his head in denial when the system lord quietly threatened, "If you refuse to comply than I fear a hefty consequence will result." 

A hefty consequence? What would the snake do to him if he refused to come to his bed and service him in every way? There was no way he would willingly give his body to the snake. No way in hell! He watched Osiris intently hoping to see uncertainty in those eyes of Sarah's but all he saw was determination and pure lust. Oh God this was not good at all! 

Osiris touched the side of Daniel's face noticing that he instantly pulled away. He continued to pressure Daniel as he leaned in and staked his claim on his young servant's lips. Daniel reacted instantly by shoving him away and refusing to do as demanded. Osiris giggled at his sudden show of defiance before teasing, "After tonight you will no longer pull from me. You will no longer deny me my pleasure and you will do whatever I demand of you." 

Daniel automatically jerked his head no before verbalizing his answer, "No. I'll never give myself to you." 

"Oh you will, my precious eunuch. You will." 

"Or what?" 

Yes, there it was...defiance, anger, outrage, uncertainty...his slave's eyes were sparking blue fire as he held himself rigid sending off signals of his stubborn nature. Oh yes, Daniel Jackson was definitely disturbed by his lord's newest request, but regardless of his feelings he would do as his lord demanded of him or he would pay a very high price for his resistance. 

Osiris tossed his head casually letting Sarah's long blond hair fly about him before it settled once again across his elegant shoulders. He then focused on Daniel, a taunting grin plastered across his face before sighing loudly and commenting, "What? Yes, what...hmm do you see this button?" 

"Yes..." 

"Do you know what it does?" 

"No." 

"Here let me show you." 

Osiris then pressed the button feeling his smile broaden even further as fire suddenly erupted from his ship hurtling through space towards the planet of Alandria. He watched in amusement as the fire impacted with the planet triggering a brilliant explosion that sent debris and rock into space making Alandria a new asteroid belt. All that remained were thousands upon thousands of rocks floating through space dotting the entire view port before him. He became aware of the dead silence now in the main chamber and of the silent, horrified young man now standing beside him. He turned to watch his favored silently observing him as he approached the view port and pressed the palm of his right hand against the window. He could see that there was no color present in Daniel's face any longer. His eyes were now huge and rimmed with unshed tears as he stared agape at the thousands of rocks that now made up the small planet of Alandria. He shook his head and clucked his tongue at Daniel who remained still, as still as those statues that had littered the streets of the destroyed planet below. 

Daniel could only stare frozen, horrified, as the beautiful planet of Alandria suddenly blew up before his eyes. As fire shot from Osiris' ship towards the planet he could feel his heart jumping to his throat and bile threatening to make an appearance as he realized just what Osiris was intending. As the planet blew up before his eyes all he could do was clench his eyes tightly shut and try vainly to block out the screams and wails of those innocent victims. They screamed so loud in his mind, so horribly loud...innocence destroyed by evil in one fell swoop. Osiris exterminated an entire world...and it was all his fault. Oh God no! 

As he opened his eyes seeing only floating debris where Alandria once was he could feel the tears begin to fall unbidden down over his cheeks. He tried to stop their descent and silently approached the view port pressing his hand to it and staring through a fine sheen of fresh tears feeling the destruction of that planet and all that lived there consume him. Oh God, he hurt so badly inside for those who had just died senselessly. His heart hurt so damned badly that he was certain it was openly bleeding all over the floor. He wanted to curl up and die. He wanted to scream, to yell, to thrash and to kill...how could the system lord be so cold, so devious so damned uncaring? How? 

He refused to look at Osiris choosing instead to continue to stare at what was left of Alandria wishing he could bring that planet back and all those people but it was impossible...totally impossible. Without looking up at Osiris he quietly asked, "Why? Why did you...?" 

"Because you denied me, my precious eunuch." 

"I..." 

"Their destruction is all your fault. You denied me." 

"But the alliance, I thought..." 

"You thought wrong. From this day forward you will serve me in all capacities. You will also meet my sexual desires. If you refuse then I will find another more populated planet to destroy. Is that understood?" 

Daniel hung his head in sadness and defeat. He knew that he was effectively trapped. He would have to make himself sexually available to Osiris or people would suffer and die for his defiance. He wanted to cry, to scream, to beg and to yell but all he did was simply nod his head yes feeling another part of himself dying as he did so. 

Osiris grinned wickedly as he approached Daniel pressing his hand to Daniel's face. Daniel closed his eyes shut but didn't jerk away like earlier. Osiris chuckled huskily as he said, "You will do whatever I desire of you, my precious eunuch and you will enjoy every minute of your submission. If you refuse to give me your passion, your desire, your pleasure and your arousal then I will destroy a planet also. You must learn to respond automatically to my strokes and caresses. You must learn to feel heat and passion flooding you after only the lightest of touches that I apply to your body. You will be trained to respond instantaneously, to give me your body and to give me your desire. You will learn how to please me at a moment's notice. If I require you to pleasure me with your tongue you will be grateful for the request and will do your best to satisfy me while allowing yourself to get caught up in the storm. Is that understood my precious?" 

He hung his head further as he quietly muttered, "Yes My Lord." 

"If you cannot do as I ask then I will destroy more planets. I want a sexually desirable slave. I want a slave who becomes addicted to my touches and caresses to the point that you learn to seduce me as well. Your education shall start this evening. You will learn to be sensual and resonate sex in every move and gesture you make. I want you to be the most alluring, sexually desirable slave there is. I want you to carry yourself in such a way that people know you are alluring and passionate. People know you please your master very well. You will respond to me whenever I desire you to no matter where we are. You will learn to be able to pleasure yourself before me and you will learn to pleasure yourself and I even while locked up in chastity. Is that understood?" 

He again spoke those simple words, "Yes My Lord," feeling as if he was pronouncing himself condemned. 

"Very good... Your first lesson, my precious love is to learn to crawl for your master." 

Daniel gasped when the lead was yanked and Osiris started to lead him to their chamber. He glanced back at Alandria shaking his head sadly as he quickly brushed his arms across his eyes trying to rid his face of the tears he knew now marred them. He swallowed hard as Osiris told Zeenan that they were not to be disturbed before once again resorting to dragging him to their bedroom by his leash. Why did he suddenly feel as if he were being dragged to his execution? He shivered as he thought of how his captivity would now change. He had no choice but to service the Goa'uld lord in whatever way he requested. He felt as if he were a damned pig being led to the slaughter. He felt as if he was now trapped and there would never be any chance at escape for him. He felt as if he were condemned to this hell for all eternity. Oh God Jack ...Jack, please help me! Please come for me, Jack! Oh God, please Jack! I need you now! Please help me! His silent screams and silent pleas fell on deaf ears for no one was listening to him. No one gave a damn about him. No one gave a damn about his feelings and his desires. He was a slave, plain and simple...Osiris' slave and now he would become Osiris' bitch...oh God Jack, please forgive me for what I'm about to do...for what I have to do. 

 

**THE SACRIFICE**  
 **Daniel's Sexual Training Begins**

Once in their bedchamber Osiris ordered him to stand as he unlocked the chastity belt. He watched with growing interest as his slave's genitals were freed. Ah yes, Daniel Jackson was very well endowed. He could never emasculate such a beautiful man. He sat his slave's chastity belt on the bed then focused on him yet again speaking seductively, "Come, let me see you crawl." 

Daniel felt a flush of heat travel up across him. Osiris had only seen him naked a few times and he didn't much care for being fully exposed to the snake, but he quickly pushed his embarrassment deep inside so that Osiris wouldn't be able to see his discomfort before replying, "Yes My Lord." 

Daniel swallowed hard but lowered to his hands and knees knowing what would happen if he refused. Osiris said, "You must learn to crawl using languid movements. Your duty is to seduce me using your body... You will be taught many ways to please me and satisfy me. You will learn to use your body to seduce me and to arouse me. If I cannot get excited by watching you then I will enjoy choosing the next planet to destroy." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel swallowed hard as he thought of Jack and how Jack could make him feel. He felt his body becoming excited as he imagined he was crawling for Jack, for the love of his life. He started to move slowly hearing his lead chain fall against the floor as he moved. He focused on slowly crawling towards Osiris making his moves slow and seductive. He moved like a panther gazing hungrily towards Sarah as if he were going to devour her at any moment. When he approached her he pressed a light kiss to her right ankle then trailed his tongue all the way up over the leg feeling humiliated and degraded as he focused on Osiris' face. The Goa'uld lord was obviously immensely pleased with his little show for his gaze didn't falter. The Goa'uld lord's gaze only grew darker and more brazen. He knew that he wouldn't be able to make it through this unless he separated from himself so he focused intently on locking up his heart and allowing only primal need and desire to come out. The more he drew on that primal desire the easier it became to separate him self from the actual act of seduction. 

Osiris pressed his hand to Daniel's chin pushing it upwards saying, "I want to see your eyes. I want to see passion in those eyes. If you cannot give me all of your passion, all of your desire, all of your hunger, my precious servant then another planet will be lost." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris then pressed a finger to Daniel's lips before continuing, "Your second lesson my precious is to learn to suckle, lick and kiss anything I place near or against your mouth. As soon as something is pressed to your lips or is near your lips you must tug it into that delectable mouth of yours and lavish it with your tongue." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel hesitantly kissed Osiris' finger and the Goa'uld lord continued, "Now wrap your mouth around it and suckle it." 

Daniel obeyed feeling ill as he complied with Osiris' orders. Oh God, he couldn't do this. He couldn't! He felt as if he were betraying Jack and flaunting himself before the snake. God this was so humiliating. He tried harder to separate his mind, his spirit, his soul, his heart and his love from the act he was conducting. He had to do something. He had to keep his heart safe and secure for Jack. He had to keep his love safe and pure for Jack. Osiris might have his body; his desire but he would never get his love...sex that's what this was. Pure, raw sex with no emotions only passion, only basic, primal instinct. He was merely reacting primitively. He could do this...after all this was simply sex, lust and passion there were no real or true emotions involved for he didn't love Osiris, he hated Osiris. He could do this. He just had to guard his heart. He would willingly give up his body to the snake to ensure that no other planet was destroyed like Alandria...oh God all those people now dead because of him. It was only this morning that they had met with the system lord on that planet. It was only this morning that he had looked out the windows of the main palace and watched the inhabitants of the planet chatting and living. They were gone now, destroyed in mere seconds, every last one of them gone and it was all his fault, for if he would have willingly given himself to Osiris then those people would have been spared. He yelped as he felt a brutal yank on his lead chain and found himself focusing on Osiris. He questioned, "My Lord, what is wrong...?" 

"You must not become distracted while you are pleasing me, slave. Distractions will cost you as well. When you make love to me, when you seduce me, when you openly please me you will focus on me and only me. There will be nothing to focus on but us and what we do. You have much to learn. I shall have My'la educate you further on how to please me." 

"I'm sorry, My Lord. It will not happen again. You will not need to bring My'la to me, My Lord. I shall learn from you." 

"Yes, you shall my precious slave. You shall." 

Feeling rage and humiliation burn within as he forced himself to willingly yield to the Goa'uld lord by bowing his head and down casting his eyes in a show of respect and surrender Daniel timidly inquired, "What does My Lord wish me to do? How may I please you, My Lord?" 

"Hmm, that is much better. Yes you are a fast learner, my precious slave." 

Osiris pressed his finger to Daniel's lips and smiled as Daniel immediately tugged the finger into that warm, moist, delectable mouth taunting and tormenting with that wonderful tongue of his. He moaned as Daniel proceeded to suck on the finger. Yes, his slave was a fast learner. He would be trained in no time. 

Osiris grinned wickedly as he continued, "Very good...very, very good." 

Daniel forced himself to continue submitting to the Goa'uld lord's orders and commands reminding himself that he had to do whatever it took to survive and to ensure that no other planet or person would be placed at Osiris' mercy due to his stubbornness and his spirit. It was taking all the self-control he had to keep from striking out at the snake and fighting him. He continually found himself fighting Osiris and killing him in his thoughts. He was definitely not cut out for being submissive. It went against his very nature to remain so complacent and so demure to anybody, but he would do whatever it took to ensure that everyone would stay safe. He had no other choice in the matter. Osiris spoke just then disrupting his straying thoughts as he continued, "Lesson three involves your basic position training. I will teach you to assume different positions on my command. As you obey my commands you will address me as master. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Your first position is the kneeling position. You already know what I expect when I make that command for you have knelt at my feet often enough." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"When I choose to extend certain punishments or desire your utmost respect you will perform the kneel forward position. When I demand an apology or you do something to anger me then you will assume this position to show that you are truly sorry for your crimes and to plead for the forgiveness and mercy of your god." 

Kneel forward? What the hell was that? Daniel didn't like the direction this conversation was going. He hated the trainings Osiris demanded he take for often he felt degraded and humiliated. The speech training was the hardest for him to grasp for he wasn't use to speaking in softer, meeker tones to anyone. My'la had taught him how to speak when addressing his lord and when addressing other system lords. The things she taught him weren't too hard to grasp in general but every time he was ordered to address her as he would his lord and he failed at the task his collar would zap him. He recalled those lessons even now. She had been in the room with him and one guard. He hadn't realized the significance of that guard until he failed to do as he was taught. The guard chose when to trigger the damned collar and when to leave him be. Each time he failed to use the submissive tones when addressing Osiris he was jolted and each time the jolt was more painful than the previous. Needless to say he learned how to appropriately address his lord in a very short time. He hated having to speak in such meek tones but knew the consequences if he failed to learn the appropriate tones to use. Luckily for him Osiris only required he use those softer tones when addressing him directly. All other times he was permitted to speak as he wanted and when he wanted. 

He clenched his hands into fists feeling anger and frustration flow through him. Osiris said that he would be trained. He had called it position training. From the sounds of that he was certain he was about to learn other ways in which to properly carry himself as a damn slave while with his lord. He had to get away from Osiris. He had to wait for the best time to make such an escape. Along with his desperate need to flee he wanted to defy and enrage. He was tired of being commanded and treated like a goddamned slave! He hated it, hated being a prisoner, hated being Osiris' pet and hated being his slave. He knew he had no choice in the matter though for if he failed to obey every order or react to the snake as he wished then a planet would be destroyed. Along with that planet Osiris would make it his goal in life to find his friends and destroy them as well as Earth in order to keep him subservient and meek. The son of a bitch! 

Osiris watched his servant intently before continuing, "The first position you must learn is the kneel forward position. You will assume every position I command you to get into and you will practice them for your lord until you are able to assume them without hesitation." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"You are already in the kneeling position. From this position, my precious slave, you must place both of your hands a foot in front of your knees, palms down. Do so now!" 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel felt anger and defiance again surge forth and wanted to defy the snake but didn't dare take such a chance at the moment. He pressed his hands to the floor, palms down and awaited his next instruction. 

Osiris grinned wickedly as he continued, "Your thumbs should touch forming a sixty degree angle and your index fingers should also touch forming a triangle directly in front of your body." 

Daniel complied waiting for his next direction and feeling his need to oppose the Goa'uld lord continue to grow within. 

Osiris continued, "Your wrists remain straight...very good my dear slave. Now you are to bow to me pressing the top of your forehead directly in the triangle you formed with your hands." 

He was to bow before Osiris...hell no! He refused to do as ordered hissing when Osiris depressed the button on the device connected to his collar. Instantly pain filled him and he screamed collapsing to the floor as his body began to convulse in response to the new pain. He immediately gripped his throat, clutching desperately at the collar wanting to tear it off but not having the ability to do so. He could feel heat and electric surging throughout his body. As quickly as the pain began it suddenly ceased and Daniel found himself curling up on the floor still clutching desperately at his throat and trying to fight back the tears of pain that wanted to come. Oh God, he hurt so badly now! He tried to catch his breath swallowing hard as Osiris spoke softly in his ear, "I have not had to punish you with this device in a very long time, my pet. I believe you forgot it even existed. I have the device set slightly above the medium setting. You shame me by forcing me to resort to inducing such pain on your beautiful body for your defiance and resistance. Now you will apologize to your lord or you will be dragged to the whipping post and lashed for opposition. Those are your choices, my dear slave. You must choose which you would prefer. Of course if neither of those choices are satisfactory then your third option is to witness the destruction of yet another planet and I will make certain the next planet I choose is much more populated than Alandria was. CHOOSE!" 

Daniel cursed wanting to strike out at the snake. He had forgotten the pain the damned collar was capable of emitting to his body. Shit, how could he have forgotten that so quickly? Son of a bitch! He listened to the snake give him his choices and knew that he really didn't have much of a choice so pushing down his impulses to attack the evil lord Daniel focused on placing himself back into the humiliating role of the passive, subjugated servant who did as his master bid of him always. He rose shakily to his knees then again placed his hands a foot in front of his knees, palms pressed to the floor, fingers lightly touching to form the triangle before his body then swallowed back his disgust at himself as he obediently lowered placing the top of his forehead in the triangle effectively assuming the kneel forward position for his master. 

Osiris grinned wickedly as Daniel willingly moved into his newest position. He walked around the man bowing pathetically at his feet admiring the position he held his body in. As he circled behind Daniel his smile only broadened further and he licked his lips as he admired the view the position afforded him of his servant's gorgeous assets. The position effectively exposed Daniel's buttocks, anus and genitals. The man's testicles were also very exposed for his viewing pleasure. Yes, he would definitely have to order his servant into this position often. He chuckled lightly as his host stirred stepping forward also admiring the position Daniel Jackson was now being forced to assume. He could feel her anger and sadness for his servant's obvious humiliation at having to assume the very submissive and demeaning position. His smile only broadened as along with sensing his host's anger and sadness he could sense her pleasure and excitement at seeing the man she desired remaining so humble at her feet. Oh yes, Sarah Gardner was becoming quite satisfied with the power and strength he afforded her with by taking her as a host. She was beginning to draw much pleasure from seeing many of his victims put in their proper places. She especially seemed to draw much enjoyment out of seeing the men under his legion and under his rule willingly suffering extreme humiliation to serve him. He was certain that he would have little difficulty with her when he informed his defiant slave of the punishment for his refusal to submit. 

Daniel could feel a warm blush spreading up across his neck and face as he felt cool air rushing across his buttocks and anus indicating to him just how exposed he now was. He felt humiliated in this position. In fact, the position openly exposed him to the Goa'uld lord for examination. Osiris could easily gain access to his groin and anus if he so chose. He closed his eyes tightly as he heard the Goa'uld lord softly moaning behind him. He could just picture the lust and pleasure in the snake's eyes at seeing his slave being made to hold himself wide open for easy exploration. Oh God, how long would he have to remain like this? How long? 

Osiris continued to smile very pleased with the position Daniel was now maintaining. He prepared to punish the man for his defiance and pulled out a little device to help his servant realize who controlled his body completely. He then lowered behind Daniel Jackson reaching around the man's waist and gripping the man's flaccid penis in his hands as he casually slid a metal cock ring on the man's beautiful assets. He carefully slipped first one testicle then the other through the ring before feeding the man's flaccid penis through it and sliding it to the base of the man's genitals. After making sure the device was pressed firmly against the man's body he released his hold. He then proceeded to reach between the man's legs to wrap his hand firmly around his servant's penis and began to pump his hand up and down over the man's glorious dick. 

Daniel jumped forcing himself to still and allow the snake to openly fondle him reminding himself over and over that he had no choice. As Osiris took his time fitting another device on his body Daniel was a bit concerned. Just what the hell was the snake fitting on his body now? He felt the ring being slipped over his testes and penis and swallowed hard gasping as Osiris then proceeded to rub his penis. He cursed and clenched his eyes tightly shut as his body betrayed him by responding almost instantly to Osiris' touches. As his dick hardened he hissed feeling his erection hardening so much that the new device now fitted on his body tightened. A fucking cock ring! The son of a bitch! Obviously Osiris was determined to make him respond whether he wanted to or not. 

Osiris grinned wickedly as Daniel hardened immediately under his careful caresses successfully sporting one hell of an erection due to his lord's careful ministrations. He stood before his still bowing servant then said, "My dear slave soon you will learn your proper place. I should not have to continue to remind you of what you now are. Since you defied me by refusing to yield to your master's command you will be punished. You will remain in your kneel forward position until I release you. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Master." 

"Good. That means should I desire to keep you here all night bowing to me then you will remain and you will not move. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Master." 

"Very good...since my slave has been having much difficulty in following my rules and orders I have added another rule to your training. I believe My'la may have already covered this but I will repeat it. As long as you are being trained you will cease using personal words to refer to yourself. You may no longer use my, I or me when referring to yourself. If you do so you will suffer greatly. You are now restricted from using personal pronouns to refer to yourself. When you need to ask me something or are speaking of yourself you must replace any references to yourself as an individual with 'your slave', 'this slave' and 'slave'. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My...your slave understands, Master." 

"Very good. The only time you may place I, my or me in your sentences is when you address me directly. When you use my before master this demonstrates that you see me as your master. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Master." 

Daniel cursed as Osiris made the newest rule. The fucking snake was doing anything he could think of to gain complete control of him. The bastard! 

Osiris continued, "You will remain in your kneel forward position. If you fail to maintain it you will be punished severely. You must beg my forgiveness and this is how you will begin to do so." 

Osiris then left to command one of his guards to the room. Once the guard was there he said, "Your duty is to monitor my slave. He is being punished. He must remain in this position until I decide to set him free. Here is the device to trigger his collar if he fails to do as commanded. He may not move for any reason. I have some things that I must see to. I will return when they are complete." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Let me remind you that if my slave reports to me that you have mistreated him by placing your hands on him or harming him then you will be sent to the dungeons after being flogged for disrespect. If you make any negative comments to him or try to harm him in any other way I will not be very forgiving. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris then bent down beside Daniel saying, "You are to remain in this position until I release you. If you move my guard will punish you. I do not care if your legs go numb or your arms start to cramp. You will learn to willingly endure for your lord and you will learn to always obey your master. You must remain in this position until I release you. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Master." 

"I will be back later. Enjoy your punishment, slave." 

Daniel swallowed hard hearing the movements of the guard behind him. He felt totally humiliated and disgraced knowing that not only has Osiris seen him in this degrading position but now so has his one guard. He closed his eyes as his head started to throb. How long would Osiris leave him in this room with the guard? How long would Osiris make this punishment last? He knew the results of remaining in one position for too long. It would be very painful and he really wasn't looking forward to it. He inhaled sharply as the guard spoke, "You really should not disappoint our lord, slave. You are his honored chosen yet you insist on throwing your high status and privilege in your lord's face. I do not understand why he chooses to deal with such a troublesome slave. You appeal to him though I do not understand why that may be. Perhaps he senses that you are one whose spirit will not be easily broken. You should be thankful that he allows you to keep those traits for many of his slaves were punished until they learned to be totally subservient to their lord. Why he allows his favored to remain spirited is just as confusing as why he should desire to keep you. In the short amount of time you have been here you have gained the respect of many. Many say that you are the perfect one to replace their beloved goddess Isis..." 

Daniel remained silent wondering why the guard chose to speak with him so openly all of a sudden. What the hell was going on? Why was the guard even taking the time to suggest he obey his lord? He wanted the damned guard to leave him be but found that in focusing his attention on the Jaffa his discomfort wasn't as noticeable. He knew not to speak or he would probably be punished but he couldn't hold back as he questioned, "Why are you telling me this?" 

"Hmm, a slave who speaks without permission. You are either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid..." 

“I'd much rather be incredibly brave. Thank you very much." 

He tensed in preparation for the button to his collar to be depressed surprised when the device was not triggered. The guard smiled as he continued, "Ah, I see you know of what is correct and incorrect. You know that by speaking without permission you are to be punished immediately. You even stiffen your body in preparation for the expected penalty of your crimes yet you still speak out of turn, you still challenge those who have authority over you and you still challenge your god. You Tau'ri are very foolish creatures indeed to so openly enrage your god knowing that you will suffer for such defiance. I will never understand your race..." 

"Maybe you should try..." 

"Spirit and fire... Yes, you are still a proud warrior, a proud individual even knowing that you are no longer free. You are still strong even knowing that you are now a slave with no rights except those your master decides to grant you. You are indeed a very interesting creature Daniel Jackson. I should like to know why you feel you must always resist, always fight instead of openly accept what your lord has so graciously granted you." 

Instead of answering the question Daniel stated, "Osiris may own my body, he may own me but he does not own my spirit or my soul. He doesn't own my heart. He doesn't control me completely and he never will." 

Daniel again tensed preparing for the punishment he was certain would soon be delivered as he continued to break the rules of his station and speak out against Osiris. He listened intently for any sound or indication that the guard was ready to delve out his deserving punishment. The seconds stretched into minutes and yet he heard nothing and felt no pain. When he was certain that the guard would remain silent the Jaffa suddenly spoke up again breaking the silence, "Perhaps you are the one who is destined to replace our beloved Isis. You have her spirit, her courage and her strength. You also have the respect and adoration of her many followers. Yes, perhaps you are truly meant to serve as Osiris' equal on his throne. A simple man, a simple Tau'ri, wearing the marks of a slave and a eunuch has the spirit of the gods themselves...a slave who carries himself as a god. You are a truly fascinating creature. I believe I am beginning to understand why our lord would desire to keep you at all costs. You are a rare creature, Daniel Jackson." 

"Uh, thanks...I think..." 

"With your status and your importance to our lord you have much power though you do not even realize that you do. You should be using your abilities to help our lord instead of fighting him." 

The guard fell silent yet again and Daniel waited for him to speak more but he said nothing. Daniel's attention was drawn back to his present predicament as he felt a sharp pain travel up through his left leg. He winced wanting desperately to move that leg but knowing the penalty for such actions. He remained stubbornly still determined to prove to Osiris that he could handle this cruel punishment. 

As time ticked by Daniel began to wonder just how long he’d been in this position. His body continued to complain by sending little shooting pains through his limbs reminding him again and again of how the position was making his body more rigid and more stiff the longer he stayed completely still. He clenched his eyes tightly shut as he felt his left foot growing ever number the longer he held it in position. God at this rate he would be permanently stuck in this torturous pose. It was taking nearly all of his self-control to keep his complaints quiet and to hold his body so rigid and so still. Shit, what had Osiris said? He would learn to willingly endure for his lord...well, now that seemed to be what the hell he was doing right now! Shit! How long had he been in this position already? What time was it? Had it been hours or merely minutes since Osiris pronounced this punishment for his defiance? How long did he have left and what the hell would happen if he failed to do as was ordered? Osiris could be kind when he chose to be but when he was angered he could be nasty and evil. He could be downright scary. The snake was very complex. At times it treated him as if it loved him while at other times he was treated as if he were the vilest thing on the Earth...or in space...or on the planet...ah hell, the vilest thing in the universe? Yeah, universe sounded much better...shit, what the hell was he doing now? Examining his goddamn metaphors for accuracy? Was he crazy? Hell, he was something for the pain in his body and the stiffness was driving him insane. If he wasn't soon granted permission to move he would damned well do so despite the consequences...but then again Osiris had told him...started to threaten him with the destruction of his friends as well as another planet...who's to say the snake wouldn't accept the destruction of another planet as just punishment for his slave's inability to endure such suffering? Damn he was trapped, he was fucking trapped here! He had to get away! He just had to! 

He started to think about Sam, Teal'c and Jack...God, were they even still looking for him or had they given up the search? He was MIA...had been MIA for more than a month so who's to say that his friends would even still be searching for him? Maybe they gave up and decided to leave him to his fate...NO! He would not think like that! His friends would never abandon him! NEVER! God, he had to stop thinking that way. He knew that the SGC would keep searching as well. Hammond would go to the damned President if someone tried to put a lid on the search and if someone succeeded in shutting the search down then Hammond, Sam, Teal'c and Jack would find other means to do so. He wondered if they had managed to make it to Osiris' home world only to discover that he and Osiris were not there at the moment. They were on board Osiris' ship...had been now for the last few weeks... They would be returning to Bursiris shortly where they would remain for some time before once again returning to the ship and heading to Naveria. Their next meeting, according to Osiris was with Dionysus and knowing the mythology surrounding the Greek god of wine he wasn't so sure that he wanted to meet the Goa'uld lord. 

He found himself wondering if he would ever grow used to space travel on board a ship. They spent half their time on the planet of Bursiris and half their time aboard his lord's vessel. The ship was very stable considering it was traveling very fast through space. Half the time he forgot they were even on a ship. He actually liked traveling through space occasionally but Osiris' patterns of flight were very sporadic. They would sometimes spend a week or several weeks aboard the ship, returning to Bursiris for a week or so then board again. It was rather odd. He sensed that Osiris wasn’t too crazy about being aboard his ship. He seemed to prefer stable ground...probably another influence from Sarah. Sarah hated to fly and had been scared to death of heights. She was better with them now but still didn't like them. Osiris probably avoided his ship as often as possible because he could feel Sarah's uneasiness. In fact, she was probably more influential at those times...she probably surfaced and dominated more often due to her huge fear of heights. 

He winced as his right leg started to spasm gently. Shit did that ever hurt! Where the hell was Osiris and why the hell wasn't he back? Someone needed to inform the snake that the human body just was not built to take such stress on it. SHIT! God did this position ever hurt! Son of a bitch! How much longer was the snake going to torment him like this? How much longer? He was certain that he would not be able to rise to his feet after spending so much time in this position. He really didn't like the idea of relying on the snake for support but was certain that by the time Osiris decided to get his damned snaky ass in here he would have no other choice. Just where the fuck was he? Shit, did he actually desire the snake's presence? Well, now that was a first. Isn't it funny how being forced to remain so still in such an uncomfortable position for forever made one desire the presence of the bastard who ordered him to remain in the pose? God, how did Jack ever deal with this kind of torture? He was certain that while imprisoned in Iraq his lover was made to remain in painful positions for long periods of time. God, Jack must've been through sheer hell! He had only been in this position for a few hours just how many times and for how long was Jack forced to remain in certain positions? Ah, Jack the pain and suffering you must've gone through. God, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that and alone...so sorry. Now I understand you more than you'll ever know, Jack, more than you'll ever know. As he thought of Jack he realized just how much he missed the man. God, the hardest part of this entire abduction was not being able to be with his friends or his lover. He never stopped thinking of Jack but sometimes he would force himself to forget because the memories just made his present situation so much more grim and saddened him greatly...God, how he missed his friends and his lover. Would he ever return home to them? Would he ever see his friends again? He struggled to keep their images burned in his mind. He couldn't afford to lose his memories or himself here. He could so easily do so and knowing that just scared the hell out of him for if he lost himself here then what would be left, an empty shell? A robot only performing the actions of life? He shivered as he thought of what could happen to him if he lost himself here and vowed to do everything in his power to prevent that from occurring.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Jack O'Neill paced his bedroom. He couldn't sleep no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't focus or do much of anything since Daniel was taken. God. Daniel where the hell are you? He hated the not knowing. They were all certain that Daniel was still on that planet but with the planet's gate now inactive they had no way to get to him except a ship. There were no ships readily available for their use. Where was Daniel? 

Jacob Carter had told them that the planet Daniel had been captured on came under the rule of a new system lord recently and though the Tok'ra tried to get a spy in the system lord's midst no one could get close to him. They still had no knowledge of just whom the Goa'uld was that held Daniel. All they knew was that whoever this unnamed enemy was he was gathering armies and followers by the dozens. The Tok'ra received word of his arrival then disappearance from planets but had yet to catch up to him. 

The only information they received from the Tok'ra recently though was regarding some big secret meeting. Jacob had spoken to him earlier saying that there was a meeting being set up between two system lords. It was a hush-hush meeting and no one was certain of just who the lords were. The Tok'ra intercepted a message regarding the meeting. It was to take place on Naveria and it was supposed to be very important. Jack wondered just what the hell that message had to do with Daniel. Jacob's only response was that preparations were made for a human slave to accompany the visiting system lord and that slaves rarely accompanied their masters to such secret meetings. Wow, a human slave. What the hell did that have to do with Daniel? Jack was certain that Jacob was hoping the human slave was their missing friend. It was a slim chance and most likely that slave wasn't his friend but Jacob was becoming just as desperate as he was to find some indication that Daniel Jackson was still alive and still out there somewhere. A small hope, no matter how minute it was, is still better than no hope at all. 

Jacob needed that slave to be Daniel just as he needed that slave to be Daniel. They both needed some sign, some indication that Daniel was still alive and still a prisoner. They both needed proof, substantial proof. Jack was certain Daniel lived for if he didn't his heart would probably be broken in two but there was still that possibility hovering nearby always that Daniel just might be...Jack shook his head refusing to accept that answer. Daniel was still alive! He knew that he was! They just had to find him. 

They had been searching for Daniel now for what a month, two months? They still had yet to locate him or hear anything about him. They still dialed up the planet he had disappeared from but had little else to go on. It would be a miracle if Daniel were this human slave being taken to the meeting...a miracle that didn't have a chance in hell of occurring. 

Jack sighed heavily as he glanced out of his window staring up at the night sky. He knew that Daniel was out there...somewhere. God he missed that man. He missed going to bed at night with Daniel curled up beside him. He missed watching the man drift asleep and listening to his soft whispers of love in the middle of the night. He missed how those beautiful eyes would focus on him filled with desire, passion and love. He missed his fiery mate. Daniel was his lifeline. He lived for Daniel. He lived to taste him, kiss him, touch him, comfort him, hold him, love him... God, he missed Daniel so badly that it hurt. He wanted to scream and cry out about how unfair it was that he was stolen away. Why him? Why the hell was Daniel always the one who ended up in danger or missing? Why? 

He became so frustrated that he exited his house walking aimlessly in the night needing to find comfort and solace in the one man he could not find. Without realizing it he found himself at Daniel's home. He entered and headed directly for the man's bedroom laying down on the bed and inhaling the deep scent that was all Daniel. Daniel's scent still clung to the mattress, pillows and blankets even after being gone for several weeks. Jack didn't try to make sense of why he could still smell his lover's scent amongst covers that should no longer be holding onto it. He didn't care. He was just relieved that he could still enjoy Daniel's scent even in his absence. He curled up burrowing under Daniel's covers feeling fresh tears leak from his eyes as he recalled the man who once lived here. God he missed that man so badly that it hurt. It hurt to breathe; it hurt to work...it hurt to be alive when his lover was in great peril. God, Daniel...if only you were here. If only... 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Several Hours Later...

Daniel was still being made to remain in the kneel forward position. His arms and legs were now far passed the numbing point. His body was extremely stiff and he wanted desperately to move but knew the consequences of such actions. He swallowed hard listening as someone entered the room feeling relieved when Osiris excused the guard then lowered beside him asking, "Is my servant still aching for his lord?" 

Osiris then casually reached between his legs, gently wrapping his hand around his erection. He unconsciously moaned aloud as the simple touch ignited pleasure within. He heard Osiris chuckling and closed his eyes tightly shut. He shivered as Sarah's voice filled the room as she spoke in a husky voice, "Yes Daniel, that is how you must respond to your lord always. Every touch, every caress and every brush of my hand should inflame you, excite you and begin an insistent craving and yearning deep within you." 

"Yes My Lord," came Daniel's whispered reply. 

"Now my precious servant that is enough training for you tonight. You may arise so that we can go to bed. Come." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

Daniel attempted to move hissing as pain answered his efforts. He gasped as strong arms suddenly braced him and physically pulled him to his feet. He was again reminded of just how physically strong a Goa’uld could make its host. When he was on his feet his body started to quiver and he began to softly moan in pain as feeling started to flow back into previously numb limbs. He gasped again finding himself wrapped snugly in Osiris' arms and hoisted off of his feet being cradled as if he were a mere child. He continued to groan and hiss as feeling continued to flood his body. Osiris carried him to their bed and laid him down gently urging him to lie on his stomach. Once he had Daniel settled in the bed he spoke, "Rest, my precious Daniel. Rest and relax. Allow me to help ease the discomfort you are now in. Shh, shh...relax and allow me to help ease the stiffness in your limbs and body... MY'LA!" 

The woman entered the room immediately upon her lord's call and bowed to him noticing that his newest servant was now lying on his stomach wincing. She had heard that he was being punished by his lord but not of how he was suffering. She watched him assuring herself that he was not marked or bleeding. She then focused on Osiris replying, "Yes My Lord?" 

"Ah My'la, please bring a bottle of my favorite massage oil." 

"Yes My Lord." 

She left the room returning with the oil he requested. Then she bowed before continuing, "Does My Lord have any other requests?" 

"Yes, please dim the lights as you leave. Light some of those candles you are so fond of and leave us undisturbed. Return in a few hours to make certain that the candles are properly extinguished should we happen to drift off before your return." 

"Yes My Lord." 

She quickly did as bid leaving to retrieve some of the candles her lord requested. After she exited their bedchamber Osiris straddled Daniel gently hushing him as he spoke soothingly, "What I want my precious servant to do is relax and allow me to help ease the stiffness and pain from your body. Relax, my sweet Daniel, relax." 

"Hmm, yes My Lord." 

Daniel complied and shortly, thereafter, his hisses of pain turned into sighs of pleasure and relief as Osiris started a slow, sensual massage across his body starting with his neck and shoulder muscles. He inhaled deeply as heady scents filled the room. As Osiris started to work massage oil into his back he felt his body and mind begin to relax as the soothing smells of ylang-ylang, sandalwood and jasmine filled the bedchamber. He moaned softly as the small dainty fingers of Sarah's started to work magic into the stiff, painful muscles of his neck. As the fingers gently squeezed the tense muscles of his neck working up towards the base of his skull he could feel the tension slipping away. He groaned louder as those same hands moved to his shoulders. He relaxed further as those hands started to work the kinks out of his muscles. The first strokes started out as long, flowing and gliding strokes. He hissed several times as fingers bit and dug into sore muscles but it wasn't long before the pain subsided to be replaced by a warm, tingly feeling of absolute calm. He felt himself begin to relax as Osiris continued to massage him working well-practiced fingers into taut muscles making them soft and pliable in his hands. The stiffness and pain subsided quickly under the newest touch. He felt those hands working the muscles of his shoulders, neck, back and arms then trailing down to knead at his buttocks. He wanted to yank away and fight against the sudden intimate touch but was too relaxed. 

He faintly heard someone enter the bedchamber and wondered who was there. He listened to the soft swooshing of feet against plush carpet and determined that the visitor was now beside their bed. As Osiris softly spoke he heard the Goa'uld lord saying thank you to one of his servants and telling them that they could now leave them for the evening. As he heard a woman's soft voice reply with a ‘yes My Lord’ he realized their visitor was My'la. He listened to her exit, groaning again as Osiris continued to knead and pinch his buttocks lightly. He suddenly became aware that his penis was openly responding to the sudden touch on his backside, throbbing and aching intensely as it remained very hard beneath him. The cock ring was obviously functioning well if he was still so very hard after so many hours. He felt as if he had a damned permanent hard on that just didn't want to soften. 

After kneading his buttocks so tenderly Osiris worked on soothing the muscles of his legs and massaging his feet. Daniel felt much more relaxed than he had previously. He became aware that Osiris was gently urging him to roll over onto his back and without thought he readily complied with the order. He was completely caught off guard when Osiris suddenly bent down, planted a kiss on the tip of his very hard cock then laved his tongue back and forth across head of his penis several times. 

Daniel groaned feeling his breath hitch in his throat as the simple gestures sent new heat traveling and surging throughout his body. As that warm, moist tongue flicked across the head of his penis several more times he became aware that he was very turned on and aching to reach climax. He desperately grasped the sheet beneath him bunching it up in both of his hands as he moaned loudly in pleasure and his body arched up to offer more to that tantalizing mouth now pleasuring him. He gasped this time hissing as, in the next moment, his entire dick became engulfed in Sarah's mouth. As he became aware that she had managed to take him completely into her moist mouth all he could utter was, "Oh God!" 

He tried to remember that Osiris was the one who was orally pleasuring him and not Sarah. He desperately wanted to deny the Goa'uld lord but that mouth wrapped around him just felt so damned good. He instantly trapped his heart away so that his love for Jack wouldn't be tainted by the amazing pleasure and desire Osiris was now evoking within him. He allowed primal instinct to take over and allowed the intense pleasure and euphoria to take hold of him. 

As Osiris started to gently suck him and those soft hands, Sarah's hands, started to roam Daniel was certain that he'd become lost in passion. He felt explosive desire and heat flooding him and became enveloped in the raw desire and pleasure such an act was inciting within him. 

Osiris pulled back to the head of Daniel's penis and started to run his tongue in circles around the swollen, pulsing head teasing and taunting him. Daniel forced himself to watch as pleasure continued to consume him. He stared intently at the one now servicing him so thoroughly. He felt his mouth begin to dry as watching Osiris pay such careful close attention to him effectively heated him up further. He hissed as Osiris raised his head focusing Sarah's eyes on his face watching him with just as much interest as he was. As those eyes flared bright white with a hot intensity Daniel felt his desire grow to overwhelming proportions. 

Osiris continued to watch his slave's face as he flicked his tongue rapidly back and forth across the tip of the man's very erect penis. Oh yes, his slave was very passionate indeed. The fire and passion that the man kept locked away was extremely intense. He could tell that Daniel was enjoying being pleased immensely. Oh, yes, his little slave was quite a passionate, desirable creature. He was very pleased with his slave, very pleased. He chuckled huskily around the man's penis as Daniel broke eye contact only to moan loudly and toss his head back in immense euphoria. Yes, this is the side of Daniel Jackson he had craved to see for so long. This side of the man was beautiful to behold, indeed. The man was obviously passionate though he locked that passion away so few ever saw this side of him. He could feel his host's body continuing to respond to the man groaning and moaning beneath them. The heat and moisture at his middle was very noticeable as Sarah's body yielded her fresh juices in response to being intensely turned on. Feeling that damp, warm, moisture between his legs drove Osiris to distraction. Oh, yes this was one of the reasons he chose to remain in a female body instead of finding a new male host. With a female he could experience new pleasures and new feelings. The feel of Sarah's heat between his legs fired him up and made him even more excited and aroused. Osiris was certain he was going to explode as his servant spoke again, "Please, oh God please..." 

Osiris continued to taunt and torment still watching Daniel's face as he responded so openly and so willingly to his touches and intimate samplings. As his servant spoke in a voice full of need and overwhelming desire Osiris could feel the heat between his legs only increase as Sarah's juices continued to soak into the thin panties she so loved to wear. He was certain they would need a thorough cleaning after tonight. He smiled broadly as Daniel's next words came out pleadingly, "Please...oh God...please My Lord...please... Please, I beg of you, My Lord...please..." 

"Please what my precious? What does my precious servant require of his lord?" 

Daniel could no longer hold back his pleas of desire. He wanted to climax, hell he ached and burned to climax. He felt as if he would explode if he soon didn't reach his apex. As Osiris stopped his tongue action Daniel thought he would lose it and instantly begged for release. As his lord asked him what he required he willing answered, "My Lord, please, please..." 

"Tell me what you desire my precious. Tell me and I will grant you your desire." 

"Please...oh God...My Lord, please allow me to climax for you. Please, My Lord. I beg of you please allow me to come for you. PLEASE!" 

Osiris returned to licking Daniel then again engulfed him sucking him harder and harder urging the man to climax. He wanted desperately to taste his servant's sweet nectar and set to work determined to draw the prize from him. He grinned as Daniel suddenly cried out as he finally hit orgasm. Osiris watched him intently wanting to see the man's face as he erupted for him. When Daniel's body finally yielded the much sought after prize Osiris gladly drank of his offering then focused on licking the man clean before quickly shedding his royal robes until he was as naked as his precious slave. He smiled as Daniel continued to breathe heavily as his fulfillment was reached. He watched the man then pressed his hot body against Daniel hearing the man groan in pleasure the instant the skin on skin contact was made. He then slowly slid his host's body up across that of his slave's and gently pressed a kiss to Daniel's lips. He moaned in satisfaction and pleasure as Daniel's arms wrapped around him to hold him closely. He snuggled in the hold before kissing Daniel again then speaking softly, "That is how I wish my slave to respond to me always." 

Daniel swallowed hard still trying to regain a normal semblance of breathing before replying, "Yes My Lord." 

Osiris smiled cupping Daniel's face between his hands as he continued in the soft tone, "You just rest, my precious servant. You must be very tired. Rest and relax." 

"Hmm...yes My Lord." 

As sleep started to flow over him and passion started to dissipate Daniel realized what he had just done. He had openly responded to his captor and betrayed Jack. Oh God! He felt tears piercing his eye lids and quietly whispered, "Oh God Jack please forgive me." 

He could feel the beginnings of shame fill him as the realization that he so willingly flaunted himself and responded to the snake entered him. What had he done? What could he do? He had no choice but to respond to the snake but he still felt dirty and used. This was only the first time...he was certain with the amount of lust and yearning he has seen in Osiris' eyes that this would not be the last time he would have to give the system lord sexual favors to keep him appeased and keep him from destroying others to maintain his absolute obedience and submission. He had little time to focus on that guilt though for sleep quickly claimed him. 

Early the next morning he awoke finding himself still very naked and wrapped in the silky arms of Sarah. As he opened his eyes to look at her face he recalled a time long ago when they had been lovers. They were no longer for Sarah was now a Goa'uld. Sarah was no more. She was a host to a parasite being controlled by it and repressed by it. He tried to remember what had happened the previous night and as he became aware of his very naked state the memories of last night plagued him. Oh God he had responded to the snake. He had willingly climaxed for the creature holding him prisoner. He had begged to be granted release. God, Jack...Jack would probably hate him now for he betrayed their love. He betrayed Jack. God, how could he have so openly responded to the snake? Sure Osiris threatened to destroy another world but could he prevent that fate from happening? Of course not who was he trying to fool? He couldn't even save those people on Alandria. He could feel his guilt and shame collapsing inward on himself. He wanted to cry, to scream, to yell. He had to escape this horrible prison. He had to escape and get free of the system lord who was determined to own him body and soul. If he didn't get away he might very well lose himself here. 

As the woman beside him moaned he clenched his eyes shut recalling how beautiful and kind Sarah was before Osiris took hold of her. She was so innocent and now she was trapped. He watched her as she slept. Her face was as beautiful now as it had been the day Osiris took control. She was a vision of beauty and innocence now marred by the evil parasite within her. As he lay there watching her sleeping he could feel his heart stirring for her. He had loved her at one time. Had loved her and had planned to marry her...then he disappeared from her life. He never told her he wanted to marry her even though the thought had crossed his mind on several occasions, but their relationship just wasn't meant to be. 

He continued watching her noticing the light complexion of her face, and the smooth contours that attained to her youthfulness. Sarah was young...too young to have her life stolen from her by such an evil creature. Her hair was a bit longer than it had been before, kind of like his...though his seemed to grow at a much faster rate then hers. His hair was almost as long as it had been the day he had first met Jack O'Neill. Boy if Jack could see him now what would he say? He'd probably be surprised to see that the unruly mop of hair was back hanging in his eyes and lying across his forehead...well that's what Jack had called it before...an unruly mop...Daniel, of course, liked the longer hair but now he wasn't so fond of it. In fact, he preferred the shorter haircut because it made him look older, more mature and Osiris insisted that short hair was not for him...so of course he wanted that short hair back...maybe if his hair was shorter again he would be less appealing to the system lord and the damned snake would be able to keep his hands to himself. He had noticed that ever since his capture Osiris had to touch him, stroke his hair, trace his face, rub his arm...little gestures that spoke volumes of how much Osiris desired to make him more than just a mere servant. The snake had been attracted to him since the beginning. Sarah probably helped heat up the snake's desire for him...he hated to think of all the nice little memories Osiris probably received of his time with Sarah...they had a rather intense sex life...to say the least. They also had an experimental sex life...when he was with her that was the first time he ever slept with another man...Sarah had suggested trying a threesome and invited one of her college buddies over. Needless to say the evening was quite...stimulating. He shivered as he thought of the other things they had experimented with in their sex life. God, please let Osiris not have a yearning to try some of those things. 

As she moaned again he immediately cast his eyes away. The last thing he needed was for Osiris to realize he had been staring. He inhaled sharply trying not to jerk away when Sarah's hand suddenly caressed the left side of his face. It was difficult sometimes to remember that this thing beside him wasn't Sarah. He so wanted to jerk away but the threat Osiris had made the previous night kept him immobile. He shuddered inside as Osiris spoke, "My precious Daniel come it is time we rise again. You must be refitted with your chastity belt though I would much prefer you as you are..." 

He jumped as the other hand suddenly wrapped around his genitals. He wanted to jerk away but made himself remain still. He closed his eyes as he felt that hand caress him and gently manipulate the cock ring sliding it off his genitals. Osiris continued, "Unfortunately you must remain flaccid so that your beautiful penis will fit back into it's tight metal tube...poor man having to remain flaccid, unable to touch yourself and unable to climax while locked in chastity...but it is all for your own good, love. All for your own good for if others were to see what an amazing piece you have nestled between your thighs I am sure that they would desire to own you. We must lock you back up nice and tight to keep you safe from others and safe from yourself. After all you are a slave, my slave, and as a slave you are forbidden to satisfy yourself. You may only satisfy yourself for your god and no other so up...rise up and submit to My'la's care. You may go bathe first if you would like then you must return to receive your chastity belt. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Then go...you have no need of robes you may enter the bath house wearing nothing but your collar and leash. I rather enjoy watching you parade about in nothing but that sexy body of yours. You must keep it hidden so often...you will also report to the priest for your daily shave. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Actually I shall send him to you." 

“No, please My Lord..." 

"All right then you will go see him. You will dress in your robe to report to him. I do not wish for others to see you fully exposed to their eyes. It is a privilege and an honor to be able to look upon my favored's genitals." 

Daniel swallowed hard in response to that comment then rose out of the bed and entered the bathhouse. He wasted little time bathing fearing that Osiris might just find an excuse to join him and not wanting to have to offer his body up for the system lord again so soon. 

After finishing he hesitantly re-entered their bedchamber and grabbed his robe, hating the fact that he had to report to the priest daily to have his pubic hair shaved off. Osiris didn't want him to have any hair on or near his genitals. He requested that Daniel report to the priest once a week to be shaved. He wrapped the robe around him and reported to the priest feeling the humiliation that always trailed him when he was made to lay upon the altar and spread his legs open wide for the priest to perform his daily cleansing. 

He entered the priest's chambers feeling every nerve stand on end as the priest approached saying, "Ah Master Daniel, you have come for your daily cleansing." 

"Yes." 

"Very good. Please disrobe before me." 

He hesitantly complied with the priest's demands swallowing hard as his next order was softly spoken, "Very good...now lie upon the altar and open yourself for my ministrations." 

God how he hated this! Why the hell did he have to be shaved weekly and why the hell couldn't Osiris allow him to do it himself...or if the fuckin' snake insisted why not allow My'la or Zeenan to do it. He felt so much more comfortable in their presence. While with the priest he felt uneasy. He was certain that the man drew some sick, twisted pleasure from shaving him. God this was so damned humiliating! 

He slowly sat down on the altar before lying back like he was told. He immediately turned his head to the left closing his eyes not wanting to see the priest preparing the razor for his cleansing. He wanted to fight and resist. He wanted to tell the priest he would not submit to this degradation but he had no choice. The priest had resorted to using shackles to restrain him in place when he fought previously. He still could remember how much more humiliating that had been. The priest had grown tired of his resistance and called in several guards who so kindly pinned him to the altar, locked his wrists into shackles that were imbedded into either side of the altar and grabbed his leash yanking on it painfully while his legs were forced into stirrups that spread him painfully open and made him shamelessly exposed for all to see. His legs had been locked in place at the ankles, the knees and the upper thighs to insure that he couldn't move them. Another strap had been pulled securely across his hips and waist to secure him to the altar so that he would be unable to move while being shaved. Along with taking his damn good old time to shave him the priest allowed the guards to hold him immobile and to maintain the vicious hold they had on his lead chain. The priest also took the razor across his middle not once or twice but four times telling him he had to make certain that no hair remained. Daniel did not care to have a repeat performance of those times. He had been willing to cooperate with the priest the week after that but instead of allowing him the opportunity to willingly cooperate he was again locked into the horrible restraints and held by guards. He was made to suffer that method of being shaved for a month. He learned to willingly cooperate with the priest after that. 

He felt his body automatically tense as he heard the priest laying out his materials. He then heard the next command, "Open up for me, Master Daniel. You must widen your legs a bit more." 

Daniel obeyed still refusing to look at the priest or even watch what he was doing. He felt the cream being applied to his groin and then the razor and forced himself to remain still while the priest carefully shaved him. Once done the priest cleaned him then applied soothing lotion to the area just shaved. He then said, "Very good...one more area to shave." 

God, he hated this even more. He lifted to allow the priest to place several pillows underneath his hips, which successfully arched his middle upwards allowing for easy access to his anal area. He gripped the edges of the altar beneath his fingers feeling the ancient stone dig into his palms and using that sensation to keep his mind preoccupied while the priest shaved the hair off from around his anus. God, why did he have to be shaved there as well? Osiris wasn't just satisfied with his groin being shaved he wanted the hair that naturally grew around a person's anus to be shaved as well. A gentle tap to his right hip indicated that he could lift up again and the pillows were removed. He sat up and accepted his robe from the priest's hand. He quickly put it back on then forced himself to bow to the priest in a show of respect and gratitude as he said, "Thank you for my daily cleansing, my priest." 

"You are quite welcome. I shall see you again next week, Master Daniel." 

He quickly exited the priest's chamber feeling ash in his mouth. He hated having to thank the damned priest for his shaving as well. This was another demand the priest insisted upon. If he refused to thank him then the following week he would be treated to the stirrups. How he hated having to be subservient to so many people in Osiris' legion. It grated on his damned nerves having to remain meek and submissive to those more powerful than he. He had to get away from this ship, away from Osiris and away from the place that was now his prison and his hell. 

He quickly returned to the bedchamber seeing My'la already there awaiting his return. She said, "Are you ready to be fitted?" 

"Uh...yes..." 

My'la lowered her voice to a soothing pitch as she addressed him, "First you must relax yourself. You always become so upset when we must do this." 

Daniel cast a shy glance at the servant before breaking the gaze and focusing on the floor beneath his feet. My'la simply shook her head wondering if Daniel would ever grow comfortable and relaxed with this. He was very shy when it came to issues relating to his sexuality or to sex in general. She had noticed early on that he needed privacy to do many things. It was because of that need that she allowed him to bathe alone and that she didn't walk right in when he was in their lord's chamber alone. Even her lord must have realized that side of Daniel Jackson, for he had been slow and patient with the man the previous night. She had watched from the doorway as Osiris massaged Daniel before setting to work pleasing him. She had been surprised that instead of demanding Daniel satisfy him first Osiris chose to service his servant. She wondered if it was because he did not want to frighten the man. 

She worked on securing the belt around his waist then carefully fitting the front shield in place. She noticed that he was a bit jittery, which was unusual...except she knew that Daniel had just returned from the priest's chambers. He was also more nervous and anxious after visiting the priest...another thing that confused her. She knew that the priest would never harm Osiris' favored or dare to touch him in any inappropriate way yet each and every time Daniel returned from there he was more anxious. The only thing she could figure is that the priest made him feel uneasy for some reason or another. As she noticed the sudden increase in Daniel's breathing she spoke soothingly again, "We are almost done, Master Daniel. You must stay calm." 

"My'la, I told you to call me Daniel, not master..." 

"Master is your proper title for you serve Osiris and you are his favored...to us you are our master..." 

"No...please, just call me Daniel. I master no one." 

"Daniel, why do you find it so difficult to accept the honored title of master?" 

"Because I'm not a master...to anyone...I am a slave just like you. I am no master." 

"But you are. You may wear the marks of a servant but all know that you are equal to our lord. You are equal to the great goddess Isis..." 

"No! Why does everyone insist on comparing me to her...no...My'la, I'm a simple human being...a Tau'ri...an enemy not an equal to Osiris." 

"Master Daniel, you are a very intriguing individual..." 

Daniel sighed heavily then simply replied, "Yes, so I've been told." 

My'la smiled at that response then worked on finishing locking him back into chastity. She noticed that he seemed a bit more relaxed and was relieved when she finished securing the belt to his physique. He seemed to know the instant she was done for he relaxed a bit then moved to the bed without her having to tell him to. She then performed her next duty gently massaging the oil into Daniel's flesh to make his body shine and shimmer in the light. Once she was finished with that task she leaned down beside his right ear and whispered, "Daniel, it is time for you to awake and rise." 

Daniel's quiet sleepy voice echoed throughout the bed chamber, "Wha...what? What is it My'la?" 

She giggled before answering, "You fell asleep during your preparations. It is time for you to join our lord in his throne room." 

"Yeah...a moment please..." 

"Daniel, you are a strange..." 

"Don't say it...I already know." 

She giggled again watching as he arose to his feet and headed to the lord's throne room. 

Zeenan smiled warmly as he saw Daniel enter, approach Osiris, elegantly bow then apologize in docile yet appealing tones to his lord for being late. Osiris merely smiled at him, nodded his head then spoke softly, "Come Daniel. Come sit with me." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Zeenan only shook his head in awe and surprise. Daniel's speech lessons were now deeply engrained in him. He was graceful and sensual in every move, gesture and comment he made. He had the attention of all who were present in the main room as soon as he entered and Osiris seemed extremely happy. In fact, Osiris has been in a much better mood since Daniel Jackson became his prisoner and his servant. He smiled warmly towards Daniel when he cast a glance his way and nodded his head in a show of respect and greeting. Daniel never failed to greet all those in the room. He never neglected to at least acknowledge one's presence. In fact, he seemed to try his hardest to treat everyone as equals and to greet everyone in turn. He watched the man who in such a short time earned his respect and his allegiance. Daniel was almost like a brother to him. He viewed the man as such and was pleased when Daniel reciprocated. He knew that Daniel was not happy here. He desperately missed his friends, his world, and his other life yet he tried to make the best of things. Occasionally he would find Daniel sitting by an open view port just gazing up into the night sky. He had questioned Daniel on several occasions about why he seemed so enamored with the stars and space. Daniel would often simply smile and say that they made him feel calm and relaxed. One night he had admitted that the sky made him think of places he had visited, world's he had been to and people he had met.

 

* * * *

 

As evening fell Daniel made his way quickly to the bathhouse wanting desperately to sink into the water and wash away the feelings of disgust, of outrage and of humiliation he felt upon submitting to his captor so openly and so willingly the previous evening. He quickly undressed and rushed to the bath slowly easing into the warm water and moaning as he slipped his body down beneath the surface. This is what he had been waiting for all day and all evening. His body felt so dirty and so soiled that he was desperate to clean it and scrub it. 

Daniel wasted little time seizing a washcloth and soap. He quickly applied a rich lather to his skin then began to scrub vigorously until his skin burned and tingled under the pressure and under the unprovoked assault. He felt so dirty and so cheap. He needed to rinse himself off, to rinse off that touch and rid himself of the feelings of betrayal that continued to boil within him. He lowered into the water rinsing his body of all the soap but still felt so very dirty so without further thought he again focused on vigorously applying a rich lather of soap across his now burning flesh followed by forceful scrubbing that only gave his tanned flesh a red cast and made his body hurt all the more. He had to get rid of that scent, of that touch, of all trace of the one who had violated him last evening. He hadn't been raped...no, he had however allowed the Goa'uld lord to use him. He had responded to the snake and had allowed it to draw a response from his unyielding body but he wasn't raped. NO...men didn't get raped...it was sex, just sex...not even sex...oral sex...that's all no rape and no assault had occurred. Osiris had been very gentle and slow. He wasn't raped. A rape required violence...a rape required one being beaten...he had not been beaten. He had simply been used. Osiris had been gentle and there was no force. He hadn't been raped. HE HADN'T! 

Daniel cursed as he continued to scrub his body a third time still feeling so ashamed and so cheap. He shook his head as he started mumbling, "No, not raped, wasn't raped...no...just sex, sex...he gave me pleasure and I responded that's all. THAT'S ALL!" 

So why did he feel as if he had been sexually assaulted by the Goa'uld lord? Why did he feel as if he had been violated? Why did he feel as if he had been ambushed and attacked? Why did he feel like he had been raped after all? Because you were...NO! He wasn't! NO! How could it be rape? How? There was no violence, none! Daniel unconsciously wrapped his arms around his body protectively and started to rock slowly back and forth staring at the water still bubbling around him. He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard a voice so faint, a voice that sounded so much like Jack O'Neill's responding to his last thought, 'He destroyed a planet, Daniel. He destroyed an entire race of beings to get your cooperation. You were raped Daniel, raped. You did nothing wrong. You were assaulted...' 

NO! No, no, NO! He silently screamed for the voice of reason, the voice that sounded exactly like his love, to cease...of course like Jack the voice was persistent. He whispered, "Stubborn bastard!" 

Oh God, was he losing it now? He was having a damned conversation with a voice that sounded like Jack's. He was talking to Jack when the man wasn't even here. He was nowhere near here. Why was he speaking with Jack as if he were in the room? Why did the voice in his head sound exactly like his lover? Why? 

He felt shivers travel the length of his spine as that icy cold word screamed in his head: RAPE...he had been raped... NO! No! I was not raped! It was sex, pleasure...not, not...NO! Again that voice whispered in his mind making him feel even more anxious and upset, 'Yes you were, Daniel. You haven't betrayed anyone. You were betrayed...you were attacked and used. He destroyed a planet Daniel...you didn't want sex, even said no but he still found a means to force your hand. In my book that's rape...that's rape Daniel.' 

"Shut up Jack! Shut up! I can't handle this! I can't! Didn't happen! It never happened!" 

'It did and the sooner you realize it the sooner you will be able to begin to heal.' 

"NO! NO!" 

He curled inward on himself, folding like a chair making him self into a small ball feeling water running down over his exposed skin and feeling fear, pain, anger, rage and shame flood him. Oh God, oh God he had been...he had been...and it would happen again...it would. Osiris wouldn't be satisfied with just one night. The Goa'uld lord seemed extremely pleased with how well his servant functioned in the bedroom. Yeah, I'm his perfect little fuck toy now. He won't get rid of me. He'll never let me go. Never. 

Trapped, he was trapped. He wanted to cry but all he felt was this intense rage and anger and it was all directed at one individual, at one vindictive creature. He wanted to hurt that snake, to hurt him and make him pay for what he had done. He wanted to hurt...he so wanted to make that serpent suffer as he was now suffering. God he was becoming something he hated and despised. He was becoming a creature without a heart, one that would kill to escape and not care of what the consequences of such an action would reap on him. What was happening to him? He was starting to disappear, to be swallowed up in this never-ending hell that was now his life. Oh God, did he ever need someone's help to pull him back from the path he was now headed in. He needed someone to catch him when he fell into the abyss...hell he needed Jack for without Jack O'Neill with him he was losing himself and becoming more and more of what Osiris wanted. He was forgetting who he truly was and transforming into something too hideous to even consider. Jack was his salvation but Jack was gone. He might never see Jack again and without Jack, without the man's strong steadfast support and comfort he was doomed. 

Daniel finished his bath hesitantly rising out of the water to grab up the towel lying off to the side. His mind wouldn't allow him to forget the events of the previous evening. He had allowed the Goa'uld lord, his captor, to use him. He had allowed it and he had responded. He willingly betrayed his lover to satisfy a serpent. Oh God, he could never go back now. Never. How could he ever face Jack again knowing that he...that he...knowing what he had done? But he had no choice! NO CHOICE! If he would've refused, God if he would've refused...all those people were dead now, a planet was no more...destroyed because...because Osiris wanted more from him than just his company. He wanted so much more and he had no choice but to sacrifice him self, sacrifice his body to appease the system lord and to keep him from doing it again. Osiris would never quit. He would always hold that threat and the threats on Earth, on Jack over him for the rest of his life. Those threats would hold him here and make him more a prisoner of Osiris then the collar, leash and chastity belt ever could... 

Osiris smiled as he watched his servant enter their bedchamber. He could smell the soft aroma of soap and shampoo clinging to Daniel's smooth, supple skin. He watched his servant as the man approached his desk. He was rather certain that Daniel didn't yet realize he was in the room. Osiris smiled as he continued to silently observe the man. He remembered just how enjoyable the previous evening was and wanted to take things even further. He continued to watch Daniel feeling his need and his desire for the man increase. 

Daniel sat down at his desk feeling his rage continue to build. Why did he feel so angry at the moment? Why? It was unlike him to feel such intense rage and anger. As he glanced up at himself in the mirror his rage only increased. He noticed the tight clenching of his jaw, the stony look that even now was spreading across his face and the fury making his eyes spark like blue fire. Rage and anger were emotions he rarely allowed himself to experience for when he did he was uncertain as to just what all he might be capable of. As he continued to gaze at the bitter, outraged man in that mirror he became aware that his palms ached. He focused on his hands realizing why...he was actually clenching his hands so tightly together that he was ramming his fingernails into his palms. The pain was a small irritant but instead of easing the tension there he only tightened his fists more feeling the need to lash out at something, at anything. 

Why the hell did Osiris have to use him, have to force him to respond so willingly to him? Why had he allowed himself to get caught up in that onslaught of arousal and desire? Why had he dared to allow himself to need fulfillment from his captor? Why had he so willingly betrayed the one he claimed to love with all his heart...Jack. Oh God, he’d betrayed Jack... 

He jumped as hands suddenly gripped him about his upper shoulders. Without looking he knew who was now touching him and he hated that being, that creature with every fiber of his being. Without hesitating he snapped, "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, DAMN IT!" 

He jerked so violently from that hold that he struck the desk causing it to shake enough to set several things to overturn in response. He directed his attention back to the serpent as those hands found him again. He jerked out of his seat upturning his chair with the abruptness of the action turning to glare sinisterly at the one who refused to back off and leave him alone. He continued still in an outraged voice, "Keep your damned hands off of me! I don't want to be touched! Leave me the hell alone!" 

"Daniel..." 

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" 

Osiris had been startled upon hearing Daniel's angry words and as the man jumped to his feet his concern only increased. Daniel was so angry right now. As he took the time to study his servant he could see that deep down inside the man was seething with anger. He was a bit confused as to where the sudden rage originated. Osiris refused to back off as he suggested, "Daniel come. Let us sit. We must discuss some things." 

"NO!" 

Osiris reached out to place his hands on Daniel's shoulders prepared to make the suggestion again but when Daniel responded by violently shoving his arms away Osiris could feel his own anger increase. He spoke with barely controlled civility, "Daniel, if you will not do as I tell you willingly then I will be forced to move you to where I desire you to sit." 

"Keep your damned hands off of me!" 

"Daniel, this is foolishness. You have no reason to be angry..." 

"No reason? NO REASON! Why you son of a bitch!" 

"DANIEL! You are testing my patience. This course of action is unwise. You will sit where I tell you and we will speak of what is bothering you." 

"What's bothering me? What's bothering me? Oh you actually give a shit about how I feel? That's a damned joke, that's a laugh...don't patronize me!" 

"I do not patronize, my precious one..." 

Daniel lashed out at the serpent grabbing Osiris about the upper arms prepared to shake him. Osiris focused cold eyes on him as he spoke in an even menacing tone, "Tell me what you intend to do, my precious one. Do not start a battle that you cannot win. I am much stronger than you. I can easily take control of you. You do not want to anger me for you will not like the result." 

"Leave me alone!" 

Daniel refused to yield his hold so without hesitation Osiris countered by jerking free of Daniel's grasp, gripping him about the shoulders and directing him to the bed forcing him to sit down on the mattress. Daniel's anger only increased as the Goa'uld lord took control of him so swiftly. He refused to accept defeat as he lashed out clawing Osiris across the face and grabbing for the serpent's neck with the intent to kill. 

Osiris growled and hissed as Daniel's nails raked across his cheek drawing blood to the surface. When the man's fingers found and encircled his throat Osiris shoved him down on the bed intending to pin the man in place. In one fell swoop he had Daniel's body pinned back first on the bed his arms now above his head secured on either side of his body within the painful hold. Daniel growled as he resorted to bucking and struggling against his captor. 

Osiris sighed heavily as he spoke evenly, "You should accept defeat my dear Daniel, for the longer you struggle the more you will tire. I am much stronger than you. To fight me is senseless." 

"Get off! GET OFF!" 

"I will not. You are in need of restraining for your anger is great..." 

"FUCK YOU!" 

"Daniel, it is very unwise for you to continue to anger your god. You will only bring about more pain. Now cease your ridiculous attempts at evading me." 

Daniel was so outraged that he was now effectively pinned to the bed and Osiris had gained control so quickly. The damned son of a bitch! All he wanted was for the snake to get off of him and leave him alone. He lashed out again feeling a small victory as his foot impacted flesh and the snake hissed as pain flared in his shin. 

Osiris' response to that kick was to lie on top of him and force his wrists firmly against the mattress. The Goa'uld's physical strength effectively pinned him in place and as that lithe body pressed so intimately against his own Daniel felt his anger dissipate to be replaced by fear and panic. The Goa'uld lord was now pinning him to the bed and was nearly naked. NO! As the realization that all the Goa'uld lord had to do was remove a thin barrier of cloth in order to rape him filled his mind he renewed his struggles fighting desperately to escape the creatures restrictive hold. 

Osiris noticed the instant that Daniel's anger dissipated and as he focused on his servant's handsome face he saw that strong emotion being replaced by another more powerful emotion...fear, not just fear but also panic. Daniel was panicking. Osiris became puzzled when he noticed the newest emotion that triggered Daniel to resist yet again. Why was his servant afraid? Why was he panicking? Sarah's voice came back to him as she answered, 'Because you have gained control over him...he is no longer thinking of harming us now he only wants desperately to regain the control he knows he has lost.' 

"I do not understand, Sarah." 

'He fears that you will now take advantage of him. You have gained control and now he fears that you will push him to service us again.' 

"It is his duty, Sarah..." 

'He is not yet ready to embark on such a journey again...it is too soon. You must let him go.' 

"What? No." 

Osiris again focused on Daniel noticing that the man was still struggling against him. He soothed and quieted his voice as he softly crooned, "Daniel, you must cease these attempts to resist your lord. You will grow tired and exhaust yourself. I will not leave you go until you can properly calm yourself. This behavior is unacceptable. You must relax and you must yield. I will not release you until you yield to me." 

"NEVER! I'D RATHER DIE!" 

"Daniel, I know that is not true. Please cease your struggles. I do not desire to harm you. I do not like keeping you pinned beneath me, for I know that I am hurting you. Please Daniel, you must stop. I do not wish to hurt you any longer." 

"NO!" 

He fought harder feeling his panic continue to build within the longer Osiris remained on top of him. All he wanted was for the system lord to get off of him. If Osiris would move then he could calm but as long as the serpent maintained such a painful hold and refused to get off of him he wouldn't be able to calm until his energy dissipated. 

Osiris was certain that Daniel wouldn't relax so he continued to keep a firm hold on the man only becoming fearful when Daniel's breathing became shaky and he started having difficulty drawing oxygen into his lungs. Osiris spoke in a calm tone as he tried to calm Daniel before breathing became an impossible task for the man. He said, "Daniel, Daniel you must listen to me. You must calm yourself or you will not be able to breathe. You must relax. Daniel, I will not harm you and I will not attack you. I know that you fear I will assault you but I will not. You must calm down. Please Daniel, please calm down." 

Daniel could feel his panic pushing him closer and closer to exhaustion. As his panic held him completely within its grasp he suddenly became aware of another problem. He couldn't breathe. Oh shit! He couldn't breathe! It hurt too much to breathe. He struggled to desperately pull air into his lungs but no matter how hard he tried he could feel himself gasping and gulping for air. Panic easily stole one's breath and showed no mercy when it did so. He clenched his eyes tightly shut immediately stilling against Osiris' painful hold struggling to regain control of his erratic breathing but his throat burned and throbbed making the effort so much harder than necessary. His fear of being raped became an all out fear of dying. He needed to breathe, oh God he needed to breathe! As he heard himself wheezing his fear only increased. What if he couldn't regain control of his breathing? God, he would soon pass out from oxygen deprivation. He needed to breathe. He could hear Osiris' voice drifting to him from so far away but no matter how he tried to focus on those words, focus on the command in those words he couldn't do it. He couldn't regain control and his mind flashed briefly to his lover. He was certain that he was about to die as his oxygen-starved lungs began to burn in response to the strain his panic had placed on his circulatory system. 

Daniel started to feel light headed. His ears began their incessant ringing as his head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton. He tried to think but that seemed almost as impossible as breathing did at the moment. His throat ached fiercely and his lungs burned as if they were on fire. His chest felt as if it were gripped in a vice that was slowly squeezing the air out of him. God, he felt like he was having a damned allergy attack, a major allergy attack but there were no flowers to set his sinuses off. He cried out not certain if he spoke aloud or in his mind for help. He couldn't regain control, oh God, oh shit he couldn't breathe and he could feel the darkness starting to close in around him. He had to breathe; he had to! Again he cried out for help. He felt his grasp on the conscious world slipping before hearing a faint voice telling him to fight, telling him he was having a panic attack and not to give in to the panic that now gripped him so effectively in its clutches. The voice was calm warm, familiar...the voice belonged to Jack and as Jack's voice echoed to him as if in a dream telling him ordering him to survive to fight Daniel suddenly felt that vice release and inhaled deeply of the oxygenated air that he had been deprived of for so long. As he inhaled he started to cough violently as his lungs protested the sudden opening of his airways. He could feel dampness on his cheeks and was certain that tears of pain had leaked out of his eyes while he fought to breathe freely again. 

Daniel could hear Jack's voice again speaking to him telling him to calm down and not inhale so rapidly and so deeply. He listened to that voice feeling his breathing beginning to ease and return to normal. As he succeeded in regaining a normal breathing pattern he could feel a pounding headache but pushed passed that headache long enough to whisper a quiet, "Thanks Jack," before exhaustion made him still. 

Osiris swallowed hard as his fear started to slowly disappear as Daniel succeeded in regaining his breathing. He carefully released his hold on the man's wrists frowning when his eyes scanned across the deep red marks now marring Daniel's perfect, flawless skin...he would have nasty bruises there for certain. Osiris was not proud of those marks he had to inflict on his servant to gain control over him. Yes Daniel had clawed his face and kicked him, but he would never deliberately inflict such harm on his servant. He would never willingly strike Daniel for any reason. He was ashamed to see those marks that told of what he had to do to gain control over Daniel when his anger took hold. He shook his head sadly before pressing a hand to Daniel's face and quietly hushing him. 

Daniel could feel the soft touch against his cheek and allowed him self to draw comfort from it. He kept his eyes closed as he continued to focus on breathing normally. He had come so close, so close. He hoped that he never became that panicked ever again. Jack had labeled the reaction a panic attack. What a proper name for an extremely scary response. He hoped never to have the privilege of experiencing that again. As he began to relax he listened to the voice of the one still atop him, "Daniel, are you all right? Please speak to me, my precious one. Please tell me if you are all right." 

Daniel only nodded hearing a sigh of relief escape from between Osiris' lips. He still kept his eyes closed feeling the pounding headache starting to abate some. Thank God for small favors! He heard Osiris again speaking to him and listened finding that speaking at the moment just was not going to happen, "Daniel I am sorry that I am partially responsible for creating your panic. I did not mean to harm you or upset you. I was merely attempting to restrain you until you regained your control. I do not draw any great pleasure from having to harm you so. If I had known that you would panic I would have never attempted such a restraint." 

Daniel merely nodded as he heard only about half of the words Osiris was speaking. He hurt everywhere. He felt as if he fought with a steer...and lost. He was certain part of the reason his body ached so much was due to having been deprived of oxygen and fighting so hard to regain his ability to breathe once again. All he wanted to do was curl up and sleep for about fifteen hours. He jumped as Osiris pressed a light kiss to his lips then to his cheek feeling his panic threatening to surface again. 

Sarah noticed the sudden tenseness in Daniel's body upon the soft kiss and felt it necessary to warn Osiris to be careful. She interrupted, 'My Lord, please be careful with how you proceed. He is still recovering from his panic you do not want to be responsible for triggering another such attack within him.' 

"What harm is there in a simple kiss, Sarah?" 

'There is no harm unless you cannot stop there. He is not ready to make love with us again, My Lord. He needs some time...you must go slowly with Daniel, for he is a very sensitive person. If you push him too much you will risk losing him. These things cannot be rushed. You must proceed with caution. In time Daniel will respond to us willingly and instantly but for now you must slow down for him. This is all new to him and in sleeping with us he probably feels as if he is betraying Jack. Betrayal is a very painful thing for Daniel to deal with so please be careful, My Lord, please.' 

Osiris nodded then proceeded to slowly trace Daniel's face with his finger hushing the man and telling him not to be afraid that all he wanted to do was touch him. Daniel was tense beneath him. Osiris could feel the straining in the young man's muscles and could see the stubborn set of his jaw. Daniel was fighting his panic. Osiris listened closely to the man's breathing for any indications that his servant was losing his control again. As he slowly traced the fine lines of Daniel's jaw and cheeks he noticed that the man remained still. His breathing didn't grow more haggard and his body didn't relax under him but he wasn't panicking. Osiris spoke softly, "In time you will allow me to make love to you whenever I desire it, my precious one. You will learn to trust my hands upon your body and my guidance in our lovemaking. I do not wish your sexual trainings to place you in a mindset where you feel that you are just doing a duty. I want you to draw and derive as much pleasure from our mating as I. This will take practice on both our parts for I must learn your body as intimately as you will be required to learn mine. I want you to learn what can turn me on and arouse me. You will be educated in our bedchamber on just where to touch me and how to handle me so that you please me. I will study you to determine what it is that turns you on my precious. Sarah has given me some ideas of just where to stimulate you to excite you, my precious slave." 

Osiris then proceeded to lean down by Daniel's left ear, slip his tongue out from between his lips and draw it slowly across the man's ear lobe. Despite his efforts not to respond to the stimulation Daniel found himself hissing and moaning in pleasure. As Osiris drew his earlobe into Sarah's warm, moist mouth Daniel found his body betraying him by thrusting against the one now stimulating him. He clenched his eyes shut as another moan of pleasure slipped from between his slightly parted lips as Osiris proceeded to nibble on the earlobe. Daniel could feel the chills of desire slithering up through his body urging his manhood to harden instantly. As a hand slid down to cup his groin intimately Daniel cried out thrusting his hips upwards and offering the Goa'uld lord more of his groin for stimulation. 

Osiris smiled as he released the grip he held on Daniel's earlobe and whispered softly, "Hmm, that is it my precious one just let your self go. Give your self to me. Surrender to me. Draw your pleasure from your master, slave." 

Daniel whimpered as the hand on his groin started to rub him. He could feel the hand moving back and forth across his exposed genitals creating friction and building heat in his sex organs that he couldn't ignore. Daniel thought of Jack and instantly stilled realizing what he was doing. He choked out, "No...no, please...no..." 

Osiris didn't hear him he instead leaned down and dragged that delectable earlobe into his mouth where he began to nibble once more. Daniel shakily moaned as the heat in his groin only increased and pure pleasure started to pound through out his body as nerves were sensitized. He pushed passed the haze of pleasure that threatened to toss all good intentions out of the window, especially when the hand on his groin wrapped around his erection and started to slowly pump him. He groaned as he writhed and bucked beneath the onslaught but somehow managed to slip the word passed his lips again as his arousal continued to grow, "NO..." 

Osiris still didn't hear his servant's spoken words and Daniel became desperate to be heard. He tried to suppress his moans of pleasure, desire and need as he struggled to make his refusal heard. Again he tried harder, "No...no please...please don't do this to me again...no please...please My Lord. It's too soon I...I can't...can't do this...no...please..." 

Sarah heard his pleas and knew that she had to stop Osiris before he caused more damage within his servant. Daniel would respond willingly to them in time but now...now it was too soon. His betrayal of his lover was too new in his mind and all he would feel if this progressed to intercourse was that betrayal consuming him and killing him. She spoke loudly, 'My Lord, you must stop. You must not continue with the actions you are taking.' 

"He is so strong and virile...see how he responds to us, Sarah..." 

'My Lord are you listening to me? Are you listening to him? He can't do this. It's too soon. My Lord we have time but you must not push him, for if you do you risk losing him and his soul. You must move slowly. Please listen to his words. He is not ready.' 

"Sarah you worry too much..." 

'NO My Lord...are you listening to him? You can't do this or you will destroy him. It's too soon...the betrayal he feels towards his lover is too fresh in his mind. If you make love to him this evening you may risk damning his very soul. My Lord you must listen to your servant as well. It is his duty to listen to you, to do as you command of him but it is also your duty to listen to him and to make certain that you are not placing him in danger of any sort...' 

"Sarah..." 

'PLEASE LISTEN TO HIM!' 

Osiris released his hold on Daniel's earlobe and listened to Daniel hearing the man's moans of pleasure and feeling him thrust upwards as his body begged to be satisfied but moans weren't the only thing to escape the man's luscious lips for there were words. Words he had to listen to or he would risk his servant's ultimate destruction. He swallowed hard as his servant continued to speak in a husky voice, "No...please...no My Lord. Don't do this to me...no...I can't...can't... I'll betray Jack...no...don't make me do this...no...please, not...too soon...please..." 

As Osiris focused on Daniel's handsome face he was certain that Daniel Jackson wasn't even aware that he was voicing his pleas aloud. He decided it would be best not to draw attention to that fact and allow Daniel to feel that he wasn't outwardly begging and pleading for his master to stop pleasing him. Daniel would feel great shame in knowing that he had verbalized his pleas. He didn't like to show weaknesses of any kind as Sarah helped him to learn. 

Osiris watched the man as he gently eased his hand off of Daniel's genitals and raised it to Daniel's face. He gently cupped Daniel's face between his hands softly crooning, "Daniel, sleep...go to sleep, my precious one. You must be tired. Sleep for me, sleep for your lord, Daniel." 

Daniel opened his eyes looking at the Goa'uld lord in confusion. He was thoroughly aroused and knew deep down in his heart that he didn't want to give himself to Osiris again. He knew that he would have no choice in the matter for the serpent lord would destroy another planet upon his refusal but he also knew that he couldn't do this. Not now...feelings of his betrayal of his lover were too fresh in his mind and he just couldn't handle betraying the man again so soon. He was confused as to why Osiris was now urging him to sleep. His brow creased in confusion as he tried to concentrate on Osiris and the words the Goa'uld lord was speaking to him. He watched as Osiris leaned forward to press the lightest of kisses to his forehead before lowering to his left side and tugging him against his own body. Daniel continued to focus on Osiris not sure of what he was doing and too confused to realize that Osiris had ceased pleasuring him. He managed a whispered, "My Lord..." 

Before Osiris was hushing him and urging him to sleep once more. Daniel watched Osiris realizing that he had ceased to touch him other than to hold him closely. He couldn't comprehend why Osiris would stop instead of demanding his services again. He stared at Osiris for the longest time wanting to speak with him but uncertain as to what to say. It wasn't long before his eyelids grew heavy and sleep draped over him like a silky veil cocooning him in its warm, comforting embrace. 

Osiris smiled as he watched Daniel attempting to resist his body's need for rest. He noticed the instant that Daniel's eyelids began to droop and tried to hold still so as not to disturb his servant's journey into rest. As Daniel's soft dainty eyelashes settled to caress his upper cheeks Osiris' smile broadened further for shortly after those beautiful eyes closed Daniel's breathing smoothed out and sleep gripped him in its tender hold. He lay there for several long minutes admiring the man as he slept so peacefully beside him. Daniel was beautiful in rest as well as when awake. His features were smooth and he was calmer now, more relaxed. In sleep Daniel was always more relaxed than when awake. He reached out to gently brush several wayward stands of golden hair off of Daniel's brow smiling as the man quietly moaned, shifted slightly then settled on the mattress yet again. Osiris spoke much softer than previously, "Sleep, my precious Daniel. Tomorrow we shall talk but tonight, tonight you shall dream, dream for me, my love...dream." 

Osiris soon found that he could no longer resist his need for rest either and as he drifted asleep he heard Sarah's voice thanking him then telling him goodnight. He smiled as he drifted away to join his servant in the land of dreams. 

Sarah remained awake several more minutes gently running a hand back through Daniel's soft lengthy hair as she whispered, "I won't allow him to destroy you, Daniel. You must surrender yourself to our lord but I will make certain that he does not push you beyond your limits by making love to you too soon. I will make sure that he knows when he must give you time and when he must take his time with you. I won't let his intense desire for you make him push you further than he intends. I promise you, love. I promise." She then pressed a tender kiss to Daniel's temple and curled up beside him before sleep also laid claim to her.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Two Nights Later... 

Daniel prepared to enter the bedchamber feeling nervous and anxious knowing that Osiris would soon demand he perform for him again. He prayed that Osiris would be tired of him but knew otherwise. Osiris hadn't touched him in two days other than to run his fingers through his hair, cup his face in his hands or brush his lips lightly across his own. He knew, he could see, that Osiris wanted him and knew that it wouldn't be long before he would again demand his servant pleasure him in the bedroom. 

He closed his eyes trying to calm himself before slipping quietly into the room. For the past two nights he has been bathing later and entering the room long after his lord should be asleep. He was lucky so far and hopefully tonight that luck would continue to hold out, but as he entered their bedchamber he felt his hope plummeting and his fear and dread build because there standing before him was Osiris and his lord's desire for him was very obvious. Oh God no. He stopped prepared to flee the room when Osiris' gravely voice called to him softly commanding, "Come Daniel." 

He knew he had no choice but to do as commanded so he slowly approached Osiris feeling every nerve rise on end and his heart begin its desperate slamming in his chest as his uneasiness only increased. He paused before Osiris bowing and down casting his eyes in a proper show of respect before softly inquiring, "Yes My Lord?" 

"I wish for you to serve me this night, my precious one." 

Daniel swallowed hard as he felt apprehension seize him. He glanced nervously up at the Goa'uld lord quickly down casting his eyes when Osiris made direct eye contact. He knew that the request would soon be made and he knew that he had no other choice but to serve so he forced the words passed his lips wrapping his arms around his chest in a self-protective gesture as he inquired, "How may I serve you, My Lord?" 

Osiris smiled as he gently cupped Daniel's face between his hands answering, "Ah yes, that is what I wish to hear you say to me without hesitation, without shame and without reserve. You are my personal attendant, Daniel. You are my favored, therefore, you should not feel shame or guilt when doing as your lord requests or asking how you may best serve me." 

Daniel refused to lift his gaze above the floor gripping his arms tighter around himself as he tried valiantly to shove his extreme fear and overpowering anxiety deep down inside. He prepared to speak choosing instead to nervously suck in his bottom lip and nod his head slightly to show he understood. 

Osiris shook his head noticing that his servant was extremely anxious and shy. He would have to move slowly with this one for if he moved too quickly there was no telling how his favored would react. He reached up wrapping his hand firmly around Daniel's upper right arm and gently tugged him saying, "Come let us sit on the bed and relax. Come. Sit beside me, my precious Daniel." 

Daniel forced himself to comply feeling as if he were sealing his fate as he placed one foot in front of the other heading in the direction of the bed. He still couldn't bring himself to look at his lord or at the bed he was being led to. He knew what Osiris expected from him but wasn't sure if he'd even be able to do as expected. As Osiris urged him to sit on the bed he closed his eyes tightly shut and drew in a shaky breath working on calming his nerves and forcing his limbs to comply with Osiris' demands. As he slowly sunk onto the mattress he remembered about Alandria being destroyed before him only a few short days ago and knew that despite how he truly felt about this whole sexual submission he would have to try to perform adequately for the phoenix lord. 

Osiris watched his servant as the man sat down beside him. He smiled warmly as he softly urged, "Now I wish for you to lie on your back. Come do as you have been commanded. Lie down on your back and stretch yourself out across the mattress." 

He wanted to say no. He wanted to outright refuse to comply with that demand but knew that the risks were just too high. He had to do as he was being ordered or he would have to watch another world...God no. He couldn't handle that again. Offering his body to the Goa'uld lord for his pleasure was a very small sacrifice to make if it meant saving the lives of thousands of others who were like those innocent inhabitants of Alandria. He could do this. He would do this. He had to do this. He nodded his head slightly before shifting to the center of the bed. He slowly lay down closing his eyes as his head pressed into the soft mound of pillows at the top end of the bed. Presently he was still wearing his robe but he knew that Osiris would make short work of relieving him of the only garment that blocked his nakedness from his lord. 

Osiris continued to watch Daniel as he slowly complied with his demands. He waited until Daniel was reclined on the bed in a comfortable position before shifting onto the bed. He slowly straddled Daniel's body positioning himself on his knees above the man. After he settled himself where he desired he focused on Daniel once again. He leaned forward placing his right hand against Daniel's left cheek as he softly spoke, "Relax, my precious one. I would like you to draw as much pleasure from our coupling as I will. You must calm yourself and relax. You will service me this night. I will not accept no for an answer. I have waited much too long to have you in my bed as more than just a companion. I wish to join with you, Daniel Jackson. I wish to know you as intimately as Sarah does. I want to feel our joining and become lost in the union. I want to draw great pleasure from you and to offer you pleasure in return. I want to learn all of your secrets, Daniel. I want to know everything about you." 

Daniel swallowed hard feeling his panic and anxiousness start anew. He knew what was expected of him yet he still hesitated. He quickly realized that if he didn't somehow separate himself from this situation that he just might scream and panic. He drew in a deep calming breath as he forced himself to focus his attention elsewhere. He opened his mind to the other sensations his nerve endings were being treated to. He could feel the soft, firm mattress beneath his back and the fluffy pillows that held his head elevated off of the mattress. He could feel the silky fabric of his robe where it lay against his skin concealing his nakedness beneath a paper-thin shield. As he focused more inwardly his attention was placed on the heaviness of Sarah perched above him. She wasn't excessively heavy but he knew, could tell, that she was there. He opened his eyes as a dainty hand pressed against his left cheek gasping as he noticed that Osiris was now leaning forward, draping his nearly naked body across him and casting a hunger-laden gaze his way. As Osiris carefully dragged his fingernails down over his body to settle on his chest Daniel could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He gasped again as Osiris began to slowly ease the robe he wore open while softly continuing, "Relax and allow me to look at you, my precious one." 

Daniel couldn't move or speak as Osiris continued to push the robe off of his body revealing his physique inch by pain staking inch. This was pure hell lying here and trying to remain perfectly still as your captor took his time stripping you naked in preparation for using your body for his pleasure. God he hated this. He closed his eyes as Osiris pushed his robe off further and again leaned forward pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. He inhaled shakily, stiffening upon feeling those familiar lips pressing against his own. Instantly heat sparked within him beginning to smolder and build for at one time he had found this woman beautiful and very desirable. At one time he had enjoyed making love to this beautiful woman immensely but that was a long time ago...that was before she became possessed by an evil creature whose only goal, only interest in him, was to control him completely. 

He cursed his body as it instantly began to respond to her. He could feel blood rushing to his midsection encouraging his organ to swell to an unbelievable size. He shifted as he became aware that he was now hard and the head of his erection was pressing against her inner thigh. Surely she knew that he was excited. How could she not feel his hard shaft poking into her thigh unashamedly? He blushed maddeningly when Osiris cast him a knowing glance. Again those hands worked on slipping the robe off of him and exposing him fully to the air. He had to force himself to remain still as Osiris continued to strip him naked. He felt an incredible urge swarm through him to shove the Goa'uld lord off of him but knew to do so would anger his captor immensely so he settled for balling his hands into fists forcing himself to remain complacent. 

Osiris smirked as he felt Daniel's responses to his kiss. The man was indeed disturbed by his lord. Perhaps making love to this man would prove much easier than he had first assumed. Perhaps he could raise the ante a bit. He shook his head as Sarah's voice echoed through his mind, 'No, you can't rush this with him, My Lord. Remember how he reacted to you before. You must move slowly.' 

'Look at him, little one, is he not the most beautiful creature you have ever before laid eyes upon?' 

Sarah could do nothing but answer the question truthfully, 'Yes he is.' 

'He's ours, little one, and tonight he will become ours forever.' 

'My Lord...' 

Osiris was no longer listening to her as he cast a predatory gaze across Daniel's beautiful nakedness. Yes the man was very handsome, indeed. He would draw much pleasure from taming this wild creature. He smiled in satisfaction when Daniel lay naked before him. He leaned forward again pressing his lips to Daniel's supple ones. He moaned as he could taste Daniel's essence on his lips but he could tell, could sense, that Daniel was not surrendering his passion as he should be. He broke the kiss as he whispered in Daniel's right ear, "You are not yet passionate enough, my precious." 

Daniel gasped and turned his head away from Osiris clenching his eyes shut as those words filled his mind and he recalled the threat...if he could not surrender his passion and desire a planet would be destroyed. He had to surrender or Osiris would make good on that promise. He just couldn't seem to drum up that unbidden passion deep within himself. He was hard and he could feel heat spiraling in his belly but that was all, for every time he closed his eyes he saw only one man and felt his betrayal of that one man go so deep that it nearly destroyed him. Jack...Jack...by surrendering to Osiris he would be openly betraying Jack yet again. Could he do that and live with himself afterwards? Which was worse losing Jack after willingly betraying him or losing an entire planet of beings because he refused to yield? Oh God, he was in a Catch 22 and he hated being pinned. He could feel Osiris' warm breath bathing his ear, feel those hands gently rubbing across his chest, feel that body perched above him and hear the excitement that his captor was drawing from being this close to him. He could also feel a soft breeze blowing gently across his nakedness reminding him of just how vulnerable he now was, reminding him that Osiris was demanding payment for staving his trigger finger. How could he surrender himself to this being and live with the experience afterwards? Oh God, could he do that? Could he live with this choice if he were to make it? He was trapped. He had no alternative; God he needed to escape. He needed to get away but he couldn't move. He had to do this or he would be forced to watch the destruction of another planet and like Alandria the pain of knowing he was responsible for that ultimate destruction would make him crumble and die inside. Shit he had to do this for he knew that he couldn't live with another planet's destruction on his mind, haunting his dreams and destroying what remained of his fragile soul. 

Sarah noticed Daniel's instant withdrawal and knew that she had to bring it to Osiris' attention. He was already considering taking Daniel right now without hesitation and she knew that if he were to jump into this without giving Daniel the time to adjust and to accept what was being done to him, what was being demanded of him Osiris would unwittingly destroy the one man he loved above all others. She drew Osiris' attention as she said, 'My Lord, you must slow down. You are trying to rush Daniel too much. He is very sensitive and is probably focusing on his betrayal and not wanting to commit. He has a strong sense of honor and of loyalty. He cannot handle being betrayed and to know that he is willingly betraying another has the potential to destroy him. You must not force him into obedience. You must take your time with him and be patient. Allow me to take over momentarily, My Lord.' 

Osiris could see the withdrawal occurring in his favored and sighed sadly as he yielded to Sarah. He said, 'I want to please him and have him please me in return. I know that he is passionate yet he keeps his passion locked up.' 

Sarah smiled as she continued, 'Pay attention to what I am about to show you, My Lord. He is a flesh and blood man whose body willingly responds to our touch. His body wants us and needs us, his body even now begs for us to stroke it and pleasure it. It is his mind that refuses to yield to us...his mind and his spirit. He knows that he must perform for us or another planet will fall to ruin. He is waging a war inside realizing that he has no other alternative but to offer himself freely to us. What we must do is encourage him to take that little step. We must fuel his desire and need. We must make him hunger for us and ache for us.' 

'And how do we accomplish such a task when he is obviously unwilling to surrender?' 

'Daniel and I were lovers for a long time. You know this. We took the time to learn each other and study each other. I know what can turn this man on. I know where his erogenous zones are and I know how to push him beyond his endurance. I know how to push him to the point where he will beg to be satiated and to be brought to fulfillment. You must learn his body as well as you want him to learn ours. With Daniel you must think of seduction first and foremost...' 

'Seduction?' 

'Yes. Daniel likes to take things slowly. He is a very considerate lover. He is very focused and very eager to please. He wants his partner to draw as much pleasure from lovemaking as he, him self is drawing. He is tender, patient, slow...he takes his time...to rush him is to miss the best part of him for he can fulfill one so completely that you get lost in him. He studies his partner and learns everything there is to know about their body. In Daniel's arms I used to feel like a priceless treasure for he always was so sensual and so intense. He has many secrets that I have learned. For him excitement begins with the first touch of skin against skin. He loves the feel of his lover's warm, silky skin burning into his own. He is a very passionate one but you must first now how to bring him alive to reap the rewards he has to offer.' 

'I should like to learn these secrets very much, little one.' 

'Relax and allow me to show you what I know.' 

Osiris nodded as he prepared to watch Sarah very closely to learn how to excite his favored and draw that hidden pleasure out from deep within him. 

Daniel kept his eyes clenched tightly shut trying to block out the feel of Osiris against him. He had to surrender. He had no choice but even knowing he had to serve helped little to get him to respond. He just couldn't open himself up to the Goa'uld lord. He couldn't force that passion to the forefront. He couldn't allow himself to feel anything at the moment. All he wanted to do was shove the snake off of him, curl up and scream. He wanted to scream aloud as he now was inside his mind. Screaming to get out, screaming to get away, screaming for mercy and screaming for his lover's forgiveness. He gasped as those hands moved towards his nipples. He could feel Osiris moving above him and wondered what was happening. As Osiris lowered onto him pressing Sarah's creamy, soft breasts against his chest he could feel his breath hitch in his throat. He groaned as Sarah's warm breasts rubbed softly across his chest sending every nerve on end as her flesh pressed so intimately against his own. Oh God, oh God he was starting to lose it. He groaned as she leaned down by his left ear and gently blew into it. He could feel the goose bumps rising across his skin as that simple act increased his heart rate just a tad. As her warm, moist tongue pressed into his ear he moaned louder automatically thrusting his hips up against her sweet mound and gasping as he could feel the thatch of curls that were nestled so perfectly between her thighs. Aw shit, he was losing it. Her simple actions successfully triggered a response in him and he could feel his hunger and his need for her begin to arise. Sarah was probably now in charge for she knew, oh how she knew, what could get him so hot and so horny. She knew how to make him scream and how to make him respond. She knew him intimately for she’d had plenty of time to study his responses and learn his body so completely. He quickly realized that the knowledge of Sarah most likely now being in control effectively triggered his desire and his need for her. 

Sarah smiled as she began to feel Daniel's instant responses to her. She spoke to Osiris, 'See how he is now becoming alive? He will soon plead for us to service him and he will beg to service us. You must always remember to move slowly with him, especially in the beginning. He will openly accept aggressive sex but first, first you must train him. You must view your sexual relations with him as training in the beginning. He needs to be taught how to please us and how to satisfy us. He already knows how to excite me and how to satisfy me but you must teach him how to also satisfy you for I am no longer alone in this body and things that turn me on, that excite me may not necessarily excite you. Daniel knows what he must do to please me but he has no knowledge of how he must please his lord. You must train him and show him what he must do to give you pleasure and satisfy you.' 

'I understand what you are saying, little one. Show me how you please him.' 

Sarah smiled broader as she continued, 'He has many erogenous zones. There are many places on his body that can quickly stir him up. He derives much pleasure from one suckling his earlobes. You heard how he responded to me when I blew in his ear. If you suckle his lobe you will trigger a strong response within him. Other erogenous zones on him consist of his neck...he loves to have his neck nipped and licked. He loves the feel of fingers as they run through his hair from the back of his neck up over. He will shudder when you do this for it sends pleasurable chills up across his spine. Of course every man is very sensitive around his cock and balls. Just a gentle stroke is bound to draw a moan of joy from between his luscious lips...another guaranteed hot spot is his nipples...’ 

'Guaranteed hot spot?' 

'Yes...' 

'You have most interesting metaphors in your language Sarah.' 

'In time you will learn just what excites him. You must remember that you are educating him at the same time that he is educating you. You must listen closely to how he responds. Watch his responses and his reactions to the things you do. Study him as you would study your war plans. He will reveal to you what he desires and what he does not. You can learn much from Daniel if you learn to read his body language for he is most expressive with it. He will not verbally tell you what he wants, what he needs or what he desires you must learn to read his needs in his actions and in his reactions. He is secretive by nature but one can learn much about him simply by studying him...in bed and out of bed. You must remember this for it will always be as such.' 

'I understand.' 

'You must also learn to praise him often, especially while he services you in the bedroom. He needs to be assured that he is pleasing you. He needs to know that he is performing to your standards for if he has no knowledge of how well he is doing he will always be hindered by his fear that you will destroy a planet because you are not satisfied so you must learn to praise him often and to assure him with words, strokes, looks and gestures that you are happy with his performance. You also must never threaten him with the destruction of a planet when in the bedchamber for you could force him to become so focused on what might happen that he will not be able to perform adequately for you. Daniel's mind is always active. He never stops thinking. His mind will present him with a situation and with a million ways that situation can go wrong or right. His mind never stops processing. He processes everything and he thinks through everything. He has a brilliant mind that never rests. Because of this he can sometimes become very easily distracted so you must learn to accept this about him and learn how to maintain his complete attention at times you wish to have it. Don't expect him to give you all of his attention for his mind is much, much too active for him to remain focused always.' 

'You know much of Daniel. I should like to learn all that you know about him.' 

'You have access to that knowledge already, My Lord. I want you to learn about him for it is so easy to harm him, so easy to hurt him. He has a vulnerability that many don't see. They don't see it because he is so good at concealing it. He is a very special person who is very complex. However, you must remember that it has been five or six years since I...since we were so close. He disappeared and produced no papers, no research...he was virtually out of action for six years. He has changed through those years so some of my knowledge will not be accurate. I don't know what has shaped him in those passed few years. I don't know how much he has changed. I can see changes in him, My Lord, changes that weren't there six years ago but I know I don't see them all. I only see those few he wants me to see.' 

'I understand...please continue to show me how to please him.' 

Sarah again placed all her attention on the man lying beneath her. She leaned up and pressed her lips to his drawing another moan from him as she did so and this time, unlike the last two times Daniel responded to her kiss. She smiled as she sent Osiris another comment, 'Watch and learn, My Lord.' 

She then broke off the kiss slowly pressing butterfly light kisses from the corner of Daniel's mouth back towards his ear. Once near his ear she again blew across it and leaned forward drawing his earlobe into her mouth. Daniel hissed as that warm, moist mouth clamped over his earlobe and started to suckle. He could feel Sarah's hands continuing to roam over his chest slowly as if she were trying to memorize his body all over again. As she released her hold on his ear she lowered to nuzzle her head against his neck. As she pressed a gentle kiss to the side of his neck before gently nipping him Daniel moaned and bucked thrusting his hips up against her womanhood begging and pleading for her to continue to please him. He instantly wrapped his arms around her body pulling her tighter against him wanting her to please him desperately. Sarah smiled as she felt those arms wrap around her and knew that she now had Daniel's undivided attention. She shifted her weight so that her womanly center pressed firmly against his manhood. Daniel moaned as he shifted spreading his legs slightly to give her access. She focused on his face looking deeply into his vivid blue eyes searching for the man she knew lay hidden inside himself and saw a spark of desire tinge his eyes making them stormy. She then slowly eased herself down onto his shaft moaning as he thrust his hips upwards providing her with easier entry. When she became fully impaled on his hard cock Daniel tossed his head back into the mound of pillows moaning from deep within. He tightened his hold on her body as she leaned down to again gently nuzzle his neck. She smiled preparing to ride him to the heights of ecstasy and beyond. 

Daniel cursed himself as he willingly gave himself over to the woman who now ruled him. Another possessed her but presently she was in control. She was forcing him to comply with Osiris' will. She was using her prior knowledge of their time together against him to draw forth that desire, that hunger and that yearning that he tried desperately to deny. He never hated her more than he did right now. He hated her yet he needed her, ached for her, longed for her. He despised her for using his body's natural responses against him to make him respond openly to his lord. He despised her but even as those feelings filled him he found himself thrusting upwards encouraging her to ride him to fulfillment as his treacherous body begged for her. As she again nuzzled his neck he felt his stomach muscles clench in response and felt the need deep within to beg for her pleasure. He would be damned if he would beg for her to satisfy him. He knew that was what she wanted but he would rather die than surrender to her completely. He groaned as she squeezed his thighs gently between her own while moving her pelvis back and forth. He arched into her, thrusting upwards, panting with need as her vulva rubbed against his pubic bone arousing him to no end. He knew that he was lost when she started that little teasing of hers and he couldn't stop himself as he slid his hands down to her ass cheeks cupping them firmly in his hands and gripping her to him. 

As Sarah began her slow thrusting she could feel her own desire increase, especially when Daniel started meeting her thrusts. She focused on his handsome face noticing his eyes were closed and his breathing had since increased. He was extremely aroused and she knew that he was now surrendering his body to her. She slowly increased her thrusting pace leaning down over him to tug one of those precious nipples into her warm mouth. His response was instantaneous as he growled in pleasure and longing as she started to lave her tongue teasingly back and forth across that beautiful nub making his nipple pucker under her ministrations. When his left nipple was successfully taut she turned her focus to his right nipple drawing it into her mouth and suckling it to hardness. She then resorted to blowing her warm breath across each of those nipples drawing a half choked growl and scream from the man she was tormenting. She grinned evilly as she slowed her movements down considerably then turned to tightly contracting her vaginal muscles together around his hard cock. Daniel lost it as he screamed out in immense pleasure and whimpered as she continued to move ever so slowly above him and gripped his penis within her. She too screamed in pleasure as she not only stimulated him further but herself as well. 

Daniel tried to gain control of his flailing emotions aware that he was fast approaching the precipice of climax and not wanting to surrender that part of himself up to the Goa'uld lord but as Sarah focused on arousing him further he could no longer fight and felt his body begin the gradual climb to a powerful orgasm. He slid his hands up over her back tugging her against him as he reached up to capture her lips in his own. As she started to increase her thrusting pace again Daniel surrendered to desire. He started to run his hands up and down across her back teasing her lips and prodding at them, gently urging them to part and allow him entrance. She eventually yielded allowing Daniel's tongue in where they fenced with one another for a time. He started gasping as he could feel the stirrings within himself and could feel her vaginal muscles beginning to contract. She was so close to orgasm. He remembered how this felt. How it had felt to make love to this woman so many years ago and he surrendered to a past that has been long since forgotten. He broke the kiss clutching her desperately to him as he increased his own thrusting pace shoving his engorged dick up into her tight vaginal canal urging her, encouraging her to come for him. 

Sarah clung to Daniel sensing that he was so close to fulfillment and not wanting to miss this moment. Daniel was incredibly beautiful when he climaxed so she made sure to keep her eyes opened and focused intently on his face. As he bucked against her, holding her so tight against him she could feel the explosion beginning to surge through him and watched as Daniel screamed loudly as he erupted pouring his seed deep within her body as he reached his apex. She could feel her own orgasm approaching and arriving only mere moments after Daniel's and screamed herself as she climaxed coating his penis liberally with her warm, thick juices. 

She collapsed into his arms pressing her head against his chest listening to the sound of his erratic heartbeat and heavy breathing. She had forgotten just how damned good Daniel Jackson was in bed. She clung to him waiting until she caught her breath before planting little kisses all across his chest. When he finally calmed she focused on his handsome face and softly whispered, "Thank you, Daniel." 

Daniel couldn't speak for he was too out of breath. He blocked out all his feelings of betrayal not wanting to deal with those emotions just yet fearing that he would break down into tears before the Goa'uld lord. Their lovemaking was beautiful but...but she, he, it wasn't Jack O'Neill and Jack O'Neill was the one man in all the world, in all the universe who held his heart and his love so he listened to his heavy breathing and that of Sarah's. He became aware that her head was now nestled in the center of his chest and her soft blond hair was tickling his nipples where it lay draped across him like a curtain. Though he wanted to deny it he could feel a stirring for the woman begin anew. 

Daniel settled allowing himself to drift off to sleep in the Goa'uld lord's arms pushing all thoughts of what he had done to the back of his mind. He couldn't yet deal with the painful emotions he knew would surface as a result of what transpired this evening. 

Osiris could sense his host drifting asleep and smiled warmly as he said, 'Thank you Sarah, for showing me how to please him.' 

'Hmm...you're welcome, M'Lord.' 

'Rest little one rest. You have had a most exhausting evening.' 

She chuckled softly before surrendering to a calming sleep. When Osiris was certain that Sarah was indeed asleep he turned his focus towards his favored noting that he too was now asleep and that they were both still interlocked in a very intimate embrace. Daniel was still buried deep within his host and he still clung to her as he had during their lovemaking. Osiris smiled enjoying the pleasure of feeling the man buried so completely within him and holding him so close against him. He hoped that someday, someday, Daniel would feel comfortable enough with him to hold him like he now was holding Sarah. He reached up to gently stroke Daniel's jaw as he whispered, "Yes someday you will come to me as you have to Sarah and I will truly know how it feels to be one with you. I am a patient man Daniel Jackson I have forever to become familiar with you, my precious one. In time, in time, you will learn to love me as I now love you...it will all come in time. You will see, my precious one. You will see. Good night, my sweet Daniel..." 

He then settled his head against Daniel's chest and was rapidly lolled to sleep by the rhythmic beating of Daniel's heart. 

 

* * * *

 

He jerked awake a scream on the tip of his tongue. He could feel his body breaking out into a cold sweat, hear his heart hammering in his ears mixing with the sound of his heavy breathing. Oh God, oh God it was real, too real. Even now no matter how hard he tried he couldn't block them out. He couldn't silence the screams of thousands of innocent voices crying out against the injustice done to them. He couldn't quiet the sounds of crying and pleading. He couldn't stop seeing the scorn and anger on the faces of those innocent people, thousands of innocent people calling out demanding retribution for their deaths, demanding vengeance. It was his fault, his fault and no others. If he had only done as Osiris demanded then Alandria would have been spared. If he had known what the system lord had intended he would have found a way to warn the goddess Athena to spare thousands of people from losing their lives so ruthlessly. 

He still couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend why Osiris had agreed, had even spent time to bother with forging an alliance if his sole intent was to destroy Athena's world anyway. Why had he agreed to an alliance only to turn and savagely destroy her and her followers? Why? 

He shook his head feeling sadness threatening to swallow him whole for such a great loss, such a tragic event. Osiris destroyed that planet and didn't even care. All he cared about was that his servant would now come to his bed for more than just rest. All he was concerned about was receiving sexual gratification from his slave. He shuddered as chills flooded him. All those people, all those innocent people killed, destroyed just because Osiris wanted to bed his slave. Why? Why did they have to die so tragically? Why did they have to die at all? 

As his mind provided the answer to that unspoken question Daniel felt even colder: why? Because he knew that in destroying that planet he would attain his servant's complete surrender. He knew that to destroy a planet then threaten to destroy another if there was a failure to comply his servant would willingly serve him in any way he demanded, sexual or otherwise. He knew his servant's greatest weakness and like he had told Zeenan Osiris had found a way to play on that weakness and use it to his own advantage. 

He tensed nearly bolting from the bed when a hand suddenly pressed to the side of his face. He closed his eyes refusing to look at the one touching him and swallowing hard as Osiris questioned, "Are you all right my precious one?" 

He could only nod prompting Osiris to continue, "What is wrong Daniel? What has disrupted your sleep so much? What has you so upset and so anxious?" 

"No...nothing." 

“You were dreaming. What was your dream about?" 

"Nothing, My Lord, nothing. Go back to sleep. You must be tired." 

"Daniel you were pleading in your sleep. You were asking for forgiveness. Tell me what has made you feel that you must beg to be forgiven?" 

"Nothing, My Lord, nothing." 

Osiris sighed heavily feeling the refusal to speak to him hurt more than he expected. Daniel still would not confide in him. Daniel was still refusing to speak with him about issues that were causing him great pain. If he would just open up, just speak about what was troubling him then maybe he could help ease his servant's mind but still Daniel remained distant refusing to reveal more than was absolutely necessary to his lord. He could understand Daniel's need to keep things to himself. Even Sarah had warned him that Daniel was a very private person and would probably reveal little to him but still he had hoped for Daniel to reveal something. He didn't know how to help his servant all he knew was that Daniel was hurting and that Daniel was refusing to allow him the chance to help ease his discomfort if even a little. 

Sarah sensing Osiris' sudden frustration and sadness quickly tried to provide the explanation he was so desperately seeking, 'He has shut you out. He will not speak to you of what has upset him.' 

'Do you know what he dreamed of?' 

'Hmm if I were to guess I would say Alandria.' 

'Alandria? Why?' 

'Because you have made him responsible for the destruction of that world and the people of that world... You told him that he was to blame for that world's destruction and now he believes that he is guilty. Daniel respects life and would do anything to help others. You in your attempts to gain his complete cooperation have permanently damaged his soul.' 

'Permanently? No.' 

'My Lord I did warn you that this would happen if you dared to use his compassion against him as a weapon.' 

'I did no such thing...' 

'Why do you lie to yourself when you know that you did just that? You wanted him in your bed, to serve you sexually and so you used his compassion against him. You wielded it like a weapon not thinking of the repercussions of such an action. Daniel is a very special person. He feels everything. He is also very good at accepting the blame for things that are not his fault. He has always been like that, My Lord. He is a master at causing himself great guilt.' 

'So is there anything that I can do to...to help him with this?' 

'That I do not know for as I have said before Daniel is very complex. He is also very private. He will keep his feelings and emotions locked so deep within for he is afraid to open up to anyone.' 

'Why?' 

'Because he fears that once they see inside of him they will have power over him and they will use it against him just as you have done.' 

Osiris became very upset realizing that he might have done more harm than good when using Alandria against his slave to gain his compliance. He knew that it was wrong to use Daniel's compassion against him but he also knew that if he hadn't then Daniel would have never come willingly to him. He should apologize for what he had done but he didn't want to lose the fiery, passionate man he opened up when he required that Daniel serve him sexually. 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Doctor Janet Fraiser glanced up as Colonel O'Neill entered her office. They had some issues that needed to be discussed and she preferred to do so in the privacy of her own office. When he entered she watched him noticing that he looked all right on the outside but on the inside, on the inside... She was looking at a man who was fast becoming lost in the endless abyss of despair, frustration, anger and depression. She knew just who put those feelings in this man's eyes though it would kill him to realize how much his absence was destroying the love of his life. If Daniel were to be here now and were to see Jack now...it would kill him. Something had to be done about the Colonel's less than positive attitude as of late and that is why she was having this meeting with him now. She wanted to speak to him before going to the General with her many concerns regarding one Colonel Jack O'Neill. As he entered her office he didn't smile or even greet her all he did was merely inform her, "The General said that you...wanted to see me." Okay this was definitely not good! She had to do something about this now and speaking to him just might help bring the real Jack O'Neill back to the surface so she answered, "Yes I did." 

"Wh...why?" 

"How are you eating, Colonel?" 

Jack glanced at her in confusion caught off guard by her question, "How...how am I eating? What the hell..." 

"Please answer the question." 

"Janet what the hell is this about?" 

She watched him knowing that he would be angry when she revealed the true reason she was now meeting with him. She hesitated choosing to question, "How have you been sleeping since...?" 

"Since? What are you...? Daniel, you're asking me because of Daniel...son of a bitch." 

She held his gaze for several long moments before quieting her voice and replying, "Yes because of Daniel... Jack I need to keep an eye on you." 

"Janet I'm fine." 

"Are you? Jack your lover was abducted. We have had no leads on his location and have heard nothing about him or his whereabouts. How can you sit there and tell me everything's fine?" 

"Because it is." 

"Really? That's not what I've been hearing." 

"What? And just what have you been hearing Jan?" 

He was annoyed. She could see that and even hear it in his voice but she didn't care because she had to discuss this very issue with him before it became a major problem so she continued, "Jack, I can tell that you haven't been sleeping and your last physical showed that you lost weight. You didn't maintain and you didn't gain. You LOST weight, Jack... Sam says..." 

Jack glared at her in frustration before snapping, "Sam? Is she why I'm here? What has Carter been saying...?" 

"Colonel there's no reason for you to get angry. She's worried about you and so is Teal'c..." 

"Well they don't have to worry because I'm FINE!" 

Janet continued to watch Jack intently refusing to back down. They needed to have this discussion because if he didn't soon start showing some improvement she'd have to go to the General. She sighed before continuing, "Look I don't like to have these discussions but it is part of my job and I have to make you aware that if you don't start showing improvement..." 

"WHAT?" he demanded. If he didn't start showing some improvement...what the hell was she talking about? He tensed as he assured her, "I'm fine, Doc. No need to worry. I'm fine, damn it!" 

"Jack this is very serious. You know what can happen when someone is lacking needed rest. You know what can happen when you don't eat. You know what can happen. You could become a risk to your team. Jack you are very good at concealing weaknesses at work. You are very good at pretending Daniel's absence in your life hasn't affected you at all but tell me just how many nights since his disappearance have you awaken screaming his name? Feeling your heart pounding so fast in your chest that you thought it was going to burst? How many times have you spent the night pacing the halls or laying in bed staring at the ceiling? How many times have you looked around the house and seen Daniel everywhere but know he's gone? Jack I know you haven't been eating or sleeping. I called you in here because I'm your friend and I want to help you, but if you keep losing weight and losing rest I'll have no choice but to go to the General. I don't want to do that but if I believe you have become a danger, a risk to your teammates then I'll have no other choice." 

He was angry, hell he was outraged and frustrated and annoyed and just plain down pissed off, but he knew what she was saying was right. He was prepared to lie to her, to tell her that he is fine, that he's been sleeping just fine, that he doesn't skip meals due to bouts of depression or spend hours curled up in bed missing his lover. He wanted to tell her all that but he couldn't. Instead he spoke barely above a whisper, "So what can I do about it?" 

Janet fell completely silent shocked that Jack even admitted he needed help. She was so stunned that for a moment she didn't know what to say. Then she found her voice, "I can prescribe some sleeping pills if you'd like. I can have Sam and Teal'c keep an eye on you as well... You have got to eat and you have got to sleep. I understand how you're feeling believe me I do. You love him deeply and without him, without him your life feels empty, meaningless...you feel unimportant. You don't feel comfortable or safe any longer. You realize now how much he kept you grounded and kept you sane. You need him but he can't get to you though I imagine he desperately wants to be in your arms again. He's been gone awhile Jack and we have no knowledge of how much longer he'll be...gone. I know that you desperately hope and pray for any signs, any indications, that he is still alive and will return. I know all you want is to have him back in your arms where he belongs and each day, each night you turn to look for him, you reach out to touch him or to kiss him it shatters you to see that empty space where he should be. I know you believe this is so unfair and it is Jack it is but there is nothing we can do except keep searching, keep hoping and praying, keep loving him and speaking to him even when he's not here. Someday, someday he'll be returned to us, he will, but for now we just have to wait." 

Jack inhaled shakily suddenly realizing that his cheeks were now damp. He blushed when he realized that he shed tears at her words. He quickly brushed them away thanking Janet for speaking with him. She assured him that he could speak to her whenever he needed to and that together Sam, Teal'c and she would help him through this. After their discussion Jack left her office feeling a lot better than he had in weeks.


	5. Yielding to the Master

**YIELDING TO THE MASTER**

**OSIRIS' PALACE: THE PLANET OF BURSIRIS**  
 **Pleasure and Pain**

Daniel entered their bedchamber certain that his lord was now fast asleep. He glanced briefly at the bed before turning to remove his robe. He closed his eyes as he thought of his lover so far away and again wished the man were here now. God, how he missed Jack and the pain, the pain of that loss was always so much stronger in the darkness of night. It was the nights that he loved and cherished. The nights when Jack would hold him and he'd cuddle in against him inhaling Jack's manly scent and sighing in pleasure as he would gently caress him and kiss him on the face, on his neck, on his lips and body. Jack always took extra time at night to snuggle with him and hold him. They would often lay awake into the night talking quietly about things that happened in the past and in the present. It was the nighttime when they could reassure one another that they were both safe and loved, that they had survived another rough mission and that they still had a love so strong they could survive anything... He hung his head closing his eyes against the pain of the memories and the feelings that thinking of Jack O'Neill could always stir within him. He missed Jack desperately and felt as if his lover would be forever lost to him. He didn't want to even think of spending the rest of his life away from Jack, away from his lover, away from his soul mate for those thoughts were just too hard for him to bear. 

He pushed thoughts of Jack to the back of his mind as he focused on his task at hand: removing his robe to join his captor in their bed. He started shrugging out of his robe tensing and gasping as hands suddenly reached out to help him. He clenched his eyes shut as his mind informed him of who was with him. Damn it, Osiris was still very much awake and alert! SHIT! He felt his skin crawling as it, that thing within his ex-girlfriend, helped him undress and hung his robe up for him. In a matter of seconds those hands connected with his sides and those arms wove around his body embracing him before gently pulling him against his captor. The instant his skin came into contact with hers he felt that intense heat and hunger stir deep within him. Skin on skin contact could always, always stimulate him faster than anything else, well almost anything else...when Jack resorted to nipping the nape of his neck or suckling his ear he quickly turned to putty in the man's hands allowing his lover to do with him what he would and enjoying every damned minute of it! He quickly shut those memories down not wanting them to be tainted by the memories Osiris was now trying to forge with him. He would not allow the Goa'uld to ruin any of his memories of his lover for he desperately needed those thoughts of Jack to keep him grounded and keep him fighting for survival. He forced those memories deep within locking them up so tightly that Osiris would never be able to taint them then he replaced the sudden emptiness and aching within himself with pure lust and hunger...primal urges and primal needs began to rule. He forced his mind back to her, to it, keeping his eyes closed as he felt her warm breath bathing his left ear and the serpent's gravely voice speaking with an obvious gruffness to it, "I want you in my bed this night, my precious. You will come to me of your own free will." 

Those words were very easy to interpret. It didn't take a linguist to realize that Osiris wanted him in that bed for sex. He felt his stomach muscles bunching up into knots feeling that usual anxiety and desperation snatch at him threatening to engulf him. He wanted to refuse, God how he wanted to refuse but knew that to refuse Osiris was not an option for refusal came at a very high price and he couldn't allow the Goa'uld lord to destroy another world to make his servant obey and yield to him. He couldn't allow it and he wouldn't allow it so he answered, "Yes My Lord," breathing heavily as a second command was spoken. One that sent his every nerve on edge and successfully heightened his desire and hunger, "But first I would like you on your knees..." 

"Yes My Lord." 

He kept his eyes closed as he started to comply with Osiris' command pausing when his lord added, "No, no...on your knees before our bed, Daniel." 

"But..." 

"I want you kneeling beside our bed bent forward at the waist, my pet. I want that glorious upper body of yours draped across our mattress while you remain kneeling before the bed." 

Daniel felt a spark of anger shoot through him upon being referred to as a pet but quickly moved to comply with his lord kneeling before their bed and spreading his upper body across the mattress. He instantly felt very exposed, inferior and very nervous, especially when Osiris approached him, lowered behind him and proceeded to place his hands on each of Daniel's shoulders. The hold wasn't tight but he was aware of that light pressure holding him in place across the mattress. He knew that he could break free of the hold for Osiris was merely propping his hands on his shoulders but he also knew that if he fought the Goa'uld lord could quickly gain his control by exerting force to those same two hands and effectively pin him to the bed. 

He swallowed harder wondering just what the hell the snake was up to. He noticed that though he pushed thoughts of Jack deep within the man's image still superimposed and filled his mind. He was being bombarded with images of his lover urging him to kneel and bend forward. He could almost hear his lover's seductive husky voice crooning in his ear as Jack told him to stay put and relax before turning to retrieve their lube from the nightstand. He moaned softly as visions of Jack O'Neill continued to flash across his mind sending him back in time to one of those moments, one of the last times they had made love with one another. Jack had urged him to get into the position he was now in carefully lubing him before easing his hardened cock into him. The moment Jack had filled him he wanted to scream so loudly because it had felt so damned wonderful, so goddamned terrific, to have that man buried so deeply within him stroking his own hard cock as he crooned softly in his ear telling him over and over that he loved him and that he would love this and oh God how he loved that...feeling Jack as he started to slowly thrust within his body staking claim on his lover and marking him with such slow, extremely intense love making. He had melted like butter in Jack O'Neill's arms that night softly panting Jack's name over and over again urging him to go deeper, thrust harder, move faster, but Jack, Jack was determined to draw out his pleasure by moving slowly, carefully taking extra time to soothe him and utter loving endearments into his ear, taking extra time to plant kisses across his body, his face, his neck anywhere he could reach and taking the time to stroke him intimately and massage his balls...oh shit he was so fuckin' hard now that it hurt! DAMN! He realized that he needed Jack desperately and as he was faced with the cold stark reality that Jack was not here he felt his heart threatening to split and break in two. He again forced all thoughts of Jack, all memories of Jack, all feelings for Jack to the back of his mind burying them deeply knowing that it would only be moments before Osiris staked his claim on his prized slave by taking him and making him come. He couldn't allow those precious thoughts and memories to be tainted he just couldn't! He shoved them deep inside burying them along with his heart and locking them up for safe keeping so that the present wouldn't interfere or mar his precious memories. 

As a warm body suddenly pressed up against him and draped over him Daniel jumped in surprise growling as gentle fingers suddenly roamed through his hair before latching onto a hand full, gripping it and pulling his head slightly back. Those fingers he was certain were now entwined in the long shocks of hair that now lay against the back of his neck. His hair had grown some since his capture. It was fast becoming as lengthy as it had been the first time he met Jack O'Neill and he wasn't so sure that he was happy about that. Osiris insisted that he grow his hair long and keep it as such. He seemed to have some sort of fetish for long hair because he was always, always running his fingers through it, brushing it off of his face, sweeping it up in his hands and playing with it. As those fingers seemed to grip a handful of hair a bit tighter he found himself swallowing hard and tensing slightly wondering why Osiris was now grasping his hair in his hand. Osiris wasn't pulling his hair extremely hard he was simply tugging on it and Daniel automatically started to rise off of the bed until a small dainty hand pressed against the middle of his back pushing him onto the mattress and pinning him slightly before that gravely voice now full of yearning again spoke softly in his right ear, "No, no, no. I want you to remain as you are for me, my precious one." 

He closed his eyes against his sudden worry and surmounting fear as he softly muttered, "Yes My Lord." 

The voice returned still quiet yet firmer with more command, "Do not move." 

He felt his stomach muscles twisting and bunching even tighter in his gut as he noticed his voice dropping an octave sounding more submissive as he answered, "Yes My Lord." He cursed realizing that he was again yielding to his lord's commands and orders. Damn! 

The hand disappeared from his back just as quickly as it had arrived dropping before that warm, satiny skin again brushed across him as his lord glided across his back pushing Sarah's lush breasts firmly against his back drawing a fiery tendril of desperate aching and need to the surface before sending that heat directly to his manhood coaxing him to harden more. As he felt the friction in that simple move he was nearly singed by the heat she was stirring deep within. It wasn't until that thatch of soft golden curls nestled between Sarah Gardner's beautiful thighs pressed and grazed across his buttocks that he found himself instantly thrusting backwards into her urging her, begging her with his body to please, please make love to him. He felt an overwhelming need to be satiated burst within and knew that he was quickly becoming caught up in the heat of desire as his captor drew from him that which he would not willingly yield. He had to be coaxed and cajoled to open up and to give in to the deep seeded needs and hungers within for he still found it so very difficult to surrender to Osiris and allow him to use him for sex. The guilt that always followed the actual intercourse was always so very hard to bear and so hard to cope with that he often resisted Osiris' attempts at seduction but eventually he caved knowing that if he didn't, if he dared to refuse his lord outright that another planet would be destroyed so he allowed Osiris to stimulate him and to spark that heat within knowing that without the initial stimulation from Osiris he would be unable to perform very effectively in bed for his lord for when guilt found him he often couldn't do what was expected of him. He sensed that Osiris now knew that about him and that is why he spent so much time with the initial foreplay knowing that he had to get his slave aroused by stimulating him and touching him before he would be able to perform adequately in the bedroom...of course, Osiris didn't seem too upset with that little necessity hell he probably enjoyed the damned foreplay as much as he enjoyed the damned sex. 

He whimpered as Osiris' next move was to slide his hand downward until he gripped his slave's middle so possessively. He shrieked as Osiris exerted more pressure on his groin pinning him against those soft curls that shielded the entrance to Sarah's moist inner core. When Osiris started to carefully drag his nails across his skin, across his now hairless groin inciting a burning arousal deep within Daniel found himself quickly moaning before thrusting back against that body yet again. He could hear Osiris' breathing increase and heard the softest of chuckles escaping as his dick grew in size swelling and hardening further in response to the heated touch. Instantly that same hand began to toy with him wrapping firmly around his engorged member, squeezing just slightly before beginning to pump. Oh God, oh fuck! Shit! He tossed his head as another loud guttural groan slipped from between his now slightly parted lips in response to the intensity of the actions his lord was now performing on him. He licked his lips before gently sucking in his bottom lip and biting slightly into it attempting to silence his sounds of pleasure not wanting to allow their escape. He also wanted to slow his now erratic breathing down but was failing miserably at the task, especially when his lord moved from lightly tugging him to pumping him faster. He instantly started to thrust in rhythm with that magical hand striving for that final explosive apex his lord was now urging him towards. He allowed himself to get carried off into the storm of the impending orgasm screaming out in pain when the hand in his hair suddenly went from gentle to harsh in mere moments. The moment he felt that sudden painful grip on his hair he stopped his thrusts crying out when the hand only jerked harsher literally yanking him off of the mattress making his back arch painfully in response. He felt fear knife through his body when Osiris started to chuckle behind him. What the hell was happening? What the hell was Osiris doing now? Was this some sort of sick demented fantasy the snake was now using him for or what? As that chuckle only grew louder Daniel felt his calm complacency suddenly crack as fear and panic claimed him in their grip. He instantly started to struggle twisting and bucking in Osiris' cruel hold wanting desperately to be free of the monster who spent the last ten minutes exciting him only to destroy his hunger and desire by resorting to violence in the midst of his passion. As Osiris responded to his struggles by yanking harsher on his hair he yelped again before speaking out in confusion and torment, "My Lord please...I don't... Please stop this. I don't understand why you're... Have I angered you My Lord?" 

Osiris refused to release his grip as he gently crooned, "No, no, no my precious Daniel. You have not angered me. You are pleasing me very much." 

"Then...then why...why are you...hurting me, My Lord?" 

"It is not my wish to harm you, my dear sweet pet. I only wish to show you how pleasurable love making can be when one walks a balance between pleasure and pain." 

A balance between pleasure and pain? Oh God, what the hell was Osiris trying to say? Was he trying to say that he liked to cause pain at the same time he was providing pleasure? What the hell? Was the damned snake a fucking sadist now? SHIT! The thought was rather frightening and as he focused on that painful grip in his hair he found himself praying that he was wrong, but when Osiris again began to pump his dick refusing to release the grip he held in his hair he shuddered. If Osiris drew pleasure from causing pain and... What the hell did that mean for him? He desperately grabbed at the covers beneath his body clenching them tightly in his fists and gritting his teeth as he could focus on nothing but the intense agony that grip in his hair was offering him. How the hell was this pleasurable? How the fuck...? He spoke again, "My Lord please...please stop. I don't...I don't like this...please." 

"You do not have a choice in the matter, my dear. Your duty is to please your lord in whatever way I desire and this is pleasurable for me." 

"Pleasurable? THE HELL IT IS! Don't do this! Stop please...My Lord, please. I don't..." 

"Be silent, relax and enjoy..." 

"I can't enjoy when I'm in pain. I can't do this. Please..." 

Osiris sighed in frustration still refusing to yield the grip in his servant's hair continuing, "Open your mind, my precious one. Allow your desire to fuel you and give in to the ecstasy that this is bringing you..." 

"Ecstasy in pain? I don't think so... Please...God will you just stop this. STOP! I can't do this. I can't and I won't!" 

Osiris' only response to that refusal was to tighten his grip further. Daniel screamed feeling desperate and wanting nothing more than for Osiris to leave him the hell alone. He yelled, "Get the fuck off of me! GET OFF!" and resorted to bucking and flailing trying to knock the phoenix lord off of him and away from him. He felt tears piercing the corners of his eyes as the hold only grew more painful and Osiris began to pump him harsher. He became desperate as he struggled to break free of the grips the Goa'uld lord was maintaining on him. He lashed out trying to strike Osiris and shuddering as fear enveloped him threatening to choke him when all his struggles were meeting with failure. He quickly fell into a mantra of no feeling a sudden pain erupt in his chest and panicking when he realized that he was also now having difficulty breathing. He couldn't breathe. Oh God, he couldn't! His chest hurt too much, felt as if it were being crushed... He couldn't breathe! As his desperation and panic began to set in deeper he tensed and spoke louder forcing words out between harsh gasps as he tried to tell Osiris to stop hurting him, "Please...stop...stop...stop hurting... Can't...can't breathe... God...can't hurts... Get...get off. GET OFF! Please..." 

His next words tumbled forth coming out trembling as he tried to get through to Osiris again, "Please...please, My Lord...get...get...off!" 

Upon hearing the sudden trembling in his servant's voice Osiris ceased his movements. When he realized that Daniel was now muttering and seemed to be gasping desperately for breath he felt fear travel through him. Daniel was in trouble. No, NO! He could hear the edge of panic in the man's voice, feel the tenseness within him and yelled at himself for neglecting to pay closer attention to the Tau'ri slave he now loved so deeply. Sarah had warned him of this, warned him since that very first time not to move fast and to be careful where Daniel was concerned. All he wanted to do was show the man that pain and pleasure balanced could provide extreme pleasure within. All he wanted was to make the experience, make their sex, more enjoyable for the man he loved. He had no idea what to do so he turned to his host hoping that she could somehow help Daniel where he could not. He shook his head before calling to her, "Sarah what is happening? Why...why is he...?" 

'He is panicking again, My Lord. You didn't stop when he asked you to.' 

"He was enjoying it. He was!" 

'Yes until you hurt him...' 

"I...I didn't... I...it felt so wonderful to... I thought he would find it... What do I do now?" 

'Calm him down. Reassure him...let him know that you are now listening to him and that you want nothing more than to comfort him and help him through this. Get him calmed and don't rush him. My Lord, he has just recently started serving us in bed he is probably not yet ready to become...experimental. You must take things slow.' 

"You speak to him Sarah. He will not listen to me. Calm him for me." 

'Yes My Lord.' 

Sarah felt Osiris give up control as he stepped to the back of her mind allowing her to take control of the situation. She spoke softly, "Daniel...Daniel listen to me. Listen to my voice. You're all right. You're okay. Please listen to me." 

Sarah eased the tension Osiris had been keeping on Daniel's hair only moments before and carefully eased her fingers loosening them but not removing her hand. The moment she relaxed the hold Daniel started to instantly lower his head towards the bed and as he drew his arms up above him before pressing his forehead into his now folded arms she sensed that he didn't yet realize that the grip had been released. She quickly switched to gently combing her fingers through his soft hair whispering words of comfort in his ear. When she sensed his body beginning to relax beneath her she started to carefully, slowly stroke his still hard cock with her fingers. When he seemed to calm down she refused to stop her comforting touches smiling when she heard a low drawn out moan suddenly escape from between his lips before he started thrusting ever so slightly urging her fingers to continue their blessed strokes across his now rock hard member. 

She spoke softly in his ear again urging him on, coaxing him and praising him for his ability to relax and pull himself out of panic. When she blew in his ear Daniel purred crying out exquisitely as her tongue delved into his ear canal then out laving his outer ear before she tugged his earlobe into her mouth and began to suckle her prize. As another moan of pleasure filled the air around them she began to pump him gently guiding him to the orgasm he had been striving for before Osiris became a bit too aggressive for him. She could feel his orgasm climbing and as she felt the first spasms ripple through him she clutched him to her screaming out with him as he came all over her hand. She then began to plant soft kisses across his broad back and shoulders thanking him for coming so gloriously for her. 

As Daniel's breathing began to calm she urged him to rise and climb into bed. Once in bed she started to seduce him pushing him towards desire yet again as she kissed and licked her way down across his chest to his groin where she feasted on what remained from his orgasm. Once she had him licked to her satisfaction she licked his come off of her hand then returned to feasting on his dick smiling as she sucked him to another hard on. Upon seeing that glorious dick standing so tall, so proudly she knew that she had to make love to him. She carefully straddled him grasping his penis gently at the base as she carefully guided his manhood into her sopping wet mound of springy curls. Together they moaned as she encompassed him and he filled her to capacity. Once their bodies were locked intimately together Sarah sat atop him allowing herself to feel just how glorious it was to have the man beneath her buried within to the root. She had missed this connection with Daniel and now that she had it again she wanted to savor it. His magnificent manhood was buried deep within her and she could feel her vaginal muscles still contracting, tightening around him and wrapping him in a moist warm embrace. Neither moved as they both focused on the desperate hunger and desperate need that now filled them as well as the pleasure that arose from fitting together so intimately. 

Sarah started to thrust first riding him slowly, gently urging him to strive for orgasm. As she leaned forward planting several kisses on his lips and face he soon joined her thrusting upwards to meet her needing to climax with her. They continued to ride to the heights of pleasure together striving for that final explosive orgasm and as intense euphoria suddenly rippled through both of them they screamed as they reached orgasm together collapsing against the mattress breathing heavily in the aftermath of such an intense moment. 

As they lay still in the darkness after their lovemaking Daniel stared at the wall to his right closing his eyes when Sarah leaned up and pressed a kiss to the base of his neck before asking, "What are you thinking about, Daniel?" 

As he heard her voice and the concern lining it he was certain that Sarah was presently in charge so he softly uttered, "Sarah..." 

"Yes Daniel?" 

He closed his eyes feeling some of the tension leave his body when she supported his suspicions by responding to her name. He then swallowed hard before offering, "Thank...thank you for...for... I...he frightened me. I...I wasn't ready for..." 

"Shh, shh. I know Daniel, I know. I understand. You need not worry about him going too far. I have been keeping a very close eye on him and on you. I have been showing him how you like to be pleased and reminding him that he must take things slow." 

Daniel spoke without thought as he said, "I hate that you know. I hate how you force me to respond to him..." 

"Daniel I do that because I love you and I know that the punishment for non-compliance has the ability to destroy you. You have not been the same since Alandria..." 

She felt him suddenly shudder in her arms and held him tighter again raining butterfly kisses across his neck and arm before continuing, "If you don't perform... You could never survive that, Daniel, not a second time so I...help you to do what you must to satisfy our lord." 

Daniel didn't respond he only nodded slightly then fell silent once again. She watched him as he snuggled unconsciously deeper into her embrace. She watched him as he started to drift asleep softly informing him, "I will not allow him to destroy you Daniel. I'll make certain that he doesn't go too far or demand more than you are able to freely give. He listens when he becomes concerned and worried for you and he tries to do as I say. I'm here Daniel and I'm not going to let him hurt you." 

Oh but you already have, Sarah, you already have. He's hurt me. He's hurt me so much and you, you have helped him to do it yet you don't see it because I hide it; I hide everything from you... Daniel allowed his response to go unspoken keeping those words to himself not wanting to put voice to them. She thought that she was helping and she was a little but she could never ever understand how hard it was to give himself to Osiris knowing that his love belonged to only one other. She could never realize how devastating it was for him to allow reality to sink in and allow himself to remember that each time he performed for his lord in bed he betrayed the one man he loved above all others and the truth of it cut him like a knife, stabbing through him plunging so deep inside that he had to fight not to allow himself to become lost in a vast wasteland, a vast ocean of guilt and despair. 

 

* * * *

 

The next morning he awoke and quietly made his way to the bathhouse again feeling shame and guilt stalking his every move. He had surrendered again. He had given himself to Osiris and betrayed his lover again. God he needed to bathe. He suddenly began feeling dirty again and wondered if he would ever become use to servicing Osiris in bed. He pushed those thoughts aside as he entered the bath and began to scrub himself vigorously. When he was finished he dried off then reported to My'la. 

My'la waited patiently for Daniel to report to her for his daily preparations. She wondered how he was doing this morning. When he entered and cast a quick glance towards her before looking away she felt her heart ache for him. She quickly approached him sensing that he was very troubled. She quieted her voice as she whispered, "Oh Master Daniel..." 

He gazed at her again then approached. He didn't say anything merely stood before her and allowed her to begin readying him for their lord. She knew that he was very upset so she made her movements slow as she began to carefully fit his chastity belt on him. She began to secure each lock in place wanting to speak to him but unsure of what to even say. She paused in her preparations when Daniel softly inquired, "Does it ever get easier?" 

"Does what ever get easier, Master Daniel?" 

He tensed upon the formal title hating that she used Master before his name but knowing that to argue the point was useless for My'la would continue to address him as such even if he told her not to. It was expected of her. He chose to focus on her question throwing his hands up in the air and pointing about the room as he answered, "This...and this?" he added as he gathered his lead chain in his hand to show her what he was speaking of. 

She focused on his leash then his face seeing how much he hated to serve as a slave to his Master. He hadn't complained about it much as of late, not that he complained much before, but obviously he still didn't feel comfortable yielding to another. She simply replied, "Yes, but it takes time. For me this is natural. My parents were servants and I was born as such. I was raised to serve. You have never known such a life as this. You have come a long way with the help of all your formal training and yet you still find it so difficult to submit. Eventually this life will become more natural to you and you will become more comfortable performing your expected duties. In time you will become use to this life you now live, but it will take time." 

Daniel jerked on his leash in disgust before continuing, "I hate this you know. I hate to be led about as if I'm a damned pet. I hate serving his every need and I hate that he expects it of me." 

She nodded her head before responding, "Yes this I know Daniel, but you have no choice in the matter." 

He lowered his gaze as her words reminded him of that cold stark reality. He had no choice. He had to serve. He had to obey. He had to submit to his master or suffer for his defiance and refusal. Yes he had to serve and he had to wear the obvious marks of his indentured servitude for all to see, so all would know that he belonged to Lord Osiris. He shook his head in bitter disappointment as he softly replied, "No I don't have a choice so shouldn't this, this life, this existence of indentured servitude become... I don't know, easier for me?" 

She smiled sadly as she answered, "You have never served another. You have lived as a free man all of your life. This life you are now leading it is a big challenge for you. Yes it should become easier with time but it will never come as naturally to you as it does to me. In order to serve completely you must unlearn things you have been taught in the past. To unlearn those things unfortunately comes with a very high price: you would forget who you once were and you would lose yourself here. You would become what our lord has always wanted you to be and you would no longer be happy or independent. You could never voluntarily surrender so much of yourself to another therefore you will never become a complete slave. There will come a time when you will yield willingly and obey without question but you will never be a true servant because you are not a slave. Do you understand what I am trying to say Master Daniel?" 

"Um yeah, I suppose..." 

"Even now you do not offer complete obedience to our lord. You do not submit yourself completely to him and you never will. What you do you do to survive ...you do what you must to survive from day to day. You yield to him because if you do not then he will destroy others to punish you for your defiance and disobedience. The things you do for him are not of your own free will for he has coerced you by using others to earn your compliance and your respect. You oppose him even now..." 

He remained silent closing his eyes tightly shut as he heard the final lock on his chastity belt being snapped closed. The action did not get passed My'la who reached up to gently cup his right cheek in the palm of her hand. Upon the physical contact Daniel snapped his eyes open staring at her in shock and confusion. She smiled warmly before adding, "You still close your eyes when I latch the final lock on your chastity belt. That alone signifies that you will never be comfortable with serving your master and lord. The belt protects you but again you have no say in the matter. You wear it because he demands it of you. You submit to me and allow me to lock it on you because you know that it must be done. You know that if you refuse... You do so to survive Daniel. I wish I could tell you, assure you that this life will become easier but I fear for you it will never be. You desire your freedom too much to surrender all to another." 

Daniel nodded in response to her comments swallowing hard as he thought of all she just told him. She told him things that he already knew but something possessed him to ask the question anyway. She smiled before indicating the bed to him. He nodded before approaching it and lying down upon it again submitting to her continued preparations. As she started to work the massage oil into his skin she questioned, "Master Daniel what has you so upset?" 

He closed his eyes moaning softly as he felt her well-practiced fingers kneading into sore muscles slicking his body with the scented oils that his lord required he be covered in. As she asked that question so softly he responded with a question of his own, "What?" 

"The question you asked of me... You know the answer yet I sense that you needed me to say it as if to...remind yourself of just what you must do for our lord. Tell me Master Daniel what has you so upset?" 

She was perceptive he'd give her that but he found that he couldn't answer that question so he simply replied, "Nothing, My'la." 

She shook her head knowing that Daniel's answer was a lie. She knew him long enough to be able to tell when something was bothering him that he really didn't want to discuss and right now there was something definitely upsetting him so she called him on his bluff, "Master Daniel please do not lie to me." 

Damn she was sharp. He had spoken with her several times and one thing he had noticed relatively quick was that this woman, though she was a servant, was smart but still he refused to answer her question truthfully, "I'm...I'm not." 

"You are." 

"No I'm..." 

He shook his head in frustration realizing that though he didn't want to speak to her about what is bothering him his mind obviously had other ideas because before he knew it he was trying to attempt to explain why he was upset, "I keep, I... Every time I...surrender to him I feel so...so, I don't know. I...I know I have to...please him but afterwards... I try...I try to avoid the..." 

Sensing that he was having difficulty speaking just what was on his mind My'la provided his answer in a question, "You feel ashamed and guilty do you not?" 

Daniel said nothing. He remained completely silent allowing himself to relax further under her careful ministrations. What she said disturbed him because it was so very close to the truth that he didn't know what else to say. She again saved him from having to explain, "As I have said you do what is expected of you because you have no choice in the matter. You do as commanded to survive and this is why you feel guilt and shame. Our lord manipulates you to gain your compliance but you do not want to admit to yourself that he does so. You feel guilt because you believe that you should be stronger, that you should fight more, that you should resist more...perhaps you feel that your Jack would have handled these situations much better than you have. You may believe he would not have so willingly betrayed you as you have done to him but...you are wrong Daniel. You are WRONG. He would do the same if he were in your position and he will understand." 

"But..." 

"If he loves you as much as I suspect then he will understand why you so willingly surrendered to your lord. He will understand that you had to comply to survive. He will, Master Daniel... You are justified in feeling ashamed because he has used you to satisfy himself but you should not feel guilty for performing acts that are required of you to keep others safe from destruction. What you do you do to survive and to protect those our lord has threatened. You have no reason to feel guilty about self sacrifice." 

Daniel nodded remaining silent for several long moments before thanking her. They then fell into a comfortable silence as My'la continued to prepare him for his lord. Once finished he again thanked her before leaving the room to report to his lord and take his proper place beside him at his throne.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Osiris smiled as Daniel entered their bedchamber reporting to him as commanded. As Daniel glanced nervously at him he chuckled softly before ordering, "On the bed my precious one." 

"Yes...yes My Lord." 

Daniel quickly complied again feeling his nervousness and uncertainty sweep over and through him. Once he was settled on the bed Osiris smiled then casually sat down before straddling his hips and leaning casually forward. As he did so the thin gown he was wearing slipped off of his shoulder drooping just enough that Daniel could see those two creamy mounds of breasts Sarah had been graced with. He snickered as Daniel tried to act nonchalant acting as if he hadn't noticed but the man's breath betrayed him for it hitched and his tongue suddenly flicked out to swipe invitingly across his bottom lip. He leaned forward more reaching up to run his fingers through Daniel's hair before saying, "Tonight you will be taught another lesson, my precious one. You must pay very close attention to these lessons as well. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Very good... Now tell me, my beloved favored, who owns you?" 

Daniel cast his gaze to the far wall refusing to answer that question. Osiris only smiled further as he leaned down to capture Daniel's luscious lips making sure to grind his middle across the front shield of the chastity belt his slave still wore. As their lips met and he deepened the kiss Daniel couldn't help but respond with a soft moan of his own. He then broke the kiss and remained hovering so near in preparation to swoop down and again capture those lips before he whispered, "Who owns you, slave?" 

Daniel could feel Osiris' warm breath bathing across his lips and mentally cursed his body as the closeness to his lord was succeeding in exciting him to no end. As Osiris ran a finger across his bottom lip Daniel reacted automatically by tugging that finger into his mouth and suckling it like he had been taught drawing a choked groan from Osiris in the process. Osiris removed his finger then leaned down grazing his lips across Daniel's before turning to lapping lazily at his neck. When he began to nip at his vulnerable throat Daniel found himself growling and automatically thrusting his hips upwards grinding against his lord for further stimulation. The action alone forced him to release a choked grumble to the air. He then watched through desire-laden eyes as Osiris pulled back and grinned again softly prompting, "To whom do you belong, slave?" 

He still refused to answer further frustrating Osiris. Osiris resorted to changing his tactics slightly. He continued making little attempts at seduction by grabbing and tugging a delectable ear into his mouth and suckling it. Again Daniel bucked thrusting up against him and moaning. As he shifted to blowing warm air into Daniel's ear the man shuddered. Osiris' smile broadened further as he again asked that same question still not receiving an answer. He became even more frustrated a bit amazed that his servant could be so resilient when it was so obvious that Daniel was on fire beneath him and was so desperate to be satisfied. He'd have to change his tactics again to make the man crack beneath him and make the confession he so wanted to hear come from those supple lips. He refused to give up choosing this time to move his seduction another step further by clamping his mouth over a nipple. Sarah had told him that Daniel's nipples were definite erogenous zones sure to make the man scream in extreme pleasure if they were teased so he began to slowly lave and suckle each of them making one pucker and harden before turning his focus onto the other. The move drew a desperate whimper of pleasure from Daniel's lips making him shiver in response as he wrapped his arms around them, yanking them down on top of him before pinning their heat against his still secured groin. 

As Daniel's hands slid down to cup each of Sarah's pert round cheeks Osiris could only chuckle feeling excitement flood their body as Daniel gripped them tightly against him. Oh yes he was definitely beginning to disturb his slave just a little bit with his taunting. He felt the thrill of victory coming within his grasp as he continued to slowly torment his servant until the man was writhing, moaning and bucking beneath them. He was definitely extremely close to his goal now and quickly changed his question, "Would you like to climax for us, our precious one?" 

"Yes...yes please...please..." 

Ah, yes the man was breathless with anticipation. Perfect, absolutely perfect! He whispered huskily, "Then tell us who you belong to..." 

Daniel again refused so Osiris sighed in disappointment before forcing himself to rise out of bed and break off all bodily contact with his enticing slave. He could feel the loss of holding the fiery man against him. He desperately wanted to make love to Daniel but was determined to teach him a little lesson in submission. If Daniel would not willingly say to whom he belonged to then he would suffer being extremely turned on and very unsatisfied. Osiris knew that it was cruel to arouse his servant so thoroughly then break all physical contact with him but he had a point to make and if this is what must be done to get that point across then so be it. 

Daniel gasped and whimpered as Osiris left him alone in the bed. Why had Osiris just left him here so painfully aroused? He was confused by that action, and found himself releasing a soft complaint, "Master..." 

Osiris lowered beside him watching as Daniel stared intently at him with eyes full of confusion intermixed with hunger and desire. He swallowed hard determined not to answer that plea he was seeing in the man's eyes at present. He instead pressed two fingers gently across Daniel's lips hushing him before continuing in a thick, husky tone, "For your refusal to say who owns you this is how you will remain for your lord...extremely aroused. When you are ready to admit who owns you then I will free you of your chastity." 

"But Master..." 

He could hear the hint of disappointment and whining in those two uttered words but shook his head turning to pick up the small glass of wine he brought to their chamber for this evening. He lifted it before Daniel saying, "Shh, drink ...drink this and hush." 

Daniel wanted to be angry and wanted to demand his lord finish what he started but he could see that there was going to be no persuading his lord this night so he lowered his gaze and softly replied, "Yes My Lord," allowing Osiris to press the glass to his lips. He drank the pink liquid that Osiris offered hissing as he could taste the alcohol in the wine and feel it burning down his throat. Instead of calming him, which his lord no doubt intended to do with the wine he felt even more aroused. Shit, how could he feel so damned horny after only a few touches? Shit! He focused on Osiris as the Goa'uld lord continued, "Now you will rest for your lord while I bathe." 

"But My Lord..." 

"Hush my sweet Daniel and rest. You must be tired. Sleep for your lord, my precious one. Sleep." 

He sighed in disappointment but did grumble a quick, "Yes My Lord," before turning onto his side and closing his eyes. Damn he was so fucking horny and Osiris was just going to leave him like this? What the hell was that about? He listened to the Goa'uld lord, as he exited the room no doubt heading to the bathhouse and became even more aware of his present predicament. Without thought he reached down to his groin and wrapped a hand about his middle cursing when he felt the cold unyielding metal of his chastity belt. Shit, he couldn't even fucking pleasure himself with this damned belt locked on him. SHIT! He knew beyond a doubt that this was going to be a very long night. 

As he awoke the next morning he softly moaned feeling his penis throbbing inside the belt locked over his groin. He ached so damn badly that without thought he carefully eased a hand down to rub himself in hopes to ease his intense urges. As his hand brushed the metal chastity belt he softly growled cursing Osiris for locking the horrid device on him and for tempting him the previous evening. Osiris was playing games with him now. He had deliberately stirred him up so he could again prove to his servant that he was now owned and controlled fully by his master. Son of a bitch! He again found himself wanting nothing more than to strangle the precious life out of the sadistic creature now lying beside him. 

As he gazed upon her face he felt his heart clenching in his chest. She looked so peaceful, so calm in rest. She looked just as he remembered her...free, wild, tender and innocent. She was none of those things anymore for a snake now resided within her. He closed his eyes as his failure to save her washed over him again. He had failed her just like he had Sha're and like Sha're he had no way of rescuing her from the prison she now resided in. He had hoped that someday he could free her and give her back the life that had been so cruelly stripped from her by an evil parasite. He had actually believed he would succeed in rescuing her but he quickly learned that Sarah Gardner didn't seem all that upset with sharing her life with another. In fact she was helping him. She was helping Osiris to control him and keep him a virtual prisoner. She claimed to love him, to want to help him yet she didn't act as if she even cared. Oh she helped him respond to Osiris in the bedchamber claiming that she was helping him serve and saving him when what she was really doing was assaulting him and raping him. He didn't want to respond to Osiris. He hated how his body reacted to their touches and strokes, hated how he begged them for pleasure, hated how even now all he wanted to do was beg his lord to permit him to climax for him... 

God he hated this life, this existence. He was nothing more than a plaything to Osiris, nothing more than a fuck toy. He had no freedom, no individuality any more. What he did was what his lord commanded. He no longer had his independence because along with everything else Osiris cruelly stripped from him upon his capture his independence was the first thing to be stolen. When he wasn't serving Osiris in their bedchamber he was kneeling beside Osiris' throne or at his feet and being forced to allow unwanted petting, touching and stroking, forced to respond to those unwanted advances with fervor and desire. When he wasn't kneeling he was sitting beside Osiris upon his throne. In the evening he attended his lord sitting with him to dine and following him around like a little lost puppy being led by his leash to check on the other servants or the prisoners who resided in the dungeons... When they weren't wandering the palace they were in the village among Osiris' followers. Once they were done with that he was granted a temporary reprieve, a few moments alone to bathe. He cherished his baths because that was the only time of day that he was not under his master's watchful eye. He sometimes would bath quickly so he could "escape" to visit other servants. At those times he would tell the children stories and teach them to read but his time was always very limited for he knew if he didn't report to their bedchamber after a half hour his lord would seek him out. Zeenan would sometimes stall Osiris by asking him mundane questions or discussing security issues with him. He was very grateful that Zeenan kept such a protective eye on him. Zeenan was like a brother to him always watching out for him and making sure that he was all right, that he was safe. 

He hated how Osiris denied him personal time to himself. He granted him the right to read books and to visit the servants but there was always a time limit, a certain amount of time he had free before Osiris would demand his presence or begin to fondle him. He hated that most of all. He could read in their bedchamber for as long as he liked but Osiris insisted he read in bed and though he always vowed that his servant could read for as long as he desired he never upheld that promise, if you could call it a promise. He would often sense Osiris watching him and could usually predict when his lord would grow bored of watching his slave and would reach over to stroke him, or pet him or kiss him. If he continued to ignore those little indicators that his lord wanted served NOW then Osiris would proceed to seduce him making his touches and kisses more bold, running his hands up and down across his inner thigh, pressing dainty kisses to his hip, licking his arm, fondling him openly...when he still failed to offer his full attention to his lord the book would be discarded next plucked from his fingers and tossed carelessly onto the floor usually when he was deeply involved in it. Osiris would then be on him urging him to lie down and he would comply after staring angrily at his lord for a few minutes or casting longing gazes towards the discarded book. If he refused to focus completely on his lord then Osiris would threaten to deny him even that right...to read. Once the threat was issued he quickly yielded becoming putty in the Goa'uld lord's hands allowing him much more liberties than he ever wanted to. He would quickly shut down his emotions, silence his thoughts, silence Jack's voice and lock up his heart forcing himself to actually FEEL the tender strokes, licks and caresses across his body. Soon he would find himself moaning or panting lazily spreading his legs apart to offer Osiris more of his body and allowing his lord to do with him whatever he pleased. 

He hated his life, hated his existence and hated his indentured servitude. He longed for more time to himself, longed to teach, to read and to explore. He longed for Jack and longed for home. He longed for the SGC and for his freedom but knew that there was a chance he might never get those things back. He knew that when Osiris captured and enslaved him that he might've just lost his only chance to reclaim those things he so desperately longed for and it crushed him. The hardest thing for him was not seeing Jack, not being able to touch or kiss him goodnight, not being able to cuddle up against him or snuggle deep in his tender embrace, not being able to carefully trace every contour of the man's body or make love to him... He missed so many things but what he missed above all others was Jack O'Neill. He needed Jack, longed for Jack, ached for him and prayed for him to come, to save him from this horrible existence. Without Jack in his life he felt empty and incomplete. He felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest. It was so easy for him to lock up his heart now, to lock it up and toss away the key holding it safe for Jack because without Jack O'Neill in his life he had no strength, no love, no foundation, nothing to keep him grounded and balanced. The loss of Jack tore at his soul and threatened to destroy him because without Jack to cling to, to rely on, to depend on...to trust then he had nothing. No safety net, no comfort...he had nothing without Jack because they were meant to be together. Jack was the other half of his soul and without Jack, without him he would always remain incomplete. 

He tensed as she softly moaned feeling panic flare up within himself. Oh God she was awaking, it was awaking, and all he wanted to do now was plead, beg to be satisfied, to be given permission to climax. God when had he become so dependent on her, on it, to give him pleasure? When? 

He felt his heart thump in his chest the moment her eyes opened. She smiled at him, a smile that looked so much like the Sarah Gardner he had known and loved but as those eyes became darker and hunger entered he knew Sarah wasn't looking at him, no Osiris was. He tensed further as Osiris' gravely voice filled the room, "Is my servant aching for his master?" 

Daniel nervously downcast his eyes knowing he was lying as he whispered, "No My Lord." 

"Hmm I sense you are not being completely truthful with me, Daniel." 

He tensed hissing as her hand slid down to his groin and cupped gently over his own. He felt his face heating up as an embarrassing flush washed across it when he realized that he was gripping himself. Oh God, when had he done that? When had he moved his hand down to his groin? When had he started gripping himself like some cheap wanton whore? When? 

He kept his gaze trained on the bed refusing to look at her. He wanted nothing more than to remove his hand from his middle but as he attempted to do so Osiris pressed down harder pinning his hand in place. He inhaled shakily nervously slipping his tongue out to wet his bottom lip. When Osiris released a soft purr he realized his mistake and clamped his mouth shut focusing on remaining perfectly still. 

As Osiris drawled in Sarah's silky seductive voice, "Tell me to whom do you belong beloved and I will grant you your pleasure. To whom do you belong?" He wanted nothing more than to say that he was his but managed to stall his response in his throat. 

Osiris seemed disappointed with his silence and continued in a soft sultry voice, "Very well my precious one. You will remain desperately hungry for your lord's touch upon your body. You will remain very aroused but unsatisfied for I will not grant you pleasure until you tell me to whom you belong. Is that understood?" 

Daniel released a soft whimper and cursed himself as it laughed huskily before continuing, "By denying you your need for orgasm you will quickly learn what you are and to whom you belong. You will attend me while your manhood aches for my touch, for my mouth upon it. You will remain aroused but unsatisfied. I would think long and hard about that my pet or you may find yourself shuffling behind your master as you try to resist cupping yourself and rubbing yourself in public. I want you to feel that metal now lying beneath your hand and I want you to think of how tightly confined your beautiful penis is. I want you to notice that though you grip yourself now you still cannot feel your hand for you are a servant and slave. Slaves do not have the right to please themselves or orgasm. Slaves do not receive pleasure unless their master grants it to them. I suggest you remember that as you attend me while feeling extremely...horny? Yes I believe that is the word horny, yes as you remain extremely horny for your master. Pleasure is earned not given freely. You earn pleasure, love. Now go bathe. Then report to My'la..." 

"But Master please..." 

Osiris' wicked grin broadened into a smile as Daniel addressed him as master while speaking in a tone of voice that closely resembled begging. He decided to humor his slave by asking, "Yes my precious one? Is there perhaps something you wish to say?" 

"Master I..." 

Daniel clamped his mouth shut as he realized he was prepared to beg. He was so damned close to begging Osiris to pleasure him that he felt ill and outraged with himself and again found himself asking those troubling questions: why? Why had he allowed Osiris to use him so often? Why did he allow Osiris to degrade him like he now was? Why did he allow Osiris the power to humiliate and embarrass him? Why did he allow Osiris to become aggressive with him in bed? Why? Why? WHY? 

He shook his head in self-disgust. He hated what he now was, what he allowed Osiris to make him into. He hated his promiscuity and his need, his hunger...hated how he needed to be pleased by his master, needed to beg to be granted pleasure...needed to tell his lord that he belonged to him, only to him in order to receive his pleasure. 

He clenched his eyes shut feeling ash in his mouth as he bitterly said, "I belong to you, My Master." 

Osiris chuckled as he ran the fingers of his free hand back through Daniel's hair earning himself one of the man's delicious moans that effectively heated him up further. He huskily replied, "And so you do, my precious slave, so you do." 

His hatred and his self-loathing continued to build as Osiris unlocked his groin then proceeded to caress his dick. Even as he moaned and thrust into that hand, even as he began to softly plead for fulfillment and allow that hand to pump him, even as he grew hard instantly and felt insurmountable pleasure, even as he screamed in bliss as he came powerfully spurting into the air and panting Jack's name over and over again as Osiris began to clean him with his tongue, even as immense euphoria and satiated bliss filled him he could feel his hatred for himself, his disgust with himself, his anger and rage at himself increase and as Osiris finished licking him clean he felt the first onslaught of tears fall down across his soft cheeks and quickly turned his face into his pillow hiding from view the tears of shame and disgrace he finally allowed to flow from his master's eyes. 

Osiris pressed a kiss to Daniel's head before whispering, "Thank you Daniel," then rising and exiting the room. He didn't even realize that Daniel was upset but Sarah sensed that he was and knew that she would have to keep a closer eye on Daniel from now on. 

He remained in the bed keeping his face buried in the pillow feeling relieved when he heard Osiris leaving. He then surrendered completely to his guilt and allowed more tears to flow. He felt so ashamed, so dirty and so used. My God, he had surrendered. He had told Osiris he owned him. God, he...how could he do that? He had again surrendered and again was left feeling extremely violated. He felt like he had been raped again. Raped? God no! Was that what this was? Rape? Had Osiris...? No, no...NO! 

He felt terrified and filthy. He suddenly recalled feeling like this after...after Hathor. God he had been...he had been...by Osiris...again. He felt suddenly ill and dizzy. Did Osiris...was...had he been...no, no he wasn't, not again. No, please no! He couldn't handle that. No he hadn't been...raped he was just...he just...NO! 

He drew his legs up to his chest and clutched the pillow to his body folding into a fetal position as his fear and shame continued to eat away at him. He had no idea how long he remained curled up on the mattress. In fact he didn't even hear anyone entering only jumping and shrieking when a gentle hand touched his shoulder. Her soft voice filled his head urging him to comply with her order, "Daniel, come. You must rise and bathe for our lord grows impatient and will soon seek you out. Come, please." 

As he raised his face to hers he heard her gasp then suddenly found himself wrapped in loving arms and being comforted. He listened to her as she spoke softly and soothingly telling him that he was all right now and that Osiris would not be back for at least an hour. She told him to let go...if he needed to cry or talk she was there to listen. She assured him that Zeenan would keep Osiris busy for sometime and as they sat there together with her speaking softly to him and comforting him he felt himself daring to trust her again. They remained there for some time before Daniel pulled away and said, "Thank you My'la." 

She smiled before cupping his cheek in her hand and saying, "I do not know what our lord has done to you to make you so sad, but I am here for you." 

"I...I can't... I can't talk about it My'la. I just..." 

She pressed a finger across his lips hushing him before saying, "I do not expect you to, Daniel. I am happy just to be able to offer you comfort. I am happy to provide such a need for you." 

"Thank...thank you." 

"You are most welcome... Are you...would you...uh..." 

"Yes, I'm ready to bathe now." 

She sighed in relief before offering, "Would you like some company?" 

As Daniel blushed she quickly replied, "to the bathhouse Daniel. I would like to walk with you to the bathhouse." 

"Oh...uh, su...sure. Thank...thank you." 

"Come let us go then." 

"Yes let's go." 

She offered her hand and Daniel accepted it. Together they walked to the bathhouse where Daniel began his bath and My'la checked on him occasionally to make certain that he was all right. She knew that he needed time alone so she granted it to him.

 

* * * * * * * * 

 

Jack O'Neill entered his home wanting nothing more than to settle down by the fire and hold his lover in his arms. He loved the times he and Daniel would just sit on the floor before the fireplace. He would hold him close and they'd just talk. They'd talk about all kinds of things from work, to sports, to books... They would sometimes talk for hours on end just enjoying the comfortable banters and being able to spend time with one another. He loved the feel of Daniel curled up against him sighing in content. He loved the way Daniel would speak while drawing invisible circles on his arms or would press his head to his chest to listen to his heart beating. He loved the sound of Daniel's soft, sultry voice, the way he laughed and the unlimited shows of affection he would offer so willingly. Daniel called it cuddling. Cuddling...time spent together relaxing and just enjoying each other's company. It was those times he'd feel so close to his vibrant lover, so very close. God how he missed that, missed hearing Daniel's voice, missed smelling his hair and touching him. How he missed holding the man in his arms as together they'd gaze into the fire both sure in their love for each other. Those were very precious moments to him and those were the things he missed the most: their intimacy, their love...being together and spending time together. God, he missed Daniel so much that it hurt. Daniel's absence in his life was destroying him. He needed Daniel just to breathe. He relied on Daniel to be his rock, his supporter, through all things and now...now he was gone from his life and he found it so very difficult to keep on living without him. 

He gazed over at his fireplace noticing that it looked cold, dark and dreary. There was no fire in the hearth; no wood stacked high, no flames dancing and flickering, no warmth at all. The fireplace was cold and bleak now, a shell of its former self. Everything was like that now. There was no life, no joy, no pleasure, no peace, no calm, nothing... There was nothing but silence and emptiness where warmth and love once thrived because all that vanished the moment Daniel Jackson was taken from him. 

He sighed feeling tears threatening to fall and sniffed them back. He gazed around the house still seeing traces of the man who once made life so bright and so wonderful. He hadn't moved a thing of Danny's finding that he needed those subtle reminders of his lover just to stay sane. A book opened here, a chess board set up in the corner of a game still in play, an extra pair of glasses lying on the coffee table, coffee sitting on the shelf...Daniel's favorite mug sitting right where he left it still half full and as cold as his life now was. Evidence, all of it evidence that Daniel had once lived here, still lived here though he was gone. He kept everything of Daniel's where it was afraid that if he moved any of it he'd forget everything he and Daniel shared including the tons of wonderful memories they shared together. He couldn't lose those memories for they were the only things remaining that was managing to keep him somewhat sane in his otherwise chaotic, miserable life. 

He forced his eyes away from the fireplace making him self walk into the kitchen and continue his daily routine... He started a pot of coffee, Daniel's favorite brew, even knowing that most of it would remain untouched. Then he set to work making dinner...for two people. He made himself set the table for one but found that it hurt too much to see just one setting so again he found himself making a second setting for Daniel. After he was satisfied with that he moved into the living room determined to make a fire but as that gloomy fireplace came into view an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and despair gripped him sending him turning violently away only to drop onto his couch with a loud thump. The moment he was on the couch he was dropping his face into his hands trying to wipe haphazardly at the tears now glistening on his cheeks. It was too much! It was all too much...ah, Daniel, Daniel my love...I need you so much...need you, love you... 

He tried to stall his thoughts but soon found his mind consumed with images, images and memories of times past spent with Daniel in this very room. He shook his head as his thoughts sent him back in time to right before he disappeared on that fateful mission... 

_"...What do you mean you don't know, Jack?"_

_"I mean I don't know..."_

_"Ah come on..."_

_"Danny..."_

_"Jack."_

_"How about you and I..."_

_Jack lowered his face to nuzzle Daniel's neck inhaling his heavenly scent before carefully planting several dainty kisses across that beautiful column of skin now exposed to him. Daniel moaned against him automatically cocking his head to the side to offer him more of his vulnerable throat. He immediately accepted that offering moving from kissing that lovely hollow to nipping and licking. He chuckled huskily and tightened his hold on Daniel as the man released another moan of joy to the air around them. He pressed feathery light kisses up across Daniel's neck moving to his ear where he blew across it before whispering, "Hmm how about we...head up to bed now, love?"_

_"Mmm... Sounds like a good plan, Jack."_

_"Oh yeah..."_

_"Mmm Jaaack..."_

_He snickered as he slowly moved his right hand down to Daniel's groin growling as he gently cupped his lover in his hand. He squeezed ever so slightly before whispering in a choked harsh breathless voice, "Mmm yeah... Yeah...thought you'd like that..."_

_“Jack oh...mmm, Jack...take me to bed now...please."_

_Jack answered that request by rubbing his hand lightly across the obviously hard bulge now present in Daniel's pants. Daniel responded instantly thrusting his hips upwards moaning sensuously before dropping his head lazily back against Jack's shoulder. He smiled as soft tendrils of Daniel's silky hair tickled his cheek and couldn't resist inhaling the pleasant scent of shampoo still clinging to it. As Daniel thrust up into him again he could feel his own groin answering Daniel's call by hardening further...oh yeah the bedroom it was!_

He shook his head as the images continued casting him to that evening when they'd made love for the last time. It had been the last time before...before his...before he became lost to him. The last evening they spent together before that final mission. He could still remember that evening so clearly. Daniel had been wonderful taking his time as they made love slowly. Daniel had carefully licked and kissed every inch of his body. He had been determined to please him beyond all imagination. As he had made his careful exploration Jack remembered feeling so damned lucky to have Daniel in his life. He felt as if he were on top of the world that evening knowing that he was blessed. He had been so happy but now, now... There was no longer room for happiness in his life for without Daniel Jackson there by his side everything became so much harder to face. He had to lock away all of his emotions while at work to convince everyone that he was fine and he was very good at doing just that but now...now here at home... 

He jerked his head up as the ringing of his phone drew his attention. He gazed at it in awe as if he had never seen a telephone before and listened to it ringing several times before reaching out to grab it feeling the slightest bit of hope that this could be the call, this could be the call saying that Daniel was back. Oh God if only that were the truth! He felt his heart leaping into his throat and became suddenly very anxious praying that this call had something to do with Daniel but as a feminine voice spoke on the other end his hope died and all he could manage was a mumbled, "Oh hi Sam..." 

He lowered his head staring at the floor as she spoke in a voice lined with concern asking him, inviting him to go out with her and Teal'c. They planned to go get a bite to eat and wanted him to come along. He shook his head before providing her with his verbal refusal, "Uh, no thanks, not tonight. I...I can't do it tonight." 

He heard her voice move into that persuasive tone she often used when she wanted to change his mind... "Come with us, Jack. Please. It'll be fun and we can..." 

"No, no Sam I...I can't..." 

"Jack you have to..." 

"No, no Sam I don't have to DO anything. I said no. I can't. I have plans." 

"What kind of plans?" 

"Well you know...plans." 

"Let me guess. You're going to sit around the house staring at Daniel's picture all evening then try to get some sleep only to wake up in the middle of the night as you dream of him being torn from your arms again..." 

He was becoming angry with her, angry and impatient. He hated the fact that Sam knew exactly how he was feeling and exactly how he was dealing with Daniel's absence; how could she know that he had no plans? How could she know that he couldn't sleep and that he would often stare at pictures of Daniel or lay in bed for hours running his hand across that cold empty space beside him where Daniel should be resting? How could she know that he spent most of his time at home walking around as if in a fog? How could she know all that? 

He shook his head as he again repeated the same excuse "I can't tonight, Sam, I have things to do maybe...maybe another day." 

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, sir. You have got to move on with your life. Daniel wouldn't want you locking yourself up and withdrawing into yourself. Jack just think how he would feel if he were to learn that while he was MIA you spent all your time moping about instead of trying to move on with your life. He wouldn't want you to spend so much time alone. Daniel would want you to be happy... correction Daniel WANTS you to be happy and wants you to be with your friends. Sir, come to dinner with Teal'c and I. We can talk or just relax, play a few games of pool or something... Please sir, you need this as much as we do. Come with us tonight." 

"No, I can't. I'm busy. Sorry..." 

"Sir..." 

"I'm sorry Carter, but no. You and Teal'c go have a good time. I'll be fine. Go out and eat. Have some fun." 

"Sir..." 

"Good bye Carter." 

"Sir don't do this..." 

"Good bye Carter." 

Then he hung up the phone before she could say anything else. Almost instantly his phone began to ring again and this time, this time, he left the answering machine pick it up knowing that Carter was on the other end and was hoping to somehow persuade him to join them for supper. He couldn't do that. He needed to be here, needed to be home just in case, just in case... In case what? Just in case they called and had more information... He needed to be here. Here was where he belonged surrounded by Daniel's things and having only their memories to keep him company.


	6. Sorrow and Despair

**SORROW AND DESPAIR**  
 **BURSIRIS - OSIRIS' PLANET**

**Is There A Valley Between Sorrow and Despair?**

Daniel entered the bedchamber and paused feeling suddenly afraid. He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickling a warning to him that there was danger. He turned screaming as he was suddenly grabbed from behind. He felt one arm wrap around his chest pinning his arms to his sides while the other hand clamped forcefully across his mouth both equally painful on his body. He instantly panicked and fought against the holds quickly becoming aware that the one holding him so securely was much stronger than he. He gasped as he was dragged to the bed then shoved roughly onto it. He jerked around striking out at his assailant aiming low. His assailant only grunted in response and as he jerked his head up to look into the face of the one who was attacking he stared in shock as he said, "My Lord what are you...?" 

Osiris reacted instantly shoving him onto the bed, pinning him and kissing him. Daniel jerked his head away and proceeded to shove Osiris off, not sure of just what was happening. Osiris smiled at him before reaching down to clamp a possessive hand over Daniel's groin. Daniel stiffened immediately and moaned as the hand gently squeezed him. Osiris continued to smirk as he again pressed Daniel onto the bed and captured his luscious lips within his own. Again Daniel pushed the phoenix lord away. Osiris immediately raised his leg to straddle him. Daniel shifted away from the Goa'uld lord and Osiris chuckled as his servant moved to the middle of the bed. As he again attempted to straddle his slave Daniel reacted by trying to push him away once more. 

Osiris seized Daniel's wrists and forced them down onto the mattress pinning them on either side of Daniel's head and successfully trapping Daniel in place. Daniel instantly struggled harder fighting against the restrictive hold and feeling his panic begin. Just as quickly as Osiris pinned his wrists he released them choosing to lift himself onto Daniel's now engorged cock. He groaned as he slid slowly down over Daniel's hard dick feeling his desire increase as he finally settled taking Daniel deeply within. 

Daniel attempted to shove him off screaming in a mix of pleasure and anger as Osiris started to ride him fast and hard. He tried to resist but quickly fell into the intensity of lovemaking. His lips ceased uttering growls of frustration as utters of pleasure slipped through. Daniel tried to resist the powerful sensations now surging throughout his body finding that to ignore those feelings was a waste of time. He moaned as Osiris raked his nails across his chest before kissing him forcefully on the lips taunting and teasing them to part and drawing more delicious moans from his servant as he did so. Daniel started moaning and meeting the Goa'uld lord thrust for powerful thrust wrapping his arms desperately around Osiris and clutching him firmly against his body. He slid his hands down to those pert round cheeks and clutched her to him holding her tight against him as he met each thrust. Then as he reached climax he screamed digging his fingers deeper into her flesh before collapsing back against the pillows in a sweating heavily breathing heap. He desperately clutched Osiris to him as the Goa'uld lord reached his climax then draped Sarah's sensuous body over his own sending every nerve ending tingling. 

He held Osiris close listening to the sound of his breath mingling with that of his lord's. They were both breathing heavily. He closed his eyes tensing when Osiris leaned up to press a kiss to his lips much lighter than what he was just exposed to. As Osiris pulled away he carefully licked his lips aware that they were now swollen as a result of the forceful kiss Osiris presented him with upon entering their bedchamber. He had been scared when he was grabbed from behind and shocked when he realized that it was his lord who was attacking him, obviously Osiris had a desire to be aggressive with him again this evening. He mentally assessed himself determining that though he was thrown on the bed and held down he would have minimum bruising. He was grateful for that because usually when Osiris was in an aggressive mood he was, also, overly playful and searching for a struggle. If that had been the case then he would now be sporting more than just faint scratch marks that were probably even now fading. Every time Osiris was in the mood for a struggle he would usually leave a nice array of marks all across his body. 

He shifted slightly as the Goa'uld lord made himself once again overly comfortable in his servant's arms. He knew that to refuse to hold Osiris now after just having sex with him would make his lord extremely angry so he settled for holding Osiris and trying to get some sleep trying not to think about the events that transpired mere moments before. 

As Daniel awoke the next morning he sat very still relieved that he was completely alone again. He forced himself to sit up quickly becoming wrapped up in the wall across from him. He stared at the wall noticing its color and the markings that covered its surface. He stared at the wall for the longest time not moving and unable to feel anything at the moment. As he closed his eyes he gasped as an image of Jack danced before him. Jack the man he loved with all his heart, the man he needed just to breathe, the man he clung to for safety...the man he betrayed so easily. 

He shuddered hanging his head as his throat grew thick with the unshed tears he has been struggling valiantly to keep in check. Those tears were for his love, for the man so far away. They were for his self-hatred and anger...his pity. He pitied himself now for what ever made someone so willing to betray another? God he was absolutely pathetic. He wasn't strong enough to resist Osiris. He wasn't strong enough to fight against the Goa'uld lord's unquenchable desire and lust for him. He tried to resist, but it was growing more and more difficult each time they mated. If he failed to respond to Osiris, to please his lord then Sarah would force his compliance. Sarah knew how to arouse him and seduce him while Osiris had still not fully mastered that ability. Sarah would make him comply. She knew, she somehow knew when he wasn't giving himself over or surrendering to Osiris. She knew it and she always forced his compliance using her past knowledge against him to draw his desire and hunger to the surface, to make him eager to please and desperate to be pleased in return. She knew how to gain his cooperation and he hated her for it, hated her and despised her. 

While performing he rarely allowed any feelings to enter. Instead he numbed himself submitting only to carnal pleasures and primal urges to get him through each session. He blocked out all emotions so effectively while he was submitting and even afterwards but it was the mornings and the evenings when he allowed himself to feel scorn and outrage, allowed himself to hate and become angry or depressed. It was times like now when he realized what he did when surrendering. He betrayed Jack willingly. God, he was such a damned slut, a wanton whore who offered his body repetitively and willingly complied with the whims of another. God, he was absolutely pathetic!

He felt moisture pricking at the corners of his eyes but pushed it back in anger and rage. He would not cry! He would never cry again. He hung his head even lower as he thought of how Jack would respond upon discovering his horrifying secret. Jack wouldn't want him once he learned that another had tainted his lover. Jack would get rid of him and refuse to ever look at him again. He would be nothing but a disgrace to Jack, a burden. Jack could never accept him after he lay so willingly with the enemy. He would never be able to touch him without revulsion running through him, never... 

He tensed as that familiar gravely voice suddenly purred, "Daniel..." and he instantly dropped to his knees as he softly replied, "My Lord?" 

Osiris smiled admiring his naked slave as he lowered to his knees before him. Hmm yes Daniel Jackson on his knees...this was a sight he would never tire of. Seeing him so willingly submitting him self even knowing that at any moment the man's fiery spirit might emerge. Ah yes, he was so beautiful, so exquisite... so perfect. He immediately replied, “Daniel, why have you not yet risen? Are you not feeling well, my beloved servant?" 

"I am well, My Lord." 

"Hmm perhaps I have tired you out. Could our last coupling have exhausted you my sweet pet?" 

Daniel blushed with embarrassment before clearing his throat and saying, "No...no My Lord." 

Osiris chuckled upon hearing the nervousness and embarrassment in his slave's voice. He continued, "Mmm you are a very virile young man, my sweet. You have magnificent...staying power as Sarah has said." 

Daniel gasped before lowering his head further upon that comment. He felt suddenly very exposed and very vulnerable. Here he was naked kneeling before his lord and master in their bedchamber. He swallowed back his fear as he felt a sudden panic flare within. What if Osiris demanded he serve in the bed again? What if... He clenched his eyes shut as the discomfort from last night's little foray returned. He could feel the bruises and scratches on his body from Osiris' rough handling of him the previous evening. Ever since that first day Osiris caused him pain in the midst of pleasure he noticed the Goa'uld lord becoming more aggressive with him beginning to nip and claw him, or grapple him just a bit too tightly. He wasn't too crazy about the aggressive side of his lord but knew he had no say in the matter. He would have to soon learn to openly accept it and try to make himself draw pleasure from the aggression because if he didn't soon find a way then he would do something that he would regret, something that could potentially anger Osiris so much that he would target another planet for destruction. He wouldn't allow that to happen. He couldn't live with more people's deaths on his conscience than he had already. 

Osiris spoke to him gently urging, "Rise Daniel and bathe. I will send for My'la." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel slowly rose to his feet awaiting dismissal. As Osiris granted it he collected his robe and left the room walking faster than was absolutely necessary to the bathhouse feeling that sudden urge, that sudden need wash over him to scrub himself clean, scrub himself until he hurt, until he had Osiris' touch scourged off of his body, until he had Sarah's scent scoured off of his skin. He shook his head wondering if there would ever come a time when his forced copulation with his captor would ever feel...normal. Would there ever come a time when its touch and its scent wouldn't make him feel deeply ashamed and humiliated? Would he ever adjust to the demands of his lord? Would he ever adjust to having to surrender completely to Osiris in bed without feeling as if he were betraying Jack with every thrust, every scream, every pant and every plea? Would he ever be able to simply serve his lord without keeping his heart attached? Would he ever be able to shut off his emotions like a faucet and draw pure pleasure from his lord? Could he do that? Shut off his heart completely and separate it completely from his body? Tear it out and give it to Jack for safekeeping? Could he ever do that? He hoped so because if he couldn't do that then he would lose more than just his spirit in this place. He would lose his soul, his compassion...everything. He would lose everything. 

Daniel entered the bathhouse preparing to bathe shuddering as his need to be clean overwhelmed him and as he entered the water he settled then lowered his head feeling his guilt again swamp him. He had surrendered to Osiris again. Just how many times was he going to allow the Goa'uld lord to touch him and to use him for his sexual pleasure? Just how many more times was he going to betray the love of his life? He lowered his head further staring at the bubbling water swirling around his body. As he stared at the water's surface he had a sudden urge to slip under the water...slip under and see how long he could hold his breath and when he could no longer do so then he could slip beyond this horrible existence he was now living. It would be so easy to give up right now, so damned easy. He was ready to quit. He was tired of serving his lord always...he knew that his life would never be any different. He would probably never escape the system lord who now held him. He was trapped here in this hellish existence. How much longer could he continue before he decided that life was no longer worth living? Was life even worth living now? 

Daniel swallowed hard and closed his eyes tightly shut as he thought of Jack, his handsome lover. What was Jack doing now? Was he on another planet or at his home watching the sky from his roof? Did Jack still care if he was alive? How could he ever explain to Jack what he now was, what he had done...how could he tell his lover about all the times he betrayed him by sleeping with a creature he didn't love...a creature he despised and hated with all his being? He wrapped his arms tightly around his body and drew his knees up to his chest wanting to curl up and die. His life was sheer hell. There was no chance for him. He would be Osiris' slave and his little pet for the rest of his life. He whimpered quietly as he recalled how those hands fondled him and caressed him. How those fingers traced every line and every contour of his body. How his dick would harden, how it now hardened at the mere thought, of being pleased by his lord. He was already beginning to respond to the Goa'uld's touches for Osiris knew how to excite him. He had easy access to Sarah's memories. All he needed to do was to access those memories to discover the things Sarah use to do to him to encourage his responses, arouse him, excite him and make him come for her. He had no resistance, in fact, he often craved those touches, needed them...God begged for them. 

He was so sickened by his promiscuous behavior. He wanted to fight, to resist and to refuse but he couldn't do any of those things because the price was just too high. He was barely dealing with the destruction of Alandria if another planet were to be destroyed due to his refusal he would probably crack and shatter into a thousand pieces. He was losing himself here. How could he hold on to who he had been if Osiris continued to humiliate and degrade him daily? He tried to make himself less appealing but the Goa'uld lord always became angrier. What would happen if he refused to bathe today? Would he become less appealing to his lord? 

Daniel thought long and hard about doing just that. What would Osiris do to him if he refused to bathe? Would that be the way he could discourage the system lord's attentions? Was there anything he could do to discourage that creature to turn the creature off? Osiris required cleanliness of all of his servants. Cleanliness was very important to the snake that's why he was ordered to bathe every single day...sometimes ordered to bathe twice. He didn't mind it but he always ran the risk of being caught naked in the bath by Osiris. He always ran the risk of the snake joining him and...and touching him all over. 

He had no desire to be here, he had no desire to do anything any more...hell he was falling quickly into a full-blown depression. He knew he was; could recognize the signs...he rarely wanted to rise out of bed anymore but did so to put distance between him and his oppressor. He would spend hours staring blankly not really focusing just...existing...his mind a blank slate. No thoughts or feelings would crowd in when he sat there and stared...it was as if he were numb and maybe he was numb. Maybe he learned how to numb himself to his existence...he kept himself locked in that existence between limbo and disassociation. It was almost like walking in a fog and being oblivious to the things going on around him. He hated this numbness, this bland effect that he now seemed to carry around as a shield. God, he was losing himself and disappearing...becoming a robot. He shivered as he thought about that. He had to struggle just to make it through another day. Suicide actually entered his mind several times a day instead of occasionally now. He wasn't one who readily gave up or just up and quit but he was so exhausted and tired...of everything. His life was a nightmare and he had no escape. He was trapped. 

He sat in the water feeling the temperature as it cooled around him and still made no attempt to bathe himself. He just didn't have the energy or the desire to do so at the moment so he sat and stared at the bubbles still rippling around him noticing the way they would appear then burst only to be replaced with more. He lost track of time and felt every nerve stand on end when he heard the door open. Oh God that was probably... As he heard the voice of the one he hated and despised he clenched his eyes shut silently pleading with whoever was listening that the snake wouldn't touch him again. If he touched him he would scream. He would scream so loud and would be unable to stop. He felt disgust ripple through his body as Osiris asked him if he was finished bathing. He refused to answer choosing instead to stare at the wall before him. There was safety there in that wall...of course there was no longer any safety for him. He lost that a long time ago. All there was for him was this life sentence of misery and shame. 

Osiris was becoming very impatient with his slave. He ordered Daniel to the bathhouse earlier expecting the man to bathe and return to him but after several long hours and no appearance by his servant Osiris headed for the bathhouse. 

When he entered he was very dissatisfied with what he was seeing. His servant was sitting in the water staring at the opposite wall blankly. His hair wasn't even wet. Osiris approached questioning, "Have you finished cleansing yourself yet, my precious?" 

Daniel didn't respond so Osiris made his voice sharper receiving a shake of the head from the man...no...no. What? He questioned, "Have you cleansed yourself at all?" 

Again a shake of the head told him the answer was no. He continued, "Daniel, I do not like to order my servants to bathe. You must bathe or you will be aided. You will begin bathing now or I will have someone help you to bathe properly." 

Daniel didn't even respond. Osiris continued, "The decision is yours to make. If you refuse then you will be bathed by another. I expect my servants to always be clean and appealing...always. This is your last chance...you will either begin to bathe yourself now or I shall have someone come to help you with that request." 

He waited for Daniel to make a move for the washcloth or soap but he did nothing. He continued to remain sitting, staring at the wall an expression of defiance marring his features. He sighed heavily before saying, "Very well..." then exiting the room. 

Osiris returned shortly with a guard and casually ordered, "You are to restrain my servant while I bathe him." 

"Yes, My Lord...may I ask why?" 

"Because he refuses to do so himself." 

The guard quickly disrobed then entered the bath with Daniel. As soon as he placed his hands on Daniel the man fought and struggled. Daniel tried to claw and kick at the guard wanting the hands to release him. As the guard quickly gained the upper hand Daniel screamed and started cursing trying desperately to escape the bruising hands of Osiris' guard. 

Osiris watched the interaction with interest and concern. Daniel was refusing to bathe so he had no other choice than to do so himself and knowing that Daniel would resist him he chose to request a guard. He was completely unprepared for Daniel's sudden show of aggression after the man sat so still and quiet mere moments before. He winced as Daniel clawed at the guard's face and arms leaving behind thin trails of blood where the nails had punctured the flesh. He continued to observe the two as the guard gained the upper hand managing to hold the still squirming man tightly in his arms. 

As Daniel slumped against the guard Osiris chose that time to disrobe and enter. His servant was now trying to regain his breathing after such a fierce show of defiance. Osiris slipped into the water and approached Daniel then began bathing him from head to toe taking his time as he did so. 

Osiris picked up the soap and washcloth gazing at his servant who now stood so still and so compliant. He started to soap Daniel's chest watching as the man closed his eyes and inhaled shakily. Osiris spoke in a calm tone as he said, "I did not wish to have to rely on a guard to get you to bathe for me, my precious. Why do you choose to become defiant and anger your lord? You could have saved yourself this pain and suffering if only you had listened to me and done as I bid you. I do not understand you at times love. You make things so difficult on yourself..." 

Daniel remained silent swallowing hard. His every nerve was taut and he could feel the bruising hands holding him so firmly. He knew that he should be fighting against that hold but he just felt so tired. He couldn't drum up the strength he would need to break the hold. He also hated feeling the tender hands upon his body...those hands that were showing him unlimited patience and kindness, hands that could excite him with the lightest of strokes. He shuddered inside as he felt those hands continue to touch him, always, always touching him. Why did Osiris always have to touch him? Why? He wanted to scream and curse but he just didn't have the energy to do so. He needed to escape. He was so confused. He didn't even know how he should feel anymore. In fact he wasn't even all that certain that he could feel anymore. 

Daniel tensed further as he felt those gentle hands rubbing over his body and bathing him with great care. The Goa'uld lord loved him, or so he had said, but he was certain that love was more of an obsession. The snake could be gentle and kind when he wanted to be but he could also be vindictive and unforgiving. He was being patient and kind now, but Daniel knew it would only be a matter of time before Osiris punished him for his non-compliance and that punishment would either consist of pain and suffering or degradation and humiliation. Though Osiris rarely raised a hand against him he was a master at wielding pain for he knew how to bring someone to their knees by stripping them of their own decency and pride. He was so good at putting one back in their proper place. In fact, he was too good at it. 

Once Daniel was cleaned to his lord's satisfaction he was yanked out of the water and physically escorted to their bedchamber. Once inside Osiris called for another guard smiling as he entered. 

Daniel hated Osiris with every fiber of his being even more now than before. How dare the snake order him be restrained then proceed to bathe him. He shivered as the recent memory made him ill. As Osiris requested another guard Daniel felt his heart rate accelerate and started becoming very afraid. What the hell was Osiris planning to do to him now? Did he even want to know the answer to that question? No, he didn't. What he wanted was to die...die quickly and leave this hell forever. He winced as the guard still restraining him tightened his hold keeping him firmly against him. Daniel wanted to scream and beg for those hands to release him. He didn't want to be touched. He hated to be touched, hated it...couldn't stand those hands grabbing at him and hurting him. He tensed as the second guard entered and bowed before inquiring, "What does My Lord require of his servant this evening?" 

"I wish my favored to be educated about the rules...he must learn that cleanliness is a requirement not a choice. Secure him to the chair." 

Secure him to the...aw, hell no! NO! He renewed his struggles fearing what Osiris would do to him once he was restrained to that chair. He would be defenseless. He would be at Osiris' mercy...oh God no! NO! He continued to struggle as his arms were drawn painfully behind his back and quickly lashed to the back of the chair. He wanted to strike out and hurt but could only groan as he pulled and strained against the cruel, harsh ropes now securing his wrists. Just how tight had he been secured to the damned chair anyhow? And why the hell was he still very naked? He felt uneasiness sweep over him and shivered unconsciously as Osiris smirked sinisterly his way before continuing, "Now secure each of his knees to his shoulders with rope." 

Secure...oh God, God no, no...NO! That would expose him completely...no... God, please don't let this happen. NO! He struggled harder against the ropes feeling desperation set in as Osiris made that demand. When the guards proceeded to push his knees to his chest Daniel resorted to kicking and fighting even harder. He managed to get in some excellent strikes before his energy waned. He clenched his eyes tightly shut as his struggles became futile. He could no longer resist but still attempted to kick feeling sheer humiliation and embarrassment fill him as rope was quickly twined beneath his legs before the guards quickly drew each of his knees up to his shoulders securing them firmly into place. Daniel flushed as he realized that he was now completely open and exposed for Osiris viewing and exploration. Oh God, oh God, help me. Somebody help me please...please help me! Jack, I need you...I need you...please come to me...please...JACK! 

Osiris smiled as the guards finished securing Daniel's knees to his shoulders. His smile broadened further as he noticed that Daniel was now perfectly open. Everything was fully exposed and very vulnerable now. Osiris continued to smile then demanded, "Now gag him..." 

Daniel gasped and struggled again trying not to notice that he was tied up in a very humiliating position and spread wide open for Osiris' view and that of the guards still in the room. As Osiris ordered him gagged he yelled, "NO! NO! Please! Don't do this! Don't! God no!" 

Osiris' anger increased and he ordered again firmer this time, "GAG HIM NOW!" 

He spoke out loud without realizing it voicing his pleas for his lover to help him and to come to him, "NO! NO! Jack, help me. Please Jack...JACK, I NEED YOU!" 

He felt helplessness set in as the gag was shoved into his mouth casting him into silence and effectively muting him. After the gag was secured in place the guards exited the room. Daniel kept his eyes clenched tightly shut as anger, rage, desperation, humiliation and fear came head to head within. He was on the verge of panic knowing that he was now trapped with Osiris and completely, utterly defenseless. Osiris chuckled huskily before saying, "Your god desires you to be mute, slave. You have been very non-compliant therefore you will be forbidden to speak up in your defense until I deem you fit to speak again. You brought this all on yourself my precious slave. All you had to do was comply and since you refused I had to take it upon myself to remind you of what you now are. You serve me; you are my slave and you will obey me always. There will be none of this refusal coming from you. I will not allow it or accept it. My favored is to follow every command I give him. You disrespect me when you refuse to comply with my demands. Now you will be properly inspected for cleanliness...a full anal exam will be done to make certain that you have cleaned yourself properly and you will remain tied like this until I grow tired of admiring your gorgeous cock and rosy little asshole." 

Mortification filled him as he remained now gagged and helpless tied spread widely for Osiris. Osiris could do whatever the hell he wanted to him now and knowing that scared the hell out of him. As Osiris informed him of what he planned to do Daniel wanted to scream. Could he handle this debasement? He was certain that if he didn't find a way to separate himself from this situation he would suffer immensely. He couldn't handle this! He couldn't! He didn't have the strength or the energy left to do so. 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Jack O'Neill jerked awake a scream on the tip of his tongue. He opened his mouth to allow it to escape and shocked the hell out of himself when he yelled Daniel's name. He shivered feeling suddenly afraid, so very afraid. What the hell was happening and why did he feel so...so... 

He closed his eyes running his hand over his face and shaking his head. Daniel...he knew he had said that name, the name of his lover, the name of the man who was still MIA. Daniel...why did he suddenly yell Daniel's name in the middle of the damned night? Why did he feel as if Daniel was now in pain and suffering immeasurably? 

He knew that he wouldn't be able to get to sleep again so he got up and quickly dressed preparing to take a walk. How many nights was he going to wake up calling for his lover? How many nights would he find himself walking the streets aimlessly staring up at the brilliant night sky wondering about his lost love and fearing for him? How long? 

As he started to dress he noticed that he was shaking. Why was he shaking? Why did he still feel as if Daniel was in terrible agony? Oh God, what was happening to Daniel right now? Where was he? Was he even still alive? Yes, he's alive...he's alive not dead...but how was he doing? Was Daniel calling for him even now to come rescue him? Was Daniel crying out for him to come and save him? What if he was being hurt right now? What if he was suffering by the hands of whichever Goa'uld now held him? 

He closed his eyes seeing Daniel in his mind's eye...Daniel; his beautiful Daniel, smiling brightly: love shining in those azure eyes of his. Was Daniel happy or sad? Jack had a feeling the man was scared, scared and fearful...why did he feel so certain about that? He sensed that his lover was now suffering...had Daniel called out for him in his desperation and need just now? Was that why he was certain, so very certain, that Daniel was being tormented right at this very moment? Oh God, he felt so uneasy...his stomach even felt queasy. Daniel, are you all right love? Are you hurting? Are you suffering? Do you need me? Is that why I am so certain that you're in pain right now? If you are calling for me then take my strength, take it, love...take it and wrap it around you. Don't you dare forget that I love you and will always love you...keep fighting; keep fighting for me love. Please don't let me lose you. Please. 

Jack hung his head as his heart ached and cried out for the missing man. He wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes finding himself imagining that his arms were Daniel's and they were now holding him so close. He swallowed hard as he caught the faintest scent of his lover in the air. The scent was coming from his clothing for the shirt he was now wearing belonged to Daniel. He didn't even realize that he had put one of Daniel's shirts on until that scent swept over him and taunted him. He felt his mind ease a bit as the material of Daniel's shirt taunted his skin and his scent filled him. Strangely he felt closer to Daniel now. 

He shook his head as he left his house and entered the blackness of night. He noticed the full moon hovering in the sky above shedding light over everything... Daniel loved the moon...loved it...he would stare at that moon sometimes and speak of Sha're. He loved to listen to Daniel talking. Daniel's voice would always be so soothing, so warm...he would speak in soft hushed tones that sent shivers up and down Jack's spine. Daniel had a beautiful voice. One could spend hours upon hours just listening to the man speaking... On those nights he would listen to Daniel and quietly observe him admiring the profile the man presented in the moonlight. The moonlight would always shine off of his hair and make him appear ethereal and otherworldly. Daniel looked magnificent by moonlight. The light would highlight his face and play with the coloring of his eyes making them appear almost as if they were sparkling. He looked wild, untamed and savage by the light of the moon. 

Daniel...he missed that man so much and it nearly killed him not knowing where the man was or if he was all right. Daniel was all alone somewhere being held against his will. He closed his eyes shut and sent a silent prayer up into the heavens for Daniel's safe return. He then spoke softly, "I'm here, Daniel, I'm here...I love you...please hang on. Please. I'll find you. I will, I promise!" 

His heart was breaking. His life was so silent and so empty without Daniel in it. Sam and Teal'c tried to help him deal with Daniel's disappearance as well as Hammond and Janet but no one could ease the pain and ache now present in his heart and soul that was for the man so far from home. No one could fill that emptiness inside of him except for Daniel Jackson. His bed felt so cold at night and so empty...like his soul. He was dying without Daniel here. He needed the man to breathe and his absence was slowly killing him. He hung his head sighing heavily as the loneliness started to filter around him again. 

He again wrapped his arms around his body shivering as that sense of foreboding sparked anew again...there it was that twinge, that little feeling niggling in the back of his mind...Daniel was suffering...oh God...what was happening to him? He again silently encouraged Daniel to hang on and be strong. He stared up at the bright moon sending his love to a man so far away and hoping, hoping against all hope that Daniel would receive the message loud and clear... 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Daniel clenched his eyes tightly shut attempting to block out the hand that was now caressing his dick and making him hard. As the other hand started to gently prod at his anal entrance Daniel jumped wincing as the ropes on his body tightened against him. He swallowed hard as he heard Osiris again say that he needed a full examination for cleanliness. He wanted to holler and scream at the snake. He wanted to beg and plead for Osiris to stop this degradation but he was gagged and muted. He had no voice with which to plead at the moment. He, also, knew that Osiris wasn't feeling very merciful at the moment either. Again he called for Jack in his desperation wanting and needing the man to be here with him and to help him through this. He couldn't handle this...he couldn't... 

He screamed and bucked against his restraints as something was slipped into his rectum. Oh God, what the hell was Osiris doing to him now? What the hell was going on? He couldn't make himself open his eyes. He didn't want to see how exposed and vulnerable he now was to the Goa'uld lord. He tried to block out what was now occurring but was having great difficulty in doing so especially when Osiris poked him again this time slipping a now lubricated finger into his rectum...he realized suddenly that he had one finger in him and Osiris just slipped another in... Oh God, he was stretching him...NO! NO! He hissed as the Goa'uld lord proceeded to add pressure to his prostate and knew that he was in danger of climaxing...God no! This was so damned humiliating! 

He twisted his head away trying to shield his face from the hungry, rage-filled stare he was certain Osiris was presenting him with at the moment. He swallowed hard feeling the gag in his mouth and hating the silence. He had no voice to plead with, no way to talk Osiris out of doing what he was. God, the snake was still at his anus shoving his fingers deeper inside, stretching him and entering where only Jack had entered before. NO! Jack...Jack...Jack...please...oh God, please help me, somebody...anybody! Please make him stop touching me, stop exciting me...please... He shuddered as those fingers proceeded to begin thrusting ever so slowly, ever so gently in and out of him. He felt ill as the snake continued to openly violate him again. 

He retreated inside himself calling for Jack, envisioning Jack...imagining that Jack was here with him offering him comfort, aid and understanding. Speaking to him softly, urging him to keep fighting, to hang on and that he would find him, he would. He swallowed hard feeling his heart rate speed as he swore he could hear his lover's voice speaking those words, muttering words of encouragement, words of concern and caring trying to keep him from completely losing himself in this place, in this hell. He jerked as those two fingers invading his body again swept across his prostate and clenched his eyes tightly shut trying to block out the violation...the sheer humiliation that this position and this assault was having on him. He needed Jack and started to imagine Jack's warm arms entwined protectively around his body, holding him so close, whispering words of comfort in his ears, telling him he could do this...he could hang on longer. He imagined those lush lips pressing light butterfly kisses across his skin kissing his face, his eyes, his cheeks, his nose...any where and everywhere Jack could kiss he was...he loved the times Jack would press those dainty light kisses all across him, raining them across his face and body soothing him, easing his pain, calming him and assuring him that he was safe now, would always be safe. In his darkest hour he found Jack and stayed with him...he was with him now...in spirit. He was with Jack...he felt as if he were flying on air... 

Daniel noticed that he couldn't really feel anything at the moment. It was the oddest feeling, like he was separated from his body laying with his lover stretched out beside him, holding him close refusing to ever let him go. He wanted to stay here and remain here forever in the safety of Jack O'Neill's arms. 

From a distance he heard a strangled, muted cry become a moan of intense pleasure as fingers started to stroke across his prostate. He attempted to thrust upward wanting those fingers to be buried inside and felt himself slipping further away. He tried to resist and fight straining against his bonds. Despite his determination not to respond to the Goa'uld lord's assault, he found himself panting and writhing against his bindings as those expert fingers continued to probe him and add pressure to his prostate gland. 

Osiris grinned as Daniel's desperate struggles soon turned into thrusts and shudders of pleasure. As he massaged Daniel's prostate he smiled hearing the man panting as he moved to take those fingers deeper inside of himself. Osiris was nearly panting as well as Daniel's tight heat gripped his fingers so firmly. He could tell that this wasn't the first time Daniel Jackson had been exposed to anal play, but he hadn't been penetrated in a rather long time. The man was deliciously tight. He wondered briefly how long and how often Daniel and his lover had sex before now...multiple times obviously. 

He focused on Daniel's face noticing his spirited slave trying desperately to resist his body's normal responses to sexual stimulation. He decided to draw the man's attention to him as he said, "This will mark the beginning of your anal training, slave. I have been debating this idea for quite some time and have decided that you are in need of training desperately. We will intersperse your anal training with your sexuality training." 

Daniel moaned again thrusting his hips wanting those fingers to fill him. He tried desperately to slip away, to disassociate, but as Osiris began to discuss training him he found that it was more difficult to slip away. He shuddered as Osiris kindly informed him that he would be trained even more. He again tried to separate from himself, from what was happening to him and growled in frustration as Osiris refused to allow him to slip away. It was almost as if Osiris knew that he was trying to disassociate and was trying to prevent it. Along with speaking to him Osiris shifted and changed his finger positions within his body making him writhe and buck in response to the unexpected stimuli. 

Osiris continued, "The first step in your anal training, slave, is to realize that I own all of you and can do whatever I choose to you on a whim. You will be kept secured this way for as long as I decide. I know this position humiliates you, which is why you will remain this way. You must learn to willingly expose yourself to me whenever I wish to see you, to study you or to train you. You will soon learn that there is no part of your body that is off-limits to me. I want you aware that you are displaying the most private part of your body to your master. I want you to learn that you must make everything available to me at anytime, therefore, you will remain in the chair. Do not be afraid for when I decide not to play with you or admire you then you will be granted permission to hold an anal plug within." 

Daniel swallowed hard feeling angry, desperate and ashamed. God, he was so open to the Goa'uld lord. Osiris was determined to punish him severely for refusing to bathe himself and keep himself clean for his lord. He hated himself as he tossed his head back allowing another moan of pleasure to escape from his mouth. He was actually becoming so damned turned on by this treatment. God, he was turning into such a slut. 

As Osiris started to thrust his fingers in and out of Daniel's anus his body automatically started to thrust with those fingers. He buried himself and his heart down deep as Osiris forced him to draw intense pleasure from such a violation. He allowed that primal hunger to take root and quickly became lost in the floodgates of pleasure. He cried out against the gag as he came fast and hard screaming Jack's name as he climaxed on himself. 

Osiris eased his fingers out of Daniel smiling as he noticed that Daniel had come on himself. He licked his lips unable to resist as he lowered and started to carefully, meticulously lick Daniel's sexy body clean not missing a single drop of the man's beautiful cream as he snacked on the offering. By the time he was completed with his task his slave was moaning and groaning as his body continued to writhe and buck in response to the stimuli. He watched his slave straining his sensual body against his restraints noticing that the man looked absolutely fetching as he did so. He then focused on Daniel's face gently pressing a hand to the man's cheek before saying, "You are so beautiful my spirited one, so beautiful. This is only your first lesson. We will have several more sessions before I decide to free you. I like you tied up in such a vulnerable state, wide open for my admiration, spread for my private explorations, trussed up and gagged for your lord...gorgeous. You please me much my precious slave. Now I am going to retire but first..." 

Osiris turned and approached his closet. He spent some time searching through things before producing a butt plug. He approached Daniel noticing his servant's eyes widening some. His lips turned up into a cat-like grin as he noticed his servant swallowing reflexively. He then informed, "Sarah, has provided me with a very good education regarding Earth customs and Earth technology both in and out of the bedchamber. When I learned of these I had to acquire a few. Tonight you will continue your anal training. You will retain this within your lovely body all night. If it falls out you shall be punished severely." 

Osiris then proceeded to apply lubrication to the plug before pressing the sex toy to Daniel's anus and slowly inserting it into the rectal canal. As Daniel jumped upon first contact Osiris spoke softly to him, "Shh relax, my precious. You can do this. I know that you can. Just allow your body to accept it. You have no choice, slave. You will accept your plug willingly and you will retain it within. You must relax and allow it entrance." 

Osiris continued to ease the object into Daniel sliding the new item inside of him. Daniel groaned as the plug was slowly inserted. He could feel his rectal muscles stretching and twitching, widening as they attempted to accommodate the newest invasion into his body. He gasped in shock as he felt the muscles contracting as they wrapped around the plug successfully trapping it deep within. Once the plug was buried to the hilt within him Daniel shifted uncomfortably on the chair fully aware that the new device was holding him open and keeping him stretched wide. 

Osiris grinned as he continued, "There, beautiful...absolutely stunning...this plug will keep you in a state of constant awareness. It will keep you stretched open and remind you of your status..." 

Osiris leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Daniel's forehead before casting one last hungry gaze across the man's exposed body and turning to approach the bed and lie down. As he slid under the sheets he turned to focus intently on his servant smiling lasciviously as he uttered a good night before turning the light off and shifting into a very comfortable position feeling no guilt over the fact that his poor servant would have to somehow find a way to rest in the very uncomfortable chair to which he was presently lashed. 

As darkness fell over the room Daniel became completely aware of his humiliating position, his status in Osiris' legion and the fact that he was completely owned by another. He sat staring into the blackness for the longest time. He felt oddly numb. It was the strangest feeling. He knew he was in Osiris' bedchamber, he knew that he was secured to a chair and he knew that he was tied in one of the most indecent positions his body had ever been in...he was also totally aware of the plug now filling his rectum to capacity yet he couldn't feel anything. It was as if he weren't really here in the chair only his body. He shivered as he realized that now after Osiris played with him and used him the way he wanted to he finally managed to pull off that attempt at spacing out, at disassociating himself from what was going on and he felt kind of nervous and anxious about his success. 

As he continued to stare into the blackness of night he started to see forms take shape and mesh together into physical items as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He shifted clenching his eyes tightly shut as he could feel the butt plug wedged firmly in place continuing to keep him shamelessly stretched open. He could feel the cool air in the room caressing his now very open, very vulnerable genitals and shivered as he became slightly chilled. He was grateful for the darkness for Osiris couldn't see his nakedness in the blackness. He shuddered as he became aware of just how vulnerable this position made him. He found himself again silently pleading for Jack to find him. 

Daniel eventually managed to drift asleep after deciding that it was time to escape again. He spent several hours contemplating about just how to pull it off before settling for the night. As soon as he was free of this infernal chair and able to move about easily and freely he was going to run again and hopefully, this time, he could make it. He had to make it for he didn't know just how much longer he could hang on before he went absolutely crazy... 

The next day Daniel awoke to rather loud moaning. As something soft tickled his genitals he realized the moan came from him. He jerked his eyes open focusing on the smiling face of Sarah and groaned in pain as he felt the ropes that held him fast in the chair. He could also feel his anus stretched uncomfortably open blushing as he felt the object that was now imbedded within his body...the plug...Osiris had inserted a plug into his rectum telling him that it was part of his anal training. 

He felt anger surge to the forefront as he recalled what had happened previous night and hissed as something tickled his dick, which was now standing very hard and very erect at attention jutting up from his shaved groin just begging to be stroked and toyed with. Again he felt the tickling sensation this time across the head of his penis. He moaned as his dick twitched as if to plead for more of that blessedly wonderful feathery stroking. He swallowed hard as Osiris' voice filled the room, "Ah, so you are finally awake my precious one. I must say that I believe you are rather glad to see me...so beautifully hard for your lord...what a wonderful morning to rise and see that my servant was praising me with such a magnificently hard cock. Hmm, I couldn't resist touching it and toying with you a bit my love." 

Daniel shuddered as that name made him feel ill. Only Jack was allowed to call him his love...he belonged to Jack! He belonged to Jack O'Neill and no other. Jack held his heart in his hands. He had surrendered his heart to Jack so long ago and now he was keeping it safe for the love of his life as his body continued to betray him by responding so readily, so damned eagerly to his master's strokes and touches. 

Osiris chuckled as he continued, "See how your body responds to my touch, my precious slave? Your body does what you do not...it begs and it pleads for my touches and strokes. Your body is so easily aroused, so easily sensitized...you have a magnificent body, my precious slave. You are a magnificent creature. Let me hear you beg for my touch from those supple lips of yours." 

As Osiris resorted to twining his fingers firmly about Daniel's now engorged cock Daniel couldn't dampen his automatic response. He thrust his hips offering more of his dick to Osiris' masterful touch while moaning in pleasure and need. God, why could Osiris get him so damned excited and so damned aroused so quickly? Why? 

As he focused on his lord's face he saw a pleased expression cross Sarah's beautiful features as Osiris continued to croon, "Yes, yes...that's it my precious slave. Moan for your master, plead with your body for your master's touch...beg for your pleasure and hunger...come let me hear you pleading for satisfaction." 

As Osiris gently tightened his grip around Daniel's dick and glided his hand upward Daniel hissed again thrusting his hips upward offering more of his now hard cock to his master for teasing and tormenting. Oh God, he needed to be satisfied. His need was now overwhelming. He desperately needed to be fucked by his master and felt his shame at the realization fill him. As Osiris continued to slowly pump his dick Daniel licked his lips realizing that the gag was now mysteriously absent from his mouth. Trying not to think of how Osiris removed the gag without awaking him, Daniel released a sudden plea, "Please...please My Lord..." 

"Yes my precious slave?" 

"Please...please..." 

"That is it my precious slave yield to me...offer yourself to me. Climax for your lord and master, slave. Give me your magnificent cream...offer me your wondrous juices freely... Come now climax for your lord..." 

"Master please...aw God please..." 

“Hmm, let me hear how I make you feel, slave. Show your master how much you wish to please him this day." 

Daniel struggled with his body to maintain control over his orgasm but knew that Osiris had him now fully aroused and he couldn't deny his body satisfaction or pleasure. He started to thrust back and forth in Osiris' hand ignoring the restraints that held him in place. He thrust harder, speeding up as his orgasm came within reach. He became lost in his full-blown arousal and desperate need. His moans of pleasure quickly became screams of intense joy and as he finally reached his orgasm he screamed for Jack panting Jack's name over and over again as he shot his perfect creamy gism into the air and collapsed against the chair feeling fully satiated. When the rush of euphoria began to dissipate he opened his eyes to look into the face of his captor and felt his world crumble around him as he realized that he once again betrayed his lover and gave himself over willingly to the one who now owned him body and soul. 

He felt his shame driving deep within threatening to destroy the fragile hold he was maintaining on his sanity. He heard Osiris request a guard return to cut him loose after removing the butt plug. He was then permitted to bathe before reporting to the throne room. 

Daniel swallowed hard as he managed a quick thank you before gathering together the remaining remnants of his tortured soul and heading to the bathhouse. When he saw the bathhouse he launched himself inside and ran to the bath quickly entering the water and curling up into a tight ball as those unshed tears he had desperately kept locked away began to fall and the realization that he betrayed Jack again sliced him open and left his soul stripped raw and bleeding. 

Daniel lost track of just how long he remained in the bath curled up in such a tight ball and allowing his shame and sorrow to take hold of him for a few brief moments in time. His body was far passed aching and protesting the position he now held it in. His body felt numb and he knew that pain would answer his efforts to relax his body once again but he didn't care. He used that pain and that numbness as a way of punishing himself for betraying his lover yet again. He deserved to have little feeling in his arms and legs and he deserved to feel the agony that came with the renewal of circulation in his system. He had betrayed Jack again...how many times would he beg and plead to be satisfied by the serpent? How many times would he beg to be permitted to climax? How many more times would he betray Jack as his desire, hunger and need overwhelmed him? 

He jerked his head up as he heard footsteps behind him. He felt fear pumping through his body as he recalled what happened the last time he was found in the bath... The memory was so fresh in his mind that a new sheen of tears threatened to fall down his cheeks and add to his misery, guilt and shame. He screamed as a hand touched him hearing the startled gasp and intake of another as the response was unexpected. He tensed waiting for the person to speak feeling relief flood his system as My'la quietly questioned, "Are you all right, Master Daniel?" 

He said nothing so My'la placed a comforting hand on his right shoulder. She spoke softer as she continued, "If you have a need to talk with someone then why not speak with Zeenan or I. We are both very willing to listen. We want to help you, Master Daniel." 

"I don't need help." 

"So you say but your actions speak louder than your words, Daniel. You have kept your emotions locked up inside of you without sharing them with another. Everyone has a need to be heard and to be able to speak freely about issues concerning them. I am here for you and Zeenan is here for you. All you must do is ask and we will listen." 

"Thank you but no." 

"All right. If that is what you wish but know that the offer still remains and will always." 

"Why are you here?" 

"Our lord is growing impatient. He was prepared to search for you on his own. I told him that I would retrieve you." 

"I...I don't want to leave not...not yet. I still haven't bathed." 

"I know. Relax and finish your bath, Master Daniel. I will report to our lord that you will be joining him shortly." 

"Thank you, My'la." 

"You are quite welcome." 

Daniel listened to My'la as she left then focused on bathing. He started to scrub himself harshly feeling extremely dirty and not understanding why he just couldn't seem to get himself clean enough. His frustration grew with his need to scrub hard. He cried out as he successfully scrubbed his left wrist raw but instead of stopping he grabbed up the soap and again applied the rich lather to the irritated skin focusing on scrubbing himself for the third time. 

He cried out in despair when he still felt filthy after having scrubbed himself three times already. Tears started to fall unbidden down across his cheeks again as he became more frustrated and angry when his attempts to bathe met with failure. 

My'la reported to Osiris to inform him that Daniel would be along shortly and decided to check on Daniel again. When she entered the bath she gasped seeing the man scrubbing himself so hard he was drawing blood from his wrist. She ran over to him and without thought stripped down to her underclothes then slipped into the water approaching Daniel and pulling him against her body with more strength than she thought she even possessed. Daniel tensed in her arms wondering who was with him feeling his fear increase until My'la's soft voice spoke to him soothingly and he found himself relaxing. As she started to stroke his hair so tenderly Daniel realized that she was in the bath with him. He focused on her prepared to speak but couldn't find the words to do so. My'la smiled shyly up at him as she answered, "You were in pain and I could think of no other way to help ease it. I am sorry, Master Daniel, if I have upset you. I saw you hurting yourself and could not bear to watch." 

"Hurting myself? I..." 

My'la gently wrapped her hand around his left hand and raised his wrist above the water showing him the bleeding, raw skin now there. Daniel blanched upon seeing the wicked looking injury. He tried to deny it when My'la said "You were attempting to scrub yourself clean. You are clean, Daniel, it is your soul that does not feel pure. You cannot do this alone, Daniel. I know...we know that you are still having great difficulty accepting our lord's favor. You feel that you have betrayed your Jack but you have not. Your heart remains pure, Daniel. You have not betrayed Jack. You must stop believing that you are guilty of such a thing for your guilt is what is now destroying you." 

"I have to get away." 

"Please do not speak of such things around me, Daniel, for we could both be in great danger if you were to tell me of your desire to escape. You cannot get away. He will find you. He always finds those who run and he always punishes them. Please do not run again for I am fearful of what he may do to punish you for a second escape attempt." 

Daniel fell silent knowing deep inside that he had no choice. He had none. If he didn't escape he would lose himself. He couldn't handle this life. He needed his freedom. He spoke softly, "My'la, I'm all right now...thank you...thank you for helping me." 

"You are welcome. I will leave you to tend to yourself now. When you have finished with your bath report to me so that we can prepare you properly for our lord." 

Daniel merely nodded his head and listened as she exited the bath, dried herself off and dressed before exiting the room. He continued to wash his hair and rinse off his body afraid to pick up that washcloth for fear that he would resort to hurting himself again. 

After he was finished he stepped out of the bath, dried himself off then reported to My'la so she could prepare him for his lord. When she was finished preparing him she left to give him some time to regain control of his obviously flailing emotions unaware that in the back of his mind he was plotting just how he would escape his captor a second time. 

 

* * * * * *

 

He sat before the mirror and slowly dragged a comb through his nearly shoulder length hair. As he did so he focused on his face. He noticed that his eyes were still the same color, his face still healthy, his body still healthy...he looked the same as he had before his imprisonment...on the outside. The inside...the inside is what changed so dramatically in the short time since his arrival here. He continued to watch himself in the mirror noticing more physical features he hadn't taken in...faint rings under each eye, the tight clench of his jaw, anger and sadness now marring the blue of his eyes...as he continued to look at himself he reached out and pressed his hand to the mirror tracing the length of his hair in his reflection and trying to see if any trace remained of his former self in that drawn, sad, fearful face now before him. God, he looked the same but...but he wasn't...he wasn't...no he had changed. His physical appearance remained the same but he was no longer the same person. 

As he continued to study his gaze in the mirror he noticed a few other things before him...the face that looked back at him was of a stranger...one who was tired, exhausted, sad and depressed. The face before him no longer looked full of life or eager. No, the face before him looked much, much different. There was no youthfulness in that gaze, no joy, no trace of a simple smile...not even a smirk...a glimmer of emotion so faint that it was nearly unnoticeable...what's worse was the gold encircling his throat... 

He laid the comb on the dresser before him then pressed the hand to his neck. His fingers found the cold metal indicator of his new life. He watched that hand in the mirror as it slowly traced the mark of his imprisonment and of his servitude. The gold beneath his fingertips was cold, so very cold and heavy...the collar had always been heavy ever since being placed on his body. He never complained about it; never mentioned that it was a bit heavy...he wasn't even sure if that heaviness was due to the gold now encircling his throat or from the heaviness now present in his heart since his capture. The collar was thin and stylish. It wasn't gaudy or thick. It could pass as a necklace except that in the center of the collar was a mark...a mark of ownership placed there by the one who now possessed him. He hated the collar and hated the way it marred that image of himself. His eyes lowered to where the leash was attached to the collar and he felt his insides tense. 

Again he moved rubbing his fingers back and forth across the smooth surface of the object that effectively trapped him here. He could feel the mark seared into the metal, feel the sharply defined impressions where the mark had been etched deep to make it visible to all. He glanced at his face once again noticing the sadness seemed to be deeper and more profound now. He no longer saw a brilliant young archaeologist so full of curiosity, so full of energy and so full of life before him, now what he saw was a person who was more stranger...that stranger looked older than his years, older and distrustful...the stranger who looked right back at him was a slave...a slave, a servant, a creature owned and controlled...a creature put on display and who had limited rights...What ever happened to the innocent, carefree, trusting, happy person that once resided in that now drawn face? Was he still present, hiding and awaiting his re-emergence, his rebirth? Or was that young linguist now gone, disappeared along with the spirit and the soul of the being now before him? 

He felt anger and rage fill him. He had lost so much in such a short time and it angered him to have lost so much to a soulless bastard who only wanted to own him, control him and order him about. As he shifted his gaze he caught sight of a chair...a simple chair sitting behind him...the object reflected in the mirror before him and as he focused on that chair his rage and anger only increased for it was that chair...that chair that had become his prison only a few days ago when he was punished for defiance by being tied up like a whore...wide and spread for his master and owner. He hated that chair, hated what it stood for, and hated the images it drew into his mind, hated it and wanted it destroyed. He wanted it smashed into smithereens and wiped out of existence. He hated that chair with a passion and before he realized what he was doing, before he even thought of what he was doing he rose to his feet and marched over to that chair picking it up before hurling it across the room where it smashed apart upon colliding with the wall. He felt a bit of joy in hearing that chair breaking but still he was so full of anger and rage, so full of hatred and vehemence that he wanted to punch and kick something else...anything else. He approached that chair, what was left of it, and started to kick at the wood driving his foot into it again and again wanting to hear it crack and groan as it was destroyed by his vicious onslaught. 

He failed to hear the door to the bedchamber open, failed to hear the approach of a visitor, until hands suddenly wrapped around his body attempting to pin his arms against him. His reaction was immediate and so full of frustration, anger and fear that he didn't consider a thing before he turned and started to lash out at the unfortunate visitor driving kicks and punches to the person again and again yelling in outrage as he did so. The visitor barely even grunted as each rage filled strike rained down on him and against him. The visitor only focused on restraining the young angry man wanting to stop him before he resorted to hurting himself, for he knew that was where the sudden explosion of temper and anger was quickly leading to...self-destruction...unless he gained the upper hand and allowed the man to expend his energy, anger and strength on him long enough to drain him and weaken him to the point where he would have to stop to regain his breathing, to regain hold of himself and of the obvious rage buried so deep inside. 

He couldn't stop himself, he couldn't make himself stop or even think about what he was doing or whom he was striking. He was so caught up in a storm of outrage and violence that he just continued to strike out again and again kicking and punching...twisting and bucking in the arms of the one attempting to control his body, attempting to control him. He fought against those attempts wanting the hands to stop touching him and wanting everything to just end. After putting up a hell of a fight his energy started to wane, quickly diminishing and driving him towards exhaustion. He no longer seemed to be able to control his legs as his knees suddenly gave out on him and he buckled rapidly descending to the floor beneath his feet. The arms were back now encircling him while the hands latched onto his still flailing wrists, grabbing so tightly he was certain the holds would bruise. He tried to yank free yelping as both of his arms were brought together before him and a hard, broad chest suddenly pressed so intimately against his back. Those arms continued to hold him bracing around his body crossing his arms over his chest and pinning each hand firmly against the other. As his legs gave out he felt that strong chest, those strong arms and that even stronger body lithe up against him, molding over his backside and clinging like silk offering him a buffer to break his unattractive collapse to the floor. He felt the arms continuing to hold him, felt that person behind him offering him support and guiding him slowly to the ground, could hear the one behind him breathing as if he had done nothing...obviously his visitor was in good shape and the blows had done little to dissuade him from gaining control of the situation. 

He couldn't move, no longer able to find the energy within to do so. He was now tired and exhausted. He groaned in frustration as those arms continued to hold him so firmly in place. He threw his head back with the sole purpose of head butting his assailant but instead allowed it to fall back, drifting against a strong shoulder for support. He wanted to fight and again attempted to break free only managing to wiggle in the arms of the one now holding him so close. He heard a voice fall against his ear gently urging, "Relax young one, you must relax. You are safe now. I have you. I will not let you go. You must calm yourself and allow the anger to leave your body. You must calm yourself." 

He responded by whimpering...whimpering was not what he intended but he seemed to have lost his voice along with his strength. His visitor didn't mock him or laugh at him instead he seemed even more concerned as he continued, "Shh, I have you now young one, and I will not let anything happen to you. I promise." 

He heard the door open to the bedchamber, felt the person now holding him move then heard the retreating steps of another before the one with him eased his hold slightly still speaking in that calm soothing voice, "I will release you when I am certain that you will no longer feel the need to harm yourself. I do not wish for you to turn your anger and rage inside of you, young one. You already have much too much to deal with inside. You do not need those things to hinder you any further. Hush now. Quiet down and relax...allow me to soothe you, young one. Allow me to lend you aid... Tell me of how you are feeling, young one. Allow me to offer you the comfort and safety you so desperately desire and need to continue on." 

He nodded his head slightly in agreement feeling the arms ease up on him a bit more. He whimpered again before finding the courage within to accept the slightest bit of safety from the one now holding him so close. He turned his head into their chest, burying his face from eyes he somehow knew saw way too much. As he felt the soft material of a shirt now caressing his face he inhaled deeply recognizing the scent of his visitor almost immediately and feeling himself relax a bit more...Zeenan...Zeenan was with him now, had obviously come to him when his rage had been at its peak and was still here with him even after he harmed the Jaffa...and he knew that he had...he remembered all too clearly how mere moments before he had resorted to punching and kicking the one with him...poor Zeenan probably now hurt everywhere because he had panicked and fought as hard as he was able. He mumbled against the warm body now pressed so closely against him shocked that he didn't feel the least bit fearful that Zeenan was now holding him so intimately close, "I'm sorry...sorry...I didn't mean to...didn't want to hurt..." 

"Shh, hush now young one. I understand why you have done so. Now you must relax and calm yourself...I will not leave unless you ask it of me...I am here for you, young one." 

"I...I'm...I don't know why I...um..." 

"Shh, you have much anger in you and have not dealt with it. You still have not fully accepted your new life and it angers you so to know you have lost your freedom. You have not yet realized how to cope with all that has happened to you thus far..." 

He merely shook his head sighing deeply as he focused on his surroundings. He was on the floor being held in the powerful arms of Osiris' First Prime, held firmly against the Jaffa and leaning into him needing desperately to feel even the slightest bit of safety and comfort the man could offer him. His hands hurt and he tried to move them wincing as he realized his wrists were still imprisoned in Zeenan's strong hands, being held firmly against his body, together...he again tried to free his trapped wrists deciding that it was too much of an effort at the moment. He then spoke aloud, "I'm losing, Zeenan...losing everything here... I have to get away." 

"To escape will only bring you more pain and suffering, young one. You have no where to go. You cannot flee this place. He will know and he will find you again." 

"I can't...can't stay here..." 

"I know how difficult this is for you. My'la and I are here for you. All you need do is ask and we will help you as best we can, but we are forbidden to help you flee...to do so comes with a very high penalty. I am sorry that I cannot help you in this manner but I am here to listen, to talk to and to offer you what I can." 

"I'm tired...so tired...of everything. How could...I...Jack, I need Jack..." 

"Yes this I know also but your Jack is not here. I am certain he is searching for you. He is with you in spirit, young one. You must remember that he is here in spirit. He loves you very much, young one. You must never forget that love. You must never forget him and those you have left behind for if you do you run the risk of becoming lost yourself. As long as you can remember those you love, those who love you, then you will be all right..." 

He nodded his head again feeling the soft material beneath his cheek. He was so tired. He snuggled deeper in the Jaffa's arms feeling safer than he had in a long time. Zeenan reminded him so much of Teal'c, so much of his friend that he always felt more at ease with the First Prime of Osiris. He allowed his mind to quiet down and his body to relax then slipped rapidly into rest not even realizing that he drifted asleep in Zeenan's arms. 

Zeenan felt the tension draining from Daniel's body and felt the man shifting again. Shortly after that the man stilled and his breathing changed. Zeenan was certain that he was asleep so he carefully stood up trying not to jar the sleeping man then carried him to the bed where he gently eased Daniel down onto the soft mattress and pulled the covers up over him. 

As he heard the door open he turned to focus on the visitor. Seeing that Osiris had returned for a second time he placed a finger to his lips to indicate silence. He turned back to Daniel to make sure the man was comfortable whispering that he would soon return before approaching his lord and suggesting they speak elsewhere. 

As Zeenan exited the bedchamber he quietly shut the door behind them. He followed his lord to another room where Osiris stopped him and focused on him. Neither said a single word. Osiris turned to gaze out of one of the palace windows listening to the silence that stretched between he and his First Prime. 

Zeenan watched his lord waiting for Osiris to speak. He knew that Osiris wanted to question him about his favored. He had arrived at the bedchamber shortly after Zeenan had found Daniel destroying a chair and attempted to restrain the man until he calmed. Osiris had arrived to find his First Prime and his favored on the floor. Zeenan heard his approach and saw shock in his lord's eyes that was quickly replaced with concern when Osiris realized what had occurred moments before. Osiris wanted to approach then but Zeenan sent him away with a simple shake of his head certain that if Osiris were to announce his presence at that time Daniel would have resorted to trying to harm himself. He was relieved when Osiris turned and left the room but knew his lord would return shortly and now here they stood. He watched his lord as Osiris approached a window and presented him with his back. He hesitated before speaking. 

Osiris broke the silence first as he quietly asked, "What is wrong with him, Zeenan?" 

"My Lord?" 

"Why is he acting as he is?" 

Why? Didn't his lord already know the answer to that question? How could Osiris not understand why Daniel Jackson was behaving so strangely, so differently from when he first arrived? Did Osiris even realize that Daniel Jackson's soul was being eroded away day by day? Did he even realize that Daniel would die if he became what his lord wished him to become? Daniel was no slave. He knew it, My'la knew it...most of the servants knew it...Daniel Jackson was not a slave, never had been and never expected to become one but now here he was. His freedom, his life had been stripped away so abruptly that he was left flailing trying desperately to hold onto who he was while trying somehow to understand and make sense of what he now is. He was losing himself. He was losing everything...those were his exact words merely minutes ago. Losing him self and certain that he must escape to maintain who he was, who he had been before becoming a servant and slave to his lord. Why didn't Osiris see or understand that? Why couldn't his lord see how much the forced indentured servitude was ruining Daniel Jackson and slowly destroying him day by day, eroding away at his heart, at his spirit, at his soul...at him? 

Osiris' voice interrupted his thoughts as he continued, "You seem puzzled Zeenan...puzzled and very concerned. Why do I see fear for my favored in your eyes? You know that I will not harm him. You know that I...that he means much to me, that he is very important to me so why do I see fear in your eyes? I would never harm my favored..." 

"No, My Lord." 

"Tell me then what is concerning you." 

"My Lord, he...he became angry. He was very upset." 

"Why?" 

Why? How could he answer that question without insulting or angering his lord? If he told Osiris that Daniel was angry because he hated his life, hated his captivity...hated himself how would his lord react? To hear that his favored, whom Zeenan was now certain Osiris was in love with, hated and despised who he was and viewed his lord merely as his master, his owner, his captor how would Osiris react? He didn't want to upset his lord yet Osiris needed to hear his words. He answered, "My Lord, he is very uncertain, very angry, very depressed...he does not desire the life of a slave. He yearns for his freedom, My Lord. He needs to have freedom." 

Osiris became angry when he heard those words and the anger sounded in his voice, "I will not release him, Zeenan. Do not dare suggest that I do so. He belongs to me. I will not release him," Osiris' next words came out barely above a whisper as he openly admitted, "For I need him too much..." 

Zeenan jerked his head up to stare openly at his lord so surprised by those last spoken words. His lord admitted to needing Daniel Jackson, which only supported his certainty that his lord had fallen in love with his favored in the short time since his capture. When Osiris was in love he fell hard and fast. He had only ever loved one other and that had been his goddess Isis...to fall in love with a servant was not common but it was very obvious that is exactly what was happening here. His lord had fallen fast and hard for the Tau'ri slave who was his enemy and now served as his favored. 

Zeenan focused on his lord's face as Osiris softly inquired, "Zeenan, tell me what I should do." 

"My Lord?" 

"I do not wish for my favored to be so upset and angry. I wish him to be happy. You say that he desires his freedom yet I cannot allow him that so how then am I to help him? I will not release him." 

"Perhaps...speak with him. Give him a reason to want to live. He has nothing with which to occupy his mind except time, so much extra time. He has been offered nothing to do in that time except to remain by your side always. He is in need of his own time and he is in need of something that will make him feel as if he is not merely a slave." 

"He is no ordinary slave, Zeenan. He has the highest rank a servant may acquire in my legion. He attends me wherever I travel. He has plenty to do..." 

"He is always serving you, My Lord. He needs to do things for himself...My Lord, if I may speak openly..." 

"You may. You may always speak freely around me, Zeenan, for I am often in need of your counsel, especially in such matters as these." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

"Now tell me what it is you have need to say." 

"Allow him to be himself...do not punish him for speaking out against you. Allow him to speak freely as well. Grant him the right to be himself. Do not be so quick to destroy the spirit of the one you hold dearly. My Lord, Daniel Jackson is a rare creature, indeed but he cannot survive, he cannot thrive if his spirit is destroyed. If you would like your favored to become nothing more than a beautiful, exotic creature used only for display then continue to do what you have been doing. If, however, you wish him to think independently, to behave as him self...if you wish for him to offer you more respect and to become more obedient to you then you must allow him to maintain his spirit. My Lord, he is becoming what you have wanted, but I sense that you no longer want what you had desired. You wanted a servant who would never question, never argue and never resist. You wanted a servant who would willingly come to you, willingly serve you and do everything that you have commanded...if you continue to focus on destroying his spirit and bending his will then you will have what you have set out for. If, however, you desire his respect, his companionship, his allegiance you must sacrifice your need for total and complete control over him. You must nurture his spirit, nurture his intelligence...you must help him to again find respect for himself as well as for you. My Lord, before he came to us Daniel Jackson was a teacher, an educator, a scientist...he is a brilliant young man..." 

"Yes, I know of what he was before serving me..." 

"You have taken this brilliant young man and in your need and desire to own him, to possess him you have nearly destroyed him... My Lord, you must decide for yourself if you want to fully control your favored or if you want to allow him to develop and grow on his own. I will tell you now that if you continue to strip him of rights and to destroy his spirit you will lose him." 

"Your words are wise, Zeenan. You have given me much to think about and to consider. I thank you for your counsel." 

"My Lord?" 

"I would like some time to think of all you have told me this day. You are excused." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Zeenan, please check on my favored to make certain that he is comfortable and..." 

“I will, My Lord." 

"Dismissed." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

Zeenan left the room surprised that after speaking so openly and so freely his lord didn't grow angry. He hoped that by speaking with his lord Osiris would see what he was trying to tell him. Daniel Jackson was losing himself, it was obvious to those who knew him well. Though he spoke with his lord about Daniel he knew that it would take time for Osiris to change the way he has been with Daniel. 

 

* * * * * *

 

As he awoke the next morning he remained still trying to recall where he was and what had happened. As his gaze swept over the mirror he remembered and had a sudden overwhelming urge to run, to flee as fast and as far as his legs would carry him. He had no idea what to do any longer. He felt so trapped and so lost. He couldn't even think clearly. He remembered staring at himself in that mirror yesterday and hating what he saw reflecting there, hating what he had become in the short time since his capture. He wanted his freedom desperately but knew that there was little chance that he would be able to regain it. 

He jerked up off the bed twisting to look behind him certain that she, he...it would be watching him and waiting to touch him again. As his eyes took in the empty side of the bed he felt himself beginning to relax. Thank heavens she wasn't there...thank heavens. He sat in the bed staring blankly ahead of him contemplating his future. Is this what his life was to be like from now on...fearing that she would be watching him and touching him? Being afraid to awake in the morning because she would be waiting for him? Opening his eyes only to find that he was still a prisoner and a captive of a sinister Goa'uld lord? Being afraid that at any moment she would come through that door and demand a sexual favor from him? Demand he lower to his knees before her, to beg her to satisfy him to plead with her for a right? To wait for her commands before he was able to do anything at all? To face a life of indentured servitude, a life as nothing more than a poor, worthless slave? A life full of offering up his body to her again and again though he hated her and despised the being within? Yielding to the rules of his master and fearing the consequences should he fail to comply or obey? This was no life, this was a nightmare, this was his nightmare...his hell, his prison...his condemnation. He had committed no crime yet he was serving a life sentence and he was so damned tired of the sacrifices he has made. 

When would the sacrifices stop? When would he be able to stop sacrificing himself to her rules, her orders and her commands? When would he no longer have to sacrifice any part of himself to continue to survive day by day? Never. He would always have to sacrifice himself, his virtue, his soul...nothing would ever be enough for Osiris. He had sacrificed so much, so very much but nothing would ever be enough. He wanted to cry, to scream, to demand why all these injustices were being done to him over and over again but he no longer had the energy to do any of those things. How could one rally their energy and their strength to resist and to fight when they were reduced to a shell...a being who no longer felt anything, no emotions, no feelings...nothing...he felt...empty, hollow...he felt lost, so very lost and so trapped...trapped for an eternity never to be free again, never to be himself again for his captor was not satisfied with who he was...no his captor wanted instead to form him, shape him and turn him into something that HE desired, something that HE wanted. His oppressor didn't care about his captive's rights, his captive's needs or desires. He didn't care about the emotions and feelings of his favored for everything he was is everything his master despises, everything his master wants to obliterate. How could he hang on, how could he survive when his captor was constantly attempting to change him and make him into something he despised, something he hated, something he wanted to kill and to destroy just as easily, just as quickly as he had shattered that chair the previous evening? How could he fight with all his being when everything that he was is now buried so deep, hidden so far, locked away and trapped deep inside for safe keeping? He had to shove himself deep inside for Jack and for himself...but if he never saw Jack again, never was reunited with Jack again then he would never be able to reclaim himself. He'd be lost forever in this dark, confused, never ending oubliette. He'd be shoved so far down that he would be lost...he would become an oubliette...a place where things are placed to be forgotten... 

NO! How he feared becoming such a thing...how he feared losing all sense of reality, all sense of feeling, emotion...reason...NO! He had to leave and he had to run as far and as fast as he could. If he stayed here another moment he would become lost. He had to leave! He had to! 

Without thought, without consideration, without worrying about the consequences of his actions he ran fleeing from the bedchamber that held him for so long. He ran down the halls, by servants not realizing what he was doing just knowing and feeling this overwhelming need to run, to escape, to see the sun again, to see anything other than these walls that stood for his prison. He didn't think so far gone was he, so focused was he on his intent on his need to escape that he gasped when he found himself outside the palace walls. He squinted against the brightness of the sun holding his hands before his eyes realizing that things were so much brighter out here. God the sun, the sun...when was the last time he had seen the sun other than through a window? When was the last time he was outside of palace walls able to walk around, able to admire the beauty of nature to smell the fresh air, hear the animals, feel the sun on his face and the wind blowing through his hair? Out here he felt more alive than he had in so very long... 

He was only able to admire the beauty and solace of nature for a few moments before it was shattered, his momentary joy and peace was shattered by the loud sounds of alarms...brutal alarms, alarms that cut through the air like a knife scaring away all the creatures who had been enjoying the calm day...destroying his chance at momentary inner calm. The noises were shrill, too loud for his ears and he ran, ran hard and fast away from those shrill sounds wanting them to stop knowing that they were warnings of some kind, indicators that...that what? Escape...someone had escaped...his little exploration had been discovered and the last thing he wanted was to be taken back into his prison! 

He ran hard and fast hearing the guards gaining on him much faster than before for he was weaker now, his heart breaking, his depression dealing him a lethal blow lowering his energy, lowering his will and destroying his one chance at freedom...his only remaining chance. As guards swarmed around him he let out a shrill cry of rage, disbelief and terror. No, no, NO! He didn't want to go back! Please no, please don't take me back! Not there, not to him, please no! I want to stay here...just remain here for a few moments...please a few moments is all I ask! PLEASE! 

Hands suddenly grabbed him, snaked around him and trapped him. He tried to fight, tried to resist but his soul was shattering into a thousand tiny shards...he had failed...he was being taken back again...back to his prison, back to that place, to that creature...NO! Please, just let me go! He screamed as the hands became more aggressive, angry voices swarmed around him piercing the air, ordering, commanding, yelling...he was being dragged, dragged back towards that dark gloomy palace, back towards his captor, back to his eternal hell, his eternal nightmare! Oh God, didn't anyone understand? Couldn't anyone help him just this once? Please! 

Jack...Jack, please come to me! I can't stay there! I can't...can't, Jack! It's too hard! Too hard to remain trapped in that place trapped with him...it's all too hard! Please come for me! You promised you'd never leave me, never! Where are you! Please come to me now! I need you, my heart's breaking, my soul is shattering...oh Jack why haven't you answered my calls to you? Why have you remained away for so long! They're taking me back, Jack. Back to the executioner's block, back to my prison and back to my terrifying nightmares! Help me! Won't anybody help me please! 

He was so angry, so depressed, so upset and so frustrated that he could no longer fight. He became even more numbed than previously. He allowed the guards to drag him back inside and to march him to that throne room, the throne room...oh how he hated that place, hated the Goa'uld who resided there. He hated everything about this place, about his life and about his existence. He was so close, so very close to finding some peace and calm but just like everything else it was cruelly stripped and taken away from him. The guards had found him much too quickly this time. He didn't even make it deep into the woods. They had captured him so quickly...he hadn't even crossed the stream in those woods...last time he had made it beyond there but this time, this time he didn't...he had been captured so quickly and now he was being dragged back to the one he feared, the one he despised and the one he hated with all his being. He was being dragged back for sentencing...for punishment. He had no escape, no chance at escape...he was trapped and now he was about to face his captor's anger and rage. He felt his heart plummet as the entrance way to the throne room came into a view and with each step closer the guards dragged him the heavier his feet became...they felt like lead, he felt like lead, he was numb...numb to everything now...he had no chance, no hope...he was trapped here forever...not even Jack could save him now... 

He surrendered no longer fighting the guards simply walking aimlessly. He knew he was being dragged before Osiris, knew that he was going to be punished, knew he was walking to his punishment willingly but he didn't care, he couldn't care...how could one care when they were numb...numb and lost...how could one care at all anymore? He had failed again and would never escape this hell, ever...his collar and leash felt like heavy chains that weighted him down; he had been judged by the Fates, judged by Ma'at's feather and deemed unworthy...he was in hell...an endless, darkness that never ended...he was Sokhar's now...oh but Sokhar was dead wasn't he? Then he was with Hades in Tartarus...yes this was Tartarus...though he wasn't in Greece either...okay how about Shoel? Abaddon? Tophet? Gehenna? The lake of fire and brimstone? Nope...okay the devil then...Satan...that's where he was now in this endless, inescapable prison...his very own personal purgatory. There was no escape, none...he was trapped...trapped in this oubliette...he chuckled wondering if Osiris even knew what an oubliette was...oh well no matter. It was time to face the music...time to face his personal executioner... 

Let's see he could either have a physical death with lots and lots of pain or a spiritual death with lots and lots of pain, which would be easier to endure? Well...his spirit was already very nearly gone, shattered just like his heart...that left the physical death but his body was also bruised and shattered...dirty, unkempt and unclean...gee he couldn't even have a decent death could he? He silenced his flailing, discombobulated, convoluted thoughts as he was dragged before the throne...the throne of his lord, of the one who was about to pass judgment on him. Osiris was probably mighty pissed with him...of course, what did he care either way his sentence was never ending suffering and condemnation now wasn't it?


	7. Despondency

**DESPONDENCY**

**SUBMIT TO DESPAIR**  
 **Captured and Returned**

Zeenan watched as Daniel was led before Osiris. He had been recaptured much quicker this time than last. He shook his head saddened for he knew what his lord would request as punishment. He wanted to be angry with Daniel, but he couldn't for he knew the reason Daniel left. This time he had run because he had no idea what else to do. He had been feeling trapped and was still struggling with trying to remain sexually subservient to Osiris. Zeenan knew that Daniel did not wish to serve, but he did so willingly and passionately. Daniel had escaped because he was feeling hopeless and helpless. He was feeling pressured and he was not being given time to come to terms with his new role in Osiris' life. If his lord had understood why his servant fled then he would not be ordering the man to be punished for his defiance. 

He watched as Daniel was led before Osiris and forced to his knees before his god. Daniel glanced briefly at Osiris before down casting his eyes. He already knew what was going to happen. He had learned the first time the penalty of escaping from his lord. As Daniel hung his head as he knelt between the two guards who were maintaining painful grips on his upper arms Zeenan felt his sadness increase. He swallowed hard wanting to speak up in Daniel's defense but knew that to do so now while his god was so angry was to make his punishment far more severe. Osiris would use his defense of the Tau'ri as a reason to punish him for daring to acquire supporters in his legion. He remained stoically silent watching the scene as it played out before him. 

Daniel nearly cried when Osiris' guards recaptured him. He hadn't even made it very far before they found him. He felt any chance at hope flee the instant they grabbed him and dragged him back towards Osiris' palace. As he was led inside he heard several servants whispering about Osiris' favored daring to escape again. He knew what would befall him for daring to escape a second time. Osiris would punish him like before. He knew that he should fight the guards but just had no energy or strength to do so for every step they moved him closer to Osiris the more his heart broke and his heart shattered. 

As he was led into the throne room he only winced as the guards forced him to his knees before his god. He could feel the lead chain brushing against his back settling in between his shoulder blades that served as another reminder of his station and his life now that Osiris staked his claim on him. He would never get free of the snake would he? He felt fear and helplessness again surge within as his thoughts became more depressing the longer he remained on his knees before his god. He didn't even dare a glance at Zeenan for he knew the Jaffa was probably very disappointed in his actions this day. He didn't think that at the moment he could handle the disappointment and rage he would see in the eyes of a man he had since come to call friend. 

He listened to Osiris as the Goa'uld lord stood and approached. He didn't even give him the courtesy of looking upon his face. Osiris approached pressing his finger under Daniel's chin before pushing his head up. Instead of focusing on the face of Sarah he kept his eyes downcast. Osiris spoke, "It is good to see some humility in your gaze, slave. You obviously know of just how much you upset your god by daring to escape me again." 

Daniel spoke softly without thought, "Yes My Lord." 

Osiris cocked his head to the side rather surprised that Daniel even addressed him let alone addressed him as his lord after his escape attempt. Osiris pushed those thoughts aside as he continued, "You know that you will be punished severely for this insult..." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"You are a fool to believe that you can escape from your god..." 

"I know, My Lord." 

Osiris again watched him intently. Daniel still failed to make eye contact and was still addressing him as his lord and answering his questions. He was rather surprised at that. He glanced at his guards then ordered, "Take him to the lashing post. He is to be punished then returned to our bedchambers. As before he is to be left unattended for his crime." 

"Yes My Lord." 

The guards didn't wait for him to rise this time they instead yanked him to his feet and escorted him physically from the room. Zeenan watched the three disappear from the room noticing again how Daniel seemed to be simply going through the motions. The man seemed as if he were stripped of his spirit but Zeenan was certain that was simply because the man was confused at the moment. He glanced at Osiris who watched Daniel intently waiting for him to question or comment. When the Goa'uld lord simply shook his head before returning to his throne Zeenan chose to remain silent. 

Daniel allowed himself to be escorted from the room and taken to the lashing post. He had no energy to fight left. He felt so tired, tired of everything. He was tired of submitting, tired of being controlled and owned. He wanted to return home to his friends. He knew that he was beginning to lose himself in this place and that scared him more than anything. He had to come to terms with his present life and find a way to survive without losing himself in the process. He knew, could tell, that he was depressed and sad. He felt so unmotivated, had been feeling that way ever since he realized that he willingly responded to Osiris that evening in their bed. He had betrayed Jack. He had betrayed his lover and there was no undoing that. Jack would never love him when he realized that he had given his body up so willingly to the Goa'uld. 

He focused briefly on the guards as the one on his right yanked his arm above his head. He jerked away feeling some of his defiance spark but as soon as he did so he felt pain in his collar. He screamed and dropped to his knees on the floor clutching at his throat desperately and trying to hold back tears. The collar, he had forgotten about the damned thing again! Osiris must have given the guards the controller to use if he struggled...or maybe it was given to them so that they could track him out in the woods. He didn't know but one of them had it now and they were depressing the button and triggering it. The pain was so immense that it stole his breath thus silencing his scream of agony. He tried to yank the collar off as the pain only increased. Just when he thought he would pass out from the pain it ceased. He felt himself collapsing towards the floor but didn't care. He only groaned as his shoulder impacted and he lay where he had been kneeling only moments before. 

He heard the order to rise but didn't move. He had no desire to move and no desire to rise. All he wanted to do was curl up and die. He was trapped. He had no escape. He was a prisoner and would be for the rest of his life. Jack would soon give up the search for him and soon give up on him completely. He had been gone too long...plus Jack wouldn't be able to accept him back anyway for he was no longer clean. He was used. He was dirty, tarnished. He was now Osiris' whore, his slut...his damned bitch. He had willingly given himself to Osiris and betrayed Jack. Jack wouldn't want him now. Why the hell would Jack want a Goa'uld bitch in his life? He wanted to cry and to just die. He wanted to forget. He wanted the pain to end. He could feel a strong ache in the vicinity of his chest as he pictured Jack's expression when he discovered that his lover had prostituted himself to a damned Goa'uld snake. The look in those eyes, in that face...in the face of his friends and co-workers when his horrible secret was finally revealed was too much for him to bear. God, how long would it take for them to discover that he had given his body to the snake for sex? How long would it be before they realized that he had even serviced the Goa'uld lord with his hands, his mouth...made love to it and allowed it to make love to him? Oh God he was worthless. He was damaged goods...Jack would never forgive him or even take him back after he discovered the secret his lover harbored deep inside. His thoughts ended abruptly as pain surged through his body a second time. He only whimpered curling in on himself as the collar continued to send punishing volts of electricity through his body. He didn't move as the pain continued to build within. One of those guards was having a hell of a good time triggering his collar. The bastard. 

As the pain suddenly ceased he heard no comments all he felt was hands upon him again this time jerking him upright and forcing his wrist into a shackle. He felt pressure being applied to his leash but didn't react. He didn't even bother to help the guards at all; he refused to move. They had to struggle with him just to get him shackled spread eagle. Once done with that he heard the distinct snap and crack of a whip before it bit into his back laying open a wide valley of raw flesh. He didn't even scream. He no longer had the strength to scream. He just submitted to his punishment jumping as the whip was laid across his back again and again. It wasn't long before blackness descended upon him and silence filled his mind. 

After they were finished lashing Osiris' favored the first guard spoke, "We should tell Osiris of this." 

"Of what?" 

"He did not even attempt to fight or argue. One time, one time he struggled before he crumpled." 

"Maybe Osiris has finally managed to break his servant. This is good..." 

"No, no it is not." 

"Why not?" 

"Osiris has specific orders for this servant. He is to be punished and punished only. He does not wish to break the slave's spirit." 

"But it is obviously broken for he would have resisted more..." 

"No, I do not believe he is broken. I believe that he is having difficulty accepting that he will remain here to serve. We must inform Osiris of this slave's present mental status." 

"Later. Let us not disturb him now. We will speak with him later." 

The other guard nodded then carried Daniel into the bedchamber placing him on the bed before locking the doors. 

 

* * * *

 

Daniel moaned as consciousness dared to invade his mind. Where was he? What had happened? Why did he hurt so much? He attempted to open his eyes but they felt like lead. He was certain that he was now in Tartarus...yes that had to be where he was for the pain within his body was so intense it nearly took his breath away. He swallowed hard attempting to shift hearing a distant strangled cry of pain and shuddering as he realized that cry of pain had come from him. Pain...why was he in so much pain...such unbearable pain? Whatever had he done to deserve this crippling agony now centered across his back? He attempted to shift again wincing in disgust as his hand brushed against a sticky dampness under him. What the hell is that? 

He forced his eyes to open and through hazy vision spotted the sticky substance feeling his stomach heave as his brain identified it...blood...God...not just any blood, _his_ blood and a lot of it...what had happened? Was he dead now? Was this his last breath...so much blood... Wouldn't that much blood loss result in death? You'd think. He tried to focus on his hand, his numb fingers pressed into that sticky moistness again making his stomach roil. Oh God, he was going to be sick, so damned sick! Since when did blood make him so damned queasy? Well, usually it didn't but in this case...that was an awful lot of blood. Where was it coming from? 

He attempted to move his arm succeeding in drawing a wretched scream from his dry cracked lips. He slipped his tongue out to brush across those lips wondering why they felt so chapped...blood loss...yeah, it had to be because with blood loss someone became very thirsty, dehydrated quicker, needed water...God, did he ever need water! His mouth felt bone dry. He desperately needed water. He attempted to swallow hissing as the moisture sent his parched throat rebelling in pain...his throat was so dry it was scratchy. What had happened to him? 

He managed to focus on his surroundings a bit more noticing for the first time that he lay on something soft...soft and warm...well at least if he died today he wouldn't go out on the hard, uncomfortable, cold floor...he'd go out with some style...in a warm, soft...bed? Was he in a bed? He scrunched up his eyebrows as confusion swept through him. If he was in a bed then where the hell was he? 

He focused on the material he lay on forcing his eyes away from that huge dark red splotch of crimson blood that was half dry and half moist indicating that wherever he lay he had been here, bleeding profusely for quite awhile. Maybe he was dead...that much blood loss...surely he'd be dead, wouldn't he? He forced himself to focus on the material beneath his body again deciding that moving at all was not a very good idea...in fact, it ranked right up there with getting his teeth pulled...with pliers. Yep, moving was not a good idea...he'd just lay here and try to ascertain...or was that assess? Now he was confusing his own thoughts...the situation...he had to focus on the situation. Focusing wasn't such a good idea either, especially when his eyes moved from looking at that spilled blood to clouding over repeatedly...great...just great he was losing it...couldn't even focus on a simple... 

He shook his head in an attempt to clear it and immediately regretted the move. Way to go, Jackson! Yeah, just move while your back's on fire and you feel as if your spine is snapped in two...yeah, perfect time to move...idiot! He forced his eyes to focus noticing that he lay upon shimmering material...gold? Was he on a bedspread or...as he attempted to move his leg he whimpered clenching his eyes tightly shut and wishing the pain away. He then forced his eyes back open and could have hit himself on the head when he suddenly realized where he was and what had happened. How could he have forgotten those events so soon? Oubliette...yep...he shuddered as that word echoed sinisterly through his mind...a place to put things you want to forget...was that where he was now? Placed somewhere where he would be forgotten? No, no...he was all alone but the, but his surroundings were familiar. Osiris...he was in their bedchamber resting on their bed. He stilled as sudden fear enveloped his body...was he alone in here or was Osiris with him? 

He clenched his eyes tightly shut hoping and praying that the Goa'uld snake wasn't with him. The last thing he needed was for that thing to see his pain and suffering. It was his fault that he was here bleeding to death on the goddamned mattress! He started to move his right hand slowly inching it towards where Osiris normally lay trying not to move too fast so he didn't jar his back or startle a possible bedmate. He closed his eyes relieved as his hand met with more covers and sheets...no person, no body...no Sarah, no Osiris...he was alone. Oh thank God! 

Okay now that he established that he was all alone he also realized he was definitely unattended...if he had been tended to he wouldn't be lying in a pool of his own blood now would he? What had Osiris told him about his punishments? Oh yeah if he's ever punished he would be lashed then left in their bedchamber unattended...locked away from everyone until his lord decided that he was worthy enough to be tended to...well, obviously, his...the bastard felt that he was not yet worthy of being tended to so just how long would he remain here in this extremely hot room, lying in a pool of his own blood? Hours or days maybe? Osiris had been furious upon his return...daring to escape a second time was worse than his first crime...oh he'd be here by himself for quite some time...he was sure of it. Okay, so now what should he do? He couldn't move because he hurt so damned much and if his back had managed somehow to stop bleeding any jarring could set it to bleeding again and he truly would bleed to death...hell he was already dehydrated as it was. Lying here sounded like a pretty good option to him, for he was certain that any possible attempts to move on his part would hurt like bloody hell! Hmm, so that left him here alone with his convoluted thoughts in this very stuffy room...stuffy? How could the room be stuffy air constantly moved in here...? 

He focused internally groaning aloud in frustration as he realized why it was so damned hot...fever...shit! He had a damned fever! How long had he been feverish? He knew the lashing was what caused the fever...perfect, just perfect, so now he had to lie here half dehydrated, missing half his damned blood, unable to move and full of fever...perfect. This was most certainly Tartarus, damn! 

He attempted to close his eyes thinking that going back to sleep would help pass the time but he couldn't do so. His back constantly throbbed and ached reminding him of the brutal lashing he had been granted only hours...or had it been only minutes...before. He was in anguish, feeling extremely hot, extremely weak and unable to do much of anything. Okay this situation quite literally...sucked! 

He chuckled softly as he realized he was sounding just like Jack...oh Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack...where are you, love? I need you now...I need you here. I need you to find me. Please love...find me and save me... 

He sighed heavily as his mind switched to Jack and decided that thinking about Jack was actually a good idea...he could spend hours thinking about his lover. He focused on trying to visualize the man...silvery hair, tall...little bit taller than him...handsome...hell gorgeous as sin...sexy...oh yes that man was sexy and oh so sensual...damned good lover he was...hmm...deep, dark brown eyes that one could so easily fall into...and that smile...oh that special, sweet little smile he reserved for those special times...oh Jack...miss you, love...miss you so very much... 

He inhaled deeply as he recalled how Jack's skin felt beneath his fingertips. Oh yes he had memorized every little tiny detail, contour and texture on that man's body...hmm, his lips so sensual, so luscious...so goddamned kissable...oh my and that tongue that sweet tongue that delved into his mouth, slowly tracing his teeth, his cheeks, diving in to drink him all in...so warm, so moist...those lips, that tongue so damned amazing...hmm, he could feel an ache in his groin...well now even after being lashed he was still able to harden considerably...Jack would be so impressed...this hard on's for you love...see what you do to me even when you're only in my thoughts, my dreams, my memories...oh just the thought of you sparks a blazing fire within, love...I burn only for you...only for you, Jack O'Neill... 

 

* * * *

 

As he entered the bedchamber Osiris' eyes fell to the man resting upon the once golden comforter. Now where the man lay were puddles of crimson. As Osiris drew closer to the man he could see the multiple trails where blood leaked from his servant's back to travel down over his sides and permanently stain the perfect covers beneath. Daniel was as still as death and again Osiris could feel apprehension and fear enter him. As he moved the last few steps to the side of the bed he continued to watch the man wondering again why and how it was that a simple Tau'ri, a simple slave could stir such strong emotions up within him. As he examined his servant lying so still on the bed he felt an incredible urge to punish him for forcing his master to again discipline him in such a crude way. He wanted to be angry with his servant for escaping again but at the same time he felt those intense feelings of anger and rage he felt fear and compassion for his precious servant. 

As he continued to focus on his servant Osiris could feel his hand shaking as he raised it. He was afraid to lift it for if Daniel hadn't been strong enough then he would be...cold, stiff...dead... He had a sarcophagus that he could use to revive Daniel but he was hesitant to use it for he feared what the repercussions would be if he chose to use the device. 

Even knowing he had the ability to resurrect the dead in the tower of his palace he still did not want to feel the man's flesh cold beneath his fingers for he would never be able to forget such a horrid memory. He loved the man too much to see him dead by his order...love? Did he say love? How long now had he been in love with Daniel Jackson? Since the beginning...since... He couldn't remember or even narrow down the day in which he realized that a simple Tau'ri slave captured his heart and held his master in his hands. If Daniel knew that he had such power over his lord would he still remain in service to him? 

Osiris cast those thoughts aside as he reached out to run his fingers through Daniel's golden mane of hair. He tried to be careful but as his fingers stroked ever so slightly against Daniel's now destroyed flesh he paused hearing the man groan in sheer agony. As he heard that soft sound he could feel mist forming in his eyes and quickly flicked the back of his hand across them. What was wrong with him? How could a mere human slave inspire such feelings and such raw emotions within? How? As Daniel groaned painfully again Osiris set out to soothe him and quiet him hushing him thankful when Daniel fell silent again. 

It was only after hearing those strangled cries of agony that Osiris allowed himself to relax. Daniel was still alive but in desperate need of medical attention for he had bled profusely upon the mattress he was resting upon and his body was so warm that a thin layer of heat could be felt pulsating and rising off of the dampened flesh. He would tend to Daniel's injuries by taking him to the bathhouse and bathing him there.

 

* * * * 

 

Osiris returned to their bedchamber carrying his unconscious servant over towards the bed. He smiled as he noticed the blood soaked sheets had already been removed. He would have to thank My'la later. He carried Daniel to the bed and laid him carefully upon the mattress ensuring the man was comfortable before he tended to his back. Once done seeing to Daniel's injuries he slid in beside his slumbering servant and carefully eased the man against him. As he did so his servant became restless mumbling and thrashing his head ever so slowly across his pillow. Osiris began to stroke Daniel's hair hushing him and crooning words of comfort in the man's ears. He smiled as Daniel soon calmed before falling once again into the deathly stillness that scared the hell out of his master. 

Osiris watched Daniel listening to his breathing, hating how still his servant now was and hating the endless silence that fell around them. He found himself watching Daniel closely for movement waiting on edge for the man to give him some sign that he was still there just...resting. When several hours ticked by with no movements, no indications from his servant that he was still alive Osiris became fearful and his fear quickly turned into anger. He became determined that if Daniel didn't soon respond to his silent pleas he would make the man respond to him. 

Osiris watched Daniel as he rested feeling his anger continue to build for his servant's pathetic escape attempt. He became so outraged that he shook Daniel awake. Daniel muttered a soft, "What...what...?" 

"Wake. Your god demands your presence." 

He shook Daniel again who winced in pain before burying his face into the pillow he was resting his head upon. Osiris demanded, "You must rise. NOW!" 

Daniel jumped groaning as pain filled him. He awoke completely trying to recall where he was. As he heard the voice of the Goa'uld lord beside him he recalled that he was with Sarah and he was in Osiris' bedchamber. He could feel fire and pain across his back and tried to recall what had happened. As Osiris ordered him to awake again or he would be severely punished Daniel obeyed focusing on Sarah's face he spoke softly, "Yes, My Lord." 

"I desire to see my servant serve me now." 

"What?" 

Daniel swallowed hard as his foggy brain made sense of the request. Osiris wished his servant to serve him? That meant he wanted sexual favors of some sort. Oh God could he even obey the system lord? How the hell was he going to serve if his back hurt so damned much that he was ready to black out again? HOW? 

Osiris spoke again, "I have selected another planet to suffer the same fate as Alandria. Would my servant like to see it?" 

Daniel spoke up instantly, "NO! Please My Lord, no." 

"Then service me." 

Daniel nodded trying to ignore the immense pain flaring his back at the moment. He had to serve Osiris or another planet would be destroyed so he softly questioned, "How does My Lord wish to be serviced by his slave this night?" 

"Slave, yes. That is what you are...my precious little slave. I should like to hear you continue to address yourself as slave. You may not use any pronouns to refer to yourself for you dared to escape your lord. From this day forward until I decide otherwise you will no longer be permitted to address yourself as I, me or my. Is that understood, slave?" 

"Yes Master, your slave understands." 

"Very good. Now I wish you to service me." 

Daniel wanted to laugh at the absurdity of such a request but remained silent simply responding, "Your slave shall be happy to serve his master." 

"Satisfy yourself for me. NOW! I desire to see my precious slave service himself for his master." 

As the fever in him seemed to build as well as the pain across his back he softly mumbled, "Yes My Lord." 

He knew that the demand was one he couldn't possibly meet, but he also knew he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. He could sense Osiris' ire with him so easily. It tinged the air and Daniel knew that if he didn't at least try to do as commanded he would become responsible for another world's destruction. 

Osiris grinned wickedly as Daniel closed his eyes as if trying to draw strength to himself to perform. Osiris watched him intently quickly growing impatient when Daniel didn't automatically begin to pleasure himself. He spoke in agitation, "Come now onto your back slave, open up for your lord." 

Daniel obediently rolled onto his back yelping loudly as agony answered the move. He quickly jerked off the mattress prepared to roll over when Osiris' hands pushed him back down on the bed pinning him onto his back. Osiris sneered at him saying, "No. You will service yourself while lying on your back before me." 

"But..." 

"Do not dare defy me, slave! Do as I command!" 

Daniel downcast his eyes before muttering, "Yes My Master." 

Osiris leered at his servant anxiously awaiting his compliance. He softly urged, "Touch yourself for me. I desire to watch you bring yourself to completion." 

Daniel found that the longer he lay on his back the foggier his mind was becoming. If he didn't soon get off his back he'd black out just from the excruciating pain. He closed his eyes hearing Osiris' request for him to touch himself and forced his body into compliance replying, "Yes My Lord." 

Daniel tried desperately to focus on doing as the snake bid him feeling immense pain flooding his body. The longer he lay on his back the stronger the pain became. He knew his back was now bleeding again. He was also certain that Osiris was making him perform as further punishment for daring to escape. He attempted to shift wincing loudly as his back protested. Again Osiris spoke commanding, "Open up for your master, slave. Come let me see all your secrets. Spread your legs wide open for your master's inspection and admiration, slave." 

Daniel gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes shut before spreading his legs apart to present to Osiris. He felt humiliation burning throughout as he did so, but the pain in his back soon became his sole focus.

Osiris watched Daniel as he prepared to satisfy himself for his lord. He sneered as Daniel winced and clenched his eyes shut in obvious pain. As he saw the anguish on his slave's handsome face he felt no compassion for him. The man had dared to escape again therefore he deserved to suffer for committing such an offense against his master. He watched the man's face intently drawing much pleasure from seeing that beautiful face now marred by signs of suffering. His servant would soon learn the penalty for daring to flee. 

He continued grinning as Daniel became fidgety when the seconds he remained lying on his back only added to his discomfort. Osiris watched as the man gently wrapped his hand around his freed penis and started to pump. He noticed that his slave's movements were slow, labored and he continued to keep his eyes clenched shut squirming on the bed as the pain in his back continued to increase. 

Osiris' grin spread into a wide smile as he watched his servant struggle to satisfy himself while in so much anguish. He closely watched those well-practiced fingers pumping up and down across his slave's now erect penis. 

Daniel could no longer focus on the snake or the order the snake wanted him to carry out. He wanted to kill Osiris for daring to command him to lay on his back and satisfy himself when nearly all the skin had been sheered off of it mere hours before. The more he attempted to do as bid the harder it became to comply as the pain in his back only increased. He started sweating as he desperately tried to remain on his back hearing the threat Osiris had made only moments before if he refused to do as bid. He continued to attempt to bring himself to climax knowing damned well that as long as he was in this insurmountable pain there was no way in hell he'd be able to do so. How the hell could one become turned on if they were in so much agony that all they wanted to do was curl up and cry? Shit! When the hell was the last time he wanted to fucking cry? Damn, what the hell was Osiris doing to him? He needed to stop feeling so damned depressed and helpless or he'd never be able to leave this place with his sanity intact. He was losing himself so quickly that it was scaring the hell out of him. 

He had to stay strong. He had to fight to live, fight to survive...fight for Jack. Yeah but Jack wouldn't want anything to do with him once he discovered how often he pleased the Goa'uld lord and was pleased by it in return. Nothing... Jack wouldn't want used property. He wouldn't want the local whore to warm his bed. No, he lost Jack the moment he allowed Osiris to control his body. Aw God, he was trapped...aw, God, he was fighting a losing battle...aw shit did his back ever hurt! He licked his lips determined not to put voice to his suffering but as he continued to attempt to climax and continued to lie on his back he could take no more. He spoke softly, so softly that Osiris hadn't been certain he spoke, "Please My Lord...please..." 

"Yes slave. What?" 

He wanted to curl up and disappear as he realized he was now prepared to beg for mercy from his lord. Oh God, what the hell was he turning into? What the hell was happening to him? He shook his head disgusted with himself as he spoke louder, clearer, "Please My Lord, your servant begs of you to show him mercy. Please My Lord..." 

"Continue to please yourself for your lord, slave, or you shall not like the punishment you will receive." 

"But My Lord, please..." 

"Continue to service yourself! NOW!" 

Daniel whimpered as he hesitantly answered, "Yes My Lord." 

He tried to focus on pushing himself towards climax but the pain in his back was now his sole focus and Osiris was demanding he continue even though his pain was immense. It was only a few moments later before he resorted to pleading again, "I can't...I can't, My Lord please..." 

"You will do as I have ordered." 

Daniel couldn't continue no matter how desperately he wanted to. He felt the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness fill him as he realized that another planet would now be destroyed because he couldn't continue. He couldn't do as he was being commanded. He shook his head no continuing, "I can't...no..." 

"You will do as you have been ordered." 

"I...I can't...NO! I can't do it! I'm sorry...I can't!" 

"You will!" 

"NO!" 

He could no longer handle the pain and without permission he turned off of his back. Osiris grabbed him turning him back onto his back and ordering, "You will comply with my orders, slave!" 

Daniel screamed as his back again connected with the mattress and as Osiris ordered him to comply with his orders he became outraged and angry. He was trapped with no way to escape, no where to go. He shoved Sarah violently, screaming again as more agony answered the movement then somehow managed to rise to his feet, grab his robe and dart from the room. He didn't make it very far before his sudden adrenaline rush that was responsible for keeping him upright gave out. He managed to make it to the corridor outside of their bedchamber before he collapsed on the floor. 

Osiris screamed in outrage as his servant again refused to comply then left the bed and the room. He prepared to retrieve the man feeling his rage increase. Sarah spoke to him then attempting to calm him, 'Osiris, you must calm yourself. You will harm him if you do not relax.' 

"I will do no such thing. Go back to sleep!" 

'I can't.' 

"Then I shall make you do as I command." 

'No please. You must listen. He's hurt and in pain...' 

"He dared to escape and was properly punished again..." 

'No...he's not just physically hurt...he's hurting...inside. He's confused, angry, sad and depressed. He needs time to come to terms with all that is happening to him. He ran because he could do nothing else...' 

"What are you saying?" 

'I'm saying that Daniel needs his freedom. I told you that before but you decided he didn't need it...you decided that you couldn't trust him. You...he needs to be able to choose...' 

"He is allowed much freedom..." 

'It's not enough, Osiris...' 

"Enough of this! I am going to retrieve my servant!" 

'Osiris you must listen to me...' 

"We will talk of this later..." 

Osiris angrily flicked on the light in the room preparing to rise out of bed when he noticed the bright patch of crimson blood on the sheets where Daniel had just been lying only moments before, obviously his back had not ceased to bleed for there was a rather large amount of blood present where he had been lying. He turned away from the sight, snatching up his own robe before heading towards the door. He wasn't sure of where Daniel could have escaped. As he searched for the man he entered the corridor drawing to a halt when he saw the man lying in a heap on the floor. He had obviously headed for the corridor and collapsed in exhaustion or weakness. 

He approached Daniel slowly and knelt beside him. He gently turned Daniel over noticing that he was still clenching his eyes shut so obviously he was still awake. He spat angrily, "You are a fool to run from me, slave. When will you learn that there is no escape for you? You have defied me again. You shall be punished. Now come. Arise and return to our chambers before I grow angrier with you." 

Daniel didn't respond he only shook his head no fearing that if he opened his mouth he would scream bloody murder. He was in so much pain that he decided to remain where he collapsed. Again he heard Osiris talking, "Do not dare defy your lord again, slave, for you will suffer more. Now come. Arise." 

"Can't..." came Daniel's quiet, wispy voice. 

Osiris shook his head in displeasure before saying, "You will rise and come with me." 

Daniel became so angry that he found enough strength to yell. He snapped his eyes open and glared coldly up at the Goa'uld lord yelling, "I CAN'T DAMMIT! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? I can't! I fucking hurt too damned much to move! I can't fucking do it just like I couldn't perform for you! I'm sorry but I can't! I can't do it! Now just let me the fuck alone!" 

"Lower your voice in the hall or you will have all of my servants awake." 

"I don't care. I DON'T CARE!" 

"Daniel, you will silence your complaints now." 

"NO! YOU CAN GO TO HELL! I'm sick and tired of you telling me to do this, commanding me to do that! NO! I can't fucking move so you'll just have to accept that! Your punishment nearly killed me and then you have the fucking audacity, the fucking nerve to wake me in the middle of the goddamned night to order me to pleasure myself for you! I can't do it! The lashing was too goddamned brutal! I can't be your fucking sex slave tonight! You'll just have to find a way to please yourself! I'm sorry. I tried but I can't do it! I can't!" 

"You can and you will..." 

Daniel felt his energy rapidly dissipate. He knew that he would be unconscious soon. He was so tired, so exhausted. He couldn't move. He hurt so badly. His heart was breaking and he was losing himself. God, how could he have allowed things to go this far? How could he have allowed himself to become so lost? He spoke softer now as he continued, "No, I can't...I can't do as you have commanded. I'm too weak...too...too...I hurt too much...I tried...God, I tried so hard...now you're going to destroy them...destroy them like you did Alandria...and I can't do anything to stop you..." 

He felt a single tear escape from behind his closed eyelids and quickly turned away from the Goa'uld lord not wanting him to see that he had reduced his servant to such desperation. 

Osiris saw the bit of moisture leak from Daniel's eye and didn't know how to react. He heard Sarah speak softly to him as she said, 'He's dying a little each day. You will soon destroy him. He will soon be yours to own and control completely. He is becoming your servant, your slave. When you have succeeded you will have what you wanted in him. He will be compliant always, and he will not argue or fight. He will no longer attempt to resist you. He will no longer attempt to flee from you. He will accept his role as a simple minded slave...' 

"No he will not." 

'Yes, he will. You should be happy, Osiris. This is what you have always wanted...Daniel Jackson at your mercy and under your complete control. You are closer to having his total submission then you realize. He knows so too that is why he did not argue with you when you demanded he satisfy himself knowing that he was in extreme pain. He is growing weary...weary and tired. He will soon be yours. You should be so proud...' 

Osiris wanted to deny what his host was saying, but he knew that she was correct. Daniel Jackson was losing himself in this place. He was dying a slow death. Osiris could only shake his head saddened by the realization that he had reduced the man to this state. He had tried so hard to keep Daniel from becoming totally subservient, but somewhere along the line he had failed and now Daniel Jackson was reduced to this. 

He lowered beside Daniel pressing his right hand against the man as he spoke softly, "Come Daniel, let us go to bed. You must be tired. We must get to sleep." 

His next words came out hoarse and desperate as he muttered, "I can't move...why can't you understand that? I can't get up...I...I can't...too much pain...too much...it's all too much...oh God, I need Jack...Jack...need him...he'd understand..." 

Osiris wanted to feel angry and outraged when he heard Daniel mutter Jack's name but he couldn't. He knew, had known since the beginning that Jack owned his servant's heart. He shook his head before speaking again, "Then I shall carry you to our bedroom." 

"No...no..." 

"Shh, you must be quiet now, my precious one. You must calm yourself and relax. I will carry you to our bedchamber..." 

"No Sarah...too heavy for you..." 

"You forget, young one, that with me she is much stronger...now I want you to hush. Hush now." 

As Osiris scooped Daniel up into his arms he cringed when the man left a pain filled scream enter the air. He hoped that Daniel didn't wake any one and again tried to calm him. He glanced up when he heard a woman address him as my lord. He saw My'la then said, "My favored needed some fresh air. He needed...some time." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"My'la...would you please fetch new sheets for our bed and retrieve my healing device." 

My'la stared at him her mouth agape for the longest time before whispering, "My Lord..." 

"Please do so immediately. I do not wish for my servant to suffer this extreme pain any longer than is necessary." 

"But, My Lord, his lessons..." 

"I believe he has learned his lesson. Now hurry My'la." 

“Yes My Lord." 

As Osiris drew to his feet now holding Daniel against him in his arms he focused on the man's face certain that Daniel was no longer awake. As he heard the even, deep inhalations of breath he knew that Daniel was indeed deep asleep. His favored was exhausted. 

He carried Daniel back into their chamber removing his robe. He was prepared to place Daniel on the bed but his eyes focused on the blood stained sheets again. My'la needed to change the sheets. He instead pulled Daniel against him holding him and awaiting her return. He focused on Daniel's face noticing the drawn, pinched expression that marred the handsome face. He also noticed the paleness of Daniel's complexion and the lightness of his body. Daniel was lighter then he had been. Did his servant lose weight and if so when? Why was he only now noticing that Daniel wasn't as healthy as he had perceived? He ended his thoughts as My'la entered the room and watched her as she made quick work of the sheets on their bed. He smiled when he noticed that she placed the satin sheets on. Daniel would be much more comfortable on those sheets he was certain. He thanked her before dismissing her and carried Daniel over to the bed where he carefully placed his servant on his stomach in preparation to heal some of the more severe of his lashes. 

Daniel moaned as he was settled on the mattress. Osiris pressed a soothing hand to Daniel's dampened brow and hushed him. Daniel moved again before settling into stillness. Osiris then retrieved his healing device looking at the orange stone set in its center. He then focused on Daniel's back knowing that he could completely heal his servant if he chose to do so. He was prepared to do so originally but wanted Daniel to be reminded of the penalty of escape for a bit longer so he decided to focus his healing on the more severe of the brutal lashes now marring Daniel's perfect back. He raised the device fitting his hand into it before speaking softly, "Hush now, young one. Relax and allow the healing device to do its work for you. Soon you will feel better, healthier and stronger. You must relax and remain still as I attend to your injuries." 

Daniel moaned again and Osiris wondered if the man was awake or awaking on his own now. He again hushed Daniel before raising the device above his back. He glanced at Daniel's still painfully drawn face making certain that the man was all right for the moment then he closed his eyes and focused his energy into the healing device. 

He listened to his favored as the man continued to breathe shakily in and out. He continued to listen to Daniel to make certain that everything was all right. It was not unusual for a human being to have adverse effects to such a powerful device and Osiris didn't want to cause Daniel any further harm than had already been inflicted upon his body this evening. He smiled as he heard Daniel moaning this time the moan was one of pleasure. He could hear a marked difference in Daniel's breathing as well. The device was healing his servant's badly brutalized back. 

Daniel started to awaken at the sound of Osiris' voice. He attempted to focus on the Goa'uld lord's words only catching snippets of what he was saying. In the next instant he felt a sudden warmth envelope his back. At first he stiffened fearing what was producing such uncomfortable heat across his torn, damaged back but then the heat lessened a bit becoming soothing and relaxing. He could feel the tension leaving his body, leaving his back and easing his suffering. He sighed in pleasure as the warmth showered over his sore aching muscles easing the tension and pain within. He could feel the heat producing a tingling sensation across his back as well and burrowed deeper against his pillow snuggling deeper into the slippery, cool sheets beneath his body...satin...he must be laying on satin...sheets...bed...he realized that he was now in bed, in a bed and his mind made sense of the sudden calming feeling in his back...a healing device...a Goa'uld healing device. Osiris was healing him...well, at least healing some of his injuries. He focused on that warmth only a few moments longer before sleep and exhaustion once again came crashing down around him and sent him into a deep healing, revitalizing sleep provided by the warmth of the healing device across his ruined flesh. 

Osiris continued to smile broader as he noticed his servant relaxing and settling once more in the grips of exhaustion. He focused on healing the more severe of the lashes before shutting off the device, placing it in his drawer then returning to Daniel's side slipping underneath the covers and pressing his lithe, youthful frame against that of the slave he had come to love. He spoke softly crooning gently, "That is it my precious one, rest...sleep for your master, sleep for your lord...sleep, Daniel...my precious Daniel..." 

He lay there for a time thinking of what Sarah had told him earlier and what Zeenan had told him earlier...Daniel needed to be independent. He needed to keep his spirit and his soul. He needed to be granted the right to be himself. Osiris had thought he was doing all those things only to discover that he was doing quite the opposite. Daniel's collapse in the hall and the desperate pleas that he allowed to escape were not only pleas to be left alone they were pleas not to destroy him, his spirit, who he was...they were pleas to give him some freedom and give him the chance to be himself. How could he have not realized what he had been doing to his precious servant all this time? How? 

Osiris knew now what he had to do. He had to give Daniel a reason to live, a reason to serve, a reason to remain and a reason to respect himself again. He had to nurture that spirit, that strength, that courage, that soul he had tried so hard to destroy these past couple of months. He would have to allow Daniel the right to speak his mind knowing that to do so would grant Daniel rights to argue with him without being punished. He had to give Daniel more freedom, allow him to go outside, allow him to go where he wanted, speak to whom he wanted and do what he wanted knowing that to do so would be to run the risk that his servant just might attempt to flee him again. Daniel would still serve by his side but he could no longer keep the man chained to him so strongly. He would have to allow his servant some leeway in the chains he was now imprisoned in. He would have to give Daniel something to keep him busy and nurture his brilliant mind. The man was a brilliant linguist and loved archaeology. He loved to study people, to speak different languages and to translate. He loved to explore and to visit new places, new worlds. He loved to research things and to speak with people of different cultures and of different races. Osiris just had to give back to the man those things he had denied him for so long. 

He smiled as he thought of how he would do that. Daniel could now speak the Goa'uld language fluently. In fact, he thrived in his speech trainings and service trainings when they dealt directly with how to address others, how to master the Goa'uld language and how to read non-verbal cues that he often used to speak to his servant. Daniel also thrived in the area of customs...when he was being taught some of the Goa'uld history and how to behave around certain system lords. He thrived when My'la or Zeenan would tell him the history of a system lord or a planet. Those were the things the man loved and those were the things he would have to give back to the man who has come to mean so much to him in such a short time. 

Daniel would become his new liaison...he would again offer Daniel the opportunity. If he agreed then he would be traveling to different planets, observing different cultures and speaking to different people. He would once again be able to explore new planets and study new religions. He would be able to work on producing treaties and agreements. He would be able to speak in the Goa'uld language and demonstrate to all who saw him how well he has mastered a language only to be spoken by the gods. He would be able to demonstrate how he mastered a non-verbal language that was also only limited to gods and their most favoreds. He was certain that these were the things he would have to do to assure that Daniel would come to life again. 

He planned to work on nurturing the man's spirit, mind, soul and body beginning tomorrow. Daniel would most likely be confused when he would learn of how his lord was now granting him things he had been denied for so long. He would have to try hard to undo what he had begun. He sensed that Daniel was so close to breaking completely and he didn't want his servant to be broken. He had never wanted that, never wanted Daniel Jackson to be broken so thoroughly that he behaved as if he were a machine or a robot. He preferred his favored intelligent, lively, spirited and curious. He had nearly destroyed the qualities in the man that had intrigued him and convinced him to hang on to him...he had nearly destroyed those things about Daniel that had made him fall in love with his Tau'ri slave and he wasn't about to let that happen again...EVER AGAIN! 

Osiris drifted asleep after deciding what his next plan of action would be concerning his precious servant. He draped his arm over the man at his side being very careful to place his arm across Daniel's buttocks so as to avoid resting his arm on any of the lashes still present on his back. As sleep found him he snuggled even closer to the man he had grown to love draping his left leg across Daniel's legs and pressing the top of his head against Daniel's shoulder. Within minutes of making himself deliciously comfortable beside his favored Osiris dropped off to rest joining his servant in dreamland. 

 

* * * *

 

Early the next morning Osiris arose noticing that Daniel was still asleep. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of the man's neck. Daniel moaned then woke. He smiled as his servant focused on him. Then Osiris said, "We must rise now, slave..." 

Daniel stretched noticing that he no longer hurt so severely. He could feel a dull aching across his back and was a bit surprised that he was actually awake. He recalled the vicious lashing and last night's confrontation with the Goa'uld lord. He nodded his head as Osiris told him to rise. He carefully sat up wincing as pain lanced across his back but the pain wasn't as severe as it had been the previous night. It was actually almost tolerable. He glanced at Osiris in puzzlement and Osiris smiled. 

Osiris watched his servant rise and noticed the pain that flared up in the young man's face. He knew that Daniel was still in considerable pain but it was much less than it had been. He had originally planned to completely heal his servant but decided that Daniel needed to be given more persuasion on why he should not attempt to escape his lord. He saw Daniel's puzzlement then said, "Your wounds have been tended to. I healed the more severe of the lashes but you are not completely healed. You are far from healed. You should still be in much pain but less than last evening." 

"Why did you...?" 

"I only healed a few of the lashes because you must learn that you will suffer should you dare make another escape attempt." 

"I..." he shook his head as he recalled that Osiris commanded he not use pronouns to address himself until Osiris again granted him the right so he quickly fixed his error not wanting to suffer further for his defiance, "Your slave wishes to be permitted to bathe, Master. May your slave be granted such a right?" 

"Perhaps but first...what are you forgetting, slave?" 

"Master?" It grated on his nerves how quickly he lapsed into addressing Osiris as master when he referred to him as slave. He normally would have fought against addressing the snake as such but he was so tired of everything and somewhat depressed so he did so without hesitation. What was the use of resisting when he would only be punished more severely and still trapped by the Goa'uld lord? He focused on Osiris as the snake questioned, "What must you do to be forgiven by your master?" 

"Um..." he knew the answer but hated having to do as Osiris was demanding. He felt so humiliated and degraded when having to ask his master for forgiveness. He swallowed hard knowing the penalty for non-compliance. Without thought he moved to the center of the room and clenched his eyes tightly shut to draw some inner calm to himself as he willingly humiliated himself for his master. 

Osiris waited patiently for Daniel to do as bid. He smirked as his slave moved to the center of the room and paused before gracefully lowering to his knees. Once on his knees he watched as his slave placed his hands, palms down, about a foot in front of his knees. He chuckled as Daniel closed his eyes as if trying to drum up the courage to proceed with the command. Daniel always struggled with this order. Any time he failed to please his lord he was made to plead for forgiveness. He could do nothing until his lord granted forgiveness for his indiscretions to him. He knew how humiliating this act made his slave feel and that was why he insisted on making it a requirement for Daniel whenever he failed to please his lord. Osiris never grew tired of watching Daniel move into his begging position to plead for forgiveness. 

Daniel swallowed hard turning his back to Osiris before lowering to his knees and pressing his hands against the floor. He then closed his eyes as he forced himself to lean forward and press his forehead in the triangle his hands created before him. He instantly felt the cool air flowing across his buttocks and anus reminding him of how stretched open he now was to his lord. He was required to show Osiris his genitals as he pleaded for forgiveness so he kept his back to the Goa'uld lord. The position he was in opened him up and exposed him shamelessly. Osiris could see his entire anus as well as his dick and balls hanging between his legs. The position hid nothing from his master's view. In so willingly exposing his anus and genitals for his lord he was showing Osiris what he owned and controlled completely. He was exposing his lord's property for examination and inspection. 

Daniel swallowed hard before meekly requesting, "May your slave be granted the right to plead for his master's forgiveness for his many crimes?" 

"You may, slave." 

"Your slave thanks his master for granting him the right to plead for mercy." 

"Begin..." 

"My Lord, your slave begs to be forgiven for daring to escape from your ownership again. Your slave is very sorry for daring to flee his master and wishes to be granted forgiveness for such actions. Please My Lord, find it in your heart to forgive your slave for daring to escape again." 

Osiris grinned wickedly as he admired the lovely display Daniel was providing him with. He loved to hear his slave also pleading for forgiveness. He continued, "Slave is forgiven for his crimes." 

"Your slave thanks his master for showing such mercy to his servant. Master, may your slave be permitted to rise to his feet?" 

"Hmm...no...no, I think not. Not yet...no you can remain here bowing as you are for your master. I shall return shortly. I will post a guard to keep watch over you. You will be permitted the right to bathe but first you must serve a penalty for daring to escape." 

"Yes Master." 

Daniel cursed knowing that to remain in this position for longer than a few minutes was going to be sheer agony. His back had been healed some but he was still badly injured. He gasped as he felt a shoe nudge against his exposed anus pushing against him and forcing him to lean more forward. He felt total humiliation sweep through him as Osiris nudged him harder pressing the pointed toe of the high-heel shoe he wore firmly against his anal opening. He heard Osiris chuckling as he said, "Hmm yes, I prefer you in this position. You are so open, so exposed for my pleasure. You shall remain this way until I return. While you remain in the kneel forward position I want you to think on what you have done and why you are being made to remain in this position for your lord. Is that understood, slave?" 

"Yes Master, your slave understands." 

"I shall post a guard with you. I will return shortly." 

He would return shortly? God, he hoped so. Daniel tried to remain calm and collected but inside, inside he was screaming on and on, endlessly screaming out in anguish and pain....endlessly screaming out in torment and suffering. How much more could he take before it became too much for him to handle? He felt so dirty now, so filthy and unclean. He felt like used property. He knew that if he soon didn't find some way to protect his heart, his feelings, himself he would die here...slowly and painfully. He would go numb first and become a drone. Then it would be up to Mother Nature to decide when his hellish fate would end.


	8. Nature's Healing Touch

**NATURE'S HEALING TOUCH**  
 **Is There Any Peace in a Brutal World?**

Daniel entered the bath after finally being granted permission to do so. He quickly bathed trying to ignore the constant anguish in his back that made bathing a challenge for him. Once he was finished he dried himself off then tugged on his robe. He reported to My'la and she locked him in his chastity belt again. Once done she urged him to lie down on the bed and proceeded to rub a healing ointment into his damaged back. She then rubbed oil into his legs, massaging his body and humming softly. She had discovered quite by accident that when she hummed the sound of her voice relaxed Daniel further. She knew that he was in pain and knew that by humming she could help soothe and calm him further. When she was completed with her task she gently patted Daniel's arm telling him to rise. He did so then thanked her. He watched her leave realizing that he was alone in the bedchamber again. He stood in the room for only a few moments before he decided to do some exploring...on his own and without permission being granted by his master. 

As Daniel walked through the halls he found that he was glad to be away from Osiris. He was still feeling very alone and so very trapped but was thankful the snake wasn't breathing down his neck. Osiris had been satisfied with his pathetic begging for forgiveness enough that he decided to allow his servant some time to himself...or rather he had things he needed to tend to so he'd left his servant alone. He knew that to leave their bedchamber was probably a mistake. Osiris would be so outraged when he saw that his servant failed to remain behind, but he couldn't stay there anymore. He was so close to screaming and collapsing in that room. He hated and despised that room...a beautiful room that served as his gilded cage. He needed to walk, to go somewhere other than that room so he left without a second thought or backward glance. As he walked down the halls he took the time to glance in several rooms pausing when he came to an open room that had several windows within. He drew to a halt just outside the door catching a brief glimpse of green and blue beyond that window. He swallowed hard feeling an urgent need to approach that window but hesitating. He continued to focus on the center window as his mind began an inner battle... 

There were windows in the room...open windows...windows that looked out over the grounds. From his position he could just make out the faintest details in the green grass, the beautiful flowers and the magnificent sky just beyond those windows. He was torn between a desire to go to that center window and admire beauty he had been deprived of for so long or turning to leave. If he turned and walked away then he wouldn't feel the pain and longing that he knew was certain to accompany his turbulent feelings at the moment, but if he stayed...if he stayed he could see something that he longed to see for so many months...something he had touched ever so briefly when he attempted to run...something he desperately needed to see, to touch...to admire. 

He continued to stare longingly at the windows frozen in his tracks wanting desperately to enter the room but feeling his collar hanging so heavily around his neck reminding him that he was not permitted to even be here. His collar felt like a dead weight keeping him pinned to the spot, balancing precariously on the edge...so close to nature, to the things he had often taken for granted until they were stripped, torn from him in an instant as the cold, golden walls rose above him, around him, trapping him in his own perfect gilded cage. He was so close, so close but...but yet so very far and he wanted to scream at the indignity, to reach out and grasp those things back to himself, to hold them greedily in his arms, refusing to let them go... 

What should he do? He knew what he wanted to do but was moving to those windows worth the torment and anguish he would face...was it worth the longing he knew he would stir up within his own tattered soul? Could he handle being so close to nature yet unable to move beyond the iron walls that represented his prison? Was he willing to suffer through the anguish and torment that being so close to nature and yet so far from it would stir within him? Was he willing to take that risk, to take that chance just to get a glimpse of something denied him for so very long? 

As he continued to stare at the windows he could feel the need to take that risk, to face the hurt and suffering that would fill his soul once he left the room. He was ready...he needed to see what nature had to offer. He needed to remember what it was like to look upon beautiful landscapes, to watch animals frolicking and water flowing in streams that meandered through a magnificent and wild countryside. Without further consideration he took his first step into the room and felt his heart jump into his throat...my God, he was scared...scared to look out the window, scared of what he would see, of what he would feel upon looking out that window. It had been so very long, too long... He needed to take the time to look at the planet that was now his own personal prison. Surely this planet had some beauty about it...surely in his dank, dark prison there was some little bit of beauty somewhere beyond the palace walls...somewhere. 

Inhaling sharply Daniel took the last few steps that would lead him on a direct path to the window he so desperately wanted to peer out of. As he approached the window his breath caught. He froze only mere inches from the window struck by the magnificence and awe of nature...of something he had been denied for far too long. He swallowed harder as he allowed his eyes to roam across the beautiful sight before him. He hungrily took in every little detail, every little nuance of the magical place beyond his reach. Beyond the palace walls stood a huge mountain that seemed to tower over the valley and added enchantment to the image before him. Lush green hills seemed to roll on forever interwoven by trees scattered about adding quaintness to the view before him. He glanced beyond that mountain and felt his heart flutter in his chest...the sun...my God, the sun...there was sun? When was the last time he'd gazed upon a perfect sun? He continued to stare at the bright orange flaming ball of light set above that perfect blue mountain like a beacon. He could see the faintest of flashes before his eyes as the sun burned afterimages into his irises but he didn't give a damn. It had been too long, too long since he experienced the full glory of a brilliant ball of fire set in the midst of a perfect sky. He found himself remembering how warm the sun felt across skin. He remembered times past when the sun's heat burned his skin or warmed his body. He lifted his face upwards wanting the rays of that perfect sun to kiss his face yet again, needing the sun to reach out and caress him with its perfect rays. 

He started to smile as he heard birds in the distance singing their little hearts out, filling the air with beautiful soft melodies that almost sounded like quiet lullabies as they caressed the air. He could remember watching the birds on Earth as they flew from tree to tree, built nests, reared their young...bathed in streams... He saw a bird fly towards the mountain that stood like a monument before the window and wondered how it would feel to fly so high. What if he could become that bird? He would be free, free to fly from his prison, free to explore the planet's secrets, free to do as he wished...he'd be _free_. Wouldn't it be amazing if he could transform himself into a bird? He would be able to fly with the wind, fly under the sun and spend hour after hour looking down upon the beauty this planet had to offer. God to feel the wind on his body, blowing across his skin, kissing his flesh and ruffling his hair carrying the warm fragrant scents of flowers and the forest on its back...without thought Daniel extended his right hand reaching towards nature wanting to touch it, to be a part of the brilliance of nature. As he raised his hand he stopped it in midair and allowed it to hover pressing as if against an invisible barrier. He sighed loudly and lowered his head feeling tears begin to prick the corners of each of his eyes. 

Daniel shook his head sadly. He knew that it was bound to happen soon. He wanted so desperately to touch nature, to be outside in the sun, feeling the air against his face and the grass beneath his feet. He knew that by daring to approach the window he would bring a strong ache to his soul and a deep yearning. He should've turned away because now, now he would remember all that he was missing due to being trapped within the sinister walls of the palace that served as his cage. Without realizing it he left a choked cry escape from between his lips not aware of it until it filled the room and reminded him of all he would never be able to behold again. His despair threatened to close in on him and to trap him in a tiny little box with no light, no room and no chance for escape. God, why did he even come to this window? He should have never journeyed beyond his room. Never, but it was too late now and the yearning, the ache, filled his soul. 

Osiris returned to the bedchamber wanting to speak with Daniel. Upon finding the room empty he searched for My'la who said she'd left him there. As he started his search for Daniel he became pissed. He was certain the man had attempted to escape again. He started to storm down the halls not looking for Daniel any longer for he was positive that the man had already run from the palace and was out there in those woods somewhere. Zeenan said give him freedom? Sarah said give him freedom? NO! NO! NO! He would not give the man freedom for every time he considered doing so the man disappeared again. Sarah tried to speak with him to tell him he was jumping to conclusions, but Osiris ignored her glancing angrily in the rooms as he passed. 

As he glanced into one of the last rooms on his mad dash through the palace he drew to an abrupt halt just beyond the room. Had he seen...did he see Daniel in that room? Why would...? No. But he slowly backed up drawing to a halt right outside the door and quietly gasping in surprise. He had seen Daniel for the man stood at the window gazing out of it as if he were lost. He felt shame flood him as he realized that he was prepared to deny Daniel any chance to prove himself simply because he couldn't locate the man immediately. What had happened to allowing his servant more freedom? What had happened to allowing his servant to go where he wanted and do what he wanted? He suddenly realized that granting Daniel so much freedom was going to be so much harder then he had ever imagined. He was so used to restricting everything that his favored did. He was so use to maintaining complete control over the man that he was extremely hesitant to even give him a chance to become himself again. How could he be so heartless where his favored is concerned? He loved that man so much, yet he was afraid to allow the man to grow his own wings and become his sweet, beautiful, magnificent, independent, spirited self again. He really had a lot of work ahead, especially in the trust department. He had to learn to trust his favored instead of trying to keep the man's wings clipped indefinitely for fear he might fly away. 

Osiris watched Daniel quietly observing him. The longer he watched his favored the more certain he became that Daniel wanted to go outside. He quietly approached the man stopping when Daniel lifted his right hand to the window reaching as if to touch the scenery beyond him. Osiris could feel his throat tightening up and an unusual ache in the vicinity of his host's heart. Longing that was what he was seeing in the man...a longing to touch nature, to be out in nature. When was the last time he permitted Daniel to go outside or took Daniel outside? 

'Never.' 

"Sarah..." 

'Never. You have never allowed him to be outside. You have never taken him outside.' 

Osiris shook his head sadly as he realized that she was telling the truth. He had never taken the man outside and the man had never asked to go outside... 'And why would he, My Lord? You have never granted him anything that he has previously requested. In fact, I don't believe he's ever asked you for anything. You have been neglecting his needs, My Lord...' 

"Be silent." 

Sarah smiled sadly and Osiris could almost visualize the lively woman shaking her head as she continued in a soft voice, 'you don't want me to be silent, My Lord. You want to know what Daniel is feeling and you know that I can help you to understand him better. He confuses you, this man you have come to love as much as I do. You don't understand him, and you don't know him.' 

"Yes, I do." 

'What you know you have taken from my memories but they are only memories. They tell you of a Daniel from several years ago. They tell you of a Daniel Jackson that existed before the Stargate was opened, before he met Jack O'Neill, before he became a member of SG-1, before he helped in the downfall of so many system lords...they tell you of a Daniel Jackson who existed before Amonet changed his life forever.' 

"How do you know of Amonet?" 

'I did not know anything of her until Daniel came to be with us. You have memories of Apophis' queen and you have knowledge of where his host came from, of whom his host was associated with before Apophis selected her to be a vessel for his beloved Amonet.' 

"She was his wife, Sarah. Did you know that? The host of Amonet was our Daniel's beloved wife before she was selected to serve the serpent lord." 

Sarah fell silent refusing to answer the question or even to reveal whether she knew that Daniel had married or not. She merely focused on Daniel. She could see the longing, the need within him. He was feeling trapped. He needed to be able to go where he wanted. He needed to go outside. She recalled a place Osiris had taken her several months ago and quickly suggested, 'The gardens...' 

"What?" 

'Take him to the gardens.' 

"No. It would not be a good idea." 

'Why because you don't want to trust him yet?' 

"No. I just...no." 

'Okay,' with that said Sarah fell silent again. 

Osiris continued to watch Daniel feeling the depth of his favored's sorrow as the man suddenly hung his head and sighed heavily. His servant was very upset. Was his need to be out beyond the palace walls that great? As a choked cry of pain and despair slipped out of his servant's mouth Osiris moved without thought wanting to offer the man some comfort in his time of need. He approached, slipping behind Daniel before gently wrapping his arms around the man and pulling him back against him. As Daniel's back impacted with his chest Osiris could feel the man suddenly tense up as shudders traveled throughout his body. He ignored the reaction and reached out his right hand to encompass Daniel's still hovering right hand. He focused on Daniel as he spoke softly, "This planet is extremely beautiful, as are you my precious one. I was wondering...do you desire to be out there, to be outside?" 

He could sense Daniel's sudden shock and feel the man inhale shakily. The man was actually a bit excited but just as quickly as he sensed that sudden need and want in the man Daniel went still in his arms again. Osiris sighed softly before quietly inquiring, "Why do you not ask me for those things that you desire, Daniel? If you wish to go outside then all you must do is ask. I cannot read your mind, precious one. You must tell me of those things that you require. I cannot grant you things if you do not voice to me what you have need of. I will not deny your requests as I sense you fear I will. I would like you to be happy here. Please ask me if you are in need of anything. All you need do is ask. Do not be so afraid to make requests of me." 

Daniel said nothing only continued to stare out the window wanting desperately to ask Osiris to allow him outside but certain that after his latest escape attempt the Goa'uld lord would deny him anyway so he remained silent. 

Osiris shook his head sadly realizing that Daniel would not ask him. He sensed that the man wanted to do so yet was too afraid to ask. He decided to push the issue by saying, "Come. I have something I would like to show you." 

"No..." 

Osiris could hear the desperation in that word that was muttered just above a whisper. He also noticed that Daniel made a grab for air and sensed that the man was trying to grab at nature. He felt an awful pain in his heart when he recognized Daniel's need and yearning to look upon nature with his own eyes. What did he do to this man, this man he loved with all his heart? Why hadn't he realized how desperately Daniel would need to be outside, to be given freedom? Why had he been so ready and so eager to deny Daniel every right the man had? He had stripped the man of his freedom and his rights in one fell swoop and now he was left with this man who was so afraid, so uncertain and so very close to the edge of that endless abyss. Daniel was so close to becoming lost and instead of seeing the indicators sooner he had ignored them and punished his favored for running, punished him for refusing to bathe himself, punished him for refusing to please himself for his lord and punished him for attempting to regain a small semblance of the person he once was. 

Osiris crooned in Daniel's ear as he continued, "Please Daniel, come with me. I have something that I would like you to see." 

"But you said..." 

Osiris swallowed hard as he heard the faintest tinge of sadness in that voice. He continued, "Daniel, I want you to see this...I want to share this with you. Please. If you do not want to see it then at least come with me so that I can show it to you. When I am done if you desire to you may return to this window. Please Daniel?" 

Daniel hung his head, clenching his eyes tightly shut as he nodded in agreement. Osiris felt the guilt within increase as he continued to notice how sad and upset his favored now was. He gently prodded, "Come. What I have to show you is this way." 

Daniel followed feeling his heart breaking further as he was made to leave behind the window that gave him the opportunity to look upon nature. As he followed the Goa'uld lord he could feel his spirits continue to fall further and further. He trailed behind Osiris allowing him to lead him to wherever he wanted him to go. 

After walking down several halls Osiris stopped and focused on Daniel. He said, "Here we are. What I would like to show you is just beyond these doors." 

He noticed Daniel held his head low and gently lifted his face upward with his fingers before saying, "Come Daniel. I believe you have a deep need to see what is beyond these doors. I want you to look around at what I am about to show you. If you keep your head hung so low you will miss everything and I will become upset with you again. Please come with me." 

Osiris took Daniel's hand in his own as he pushed open the doors. He led Daniel through the doors and down a set of ornate stairs. He heard no reaction out of Daniel until they reached the bottom of the stairway. Daniel gasped and Osiris risked a small peek at the man by his side. He smiled to himself as Daniel glanced from left to right then back again before lifting his head up and closing his eyes a small smile spread across his facial features. Osiris allowed him some time to just take in the warm breezes, the sun and the sounds. Daniel then focused on him before asking so softly that Osiris had to strain to hear, "Can...can I...?" 

His voice trailed off disappointing Osiris as he realized that Daniel was indeed afraid to request anything of him. He answered the unfinished question, "Yes...these are the palace gardens, Daniel. I have several servants who keep the plants watered and keep the garden weeded... Come I have something else to show you. You must see this sight to believe it. It is a beautiful place. I showed it to Sarah several months ago. Come." 

Daniel obeyed, following Osiris walking extremely slowly as he still couldn't believe that he was actually outside...outside...my God, he was outside, finally...not looking out through a window. He was actually outside. He felt suddenly giddy but quickly pushed those feelings down inside as he followed Osiris. 

They meandered through flowers, rose bushes, ferns and trees until Osiris stopped him right before a huge fern with leaves so big that they blotted out whatever was beyond. Osiris looked at him with a silly grin on his face as he said, "You will love what I am about to show you. I am certain." 

He watched the Goa'uld lord feeling a bit nervous. He watched as Sarah's small dainty hand reached out to grasp the fern leaf so tenderly before pulling it back to reveal what lay beyond the huge plant. Daniel could only stare at the image before him. He blinked his eyes several times uncertain whether he was really, truly seeing the beautiful waterfalls beyond. The bluest of water stretched out before them, the pool where the waterfall deposited its water. The waterfall was centered between huge, lush green trees that looked like they came right out of a Brazilian rainforest. Sunlight stretched out, reaching down through the canopy adding a brilliant light to the base of the magnificent waterfall. At the base probably several feet in front of the falls were big gray boulders that formed sort of a cove with trees lining either side. The light from the sun cascading down over the falls mixed with the mists to create a small rainbow that reached from the falls to the nearby trees. He could almost imagine dolphins jumping high out of the water in the midst of playing. The sight was breathtaking. 

Osiris smiled as he noticed Daniel's admiration of the beauty before him. He then thanked Sarah for suggesting the gardens and apologized for his refusal to consider bringing Daniel here earlier. He watched Daniel for several more minutes before telling him that he had some things that needed to be done and he'd be back shortly. He wasn't sure if Daniel even heard him and was a bit nervous about letting the man out here alone but was determined to give Daniel some space and some time to admire the beauty the gardens had to offer. He headed towards the doors that led to the garden and took a seat on one of the benches. Daniel was completely out of his sight and Osiris was determined not to get up and check on the man until some time passed. 

It wasn’t long before Osiris went in search for Daniel wondering where the man had wandered. He searched several areas of the gardens before coming to a halt. There before him was Daniel Jackson. The man was staring intently at a bright red rose. Osiris watched him spell bound as Daniel reached out to touch one of the petals so gently with his fingertip. Daniel appeared transfixed by the beauty of a single red rose. Osiris saw a soft smile form on the man's lips as he leaned forward to smell the rose. 

Daniel continued to walk through the gardens admiring the beauty of the place and the chance to be outside of palace walls. He continued to walk stopping as his eyes took in a huge red rose bush. He approached it and stared at it in awe. He noticed that the roses were small and dainty. Their satiny petals were open to the remaining sun. He reached out wanting to touch the rose forgetting how one felt beneath his fingers. The rose looked so tender, like it would fall apart if handled too roughly. He pressed a fingertip to the rose feeling its satiny petal under his touch and staring deep inside. A single red rose was beautiful to his eyes. When was the last time he had seen a rose? When was the last time he had seen anything of nature other than views from windows? 

Daniel continued to examine the rose allowing his mind to wander. As he continued to gaze across its beauty he began to feel a kinship with that rose. He was just like it...tender, gentle, precious...or so Jack had told him. Like that rose he was alone, alone and trapped. The rose had an inner beauty all its own...he had at one time also exhibited inner beauty... He was now like a rose before it has opened. His beauty was trapped in this tiny little box, like a rosebud it was hidden from the harshness of reality. The rosebud shielded the center of the rose keeping it safe until it was time to open and show itself to the world. When the time was right the bud would start to unfurl revealing layer upon layer of satiny red petals until the rose was completely exposed and the center stood proudly adding magnificence to the simple creation...but a rose was also deceptive in its beauty for beneath it the stems were covered with thorns...the thorns and leaves surfaced before the flower. If a rose was stripped bare then all that would remain was the thorny bush minus its crimson wonders...he too had been stripped bare, stripped to the core. Like the thorn bush he no longer bore flowers, for Osiris had crushed the beauty and wonder that had made him who he was. His spirit was all but defeated, trapped in a cold, lonely prison covered with thorns. He was that rose after it crumpled, after it shriveled in on itself, turned brown, then black before it died and dropped off of the bush leaving behind a barren center that was no longer bountiful. 

He tugged the precious little bud to his nose smelling the sweet aroma and closing his eyes against his stark, harsh reality...like this rose he too would completely lose his beauty if he hadn't already. Once it was gone he would never be whole again. He would be as wasted as a dried out rose petal that blew away, carried by the wind to be deposited in some far off, neglected, unknown place and like that dried out rose petal he would remain there and start to break down returning to dust while losing what still remained of his precious soul and spirit. Like that wilted rose petal he would be crushed beneath an onslaught of brutality and neglect. He would be unable to ever return for from dust he was created and to dust he would return and like that beautiful rose that stood so glorious upon the bush for all to see he would vanish never to return again for a single red rose bloomed but once and when its expectancy wore off and those precious velvety petals wilted that single rose would disappear and be replaced by another flower. Every rose was unique and lived but once...when it was destroyed, so was its beauty. 

He closed his eyes against the thoughts that echoed through his mind. Why was he always wallowing in this endless sea of despair and sadness? His life was a struggle and each day became harder than the previous to survive. His spirit cried out every single day and every single night against the injustices that were wrought on it daily. He cried out along with his soul wanting desperately for someone to fight off his demons, free him from his nightmare and wrap him in love. He had always thought that Jack would be that one person who could save him but he was no longer certain that Jack could even stand to glance his way any longer. He was tainted now...tainted and marked as someone else's, someone he did not love or ever would...trapped by someone who would never let him go. 

He opened his eyes as he continued to look at the precious little rose now resting against his fingers. Its beauty was immeasurable and timeless. Its beauty was so perfect yet so fragile and so easy to mar...just like him. When Jack had said he was beautiful, he was special, he was precious and perfect what did he mean? Whatever possessed him to utter those words to him? He wasn't beautiful, he sure as hell wasn't precious and he was far from perfect. Jack had been crazy to even suggest that he could even match up to those characteristics. He was far from beautiful. He was ugly, scarred and useless...he was worthless... 

He jerked his head up as he heard the approach of someone and as his captor appeared he felt his momentary calmness disappear. As he looked upon the face of the host Osiris now inhabited he saw something familiar in that face and found himself speaking softly before contemplating what was so different about that face, "Hello Sarah." 

"Hello Daniel. It's been a long time..." 

"So where's your companion?" 

"Osiris is resting. He has permitted me to visit with you." 

"Why would HE do such a thing, Sarah?" 

Sarah remained silent watching the quiet, bitter man whom she now loved with all her heart. As she focused on Daniel's face she could see that he was colder than she remembered. She spoke with him before when Osiris permitted but failed to closely examine the man she loved with all her heart. Now as she looked upon his face she could see a coldness and bitterness within him that he had never exhibited before. She was saddened by the observation. She approached him and gently placed her hand to the side of his face feeling her heart breaking when Daniel flinched and jerked from her touch as if she bit him. Sarah calmed her voice as she answered Daniel's last question, "Because he is concerned about you, Daniel. He is worried and he doesn't understand you." 

"What's not to understand?" 

"You have changed Daniel. You have changed a lot since I've...since we have both met you. He knows of the person you were and he can see who you now are." 

"Oh and he doesn't like the image? Well, that's just too damned bad...tends to happen when someone traps you, forces you to become their damned lap dog and treats you like a possession, Sarah." 

"This anger is so unlike you, Daniel..." 

"So unlike me, Sarah? I'm no longer the man you knew. I've changed...I've been changed by him, Sarah. I'm no longer who I was and I hate who I now am." 

Sarah shook her head sadly as she continued, "Perhaps I should have Zeenan keep an eye on you..." 

"I don't need a fucking watch dog Sarah! I need a life! I need my life back!" 

"Daniel, why can you not accept the life you now have? There is no going back. You must forget Earth and forget Jack. There is nothing for you back on Earth. Your life is here, Daniel. This is your life and will be for the rest of your days..." 

"NO!" 

"Daniel, you cannot fight your destiny..." 

"My destiny doesn't involve him! It doesn't involve Bursiris and it doesn't involve indentured servitude!" 

"Daniel..." 

Daniel lowered his voice as he continued, "Sarah, do you see this rose?" 

Sarah looked at Daniel in confusion uncertain as to what exactly he meant by that question. Daniel shook his head before muttering, "Never mind. If I tell you then you tell him and he'll never let me out of his sight again. Sarah, just...just go...I...I need to be alone right now." 

"No. Daniel I want to speak with you. You seem as if you need someone to talk to and we used to be close..." 

"Sarah, you're no longer you. You will never be yourself again...not with him inside of you." 

"Daniel, he doesn't hurt me. He no longer feels the need to suppress me. He allows me to be who I am and I allow him to be who he is. We relate to one another, we speak with one another and we have become...friends." 

"Friends? Sarah, do you know anything about the Goa'uld and what they do to people? What they do to planets?" 

"Yes, Daniel but Osiris is not like the others...not anymore. Even you should know that. Even you should have realized that he is no longer as evil and as sinister as he once was. Do you know who inspired the changes in him, Daniel? Do you know who is responsible for helping him to see that there is more then one answer to things? You...you have invoked these changes within him and you have made him feel things he is not used to feeling. Daniel...you have succeeded in making Osiris care for you. He cares for you more than he cares for himself. Daniel he would do anything for you." 

"Then tell him to set me free. Tell him to let me go." 

"He will do anything but that Daniel. He is afraid of losing you. He doesn't want to face a life without you. You have become a necessity in his life and because of this need for you he will never release you though you desperately desire your freedom back. Daniel, just give him a chance." 

"Sarah please don't speak on Osiris' behalf..." 

"Daniel, you're heading down a dangerous destructive path. You need to realize that there is no returning to Earth and if there is even a slight chance it will not happen for several months. You have to do your best to deal with and accept the life you are now leading. Neither of us want to lose you, Daniel, but you are heading down a path of destruction and we cannot figure out just how we can rescue you." 

"Then don't rescue me. Don't try to save me. Let me go." 

"Daniel, you do not understand just how hard it is to do that. You don't even realize how much you influence others. You have never realized it. Neither of us could stand by and watch you destroy yourself Daniel. You are far too important, far too special to let go. Death is not the answer for you Daniel..." 

"Sarah, go away...please. I appreciate the pep talk but just...go away. Please." 

"Daniel..." 

"Please Sarah..." 

Sarah lowered her head upset and angry that Daniel refused to listen to her and hear her out. She sighed saying, "Very well but this conversation is far from over Daniel." 

She then left Daniel in the gardens alone. When they entered the palace Osiris spoke, "He would not listen to your words, little one?" 

'You should be asleep. You told me that you were resting.' 

"I was...but I awoke when I felt your intense sadness. Sarah, what has he said that has hurt you so?" 

'He told me to leave. He told me to go away.' 

Sarah inhaled shakily as she felt warmth inside her wrapping around her as if to comfort her and knew that feeling came from Osiris. He was actually attempting to comfort her. She shook her head amazed at the changes Daniel invoked within Osiris. She smiled sadly as she continued, 'He said he needed to be alone. He wouldn't allow me to help him.' 

"Relax, little one. You must calm yourself. He is having some difficulty adjusting to this life. We can only try to make the adjustment better for him." 

'He hasn't even attempted to adjust, My Lord...' 

"He will." 

'We should tell Zeenan to keep an eye on him.' 

Osiris smiled as he replied, "He already is, little one." 

'You told him to...' 

"No. He has become very protective of Daniel. I have no need to tell him to watch Daniel for he does so on his own. Zeenan has grown rather fond of Daniel." 

'How can you be so sure?' 

"Did you not see the concern, the fear and the worry in Zeenan's eyes when Daniel was recaptured after his last escape attempt? He wanted to speak on Daniel's behalf but remained silent not wanting to anger me further." 

'I see.' 

"Come let us check on the workers. We will leave Daniel to himself for some time." 

'My Lord I'm not so sure that is wise.' 

"Do not fear so, little one. Zeenan will check on Daniel." 

'But he doesn't even know where Daniel is.' 

"He will find him. He always does." 

 

* * * *

 

Daniel listened to Sarah leaving wanting to scream and run but resisted the urge. Instead he returned his gaze to that single rose bud he had been contemplating before the disruption. He no sooner focused his attention on the rose than he heard the silent approach of another. Without turning around he said, "Hello Zeenan." 

"How did you know...?" 

"Because you're never far from me. You were listening to our conversation, weren't you?" 

"I only heard a little..." 

"Be honest." 

"I am being honest, Daniel. I only heard the last few exchanges. I do not make it a habit to spy on you. I only check on you to make certain that you are not in need of anything and that you are safe." 

"I'm sorry." 

"Why are you sorry? You do not yet know me as well as you think you do..." 

Daniel smirked as he answered, "Oh I believe I know you better then you realize. You're so much like my friend..." 

"Your Jaffa friend?" 

Daniel only nodded as he continued to contemplate the fragility of a single red rose. He remained silent, aware that Zeenan now stood beside him and was observing him. Zeenan didn't interrupt his thoughts though. The Jaffa was rarely invasive. Daniel knew that he kept an eye on him and that he often would observe him but Zeenan never intruded on his privacy or invaded his personal space. Zeenan was very respectful towards him. As he continued to contemplate the rose before him he spoke so softly that he was certain he didn't voice the thought, "Do you see this rose?" 

Zeenan leaned towards Daniel to get a better view of the dainty rose he was touching so tenderly. He then focused on Daniel's face watching the man and waiting for him to continue. Daniel prompted by the silence added, "I was once like this rose...well, at least, that's what Jack always said...he said that I was beautiful, that I was special...he said that I was the most selfless person he'd ever known...he used to tell me that I shone like a star in the night and that I was so unaware of my beauty...not just your physical beauty, love, no...you are beautiful on the inside...on the inside, Daniel. You have the most beautiful heart and soul...you think with your heart, you feel everything...you are the heart and soul of this team, Daniel...your inner beauty shines so brightly that all those who look upon you know that by meeting you they have met someone special... He...he would say that my smile could add light to any darkness and that I could tame even the wildest of creatures. He used to get so angry with me when I would go against him. He said I had a strong will and was stubborn as hell. He said that I could do anything if I put my mind to it..." 

He felt his throat tense up as the need to cry filled him but he shed no tears. Instead he leaned forward to smell the rose he was so focused on. He then continued, "Jack said a lot of things that weren't true..." 

Zeenan could feel the depth of Daniel's suffering in his words and knew that Daniel needed to talk and for some reason Daniel selected him. Whether it was because the young man trusted him or simply because there was no one else around Zeenan didn't know but he would listen. He spoke softly as he asked, "What else did your Jack say about you, Daniel?" 

Daniel fell silent for a moment as if contemplating before he continued, "Do you know he would stay up late into the night just watching me? He didn't like to go to sleep before me because he wanted to watch me drift asleep in his arms. He would hold me so close and kiss me tenderly...on the forehead, my cheeks, my nose...my lips...sometimes he'd kiss the hollow of my throat...he would spend hour upon hour just...watching me. I never understood why. He would tell me that he was such a lucky man to have found me and that I meant the world to him. He would say that he loved me and tell me how wonderful I was...tell me how important I was..." 

Zeenan watched as Daniel suddenly wrapped his arms around his body as if to protect himself. He cocked his head to the side wondering if he was now seeing the real Daniel Jackson. Something told him that wrapping his arms around himself was a common thing for Daniel. He was awe struck by the unfamiliar gesture but it seemed so natural. Was this one of Daniel's ways of protecting and shielding himself? Was this one of his ways of nurturing himself and comforting himself? He was certain that Daniel was showing himself at his most vulnerable state and he felt his respect for the man increase. If Daniel felt comfortable enough to share such a thing with him then he must trust him a little bit. 

Zeenan quietly asked, "Tell me about your Jack..." 

"Jack? You want to hear about Jack?" 

"Yes...unless..." 

Daniel shook his head as if to dismiss Zeenan's hesitancy. He then continued, "Jack is actually quite different from me. We met when I deciphered the gate and...and opened it up for the people of Earth. He was in the service, military...me...I was just an archaeology professor with some crazy ideas about the pyramids of Ancient Egypt serving as alien landing sites...people thought I was crazy...crazier than a loon...but I had found proof of my theories and if you know me...I'm stubborn as hell." 

Zeenan nodded listening to Daniel's words surprised that the man was actually revealing some things about himself. He listened as Daniel continued, "I met a woman who wanted to show me the gate...I deciphered the glyphs and figured out how to make it work. Our first trip was to..." 

"Abydos?" 

"Yes...where I met my wife...we were married only a year before...before Apophis destroyed our lives and stole her...we spent the next several years searching for her and exploring planets. I guess somewhere along the line Jack and I came to realize that our friendship ran deeper then that...love...we loved one another...we became lovers...kept it secret...it's a crime to love a man on Earth...especially if you're in the military." 

"A crime to love a man? You have strange laws Daniel." 

Daniel chuckled as he responded, "Yeah that's what my friend said when he learned of the law too." 

"I see." 

"Zeenan...why did you become Osiris' First Prime? Did you have a choice or..." 

"I served under Yu's legion for a time before hearing of Osiris' return. Yu participated in some things that I did not agree with so I left his service and traveled to Bursiris...I became a guard in Osiris' legion. He kept his eye on me and selected me to become his new First Prime. He said that I had potential and that I had something that the others seemed to lack. I graciously accepted the new title and proudly wear Osiris' seal upon my forehead." 

"He's not a god you know. He's a false god. He's a parasite within a human being." 

"The woman he now shares his life with...she was your lover correct?" 

Daniel flushed with embarrassment as he broke eye contact with the First Prime. Zeenan spoke softer, "I am sorry, Daniel. It is none of my concern." 

Daniel simply nodded his head and remained silent for several long minutes before adding, "Her name is Sarah...Sarah Gardner. She...we went to college together...worked under the same professor and...became involved..." 

"I see." 

"She's not the same person she used to be. She's changed as well. Osiris allows her to speak freely but she...she's different." 

"How so?" 

"Well for one she allows him to punish me without saying a word or trying to help...she allows him to humiliate me...she..." 

"Perhaps she has tried but there is not much one can do when they share their life with a god." 

"False god." 

Zeenan fell silent again. Daniel glanced at him before saying, "Why do you care?" 

“What do you mean, Daniel?" 

"Why do you care...for me?" 

"Because you have become my friend and I greatly respect you." 

"Why would you respect me? There's nothing to respect." 

Zeenan shook his head as he continued, "Daniel, how can you not realize just how strong you are? How can you not realize your importance? How can you not realize your own potential?" 

"Strong? I'm not strong. I'm a weak fool who follows the whims of another to protect planets from being destroyed..." 

Zeenan gently cupped Daniel's face between his hands as he responded, "You are so much stronger than you realize, Daniel Jackson." 

"Right..." 

"It is true..." 

Zeenan approached a tree as he said, "Do you see this tree? I believe you can associate it with the strength of your Earthly oaks...you are like this tree. You are strong and tall. You shine like a star as your Jack has said. You have great power within you yet you do not even realize it. You have changed people and have helped others to find their way. You have changed Osiris and made him better. You stand up to every challenge and face it head on..." 

"No I run like a coward and retreat as far as I can out of sight." 

"Young one, you are much too critical of yourself...much, much too critical." 

"No I'm just honest. You compare me to that tree and I have more in common with this rose." 

"One cannot deny that you are a beautiful creature." 

"No, I'm not beautiful...I'm like this rose...fragile, easily damaged, easily destroyed...I have nothing left of my soul except shattered pieces that I spend hours and hours frantically retrieving in an effort to glue back together and save myself...only the glue doesn't work so I have to use tape and patch the pieces back in place. A patch here and a patch there to hold what's left of me together...and like that patchwork of broken shards I am weak and easily breakable. I can barely keep myself together and fight daily to keep the tattered remains from shaking and falling...I'm balancing on the edge of an endless chasm clinging desperately to the tiniest of roots trying to hang on and not fall. I don't want to be swallowed up in that never-ending darkness yet with each passing day, with each passing violation by my master against my body and mind I slip just a bit more towards that blackness and the root snaps and cracks, groaning against my weight threatening to break in the next instant and plunge me into that endless nothingness where I would exist but not be alive...I'd be this empty shell, a robot who only trudges on feeling nothing, seeing nothing only doing what I'm programmed to do... I'll kill myself before that happens...because life as a drone is no life at all." 

Zeenan wasn't sure how to respond to those words all he knew was that he needed to keep an eye on Daniel because the man sounded as if he were heading down the road of full-blown depression. Daniel was so close to breaking in half. Zeenan had noticed before now just how close Osiris was pushing his favored towards the edge of despair. He hoped that by speaking with his lord and telling him of what he believed was wrong with Daniel that his lord would work on finding ways to restore Daniel's independence and restore his spirit to its fullness. Osiris was trying to make changes but Zeenan feared that he might already be too late, especially after hearing Daniel just now comparing himself to shattered glass and speaking of how he was hanging by a thread. Daniel even said that he would destroy himself if he became spiritless. Zeenan would have to watch the man and remind Osiris of what needed to be done.


	9. Path to Acceptance

**PATH TO ACCEPTANCE**  
 **Domination and Submission**

Osiris entered the bathhouse smiling when he saw Daniel still bathing. The man was unaware that he was no longer alone in the room. Osiris watched him from his position near the door admiring the bit of broad shoulder and muscular back that remained above the water line. Daniel was so focused on the task at hand that he was oblivious to everything around him. 

Osiris smiled as one finely formed hand lifted above the water clinging to the bar of soap the man was using. He watched as Daniel shifted, raising his body further out of the water, standing now with the bubbling water gently teasing the supple tanned flesh of his waist and hips. The man was indeed beautiful and Osiris could feel the stirrings of desire begin anew within. He watched as the man carefully lathered his chest and trim waist. He watched the play of the water and soap against the man's skin. He lightly bit into his bottom lip as Daniel scrubbed himself clean then lowered into the water to rinse the remaining suds off of his body. He then lowered his head beneath the surface of the water before standing up and tossing his head from side to side. Water flew from his hair but some still remained clinging to that tantalizing skin and now dripping free from his golden locks. He finished bathing rinsing himself off before rising and exiting the bath. As his hand closed around the soft white towel draped over the single chair in the room Osiris spoke without thought, "No." 

Daniel gasped jerking his head upright focusing that cobalt blue gaze on him. He quickly used the towel to cover the front of his body, much like a virgin would. To see the automatic shyness in Daniel made Osiris smile more. He glided over to Daniel reaching up to take hold of the long towel staring into Daniel's eyes as he said, "Come, now, you have no need to be shy around me, my precious one. I have seen you bare before me many a time before. You should feel no need to shield your beautiful body from my eyes." 

Daniel lowered his gaze feeling edgy as Osiris focused intently on him. He quietly replied, "Yes My Lord," and allowed Osiris to remove the towel from between them. He focused intently on the ground knowing that Osiris was probably boldly examining him now. 

Osiris reached up pressing his fingers underneath Daniel's chin he lifted the man's head up softly requesting, "Come. Let me look at you." 

Daniel lowered his arms to his sides and stood still feeling Osiris' heated gaze survey him with open appreciation from head to toe. 

Osiris spoke, "You are a very exquisite creature, Daniel. You should not feel the need to hide yourself from your lord." 

Daniel only nodded. Osiris smiled as he watched the little beads of water continue to cascade down over Daniel's youthful face flowing to the hollow of his throat and still further down towards his chest. His golden blond hair now appeared darker in color as the water soaked into it. Water still dropped from the silky tendrils of that hair trickling down over his strong neck to dribble down between his nipples. The drips of water continuously made a beeline for that now shaved groin where it would tantalize and tickle making Daniel's body automatically respond by hardening as a result. Osiris continued, "So very beautiful...beautiful, wild, untamed... Are you untamed, my precious one?" 

"My Lord?" 

"You submit to me yet you are not tame. I admire that about you...your raw spirit and sensuous beauty... Do you know how magnificent you are, my precious?" 

"My Lord..." 

"It is true. You are very appealing, savage and sexy. I could spend hours watching you and looking upon your perfect nakedness..." 

Osiris smiled as Daniel's face suddenly flushed with a pretty pink tinge indicating his slight embarrassment and shyness upon the mention of his attractiveness. He loved to see that furious blush spreading across his servant's cheeks...the flush only added to his overall appeal. Osiris realized suddenly that he needed Daniel. He wanted the man to service him again. He requested, "I should like to see you lower to your knees before me. You will do so now." 

Daniel inhaled sharply before replying, "Yes, My Lord," and dropping gracefully to his knees before Osiris. He blushed deeper as he noticed that his new position brought him almost even with Sarah's crotch, and quickly downcast his eyes trying to conceal some of his embarrassment from the system lord. 

Osiris smiled as he continued, "Come now, Daniel, pleasure your lord with that glorious mouth of yours. I want to feel that warm moist tongue of yours delving inside of me as you attempt to reach for my uterus." 

Daniel gasped feeling the heat of embarrassment continue to blossom within himself. He couldn't believe the request Osiris just made of him...service him with his tongue...shit, could he do that? No...no that would be...no! 

Osiris noticed his slave's hesitancy and quickly stated, "Let me remind you that you are my servant and you will service me in whatever way I please. If you refuse to do so I will destroy another planet. The choice is yours, my precious servant. Now what shall your decision be?" 

Daniel swallowed hard glancing up as Osiris suddenly spread his legs hip width apart. He knew that Sarah would be spread wide open for his exploration and that she would probably be wearing nothing underneath her clothing. He closed his eyes before quietly replying, "Yes, My Lord." 

"Come now, my precious one, service your lord on command." 

Daniel shuddered as Osiris urged him to continue. He swallowed hard before crawling between Sarah's legs and lifting his face up to her womanly center. He could smell her tantalizing scent and, despite his attempts to remain unaffected, he could feel his dick hardening. Though a parasite inhabited her the woman with him was Sarah and he knew Sarah, had loved her, had made love to her and drew much pleasure from their times together. As she spoke softly her voice no longer tinged by the Goa'uld lord's gravelly one he could feel his desire for the woman take hold. He could feel his body beginning to respond, his desire surging to the forefront and his yearning to taste her flood him. 

He slipped his tongue out from between his lips laving it across her dampened slit and fell into the abyss of raw pleasure, raw primal need and desire. She inhaled sharply gasping out, "Oh Daniel yes," in that soft accented voice that belonged only to Sarah. She was now breathless with anticipation and Daniel could see the slight quivering of her body as she so willingly yielded her juices for his intimate sampling. He could no more resist that offering then he could resist his intense desperate craving to be sexually satiated. Osiris built a fire within when he permitted Sarah to speak of her own volition and Daniel could not help but submit to his intense hunger and lust for the beautiful woman now straddling him. 

Sarah continued to speak to him encouraging him to continue to taste her and lavish her, "Please...please, Daniel, make me feel alive again. Please make love to me and forget about Osiris. There is only the two of us. There is no other. Please make me feel whole again." 

As he pushed his tongue up inside her he could taste her. He remembered that taste...Sarah...he moaned as his tongue was granted entrance into her moist, warm, silky cavern as she spread her legs even wider. He could hear a sudden change in her breathing and knew that he was definitely driving her to distraction. Thoughts of his present situation, of who demanded him to perform this act fled. There was no one but Sarah Gardner and Daniel Jackson. As he remembered the woman and how it felt to love her, stroke her, touch her and service her. The order he was given mere moments before by his lord became so much easier to follow. 

As she moaned while he flicked his tongue in and out of her rhythmically he could visualize her lovely head now tossing back her golden tresses trailing down her back where the ends tantalized and tickled her pert round buttocks... 

She, they, could feel their knees going weak as Sarah's legs threatened to collapse under them. Osiris never imagined that Daniel could be so passionate and so experienced at oral pleasure. Sarah had told him to urge Daniel to do so telling him that once he applied that tongue to their body neither of them would be able to think clearly for several hours afterward. Together they shared the wonderful feelings the young linguist was now invoking within Sarah's body. He allowed Sarah to emerge to encourage Daniel and coax him into serving them and she allowed him to remain in equal domination with her so they were both experiencing the intense emotions together and it felt wonderful, more than wonderful...his servant was amazing. 

Sarah quickly became breathless knowing that she would soon collapse if Daniel continued to worship her with his tongue so well. She reached down between her legs bracing her hands on Daniel's broad shoulders and using them for leverage to lean forward a bit more. Daniel shifted to support her weight only losing contact with her for mere moments. He shifted on his knees moving to provide her with an anchor, support to keep her upright as he continued to lavish her with his magical tongue. As he continued to stroke her she could feel her legs quivering against him and became quickly aware that she was now relying heavily on him to keep herself upright as he tormented her so. 

Daniel realizing that the effect he was having on her was making her struggle to remain upright quickly broke contact with her glancing up into her beautiful face noticing the intense flush of excitement that made her color sharper. She was indeed beautiful. As he focused on her he spoke barely above a whisper, "Perhaps it would be easier for you if you were to lie down for me..." 

"Hmm, yes, Daniel...yes..." 

She lowered to her knees before him maintaining eye contact with him admiring the desire-laden sparkle in the man's crystal blue eyes...Daniel was absolutely gorgeous. When she settled on her knees before him Daniel gently urged her to lie back quietly commanding, "Lay back for me...offer yourself to me...surrender yourself to me, Sarah..." 

"Hmm, yes, Daniel...yes..." 

She settled onto her back again parting her thighs to reveal her sopping mound to him. She watched him intently feeling her mouth dry up as he lowered to his hands crawling on all fours between her legs stopping above the junction between her thighs. She moaned as seeing him crawl to her heated her up even more. Without thought she entwined her hand around the gold chain now draped over his right shoulder. She could feel the cool metal of his leash resting so snugly in the palm of her hand and while continuing to stare deeply into his passion-filled eyes she gently tugged on the leash urging him forward as she did so. Daniel stopped as momentary confusion and surprise spread across his face but as she arched her back offering her golden mound to him he focused on pleasing her again. 

He knelt before her staring at her body, licking his lips as he scanned her. He shook his head slightly before requesting, "Remove your clothes...I want to see you naked before me, Sarah...please..." 

"My Lord wishes for me to remain fully clothed while you service us..." 

Daniel paused as he recalled that he was with Osiris and knew that he should feel revulsion and hatred filling him but neither of those emotions seemed to be present at the moment. All he felt was this intense aching need, this smoldering desire and a desperate yearning to be satisfied. He knew that by so willingly servicing Sarah he was willingly servicing Osiris but instead of allowing hatred to fill him he allowed primal urges to run rampant in his body. He huskily inquired, "And why does My Lord wish to remain fully clothed?" 

Osiris spoke then in his gravelly voice singed with desire as he answered, "Because I want your submission, my precious servant...in remaining clothed as such while you wear nothing on your delectable body I reaffirm that you are the slave and I the master...does my answer satisfy your curiosity, my precious?" 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Continue to please us..." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel felt a flush of embarrassment and heat swarm his body as Osiris gave an explanation for why he was to remain naked and his lord remain clothed...in doing so Osiris was again asserting that he was master over him and that he merely existed to please his lord. He felt anger fill him in response to that answer but he, also, felt strangely turned on by the explanation. Oh God did he actually desire to be ruled over in bed? No...no...surely not. As he felt the pull on his leash he realized that he again allowed his attention to wander while servicing his lord. He focused intently on Sarah's face expecting to see anger and disappointment there for his inability to remain focused but all he saw was passion and hunger in her gaze. He swallowed hard as he watched her lick her lips. He gazed upon her allowing his eyes to once again scan her voluptuous body. He fixed his gaze on her chest watching the rapid expanding that thrust her breasts into the air and knew that she was breathing heavily. He groaned as his dick twitched again growing even harder than it had been before. As another tug on his leash brought him down upon her swollen mound he could no more resist her intoxicating scent. As he focused on her again he slid his tongue out of his mouth and gently applied it to her juice covered lips. He smiled wickedly as he heard the catch in her breath and watched her beautiful chest heave yet again in response to the feelings the simple tasting evoked within her. 

She watched him intently hissing as he applied his tongue to her. She spoke huskily, "Please...oh God...please, Daniel...yes that's it...taste me, sample me, delve your exquisite tongue into my heat...please, Daniel, take what I am offering you...make me scream with wanting you...yes, yes...YES!" 

Daniel gently prodded her with his tongue delving deep into her before removing it, focusing on her and asking, "How does my lord wish to be serviced?" 

Osiris' voice spoke shakily as he asked, "What?" 

Daniel smirked as he could hear the effect he was having on Sarah, on them both...he was now in complete control. Osiris may believe that he held all the power but Daniel knew otherwise. He was in complete control and he felt euphoric. He'd never realized just how much power he could gain while giving his body to his captor in bed. Yes, here was where his power now was...he questioned, "Does my lord wish for things to be gentle?" 

"Um...hmm..." 

Ah yes speechless...he snickered as he questioned, "Or does my lord wish for things to be fast?" 

"Daniel, just DO IT!" 

Hmm that was Sarah's voice...Sarah was always impatient in bed. He liked to take his time to please but Sarah desired things fast, rough, hard...she loved being ridden hard, licked hard and gripped tightly. As he glanced at her he could see her impatience burning in her eyes...ah, yes, Sarah there is that expression of yours I know so well. So Osiris has granted you the right to share in our little sexual experience has he? Hmm, very interesting... 

He again applied his tongue to her flicking it across the nub that hung there. Again she hissed and again she arched her body offering herself to him, pleading with her body for him to claim her and taste her. As he lowered upon her again and gently twirled his tongue around the very tip of her clitoris she moaned loudly and automatically thrust her heat up against his teasing mouth. 

As Daniel resorted to twirling that talented tongue around her clitoris Sarah was sure she would lose it. She instantly thrust up against him offering him more of her womanhood wanting him to suck her hard and tongue her deeply. She lightly bit into her bottom lip as she focused her gaze upon him. Just seeing his head buried between her legs was enough to push her closer to orgasm. She repositioned her hand on his leash stopping it just before the spot where it was welded fast to Daniel's collar. As she thought of that golden collar encircling his delectable neck and how she was now clinging to his leash she became even more turned on...Daniel was at her mercy. He was required to serve their lord and in doing so he was also serving her. She smiled wickedly as with her other hand she pushed his head down holding it in position as he continued to lick her to climax and beyond. As he continued to torment her she yanked more on his leash pulling him down on her more firmly and holding him in place not only with her hand on his head but with her firm grip on his lead chain. She thrust her hips up against him feeling his nose pushing into her moistness along with his mouth for a brief moment she wondered if Daniel could breathe knowing that his nose and mouth were now covered. She eased her hold on him allowing him to lift his head up some. Daniel didn't even seem to notice that he had his mouth and nose buried in her as he continued to flick his tongue against her sopping wet pussy. 

She started to moan and toss her head from side to side beginning to thrust her hips back and forth rhythmically as her vaginal muscles started to contract and twitch signaling the arrival of her orgasm. She felt as if she were floating in the clouds as wonderful feelings swamped through her. She started to run her hand through Daniel's hair petting him like one would pet a dog while tightly gripping his leash in the other. She started panting, "Oh God, Daniel, oh God...yes...God...Daniel...now...now...YES!" 

In the next instant extreme pleasure ripped through her body as she climaxed against his face. She could smell the strong sweet aroma of her sex and knew that her juices were now clinging to that gorgeous face of the man who brought her so masterfully to completion. She sighed aloud in immense pleasure relaxing her body and enjoying holding Daniel there while her cunt dripped heavily with her orgasmic juices. She started to casually run her hand through his hair as he pulled back slightly and started to kiss her pussy so gently. 

Osiris chose that time to speak again as he said, "You please me immensely, my precious one. You may look upon your lord's face again." 

Daniel stopped kissing her and focused his gaze on Sarah's face feeling her wetness clinging to his face. He reached up with his hand to wipe some of the cum off of himself but Osiris jerked on his leash saying, "NO! LEAVE IT!" 

Daniel lowered his gaze as he huskily responded, "Yes, My Lord." 

"I desire for you to wear my essence upon your face for now. Let everyone who looks upon you see my juices now coating you and showing to them how well you have serviced your lord this day." 

Daniel gasped in response to that comment again feeling his face heat up as he felt embarrassed by the command. Osiris noticed that along with that flush of embarrassment he also saw a tinge of desire in those eyes. He smiled wickedly as he softly asked, "Does it humiliate you, my precious, to know how easily I can excite you?" 

Daniel kept his head down as he breathlessly replied, "Yes." 

"Hmm, such a confession is very hard for one with such a feisty spirit to make. You please me greatly when you so willingly bow to my rule and comply with my demands. Does my servant wish to wash his face now?" 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"You will wear my essence on your face, my precious one. I am in need of a bath. You may rise before me." 

Daniel obeyed rising to his feet still smelling Sarah on his face and feeling her juices clinging to his skin. He felt rather humiliated having to leave it on his face, but at the same time this overwhelming pleasure and warm desire filled him. Was he now becoming turned on by the things Osiris was making him do? Was his disgust now turning into raw passion and desire? Was he actually beginning to enjoy sexually servicing the Goa'uld lord in any manner he requested? 

He flushed even more as My'la entered the bath and looked upon his face. He knew that she had to see Osiris' juices clinging to him and he instantly downcast his eyes. Osiris looked up and said, "Ah, My'la, please prepare our bed and see that we are not disturbed for the rest of the evening." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

She questioned, "Does my lord wish to be bathed this evening?" 

"My favored will bathe me this evening. Thank you, My'la." 

"You are welcome, My Lord." 

She then exited the bath. Osiris glanced at Daniel noticing that he seemed a bit embarrassed. He gently pressed his fingers underneath Daniel's chin and urged him to look up. When Daniel did so Osiris spoke softer, "My precious one, you should not feel embarrassed to be seen wearing your lord's essence upon your handsome face. It is an honor to be granted such a right. Please do not hide your face from me." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Osiris smiled then walked over to the bath. He glanced at Daniel watching as his servant moved as if to follow. He said, "No. I want you on your knees. Now." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel lowered to his knees then Osiris lowered into the water. He smiled at his servant before ordering, "Crawl to me, my precious one. Come, crawl for your master the way you have been trained." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel lowered to his hands and crawled on all fours to Osiris. Osiris then ordered, "Sit. Sit." 

He obeyed rising off of his hands to sit back on his folded knees. Osiris smiled again reclaiming Daniel's leash as he tugged Daniel towards him. He then patted Daniel's head as if he were a pet quietly praising, "Good dog..." 

Daniel jerked his head up as Osiris called him a dog. Osiris only continued to gaze at him with that teasing smile as he continued, "Tell me pet, did you enjoy smelling your master's essence? Do you enjoy wearing your master's essence upon your face? Speak." 

Daniel swallowed hard, clenching his eyes tightly shut before quietly responding, "Yes My Lord." 

He then felt Osiris' hand press against the side of his face and focused on the Goa'uld lord as he said, "Soon, my precious, you will learn to draw only pleasure from our passionate acts." 

Daniel gasped again then lowered his head as Osiris fell silent. Osiris then spoke breaking the silence as he ordered, "Turn your back to me." 

Daniel rose to his hands and knees then turned to present Osiris with his back. Osiris smiled as he then ordered, "KNEEL FORWARD!" 

Daniel swallowed hard feeling that embarrassing tinge travel up across his face again as he dutifully formed a triangle with his hands pressing them to the floor about a foot in front of him before lowering and pressing his forehead into the center of that triangle. He could feel the air in the room caress his bottom as he openly exposed himself for his lord. 

Osiris sighed in pleasure as he focused on that perfect little pucker of an opening that led into Daniel's rectum. He, also, admired the way Daniel's balls and dick now hung between his legs. Ah yes, this was a very nice view indeed. He smiled wickedly as he said, "Remain in this position while I bathe." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris continued to bathe himself taking his time admiring Daniel's genitals as he cleaned his body. Yes, Daniel was totally fetching in the kneel forward position. He was nicely exposed and opened shamelessly displaying his lord's property for open admiration. 

Daniel swallowed hard trying to ignore the feelings of embarrassment and humiliation that now traveled through him. He had responded so readily and so eagerly to his lord this time. God he was becoming a damned sex addict! He thought of Jack and again mentally whispered for his lover to forgive him for what he must do to remain alive and ensure that everyone is kept safe. He hoped, he prayed, that Jack would understand why he was sacrificing so much to the system lord who now owned him. 

Though he knew he was betraying Jack with every act he performed for Osiris he had no choice and the only way he could handle the huge sacrifices he was making to insure everyone's safety was to give in to pure desire and pure need. He would learn to enjoy what Osiris did to him and what he would do for Osiris. He was already beginning to respond instantly to certain touches and strokes and knew that soon Osiris would have his very willing, very horny, very desperate sex slave who craved sex, needed sex and burned for sex all the time in his midst for he was fast becoming that person Osiris wanted. 

He swallowed hard wanting to cry in shame as he realized how much he has become what Osiris wanted, but could no longer do so. He had spent all his tears so long ago. Now, now he was just tired, tired and growing numb. He was growing a little more number each day. The only time he could feel alive, he could feel on fire, was when he performed for his lord or Osiris performed for him. Sex, sex and sexual desire, sexual need...that was all he could feel anymore. He needed sex to feel alive. His soul was now so bruised and so battered. His body was so used, so spoiled and so dirty now that the only way he felt alive, felt just about anything was when he allowed sexual impulses, sexual desires and urges to dominate. He managed to bury most of himself so deep that all that remained, all that was easy for Osiris to access, was raw, intense passion and desire. Everything else he had buried deep and locked away so that Osiris couldn't ruin those things as well. 

In the short time since becoming Osiris' favored Daniel went from being an unwilling participant in Osiris' sexual encounters to wanting, needing...craving those encounters. He forced himself to draw intense pleasure and joy from the acts knowing that if he failed to show Osiris his passion and his yearning, if he failed to offer himself up willingly to the system lord then another planet would be destroyed, Jack would be destroyed, Earth would be destroyed...he opened himself to the feelings of intensity and now he craved, yearned and needed that passion, that fire, that wild sex that he and Osiris often delved in. He had been overcome with desire and now instead of hating the sex he was enjoying every damned minute of it. This is why he felt so guilty after each sexual encounter because the more he lay with his captor, the more he lay with the system lord who owned him, the more he enjoyed their little trysts in bed; their exploits into the realm of dark desire and into their darkest fantasies, their exploits into raw, experimental copulation helped him to feel more alive and more on fire than anything else. His life was now to be an eternity of lust, passion, desire, need and hunger...Osiris was training him well...training him to become a sexual artist... 

He hissed as a wet finger pressed against his exposed entrance and as that finger slowly trailed down between his legs to pause at his balls he heard himself moan and felt his body quiver with excitement, desire, need and hunger. He shifted slightly forward opening himself more to that teasing touch and was rewarded as the finger disappeared only to return wet again to press against his anus. As the finger slipped slightly into him he groaned automatically pushing back into that finger as his body begged for the touch to continue. He heard a husky chuckle behind him and felt his heart rate increase realizing that he was again becoming turned on by his captor. 

Osiris' voice spoke soothingly as he continued, "Does my servant wish to have his needs satisfied?" 

Daniel prepared to answer hissing as he felt that wet, moist finger rub lightly across his anus. He could feel the heat within building and his dick hardening in response to the touches. He gasped whimpering as the finger disappeared. He listened to his lord shifting in the bath wanting to beg and plead for his glorious touch to be reapplied but remained silent. He was determined not to plead for satisfaction. 

He wondered what Osiris was doing and hissed in shock as he felt a blessed tongue stroke across his anus. He knew that Osiris was now servicing him with his tongue and as the Goa'uld lord began to gently stab his tongue in and out of him Daniel felt his desire surmount screaming in pleasure as that tongue began to slowly rim him. All he could manage to get passed his lips was a husky, "Oh God more, please..." 

Osiris delivered as he again worked his tongue masterfully. Daniel growled as hands, warm and wet circled around his waist and laid claim to his dick. As those hands began to pump him and massage his balls Daniel became lost so caught up in the violent storm of ecstasy that he forgot who was pleasuring him. He began to plead with Osiris not to stop gasping in shock as he rapidly found himself flipped onto his back. He stared at Osiris in surprise and need feeling his desire and hunger only build. 

Osiris rose out of the water urging him forward. Daniel realized the Goa'uld lord was still in the bath now looking at him with an aching hunger. Without thought or permission he drew to his feet bending down to capture the Goa'uld lord's lips in his. Osiris groaned responding eagerly to his servant. As Daniel broke the kiss Osiris urged him to lay back and wait for him. Daniel complied watching as Sarah stepped out of the bath then urged him to rise. Daniel obeyed completely unprepared for Osiris' next aggressive move. He winced as he quickly found himself shoved back first against the wall pinned by her body. He glared at her then attempted to pull her close against him. She smiled mischievously as she dodged his attempt then proceeded to openly ogle him. She leered at him commanding, "HEEL!" and Daniel instantly lowered to his knees as his master ordered. He could feel his need to be satiated thrumming powerfully throughout his body but knew he must obey his master when commanded. He felt her lift his lead chain before she questioned, "Does my servant think he is deserving of his master's pleasures?" 

"My Lord?" 

"Are you aching now, my precious one?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Have you a desire to be pleased by me, slave?" 

"Yes Master." 

"Shall I grant you the pleasure you seek?" 

"My Lord, please." 

"Or keep you desperately aching and burning for me?" 

"My Lord...please, I beg of you. Please." 

"Do you need me, slave?" 

"Yes Master." 

"Then let me hear you say the words. NOW!" 

"I need you, Master, I need you. Please." 

Osiris continued to smile feeling powerful and extremely turned on as he released his hold on the leash then proceeded to push Daniel to the floor and capture his lips in his own. He then said, "Relax for me Daniel. Relax." 

Daniel obeyed and grunted as Sarah eased herself down on him. He thrust upwards moaning as she opened up for him. As his erection became buried deep within her he tossed his head back allowing another moan to escape. 

Sarah gasped as he became fully rooted within her and felt a desperate need to claim him. She instantly wrapped her arms around him pulling him upright until he was sitting and she was in his lap straddling his hips. Daniel immediately sought out her breasts cupping his mouth so tenderly around her left breast as he started to gently suckle. Sarah cried out wrapping her arms tighter around him and holding him close as she began to slowly ride him. Daniel growled as he feasted on her breast and began running his hands all across her back. She kissed him on the top of his head before moaning and commenting, "Beautiful, you're beautiful have I ever told you that, love? So beautiful my Daniel so beautiful." 

Daniel clung to her allowing passion and desire to consume him. He released her breast then began to plant kisses across her neck gently nipping at the hollow in her throat and wincing as she suddenly dug her fingernails into his back. The pain was short-lived as he became absorbed in laving her neck and caressing her. She started to ride him faster and harder digging her nails deep into his back feeling her body climbing to orgasm. As she felt the heat and rush fill her she began to pant his name becoming lost in his lovemaking. She continued to urge him on digging her nails into him then tearing at his back, clawing open the skin and hearing Daniel's loud cry of pain as she made him bleed. Daniel tightened his hold on her feeling a mix of pleasure and pain fill him so completely that he was becoming lost and drawing closer to his apex as well. 

Daniel started to cry out as pleasurable waves ripped through his body pushing him to the brink. As her hands slid down to his buttocks and those nails sank deep into his hindquarters Daniel whimpered feeling hands gripping him bruisingly tight. She drew her right hand up over his hip scratching the skin as she moved causing Daniel to writhe in her arms and as he hit climax she sunk her teeth into his shoulder reveling in hearing the man scream in pain and pleasure before the apex began to recede. 

Daniel swallowed hard pressing his forehead into the column of her neck trying to regain his breathing and trying to take back control of his rampaging emotions. As his breathing began to calm he became aware of the newest marks on his skin. He inhaled sharply noticing that the pain wasn't too bad just uncomfortable. The bite hurt the most but he could handle it. He had to handle it. He still hated the aggressive side of Sarah, her aggressive side being Osiris. He still had to get use to the fact that occasionally Osiris liked it rough, aggressive and painful. Feeling only a few marks on his body presently helped him to relax some for he had been marked up much worse in the past. 

He hated Osiris' need to do bodily injury to make his pleasure build. Sometimes Osiris was a gentle lover and Daniel sensed he was because his servant preferred gentle sex, sex that was enjoyable and didn't involve pain of any sort. Other times, other times Osiris liked the sex fast, hard, rough and aggressive. He had no choice but to yield to the snake's commands often waking with numerous bruises and scratches scattered across his body in various places. It unnerved him to see those marks on his body, of course he wasn't going to complain too much about Osiris' need for rough sex because he much rather preferred that over the aggressive shit. There were those few times Osiris would come up behind him, grab him from behind and force him onto the bed before taking him hard and fast. It was those few times Osiris sought a struggle and Daniel had learned to offer little struggle because if he struggled too much then Osiris would become so aggressive that he would pin him to the bed and take him as if he were someone he despised...when Osiris did that Daniel became very scared. He had nearly panicked so Osiris backed off. After that he ceased making love to him as if he were someone he wanted to completely dominate for he didn't want his servant to slide into the debilitating panic again. 

As the veil of passion lifted Daniel became suddenly aware that Sarah had been in control and Sarah was the one who clawed him and hurt him. Sarah, not Osiris...oh God Sarah had clawed him. Shit! He pulled away from her staring into her face seeing that she was greatly pleased. He felt suddenly cold as the reality of who had just been in charge hit him. Osiris he was used to...he expected Osiris to bite him and claw him but not Sarah, not Sarah. Sarah would never...but she had. Oh God she had and she didn't look the least bit guilty or ashamed of that fact either. Suddenly anger filled him and without thinking he shoved her violently away panting as he ordered, "Get the fuck away!" 

"Daniel? Daniel what's wrong?" 

"What's wrong? What...what the hell was that?" 

"Pleasure, Daniel. We made love for pleasure." 

"Pleasure? You fucking bit me! How the hell is that pleasurable? God what...what the hell is wrong with you?" 

"Daniel, I'm sorry we...we got a little carried away..." 

"Carried away? My God Sarah you clawed my back open! What the hell..." 

"I tried to tell him..." 

Daniel stopped and stared at her in surprise before saying, "You tried to tell him? What?" 

She lowered her gaze nervously as she answered, "I told him you wouldn't like it..." 

"Like it? Shit! Osiris, you're talking about...oh God! I did it again! I fucking did it again! I can't believe...I can't believe I let him...oh God!" 

Sarah became frightened noticing that Daniel's anger was quickly changing to shame and guilt. She reached for him but he jerked from her. She said, "Daniel..." 

"Get off me, Sarah." 

"Daniel..." 

"GET OFF!" 

She obeyed feeling tears brimming her eyes. She said, "Daniel what's wrong? Daniel?" 

"I can't...I can't...I can't talk to you about this Sarah." 

"Why not?" 

"Because of him! God I can't believe..." 

"Daniel, please talk to me. Please talk to us." 

"I...I have to go..." 

"Daniel please..." 

Sarah felt her heart ache as Daniel suddenly wrapped his arms around himself and turned from her. She gasped mentally saying, 'Oh God he's turning away. He's shutting us out. I shouldn't have...' 

'Hush, Sarah, hush.' 

‘No you don't understand! He's hurting! He's withdrawing...' 

Sarah stepped towards Daniel and he retreated shaking his head. She said, "Daniel don't go. Please." 

"I...I need...I just need some time Sarah. I just need a little time...please...please let me go. Please." 

"Daniel..." 

"Please Sarah! God don't make me beg you! Don't make me beg HIM! Please Sarah. Please..." 

Sarah fell silent then nodded her head before saying, "Daniel, your robes...I don't want you wandering this palace uncovered. Please." 

Daniel stared at her before turning, grabbing his robe and wrapping it around him before fleeing the room as quickly as he was able. 

He found himself wandering the halls aimlessly with no real destination in mind. All he wanted was some time and some solace. All he wanted was to think about what had just happened and to find answers as to why Sarah would lash out at him much as Osiris has. When Sarah took control and they made love she was always gentle, soothing and comforting. He actually looked forward to those times for it was a break from being frequently pawed at and mauled by the system lord. Sometimes he needed gentleness and tenderness. He needed to be soothed and to be explored carefully, considerately. Sarah always seemed to provide that for him. She was his temporary solace from Osiris. She was the escape that he needed to get away from his lord if even for a few hours. He knew that he was trapped here and that he had no escape, but Sarah helped him to deal with that knowledge. She had to understand that the times she pleased him in bed were calming for him. She had to have known that or at least picked up on it but if she had then... Why did she lash out at him? Why did she bite him and claw him like some savage creature? Why did she use aggression much like Osiris wielded it when she was with him? Why? 

He shook his head feeling cold and growing numb as he listened to the sound of his feet padding softly across the palace floors echoing to him as it bounced off each wall. He didn't look where he was going choosing instead to focus on the floor that he was walking on. As the coldness in the palace seemed to seep into his bones and fill him he found himself quickly wrapping his robe more securely about himself knowing that he should return to their bed and snuggle up under their covers but not wanting to return just yet. He shook his head refusing to turn back towards their room choosing to continue his aimless roaming throughout the palace. 

As he continued on he again recalled how she sunk her teeth into his shoulder and tore his back open with her nails. Even now he was probably still bleeding from those marks. His thighs and hips also hurt where she clutched him so firmly that she no doubt bruised him. Why did she do that to him? Why did she turn to aggression when he drew nearer the precipice? Why had Osiris also become more aggressive with him? Why did he have to be imprisoned by a Goa'uld lord who drew immense excitement from balancing both pleasure and pain during intercourse? God didn't Osiris realize that it was hard enough for him to surrender his body every single night to be used and ridden until he grew so exhausted that he could no longer keep his eyes open? Didn't Osiris realize how hard it was to wake up nearly every single morning and feel the soreness around his groin from being handled so roughly? Didn't Osiris realize just how hard it was to come willingly to his bed each and every night, to surrender himself and allow himself to be used sexually by his captor? Didn't Osiris know that each time he was made to willingly come to his bed he could feel his guilt and shame burrowing ever deeper within as he was reminded that again he was betraying the love of his life? 

Of course Osiris didn't know any of that because all he saw in him was a servant. All he saw in him was a slave who was to obey without question. He saw someone he could draw immense pleasure from, someone he could control and someone he could use to his heart's content. He was Osiris' slave therefore he had little say in just what his master and owner chose to do with him. He was no longer free. He was a slave, a servant...property. He now belonged to another and had no free will of his own. The only rights he had were those his master deemed for him. Osiris controlled him now and he had to yield to his master always. A slave's duty is to surrender to their master and to always obey them...his duty was to do exactly that. He was a slave therefore he had no independence and no freedom of choice. He did as he was told and that was all. Any refusal would be met swiftly with punishment for such was now his fate and the fate of a slave was always his master's to decide, not his own. 

Feeling helpless and defenseless as he came face to face with that cold truth he instantly drew his arms across his chest hugging himself so tightly trying to find comfort somewhere in this bitter, cruel existence. He was becoming discouraged for there seemed to be no hope in sight. He was still here, still with Osiris after two or was it three months? He didn't know. Hell he couldn't even remember how long he'd been here his life just seemed so endless to him. He had been captured a few months ago but those few months felt like a lifetime. He had been so sure that he would have been rescued by now. He placed all his hope in his friends and in Jack. If they couldn't access the Stargate then surely they would have procured a ship from the Tok'ra or the Asgard by now but if so then why was he still here? Why was he still trapped in this dark, cold prison? Why was he still chained to Osiris' side serving as his favored? If his friends had truly not given up then shouldn't they have been here by now? Shouldn't they have found him by now? Surely they didn't just...forget him. 

He softly moaned as the coldness within the palace seemed to encompass him as a thought entered his mind that he did not dare believe. They wouldn't have given up on him would they? God they wouldn't abandon him here and leave him to suffer this ill fate for the rest of his days, would they? Oh please God let that not be the case. Please God I beg of you don't let them leave me here. PLEASE! God would Jack just leave him here? Would he just...give up? God no if his friends gave up then he would be forever chained to Osiris' side. He shook his head as that fear tried to seize him. To live the rest of his days as a servant and slave to Osiris was his ultimate fear. If they abandoned him to this fate then he would never be able to survive such an existence. He would lose himself and become...become nothing...a robot, a...no, no...NO! They would not do that to him! NO! Jack loved him and so did Sam and Teal'c they wouldn't leave him here alone. They wouldn't do that to him! They wouldn't! And if they did give up on him Jack would still come. Jack would come. He would. HE WOULD! He had to come...he had to... 

He gasped jumping in surprise when he felt a tug on his arm. He tried to focus on whoever was touching him becoming aware that his cheeks felt moist...God tears, he had been crying. Why? Hadn't he forgotten just how to cry weeks ago? Hadn't Osiris managed to destroy his ability to cry for anyone including himself? 

He shook his head forcing himself to focus on the one insistently tugging at his arm. As he focused on the angelic face of a little boy he forced a smile to his lips hearing the child asking, "Master Daniel are you okay? You look sad..." 

He recognized the child as one of Osiris' other slaves. His mother and father were both servants to Osiris. They lived in the palace. He had spoken to the boy several times in the past telling him myths and stories when he requested. He could see the concern in the young boy's eyes for him and quickly responded, "Yes I'm all right, Layton, I'm all right. Why aren't you in bed with your mother and father?" 

Layton glanced nervously at his feet as he kicked at an invisible stone on the palace floor before shyly answering, "Couldn't sleep..." 

"Ah, yes I seem to be having trouble doing that myself." 

The boy glanced up at him and cocked his head to the side before softly inquiring, "Are you sure you're okay, Master Daniel? You look really sad. Mamma has some cookies that might help ya." 

He smiled at the boy nodding before answering, "Oh she does, does she?" 

"Yep. Come on. Let's go." 

Layton started to tug on his robe and Daniel hesitated. He turned to look behind him expecting to see Osiris standing there. He felt relieved when he didn't see him anywhere. He again focused on Layton before nodding and going with the child to his room in the palace. 

As they entered the room he stopped when Layton's mother cast him a fearful gaze before seeing that her son was with him. She smiled feeling very relieved to see that he was back. She approached softly chiding, "Layton you know not to go wandering the palace alone, especially at night." 

"Aw mamma no wolves got me. Master Daniel protected me. He wouldn't let 'em get me." 

She again cast a gaze at the man her son brought back with him and nodded smiling in appreciation for his returning her son. She quickly bowed and lowered her gaze in respect as she apologized, "Master Daniel, I am sorry about Layton. He is a very curious child. I am sorry if he has disrupted your sleep." 

Daniel shook his head no feeling the tears again threatening to spill when she addressed him as master and bowed to him. He tried to smile but felt the tears welling up so he quickly jerked his gaze away from her not wanting her to see that her formal address upset him immensely. 

She responded to his sudden action by quieting her voice further and saying, "Master Daniel, I am truly sorry. I did not mean to offend. I will gladly accept punishment for..." 

Daniel jerked his gaze back towards her speaking in a voice lined in shock and frustration, "What? No, no...No! Why the hell...why would I... NO!" 

She kept her eyes lowered to the floor as she continued "I have offended you further, My Master..." 

"NO! No please, please stop doing that!" 

He approached her gently urging her to look up at him by pressing two fingers under her chin. He softened his voice further as he said, “Please...please stop." 

"Stop what, My..." 

"I am not your master. I am no one's master. Why do you treat me as if I am?" 

"It is..." 

"Expected...yeah I hear this from My'la all the time but I don't want you to address me as your master. I master no one, Ashton, no one. You know how I feel about formal titles. Please. I didn't come to your home to upset you. I came because your son invited me. He saw that I was upset and told me that you had made some cookies. I refused but he insisted I come so I...did. I wanted to make certain that he made it back here without running into any of the guards along the way. If my presence is upsetting to you then I'll leave." 

He turned to focus on Layton offering him a warm smile as he lowered before the boy and said, "Thank you so much for inviting me into your home, Layton, but I fear that I must go now. I upset your mother and that was not what I wished to do..." 

"But Master Daniel I want..." 

"I have to go, Layton. Thank you, really, but I have to go. I won't make someone feel uncomfortable in their own home. I won't do that to your mom or your dad. I have to go. You get some sleep okay?" 

"But..." 

Daniel touched the boy's shoulder as he softly urged, "Get some sleep." 

He then turned preparing to rise when the boy suddenly threw his arms about him and said, "I don't want you to go, Master Daniel... I want you to be happy again. I want you to smile...I don't like seein' you so sad." 

Daniel smiled as he returned the hug and said, "I'm better now. Really. Thank you, Layton." 

He broke the hug pulling free from the boy and preparing to rise when Layton reached out to touch his face and said, "You're returning to Lord Osiris?" 

"Yes I have to." 

"But you don't wanna. I can see you don't wanna. Did he hurt you Master Daniel? Did Lord Osiris make you sad?" 

Daniel lowered his gaze to the floor and swallowed hard feeling both nervous and anxious as the child asked him the innocent question. He could also feel Ashton's eyes on him and felt very uncomfortable. As he gazed at Layton prepared to answer his question his mother interrupted, "He did hurt you. That is why you... Is that why you cry, Master Daniel? Does he hurt you when you are alone? Is our lord harming you when no one is around?" 

"What? No, no I don't cry, I don't..." 

She approached him placing a comforting hand on his shoulder as she softly answered, "Yes you do. I have seen you and Layton has seen you. Several of the others have also seen you. They say you do not cry often but that you sometimes appear so lonely and so lost. Many are worried for you Master Daniel. Our lord is happy now that you are here but you do not seem to be happy to be here. Why do you cry, Master Daniel? Why do you not smile or laugh as you should? What has our lord done to upset you so?" 

"Noth...nothing. I'm fine. Look I really have to go now. He'll be looking for me. I have to..." 

"Stay. Please will you stay for a few moments, Master Daniel? Layton has brought you here to cheer you up please let him do so. Stay." 

He gazed at her in confusion, worry and concern as he replied, "But I make you uncomfortable, Ashton, and I don't want to do that. I need to go. You will feel so much better with me gone." 

"I will feel so much better if you would accept the invitation that Layton has extended to you. What harm is there in accepting some of our cookies and sitting with us for a few moments, Master Daniel? Please. I insist. Come sit by the fire. Warm yourself and relax." 

As he rose she approached him placing her arm across his shoulder to guide him to the fireplace. As her hand contacted his cold skin she quickly said, "You are cold, Master Daniel. You are very cold. Why did you not speak? Here I will get you a blanket." 

"No, no really. I'm fine...I'm..." 

"I will get you a blanket and you will sit before our fire with our son. Do not argue with me Master Daniel." 

He hesitated but as she draped a warm blanket across his shoulders and guided him to the fire he found that he was too tired to complain or argue the point so he willingly sunk to the floor earning a soft scolding from her when he did not sit on the furniture. She instantly was at his side urging him to rise and have a seat on the furniture. He refused saying that the floor was just fine. She replied that a master's place is not on the floor but again he refused saying that he was comfortable where he sat. When she saw the determination in the man before her she gave up the argument choosing instead to fix a plate of cookies and drink up for the man. 

When she brought the plate to him she smiled softly seeing that Daniel was now leaning against the couch and her son sat right beside him. Daniel was telling him a story and her son was smiling brightly. When she lowered the plate to Daniel she quietly asked, "What are you two doing?" 

"Master Daniel's telling me a story, mamma. He tells the bestest stories, he really does." 

Daniel smiled shyly as he lowered his gaze to the floor. She was a bit surprised that he seemed unable to accept a compliment. Why couldn't he accept a compliment? He seemed suddenly much younger then she believed him to be. When he attended his lord he always commanded attention and respect. He always kept his head up and his moves were graceful. He carried himself like their lord but now that she saw him up close she noticed that he was just a human being like the rest of them. He was a person that she feared she might have misjudged. She shook her head before saying, "He told you a story before?" 

"Yep...he does...he'll come see us sometimes and show us things, tell us stories...reads...he's been teachin' us to read..." 

Ashton jerked her head up in response to that comment and spoke uneasily, "A slave is not permitted to read or to learn to read..." 

"Uh, yeah well...I... I don't... I really don't agree with that." 

"You read?" 

"Yes...I'm a teacher actually. I...yes." 

"And Lord Osiris...he knows this about you?" 

"Um, yes...yes he does." 

"And he permits it?" 

"Um...yeah...yes." 

"I do not understand. Why would he keep a literate slave as his favored?" 

"Um...don't know but...he does." 

"I see... How long have you been teaching the children to read?" 

"I don't... I don't know." 

"What do you mean you do not know?" 

Daniel lowered his gaze to the floor as he replied, "I don't know how long I've been...here. I am permitted to read and to visit the other servants but I don't know how long I've been here and...he doesn't tell me... I would guess two maybe three months, um since I arrived here... Well actually about a month later. The children they...they stayed away from me at first but when I started telling stories... They love it. They absolutely love it so I try to visit them when...when I can." 

She watched him for the longest time saying nothing as he began to eat the cookies she provided. When he finished them he offered her a weak smile and thanked her for them. She returned his smile then took the plate and glass to the kitchen to be cleaned. 

Daniel knew that he should return to Osiris but as he glanced at Layton noticing the boy was fast asleep he didn't have the heart to wake him so he stared into the fire recalling the many evenings he spent around the campfire with Jack, Sam and Teal'c. Soon his eyes also drifted shut and he too fell fast sleep. 

When Ashton returned to see Daniel off she stopped shocked to see her son curled up against the man and the man deep asleep. She wondered if she should wake him but hesitated choosing to watch him instead. As she gazed at his youthful face she noticed just how young he appeared. He had a beautiful face and he was most handsome. No wonder their lord chose him to be his favored. She noticed that he kept his arm draped protectively around her child as he slept and that Layton trusted him enough to fall asleep in his arms. She smiled deciding not to wake him and if their lord came searching for him she would speak to his First Prime. In fact she should do so now. 

She checked on her husband then on her guest and son before deciding to seek Zeenan out. When she found him he was gazing out of one of the palace windows looking very imposing. She tensed unsure of whether she was doing the right thing and for the briefest of moments was prepared to hightail it back to her home when he suddenly turned to focus on her. The moment his eyes clashed with hers she knew that there was no turning back so she hesitantly approached him hoping that he wouldn't become angry at finding a slave roaming the halls when they should be in bed. She watched him through hooded eyes tensing when he addressed her, "Why are you not in your home?" 

There it was that question she just knew he was going to ask. She felt another extreme urge to run but held her ground forcing words passed her lips, "I...I... Forgive me, Master, I was... I was searching for you." 

Zeenan cocked his head to the side and quirked up his eyebrows as he gazed upon the petite woman before him. She was a slave and yet she had approached him. Most of his lord's servants were too intimidated by him to approach him even in the light of day. He knew that there had to be some reason this woman sought him out at such a late hour of the night so he asked, "Why? What has happened that you would choose to seek me out so late in the night?" 

"I...I... It is Master Daniel..." 

When Zeenan's gaze grew darker looking almost menacing she quickly sputtered, "And...and Lord Osiris. I..." 

"What about them?" 

She lowered her gaze feeling suddenly very nervous and wondering if this hadn't been the stupidest idea she had ever had. She swallowed hard refusing to back down. She had come this far and needed to let someone know that Master Daniel was still in the palace. The last thing she wanted was for him to suffer yet another lashing for attempted escape when he resided within the palace just not where he was suppose to be at this moment in time. She raised her head focusing intently on Zeenan before continuing with her explanation, "Master Daniel was very upset earlier. He was walking the halls when my son...saw him and invited him to our home..." 

She stopped half way through her explanation when she noticed the sudden concern and worry that quickly covered Zeenan's face. She felt herself relaxing further when he gently prodded, "Daniel was upset? What from? Did he say? Where is he?" 

"Um...in, in my home. He is in my home...asleep but please Master do not..." 

Zeenan cut her off as her revelation surprised him, "In your home...?" 

"Yes, asleep." 

"I see." 

So it would seem that Daniel had managed to find more than one person he could talk to in this place. Good for him. He needed all the support he could get and he needed to socialize more than their lord was allowing. He could see that the woman was fearful and upset as well she should be for she had Osiris' favored in her home when he should be with his lord. He wondered what had sent Daniel to roam the palace as she had said and quickly questioned, "How is he?" 

Ashton didn't know how to respond to that question for it was the last thing she expected Zeenan to say. She had waited on edge for his anger and rage, for his demands but the only response she received was a concerned how is he? What? As she continued to gaze at Zeenan she suddenly realized that he cared deeply for Master Daniel. She was amazed to see such concern and worry in him for a simple slave and hesitantly asked, "He...what?" 

"How is Daniel?" 

"He is...fine but..." 

Zeenan smiled warmly before inclining his head and saying, "Thank you for opening your home to him." 

Again she stared at him aghast. What was happening here? He was happy that a slave was not where he belonged? Why? She had to know so she inquired, "That is all? You are not angry or..." 

"No I am not. I am, however, concerned. Daniel has not been happy here for a very long time and he would not have wandered these halls for no reason. Something had to have upset him. Something that occurred between him and our lord for Daniel would never leave his lord's side this late at night..." 

"Wh...why?" 

"Fear mainly..." 

"So Lord Osiris does harm him?" 

"He...threatens him to keep him subservient. Daniel is not sure of what his rights are. He is not used to serving another. He has been free for most of his life. He does not know what will happen if he disobeys his lord. As a precaution he remains in their bedchamber when his lord is asleep because he does not want to wake him or anger him. He would not have left unless something happened this evening to send him away... Daniel has no one to speak with about his situation. He...he is a very lonely young man. Thank you for listening to him and for opening your home to him." 

She could only nod in response feeling her head swirling with the newest information Zeenan provided her regarding Master Daniel. She had no idea that he was so alone and that he was afraid to upset or anger his lord in any way. She suddenly began to understand just why many have commented on how sad he appears at times and many have mentioned seeing him crying or very upset. He must be a very lonely person if he has no one to talk to. She shook her head still awed by the information but quickly her mind returned to the point of this discussion, "You are not going to collect him?" 

"No. If our lord requests that I bring Daniel to him then I will tell him that he is presently safe and will return in the morning. No I believe that Daniel needs this time to be away from his lord. He needs time to himself and that is something his lord often forgets to grant him. No allow him to rest and I will come collect him in the morning AFTER he has had a full night's rest." 

"Uh thank...thank you Master..." 

Again he inclined his head before responding, "You are most welcome. Please return to your home and rest. Daniel will be well and he will be safe at your home. I will come by in the morning to retrieve him and speak with him." 

"Thank you, Master." 

He nodded his head and watched her as she left his side to return to her home finding himself wondering again what sent Daniel fleeing his lord's side and certain that he already had a fair idea.

 

* * * * * *

 

Zeenan awoke early the next morning and reported to his lord. He told Osiris that Daniel was safe and that he would retrieve his servant for him. Osiris smiled in relief glad that Zeenan at least knew where Daniel ran the prior evening. He had to talk to his servant about the events that had transpired last night. Sarah had been caught up in the moment. She had no intention of hurting Daniel and had she known that he would react as he had she would have never taken their lovemaking quite that far. Now she was feeling extremely guilty and upset because she knew that she had somehow hurt Daniel and was unsure of how to apologize to him for her actions. He spent half the night consoling her until exhaustion won over sending her into a deep sleep. He had monitored her throughout the rest of the night finding that he was having difficulty sleeping himself and preparing to be there for her when she awoke again. 

He focused on Zeenan, listening to his First Prime as the Jaffa implied that Daniel might need a bit more time to himself before he would return to his side. Osiris nodded understanding perfectly and told Zeenan not to bother his favored just yet. He said that Daniel would come to him when he was ready. Zeenan bowed before excusing himself and setting out to locate Daniel. He wanted to check on him to make certain that he was indeed all right and to offer to listen to him should Daniel need someone to talk to. 

He quickly located the servant who approached him last evening about Daniel and knocked on her door. She opened the door and smiled at him. He nodded before softly questioning, "How is he this morning?" 

"He is doing well, My Master." 

"May I come in?" 

"Please do." 

She stepped aside allowing him entrance into her home. As he walked in he found himself looking about the room and liking what he saw. Before he could look any further he heard Daniel softly inquiring, "He sent you to retrieve me. Didn't he?" 

"Daniel..." 

Daniel smiled warmly at Zeenan greeting him and waving him over to where he now sat on Ashton's couch. He watched as his friend approached and lowered beside him gazing at him with concern. Daniel quickly reassured, "I'm fine, Zeenan. I was just a little bit upset last night and needed some time to myself." 

"I am glad that you have found another place to come to when you are upset." 

Daniel simply nodded before asking again, "He did send you to retrieve me..." 

"No. No he did not..." 

Daniel only continued to smile as he responded "I'll come with you now." 

"Daniel, I have told our lord that you needed some...time to yourself. You do not have to run back to him... Tell me what has happened?" 

"I...uh, nothing, nothing Zeenan," he answered while down casting his eyes to the floor. 

Zeenan observed him noticing that Daniel was still upset about something that had happened and didn't seem too willing to discuss it but he had to try again, "Daniel, I have been told that you were crying, that you were very upset, please do not try to convince me that it is nothing." 

He glanced nervously up at Zeenan saying, "I... Well you... It's...nothing... Look I got upset because... I..." 

"He hurt you again did he not?" 

Daniel jerked his head up gawking at Zeenan unable to speak. Zeenan merely nodded and said, "I suspected as much. He was aggressive with you again, was he not?" 

Daniel blushed and turned his head away as he replied, "What? How...?" 

"I do check on you, Daniel. I watch over you and I have seen what his aggressiveness does to you. He draws pleasure from causing you pain while you mate and you do not like it..." 

"No I hate it..." 

"But you yield to him. You allow him to take such liberties." 

He cast an angry gaze Zeenan's way before answering, "Because I have no choice in the matter..." 

Zeenan nodded seeing the anger and frustration in Daniel so apparent then continued, "Perhaps I should speak with our lord about this issue." 

Daniel's eyes widened with alarm before he interrupted, "What? No, no you can't...you can't do that." 

"Why can I not do that, young one?" 

"Be...well because, Zeenan, you just can't...you can't do that." 

Zeenan reached up and gently cupped Daniel's face before saying, "I can and I will. This has you very upset Daniel. You were so upset that you ran from your lord. This is an issue that must be dealt with. You cannot allow him to continue to hurt you so when it is obvious that you derive no pleasure from the acts." 

Daniel shook his head before softly replying, "I'm...I'm learning to... I am. I'm accepting it." 

"You should not have to accept it Daniel." 

"I don't have a choice. I'm a slave remember?" 

"You are entitled to speak your feelings aloud. You do not have to hurt for him, Daniel..." 

Daniel lowered his gaze feeling ashamed and nervous. He knew that Zeenan was right. He should talk to Osiris about his feelings regarding the issue but he couldn't do that. He was a slave so if Osiris wanted to throw him down, beat him up then rape him he damn well could because he had no say. He did as his master commanded. He had no say. 

Zeenan watched him as Daniel seemed to be considering their discussion and knew that he would have to do something about it. Daniel knew all too well what his status was in this palace. He knew his position all too well therefore he probably wouldn't say anything to Osiris unless it became too much for him to handle. Knowing Daniel Jackson the stubborn man would probably continue to accept the aggressive side of his lord and say nothing about the pain he endures during those acts. He saw Daniel several times bruised and clawed up from his lord's aggressive side and Daniel never said anything about it. He never complained about it instead he just accepted and continues to accept. He shouldn't have to do that. It wasn't right. If Daniel didn't draw as much pleasure out of the balance of pain and pleasure that Osiris seemed to enjoy in his intercourse then Daniel should not have to tolerate it at all. He would soon have to speak with his lord on this very issue. 

When it was apparent to him that Daniel was not going to say anything else on the issue Zeenan prepared to excuse himself informing Daniel that he would come to retrieve him should Osiris request his attendance. 

Daniel shook his head no and told Zeenan that he would come with him. Before he left he thanked Ashton and her son for their hospitality and their generosity. He also promised to stop by and visit more often. Ashton smiled before informing him that if he ever needed a place to go when he was upset or just wanted to talk that her home would always be open to him. He again thanked her and he and Zeenan headed towards his bedchamber. Once to his bedchamber they parted company and Zeenan left to give him privacy and inform his lord that Daniel was well and would be joining him shortly.


	10. Naveria

**NAVERIA**

**ABOARD OSIRIS' SHIP**   
**En Route to Naveria**

He lay still in the silence staring up at the ceiling above him. Even though the lights had been extinguished in the room he knew that the ceiling above him was gold. The entire room was trimmed in gold and white. He could hear the gentle, even breathing of the woman beside him and feel the warmth where she lay curled up against him. Her skin felt smooth and warm. He could also feel her soft, silky hair where it lay across his bare shoulder. Her hand rested on his abdomen possessively and her left leg also rested over his own leg pinning him to the bed. He could smell her natural scent and could picture her so clearly in his mind though he refused to turn and look at her. 

Most men would think that this was heaven. Lying in a bed with a beautiful woman curled up beside you atop extravagant covers. Heaven on Earth some men would say...well this wasn't Earth and it sure wasn't heaven either. No this place, this room, this woman all created his own private hell...his eternal hell. Most of those men would not be wearing a gold collar and a gold leash. Most men would have a choice whether or not they wanted to taste the woman or be sampled by her. Most of those men would have the freedom to go where they wanted, go where they pleased and to do what they wanted...but he wasn't most men...oh no. He was far from free. He didn't have the freedom to go where he wanted or do what he wanted. He hadn't had freedom in a very long time. Freedom was something that was not granted to prisoners or captives. Freedom was something that was not offered to slaves and servants. No, he was not free, probably would never be free again. He had known freedom but it had been cruelly stripped from him. When was the last time he had actually tasted freedom? How long had he been with this woman who wasn't a woman but a creature residing within the woman? Would he ever know what true freedom was again? Would he ever be free again? 

He hated her, hated her so much...but it wasn't her he hated...not really. He hated the thing inside her. He loved the woman, had loved her at one time, had cared for her and had trusted her but now she was twisted, evil, and malicious...now she was his enemy and his captor. Now he was forced to offer himself freely to her. He was made to do whatever she bid of him. He was her prisoner and now he was her little whore. She used him to satisfy herself. There was no love, no caring...just pure raw passion. He didn't love her, could never love her for his heart belonged to another who was so far away from him. His heart cried out for the one he loved with all his soul. Would he ever see his love again or would he be forced to live with only memories to keep him company? 

God how he missed that man, missed him, ached for him, yearned for him...he needed that man so badly, needed his love, his comfort, his safety...needed all of him desperately; for Jack O'Neill was his lifeline. Jack O'Neill was the reason he fought to survive each and every day. Jack O'Neill was the reason he so willingly went to bed with his captor, pleased her...or rather it, made love to it, responded to it...allowed it to fuck him and fucked it in return. He felt dirty and used each and every night but still went to bed willingly with the monster that now owned and controlled him. He had no choice, for too many would die if he denied the being what it demanded of him. He was a slave to Osiris. He was Osiris' servant, his favored, his captive and his bitch. The sexual demands of his captor were extreme, and he struggled to comply, hating himself more and more each time he offered his body up to his lord for pleasuring. Each time he was made to please his lord sexually he allowed raw passion and primal instinct to take over. He detached his heart, his soul and his love from what his body was doing. Each time he came back to himself after Osiris was through with him he felt guilty, ashamed, humiliated, degraded and so angry, so very outraged. He felt defenseless, helpless and hopeless. There was no escape for him. He was to live his life as Osiris' slave and his sexual plaything. God how he hated having to offer himself freely whenever the Goa'uld lord demanded. He hated it! 

Each time he serviced Osiris sexually he felt as if he were betraying his lover. He felt as if he were marring their relationship and throwing Jack's love in his face, but he wasn't doing that. He kept his heart and his love locked up nice and tight so that no one could ever hurt him there or tarnish that love that was only intended for Jack O'Neill. But his body was still dirty, filthy and repulsive for Osiris touched him over and over again. Osiris used him every night for whatever his perverse needs were. God the things he did for Osiris and had had done to him...how could he ever tell Jack those things? How could he ever explain to Jack why he allowed those things to be done to him? How could he explain to Jack how it felt to be repeatedly raped by a sick, perverted snake wearing the face of a woman he had at one time loved, a woman he had at one time considered asking to marry him? How could he explain all that? How? 

He tensed automatically when the woman beside him moaned softly. He tried not to move. God the last thing he needed was for her, it, to wake up again and have another go at him. He clenched his eyes tightly shut as the hand on his abdomen moved silently pleading to whoever was listening that the hand would not stray anywhere near his groin. As she shifted he turned his head away balling his fists at his sides hoping and praying that the thing was only shifting and not preparing to openly maul him for the third time this evening. He still hurt from Osiris' little sex games earlier in the evening. The fucking snake was into blood sports: biting, pinching and scratching... Doing whatever it could to draw blood. The methods were supposed to be stimulating...some of them were for the snake knew how to balance pain and pleasure. The snake was very good at balancing pain and pleasure and making him scream and beg for more... He also had quite a few bruises on his thighs, and groin and several splashed across his buttocks as well. Osiris liked to have rough intercourse occasionally as well and tonight was one of those particular nights, so needless to say he now had quite an array of bruises and cuts on his body that were created by the voracious sexual appetite of the Goa'uld lord still resting beside him. 

He released his breath only when he was certain that the snake was settled and still deeply asleep. Thank God it was asleep. He glanced over in the dark noticing that Sarah was lying on her left side. Closing his eyes as relief flooded through him Daniel slowly sat up being careful not to jar the sleeping woman beside him. He needed to get out of here. He needed some air. He needed to be closer to his lover. He was determined to leave the room without being caught. He carefully stood up and headed for the door pausing when he realized that he was naked except for the collar and leash. Shit, Osiris had removed the belt earlier to make love to him. He quickly grabbed his robe wrapping it around him before quietly exiting the room, glad that the floor was carpeted as he silently escaped his prison. 

When he entered the hall he noticed that the halls were empty. Most people were asleep except for the few guards scattered throughout. He quickly made his way towards his favorite spot on the ship...a view port that provided an awesome display of the stars above and around them. He was glad to see that no one was in his spot and quickly moved to take his normal position staring at the brilliant array of stars before him. The instant he focused on the sky he felt himself beginning to relax and allowed his mind to wander freely. 

Somewhere out there was Jack and he was probably looking up at the same set of stars. He wondered if Jack were on some distant planet or on Earth. What was he doing right now? Was he sleeping or standing watch? Was he with anyone or was he alone? What was he thinking? Did Jack miss him or even think of him? How was Jack handling his lengthy absence? Were his friends any closer to locating him? Would he ever see Jack again? 

He swallowed hard as more and more questions entered his mind. The more questions that invaded the harder it became to relax so he quickly silenced those rampant thoughts focusing instead on memories...memories of his lover and his friends. He smiled softly as he recalled the many evenings they all sat around the fire joking and bantering back and forth. Teal'c would always sit so still watching and listening adding comments when he wanted to speak. Sam, Sam, would sit in front of the fire with a permanent smile on her face. Jack usually would sit staring into the fire or staring at him. Most of the time it was staring at him. He would usually return the favor and stare at Jack. They had such great times around the fire at night. God he missed those times, he missed the way Sam would always stump Jack when she started talking in her techno babble. He missed the way Teal'c would speak of his home world and of times gone by. He missed how Jack would make sarcastic comments to counter Sam and he missed how he, himself, could stump them all when he started speaking of an ancient civilization that interested him. He felt a single tear running down across his cheek as he thought of those he'd left behind but didn't care. In fact, he didn't even bother to wipe it away choosing instead to leave it continue to trail down his face and drip onto the floor. He jumped when he sensed that he was no longer alone and felt relief fill him as the First Prime's voice spoke gently to him. 

Zeenan decided that he needed to take a walk. He was worrying excessively about the meeting they were going to have with Dionysus. Their trip to Dionysus' world was going to happen shortly and he felt anxious about it but couldn't understand why. He had heard many things about the system lord and felt very uncertain about this meeting. As he walked the halls he paused noticing Daniel Jackson standing by one of the open portals staring at the stars like so many other times. He approached the man and asked softly, "Why are you not with your lord this night, Daniel?" 

"I couldn't sleep. I needed to get out..." 

"Does Osiris know that you are no longer in your chambers?" 

"No, but I'm certain that My'la will tell him if he awakes." 

Zeenan studied Daniel's profile. The man seemed upset. He continued to stare at the stars without turning to face him. He started to worry about Daniel. Anybody could tell that Daniel was not happy here but was trying to make the best of things. Zeenan didn't know what to say or do to help make the man feel better so he simply asked, "Does he know that you like to look at the night sky?" 

"No. No. He doesn't know much about me." 

"He seems to know much about you, young one." 

Daniel merely nodded knowing that the things Osiris knew about him were from what Sarah's memories had revealed to him. He pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the sky again. 

Zeenan continued, "Why do you always look upon the stars?" 

Daniel smiled warmly as he answered the question with one of his own, "Why do you always ask me that?" 

"I am just curious..." 

"Hmm, I sensed that about you..." 

Daniel fell silent looking as if he were contemplating something before he spoke again, "Zeenan, do you ever miss your world?" 

"My world? No." 

"Never? Do you even remember where you are from?" 

"Chu'lak..." 

Daniel turned to focus on Zeenan in surprise. He then questioned, "Really? Then you probably know my friend...he's also from Chu'lak..." 

"Who is this friend?" 

"Oh, he's just a friend...you remind me of him. He is a Jaffa also." 

"How did you meet this...friend?" 

"Well...our first meeting wasn't all that pleasant. He helped a system lord to...abduct someone who was very important to me." 

"And he is your friend?" 

"Yes. I miss him...I miss them all." 

"Who?" but Zeenan already knew the answer to that question...his friends, Daniel missed his friends. He missed his family. He missed his planet and he missed his old life. Zeenan could see the yearning in Daniel's eyes as he turned to once again focus on the stars. He glanced up as Daniel confirmed his guess, "My friends, my planet...my life...when I look at the stars I feel like...I don't know...like I'm home, maybe...I don't...I don't know. It's kind of silly really. I miss them, I miss Earth...I miss my life...when I look at the stars I...I feel closer to them some how...I don't know..." 

"Your friends mean a great deal to you." 

"Yes, yes they do." 

Daniel glanced up as Osiris' voice filled the room as he softly addressed, "My precious Daniel, are you feeling all right?" 

Daniel down cast his eyes not knowing what to say. He felt his heart sink and his fear return yet again. He had been relaxed but now with Osiris so near him all his tension and nervousness returned full force. He tried to quell those feelings so that Osiris wouldn't easily pick up on them. He was unprepared for the Goa'uld lord to approach him, gently press his finger to his chin and lift his head to say, "Something is troubling you. Will you tell me what to do to make you smile again?" 

Daniel shook his head no as he responded, "There isn't anything. I'm all right. Really." 

"Then come back to bed." 

"I..." 

No. No, he didn't want to return to that room, to that bed...he wanted to stay here and think of Jack and of his friends. He wanted to stay right here but he knew that Osiris would never permit him to do so. He wanted to cry but refused to do so in the snake's presence. He felt so alone and so upset. He was very disappointed that Osiris awoke after all and immediately searched for him. He had hoped that his absence in the bed wouldn't have been noticed but obviously hope just wasn't working for him. He lowered his head further as the Goa'uld lord spoke again, "Please, Daniel, will you come back to bed?" 

Daniel hesitated then simply nodded his head before turning to follow Osiris to their chambers. He spoke softly to Zeenan thanking him for listening before following Osiris back to their chambers. Zeenan shook his head noticing just how sad Daniel was at the moment. He didn't want to return to their chambers. It was obvious to him that Daniel wanted to remain and watch the sky but he was too shy to tell Osiris that...too shy or too fearful...Zeenan didn't know which. Daniel didn't realize that he had choices and that if he were to simply voice his needs to his lord then Osiris would most likely grant them. He knew that if Daniel had told Osiris that he wanted to stay the Goa'uld lord would have willingly conceded to his decision. Zeenan noticed that Osiris was listening to his favored more often then before and was trying to allow him more power and control but Daniel didn't see that. All Daniel saw was that he was a prisoner with minimal rights who had no choice but to do as his lord commanded or he would suffer and be punished. Daniel still believed that he was trapped with no escape and he needed to cooperate to survive. 

Daniel hesitantly followed the Goa'uld lord down the hall feeling more upset as he left the window behind. He drew such immense comfort from being able to see the stars, knowing that Jack, Sam and Teal'c were out there somewhere. It was the only way he could feel comfortable and at ease. It was the only way he could feel closer to his friends and family. But, of course, Osiris owned him and controlled him. He belonged to Osiris. Hell he wore the Goa'uld lord's emblem on his collar. He had no choices. His only choice, his only right was to do as Osiris requested so like the obedient slave that he was required to be he trailed his lord to their chambers feeling resentment fill him at the snake for being made to submit or watch people being destroyed for his defiance. 

Once in their chambers he allowed Osiris to guide him to the bed, removing his robe before lying down and stretching out across the huge mattress. Osiris immediately lowered beside him and entwined his arms around him. He remained quiet saddened by having to leave his solace to join his captor in his prison cell. He knew that sleep was going to be nearly impossible tonight so he simply laid there staring off into the darkness believing that Osiris had drifted asleep again not realizing that the snake was listening to him and completely aware that he was far from asleep. He jumped as Osiris spoke softly, "Daniel, tell me what is troubling you." 

He closed his eyes not wanting to reveal to the snake that he was awake but Osiris rose up on his right arm and gently turned him onto his back. He then focused on Daniel's face asking, "Please, tell me. I know that you are unhappy, but I do not know what to do to help you." 

"You...there's nothing you can do..." 

"Hmm, you are missing them. Is that what is wrong?" 

"What?" Daniel looked at Osiris in surprise. Osiris continued, "Your friends, Daniel. I see the longing within you, the yearning to return to your friends once more. You have to accept that you have a new life now. You cannot return to your world. I will not allow it." 

"I understand, My Lord." 

"I believe you understand it better than you know." 

"My Lord?" 

"Is there anything else that I may do to help you adjust better to your surroundings, my precious one?" 

"No..." 

"Come, Daniel...all you have to do is ask me for things that you desire and I will do whatever I can to satisfy those needs. You need only ask me." 

"There's nothing..." 

Osiris cocked his head not quite willing to believe that. He then continued in a soothing tone, "Sarah has told me that on your planet you were a great linguist. Well versed in over twenty different ancient languages. She has also told me that you are a scientist...one who loves to explore and loves to meet new people and visit new planets. I may have something that will help ease your mind." 

"I doubt it..." 

Osiris was not put off by the sadness in his servant's voice, instead Daniel's response only made him desire to make a suggestion more readily. He didn't like to see Daniel so unhappy. It was as if he was depressed and Osiris was certain that depression was partly due to being inactive. His host told him that Daniel loved to learn, to study, to read, to meet people, to watch people and here he really could do none of those things so after speaking with Zeenan they figured out something that might help Daniel to be happier here, "I told you at one time that I would like you to serve as a liaison for me. I have not allowed you this opportunity. I am offering it to you now." 

"What?" 

Osiris felt excitement fill him at the slight interest he heard in Daniel's voice. Perhaps this is what his servant needed after all. He continued, "If you were to do this for me then you must be willing to meet my followers and meet with other system lords. You must be willing to speak on our behalf. You must be willing to help me negotiate peace treaties and forge alliances. You have attended me and you carry yourself as a god. I would much appreciate your help in such matters as negotiations and treaties. It will give you something to do and will allow you more freedom. You will be allowed to travel amongst the inhabitants of other worlds and speak with them...though you will be attended by Zeenan for it is too dangerous for you to travel alone...many would seek to destroy you or claim you and I cannot run the risk of someone attempting to do so. At least consider what I am offering you, Daniel. Please." 

"But...the collar and lead will put others off..." 

"No. I have told you once before that I am allowed to treat my servants in whatever way I choose. You know how to carry yourself as a god. You have been educated in such manners and have been educated in how to show honor and respect to other system lords and present yourself to followers. You will do fine...that is if you choose to accept this duty..." 

Daniel remained silent for the longest time contemplating what Osiris just told him. He weighed the pros and cons and quite frankly this option was much better then sitting by doing nothing while counting down how many days he remained here so far. He spoke softly, "I would like to try this duty...if it pleases My Lord to do so." 

"It pleases me greatly, my precious, but the most important question is does this please you? Do not feel that this is an order. I am not ordering or commanding you to do this, Daniel. The choice, the decision is all yours to make. I would be lying if I were to say that this duty is easy for it is not. You may spend hours, even days working on treaties and negotiations. The decision is yours to make." 

Daniel nodded responding, "Yes, I'd like to give it a try..." 

"Then the duty is yours." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

"You are welcome...Daniel?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Should you desire or need anything please feel free to ask. I want you to be happy here. I do not like to see you upset or saddened. I know that this is hard for you to accept. I know that the position I have granted you was given to you without your consent but I will not free you. You belong to me now but should you ever need anything please ask and I shall do my best to grant it." 

Daniel focused on his hands speaking softly in a slightly joking tone, "A journal would be nice...some place to record my experiences..." 

"A journal?" 

Daniel shook his head rapidly as he turned to extinguish the light in the room. Osiris watched him and waited for him to settle. Once he was settled Osiris could hear his last few words muttered so quietly that they were nearly inaudible, "Never mind. You would never do anything for me..." 

Osiris felt his throat constricting in response to that barely audible comment. He watched in the darkness as Daniel curled up on his right side before falling completely silent. Osiris became concerned and mentally questioned, "Sarah?" 

'Yes?' 

"What is wrong with, Daniel?" 

Sarah knew that Daniel was upset and sad. He had been like that since his capture. He didn't like to be kept a prisoner and he didn't like to yield. She focused on him now feeling the conflicting questions and emotions flowing to her from her symbiote. She knew that Osiris didn't understand what was going on. She spoke softly, 'Daniel is upset. He's having a hard time dealing with being here. He is used to being free. You stole his freedom and kept him here. The two times he attempted to escape you punished him severely...' 

“He should not have attempted escape! He will know now not to do so again." 

'No. No. He'll do it again.' 

"He will not." 

'Yes he will. Daniel will never truly be happy here. He will try to escape when the opportunity presents itself...' 

"I do not like to see him so unhappy." 

'Neither do I.' 

"What am I to do? I will not let him go..." 

'Give him more freedom.' 

"What? Even you have just told me that he will attempt to run..." 

'You can't prevent that from occurring. He is backed against a corner. He doesn't like to be trapped. He will escape again. He needs more freedom even though in granting him more it will make escape much easier. He needs to have some control. You have stripped him of everything including his control. He's trapped in helplessness. He knows he can do nothing for you tell him what he can and can't do. For instance, he wanted to remain at the view port earlier...' 

"Then why did he not say so?" 

'Because he is uncertain and afraid...afraid that you will punish him or that you will refuse him. He wanted to remain behind. I could see the need within him but he came with you.' 

"Why did he not remain?" 

'Because you ordered him to return to bed...you didn't just ask you ordered and he knows that he has to obey or you will destroy more innocent people...' 

Osiris fell silent and so did Sarah wondering what triggered the symbiote to speak to her and call her by name. Osiris confused her. She noticed that he genuinely seemed concerned for Daniel and seemed as if he wanted to help Daniel in any way he could. She was startled as Osiris questioned, "What is a journal?" 

'A journal? Why are you...?' 

"He asked for one...but then he said that I would never grant him anything...I would like to get him one of these if I am able." 

'A journal is a book with blank pages...on Earth we use them to record our thoughts, feelings, experiences...Daniel always kept expedition journals during digs and used to have a whole shelf of them...they help him I think. I don't know. He's always had them and I'm certain that he still writes in them now.' 

"I would very much like to get one of these...journals for him. I want him to be happy. He does not believe that I will do so." 

'Well, I'm not sure where you can find them other than on Earth...perhaps Zeenan will know of some place.' 

"Perhaps." 

Osiris then fell silent focusing once again on Daniel noticing that the man was still curled up on his side. He pressed his hand to the man's face gently stroking his hair as he spoke softly, "I cannot fulfill your needs if you do not tell me what you want, my precious one. You must not be afraid to speak to me of things you desire. I will grant you what I can..." 

Daniel clenched his eyes tightly shut as the snake resorted to stroking his hair gently. He felt every nerve stand on end and had to resist the urge to jerk away from that unwanted hand upon his face. He heard Osiris speaking to him but refused to acknowledge what he heard. After several long minutes of silence he felt Osiris settling beside him on the bed and continued to stare at the far wall keeping his back towards the snake.

 

* * * * * *

 

**NAVERIA: DIONYSUS' PLANET**  
 **Planet of Nightmares**

Daniel focused on Osiris as he was told to prepare to be transported to Naveria. They were to meet with the system lord Dionysus and discuss merging their armies and working together. He noticed that Zeenan seemed a bit edgy about this meeting and watched the Jaffa intently. If Zeenan was feeling uncertain about this meeting then what was wrong? He was worried, of that Daniel was certain but the worry confused him. He, himself, had reason to be worried for he was merely a human slave attending a meeting between two system lords. Most human slaves were not permitted such privileges so he had reason to be worried but not Zeenan. He knew that something about the system lord was disturbing to him and if Zeenan was disturbed then so was he. 

As the rings deposited them Daniel glanced around noticing that they were now in an elaborate hall that was lined in crimson and silver. Interesting. He glanced up as a servant questioned, "You are here to meet with Lord Dionysus?" 

Daniel bowed then made the introductions, as was his duty as Osiris' favored. The servant bowed to him before leading them to the meeting chambers. The servant opened the door to admit the three stopping Daniel as Osiris and Zeenan preceded him. He spoke softly, "You are indeed honored to be allowed to accompany your lord to the meetings. My Lord Dionysus will be greatly pleased with you." 

He then reached up to gently stroke Daniel's face. Daniel turned away feeling anxious and uncertain of exactly what the servant's intentions were. The servant then continued, "You are truly a most formidable creature...beautiful, exquisite, exotic...my lord will indeed be pleased with you." 

Daniel started to back away suddenly feeling weary and nervous. The servant was making passes at him knowing that he belonged to Osiris? No, he couldn't be. He was confused and felt relieved when Zeenan approached speaking gently, "Come Daniel, your lord awaits your attendance." 

"Uh, excuse me. My Lord Osiris requests my presence so I must go." 

The servant quirked his eyebrows in response to the emphasis Daniel placed on 'my lord Osiris'. He merely grinned in response before casting an appreciative glance his way then turning to walk down the hallway. Daniel glanced nervously at Zeenan trying to read the First Prime's expression and mood. When Zeenan showed no outward signs of worry or concern Daniel decided that maybe he had just read too much into the servant's odd gestures and instead focused on his new duty as liaison for Osiris. 

As he approached Osiris extended his hand and Daniel willingly took it allowing the Goa'uld lord to guide him to his side and make the introduction. Osiris introduced him to the system lord Dionysus making no secret of how proud he was of him. Daniel was rather surprised that Osiris even dared to show affection and appreciation for him in front of another system lord. As he looked at Dionysus he wasn't surprised at all to see that he was a very handsome young man. All Goa'uld symbiotes chose very attractive hosts to reside in. This man was no exception. He was tanned to perfection. He had eyes that were as dark as midnight set into a finely chiseled face. His hair was long and blond nearly the same shade as Sam's, and hung loosely about his shoulders. There was a thin braid that trailed down the center of the golden mane. Someone had braided two thin strips of hair in the front then pulled them behind his head to tie them together in the back. He wore a rather elegant red and silver outfit that left little to the imagination. It was formfitting and skimpy to say the least balanced out with a long red cape traced in silver threads...obviously this Goa'uld had a great admiration for the human host he now resided in. The man towered over Daniel by at least a foot and had broad shoulders that led to long sinewy legs that seemed to stretch on forever. 

The system lord seemed a bit imposing and when he focused on the snake's face he felt chills climb his spine. He felt on edge as the Goa'uld lord slowly raked his eyes down over his body showing a definite interest in him. Daniel felt queasy and felt his stomach muscles clench in response to that lecherous, hungry gaze now being cast his way. Why was it that he seemed to draw the attention of system lords all the time? He glanced anxiously at Osiris and Zeenan but neither seemed to notice the heated gaze that was being directed his way at this very moment. Daniel sensed that if he were not already properly marked by Osiris then this snake would not hesitate to make a play for him. His attention was quickly drawn away from Dionysus as a servant approached and whispered in the Goa'uld lord's ear before turning to exit the room. When the servant saw him she stopped and stared at him. Daniel tensed recognizing the woman immediately. He wondered why she was here and felt the urge to ask her but remained silent. Only breaking eye contact with her when Dionysus spoke, "Oh Sarien, have you met the great god Osiris, his First Prime Zeenan and his most favored Daniel?" 

The woman gasped as she heard the title given to Daniel. She knew who he was but wondered how the Tau'ri came to be in Osiris' possession. As she observed him she noticed that he wore a collar, leash and chastity belt that were marked very clearly with Osiris' seal. She knew that she would have to contact the Resistance and report the capture of one of their allies. She watched as Daniel broke eye contact with her when Osiris spoke his name. As he addressed Osiris as his lord she became even more surprised. 

Dionysus watched the two servants finding his interest sparking as he noticed the unspoken exchange between them which prompted him to suggest, "Sarien, perhaps you would be so kind as to bring refreshments for our guests." 

"Yes My Lord." 

She then exited the room to retrieve the refreshments. When she reentered she tried to keep from focusing on the Tau'ri that accompanied Osiris and bore his mark. Not wanting to draw attention to herself she quickly focused on what was being said in the meeting. As she watched them discuss an agreement she was surprised to see that Daniel Jackson was the one who was presenting the treaty to Dionysus. It was very unusual for a system lord to permit a slave to present his agreements, but obviously that didn't bother Osiris in the least. 

As she watched Daniel she noticed that he spoke in perfect Goa'uld and carried himself as a Goa'uld lord. When he addressed Osiris he spoke in softer tones and presented him with much respect as he did so. Observing him helped her to understand why a system lord would allow a servant to be involved so deeply in diplomatic relations. Daniel Jackson was an adept speaker. He carried himself with confidence and control. He was very persuasive and his voice was pleasant to listen to. As she glanced at the others in the room she noticed that Jackson was the center of their attention. Those in the room did not look upon him as one would look upon an inferior servant. They were genuinely interested in what the man had to say and they seemed more than a little eager to continue listening. He wore the marks of a slave yet he carried himself as well as any system lord. Osiris had chosen well when he selected this man to act as his orator and mediator. She found herself wondering just how long Jackson had been serving Osiris before appearing here. How long has the man been with Osiris? How long has he been serving as the system lord's favored? How did he even end up in Osiris' possession in the first place? She jumped as Dionysus addressed her blushing when she realized that she had been openly staring at Jackson with obvious interest. She glanced around wondering if anyone had noticed her sudden preoccupation with the Tau'ri slave. She felt relieved when no one seemed to have even noticed that she had been watching the man. Dionysus indicated that she should begin to serve the drinks, and finding that she was glad to have something to keep her attention for the moment she quickly set to work fulfilling the order. 

She started to sit drinks before the guests listening to the negotiations being tossed about. The outcome of this meeting could change the inner workings of the system lords. Osiris obviously was the Goa'uld lord who had been gleaning followers by the thousands and who had been making agreements with other system lords. They knew that another Goa'uld lord was making a play for total control and now they knew who that system lord was...Osiris. Osiris had returned and was successfully accumulating a huge following wherever he journeyed. They had heard whispers about the one who traveled with a human slave and entrusted much to a mere servant who was granted a title of high honor in Osiris' legion. Now they knew who that one was and who had been accompanying him. 

Sarien realized that her mind was wandering again and turned back to the task at hand continuing to serve drinks to Dionysus' guests. When she approached Daniel he suddenly glanced up and said a quiet thank you to her before turning and focusing on Osiris again. She stood there for the longest time just watching him. Then, without thought, she reached out and wrapped her hand around his wrist. Daniel instantly focused on her. She wasn't sure what to expect, but when she looked into those vivid blue eyes of his she saw a man who was full of loneliness, of fear, of uncertainty...she saw a man who was very anxious and had a deep longing in his eyes...was that a longing to return to his former life she was seeing reflected in those liquid blue depths of his? She attempted to read more in those captivating eyes when suddenly, without warning, he shut the door on his emotions, locking them behind a mask of calm acceptance. It was as if he'd realized that he was projecting too much in a simple glance. She shook her head at her newest realization. She had wondered if the man enjoyed the life he was now living...she now had her answer to that question. He didn't want to be here any more than she did and he was trapped with no escape. She wanted to ask him how he came to be in the service of Osiris and how he came to be here, but knew that to do so would reveal her identity and possibly jeopardize him so she settled for simply nodding her head before releasing her grasp and exiting the room. 

Daniel had sensed the woman's presence behind him even before she had touched him. She was obviously here undercover spying on Dionysus for the Tok'ra Resistance, she had obviously not expected to see him here. She had looked surprised when she noticed his presence, but she had managed to cover her initial shock very well. As she gently gripped his arm in her hand he'd felt intense fear for her. To touch him so openly wasn't a very smart move. No one was to touch Osiris' favored. She had drawn unnecessary attention to herself when she had made the unconscious move. When no one spoke up or pointed out what she was doing he felt relieved and certain that no one had noticed. As he looked into her eyes he could see her desire to help him. Knowing the dangers of such unexpected attentions cast on him from a servant of another system lord he quickly broke eye contact. The movement was enough to effectively remind her of just where she was and the consequences that would befall them both should her identity be revealed. As she left his side he focused his attention once again on Osiris feeling suddenly edgy. He felt as if he were being watched and risked a quick glance at Dionysus. Sure enough the system lord was watching him with open interest. Dionysus smiled lecherously his way when he caught the quick glance, and Daniel rapidly broke the contact glancing at Zeenan and noticing that neither the First Prime nor Osiris seemed to even realize that the exchange had occurred. 

Daniel felt very uneasy in this room, in this palace with that...thing. He was very self-conscious sensing that Dionysus was trouble pure and simple. Again he glanced at Zeenan and Osiris but neither seemed to realize that he was feeling very uncomfortable at the moment. All he wanted to do was leave this place as quickly as possible and never return. Something about this place, something about...him...it...bothered him. He could hear the warning bells sounding in the back of his mind telling him of danger. He could almost hear Jack O'Neill telling him never to ignore those internal signals for when he felt threatened, those feelings were what could make the difference between life and death...I hear you, Jack, believe me. I hear you loud and clear...keep my guard up, don't show any weaknesses, don't let it see me scared or anxious...got you, Jack, crystal clear... He glanced at Dionysus again, feeling his stomach roil as the Goa'uld lord licked his lips before grinning his way. He instantly turned away trying to ignore that snake that was sitting less than ten feet away. Dionysus was not to be trusted...ever. 

As the meeting drew to a close they all stood up and started to shake hands. Osiris was speaking to Dionysus' First Prime and not paying attention to anything else. Daniel was caught up in the conversation and failed to realize that Dionysus was directly behind him until the system lord spoke softly in his ear, "You are very interesting, my pretty one. I shall enjoy bringing you to my bed." 

Daniel gasped and jerked away from the system lord, jumping as he backed directly into a guard. He glanced at Osiris before attempting to move away from the guard. The guard grabbed his lead chain yanking on it enough to cause pain to flare up in his throat. His worry and fear threatened to choke him. God he had left his guard down only for a moment...a single moment and that was all it took for Dionysus to make his move. How could he be so stupid! He knew the snake was dangerous, knew he was a definite threat yet he allowed his guard to slip for just an instant and that was all it took for the snake to gain the upper hand. Shit! Okay Daniel, don't panic do what Jack said...don't let them see your fear, don't panic, don't give in. You can get through this. Dionysus wouldn't dare make such a stupid move while Osiris is standing less than five feet from you. Calm down. Don't panic everything is going to be all right...but damn did his throat ever hurt! The guard still hadn't let up on his lead chain. He was yanking the leash so tautly that the collar was pressing painfully against his windpipe threatening to choke him. God, why the hell would someone be so stupid as to attach a fucking leash to a collar anyway? Damn! 

He jumped again as the system lord breathed into his ear. Shit! How fucking close was it to him now? How come he didn't notice the snake moving against him again? Shit! He tensed attempting to jerk away only to be rewarded for his struggles by another sharp yank on his lead chain. Oh, God it was starting to get hard to breathe! He tensed as Dionysus hissed in his ear as he attempted to maintain control over him, "Now, now pretty one, there is no need for you to cause such a scene. Osiris is very pleased with our new negotiations as is his First Prime so how about you go nice and quietly with my guards. I will be along shortly to see how you are adjusting to your new accommodations. I shall send Sarien to attend to you for she seemed rather enamored with you earlier. If you resist she will not live long...nor will you... Take him quietly to my chambers now while his lord is distracted." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel felt panic fill him and disbelief as the realization of his predicament struck him. He was being abducted right out from under Osiris' nose. How was this even possible? This was absolutely crazy! How could this be happening when Osiris and Zeenan stood only a few feet from him? HOW? They were supposed to be keeping an eye on him weren't they? Shit! Obviously this had been pre-planned...it had to be. He saw Osiris begin to turn only to be stopped as Dionysus' First Prime drew his focus yet again. Daniel closed his eyes as he heard the evil lord harshly whisper for the guards to leave now before it was too late. He was then jerked into movement the pull on his leash not easing at all...if anything it was becoming crueler choking off any attempts to voice so much as a single sound. Shit! Damn, he was in so much trouble now! Damn! Why did so many desire to claim him and control him? He wanted to fight, to resist and to refuse but as Dionysus spoke of the woman and the fate that could soon befall her if he failed to remain quiet he knew that he had no other choice so he willingly allowed the guard to escort him out of the meeting chambers. 

The instant he was ushered out of the room his abductor was joined by another guard. The new arrival nodded before more pressure was added to the leash attached to his collar. In record time he quickly found himself plastered face first against a wall. He was immediately pinned in place only managing a small gasp as tension was added to his leash again. Damn it, he so wanted to kill Osiris for placing him on a damned lead like a fucking dog! The lead made it easier for Osiris to control him and also made it much easier for others to control him. Damn! He struggled, managing to groan as his arms were twisted painfully behind his back. He yelped as the first guard added more stress on his leash ordering him to remain silent or suffer dire consequences for failing to cooperate. He began to feel lightheaded as the extreme tension now being maintained on the leash made him feel as if he were being hanged...slowly. Damn at this rate he'd die of fucking asphyxiation! 

He winced as his hands were cruelly lashed behind his back with ropes and again tried to deny what was happening to him. God he had just been kidnapped from a damned meeting and Osiris didn't even realize he was gone! Even Zeenan had failed to take notice of his sudden, mysterious disappearance. They had both been so focused on the First Prime that they had turned their backs on him...a perfect diversionary tactic which Daniel was now certain Dionysus used to his full advantage to successfully pull off this farce of an abduction. Unbelievable! Abducted right out in the open and not one single person even noticed that he was gone! Not one! 

He quickly grew tired of being manhandled and shuffled between these two thugs and felt the urge to resist and to fight become overwhelming. He yanked away from the guards cursing as the second guard latched onto his upper arm gripping it so tightly that Daniel was certain the bones were being crushed to a pulp. He attempted to yank away quickly finding that the tension on the leash was being increased. Oh God he was seeing bright flashing lights now. His breathing was so damned restricted that he was certain he would soon pass out from oxygen deprivation. Morons! Total fucking morons! They go to all this trouble to abduct him out in the open then they start to strangle him to death with his damned collar and leash. What is wrong with these people? He felt the pressure suddenly ease, and he gasped for breath, managing enough air to cough and wheeze. As he slowly started to recover from his near strangulation, he focused on the newest arrival and felt his stomach beginning to churn again. Shit, it was the servant who openly ogled him upon his arrival here. What did this guy want with him now? 

The servant immediately demanded to be given his leash and to Daniel's surprise the guard willingly handed it over. Okay, a guard yielding to a slave? Since when? He had little time to toss that question around in his mind before he found himself being dragged towards a room by the cursed lead chain that Osiris had secured to his collar so long ago. He attempted to resist quickly discovering that on either side of him were the guards and they were both holding him immobile between them as they gripped his upper arms painfully...he was effectively trapped. 

He watched the first guard open a door at the end of the long corridor he had just so kindly been dragged down and quickly found himself being jerked into the room. He jumped as the door to the room was slammed behind him. He ended up on his knees groaning from the impact as he was yanked off balance as the servant took great pleasure in jerking him into the room. He remained on the floor for several long moments stunned by how rapidly he wound up here. The servant then turned to him and sneered saying, "Your god is not very honorable for he does not even realize that his favored is now missing. Such a pity, but do not worry my beautiful one for Dionysus and I shall make you happy here." 

Okay he definitely did not like the sound of that. He felt angry and outraged that he had been so quickly taken from the meeting room. He growled out, "You won't get away with this..." 

The servant cast a sinister smirk his way before he lashed out backhanding him so brutally across the left side of his face that he flew to the floor and his nose began to gush blood. He was momentarily stunned, surprised that the servant had slapped him across the face. He quickly recovered, feeling blood leaking from his nose and watching the man with hooded eyes. The servant yanked harsher on his lead chain growling, "A slave does not talk back even though he is a most beautiful creature! Dionysus will teach you the true meaning of subjugation, my pretty one." 

Daniel shivered as he was addressed as such, and cursed as he could feel the buzzing in his head and the warm moisture flowing freely from his nose that resulted from the impact of that strike. He knew that he was in great danger now. He watched the man trying to determine what his next move would be. As the servant leaned down towards him Daniel felt his breath catch and his heart pound in his chest. He prayed that he was misreading the servant's intentions but as the man brushed his lips ever so lightly across his own Daniel lashed out fighting and trying to ward him away. His struggles were relatively useless for the servant merely gripped his leash harsher and shoved him. He rapidly found himself lying on his back as the man continued to attempt to kiss him. Daniel fought attempting to buck him off and quickly becoming aware of just how hard that was with his hands presently secured behind his back. Oh shit! 

He felt panic threaten to consume him and felt an extreme urgency rush through him. He had to get up! He had to get away before his unexpected attacker openly mauled him. He started to fight harder, struggling to break free of the man who was so effectively pinning him to the hard, stone floor. He nearly succeeded in accomplishing his task when a sudden, sharp, debilitating pain traveled through his side. He screamed as he realized that the sudden pain originated from a painful kick. He tried to ignore the sudden emergence of pain fighting against the one who was still attempting to kiss him. He could only gasp as more kicks impacted his side. He had to get up! He was an easy target lying on the floor like he was. He had to get up! He attempted to focus on who was attacking him and caught a brief glimpse of one of the guards sneering at him. Shit he had forgotten about the damned guards! As he realized he was most likely trapped with no escape he fought harder nearly retching as the second guard began to kick him in his gut. He no longer felt the intense weight pressing him to the floor but was in too much pain to realize what that meant. The kicks continued to grow in intensity and speed driving into him again and again until he was coughing violently. He attempted to curl up realizing that he couldn't prevent the assaults being directed to his sides. The kicks were succeeding in driving him towards open complacency, as pain became his newest partner. 

His mind quickly snapped back to the servant as he realized he was being pinned in place once more and the man was again attempting to kiss him. Oh God he was going to be sick! So damned sick! He shouted as he continued to fight yelling, "NO! NO! STOP! PLEASE!" 

Daniel could feel his resistance giving out and knew for certain that he wouldn't even be able to defend himself. As the pressure eased on top of him again the kicks continued to come raining up and down across his sides and his gut. God he was losing! He couldn't lose! He sensed suddenly that this attack was leading quickly to rape and there were three others in this room besides him...oh God gang raped? NO! He immediately silenced those thoughts still feeling certain that he was about to be raped brutally...oh God why did these things always happen to him? WHY? Better yet how could Osiris be so damned unobservant? HOW? As he continued to struggle he quickly realized that he was fighting a losing battle but that still didn't stop him for he continued to fight even as the guards and his attacker continued to beat him into submission. He screamed louder as sudden brutal hands clamped down on both of his arms and a heavy weight settled on top of him. OH GOD NO! He felt ill as warm breath brushed across his face and quickly jerked his face away from the person now hovering above him. He shuddered as a kiss landed on his cheek...oh God when would this end? When? 

Osiris continued to speak with Dionysus' First Prime then turned to address Daniel. When he saw no sign of Daniel he became afraid then as his eyes scanned the room revealing that Daniel was not here he felt rage and anger enter him. Surely he hadn't tried to...not here! Surely Daniel didn't attempt to escape here! He scanned the room yet again noticing that his servant was definitely no longer in the room. He felt rage fill him as he could only think that Daniel had escaped...again. Without thought he ordered, "Zeenan, come here!" 

"Yes My Lord?" 

Noticing that Dionysus was now watching him with extreme interest Osiris deliberately leaned forward to whisper in his First Prime's ear not wanting Dionysus to realize what the problem was, "Daniel is missing. Search for him. He must have decided to attempt escape while we were distracted. Find him!" 

Zeenan didn't want to believe what his lord was saying so he quickly whispered, "My Lord, are you certain that he has attempted to flee again?" 

"Is there any other reason why he is not among us, Zeenan?" 

"No My Lord." 

"I want him found and I want him returned to me. Find him!" 

"Yes My Lord." 

Zeenan quickly exited the room searching the halls for Daniel. He didn't want to believe that Daniel had attempted to escape yet again but the longer he searched the more he started to suspect that is exactly what happened and the angrier he became. How dare Daniel attempt to escape while they were in a very important meeting? How dare he! The last thing he would've expected was that Daniel would try something like this when on a strange planet with a system lord. What had he been thinking! He continued to grow angrier and more agitated as his search yielded nothing. No indications of Daniel's passage, no signs of him and no Daniel Jackson. Where had he gone and why did he decide to make an escape here of all places? 

Zeenan continued to walk the corridors growing more and more aggravated with the still missing slave. He was foolish, foolish and stupid to have run off in this place. What had he been thinking! He continued to walk down the hall preparing to turn around when a sudden loud shriek filled the air. Where had that come from and just who was making that loud noise? Instantly his mind jumped to thoughts of Daniel Jackson...could that be him? Without thought he headed towards the room listening carefully for any more sounds of a struggle or screaming. He paused as he came to a door that was closed. He could hear harsh voices and loud thumps as well as what sounded like someone whimpering. Without thought he threw open the door just as a scream sliced the air, emerging from inside the room. 

When he threw open the door he hadn't been sure of what to expect but as he saw the horrid scene playing out before him all he felt was pure rage. There on the floor fighting like a damned wildcat was Daniel Jackson and on top of him was another man trying to kiss him. On either side of Daniel were two guards pinning him to the floor trying to subdue him as he continued to buck, writhe and squirm to break free of the pinning holds on his body. Without thought he attacked the guards quickly disposing of them before he turned his full attention on the one attacking Daniel. He wasted precious little time yanking the man off of Daniel and making quick work of ending his wretched life. As the man lay on the floor dead from a broken neck Zeenan turned back towards Daniel. When he focused on Daniel he was shocked to see that the young man was now curled tightly in on himself shaking violently. It was then that he noticed the restraints on the man's wrists securing them firmly behind his back, which caused his rage to triple in its intensity. He wanted to kill; he wanted to maim...he wanted that worthless servant to be alive right now so that he could beat him to a bloody pulp. It was obvious by the sight of those bound hands that Daniel Jackson had not attempted to flee from his lord for his hands were secured tightly behind his back. 

Pushing his anger and rage aside Zeenan focused all of his attention on the shivering young man. He immediately lowered beside Daniel gently touching his shoulder and jumping as the man shrieked in response. He realized that Daniel was still in the midst of panic and quickly lowered his voice to a soothing pitch as he spoke his name repeatedly telling him that he was safe now, and telling him of who he was with. He continued to speak quietly to the young man attempting to calm and quiet him. After trying to dodge several well-aimed kicks and ignoring the sudden flaring of pain in his lower leg from their impact he noticed the man beginning to calm. When he was certain that Daniel no longer felt threatened he focused on the restraints. He made quick work of removing the binds that secured the young man's wrists and watched in a mix of fear and worry as Daniel wasted little time pulling those arms around the front of his body attempting to hug himself tightly. That simple move showed Zeenan just how fearful Daniel Jackson had been. Without thought he pulled the man against him, wrapping his arms around the shivering man, not thinking about what he was doing or how odd it felt to hold someone against him. Daniel resisted at first until Zeenan told him of who held him and continued to assure him that he was now safe. When Daniel finally began to calm Zeenan helped him to carefully sit up, discovering that Daniel had little strength to do so on his own. Daniel had obviously exerted most of his energy fighting against his assailants so without thought Zeenan tugged the young man against him offering his body as support for Daniel to remain upright. 

Daniel was desperate to get away certain that he would have no escape when the heavy weight and bruising arms pinning him to the floor suddenly vanished. As hands touched him again he felt his panic surge to the forefront a second time and resorted to kicking at the one touching him. It took him several minutes to realize that the one now with him was Zeenan. When he realized Osiris' First Prime was now present he started to relax automatically feeling safe in the Jaffa's presence. As he started to quiet down, his breathing also began to even out and sound more normal. Upon the realization that he was no longer in danger Daniel instantly accepted Zeenan's offer of strength and support. He settled against the Jaffa, resting against him before choking out, "Zeenan...Zeenan..." 

"Shh, hush now. You are safe. I have disposed of those who strove to hurt you, young one." 

Daniel felt relief enter him and without thought turned to curl up against Zeenan finding solace in the Jaffa's strong presence. Zeenan focused on the man now curled up against him and gently stroked his hair in an attempt to soothe him. He could feel the shivers that still plagued Daniel beginning to subside some as he held the young man in his arms and offered him comfort in simple touch. Several long minutes of silence dragged by before Zeenan broke it as he questioned softly, "Daniel, why did you leave Osiris' side? You were told of the dangers should you stray. Why then did you choose to directly disobey him?" 

"I didn't...I had no choice...in the meeting you and...I tried to get your attention throughout the meeting to let you know that I felt very uncomfortable but...neither of you noticed my discomfort...I...he approached me..." 

"Who? Who approached you, young one?" 

"Dionysus...told me that I was to go quietly with his men or...I would be killed and so would another...I didn't want to...to go but...I was afraid...he distracted you both so easily and...and that was when he made his move...I tried to fight...I tried but..." 

Daniel ducked his head as another shudder ran through his body. He curled up tighter against Zeenan who spoke soothingly, "All right, young one. I understand now. You do not need to tell me more of what has happened to you. I am sorry...neither of us wanted this to happen. We were both negligent where your safety was concerned...you just rest and we will return to the ship. You need not worry any longer for we will protect you and keep you safe. You are safe now...rest young one. Rest and calm yourself." 

Daniel simply nodded his head jumping as the door suddenly flew open again. He curled up tighter feeling safer as Zeenan wrapped his arms protectively around his still shaking form preparing to take a defensive position if anyone else dared to harm him. 

Zeenan glanced up when the woman Sarien entered and gasped. She questioned, "What has happened?" 

Instead of providing her with an answer Zeenan simply said, "Tell Osiris that it is time we leave this planet. Please inform him that his First Prime is ready to leave and will meet him at the transport rings." 

"But..." 

"Tell him. Now!" 

She turned and immediately went to the meeting room. She approached Dionysus and said, "Forgive me My Lord for the disruption but I have a message I must relay to Lord Osiris." 

Dionysus nodded his head to indicate that she could proceed. She thanked him before turning to face Osiris saying, "Your First Prime has requested your presence. He says that it is urgent for you to meet him at the transport rings immediately." 

"Thank you. Excuse me Dionysus but this is very important." 

"Of course." 

Osiris headed to the transport rings certain that Zeenan had located his missing servant. His anger was still building in response to Daniel's foolish escape attempt. As he entered the transport room though all anger fled when he noticed Zeenan standing by the rings holding a young man now wrapped up in a warm blanket. He immediately approached Zeenan and focused on the man being cradled in the Jaffa's strong arms. As he looked upon the face of his favored he felt anger and rage resurface but no longer at Daniel, no, his anger was directed at whoever had been coward enough to abuse his favored so horribly. He demanded, "Zeenan, what is the meaning of this?" 

He leaned forward to say softly, "This is how I found him, My Lord. A servant of Dionysus was attacking him when I found him. He told me that he had been taken from the meeting room while we were speaking with Dionysus' First Prime. This was an unprovoked attack, My Lord. Daniel did not attempt to escape. When I found him his wrists were bound behind his back and he was fighting with his assailant." 

Osiris turned rage filled eyes towards Dionysus who had followed him into the room demanding, "What is the meaning of this outrage? How dare you attack my favored! He is my equal. When you attack him you attack me! How dare you attempt to harm what belongs only to me!" 

As Daniel's weak voice filled the small interior of the room Osiris felt his rage immediately dissipate only to be replaced by worry and concern for his favored. Daniel sounded so weak. What had happened to him? He focused intently on Zeenan and his favored as Daniel's soft voice questioned, "Where are we?" 

Zeenan focused on the man in his arms noting that Daniel was obviously in pain but also appeared to be worried. He wasted little time attempting to assure Daniel that they were leaving this planet for good, "Shh, young one, we are preparing to return to the ship." 

Daniel nodded his head, hissing in pain as he could feel the new bruises he had acquired in the last few minutes. He licked his lips before continuing, "Hurt...hurts...Zeenan...I didn't...I..." 

Zeenan grew more worried as Daniel seemed to grow more aggravated in his arms. He was certain that Daniel was trying to convince him that he did not escape his lord. He had to keep the man calm so he continued, "Shh, shh, you must remain calm, young one. We will be leaving this world shortly but you must relax and remain calm. You are safe now. No one will hurt you. I promise you. Sleep Daniel. Sleep." 

Osiris continued to observe his First Prime before approaching Zeenan and checking on Daniel. As he focused on his favored, whose face was drawn back in obvious pain, he felt his anger and rage threaten to consume him again but resisted it. He, instead, calmed his voice as he addressed, "My precious Daniel, I am so sorry that this has happened to you, but fear not for we are now returning to our ship." 

"'Kay..." 

Osiris reached out a hand to gently rub across the side of Daniel's face. He smiled warmly as he noticed the man starting to respond to the soothing touch by relaxing. He then spoke even softer then before, "Rest. Rest now my precious one. We are taking you home." 

Daniel nodded again closing his eyes completely as exhaustion swept over him. He felt so warm and safe being held in Zeenan's strong arms. He smiled as he recalled Teal'c...Zeenan reminded him so much of his Jaffa friend and he was so grateful that he shared Teal'c's personality. He sighed in relief as he placed his head against Zeenan's chest and listened to his heart beating in his ear. He muttered a quiet, "Thank you for helping me..." before sleep attempted to claim him. He heard Zeenan say that he was welcome and listened to some of the exchange now going on between Dionysus and Osiris a bit surprised by what was being said before exhaustion started to take over. He could hear Osiris' last words to the system lord and tensed briefly before drifting asleep. 

Osiris turned to Dionysus keeping his voice low so as not to disturb Daniel further before replying, "Our deal is off, Dionysus, for anyone who would dare to attack my favored dares to attack Osiris. This will not be forgotten. If you or your servants ever dare to come near my favored again then I will consider the move an act of war. This behavior is unacceptable. To attack one's favored is an insult and an outrage." 

With that said Osiris returned to Zeenan's side checking on Daniel again as the transport rings surrounded them and sent them to their ship. Neither of them looked back as the rings whisked them to their ship. 

Once aboard the ship Osiris urged Zeenan to carry Daniel to their chambers and lay him down. He then carefully removed the blanket from around Daniel frowning when he saw the obvious indicators of being kicked and slapped across Daniel's body. He also examined Daniel's wrists feeling his blood boil in his veins as he noticed that both wrists were now badly chafed and bleeding. Daniel must have put up one hell of a good fight to mark and cut up his wrists so severely when he had only been bound for ten minutes at the most. As Daniel coughed then hissed in his sleep Osiris focused on the collar. He gritted his teeth together in rage when he could see the faintest bit of blood there...they had probably gained control of Daniel by seizing his leash...he would have to remove that lead chain soon. He would keep it on Daniel for at least another month or so since the man had so recently attempted escape but the lead could not remain for very long. The chain probably made it so much easier to control Daniel. In fact, he knew that it did for that was one of the reasons he insisted on a leash being attached to his collar. 

He gently lifted Daniel into his arms and carried the man into the bathhouse where he undressed then lowered Daniel into the water with him. He then gently cleaned the newest injuries that marred his slave's perfect skin feeling his anger and rage at himself and at Dionysus continue to grow as he noticed the sinister marks now coloring his servant's tanned flesh. 

He would never lift a hand against his lover. Never! To deliberately strike his favored simply to gain complete control over him was an outrage. The only times he punished Daniel was when the man attempted to flee from him. The only other times he ever harmed his favored was when he disrespected his lord in front of their legion and when his defiance was so appalling that he needed to be taught a strict lesson so he would never do so again. 

He was so angry with Dionysus. The nerve of the Goa'uld lord to dare attack his favored while at a neutral meeting...a meeting to join their armies...the nerve! He would make certain that the other system lords would hear of Dionysus' traitorous acts against a fellow system lord. He turned his lips into a sneer. He was certain that once news of Dionysus' betrayal reached the others they would banish him. One who dared to attack a favored was not to be trusted ever again for if he felt it within his rights to attack one system lord's favored than he would not hesitate to do so again. 

Osiris turned his attention back to Daniel as the man softly moaned. He smiled gently at the man knowing that Daniel was awaking. He inhaled sharply feeling heat spark within as Daniel opened his beautiful blue eyes and focused on him. Daniel lay still reclined against him his head propped back against his shoulder. Osiris gentled his voice as he questioned, "How are you feeling, my precious one?" 

“Mmm...hurt...I hurt...I didn't...didn't try to escape...didn't..." 

"Shh, shh, quiet down my precious one. I know that you did not try to flee me. I know..." 

"You believed I...did..." 

"Hush now. Do not worry yourself so...the truth is that I...we should have never...this should have never happened to you. We should have paid you more attention. Daniel do not be afraid to speak up if something is upsetting to you or distressing to you..." 

"I'm...I'm not afraid..." 

"Yes you are young one...you have much fear within you...I make you afraid... I do not wish to cause you such distress..." 

"No...no..." 

"Zeenan told me of how you tried to get our attentions in the meeting and we failed to pay attention. I am very sorry, Daniel. We will never neglect you again. Never. You will never have to fear a second attack. I promise you, Daniel. I promise." 

Daniel simply nodded his head and closed his eyes again. He swallowed hard listening as Osiris spoke even softer than before his voice barely audible, "Tell me Daniel, how did they first gain control over you? It was your leash, wasn't it?" 

Daniel didn't say anything or speak. He clenched his eyes tightly shut wanting to say yes but fearing that by doing so he would anger Osiris further. He remained silent saying nothing and remaining completely still. It was enough to give Osiris his answer. He heard the Goa'uld lord continue, "I cannot remove the leash as of yet, my precious, for you recently attempted to flee me but in time when I feel that I can trust you more then I will have it removed. Is that understood?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"It is time for us to retire. You have had a rough day. It is time that you retire and rest. You will do as I ask of you. I am not requesting you retire; I am ordering you to do so for I know that you are exhausted and in much need of sleep. You will do as I command Daniel." 

"Yes My Lord." He sighed feeling his anger spark briefly at being ordered to sleep by his lord. He felt the anger dissipate rapidly realizing that presently he was just too tired, too exhausted, to deny his lord. He simply nodded his head allowing the system lord to lift him from the water, dry him off and carry him to the bed. He was so drained of energy that he also allowed Osiris to gently tuck him into bed and didn't even flinch when the system lord bent down and pressed tender kisses to both his forehead and left cheek. Osiris then whispered, "Go to sleep, my precious Daniel. Rest...rest for your lord." 

"Hmm...yes...My Lord..." 

Osiris smiled as Daniel's voice trailed off as he rapidly dropped off into dreamland. He was very pleased that Daniel so willingly complied with his command. He ran his fingers across Daniel's forehead smoothing back his hair before whispering, "I shall join you soon, but I must first speak with Zeenan. We will be discussing your security my precious. Sleep well, my love, sleep well."

 

* * * * * *

 

**PLANET EARTH**  
 **Hope Renewed**

Jacob Carter was very happy about the last transmission he received from the Tok'ra Resistance. He needed to find Jack and pass on the news. After searching through the offices of SG-1 he headed for the conference room barging in without knocking. As soon as he entered the room he quickly apologized when he noticed the remainder of SG-1 sitting in on a briefing. He spoke up, "Sorry to interrupt. I...I can come back..." 

General Hammond was quick to stop his retreat as he said, "Nonsense, Jacob. What do you need?" 

"Uh, George...I received a transmission." 

"Pardon?" 

"From the Tok'ra...George he's been found." 

Jack jerked his head up to focus on Jacob certain that he was referring to, "Daniel..." 

Jacob turned upon hearing that low utterance of O'Neill's. He smiled then said, "Yes Jack...Daniel's been located..." 

"What?" interrupted Sam feeling excitement fill her. Daniel has been found? Where was he? How was he doing? Was he all right? Was he hurt? Was he imprisoned in a Goa'uld dungeon or was he working as a slave? Who had him? More and more questions ran through her mind, questions she desperately wanted answers to. She felt her heart rate speed up as excitement filled her. Daniel had been found...they could mount a rescue. Thank heavens! She quickly questioned, "Well, where? How? When?" 

Jacob approached the three remaining members of SG-1, aware of just how desperately they hoped to locate their friend and fellow teammate. As he glanced around the room he saw four people now looking at him expectantly. They had been desperate for any news of Daniel. Some said the man was dead while others said that he wasn't. No one really knew what fate befell Daniel Jackson after his disappearance on P47-089. Jacob now knew whom Daniel was with and who owned that planet. He also knew what Daniel's fate now was. SG-1 would want to mount a rescue as soon as they were informed of his locale. He would have to tell them that Daniel was presently aboard a ship and not on the planet. His information wasn't of much help but it would ease everyone's minds and give everyone encouragement to continue to search for the man. He looked at George first asking, "May I?" 

"Yes, yes, please tell us what you have on our boy, Jacob." 

He took a deep breath and released it before informing them of Daniel's present predicament, "He's alive and healthy according to the spy who contacted us." 

Jack was first to interrupt him stopping him before he even had the chance to begin to relay his story, "Where is he? Do they know who has him? What happened? How did they meet him?" 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa slow down Jack...do you remember that meeting I told you about that was scheduled to occur on Naveria this week? The one where there was an unusual request made for provisions for a human slave?" 

"Yeah so..." 

Jacob again took another deep breath and exhaled before continuing, "Daniel was at that meeting." 

Jack gasped feeling his heart rate triple and his excitement grow. Daniel was at that meeting? Someone had actually seen him? His Danny was still alive? Oh thank God, thank God! He still had a hard time believing the news so he questioned, "He was the human slave? They saw him? They spoke with him?" 

Jacob nodded his head as he continued to relay the news to the others, "We have an informant on that planet by the name of Sarien. She recognized Daniel when he introduced his lord..." 

"His lord?" Jack didn't like the sound of that. Daniel introduced his lord? What the hell did that mean? Where was Daniel? Who now held him? His lord? The woman recognized Daniel when he introduced his lord? Does that mean Daniel was now serving as a system lord's slave? No...please no...he focused on Jacob as the man answered, "Yes. He...it appears that he is now serving as a liaison for a system lord." 

"No, he wouldn't serve anyone!" 

Daniel was proud, he was strong he would never willingly serve anyone. Never! His Danny was not the subservient type. Jack became even more worried when he thought about that. He knew that Daniel would not willingly obey a system lord unless...unless that system lord used certain types of "persuasions" to acquire his cooperation. He shuddered as his mind provided him with a lovely array of just what kind of tactics a snake might use to acquire a stubborn Tau'ri's complete cooperation. The thought had him thoroughly distracted until Jacob's voice invaded again, "Sarien said that he...he is now in service to Osiris..." 

"Sarah? He's...no...no...no," Oh God no! He was now in service to a Goa'uld lord who possessed his ex-girlfriend? Sam had told him about how upset Daniel was when he realized that he couldn't save Sarah the day Osiris took control of her. He felt guilty and responsible for exposing her to such a danger. He had made one of his missions in life to locate Sarah and free her from the parasite now within her. To see Sarah...a woman he had loved in the past possessed by an evil creature just as his wife had been so many years ago...it had to be sheer hell on his lover. Danny had to face her and his guilt every single day of his life now and Jack was certain that Osiris was making Daniel's life sheer misery knowing that the host he possessed meant so much to his prisoner. Osiris probably taunted Daniel daily...God Daniel please hang on...please be all right...please don't give in...come back to me, love...don't leave me...please, Daniel...fight it...fight it for yourself and for me...please. 

Jack jerked his head up as Jacob's voice interrupted his thoughts. He realized that he had again drifted and tuned out the older man. He forced his focus to remain on Jacob as the man continued to speak, "Yes. She said from the way he spoke to Osiris and the way he carried himself during the meeting he must have had some formal training probably on how to carry himself for Osiris and in front of other system lords." 

Again he tried to deny what Jacob was saying, "Daniel would never willingly serve a Goa'uld. He hates them..." 

Jacob focused on Jack knowing that the news he was delivering wasn't all that pleasant. He could tell that the Colonel was having a very difficult time accepting that Daniel was now in service to a Goa'uld lord...not only was he Osiris' slave he was the system lord's favored...he had to tell them though he really didn't want to. Daniel was in a very high status position...he was also always in close proximity to Osiris, which meant that to rescue him would be much more difficult than any of them had foreseen. He also had to tell Jack...tell them all that Daniel was now...marked...marked as a slave, as a servant and as property to the Goa'uld lord who now held him prisoner, "Apparently he's not there willingly but he has been obedient and respectful to Osiris...he serves...he is serving as Osiris' slave, as his servant...Jack...Sarien also said that...she said that Daniel has been...he's been fitted..." 

"Fitted?" 

"Yes fitted...with a collar..." 

"WHAT?" 

"Yes. She said he now wears a slave collar, a leash and a...a chastity belt...they are all marked with Osiris' insignia...she said that Osiris leads him around...by his leash like a dog..." 

"I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM!" The fucking snake was leading his Danny around like he was a goddamned dog? What the fuck! How dare the damned snake do that to his Danny! How dare he fucking collar Daniel and...and...he clenched his hands into fists wanting to strike something, anything that would ease his anger and rage...he was so pissed off. How could...how? Why? Of course he was certain that he already knew why Osiris would do such a sadistic thing...humiliation and control. He probably wanted to control Daniel completely and what better way to start to gain the upper hand then to degrade him by collaring him and attaching a leash to the collar? The bastard! 

Jacob could see the anger and rage now flaring in Jack's eyes and knew that the news was devastating. Jack was pissed. He had to keep the man calm though so he could finish his story so he spoke softly, "Jack relax..." 

Relax? RELAX? Ah, hell no! How could he relax knowing that Daniel was suffering...knowing that the snake was...how could he relax? Again he snapped, "He put a collar on, Danny? He's leading him around by a leash? I'll fucking kill him!" 

Jacob shook his head, saddened and disturbed by the news as much as Jack was. They couldn't do anything about Daniel's situation at the moment, and fuming about things beyond their control would get them nowhere. Besides he had a few other very important things to tell Jack. Things he knew would piss the Colonel off even more and probably upset everyone present in the room, "That's not all, Jack...while he was there at the meeting he was...attacked by guards of Dionysus." 

Jack felt the blood drain from his face when Jacob said that. He was attacked? What the hell did they do to his Danny? He clenched his fists in rage wanting to strangle those bastards for hurting his Danny. His rage and fear came to a head as he thought of the horrors and suffering Daniel has so far endured as a result of his capture. He couldn't even bring himself to question exactly what had happened during that attack just yet so he asked with barely controlled rage, "What did Osiris do?" 

"Broke off all relations with Dionysus, and threatened to start a war with him if he or any of his guards dared to come near Daniel again. It would seem that Osiris is very protective of Daniel as is his First Prime Zeenan. Sarien reported that Zeenan is the one who stopped the attack and that Zeenan killed the guards as well as the servant who dared to attack Daniel. She said they had to carry him to the transport rings because he had been beaten so badly." 

They had to carry him to the transport rings because he had been...he had been beaten so badly...oh Danny...if I could only be there with you now. If I could only come to you and comfort you...hold you while you suffer. He felt the ache in his heart only grow as he thought of his lover and how badly he missed him and how desperately he needed that man to be here with him. They had to find Daniel...they had to! He quietly seethed demanding, "How the hell could something like that have even happened? I thought you said that they were in the middle of a meeting." 

"They were but apparently Dionysus had some designs on Daniel and set up the abduction..." 

"How could he have even known Daniel?" 

"Jack, his status is as Osiris' most favored." 

"Which means what exactly?" 

Teal'c spoke answering, "He is equal to Osiris' queen. He occupies the highest rank a human slave can attain in a system lord's legion." 

Jack shivered as Teal'c made mention of human slavery. God was that what his Danny now was? A Goa'uld slave? A servant? Poor Danny...they had to find him and they had to help him. Jacob interrupted his thoughts as he added "He must attend Osiris everywhere. Where Osiris goes Daniel must go. He is serving as Osiris' attendant. Osiris must have granted him the right to serve as a liaison for him. It won't be easy to rescue him, Jack." 

"Why the hell not?" 

"Because wherever Osiris is Daniel is. They are always together...always, Jack. You won't even be able to get near Daniel. If you see Osiris giving a speech or meeting with another system lord you will see Daniel remaining faithfully by his side. His position, his status requires that he always attend his lord wherever he goes. Getting close to Daniel is going to be extremely difficult, because the only way we can get close to him is if we get close to Osiris and if Osiris knows who we are or suspects that we are there to help Daniel..." 

"Things could get very bad?" 

"Yes." 

"I was afraid of that." 

Jack closed his eyes again calling out to Daniel, silently promising him that they would find a way...they would eventually find a way, and when they did they would come for him. Daniel just had to hold on a bit longer. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Osiris went searching for Zeenan finding him in the greenhouse standing by the same type of rose bush that Daniel was always drawn to. He gazed at the beautiful garden surrounding them. When he had discovered just how much Daniel loved his palace gardens he decided to recreate a similar room on his ship. It took some thought but eventually he managed to make a garden aboard the ship. He used artificial light in the room and assigned someone to tend to the garden. The garden looked beautiful. 

He approached his First Prime as he quietly inquired, "Zeenan, we must speak..." 

Zeenan turned to focus on his lord bowing his head before answering, "Yes we must." 

"What has happened today should have never happened and we must ensure that it does not occur again." 

"How is Daniel, My Lord?" 

"He is resting peacefully..." 

"You know that he will probably dream. He will need much help when the nightmares find him." 

"Do you believe that he will have such dreams, Zeenan?" 

"Yes. Daniel is very sensitive, My Lord. Something like this will not be easy for him to handle." 

Osiris agreed much as he hated to do so. Zeenan was correct. He had noticed rather early that Daniel was very sensitive. He felt everything. He was affected by everything, and such an experience as what occurred this day would stay with him for many months to come. He continued, "Zeenan we must not allow something such as this to happen again. We must devote our time to protecting Daniel as well as forming an agreement with those we wish to align ourselves with." 

"I will stay with him, My Lord." 

"Zeenan..." 

"I will not let him out of my sight. This I swear to you. I feel much guilt for exposing him so easily to danger. I did not watch him as you have instructed me to..." 

"Zeenan you did nothing wrong." 

"My Lord, you told me that he would be my responsibility, and that I was to watch over him and protect him. I now fear that I have failed in this entrusted duty." 

Osiris shook his head still amazed at how devoted his First Prime was to him and to those who belonged to him. He had noticed early on that Zeenan displayed great courage and faithfulness to the ones he devoted himself too. It upset him to know that Zeenan was feeling extremely guilty and responsible for what happened to his favored. He quickly dismissed that guilt by responding, "I have failed in my duty to protect him, Zeenan. I have failed to watch over him and to listen to him. You are not responsible for what has happened to him. I am responsible for I neglected to watch him and watch how the others responded to him. We must work together to ensure that something such as this will never happen again." 

"I will guard him with my life, My Lord. This I swear to you. No more harm shall ever come to Daniel Jackson again. I shall spend my life atoning for my lapse in judgment and my failure to protect him as is my duty." 

"Zeenan, Zeenan, you carry much too much guilt and responsibility on your shoulders. Release your burden, for as I have already told you it is my fault that Daniel was placed in such danger. You have done nothing wrong. You must stop blaming yourself." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris smiled and nodded satisfied with Zeenan's response. He then continued, "We have learned a valuable lesson, Zeenan...a lesson we should have already known. There will be others who will desire him as I. He is too precious to ignore. We must ensure that he will always be safe and always feel safe around us. Many will want to possess him when they realize what a treasure we have in him. We must be very careful, especially when we are around the other system lords and their servants. Do not allow him to roam freely unescorted when we are in negotiations on another planet. Always keep him in your sights. This we must do to ensure that he will always remain safe in our company." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"I will now return to him. I do not want him to be alone should he be awakened by a nightmare. I do not wish for him to suffer through such a thing all on his own. I must be with him to help him through this ordeal." 

"I understand, My Lord." 

"I know that you do, my friend. I shall now take my leave. Sleep well, Zeenan." 

"Sleep well, My Lord." 

Zeenan watched Osiris as he entered the main hall yet again. After Osiris was gone he found himself again drawn to the rose bush before him. As he focused on the bush he found himself wondering what Daniel Jackson ever saw in this particular flower. Every time he searched for Daniel in the gardens he was always by this rose bush. As he recalled Daniel's words to him in which he compared himself to a single red rose he was certain that what Daniel saw in this bush was himself. He saw himself in a single rose and he saw how he once was, how he now is and how he has changed since his capture. He also saw hope in the roses...a single bloom often struggles to open and reveal its beautiful center...Daniel was much like that bloom. He had hope, though his hope was all but destroyed, and he had an inner beauty that shined when it was exposed...though that inner beauty often remained hidden deep beneath the multiple layers of protection he has forged so strong and so high around himself. He was so guarded and so defensive that one rarely caught a glimpse of the inner man. Daniel was beautiful, though he rarely allowed others to see just how beautiful. He was also unaware of his natural exterior beauty as well. His unawareness was partly responsible for Dionysus wanting to risk so much to acquire him. 

Zeenan shook his head still amazed that Daniel didn't even realize just how beautiful he was on both the inside and the outside. How could he not know? How could he not even realize that it was so? The man was an enigma. He was very special indeed and didn't even realize. Knowing just how special Daniel truly was made the knowledge that he hadn't protected the man, as he should have hurt all the more. He felt so guilty and so ashamed that he had neglected the man, and when he discovered that Daniel was not with them having mistrusted him to the point that he actually believed Daniel had attempted to escape. He should have known better than to misjudge Daniel Jackson for the man was very honest, had always been honest, yet when it came to Daniel expecting even a little trust Zeenan couldn't openly give it for he was uncertain. He shook his head angry with himself and swearing never to mistrust Daniel again. 

He turned to leave the garden, wanting to be nearby should his lord call on him if he were unable to calm his favored down. He was certain that tonight and many nights after would be very difficult for Daniel. He had seen the fear and panic that had filled the young man upon locating him on Dionysus' planet and knew for certain that Daniel would have a hard time dealing with the events that had transpired. 

 

* * * *

 

Daniel awoke with a start screaming as his heart raced and sweat dampened his hair. He tried to focus on what was going on around him slowly becoming aware that he was being hushed and told repeatedly to calm down. He also became aware of the soothing hand on his brow and softly moaned. He knew who was soothing him but didn't care. At the moment he was only glad that someone was attempting to soothe him. The dream he had was a nightmare. He was back on Naveria being pinned to the floor and struggling against the servant who was preparing to rape him. He shuddered as he recalled the events that only happened a few hours ago. He softly chuckled as the woman beside him questioned if he was cold. Cold? Yeah sure he was cold, but the chill he felt wasn't because of the room temperature it was because of the newest stack of memories he recently acquired that were quite obviously ready to grant him a whole new set of nightmares. Great, like he didn't have enough of those already. 

He focused on Osiris as the Goa'uld lord asked if he was all right. He wasn't but he nodded any way. He saw Osiris relax just a hair and sensed the snake didn't believe that he was okay. He gasped when the snake softly commented, "You were dreaming of what happened, were you not? Zeenan said that you would probably dream. I am truly sorry for not stopping him from hurting you so. I should have paid more attention. I said that you would always be safe with me but I failed to do as I said. I am truly sorry." 

Daniel didn't say anything he just watched Osiris through hooded eyes not willing to reveal well what remained of his fading emotions. He then closed his eyes and tried to allow himself to calm. He thought of Jack O'Neill, and instantly an aura of peace fell over him. He shifted not pulling away from the system lord, but making himself more comfortable. As he imagined Jack pulling him into a warm embrace and uttering soft words of comfort to him he quickly drifted back to sleep. 

Osiris smiled when he realized that Daniel had finally gone back to sleep. He was worried about the young man, for Daniel was refusing to even speak of what had happened and from what Sarah told him that was not a good thing. He would have to keep trying to draw the man out and make him talk of what had occurred. He watched Daniel a few moments longer before settling and drifting asleep himself vowing to help Daniel through this difficult time.


	11. Haunting Memories

**HAUNTING MEMORIES**  
 **Struggling to Feel Safe Again**

Daniel remained sitting in the bath his arms wrapped around his body, his legs pulled up to his chest and his head lowered as he recalled the attack again. He closed his eyes wishing that he could block those memories for good. He had been truly afraid and very certain that had Zeenan not showed up when he did he would've been raped...even with the chastity belt on. He remembered now that he still wore the belt on that day but there were other ways to rape someone besides anally. He shuddered as he recalled that day again in vivid clarity. Why couldn't he get those memories out of his mind? Why did that attack haunt him? Why didn't he have nightmares about Osiris' rapes? What the hell was the difference between the two attackers? He was certain that several different factors contributed to that particular oddity. For one, Osiris never physically attacked him or pinned him to the ground. He liked rough sex occasionally but he didn't try to overpower. Second, Osiris resided in his ex-girlfriend and ex-lover. Third, Osiris didn't seem as threatening and menacing as that servant or Dionysus...there were many factors that could possibly explain the difference but he still remained perplexed. As he felt the shudders continue to travel through his body he became aware of just how much he needed comfort. He needed comfort, concern, care...he needed someone to be there to help ease the pain, help him deal with the attack. He needed someone he could trust and someone who would listen. He needed Jack. 

As he thought of Jack his heart nearly broke. God...Jack. He missed that man so much it hurt. He started to rock slowly back and forth on his haunches keeping his eyes buried in the haven of his bent knees. He knew that he shouldn't remain in the bath too long for Osiris just might get the urge to join him and right now he couldn't handle sex with the creature. He needed time to himself, time to sort out his emotions and feelings, time to come to terms with the fact that not long ago he had nearly been raped. Hell his body still ached from the kicks that had been delivered to his sides and stomach. He was healing nicely physically but mentally was another situation all together. 

He heard movement in the room and felt his heart rate speed up. Oh God please let that not be Osiris. Please! He listened carefully knowing that someone was there but refusing to look up. When the person made no attempts to move towards him or exit the room he was certain that his unannounced visitor was either My'la or Zeenan. If he had to hazard a guess he would say Zeenan for the Jaffa warrior refused to let him wander out of his sight for very long and was keeping a very close eye on him...close enough to be there if he needed help or protection but far enough not to be too invasive or aggressive. He continued to rock slowly back and forth trying to calm himself and trying desperately to block the memories of that night. 

He lost track of just how long he remained sitting curled up rocking slowly back and forth. He forgot he was no longer alone until the person exited the room as quietly as he had arrived, but still even knowing that he was once again alone he remained where he was not wanting to leave the bath and the small bit of solace he had found just yet. 

Zeenan approached the throne room. He entered then approached Osiris bowing before him. He spoke softly, "My Lord." 

"Zeenan, how are you my friend?" 

"I am well, My Lord." 

"Have you seen my favored?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"Where is he?" 

Zeenan lowered his gaze knowing that when he informed Osiris of Daniel's location his lord would become upset. Ever since leaving Dionysus' planet Osiris had been feeling extremely guilty for turning his back on his favored and allowing himself to be distracted long enough for the attempted abduction to occur. He knew that Daniel started to flee to the bath in the evenings to get some time to himself and he knew that Daniel would flee to the view port as well. Those were the two places where Daniel found refuge aboard Osiris' ship. When Osiris had discovered just how important those two places were to his favored he made it a point to order Daniel be left alone when in those two areas. He sensed that Daniel needed some time to get over what had happened and had hoped that coping with the events wouldn't take a lot of time. His concern for his favored was what kept him from invading Daniel's personal time as well. 

Osiris watched Zeenan sensing the answer before he spoke. Daniel was either in the bath or at the view port. He was still saddened by the fact that he knew Daniel was hurting yet had no way of helping him. How could he cheer Daniel up or help him to forget about what had occurred? He heard the faintest whisper in his mind and smiled slightly as Sarah spoke, 'You should take the book to him.' 

"How do you know about that?" 

'How could I not? We share the same body, My Lord.' 

"Sarah, you do not have to address me as your lord. You may use my name." 

'Yes, My...Osiris.' 

"What am I to do? He is hurting yet he will not open up to me. He will not speak of what has happened and he will not share his emotions with another." 

'That is why you should take him the book.' 

"I do not believe it is the right time..." 

'You worry that he will reject such a gift? My Lord, I assure you that Daniel will not reject it. I believe he needs it. Give him the book.' 

"Tell me, Sarah, how can a book filled with blank pages possibly be considered a gift?" 

'It is what he requested but was certain you would not give. Give it to him.' 

"I do not know if I should. Perhaps there are other gifts I can acquire for him." 

'Yes, there are many others you can acquire but this is the one he spoke of first. Why are you so afraid to give him the book? Do you fear he will not want the gift?' 

"It is not the right time." 

'It is the right time.' 

Osiris glanced up as Zeenan spoke realizing suddenly that he had failed to pay attention to his First Prime because he had been speaking with Sarah. He questioned, "Where is Daniel now?" 

"My Lord, he is in the bathhouse again." 

"How is he?" 

Zeenan again glanced away before continuing, "He still sits and rocks. He is curled up into a tight ball. He has again drawn his knees to his chest and has compacted himself." 

"Zeenan, what can I do to help him?" 

Sarah whispered, 'Give him the book...' 

Osiris acted as if he had not heard her as he focused intently on his First Prime. Zeenan looked as worried and concerned as he felt. Zeenan continued, "I still believe that he needs his space, My Lord, but he also needs to feel safe again. He will need you to be patient and understanding while he attempts to deal with what has occurred." 

"Zeenan, I am going to go visit him..." 

"I am not certain that is a good idea, My Lord." 

"I believe that he will appreciate this visit." 

"Do not pressure him for sexual favors. He is not yet ready..." 

"I understand that already, Zeenan." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"I shall retire for the evening." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Osiris rose from his throne then dismissed Zeenan before heading to his bedchamber to retrieve the book Sarah was insistently urging him to give to Daniel. He focused on it marveling at what was so intriguing about a book with blank pages inside. Sarah had attempted to explain what the book was for but he still couldn't exactly comprehend why the Tau'ri had such things. He ran his fingers across the white-gold cover uncertain of whether or not he should give it to Daniel. He tucked it away then turned to visit his favored. 

Daniel continued to rock back and forth struggling to block out those memories that refused to abate. He felt so alone, so afraid and so uncertain. He needed Jack. He needed help to get through this. He could feel the coolness of the water surrounding him realizing by the temperature that quite some time obviously lapsed. He was probably as wrinkled as an old prune by now but he didn't care. He needed to find a way to deal with the recent events in his life. He tensed again as he heard someone enter the room. He listened carefully for them to leave or stop but the person continued to walk towards him. Their feet were so quiet across the floor that he was certain they were probably wearing sandals or slippers. He didn't hear them stop until they were directly behind him. He jumped as a soft, warm hand touched his right shoulder. He still didn't look up already knowing who his visitor was. His suspicions were proved when a gravely voice sounded from behind him so soft that it was almost eerie, "Daniel, you have been in here for some time. When will you be getting out?" 

He simply shrugged his shoulders refusing to look up, move or speak. He clenched his eyes shut as Sarah leaned forward slightly speaking close to his right ear, "Please come with me, my precious one." 

He still didn't speak or acknowledge its presence. He listened as the voice continued, "I would like you to come with me. If you would like to return to the bath later then feel free to do so. My'la will warm the water for you should you desire to return...Daniel, please come with me." 

He started to smile as Daniel slowly sat up uncurling his legs and lowering his arms to his sides. He still wasn't looking up but he was preparing to come. Osiris watched as he slowly turned and exited the bath. 

He watched as Daniel stood up and shivered as the cold air struck his still wet skin. Osiris quickly wrapped a towel around him and dried him off before gently urging him to slip into his robe. As Daniel complied Osiris found himself smiling. He then spoke still in a soothing tone, "Come, my precious one, I have something for you." 

Daniel slowly complied with Osiris. He didn't want to leave the solace of the bath but knew that Osiris would most likely not leave until he was out. Unlike previous times he allowed Osiris to dry him off then dress him in his robe. He also allowed the Goa'uld lord to guide him towards the bedchamber going quietly with him. He had no will to resist at the moment. He was so tired and burned out that he didn't think he could fight off the snake even if he wanted to. 

He wondered what Osiris wanted now and as they entered the bedchamber he found himself halting at the entrance as thoughts filled his mind...oh God please don't let him want to be sexually satisfied...no! Not ready for that yet, not ready! He felt his anxiety increase and glanced briefly at the Goa'uld lord. When he focused on Sarah's face he didn't see lust what he saw was concern and worry. He started to relax and allowed her to continue guiding him into the room. He still had to be certain of what Osiris was expecting so he quietly asked, "What does My Lord wish his servant to do for him this night?" 

Osiris watched Daniel's facial expressions and body language. He was certain that Daniel suspected he wanted sex. He could tell by looking at the man that he was far from ready for such activities. He softened his voice a bit further as he answered, "I want you to stand there as I retrieve the gift I have for you." 

"Gift?" 

Ah, Daniel was interested. Osiris could tell by the slight raising of his head that the man was intrigued. At least he didn't seem as depressed and upset as he was in the bathhouse. Osiris continued, "Yes, a gift." 

"Why would you bother to give me a gift when I... I am sorry, My Lord, for questioning your decisions." 

Osiris reached over pressing his pointer finger under Daniel's chin before gently pushing his head up so that he could see Daniel's eyes. He then spoke, "No. Do not apologize to me, my precious one." 

"But My Lord..." 

"No. I want you to feel free to speak what is on your mind, Daniel. I do not want you to feel the need to apologize to me every time you say something incorrectly." 

"But..." 

"You may speak freely in my presence, Daniel. That is my final decision on the issue. Do not apologize to me for speaking what you desire. Is that understood?" 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Good. Now what I want you to do is sit. Sit on our bed. Come, sit." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

He sunk to the edge of the bed again feeling trepidation enter him...what if Osiris has decided he wanted sexual favors tonight after all? Oh God he couldn't do that. No. He just couldn't. He was so afraid that he would threaten to destroy another planet again for if Osiris pressured him for sex tonight he would most definitely have to deny his lord for he couldn't do it. 

He silenced his worries watching Osiris intently as the Goa'uld lord approached the dresser beside the doorway and searched through it. He wondered what the snake was looking for. He remained silent, observing the snake from the bed where he sat. 

Osiris pulled out the book uncertain about giving it to his servant. He heard Sarah encouraging him to do so again then turned and approached Daniel. He sat down beside Daniel holding the book against him in his left hand while reaching over to wrap his right hand around Daniel's now folded, interlocked hands on his lap. He continued, "Daniel, please look at me." 

Daniel obeyed focusing on the Goa'uld lord feeling his anxiety continue to rise. Osiris gently squeezed his hands before continuing, "You do not need to worry about me requesting sexual favors from you, my precious servant..." 

"I...I wasn't..." 

"Yes, you are. Daniel, I know that it is too soon for you. I will not pressure you into it until some time has passed..." 

"But...you said you...if I refused..." 

"I shall give you two weeks before requesting any favors... May I emphasize the word requesting, Daniel. I shall request if you are ready that does not mean that I will ravage you because I need you. I will see if you are ready before I dare proceed. I will give you time to heal but do not believe that you can deny me for the next year. I will be patient but if I sense that you are merely using what has happened as an excuse so that you do not have to service me then I will carry out my threat. I expect you to please me again. Is that understood?" 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Very good...now as I told you a few moments ago I have a gift for you." 

"My Lord..." 

"Shh, just listen. This gift was not easy to locate for I have never really heard of such a thing before but Sarah has helped me to understand what you were speaking of." 

"What I was speaking of? My Lord, I have never asked you for anything. I have never spoken of anything that I have wanted." 

Osiris smiled and Daniel's breath caught for the smile was so like Sarah that he felt his heart rate speed up. Then he recalled Osiris' words only moments ago...Sarah has helped me to understand what you were speaking of...Sarah has helped me? That means that he's been communicating with...he closed his eyes as the realization of those words began to sink in. Osiris was obviously acknowledging that Sarah was still very much alive inside. He knew that Sarah was there for Osiris has been permitting her to visit him when pain and discomfort are extreme but he didn't realize until today that the snake has actually been communicating with her. He felt so much better as the knowledge was revealed to him. Sarah is alive...not only that but Osiris hasn't been suppressing her as much as he had feared. He could still help her. He focused on Osiris again as the Goa'uld lord continued, "I was uncertain as to whether you would accept my gift to you or not. I will understand if you do not want to accept it...I..." 

Daniel watched the snake noticing how uncomfortable and uncertain he appeared to be. What was this? The overconfident Goa'uld was feeling uncertain? What was going on? He shook his head in surprise stopping when Osiris focused on his face. Osiris continued, "This is my gift to you, my precious one. I hope that you will enjoy it and that you will use it." 

Without any further comments Osiris held out a box to Daniel. Daniel stared at it for the longest time hesitant to accept it, but then he reached out and gently grasped the box in his hands. He sat it in his lap looking at it for what seemed like hours sensing that Osiris was watching him intently and expectantly waiting for him to open the present, nervous about how he would react. Daniel swallowed hard unsure of what the Goa'uld lord would have spent the time getting for him. He slowly lifted the lid off of the box and pushed aside what looked like tissue paper. As his eyes fell to the bound book inside he felt his breath hitch in his throat. Osiris had given him a...as he opened the book he couldn't speak. He was shocked by the gift the system lord had just given him. He heard Osiris shifting on the bed and breathing shakily...the snake was nervous and uncertain? Boy did that ever shock the hell out of him. 

Daniel closed the book running his hands caressingly across the cover still surprised at what the system lord gave him. He heard Osiris speak softly as he gestured to the left hand side of the box and said, "There...there are...writing implements...I believe Sarah called them...pens? Ink pens...or was it pencils... I do not recall...there are several so that you may record..." 

Daniel looked up at Osiris and provided the Goa'uld lord with a smile. He then said, "Um...thank...thank you...very much..." 

"Sarah said that...that you would keep...exped...exped...Sarah what do you call them?" 

'Expedition journals...' 

"Yes, thank you...expedition journals during your..." 

'Digs...' 

"Yes, digs...during your digs and explorations. You...you told me...you...you said that you would like a..." 

'Journal...' 

"Yes, thank you Sarah...journal to record your experiences in...you did not sound serious but I was certain that you were concealing your desire to request one for fear that I would deny you...I hope my gift to you does not upset you further." 

Daniel shook his head in denial before speaking, "No, no. Thank you. Really. I do appreciate the gift. You don't realize what this means to me...I...thank you, My Lord, for the gift." 

"You...you are not upset?" 

"No. I...growing up...I...I didn't have...much...but I always had...books...journals to record my life in...I...I still keep expedition journals...I keep one on every mission I take with SG-1...every mission I took...and...just...thank you. Thank you very much, My Lord." 

Osiris noticed the smile on Daniel's face and was certain that the simple gift made his servant very happy. He smiled in return glad that Daniel was actually smiling. He hadn't seen a genuine smile from Daniel in many weeks, especially after destroying Alandria but knowing that the simple gift returned that beautiful smile to his servant's face made Osiris extremely happy. He continued, "I am glad that you like the gift, my precious one." 

Daniel only nodded his head still staring in awe at the gift he was given. He didn't know how to react. It was a simple journal yet to him it meant so much. This was what he needed...he had wanted for so long...a simple book full of empty pages that he could fill. He spoke softly as he said, "My...My Lord...I have...one other...one request if I may..." 

"Yes, my precious?" 

"If...if anything ever...happens to me...could you...? Never mind...it is wrong of me to ask for such trivial things. Thank you, My Lord for the gift." 

Osiris reached up and pressed his right hand against the left side of Daniel's face gently stroking his hair before saying, "I will see to it that he is given the book. I promise you, my precious one." 

Daniel jerked his head up staring at the Goa'uld in a mix of shock and surprise. Could Osiris really know what he wanted to ask? Surely not...no. How could Osiris understand what he wanted to ask? He shook his head and closed his eyes before quietly requesting, "My Lord, may I please return to the bath?" 

"Daniel, how can I help you through this? I know that you are hurting but I do not know what I can do to help you." 

Daniel spoke so softly that Osiris had to strain to hear him, "You've already helped me more than you know..." 

Then Daniel was rising to his feet. He continued, "You may return to the bath. I will come check on you later." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

He watched Daniel as he bowed before him then exited the room. As he glanced at the bed he smiled realizing that Daniel had drawn the book close to his chest and exited the room carrying the journal. He heard Sarah's voice, 'See I told you that this was the right time to present the gift to him.' 

"Yes, you did. Thank you, Sarah." 

'I believe the book will help him a lot. He needs a place to record his feelings and emotions. He keeps them guarded and locked up behind a wall. He has since he's arrived here. The journal should help to allow him to express himself as he needs to do.' 

"I hope that you are right, Sarah." 

'I am, My Lord.' 

Osiris fell silent as he exited the bedchamber. He saw Zeenan and requested, "Please keep an eye on, Daniel. He is in the bathhouse again..." 

"No, My Lord. He went to the view port..." 

"For what purpose?" 

"I do not know but I sense that it has something to do with the book he was clenching so closely to his body." 

Osiris smiled when he heard that comment then Zeenan added, "You have done well this day, My Lord." 

"Perhaps...time will tell." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Zeenan then left to keep an unobtrusive eye on Daniel. He sensed that Daniel might attempt something drastic and wanted to be there to stop him if he did so. When he came upon Daniel's favorite view port he noticed the man staring up at the stars. Daniel continued to do so for the longest time before lowering to the floor and placing the box Osiris had given him on his lap. Daniel glanced from the window to the journal and back again before carefully sliding the lid off of his gift. He watched Daniel lift the small book carefully out of the box then pick up one of the writing implements. He looked at it for the longest time before slowly opening the book and settling his gaze on a blank page. Could this be the answer that would help Daniel to deal with all that has happened to him recently? He hoped so, for Daniel was still very depressed and saddened. 

Daniel settled on the floor glancing up at the view port again watching the stars as they hovered just beyond his reach outside of the ship, he then focused on the box in his hands still amazed that Osiris would give him a journal to write in. How did the Goa'uld lord know that he wanted one to record things in? How did the Goa'uld lord know that he wanted the journal given to Jack if anything happened to him while here? This is how he could speak to Jack and speak to his friends. This is how he could work through his problems and try to deal with what has been happening to him. 

He stared down at the blank page for the longest time before picking up the pen and glancing again out the view port. He sat there for a few moments longer before uncapping the pen and pressing it to the page. He started to write unsure of whether he would be able to do so anymore. He was certain that the first page was going to be rather boring for he had no idea what to say all he knew was that he needed to write...to do something he had done at home. He began to write: 

**Journal Entry:**

_I'm at a loss for what to say. What can I say? What can I talk about?_  
 _I can't believe that he got this for me. A gift. A gift that I can use to_  
 _speak to those I love and to work through the problems and difficulties_  
 _I face. What should I start with? It's been so long since I've actually_  
 _done this and the words don't seem to be within reach. Isn't it funny?_  
 _Here I am a linguist who can speak over twenty different languages_  
 _fluently yet I have no idea what to even say..._

_Well... God this is hard. Why is this so hard for me? I feel like, I don't_  
 _know, I feel as if I'm not me any longer. Does that make any sense? I_  
 _have so much going on in my life yet I can't think of a thing to say. You_  
 _would probably like to hear about how my life has been over these last_  
 _few weeks...well, Jack, I can tell you this much...it's been extremely_  
 _difficult. So many things are different here...I'm expected to act a certain_  
 _way, speak a certain way, live a certain way. I'm not adjusting all that_  
 _well to life as a slave. I try...I try to survive, to live through each day_  
 _for you but it's just so hard, especially recently. I suppose you would_  
 _like to know what happened recently. I feel...lost...confused...tired. I'm_  
 _so tired, Jack. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm so afraid, so_  
 _worried, so depressed...so...so confused. I can't keep doing this. I'm_  
 _losing myself here, Jack. Oh Osiris treats me well but...but_  
 _something has happened to me that is making life so hard to live..._  
 _Remind me someday to speak to you about Dio... Dio... Oh God I can't_  
 _even say his name...too many bad memories...bad thoughts. I'm sorry. I_  
 _can't._

_Have you ever heard of the Greek god of wine, Jack?_  
 _He's...he... I met him...not long ago...evil, twisted, a snake..._  
 _Jack, he...he...aw, God this is so damned hard. My heart is aching. I can_  
 _feel the tension in my body. I sit here aboard Osiris' ship...I'm... I..._

_I can see you, Jack...there, out there in the stars, smiling. You haven't_  
 _changed much. You're looking good. How are Sam and Teal'c? I miss_  
 _them...I miss all of you. You see there is this spot, this place on Osiris'_  
 _ship I go to be closer to you. From my place on the floor it looks like a_  
 _big black triangle set in a gold trimmed wall, but in that triangle I see_  
 _you. I can see the sky from here, the stars and the blackness of space. This_  
 _is my special place. I love to look at the stars through that portal and think_  
 _of you. I don't know why I feel so much closer to you when I stare at that_  
 _small space but I do. In that window there are a thousand stars... more than_  
 _a thousand. I look out this view port and I feel like I'm with you...with all of_  
 _you. I know you're out there some place probably exploring another planet._  
 _Maybe that's why I draw such comfort from that simple view port because I_  
 _know that you are out there on one of those stars...somewhere and I no longer_  
 _feel so alone, so lost and so confused. I need you, Jack. Will you ever come_  
 _for me? Please, come for me. Don't give up on me. I'm still here, Jack. I'm_  
 _still here and I still need you. I need you desperately. Please don't abandon_  
 _me Jack. Please don't give up on me._

_Please..._

**End of Journal Entry**

 

As he finished the journal entry he hung his head feeling the depth of his sorrow travel through his body. God he felt so alone here. He had no one to talk to, no one to share his memories with. He had no one. Oh Zeenan tried to be his friend, but he couldn't talk as freely with the Jaffa guard as he could with Teal'c and each time he looked at Zeenan he wasn't sure which emotion would dominate...happiness because he saw Teal'c in the man or sadness because he saw Teal'c in the man. He was so alone. He had no one, not a single person. 

He drew his feet to his chest after tugging the journal against his body and wrapping his arms around it as if in a fierce hug. He held the journal close knowing that this simple book was his only way of being with his friends of speaking to them. He lowered his head and started to rock staring at the floor as he did so. 

Zeenan watched from the shadows happy to see Daniel writing furiously across the pristine white pages of the journal his lord had given him. He saw many emotions play across that face as the man wrote. Then Daniel once again tugged the journal to him and curled in on himself. Zeenan had learned relatively quickly that curling inward on himself was Daniel's way of shielding himself and comforting himself, especially when he had nothing to hold onto. The movement was a defense mechanism that Zeenan had seen too much of recently. 

Again he felt his anger rise. He had been too late to prevent the assault on Daniel. He had been so damned angry, certain that Daniel had escaped again only to discover that he had been abducted right from beneath their noses. He still felt guilty for exposing Daniel to such brutality. How could he have been so blind? He had felt very uncomfortable before even meeting Dionysus yet he still failed to protect Daniel Jackson. He was such a fool. Daniel was hurting so much partly due to his own ineptness...how could he have not realized that Daniel was in danger? Why had he jumped to the automatic conclusion that Daniel had run once again from Osiris? Why hadn't he realized that Daniel was in extreme danger? Why? He would never be able to forgive himself for neglecting to protect Daniel but he could vow never to let the man out of his sight again. He would be Daniel's protector always. No one would harm him again if he could prevent it. No one! 

He knew that he shouldn't disturb Daniel but his feet moved of their own accord as he approached the lonely man still rocking back and forth clinging to the journal Osiris had just given him as if it were a lifeline. He spoke softly, "I see that you have returned to your view port." 

Daniel said nothing and didn't even acknowledge that Zeenan was there. He didn't let that dissuade him as he continued, "Daniel, is there any way that I can be of service to you?" 

Still there was no response or acknowledgement, which bothered Zeenan immensely. He continued, "Have you ever heard of Kel-no-reem, young one?" 

That brought Daniel's head up. He focused intently on Zeenan still not speaking but he was now looking at him intently. He took that as a sign of encouragement and continued, "Kel-no-reem is a meditative state that we as Jaffa must perform every night..." 

"I know..." 

His quiet words disrupted the room as he actually responded to a comment. Zeenan continued, "Perhaps you would like to join me while I conduct my Kel-no-reem..." 

"Really? I'd like...never mind...I don't want to be a burden." 

Zeenan gently cupped Daniel's face in the palm of his large hand as he continued in a quieter tone, "You will not be a burden, young one. If you would like to join me then please do. I would be honored to have you sit with me as I meditate." 

Daniel wanted to join Zeenan so much for he knew how relaxing it would be. He used to sit with Teal'c on occasion as he meditated and often drew some inner calm from just being in his presence. He wanted to join Zeenan but hesitated. He glanced at the Jaffa a refusal on the edge of his lips but Zeenan interrupted, "Come, let us go to my chambers." 

"I..." 

"Come." 

He nodded then allowed the Jaffa to help him to his feet. He followed Zeenan refusing to yield his hold on the journal, his gift to his friends, his gift to Jack if something happened to him. 

As he entered the Jaffa's chambers he felt uneasiness sweep over him. Zeenan smiled then said, "Come, you may sit while I light the candles." 

"I...I really should go...I don't want to..." 

"Daniel, you are not intruding. I have invited you to join me. How can one intrude if they have been invited?" 

"Um..." 

Not being able to think of a good answer he settled for lowering to the floor. Zeenan reached for the journal as he said, "Let us place this away from the flames so it does not catch fire." 

As he wrapped his hand around the edge of the journal and gently tugged he noticed that Daniel was very hesitant to release it. Osiris had been very wise in his decision to present Daniel with the journal for the young man seemed to be using it as a way to bring comfort to himself. He smiled gently as Daniel eased his hold and carefully placed the journal on his bed. He then focused on lighting the candles that created a wide circle in the center of the room. 

Daniel watched Zeenan as he started to light the candles forming a wide circle around him. He felt as if he were intruding because he was sitting in the midst of the circle where he knew Zeenan would position himself. He began to rise when Zeenan spoke again, "No, remain in the center of the circle. I have invited you to join me, Daniel. I would feel upset were you to choose to sit outside of the circle instead of with me. Please, do not feel you must leave." 

"I..." 

"Please, young one. This is as much for your benefit as it is for mine." 

"I don't..." 

"The circle of meditation will help you to relax. You are much too tense and much too distracted. You must learn to relax yourself again, young one. Much has happened to you since your arrival here and you have had little time to deal with things. You need this as much as I, so please stay." 

"Oh...okay...thank you." 

"You are welcome, Daniel Jackson." 

He smiled as he heard the Jaffa address him as Teal'c always has. He instantly started to relax after thinking of his Jaffa friend on Earth. He watched Zeenan as the Jaffa carefully lit each candle in the room before lowering the lights and taking position directly in front of him. At first the darkness made him feel edgy but as he focused on Zeenan and watched the firelight bouncing across his facial features he quickly assumed the position the Jaffa was in. He crossed his legs Indian style and rested his hands on his thighs focusing intently on the First Prime. Zeenan had his eyes closed and Daniel soon found himself following in suit. 

Zeenan spoke quietly his voice filling the air around them as he did so, "Everything is connected, Daniel...every living creature, every planet, every star. Did you know this?" 

He didn't speak; instead he focused on Zeenan's soothing voice and allowed the flames to flicker across his closed eyelids. He could see the faint flicker of each candle as the air played and caressed the open flames. He could feel a sense of calm begin to descend upon him as he released his first barrier and allowed raw emotion to escape. He realized suddenly that he needed to vent and to mourn not only his loss of security due to the attack on Dionysus' planet but also the loss of his freedom, the loss of his friends, the loss of his home. He had never truly dealt with those issues, which is why he was probably so confused and uncertain. He hadn't taken the time to properly deal with those issues of loss. Zeenan's voice interrupted as he continued, "You must learn to relax and to allow life to take its course. Do not fight it. Do not resist your fate. You have been brought to us for a reason. None of us know this reason but you are here now. You have been chosen to do something that must be done to maintain the normal balance of things." 

"Why? I don't want to be here..." 

"Hmm, this I do know, young one. You desire to return to your former life. You are not happy here and have never been. Yet you remain and you carry on..." 

"Zeenan...I...I can't do this...I'm sorry...I can't..." 

"What can you not do, young one? Can you not meditate or can you not handle the events now transpiring in your life? Daniel, you are a courageous man. I am honored to serve you. You are a very special Tau'ri. You have the power to do so much yet you continue to resist what has happened to you. Instead of viewing your new life as your prison focus on what good you can do while in this prison. Osiris is a very powerful god but he is not perfect nor will he ever be. He does not see the hurt and the wrong he does to his people. You can help him to see things differently. You can help so many people if you allow yourself to live instead of trying to make sense of everything..." 

Daniel said nothing as he listened to Zeenan. The Jaffa fell silent again and they both sat in silence. Daniel allowed himself to continue to relax listening to Zeenan's deep even breathing as the Jaffa started his Kel-no-reem. The longer he remained the calmer he became and he could feel the mountains of tension quickly melting away to be replaced with an inner calm that he had not experienced in so very long. He allowed himself to accept that inner calm and could sense his shields beginning to slip away momentarily. He had no reason to keep his protective barriers up in this room for here he was safe, like in the bath and at the view port...he had found yet another safe haven aboard Osiris' ship. 

As he sat in the semi-darkness with Zeenan he started to recall the many times he shared with his friends. He could see Jack smiling at him, hear Sam as she laughed, and hear Teal'c as he offered advice. He grinned as he could hear Janet's quiet nagging of how he couldn't survive on simply coffee alone. The memories started to fill him. It had been so long since he allowed so many to come to him. The moments played through his mind like a video; his life with Sha're and her imminent capture. Apophis lying on his deathbed in the infirmary as Daniel granted his host a final prayer. Sha're's father smiling at him and Skaara hugging him. Jack laughing at his occasional awkwardness and Teal'c nodding his head in a show of approval...on and on the memories flashed through his mind of his life before Osiris claimed him as his own. He allowed the memories to come, the good and the bad. He couldn't believe how calm he was and how focused. He no longer remembered that he was sitting with Osiris' First Prime instead he was recalling who he was, had been before Osiris had stolen him away. He was remembering who he truly was and felt a sudden burst of fire in his heart...his soul, his spirit was being reborn again. He didn't know what to do or say but he could see himself now full of life and curiosity. He felt as if the ice that had been choking and squeezing his heart was finally melting away. 

He laughed, a genuinely warm laugh as he whispered, "I'm back, Jack...I'm back...and I intend to stay..." 

Zeenan was deep in his Kel-no-reem but he could hear the softest laugh off in the distance. Where was that laughter coming from? It sounded beautiful as if it were music to his ears. He then heard the softly whispered words of another and recalled that Daniel was with him. Daniel had been the one to laugh only moments ago. He smiled...Daniel was going to be all right...at least for now. He felt extremely glad that he had invited Daniel here on a whim. He never invited anyone to sit with him as he meditated before and for no reason at all asked Daniel because he was certain that it would help the man at least a little. 

 

* * * *

 

After he was finished with his Kel-no-reem he focused on the man before him noticing that Daniel was watching him with a new sense of wonder and curiosity. He questioned, "What is wrong, Daniel?” 

"Thank you...thank you for this." 

He lowered his head to show he was welcome. Daniel laughed softly again, which drew his attention to the young man before him. He asked, "Why are you laughing, young one?" 

"You..." 

"Me...what have I done..." 

"No, no...just now...you...you reminded me of someone..." 

"Your friend?" 

"Yes...my friend...Teal'c...you remind me of him." 

"I see." 

He fell silent watching Daniel who suddenly broke the silence, "He often invited me to join him as he meditated. I loved to sit with him as he did so. Teal'c's room was always so quiet and his presence was so reassuring. You... I...he would know when I needed solace...just as you knew...that's why you invited me to join you tonight because you knew what I needed...you knew...just like Teal'c always has...you knew..." 

"I had hoped that by bringing you here with me that you would be able to find some inner calm and some inner peace. You are in need of those things desperately. I only wanted to help..." 

"And you have. Thank you, Zeenan. You don't realize how much this means to me." 

"Daniel, you may join me any time you would like to sit with me as I meditate." 

"Any time? Would...are you sure I wouldn't be imposing..." 

"You would not." 

"Then I would like to join you...often...if...if you don't mind...I mean if you do then..." 

"Daniel, you may join me every evening if you so desire. Please feel free to do so." 

"Thank...thank you, Zeenan. Thank you." 

"You are quite welcome, young one. Now you must return to your room. You are very tired." 

"I...I don't want to return...not yet. Do you mind if I just sit here...for some time." 

"You may stay as long as you wish. I must leave to make a last check of the ship before I retire. Feel free to stay as long as you wish, young one." 

"Thank you." 

Zeenan left the room to check the ship once again. He stopped when Osiris spoke quietly, "Where is my favored, Zeenan?" 

"He is in my chamber, My Lord. I took it upon myself to invite him to join me as I meditated. I hope that I have not offended you by doing so." 

Osiris simply questioned in a softer tone of voice, "Has it helped him at all?" 

"Yes...he seems more calm and more relaxed." 

"That is good to hear. Tell him that he may return to me when he is ready." 

"I will, My Lord. I also wanted to inform you that he is very appreciative of the gift you have given him. He has been keeping it with him all evening. I believe the gift means more to him then you or I even realize." 

Osiris smiled a genuine smile as he said, "That is very good to hear. I had hoped that the gift would help him some. He is very upset and confused. He will need time to heal from the damage Dionysus and his servants have caused him." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"You may go. I shall retire. Please continue to watch him for me." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Zeenan left and finished his checks before returning to his room. He searched for Daniel not seeing the man sitting in the midst of the candles and spotted him curled up on the floor sleeping. He smiled as he set to work blowing out the candles that surrounded the young Tau'ri. He then lowered beside Daniel and whispered, "Daniel...Daniel, come let us get you to bed." 

Daniel mumbled sleepily, "No...no...want to stay here...please..." 

"You are on the floor, young one. We must get you into a bed." 

"No...Jack...Jack's here...don't want to leave...Jack...love you..." 

Zeenan felt his throat constrict and his eyes threaten to tear up as he heard the need and yearning in the young man's voice. He quickly decided to leave Daniel on the floor not wanting to disrupt his dreams of the man he loved with all his heart. He settled for gathering some covers from his bed then approaching the young man. He knelt beside Daniel draping the warm blankets over him. Daniel instantly snuggled deeper into the new mound of warmth now surrounding his body. Zeenan smiled gently then carefully sat Daniel's book near him on the floor certain that he would search for it upon waking. As Daniel mumbled Jack's name again Zeenan reached over gently pushing the man's long mane of hair off of his face saying, "I am sure he loves you too, young one. Now rest. Go to sleep. I shall watch over you and wake you in the morning. You just rest..." 

Daniel sighed before cuddling deeper into the covers and settling once again into a deep sleep. 

 

* * * *

 

He came awake with a start, unconsciously reaching over to his right, momentarily confused when an overwhelming sense of sadness and disappointment washed over him. He tried to figure out why he felt so upset casting a gaze at the empty space beside him. As he saw the emptiness there his mixed emotions suddenly made sense to him. Jack...Jack wasn't here lying beside him. Jack wasn't with him. Jack was on Earth and that was why he felt so upset. He knew that he had been reaching for the man upon waking; reaching for him as if to reassure himself that he wasn't alone in this world. When his hand encountered nothing but a hard floor he knew, he remembered where he was: Osiris' ship. 

He glanced around the room not recognizing anything and wondering where he was. When his eyes fell to the book lying beside him within his reach he collected it and drew it to himself holding it so close and clenching his eyes tightly shut trying to stall the barrage of tears threatening to spill. As he fought against those tears he remembered where he was. He was in Zeenan's personal chambers. 

Zeenan had brought him here last night to help him. He had offered solace and comfort to him and it had helped for he didn't feel so lost, but nothing could completely banish the pain Jack's absence wrought within him. Nothing could banish the love he still felt so very strongly for the man so far away. Nothing, and this was now the source of his unhappiness. Last night he had jumped some hurdles, but still there were so many yet lying before him that he had to clear before he could truly feel happy, content and secure again. Many of those hurdles would remain, impeding his journey until he was set free, so what he had to do was find a way to deal with those hurtles and his present life in order to move on, but it was so hard, so very hard to accept that he was now only a slave, a servant...a prisoner, still a prisoner after all this time. He still had to find a way to do that, for if he couldn't accept and deal with things in his life presently then he ran a very high risk of losing himself even after Zeenan's help. He was still at high risk for losing himself in this place, but at least he had taken several steps forward instead of backwards or he'd be much worse off than he now was. Thanks to Zeenan's help he was now able to continue meeting each challenge head on without crumpling at the first indication of failure. 

He decided that he had better get ready for his lord before Osiris sought him out so he rose and carefully folded the blanket Zeenan had covered him with the previous night. He then cast another glance about the room smiling softly as he again realized the gift Zeenan had offered him by bringing him here. He would have to thank Zeenan when he saw him next but now, now he had to bathe and get dressed before returning to Osiris' side and attending his lord. He exited the room after making sure nothing was disturbed and slowly made his way down the hall towards the bathhouse trying to draw in several calming breaths before getting back into his daily routine of service.

 

* * * * * * 

 

As the phone rang Jack O'Neill reached out to snatch it off the hook grumbling a sharp, "WHAT?" as he tried to figure out just who in the hell was calling him. A concerned voice crackled over the head set in response, "Sir..." 

"Carter? Carter what the hell...? What are you doing waking me...?" 

Sounding properly chastised but also patient Carter continued, "Uh sir do you realize what time it is?" 

He ran a hand across his face yawning as exhaustion still clung to him. He mumbled, "What? Yeah, yeah sure I do..." before casting a glance at his clock and cursing. Carter had enough decency to simply question, "What?" 

"I missed the meeting didn't I?" 

"The meeting hasn't started yet, sir. It can't without you here. The General asked me to..." 

"Ah damn it! I'm on my way. Give me some time and I'll be right there." 

"Sir, are you...? Are you...?" 

He shook his head grumbling unhappily before answering truthfully, "No, no I'm not all right but I will be there." 

"You're not? What...?" 

"Don't have time to talk, Carter, running a bit late here." 

"Yes sir." 

Hearing sadness and disappointment in her voice he offered, "Look I'll talk to you about it later if you'd like just... Right now I don't have time to get into it and I'd rather not carry my heart on my sleeve at work for everyone to see. I'm coping. They need not be concerned with how I'm really feeling. Don't worry. I'll be fine. Tell Hammond I'm sorry and I'll be in shortly." 

"Yes sir." 

He hung up the phone and raced around getting ready for work knowing that he was extremely late and that he'd soon have to break his pattern of tardiness or Hammond would have no choice but to penalize him for not being where he's expected to be. 

 

* * * *

 

After their meeting Jack focused on Carter knowing that she was waiting for the explanation he told her he'd give her on the phone. He shook his head before he approached her saying, "Let's get out of here." 

"Uh yes...yes sir." 

He turned to Teal'c extending an invitation "Care to join us for lunch, big guy?" 

"I would be honored." 

"Okay let's go." 

They left Cheyenne Mountain and went to a local restaurant requesting a private booth in the back so that no one could eavesdrop on their conversation. Once they were settled and had given their orders to the waitress Jack nervously chuckled before making a stab at an apology, "Um, guess this wasn't the best place to come..." 

"It's fine sir." 

"I suppose it'll do." 

An uncomfortable silence fell between them stretching as no one said another word. Carter was the first to break it, "Sir, you've been late to work three..." 

"Um, no, no. I believe I'm up to five now, Carter." 

She gazed at him in shock only down casting her eyes when he nervously coughed before apologizing, "Uh, sorry, sorry just, uh...just wanted to be accurate." 

"Colonel..." 

Her use of his formal title drew his complete attention and he merely shook his head as he added, "I know, Carter, I know." 

"So?" 

He glanced at her then Teal'c and back again before replying, "Yes so..." 

Again they fell silent, all three aware that conversation didn't seem to flow between them as easily when they had a missing teammate out there somewhere, possibly injured or worse. Carter shook her head, saddened by the observation. They used to work so well together but now, now they were each grieving in their own way, grieving and hanging onto a fragile hope that some day and some how that fourth member would be returned to them. She glanced up as the waitress brought their drinks and watched as the woman quickly excused herself before she turned to stare blankly at her glass. 

Jack risked a glance at both Carter and Teal'c before he too lowered his gaze to his own glass and began to stare at it realizing that he suddenly had no desire to even touch it. The silence continued before he spoke up, "I miss him you know, miss him so damned much and it's hard so hard you know. It's just so hard him not being there, facing that empty house... I..." 

Teal'c spoke up then offering comfort by reminding the Colonel that he wasn't alone, "We are all missing Daniel Jackson. You are not alone in your fear and sadness, O'Neill. We all want to bring him home." 

"I'm sorry..." 

"For what are you sorry, O'Neill?" 

"For...for keeping all this to myself, for not speaking to Carter or you, for...for everything. I'm sorry about everything." 

"We all feel his loss, but none feel it as strongly as you do, O'Neill." 

"Yeah... You know I thought, I was sure... I figured I could handle it, you know. Handle it and move on but...but I'm not handling it at all. I...every time I enter that house, our house I... It all comes back. That house is so big, so cold, so empty now without him..." 

He allowed his voice to trail off again shaking his head not sure of what it was he wanted to say exactly. After several long moments he laughed, a hollow laugh, as he added, "I left his things exactly as they were when he...before he... I even left a half a cup of coffee sitting that was...is his. I can't...I can't make myself move it or wash it out. I'm... I don't want to forget him you know." 

Carter reached over and placed her hand over top of his squeezing it in reassurance as she replied, "And you won't, sir, you won't. You won't forget him. He'll be back. He will we just have to...we have to..." 

Teal'c finished her sentence as her voice cracked with sorrow, "We have to be patient. Daniel Jackson will return to us when he is able. We must be here for him when he does." 

Jack nodded before speaking words that scared the hell out of him, "Do you think he...?" 

"He will return, O'Neill, and when he does we must be strong for him. He will need us more than he ever has. The life of a favored one is most difficult. He has experienced much in the time since he was taken from us. We must stand with him and support him when he is returned to us. We cannot forget him. We must remain strong for Daniel Jackson. He will need our strength to survive such a lengthy captivity." 

Jack nodded as he smiled before saying, "Oh we'll be there for him with bells on." 

"I do not understand this with bells, O'Neill. Why would we want to place bells on ourselves?" 

Sam laughed as she said, "It's an expression, Teal'c. It means that we'll be here to cheer him on and greet him." 

"So why not just say..." 

Jack snickered before answering, "It's a Tau'ri thing Teal'c. Trust me." 

All three laughed for the first time in months feeling as if they were again coming together as a team and together, together they could be strong, they would be strong for their missing member. Daniel would come back to them and when he returned they'd make certain to be there for him no matter what he needed. They would be there for Daniel and they would help him to get his life back; they would help him to heal for together they could do anything. 

 

* * * * * *

 **Journal Entry:**

_I'm dying here Jack. My soul is dying. Little by little I erode away more_  
 _and more each day. Where are you? Why haven't you come for me?_  
 _Why aren't you here? Why am I still here? Jack, I'm dying. Dying so_  
 _slowly, so painfully slow. I can't feel anything any more. I'm so alone, so_  
 _alone and so scared. I don't know what to do any more Jack. I want to_  
 _live, to fight but I just can't seem to find the will to hold on. Help me Jack_  
 _please help me. I need you...each day without you breaks my heart...do I_  
 _even have a heart left? God, do I have anything left?_

_Do you have any idea how it feels to be numb, Jack? Not just physically_  
 _numb.. emotionally numb. I need you, Jack. I need you so much. I can't do_  
 _this on my own. Each day becomes a challenge and the memories, oh God_  
 _the memories... I can't seem to forget...can't seem to move on with my life._  
 _It's almost like I'm stuck in my own personal time loop. Time keeps folding_  
 _in on itself, collapsing and bringing the memories back again and again. I_  
 _don't know why I have been so affected by that attack. Why it is so different_  
 _from when Osiris rapes me? Why is it so hard for me to deal with what_  
 _happened on that planet? Hell I was only attacked, assaulted...beaten not_  
 _raped. I was afraid, so afraid and now I can't seem to forget. The images_  
 _insist on repeating in my mind, playing like a broken record over and over_  
 _and over again…only the scene doesn't end with Zeenan finding me and_  
 _killing my assailants, my would-be abductors. No the scene continues to_  
 _show me in very vivid detail all the ways I was certain I would be raped_  
 _and sexually assaulted. He wanted me. He even told me so...maybe...I don't_  
 _know, maybe that attack refuses to leave me because my mind is trying to_  
 _help me realize that I have been raped and assaulted all along. Well I don't_  
 _want to be reminded of that, I don't want to be reminded of the times_  
 _Osiris excited me then assaulted me..._

_He rarely raises a hand against me, rarely hurts me physically… often he is_  
 _somewhat gentle, but he has a twisted perverted mind and some very dark_  
 _sinister fantasies... Yes he's tied me up before, gagged me, ordered me to beg_  
 _to be fucked, to wear his essence upon my face, to crawl for him and to service_  
 _him. Oh God I feel so damned sick. I can't do it anymore. I can't. It's just..._  
 _I can't..._

_Jack you have to help me. You have to come for me, heal me, save me Jack...save_  
 _what's left of my soul, my spirit, my heart... save me before there is nothing left._  
 _I'm so numb now Jack. I can't feel anything. Is that even possible? How can_  
 _someone be unable to feel anything anymore? Well, I do feel...I feel certain_  
 _things: depression, hopelessness, helplessness, desperation, shame, guilt, fear_  
 _and humiliation. I can feel my spirit dying, screaming to be heard, to be helped,_  
 _to be healed and loved. All I feel is this huge emptiness inside. The emptiness_  
 _is filled with those feelings of shame and desperation._

_It's been several weeks yet I still go to the bathhouse and sit. I sit and I rock, I_  
 _rock and I sit curled inward on myself, balled up. I make myself as compact as_  
 _I am able. I pull my knees to my chest, wrap my arms around my legs, bury my_  
 _eyes in my kneecaps then I rock. I don't speak, I don't move other then to rock_  
 _back and forth. It's actually kind of comforting but I know that I can't allow myself_  
 _to fall over the edge I'm precariously balancing on... Can't give up, can't give in._  
 _I have to fight, to resist but it's so hard now, Jack, so very hard. I...I don't really_  
 _know what to do. What can I do? I'm trapped. I have no escape, no freedom. I try_  
 _to cry but am all cried out. I have no tears left to shed, Jack. They're all gone just_  
 _like I'll soon be gone..._

_Lost in this horrible endless emptiness..._

_Lost and alone...so very ALONE_

**End of Journal Entry**

Daniel read the newest journal entry again; amazed to see how he'd been feeling actually down in writing. He had decided to write in his journal; actually he felt the need to, and quickly retrieved it before escaping to Zeenan's chambers for privacy. Zeenan told him he could spend time here, then excused himself telling him that if he needed anything to feel free to send for him. He also assured him that Osiris would not bother him here and that he would let his lord know where he was. Daniel had been afraid that Osiris would arrive but again Zeenan assured him that he wouldn't and explained to him that Osiris knew he needed privacy and was willingly granting him whatever he needed. He felt relieved knowing that he could make himself comfortable and spend uninterrupted time here sorting out his thoughts. He was thankful that Osiris seemed to be more eager to grant him the things he so desperately needed. 

He shook his head as he carefully closed his journal before drawing it to his chest and bowing his head. As he thought back over the past couple of weeks he could see that he was on a dangerous path of self-destruction, but how had it started? Where had it begun? The first time he came to this room he felt as if he were reborn, as if he could handle anything else thrown his way. Hell he was ready to face things head on, to cope, to deal with issues, and to begin accepting that he was Osiris' personal attendant, but he didn't take into account the debilitating memories and the vicious nightmares that were quickly unraveling that little bit of progress he had made towards acceptance and healing. Those dreams tore him apart, leaving him vulnerably exposed and scared to death. Oh Osiris had tried to comfort him, but more often than not he found himself shrinking away from his touch. Sarah had tried to help, but again he flinched in response to her touch or found it nearly impossible to break through his terror. He called out for Jack, screamed for Jack to come to him, knowing he needed Jack with him, but he was so blinded and gripped by fear and panic that his mind couldn't quite comprehend that Jack was millions of miles away. He knew that it greatly upset both Osiris and Sarah that they could rarely calm him; usually it was Zeenan or My'la who succeeded. More often than not it was Zeenan who could do what so many others failed to do for him. He wasn't sure if that was because he felt safe with the Jaffa warrior or if it was because Zeenan had been the one who originally vanquished those set on hurting him so badly. He didn't really try to understand why it was always Zeenan who could calm him. He was just glad that someone could. 

Even while awake, memories would creep up on him when he least expected it. He would usually freeze, run or collapse when that happened. Osiris was so use to it now that he could almost predict when a flashback crept up on him, and always, always made sure someone came after him, whether it was Zeenan, My'la or Osiris himself. He knew, he knew that the Goa'uld lord was worried about him and was keeping a much closer eye on him then ever before, and though he hated that he was a slave and Osiris his master, his owner, he was thankful that the phoenix lord understood him well enough to give him time and space and was willing to place his desires and needs on hold until his servant was ready to again meet those needs without tensing or screaming at the top of his lungs in outright terror. Thank God Osiris was being so understanding about the entire situation. Thank God! 

He silenced his thoughts, feeling as if he were now ready to return to his lord's side, so he slowly rose and returned his journal to their bedchamber before reporting to Osiris. Once before his lord he requested to bathe again. Osiris smiled showing him unbelievable patience and understanding as he permitted him to do so, making certain to assure him that he could take as long as he needed. Osiris also told him that either he or Zeenan would come check on him occasionally to see if he needed anything. He thanked his lord bowing elegantly before him then leaving the room carrying himself as he had been taught automatically, behaving as was expected of a favored, for his trainings were now so ingrained in him that they were now second nature. He did as was expected without conscious thought. 

He entered the bathhouse smiling when Zeenan glanced up at him before saying "I hope that you do not mind for I took the liberty of collecting some bath oils and candles from My'la. I believe that they may help to calm you some, Daniel." 

He smiled warmly at Zeenan before softly answering, "Thank you for everything Zeenan. Thank you. I really appreciate everything you're doing for me." 

Zeenan returned the smile and nodded before saying, "I am glad that I am able to help you, Daniel. Please feel free to use the oils and candles. I believe that they will be of great help to you. Now I will leave you to your bath." 

"Thank you Zeenan." 

"You are most welcome, young one." 

Zeenan then left the room leaving Daniel to himself. Daniel lit the candles and added oils to the water before sinking into the warm water and beginning his bath. 

 

* * * *

 

Osiris entered the bathhouse drawing to a halt as his eyes fell to the man still bathing. He was silent, quiet, still and somewhat withdrawn. He was still very nervous and anxious. Though the attack happened several weeks ago his precious servant still bore the emotional scars of very nearly being raped by Dionysus' guards. 

He smiled as he noticed several candles lit throughout the room...probably Zeenan's way of helping the young man to calm. The lights were dim and the candles lit. He could smell the scents of lavender, sandalwood and rosewood...incense...or bath oils...most likely bath oils...probably also a gift from Zeenan. Zeenan seemed to know just what Daniel Jackson needed to soothe his tormented soul. 

He smiled warmly as he noticed that Daniel seemed to be relaxed. He slowly approached barely making a sound as he did so. Daniel was leaning back, his head resting back against the wall. His eyes were closed. He seemed calm...at peace... Was he asleep or merely resting? Osiris knew the man had much difficulty relaxing since the assault. He would often awaken at night calling, screaming for Jack to help him, screaming for anyone to help him... Osiris spent many nights speaking to him allowing Sarah to come to him to soothe his aching soul. Sometimes her voice alone could do the trick, calm him, settle him and send him to sleep...other times mentioning Jack loved him and was waiting for him but couldn't come to him would help. Sometimes Osiris could calm the man and sometimes, more often than not, he had to call My'la or Zeenan to the room...the two people in his legion to whom Daniel had grown fond and attached. Sometimes by writing in his journal he could calm himself, but often he remained restless choosing to remain in his safe havens instead of returning to their bed. 

As he watched Daniel with his eyes closed reclining in the bath he found that he wanted to join so he quietly slipped off his robes and entered the bath. Daniel still seemed to be asleep, for he didn't even move as Osiris' entrance disturbed the now still water. He smiled warmly again leaning over to the control panel he turned on the bubbles and turned up the temperature certain that Daniel was now probably chilled. He spotted a bottle of bath oil and added a few drops settling beside Daniel watching him as he slept. The water heated up rapidly making the temperature warm enough to be comfortable and relaxing but not overly hot. 

He watched Daniel, reaching out to gently push some of the wet locks of hair off of his handsome face. He then resorted to gently running his fingers back through the man's hair making his strokes light, caressing, calming and feathery. Daniel moaned turning into that soothing stroke but didn't awake...yet. Osiris questioned in a low whisper, "How can I help you, Daniel? How can I soothe your wounded soul?" 

Daniel moaned again, uttering a word on a breath. Osiris knew that word, sometimes despised it and hated hearing it, but other times he accepted it knowing that Daniel would never forget the man who could heal his soul, could soothe him, comfort him and hold him close when the world seemed as if it were too much for him to handle...Jack...Jack, the man always called for Jack, cried out for him, pleaded for him and begged for him always...Daniel even called the man's name when he climaxed. Colonel Jack O'Neill was the luckiest Tau'ri Osiris knew, for the man held Daniel Jackson's heart in his hands. Osiris gently crooned, "No, my precious, he is not here." 

Daniel moaned again before opening his eyes. He tried to remember where he was and could hear the sound of bubbles...bubbling...the bathhouse. He must've drifted asleep. He slowly sat up lowering his face into his hands as he tried to focus on the present. He remembered what brought him here...the memories; those memories that refused to leave him alone. Why did that attack bother him so much? Why? He shook his head wondering if he would ever be able to forget what happened. Would he ever be able to accept another's touch again? 

He hissed as a hand gently touched his shoulder. He snapped his eyes open in shock and fear relaxing when he saw the woman now with him. He said, "Sarah..." 

"Yes, Daniel, it's me. Shh, hush now. I'm sorry if I startled you. We were concerned about you and wanted to check on you." 

He moaned as her hand slipped behind his neck and those fingers started to play with his now lengthy hair. She continued to speak softly to him hushing him and telling him over and over to relax. 

He wanted to hate her, to hate it, but he was emotionally drained. His emotions were so strung out now that he had no time, no place for hatred to fit in. He was emotionally drained and physically exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep...Depression...he knew he was depressed as well and fought against it but presently he was all out of the strength, the energy he needed to keep moving and keep going. He needed to heal, to recover and to learn to sleep again without seeing the attack in those dreams, without seeing what could have happened to him if Zeenan had never found him. He shuddered as he thought of that. He closed his eyes again listening to the woman, the monster beside him attempting to soothe him. He was so tired, tired of everything. Would he ever be able to feel normal again? Or was his life to be this confused and jumbled mess? Oh, Jack, Jack where are you? Why haven't you come for me? I need you now more than ever but you're not here. I'm all alone here, Jack. All alone with no chance of escape, no chance at freedom, no chance to return to you...come for me please, love. Please. I'm dying here slowly...my soul is dying. 

Daniel heard Sarah's voice speaking still calmly to him as she gently urged him to ease against her. He didn't want to move but did so without complaint. She continued, "Come, Daniel, sit between my legs...lean against me for support. Please, Daniel." 

He obeyed sliding between her now spread open legs. Once there she continued, "Now relax and allow me to help you." 

He moaned as her practiced fingers started to slowly move working into his neck muscles. She slowly began to grasp the flesh of his shoulders in her fingers and release working the tension from the muscles. At first he winced feeling pain as she attempted to massage his neck and shoulders. She hushed him and told him to relax. Within minutes he allowed his head to fall back against her moaning as those dainty fingers began to work magic in his overtired, over-strained, tense muscles. He could feel those fingers working his flesh into a pliable mass of gel and felt himself beginning to relax against her. 

Sarah smiled as she could feel the tension beginning to dissipate in Daniel. She spoke soothingly encouraging him to relax saying, "Yes, that's it Daniel. Let go. Just let yourself go. Relax. You're way too tense. Calm yourself and relax." 

"Sarah..." 

"Yes, Daniel?" 

"Hmm, nothing...nothing..." 

"Okay... Daniel, we need to talk...about the way you've been feeling since... You still dream of him, of them..." 

Daniel only nodded his head refusing to speak of what she wanted. She was trying to offer him comfort, but for him no such thing existed. His comfort, his security, his safety net was stripped from him the day he was collared and chained, the day he was marked as Osiris' slave and property. He knew that Sarah was very worried about him as was Osiris, but there was nothing either of them could do. He was too far gone, too exhausted and too weary to fight any longer. All he wanted to do was curl up and slip away, slip into a world of nothingness, emptiness and silence. He had struggled so long and so hard to maintain whom he had been, but some where between Osiris' capture and the destruction of Alandria, some where between his failed escape attempts and his horrifying punishments he'd lost himself. He was no more...he just was... He simply existed in this world of utter numbness. 

He inhaled sharply as Sarah leaned forward pressing her firm, round breasts against his back. He moaned from deep in his throat as the simple brushing of her nipples across his flesh drew heat into him and aroused him. Osiris had made him this way...made him respond so willingly, so openly to a simple touch or stroke. It would seem that even when he was certain he was no more, that he just existed, he still had the ability to respond to stimulation and still had an intense need to be satiated. 

He cursed himself as his mouth allowed words to elicit forth, “Please...please...make me feel again, Sarah. Help me to feel something other than this...this endless emptiness...please...please, My Lord, help me to feel alive. Please, I beg of you help me to feel something, anything...please!" 

He felt so ashamed and so angry that he had just pleaded to be made love to. Sarah knew, they both knew, that he craved their touches and caresses. They both knew that he desperately wanted to be comforted and soothed, and both were more than a little bit eager to be accommodating for their precious servant. 

Sarah continued to massage Daniel's neck as she leaned forward and blew gently across Daniel's right ear drawing a ragged breath from the man in response to the simplest of stimuli. She then answered his request with a question, "Are you certain that this is what you wish, Daniel? Are you truly ready to please us after what happened on Naveria? We do not wish to cause you more pain. You must speak if it is too soon." 

As Sarah leaned against him more Daniel gasped as if she were fire feeling the heat in his body only build. He panted, "Please...please...I need...I...I need to..." 

He fell silent as his own voice echoed within his mind the answer, the secret he refused to reveal to anyone, 'I need to feel alive again...I need to feel something...I don't remember how to feel...please help me to feel again...please...' 

Sarah sensed his need and without another word she shifted, urging him to move so that she could sit perched on his lap facing him. She pressed her heat to his manhood then cupped Daniel's face between her hands making him look up at her as she sat above him and quietly asked, "Is this what you need, Daniel? Is this what you desire?" 

As she brushed her womanly center against his ever rising penis Daniel cried out answering in desperation, "Yes...yes..." and feeling as if he just condemned his soul all over again to hell by becoming so desperate to feel something that he actually asked to be serviced by his lord. 

Sarah shifted in his lap then slowly eased her warm sheath down over Daniel's throbbing manhood. She hissed in pleasure as she could feel him stretching her and filling her. She heard his moan as her vaginal muscles started to contract and tighten, drawing him deeper within her tight burning core. She inhaled shakily feeling pleasure surge forth as she settled completely on his engorged member and prepared to ride him and lead him to the pinnacles of ecstasy and beyond. 

Daniel found himself actually whimpering softly as he could feel Sarah's moist heat engulf him and pull him in. As he felt her body grip him so firmly and so completely he felt the floodgates of his passion open and felt the emotions of such a simple action come alive within. Alive...he was starting to feel alive again. 

How had he come to be so dependent on her, on it to feel any emotion other than despair and sadness? How had he grown to need Osiris, to need Sarah, in order to feel anything anymore? What happened to him to make him so willing to sacrifice his self, his very soul, for a few moments of normality in this decrepit existence he now found himself trapped in? He was dying, dying so slowly and so painfully. He was wilting and withering away. He was becoming nothing and it scared the hell out of him. 

As Sarah lowered her arms to his shoulders draping them about him Daniel moaned. He instantly wrapped his arms around her lithe body in order to pull her against him. He needed to feel her satiny curves against his deadened skin. He needed to feel the softness of her supple skin, the heat she radiated...he needed to feel the life within her for his life was slowly leaving him threatening to leave behind a cold empty shell. As her skin rubbed across his own he hissed feeling nerve endings that he long thought dead coming to life again and sending pulsing pleasure throughout his body. This is what he needed to stay sane, this is what he needed to feel...he pressed his head into the hollow of her neck, pressing his lips to her dampened skin and crying out as she started to slowly ride him. 

As she rode him so slowly while holding him so close he allowed his body to feel again. Oh God when was the last time he had felt like this, like he was alive and needed. When was the last time he'd felt normal? The answer echoed back to him making him shudder at the truthfulness of it...the last time he felt anything was when he gave himself to Osiris and allowed his sexual impulses and needs to thrive within. The last time he felt anything was when Osiris had made love to him. 

Sarah sensed Daniel's desperate need for comfort and reassurance so she chose to make love to him slowly. As he pressed his head against her she inhaled sharply, aware that the man was seeking some form of solace from her. She wrapped her arms around him pulling him into a comforting embrace. As Daniel sighed then settled some more Sarah felt tears threatening to run down her cheeks for she knew, she sensed, that at this moment she was seeing Daniel Jackson at one of his lowest and most vulnerable moments. She knew instinctively that if she were not careful with how she proceeded that her actions could have the potential to drive that stake through the man's heart that he has been slowly pounding into himself for so very long. He was near to the breaking point again. His spirit, his soul, his livelihood had been nearly dashed and snuffed out by Osiris' demands for complete sexual servitude and when he was finally learning to adjust and accept that he must perform for his lord on all levels Dionysus attacked him and reminded the man again of just how vulnerable and weak he truly was. 

Sarah started to press kisses to the top of Daniel's head while speaking soothing words that she knew would act as a healing balm on his already tattered soul. Daniel needed to feel. He needed her to be slow and gentle. He needed her to show to him that he was worth time and effort...that he was worth the love they both felt for him. 

She lowered her head to his right shoulder, nuzzling against him and pressing soft, butterfly light kisses across his exposed neck. Daniel responded by moaning and inhaling deeply. As he sighed in pleasure she knew that he was growing more relaxed. He lifted his face to her casting that intense blue gaze her way and showing her the depths of his sorrow and need. She swallowed hard as she realized that Daniel was now stripped to the core, unable to dampen or even conceal the emotions he was experiencing. In those eyes she saw his desire and his need, she saw his hunger and his pleasure, but she had learned a long time ago how to read beyond those surface emotions that this man often exhibited to the world, and as she looked beyond them she could see a shattered soul, a desperate spirit fighting and struggling not to be extinguished. She could see Daniel's desire to live and the strain that this life was now having on his very soul. As she looked even deeper she saw his need, his want, his desire to end his own life and it scared the hell out of her for Daniel had never before became so lost that he desired to destroy himself to obtain freedom. 

Without realizing it Sarah spoke softly, "Oh God Daniel what have we done to you?" 

Daniel stilled in her arms, stiffening and she flinched as that window to his thoughts suddenly slammed shut. He knew what she had read in the depths of his eyes and he didn't want her to see that much of himself. She felt the loss as Daniel suddenly lowered his gaze and buried his face against her body, trying to conceal his emotions by hiding them from her. She felt him shudder beneath her hold and tightened her embrace. She spoke softly continuing to kiss his neck and ear as she softly hushed him and told him that everything was all right and that she was sorry to have upset him. Sarah continued, "Daniel please...please look at me. I need to see you. I need to see how you are feeling...please. Please, Daniel...let me in. Let me inside of you, Daniel...let me in...please. Don't shut me out, don't you dare shut me out, please." 

Daniel's grip on her body tightened as he pulled her closer and cursed his need to have her with him. He had become lost in the emotions and in a moment of weakness had showed to her more than what she had any right to see. He had showed her the depths of his torment and knew that she would soon tell Osiris. The snake wouldn't understand and would probably choose to deal with the newest revelations by punishing his servant for even considering escape through death. He knew that she had seen his desire to kill himself and it angered him. She had no right! NO RIGHT! She had no right to pry into his mind and read his secrets in his own eyes. No right! He didn't know what to do or say. All he could do was hang onto her as if she were his damned lifeline. He could hear her speaking to him and heard her pleas...don't shut me out...why the hell not, Sarah? You're no longer you! I can't trust you! I can't trust anybody! I have to shut you out. I have no choice. I have to do it or you will destroy me in your attempts to save me. No, I will not let you in. NO! 

Sarah had stilled ceasing their intercourse in its tracks. When Daniel said nothing else to her she quietly asked, "Would you like me to stop, Daniel? Would you prefer if I left?" 

Before he could call it back he focused desperate eyes on her saying so softly she had to strain to hear, "No...no, please...I need to feel...please don't stop, don't leave...oh God..." 

He clenched his eyes tightly shut as he realized that once again he'd spoken his thoughts aloud and made her aware of just how much he needed her to make love to him, to make him feel again. She spoke in that nurturing tone of voice rubbing her hands up and down across his back as she responded, "Okay, Daniel, okay. If you're certain." 

She continued to kiss him and run her hands up and down across his body waiting until she could feel most of the tension slipping from him before she started her gentle, slow thrusts again. She knew that Daniel was in need. For some reason he needed her to make love to him. He needed her to show him that he was worthy of care and concern. He needed her to be gentle and slow with him. She didn't dare dwell on why he should need this so desperately she simply allowed desire and yearning take over again pulling him against her and holding him so close. She gasped as Daniel's lips pressed against her skin so soft and could only toss her head back in pleasure as he proceeded to trail light kisses from her throat downward leading a fiery path to the valley between her breasts. As she gasped out loud in immense pleasure Daniel glanced up at her lifting that handsome face yet again. 

As Sarah saw the desire and need again filling those blue eyes of his making them burn with an intense fire she lowered her mouth to his capturing his lips within her own and moaning as she staked claim to that supple mouth. Daniel's response was cold and unyielding at first but as emotion continued to swamp him and desire continued to fuel his hunger he softened the kiss and prodded gently against the entrance to her mouth wanting to delve inside to explore. 

Sarah moaned as she felt his tongue prodding gently at her lips and without thought she yielded opening her mouth and sighing as Daniel slipped his tongue tentatively inside, exploring the interior of her mouth with the carefulness and curiosity of a lover. She sighed, feeling her need for him increase and started to slowly ride him pushing him towards that peak they were striving for. She thrust slowly at first crying out and tossing her head back as Daniel started to meet her thrust for powerful thrust wanting and needing that release as desperately as she. 

Daniel felt the heat and pleasure within building towards an inferno and as Sarah rode him faster he started to meet her every thrust, moaning and groaning as they both strove for that beautiful apex where pleasure became so overwhelming that it stole one's breath away. As he could feel emotions stirring within he started to chant a soft yes over and over again. He strained as he prepared to hit his orgasm and screamed as in the next instant he shot his load up in her warm, fiery cavern. Again without thought of whom he was with he screamed Jack's name so loud that his voice echoed off of the surrounding walls and filled the bathhouse. Sarah continued to ride him screaming as she neared her plateau and shouted Daniel's name before she sagged against him planting fevered kisses across his throat and face repetitively telling him that she loved him so very much before relaxing against his body and allowing his warm arms to hold her as their breathing began to even out. 

She listened to Daniel, becoming aware of the intense silence that enveloped them. She then turned to face him gently brushing her hand against his face and saying, "Daniel, don't do it, please." 

Daniel swallowed hard as he responded, "What?" 

"Earlier when we were...I saw some things...that greatly disturbed me." 

"Like what?" 

Sarah hesitated not wanting to put voice to the horrible truth she saw in his eyes but knowing she had no choice, "Why do you feel the desire to...to destroy yourself, Daniel?" 

He stiffened against her before muttering a quick, "I...I don't." 

She shook her head sadly as she pursued the issue, "Don't lie to me, Daniel. I know you well and I have learned how to read your eyes...you want to find an ending to this life. Why?" 

He said nothing hoping and praying that she wouldn't repeat her suspicions to Osiris. He changed the subject as he said, "I believe it's time for us to retire." 

"Hmm..." 

She continued to watch him intently knowing that he was changing the subject intentionally. She decided to give him his solace as she responded, “Yes, we have a busy day tomorrow.” 

Daniel was surprised that Sarah didn't pursue the issue and was grateful that she decided not to. He simply nodded as he shifted slightly before preparing to rise from the bath and journey to their bedchamber hoping that he could succeed in getting some much needed rest, but as he finally settled in their bed he quickly discovered that sleep was going to be elusive yet again. He sighed in frustration before rising out of bed. Sarah grasped his hand to stop his escape but as their gazes locked she simply sighed before nodding her head and releasing his hand. He continued to look at her in confusion uncertain as to why she had released him when she softly uttered, "I'll be here when you return." 

"What?" 

"Go Daniel. We'll wait up for you." 

He continued to look at her in puzzlement until she urged quieter, "Go." 

He held her gaze only a moment longer before nodding, retrieving his journal from his desk and making his way towards solace. Once he found a quiet place to relax he settled himself before opening his journal to the next blank page. He then retrieved a pen from the box that held the diary and began to write again: 

**Journal Entry:**

_Sometimes I can see her in the being before me and sometimes, sometimes_  
 _I see the one who has come to be my oppressor and my master. I remember_  
 _her before the invasion, before her life was stolen away. She was one I had_  
 _grown to love, the woman that I had intended to marry but was too chicken_  
 _to ask. She used to look at me with love in her eyes...caring and tenderness_  
 _always. If she were disappointed she would never condemn me or humiliate_  
 _me. She never felt it necessary to degrade me like the one who now resides_  
 _within her. He likes to humiliate and degrade. He loves to see his slave crawl_  
 _to him in bed, service him, please him, beg for his services. She never was_  
 _like that. Oh don't get me wrong she had a wild side about her. Sarah loved_  
 _to experiment, loved it. There were many things she and I did together that_  
 _would probably have shocked the hell out of our friends. She was a wild one._  
 _She had many fantasies, still does but now those fantasies are darker, tainted_  
 _by the evil one who resides within. Now, now when I look at her I do not know_  
 _if she will touch me in kindness or order me to willingly humiliate myself for her..._

_Control, it's all about control and though the things I am made to do are_  
 _sometimes extremely degrading, I have some how managed to find pleasure_  
 _in the acts..._

_How do you ask can I find pleasure in degradation, pleasure in humiliation_  
 _and pleasure in groveling for my lord and master? I have learned to enjoy it._  
 _It's the only way I can deal with my body's betrayal, deal with my betrayal of_  
 _my lover, deal with the things he requires of me... He torments me you know_  
 _and he enjoys tormenting me. When he realized that I was giving my body freely_  
 _to him he started to experiment more trying to push me to see just how far I can_  
 _go before I break, before it's all too much for me to handle. I'm now his sexual_  
 _slave. I diligently serve my master...and I enjoy everything he does to me. I_  
 _have to actually separate myself from the acts I'm performing for him. The_  
 _only way for me to do so is to allow myself to get lost and consumed by heat,_  
 _by desire, by primal urges and primal needs…that's how I can respond to him_  
 _so openly and so willingly. There is no heart in what I do for my master and_  
 _what I allow him to do to me. It's all pure sexual urges and sexual cravings, all_  
 _of it. He's happy with his obedient responsive sex slave, so happy. I wonder if_  
 _Sarah likes what I've become as well? Sometimes when I look into that beautiful_  
 _face, a face I have known so well, the face of someone I had at one time loved I_  
 _wonder if she's in there watching me, seeing me. Does she realize that each time_  
 _he fucks me or makes me fuck him my spirit, my soul, my heart shatters again_  
 _and again? Does she even care? Why do I even bother to wonder what Sarah_  
 _thinks of me, what she thinks of how I so willingly serve our lord?_

_Sometimes, sometimes she comes to me. Sometimes at night, sometimes when_  
 _I'm suffering or hurt she tries, oh how she tries, just as Osiris tries to comfort_  
 _me, to care for me and to love me...but no one can comfort me, no one can_  
 _protect me. There is only one man who has that ability, has that power...the_  
 _power to heal my tormented soul, to heal my shattered heart, to heal this_  
 _broken man...but does he still care for me? Does he care or has he forgotten_  
 _all about me? Does anyone care about me? Can the one man who has the power_  
 _to heal me and restore me, repair the remnants of my tattered, stripped, torn_  
 _soul ever find it in his heart to love one who is now so tainted, so abused and_  
 _so used...? Can he ever love this shadow of the man I used to be? Or will he turn_  
 _me away just like all the others? Will he abandon me the instant he realizes the_  
 _things I have done? Will he toss me away as if I'm nothing more than trash?_

_Probably will, Jack, you probably will. Your lover has betrayed you, has_  
 _learned humiliation, degradation, shame..._

_Learned how to hate and despise his very being..._

_Despise what he has now become..._

_Hates what he now is..._

**End of Journal Entry**


	12. A Fragile Trust

**A FRAGILE TRUST**  
 **Betrayal and Devastation**

As he read through the treaty for what now must be the hundredth time he still found his eyes straying and riveting on that one word: weapon. Weapon? What kind of a weapon? From what he was reading it would seem this weapon had awesome capabilities, capabilities that scared the hell out of him. Now just what would Osiris want with this kind of weapon? What would he do with it? 

Daniel closed his eyes against the sudden screams of terror slicing through his mind feeling the fear and panic that those people must have felt on that day... Had they even known that they were about to die? Had Athena even suspected that Osiris was about to dishonor the peace treaty they had forged mere minutes before? 

Senseless all of it... It was all so senseless. Those people should not have died at Osiris' hands, especially not over something as stupid as the Goa'uld lord's twisted, bent desire to take his favored to bed; to acquire his favored's body to meet his sexual needs. God he couldn't forget and when again he heard the screams of those innocent victims he drew his arms across his chest, feeling suddenly so very cold, so very depressed. They had died. They had died because of him. It was his fault and now, now... 

He shook his head. Why the hell did Osiris want this weapon? Why would he ask him to prepare a treaty for the first time that had a mention of such a weapon within its contents? Why? He had been glad for something to do, glad that Osiris finally allowed him to become his liaison. He was surprised when Osiris permitted him the right to sketch out and review treaties but now, now he wasn't sure if he wanted the duty because...because... There were just things he wasn't about to do, and bartering for this weapon, adding it into an agreement... He didn't know if he could willingly do that...add a weapon clause that required such a powerful instrument be placed in the system lord's hands. Could he do that and if he did what would happen as a result? 

He shuddered not wanting to think of just what was so important about this particular device. Why did Osiris want something capable of such massive destruction? What would he use it for? He knew; he knew that the only purpose for such a device would be to strike terror and fear into those who opposed him. He knew that Osiris would no doubt use this weapon to acquire cooperation from those who did not want to surrender to him. He knew that was the reason, the sole purpose of such a powerful device and he sure as hell was not going to be the one responsible for placing such a lethal implement into the hands of a power hungry system lord. He knew what he had to do though he didn't like it, but he had no other options readily available to him. He would have to approach Osiris and he would have to speak to him about the treaty and the weapon that was being traded. 

A weapon traded for peace, now that sounded so very WRONG! Why would you forge a peace treaty and exchange that treaty for a weapon? Didn't that kind of defeat the purpose of forging a peace treaty in the first place? I'll give you peace if you give me the weapon that I can use to destroy you... That sounded so, so...stupid! Why would...? What...? He shook his head in frustration before snatching the treaty off of his desk and preparing to approach his lord. He would have to convince Osiris that requesting such a deadly contraption was the wrong thing to do. He had to find a way to convince him that he didn't need such an awesome weapon. He didn't need it! 

He carefully rolled up the document before making his way towards the throne room, pausing briefly just outside to draw strength and courage to himself. He could do this. He could. He could go in there and tell Osiris exactly how he felt about this treaty and he could convince the Goa'uld lord that this weapon was not a necessity. He could persuade him, he could...at least he prayed that he could for if he failed to convince Osiris that he had no need for such a device then the consequences were unimaginable. Osiris could do so much harm if he had such a weapon in his possession. No good could come from a weapon of mass destruction and he refused to be part of a peace negotiation if it involved bartering for the said weapon. He just couldn't do it. His conscious wouldn't allow him to...and those innocent victims of Alandria wouldn't allow him to. He would stop Osiris from obtaining such a weapon if it were the last thing he ever did! He had no choice. He HAD to stop this. Feeling confident enough to approach his lord with his many concerns he slowly entered the room bowing respectfully to Osiris before softly prompting, "My Lord..." 

Osiris glanced up as he heard Daniel's soft voice fill the room. He smiled warmly towards the man and immediately gave Daniel his full attention. He questioned, "What is it my precious one?" 

"Um..." He downcast his eyes uncertain as to how to proceed; he knew what he had to do and he knew that he couldn't back down now. He was determined to speak with Osiris and to get his point across to the Goa'uld lord so he swallowed hard, squared his shoulders then focused intently on his lord preparing to voice his opinion and thoughts on the treaty he now held in his hands. 

Osiris noticed how Daniel hesitated as if trying to organize his thoughts before presenting them. He waited patiently for the man to begin. When Daniel wasn't all that forthcoming he prompted, "Do you have concerns regarding the most recent agreement?" 

Daniel focused on him and without thought jumped in with his answer, "Yes...yes I do." 

Osiris nodded his head then continued, "What is wrong with the agreement, Daniel?" 

Daniel prepared to confront the Goa'uld lord and question just exactly what the purpose of this weapon was supposed to be. He extended the agreement towards Osiris briefly glancing at the floor as he gathered his wits about him before continuing, "Well...I have questions...lots of questions." 

"Could this be about the weapon, Daniel?" 

"Um, yeah...yes that would be what this is about." 

"Sarah said that you might have some difficulty with that particular section of the agreement. Tell me what is bothering you." 

Daniel reached his right hand behind his head absently rubbing the back of his neck as he collected his thoughts. He then focused intently on the Goa'uld lord questioning, "Um, just what...do we need it for? Why is it so important to you that we get our hands on this weapon." 

"It would greatly benefit our legion, my precious." 

"Yeah, about that...just how exactly will a weapon of mass destruction benefit our legion, My Lord? What do you intend to use the weapon for?" 

"We need that weapon, Daniel." 

"Yeah...um, no. No we don't. You see the only purpose a weapon of this magnitude could serve is destruction. Who do you intend to destroy, My Lord? You have no enemies that present such a threat to you or your legion..." 

"Daniel..." 

"Why do you need the weapon?" 

"Because..." 

Daniel nodded his head slightly as he responded, "I thought you might say that..." 

Osiris watched his favored with interest and wonder knowing that Daniel was against the purchase of such a powerful device but knowing that to possess such a device would be a very good benefit to them all. Osiris continued, "You do not agree with my need to acquire this device. Why? Do you not think I am capable of using it appropriately?" 

"No, I'm afraid you'll use it against innocent people." 

“Daniel, I would never do such a thing." 

Daniel quirked his eyebrows up as he inhaled shaking his head, "Wouldn't you?" 

Osiris felt the beginning stirrings of anger fill him as Daniel asked that simple question. How dare he come in here and question his lord. How dare a simple servant, a slave, have the audacity to approach his lord and challenge his decisions? Osiris spoke evenly as he replied, "No I would not." 

Daniel raised his hand in the air holding his pointer finger up for emphasis as he answered, "You see I have a problem with that. I know you...I know your race. You will use this weapon against innocent people and I'm afraid that I won't be a part of that, My Lord." 

"Are you refusing to finish this agreement, Daniel?" 

He again focused his intense gaze on Osiris as he simply answered, "Yes, I'm refusing to help you with this agreement." 

Osiris glared at Daniel as he nodded, "I see. Do you dare deny your lord?" 

"No My Lord. I didn't say that I would deny you. I said that I wouldn't help you to destroy people." 

"Daniel, how can acquiring a weapon such as this destroy people? I will use it for defense only." 

"Defense only? Really? Forgive me for asking this, My Lord, but defense against whom? You said so yourself that we do not have any enemies that are a threat to us so why then do you need this weapon?" 

Osiris continued to glare at Daniel noting the stubborn set of his jaw and the intelligent, calculating look his servant was presenting him with. He tightened his fists in anger glad to see that Daniel still had some of his spirit remaining but at the same time wanting to crush it. The man was downright infuriating! How dare he question his lord in matters concerning weaponry and defense! How dare he! Osiris tried to appease Daniel again as he said, "The weapon will be used for defense only..." 

"Yes, you've said that already but you still haven't answered my question." 

"And what question might that be?" 

"Why? Tell me why. Why do we need this weapon?" 

"For defense..." 

"No, no, no...you see you say that now but who's to say...who's to say that in the future you won't take that weapon and turn it on those who are not your enemy, My Lord? This weapon sounds like it's very powerful...a powerful weapon is not a toy..." 

"Daniel, why do you question me so? Why can you not accept that the decision is made?" 

Daniel shook his head as his anger began to build. He then added, "You're going to barter for this weapon no matter what I have to say aren't you?" 

"Yes, Daniel." 

"You already have your mind made up..." 

"Yes." 

"My God. Do you even realize what this means? What this can cause? Do you even realize that you are prepared to barter for a weapon that is capable of wiping out an entire planet...not just one planet...several? Why? Why would you want to destroy so much? Why? Do you desire to conquer more planets? Gain more followers by exhibiting the wondrous firepower you will now have in your possession? Why do you want this weapon so badly?" 

Now he was becoming irritated with Daniel. Why couldn't the man just accept what his lord decided and drop the discussion all together? 

'Because he does not agree with what you are doing and when Daniel has a point to make he will do his best to make you see his side of things. It is simply his nature.' Sarah spoke up. 

'Well he is being most uncooperative.' Osiris replied. 

'And you have a problem with that? The first time he decides to challenge you openly you desire to shut him up? How is that allowing him any say in what you are doing? How does that allow him to be your liaison? You are supposed to be viewing him as your partner. Yet you are ready to shut him down at the first little sign of opposition.' Sarah continued. 

'He is taking this too far. He needs to drop this discussion.' 

'Osiris, he won't do that. Daniel has a very strong set of morals and beliefs. When one impedes on those beliefs he becomes determined to make his own points...' 

'He is becoming disrespectful.' 

'He is doing no such thing. He is merely angering you because you know that he has a point and you cannot answer his simple question of why you desire this weapon.' 

Osiris chose to ignore Sarah as he turned his full focus on Daniel yet again. He then said, "This discussion is over. We are getting this weapon..." 

"No, no, no! God did you hear anything I just said?" 

"I have decided. You will write this agreement and you will include the request for the weapon or..." 

"Or what? You'll beat me? Have me lashed? Have me drawn and quartered because I don't agree with you? That's what this is all about isn't it? You say you want to give me freedom yet you can't stand it when I challenge you." 

"Daniel, how I feel about you has nothing to do with this discussion." 

"It has everything to do with this discussion! I can't believe you. I can't believe that you would dare to say that you would listen to how I feel then you turn around and command me to do something that is totally against my own beliefs and morals. No. No I won't do it. NO!" 

"You will attend me as we travel to meet with Chandra and you will relay our interest in this weapon. Do not defy me in this matter, Daniel." 

Daniel shook his head angrily from side to side both agitated and annoyed at the same time. He pushed those feelings aside as he tried again, "Why do we need this weapon? Why?" 

"To protect..." 

"To protect? Oh that is such bullshit! Don't give me that crap!" 

"Daniel..." 

"My Lord, we don't need it. It will only bring forth destruction and grief. We have no need for such a weapon." 

"What would you have me do?" 

"Walk away from it...destroy it. Forget about it..." 

"I cannot." 

Daniel exhaled angrily as he shook his head still not understanding why Osiris was so desperate to get his hands on a weapon of mass destruction. He didn't know what to do. It was obvious to him that Osiris didn't give a damn about his opinion so what the hell was the use of trying to get his point across? He shook his head in aggravation as he added, "If you do this, if you travel to that planet and return with that weapon..." 

"What will you do, my precious? You are my servant, my slave, your duty is to obey me and to do as I order you to do NOT what you choose to do..." 

"So now I'm your goddamned slave again? I thought I was more to you than a damned slave. Because I disagree with you I'm merely a simple-minded slave, My Lord?" 

Osiris reached up to cup Daniel's left cheek in his hand as he responded, "No, my precious, you are more than a slave to me. You have always been more than a slave to me." 

"Then why won't you listen to me? Why won't you listen to what I have to say? Acquiring a weapon of mass destruction is no answer to anything. What will that weapon possibly be used for? You say defense, yet I know otherwise. The only reason one acquires a weapon of such strength is because they want to use it to destroy and to demonstrate that they are much more powerful than their rivals...My Lord, you have no need for such a weapon as this. It will only create heartache and suffering. My Lord, there are better ways to defend and protect your forces, much better ways than annihilating an entire planet because they have wronged you in some way..." 

"This discussion is over. I expect this treaty to be completed by the time we prepare to depart for the meeting. Do not go against me on this issue for you will not like the outcome if you do." 

Osiris then turned from Daniel and walked away leaving him standing there feeling both angry and upset. My'la entered the room seeing Daniel she smiled then noticed that he appeared rather disturbed. She softly inquired, "Daniel, what is it? What is wrong?" 

"He didn't listen. He won't listen to me." 

"Who?" 

"The stubborn bastard just won't listen," he shook his head in agitation before turning and leaving the room to focus on the treaty yet again. He would not make a mention of the weapon and he knew that when Osiris read the treaty he would become extremely outraged, so he would wait until they were being transported to Chandra's world before completing the treaty. He knew the dangers of what he was doing, but was determined to do it because it was the right thing to do. 

Several hours later Osiris turned to My'la demanding, "Where is Daniel?" 

"He is coming, My Lord." 

"He is late. He should know the penalty for tardiness." 

"Be patient, My Lord..." 

Just then Daniel entered the room and rushed to his lord's side bowing as he made an apology for being late. Osiris glared at him before chastising, "I require timeliness in all of my servants Daniel. You know this already." 

"Yes, My Lord. I am sorry." 

"Do you have the treaty?" 

"Yes My Lord." 

"May I see it?" 

Daniel swallowed nervously before handing the treaty over to Osiris. As Osiris started to scan the contents he lowered his gaze awaiting his lord's anger and rage upon seeing the mention of the weapon was craftily omitted. 

My'la cast a worried glance at Daniel, sensing that the man had failed to do something his lord required. She hoped that the young man hadn't done something to outrage his lord, but as Osiris cast an angry gaze his way she found herself tensing in preparation for an angry exchange between the two. 

Osiris quickly scanned the treaty for the mention of the weapon, and when he saw none he focused intently on Daniel questioning, "Why have you failed to do as I have asked, Daniel?" 

"My Lord?" 

"Do not act as if you have no knowledge of what I am referring too, Daniel." 

"I am sorry, My Lord, but what are you referring to?" 

"The weapon, Daniel. Is there no mention of the device within this treaty?" 

Daniel glanced up at Osiris then quickly downcast his gaze as he nervously shuffled from one foot to the other before responding, "No My Lord." 

"Daniel I specifically requested that you add that into the treaty. Why do you dare to defy me on such a ruling?" 

"We have no need of the weapon, My Lord." 

"YOU FOOL! How dare you defy me in such matters!" 

Daniel unconsciously flinched jerking away from Osiris fearing that he might have angered the Goa'uld lord enough to make him lash out at him in outrage. He licked his lips nervously as he softly replied, "I am sorry, My Lord, but I cannot and will not support you in this decision. If you have a desire to gain the weapon from Lord Chandra then you will simply have to ask for it yourself. I will not be a party to it." 

"YOU HAVE NO SAY!" 

My'la jumped as Osiris' voice echoed throughout the room. She noticed that Daniel took another unconscious step backwards and feared that Osiris might lose his control soon if she did not attempt to intercede. She quickly interrupted the exchange, "My Lord, it is time for you to meet with Lord Chandra. You do not wish to be late to your meeting, My Lord." 

Osiris glared at her coldly before speaking with carefully controlled rage, "Thank you, My'la, we shall take our leave now. We shall return when the meeting is at its end. Come, Daniel, attend your lord, and do not dare defy me in front of another system lord or you shall find yourself in the dungeons for the rest of your days. You shall be punished for your obvious disobedience, but I have not yet decided how. Behave as you are trained, my defiant slave, or your punishment shall be much worse." 

"Yes, My Lord."

 

* * * * 

 

**MANDARA: CHANDRA'S PLANET**  
 **When Nightmares Return**

The rings descended around them as they were transferred from the ship to Chandra's planet. My'la shook her head fearing for Daniel, knowing that his defiance would surely be dealt with upon their return. Osiris could not allow a servant to be so defiant towards him. She turned and left the room feeling her worry for Daniel consuming her thoughts. 

As they rematerialized on Mandara, Daniel continued to keep his head bowed refusing to make any eye contact with Osiris. He knew that he had angered the phoenix lord by neglecting to add the weapon into their agreement but he could not go against his own feelings on the matter. 

Osiris continued to glare at his servant as he reminded, "If you defy me in front of Lord Chandra you will be punished severely for both crimes. Do not dare go against my rulings, slave, or you will find yourself in a most unfavorable position." 

Daniel noted that Osiris so kindly addressed him as slave, but instead of responding appropriately to the title he simply replied, "Yes, My Lord," which only succeeded in angering Osiris all the more. 

Daniel followed Osiris as they were led before Chandra. He remained by his lord's side presenting the treaty to Chandra who in turn made no secret of his obvious interest in Osiris' favored. Daniel could feel those heated gazes as Chandra brazenly examined him and ogled his body. He shifted uncomfortably beneath the gaze softly hissing as Osiris tightened his grip on his leash. He glanced briefly at Osiris still seeing the anger and rage in his lord then again focused his attention on Chandra. 

Osiris smiled as he noticed the obvious interest in Chandra's gaze as he focused on his slave. He waited for Daniel to finish explaining their agreement before inquiring, "Lord Chandra is there anything that you shall require before we close this agreement?" 

Chandra gazed at Daniel smiling lasciviously as he watched the young servant cast his gaze to the floor. He then inquired, "Is he your pleasure slave or your lover?" 

"You have an interest in my favored, Lord Chandra?" 

"Why yes. I do." 

"He is most formidable in all things." 

"I should like to see him service his lord. I would much enjoy the show." 

Osiris snickered as he noticed Daniel lower his head even further and smiled as he contemplated Chandra's request. He then turned to his servant and firmly commanded, "Go to your knees, my precious slave for Lord Chandra wishes to see you service your god. He wishes to see your ecstasy. Do as I command." 

Daniel swallowed hard feeling very uncomfortable and uncertain. Osiris never ordered him to serve him before other system lords until now. He hesitated gasping as Osiris wrapped his leash tighter in his hands then ordered, "HEEL!" as he tugged none too gently on the chain. Daniel knew that he had to serve his lord or suffer the consequences. Another planet would be destroyed unless he did as he was bid. He, also, knew that this was part of Osiris' punishment for his failure to do as his god had commanded. It was Osiris' way of reminding him of what his proper place was amongst his legion. He quietly responded, "Yes My Lord," closing his eyes so he would not have to see the look of interest in the moon god's face as he lowered gracefully to his knees and seized Osiris' robes gently tugging them open to reveal Sarah's beautiful mound of blond curls. 

As her scent wafted through the air upon revealing her womanly center Daniel moaned forcing himself to imagine that he was in their bedchamber servicing her and not humiliating himself by performing such an intimate act before a system lord and his royal guard. He licked his lips as he focused on her secret trove feeling another tug on his leash encouraging him not to delay. He forced himself to separate from the humiliation of the act as he leaned upward slipping his tongue out from between his lips to gently prod at her swollen slit. Osiris' response was immediate as he gasped in pleasure and tossed his head back spreading his thighs further to offer Daniel better access to his moist core. 

Daniel continued to focus on pleasing her and trying to forget that they were now being closely observed by others, but hearing the gasps and heavy breathing around him didn't help matters all that much for he knew for certain that they were reacting to his performance wishing that they were the one he was pleasuring. He moaned softly as her other hand entwined within his hair urging him to continue to provide such intense pleasure. He answered that gesture by probing her heat with his tongue dragging his tongue back and forth over her clitoris then pausing to drive his tongue deep within her dragging squeals of delight and soft moans from the one he was now pleasing. 

Osiris smiled as Daniel continued to pleasure him so brilliantly with his tongue. He forced his passion-glazed eyes to open as he focused on Chandra. He chuckled as he noticed that Chandra was now held captivated by what he was being shown. Osiris purred, "Is he not exquisite?" 

"Hmm, beautiful, most beautiful..." 

"Yes... Slave, I should like you to suck me now." 

Daniel's breathless voice came to him from between his thighs as he uttered, "Yes My Lord," before clamping his mouth over Sarah's clitoris and gently sucking while flicking his tongue across her at the same time. Sarah started to pant in response to such intense stimulation. 

Osiris gently tugged his bottom lip in between his teeth nibbling on it as Daniel continued to stimulate his host so thoroughly. As Daniel ceased sucking and started to gently nibble on the labia Osiris could not hold back his loud moan of absolute pleasure. He started gently urging Daniel to continue telling him how good he was and how wonderful he was making them feel. Osiris hissed as Daniel then pulled back more and started to use light pressure as he twirled his tongue around the very tip of the clitoris urging them closer and closer to climax. 

Osiris could no longer keep his moans and gasps of pleasure silent as Daniel's tongue action drove them closer and closer to orgasm. He tightened his hold on the leash as he felt the pleasure rippling through them as tremors of sweet intense heat surged forth. He screamed as they were brought to fulfillment. Osiris started to run his fingers through his servant's soft lengthy hair reveling in the softness of it. He whimpered as Daniel pulled away and as he opened his eyes he saw the man lowering gracefully to his knees awaiting his next command. 

Osiris pressed a finger under the man's chin and turned his head upwards. When Daniel focused his intense gaze on them Osiris quietly commanded, "Come and cover your lord." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Daniel rose up on his knees as he tugged the robes back around Osiris covering his nakedness so that no other could continue to ogle him. Osiris smiled warmly as Daniel again returned to his submissive pose awaiting his next order still wearing Sarah's essence upon his beautiful face for all to see. 

Chandra spoke through choked whispers as he requested, "I should like to sample that which has pleased you so thoroughly Lord Osiris." 

Osiris smiled as he focused on Daniel yet again and firmly ordered, "You will rise and service Lord Chandra for your master, slave." 

Daniel inhaled sharply; gasping in surprise and feeling immediate fear and anger fill him. There was no way in hell he would offer himself to another to be used like a cheap whore. Osiris would have to simply accept that he would not agree. 

Osiris continued, "Come and rise, my precious slave. Service Lord Chandra for your god." 

"No." 

"Do you dare defy your god in such matters?" 

"Yes." 

"You have not a choice in the matter, slave. You will do as I command or you will be punished." 

"Then I'll accept the punishment but there is no way in hell I'll offer myself to another. I'd rather die than become another's whore for you, My Lord." 

"You dare defy your god?" 

"Yes, I dare. I am not some cheap slut you can pass to whomever you feel like. I will not do as you command." 

Osiris' outrage grew to extreme proportions. He wanted to lash out at his servant and punish him for daring to be so disrespectful to him in front of an audience. He raised the hand device above Daniel's forehead as he continued, "You are a slave. Need I remind you of what that status implies? You have no choice in the matter. You live to serve. You live to please. You have no rights except those your master bestows upon you. Do not anger me further, slave, for you shall not like the punishment you will receive for such lack of respect and such insolence to your god." 

"I will not offer my body to another." 

"Very well then you shall suffer by your god's hands." 

Osiris prepared to trigger the hand device but it refused to cooperate. Rage sparked in his eyes as his answer came back to him of why he couldn't activate it...Sarah...Sarah was daring to defy him. He cast his next words inward as he threatened, 'Do not interfere, Sarah, or you will suffer my wrath.' 

'You will destroy him.' 

'I will do no such thing. He has defied me therefore he is to be punished for his insolence.' 

'Don't do this. If you force Daniel to make such a sacrifice you will risk his ultimate destruction. He cannot handle being used by another. My lord, you must not force him to do this. You have sworn to protect him and to shield him. You have promised that you would never place him in this type of a situation again. Are you now going against your own words?' 

'DO NOT INTERFERE!' 

'My Lord if you do this you will risk his destruction. Betrayal is one of the hardest things for him to deal with. You made a promise to him several months ago that you would always protect him and that you would never force him to offer himself to another. I beg of you don't betray him. Please, My Lord, don't do this to him. He can't handle it.' 

'He lives to serve me. If I wish for him to do something he must obey without question.' 

'Look at him. Can you not see what your simple request is now doing to him? He is already experiencing betrayal for you have sworn to him never to force him to do such a thing yet now you are asking him to willingly sacrifice himself for your weapon. You will kill him. Please don't put him through this. Please...' 

'SILENCE! We must do this...' 

'For your precious weapon: you'll destroy Daniel for a stupid weapon? You'll destroy a man you claim to love for a goddamned weapon? What the hell is wrong with you? You can't do this to him! YOU CAN'T! My Lord how can you not see the pain he is now experiencing at being commanded to do such a thing for you? Isn't it enough that you have just forced him to please you before an audience? You know how hard it is for Daniel just to perform when we are alone yet you forced him to pleasure you in front of an audience. Why is this weapon so damned precious to you?' 

'Sarah, do not make me punish you for refusing to be silent...' 

'Punish? Is this damn weapon more precious to you then the man you love with all your being? Is this damn weapon worth sacrificing the one man you love? IS IT?' 

'I warned you...' 

Osiris was so angry that without thought or concern for Sarah he directed crippling pain towards her. She screamed in agony, feeling Osiris' betrayal hurt her deeply. He'd sworn, he'd promised never to use pain as a weapon against her, yet he now chose to break that promise, just as he would break his promise to Daniel and destroy the one man she loved with all her heart. Oh God she had to fight him! She had to resist the blackness for if she failed, if she failed then Daniel would have no hope, none. Osiris would destroy him as he was now destroying her. He would cripple a growing trust permanently...he would destroy the one man he claimed to love. She couldn't let him do this. She couldn't! She fought, thrashing about trying to resist the blackness that wanted to trap her and imprison her in her own mind. 

Sarah forced herself to focus on Daniel, her precious Daniel, who was even now bowing before them in a proper show of submission even as he was screaming on the inside. She knew he was screaming, oh how he was screaming inside calling out desperately for help, calling out desperately for his Jack to come and save him from this hell he was now in. She felt her heart weeping for the man as she heard Osiris offer Daniel to Chandra for punishing. Oh God he was giving Chandra permission to punish Daniel how he saw fit? Oh God...oh God no! Daniel! NO! She watched him as he raised his head ever so slightly and glanced upon Osiris. The look in his eyes was enough to destroy her. She could feel his pain and his suffering so deeply that she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to recover from the backlash. Daniel was dying now, dying inside and crumbling. He was shrinking away from her, away from them as he listened to Osiris pronounce his punishment for all too hear. The betrayal was already wreaking havoc on what remained of the man's gentle, precious soul. Again Daniel had dared to trust a promise only to have it be broken and destroyed. Again Daniel was sliding into despair and panic. She clawed her way back towards Osiris needing desperately to make him see to make him understand just what he was now doing to Daniel but she was so weak from the pain he sent her that she could do nothing except weep for the man she loved so completely. She would weep for him when he could not weep for himself for Daniel would never show such a weakness to an enemy. He would never show such a weakness to her. 

Daniel felt himself dying as Osiris granted Chandra permission to punish him. As he risked a glance at Chandra he could see lust in those eyes and hunger. The system lord wanted him just as Dionysus wanted him. Oh God please, please no...no. He couldn't handle another assault like the one he had suffered on Dionysus' planet. He couldn't. Osiris had promised him. He had promised never to place his servant in another position like that but now Osiris was willingly breaking that promise and Daniel was calling himself every kind of fool there was for daring to trust the system lord even a little. He had believed Osiris' words on that day, and now he was learning just how much of a stupid fool he'd been. When would he ever learn that to trust even a little was a foolish notion? When would he learn to stop being so naïve and so damned forgiving? When would he learn that this world was a cruel, harsh place? When? Why did he always dare to believe that some good remained in everyone, every creature and every being? Why did he continue to believe such a stupid notion? 

He could hear Jack's words of warning telling him just how stupid he was...yeah thought you'd be safe did you, Daniel? You thought you could trust the word of a snake? You're a fool Daniel Jackson a stupid, stupid fool! When will you learn that this world is cold and harsh? When will you learn that people are inherently evil? When will you learn to stop believing in such frilly notions as compassion, peace, love and forgiveness? You didn't learn when your parents died and you didn't learn when Sha're died. When the hell are you going to open up your eyes and realize that this place is hell? When? 

He hung his head, as he silently whispered, "Probably never." 

He heard the order, the command to rise but couldn't make himself comply. The result of his refusal was to be jerked to his feet by his leash and dragged towards a door that obviously led to his own personal hell. He decided not to fight anymore. What the hell was the use? He would be used and abused for the rest of his life. He was no longer free. He was a slave, a servant. His job, his duty was to obey his master. He was doomed to a hellish existence. 

He didn't even struggle as his hands were secured above his head locked in chains. He knew that he was doomed already and that there would be no escape for him. As he cast one last glance at Osiris all he saw was contempt and a twisted, demented little thrill of anticipation coloring Sarah's cheeks making her beauty appear only skin deep. She was twisted and evil now. She was no more. The compassionate young woman who had at one time stolen his heart was no more, for Osiris now ruled her as well as him. He hung his head clenching his eyes tightly shut as Osiris urged, "Go ahead and touch him. See how he so openly responds to stimulation. You desired to touch him, to have him service you, and now you may have your chance." 

Chandra smiled in glee as he approached Daniel and spooned up behind the man pulling him back against him and wrapping his arms around him. Daniel tensed and felt his body shudder as the system lord inhaled deeply saying, "He smells of sex and heat. I shall enjoy sampling the delights that you have found within this one. Hmm, Raschaun, hand me the blindfold please. I have an urge to blindfold this beautiful one." 

Raschaun handed his lord a blindfold and Daniel tensed as the arms released him and cloth was pressed against his face. He didn't want to be blindfolded not for this. He whispered, "My Lord, please...please don't..." 

Osiris pressed a finger to Daniel's lips as he quietly urged, "Hush, hush now slave and allow yourself to feel the pleasure that Lord Chandra is willing to provide you with." 

"No...no, please..." 

"BE SILENT OR I SHALL GRANT HIM PERMISSION TO EXPLORE ALL OF YOUR DELICIOUS SECRETS!" 

Daniel swallowed hard knowing that Osiris was implying that he would allow Chandra to use him for intercourse. He shuddered again hearing Jack's voice tormenting him and telling him that he was such a stupid fool, such a bloody fool. 

He jumped as arms again wrapped around him, and he felt the unfamiliar body press up against him once more. He wanted to scream but could no longer speak as his mind decided to attack him as well by sending him on a backwards spiral into his tormented past when another system lord wanted him so much that he resorted to abducting him to claim him. He stiffened even more as warm breath caressed his ear and a soft kiss fell against his left cheek. He didn't even realize it as he softly pleaded, "No, no please...please stop this...no!" 

He shivered as he heard taunting laughter and Osiris' voice as he addressed Chandra, "I have heard that you enjoy those who beg to remain untouched." 

"Hmm, yes...he is cooperating very nicely." 

"Yes, that he is..." 

Sarah gasped as Osiris laughed, actually laughed at Daniel's suffering. Oh God she had to stop this! She had to! As Daniel again begged not to be touched she noticed an unusual hitch in his voice. Why did he sound as if he were...oh God panic...he was panicking...he was drawing so close to outright panic! The first indicator was always that little hitch, surely Osiris could hear it, surely he would call a halt to this horrible abuse of his favored, surely he would come to Daniel's aid...surely he would, but as his mocking laughter filled the room again Sarah knew that he did not hear. He was too angry with the man, too irritated with Daniel that he wanted to punish him, and he knew that offering him up to be fondled and mauled by another system lord would provide him with the perfect opportunity to teach his slave never to disobey again. She shuddered and continued her struggle to come to Daniel's aid as she heard Osiris' next taunting words, "Oh hush now my precious slave for this does not hurt a bit. I know how you love to be fondled and caressed. Come show Lord Chandra how easily your body can be stimulated..." 

She cried for Daniel when a strangled moan escaped from between his lips as Chandra tugged his earlobe into his mouth and started to suckle it. She watched in horror as the Goa'uld lord then proceeded to continue suckling the ear as he toyed and taunted Daniel's nipples, twisting and tweaking them between his fingers drawing another strangled moan from him. 

Daniel found himself back in that room with Dionysus' servant being openly mauled and fondled. He cursed his own responses as a warm mouth began to suckle his ear and fingers began to tweak his nipples. Oh God he was responding to the unwanted stimulation as if he were a cheap whore. He could feel his legs lazily drifting apart and feel the heat spiking within him building and accumulating, threatening to force soft pleas for release and for pleasure to slip past his lips. He couldn't handle this! He couldn't! He could feel the tears already building at the corners of his eyes threatening to spill down over his cheeks, but he tried to force them back. As the hands on him became more aggressive and the one holding him started planting soft kisses across his cheek Daniel felt his panic build. He tried to jerk away from the person, screaming when the man latched onto his leash effectively forcing him back to a time he tried desperately to forget. A time when he was pinned to the floor and being forcefully kissed...a time when he knew that he would be gang raped. He heard the mocking laughter fill the room, recognizing the voice, but not being able to place the face with that voice. He knew that the laughter was originating from someone who had promised never to place him in this kind of a situation again, and as another tug was applied to his leash he screamed again this time louder struggling as breathing became almost impossible. 

Sarah watched Daniel intently trying desperately to claw her way back to save him. She could see the man's panic increasing, and when Chandra applied pressure to the leash secured to Daniel's collar his scream of terror was enough to increase her strength. She knew that she had to get to Daniel soon or he would be lost, lost in a horrible nightmare that should never have happened. Osiris had betrayed Daniel, and even now he was laughing at the man as he desperately tried to remain in control. She could hear the horrible gasping that always followed his flailing struggles. He was panicking so badly that she wasn't sure if she'd be able to get to him on time. 

Daniel fought against invisible demons as he found himself back there, being pinned to the floor as he was openly mauled. He could smell the servant's bated breath and feel the man's weight settling across his body again. He could feel the weakness and the pain flaring as he remembered the brutal kicks that had been directed to his sides. He could hear the sinister laughter that surrounded him filled him and forced him to panic outright. He became extremely scared when he realized he could no longer draw air into his lungs. He attempted to claw at his throat, feeling metal slicing into flesh and warm liquid spraying down over his wrists. He attempted to kick and to buck but it was useless, for the more he kicked and the more he bucked the harder breathing became. He screamed again as his nightmarish memories took him beyond what happened that day to all of his fears and certainties of what could have occurred. He saw the servant above him whipping out his dick as he prepared to rape his mouth. He felt his fear only increase and his panic increase as he realized that he could no longer draw in breath. He felt his throat closing up and sealing out all the precious air that he needed to breathe. He felt light headed as blackness started to stalk him and urge him to follow. He knew that he was slowly suffocating. He knew it and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't defeat it. His ears began to ring and his lungs felt as if they were ready to explode. His eyes felt as if they were now bulging out of their sockets, and his throat felt as if a noose was drawn tight. He briefly wondered why he was even resisting the inevitable and as his mind flashed to Jack he gave up his fight collapsing where he was. 

Sarah screamed a desperate "NO!" as she saw Daniel collapsing against the shackles. She shoved Chandra violently out of the way before demanding, "Release him! RELEASE HIM NOW!" 

Chandra was so surprised by the sudden demand that he quickly undid the restraints, watching as Osiris' slave crumpled and sagged against his lord completely unconscious. He watched in awe as Osiris began to yell a name over and over again ordering him not to give up and to please return. Daniel, Daniel...the name was repeated again and again...Daniel, please don't die. Daniel, hold on. Daniel, please speak to me. Daniel, please come back to me. In between the pleas the Goa'uld lord gasped as if a great sorrow filled his heart. Chandra glanced at Osiris' face noticing the fine sheen of moisture trailing down over those smooth cheeks, and he swallowed hard deciding he would leave to give Osiris time to spend with his servant. He tried not to even think of how he felt when the man suddenly stopped breathing as panic flooded him. Had he known that Osiris' servant would panic like that he would have never made the suggestion to be satisfied by him. 

He thought of what occurred in the throne room, and wondered if in securing the servant he had provoked the panic attack. When the man was free of bonds he had served his lord efficiently and effectively but from the moment the shackles were locked around his wrists the servant had started to panic. Why had Osiris not informed him that his favored had an intense fear of restraints? Had he known...had he known he would have approached things much differently. 

Sarah continued to speak to Daniel, encouraging him to open his eyes and look at her. She became desperate as she feared that death might have found him. She hung her head as she felt his loss so completely. She had been too late, too late to save Daniel from his deepest fear... 

She jerked her head up as a strangled gasp filled the room followed by very haggard breathing. She smiled brightly as Daniel focused on her and reached desperately for his throat. She stilled his hands as she encouraged softly, "No, Daniel, no. You mustn't. You must focus on regaining your breathing. You must focus on calming yourself. Shh, shh, relax...relax, Daniel. Don't give in to it. Don't. Please don't leave me again. Please Daniel. I tried to get to you sooner but Osiris hur...hurt me to gain control over me. He...he actually hurt me...I...I couldn't get to you any sooner..." 

Daniel noticed that her admission regarding Osiris harming her was a very difficult one for her to make. Had she too been fooled by the Goa'uld lord's false promises? He cursed as his instinct was to reach up and offer her comfort. He gently cupped the side of her face in his hand nodding in understanding. She smiled sadly as she answered his unspoken question, "Yes, he promised that he would not do so again...he...he...did not keep the promise...as he didn't keep his promise to you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry he put you through that Daniel, so sorry." 

"S'okay, Sarah...really s'okay...help...help me up...please...can't..." 

"No, no. You need to relax. You need to..." 

"Help...I...I don't want to stay here...don't...they came back...memories are back...I...I panicked...I...I felt as if...as if..." 

"As if it were happening all over again?" 

Daniel simply nodded before continuing, "Only this time...much worse...they succeeded...almost..." 

"In raping...oh God Daniel...I'm sorry. Come on. Let's get you up and get you out of here before our lord decides to grace us with his presence." 

"Where is he?" 

"I fought him...and won...he retreated...shrank away when...when you stopped breathing...I believe he's feeling ashamed and guilty...he allowed his anger to...to..." 

Daniel simply nodded his head in response before closing his eyes. Sarah gently urged, "Oh no. No rest for you yet, Daniel. No, you can't rest until I get you off of this planet. I want us off of this planet and traveling away from here before Osiris discovers it's too late to return to claim his stupid weapon." 

"He'll punish..." 

"So he will...no matter. We need to get you safely back on board the ship and get you tucked into bed. Come on, Daniel, let's get you to your feet." 

"But..." 

"No, no buts. We're leaving. I hate this place as much as you do, and I really don't want him to get his hands on that weapon. He was willing to betray us both to retrieve it, so he wants it badly for some reason, which is why we are leaving." 

She helped him rise to his feet draping his arm across the back of her neck and wrapping her other arm around his waist as she urged him towards the door. She continued, "I paid attention when we arrived. The ring room is this way." 

She helped him down the hall, taking the pace slowly, allowing him a chance to regain his strength. He was exhausted after that attack and she knew that he would be asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. 

Once at the transportation room she guided him to the center of the rings and pressed the jewel on her hand device, holding onto him as the rings descended down around them and sent them back up to the ship. Once on the ship she helped Daniel to the main hall ignoring all questions as she ordered, "Get us out of this sector immediately. Return to Maloash to retrieve Zeenan, then set a course back to Bursiris." 

"Yes My Lord." 

"I will be in my chamber attending to my favored." 

The guards nodded and watched as Osiris continued to give Daniel aid as they traveled at a near crawl towards their bedchamber. They then focused on programming the courses into the computer that Osiris requested. 

Halfway to the bedchamber Daniel froze causing Sarah to stop and cast a worried glance his way. Sarah questioned, "What is it Daniel? What's wrong?" 

"I...I want to...to bath....before...before..." 

Sarah nodded her head in understanding again feeling the guilt swamp her for not being able to prevent another attack on Daniel. She guided him towards the bathhouse determined to help him bathe before they retired sensing Daniel would struggle a long time to deal with the crippling blow of Osiris' betrayal.


	13. Trust Destroyed

**TRUST DESTROYED**

The moment Zeenan boarded his lord's vessel he could see that something wasn't right. Osiris seemed upset, sad and distracted. As he informed his lord of what he discovered on his trip he noticed that Osiris' focus often strayed. He seemed disturbed as if he were worried. He had never before seen his lord quite so...melancholy. He quickly decided that it was no use talking about his discoveries when it was so obvious that his lord wasn't listening to him anyway so he changed the direction of the discussion, "My Lord what has happened?" 

Osiris barely even acknowledged him, remaining silent for several long moments before raising his head and answering, "Nothing is wrong, Zeenan. Why do you ask such a question?" 

He could see that something was most definitely wrong and the longer he remained the more he realized that Daniel wasn't here where he should be. He questioned, "And where is Daniel this night?" 

“I believe that he now sleeps." 

"You believe he now...My Lord what has happened here?" 

"Nothing to be concerned about." 

"You are upset and Daniel is not attending you as he should. What occurred on Mandara My Lord?" 

All Osiris could do was sigh before answering, "The negotiations did not go well."

"My Lord?" 

"That is all for tonight Zeenan. You may now go." 

"My Lord?" 

"Go. I should like to be alone for a few moments before returning to my favored's side." 

Deciding that he would get no further answers from Osiris he simply replied, "Yes My Lord," bowing before exiting the room and heading straight for his lord's sleeping chamber. 

Once near the bedchamber he quietly eased the door open and gazed upon the man who now rested there wondering what had happened to put such pain and fear in his lord's eyes. What had happened? 

He watched his sleeping friend hoping that by doing so he could find the answers to those unvoiced questions now floating through his mind and knowing that the only way he would get those many questions answered would be to ask. 

He smiled softly as he watched Daniel sleeping. Daniel seemed tense and more alert in rest and it did not slip by his notice that when he reached out to gently push the wayward bangs off of Daniel's temple the man visibly flinched without even waking. He quickly reassured Daniel that he was safe and could sleep. Daniel seemed to relax in response to those words. 

Something had happened. Some thing that had his lord moping about distractedly and Daniel pulling away from touch even in sleep. Something had happened but what had it been and how would it directly affect his lord and Daniel? 

At present he had no knowledge of just what had put such a noticeable strain on the relationship between his lord and his favored. He would have to speak to Daniel in the morning to see if he would willingly explain the tense situation. He was determined to find out what had occurred on Mandara and he was determined to help both his lord and Daniel to find a way to move beyond those obviously traumatic events.

 

* * * * * *

 

**TRUST DESTROYED**  
 **When Trust Is Lost What Remains?**

**Journal Entry:**

_Open for me, my precious servant..._

_Those words, those few words whispered by my master have the power to_  
 _instantly fuel my desire, my need, my yearning..._

_I have no control over my body's instant response. When he utters those few_  
 _simple words I can feel my dick harden instantly and suddenly I want him, I_  
 _need him, I burn uncontrollably for him. He's managed to inspire extreme_  
 _desperation within me, an intense craving ache that needs and begs to be_  
 _satisfied. I want to plead with him to beg him to satisfy me or allow me to_  
 _satisfy him. I should feel shame. I should feel guilt and humiliation for_  
 _becoming so dependent on him. I need him to please me, need to please him_  
 _and there is nothing that can dampen that fire, that heat he stirs within me_  
 _until I come screaming...not his name, no I never scream his name when I come,_  
 _never. No, I scream the name of the one man I will always need, the one man I_  
 _need just to breathe, just to live. I scream for the man who can satisfy me and_  
 _satiate my ever-increasing hunger, cool the fire so strong within me, heal my_  
 _broken soul and my tormented heart. I scream for the one man who has the_  
 _power to restore my soul, my spirit...restore me... bring me back from this_  
 _darkness I have buried myself so craftily under. I scream for him and I can_  
 _hear my voice echo around me carrying that name up into the air as if it were_  
 _a prayer that only the angels can hear: Jack. His name caresses the air, is_  
 _carried on the wind and drifts towards the place I call home._

_Does he hear me when I call to him, when I scream for him? Can he hear the_  
 _desperate utterance of his name as I come for another...one I do not love nor_  
 _will ever love? Can he hear the need, the urgency, the desperation in that_  
 _single word as I call out for him to help me, to come for me, to heal my_  
 _broken heart, to cure my shattered soul? Jack... Jack... Whether the name is_  
 _uttered as a prayer or screamed in my satiated bliss I do not care as long_  
 _as he can hear me, can feel me, knows that I love him, that I need him with_  
 _all my heart and soul...knows that though I have grown to enjoy the sex,_  
 _crave and need to be satisfied by the one who holds me here, begs and_  
 _pleads to be allowed to climax or to bring him to climax that I have never_  
 _loved this creature nor ever will..._

_Does he know that when I willingly offer myself to the one now with me,_  
 _when I openly plead and beg to be permitted to climax, when I beg to be_  
 _allowed to touch myself for him and stroke myself for him, when I beg for_  
 _his mouth to engulf me, for his tongue to lick me and explore me...when I_  
 _plead to be permitted to smell his essence, to smell him like a damned dog..._  
 _when I beg to be permitted to wear his essence upon my face and to crawl_  
 _for him...allow him to lead me around on my leash like I am his pet, to treat_  
 _me as if I am merely his dog...when I allow him to order me to call myself_  
 _my master's pet, when I desire to delve my tongue deep inside my master's_  
 _dripping cunt or I beg to be jerked to fulfillment... Does he know how much_  
 _of a sacrifice those become for me to make? Does he realize that the only_  
 _way I can survive, the only way I can prevent another planet's destruction,_  
 _protect Earth and my friends from suffering is to allow myself to get lost in_  
 _the dark desires and deepest fantasies of my master? Does he know that the_  
 _only way I can survive this utter humiliation and degradation, the only way_  
 _I can survive is to allow raw passion, raw desire... and raw hunger to fill_  
 _me? Does he know that the only way I can survive is to draw only intense_  
 _pleasure and euphoria from the acts of sex we perform together almost_  
 _every night?_

_I have forgotten how to feel. I can't feel anything anymore, my beloved. All I_  
 _can feel is emptiness...and I can't even feel that. The only thing I can feel_  
 _anymore is raw desire and need. The only time I can feel is when I am_  
 _performing a sexual act or am being sexually satisfied by my master. I_  
 _have struggled so long and so hard to keep as much of myself from the one_  
 _who holds me as is possible, and now I cannot feel...to feel hurts too damned_  
 _much love. I had to lock my heart up to keep it safe. I had to build the walls;_  
 _walls so strong and sturdy that only your love is capable of breaking_  
 _them down. If you cannot love me after you learn of what I have done for_  
 _my master as his slave, his servant, then I may never be able to free myself_  
 _from behind those walls. They are so high, so strong and so unyielding...no_  
 _one can get through them. No one can tarnish the real me. No one will ever_  
 _dirty my heart. NO ONE._

_Will I be trapped behind these walls for the rest of my life? Unable to feel_  
 _except raw sexual yearnings? Please don't turn me away. I know how_  
 _ashamed you will be of me when you discover all the things I have done for_  
 _him, and all the things I've allowed him to do to me but please, please I beg_  
 _of you don't ever give up on me because if you do then I may not be able to_  
 _return ever._

_Hear me; hear me as I call out to you every night love. Hear my call and help_  
 _me. I need you. I'm lost without you, love. I need you. Are your ears even open_  
 _to me anymore love? Is your heart even filled with the love you had for me at_  
 _one time or did that love melt away and disappear like I'm disappearing?_  
 _Have you turned your back on me forever my lover? Am I now lost to you?_  
 _Can you even hear me when I call your name? I am always crying your name,_  
 _crying out for you but do you even hear me or have you closed your heart, your_  
 _ears and your mind to me? Have you simply forgotten me?_

_I've been gone longer then I ever expected. I might never return home...or I_  
 _may be here for many long months... Will you still be waiting for me if I ever_  
 _manage to escape? Do you still look to the heavens and think of me, or has_  
 _another taken my place? In my long absence have you forgotten who I am?_  
 _Do you even remember my name? Or has my name become a curse on your_  
 _lips? Have I lost you forever, or will you be able to find me again? Will you_  
 _be able to accept this shattered soul back into your life? Will you ever be_  
 _able to accept one who has prostituted himself, and has grown to enjoy it?_

_Open for me, my precious servant..._

_Those words successfully heat me up, make me want him, need him, make_  
 _me beg to be pleased by him..._

_Make me betray the man I love with all my heart._

_I call only one name, and again I send that name to the heavens as a prayer_  
 _and a plea for you to remember me..._

_JACK_

**End of Journal Entry**

 

He stood silently gazing at nothing in particular, holding himself rigid as if prepared to flee if someone dared crumble the silent walls he had now forged miles high around himself. He didn't say a word...rarely even spoke any more finding that he had nothing to say. He wanted to cry, tried to cry but the tears just refused to come. His journey towards permanent emotional numbness was near completion. It must be, because he sure as hell couldn't seem to feel at the moment. He felt almost...dead. He found himself spending hours just staring at walls or floors. He'd try to think of Jack, but then an uncomfortable pain would rise within and he just couldn't deal with the persistent longing, the overwhelming despair at being kept away from one he needed so desperately. His life had fallen into a routine... 

He would awake screaming sometimes, dreaming of the events that transpired on Naveria and sometimes dreaming of those recent events on Mandara. Osiris would usually try to offer him comfort but he automatically cringed and turned his back on the system lord. Osiris would spend hours some nights just trying to get him to respond or even just look at him but he couldn't. He couldn't forget how easily Osiris had broken his promise to him and exposed him to Chandra's lust. He saw nothing wrong with what he had done on that day, and only now was his lord seeing the effects of his punishment, and it was a punishment...a punishment for his defiance, for refusing to do as commanded. He had angered the system lord immensely by omitting the weapon from the treaty but he had to do it. He couldn't make himself put that clause in the treaty. He just couldn't and he knew that if he were to be faced with that same situation again he'd do the same in a heartbeat even knowing that in doing so he would breathe life back into his nightmares. He had dared to believe that after Dionysus, after the assault Osiris wouldn't expose him to that type of a situation again, but he had been so very wrong...and now he was paying for that little inkling of trust he had managed to place in his captor. Now he was reliving that attack in vivid clarity seeing himself being brutally raped and unable to wake up to end the nightmares. 

He closed himself down, withdrawing into himself, refusing to speak to anyone about the events that transpired on Mandara. He couldn't even speak to Zeenan. He had tried, but he just couldn't do it, for the wounds, the scars that were torn open as a result were just too fresh in his mind. He knew that Zeenan was worried about him, and knew that he should talk to him, but he just couldn't. He remained silent, keeping everything inside and retreating behind a mask, a calm façade of indifference. He would never dare to be so foolish again with his trust. He had learned a hard lesson; a very hard lesson and he would never forget it. He had trusted the system lord not to place him in such a nightmarish situation again and he'd been deceived. He had lied! Lied and destroyed what little trust Daniel had dared to forge in him. Osiris had stripped the trust from him just like everything else and now here he was left trying to put himself back together and trying yet again to cope with such devastation without losing himself completely. He couldn't lose himself here because if he did...if he did... He would never let that happen. He would destroy himself before he'd allow himself to become lost. If he had to destroy himself to prevent that then he would. He had no choice. He wouldn't live like that...even for Jack O'Neill. He couldn't live like that. 

Daniel glanced up as one of Osiris' servants approached addressing, "Master Daniel, it is time for me to show you the armory," Daniel softly corrected, "Daniel...not Master." 

"Master Daniel, it is disrespectful for me not to address you by your proper title." 

"Jamil please. I insist that you address me by my name and not by my title." 

"Master Daniel I would be punished..." 

"Jamil..." 

"Enough of this. You will come with me while I show you the armory." 

Daniel hung his head feeling his battle was lost. He hated being addressed as Master, especially when he was a slave as well. Why did everyone insist on addressing him as such? He hated the title, hated it with a passion... 

He watched the young man start to walk down the hall ahead of him. Jamil was small and lanky, muscular but fair...his features were flawless and toned. He fit the mold of what the Goa'uld considered to be beautiful, even with the slight shuffle when he walked. He had injured his leg when he was a boy and had been left with a limp. Even with the limp the man moved with a gracefulness one could only associate with a ballet dancer. Daniel watched him continue down the hall still not pursuing. He remembered Jamil telling him that he had been a servant of Osiris' since his birth. His mother had been chosen as a child of the gods, and having but one son he was immediately given to the gods as a servant. The man was always very nice to him and loved to talk. As Jamil stopped to look at him now Daniel sighed heavily before picking up his pursuit. 

Jamil approached his young Master preparing to give him a tour of the armory at Osiris' insistence. He smiled as he approached urging Daniel to follow him. As the man again argued about his title Jamil found himself shaking his head. Master Daniel still couldn't comprehend why he was addressed as such. He could tell that the man was rather uncomfortable with the title, but knew the penalty should he fail to address him properly. He quietly sighed in frustration as Daniel dropped the argument all together. The man had been so spirited upon his arrival here but now he seemed...tired, tired and sad. He had hoped that Daniel would grow use to serving his lord but the man still didn't seem happy. Jamil often worried about the man, and as he noticed the sudden crease in Daniel's forehead and watched the man's fingers reach up to gently grasp the bridge of his nose, he knew that Daniel was feeling much sadder than he had in a long time. Instead of calling attention to Daniel's emotions Jamil chose to turn and head down the hallway knowing that Daniel wasn't following but would do so shortly. 

Once outside the armory he unlocked the door then opened it. Daniel followed him into the room asking, "Why is it so important that I be shown this place, Jamil?" 

"Lord Osiris insists that everyone know of where the armory is located." 

"But why?" 

"In case of attack. Everyone must know where they can go to gather weapons to fight..." 

"Well, if it's locked it won't do much good for anybody." 

Jamil glanced at Daniel smiling as he responded, "No I do not suppose that it would, Master Daniel." 

Daniel started to slowly scan the room noticing stacks upon stacks of swords and staff weapons which prompted him to question, "What all is in here?" 

"Weapons of various kinds...swords, zatnicketels, staff weapons and the like. Lord Osiris keeps his armory well stocked." 

"I see." 

Daniel's gaze fell to the pile of daggers in the far corner. He approached the pile, focusing on the weapons with interest. Jamil smiled when he recognized Daniel's obvious interest. He watched the man only a moment longer before turning to point to a set of spears on the wall. When Daniel turned to see that Jamil was otherwise distracted, he quickly grasped one of the daggers in his hand and turned it upward concealing the knife by his side. He swallowed hard as Jamil continued to explain about the spears, feeling a bit guilty for swiping a weapon while Jamil was with him. He covered his devious plan by approaching the young servant and feigning interest in the spears the man was discussing. Shortly after they both exited the armory, Daniel thanked Jamil for the tour then made his way quickly to his bedchamber. 

Once into the bedchamber Daniel closed the door and quickly raced to the bed where he slipped the dagger underneath the mattress for safekeeping. He had plans for that dagger and would not be dissuaded from using it. 

Several days later Daniel decided to make his move. Tonight was the night he would do it. He would retrieve the knife he stole from the armory and would use it. He approached his desk and pulled out his journal stopping for a moment to stare at his reflected image in the mirror. He looked horrible again. His face was drawn back and had a sickly pallor to it. He looked as if he hadn't eaten in several days and he looked extremely exhausted. He quickly downcast his eyes, and focused on the journal not wanting to see that lost soul staring back at him. He felt so weary. Some days he could handle his new life, while other days all he wanted to do was end it, end everything. He had expected Jack to find him and rescue him long before now. Hell he had expected to escape the Goa'uld lord on his own by now, but every attempt on his part was thwarted and it seemed Jack just wasn't looking for him any longer. 

How long had he been here? He tried to think back through the days and weeks that had turned into months trying to figure out just how long he had remained here. He closed his eyes and placed his head in his hands as the number came back to him...five months...five months and sixteen days. God, how much longer would he remain here? By now his friends had probably given up on him. Hell, a month was a long time...five months was an eternity. He felt certain now that no one would ever come for him. He would be here for the rest of his life serving as Osiris' slave and fuck toy. Oh God, a life as a sexual slave to an overbearing, unyielding master...what hell his life would be. Of course, now he had a means with which to escape the Goa'uld lord... permanently. 

He toyed with the notion off and on for a very long time. Should he do it, or shouldn't he? What would the repercussions be? How would it affect Jack, Sam and Teal'c...would it even affect them? Probably not...no he doubted it would affect anyone. Who would care? Who the hell would even miss him? It would be so easy, so damned easy and so damned permanent. He wasn't a quitter, but he didn't think he could take much more of this life of indentured servitude to a snake who only wanted to repetitively rape him and ruin him. Hell, even if he escaped this hell of an existence would Jack even want him back? No, of course not, for who would want a traitor back? He had committed the ultimate crime...he had betrayed his lover by offering up his body to the serpent that now owned him and actually learned to enjoy every damned minute of it. 

It took him a very long time to learn to love what Osiris did to him, to learn to accept it, to beg for it and to respond passionately to every little touch and every little stroke. He couldn't get enough of the Goa'uld lord. He was a sex addict who craved every sexual experience and every sexual act they performed together. It had taken a long time to train himself to respond so openly to his master. It had taken him a long time to allow total raw passion and desire to take root within. He had trained himself well, for he had learned to accept the snake's touches and advances...he had learned to accept it all. He learned to accept it and enjoy himself the entire time. He had learned to train himself to the point where the only time he felt anything was when he was fucking or being fucked by the Goa'uld lord who now held him. Hell, he had progressed a long way in that department. He had traveled from being an unwilling partner to craving, begging and loving every little touch, experience and urge. His journey from sexual captivity to sexual bliss was now complete for he needed that damned Goa'uld lord always. He was always burning for the damned snake, always. All he needed to do was catch sight of the snake and he was aroused. The mere sight of the Goa'uld lord made him want to fall to his hands and knees and worship his lord, worship him and beg for sexual favors. The mere sight of the Goa'uld lord made him want to plead and beg to be sexually dominated, humiliated, used and tormented. He needed the snake desperately now. Osiris had successfully turned his captive into a sexual creature who lived and breathed only to have sex again and again and again... God Jack would be so ashamed of him. 

He was disgusted with himself and with what he had become, and he knew what he needed to do now. Yes, he knew exactly how to take care of the sex slave he had become. He knew just how to take care of the sex addict who would stoop so low as to beg to be humiliated and sexually dominated because it was the only way he could feel anything at all and it was the only time he could reach ecstasy and euphoria. Without sex he felt nothing at all anymore. He had managed to shove his heart and soul so deep inside himself that he could no longer feel. He had become exactly what Osiris wished him to become: his sex slave, his favored, his mate...his lover. Oh God Jack, I'm so sorry, so sorry that I allowed Osiris to change me into something that I hate and despise with all my being. I'm so sorry Jack but it's the only way I can live...the only way I can continue to remain here... 

He opened his eyes and glanced at the bed. Without thought he rose to his feet and retrieved the dagger he had kept hidden there for the past few days. He returned to his desk and carefully placed the dagger beside his journal before focusing on writing. He then pulled out his pen and opened up to a fresh page. His mind flashed to that dagger now lying beside him upon the desk and what he planned to do with the weapon. It was the only way...he had no other escape. This was his only chance, his only chance at freedom. Jack would understand. He had to understand. He had to! He started to write in the journal and as he wrote the first sentence he thought of his lover and of how he had no other choice but to do as he planned. He read those words again and could feel the certainty that his decision was made. No one could stop him now for he was determined:

_I've considered it a lot you know...ending my life..._

After reading the sentence again Daniel continued to write a passage explaining why he was about to do something he never would have dreamed of doing in the past. He wrote his final passage to Jack and to his friends trying to explain to them why he had to do this and why this was the only way out for him. They would understand when they saw the passage. They would understand and hopefully one day they would learn to forgive him... 

**Journal Entry:**

_I mean who would care? I'm only a slave. No one would care if I suddenly_  
 _didn't exist any longer. I know what you would say...you would say that_  
 _I'm just a quitter ...yeah, poor Danny couldn't handle the pressure and up_  
 _and killed himself. Damned shame. The poor bastard must've just quit._  
 _Yeah...that's what you'd say. You would be very disappointed in me as_  
 _well, but let me ask you this: wouldn't death be much more preferable to_  
 _this life of indentured servitude I'm living? Freedom... I'll never know what_  
 _freedom is again. Never walk on Earth again, never see your smiling face_  
 _again. I have no escape...this hell Osiris has created is quite spectacular._  
 _He tries to give me some freedom but he doesn't trust me... I ran from him_  
 _one too many times. He will never trust me and will never give me up. I_  
 _belong to him now. He's even marked me as his: His property, his slave,_  
 _his servant...his damned sex toy. Yep that's me...wonderful life I have here_  
 _with the Goa'uld who stole Sarah's body and stole her soul. I belong to him_  
 _and if anyone doesn't believe it they can see my collar...oh, yeah and my_  
 _beautiful leash...he uses it to walk me. Gives me daily exercise...led around_  
 _like a fucking dog on a chain, like a pet. Yep, that's me his pet, his fucking_  
 _favored. So tell me again why I shouldn't give up. I'd really like to know_  
 _why you think I'm taking the cowards' way out. I'm no coward but I am_  
 _tired...of everything._

_I'm a horrible slave... I hate being subservient to anybody. Hate it and hate_  
 _him with all my heart and all my soul. You ask me how I could come to hate_  
 _someone so very much...I never hate anybody but then you learn of what I_  
 _have experienced while under his service. For the most part I am treated well_  
 _but I still have to volunteer to be his bed mate for the night, still have to_  
 _willingly yield to his repeated rapes... How many times has he raped me_  
 _now? I lost track. Some would say I'm lucky...yeah lucky I get raped nearly_  
 _every fucking night and must act as if I enjoy it. I must crawl for him if he_  
 _demands it of me, I must bow to him every time I approach him. I must_  
 _address him as My Lord always. When I speak to him I must speak in softer,_  
 _more submissive tones. I even had formal training on the proper way to carry_  
 _myself for my lord. Oh yeah, had that within the first weeks of being here...every_  
 _time I failed to learn to yield I was punished as a guard triggered my collar...yes_  
 _it comes with nice pain sensors...didn't you know that? Yes, they're incorporated_  
 _into it...a way to keep his slave under control at all times. Lovely isn't it?_

_My life is sheer hell and you stand there and dare to pass judgment on me? You_  
 _can't understand why I desire to end my life now. I have no reason to live...none_  
 _at all._

_You know I use to live for you. I would survive for you, love, but then he used_  
 _me and made me damaged goods, soiled and dirty. You wouldn't want what's_  
 _left of me, my lover. I'm too repulsive to you now. You can't understand why I_  
 _would allow my lord to do with me as he pleases. You pass judgment on me and_  
 _yet you do not know what I have been through. You can't possibly know and I will_  
 _probably never tell you. Why should I reveal to you just how I had to service my_  
 _lord? I know it would be dishonest to keep the truth from you but can I handle_  
 _your rejection? No, I can't so let me die in peace my love. Let me go. Stop coming_  
 _to me at night to tell me to fight. Stop speaking to me in my dreams because I can_  
 _no longer live as I am._

_Tonight, it will be tonight. I was visiting the armory the other day on a tour._  
 _Poor servant didn't even realize it when I swiped one of the knives I saw. I was_  
 _very careful you know. I don't want anyone to realize that I am preparing to_  
 _take my own life. I don't want anyone to know. I stashed the knife in my_  
 _robes...lucky me I had a visit with our priest not long before for my daily,_  
 _humiliating shaving. I hid the knife and brought it back to our bedchamber._  
 _Osiris has yet to find it. I hid it under our bed. I have it resting beside me now on_  
 _the table. I wanted to write my last thoughts before I chose to do it. You won't_  
 _understand when you find out that your lover died by his own hand months ago_  
 _aboard Osiris' ship...that's how you'll hear of my demise...probably through a_  
 _Tok'ra. Yep, poor Jackson just up and slit his own wrists...found him bleeding to_  
 _death in Osiris' chambers. He did it when his lord was away knowing that Osiris_  
 _had the power to return him to life and not wanting to survive. I only hope that a_  
 _sarcophagus can't revive a dead person...one that's been dead for several days. You_  
 _see I have to find a nice quiet place to do this. I already know where. My one place_  
 _of solace: the view port I sit in front of nearly every night. I sit there and dream of_  
 _you. I wonder what you are doing out there. Are you still traveling to other planets_  
 _and visiting others? Have I been replaced on SG-1 yet? Has everyone given up any_  
 _chance of a rescue? None of that will matter for tonight...tonight it will all be over._  
 _I leave you now with this:_

_I loved you to the end Jack O'Neill, and I never forgot you for a single moment. I_  
 _don't want to leave you but I'm already gone, Jack. I'm no longer with you but_  
 _know this... I love you with all my heart and soul. I will watch over you, protect_  
 _you, shield you and guide you for the rest of your life. I love you but I can't go on_  
 _like this any longer..._

_Please don't hate me for what I'm about to do, love..._

_Yours forever,_

_D.J._

**End of Journal Entry**

 

After finishing the journal entry he carefully closed the book and placed the pen beside it. He then focused on the knife lying by his right hand. It was a handsome blade...small but sharp. It would do the job perfectly. He wrapped his hand around the handle feeling the smooth texture of the hand-grip as it fit so comfortably in his hand. He allowed a small smile to tinge his lips as he lifted the blade before him. The blade gleamed sparkling silver in the light...this dagger represented his freedom, his independence, his livelihood and his spirit. The dagger was elegant. It would be perfect. 

Daniel lowered the knife before him and gently ran his fingers across the edge of the blade noticing just how sharp it was. Perfect. The knife would be very efficient...it would be quick and would slice cleanly. The knife was perfect. 

Daniel glanced at himself in the mirror noting the image he now presented. His face was still drawn and he was pale. The knife glinted sinisterly in his hand as if to tell the story of its newest use. With this knife one life would end and a spirit would be set free. With this knife a soul would be saved and an enemy vanquished. With this knife one man would reclaim his life while destroying the creature he despised. 

He slowly stood up and grabbed his robe. He quickly put it on then hid the dagger within before making his way to the area of Osiris' ship where he felt most at peace. The view port was where he would sit and watch Jack, say good-bye to him one last time and drift into a peaceful, deep, eternal slumber. As he approached the area he smiled noticing that not one person stopped him or questioned where he was going. He glanced up at that view port before settling against the wall where he could have a perfect view of the stars beyond. 

He sat there for the longest time just contemplating his life and how he progressed to this point in time. He then carefully eased the dagger out from beneath his robes and held it before him. He again noticed how elegant the weapon was. He allowed his gaze to slip up to that open view port as he carefully rolled up the left sleeve of his robe. He glanced at his lap inhaling deeply before turning his arm over and exposing a very vulnerable wrist to the air. He focused on the wrist noticing the dark blue of his veins. He could see the main artery of his arm and traveled the length of it with his eyes, stopping at his elbow before once again returning his gaze to his exposed wrist. He would start with a simple incision, one that was parallel with his wrist. He would slice right across that blue vein and watch as his blood started to greet the air. He would then turn the blade so he could slice parallel with his arm. He would drag the blade from wrist to half way before his elbow knowing that a cut such as this would be lethal, for it would be a slice to a major vein in his body and only direct pressure could slow the bleeding. Once he sliced the vein in half he would most likely bleed to death and there would be no turning back. 

Daniel focused on that view port again as he spoke so softly that his words sounded like mumbling, "I'm sorry, Jack, but there's no other way. No other way. I have to do this. I can't go on like this. I just can't. I'm sorry. I love you...I will always love you..." 

He clenched his eyes shut wishing those words into the air urging them to float through space to travel to his lover. He prayed that Jack could hear those soft words, and he hoped that Jack could forgive him for what he was about to do. He could hear his conscience pointing out why he shouldn't end his life like this. He could hear Jack's words echoing to him, begging and pleading with him not to give up, to hang on and to fight and he willed those words into silence. As he pressed the sharp blade against his vulnerable wrist he heard Jack's voice pleading now and begging him not to do this. He shook his head sadly as he deliberately silenced those words not wanting to hear them only knowing that he had to be quick about it.

 

* * * * * *

 

 **P2K-R73**  
 **Mysterious Revelations**

Jack O'Neill stopped what he was doing to look up at the setting sun. They were on another planet exploring a world that was similar to Ancient Babylon. Daniel would have loved this planet. He still missed him and had a wide valley in his heart where his love had once dwelt. Daniel was so far away and has been gone for so very long. He didn't want to give up on him, but he couldn't help but wonder if he would ever see him again. 

He would hate himself if he could never find Daniel and save him. He now understood how Daniel had felt all those years ago when he began his desperate search for Sha're, only to find her and watch her be killed by his friend. Daniel had been crushed when Sha're had been taken as Amunet's host. He had made finding her an obsession. He vowed that she was still alive when everyone else told him she was lost. Daniel had stayed true to his vow to one day find her and save her, and now Jack was on the same kind of mission. 

Jack was determined to find Daniel. When others started to tell him that Daniel wasn't coming back he yelled at them and denied their allegations. He was aware of the looks of pity people would cast his way. He was aware of the shaking of their heads and the mutters under their breaths regarding his senseless search. He knew that most of the SGC had given up on the search for Daniel. They hadn't heard anything about his location since Jacob brought the news of who now held him and what his status was. He was serving as Osiris' favored. Many said that the Goa'uld lord would probably grow tired of Daniel's spirit and destroy him. Jacob denied those allegations. He swore to Jack that Osiris would have killed Daniel a long time ago if he had grown weary of the man. Teal'c confirmed what Jacob said, which made him feel a whole hell of a lot better. But what was Daniel's life like now? He was serving a Goa'uld lord as a liaison...he was a servant. Daniel no longer had his freedom for he was now a slave. Could Daniel handle a life of indentured servitude? Had Daniel already given up hope of ever being found and rescued? Has Daniel given up on life and surrendered himself to his lord? What was Daniel's life now like and just how was he being treated? What was he facing at the hands of the system lord? 

The questions continued to fill his head echoing through his mind again and again. He glanced at the sky like so many other times feeling closer to his love knowing that Daniel was out there some where. He spoke quietly into the heavens above as his heart cried out for his lost love, "I love you, Daniel...please hang on...please." 

As he stared intently at the sky he felt sudden fear encompass his heart as he felt cold chills rushing abruptly through him. The unexplained phenomenon scared the hell out of him and as he focused on the sky above, on that brilliant setting sun he stared in abject horror as the sun turned blood red. What the hell did that mean? He swallowed hard as he choked out, "Carter? CARTER!" 

Sam came bolting out of her tent asking in fear and worry, "What? Is something wrong, sir?" 

Jack couldn't speak as he numbly raised his hand and pointed to the bloody sun. He didn't even look to see if she was following his gaze. He tried to speak but found it was very difficult. He managed to whisper, "Did you feel that?" 

Sam approached him noticing the paleness of his features and the fear in his eyes. She knew that something was wrong and focused on the sun. She widened her eyes as she noticed the color. She then said, "Atmospheric changes sir. Remember the Phoenicians telling us of how the sun changes colors as day turns to night?" 

"No, Carter...I feel cold...did you feel that? It's like...it's like..." 

Sam reached out and gently grasped the Colonel's arm now very concerned and worried for him. He said he was cold? How could that be when the temperature on this planet stayed at a constant 100 degrees? He couldn't be cold unless he was catching something. She quickly suggested, "Maybe we should return home and have Janet take a look at you." 

"No, no..." 

"Colonel, I think we..." 

"NO! There's nothing wrong with me!" 

"But sir you just said..." 

Jack turned fearful eyes her way as he felt a huge loss deep down in his very soul. He knew what that loss was...Daniel...he felt as if he were losing Daniel. No! NO! He hadn't felt this empty since...since Daniel's disappearance. He felt as if Daniel were...were... 

He spoke softly, "I feel him, Sam. I feel him...it's him...he's hurting...he's...oh God...oh God Sam he's..." 

“What? What are you talking about, Colonel?" 

"He's giving up...no, he can't! He can't do this to me! He can't!" 

"Sir?" 

Falling to his knees, Jack closed his eyes tightly, and bowing his head began to pray for Daniel. He knew, somehow he just knew that Daniel was balancing on the very edge of indecision...death or life...life or death...he couldn't explain it...chalk it up to star-crossed lovers deeply in love but separated by vast space, but still somehow connected to one another...or maybe empathy...or telepathy...he didn't know, didn't understand. All he was sure of, was certain of was that Daniel was in trouble...he wasn't in danger by anyone but himself. He was...somehow his soul was crying out, somehow on some primal unexplainable level he was connecting with his soul mate and sending jolt upon jolt of despair and sorrow his way. Jack thought that he'd crumple under the onslaught. Daniel's very soul was reaching out, crying out for help, for strength to continue on living the nightmare existence he now found himself in. He swore he could hear Daniel's voice on the wind apologizing for what he was about to do. The voice wasn't in his mind it was like a whisper, blowing across the wind, carrying to him...the wind was forming soft whispers that were melding into words of need and of sorrow...he strained to hear the breeze as it carried across the planet, surrounded them and carried through the trees...he had a momentary thought of Shifu calling to Daniel when they were on Abydos so long ago. The voice was full of despair, full of sorrow and hopelessness...the words were so quiet that one had to strain just to hear them: 'I'm sorry Jack but there's no other way...no other way...' 

"Daniel," he choked out his lover's name, feeling the first onslaught of tears sliding down over his cheeks making his face damp. He lifted his face as another breeze blew across him and more words traveled, still so quiet that they could easily be excused as imagination, 'I have to do this. I can't go on like this. I just can't. I'm sorry. I love you.' 

The next words blew across him like a caress. He could almost imagine Daniel's loving hands stroking him and pulling him into a warm, comforting embrace as he whispered his final words into his ear so softly that the words felt as if they were merely a warm brush of air tickling his ear, 'I will always love you...' 

Jack felt his heart ache and doubled over as the pain became almost unbearable. He could feel that lost soul, that lost spirit speaking to him through emotion and nature telling him that he could no longer live. NO, NO! He couldn't live like this, alone, alone without his lover...no! He continued to pray and plead to God, with Daniel with whoever the hell was listening to spare him, to save his lover, to please stop him from doing this, stop him from ending his life... 

As he remained balled up on the ground feeling his sorrow tearing at his insides and ripping him apart he could feel a sharp pain in his left wrist. He clenched his hand into a fist and hissed wondering where that pain was coming from and an image of a silver dagger slicing so carefully, so slowly across a vein flashed in his mind. Oh God, Daniel...DANIEL NO! NO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! NO!

 

* * * * * *

 

As the blade of the dagger glinted sinisterly against Daniel's pale wrist he swallowed hard pressing the point of the knife into his skin. He winced as the tip pierced his flesh and suddenly froze. Did he really want to do this? Was he really prepared to end it right now, to slice his wrists and die? He wasn't a quitter, yet he was willing to take his own life to secure his own freedom. Was he really that destitute, that desperate that he would willingly slice his own wrists to take his life? Yes, he was...he wanted the pain, the agony, the suffering...the aching loneliness in his heart for his lover to go away, to leave him. He just wanted it all to go away. This was what he needed to do to accomplish his goal. 

He slowly dragged the tip of the blade across his wrist, wincing as pain answered the move. He swallowed hard, knowing that in order to procure his freedom he would have to slice into his wrist and not just scratch it, so without another thought he pushed the tip deeper in his skin and again dragged it across his wrist but again he didn't cut very deep...a scratch, two scratches were all he managed. God he couldn't even kill himself correctly could he? DAMN! 

Daniel opened his eyes to focus on the deadly blade and the new scratch marks on his wrist. He had to cut deep to end it. He had to and he had to do it before he lost the nerve. What would be left if he failed to accomplish his goal? Nothing...nothing at all...he'd still be trapped in this hellish existence and still be nothing but an object a pawn in Osiris' games. 

As he focused on the knife he noticed that his hand was now shaking as the doubts continued to flood in. One slice, that's all he had to do right now, and then he would inflict a second one. Easy...this was easy... Feeling his desperation swamp him again he turned the blade so that the sharp edge now rested against the soft tissue of his wrist, and without a second thought he yanked, yelping as the blade sliced cleanly, splitting open skin and dragging fresh blood to the surface. He licked his lips as he stared at the new flow of blood that was now trickling from the slice he just inflicted. He watched the blood as it lazily trailed down over his wrist to drip onto the floor. He then returned his gaze to the blade noting that his blood now stained the pristine surface. 

Daniel inhaled deeply as he prepared to make a second incision. He glanced up at that portal hearing Jack's voice pleading with him and begging him not to do this. He shivered as the voice sounded so real but, of course, he knew that Jack wasn't here. He would never see his lover again so why fight? Why listen? Jack had no idea what his life was like now, no idea at all, so he had no damned right to preach. NONE! Again he silenced that niggling voice as he focused on his arm once more. This time he pressed the blade to his wrist planning to drag it parallel to his arm. He could feel sweat beads forming on his forehead, and wondered if that was from blood loss or simply from the effort it was taking him to drum up enough courage to make his second incision. He pressed the tip into his skin and started to drag the blade downward watching as a slow incision started to grow bigger. He screamed as a hand suddenly grabbed his knife hand and squeezed. He yelped but focused on continuing to slice his arm. The grip grew much more painful as the person's hand gripped his arm like a vise. He whimpered as he felt pain surge the whole length of his free arm and heard an angry, vehement, yet somewhat frightened voice demand, "Release the knife, Daniel." 

"No..." 

"Release it or I will resort to breaking your wrist to gain control of the weapon." 

Daniel became outraged, cursing as he noticed an ebony hand encircling his wrist and holding on tightly. He could see that his hand was now white...blood circulation was obviously cut off. He knew of only one person who would stop him from doing what he had to do. He jerked his eyes up glaring coldly at the Jaffa sending ice daggers his way, as he seethed "No." 

"I do not wish to break your arm to gain your compliance, Daniel, but I will do so if you refuse to release the weapon." 

"You have no right. NONE!" 

"I have every right when I can see that you only mean to do yourself harm." 

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" 

Zeenan returned Daniel's glare keeping a tight rein on his emotions. When he had entered the room to check on Daniel knowing that the young man was most likely there he had expected to find him staring out of the view port. Instead he saw Daniel slicing his wrist with a dagger. He knew what the young man was intending to do and he became extremely fearful. He moved without thought capturing Daniel's wrist in his hand before he could finish slicing open his arm. He softened his voice as he noticed Daniel's rage and anger at being interrupted, "I have every right, Daniel." 

"YOU HAVE NONE!" 

"I will not stand by and allow my friend to destroy himself. I would not be worthy of your friendship if I allowed you to do harm to yourself..." 

"YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!" 

"I am merely concerned. Have things become so bad for you that you are willing to destroy yourself to attain your freedom, young one?" 

"YES!" 

"Daniel, this will not help you. By doing harm to yourself you are only giving up hope...what would your Jack think of you..." 

"Nothing! He doesn't care for me! He never will again!" 

"Young one, even I know that is a lie." 

"No, no it isn't," Daniel's voice took on a crackling tone as he fought to keep his tears at bay before continuing, "Jack wouldn't want someone who had betrayed him. Jack won't want a concubine who allows his master to use him in whatever fashion he desires. He doesn't care for me because I'm ruined, Zeenan, so why should I care? Why should I fight? I don't want to live anymore, Zeenan. I don't. I just want everything to end, to go away...just let me do this. Let me go...please, Zeenan, let me go." 

Zeenan continued to maintain his death grip on Daniel's arm determined to prevent the man from further harming himself. He spoke softly, "Daniel, is it not a crime in your religion to do such a thing? Do your laws and your religion not forbid it? Does not your Earth religion speak of how you will condemn yourself to an evil end if you destroy yourself in this manner?" 

"I don't care anymore. Nothing matters anymore, nothing...if I've lost Jack then I have nothing..." 

"Young one, if your Jack loves you as much as you have said he does then he will understand why you have done these things. Daniel, please give me the weapon. Please do not harm yourself in this way. You are too good a man to end your life in such a meaningless way. Please do not harm yourself." 

Daniel cried out in despair and hung his head as he released his hold on the knife. He listened to it clatter uselessly to the floor and felt his energy leave his body rapidly. He began a downward path towards the floor as all energy left him in one fell swoop. Zeenan wasted little time moving to encompass the broken man in his arms. He instantly pulled Daniel against him wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. 

Daniel felt all his resistance falter and disappear leaving him broken, weak and depressed. He felt himself falling rapidly to the floor and gasped as strong arms suddenly encircled him and drew him close. As Zeenan wrapped his arms around him Daniel responded to the action by burying his face against the Jaffa. He lowered his still bloody wrist to his lap before turning his body towards the Jaffa again finding comfort in the man's steadfast support. He wasted precious little time gripping a handful of Zeenan's uniform in his hand fearing that if he released that hold he would begin to scream and would be unable to stop. 

Zeenan held him close staring at the bloody dagger now lying on the floor and glittering sinisterly in the light. He swallowed hard as he realized that had he not come across Daniel, the man would have ended his life and would not be able to be revived again. He became saddened as he wondered what had sent Daniel to such drastic measures again. He had thought the man was adjusting, but obviously Daniel was very good at concealing his emotions and putting on a mask. Zeenan would have to keep a closer watch on the young man in the future. He vowed to protect Daniel at the price of his own life and he wasn't about to let any harm come to the man that had become a great friend and companion to him. Daniel Jackson may have all but given up on himself, but Zeenan wasn't about to give up on the young Tau'ri. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Jack felt as if his heart was torn from his chest and bleeding profusely. Daniel was giving up. He was killing himself, destroying himself even now. He could feel the aching in his own heart becoming stronger and unbearable pain filled him. Daniel was giving up! How could he...how could he do such a thing? What happened to the man to bring him to such a desperate decision in his life? He could hear a distant thunder rumbling across the sky even as his heart was shattering into a thousand tiny pieces but he didn't care. All he cared about was the man so far away who was destroying himself because he could no longer live as he was. 

Jack inhaled shakily as he suddenly felt warm tender hands cupping his face and lifting his head. As he opened his eyes he gasped when he saw a brilliant light shining before him. He swallowed hard, becoming choked up as he could only stare at the intense brightness. He couldn't even speak for he was so shocked. He moaned softly as he felt those warm hands brush across his cheeks wiping away his tears. Then a face formed out of the brightness...warm, kind, comforting...familiar. He tried to speak, to ask who she was but somehow he already knew, and yet didn't know how to react as her voice asked, "Why do you cry for him, Jack O'Neill?" 

"What?" 

"He is in pain. His spirit cries out for comfort. He cries out for you. He needs you to remain strong. He can sense you though he does not understand. He believes he merely dreams of you. He does not realize that you speak to him and calm him though he is so far from you..." 

"What?" 

"In love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged." 

"What? I don't understand. Who are you?" 

The woman smiled as she answered, "You know of who I am. You do not need me to answer your question." 

"But why...why have you come?" 

"Because you are in need...you are both in need." 

"I'm sorry?" 

Her smile broadened as she continued to speak to him in that soothing, musical voice, "You need not worry about him for he is not alone." 

"But..." 

"Everyone has someone in their darkest hour, Jack O'Neill." 

"How could you possibly know...?" 

"His greatest need is you. You must remain strong and you must not give up hope for if you cannot see the light then neither can he." 

"I'm sorry?" 

"If there is no light then there is no hope. He must have hope. You must carry the flame and not allow it to die out, for if the flame dies then so will he." 

"Okay you're scaring me now." 

"One has no need to fear when one has the love of another." 

"So?" 

"You are as one. You feel as one, you love as one and you live as one. You must remember this always, for he is relying on you to provide that which he cannot provide himself." 

"Is Daniel going to be all right?" 

"He needs you more than you realize, Jack O'Neill." 

"He doesn't even know where I am or what I'm doing..." 

"Do not cry for him, cry with him. You are his hopes and his dreams. You are for him what he cannot be for himself." 

"His light in the darkness and all that stuff...?" 

"Yes. Now you are beginning to understand. You must continue this journey together as one. He will survive if you are strong for him." 

"I don't..." 

"This I promise you, Jack O'Neill. Do not close your eyes when there is so much to see..." 

Jack gazed at her in confusion again asking, "Why...why are you...?" 

"He has selected you for a very difficult task. He has placed his heart, his soul with you. Keep him safe and you shall find that everything will find a way..." 

"But..." 

"Good-bye Jack O'Neill. Good-bye." 

He continued to stare in shock as the woman's face disappeared in the light and could only watch as she lifted into the air before leaving him alone again. He shook his head still not comprehending why she came to him or if she was even really there. He jerked his gaze away from that being of light as Sam questioned in surprise, "That was her wasn't it, sir?" 

"Her Carter?" 

"You know Oma..." 

"Oma Desala. Yes." 

"But I thought..." 

"So did I Carter, so did I." 

"She interfered, sir. Why?" 

"Because I think she knew what I needed to do to help him." 

"To help him? Sir..." 

Jack smiled as he spoke words that renewed his spirit and gave him the strength to carry on, "He's all right, Carter. He's all right. Someone is with him now and he's all right." 

She wanted to ask whom, but somehow she already knew the answer: Daniel, Daniel was all right now. She sensed suddenly what must have been causing the Colonel to get so upset...Daniel had been on a precipice. He had been on the edge. He had been dangerously close to falling off that edge but now...now he was all right. For now he was all right, and she sensed that Daniel had just found a way to keep on meeting the challenges he must face head-on without fearing that he might collapse under their heavy weight. He was going to be all right. He was going to be all right...for now and that's the best they could hope for. 

 

* * * * * *

 

 **A GLIMMER OF HOPE**  
 **A Friend Can Provide Light in Your Darkest Hour**

Daniel felt defeat crowd in and felt as if he were dropping deeper and deeper beneath the surface of despair. He felt as if he were losing himself in never-ending bleakness and nothingness. He wanted to cry and he wanted to scream but strangely enough he no longer felt as if either of those things were possible. How could that be? How was that even possible when mere moments ago he was on the verge of letting tears fall? He tried to allow them release but they wouldn't come. What the hell was wrong with him? How could he feel so upset, so angry, so sorrowful and yet be unable to cry? How could he feel so angry and so outraged yet be unable to scream? Was he really that closed off from himself? Had he really, truly succeeded in burying his true self so deeply inside that he could no longer access anything? He felt emotionally numb, and the numbness was spreading to completely encompass him, which upset him even more. 

Months ago he had lost the ability to feel anything at all except when giving his body to the system lord. He had spent months craving sex and needing the Goa'uld to use him so that he could feel something. Feeling something was better than this empty wasteland that stretched out before him. How was it possible that all the positive feelings were gone leaving behind this yawning chasm of endless despair and constant aloneness? Would he ever be able to feel anything at all again? God, if Jack truly did give up on him and rejected him what would happen to himself then? Would he completely die? Would that little ember of spirit of his soul, of his heart wink out, casting him into a robotic trance that would become his entire existence? Would he soon simply exist as a cold, emotionless, heartless, empty robot with no feelings, no emotions, no nothing just...just a silent object going through the motions of what had at one time been a human being's life? Would he soon suffer a never-ending existence that made him dead inside but mobile, a robot, a true drudge, a drone, menial labor, a spiritless, soulless machine? 

He held Zeenan tighter feeling desperation grow into an almost living breathing entity. He sucked in his bottom lip beginning to nervously gnaw it as despair threatened to drown him. He gripped Zeenan's shirt so tightly in his hands afraid to let go. Zeenan's hands started to rub gently up and down across his back attempting to soothe his already frayed, taut nerves. Daniel sighed and clenched Zeenan's shirt tighter in his fists before softly inquiring, "Why Zeenan...?" 

"Why what, young one?" 

"Why do you care? Why do you care what happens to me?" 

Zeenan closed his eyes and held Daniel tighter against him. How could Daniel ask such a thing? How could he not know the answer to that question? Daniel couldn't yet comprehend why anyone would bother to care for him anymore. When Osiris forced his compliance in the bedchamber he also forced Daniel to perform an act he would never be able to forgive himself for...betrayal. Since the time when Daniel first "betrayed" his lover his self-esteem dropped even lower. He became depressed and anxious, which finally had led him to this day. He believed that Daniel now hated himself for betraying his Jack, and though there was nothing to forgive in Daniel's actions he would forever blame himself for committing what he believed to be an act of outright betrayal repetitively. Since that day Zeenan noticed small changes in the man he came to respect and love as if he were his own brother. Daniel rarely smiled after that day and often he would find the man sitting in the bath, his head bowed and arms wrapped around his body as if to protect himself...or ward off anyone who dared to attempt to breech his newly erected defenses. He was much sadder than previously, and little by little Zeenan could see the man deteriorating and watched as the young man's life fell apart by the day. He had tried so many times to pull Daniel back from the brink of despair and hopelessness but Daniel Jackson fought him all the way...he was so convinced that he had betrayed his lover, betrayed the pure love he had for Jack O'Neill that he had started to punish himself. Daniel could no longer feel much of anything. He had trained himself to feel only when making love with Osiris. When performing a sexual act, whether it was in front of an audience or in their private chambers; that was when Daniel Jackson came alive. All other times the man appeared to show little emotion...except intense sadness and depression. Though he had been scared to death upon finding Daniel trying to slit his wrists he wasn't as surprised as he probably should have been for he knew, could still see, how Daniel was disappearing before their very eyes and Osiris was too blind to see it. He had no idea that he was destroying his servant ever so slowly, torturing him and holding onto him as he continued to whither away and vanish. 

Zeenan listened to the man now as he breathed shakily. He could feel Daniel's lithe warm body pressed up against him...actually balled up against him. He had learned this man's defense shields so easily, and knew that curling inward on himself was a common action for the man to take when he felt threatened or in immense anguish. Daniel was suffering even now; though the pain he was now suffering was not physical, it was psychological and emotional... He swallowed hard as he thought over the simple question Daniel just asked him: why did he care? How was he supposed to answer that? He didn't want to say anything that would have the potential to drive the young man back towards the precipice. Daniel had almost taken his own life a few short moments ago and if he didn't proceed with caution Daniel would probably attempt it again. He hoped that he would say the correct things. He answered, "Because it is my duty to protect you, young one." 

"So you only care about me because I belong to your lord and he has a fondness for me?" 

No, young one, listen to my words. Please... Zeenan could hear the disappointment in Daniel's voice and knew that the young man still couldn't comprehend how anyone could care so deeply for him. Daniel had completely misunderstood Zeenan's words so he tried again, "No, Daniel, you are wrong. I care deeply for you yes. You are a very good friend. I am honored to have met you. You ask why I care, young one? I ask how can I not? I have vowed to always protect you not because you belong to my lord but because I care deeply for you. Daniel, you are very important to me, so very important..." 

"But why? I..." 

"Do not believe yourself worthy of care and concern?" 

Daniel jolted in his arms and Zeenan could hear the man's shaky inhalations before he asked, "What? That's not true..." 

Zeenan nodded his head slightly before continuing in his soft voice, "Is it not? Tell me why it is not true, Daniel." 

He opened his mouth to speak, to retort, but couldn't think of anything to say. He didn't feel that way, he didn't! But what if he did and just didn't yet realize... Zeenan continued in that soothing voice of his, "You do not believe that you are worthy of another's love, another's care...another's concern. Our lord has done this to you, Daniel, by forcing you to make a decision that was never easy and was very unfair." 

"What?" 

"You believe that you have betrayed him..." 

"What...who?" 

"You know of whom I speak, young one. You believe that you have betrayed him therefore you do not deserve to be loved, or to be cared for because you have destroyed the one you love above everyone else." 

"That's not..." 

"Daniel, you did not betray anyone. You cannot betray what has always been inside of you, in your heart. You love him and your love for him is pure...your heart belongs to him and has always belonged to him. You have never betrayed that love though you believe that you have. Daniel, you were given an unfair choice. If you did not willingly please our lord he would have destroyed planets until he gained your complete cooperation. When you agreed you did so out of love and compassion for those you did not even know. You have a selfless nature, my friend. You will sacrifice yourself to save another despite the consequences... You had no choice. If you did not cooperate he would have destroyed others like Alandria, and when you agreed you became more than his personal attendant. You sacrificed your heart...yourself to ensure that no other would die senselessly. You had to make a very personal sacrifice. You have never betrayed your Jack, Daniel, for even now you call out to him. When you are pleasing our lord or being pleased by him in return, your heart, your soul, your spirit is not in those acts, for at those times you surrender your heart, you surrender your soul and you surrender your spirit into the tender loving arms of your Jack. He is your salvation. He is the one for whom you have locked your heart. He is the one for whom you have locked up your emotions. He is the one who has the power to bring you back to life again, not for a few hours or brief moments in time when you allow yourself to feel emotions while performing for our lord, no, he has the power to bring you back to life completely..." 

"Zeenan, I...I..." 

Zeenan listened to Daniel who wanted to speak but couldn't seem to put words with his voice. He gently urged, "Come with me Daniel." 

"Where...where are we going?" 

"You have not visited my chamber in a long time, though I have permitted you to enter. Come..." 

"Meditate? You want me to...No, I can't...I can't. It won't work, Zeenan." 

"Please, Daniel. You are in desperate need for something so allow me to help you. You may find some calm in your otherwise chaotic life if only for a few hours. Please come." 

"I'm..." 

"Please." 

He could feel Daniel's head bobbing up and down in agreement, so he carefully eased his hold on Daniel as he stood up, then helped the young man to his feet. He gathered the knife and proceeded to lead a very quite, silent Daniel to his room. 

Once inside he urged Daniel to sit and worked on cleaning his newest injuries. Daniel said nothing but as Zeenan touched his arm he tensed considerably. Zeenan cast a leering eye upon the man unsure of why Daniel was responding in such a way to the touch on his arm. He decided that talking to him might ease the young linguist's mind some so he said, "You remind me of someone too, Daniel. Have I ever told you that before?" 

Daniel glanced up and focused on Zeenan, obvious interest and curiosity written in his eyes and across his face. He didn't speak merely shook his head. Zeenan nodded then focused on cleaning Daniel's arm again. Silence stretched between them before Zeenan spoke again, "I have a brother...well had a brother..." 

"You...you did? What...what happened?" 

"He did not believe in the gods. He made his opinions very verbal...he was...sacrificed for his beliefs." 

"Made into a martyr?" 

"Yes...of a sort." 

"Who killed him?" 

"He was executed and displayed..." 

"Who killed him, Zeenan?" 

Zeenan refused to meet Daniel's eyes as he responded softly, "My former lord." 

"Yu? Yu killed your brother? Is that why you left?" 

"No, no. I did not leave Yu's service for I believed our god was just in his decision. I no longer believe it is true but it is much too late for my brother now." 

"Oh..." 

Daniel watched the Jaffa, noticing that Zeenan now refused to even focus on him. He could see the shame and guilt plaguing Zeenan and knew that there was more to the story than what he had so far revealed, but as Zeenan focused on him all emotion once again locked up behind a shield Daniel was certain he would hear no more. He had just been given a small bit of insight into Zeenan, but he doubted he'd get any more so he gently gripped Zeenan's hand as he spoke soothingly, "It's not your fault, Zeenan." 

"Oh but it is, young one. It is." 

"How could it be?" 

"Because I gave the order." 

Daniel felt as if he had been struck in the stomach as the shock of that revelation filled him. He said, "On Yu's order..." 

Zeenan stopped, gently releasing Daniel's arm before cupping the side of his face in his hand answering, "You are always quick to believe in the good of others, my friend. If you had known me back then you would now be frightened of me. I was much different. I did horrible things. Daniel, I ordered people's houses destroyed, participated in interrogations and even enjoyed tormenting captives. I was not someone who deserved respect. I instilled great fear in others, Daniel. I do not even deserve your friendship, young one." 

"That's bullshit!" came Daniel's vehement reply, which shocked Zeenan. He focused intently on Daniel sure he would see loathing now in those blue eyes but he saw none. He needed to make Daniel realize that he had not always been as he now was, "Daniel, if I had met you back then I would not have thought twice about hurting you. I might have even tried to kill you." 

"No." 

"Yes." 

"You would've tried but I doubt that you could have gone through with it." 

"I served my lord, Daniel. I obeyed his rules." 

"Yes but you're not a cold-blooded murderer." 

"I ordered deaths, Daniel. I have killed before." 

"So have I, Zeenan, so have I..." 

Zeenan watched Daniel, seeing the truth of those words in the man's eyes and the regrets for having to resort to such harsh means along with all the anguish he was presently suffering. Before him was a very tormented soul. Daniel Jackson was fading away to be replaced by a stranger. The man he had come to love as his brother was so different now. Daniel was losing himself and Zeenan had no idea what to do about it. 

Zeenan reached up to gently cup Daniel's cheek, noticing the man flinch and clench his eyes tightly shut. His breathing increased, and Zeenan could see his need to jerk away from him. Before he considered what he was saying he put voice to his sudden realization, "You are afraid of touch, young one." 

Daniel gasped and jerked his eyes open, staring at Zeenan with those luminescent blue eyes of his. He wasn't afraid of touch that was totally absurd. If he were afraid of touch then he wouldn't allow Osiris to touch him. Zeenan was crazy. He was! He had to be! What a ridiculous notion. It was really, truly a silly notion...him afraid of touch? Yeah right, but even while he was making light of the comment he could feel a fear deep inside himself...a fear that Zeenan may have realized something that he himself failed to see. Could he truly be afraid of touch? If he were wouldn't he know that he was? How could he be afraid of touch when...well, he had always been leery of touch growing up, especially after his parents had died but he had never shrugged away from touch...not when Jack touched him or Sam or Teal'c but what if...surely he...no that was totally preposterous. It was. He shook his head as he silenced his wandering thoughts, focusing on Zeenan when the man spoke even softer, "Our lord has placed this fear within you. You no longer trust touch. Is this because you feel you have betrayed your Jack or because you feel you have betrayed yourself?" 

"What?" 

"Maybe it is both..." 

No, no...that couldn't be right. No…he shook his head before responding, "I..." 

Zeenan continued to observe Daniel, noticing the changes in the man overall as he continued, "When did touch become so dangerous to you? I have never seen you flinch when I have touched you before. Why now do you flinch and cringe?" 

"I...I didn't, I don't...I..." 

"You did." 

"No but...no. Why would..." 

Zeenan was saddened by the look of despair in Daniel's eyes, the confusion and the uncertainty. He nodded before continuing, "Our lord has done this to you. I do not believe he yet realizes that he has. Do you cringe from our lord when he requires your services or do you lock all emotions so deep inside that no one can touch you? Have you learned to shut your emotions off so well that you cannot yet turn them on again? Perhaps this is why you can no longer feel anything but despair, young one." 

"I...um...I... Zeenan please..." 

Zeenan paused, wanting to talk with Daniel further, wanting to make the man speak, to feel comfortable enough to share his deepest emotions but he could not do it. Zeenan smiled warmly before nodding and turning to light the candles. 

Daniel felt anxious and fearful but couldn't quite comprehend just why that was...perhaps because Zeenan was so very close to the truth...the truth he didn't even want to admit to himself even existed. He sighed in relief as the Jaffa backed down then started to light the candles encircling them both. He watched as each candle was lit, noticing how the flames flickered and quivered. He continued to follow the Jaffa's trek with his eyes, watching each candle come to life as flame was applied. The flames atop each candle danced and flickered orangish red in the darkness casting shadows across the room making any space beyond the ring dark and enveloping him and Zeenan in a bright circle of warmth. Immediately he could feel the calmness settle upon him as he allowed himself to let his guard down some. 

Zeenan continued to light one candle after another gazing towards Daniel as he did so noticing the emotions playing across the handsome face of his friend. Daniel was a mystery still even after having been with them for so long. No one truly knew who he was on the inside. Osiris had spent all his time trying to destroy who he once was, and everyone else just didn't look deep enough. As he glanced at Daniel between each candle he noticed how the man's blue eyes seemed to shimmer and grow richer, somewhat brighter in the calming darkness. He knew that Daniel needed to focus and needed to deal with things again. He had been ready to destroy himself only moments before. For someone even to consider such a drastic thing meant that there was a whole lot more going on inside than he had revealed. Daniel was good at concealing his true emotions. Zeenan had noticed that from the beginning. The man was so good at disguising his pain and torment. The man was too good. 

As he finished lighting the final candle he settled before Daniel who now looked agitated. He softly questioned, "What is it, Daniel?" 

"I don't think I can do this again." 

"Do what? Why do you fear looking inside yourself? Why do you fear relaxing and calming yourself? Why are you so afraid, young one?" 

"I'm...not afraid." 

"You are very afraid. I know this. I may not know you as well as I would like to but I can understand you better than anyone else here, young one." 

"You don't know anything about me...not really..." 

"Then share with me...tell me of yourself...tell me what I do not yet know about you. These things I should like very much to hear, Daniel. Please do not be afraid to speak with me." 

Daniel shook his head as he sighed in frustration before saying, "This is no good. I can't do this, Zeenan. I can't. Thank you so much for the thought but I just...can't." 

He started to rise when Zeenan placed a warm hand onto his left knee. He then nodded saying, "Sit. Relax. Sit with me please. I should like company while I meditate. Sit." 

Daniel shook his head as he ran his hand back through his hair nervously. He couldn't stay here. He...it just didn't feel right. He started to shake his head again when Zeenan urged him to sit once more. He lowered himself to the floor casting an annoyed glance at Zeenan who merely smiled before speaking again, "Close your eyes, young one." 

"Zeenan I can't do..." 

"Close your eyes. I will not take no for an answer, young one." 

"Zeenan..." 

"Your stubbornness may work with your Jack but it will not work with me. Close your eyes." 

Daniel held his mouth agape uncertain as to how to even respond to that comment. He sighed in frustration again before crossing his legs and closing his eyes like Zeenan told him to. He then said, "You know this won't work. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I..." 

"Hmm, do you always talk this much when you are trying to meditate? No wonder you cannot relax." 

Daniel couldn't hold back as he released a tiny snort to the air. Zeenan focused on him noticing that his eyes were closed. He continued, "I do not think that this is funny, Daniel..." 

"No, of course not you just...Jack always made smart ass comments when I annoyed him too...sorry, I'm sorry. I'll focus...I'll try to focus." 

"Hmm, focusing would be wise, young one." 

"Uh, yeah..." 

Zeenan continued to watch him as he spoke in a soothing tone of voice, "Open your ears and open your mind...notice how the flames flicker before your closed eyelids. Focus on how your body feels at the moment. The heat of the flames is not strong but it is present. The heat is warm and tingly. Notice how the flames seem to dance before you presenting themselves as small warm caresses. Listen to the pounding of your heart and its rhythmic tempo. Allow your mind to calm. Allow yourself to drift as if on a ship. You are alone on this ship, Daniel. The ship rocks ever so slightly rocking you comfortingly back and forth. The warm glow in the room encircles you and wraps around you as if it were the arms of your lover, the arms of..." 

"Jack..." 

"Hmm, yes, Jack...do you remember him? Do you remember how he could make you feel, young one?" 

Zeenan smiled as Daniel nodded his head. He noticed that the man was slowly relaxing and knew that if he continued to speak in the soft whisper tones Daniel just might successfully relax before him. He continued, "Tell me about him...can you picture him?" 

"Jack? Yes, I still remember how he looks...I'll always remember how he looks...God I miss him..." 

"I know that you do, young one." 

He fell silent allowing the quiet to stretch between them like an invisible gap. He waited as he continued to observe Daniel in the semi-darkness noticing how the flames outlined his face magnificently. Daniel was truly a beautiful man. He had soft flowing hair that shimmered golden brown in the light and the most beautiful eyes Zeenan had yet to see on another creature. Those eyes so odd in color added to Daniel's beauty and sensuality. The man probably didn't even realize that wherever he went he was watched. Neither female nor male could ignore his wondrous beauty. He was certain that Daniel was clueless about how appealing he was to others. He shook his head and silenced his thoughts focusing on helping the man before him to find some peace, some solace in his torrid life. 

Daniel refused to relax, but as Zeenan's voice flowed over him he found himself automatically relaxing. He allowed himself to calm and decided to take advantage of this one moment in time when he felt centered and focused. 

Zeenan spoke quietly as he continued, "To shut off your emotions is a very dangerous thing, Daniel Jackson. You have used this as a means of coping with what has been happening to you. You do not want to feel anything anymore, for to feel hurts too much and is another thing Osiris can take from you. You have locked up your heart, your soul and your emotions for Jack. This I know and this I have feared, for to lose all emotion is to place yourself on a most dangerous path. If you cannot feel then you cannot understand compassion or empathy or forgiveness. To lose these precious traits is to lose yourself, for I learned long ago that compassion is much of what you are. You empathize with those who have been hurt or killed and you forgive those who have hurt you or caused injustices to others. Without those things in your life you, yourself, are lost for what is left when one loses their compassion, young one? What is left when one can no longer empathize with another? What remains when one forgets how to forgive? You have been trapped in a dangerous prison of your own making. You have learned to disassociate yourself from what is happening to you. You have learned how to shut off your feelings and emotions. In fact, you have become so good at these things that you are no longer capable of feeling anything but this endless despair and depression. You are dying slowly, young one. You have been dying for many months...slowly, painfully...you suffer needlessly and endlessly. You are your own worst enemy, for you torment yourself with feelings of betrayal. You believe that you deserve to be hurt and to lose yourself for it is a terrible thing to betray one's lover...yet you cannot see that there has been no betrayal on your part. Our lord has done this to you...our lord has resorted to raping you repeatedly, yet neither of you can see the truth behind the actions. Daniel, when one is raped they are not betraying their lover; they are being betrayed by another. When one is raped they..." 

"NO! NO! Stop! Please!" 

"Why should I stop, young one? Does the truth of my words cause you to feel more than despair and rage? Do my words incite feelings and emotions in you that you cannot yet release?" 

"This isn't working. I have to go!" 

“Running away will not help you. You have already been pushed to the brink. You were prepared to end your own life this very day, young one..." 

"I have no choice. NONE!" 

"And what choice does self-harm allot you, young one?" 

"At least I'll be free!" 

"Free? How can one be free when one resorts to such crude means to destroy them self? What would your Jack think of you if he were to learn that you had destroyed yourself? How would he feel if he were to learn that you had allowed despair to rule your life and gave in to death...?" 

"This is pointless. I already answered that question. Why am I even here? This isn't helping! NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE! NOTHING!" 

"Daniel, I know that is not true even you know..." 

"Why do you care? Why the FUCK DO YOU CARE?" 

"Because I love you, Daniel Jackson. You are the brother I have lost; you are the friend I have never had. I love you Daniel, and to see you in such pain, such torment hurts so much. I know that you are lost right now. I know that you no longer want to fight to live. You are tired of everything. You are ready to give up. This I know. I can see how you are self-destructing before my eyes and I do not know how to help you, young one. I do not know how to help. I cannot bear to lose you in such a senseless way. You are too good a person to lose in this world, Daniel Jackson, too good a person. The world needs more people like you. You have a heart of gold. You are pure of heart, young one. You care for others. You would die for others. You are willing to risk yourself to save others...to give others a chance. You see the good in everyone you meet. You see the goodness in them and you bring it out. You care for everyone regardless of what they have done in their past and you are always willing to offer second chances. You forgive any indiscretion and you are selfless in all actions. How can one not love you or fall in love with you?" 

Daniel shook his head, feeling as if he were speaking to a wall. He simply responded, "I'm not worth it. I'm really not." 

"And why is that, young one? Tell me why you are not worth it. Tell me why." 

"Because..." 

"Hmm, that is not a good enough answer, Daniel..." 

"Well, because..." 

"Why are you so hard on yourself? Why?" 

"Look this isn't working..." 

Zeenan wasn't yet ready to allow the man to escape. He knew that Daniel wanted to flee, that he was afraid of speaking of his emotions and his feelings. Zeenan decided to continue on another path, "Tell me about Sam." 

Daniel paused in confusion wondering where that comment came from, "What? How could you...?" 

"You have said the name before. Tell me about Sam." 

"She...she..." 

"Is important to you. Is she a Tau'ri also?" 

"Yes...she's a Major in the US Air Force...that probably doesn't mean anything to you. She's also an astrophysicist...she knows all about wormholes, space travel..." 

"A scientist like you." 

"Yes." 

"Is she pretty?" 

"Is she...what does that have to do with anything?" 

"I am just curious. You have never spoken of her." 

"Sam is pretty yes. She has blonde hair like...like Sarah's...blue eyes like mine...uh, petite...small build...she's..." 

"I once knew a woman like her." 

"She...what?" 

"She was a slave...a servant of my lord Yu's. I...we...had feelings for one another..." 

"You had feelings?" 

"Yes... Daniel, why did you try to harm yourself this evening?" 

Daniel fell silent not speaking or saying a word. He could hear Zeenan's soft inhalations of breath and used those calming sounds to relax. Zeenan had asked him a question he wasn't even sure he could answer. He swallowed hard as he thought about how he could answer that question, or if he even should answer it. Zeenan saved him the trouble by saying, "You are so afraid and so uncertain. You are lost...confused...why do you not allow me to help you? Why do you not allow anyone to help you?" 

"I don't need help." 

"But you do...more than you will ever realize." 

Daniel was becoming frustrated as he questioned, "What the hell does that have to do with me relaxing? I thought you said this would help me." 

"It is working." 

"How the hell can it be working?" 

"Because you are angry...an emotion I have not seen in you in a very long time. It is good to see some spirit still thriving within." 

"Some spirit? I have no damned spirit left!" 

"And that is where you are wrong." 

"Why do you talk in riddles?" 

"I am not speaking in riddles, Daniel. Tell me why you wanted to destroy yourself." 

Daniel remained stubbornly silent refusing to speak anymore. Zeenan sighed as he prepared to begin his Kel-no-reem leaving Daniel to enjoy his personal solitude. 

Daniel realized the moment Zeenan had started his meditation. He sighed heavily to himself as he thought over what they had discussed. Why was Zeenan always trying to draw information from him? Better yet, why was he so afraid to offer that information to Zeenan? He considered Zeenan a close friend yet he was too afraid, too scared to share his experiences and thoughts with the man. Why was he so afraid to open up? 

He shook his head as he realized that he still wanted to end his life. He couldn't keep going on like this, he couldn't! He had to escape or he would be forever lost, forever trapped in this endless hell. He spoke softly not realizing that Zeenan still had not truly began his Kel-no-reem, "You asked me why I want to destroy myself and I asked you why you cared. Why do you care about a simple slave, Zeenan? Why do you concern yourself with your enemy, with a Tau'ri? Why? Why do I want to kill myself? I have nothing left to live for. Jack is already lost to me, for when he discovers that I've allowed Osiris to bed me and have made love to the enemy he won't be able to forgive me. I'll always be a Goa'uld whore to him...the Goa'uld bitch who willingly gave his body to his captor and enjoyed every minute of it. I'm...God...I...I just don't want to live...I'm tired of everything. Why can't you understand how my heart cries out, how I ache to be free? I can't do this any more. I just can't...it's too much. I can't even feel any more! What kind of a person am I? What about me is so special? Nothing...God I need to return home...I need to...I need so much but I've learned that my needs are not important any longer. I'm a slave so what I believe, what I feel, what I need is not important. Slaves don't have rights... Why do you care about a poor pathetic slave, Zeenan? Why do you care? How can you care so much for me when I can't even care about myself anymore?" 

Daniel gasped as arms wrapped around him and pulled him so close. He froze in shock, realizing that Zeenan was not meditating yet. He wanted to hate the Jaffa for such deception, but couldn't find it in himself to despise the only person in this hell who cared enough about a poor servant to stop his attempts to end his life. He wanted to resist, but found himself burying his face against the Jaffa for the second time today. Without thought he returned the favor by wrapping his arms around the Jaffa needing to be held and comforted, needing that physical touch as much as he feared it. Zeenan didn't speak for the longest time he merely held Daniel in his arms and rocked back and forth. 

After a long silence Zeenan pulled back from Daniel reaching up to swipe the tears from the man's cheeks as he informed, "You are not alone, young one. You will never be alone as long as I am here... Daniel, you are very important and very special, yet you carry such a heavy burden within. Why do you not allow me to help you carry that burden? Why do you not allow me to help you through these hard times? Why do you not allow me to be your friend?" 

"Because..." 

"There is that word again...because, because...what is with this because? It is merely a word that means nothing...it only means that you have no answer for my questions. Daniel, please allow me to be your friend, allow me to offer you the strength and the courage you need to see you through. Why do you feel you cannot allow this?" 

"Because I'm afraid...afraid you'll...hurt me too." 

"Daniel, I could never hurt you. You mean too much to me. I could never harm you, young one. Never. If you remain afraid, always afraid, then you will never learn to trust again. You need trust, Daniel." 

"I have trust..." 

"No you do not...even now you wonder if you can trust your Jack to love you after what has transpired here. Even now you do not trust touch or comfort. You do not trust those who only mean to help you. You do not even trust yourself. Our lord has also taken your trust. Daniel, you must get beyond that...you must learn to trust again. You must learn to share your pain, your burdens, your suffering with another...you keep everything trapped within. Everything builds and builds until you have no other alternative but to explode...you either do so by anger, lashing out...harming yourself, attacking your lord, closing your emotions down... You have so many means with which to relieve the tension within, yet most of those means only cause you more injury instead of aiding you to move on." 

"So what do you suggest I do since you seem to have all the answers." 

"I do not have all of the answers, but I do know of better ways for you to cope with everything that has been going on in your life." 

"Like what?" 

"Let us meditate now. We will speak more of this, but I must do my Kel-no-reem...give me your hands." 

"What? Why?" 

"Please." 

Daniel hesitated then stared in surprise as Zeenan gripped his hands firmly in his own and started to meditate. He spoke softly as he encouraged, "When I must perform Kel-no-reem I begin by relaxing my being and my mind. Close your eyes again and concentrate." 

"On what?" 

"The feel of our entwined hands. Direct your focus towards the feel of our entwined hands and allow your mind to settle and calm." 

Daniel felt silly but did as Zeenan encouraged. He closed his eyes feeling the Jaffa's big strong hands holding his so tenderly. For such strong hands the Jaffa was very gentle with his grip. He continued to do as Zeenan directed focusing completely on his hands in that of the Jaffa's, and soon he became aware of the warmth in them, the texture and the strength in them. He listened keeping his eyes closed as Zeenan continued in a calm, reassuringly soft tone of voice, "Now focus all your attention on your surroundings, Daniel. Listen with your ears alone. Begin by listening to what is going on around you." 

Daniel obeyed, forcing himself to do as Zeenan ordered. The first thing he became aware of was that there was no sound other than his breathing. As Zeenan prompted him by questioning what he heard he answered, "My breathing...don't hear anything else." 

"Listen closer Daniel. Can you hear other sounds?" 

"Like what?" 

"Listen to the flames as they flicker upon the candles encircling us. Allow yourself to hear everything. We are always exposed to sounds. Wherever one goes sound follows. As we age we learn to silence many of those individual sounds. We hear them but do not listen. For instance, you cannot hear your breathing unless you focus on it. The times you become aware are when you fear, when you are active, when you struggle to do so... We become relaxed with our breathing and no longer hear that sound. We learn to habituate to those sounds and we become so good at it that we can no longer hear beyond our own voices. There are so many sounds around us, Daniel, just listen to them. The sound of your breathing, of your heartbeat, of the flame as it dances about on each candle, the sound of the ship traveling through space, the sound of my voice, my breath, the sound of voices beyond the door in the corridor, the sound of movement above and below us... These and so many other sounds are always present in everyday life. If you listen then you may be amazed at what you can hear. Let us listen now." 

Daniel simply nodded, doing as Zeenan bid and feeling a refreshing calm sweeping over him as his body began to relax. He quieted his mind, listening only to the sounds around him and feeling calm and at ease. As he continued to listen, he became aware of the sounds that Zeenan had pointed out and a soft smile lit his lips as he realized that he could hear so much more now. 

After several minutes Zeenan spoke quieter then before, "When one's mind is focused on simple things then one feels calmness. It is at these times when one's mind can freely wander without fear or worry. Images, thoughts...feelings arise within you as you do so. Do not fight them just listen and see what your mind wants you to see." 

Daniel nodded and once again silence fell over the room. He continued to listen to the sounds around him determined not to open his mind to images but he quickly became unsuccessful as images of Jack, Sam and Teal'c began to swarm through his mind. He whispered, "Jack...no, no...I..." 

"Focus on our entwined hands. Know that you can face those images that now surface. I am with you, Daniel. You are not facing this alone, for I am with you and I will not let you go. Think of our entwined hands as anchors, as safety, as protection and support and allow yourself to travel through those memories, feelings and thoughts that are arising. Do not be afraid, young one, for I am here with you and I will not let you go." 

Daniel focused on their hands like Zeenan said, and as he allowed the memories to return he felt much stronger than previously. He clung to Zeenan's hands, needing his silent support and encouragement to face those things his mind refused to let rest. 

Again images of his friends came to him, of his friends and his life before captivity. As he opened his mind to those memories he suddenly realized that it had been so very long since he allowed those memories to intrude, and it saddened him greatly to know that he had become so distant from himself that he almost forgot them. He had almost forgotten those memories that were just too precious to lose. Could that be partly why he felt so lost and so empty? Could that be why he was consumed by so much despair and loneliness? It upset him to know that he had almost forgotten those he had been fighting to live for, and as the memories continued to play in his mind he realized what he would have been surrendering, what he would have been giving up on if Zeenan hadn't stopped him. 

Oh God if Zeenan hadn't, if he hadn't... What had he been thinking? Why did he...and still, he still wanted to do it...God forgive him, but he still wanted to end it all. But was death really the answer? Was death really his only way out of this hell? 

He lowered his head swallowing hard before pushing those thoughts to the side choosing instead to remember his friends and not deal with the complexities of his present existence. If he could not remember his friends, could not remember his life before it turned into hell then he would never have a chance at saving himself, at returning to normal again. Feeling a certainty enter him made him turn to those memories and though it hurt, it hurt immensely to see his friends, to remember them he would do it because if he forgot his friends then he would most definitely forget himself and he couldn't do that for if he lost himself here then he was certain now that he would never, ever be able to find himself again. He'd be forever wandering in a labyrinth trying to find him self but unable to locate any remaining parts of his now splintered, shattered soul...


	14. Struggling to Comply

**STRUGGLING TO COMPLY**

 

**Journal Entry:**

_Have you ever wanted to disappear, Jack? Make yourself invisible? Make_  
 _yourself so small that you won't be noticed by anyone? Have you ever tried_  
 _to make yourself look less appealing? Have you ever tried to make yourself_  
 _vanish? I have. I've tried so many times to discourage him, to turn him_  
 _off...doesn't work, Jack...none of it ever works. I can't make myself less_  
 _appealing because he orders me to bathe, orders me to be pleasing in_  
 _appearance as well as deportment. I hide from him sometimes, but he always_  
 _finds me and if he can't he'll send a servant in search of me. If they can't find_  
 _me then all he has to do is turn on the tracking device in my collar, which leads_  
 _him right to me. I have no where to hide, no where to go, no where to run. If I_  
 _refuse to attend to my appearance he will demand Zeenan do so for me, Zeenan_  
 _or another._

_I once became so depressed that I sat in the bath for hours on end...didn't wash_  
 _my hair or wash my body...just sat there staring at the bubbles churning around_  
 _me. He grew impatient with me and ordered a guard to join him. Together they_  
 _entered the bathhouse and Osiris ordered the guard to physically restrain me_  
 _while he took it upon himself to bathe me. I fought...fought desperately and_  
 _earned myself a nice humiliating punishment. After I was bathed by My Lord I_  
 _was dried and escorted into the bedchamber. He called a second guard and_  
 _watched as they secured me to a chair in the room...secured naked...and well,_  
 _let's just say Osiris didn't give a shit about my modesty or my privacy that_  
 _night... I'll never forget the humiliation and degradation I felt being secured in_  
 _that chair in such a way... He then helped himself to me...declaring that I_  
 _needed a...I would be inspected...for cleanliness. I wanted to die. His treatment_  
 _of me that evening taught me that I could never ignore my appearance...ever. I_  
 _quickly learned the penalty of refusing my lord on such an issue, learned never_  
 _to do it again...but I still wanted, still want to disappear..._

_Do you know how desperately I want to vanish Jack? I just want the sexual_  
 _demands to stop. It's never enough Jack...nothing is ever enough for him. He has_  
 _a very veracious appetite. He's always demanding services, always. I want to_  
 _disappear, Jack, to become totally numb, totally closed off, shut down... I want to_  
 _enter that subspace that one slips into when the pain and suffering becomes too_  
 _extreme, that place where you no longer feel, no longer are there in the room_  
 _being used as if you were some cheap whore being paid for services._  
 _Disassociation... I've gotten so good at it Jack. I shut down mentally and forget_  
 _what I'm doing and what's being done to me. Sometimes it's so scary to feel myself_  
 _shut down like that, to not be able to recall what has been happening to me over_  
 _the course of the last few minutes or hours._

_I now let my mind wander forcing myself to think of things...anything to keep from_  
 _disassociating completely. I allow my thoughts to jump from one topic to the next_  
 _and the next keeping my mind busy as he does things to me. I still want to become_  
 _totally numb and closed off but doing that scares me because what if I shut down_  
 _and can't seem to return to myself? I also hate the not knowing...I know he's doing_  
 _so many things to me, to my body; things I don't even want to remember but it_  
 _bothers me immensely to have NO knowledge of what he's been doing to me for_  
 _the last several minutes or hours. I don't really want to be present, but I want to_  
 _be aware enough that I have an idea of what he's doing. It's really frightening to_  
 _know that I can become so lost in my mental safe haven that I have no knowledge_  
 _or memory of what has been transpiring in that length of time..._

_Sometimes I feel as if I'm flying... I hate that feeling...that's when the pain and_  
 _the pleasure are so intense that I become over-stimulated, pumped full of_  
 _endorphins... I come to a point where I can't move. I can hear his voice as he_  
 _speaks to me, feel his hands upon my burning flesh, feel the intensity within my_  
 _body, the overwhelming hunger... That's even scarier than disassociation Jack,_  
 _so much scarier to know that he can push me into a state of consciousness like_  
 _that. One where I no longer feel pain only pleasure... The stimulation is so_  
 _intense that all I feel is this extreme ecstasy. When he pushes me to that point_  
 _my mouth just can't work right. I try to speak but... I'm gone, almost like I'm_  
 _drunk. It's so goddamned scary Jack...so scary! That's a risk I take when I use_  
 _disassociation as a coping skill..._

_I risk the chance of becoming high off endorphins...or becoming so far gone that_  
 _I don't want to return...ever._

**End of Journal Entry**

 

He stopped mid-way into the room becoming very anxious when he saw the hunger, the desire in his lord for him. Oh God no. No, no, no. He couldn't do this, not yet. Osiris chose that moment to interrupt, "Come Daniel, come to bed. Please." 

He nervously clenched and unclenched his fists finding that it was a struggle to actually focus on the phoenix lord. He didn't want to approach knowing all too well just what Osiris had in mind for tonight's entertainment, but he found himself moving automatically. He approached Osiris before muttering, "Yes My Lord. How...how may I serve you this night?" 

Osiris cocked his head to the side before reaching up to brush a hand across his left cheek and answering, "How are you this night, my precious?" 

"Um, I'm...I'm fine...fine." 

"No, no you are not. Tell me why are you so upset?" 

“I'm not upset. I'm not." 

"Then why do you pull from me? Why do you cringe when I touch you? Why will you not openly accept me? I have a desire to mate with you this evening, yet I sense that you are not willing..." 

When have I ever been willing, My Lord? He jerked his head up in shock fearing that he spoke that thought aloud. As he focused on Osiris he didn't see anger or surprise there. In fact, he was rather certain his comment remained unvoiced. Oh thank God for that! The last thing he needed was to deal with Osiris' aggressive side. 

He frowned when Osiris further inquired, "Are you willing, my precious Daniel? Are you willing to please your lord this night?" 

His mind screamed a definite no, but already he was moving to comply placing himself on his back in the center of their bed before grabbing a handful of the material he now lay prone upon. He sucked in his bottom lip beginning to nervously nibble on it awaiting his lord feeling very afraid and nervous. It had been several weeks since they made love, several weeks since Osiris demanded he serve in bed. He knew part of the reason was because Osiris was still upset about exposing him to Lord Chandra. He knew that what he had done was wrong, so he was hesitant to demand services. The times they had sex since those events on Mandara usually ended with him withdrawing after offering his body and allowing his mind to drift away. He knew that he wasn't giving Osiris everything he demanded but the Goa'uld lord didn't push the matter. 

He was very afraid about having intercourse with Osiris again this night but couldn't deny the burning desire already accumulating within. He couldn't stop his legs from drifting lazily apart as he carefully removed his robe, and he couldn't ignore the way Osiris ogled his now naked body with intense need and a veracious appetite. Osiris wanted him and God forgive him but he wanted Osiris. He wanted him desperately. His body ached for his burning touch, his intoxicating kisses, his warm silky body rubbing against him... He desperately yearned for that mouth to take him deep within, to feel Sarah's warm moistness encompass him, to feel those blessed spasms of her vaginal muscles as they contracted and squeezed to draw him in deeper... God he needed Osiris, needed him, craved him, hungered for him...burned for him and as Osiris carefully straddled his hips he released a soft moan of pleasure already thrusting his now hard dick up into her seeping wetness feeling a desperate ache consume him. 

He grabbed handfuls of the comforter beneath him gripping it so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. He tried to resist, tried to fight his burning needs, tried to refuse the Goa'uld lord and tried so hard to dampen his own desires but he realized that the battle was useless for he was quickly becoming consumed by overwhelming need and hunger...

 

* * * * * * 

 

Jack O'Neill had sworn to his friends that he was doing well, but he had lied. Oh how he had lied to them, had lied straight to their faces. And why had he done that? Why had he lied to them? Because he knew that they were worried and concerned, knew they'd soon insist he see a psychiatrist, knew they'd pick up their suicide watch yet again, knew he'd never get any privacy so he'd lied. He'd lied to them convincing them that though he missed Daniel so very much he had learned to accept his lover's absence in his life. He had lied so easily, so convincingly that no one had bothered to question him further, but what he said was so very far from the truth because as long as Daniel was gone from his life he was anything BUT fine. 

It hurt so badly to watch them slowly give up all hope. One by one the members of the SGC surrendered to fate, believing that Daniel Jackson would never return home again. Their hopes died and turned into pity: pity for him and the members of his team, pity for Doctor Fraiser and General Hammond who flat out REFUSED to accept that Daniel was gone and pity for anyone else who still dared believe that there was a chance that he would one day return and reclaim his place on SG-1 and at the SGC. 

Life went on as usual and things returned to normal, except that every night before leaving the mountain and every morning Hammond would again order the address for Daniel's prison to be dialed over and over hoping that some time, some day, some how they could establish a connection and mount a long overdue rescue. And though General Hammond grew more and more disheartened each day, he refused to give up on any chance that they might be able to find their missing member and bring him back where he belonged, bring him back home. 

Hammond refused to give up, and when people made negative comments about his prize team or said that Daniel Jackson was gone he was quick to silence them. Giving them reminders that they needed to watch what they said and how they said it. Hammond was a good man, and it made Jack feel so much better knowing that the General refused to accept Daniel's disappearance so easily. Thank heavens the General continued to dial that planet because he knew, he felt deep down inside that one day they would connect with that planet and one day they would be able to surmount a rescue to bring Daniel Jackson back home where he belonged!

 

* * * * * *

 

Osiris watched his servant as he lay before him sprawled out across their bed completely naked and gripping the comforter beneath him. He sat perched upon Daniel, straddling his hips, feeling that hard firm cock pressing up against him causing Sarah's body to respond to the stimulation by offering slick lubrication in the form of her sweet juices for their soon-to-be coupling. They were so ready to take their precious slave to the verge of ecstasy and beyond. They were so very ready for him and he for them, but Osiris was disturbed for he sensed that Daniel still was not giving his all. The events on Mandara were still fresh in their minds, as well as Daniel's, and he knew that was why he felt so confused. 

He shook his head leaning forward to press a light kiss to Daniel's lips. He kissed Daniel several times before softly questioning, "What can I do to help you through this Daniel?" 

"Wha...what My Lord?" Shit what the hell was Osiris saying? He was so caught up in the heat of the moment needing so desperately to thrust into that inviting cavern of silky slicked heat that he could no longer think clearly. All he wanted to do was fuck her, fuck it to his heart's content. He needed to do so again, feeling desperate as he ached to be satisfied and ached to feel again. He attempted to focus on Osiris trying to make sense of his question knowing that he had to obey. His duty was to comply with his lord's desire, and he was ready to do as was expected of him. 

As he gazed at his master Osiris again questioned, "What can I do to help you through this, my precious one?" 

"Master...Master please..." 

"Yes Daniel?" 

"Please, Master, I beg of you please fuck me. Please Master, I beg of you..." 

Osiris frowned as he pressed a hand gently across Daniel's lips hushing him before informing, "Daniel I do not want to do this if you are not yet..." 

Without thought Daniel thrust his hips violently upwards closing his eyes in pleasure as he lodged his dick in her sweet crevice, still not penetrating but closer than he had been. Osiris gasped in surprise and moaned as he could feel the head of Daniel's penis attempting to breach his inner core. He forced his eyes open determined to stop Daniel if he could go no further uttering, "Daniel please..." 

Daniel taking that as permission to continue released the comforter and planted his hands firmly on Osiris' hips anchoring him before thrusting upward and burying himself within his lord. Osiris squealed in delight momentarily forgetting why he wanted Daniel to stop this, but as his servant began to thrust he quickly joined the man riding him to the pinnacle of euphoria until they both came powerfully before collapsing in a pile of heavy breathing and gasping. 

When they both regained their breathing Osiris asked his question again, "What can I do to help you, Daniel?" 

Daniel responded with confusion, "Help me, My Lord?" 

Osiris nodded before continuing "You are holding back from me, from us..." 

"I'm... After what...you think...?" 

"No, no, no my precious. No you were wonderful, but you have not been giving..." 

Daniel felt angry and outraged. He had again given his body willingly to his lord and Osiris was complaining that he was holding back after what they'd just done? He glared at the Goa'uld lord snapping, "What? Would you like me to beg better, to fuck better, WHAT?" 

"No, Daniel, no..." 

He continued to allow his anger to build now practically yelling at Osiris, "Crawl, you want me to CRAWL for you, My Lord?" 

Osiris shook his head saddened that Daniel was misunderstanding his concern and accusing him of wanting things he did not ask for, "No Daniel..." 

"Tell me." 

Feeling his own rage surmount at his servant for daring to believe that he was demanding more after what they had just shared Osiris yelled, "DANIEL YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME!" 

Daniel's anger quickly fell by the wayside as shame swamped him when he suddenly began to realize that he had so eagerly met his lord's thrusts. Hell, he even initiated the damned intercourse. God, oh God no! He began to panic as confusion and disgust filled him, making him suddenly anxious. He had to leave. He had to get away. He had to think. As confusion continued to stalk him he quickly demanded, "Get off of me." 

"Daniel, listen..." 

"GET OFF!" 

Osiris sighed before easing off of Daniel. As Daniel sat up he grasped the man's hand in his own continuing, "Daniel, we must talk of what has been happening to you. We must discuss Mandara." 

"I don't want...I don't want to discuss Mandara, My Lord. I want, I need... I need to be alone. Please?" 

"But Daniel..." 

"Please, My Lord, don't...don't make me beg you. Please, My Lord, don't make me beg." 

Osiris sighed again as he gently cupped Daniel's left cheek in the palm of his hand. He then said, "We do not like to see you so sad, so confused, so uncertain and so afraid Daniel. If... I should have never requested you serve me this night, for you are not yet ready. You may go, Daniel. I will grant you time alone, time you seem to be in desperate need of." 

"Thank, thank you My Lord." 

Osiris reached up to press a tender kiss to Daniel's forehead. He then pulled back continuing "Please do not hesitate to speak when you do not wish to comply. We have discussed this before, Daniel. I will not grow angry with you on such a matter, my precious one." 

"My Lord please..." 

Osiris nodded before adding "I will send Zeenan to check on you in a little while. You may go. We will wait for you." 

"I...I know My Lord." 

"Do not stay away too long for you must rest." 

"Yes My Lord." 

Osiris nodded again watching as Daniel grabbed his robe and quickly put it on before running from the room as if he were being chased. He sighed again and hung his head feeling overwhelmingly sad and upset knowing that Daniel was running like that to get away from him. He had made a mistake again, and Daniel was not handling things very well. 

'An apology will go a long way, My Lord.' 

"Sarah..." 

'Yes... Apologize to him for what happened on Mandara.' 

"No Sarah I... I cannot. No." 

'You can apologize to me, yet you find that you cannot do the same for Daniel? Why? Why do you always hesitate to do what is right by him Osiris? Why can you not just go to him and apologize?' 

"I have done him a grave injustice..." 

'You did the same to me. Yet you can apologize to me but refuse to offer Daniel the same. Why? He forgives easily, though he will struggle with acceptance. He will accept your apology. You cannot continue to behave as if nothing happened on that planet. You can't pretend that an apology won't help. It will. You just have to extend it to him. Trust him, My Lord. You must apologize.' 

"I...I cannot." 

'You have no choice, My Lord. You must apologize.' 

"I am going to check on my favored." 

'My Lord do not disturb him...' 

"I do not plan to upset him further, Sarah. I simply want to make certain that he will be all right." 

'Then let us go, but don't disturb him. He needs time alone, My Lord. He is very confused right now and is in need of some patience and understanding.' 

"Yes, Sarah, I know." 

They exited the bedchamber heading for the garden. Sarah shook her head in frustration, upset with Osiris. Why did he refuse to apologize to Daniel when he hurt him or upset him? Why couldn't he apologize for wrongdoings? What was so difficult about offering a simple apology? She shook her head in annoyance but she knew, she knew better than anyone just how hard it was to apologize to someone once you have wronged them. It was one of the hardest things to do and it took a lot of courage to be able to go up to someone you had hurt and apologize. Apologies were sometimes harder than forgiveness. Often an apology would not solve the problem but it was a start. Apologizing was better than pretending that something did not matter when it was so very obvious that it did. She would have to convince Osiris of that and convince him to offer Daniel an apology. He had wronged them both, but the least he could do was say that he was sorry and that he had made a mistake. Sometimes simply admitting that you were in the wrong helped someone you hurt more than you could ever realize. 

 

* * * *

 

Zeenan searched for Daniel now worried even more for the man. He checked every location he would normally run to, growing more and more anxious when he couldn't locate his friend. He stopped as he entered the gardens seeing Daniel standing at the rose bush that always seemed to hold his attention. He quietly approached the man not speaking at first, but then he questioned, "Daniel, are you all right?" 

Daniel said nothing only leaned forward closing his eyes as he inhaled the sweet aroma of a single red rose. Zeenan was unsure of what to do. Should he go or should he stay? He took a step towards Daniel waiting for a response, any response from the man. When none was forthcoming he spoke quietly, "You are upset. Why?" 

Still no answer came. Daniel continued to act as if he had no knowledge that Zeenan was now with him. The silence hurt more than anything. He took another step towards Daniel feeling his silence fall like a shroud around him. Why was he remaining so quiet? Why wasn't he answering? Why? Zeenan didn't know what to do. He was trapped in endless indecision. He tried another approach, "It is not your fault, none of this is your fault my friend. I ask you again why are you so hard on yourself? Why?" 

Zeenan became sadder as Daniel still refused to speak. Perhaps, perhaps Daniel was truly lost. Perhaps there was nothing he could do to help the man. He turned to leave deciding to grant Daniel the solace he ran here to obtain when Daniel spoke softly, "What does one do when they are lost, Zeenan? How...? I...I miss him..." 

He focused on Daniel once more knowing that the man was uncertain of what he even wanted to say. Somehow the conversation turned to the issue of a certain Colonel who was millions of miles away. Zeenan knew that Daniel wanted to talk of how he was feeling, but all he could put into words was how he missed the one man that could save him. Zeenan approached placing his hands gently on each of Daniel's shoulders, trying to offer comfort in touch. He wasn't even sure of what to say to Daniel. All he knew was that the man needed to talk about something. All he could muster was a simple, "I know that you do." 

"I...I don't know why I'm here. I..." 

"Perhaps you needed some time alone to think. Perhaps you simply needed time away from our lord." 

"I...I...I don't really know what I want..." He laughed sarcastically as he continued, "Hell, I don't even know who I am anymore. I let him do it again. I...I don't know why I...I couldn't help myself... I allowed him to...to...humiliate me again. Why does he...why does he do it, Zeenan?" 

"Do what, young one?" 

“Be gentle then turn around and hur...hurt me? I...I...it's hard enough to allow my body to feel anything other than despair anymore and I...I surrender to the pleasure but...but after...after he always hurts me...why?" 

"You do not enjoy the times you spend with our lord though you have trained yourself to feel only when you are performing for him. You have trained yourself to enjoy what he does to you, to draw pleasure from those things, for it is the only way you can cope with the wrong he does to you on a daily basis..." 

"I hate the games, Zeenan. I hate his games. I hate the way he has to end something that's so hard for me to do with pain, humiliation or degradation. He...he is gentle, tender, even...even loving, but he...he always has to hurt...to humiliate. Why? Why can't he just make love to me then hold me until morning and show me respect the following day? Why does he force me to...to kneel for him, to bow for him, to crawl for him? Why...why does he...use sex as...as a weapon?" 

"A weapon?" 

"Yes as a two-edged sword: taking his pleasure, forcing me to feel, to enjoy then...then trampling me into the dirt and treating me as one would his dirty whore. Then...then he expects me to...to respect him? I can't respect someone who takes and takes for himself but...but can't respect the one he claims to love... He forces me to make all of these sacrifices for his pleasure. He claims to provide me with pleasure, but then he takes an already dirty act and sullies it further." 

"How do you feel, Daniel?" 

"How do I...what does that...?" 

"Just tell me how do you feel?" 

Daniel fell silent but Zeenan refused to leave waiting for the man's answer, which came as a choked whisper, "Like I'm trash, Zeenan. Like I'm...I'm filthy, unlovable...pathetic. I mean...I mean look at me. He probably laughs at me. He probably laughs at his whore...yeah look at the poor slut who can't feel a damned thing unless he's being fucked or returning the favor. Look at how he begs for sex because he can't feel unless he's fucking his damned head off. Look at the poor slave who only knows how to put out... He ordered me to fuck him in public, Zeenan...before a system lord for entertainment. He ordered me to...to service another and for my refusal he allowed the system lord to determine my punishment. He allowed him to...to assault me while he watched. He said he would protect me. You both said that you would protect me, Zeenan. You both promised me that after Dionysus you'd protect me and never allow another to harm me. You lied. You both lied." 

Daniel turned to face Zeenan with tears piercing his eyes as he continued, "You lied...and I, I'm left to retrieve the shattered pieces of what remains of this dying soul. I...I can't take it anymore. I...I just want to...to die again, but you took the knife that could grant me my freedom. You preached to me about how death is no answer but it is, Zeenan, it is. Death is the only answer for me. I was already tainted, already soiled when he destroyed Alandria to force me to submit completely to him. You know how hard it is knowing I'm betraying Jack, to know I continue to betray him, but...but I'm just a slave to you. I'm just a slave and I'm just Osiris' precious fuck toy. He offered me to another because he wanted a weapon of mass destruction and he claims to love me? He sure as hell has a funny way of showing it. He offered me to another, allowed another to paw at me, to touch me. He laughed as my body responded to another's touch, laughed even while I was dying inside, even while I felt as if I were trapped on Dionysus' planet all over again... I fucking panicked and all he did was laugh and mock me. He didn't stop the examination until I became unresponsive, until I couldn't breathe and even then it was Sarah who came to me. It was Sarah for Osiris...he shrank away from me. He...then you have the nerve to ask me why the hell I want to die? Why the hell wouldn't I? I have nothing to live for! NOTHING!" 

Zeenan wrapped his arms around Daniel as the man gave in to tears. He held him close then said "Had I known our lord did such a horrid thing to you I would have stopped him, young one. He dispatched me to deal with a problem on one of our planets. I was certain that you would be safe with him. I was certain that he would not do such a thing to one he claims to love so deeply. He is most foolish daring to throw away such a precious person." 

Zeenan continued to hold Daniel feeling his rage towards Osiris build. He would have a talk with his lord soon, and he would get answers. 

Osiris stood in the shadows feeling the guilt still filling him after what he had put his favored through. He still did not understand why he had done what he had to the man. As he heard the pain and suffering his favored now felt he realized what a horrible mistake he had made. He hung his head and turned to leave allowing his favored to draw comfort in another man's arms. Sarah spoke then saying, "I warned you of how this would harm him, but you shut me out. You have such anger in you. I warned you even while you ordered Daniel to service another. Betrayal is one of the hardest things for him to deal with. I told you of that before. Nothing hurts him more than betrayal...or hurt being unjustly done to others. You promised him he would be safe, and you went back on that promise. What little trust you had from him is now destroyed, and all you have left is your guilt and the man you claim to love unconsciously cringing from you every time you dare to touch him. His nightmares have returned as well. They are worse than before. You brought his memories of that horrible assault back when you allowed another Goa'uld lord to maul him and take from him that which he struggles to give to you. I don't understand what goes through your mind sometimes, Osiris...and he is right...every time you make love to him or require a service from him you humiliate him in the end." 

"No, I do not." 

"Kneel forward, plead for forgiveness...crawl for your lord, very good dog...you serve your master well, my pet...need I go on? You insult him any chance you get and after he struggles so hard to service you. You are still destroying him, Osiris. Soon you will kill him. As you have heard Daniel has already considered suicide and possibly has attempted to do so multiple times. You push and push and push. When you get what you desire you are never satisfied so you push some more. You orchestrate your own destruction, and you push him closer to despair. Why? Why must you always test, always push, always go that little step further? Why?" 

Osiris sighed loudly for he had no answer for her many questions all he could say was, "I do not know." 

Sarah swallowed hard shaking her head as she heard Daniel's soft quiet sobs even here. He was one who didn't like to let others in, to let others see the depths of his feelings but he was becoming tired and worn. He was becoming weary for the walls of his prison only continued to close in around him blocking out his hope, snuffing it out like one would a candle. She already sensed that he believed he would never be free again. He was certain that Jack O'Neill, that his friends, had given up all hope on him, for his absence has been so very long. She knew part of the reason he now struggled so hard was because his hope was faltering. He was beginning to accept that he was Osiris' favored, would be for the rest of his life, and as he accepted that title, accepted that he would never be free his spirit was crumpling and shuddering under the assault. He couldn't handle spending the rest of his days as a slave, and she now knew what had to be done, but would Osiris ever find enough strength, enough love in his heart to willingly give Daniel Jackson his freedom? Could he actually order that shield around the Stargate to be deactivated? 

She knew her answer and it saddened her greatly for she knew what the answer meant for Daniel. He would continue to serve. He would continue to lose himself, and he would continue to disappear. He would become that which Osiris desired and craved, but upon that final surrender he would lose a part of himself, of his precious soul that he might never be able to retrieve again and with that loss even if freedom was granted him he would never be whole again until that piece was retrieved and given back to him. She only hoped that if that did happen, and he was returned that Daniel's Jack would have the strength, the courage, that unconditional love for the one who missed him desperately and that he would be able to face the demons of hell to put one precious man back together again. If he had none of those things then she feared that Daniel Jackson would never heal or recover the lost remnants of his soul. If Jack O'Neill failed then Daniel Jackson would be forever lost. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Osiris continued to pace knowing he had to speak to Daniel, knowing he had to apologize to Daniel but very uncertain as to how his apology would even be received, for it was long overdue. He inhaled another shaky breath as he reached nervously for the door knowing that Daniel was on the other side. He was supposed to be sleeping, but Osiris knew that he wasn't. He could hear Daniel's incessant pacing even from the throne room...back and forth, back and forth...just one means of comforting himself. As he opened the door he stopped to watch Daniel. He was indeed pacing. He had his arms crossed over his chest as if to ward off physical contact or to provide himself some form of self-comfort. His head was bowed and he was walking slowly, pacing and pacing...a definite indication that something was disturbing him. 

Osiris swallowed hard before crossing the threshold into the room and closing the door behind him. Daniel didn't even react to the soft sound of the door shutting, but Osiris was certain he had heard it, and certain that he was no longer alone for his servant visibly tensed while still pacing back and forth in an endless circle. He turned as he lost his nerve certain that this was a mistake until a firm voice ordered, 'Speak to him. Tell him. Why now do you hesitate? LOOK at him...' 

"Be silent." 

'Don't continue to delay...' 

Osiris clenched his hands into fists as he turned to focus on Daniel once again clearing his throat as he spoke quietly, "Daniel." 

The man didn't even pause only continued to pace. He inhaled a shaky breath as he questioned his host, "How can I apologize to him if he will not give me the courtesy of looking at me, Sarah?" 

'Apologize to him and stop stalling.' 

"I do not stall..." 

'You are stalling. Stop it and apologize to him.' 

"I...I...I can't..." 

'You are a fool...' 

"I resent that little comment dear Sarah." 

'Then prove to me that you aren't a fool and I'll apologize for the insult.' 

"He...this is hopeless." 

'I'm waiting...' 

"Be silent." 

'Chicken.' 

Osiris shook his head wondering how he ever managed to find a host with such a sarcastic attitude. Sarah taunted, 'Just lucky I guess. Now stop stalling and do what you've come here to do.' 

He placed his attention on his servant wanting to apologize, yet not knowing just how to do so. He tried to speak but halted. He found himself watching the man as he paced back and forth in an endless circle that was driving him crazy. He spoke without thought as he said, "Will you stop and listen to me for a moment? Please?" 

Still Daniel continued to pace so Osiris quieted his voice further as he continued, "Daniel, please. I...I know that I have hurt you greatly by...by..." 

"Selling me for a weapon?" 

The voice was so soft, so low that Osiris was uncertain as to whether he had even heard the words. The only indication that Daniel had even spoken was the brief pause in his pacing. He lowered his head greatly saddened by the pain he caused the man. He tried again, "Daniel, this is not easy for me. I am trying to apologize; yet the correct words will not come to me. I have never had a need to apologize for my own actions. I know that an apology will not undo the pain and suffering I have brought you, but perhaps...perhaps it will help...a little." 

Daniel's quiet whisper filled the room as he responded, "You promised me. You promised. You did then you... How could you break a promise? How? I...I can't even sleep now without seeing, without feeling as if I'm in that room... How could you do that to me? Why the hell do I even care what your answer will be? Go away. GO AWAY!" 

"I will not." 

"Why?" 

Osiris moved closer to Daniel as he calmed his voice further saying, "Because you should not be alone, dear heart." 

Dear heart? Dear heart? What the hell? Daniel shook his head only growing angrier the longer he remained. How could he...what the hell...how...? He jerked abruptly away from Osiris continuing to pace as his anger increased by the second. How could he even...how could...? He cast several glares towards the system lord wanting to yell and holler but remained silent. He...he...son of a bitch! Daniel suddenly turned on his heels and faced Osiris head on as he allowed his anger to put words in his mouth, "What...what kind of crap is that? You're sorry? Sorry for what? Ruining my life? Handing me to someone as if I were some cheap whore? Insulting me? Degrading me? Treating me as if I'm no better than dirt? What...just what in the hell are you sorry for? I mean nothing to you, NOTHING! I'm just your fuck toy...hey want a good time screw your fucking favored hell I'll bend over for you! Shit I'll even fucking kiss your ass if you command it of me. What the hell are you sorry for? You don't give a shit about me! All you care about is having a goddamned cheap easy fucking lay! Want me to lick your fucking boots for you bring them out give me a go at them. Hell I'm so damned cheap in your eyes that you were even willing to GIVE me to another so I could rock their fucking world. I may be your fucking bitch, I may be your fucking whore but you will never EVER force me to do to another what I am made to do to you. NEVER!" 

"Daniel..." 

"NO! NO! You promised! You fucking promised that I'd be safe, that I would never have to...never have to service another! You lied. YOU LIED! You allowed him to...to... You granted him permission to...to fondle me openly and you laughed; you laughed when I fucking panicked! You don't owe me shit! You don't owe me anything, but I thought you had enough decency in you to keep a damned promise you yourself made to me. You only proved to me something that I already knew: you don't give a shit about anyone. All you care about is yourself and your goddamned army! All you care about is conquering and destroying people! You're just like all the others! You think so little of me, of your fucking favored, that you were willing to throw your goddamned tramp to another! You didn't care that I was panicking! Hell, you didn't give a shit that as he touched me all I could think of was being pinned to the fucking floor and pawed at. You didn't care! You didn't pay attention! All I could do was panic as I found myself back on Dionysus' planet being fucking assaulted! I panicked and you laughed. You laughed at me! You knew...you knew what would happen and you didn't give a shit! I couldn't, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't fight...God I kept...I couldn't forget...now, now the nightmares are back and instead of the assaults ending where Zeenan saved me they continue and I get to see myself being fucking raped every which way in live techno color by those fucking bastards who attacked me. How could you...how could you do that to me? HOW?" 

"Daniel...Daniel, I am very sorry..." 

"Go to hell." 

"Daniel." 

"GO TO HELL!" 

Daniel jerked his head up as the door to their room suddenly flew open and stared into the worried face of Zeenan. The Jaffa was glancing nervously from him to Osiris and back again tensed as if he were prepared to attack Osiris if the system lord dared make a move on him. He felt some of his anger and rage dissipate along with some of his pent up fear when he saw the concern and worry in Zeenan's eyes as he looked at him as if assessing his present condition and mental status. 

Osiris didn't even bother to turn. He was so determined to speak with Daniel and attempt to make amends for what he had done. He approached Daniel reaching up to brace his upper arms gently. Daniel shrieked and cringed as the faintest hint of panic flared up in the blue depths of his eyes. Osiris struggled to keep his voice as smooth and comforting as possible as he addressed Daniel, "My precious Daniel, what can I do to ever make up for the pain that I have put you through? I am so sorry I did not see that I was destroying your very soul by offering you to Lord Chandra. I was angry with you and allowed my anger to rule my thoughts and actions. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. If I had only...if I had not been such a fool… I am sorry, my precious one. How can I ease the pain and suffering you are enduring because of my foolish actions? Please tell me how I can undo the pain I have brought you, dear one." 

Daniel couldn't speak as Osiris' words stunned him. He froze in shock staring at Osiris unable to move or speak as he realized that Osiris was actually apologizing for what he had done. He couldn't believe that a Goa'uld lord was actually apologizing to a servant, a slave for wronging him. He didn't know how to react, what to say or what to do for he was so confused now. Osiris' actions took him by complete surprise stunning him for several long moments. The inconsistencies in Osiris' behavior both frightened him and intrigued him. He continued to focus on the phoenix lord not certain of how to react. Osiris should now be ordering his lashing for being so defiant and so disrespectful, yet here he stood with the Goa'uld lord who was speaking to him and holding him so gently as if he were fragile and would shatter at a moment's notice. 

Daniel wasn't even sure how to behave. He glanced up at Zeenan casting him a look of complete confusion. Zeenan stepped towards him sensing that Daniel needed him to be close. As he examined Daniel from his vantage point at the door he became even more worried. He had heard raised voices and became fearful when the dominant voice was Daniel's. He didn't hesitate to make his way to his lord's bedchamber for he feared what Osiris would do to Daniel for being so defiant towards him. He was rather shocked when he entered to find the two facing off, both with unreadable expressions on their faces and neither taking up threatening postures. He swallowed hard as he heard his lord's final words to Daniel and knew that Daniel couldn't comprehend why Osiris would so suddenly apologize for wrongdoings. As Daniel cast him that confused expression he could feel his heart aching for the man. God Daniel was so confused and so uncertain. He knew that he should exit the room and give the two some privacy, but he found that he was rooted to the floor. He simply chose to silently observe the exchanges between the two to see what came about from the confrontation. 

Daniel was so confused and so damned scared that he didn't know what to do. He licked his lips nervously before speaking, "Is that it? Is that all you have to say for yourself?" 

"What do you want me to say?" 

"I...I..." 

"Daniel, there is no way that I can undo the harm I have caused you. All I can do is promise you that it will never happen again..." 

Daniel instantly jerked from the light hold nearly knocking Osiris over in the process before he responded, "Promise? You can promise it will never happen again? How the hell am I to believe you for even a moment? You lied to me. YOU LIED! I can't believe a word that comes out of your mouth. I can't trust you, I can't trust myself...hell I can't trust anybody! You, yourself, proved to me just how foolish a notion trust is. I..." 

"Daniel, you can trust me in this. I will never allow something like this to happen to you again." 

Daniel threw his arms up in the air as he shouted, "STOP LYING TO ME! JUST STOP! God I can't take it anymore! I can't take the lies! I can't take the abuse! I can't take the insults! I can't take the humiliations! I can't! I JUST CAN'T! Don't do this to me!" 

"Do what, dear heart?" 

Daniel turned rage-filled eyes Osiris' way before he continued, "STOP THAT! I am not your dear heart if I were you wouldn't have tossed me away like I was trash! You wouldn't have offered me to him and ordered him to punish me for my refusal. I'm nothing to you...NOTHING!" 

"Daniel, I believe you have already told me of this. You are repeating yourself..." 

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" 

"Daniel..." 

He stared at Osiris raising his hands this time in agitation preparing to speak again but not knowing what he wanted to even say. God he couldn't even speak clearly! 

Sarah's voice echoed to Osiris as she said, 'He is confused and uncertain. He does not know what to do anymore. He is reaching the end of his endurance. You must allow him time to come to terms with all that he has lost and all that he is contemplating. He wants to speak to us, yet he struggles to do so for the words will not come.' 

'What am I to do? You told me to apologize and I have done so but my apology has only seemed to aggravate and upset him further. Sarah, I do not know what to do. I do not know how I can help him.' 

'Give him time. As I have said before betrayal is a hard thing for him to deal with. You destroyed his trust when you allowed Chandra to abuse him. He is struggling to deal with what has happened and to accept your apology.' 

'Will he accept it?' 

'Eventually yes. He has an unlimited propensity for forgiving even the harshest of crimes against him. He just needs the time to work through what has happened and to move passed it. He is growing tired and weary...perhaps Zeenan can help him again.' 

'Perhaps...he trusts Zeenan this much I know.' 

'Yes, Zeenan is the only one he trusts.' 

'Sarah, I want to help him but I do not know how.' 

Daniel turned to focus on him again still not certain of what he wanted to say. He opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. He tried a second time growing disheartened when the words still would not come, so he chose to turn his back to them and wrap his arms around himself. He didn't know what to do. He was so confused and so lost at the moment. He closed his eyes feeling that black water that had been stalking him overflow to cover his head. He was flailing beneath the surface of that murky water reaching out for a hand, any hand to come to his aid and rescue him. He needed rescuing now more than ever before. He needed someone's strength to help him move on from this moment in time. He became greatly saddened when no hand reached for him. He had no one left, no one...who would save him now? He was so far from himself that he wasn't even sure who he now was. He retreated inside himself feeling loneliness fall over him like a shadow threatening to box him in and block him from the outside world. He could sense that he was losing himself in this endless ocean of despair. Would nobody help him? Was there no one willing to dive into the cold, murky waters of his tormented life? Was there no one who was willing to save him from what he was becoming? 

'Daniel, fight it...you must fight. You have to come home. You have to return to me. Don't give up, don't you dare give up on me! I love you too damned much to lose you! DANIEL!' 

"Jack?" He jerked around opening his eyes to stare ahead of him confused and uncertain as to what the hell just happened. He gasped when his eyes raked across Osiris and Zeenan. What were they doing here? What just happened? Where was he? Why did he feel so strange? He heard Osiris speak his name and replied while pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose and squeezing, "I have to lie down. I'm not feeling very well." 

"Daniel..." 

Zeenan watched as the young man grabbed the bridge of his nose. He knew that gesture so well. Daniel was tired and was under stress. He always gripped the bridge of his nose when he became worn down and stressed out. He always did that when he needed a break, needed time to reassemble and regroup. He glanced at Osiris who focused on him gently urging, "Perhaps you should take him to your chambers this night. Allow him to remain with you for the evening. I think he needs some time." 

Zeenan nodded his head as he replied, "Yes My Lord." 

He slowly approached Daniel aware that the man would startle rather easily, especially when he was in such an agitated state of mind. He spoke softly as he placed a hand on the man's shoulder, "Daniel, perhaps you should come with me." 

Of course in typical Daniel fashion the man shook his head while still pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers and muttering a soft, "No, no...I'm fine. Really. I just need to...I just need to lie down. Really I'm fine...it's nothing." 

"Hmm, it is never anything with you, young one. Have you always been this neglectful of your own health?" 

Daniel lifted his head as if to focus on him but only continued to pinch the bridge of his nose as he stuttered, "What...what? No, no...look I'm fine..." 

"You are not fine." 

He again tried to deny that he was in need of help as he answered, "I told you I'm fine...I'm fine, just tired. Why...? Will you stop? Look I just need to lie down. All I have to do is lie down. I'm fine, really, Jack I'm fine..." 

"I am not Jack." 

"Hmm, oh sorry...sorry Zeenan." 

"That you have just referred to me as Jack tells me that you are in need of aid, Daniel Jackson. Come. We will go to my chambers. There it is quiet and you will be able to relax." 

"Meditate...you just want me to meditate. I don't need..." 

"Do not tell me what you believe you do not need for I know otherwise. Now come and cease with these endless excuses." 

"Endless excuse..." Daniel focused on Zeenan noticing the stubbornness in the man's eyes and sighed loudly before slightly nodding his head in agreement. Zeenan released a calming breath as he carefully eased his arm behind Daniel's back and helped guide him to the door. He focused on his lord who smiled and nodded permitting him to watch over Daniel till morning. He nodded his head in understanding as he carefully helped Daniel out the door and towards his chambers. 

Osiris shook his head before softly asking, "What have I done wrong, Sarah? How can I undo the pain I have caused him?" 

'Zeenan will help him. He just needs some time to calm himself and to cope with the stress he has been under. All you can do for him now is to give him the time that he is in need of.' 

Osiris simply nodded agreeing with his host. He was greatly saddened to see Daniel so upset and so confused. The man was obviously in desperate need of something and he knew that only Zeenan could help him now. Zeenan or his Jack but since Jack wasn't here then Zeenan would have to work his magic. He hoped that he had done the right thing by sending Daniel with Zeenan. He smirked when he heard Sarah reassuring, 'You did the right thing, My Lord. You did the only thing that you could do for him.' 

"I hope you are correct, Sarah. I hope that you are correct." 

'I am.' 

Osiris approached his bed and lowered himself onto it his mind focused on the man now with his First Prime. He knew that Daniel's present confusion and anger was all his fault and he knew that there wasn't much he could do except see if Zeenan could help the man to become grounded again, so he lay down on the bed and cast his eyes towards the ceiling certain that sleep would not find Sarah or him this night. 

 

* * * *

 

Daniel allowed Zeenan to escort him down the hallway towards his chamber. As they progressed towards the room his headache seemed to ease and as soon as they arrived he felt himself beginning to calm. He always drew some sort of odd comfort from Zeenan's private chambers. He smiled softly when he noticed that candles were already set up and lit, casting their eerie glow about the room. He had a feeling that he had interrupted Zeenan's Kel-no-reem and felt suddenly guilty for doing so. He turned to the Jaffa and quickly apologized, "I'm sorry I disturbed you, Zeenan. I didn't mean to..." 

"Hush, young one, there is no need for you to apologize. I heard your voice and became frightened. I did not mind being disturbed. I had to make certain that you were safe and that our lord was not harming you." 

"I'm still sorry. I...I really messed up...I..." 

"Daniel, you have been under a lot of stress of late. You have nothing to be sorry for, and you have nothing to apologize for. You need to stop worrying about others and start worrying about yourself." 

"You want me to meditate..." 

Zeenan smiled softly as he nodded before continuing, "It will do you good, my friend. You have much on your mind and have not the strength to face it head on. You are in need of help and I am here to offer you that help. Sit...sit, Daniel, let us begin." 

Daniel shook his head no before adding, "I...I can't. I don't want to disrupt. I...I need to return to..." 

"Please remain here. I wish for you to sit with me. Please?" 

"All...all right but only...only for a little while." 

Zeenan nodded his head and helped Daniel to the center of the circle of candles before urging him to sit on the floor.


	15. Pleasure and Servitude

**PLEASURE AND SERVITUDE**   
**Acceptance and Compliance**

 

**Journal Entry:**

_What does it take to break somebody, Jack? How far can one be pushed_  
 _before they are pushed too far? At what point does one's suffering and_  
 _anguish push them to the edge?_

_I think of doing it a lot, Jack. I dream of ways to do it, ways to hide myself_  
 _until I no longer draw breath, ways to destroy myself quickly and painlessly._  
 _I can't even count the times I wanted to do it, to end it all, to kill myself._  
 _There was only one time I actually acted on those thoughts. One time I was_  
 _driven so close to the end of my endurance that I stole a dagger and_  
 _attempted to slash my wrists...one time when I had been pushed too far._

_What would have happened that day if Zeenan hadn't found me, hadn't_  
 _realized what I intended to do and hadn't grabbed me? I held onto that_  
 _dagger as if it were my lifeline even when Zeenan gripped my arm so painfully_  
 _tight I thought sure the bones were being crushed. I was driven to that point,_  
 _to the point in one's life where they no longer have the strength to fight, no_  
 _longer care about themselves and can no longer stand the pain. Once I was_  
 _driven that far and after that I feared ever doing something so drastic again._  
 _It's so scary to know that I had been pushed to a point where I was ready to_  
 _take my own life, Jack. I still feel that need, that desperation, that desire to_  
 _end everything. It would be so easy to do, Jack. All I would need is time, time_  
 _and the means with which to destroy myself. It's so scary to realize that I had_  
 _been nearly broken by my master. What would it take to break me completely?_  
 _How long will it be before I crumble beneath him and become lifeless?_

_Does anyone ever really truly know just how much he or she can take before_  
 _they can take no more? Tell me, Jack, how do you break someone of his or her_  
 _spirit? How do you break someone completely? What does it take to destroy a_  
 _person's very soul? What does it take to shatter someone so completely that all_  
 _they're left with are tiny shards of what was once a human life? Can you_  
 _answer that question for me Jack? Just how close did he come to breaking me?_  
 _What possesses someone to want to destroy his or her very life? What drives_  
 _someone to desperately need to end his existence?_

_Do you know what scares me more than anything, Jack? It's the knowing,_  
 _knowing that he successfully pushed me to that brink and I nearly fell to my_  
 _death. I was determined, Jack, I was so goddamned determined to slice my_  
 _wrists. I wanted to do it. I was certain that my answer lay in that precious_  
 _dagger I managed to steal and keep hidden. God, Jack, do you know how scary_  
 _that knowledge is? Do you know how afraid it makes me to realize, to know,_  
 _that he pushed me to that point...pushed me to such extreme desperation that I_  
 _was ready and willing to slit my own wrists to obtain my freedom._

_I still fantasize about suicide, Jack. I still make these stupid plans in my head of_  
 _just how I'll construct my own destruction. I still feel the urges to grab a knife_  
 _and slit my own damned throat, but I'll never do it. I'll never actually prepare_  
 _to do it again because if I orchestrated my own suicide and succeeded then he_  
 _would win._

_He wants to break me, Jack, but he hasn't yet succeeded, for some where deep_  
 _within the remnants of this shattered, torn soul there is that will, that_  
 _determination to fight with every fiber of my being, fight him and conquer him._  
 _Some where deep within this nearly broken spirit, this nearly destroyed being_  
 _remains a tiny ember...one tiny ember that is just too stubborn to burn out._  
 _Some where deep down in this creature who can no longer feel, this being that_  
 _is numb still remains that fiery determination that is just too damned stubborn_  
 _to die._

_I ask you again, Jack, just what does it take to destroy a man's soul? What does_  
 _it take to break a man's will and forge him into something that just exists? I'm no_  
 _longer human, Jack. I'm property. He owns me, I yield to my master and do as he_  
 _commands. I exist only to serve my master in whatever capacity he requires of me,_  
 _but though I portray myself as a slave who has been nearly broken I am far from_  
 _that for I use my depression as a shield to conceal that small spark of spirit that_  
 _still struggles to surface but as long as my heart remains locked up, as long as I am_  
 _buried so deeply within this body that does as its master commands and functions_  
 _as its master wishes, as long as my emotions, my essence, my spirit remain_  
 _suppressed I have no escape from the hell I have successfully trapped myself in._  
 _I'm still here, Jack, but only you have the power to set me free, only you have the_  
 _power I need to unlock my heart and unlock my very soul from this tiny little box I_  
 _have managed to shove myself inside of._

_What does it take to break a man completely, Jack? Has my master broken me?_  
 _Or do I still exist some where in this lonely existence? Am I more his slave now_  
 _than ever before or do I still have my independence? He has made me dependent_  
 _on him to feel. He has made me into the being he desires, so has he broken me_  
 _Jack or am I still me? Has my will been broken? Have I been bent to his rule?_

_I would say no, but if I had killed myself on that day then I would be his_  
 _completely... I'm afraid to attempt suicide again for if I do I will only condemn_  
 _myself to being his slave for all eternity. Does that mean he has succeeded in_  
 _breaking me, Jack? How much longer can I hold on before his attempts to do_  
 _so meet with success? How much more can I take before I break and shatter into_  
 _a thousand tiny little shards of glass that no longer have cohesion and no longer_  
 _fit together?_

_I have yielded my body to him, begged him to fuck me and have offered myself_  
 _to him so freely. I need him just to feel, Jack. I need him to remember what it_  
 _feels like to be alive. I am so damned dependent on him, on her, on them... I_  
 _will beg to be humiliated, to be tied up, to be fucked until I scream. I will beg_  
 _to please him and be granted the right to make love to him. I have begged for_  
 _him to degrade me and please me. I have begged for him to make me scream as_  
 _he jacks me to climax...oh God Jack I need him, need to make love with him_  
 _to feel anything. I would probably sell my damned soul just so he will use my_  
 _body to his heart's content. I would do almost anything to be pleased by him and_  
 _to be permitted to please him in return. I would do anything to feel alive again,_  
 _Jack, anything and he knows it. He knows how I crave touch, need comfort, need_  
 _to feel loved, need to feel anything other than this constant emptiness and sadness._  
 _He knows and he provides those innate needs of mine...but at a very high price. So_  
 _let me ask you one last time, Jack...does this mean he has broken me? Does this_  
 _mean that he has succeeded in fully mastering me, Jack? Have I been successfully_  
 _broken by my master, Jack? Could this be why I feel so lost, so separate from_  
 _myself? Could this be why I have lost the ability to feel anything, anymore, Jack?_

_God, please tell me that it isn't true. Hold me close and tell me that it isn't true, Jack._  
 _Oh God, I need you here with me so much. I can't do this on my own. Please, please_  
 _don't leave me, love. Don't ever leave me for without you, without your love, all of my_  
 _resistance, all of my struggling, all my battles and all of my protective shields have_  
 _become a waste of time and energy. Please tell me that I haven't fought and struggled_  
 _so hard to survive only to lose you in the end. I couldn't bear that, Jack and if I lost_  
 _you now then I believe that I have found the one thing that can truly break me._

**End of Journal Entry**

 

Osiris smiled as Daniel entered his throne room bringing with him the most recent treaty they had drafted together. He watched pleased as the man gracefully bowed before him and awaited permission to speak. Osiris softened his voice as he addressed Daniel, "Come, come. Show me what you have." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel approached him handing the treaty to him. As he read over it he smiled then said, "Yes, this is perfect." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

"Daniel, you may go rest now." 

"My Lord?" 

“You have been up all evening working on this treaty. You must be tired." 

"I am fine, My Lord." 

Osiris reached up to gently lift Daniel's chin, smiling warmly towards the man who had come to mean more to him than he had ever expected. He softened his voice as he continued, "My precious one you have bags under your beautiful eyes. You must go get some rest. Do not make me order you to do as I suggest for I know how much you despise being commanded to do things." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Go. Sleep. I will call for you when you are needed next." 

"Yes, My Lord. Thank you, My Lord." 

"I will send My'la to attend you. Now go and rest." 

Daniel bowed before exiting the throne room and making his way to the bedchamber. He knew that Osiris would send Zeenan to make certain he did as was bid so he decided he had better make himself comfortable. As he lay down on the huge bed and settled he felt his eyes growing heavy. He hadn't even realized how tired he was until sleep quickly claimed him. 

Zeenan entered his lord's bedchamber to check on Daniel. His lord requested that he make certain his servant did as bid. When he entered he saw Daniel asleep on the bed and quietly approached. He smiled as he looked down on the face of the man who meant so much to him, to all of them. Daniel was a very special individual who took the time to speak and work with all those under Osiris' command. He would often join the other lower ranked slaves and help them with their duties. Many had been leery of him at first and confused as to why Osiris' favored would dare to even visit them, but as time went by they started to respect him and enjoy his company. He had a magical way with others that intrigued and surprised him. Daniel was a gentle soul who was now Osiris' slave against his will and instead of allowing that knowledge to tear him apart and destroy him he was now trying to deal with it. 

As he watched the young man sleep he found himself recalling the first day he had been brought here. He had been so defiant and so oppositional...in fact, those traits still remained in the man even after several months of being a slave. He was still spirited and defiant. Often Zeenan would hear Osiris and Daniel arguing and would stay nearby for fear that his lord would strike out in anger at the young man for being so disrespectful. Instead of hearing the young man screaming in pain or his lord ordering him to be lashed for his outright disrespect Osiris would allow him to continue to argue and be defiant. Zeenan would only stand and shake his head as Daniel or Osiris would leave the room angry but no punishment being dished out. 

It was obvious to him, to all of them that Daniel Jackson had changed their lord. He was no longer as sinister as he had once been. He was more willing to listen to others than to condemn them for saying something he disagreed with. His relations with the system lords and with the planets he staked claim on were also stronger. Those planets under his rule were under his care and protection, and he made certain that his guards were on each of those planets. He gathered more followers each day and was fast becoming one of the more powerful system lords, and it was all due to the man lying asleep in the bed. Osiris still lusted for power, but he was also beginning to see Daniel Jackson's views on life and adopting some of them. Prisoners in his dungeons were now treated much better than previously and his followers were rewarded often for their allegiance. Many things had changed in the course of the last year that Zeenan would have never expected. He was glad that things were improving and that Osiris was becoming a much better ruler than previously. 

He paused as Daniel moaned in his sleep quietly calling for the one he desired: Jack. Zeenan had learned that Daniel's heart belonged to another early on. The man was deeply in love with another. Even Osiris knew that Daniel's love was for one particular man...Colonel Jack O'Neill. Both he and his lord were just a bit envious of the one who had captured Daniel Jackson's heart and soul. He would never belong to either of them for his love was for another who was so, so far away. 

He silenced his thoughts as he gently tugged the covers up over the young man and tucked them around his body. Daniel sighed and snuggled deeper into the covers stilling once again in the bed. Zeenan smiled tenderly down on the man watching him as he slept. Daniel looked exhausted. He had been working many late hours with the newest treaty for their lord and had pushed himself. It was obvious by looking at him that he was totally exhausted. He reached down and gently brushed the hair off of the left side of Daniel's face softly chuckling as the silky locks flowed over and through his fingers like water noticing again that Daniel Jackson was a very beautiful man. 

Zeenan knew that Daniel was a very attractive man and it never slipped past his notice that most of the other system lords shared that assumption as well. Many would openly ogle Daniel wherever he went, whether he was standing beside his lord or not. Some were envious, some were enamored and some simply wanted to possess the man that belonged to Osiris. He often felt edgy around the other system lords and the edginess would only increase when he would hear Osiris leaning over to whisper into Daniel's ear that he should not trust any of them. Osiris never failed to remind him that Daniel needed to be accompanied every where he traveled. While Daniel hated having to be escorted he understood all too well why Osiris was so persistent with the issue and why Osiris often kept him locked in his chastity belt while in negotiations with others. He had been unfortunate to get trapped alone early in his captivity and since that day Osiris kept his eyes constantly on those he negotiated with, watching them for any indication that they might make a play for his favored. 

They were always on alert when in negotiations or when visiting another planet. Daniel was Osiris' favored and it was his duty to accompany his lord wherever he went. Where Osiris went Daniel was also expected to be. His status required his attendance at all meetings, whether they were with the system lords or merely followers of a planet he had recently conquered. Knowing that Daniel's presence was expected always Zeenan had made himself the young man's protector. He refused to allow Daniel out of his sight, and if he noticed someone moving closer towards the young man as if to touch him he would choose that particular time to appear at Daniel's side. Usually upon his arrival the person or people would back off sensing the danger that would befall them if they dared to put their hand on Osiris' favored. When Daniel needed to take a walk or just get away Zeenan was always with him, watching him and keeping an eye on him. Daniel had argued with him several times until Zeenan told him that he would protect him at all costs as was his duty. Daniel easily accepted his company and would often speak of how he reminded him of a friend of his. It wasn't until recently that Daniel put a name to that particular friend and when Zeenan heard the name he was rather surprised. Daniel's friend was the Sholvah. He was Apophis' ex-First Prime. Daniel spoke very highly of the Jaffa who willingly betrayed his god and Zeenan could tell that the Sholvah Teal'c was very important to him. He was glad to know that he reminded Daniel of someone he greatly respected. 

He glanced up as My'la entered the room silencing his thoughts as he focused his complete attention on her. She smiled at him before softly questioning, "Why are you here?" 

"Lord Osiris asked me to check on Daniel." 

"He is asleep?" 

"Yes." 

"Good. He has been pushing himself much too hard. He needs to sleep." 

"He is resting deeply." 

My'la looked at Daniel smiling broadly as she agreed, "Yes, I can see that he is. You may go Zeenan. I will stay with Daniel. I must wake him to prepare him for the meeting." 

"Does he know with whom we are meeting?" 

"We are to meet with Nirrti and Thoth. He knows that we are to meet with Thoth. Osiris was rather impressed with his knowledge concerning him. He has spent all night working on the treaty in hopes that they will come to some sort of an agreement." 

He nodded before adding, "Nirrti could be a bit of a problem. She was outcast by the other system lords." 

"She will be no more a problem then Heru-ur was." 

"We shall see. I must take my leave. I shall return for Daniel before we depart." 

Zeenan slowly exited the room casting another glance at the young man still resting in the bed. 

My'la then busied herself preparing for her lord's next meeting. She still did not trust the goddess Nirrti. Osiris was planning to forge an alliance with both Nirrti and Thoth. While Thoth seemed very willing to accept his invitation, Nirrti had been hesitant. She soon silenced her thoughts forcing herself to focus on her tasks at hand. 

Several hours later My'la approached Daniel and gently shook him. Daniel moaned tiredly. She continued, "Master Daniel, you must get up. The meeting approaches." 

"What?" 

She smiled at the sound of his sleepy voice. She lowered her own voice saying, "I must prepare you for the meeting. I know that you are still very tired, but Lord Osiris requires your presence at the meeting." 

"Thoth..." 

"Yes with Thoth." 

"Okay...just give me a minute..." 

Daniel opened his eyes and stretched before rising. He was still a bit tired but felt better than he had. He allowed My'la to guide him to the bathhouse and gladly sank down into the warm water. He laid there for what seemed like hours before My'la spoke again, "Master Daniel, you must get ready for the meeting." 

"Okay...okay..." 

He quickly bathed and washed his hair. Once he exited the tub My'la was behind him draping a soft, lengthy towel around him. The towel felt so comfortable against his skin. She started to dry him then led him into the bedchamber before urging him to lie down on the bed again. He was so use to being prepared for meetings that he relaxed the instant his body connected with the bed. My'la started her magnificent massage working the oil into his skin to make his body shimmer and glisten. After she finished rubbing the oil into his skin she instructed him to rise then slipped the white armbands back onto his arms and focused on combing out his golden locks of hair. She smiled when she was completed with her task. She then said, "You are ready. Lord Osiris awaits your company." 

"Thank you, My'la." 

"You are welcome, Daniel." 

He quickly exited the bedchamber and made his way to the throne room. Upon entering he approached Osiris and again gracefully bowed before apologizing for being late. Osiris smiled warmly then said, "Come, Daniel, we must leave." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Osiris approached him and gently took him by the arm to guide him to the transport rings. A month ago he decided to free Daniel of the leash he had used to tether the man to him. Daniel now wore the ornate collar and no leash. Daniel had been very grateful that Osiris granted him freedom from the leash. Though he knew that his slave might still attempt escape he decided that it was time to put some trust into the man, plus he knew the dangers of keeping a leash on his favored. Escape from those who desired him would be much hindered if the chain still remained. 

He turned to his First Prime addressing him, "Zeenan, you are to remain with Daniel throughout the discussions like always. Daniel, you must remember to be very careful around the system lords. None are to be trusted." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Together the three of them entered the ring room before stepping into the center of the circle silently watching the five large metallic rings fall down around them before whisking them to the planet of Khemennu. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Jack knelt before the fireplace watching as the kindling caught adding wood as a small blaze began. When he was certain the fire had enough fuel to keep on burning he turned out the living room light before lowering to the floor to watch the flames as they flickered and swayed, performing their own private tango as they grew higher. Soon he could feel the heat those flames emitted and that was when he relaxed, gazing into a kaleidoscope of orange-red light that generated enough heat to warm him...on the outside. The inside could never be melted for it was as solid as ice. He no longer had any inner warmth or calm. He just existed now as if in limbo. He couldn't exist any other way for his heart was gone, it remained with someone so very far away and with him it would remain until he came back into his life and they were together again. 

He shook his head and closed his eyes as he thought back over the day. Today had been one of the hardest days of his life. He had decided that enough was enough and it was time to gather his lover's things together and put them away. He forced himself to carry the coffee mug to the sink and wash it, forced himself to gather those clothes off of the chair and hang them up, forced himself to collect the books scattered throughout the house but quickly discovered he couldn't get rid of everything. He couldn't gather everything. He couldn't gather up every single reminder that was scattered throughout their home because it was just too hard. He had stopped at the entrance to the living room holding an armload of reminders of a love that was gone and quickly sank to the floor clinging to those lasting reminders, feeling as if he were permanently closing the door and giving up hope of ever finding Daniel again. He sat there for several hours holding the stuff, clutching it to his body, caught in memories of a lost love that he still needed so desperately. He managed some how to make himself put those reminders away but as he walked throughout the house seeing his lover's toothbrush still on the sink where he'd left it so many months ago, that book he had been reading still on the nightstand, the book on the coffee table opened to some page lying amongst a pile of archaeology magazines, his watch lying on the dining room table, he quickly realized that he couldn't collect everything. It was just too hard, too final so he gave up on trying to lock his memories of Daniel Jackson away and chose to light a fire in a fireplace that hadn't been lit since their last night together and as the flames continued to grow higher the tears found him again. 

 

* * * * * *

 

**KHEMENNU: THOTH'S PLANET**  
 **Unpleasant Memories**

The three of them were immediately transported to Thoth's planet of Khemennu and led to the meeting room by some of his guards. Upon entering Daniel introduced Osiris then walked towards the chair obviously meant for the Goa'uld to sit in. As Osiris sat upon the chair Daniel gracefully lowered to his knees beside his lord. Osiris waited patiently for their hosts and upon the announcement of their arrival he leaned over to whisper, "I wish you to stand for this meeting, Daniel." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel drew to his feet standing slightly behind Osiris to greet their guests. As greetings were extended he raised his head to address their host and froze as he looked into the face of Nirrti. He felt his stomach twist in knots as the goddess smiled his way before turning to address Osiris. As Osiris introduced himself then him he felt his breath hitch as Nirrti again focused this time more intently on him. Zeenan sensing that Daniel was suddenly uncomfortable stepped forward in an obvious show of protection for the younger man. Nirrti giggled before addressing Osiris again, "And this must be..." 

"Zeenan, my First Prime." 

"Yes, Zeenan." 

As the Jaffa eyed her up suspiciously continuing to take a protective stance slightly in front of Daniel she giggled again saying, "Come now. We are all friends. I do not intend to harm Osiris' favored. I was merely interested in him. He is quite attractive. I understand why you have selected him. Should he have come to me I too would have chosen him to be my favored." 

Daniel tensed as Nirrti boldly eyed him up making no secret that she was interested in him. He looked down unaware that Osiris was observing his every move. Osiris spoke softly, "Daniel, come here." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Nirrti giggled again as she spoke in a purring voice, "I see that he has been well-trained." 

Osiris did not miss the sudden tense set of Daniel's jaw. He knew that something was bothering Daniel. As Daniel moved closer Osiris took his hand and urged him to lower before him. Daniel obeyed groaning unconsciously as Osiris casually ran his fingers through the back of his hair. As shivers of pleasure rushed through his body he momentarily forgot where he was. Osiris smiled as he continued, "Come, sit..." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel slowly lowered to the chair very aware that Osiris had widened his hips so that he could sit between them. As he slid back against the Goa'uld lord he swallowed hard trying not to blush maddeningly in front of the two system lords now present as Osiris casually caressed him in the open. As he settled between Osiris' legs the Goa'uld lord draped his left arm around his body turning him to face him with his right hand. He then tipped Daniel's head upwards, cast a quick glance at their hosts then proceeded to press his lips firmly, yet gently against his own. Daniel felt heat instantly surge through his body in response to that kiss. Though he hated how easily Osiris could get him to respond to his simple touches and caresses he had no choice but to graciously accept them for if he dared to refuse the Goa'uld lord then another planet would be destroyed and it would all be his fault. He mentally reminded himself that this was just sex, just lust and effectively found himself responding to Osiris' kiss. 

Osiris was very pleased when Daniel responded instantly to his kiss even before their guests. He then broke off the kiss and trailed feathery light kisses from the right side of Daniel's mouth up over his jaw and cheek to stop by his ear. He whispered so low that only Daniel could hear, "What is wrong, my precious Daniel? Please tell me. Have you met Thoth before this day?" 

Daniel shook his head slightly just enough that Osiris could read the answer but no one else could pick up on the signal other than Zeenan. He continued, "Nirrti then?" 

This time a slight nod... Nirrti...he had some sort of past experience with the goddess Nirrti that was why he was acting so odd. He continued in that quiet whisper that only Daniel could hear, "She desires to have you. I can see the desire, the want in her eyes as she looks upon you. Do you not see it too?" 

Again Daniel nodded his head slightly...yes, he was very aware that Nirrti seemed rather enamored of him. Well, then he would just have to discourage her and show her just who owned Daniel Jackson. He smiled at the goddess before casually placing his right hand onto Daniel's thigh. When he was certain that he had Nirrti's undivided attention he casually slid the hand between Daniel's legs parting his thighs enough for his hand to fit between them. He then slid a finger slowly up towards Daniel's groin scraping a nail deliberately and slowly across his skin beside the chastity belt knowing that Daniel wouldn't be able to ignore the gesture. Daniel responded instantly bucking and releasing a pleasurable moan in response to the stimulating caress on his skin. 

Osiris whispered again, "I shall draw much pleasure from proving to her that you are not available, my precious Daniel." 

He spoke barely above a whisper, "My Lord..." 

Osiris gently blew into his ear then delved his tongue inside causing Daniel to writhe against him and release another delicious moan. He then continued, "Yes, that is it my precious let me hear you respond so openly to me. Let us all hear." 

Osiris proceeded to tug Daniel's right earlobe into his mouth and gently suckle it. Daniel's obvious enjoyment came out in the form of a cry of pleasure as his lord continued to taunt and torment him. His mind was no longer focused on the two system lords present he was caught up in the feelings that Osiris' taunting was emitting from deep inside. Osiris smiled wickedly as he released the ear lobe purring, "Now that we are all here I believe we can begin the meeting." 

Nirrti cast a yearning look towards the now heavily breathing man perched between Osiris' thighs. Her desire for the Tau'ri only increased as she watched the warm flush of desire spread across his handsome face as he responded so openly to the Goa'uld lord. Yes, he was a very passionate creature indeed. As another of those delicious moans slipped from between the Tau'ri's luscious lips Nirrti could feel her own host's body responding to the man. Shaking her head to clear it she said, "Yes, the reason we are here is to discuss a union of our forces. Have you drawn up the treaty so that we may, also, review it?" 

Osiris addressed his slave, "Daniel, will you please do me the honor of explaining our treaty?" 

Daniel's head felt foggy and desire still thrummed through his body but he recognized a command even when made discretely. He licked his lips as Osiris released his hold and rose to his feet bowing elegantly towards Osiris before answering, "Yes, My Lord. If that is what you wish of me." 

"You know more of this treaty than I. I want you to explain it to them." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Nirrti lifted her eyebrows in surprise wondering why Osiris was ordering a slave to present the treaty. She said, "This is highly irregular Osiris..." 

"Daniel is my most trusted servant as well as my favored. He will explain the treaty to you." 

Knowing that she was to treat the Tau'ri with as much respect as the Goa'uld lord who now possessed him due to his status in Osiris' legion Nirrti conceded smiling as the human approached the table to lay out the treaty. As he presented the finer points of the treaty and the lay out of the agreement Nirrti found herself drawn to him. She casually moved closer and closer to him wanting to incite some sort of a reaction out of the man who had only just moments before responded so openly and so favorably to Osiris' touch. As he continued to speak she remembered how elegant an orator the man had been the first time she had met him. He acted as the liaison between the Tau'ri and the Goa'uld who met on Earth to form a treaty between their two races. On that day Earth was declared a protected planet under the Asgard Protected Planet Treaty and this was partly due to the man by her side. 

She continued to watch him intently noting that he carried himself like a Goa'uld lord and spoke in meeker tones when addressing Osiris. His mastery of the Goa'uld language itself was absolutely flawless. He could speak Goa'uld as if he were born with the language. She glanced briefly at Osiris catching the admiration and fondness for the Tau'ri present in the system lord. Obviously Daniel Jackson was very good at weaving his magic on all those he met. It was also obvious to her that Zeenan, Osiris' First Prime, greatly respected the human slave. She noted that Zeenan seemed fiercely protective of the man as well. 

Osiris had trained him well for even though he was obviously wearing the marks of a slave he presented himself as a Goa'uld lord. When he spoke one quickly forgot what his status was and treated him as a fellow system lord would be treated. He commanded attention and demanded respect. Nirrti was indeed impressed. As she glanced at Thoth she noticed that he seemed to be mesmerized by the man before them. Daniel Jackson was merely a slave yet he commanded attention with his every move and gesture. She could see that he was quickly winning Thoth's agreement. 

She edged her body closer to the human wanting to disrupt him momentarily. As if Osiris had sensed her intentions he approached whispering into Nirrti's ear, "Is he not magnificent?" 

She turned surprised to see that Osiris now stood directly behind her and she hadn't noticed a thing. She had been so focused on Daniel Jackson that she failed to pay attention to the others present in the room. Osiris chuckled before whispering, "He is quite a magnificent creature...so passionate, so full of desire...such a lust for life and such burning spirit... A creature such as he is very rare indeed, and once he is discovered one yearns to control him, but no man or beast has the ability to control him completely. He is fire and heat, desire and passion. He burns with it. His spirit is what makes him who he is. One seeks to tame it to control it but then one learns that to destroy the beautiful spirit within will only destroy the one they have come to possess completely." 

She glanced at Osiris uncertain of how to even begin to respond to that comment so she focused again on Daniel Jackson. Osiris approached him casually draping his right arm over the man's shoulder before addressing them. She noticed that instead of pulling from the Goa'uld lord Jackson openly accepted the touch as if he had grown use to it. Osiris smiled as he continued, "Now that Daniel has so eloquently explained our treaty we shall give you both time to consider our proposal." 

"Thank you Osiris and thank you Daniel." 

Daniel presented Thoth with a bow of the utmost respect before he took one step back to position himself behind his lord. The simple gesture showed to all who were present that Daniel accepted Osiris as his master and indicated a high degree of respect placed on his lord. Yes, Osiris had, indeed, trained the Tau'ri well. He was flawless with his gestures as well as his speech... 

Jackson remained standing silently behind his lord as Osiris reiterated what had already been explained. When Osiris turned his head towards him, a non-verbal cue to the man that he was to approach, Nirrti expected Jackson to miss the gesture but instantly he was by Osiris' side. She became even more envious as Osiris casually wrapped his arm around the scientist's waist and pulled Jackson against him. As he continued to speak with Thoth she noticed that Jackson seemed a bit uncomfortable. Instead of ignoring the obvious indicator of his servant's discomfort Osiris leaned towards him whispering in his ear. She watched as Jackson nodded before stepping behind Osiris and wrapping his arms around the system lord. Osiris pressed back against him a wicked smile curling his lips as Jackson leaned forward with interest. The two made a rather elegant pair. Jackson's tension immediately fled his body as his chest connected with Osiris' back. Osiris proceeded to lean upward and whisper in the man's ear again drawing another nod from his slave. As she continued to observe the Tau'ri she felt that desire and yearning for the young man fill her. As if Osiris' First Prime sensed Jackson's discomfort as well he moved to position himself behind and off to the right of Osiris occupying the space that the young man had just vacated merely moments before. Well, it was obvious to her just how protective Osiris and his First Prime were of the Tau'ri. They constantly cast gazes towards him as if to check that he was all right. She smiled as a thought entered her mind...the key to destroying Osiris just might be that Tau'ri slave. She would have to keep that in mind for future reference, indeed. 

Nirrti felt her insides flood with warmth as Jackson leaned forward and casually pressed his lips to Osiris' right cheek. The Goa'uld lord's smile broadened as he turned towards the man again whispering in his ear. She watched as Osiris casually reached up to the man urging him closer. Jackson responded by tugging the Goa'uld lord against him and entwining his arms around her body before whispering in his lord's ear. She wondered what they were discussing. She sensed that they were discussing strategy. The two continued to exchange whispered words then Jackson would whisper in the First Prime's ear. The three obviously were use to forming treaties and working together to win more support from others. She found herself wondering just how long ago Osiris had captured the Tau'ri. She would guess at least several months in order to have him trained so well. 

She hated to admit it to herself but she was damned envious of Osiris. Obviously she had far misjudged the Tau'ri Daniel Jackson for he had many more assets than she had ever thought possible. As Osiris casually rubbed his buttocks against the Tau'ri's groin the man reacted instantly moaning low before tugging the Goa'uld lord firmly against his body. He then dipped his head and pressed another light kiss against the right side of the Goa'uld's neck. As Osiris turned to offer his slave more of his throat the Tau'ri proceeded to nip playfully at Osiris' neck nipping him several times before casually laving his tongue across the small red marks of his gentle sampling. Osiris was obviously enjoying his slave's little nips just a tad for he first responded by chuckling huskily before moaning in pleasure. As he again brushed his hips provocatively against his slave's groin the Tau'ri sighed in pleasure. Osiris grinned before gently urging his slave to bend his head and as the man complied he pressed his lips to those soft succulent ones of Daniel Jackson's eliciting another sweet little moan from the Tau'ri. 

A teasing grin spread across the Goa'uld lord's face as he broke the kiss and whispered one word that Nirrti heard loud and clear, "Later." 

The Goa'uld lord's voice grew huskier as he spoke again saying, "We have all evening my precious Daniel." 

He then casually reached to entwine his arm behind Daniel's neck wasting little time in running his fingers through those soft golden locks. The man's reaction was instantaneous for he groaned in pleasure, closing his eyes as he allowed his head to drop lazily back against Osiris' tormenting hand. Osiris chuckled huskily before continuing to casually run those dainty fingers through the man's hair. He spoke quietly again as he whispered loud enough that Nirrti could hear, "Hmm, I can see that my precious servant is now on fire...so full of passion, so full of desire...so eager to please..." 

Daniel's voice came out husky and lined with hunger as he answered, "Mmm, yes My Lord, very eager to please..." 

"Tonight...tonight I shall unleash that passion that burns so intensely within you. Tonight your hunger will be satiated..." 

His voice again came out lined in desire and hunger, "Yes, My Lord..." 

Osiris turned sparkling eyes towards Thoth saying, "We shall give you both some time to make your final decision..." 

Osiris then turned in Daniel's arms draping his own around the man smiling evilly as he slowly raked his fingernails down across Daniel's back. Daniel reacted instantly pulling him closer and moaning in pleasure before pressing his locked up groin intimately close to the system lord and gyrating his hips slightly drawing a pleasant gasp from his lord in the process. Before his passion fully took root he bent down to capture Osiris' lips hungrily in his own kissing him deeply. Osiris moaned in pleasure returning his kiss with just as much fervor. In the midst of the kiss Daniel's hands began to do some wandering of their own as his sexual desire increased. He slid his hands down over the sensuous curve of Osiris' buttocks firmly grasping each cheek in his hands and crushing him to his body. Osiris purred in response to that aggressive move and focused on his slave noticing that Daniel was now brimming with passion and desire. He was definitely heated up. 

Osiris was very pleased with his slave's openness in front of their two hosts. He chuckled beginning to arch against his passionate slave as Daniel proceeded to spread kisses and licks across his neck slowly working his way down to his sex. He spread soft kisses to the hollow of his throat where that brilliant tongue of the man's slipped out to lick fondly before continuing to plant kisses down between the breasts of his host. Osiris could hear his breathing mingled with that of his slave's and all else was forgotten. Daniel Jackson was an amazing lover! 

Osiris shrieked in pleasure as Daniel's mouth suddenly clamped over one of those firm round breasts of his host. Primal heat filled Daniel and he couldn't resist the sudden explosion. He needed, he wanted, he craved, he burned...he clamped his mouth over one of Sarah's beautiful breasts no longer able to resist the allure of them. As he cupped his mouth around her breast and tugged it into his mouth he began taunting the nipple through the dress Osiris wore. The white fabric dampened as his mouth moistened the material and effectively charged Osiris up. Osiris clutched Daniel to him lowering his head to begin gently nuzzling and nipping aggressively at Daniel's left shoulder right at the base of his throat. As Daniel pressed his teeth gently into the firm round breast Osiris responded by biting his shoulder. Daniel gasped, hissing in pain before moans of pleasure took over. As Osiris glanced at his beautiful slave's face he could see that Daniel was now lost in passion and desire. He reached down to Daniel's groin gripping the front of the chastity belt in his hand smiling evilly as Daniel cried out, "Oh, God...God...yes..." 

Daniel then proceeded to tighten his hold on Osiris buttocks pressing him against the table as he leaned into him still tormenting the left breast. Osiris leaned back half on the table now writhing beneath the sexual torment of his slave. He could feel his host's body responding as heat burned in her genitals and a slick, damp moist spot began to spread across the crotch of the panties his host was so fond of. He needed Daniel Jackson inside of him desperately and knew that was impossible as long as he was in chastity so he resorted to licking across the bite mark he had placed on his slave. 

Daniel growled in pleasure as Osiris continued to nibble and lick his throat forgetting that they were in a meeting and wanting desperately to feel that overwhelming pleasure and raw desire consume him. He was lost in the fire drowning as his body became an inferno and his dick began to pulsate against the tight confines of his chastity belt. He growled in frustration as his dick twitched attempting to harden but the belt made an erection impossible. He could feel heat and slight dampness around the head of his penis and knew that was his pre-cum. He couldn't ejaculate in the chastity belt either but his dick could still seep with pre-cum. As he became aware of his body's intense reactions he became even more desperate to make love to his lord. 

Osiris smiled seductively as he softly questioned, "Hmm, does my precious one desire to please his god?" 

Daniel pulled back from the close attention he had been raining on that beautiful firm breast as he answered huskily, "Yes, My Lord, yes...please, My Lord, please..." 

"Hmm...not right now. We must wait..." 

Daniel continued in a voice lined with desire and yearning as he softly pleaded, "My Lord...please...please allow me to honor you by climaxing for you. Please, My Lord. Please allow me to satisfy you and to make love to you this day. Please My Lord..." 

Osiris grinned as he started to casually run his hands through Daniel's gorgeous hair. He questioned, "Does my precious one wish to please me in front of an audience?" 

"Yes, My Lord. Please...allow me to please you." 

"Your lord would like that very much, but I prefer to have you in my own private chamber where we can be alone and be as loud and as passionate as we want to be. My precious can you wait until we return to our chambers aboard our ship?" 

"Yes, My Lord, if it pleases you for me to do so." 

"It does." 

"Yes, My Lord. I shall wait until later." 

"Thank you, my precious Daniel." 

"You are welcome, My Lord." 

"It pleases me very much to know that my precious servant is willing to remain on the edge of desire and need and to suffer remaining unsatiated until I desire to grant you such pleasure. It pleases me very much for I know just how much my precious one aches and hurts to climax for me. I know how much it pains my precious one to remain extremely aroused until I desire you to perform for me." 

"My Lord, I willingly suffer this extreme pleasure and intense state of arousal for you. I willingly submit to your desires and your needs." 

Osiris kissed Daniel affectionately as he continued to run his fingers through the man's lengthy hair. He then said, "My precious one you please me immensely. Perhaps I shall grant you release." 

Daniel bowed his head in a proper show of submission and respect as he addressed Osiris, "My Lord, I shall submit to your decision for I am merely your servant whose duty is to please you always. I am here to serve you in whatever way you desire of me. If My Lord wishes me to remain painfully aroused I shall bow to your decision." 

"Even if I decide that you shall remain so for several days?" 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Osiris kissed Daniel again before turning around in the man's arms. Daniel automatically repositioned his arms wrapping them around Osiris waist and pulling him back against his body. Osiris sighed in pleasure as he rested his head against Daniel's left shoulder. Both Osiris and Daniel looked up as Nirrti moved closer to them. Osiris felt Daniel suddenly tense and rubbed his hand gently over the man's arm smiling as his servant relaxed automatically. He then leaned up to whisper in Daniel's ear. Daniel bent his head down hearing the barely audible whisper, "Do not worry so, my precious. We will not allow Nirrti to harm you." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

Osiris smiled then focused on Zeenan who already placed himself between Nirrti and them. He was not happy to see that Nirrti was still behaving as if she were interested in Daniel Jackson. She should have been discouraged the moment Daniel responded to him, but she only became more interested. They would obviously have to keep their eyes on the goddess to make certain that she got nowhere near Daniel. 

Nirrti smiled wickedly as she clapped her hands saying, "I must commend you, Osiris. You have trained your slave extremely well. You must tell me how you trained the creature. I thought that the Tau'ri were merely dirty, filthy, ill-bred slaves who were too stupid to be educated." 

She focused on Daniel snickering as she continued, "Tell me, slave, how does it feel to be owned and controlled by your master? How does it feel to know that now you are merely property, a commodity, collared and castrated by your master?" 

Daniel glared coldly at Nirrti before speaking, "Mastered Nirrti? I believe that you are the one who is a slave tethered to Thoth. You used to be so independent...looks like your failure to destroy the proceedings of the Asgard Treaty put you in ill favor with many system lords. You're known as a traitor Nirrti. Does Thoth know how you attempted to assassinate Cronus and destroy Yu when you visited my world?" 

Nirrti paled. Osiris tried to temper down his pride in his slave. He gently rubbed Daniel's arm leaning up to whisper, "You may cease toying with her now, my precious." 

Daniel pressed a light kiss to Osiris' ear before whispering, "I am sorry, My Lord." 

"You have nothing to be sorry for." 

"I spoke out of turn during a very important meeting. I am deeply sorry." 

Osiris turned in Daniel's arms smiling gently at him as he pulled Daniel's head down pressing a tender kiss to his forehead in an obvious loving, caring gesture before whispering to him, "You have nothing to be sorry for." 

"I spoke out of..." 

"Ah, does Thoth look angry or upset at your outspokenness?" 

Daniel looked at Thoth surprised to see the Goa'uld lord looking at him in admiration and respect. Osiris whispered, "Thoth desires spirit and courage in those he chooses to align himself with. Daniel, he does not look at you as one would at a slave. When you spoke to him earlier you convinced him that you are no slave. He does not see the marks of my ownership on you. He sees you as an equal...as HIS equal. Do not ever put yourself down because of who you are. Is that understood?" 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Now cease worrying so about your supposed crime." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Thoth smiled as he noticed and recognized the fire and spirit in Osiris' favored. It was truly refreshing to see a servant who was not truly conquered, one who had not been truly broken. The man must be very special indeed for he knew from past experience that Osiris never allowed his servants to maintain their spirit or even to speak for him, but this young man now before him had been granted the right to maintain his fire and become Osiris' personal liaison. The man was indeed worthy of such a title for he carried himself very well and even spoke their language as if born into it, yet he did not sense any kin within the man. Osiris' favored was completely human and he was a slave, yet he doubted that many would view the man as a mere servant for he was so much more than that. He understood now why Osiris claimed this young one for himself and felt somewhat envious of him. If only he could find one so special to serve by his side he would truly be happy. Well that was never to be for he doubted that there were many among the universe that exhibited such rare beauty and rare spirit. 

He decided that he wanted to join with Osiris and knew that his decision was not based solely on Osiris alone, for it was his favored one who convinced him that he was making a wise decision. He now also understood how Osiris had accumulated so many followers and so many other alliances with fellow system lords throughout the last few months...because he had a liaison who was very good at what he did and who was very persuasive indeed. 

He glanced at Nirrti noticing that the goddess seemed obsessed with the one whom owned Osiris' heart. He was no fool for he could see the love within the phoenix lord for the one standing with him. He had not seen such love in Osiris since his wife had vanished. No one knew of what had befallen Isis but many were aware of what her absence in Lord Osiris' life could bring about. It would seem that now there was another to take her place. 

Silencing his thoughts he again focused on his cohort. He had forged an uneasy alliance with the goddess Nirrti after she came to him searching for help. She had not mentioned at the time just why she sought his help, so he had been completely unaware that she was outcast by the system lords. He had learned of the circumstances surrounding such a decision several months ago. She had tried to destroy an alliance between the system lords and the inhabitants of the first world. As he recalled why she came to him he suddenly realized where Osiris' favored came from. He had said that she had failed to assassinate Cronus and destroy the treaty...that meant that Osiris' favored was an inhabitant of the first world. Instead of upsetting him or discouraging him that information only made him more willing to forge an alliance with Osiris. He noticed that Nirrti did not seem as willing. They would have to discuss the issue privately so without further debate Thoth turned to Osiris requesting that he give them some more time to make a final decision. Upon his agreement they both left the room leaving Daniel and Osiris alone. 

Osiris turned to his favored smiling as he spoke softly, "Hmm, is my servant still desperately aching to climax?" 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Go to your knees before me, my precious one." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel lowered to his knees before Osiris watching him intently obvious desire still burning in the blue depths of his eyes turning them a darker shade of blue. Once Daniel was on his knees before him Osiris sat on top of the table deliberately spreading his legs wide open so that Daniel had a clear view all the way to Sarah's panties from his position on the floor. He watched Daniel's face intently smiling as the man licked his lips before focusing between his thighs. He quietly asked, "Does my servant desire to sample his lord?" 

"Yes..." 

"Does my servant desire to become lost in his lord's scent?" 

"Yes..." 

"Then help yourself my beloved. Smell my essence as if you were my dog, my pet." 

Daniel was lost in desire feeling his dick still trying to harden in the tight confines of his chastity belt. He pressed his hands on Sarah's creamy white thighs pushing the dress up her legs. Osiris lifted upwards as he tugged the dress up to his waist exposing the panties completely for Daniel's observation. He spread his thighs wider as he leaned forward and pressed his finger under Daniel's chin urging him to look up as he did so. 

Daniel focused intently on Sarah now caught up in desire and need. He yearned for his lord, ached for him and was so damned desperate for climax that he was overly eager to please if it would grant him the right to be permitted to climax. 

Osiris focused intently on Daniel's face as he ordered, "Smell my essence my precious pet...come now be a good doggy and press your nose to my moistness." 

Daniel swallowed hard before sighing, "Yes, My Lord." 

He then crawled to his lord staring intently at the wet spot on those panties. As Osiris grasped his hair he rose up to give himself more leverage. He stared for the longest time at that precious moistness nestled between Sarah's legs. Osiris spoke huskily as he ordered, "Come my precious doggy and smell your master." 

"Yes, My Lord..." 

Daniel leaned forward willingly pressing his face between Sarah's legs. As he felt fingers running through his hair he pressed his nose against that moistness. Osiris cried out as he said, "Yes, yes...shove your nose up inside of me, my pet. Deep inside of me..." 

Daniel complied pushing his face into her dripping cleft feeling her moist heat cover his nose and smelling her womanly scent. Osiris growled out in pleasure before continuing, "Inhale deeply, my pet...show your master how much you enjoy being his dog slave. Yes, pet, show me how much of a mutt you are..." 

Daniel obeyed inhaling deeply feeling his own groin burning as desire and passion filled him. He felt Osiris' hands pressing his face firmly against him. Osiris then ordered, "Yes you are such a good doggy...such a good pet...now lick your master...come now...lick your master's moistness...be a good doggy and lick your master." 

Daniel obeyed slipping his tongue out from between his lips and pressing it to the panties Sarah still wore. He moaned as he could taste her essence on those panties. He started to lick her toying with her now hard nub and reveling in the simple taste of her. Osiris then commanded, "CEASE!” 

Daniel quickly complied whimpering as he pulled away from her heat, her moistness. Osiris chuckled as he questioned, "How does my pet like to have my juices present on his face? Tell me can you still smell your lord, pet?" 

"Yes...yes, Master...yes... Master, please allow me to continue to lick you... please Master..." 

"Hmm...I may consider your request but first you must tell me that you are my dog...come now, slave...tell your master what you are." 

“Master, I am your dog, Master. I am your mutt...I am your pet...please allow your mutt to lick you. Please Master..." 

"Not yet...do you like to serve as my dog, my precious one?" 

"Yes, Master...yes...I am honored to serve as your pet dog Master..." 

"Hmm and a very good doggy you are, slave...you enjoyed smelling your master did you not?" 

"Yes, Master..." 

"Did you also enjoy licking your master?" 

"Yes..." 

"HEEL!" 

Daniel immediately returned to his knees and bowed his head wanting desperately to taste Sarah again but knowing that he was being commanded to remain on his knees. Osiris stood up and slipped the moist panties off of his body. He then approached Daniel and questioned, "Would my doggy like to smell his master again?" 

"Yes please, Master, please." 

"Very well." 

With that he pressed the wet panties against Daniel's nose holding them firmly over Daniel's nose and reveling in listening to his shaky breathing as he drew great pleasure from her heady scent. Osiris continued, "Yes, you are such a filthy little mutt...a horny mutt...my servant, my pet, my dog...you enjoy serving your master and you cannot control your urges and desires when my scent fills you..." 

"No, My Lord," came Daniel's muffled response as he spoke over the panties still pressed firmly over his nose. Sarah's smell flared his nostrils driving him closer to the edge of euphoria. His dick throbbed and pulsated as he ached to climax but was denied the simple right to do so. 

Osiris grinned wickedly drawing a perverted little thrill from making Daniel smell Sarah's panties and making him admit that he was a filthy dog slave. Oh, yes. Daniel was now willingly humiliating himself for his lord. Perfect. 

He removed the panties retreating from Daniel to perch on the tabletop again. Daniel remained where he was left on the floor kneeling with his head lowered to the ground. Osiris spoke again, "Come, my precious little doggy and smell your master again...come." 

Daniel crawled to Osiris again placing his hands on Sarah's legs and spreading her wider for his entrance. He could smell her as soon as he parted her thighs and felt his dick throbbing intensely in the tight confines of his chastity belt. He groaned in frustration as he couldn't harden. Osiris laughed at his discomfort before urging, "Come now, my precious dog slave, press your nose willingly into your master's fiery heat. Smell your master's essence." 

Daniel obeyed again pressing his face willingly against Sarah's slick moistness. He groaned as he could feel her juices coating his nose and face. He closed his eyes feeling an overwhelming need to orgasm. 

Osiris moaned loudly as Daniel obediently pressed his nose into Sarah's moist heat. He then huskily requested, "Yes, yes...now lick your master clean...your master must be cleaned properly." 

Daniel immediately slipped his tongue out from between his lips beginning to slowly stroke Sarah's heat with his tongue. He moaned as he pulled back then opened his mouth wider before clamping it over her sweet opening. He then resorted to sucking her labia causing Osiris to shiver as delightful pleasure and intense rapture flooded him. He loved when Daniel serviced them with his tongue and his mouth. He was so good with his mouth. Osiris moaned as he spoke between gasps of enjoyment, "If you perform...adequately...my precious I will reward you this...evening. Tell me would my dog like to be gagged by his master's panties this evening? I know how...much you love my essence...how would my servant like...his panty gag this...evening...answer me..." 

Daniel pulled away breathless. As he regained some of his breathing he questioned, "My Lord...?" 

"How would my precious one like to be gagged with his master's panties this evening? Would that please you, my precious one?" 

Daniel moaned as he felt the heat within him increase in response to that simple question. Before he thought of what he was saying he immediately answered, "Yes, My Lord...your doggy will gladly accept its panty gag this evening if it pleases My Lord to silence his servant." 

"Hmm...you shall be granted the privilege of being gagged with my panties...I shall make them very moist and wet for you so that you can enjoy them immensely. I will require your services while the gag remains within." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Place the panties back on my body, slave." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel picked up the still moist panties that Sarah had been wearing only moments before and carefully slid them back up her lengthy legs. Osiris rose to allow him to slide them up over his hips and once done he returned to his knees awaiting his next order. Osiris said, "Very good...now return to licking me, mutt...make me climax all over your panties for this evening's activities." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel licked his lips watching as Osiris spread his legs wide then pressed his lips to the panties again clamping his mouth over Sarah's vaginal entrance and sucking her labia and clitoris over the panties. Shortly after beginning to suck her she climaxed and he could feel her fresh juices begin to saturate into the panties she wore on her body. He drank her in wanting desperately to taste her sweetness. He savored it as he sucked on the satiny material feeling heat burning within him and wanting desperately to climax for his master. As his master ordered him back to his knees he dutifully lowered to the floor and bowed his head awaiting his next command. 

Osiris smiled very pleased with his servant's performance. Daniel has gotten much better since he was captured. He admired the way his servant was now so adept at pleasing them. The sexual trainings helped to mold him and form him into the sexually desirable slave his lord wanted. Osiris cast a heated gaze Daniel's way feeling the desire within again sparking anew as he observed the man on his knees bowing his head properly and showing the utmost respect to his lord and master. Yes Daniel was truly a gift. It had taken much time and patience to bring him to this point, but now that he was here Osiris couldn't be more proud of the beautiful Tau'ri slave who served as his favored and would remain by his side for all his days. 

As Daniel remained on his knees keeping his head bowed properly he listened to his master rise and became aware that again he managed to lose himself in desire, need and hunger. He knew that he should be ashamed by the acts that he performed but even now he knelt before his master feeling the insistent aching, burning need in his groin. He was on the verge of orgasm and wanted nothing more than to beg his master for the blessed release he was desperately yearning for, but he knew that his master would refuse him, at least for the time being for he often commented on how beautiful his servant looked when in desperate need and longing to orgasm. Osiris had described his face as glistening and bathed with a soft pink blush. His eyes he had said were dark and smoky. His eagerness to please and to satisfy his master was so strong that one could see the insistent yearning within the pristine depths of his passion glazed eyes. 

Once upon a time he would have been totally humiliated and degraded by Osiris' commands to smell him, to say that he was his dog slave and to willingly submit to him but after so many months he no longer drew humiliation from those simple commands instead, somewhere along the line, he had learned to deal with it...he had learned to like it...hell, he had learned to love it. Every time Osiris attempted to degrade him or ordered him to willingly humiliate himself for his lord he instantly became turned on. His responses were now automatic, ingrained into him as much as his requirement to respond to every little touch the snake provided him with. He was trained well as Osiris' lap dog and sexual slave. Osiris was very successful in making him into a man who craved, needed and ached for sex. He was kept horny almost always...for Osiris would find any excuse to touch him, to caress him, to talk dirty to him... Osiris trained him to need sex to survive. He was now willing to beg and plead for sex. He felt like such a cheap little slut, but he could never get enough...ever... Osiris trained him to have a sexually veracious appetite. He was willing to do almost anything to be granted orgasm and release. Osiris had trained his pet so well that he craved sex all the time...always...he was a sex addict. 

As Osiris approached him he felt his heart beat increasing and felt excitement pumping through his veins. He whimpered as the Goa'uld lord reached down to gently run his fingers through his hair and began to pant as he caught the briefest tinge of Sarah's precious scent on the air. He heard Osiris chuckle and unashamedly released another rather loud drawn-out groan of pleasure to the air around him. As Osiris' voice filled the room he felt little shivers of heat spiking within his belly as his arousal continued to build. He listened to his lord as Osiris softly crooned, "Oh my poor, poor baby how you must be aching to come for your master right now. Tell me my precious one are you aching for your master?" 

Daniel licked his lips as he softly replied, "Yes My Master." 

"Hmm, such a shame that I must keep you thoroughly aroused and locked up so tightly in your chastity belt." 

Daniel gasped and whimpered again as Osiris insinuated his foot against the front shield of his chastity belt and added the slightest bit of pressure. He thought he'd lose it right then and there and could feel more of his pre-cum moistening the inside of his chastity belt. 

As Osiris' finger began to trace his jaw line so slowly he inhaled sharply feeling the heat continuing to build within as Osiris began to trace his lips with that same finger. Without thought he automatically tugged that glorious finger into his mouth suckling it so tenderly and laving it the way he wanted his master to lave his still flaccid penis. He felt as if he would die if his master soon didn't grant him his blessed euphoric release. As Osiris nudged the chastity belt he closed his eyes and allowed the feelings to swamp him. As Osiris tugged that glorious finger out of his mouth Daniel released a whimper wanting that finger back where it belonged so that he could torment his master the way his master was now tormenting him. As another more powerful nudge was applied to the chastity device locking up his flaccid penis Daniel requested in a husky voice, "Master please...please grant your servant his release. Please Master." 

"Hmm, not yet my precious one, not yet." 

He growled as Osiris suddenly stepped away from him breaking off all contact before urging, "Come, my precious one and rise. We must finish this meeting before we can enjoy our evening." 

Daniel wanted to scream but muttered, "Yes My Lord," before rising to his feet and following Osiris to the meeting table. 

Osiris chuckled when he heard the disappointment in Daniel's voice and vowed that tonight his servant would be justly rewarded for his amazing tongue action. He would be granted his release but not until they were aboard their ship, in their bedchamber and very much ALONE. He would draw much pleasure from watching his servant orgasm deliciously upon their bed showing his gratefulness by shooting that wonderful glistening cream into the air for his master's adoration and pleasure. 

 

* * * *

 

After they returned to the ship and had eaten supper Osiris requested Daniel join him in their bedchamber. Daniel entered bowing gracefully upon seeing Osiris before inquiring, "Does My Lord require any services from his servant this evening?" 

"Yes...I want you to kneel before me, my precious one." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel lowered to his knees, lowering his head in a show of submission and placing his hands palm down on his thighs. Osiris started to speak while rooting through drawers. He said, "Sarah has quite a fondness for pretty things, silky things...earthly things. She has made several requests of me...among her requests was nylons. I was uncertain as to what these nylons were, but she explained them to me. They are indeed very inventive things... somewhat uncomfortable at times but very useful." 

Osiris approached Daniel and placed his fingers under the man's chin gently urging him to raise his head. Osiris spoke softly, "You may look upon your lord's face, my favored." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

Daniel focused on Osiris noticing that he held some nylons in his hand and started to wonder what they were for. Osiris smiled as he continued, "Earlier this day you made a request of your lord. Do you recall what that request was, my precious?" 

"To be serviced by you, My Lord. To be permitted to climax for you, My Lord." 

"Yes and what else?" 

"Um..." 

"Come now, Daniel, tell me that you have not forgotten." 

Daniel said nothing so Osiris continued, "Well, I shall have to remind you...I have been saving something for you. Come now...remove my panties, my precious." 

Daniel flushed as he recalled that somewhere between desire and need he had requested Osiris gag him this evening...oh God! What the hell had been wrong with him? All other thoughts fled the instant that Osiris lifted the dress he wore revealing the silky pink panties beneath. He swallowed hard as Sarah's essence suddenly permeated the air. Her essence was so strong that it flared his nostrils. He knew that he was a goner the instant he smelled her. God he was such a damned sex addict now! Her essence was like an aphrodisiac to him. He was hooked. He was addicted to her powerful womanly scent. Instantly desire and need, yearning and hunger filled him, burned him and made him ache with a desperate wanting. The scent made him want to beg for her services. He focused his desire-laden eyes on Sarah's face and could see the pleased expression there. 

Osiris' smile broadened when he noticed the automatic heat and need flooding Daniel the moment he revealed Sarah's panties beneath. He continued in a soothing tone, "I have been saving these for you, my precious. I assure you that they are now very wet with my essence. I have not taken them off since you placed them back on me this afternoon. I have also pleased myself repeatedly to make them just right for my precious one." 

Daniel felt a twitching ache in his groin as Osiris told him that. Oh shit he was so horny now! Osiris continued, "I believe you are now ready for your panty gag. Remove the panties, slave." 

"Yes, Master." 

Daniel reached up to Sarah's hips and carefully tugged the thin fabric pulling the panties down over her hips and down across her luxurious legs. He could feel his heart rate speed up as his hands came into contact with the material. He was fast becoming lost in desire and hunger. 

Osiris continued to smile and requested, "Now give the panties to your lord so that I may fix your gag for you." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Osiris' smile broadened as he accepted the panties and balled them up. He could feel the wetness in them. The panties were liberally coated. They were soaked clear through the thin fabric and smelled heavily of their essence. He and Sarah had made sure to make them drenched with their juices wanting their precious servant to draw much pleasure from his panty gag and also wanting to remind him that he was only permitted to taste his lord and no other, wanting to remind him that he belonged only to them and only his lord had the right to grant him such rewards for his service. 

Osiris continued to smile as he ordered, "Now watch as your lord prepares your gag." 

Daniel obeyed watching Osiris intently. He licked his lips as the Goa'uld lord balled the panties up then slipped them into the panty hose leg that he was holding. He noticed that the panty hose had been cut off on either end and only the leg remained. He continued to observe Osiris as the system lord pushed the balled up panties to the center of that leg before twisting either side to trap the material between the nylon. He could feel his dick continuing to throb within the tight confines of his chastity belt as his excitement and desire came head to head. 

After preparing the gag Osiris approached saying, "Now, my precious slave, you will willingly open your mouth and allow your master to gag you properly. Your master wishes his slave to remain silent this night. Open now." 

Daniel swallowed hard before opening his mouth in preparation for the gag Osiris just created. The Goa'uld lord smiled as he continued, "I promised you my precious servant that I would reward you if you performed adequately for me. You performed more than adequately so I will grant you the reward you seek." 

With that said Osiris pushed the balled up panties into Daniel's open mouth, stuffing them inside and pushing them behind his teeth. He then said, "You may now close your mouth over your prize while I secure the gag in place." 

Daniel could feel his desire surging more powerfully as Osiris shoved the soaked panties into his mouth. They filled his mouth and instantly he could taste Sarah. He groaned as he closed his mouth like ordered and willingly allowed Osiris to secure the nylon in a knot behind his head. He gasped as Osiris pulled the nylon tightly before securing the loose ends together. When Osiris was finished tying it firmly on him Daniel was left effectively gagged with Sarah's panties now filling his mouth to near capacity. He could no longer speak. All he would be able to utter would be moans, groans and squeals of pleasure. Though he knew that he should be totally humiliated by the fact that he was now gagged with Sarah's panties he was quite the opposite...extremely turned on and craving to please and be pleased by his lord. 

Osiris smiled wickedly feeling his own desire surge upon seeing Daniel now effectively gagged and silenced. Seeing that gag stuffed so perfectly in the man's mouth was indeed a major turn on. He quickly released Daniel's genitals to the air then urged him to lie upon their bed. Osiris smiled as he rooted through the drawer for his next little surprise. 

Daniel went willingly to the bed and lay upon it awaiting his next command. As Osiris pulled out two long silky lengths of fabric he felt his heart rate increase. Osiris gently urged, "Grasp the headboard my precious one...grasp both bedposts in your hands...come now...do as you have been commanded." 

Daniel felt heat flush through his body, but obediently wrapped his hands around each bedpost gasping as the silky length of fabric was wound around his right wrist then used to secure his right wrist to the post. As Sarah leaned across him to wind a similar length of fabric around his left wrist he nearly lost it as her breasts hung directly above his face tantalizing him and begging for his mouth to suckle them. Without thought he lifted his mouth up to her left breast attempting to tug the creamy softness into his mouth and growling in frustration as the gag prevented such an exploration. Sarah chuckled huskily hearing his desperation and frustration. She knew why he was growling for she felt his mouth brushing across her breasts attempting to tug them into his mouth. She carefully twined the fabric around his other wrist and secured him firmly to the headboard. She then sat up and gently pressed her pointer finger to the gag now between his lips saying, "You may look but you are not permitted to sample." 

Daniel growled again and strained against his now bound wrists. She laughed as she noticed his obvious inability to free himself from the bed. She continued to smile as she carefully lifted the dress she still wore up over her head presenting Daniel with her nakedness. She wore nothing and could see his desire, his need triple as she exposed herself to him so shamelessly. She then stretched across him shoving her breasts in his face yet again and chuckling as more frustrating growls were released from that now gagged mouth. She pulled out two longer scarves of silk, much longer then the ones she had used for his wrists then turned presenting Daniel with a full, X-rated view of her ass. Again she heard his whimpers of frustration then she focused on drawing his left ankle to the left bedpost at the foot of the bed taking great care in securing him in place. She did the same with his right ankle effectively securing him spread eagle to the bed. Then she stood up away from him noticing his heated gaze following her every move and gesture and seeing that pleading in those azure eyes of his... 

Osiris chuckled huskily at Sarah's taunting then said, "My Sarah you are a minx..." 

'So I've been told...Daniel loves this kind of thing...' 

"To be tied up and helpless?" 

'No, that's new...to be teased and tormented beyond all reason before being granted his pleasure. Have you not noticed how he loves to move very slowly when he performs...he loves to take his time but can't stand being similarly wound up tightly before being granted even a sample...hmm, look at how he pleads silently with those beautiful eyes of his...he is very sexy when he is desperate to be fucked.' 

"You are very bold, Sarah." 

'You already know that about me, Osiris.' 

"Yes, so I do...shall we ease his yearnings or make him suffer a bit?" 

'Hmm that is a very hard decision to make...' with that said Sarah quickly glided over to him and sat beside him on the bed pressing her pointer finger against the gag in his mouth. Osiris chose that moment to speak, "Does my precious one wish to be granted the right to speak to his lord?" 

Daniel nodded his head yes receiving a sexy chuckle from Osiris. Osiris began to gently run his finger back and forth across the gag saying, "No, my precious one, no. You may not be permitted to speak. You have been muted. Your master does not wish to hear your sensuous voice only those screams and groans of pleasure that I can draw so easily from within you. I desire you to remain as you are, staked out for my viewing pleasure...bound, gagged and completely helpless before your master. You look very sexy when staked out as a lamb or a sacrifice...hmm, very pleasant sacrifice you make my dear. Pleasant, sensuous, sexy, luxurious...every inch of you is perfection...your skin is so silky and smooth it begs to be touched, begs to be stroked and caressed... Do you realize just how appealing you are, my precious one? Do you even realize just how sensuous, how sexy and beautiful you are? Has anyone ever taken the time to describe for you your heart-stopping beauty, my precious Daniel?" 

Daniel continued to watch Sarah with passion-filled eyes. He wanted her, needed her, burned for her...his sexual desire was so intense...if he could speak he would have begged for her to make love to him already. His need was so strong. He ached to be fulfilled feeling his body temperature continue to rise as Osiris insisted on describing him so boldly. He found himself answering that question without even realizing he was as he nodded his head yes. Osiris smiled at him before continuing "I know the one who would have taken such time to do this for you. He is not merely attracted to you...he burns for you and aches for you much as you do for him. He is probably even now stroking himself and shouting your name as he climaxes in the darkness... much as I have ordered you to do for me. Does he realize the one whose heart he now holds in his hands still aches for him, needs him, burns for him? Does he know what is in your heart, my precious one? Does he understand your needs both in and out of the bedroom? Does he understand the sacrifices you have made for your god?" 

Daniel said nothing as thoughts of his soul mate entered his mind...Jack...as he visualized Jack he felt his body heat up even more...oh shit he was so fucking turned on now! He moaned as the hand on the gag in his mouth slipped casually down over his neck heading towards the source of his desire and need...as that finger found his pulsating erection he cried out and strained against his binds as soft, dainty, delicate fingers wrapped carefully around his now engorged member. As soon as the hand encompassed him he found himself thrusting upward wanting to meet the thrusts of another. The hand danced up and down across his hard shaft causing his breaths to start coming out in gasps and his need to consume him...as he closed his eyes he could see Jack in his mind's eye caressing him and exciting him, could feel Jack's lips pressing against his face planting soft, butterfly kisses all over across his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his jaw then working towards his mouth. He attempted to return those soft kisses feeling the gag that effectively silenced him for his lord. 

Osiris smiled as he spoke to Sarah saying, "He is with his Jack now..." 

"What?" 

"He no longer visualizes us, he is seeing his Jack...feeling his Jack...loving his Jack..." 

"How can you tell?" 

"How can you not tell?" 

"Why are you allowing him to...?" 

"Because he needs to. I do not mind if he believes his Jack is the one who is now taunting and tormenting him. Jack is the one he desires and craves. We merely incite extreme desire and heat within him that he cannot help but answer. Jack is the one he desires and needs...the one he can become completely swept up in and lost in..." 

Osiris continued to stroke Daniel so slowly and intimately admiring the man's gentle thrusts that became more aggressive as his climax approached. Within mere minutes Daniel was exploding as he climaxed. Osiris watched admiring his slave and the way he cried out and shivered upon finding his completion. Admiring the way he strained against his restraints and collapsed against the bed satiated for the moment. Osiris smiled warmly at the man watching him as he focused on where he now was and whom he was now with. As Daniel focused on him with those hooded eyes of his Osiris could see slight disappointment there but also a renewing of spirit and fire...yes, his Daniel needed to be with his Jack if only in fantasy and not reality. Would his precious servant understand why his lord granted him time to spend in his mind with another man, the love of his life? Did he understand why he was allowed to fantasize about another? Did he understand why there was no anger when Daniel's cries of "Jack" fill the air as he climaxes even while he's making love with his lord, with Sarah? 

Osiris continued to gently stroke Daniel's manhood feeling his dick hardening all over again as his need and desire started to build again. He spoke softly, "You are a very beautiful creature, my precious one. Very beautiful...so beautiful that one could lose their self in you and your silkiness, your fire and your passion. Do you wish to be satisfied by your lord now my precious one?" 

Daniel attempted to lick his lips feeling the panties in his mouth and groaning as the taste, Sarah's taste, excited him and effectively made him hard all over again. He was a bit confused as to why Osiris had permitted him the brief fantasy of lying with Jack...why would he allow such a thing to occur? Osiris didn't even seem angry about it. He nodded his head expelling a shaky breath as Osiris' hand continued to stroke his ever-hardening dick. Oh shit he needed Sarah now...needed her desperately. He focused desire-laden eyes on Osiris' face, on Sarah's face and nodded his head to indicate that he wished to be pleased by his lord. 

Osiris took that as his cue and released his hold on Daniel's manhood drawing a whimper from his servant. He pressed a finger across Daniel's lips shaking his head and whispering, "Shh, hush now...do not worry. You will receive your pleasure." 

With that said Osiris moved to position himself above Daniel straddling him. He focused intently on Daniel noticing his gaze was now fixed on his hard groin and Sarah's soft mound. Osiris grinned as he slowly eased his body down onto Daniel's manhood preparing to give him another ride of his life. 

Daniel watched intently as Osiris carefully eased down on him. He hissed as Sarah's moist, damp heat began to envelope his erection and suck him into that warm, dripping mound of liquid fire. As her wetness engulfed him he groaned loudly tossing his head back against the pillows he was now resting against and yanking against his restraints. As his hard dick became impaled within her hot velvety silkiness Daniel thought he would explode then and there. As he felt the slickness of her essence spill and coat his hard on he recalled the gag in his mouth that was her panties...and was liberally coated in that essence. He nearly lost all control as that thought filled him. Oh God he was so damned horny now. He started to rock gently up into her whimpering as her fiery heat tormented and tantalized as she lifted nearly off of him before pushing down onto his erection again. He started to strain against his restraints wanting and needing to pull her down onto him and hold her firmly against him. He growled in frustration as any attempt to do so was met with great resistance. He also wanted to wrap his legs around her velvety hips as she glided up and down on him but found his legs were also likewise secured very well in place. Oh shit this was sheer hell, sheer torment! He had a gorgeous woman who knew exactly how to heat him up sitting above him riding him and he was unable to move at all. The only thing he could do was strain against his restraints, moan over his gag and thrust his hips up to meet her every thrust. SHIT! 

Sarah watched Daniel, smiling and laughing as the man beneath her continued to strain against his restraints wanting desperately to wrap his arms around her. Osiris was likewise pleased to watch the feeble struggles of his servant as his need to physically touch the one he was making love to was taken from him. He watched as the man strained beautifully against his restraints. His tanned flesh glimmered in the light and his grunts of pleasure and desperation filled the air sounding muffled, which reminded them both that he was now gagged. 

As Daniel continued to struggle he could taste her essence in him so strong that he nearly exploded just thinking about her. As she continued to ride him hard and fast he nearly lost it. He screamed as suddenly claws dug into his abdomen causing him to jerk against her and tense his stomach muscles. The simple act heated him up even more as Sarah allowed her darkest fantasies to come to the surface. He cried out in pleasure as Sarah's soft lips enclosed over his left nipple and her hair splayed out across his body tickling and tantalizing him. He was about to lose it. As her lips released his nipple she drew her tongue up to his shoulder and thrust against him harder this time bracing her hands on his arms as if she were pinning them in place instead of the silken ties securing him to the bed. As she drove against him faster and harder he felt her mouth upon his shoulder and felt his orgasm quickly approaching. Osiris could also feel Daniel's rapid approach towards his apex and as his climax was reached he felt teeth sink into his left shoulder drawing blood as well as a scream of pain and pleasure from him. He exploded shooting his seed deep inside her and quickly losing himself in the overwhelming flood of intense euphoria that proceeded such an explosive orgasm. 

He whimpered as Sarah's tongue began to lave across his shoulder licking the blood from the bite mark she bestowed on him upon his climax. After she was satisfied that all the blood was effectively cleaned off she planted feathery light kisses down across his chest heading for his belly where she then lowered and began to lick the blood off of the claw marks she placed on his body there. As that soft velvety tongue lapped at his skin he could feel heat curling within himself again and felt his dick twitching in response aching as his desire started to increase again. Shit, could he climax for a third time? Damn! He could feel her damp cavern of moisture still encircling his dick. He was still buried in her to the hilt and whimpered arching into her hand as she dragged her nails lightly down across his thigh heading towards his shaven groin. Without thought he thrust his hips upwards again drawing a gasp of pleasure from the one still perched atop him. Shit he wanted to fuck her again! DAMN! How had Osiris done it...made him into this wanton sex addict? 

She removed her mouth from his flesh staring intently in his eyes speaking in the voice of Osiris as he continued, "I want to make you scream again, my precious one but first we will get some rest. Once we are rested then I shall desire to pleasure you again. We will go much slower and all you must do is lay here as I satisfy you...just let yourself go... You are a very beautiful creature, one who deserves to be worshiped and admired. It is time that I explored every inch of you, my beautiful slave, but we shall wait for a few hours before embarking on such a stimulating journey." 

Daniel swallowed hard as Osiris' words swarmed through his mind and he felt his body instantly beginning to become charged up again. As Osiris lifted off of him he whimpered and again leaned towards him wanting him to remain. Osiris merely chuckled before pressing a kiss to his gagged mouth and informing, "I want you to see what you do to me, slave. I want you to see how you make me so wet for you." 

Osiris chuckled huskily as he then proceeded to straddle Daniel's head and lower down onto his servant's face gently urging, "Come smell your lord, my sensuous pet." 

Daniel started to breathe heavier as his desire and need continued to consume him. As her scent wafted to him and she lowered onto his face he swallowed hard desperately trying to wet his lips with his tongue finding only frustration when he realized that he was still gagged with her panties. SHIT! As she lowered onto his face he automatically lifted his mouth to her pussy wanting nothing more then to lick, kiss and suck her to orgasm again. He pushed his nose up into her moaning and whimpering when he realized that as long as he was gagged he could not please her with his mouth. He growled in frustration yanking uselessly against his restraints as his need continued to overpower him. 

Osiris' chuckle turned into a sultry laugh as Daniel's immediate response to his actions was to press his nose up into him. He could feel the nylon gag as it rubbed over Sarah's wet heat and could hear his slave's whimpers and growls of frustration as the gag denied him the ability to lick his master clean. He continued to laugh as his precious slave proceeded to press his lips to that slick dripping heat attempting to kiss and lick them over the gag. Oh yes his slave was most definitely showing just how much he adored his master and wanted to please him now. He remained perched over Daniel's face reveling in the feel of the man's gagged lips and nose continuing to push up into them. As Daniel proceeded to rub his mouth across them stimulating them even further they nearly came again. When he felt that his precious slave was thoroughly reminded of his rights at this moment in time he climbed off of Daniel then worked on carefully releasing the silk ties that secured him in place. He freed Daniel's ankles first then worked on freeing his wrists. Once done with that he urged Daniel to roll onto his stomach and proceeded to draw both of his hands behind his back securing them tightly together. 

Osiris chuckled as he rolled Daniel onto his back before taunting, "There now my slave you will not be tempted to remove my panties from your mouth and you will remain properly silenced."

Daniel yanked against the restraints securing his wrists behind his back and again growled in frustration mentally cursing his predicament and the deep seeded desire, need and hunger within himself that made this type of treatment so arousing to him now. As Osiris latched onto his penis he moaned loudly and thrust into that glorious hand urging his lord to continue to toy with his body and tease him needlessly. Osiris continued to rub his dick and caress it lovingly before saying, "Hmm, perhaps I shall lock up this beautiful piece tonight... No, no I would much rather fondle you throughout the night, slave. Yes. I shall enjoy ravaging you even while you are resting. Now go to sleep, love." 

Daniel cursed but quickly found himself doing just as his master ordered and falling into a deep sleep only to be brought moaning over his gag and panting awake at 2am when Osiris made good on his promise to openly fondle him. He tried to resist the desire and need, the heat spiraling and building within him but quickly found his resistance crumbling as he thrust violently upward thrusting in and out of the hand that was now wrapped firmly around his dick pumping him. He didn't stop, couldn't stop himself from responding to those pumps because he was so damned horny. He continued to thrust again and again allowing himself to become swallowed up in arousal and aching hunger before he screamed in delight over the gag as he came all over Osiris' hand. He then reclined lazily on the bed still moaning and sighing as Osiris proceeded to lick him clean making a feast out of his nightly spending. Sleep soon found him sending him towards dreamland while his lord still continued to suckle and lick him clean. 

The next morning Daniel awoke to discover that the panty gag was still secured in his mouth and he could still taste Sarah's essence. He attempted to rub his face realizing quickly that he couldn't do so. He was still secured with his wrists tied behind his back. Osiris secured his wrists behind him after their lovemaking last evening telling Daniel that he would be kept gagged and to prevent his hands from wandering they would be secured behind him. He growled in frustration as he rubbed the side of his face against his pillow. Instantly he felt a cool, soft hand press against him and heard Sarah as she questioned, "Does my servant need to scratch his face?" 

Daniel focused on Sarah swallowing hard and closing his eyes as she pressed her fingers to the gag still resting within his mouth. He felt his dick harden as Sarah started to run her pointer finger casually back and forth across the gag questioning again, "Does my servant need to scratch his face?" 

Daniel nodded. Sarah smiled as she placed her fingers against his cheek questioning, "Here?" 

Again he nodded so she started to gently scratch his face. She then questioned, "Is that better, Daniel?" 

Again he nodded, she smiled then returned to gently caressing his face and running her fingers across his gag. She continued, "Have I ever told you that to see you gagged is a huge turn on for me, love? To see you silenced with my panties filled with my essence is such a powerful aphrodisiac. You are extremely sexy when you are gagged for your master. Service in silence...hmm, very becoming...would you like to speak freely again, my precious servant?" 

Daniel nodded his head yes and Osiris merely laughed teasingly as he responded, "I bet you would. I rather like a mute servant..." 

Daniel attempted to speak but all that came out was garbled sounds over the gag. Osiris' pressed his finger across the gag as he whispered, "Shh, shh...hush now my precious. Hush. You will be permitted to speak soon enough. Now you must be patient and you must relax for this will not hurt you a bit..." he then worked on removing the gag. 

Once he untied it he eased it gently out of Daniel's mouth watching as he licked his lips and coughed several times before softly whispering, "Thank you, My Lord." 

"Turn, turn so that I may free your wrists." 

Daniel complied relaxing further as his hands were freed and drawing his arms before him to gently rub over his wrists. He again spoke, "Thank you, My Lord, for granting your servant pleasure. I am most grateful." 

"I am pleased to satisfy you, Daniel. Now I should like to bathe. You may join me there or remain here if you would like. The decision is yours to make, my precious one." 

"Thank...thank you My Lord." 

Osiris bowed his head before excusing himself and leaving Daniel once again all alone in their bedchamber. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Hammond entered the SGC taking his usual route to the control room to make his usual request: to contact Daniel's prison in hopes that they could connect with the planet and mount a rescue. They had tried everything in their power from contacting Jacob Carter to acquiring a ship only to discover that when the Tok'ra attempted to breech the atmosphere of the planet they hit another dead end. It had seemed that like Jacob had feared a shield had been placed around the entire planet, which left them with one remaining option...to wait and wait and wait. It was so damned frustrating for him and for the members of SG-1 to know that they were so very close to Daniel but unable to get to him. They even tried to track Osiris in hopes that they could somehow get closer to the Goa'uld lord and thus closer to Daniel but like Jacob had warned Osiris was very cautious and no one could get near him. He only hoped that Daniel hadn't lost faith in his friends because if he had then his return would be even harder then if he still believed that there was hope. 

He shook his head wondering how Daniel was doing. Was he still fighting Osiris or had he given up and surrendered? How was he being treated and what was his life now like? How would he behave upon being returned to Earth and would he want to return here or had he grown comfortable with the life he now led? He didn't want to believe that Daniel had grown relaxed as a slave but after serving for a year that was a very big possibility. He knew that when Daniel returned he would need much help from his friends to heal and to recover from such a lengthy captivity and he was prepared to give Daniel all the time he needed to do just that. 

He glanced up realizing that he stood outside the door to the control room and briefly wondered just how long he had been standing there lost in thought. He shook his head deciding it didn't matter how long and quickly entered the control room requesting, "Dial the planet of P47-O89." 

"Sir, are you sure that..." 

"That is a direct order. We are not giving up on him. Now dial those coordinates." 

"Yes, sir." 

They both watched in tense silence as the computer began the dialing sequence. Both of them were holding their breaths and praying that this time they could connect, praying that they would one day be able to surmount a rescue for their still missing archaeologist. As the seventh chevron began to dial they both stared unblinking feeling a false hope coming head to head with the need for this to be the one time when... 

"Seventh chevron...locked...locked? It locked sir!" 

Hammond stood motionless blinking unbelieving at the computer screen. Seventh chevron locked? He tossed another order quickly over his shoulder hoping his voice would carry, "Page SG-1 and tell them to report immediately to the briefing room. We're bringing our boy back home!" 

"YES!" 

 

* * * *

 

Sam lifted her head when a page resounded over the speakers for SG-1 to report to the briefing room stat. She was uncertain as to what exactly was happening. She put down what she had been working on and made her way there running into Teal'c and the Colonel along the way. She quickly asked, "Sir, we weren't supposed to have a meeting or anything were we...?" 

"No Carter, we weren't." 

"So what's going on?" 

"Let's go find out." 

As they entered the briefing room Hammond greeted each of them with a smile on his face. As they took their places around the table he began, "Welcome SG-1 I have another mission for you..." 

"Sir I thought..." 

"I know that I granted each of you personal leave but this is a very important mission. I need the three of you to be geared up and ready to go by 0800 hours." 

Jack stared at the General perplexed before managing, "What?" 

Carter interrupted, "That's an hour from now General may I ask..." 

Hammond nodded continuing to gaze at each person on his prize team feeling the palms of his hands sweating and his heart racing as he prepared to fill them in on why they were drafted for an important mission on such short notice, "I understand that, Major, but I need the three of you to be geared up and ready." 

"But General..." 

"Your mission will be to the planet designated as P47-O89." 

Jack sat up straighter and his mouth fell open hanging agape as he somehow managed to stutter, "P...P...P47...but that's... We..." 

Hammond's smile broadened further as he noticed the mix of anxiousness and excitement now running rampant amongst the remaining members of SG-1. He nodded his head as he answered, "We're bringing him home, Jack. We made contact a few minutes ago. We're bringing him home. I want your team geared up and ready to leave for a search and rescue mission. Your job is to go in, find him and extract him. Your objective is to bring Daniel Jackson back home using whatever means necessary to do so. Understood?" 

"Uh yes...yes, sir...yes." 

Jack gazed at his other two teammates looking a bit distracted and sporting one hell of a shitty grin that matched those of his other two teammates. They were going after him and they were bringing him back where he belonged. 

Hammond proceeded to fill them in more thoroughly noticing that none of SG-1 could sit still or focus. They were all excited, nervous and ecstatic all at the same time so he made the briefing as short as he dared before dismissing them and smiling to himself as he sent a silent thank you to the heavens along with a prayer that everything would work out. He then decided to alert Doctor Fraiser to ready herself and her staff for Doctor Jackson's return and to prepare her should he be injured in any way. Once done with that he headed to the control room whistling and smiling the entire way...


	16. An Unexpected Arrival

**PLANET OF BURSIRIS -- OSIRIS' PLANET**  
 **An Unexpected Arrival**

**Journal Entry:**

_I had to humiliate myself for him again today. Have I ever told you about some of_  
 _the things he makes me do for him? He loves rough sex...the rougher the better so_  
 _it is not unusual for me to wind up covered in bruises from mid-thigh to_  
 _stomach...bruises and bite marks. He's like a damned animal sometimes. He has a_  
 _thing for certain kinds of kink too. God if I could remember all the times he has_  
 _demanded I prove my allegiance to him by crawling for him in the damned_  
 _bedroom...God it makes me sick to think of all he has ordered me to do for him_  
 _and to him...crawling like a dog on all fours, humiliating myself for him by_  
 _stimulating myself on his command, being ordered to lay spread-eagle on the bed_  
 _and allow him to tie me up with rope or chain... God the things I've been made to_  
 _do in that room make me want to vomit. I just want to forget those things, forget_  
 _them all..._

_Please Jack, make me forget him, make me forget what he's done to me, help me to_  
 _forget, help me to cope, help me to continue living each day..._

_There were a few weeks where I felt almost normal. I felt renewed and ready to take_  
 _on the world but it wasn't very long before I desired to end it all over again. How_  
 _simple it would be to end it all now...one little slice across the main artery and that_  
 _would be that. It would be all over and I would finally be free..._

_Free of the evil that traps me here and torments me so..._

_FREE._

**End of Journal Entry**

 

Osiris sat upon his throne watching his favored with attentive eyes. The man was kneeling at his feet looking both elegant and beautiful. He held his head bowed in a proper show of submission to his lord and had his hands resting on his thighs as was expected of him. He smiled softly as he gazed upon his favored drawing immense pleasure from the opportunity to again simply look at him. As Zeenan entered the throne room he glanced at his First Prime catching his servant raising his head slightly. Daniel held his head bowed and kept his gaze trained on the floor, but he knew that his favored had heard Zeenan's approach and was now listening to what was going on around him. His smile broadened further before he directed his gaze towards Zeenan awaiting the man's explanation for why he appeared disturbed. 

Zeenan entered then bowed saying, "My Lord." 

"Yes Zeenan?" 

"The Tau'ri have been spotted at the Stargate." 

Osiris merely nodded before ordering, "Have them captured and brought before me." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Daniel swallowed hard, feeling embarrassment creeping up through his body and face. The Tau'ri were here? That meant that Sam, Jack and Teal'c were most likely here searching for him. Oh God, and Osiris requested they be brought before him? That meant that they would see him...in a less than favorable position kneeling at Osiris' feet collared. Shit! 

When they were alone yet again Osiris silently observed his slave. Daniel appeared very nervous and uncertain. He approached Daniel and gently commanded, "Stand." Daniel obeyed, rising to his feet. 

Osiris waited for Daniel to rise before gently pressing his hand to the side of Daniel's face speaking softly, "What is wrong, my precious? I thought that you would be pleased to see your friends again." 

Daniel didn't speak. He refused to comment or even look at the Goa'uld lord. Osiris became even more concerned, softening his voice further as he continued, "Daniel, please speak to me. Tell me what is worrying you so." 

"My Lord, I don't want my friends to become your prisoners..." 

"You care deeply for them." 

"Yes, I do." 

"This much I can see..." 

Zeenan interrupted just then as he spoke, "My Lord, the prisoners you requested brought before you." 

Osiris continued to watch Daniel now worried about him. He should be happy to see them, yet he seemed saddened. He also refused to lift his head even when the three prisoners were brought into the throne room. Osiris leaned towards Daniel quietly speaking, "Your friends will be fine. I assure you that no harm will come to them. Now please conduct yourself as you have been trained." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

As Osiris turned to focus on the newest prisoners now on their knees before him he was not surprised to see Colonel O'Neill quickly rise and attempt to attack when he noticed that Daniel Jackson now stood by his side. Zeenan was quick to subdue him. A very angry O'Neill temporarily remained submissive, but Osiris knew that the man was outraged. His eyes never drifted from Daniel for even a second. 

Osiris approached the three new prisoners smiling at O'Neill as he purred, "Colonel O'Neill, it is a pleasure to finally meet you face to face." 

Jack glared icily at Osiris as he replied, "Wish I could say the same." 

Then his focus was once again directed towards Daniel. He observed O'Neill and Daniel, and as the younger man lifted his head for the first time to look at O'Neill he saw anger and rage enter the Colonel. 

Jack focused on Daniel, feeling angry that he would be made to stand so meekly beside the Goa'uld lord. He wondered what the hell Daniel had suffered since his capture and found himself worrying when the man failed to look up. As he snapped at Osiris he saw Daniel raise his head. The first thing he saw made him so angry that he balled up his fists and gritted his teeth: Daniel standing there before him wearing a damned collar. A gold collar encircled his gorgeous neck. On the front of the collar was the mark of Osiris. He continued to scan Daniel's body feeling rage continue to flood him as he noticed the armbands the man wore also held Osiris' mark and the final item was a damned chastity belt...gold and marked likewise with Osiris' seal. Damned son of a bitch must've had a chastity belt made for Daniel with his insignia on it...bastard! As he continued to scan Daniel's body he noticed that he was seriously lacking any other items of clothing. If not for the damned chastity belt the man would be naked. Daniel's body shimmered in the light making his skin sparkle and shine...obviously some type of oil was rubbed into his skin to make it glow. He also noticed that Daniel's hair was now longer, a little past shoulder length, and he looked very healthy for someone who had been held a prisoner for a year. 

Osiris watched O'Neill gazing to his left and followed it to the source...of course O'Neill was watching Daniel Jackson. He was looking at Daniel intently. Osiris turned towards Daniel giving the non-verbal cue for him to approach. Daniel responded instantly to the discrete command by moving to take position beside the Goa'uld lord. He could no longer maintain eye contact with Jack and had his gaze once again directed at the floor beneath him. Osiris grinned at O'Neill before moving closer to Daniel making sure that he had the Colonel's full and undivided attention. He casually reached over to gently brush Daniel's hair off of his forehead. He continued to smile as he then casually slid that same hand behind Daniel's neck choosing to run his fingers through the golden tresses. Daniel couldn't stall his automatic response after spending months serving the Goa'uld lord in whatever form he commanded of him. As Osiris ran his fingers through his hair Daniel automatically moaned in pleasure closing his eyes as he felt the beginning stirrings of desire within. Osiris turned to O'Neill seeing nothing but deep-seated rage there. He merely smiled broader then leaned up to press his lips against Daniel's. As his lips captured Daniel's the man responded immediately returning the kiss with just as much fervor as Osiris placed in his own. 

Jack watched in shock, horror and surprise as Osiris stroked Daniel drawing a moan from him. When he proceeded to kiss Daniel pulling a response from the young linguist Jack could take no more. He jerked to his feet yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" 

Daniel broke the kiss upon hearing Jack's outraged cry feeling instantly ashamed of his automatic response to Osiris' touches and caresses. He felt like a damned whore for responding so openly to his captor in front of his friends and lover. He could no longer look at Jack as guilt flooded him. He feared that to look at Jack now would only show him just how disgusted his lover was with him. God, Jack probably would want nothing to do with him now believing that he desired Osiris more than him. He couldn't bear to see the hurt and condemnation in his lover's eyes. He listened as Teal'c calmed Jack down before Zeenan drove Jack to his knees again. 

Osiris smiled at O'Neill as he ran his fingers through Daniel's hair again pulling more delicious responses from the man with the simple touch. He had trained Daniel very well for the man could not help but respond automatically to his caresses and stroking. His responses were instant...a result of having to succumb and give himself over to his master any time his lord desired to have him. Osiris turned back to O'Neill grinning wickedly as he spoke, "Have I introduced you to my most favored? I believe you have already met..." 

Jack wanted to wrap his hands around the damned snake's neck and just squeeze! What the hell did the bastard do to Danny to get him to respond so damned openly and so damned immediate to his touch? He expected Daniel to cringe from those touches not willingly accept them and respond to them. He snapped, "You fucking snake I'll..." 

"SILENCE, O'NEILL! Do not speak until spoken to...! Now as I was saying...I believe you are already acquainted with my favored. He has truly been a wonderful servant to me...so full of passion and so full of life. He has pleased me in many, many ways..." 

Daniel swallowed hard before speaking, "My Lord, please..." 

Osiris chuckled as he continued, "He has learned how to conduct himself very admirably. He has truly been a treasure...so spirited, so exciting, so irresistible, so alluring, so passionate..." 

Daniel felt an embarrassing flush warm his face and continued to focus on Osiris pleading with the Goa'uld lord using his eyes and speech, "My Lord, I beg of you...please stop this." 

Osiris did not miss the signs of pain and shame burning in his servant's vivid blue eyes. He was hurting Daniel immensely by taunting O'Neill. He instantly felt ashamed for causing his favored to become upset. He spoke in Goa'uld quietly addressing Daniel, "I shall cease for I can see that my words are causing you much pain, my precious Daniel. I am sorry." 

He reached up to press his hand tenderly against Daniel's right cheek cupping his face in his hand. Daniel turned into that hand before lowering his eyes and replying, "Thank you, My Lord." 

Sam glanced nervously at Jack wondering what the hell was going on. Daniel seemed rather upset and Osiris was treating him as if he...loved him. She glanced at Teal'c noticing that the Jaffa had cocked his head to the right and was watching the exchange in puzzlement. He obviously understood what was being said but had yet to enlighten her or the Colonel. 

Osiris continued questioning softly still in Goa'uld, "My precious one tell me truly...are you happy here or do you wish to return with those now present?" 

Daniel responded also speaking in Goa'uld, "My Lord, I have no need to answer your question for you already know the answer." 

Osiris remained silent for a moment contemplating Daniel's words before he continued, "I feared as much. Your Colonel O'Neill has come for you." 

"Yes." 

"I fear I must now make a very difficult decision..." 

Osiris turned to face his newest prisoners aware that the Jaffa understood every word of their exchange yet still said nothing to the others. He focused on Jack O'Neill as he said, "Colonel O'Neill, as much as I would enjoy making you suffer I do not wish to cause Daniel any further pain..." 

"Then let him go!" 

Osiris glanced at Daniel again before removing his hand from Daniel's face. He carefully pushed some hair off of Daniel's temple before continuing, "You should feel very honored." 

"WHAT?" Jack was now confused as he stared at the Goa'uld suspiciously. Osiris continued, "I may have possessed Daniel these past several months but only you possess his heart, Colonel O'Neill. Only you possess his soul and only you have his undying love and devotion..." 

Jack didn't know what to say or how to even begin to react to those words. He could only stare as Osiris continued, "I knew from the moment I captured him that his heart belonged only to you. Yet I still wanted to possess him, to own him and to control him. Even while resting beside me it is you he has always called for. It has been you he has cried out for when in pain or in need. It has been you he has called to late into the nights while he was asleep. You were always, still are always, in his thoughts, in his dreams, in his soul... Many times when he was pleasing me he would call out for you to come to him. Daniel's love is as strong for you now as it was when I first captured him. You are truly lucky to have won the heart of such an amazing creature and such a brilliant man. Know this...Daniel has warmed my bed; he has pleased my host and I many times. He did not do so willingly, but he responded to us nonetheless. Do not feel betrayed or angry because Daniel was made to please me in bed as well as whenever I desired him. A long time ago I wanted him to warm my bed...He refused so I became desperate... In an attempt to get his willingness and cooperation I...did something that I now regret..." 

Daniel spoke in English this time drawing the attention of his friends as he interrupted, "My Lord..." 

Osiris gently pressed his fingers across Daniel's mouth to silence him. He focused on Daniel as he spoke in Goa'uld, "My precious one, please allow me to explain these things to your Jack. He must understand for I will not allow him to reclaim you if he cannot forgive you." 

Daniel stared at Osiris in shock and surprise at the comment. He heard Jack again cursing and Teal'c quieting O'Neill by telling him that everything was all right. Osiris then turned to Zeenan saying, "Zeenan, please escort Daniel to our chambers. He does not need to be present any longer. Have My'la help him bathe and dress." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

Zeenan approached Daniel and Osiris continued, "Go with Zeenan. He will help you." 

"No." 

"Please. You do not need to remain here with me. I am setting you free." 

"What? But why? Why now?" 

Osiris turned to face Daniel completely gently cupping Daniel's face in his hands. He spoke softer still in Goa'uld as he answered, "Because it is what you desire. You have never truly been happy here. You have served me well and have taught me much. I will be forever grateful for all of your help and your companionship. I shall never forget you. There is nothing that I would like more than for you to remain with me but you do not belong here Daniel. You belong with your friends and your people. I am sorry for all the pain and suffering I have put you through. I hope, we hope, that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive us both..." 

"My Lord..." 

"Hush now. Are you going to tell me this is not what you wish?" 

Daniel glanced away briefly before responding, "No, My Lord." 

Osiris smiled tenderly before continuing, "I am letting you go, my precious one. You have earned your freedom. I should have never put you through so much suffering and so much pain. You belong with your people. You belong with your Jack. I wish you to go now, return to your home and be happy..." 

"But My Lord...?" 

"Please accept my final gift to you." 

Daniel had no idea what to say or even how to respond. Osiris was letting him go? He was setting him free? Why? What had made the Goa'uld lord change his mind about keeping him by his side? He didn't know what to even say so he settled for simply saying, "Thank you, My Lord." 

Osiris continued to cup Daniel's face in his hands. He turned to Zeenan saying, "Have the priest remove the collar and his chastity belt. Allow Daniel to bathe and dress him warmly. Then await my return..." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Daniel, I do not know how long we will be but I must speak with your Jack for I will not allow him to take you if he cannot forgive you for things that were out of your control. I do not wish any further harm to come to you." 

"My Lord, Jack would never..." 

"You have been gone a long time. He does not know all that you have sacrificed, all that you had to give up to survive from day to day. He may not be able to accept that the things you have willingly done for me were so you could survive and live to see another day. He may view our...mating as a betrayal of your love. I will not return you to a man who will leave you and harm you because he cannot and will not accept the truth. Do you understand?" 

"Yes, My Lord." 

"Go with Zeenan. I will come for you when the time is right." 

"What about my friends? What will happen to them?" 

"They will be released when you are. No one will harm them. I wish to speak with all of them. They must be made to understand. Do not worry so, Daniel. All will be well." 

Osiris then pulled Daniel's lips down on his own kissing him tenderly before breaking the kiss then pressing another one to his forehead. He then nodded to Zeenan stroking Daniel's hair lovingly before saying, "Goodbye my precious Daniel." 

Daniel spoke just as softly as he said, "Thank you, My Lord." He then focused on his friends as he informed, "Everything will be fine. I'll be back shortly." He turned walking beside Zeenan as they exited the room. 

Osiris watched them leave then tried to rein in his emotions. He heard O'Neill demanding, "What the hell did you say to him?" 

Teal'c spoke first, "O'Neill, everything will be well. You must listen to what Osiris has to say. It is very important that you listen and that you understand." 

"Teal'c, care to enlighten us? You speak Goa'uld so what the hell were they saying to each other?" 

"You must listen for all will be revealed to you shortly." 

"I must listen? NO!" 

"O'Neill you must..." 

"The hell I will!" 

Osiris became suddenly angry and turned to O'Neill demanding, "SILENCE! I hope that you do not treat Daniel the way you are now treating your friends." 

Jack unconsciously flinched at the sudden change in voice. Only moments before the Goa'uld lord was speaking so softly. Now anger reflected making his voice harsh, which was a bit unsettling. He still needed to know where Daniel went so he asked, "Where the hell did that Jaffa take him?" 

"You worry for his safety..." 

"HELL YEAH!" 

"You need not concern yourself. Zeenan would never harm Daniel and neither would anyone else in my palace or on board my vessels." 

"Yeah, right." 

"If they dared to they would suffer my wrath." 

"What did you do to Daniel?" 

Osiris held O'Neill's gaze growing frustrated with the man. He then continued, "Instead of being so concerned about what I did to your friend you should be asking about him and how he is doing. You are so concerned about what happened to him but not how he is right now." 

"You'd lie to me anyway." 

"No, I would not. Daniel has been treated very well by my people, my guards and by me. His status is one of high honor. The position of most favored is one of the highest ranked positions in any legion. He was taught how to carry himself like a Goa'uld, how to behave like a system lord and how to address those both above and below him. He had to conduct himself with excellence always for he attended me wherever I went. His status, his position, demanded his constant presence wherever I went..." 

"Still doesn't tell me what you did to him." 

“If you insist on focusing on anything but Daniel he will remain here with me always for I will not return him to someone who cannot accept him for who and what he was and for who and what he now is. If you cannot forgive Daniel he will remain with me..." 

"There's nothing to forgive!" 

"Yes, you are correct. Yet we can see that you have much difficulty in accepting him for whom he now is. We are not blind, O'Neill, for we saw the hurt and the jealousy in your eyes when I told you of how he came to our bed and served us..." 

"Us? What the hell is with the us?" 

"Us would be my host and I..." 

"She's dead." 

"No, Colonel O'Neill. Sarah is very much alive." 

"Right. You allowed your host to survive? I don't think so." 

Osiris lowered his head allowing Sarah to step forth. She looked at Colonel O'Neill for the longest time before speaking, "Colonel O'Neill, it confuses me as to why Daniel would give his heart to one such as yourself. You are very bitter and very angry. Even now you are struggling to listen to what Osiris has to say. What he has to tell you is very important. He is trying to explain to you some of the things Daniel has endured to survive while serving our lord." 

"Yeah, right." 

"Colonel, Osiris is very serious about Daniel and about protecting him. If he senses that you will not be able to accept Daniel into your life again, if he senses that you will cause harm to him then he will not allow him to leave with you..." 

"He won't allow it anyway!" 

Teal'c spoke, "O'Neill in the exchange you witnessed between Daniel Jackson and Osiris... Osiris granted Daniel Jackson his freedom." 

"WHAT?" Now Jack was staring in disbelief towards Teal'c. He couldn't believe what Teal'c was saying, but he knew that the man would never lie. All he could utter was, "Why would he do that?" 

Sarah continued, "Because he loves him enough to let him go. He knew that Daniel was not happy here. He has always known Daniel's heart was with you. He told Daniel to return to Earth with all of you and to have a happy life with you, Colonel..." 

"Teal'c, is that true?" 

"It is." 

Sarah interrupted, "Of course it's true." 

"Why?" 

"Daniel... Osiris grew very fond of Daniel. He respects and loves Daniel deeply but knows that he does not, nor will he ever, reciprocate that love. Daniel has come to mean a lot to many of Osiris' followers and slaves. He will be greatly missed if he is to go with you..." 

"What the hell happened to him?" 

She sighed in frustration grumbling about how she couldn't speak with O'Neill any longer. Osiris returned, "Again you are more concerned about the past than about the present. I will tell you what he has endured but there are some things you must know now...Daniel's health is very good but mentally there are some...issues that have recently arisen." 

"Issues? Such as?" 

"He has been having a lot of nightmares lately. He often awakes terrified. Sarah has told me that they revolve around the goddess Nirrti and the god Dionysus." 

"Excuse me?" 

Osiris focused intently on Colonel O'Neill hoping that he was making the correct decision by sending Daniel back with O'Neill. He continued, "We had negotiations with Dionysus and Nirrti in the past. They did not go as planned. Both took an intense interest in my favored and made no attempt to conceal their desires. I always kept Daniel locked in chastity. He remained in chastity most of the time except when I...set him free. He was kept safer that way and the device said more about his status than his collar did. Many who were interested in him became discouraged when they saw the device. Daniel did not seem all that uncomfortable wearing it. The only thing that truly bothered him about having to wear it was that I owned the keys to it and not you..." 

Jack blushed furiously uncertain how to even respond to that last comment. All he could muster was, "Uh, yes, um...back to the nightmares." 

"Yes...Nirrti has been invading his dreams. She...we had a meeting with her and Thoth several weeks ago and she could not keep her eyes off of Daniel even when we went to some...extreme lengths to discourage her interest. He said that you had several scrapes with her in the past, so perhaps this is where his anxiety is rooted." 

Osiris glanced up as My'la entered the room holding a box in her hands. He knew what was contained in the box. She approached saying, "My Lord, here is Daniel's book. I am certain that he will be wanting to take it with him when he leaves us." 

"Thank you, My'la." 

He accepted the book wrapping his arms around it before approaching Jack again. He stared at O'Neill for the longest time torn between wanting to keep the journal and delivering it into the hands of the one Daniel had requested receive it. After some debate he slowly extended the book towards Jack saying, "He will be wanting to take this with him." 

Jack stared at the box with a mix of rage, anger and confusion. He was trying to figure out just what the hell the box was until Osiris broke the silence by informing him that Daniel would want to take it with him. Before he could stop himself he asked, "What is it?" 

"A gift that I gave to him long ago." 

It was a gift from Osiris? Ah, hell no! Why would Daniel want to hold on to something like that? He quickly snapped, "Keep it. We don't want it." 

"He will want this. Take it and give it to him." 

"Why would Daniel want to keep anything that reminds him of you?" 

Sam gasped before speaking sharply, "Colonel, what are you doing?" Was he crazy? Why was he snapping at the Goa'uld lord? He needed to take whatever was in that box and shut his mouth. The last thing they needed was for O'Neill's sarcasm to anger Osiris and cause him to reconsider releasing their friend. What was wrong with him? She watched the two silently urging the Colonel not to say anything else and to just take what the snake was trying to give him. Sam nearly cringed as Jack continued still as sarcastic as hell, "He won't want that." 

She quickly interceded determined to prevent the stand off between the Colonel and Osiris from exploding, "I'll take it. I'm certain that Daniel will want it." 

Osiris glanced at her briefly before focusing intently on Jack and continuing still in a voice of determination, "I know that he will... Colonel, Daniel has made very few requests of me in his time here but he had intentions for this particular gift..." 

"Intentions? Right..." 

Osiris glowered at the Colonel angry at the man's lack of concern and lack of thought for the man he was supposed to love. He shook his head in disappointment wondering what Daniel Jackson ever saw in the man before him. He then added, "He requested that if anything happened to him while he remained with me that I get this to you somehow. Colonel, this gift is very important to him and he desperately wanted you to have it if anything happened, so I am now giving it to you. You may give it to him when you return to your world." 

Osiris extended the book again but Jack made no attempts to accept the gift. Osiris was deeply saddened by the Colonel's response. He spoke softly, "I believe you must read this to understand him better. In this box is a ...journal he kept while here. He often wrote in it. It helped him to cope with what was happening both around and to him. He requested it be given to you..." 

Sam questioned in surprise, "It's a journal?" 

"Yes." 

All of a sudden the gift didn't seem so sinister to Jack. A journal...a journal of the time his love spent here. Osiris was right Daniel would want to keep such a gift. He slowly reached for it nodding when Osiris placed it in his hands before glancing away. He became puzzled by that reaction. Osiris obviously didn't want to give up the journal, yet he did so saying that it had been intended for him all along. He suddenly found himself wondering just what was inside the thing. What had Danny written about during his long months of captivity as Osiris' slave? Could he ever read the journal knowing that some of the things inside were not going to be pleasant? He pulled the journal to his chest before quietly replying, "Thank you...I'm sure he will want to keep this." 

Osiris focused on him briefly merely nodding his head in response. He approached My'la and quietly asked, "Where is Daniel now?" 

"He is with the priest, My Lord. He will be returning shortly." 

"See to it that he is being taken care of." 

"Yes, My Lord." 

He dismissed the female servant with a shake of his head before turning again to focus on the Tau'ri now with him. He hoped that he was doing the correct thing for Daniel. He hoped that Jack O'Neill would understand why Daniel did the things he had to while under his care and protection. If Colonel O'Neill couldn't accept that Daniel had to make some huge sacrifices then he might end up harming the young man severely. He hoped that the Colonel would take the time to read the journal. He hadn't read any of it himself, but he was certain that many of the passages were written to O'Neill and many discussed the feelings, emotions and sacrifices Daniel had to make to survive while under his care.

 

* * * *

 

Jack raised his head as he caught sight of his lover reentering the throne room. He tensed when he noticed that a golden collar no longer adorned his lover's throat. The marks of Osiris were now gone and he was now fully clothed. He had shoes on his feet and his glasses were on his face. Jack felt his palms sweat, his heart beat race and fear travel through him. Osiris was releasing Daniel, all the evidence was there but why would the Goa'uld lord so willingly give his slave freedom? He watched in silence as Daniel slowly approached them still keeping his head bowed to the ground. Jack wanted to believe he was being released but was afraid to believe that Daniel's captor would leave him go. 

He silently observed the man approaching them, yet keeping some distance away from them. Instead of being happy about his release Daniel seemed afraid, very nervous and shy. What had happened to the confident man he once knew? What had happened to Daniel while he served the Goa'uld lord? He glanced up as Osiris spoke in English, "You are free to go, Daniel. Please be safe and happy." 

"Thank you, My Lord." 

The title drew everyone's attention except for Teal'c who expected it for a favored was to always show his lord respect, which was something well ingrained in them. Teal'c watched as the Goa'uld lord smiled then nodded at Daniel indicating that he could leave. Osiris turned to his guards and spoke in rapid Goa'uld ordering them to allow Daniel and his friends to leave. 

Zeenan entered and spoke with Osiris before joining Daniel. He smiled softly uttering several things to Daniel, who nodded before casting a hesitant glance at Jack and translating, "Zeenan will accompany us to the Stargate..." 

"No." 

"Yes, Jack, he will." 

"Daniel, do you...?" 

"Jack, he's my friend and I want him to come." 

"Your friend? He's Osiris' First Prime, he..." 

"No, Jack." 

He turned to Zeenan switching again into Goa'uld before falling silent and informing, "We can go now." 

Jack didn't like Osiris' First Prime accompanying them. He also didn't like how Daniel remained by Zeenan's side as if he were afraid to be without him. As he observed the two he noticed how at ease Daniel was with him and wondered about the history between the two. He was very glad to see the Stargate when they finally approached it. He turned to cast a glance at Daniel seeing that he was again speaking with Zeenan in fluent Goa'uld, which unnerved him. It would seem his lover now could speak another language fluently. 

Daniel turned to Zeenan as he smiled then said, "I am nervous, Zeenan." 

"Relax Daniel, you are finally going home." 

"Yes but..." 

Zeenan gently grasped Daniel's upper arms asking, "Why are you so worried? This you have wanted and longed for, my friend. Your lord found it in his heart to set you free. He did not do so easily." 

"I...I know. I...I cannot believe he did so." 

"You have showed him that if you love another it is better to set them free. You were not happy here, Daniel. You have not been happy for a very long time. Lord Osiris knows this and understands. He wants you to be happy, Daniel. Accept the gift your lord has bestowed upon you. I...will miss you." 

"I will miss you, my friend. Thank you...for everything." 

"It has been an honor to serve with you, Daniel. Thank you for showing your compassion to me and teaching me how to become more compassionate as well. You will be greatly missed my friend. Many have come to respect you and to accept you as their master. It will take much time for everyone to accept your absence. Know that you will always have a home with us and you will always be honored by us. You have taught our lord many wonderful things and all have become better because of you." 

Daniel blushed before shaking his head and saying, "No, I did not do all of that..." 

"Again you do not realize just how special you are, Daniel." 

Daniel glanced anxiously around at the other three people waiting for him. Teal'c he knew understood their words but Sam and Jack were both at a loss. He noticed the irritation in Jack's face and had a sudden inkling that maybe he was a bit jealous. Jack jealous? He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind before focusing once again on his Jaffa friend. He then smiled and said, "Take care of yourself Zeenan." 

Zeenan nodded his head then said, "I will miss you, Daniel. Please be happy." 

Daniel nodded then without thought he pulled Zeenan into a hug saying, "I have always hated goodbyes. Thank you for all of your help, all of your insight and all of your support. I will never forget you, Zeenan. You have been a wonderful friend. Your brother would have been proud of you." 

Zeenan broke into a smile of his own as Daniel said those words then said, "I believe you are correct." 

"And don't give up on Ny'la...go find her and be happy. She is the one you love still and you should go to her. If she loves you as much as you said then she will be able to forgive you for what has happened. I do not believe our lord would be opposed to the union any longer for he fell in love with a servant himself, or so Sarah has told me." 

"Yes he is still in love with that servant, Daniel, and he will never forget the one who holds his heart still. You must go and be happy." 

Daniel nodded then pulled from the Jaffa turning towards the Stargate. He kept his gaze cast towards the ground not wanting the others to see the tears threatening to spill over. He instead responded, "I'm ready." 

Jack continued to watch his lover feeling his jealously and anger rising. Daniel seemed pretty damned close with that Jaffa. Had the two been lovers? He glanced again at the First Prime and felt his rage build as he saw the look of tenderness, concern and care in the man's eyes for his Danny. He clenched his hands into fists as he quickly ordered, "Carter dial us up." 

"Yes sir." 

When the Stargate activated Sam and Teal'c headed through first then he started up the ramp stopping when Daniel paused to turn and focus on the First Prime giving him that damned smile that was meant only for him before waving and turning towards the gate once again. He tried not to let his anger get the best of him forcing himself to stop wondering what kind of relationship his lover had with Osiris' First Prime. He focused on feeling happy and relieved that Daniel was finally coming home. He watched Daniel as the man turned and slowly headed towards the Stargate apprehension screaming in his every move. As he stepped up beside the man Daniel cast him a shaky smile before stepping into the event horizon. He turned towards the Jaffa as the man spoke several words in Goa'uld to him. He would remember those words for the rest of his days certain that they were words uttered for Daniel. Damn it! Pushing his anger to the back of his mind he followed Daniel through the Stargate prepared to be there to offer support should his friend need it.


	17. The Return

**THE RETURN**  
 **Living With Change**

As Daniel exited the Stargate with Sam, Jack and Teal'c he felt very nervous and afraid. How would everyone react to him now? He had been gone a very long time. He had been imprisoned with Osiris and had served as his personal slave. He was certain the SGC had received reports on him. They had probably learned of his location through the Tok'ra. They knew that he had been a captive, a prisoner of a Goa'uld lord, so how would they react to him knowing he had spent so long in the company of Earth's greatest enemy? Would they treat him any differently or would he be treated the same as before? How would everyone react to his sudden appearance after such a lengthy absence? 

As he walked down the ramp he felt a mix of overwhelming relief and great hesitation. He was home, finally home. He had survived...again. He studied every inch of the embarkation room trying to commit the place to memory realizing only now just how much he had missed the mountain and those he worked with on a daily basis. He smiled shyly as cheers and claps resounded through the room when his presence was known. It felt wonderful to be home and as Hammond approached him smiling and welcoming him he truly felt as if he had made it back. He was back. 

It wasn't long before he caught sight of the petite doctor who was quickly at his side ordering him to the infirmary so she could examine him for injuries. As she began her quiet assessment of him he couldn't help but smile at Janet's mix of concern and relief. He quickly strove to reassure her answering her still unvoiced question, "Janet, I'm fine. I'm just glad to finally be home." 

She tilted her head to the side still assessing him as she softly inquired, "Really?" while casually touching his throat and pressing a light finger to the raw skin exposed on the side of his neck. He hissed in pain but said nothing. He thought for certain his now lengthy hair would have concealed the injuries left behind by the collar but nothing seemed to escape Janet Fraiser's eye. She spoke tenderly, "Well or not, Daniel, I want you in my infirmary on the double." 

He lowered his head shyly before answering, "Yes, ma'am." 

After the welcome home party started to thin out in the embarkation room Janet escorted Daniel into the infirmary. She urged him to have a seat on one of the beds speaking now in her sternest business tone, "I'd like to do a full examination just make certain that you don't have any serious injuries." 

"Okay." 

She softened her voice as she continued, "So I'm going to need you to remove your clothes, Daniel." 

He merely nodded before she added, "You can do so behind the curtain it's much more private." 

Daniel nodded once again before stepping behind the curtain to undress. When finished she brought him back into the room and did a private examination. She was happy with what she was seeing. Overall, Daniel was in rather good health. He appeared strong but she wondered just how he felt on the inside. He seemed to be all right, but one could never tell with Daniel Jackson, for he was so good at keeping a shield around his emotions. When she examined his groin and buttocks she noticed several dark bruises, some old and some new in the vicinity. She knew what those bruises indicated, but she wanted Daniel to tell her what had happened so she focused on him noticing how he held his head down refusing to make eye contact for even the briefest of moments as she gently questioned, "Where did the bruising come from, Daniel?" 

Daniel inhaled sharply as she questioned him about the bruises. He'd known that it would only be a matter of time before she asked. He was not very excited about providing her with the answer she sought. He was scared to death to reveal to anyone how he had allowed Osiris to use him sexually. What would she think of him after he told her his shameful secret? Would she understand or would she condemn him like he was already condemning himself for his betrayal of Jack? He knew that she wouldn't release him until she had his explanation so he tried to pull in the courage to reveal his dirty secret, "I...Janet I... I can't..." 

Janet watched him closely. She could tell that the last thing Daniel wanted to do was answer her question. She hated inquiring, but she needed to know just what happened to the man. She couldn't help him if she didn't know everything that had happened during his long months of captivity. She gently urged, "Please, Daniel..." 

"I..." 

She was certain that Daniel wasn't going to tell her what she wanted to know. He seemed very distraught over having to even speak of those injuries. She prodded, "Daniel, did you have any sexual relations while you were with Osiris?" 

Her answer came in the form of Daniel's arms rising to cross protectively over his chest as if to comfort himself. She watched him intently seeing the slight nod of his head as he gave her the answer she was seeking. She then calmed her voice and proceeded with caution knowing just how sensitive Daniel probably was about the entire issue, "I see..." 

Daniel continued to stare blankly at the floor. She could tell that he was beginning to shut down and was therefore a bit surprised when the man before her began to speak, "He...he liked it rough...the...the rougher the better... I, he...I had no choice. If he desired to...I had to provide readily and...and willingly or...or he would... I'm fine, Janet, really. You have no reason to be concerned." 

No reason to be concerned? What total bullshit! Daniel didn't look good at all. In fact, he looked scared, uncertain and depressed. Why did he always feel that he had to cover up his true emotions? She prepared to ask him the next question sure that she wouldn't get much of an answer, "Daniel, you were raped...weren't you?" 

"No. NO! Men don't... NO!" 

Janet concentrated on keeping her voice calm, soothing and supportive as she continued, "So you willingly gave yourself to him?" 

"Yes..." 

"You never said no?" 

"I couldn't...I...to refuse would bring about so much...I couldn't..." 

"Daniel, you were raped." 

"NO! I'M FINE! NO! I enjoyed it...I did!" 

Janet could feel her heart aching for the young man before her. He had been raped, probably a hundred times, maybe more, yet he continued to refuse to accept the fact. Instead of dealing with the rapes he was merely pushing them to the back of his mind and acting as if nothing had happened, as if he had willingly offered himself every single time and neglecting to remember that to deny Osiris would result in devastation. He had hinted at a threat that Osiris held over him but didn't reveal it...not yet anyway and she was determined to find out what that threat was for it had to have been very bad to force his hand in such a way and if the threat was that traumatic to him... She shook her head as she realized that her mind was wandering. She focused on Daniel again as she quietly questioned, "Did you?" 

"Yes..." 

"And afterwards?" 

"I forgot..." 

There it was...he forgot...he forgot afterwards. He wanted to forget because to remember the times he serviced Osiris would show to him, prove to him that he was raped and he didn't want to accept that at all. She softly said, "Daniel..." 

"No. Look, we had sex...often. My Lord expected it and I...I performed to his satisfaction. It was only sex, Janet, only sex." 

Janet continued to observe Daniel closely noticing how upset and anxious he now was. He said it was only sex, but she could tell that to Daniel it was more, much, much more. To Daniel having sex with another would make him believe that he had betrayed Jack O'Neill. The damage went deeper than what she was seeing in his non-verbal gestures...the damage went so much deeper, but she knew that he would conceal just how deeply he was scarred and had been affected by the months of being forced to have sex with his captor and being made to betray his lover again and again and again. Daniel always hid his true emotions, burying them deep so he didn't upset those around him. She shook her head as she continued, "I know you probably don't want to answer this but I need to know how..." 

Daniel interrupted her knowing the question she was asking and wanting to tell her before he lost his nerve to continue, "We did it almost every night, several times...I was required to perform certain acts for him almost every night... Most of those acts consisted of full-blown intercourse..." 

"And the bruises?" 

"He liked it rough. He was into...blood sports and things like that. He liked to...experiment... Sometimes, sometimes he would get off on...on watching me struggle against him... He had a thing for...restraints...but didn't use them as often as I sensed he wanted to." 

"Why?" 

"Because he knew that I didn't like it. He knew that when he...when he would do that sometimes I responded...badly..." 

"How badly, Daniel?" 

"Uh...panic...panic attacks...or...or fear...anger...um...mainly I'd panic and I think...I think that scared him...to see me panic...so he, so he rarely used restraints to... It was sex, Janet, and I learned...I forced myself to learn to enjoy it...I forced myself to crave it...to...I learned to draw pleasure from what he did to me." 

Janet swallowed hard not liking what Daniel had just revealed to her in the least. She had to force herself to block out images of Daniel in total panic straining against ropes that secured him to a bed so effectively that he was completely defenseless...and the man still refused to see that Osiris had raped him all those times? Oh Daniel, when you finally realize the truth of what happened it will tear you apart...God please let one of us be there to help him when that happens...please! 

Janet forced herself to focus once again on the questions she needed to ask as she hesitantly continued, "And if you hadn't succeeded in learning to enjoy it...?" 

Daniel focused on the floor as he spoke just loud enough for her to make out his words, "Then he would have succeeded in destroying me completely." 

Those words tugged at her heartstrings telling her more than the entire conversation ever could. It was obvious that Daniel had been raped often and that in order to survive he made himself draw pleasure from the assaults and firmly denied that rape even entered the picture. She suggested, "Daniel, I'd like you to speak with a friend of mine..." 

He glanced at her for the first time since beginning the present conversation as he spoke with certainty and conviction, "I don't need any help. I'm fine." 

"Daniel, you have been MIA for a year..." 

"It wasn't a year it was..." 

"Close enough... Look, if you refuse to speak with my friend then I'll have no choice but to..." 

"Have the General place me on stand down?" 

"Yes." 

"Oh...okay, but I don't need any help. I'm fine. I'm fine, Janet. I'm me..." 

Janet continued to cast a worry-filled glance his way knowing that he was anything but fine. She decided that Daniel needed just a slight nudge to accept that he was not fine and that he did need help, "Daniel, how much of yourself, of whom you are is still with your captor?" 

He jerked back as if he had been slapped and focused intently on her as he stuttered, "Uh, wha...what? Nothing ...nothing..." 

"Daniel earlier you referred to Osiris as your lord..." 

"Because he is..." 

Daniel shut his mouth as he realized he was about to name Osiris as his lord. Janet gently grasped his hand in hers giving it a warm, gentle squeeze as she softly reminded, "You no longer have a lord or a master, Daniel. You're free. You're home, yet part of you still remains with him." 

He didn't say anything only down casting his eyes because he didn't want to face the truth of her words. 

After silence stretched between them for several long minutes Daniel spoke up, "I'll see your friend but can I...may I go now?" 

Janet eyed him up knowing that she couldn't release him just yet and not exactly sure how to approach the next topic of discussion. She softened her voice further as she answered, "Not yet. I have a few more questions..." 

"Such as?" 

She lowered her gaze briefly before turning his hand over to reveal his wrist. As Daniel's own gaze fell to the light visible marks present there he inhaled sharply before turning away from her, finding himself unable to meet her eyes. 

Janet noticed his obvious discomfort and knew that she had to proceed with caution. She chose her words carefully as she dared to broach yet another topic Daniel would find difficult to discuss, "Tell me what happened..." 

Daniel said nothing only remained silent. He closed his eyes as his mind took him back to the day that he applied a knife to his wrist with the full intention of using it to expedite his own death. His first response was to assure her he was fine, "It was a long time ago, Janet. I'm fine now." 

"Daniel this is very serious. I need to know what happened and why you..." 

"The marks explain everything, Jan. I was lost, confused...I thought that I had been forgotten, that no one was coming for me, that Jack gave up...that everyone gave up so I decided..." 

"That it was time for you to also give up?" 

"Yes, but I didn't. I mean I'm here aren't I?" 

"That's not the point Daniel. I need to know if this is serious, if this could happen again, if I should subscribe something to..." 

Daniel focused intently on her as he replied, "No, no. There's no need to Janet. This happened a long time ago. I won't do it again. I'm fine, honestly." 

"And what if you feel you have no other option? What if..." 

Daniel spoke with conviction answering, "I won't do this again, Janet." 

"But..." 

"Trust me. Please?" 

She was hesitant knowing that a suicide attempt was an indication that one might try again if a situation became devastating. If stress became overwhelming then a person who tried to kill their self in the past would most likely select that option sometime in the future. She wanted to take Daniel on his word, and as she looked into the fathomless depths of those azure eyes she was certain that he was indeed being truthful with her. She felt relieved but kept the information in the back of her mind. While she didn't believe he would try to kill himself again she knew that as a doctor she had to prepare herself for such a possibility. Feeling confident enough to move off of that topic she proceeded onto the next, "Daniel, were you...beaten at any point during your captivity?" 

Daniel held her gaze as he swallowed hard before quietly responding, "He...lashed me for escaping several times..." 

She stared at him in surprise questioning, "Several times but..." 

Daniel nodded before answering her unvoiced question "He had a Goa'uld healing device that he used on me after each...punishment." 

"But you still have scars..." 

"I have a few, yes, but that is because he wanted to give me a reminder..." 

"A reminder?" 

"Of what happens to those who dare to escape from their owners. The scars were a punishment. Most were healed completely but not all. The remaining marks served as a reminder to me of my status and as proof to others that I was fully under My Lord's direct control and mastery." 

"I see." 

Daniel nervously licked his bottom lip wanting to leave the infirmary and becoming more anxious the longer he remained. He implored, "May I leave now, Janet? I really would like to...go if, if that's all right." 

Janet recognized Daniel's sudden edginess and sensed that if she pushed him for more answers right now that he would shut completely down. She decided to grant him his leave, determined to speak with him again in the very near future, "Yes, you're cleared." 

Daniel offered her a shy smile as he said, "Thank you." 

"Daniel, I want you to know that if you need anything...ANYTHING...all you have to do is ask and I'll help you. Please don't be afraid to ask, please." 

"I...I won't. Thanks Janet." 

She watched him leave thinking about the conversation they just shared and all the things Daniel had revealed to her. She knew that he was far from healed. He was putting on a front, a mask...acting as if he was perfectly fine and as if everything was normal when his whole life was obviously falling apart around him. She was positive that he wasn't even sure how to behave any more now that he was no longer under Osiris' direct control. Daniel had to learn to be himself all over again. She shook her head greatly saddened by all that Daniel had lost and all that he was still suffering through. All she could do was be there for him and with him. He needed his friends now more than ever before. He would need all of their combined strength to get him through this latest ordeal in his life. He needed his friends to be his wall of support through the lengthy process of healing. 

As Daniel approached his office he stopped before the door surprised to see that his name was still affixed to it. When he opened the door he had no idea how to even react. His office looked as if he had never left it and it was clean. It was cluttered but everything was clean as if someone took special care and time to make certain his office had remained clean even when its owner was MIA. He swallowed hard as he realized that he had obviously been missed after all. He slowly approached his desk and sat in his chair, closing his eyes as he allowed the realization to sweep over him that he was finally home. He was home...this wasn't a dream. Thank God it wasn't a dream. 

He sat in the silence of his office for the longest time just allowing himself to listen to all the sounds around him. This was where he belonged...at the SGC with his friends and with Jack. Jack...as he thought of his lover he felt his entire body tense. God Jack didn't know...he had seen Osiris arouse him in the throne room with a single touch...oh God, Jack probably hated him now. How he hated the way he had become so adept at being aroused at the drop of a hat as soon as the system lord placed a hand on his body. What must Jack think of him now? How had he felt when he had witnessed his instant reactions to the lightest of touches from his captor? Jack had to have suspected that the relationship he had with Osiris involved a certain level of sexual intercourse and sexual response. Jack must be hurting so badly now that the truth had been so coldly introduced to him. Osiris hadn't even allowed him the chance to explain to Jack about his automatic responses. Jack probably was ashamed of him now. 

He wrapped his arms around his body and drew his legs up into the chair feeling the need for comfort fill him. As soon as he drew his legs up he lowered his head pressing his eyes into his knee caps and allowing himself a moment of solace...a moment of comfort. He still felt so alone, even now; but how could one feel so alone when they were among friends? How could one feel so alone when they had finally made it home? He didn't feel as if he belonged here any longer. This felt so strange to him, being here, in this office felt almost...alien. He had spent so long with Osiris that he had grown used to that life and now he had to readjust to normal life all over again. How could he return to a normal life after everything that had happened to him over the past year? He was no longer the same person he had been when Osiris captured him. He was different inside and outside. He was no longer as confident as he had been. He was now afraid, so very afraid of everything...he was afraid of what people would now think of him, of what he had now become...he was afraid that Jack would no longer want him in his life. He was actually afraid to live. God, how could one be so afraid of normal life? How? 

He lost track of just how long he sat curled up in his office. He was startled as he heard his door open, but he still didn't raise his head. He hissed as a hand gently touched his shoulder. He suddenly wanted to scream feeling panic enter. It was a simple touch so why was he reacting so strongly to it? He spent months responding to Osiris' every touch and caress so what was different now? He was on Earth and all the fear and shame, the guilt and rage he managed to keep a tight lid on was now breaking free, threatening to overwhelm him. Before he realized it he quietly pleaded, "Don't...please don't...don't touch me..." 

"Shh, relax Daniel. It's just me...Sam. I wanted to speak with you but you... I want you to know that you're all right now. You're safe. I'm here for you. We're all here for you, Daniel." 

He inhaled shakily drawing comfort from her words but unable to voice it. Silence stretched between them like a valley before Sam spoke again, "If you need to talk to someone or you need anything...anything Daniel please feel free to come to me. I'm willing to listen and help. Please don't keep your feelings trapped inside. I know you've been gone a long time and I know how much it hurt you, how much it took out of you to do what you did to survive. You're free now, Daniel. You're free. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You don't have to be ashamed anymore. You don't have to shield yourself any longer. You're free. You're free to be who you are...free to be who you've become..." 

Who he'd become? Did Sam really understand how he was feeling? She must. He felt more at ease and opened his heart a crack, a tiny little sliver, allowing Sam to work her way into his defenses. The hand on his shoulder no longer felt threatening and no longer made him uneasy. He didn't know what to say to her so he settled for a simple, "Thank you, Sam." 

Sam smiled hearing a bit of the old Daniel in that voice. She knew it would take a long time for Daniel to heal. He was putting on a very good front. She had seen his front almost immediately though he'd only been back a short time for she had been there. Though the circumstances in her life were far, far less traumatic than Daniel's obviously were she still recognized that he was in full defense mode. She spoke softer, "Welcome back, Daniel." 

He didn't respond or even acknowledge that he'd heard her. He sat still for a moment then lifted his right hand and placed it over top of the hand Sam had placed on his shoulder. The gesture said more to her than words ever could...

 

* * * *

 

Jack was happy. He was relieved. He was glad to have Daniel back with him on Earth free of the Goa'uld lord determined to keep him enslaved. He was free. He was home and Jack O'Neill felt as giddy as a schoolboy to have him back in one piece alive, so very alive. He couldn't wait to finish up here, go to Daniel's office and carry him back to their home where he could hold him, love him, do a thorough exploration of his body to make certain that he wasn't injured anywhere and get reacquainted with his lover's soft silky, beautiful physique. He knew that he would have to take things slowly at first. He expected Daniel to be a bit skittish tonight but he was determined to help Daniel if he could, and he swore that he could help...it just might take a bit of time. 

As he walked down the hallway towards Daniel's office he paused when a feminine voice stalled his progression. He would've ignored her if it had been anyone else calling his name, but since it was Doctor Fraiser and he hadn't visited her since Daniel's return he stopped now curious and anxious to hear any news that she might have on his lover. He gave her his undivided attention, smiled and then asked, "What's up, Doc?" 

Janet focused on the Colonel. She needed to speak to him about Daniel and about the possible reactions he might have throughout the next several of months as he tried to readjust to his normal life. She nodded before saying, "Can we talk in my office, Colonel?" 

"Sure." 

Jack followed her into her office turning to close the door behind them. She then said, "Have a seat, Colonel." 

"What's this about?" 

"Daniel..." 

Jack stiffened as he asked, "What? What's wrong? Has something happened to Danny?" 

"Yes something has... Jack, he's been gone a long time and now that he's back there are some...issues we need to discuss." 

Jack felt relieved as he realized what this whole discussion was about. He reassured her, "Oh, don't worry Jan everything's fine." 

Janet pinned him with an austere gaze as she emphasized, "We need to have this discussion, Colonel." 

"I know what to expect..." 

"No I don't think you do. You have no idea what he went through and from my exam I can tell you that he is going to experience some trauma." 

"Why? What did the exam reveal?" 

She slid her gaze away from him momentarily before softening her voice further as she informed, "Jack, we don't know what happened to him. He has marks on his neck, abrasions consistent with..." 

"He was collared..." Jack could see the tension in her, which bothered him more than her words ever could. He continued to study her trying to work out why she seemed nervous all of a sudden. He felt the relief enter when she returned her gaze to his face and placed a hand over his own before speaking again, "Yes and that alone will create some problems for him. I'm assuming he wore the collar the entire time..." 

"Yes...the snake had it removed before we left." 

"I see. Jack do you have any idea what to expect?" 

"Yes Janet I do...I'm prepared." 

"Are you? Do you really believe that he has been victimized repetitively or do you believe that he allowed things to happen to him?" 

Jack fell silent looking at her through suspicious eyes. He didn't speak at first as his mind flashed back to earlier in the day when the snake had touched his lover and drew such passion from the man, when the snake kissed his Danny and Danny responded so openly and so willingly to the touch...when he smiled at Zeenan with that special smile that he had believed Daniel reserved only for him. He lowered his gaze as he felt his anger and jealousy reemerge as he wondered again if Daniel hadn't enjoyed just some of his time spent with Osiris and Zeenan. 

Janet watched the man before her tensing further when he failed to respond immediately. She knew what his silence implied and found herself becoming more worried for Daniel and his well-being. She couldn't allow the silence to go on so she continued, "Jack, I'm telling you this as a friend...be careful with him. He may seem as if he is unbreakable but that man is hurting Jack. He's suffered a living hell serving as a slave to a Goa'uld lord. He'll probably have difficulty even adjusting to his normal life...his life has been changed. You need to accept that Daniel is not the same man who left here a year ago. He spent the last year imprisoned by a Goa'uld lord doing what he could to survive. None of us know what all he had to do, what all he had to sacrifice to stay alive. None of us can judge him and none of us has the right to expect him to be the same person he once was. This whole abduction has changed him, Jack. He's no longer the same as he once was. You have to remember that and you have to remember that healing takes time, and though you may feel Daniel has nothing to heal from you can't say that or make such a judgment because the truth is that you just don't know what he went through. No one knows what he went through and none of us can understand what he went through. I'm telling you, Jack, he will need all of our help and strength to get him through the next few months." 

"I...I know..." 

"Jack I need to warn you not to push him. I know the two of you are lovers and I know you probably want nothing more than to take him to bed and reclaim him as your own, but you can't do that. I'm warning you now that if you attempt to push him into having any sexual relations with you or push him to become intimate too soon you could cause irreparable damage to his mental health. Expect him to be jumpy around you and scared, expect him to be nervous as hell and anxious. Jack you don't know how he will react to you or to intimacy on any level. You have to remember that he has been gone for a long time and in that time much has happened to him. We don't know what all has happened so expect the unexpected. You have to be very understanding and patient with him, Jack. For all we know a simple touch could send him into a panic attack. The truth is we don't know how this whole abduction has affected him and we don't know what happened to him. You have to understand that though he may seem as if he wasn't traumatized he was. Anyone who is abducted against his will and made a slave overnight will experience trauma of some kind or another. You have to understand it and you have to expect it, be prepared for it. Do you understand what I'm saying?" 

"Yeah." 

"I can't stress this enough, Jack. You have got to be patient and understanding with him and you have got to remember that such a lengthy absence has created some trauma. Please be very careful how you react to him and behave around him. He's probably very sensitive right now and I guarantee you that he is feeling vulnerable. He's confused, uncertain, afraid and anxious..." 

"Doc?" 

"Yes?" 

"You're repeating yourself." 

She paused before continuing, "I just want to be sure, to make certain that you understand what I'm trying to tell you, Jack." 

"I understand Janet. I do. I've been there. I know probably better than anyone else how difficult this is going to be for him. I know. Trust me I know what to do." 

"Oh I trust you, Jack, and I believe that you would never purposely hurt Daniel for any reason, but I also know that this is all new for you. You are not the one hurting and suffering now. You are not the one who was abducted and held captive this time. You aren't the victim here you're the supporter. You are now in your wife's place. You are the one who will see the effects up close and personal that this lengthy captivity has had on Daniel. He can pretend he is perfectly fine here. He can pretend that everything is like it has always been here, and he will do that. He already IS doing that. It's a defense mechanism. Convince everyone that he's perfectly all right and that nothing ever happened to him when we all know something has. Here he can do that. He is strong enough to keep up that mask here and will probably do so at all costs. It's at home, after work, in the late night hours, during the weekends...where that shield will slip because he feels safest at home...with you. He will need you to hold him late into the night. He'll need you to do nothing else but hold him. He needs to know that you're there and that you're willing to stand by him and support him even when he can't reveal anything to you. He needs your steadfast support not your pity and definitely not your scorn. You can't expect him to tell you everything that happened to him on demand. He has to want to share it, to feel comfortable enough to share his inner most secrets with you. He has to be able to trust you, to speak to you about what happened to him. Without trust he can't open up and despite what you may think that man has been stripped bare, stripped to the core, stripped of his safety, his comfort, his pride, his faith... He has been stripped of his trust. He has to learn to trust all over again and if you harm him, if you deny him, if you refuse to accept him and love him for whom he now is then you risk damaging his ability to trust permanently. Don't do that to him, Jack. Don't destroy what's left of that man's beautiful soul." 

"I won't do that Janet." 

"You don't know what you may do. Being a victim is very hard being a supporter of that victim is even more difficult. It won't be easy for either of you. You have to be willing to support him even when he completely shuts you out. You have to be willing to support him even when he grows angry and outraged for no apparent reason, even when he starts to cry and can't explain why he's doing it. Jack you have been in his place. You know what it's like to suffer, to be a victim but you have very little experience being someone's supporter and lover when they have been crushed and used so often that they are lost and can't find themselves, when they're so completely lost that they don't even remember who they are anymore. Please be careful with him. Don't fail him Jack or he will be lost not only to himself but to all those who love him." 

Jack nodded swallowing hard before answering, "I will, Janet. I won't let anything hurt him." 

"Jack, you can't protect him or shield him from the pain and the suffering that comes along after a traumatic experience enters one's life. You can't protect his feelings or shield him from the lasting effects and damage this abduction has created within him. You can't shield him all you can do is love him, be with him, support him, care for him and listen to him. Don't walk away from him and don't shove him away or you risk damaging him even more. He will probably be clingy or distant. He will be one or the other and he will also sway between the two. He has been gone a year and he has spent that year as a slave doing as another has bid him, having no free will of his own unless his captor granted it to him. He has served a year as a slave and servant to another. He will struggle to regain his independence back and it will scare the hell out of him. He will feel odd and uncomfortable here. He might possibly wish to return to Osiris...not because he wants to but because he's afraid to take back his life. He will probably always be afraid that someone could snatch him up and shatter his life all over again. His anxiety will be heightened, his nervousness will be heightened...he will probably be suspicious of people and their motives and he will be worried and afraid that people can see that he is a victim. Jack you must remember that though he looks unharmed and unaffected by the events of the past year that underneath, inside, he has been greatly affected he's just too afraid to reveal how much this abduction has changed him. He may be fearful of you leaving him or abandoning him or hating him for what he had to do to survive with Osiris. You must always remember that though he seems perfectly fine on the outside he truly isn't." 

"I understand, Janet. I do. Can I go now? Please?" 

"Jack this is VERY important." 

"I know. I know and I understand believe me I do. I just want to take him home now. I want to get him home where he'll be safe and comfortable. I'm sure he wants to go home." 

She nodded her head understanding his request, but she couldn't leave him go just yet. There was one more topic they had to discuss, "Uh Jack..." 

"Yes?" 

"There is one more thing I need to speak to you about." 

"Which is?" 

"I spoke with Daniel earlier when I examined him. He's healthy physically but... I suggested that he see a doctor friend of mine. He...I want him to see her and I told him that I was going to talk to General Hammond about making it a requirement..." 

"Making what a requirement?" 

"That he see her and speak to her. I'm not saying he has to visit with her daily, but I do want him to see her at least once." 

"Okay." 

"Can you make sure that he at least meets with her for one session. He said that he would see her but only after insisting repetitively that he didn't need any help and that he's fine. Fine or not I want him to see her and if he refuses I will have the General place him on stand down until he does meet with her. Can you make sure that he visits her at least once? I told him he didn't have to see her regularly but that I wanted him to...meet her and talk with her." 

"Yeah sure Janet. I can do that." 

"Thank you, Colonel." 

"Am I excused now?" 

"Yes you can go now but Jack if you need anything...anything even if it's just someone to talk to then please don't hesitate to call me. Even supporters need to talk freely and vent." 

Jack paused smiling softly at her before thanking her and leaving the room. He then made his way to Daniel's office determined to collect his lover and take him back home where he truly belonged. 

 

* * * *

 

He was alone again and as he gazed upon the walls of his office he tried to focus on anything but his sordid thoughts. What was he going to do? What was he supposed to do? How the hell was he ever going to fit back into his life when he had spent the last several months in indentured servitude doing as his master commanded and seeing to his master's needs? How could he return to being the man he had once been? 

He rose to his feet and started to pace back and forth trying to figure out what to do with himself. He felt trapped, caged and so very frightened of everything. He had grown use to his life on Bursiris. Things were so very different here on Earth and he wasn't certain if he'd ever be able to fit back in here again after being gone for so long. 

Daniel lost track of the time as he continued his incessant pacing only stopping when his lover's voice broke his silence, "Daniel...Daniel..." 

"What? Jack, yeah?" 

"Are you...ready to go home?" 

Daniel looked at him in confusion for a few long moments before saying that word as if to savor the sound of it on his lips, "Home...home...I...that's a word I haven't heard in a very long time. Home..." 

Jack cast a worried glance his way but Daniel ignored it as he continued, "Home...yes I'd like to...I'd like to go home, Jack. Jack, take me home please." 

"All right come on then." 

He reached out to casually grip Daniel's arm stopping when the man suddenly gasped and stepped back from him. Jack glanced up as he softly inquired, "Daniel, it's okay. I just wanted to offer you a hand. Relax." 

"Hmm...oh...okay, Jack...I'm just...just a bit...jumpy... I'm sorry...it's been a long time since...since you touched me...I...I was certain you never would again." 

Jack frowned as he listened to Daniel's words growing even more concerned when the man sounded so sure of what he thought. Did Daniel really believe that he would never touch him again? Perhaps he did feel certain that he would be Osiris' prisoner for the rest of his life. He swallowed hard before reaching towards the man again. This time Daniel accepted the touch, but he could feel the slight quivering in Daniel's body in response. Was the man afraid of him or was he simply afraid that this wasn't real? 

Jack took him to the car and drove home anxious to get his lover back into the house where he belonged. He noticed that Daniel remained quiet the entire drive seemingly contemplating the many lines on the palms of his hands. He wanted to talk to Daniel but wasn't even sure where to begin or what to say so the awkward silence stretched between them for the short drive from work to home. 

Once at their house Jack followed Daniel inside watching the man constantly worried that he might just disappear into thin air before him and praying desperately that such a thing would never happen. He didn't speak, only observed his lover as the man entered the house then stopped to stare at the room before him. Without saying a word Daniel then proceeded to slowly make his way around the living room running his hands across everything that he could possibly touch, caressing things and studying them as he would his lover. He wondered what was running through that mind as Daniel made a careful survey of the entire living room touching anything he could get his hands on. Was he trying to memorize everything or reacquaint himself with it all? 

He watched the man for several long minutes before uttering, "Daniel?" 

Daniel didn't stop to look at him only continued to study and touch everything in the room. Jack was certain he knew how Daniel was feeling so he quickly added, "It's all real love...all of it. You're not dreaming..." 

Daniel swallowed hard as he quietly questioned, "What...what did you...what did you just call me?" 

"Love, why?" 

Daniel shook his head no feeling his heart breaking as he answered, "I...I don't...no..." 

"What? What is it, love?" 

"NO!" 

Jack noticed that Daniel was suddenly very agitated and quickly approached him wanting to wrap his arms around the man but hesitating to do so as he inquired, "Daniel, what's wrong?" 

"I'm...I'm...no, Jack... I don't...don't deserve...no." Daniel continued to shake his head now clenching his eyes shut as vivid images of the night before flashed through his mind. Last night he had again given himself to his lord and had enjoyed every minute of it. The bruises Janet noticed were mainly from their little foray the previous evening. How could...how could Jack stand here and call him his love when less than twenty-four hours ago he had again betrayed their love by sleeping with his master? 

Jack watched Daniel feeling his heart aching as the man wrapped his arms around himself and downcast his gaze. He stepped closer reaching towards Daniel intent on comforting him, but Daniel quickly turned his back on him upsetting Jack more. He lowered his arm to his side as he questioned, "Daniel, what's wrong?" 

The man's only response was a harsh exhalation of breath and the slight shaking of his head. He didn't think as he came up behind Daniel and wrapped his arms lovingly around the man until Daniel shrieked and jerked away from him. He immediately backed up and raised his arms before him inquiring, "Daniel what's wrong? What is wrong love? Please tell me..." 

Daniel turned towards Jack but still couldn't look at him. He clenched his eyes shut wondering why his heart was now racing and his breathing was so harsh. Why had he reacted like that to Jack's touch? Why? What the hell was wrong with him? He never reacted that way to Osiris' touch so why in the hell was he reacting that way to his lover's touch? Why? He shook his head very confused and upset. He softly replied, "I'm...I'm sorry. I don't...I don't know why I...why I reacted like that. I'm sorry." 

"It's okay Daniel. I should've known better than to come up behind you like that. It's okay." 

Daniel jerked his head up responding, "How the hell can it be okay? I screamed, Jack, I...I...you...how can it be okay? Why...why would I...?" 

"Daniel, relax. You're just very nervous and uncertain right now. You've been gone a long time. It's going to take some time for you to readjust. It's natural." 

"Natural? It's natural for me to scream when you touch me? How is that natural, Jack?" 

"Because it's all part of the healing process." 

"The healing process, oh great...perfect. So, so what? Every time you touch me I'm going to scream? Great, Jack, that's just great." 

"Daniel..." 

"No, no...that's not okay. How is that okay, Jack? How the hell is that okay?" 

Jack watched Daniel noticing that he was growing more and more disheartened. He had screamed upon being touched and couldn't understand what precipitated such an action. Jack, however, probably understood better than Daniel just how normal a nervous reaction to touch was and that's all it was. He was nervous and uncertain. He didn't know whether he could trust the touch being provided. In fact, Daniel probably was still having difficulty comprehending that this was real, that everything was REAL, and that he was home. He was finally back home where he belonged, but he was probably afraid to believe that this all could be truly real. He had a similar reaction after returning from Iraq. He had a lot of difficulty accepting that he was really free from that hell and that he was really HOME. He had envisioned it so much in his dreams and thoughts that it was too overbearing at first, it was too much to comprehend and he had struggled with that sense of unreality, that sense that this was real and that it wouldn't just...vanish before his eyes. He wondered if Daniel had created fantasies and scenes of this house playing out what his life would've been like if he hadn't been taken so abruptly from his home and kept a virtual prisoner of a sinister Goa'uld lord for nearly a year. Did Daniel create scenes of their life together? Did Daniel imagine that he was speaking with him, with his friends when the loneliness and fear threatened to choke him and drive him insane? Did Daniel forge his own little world separate from his life of slavery to combat the emptiness and absence of those things he desperately needed to survive? If he were to answer those questions he would say yes. Yes Daniel probably did exactly that. Again he felt an overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around his lover and offer him reassurances. He wanted to whisper into Daniel's ear that this was real and that he was home and that he was safe again. He wanted to do that so badly, but he knew that Daniel would probably become even more upset. 

Daniel focused on Jack feeling his bottom lip trembling and mentally cursing the action. He quickly tugged that lip between his teeth staring into the deep liquid brown eyes of the man he fought so hard to survive for, to live for and he felt as if he were dying inside. He had screamed. He had actually screamed when Jack touched him. How could that be normal? How could Jack even tolerate that kind of a reaction? My God he had jerked free of the man's hold when all Jack was trying to do was...was hug him. All he was trying to do was offer comfort and support and how did he react? He reacted like he was frigid...God was he frigid? Was he too damned afraid to allow another person to touch him again? Would he continue to be jumpy and...and frigid for the rest of his goddamned life? What the hell kind of a person was he? 

He had jerked away from his lover and refused to accept his offer of comfort. How could he blow Jack off like that? How? And if he did that just now then did that mean he would never, ever be able to accept touch again? God what the hell was going on? He shook his head feeling an intense sadness sweeping through him and all he could manage to utter was, "Sorry...I'm so sorry...sorry. I hurt you I know. I'm sorry. I...I don't know... I...I don't...sorry." 

Jack swallowed hard feeling tears threatening to spill over making his eyes burn with the need to allow them release, but he refused to grant them escape. He cleared his throat as he replied, "No, no. Don't do that, Danny. Don't do that..." 

Daniel hung his head refusing to look at Jack holding his arms tightly across his chest as he slowly twisted from side to side as if the motion would comfort him in some way shape or form. Without glancing up Daniel continued, "I'm sorry..." 

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, love. Nothing to be sorry for...don't apologize. You don't have to apologize. I understand, Daniel. I understand. Please don't feel sorry or upset. Please don't think you upset me by that reaction. I understand Daniel. God, I understand why you reacted like that and I know that it will probably...no, not probably will, it will happen again. It's natural Daniel. Please don't apologize for a perfectly natural reaction. Please love." 

"But...but...but..." 

Jack reached out gently pressing his fingers under Daniel's chin and urged him to raise his head. When he did Jack shook his head continuing in a soft reassuring tone, "No, no buts Daniel. No buts." 

"But Jack..." 

"Shh...shh. We can deal with this. We can. There's no need for you to get upset. No need, love. None..." 

As Daniel focused on him Jack slid his hand up to gently cup his lover's left cheek. He then leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips across that of his lover's. He wasn't insistent or demanding. He made the kiss light, barely skimming those luscious lips he so desperately yearned to capture and explore again. A soft choked moan was the only response he received from Daniel before those azure eyes of his widened more so in shock. He was certain that Daniel was still trying to accept that he was home and that his lover was real. Daniel choked out, "Jack...Jack..." 

"Danny..." 

"Are...are you real? Is this real? Please tell me you're real Jack because...because I don't think I can handle it if ...if this is just another of my...of my... I can't handle it. Don't...don't be a figment of my imagination, Jack. Don't hurt me like that, please...please be...be real." 

Jack moved forward slowly and carefully, gently easing his arms around the now shaking man and tugging him against him. He closed his eyes as he felt that all too familiar lithe body move against his seeking out his heat, seeking out the reassurances that he was real and that this was real. He encompassed Daniel in his arms feeling his body insinuate against him and meld against him recalling how perfectly they fit together. They had always fit so perfectly together and it wasn't until now that he realized just how badly he had missed this: feeling Daniel against him, fitting against him so perfectly...that warm body that he knew so very well molding against him. The man he loved with all his heart snuggling ever deeper in his arms pushing his own body so firmly against him as if he wanted to fuse his body with that of his lover's. Oh God, oh yes he had missed this so very much...had missed this, had yearned for it, ached for it...cried when he wrapped his arms around empty air feeling his heart break as again he was reminded that he might never have this again, ever. As those strong, well-formed arms wrapped desperately around him holding him tightly Jack realized just how afraid Daniel was that this was just imagination. He knew that Daniel needed reassurances and would probably need constant affirmation that this was real and that he was home. He spoke softly, "Yes love, this is real. I am real. You're real, I'm real...we're together. You're home, love, home where you belong. You can open your eyes and I'll still be right here. I'm not going anywhere Daniel. I'm here and I'm so very real. You're not imagining this Danny. You're not dreaming, you're not fantasizing this is reality...this is our reality. You're back and you're not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere and I'm not going anywhere. We're together just like we're meant to be." 

Daniel was so afraid, so very afraid that once he wrapped his arms around Jack the man would vanish into thin air. He was so damned scared that this was a dream. He was so damned scared that this was another of those many fantasies he had drummed up in his mind to keep him fighting and surviving for so long. As his arms wrapped around the warm, yielding body and he felt arms also wrapping around him he felt himself beginning to relax just a hair. This had to be real, it felt so real, Jack felt so real...this had to be real...it had to be! He snuggled deeper against the body he knew so well wanting nothing more than to meld their bodies together and make them as one. He so wanted Jack to be here and be with him. He so desperately needed Jack to be the one now holding him so close and as he turned his face into that warm, muscular chest he inhaled deeply feeling his legs wobbling like Jell-O as he recognized that scent. He inhaled again deeper this time tightening his hold on the man. He knew he had to be crushing Jack, but he couldn't get enough of the man, of that scent that was so absolutely Jack. His lungs filled with Jack's tantalizing, unique, beautiful, wonderful precious essence. The scent was all Jack O'Neill...ALL Jack O'Neill. God he was home. He was! Thank God! Thank God! 

His fear started to ebb and he allowed Jack to hold him so close not wanting the man to ever let him go. God he needed this...needed this and needed Jack so damned much and finally, finally he had what he wanted. Thank God! He was finally HOME. 

 

* * * *

 

Daniel later entered the bathroom closing the door before locking it behind him. He didn't want Jack to walk in on him. He didn't want Jack to see the marks on his body that spoke of his betrayal. He quickly shrugged out of his clothes listening to the sounds of Jack's movement beyond the door hoping and praying that Jack didn't hear him throw the lock on the door and didn't try to enter the bathroom while he was showering. He didn't want Jack to know that he felt it necessary to lock the door behind him. 

He shook his head as he quickly shed his clothing watching as they pooled around his feet feeling odd to see them there. He had been without clothing for so very long. Osiris insisted on him being scantily dressed wearing nothing more than a collar, armbands and a chastity belt that was permanently locked on his body. Occasionally he was permitted a cloak or many bracelets would adorn his arms and anklets would be placed on his legs. He was even given slippers to wear, slippers or sandals, but often he went barefooted wearing the sandals only during the day while at night he wore nothing on his body except a robe when he had to leave the bedchamber to relieve himself or to do something his lord required of him. As he thought of the belt that had become a second skin on him he noticed suddenly just how weird it felt not to have it on him. He had grown so accustomed to the feel of that belt locked on his body that without it there he felt almost...naked. God, if that wasn't the stupidest thing in the world! 

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and focused on stepping into the shower. He turned on the water inhaling sharply before sighing as it quickly became hot and soothing to his aching skin. He stood for several long minutes just allowing the water to flow down over his body. He picked up the soap and started to wash himself relaxing further as the familiar smell of soap permeated the air around him. He kept his eyes closed as he bathed not wanting to see the marks on his skin left there by the one who had held him for so long. 

After he finished showering he stepped out of the tub and started to dry off pausing when his gaze clashed with the dark black and purple bruising scattered in various areas across his thighs, legs and hips. He tried to silence the memories but they encroached taking over and casting him back in time to the previous night when Osiris made love to him not once but three times each time growing more aggressive than the previous. 

He slowly lowered one shaking hand to his leg gently pressing on a bruise that marred his skin. He felt a shudder of revulsion travel through him as he remembered Sarah's fingers digging and clawing at him as she rode him fast and hard and brought him to an amazing climax. As those images continued to bombard him, and he remembered how he screamed and begged for permission to climax, he quickly found himself hanging over the basin and puking his guts up. He was confused and shaken by such an intense reaction to memories. 

When he was finished he rinsed out the basin, lowered the toilet seat and dropped backwards onto his behind hanging his head as he tried to make sense of why now after so many sexual encounters with Osiris did he feel sick and revolted by the memories. What the hell was that about? They'd had sex last night like any other evening so why was he reacting so violently to the memory now? What was wrong with him? Why did he react like that to a simple memory of a sexual encounter that he had enjoyed so thoroughly? 

He jerked his head up when an insistent pounding broke through his convoluted thoughts...Jack...shit Jack was banging on the door asking if he was all right trying to get in the room. SHIT! He jerked to his feet quickly racing to the sink where he washed his mouth out before telling Jack that he was all right and that he would be just a moment. As Jack insisted on letting him in or he'd break the damned door down Daniel felt panic fill him. If Jack broke the door down he would see the marks, he would see the evidence of what occurred the previous night on Bursiris. He couldn't let Jack see the bruises that now marred his skin. He just couldn't! If he did he'd have to explain and he sure as hell wouldn't be able to do that! NO! He snatched a robe off the hook quickly pulling it on and cinching it tight before unlocking the door. He had no sooner unlocked the door before Jack came bolting into the room raking his eyes over him in concern and worry. 

He quickly reassured Jack as he said, "I'm fine. Jack I'm fine. I just...I just didn't feel well. I'm fine." 

"You locked the door." 

"Yes I did." 

"Why? Why did you...?" 

"Jack..." 

"WHY?" 

"Because I...because... Look Jack..." 

"What?" 

"Jack, don't worry about it." 

"Daniel I thought you were hurt. I heard you..." 

"I'm fine, Jack. I'm just fine. You don't need to worry. I'm fine. Really." 

"Are you?" 

"Yes now please...can you please let me get dressed? Please." 

Jack watched him for the longest time before nodding his head. He watched Daniel, not thinking of how uncomfortable he might be feeling at the moment. Daniel glanced nervously at him hoping and praying that he would just leave. He wasn't about to get dressed in front of Jack not when his lower body was sufficiently painted with a mixture of black, purple and green bruising. He waited but when Jack didn't show any indication that he would give him privacy he quickly downcast his gaze as he softly requested, "May I please get dressed now?" 

"May I please? Why so formal?" 

He jerked his head up in response cursing when he realized that he was taking a submissive stance to ask a question. Damn it! He forced himself to maintain eye contact with Jack as he again asked, "Jack could you please give me some privacy? Please I don't...I don't feel... I can't get dressed in front of you. I...it just doesn't ...I can't...not yet. Please?" 

Jack continued to gaze at him with questions burning in his eyes. No doubt he was wondering when the hell his lover learned to speak so formally and so goddamned meekly and when he became nervous about dressing in front of another. Damn it the slave training was so ingrained in him, so goddamn ingrained! Would he always speak to Jack as if he were his servant and not his lover? Shit! He had to forget the training he had been given...the training that had been shoved down his throat for the past year. He shook his head sadly wondering if he could ever unlearn all that Osiris taught him and expected him to remember. 

When Jack nodded and exited the room Daniel felt relieved. He waited until he was certain that Jack wasn't going to barge back into the room before quickly shutting the door. He tore the robe off of his body and threw some clothes back on. He then brushed his teeth, combed his hair and exited the room. 

When he entered their bedroom an overwhelming sense of anxiousness swept through him. As his gaze sought out and found Jack the anxiety built higher and as the man stared intently his way he felt as if he were defying him by not lowering his gaze to the floor properly. Shit how was their relationship ever going to be normal if he kept feeling like a goddamned slave in Jack's presence? Son of a bitch why was Jack drawing those well-ingrained lessons on submissiveness and subservience out of him? Why did he feel like a damned slave in his own home? Why? 

He unconsciously reached up to his throat rubbing his fingers carefully over the abraded skin there almost expecting to feel the familiar coldness of the gold collar that had adorned his throat for the last year of his life. He felt relieved when his hands only contacted warm, somewhat sore flesh glad that the collar that had marked him as a slave and as Osiris' servant was no longer secured around his neck. He focused intently on Jack noticing the sudden concern and worry he was casting towards him. He remained still as Jack moved towards him approaching him with a look of determination flaring in the brown depths of his eyes. When Jack drew to a halt directly before him all he could do was tense. He instantly relaxed when Jack spoke in that comforting tone of reassurance, "It's gone Daniel. It's not there anymore. You're free. You're free and you're home. You're no longer marked. You're no longer a slave. Daniel this is real. You are home and you are safe. You are free. We're together again. You can believe what I'm telling you. I wouldn't lie to you about this. You're not dreaming this up or inventing it. This is really truly happening. You are free and you are home. You are no longer a slave. You're free love. Free." 

As Jack pressed a soothing hand to the side of his face Daniel tensed before moaning and turning into that palm. When Jack again reassured him he felt the tension flee and immediately reached for Jack wrapping his arms tightly around him drawing comfort and reassurance from the feeling of Jack O'Neill very much alive and real in his arms. Oh God, how long would he feel this way? How long would he feel as if he were dreaming, as if this weren't real? How long? As Jack's arms encircled him he melted further in his embrace again inhaling deeply the intoxicating scent of his lover and feeling so grateful that Jack was really here and that he was indeed free. 

He closed his eyes allowing Jack to comfort him, reveling in the feel of those strong, callused hands stroking soothingly across his back. As Jack stopped his hands at his waist before slipping them beneath his waistband he tensed feeling every nerve rise on end as his heart slammed in his chest. He released a soft whimper as he had a sudden fear that those hands would descend lower. As Jack slipped those same hands up under his shirt he felt himself instantly relaxing and he further tightened his hold relieved that the hands now caressing his back were callused and not smooth like silk. These hands were hands he recognized, the hands of his true love not of the person who controlled him for the past year and as that knowledge forged in his mind he found himself again melting in Jack's embrace. 

Jack frowned at first when he felt Daniel tensing beneath him. As he carefully slipped his hands beneath the waistline of Daniel's pants he swore that the man practically launched out of his arms, but he couldn't stop touching and stroking the warm smooth silky skin tantalizing his hands at the moment so he carefully eased them upwards and began to rub small circles into Daniel's lower back. He smiled when his lover seemed to calm and melt against him again. He spoke softly, "You're free love and you're never going back there again...ever." 

"Jack...hmm, Jack..." 

He chuckled huskily as he felt Daniel responding to his gentle strokes unconsciously thrusting his hips forward making their groins clash and sing with the unresolved sexual tension the brief contact was evoking within. He automatically lowered his head and pressed his lips to the sensitive skin of Daniel's neck speaking in between kisses, "You are free from the collar love. Free...I'll help you forget. I will..." 

As Daniel moaned and eagerly turned his head to offer Jack more of his neck for loving Jack chuckled again asking, "Do you like that?" 

"I missed this, Jack...God I missed this, missed you...missed you so much..." 

"I missed you too love." 

He continued to press light butterfly kisses across Daniel's throat where the collar had rested only this morning. As his lips found the roughened skin where the collar had been chafing he lightened his kisses further mentally cursing the one who created those marks on his lover's smooth skin. He proceeded with caution remembering Janet's warning and knowing that Daniel would probably stop him soon. He was prepared for it, but until that time came he would kiss every little delectable inch of skin he could reach until Daniel stopped him. 

He groaned when Daniel suddenly ground his groin against him, and he became instantly hard. He could tell that Daniel was having a similar reaction because he was now very hard. He wanted to progress to lovemaking but forced himself to remain satisfied with being able to kiss and touch him so soon after his release. After he finished thoroughly kissing the left side of Daniel's neck he pulled back to gaze into Daniel's eyes to make certain that he was all right with the direction they were moving. As he focused on him he felt relieved that he didn't see tension there but he still asked, "Are you all right love? I'm not rushing you into something you're not yet ready for?" 

As Daniel gazed into those tender brown eyes he felt tears pooling at the edges of his own threatening to fall. Jack was so sincere and he was being so patient...God Jack... He silenced those thoughts as he leaned forward pressing his lips to Jack's sighing when he could tell the difference between his lover and...and her. Jack responded eagerly slipping his hands out from under his shirt and sliding his right hand to the base of his neck. He was breathless as the kiss deepened, but in the next instant he felt pure terror fill him shoving Jack violently away from him the moment his hand came to rest on the back of his neck. He felt the terror attempting to consume him and drag him under. He tried to block out the feelings and tried to resist falling into panic, but the memories refused to abate. The images showed no mercy as they began to bombard him sending him back in time to another place, a place that ruled his nightmares. He pushed those memories away trying desperately to focus on Jack knowing that he was here with him, that he was safe. He tried to calm his breathing and tried to fight passed the sudden terror that was now gripping him. He was confused and very upset by the intense reaction. He felt absolutely terrified and quickly closed his eyes trying to regain his focus but only feeling his terror building as his mind threw him back in time. He forced his eyes open to banish the horrifying memories that were trying to take hold of him staring at his love but not yet seeing him, instead he was still seeing another who had desired to own him, who went so far as to steal him from a meeting to capture him. He tried vainly to block the memories feeling himself quickly becoming engulfed by them but all he could do was release a desperate plea, "Oh God, oh God...NO! STOP! Stop...please...NO!" 

Jack was left gasping for breath and feeling very unfocused as he began to realize that Daniel had just shoved him. He was angry for the briefest of moments until he glanced at his lover and saw stark cold terror there reflecting in his eyes. Oh God! When Daniel had cried out Jack suddenly knew that his lover was no longer in this room but miles away stuck in a memory that obviously scared the hell out of him. He slowly approached Daniel prepared to calm him by speaking with him when the younger man suddenly shook his head and gazed at him with confused, fearful eyes. He instantly offered reassurance, "You're all right, love. You're all right. You had a flashback that's all a..." 

"Flashback...but why? How? What...?" 

"I think I might have triggered it when I...when I kissed you." 

"No, no, no...no it wasn't, no... When you touched me...that had to be it." 

"Touched...what?" 

"My neck Jack when you touched the back of my neck I...that's when, that's when I felt so afraid, terrified like...like..." He swallowed hard now staring intently at the floor as he continued, "The leash that had to be...that's where...that's how he gained control of me..." 

"He? Who? Osiris?" 

"Yes sometimes but the memory... It wasn't about him it was about... It was...Naveria." 

Jack tensed hearing warning bells sounding in his head. Naveria...he definitely recognized that name. That was where Daniel was first seen after his capture. Jacob, Jacob had told him about that planet. It was where, "...Dionysus." 

Daniel turned a terrified gaze his way wanting to speak, but the words wouldn't come. All he could do was nod. He tried to make sense of how Jack knew that name, recognized that planet... 

Jack quickly answered his unspoken question, "Jacob told us that you were seen there by a Tok'ra spy. He said that you were...attacked while there. I guess when I touched the back of your neck I..." 

"But that doesn't make sense, Jack. You touched me and the next moment I was cowering from you...all you did was touch me. That doesn't make sense." 

"Yes it does, Daniel. Yes it does." 

When Daniel continued to gaze at him with confusion burning in his eyes Jack continued, "It's your body, Daniel." 

"My body? What?" 

"Our bodies remember traumatic experiences as well. It's kind of like those who have an amputated arm or leg...occasionally they'll complain of feeling pain in the lost limb. It's... I don't know how to explain it but our bodies hold memories too. When I touched your neck the way I did your body remembered pain it had experienced previously and triggered the accompanying memory. You said that it had to be the leash, that's how he gained control..." 

"I never said that! Why the hell would I say that? I wouldn't!" 

"You did only a few moments ago Daniel." 

"I...no, I...no that's too... Why would I...no. I hate those memories. I destroyed them why would...why would I tell you?" 

"I don't think that was your intention. You're not ready to talk yet, which is all right, but I...I triggered a memory and brought it to the surface sooner than you planned..." 

He could see the fear and devastation in Daniel's eyes. God, why was the man so ashamed of a memory of a time when someone hurt him? Why did he look as if he feared he'd lose everything by revealing something...why? He tried to distract Daniel from the direction he was certain his mind was heading by saying, "Well at least I know where not to touch you." 

"Where not to...Jack, that's horrible." 

"Daniel it's not horrible and I guarantee it's not the only spot on your body. You need to tell me if my touch feels uncomfortable to you or makes you feel queasy..." 

"Queasy? Why would touch...?" 

"You were gone a year, a year Daniel, twelve months...there's bound to be some trauma..." 

"No, no I'm fine. Really..." 

"If you were fine you wouldn't have shoved me halfway across the room to get away from me." 

Daniel closed his eyes in shame feeling foolish and ridiculous for overreacting to a simple touch. Jack was before him in moments cupping his cheek in the palm of his hand again as he said, "I didn't say that to further upset you Daniel. I said it so you would understand. It will happen and when it does we'll deal with it...together. So you don't like a hand pressing against the back of your neck I'll work on it, we'll work on it until you feel relaxed enough to know the touch isn't going to trigger the memory again. We'll get through this, but we have to work together. You have to trust me, Daniel." 

"Oh...okay...okay Jack okay." 

Jack smiled and nodded before hugging Daniel again briefly then suggesting they make something to eat for supper before retiring. Daniel agreed and together they made their way to the kitchen. 

It was bedtime before they knew it and they decided to retire for the night, but Daniel was still feeling very nervous and anxious. He waited until Jack was in the bed and settled before deciding to crawl in beside him. He slowly lay down beside Jack feeling odd and unsure of everything. He carefully eased himself onto the mattress turning his back to Jack. He could feel the man's eyes on him, watching him, and felt so exposed and so damned vulnerable. He drew his arms around himself and closed his eyes listening to the sound of his own rapidly beating heart and the movements that the man beside him was making. He tensed when he heard Jack shift closer to him and the first thought that popped into his head was 'please don't touch me, please.' The thought alone broke his heart for he knew why he no longer wanted to be touched: Osiris took way too many liberties with his servant and this confused, frightened creature was all that remained behind. God, he was with Jack now. He had no reason to be scared. Jack would never hurt him. He could trust Jack; he could. 

As a light hand pressed to his right shoulder Daniel gasped and jumped feeling a sudden panic surge throughout his body. He immediately tried to calm himself mentally repeating over and over that he was okay and that he was with Jack. As he managed to calm his flailing nerves a bit he found himself wondering why Jack still touched him. Didn't he realize, didn't he know that inside...God inside he was screaming at the top of his lungs and clawing towards the surface of the black, torrid water threatening to trap him and threatening to drown him? Daniel listened to Jack's voice as he asked a question he dreaded... 

"Do you want to talk about what happened, Daniel?" 

Uh hell no! 

He wanted to say those words but couldn't seem to force them passed his lips so he remained silent shaking his head no and feeling so very guilty and so very angry at the same time. Again Jack spoke, "Daniel, you need to talk about this. You can't act as if nothing has happened to you." 

Oh the hell I can't! 

He still didn't acknowledge his lover. He knew that eventually he'd have to tell Jack what happened...eventually, but that was not now. He shook his head slightly before replying, "I don't want to talk, Jack..." 

"Daniel you have to talk. You have to." 

"No I don't. There's nothing to talk about." 

"Daniel, I know how hard this request is but please, please, at least attempt to..." 

"NO! NO! It's...no! I don't want to talk about it! I don't need to talk about it. Nothing happened! I'm fine!" 

"No you're not, Daniel." 

"Just...leave me alone Jack. Please?" 

"Daniel, don't shut me out. Do you hear me? Don't do that to me!" 

"I'm not. I'm fine. Really, Jack, I'm just fine." 

"Daniel..." 

"Stop, Jack, just...stop..." 

"Daniel I'm trying to help you, love. I want to help you." 

"Then do as I ask Jack." 

"But Daniel..." 

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT? I'M FINE!" 

Jack tensed and flinched in response to the anger he heard lining Daniel's voice. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes trying to calm himself again so he wouldn't further upset his lover. He lowered his own voice several octaves before continuing, "You were gone a very long time, Daniel. I know that things happened to you in that time. I'm not asking you to tell me everything all I want is for you to tell me something. You have got to talk about this Daniel. You can't keep everything bottled up inside of you because eventually it has to come out. Believe me Daniel I know what I'm talking about here. Please..." 

Daniel clenched his eyes tightly shut as he evenly responded, "Jack I'm really tired right now and I would really like to get some sleep. Okay?" 

Jack sighed before yielding and allowing the silence to stretch between them. He tried to silence all his questions, but one question continued to enter his mind over and over again refusing to give him a moment's solace so without thought he softly questioned, "Did you love him, Daniel?" 

Daniel snapped his eyes open and jerked away from Jack as he screamed, "OH GOD!" 

He stared at Jack in horror as he managed to whisper, "Do you believe I loved him, Jack?" 

When Jack said nothing in response Daniel simply said, "I...I have to go to the bathroom." Then he quickly left the room leaving Jack feeling like such an ass for revealing a fear he had. He knew that he should run after the man but doubted if Daniel would listen to him, so he lay there staring at the ceiling listening to the sound of water as Daniel clicked on the shower. God he had to talk to Daniel, but how? Just what in hell should he even say to the man? He lay there in the silent darkness listening to the shower and wondering what Daniel was now doing. 

Meanwhile... 

Daniel ran into the bathroom feeling the sudden need to clean himself and scrub himself. He turned the shower on scolding hot and jumped in scrubbing himself hard. Jack had asked him if he loved his master? God what...why would Jack say something like that? What did Jack think of him? Did Jack...oh God what was he going to do? 

He closed his eyes as visions from the previous night filled his mind and scrubbed harder feeling rage at himself for allowing Osiris to use him again. He cursed as he recalled the expression of shocked horror on his lover's face when he responded so eagerly to his lord. He remembered Janet's words and how she insisted that he was raped. He shook his head violently wanting to shut out the voices and having no success, so he lowered to his knees then proceeded to curl himself up into as tight a ball as he could form allowing the scolding hot water to pound into his skin and singe him. God he was such a fool. What did he think would happen when he returned? Did he really believe that he'd be accepted? Had he really believed that he would be able to pick up his old life right where it left off? No, no, NO! 

He lost track of the time afraid to leave the bathroom, afraid to face Jack O'Neill all over again and afraid that he would reveal something of what had happened to him back there. He couldn't tell Jack. He couldn't! Jack would hate him and despise him if he knew. Jack wouldn't love him anymore. He wouldn't. He couldn't talk to Jack about what had happened. He just couldn't do it. 

He got out of the shower and dried off then proceeded to brush his teeth three times trying to rid his mouth of her taste, of her essence. God would he ever be normal again? Would he ever forget? He deliberately kept his gaze down refusing to glance in the mirror afraid that if he caught sight of himself he would see the monster he had now become. Jack should get rid of the damned mirror. He really should. 

Daniel shook his head wrapping his robe around him like a shield before returning to bed and crawling beneath the covers expertly managing not to make contact with the man already in the bed. He had many months to perfect such a skill as that. 

As he settled he screamed when Jack's calm voice inquired, "Feel better Daniel?" 

"SHIT! Jesus, Jack, don't do that! Don't scare me like that!" 

"Scare you? All I did was ask you a question..." 

"Yeah when I thought you were fast asleep. God Jack why...what...what the hell possessed you to do that?" 

"I was worried about you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Come on I didn't scare you..." 

As Jack touched Daniel's arm he felt the shivering in the man and softly muttered, "I did...God I'm sorry, Daniel. If I had known that asking a question would have... God I'm so sorry...sorry, love, so sorry. You're safe now. You're all right. I just...I'm sorry." 

Daniel clenched his eyes shut again trying to make sense of why Jack's voice scared the shit out of him mere moments before. He should've known that Jack would be awake and waiting for him. He should have known, so why had he reacted so...like a scared rabbit? Why? 

Jack felt bad about scaring Daniel. He shook his head and mentally called himself every name in the book. He'd probably helped Daniel's uneasiness by asking all those questions and demanding he talk about what happened. Why had he done that to Daniel? Why? Hell, the man hadn't even been back for twenty-four hours and already he was demanding that Daniel speak with him? Already he was insisting that Daniel tell him what had happened there? Since when did someone feel comfortable enough to speak of a traumatic experience, a lengthy captivity on the same day they returned? He made a mental note to himself to take things SLOWLY. He knew how long it took for someone to speak of such things...hell, he had been free from that Iraqi prison for many years now and there were still so many things that he refused to talk about, so why should it be any different with Daniel? Why should he be expecting Daniel to talk, to bare his soul when the man had only just returned home? The answer was simple: he shouldn't. He was being extremely unfair to Daniel by expecting him to speak about those things. 

He closed his eyes as he recalled Janet's warnings: go slowly, don't push, don't rush, don't pressure, don't expect too much...love him, listen to him, support him, show him understanding and above all else BE PATIENT WITH HIM... After all patience is a virtue and when someone has been through as much shit as he'd no doubt been put through over the course of the past year it is very likely that discussing all that shit was not high on Daniel's list of priorities right now. No, his priorities were probably much different than those like, for instance, trying to fit in when he's been gone so long, trying to accept that he is no longer a slave to another, trying to get used to being free again and trying to understand why he feels so lost in a place where he should feel right at home. 

He focused on Daniel who was now presenting him with his back and rose up on his elbow as he softly apologized, "I'm sorry, Daniel. I'm sorry." 

When Daniel refused to respond he hung his head before continuing, "I'm sorry. I promised I'd be patient with you and I will. I will love. I...it... I shouldn't have... I'm sorry I sort of, kind of demanded you to tell me about...you know. It's not fair of me to demand that you tell me something you aren't yet ready to speak of. It's not fair to add that pressure on when you are already dealing with so many other things..." 

Without turning Daniel whispered, "Like?" 

"Like trying to figure out just where you fit in now. How you can deal with your renewed independence. How to return to a normal life...how to..." 

Daniel turned focusing on him with eyes that spoke of relief and the slightest hint of hope. Someone understood him, finally. He could read it in Daniel's eyes and gently smiled as he added, "Oh yeah I understand perfectly, Daniel. I understand perfectly." 

When Daniel widened his eyes in surprise Jack leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead and cheek before cupping his face in the palm of his hand and turning Daniel's head enough to lower and press a kiss to his luscious lips. Daniel gasped before softly moaning as he accepted the kiss and returned it. He then broke the kiss whispering a soft thank you Jack and a good night before again turning back onto his left side and deliberately moving away from him. 

Jack swallowed hard as he watched Daniel shut down beside him. As the man curled up on his side refusing to acknowledge him in any other way he felt the loss travel to the depths of his soul. God, what had happened to Daniel during the past year? Where had he been? What had he done? What had he seen? How had he felt? He continued to focus intently on the man beside him settling for simply gazing at his back and urging him silently to go to sleep, but Daniel still seemed disturbed and remained awake. Jack refused to relax until his lover found rest. 

When Daniel's breathing finally evened out Jack closed his eyes in silent thanks trying to keep his winces and grunts of pain from echoing throughout the room inhaling tensely as his numb arm started to return to life driving sharp prickly pins into previously deadened nerves. How long had he remained in that same position? How long? As the pins and needles sensation finally started to subside he glanced at the clock noticing that it had been nearly two hours since Daniel had been unable to find rest. Two hours? What the hell had the man so distracted that it took him two whole hours to drift asleep? He shook his head before slowly easing down onto his left side wanting to touch Daniel but afraid to do so. He laid still reveling in the smells and the warmth of the man so close to him finally back where he belonged. Finally. He closed his eyes listening to Daniel's deep even breathing and allowed that sound of comfort and of calm to sweep over him and lull him to sleep.

 

* * * *

 

Jack snapped his eyes open when he heard Daniel's voice in his mind pleading to be set free, pleading not to be touched or hurt. As the voice of his lover rose in volume he felt his heart rate triple. Daniel...Daniel always spoke to him in the night in his dreams. God how he missed the man, how he missed his love so very much... 

"Jack please...please I need you. Need you, love, don't...don't leave. Don't leave me again. Please...no, no...stop... Stop them Jack, please stop...don't let them...don't...no. Jack? JACK!" 

He jerked upright as his lover's pleading voice fell around him. As the man of his dreams suddenly cried out in despair before tossing his head and twisting onto his right side reaching out, he suddenly recalled that Daniel was back. He was here and he was in distress. He turned focusing on the sleeping man's face noticing the worry lines that creased his brow and the frown that now touched his lips as he continued mumbling. He tensed as Daniel's hand suddenly latched onto his arm and squeezed with such strength that he couldn't stop the loud wince that slipped passed his lips in reaction to that hold that was as desperate as the mutterings his lover was still putting voice to. He pushed the sudden discomfort to the back of his mind focusing on consoling his lover and helping him to relax once more into deep sleep. He reached up to Daniel's face with his free hand and started to gently run his fingers through the man's lengthy mane of soft fine hair speaking in soothing tones as he gently crooned, "Shh, Daniel, shh. Hush. Hush love. You're fine. Everything's fine. I'm here now. I'm here and I'm not about to leave you." 

"Jack don't...don't go...don't...don't let him... No, no Jack...need you, need you Jack...please..." 

"I'm here Daniel. I'm here for you. You can relax now. You're safe. You're safe now." 

Daniel again tossed his head releasing a quavering, choked gasp to the night air as he reflexively tightened his hold on the man he needed so desperately. Jack felt a sudden aching in his heart. Daniel seemed so upset and so disturbed. He continued to stroke the man's hair urging him to relax; to settle down and rest but his crooning didn't seem to be getting through. When Daniel released a choked sob to the air Jack could no longer stand it. He continued speaking to Daniel and carefully eased his arms around the man pulling him so close against him, offering him safety in his embrace. At first Daniel started to buck and wiggle rapidly saying no over and over again and asking him not to touch him. He refused to yield the hold sensing that Daniel needed this. He only tightened his hold around his restless lover still crooning softly in his ear. He tensed as Daniel's next words drove a knife into his heart and made all his fears come true, "No, no. Please, My Lord, don't touch me. Don't, My Lord, no... Can't, no. Jack help...Jack...My Lord NO!" 

He clenched his eyes tightly shut against the sudden tears that wanted to flow. He had sensed that Daniel did more for his lord than just serve his basic needs. He sensed that there was a bit of sexual submission involved and as Daniel spoke those words his suspicions were confirmed. He not only served his lord during the day but he served him at night in the bedroom...God Danny no. No. What the hell did he make you do for him? He shook his head sadly before returning his focus back to reassuring his lover that he was home and he was safe. As he leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to Daniel's forehead he was rewarded by his lover beginning to calm and drift towards deeper sleep. He continued raining kisses on the top of Daniel's head and across his face smiling as Daniel settled against him and his sleep again drew deep. When he was certain that the man was calmed he closed his eyes thinking about what his mutterings meant and feeling ill as he could only guess what sexual services the Goa'uld lord might have requested of his servant. 

 

* * * *

 

The Following Afternoon... 

Jack went searching for his lover wondering where he was. He had searched the house feeling a sudden unease fill him. God what if it had really been a dream after all and Daniel wasn't...no, no, NO! He was here. He was! He shook his head silencing the taunting thoughts that kept telling him Daniel's return had all been a dream. Oh God, oh God no! He couldn't handle that. He just couldn't! His search became more desperate as he walked through the house at a brisk pace prepared to scream Daniel's name as his anxiety built. 

He drew to a halt at their bedroom door aware that his heart was now hammering in his chest. As he raked his eyes around the room he saw Daniel's clothes from this morning tossed on a chair. As he stared at those clothes he felt his pulse slowing and could hear his panicked breath beginning to calm. Daniel was here...somewhere. Those were his clothes, so he had to be here. He thought over where he had looked already realizing that there was one place he had failed to check before his fear nearly crushed him: the backyard. Could Daniel be in the backyard and if so why? What sent Daniel outside? He drew in a deep calming breath before heading downstairs to investigate. 

As he stepped onto the back porch he felt his heart fluttering in his chest when he focused on his lover sitting on one of the benches gazing ahead of him. Thank God. Thank you for letting him still be here and safe. Thank heavens. As he drew to a halt behind Daniel he quietly greeted, "Hey." 

"Hey." 

"How are you Daniel?" 

"Hmm fine, fine..." 

Jack questioned in concern, "What are you doing out here?" and silence answered his inquiry. Daniel only continued to stare out across the yard saying nothing. He decided to give him some company and carefully eased down onto the bench beside him uncertain of just how his lover would react to their close proximity and knowing many things were going to prove very difficult for him in the coming months. He was determined to remain by Daniel's side the entire way no matter what it took to do so. 

They sat in silence for several long minutes. Jack watched Daniel gazing across the yard saying nothing and allowing silence to settle down between them. He then turned to cast his gaze in the same direction as Daniel's feeling the tension building but refusing to let it drive a wedge between them. The silence stretched on for several more moments before Daniel spoke, "I missed the outdoors." 

"What?" 

Daniel raised his hand gesturing about them as he continued, "Being outside... I missed being outside." 

Jack tensed sensing that Daniel was about to tell him something of what his life had been like during the past year. He waited quietly urging Daniel to continue and soon Daniel complied as if he had heard that silent plea, "Do you know how it feels not to see the sun, Jack? Not to feel the wind blowing through your hair or the grass beneath your feet? Do you know how it feels to be kept in the dark, banned from the outside world, forbidden to look upon nature...? Do you have any idea how hard that is?" 

He tensed knowing all too well just how that felt after his time spent in Iraq. He had been kept in darkness for many weeks and it nearly drove him insane. He felt his heart aching for Daniel. Had Daniel been locked in a cell or just denied the right to go outside? He wondered what had happened to his lover and simply nodded his head answering Daniel's question truthfully, "Yes I do." 

Daniel turned to gaze at Jack noticing that he didn't turn to look at him and feeling a deeper understanding and kinship with Jack then he had before. Yes, here sat someone who knew what life as a prisoner meant, who knew what happened to a person held in captivity... But instead of feeling comforted by that knowledge he only felt guiltier because he could only begin to imagine just how hard life would be for Jack now living with someone who had endured a similar experience. Casting those worries and concerns temporarily aside Daniel nodded before saying, "I suppose you do..." 

He fell silent casting his gaze into the distance allowing silence to again fall and stretch between them before he lowered it to his lap revealing, "For several months he denied me, Jack...kept me locked up...afraid I'd run I guess. He kept me locked up in my gilded cage... To be denied such a simple thing...God Jack I was forbidden to leave the palace, even with a guard. He refused, flat out refused to allow me that privilege. He kept me chained to his side, Jack...literally chained. I had to go everywhere with him..." Daniel fell silent again pausing as if to gain strength to continue. 

Jack turned to Daniel noticing how the man now hung his head staring at the tightly clenched fists in his lap. He shook his head feeling Daniel's suffering flowing over him. He had been denied the right to go outside? Why? What purpose did that serve? Of course he already knew the answer to that question...control, to gain control and to break him. Had he also been chained and locked in a dungeon? Is that why he responded so eagerly to Osiris' touch yesterday because the Goa'uld lord cut him off from everything? He shuddered hoping, praying that Daniel hadn't had to live like that. Just how had Daniel lived? How had he existed on that planet? How had he survived from day to day? How? 

Daniel swallowed hard before continuing, "You know it's funny how much you take things for granted until you no longer have them..." He raised his head slightly before pushing his glasses back up against his face noticing how strange that felt as well. He hadn't worn his glasses in so very long that he had grown used to his blurry, somewhat hazy vision. He then lowered his hand back to his lap continuing, "I took things for granted, Jack. I never, I don't know, I guess...I...I never really thought about it, you know, about how lucky we are. It never really crossed my mind..." He released a soft sarcastic chuckle before cocking his head slightly to the left still focusing just passed his knees. He sighed heavily before adding, "I don't know, Jack... We take so much for granted, so much. Why do we do that Jack?" 

As Daniel turned his face towards him all he could do was glance at his lover before shaking his head and replying, "I don't know, Daniel. I don't know." 

"Yeah neither do I... Do you think...do you...? What makes us do that? What makes us forget and...?" He shook his head again uncertain of what he wanted to say and choosing to settle on a long ago memory of those first few weeks on Bursiris before speaking again, "I don't think he knew... I, I don't think he realized how desperately I needed to be free. How desperately I needed to be independent. I don't think he really understood that need at all... He restricted everything you know, everything. I couldn't do anything without seeking his permission first... I never asked either. I refused to ask for anything because I knew, I knew that was what he wanted me to do, so I held back, kept silent and didn't say anything... I was a good slave, Jack. I learned to be a good slave. I learned to serve him, to obey him, to submit to him... I learned and I never forgot, still can't forget what I am to him, what I was to him. I learned to serve my master well. I learned how to place my needs, my wants and my life second to his, you know. I learned that what I wanted, what I needed was no longer important...learned it so well Jack, so well but you don't want to hear that, about that, do you Jack?" 

He swallowed hard before answering, "Yes Daniel I do." 

Daniel gasped and jerked his head up focusing on Jack looking at him in confusion and uncertainty, looking at him with surprise, looking at him as if he was only now realizing that he wasn't alone out here. He held his gaze for only a few scant seconds before turning away and laughing nervously. 

Jack automatically reached out grasping Daniel's left hand in his own and softly uttering his name. Daniel's response was automatic as he yanked his hand free before staring wild eyed at him and muttering, "Don't...don't do that Jack. Don't..." 

"Daniel..." 

"Jack..." 

"What's wrong? Why are you...?" 

"Here? I'm here aren't I? Why am... Because, because you, you came, you came for me. I...I gave up...was ready to give up but...but..." 

"Daniel, why did he let you go? How did you convince him to...?" 

"No, no, no, no I didn't, didn't convince him of anything. He...he decided. He, he, he released me Jack. Told me I could go, that I was never happy with him. He...he just...he sent me away, gave me back. I...I had nothing to do with that decision, nothing. It was all him, all him Jack." 

"But why? Why Daniel? Why did he let you go?" 

"Because...because...well...um, he knew...he knew what I wanted and so he, he granted it." 

"He granted it?" 

Daniel again focused his gaze across the yard as he simply said, "I really missed this, Jack. I was so happy when he finally let me into the gardens. I loved those gardens... You know we ought to turn this yard into a garden too, Jack. We ought to. We really ought to you know." 

He continued to silently observe Daniel all too aware that he had effectively directed the conversation away from his inquiries. He knew that getting Daniel to discuss certain things would take a long time and instead of arguing or spending all evening fencing with his lover he chose to pursue his present topic of conversation, "A garden Daniel? Here?" 

"Yeah..." 

He smiled as he heard the slightest hint of happiness in that voice he had missed for so very long and found himself quickly responding, "We can do that." 

"Yeah, a garden with roses and...and... I...I like roses Jack...small dainty roses, red ones that are closed then begin to open. Roses, I like roses." 

He continued to watch Daniel noticing the sudden sadness within him tinged by an edge of delight. Roses? His lover liked roses...since when? But he sensed that roses meant more to Daniel then he knew. He couldn't help but wonder if Daniel's sudden penchant for small dainty red roses didn't occur while he was held captive. He cleared his throat before gently prodding, "Why roses, Daniel?" 

He shrugged his shoulders speaking in a singsong tone of voice that was much higher pitched than normal, "Oh I don't know. I just like them Jack. I just like them." 

Oh yes he was now certain that red roses meant something to Daniel, represented something to him... 

As if he had heard the gears grinding in his lover's brain Daniel smiled, a ghost of a smile, before adding, "They're so pretty Jack." 

Pretty? Since when did Daniel use words such as pretty? Pretty? They were pretty? What? 

"So delicate, so small, so fragile, so...so..." Daniel rose abruptly to his feet preparing to walk away as he continued in a choked voice full of sorrow, "So silky, so innocent, so beautiful, so...so...so perfect, so...so pure..." 

He watched Daniel as his whole countenance suddenly crumpled. His shoulders drooped, his head dropped and he seemed to be wilting before him. Sensing his lover's deep despair he quickly rose to his feet and approached Daniel carefully placing his hands on each of the man's shoulders expecting him to run, to flee and shocked when Daniel only jerked around to face him before launching himself against his chest and burying his face in the crook of his arm. He didn't know how to react at first stunned by Daniel's unexpected actions but soon he wrapped his arms around Daniel frowning when he felt the shudders that seemed to be wracking his thin wiry frame. They stood like that as minutes turned into hours. Him holding Daniel close while Daniel quivered in his embrace as if he were freezing. 

As the sun lowered in the sky he knew that they had to go inside. It was already growing colder and soon they would both be shivering from the chilly night air so he gently urged, "Daniel, Daniel we need to go inside. The sun's going down and the temperature's dropping...we have to get inside you hear?" 

Daniel nodded but made no attempt to comply with the soft command so Jack tried again, "Come on, Daniel, what say you and I go inside and get warm, uh? I'll start a fire in the fireplace and we can just sit on the floor and relax. Would you like that, Daniel?" 

As memories of the intimate moments he and Jack had shared before that fireplace in the past filled his mind he quickly found that he wanted to do just that. He looked up at Jack managing a half smile as he softly answered, "Yeah...yes, Jack, I would. Can we go inside now? Please?" 

"We sure can, Daniel. We sure can." 

Together they entered the house and as promised Jack started a fire for them both urging Daniel to settle down and try to eat something while he waited. Once the fire was going well he glanced at his lover noticing that Daniel had barely touched any of his food. He frowned in response to that observation. Daniel quickly offered him a small shy smile before shrugging his shoulders and saying, "I...I wasn't hungry. I tried though...I tried. Honest. I just...I'm, I'm not hungry. Really." 

"Okay Daniel okay then let's go sit by the fire what do you say?" 

He simply nodded allowing Jack to lead him to the fireplace by his hand before settling on the floor and permitting himself the right to lean against his lover for support feeling a bit nervous when he did so without seeking approval first.


	18. To Love and to Honor

**TO LOVE AND TO HONOR**  
 **In Good Times and Bad**

One Week Later... 

Jack opened his eyes and listened wondering what brought him awake. He stared at the ceiling momentarily confused, trying to figure out what was so different at the moment. It was then that he felt the movement on the bed, the thrashing about followed by soft murmurs of no, please and forgive me escaping from the soft lips he knew so well. In the next instant he felt the tender hands that belonged to that anguished voice grabbing for him and wrapping firmly about him, felt that head suddenly burrow in against him and that warm body curling up against him as his lover continued to whimper and plead for forgiveness from some invisible ghost that just didn't seem to want to let him be. He immediately set to work trying to soothe Daniel tenderly stroking the top of his head as he softly crooned, "Shh, hush love. Sleep. I'm here for you. I'm here. Relax. Sleep. You're safe now, Daniel, you're safe. Sleep for me. Sleep." 

Daniel's tormented pleas soon turned into a quiet repetition of "Jack" over and over again. His lover continued to soothe him with caresses and gentle urgings to relax and rest. Daniel's pleas then started to abruptly change into responses of, "Jack, need you. Need you Jack...I need you. Stay, please, please don't go... Need you, need you love. I need you. Jack please... Jack you have to understand! I had to...no, no, NO! JACK!" 

Daniel jolted awake gasping for breath and tensing as arms suddenly tightened around him. Instantly panic crept up threatening to consume him, but as gentle words of comfort and understanding surrounded him and filled him his panic soon receded to be replaced by relief and sadness as he realized that he had woken Jack with his mutterings. He turned to Jack quickly apologizing, "Sorry, sorry Jack. I'm sorry for...for waking you. I'm sorry." 

"Nonsense, Danny, nonsense." 

"But I..." 

"But nothing Daniel, but nothing..." 

Daniel lifted his gaze to Jack's as he again muttered, "I'm really sorry Jack." 

"Hey that's okay. I understand..." Jack fell silent for a few moments suddenly recalling what Osiris had told them before Daniel had been released. He has been having a lot of nightmares that have been involving two main system lords: Dionysus and Nirrti. So which one had Daniel so upset tonight? He tried to refrain from questioning Daniel on the matter not wanting to push him into silence but found that he couldn't just ignore it so he gently prodded, "So was it about Nirrti?" 

Daniel suddenly stiffened and Jack was certain that he had his answer. He immediately began to run his hands lovingly up and down across Daniel's back trying to keep him calm and relaxed. He could see Daniel's Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard before inquiring, "What? Nirrti? How do you...? How do you know about her? He...he told you, didn't he...when I was... He told you. What else did he tell you, Jack?" 

Jack nodded his head sensing Daniel's fear and need for answers so he quickly supplied them, "Yes he told us that you had been having difficulty sleeping, and he told us just exactly why that was. He, he was very persistent on the issue." 

Daniel, not liking that answer at all, discovered he needed to know exactly what had been said so he issued the question, "What did he tell you, Jack?" 

Jack gazed into his lover's soft blue eyes seeing mixed emotions there: fear, worry, nervousness, anger...panic... He knew that he needed to answer Daniel's question just to put the man's mind at ease so he did, "He told us that you'd been having dreams, nightmares of...of her and Dionysus." 

At the mention of Dionysus' name Daniel immediately hissed and widened his eyes in shock. Jack didn't miss the obvious distress in that gaze, or the sudden tenseness in the man now resting atop him. Something about Dionysus scared the hell out of his lover and upset him...a lot. He knew that he would have to pursue that subject in the future, but knew enough that to do so now could cause more damage than waiting. It was obvious that his lover was not yet ready to discuss Dionysus...or Nirrti for that matter so he left the subjects drop choosing to continue to provide an answer to his question, "He told us that you were treated very well and had a highly honored status within his legion. He also said that you were well loved by his people. He wanted to make certain that I would take care of you and not harm you in any way. He was very insistent that if I couldn't accept you back into my life knowing, understanding that you sacrificed so much of yourself to appease him that he would keep you there. He mentioned that you recently had a meeting with Nirrti and that was why you were having nightmares." 

Seemingly satisfied with that answer Daniel responded, "Oh...oh, okay..." 

As his lover relaxed and snuggled deeper into his embrace Jack was certain that he would say no more. All he had wanted was to know what Osiris had told him. He knew that so much had happened to Daniel over the course of his captivity and he also knew that at this moment in time Daniel was very nervous about sharing anything with him. He had to be careful not to push his lover too soon or Daniel could end up shutting down and shutting him out completely, and if Daniel did that... 

He pressed a kiss to the top of Daniel's head before softly urging, "Go to sleep, love. Go to sleep. We'll talk about these things at another time. We'll talk about them when you're ready to talk about them. Okay?" 

"Pro...promise..." 

"Yes Daniel I promise." 

Daniel sighed in relief before settling further and mumbling a quiet, "Thank you, Jack...thank you." 

Jack smiled as he became aware that Daniel was once again drifting off to sleep. He knew that there would come a time when Daniel would reveal things to him and that he would have to be very patient and understanding. He could tell by Daniel's responses that the time was not yet and probably would not be for quite a while so he settled for watching his lover drifting back to sleep in his arms, content to have him back in his life and curled up against him so perfectly. Soon the veil of sleep also found him and together they both drifted off to dreamland. 

 

* * * *

 

As Daniel arose the next morning he forced himself to enter the bathroom and shower making certain to lock the door before doing so. As he entered the shower he recalled the nightmare he'd had last night. Nirrti, Jack had assumed the dream had been about her but it wasn't. No, not about her or even Dionysus for that matter... It had been about the devastation of a planet that had been destroyed simply to coerce him into Osiris' bed: Alandria. 

God, Alandria why couldn't he put those memories to rest? Why? He was positive that Jack had heard him plea for forgiveness and apologize repetitively for what he had done to the inhabitants of that world. When Jack had said that Osiris...told him things he had wanted to know and was a bit surprised that his lord had neglected to mention that the other source of his nightmares was the planet Alandria, Athena's planet. As he thought about that he began to wonder why his lord... Why OSIRIS omitted that particular bit of information. He was certain there had been no mention made of Alandria, and he was certain that was due to the fact that his lord just couldn't admit to using such drastic measures to gain his sexual servitude for the better part of his captivity. Okay so Jack didn't know about Alandria; he probably didn't have a single clue about that planet... Well, he sure as hell wasn't about to tell him. Alandria he would keep to himself just like all the times he fucked his lord like some cheap whore and all the times that it fucked him. No, Alandria would remain his secret as would his shame and guilt over giving his body to his master nearly every night for the past...um what? How long had it been? Well for a while... 

God, that was so unnerving, not knowing just how long he had truly been a servant to his lord... Damn it he wasn't his lord anymore! NO! To Osiris... Jack said a year and Janet said almost a year, so what was the correct answer? Jack said twelve months, but Janet implied that it was less than that. The truth was he had no clue himself. He had no concept of time while there. He had been denied such knowledge for so long. He was only estimating when he had told Jack it had been three months that he had gone without being outside, but was that the truth or had it been so much longer than that? He didn't know and that bothered him excessively. A year, Jack said a year but to him it felt more like five years, so who was telling the truth? Would Jack lie to him to make him feel better or was he only gone a year? It didn't matter; it had been a long time, a very long time and now he was free, free to figure out where to go from here... Where was that exactly? Where exactly was he going now? What was expected of him now? Here he was showering and preparing to go to work but...was that what was expected or...? He was so confused. He didn't know what to do so he decided to finish his shower and go to work. Once there he'd know what to do...either that or someone could tell him what to do maybe? What did one do when they lived another life, a drastically different life and were suddenly uprooted and placed in a whole new situation that wasn't really new at all but had been forgotten in order to survive each day existing elsewhere? What did one do about that? 

After showering Daniel headed off to work trying to ignore his feelings of discomfort, trying to quit second-guessing himself, trying to stop those annoying questions: was he at the right place? Did he work today? Did he work here? Would anybody know him or would he be chased out? Would his ID get him into that building and if it did where should he go? Was his office still there? Was it still his office? What if he went in there and everything was... ENOUGH! God what the hell was with all the nonsense questions? What was with the paranoia all of a sudden? God was he the only one who ever felt like this? Like he didn't belong here, like he was trespassing, like he was taking on a false identity in order to find a place he would be accepted in? Was this really his life at all? And if it was his life then why did things feel so, so...wrong? 

He shouldn't be here. He didn't belong here. He was a slave not a...not... Just who the hell was he anyway? Daniel Jackson, yes he was Daniel Jackson but was he an archaeologist anymore? Was he a linguist? Was he a member of SG-1? When was the last time he was called Doctor Jackson? When was the last time he had behaved like Doctor Jackson? Where was Doctor Daniel Jackson? Where was that part of himself? Was he still there inside or had he disappeared the moment Doctor Daniel Jackson became Lord Osiris' favored, Lord Osiris' whore and Lord Osiris' precious slave? 

God, why was he even debating this in his mind? This, this was so, so...stupid! Did... This wasn't normal, was it? Did...was...had anyone else ever felt so separate, so different...felt as if they had been severed or cleaved in two? Was there anyone else who felt as if they had been split right down the center, no longer existing as one being but two and so bewildered because they didn't, couldn't comprehend just what that was? 

As he gazed at the Cheyenne Mountain Complex he felt his fear swallowing him up. He didn't belong here! He didn't! He was a slave, Osiris' favored. He was Osiris' precious Daniel not...not him, that other man, that...not that doctor. Who was Doctor Jackson anyway? Who was he? That wasn't him because Doctor Jackson wouldn't have given up, wouldn't have given himself to his master each and every night, wouldn't have betrayed the love of his life. No Doctor Jackson wouldn't have done that because he would have fought...he would've... 

Daniel lowered his head to his steering wheel as he released a choked sob to the air feeling despair grabbing at him. How had this happened? How had he become so separate from himself? How had he lost half of himself? Had he left Doctor Jackson on Bursiris or was that man still within him? Was he still Doctor Jackson or had he managed to sequester that man in order to keep him safe, guarded and protected? If he had done that, if he had then why couldn't he seem to unlock him and set him free? Why couldn't he release Doctor Jackson from that safe place he locked him in to keep him safe, pure, whole...? Why couldn't he find the key to set that man free? Why? 

"Because I'm afraid to. Because I'm afraid... God...afraid, I'm... I'm actually afraid? My God what...?" 

He suddenly felt better as he realized he was afraid. He was afraid not depressed, not numb...he was afraid. When was the last time he felt anything but despair? My God it's been so long. He inhaled a shaky breath trying to draw comfort to himself and as he released it he felt as if he were now ready to enter the SGC. He was ready to take the first step towards rescuing Doctor Jackson from the safe haven he had banished him to so long ago. He could do this. He could! 

Feeling certain that he could do as he just said, he got out of his car and entered the mountain preparing to try to reintegrate Doctor Jackson into Osiris' precious Daniel and hopefully his mission would eventually become successful... Hopefully... 

As Daniel made his way down deeper into the mountain many people welcomed him back, some smiled at him while a select few turned from him as if they were afraid of him or were feeling guilty about something. He was certain those select few were the ones who had given up on him, the ones who had believed that he was dead and no longer able to be rescued. He wanted to be angry with them for having so little faith, but all he could do was accept that to some he had been thought gone. 

"Doctor Jackson we're here." 

He flicked his puzzled gaze upwards as he softly questioned, "What?" 

"The elevator has stopped. This is where you usually get off." 

Daniel blushed furiously as he realized he had been so lost in thought that he failed to notice that he was at his destination. He quickly stuttered, "Uh, um yes...yes thank...thank you." 

"You're welcome, Doctor Jackson." 

He nodded as he started to exit the elevator. Halfway out the door the man called again, "Doctor Jackson?" 

He turned seeing understanding and a warm smile on the sergeant's face, which prompted him to return a shy smile. The sergeant nodded before saying, "Welcome back." 

"Thank...thank you." 

"We're all here for you Doctor J. We're all here for you." 

He nodded before turning and walking down the familiar hallway that led to Doctor Jackson's office...to HIS office. 

Daniel paused outside his office door again reading the finely printed words on the gold plaque: Dr. Daniel Jackson. He stared at his name for the longest time finding it to be one of the hardest things he had ever had to do in his life. Why was it so hard to accept his full name? Why did hearing his name and seeing it stir up such disturbing feelings within? Why did it seem so hard to accept that he was Doctor Daniel Jackson and not Lord Osiris' precious slave? Why was this all so very hard for him? Why? This was so stupid, so ridiculous...yet he couldn't suppress those odd feelings even if he wanted to because they were automatic. Why was he having such a hard time accepting that he was more than just Osiris' slave? Why was he having so much difficulty with something as simple as...his own name? Why? 

He started to blink excessively still staring pensively at his name plaque jerking his head up when he heard someone approaching. He refused to look at them, and quickly grabbed his doorknob, twisted it and propelled himself into his office slamming the door much louder than he had planned before falling back against it feeling his heart hammering in his chest. Oh God, God, why was he so nervous all of a sudden? Why? He closed his eyes drawing in a slow calming breath before pushing himself away from his door and approaching his desk casting a morose gaze across it. 

Where to start...yes where to start... He noticed an object he had been translating sitting in the center of his desk and gazed at it for the longest time not attempting to pick it up or sit down only standing there with his eyes glued to its roughened surface. What was he doing here? He didn't belong here. This wasn't right. He shouldn't be here. Why was he even here? He clenched his eyes tightly shut hearing his haggard breathing in his ears. Why was he breathing so hard? Why did he feel so lost? Why couldn't he just sit down and work on that goddamned translation like he should be doing right now? He swallowed harder and suddenly became aware of just how difficult the simple act of swallowing now was. God he couldn't even swallow right! What the hell was the matter with him? WHAT? 

As the phone rang on his desk he released a startled cry to the air feeling suddenly very, very afraid. What the hell was that noise? What...? He scrambled around on his desk searching for the source of that awful, loud ringing and growing more frustrated. Where the hell was that ringing coming from? Where? He gazed at the phone staring at it as if captivated trying to put two and two together. He knew that was the source of the disconcerting ringing, but how did he silence it? How? He began to panic when it suddenly dawned on him and as he picked the phone up feeling thoroughly stupid and inadequate he yelled into the receiver, "WHAT? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?" 

"Daniel...? Daniel?" 

Immediately he dropped his head feeling himself beginning to shake when he realized that he felt so very angry. Without thought he slammed the phone down and cursed before lashing out at it and shoving it violently to the floor. Goddamn it he was so fucking angry! Why was he so damned angry? WHY? 

He snatched a pencil off his desk and deliberately snapped it right in half still feeling so outraged that he hurled the broken pieces across his office becoming angrier when they didn't impact hard enough, so he turned back to his desk searching for something else to break stopping only when the voice from the phone said his name again. 

He turned glaring at her as she watched him from his now half opened doorway. He snapped, "WHAT?" 

She swallowed hard before entering his office and closing the door behind her. She then questioned, "Are you all right?" 

"Does it look like I'm all right to you, Sam? Uh? No, no I'm not all right. NO! I'm, I'm..." 

"What, Daniel, you're what?" 

"Angry Sam. I'm so goddamned angry and you wanna know the funny thing about it? Let me tell you the funny thing about it, Sam. I don't fucking know why. There, you see, isn't that funny Sam? I don't know why." 

"Daniel..." she slowly approached him and reached for him. Automatically Daniel cast her a frightened gaze before backing away from her and shaking his head violently no. She no longer saw the rage that seemed to have held him only a moment before. Now, now she saw fear. Fear? He was afraid...of her. She gentled her voice further as she said, "Would you... Do you want to talk about it Daniel?" 

"Talk? TALK? Why does everyone want me to talk? No, no I don't want to talk about it and if I did, if I did I wouldn't! NO! God what, what is it with you, with all of you? First Janet, then Jack, now you...who's next Teal'c? Are you going to sic Teal'c on me next see if he can get me to talk too?" 

"No, Daniel. No." 

"Then stop asking me to talk! God, I haven't even been back a week and everyone expects me to talk? Why should I, Sam? I don't. I sure as hell don't want everyone to hear about how fucking thoroughly he humiliated and degraded me. I don't want everyone to know how it felt to be a fucking slave whom only obeyed his master! I don't want to talk about it, Sam. I don't! Why can't everyone just be happy that I'm back and leave me the hell alone? Leave me the hell alone! Is that too much to ask? Well is it?" 

"No Daniel. No it isn't." 

"Then leave me the fuck alone, Sam!" 

"No, no. Daniel no. No I'm not leaving." 

"Why? WHY?" 

"Because you shouldn't be alone right now." 

"I shouldn't be... What the hell is that, Sam? Are you going to boss me around now too? You want to replace my master now, Sam? Do you want me to bow to you and seek your permission before I do anything? Would you like that, Sam, because I can do that you know. I can. I can be your fucking slave, Sam. I'm so damned good at it! Just say the words...just say them." 

"Daniel, God no. Daniel. No. Stop. Don't do this to yourself." 

"Do what?" 

"Stop it, Daniel. Just stop it!" 

"Or what, Sam? What will you do? Uh, what will you do?" 

Without words she approached Daniel, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a comforting embrace. He at first tensed preparing to resist her but quickly the tension fled and he wrapped his arms around her. She granted him time to regain his composure before softly answering, "I'll hold you until you stop. I'll hold you when you cry. I'll hold you when you feel lost, when you just need to be held. I'll hold you until you grow tired of it then I'll hold you some more..." 

Daniel didn't know how to react to those strange words or to Sam's unselfishness and understanding. He swallowed hard softly apologizing, "I'm...I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry I just... I was so angry and I couldn't...then, then I became scared and..." 

"Shh, no need to explain Daniel. There's no need to explain. You can speak to me however you want and I won't go any where. I'm not leaving you Daniel. I'm not and neither is Jack or Teal'c or Janet. We won't leave you Daniel. We won't abandon you. You don't have to be so afraid of that happening because it won't. It won't. We're all here to help you heal. We're all here for you. You're not alone anymore, Daniel. You're not alone. You won't ever be alone again. We promise...I promise. Never again, Daniel, never again." 

He closed his eyes nodding in response to her pledge to him. He still felt as if he didn't belong, as if he was in the wrong place. He knew, expected, to feel this way upon returning but never expected that feeling of alienation to wreak such havoc on his emotions and feelings...if he had any emotions or feelings left that is. 

Hell, he hurt...he literally hurt not just in his back or in his legs, not just in his head or in his hands but all over. He hurt all over. His body felt as if it had impacted a truck and he couldn't make sense of it. Why did he hurt so much? Why did he feel so...so...? Why did he ache? Why did he hurt both inside and outside? Why? What was happening to him? Osiris hadn't physically harmed him other than a few bruises and scratches so why did he hurt so damned much? Why did he feel so...so...why did he feel...? Was he feeling? Was that the cause of his present pain? Was he learning to feel all over again? 

He tried to think back over the past week. How had he felt in that time? Let's see...afraid, scared, nervous, frustrated, angry...but...but that wasn't all no, no he felt...he felt...happy to see Jack again, temporarily safe in the man's arms, calmer than he had in months...he... My God he actually... He was experiencing emotions that he hadn't felt in so very long... Was that why he hurt so damned much? Was his body going through a transformation of a sorts learning to feel all over again or was he just drumming up some crazy explanation for why he hurt so damned much since the moment he stepped through that gate on Bursiris and entered the embarkation room? 

Why did he hurt so much? Why did his body ache? Why? He forced those questions to the back of his mind not having the strength to even consider answers to them. His mind was full of so many unanswered questions, and he just didn't have the energy to face them or analyze them for that matter so he forced his attention back on her, on the woman who was holding him close against her allowing himself to accept the comfort she was offering. 

As she again assured him that she was here for him he lowered his head to her shoulder tightening his grip on her as he allowed her strength and concern to seep into his aching bones. 

As they stood there in the silence he became physically aware of her firm round breasts pressed against him and her soft hair tickling the side of his face. He became aware of her delicate hands and the way she felt against him and...oh God, God NO! 

He suddenly felt panicky and couldn't make sense of the sudden onslaught of the very powerful emotion. He automatically tried to pull from her nearly screaming as she tightened her hold on him. As her hands began rubbing his back soothingly he could handle her closeness no longer and quickly shoved her away shouting, "Oh God no, NO! Please stop it! STOP!" 

The instant he was free of her hold he wrapped his own arms tightly around his body staring in horror at her. Praying that she would maintain her distance and not draw any closer or he would probably scream. He stared at her wide-eyed trying to force his now haggard breathing to slow down and trying to calm himself in some way. 

Sam felt Daniel relaxing against her and smiled softly glad that he was willingly accepting her offer of comfort and feeling as if she were doing something for him after all, but the moment he tried to pull from her she panicked feeling suddenly as if he were being taken from them all over again and she wasn't yet ready to yield her hold on him. She shouted an instant denial in her head yelling that Osiris couldn't have him back that he belonged here and here he would stay. She could feel his loss so completely that she gasped and reacted by tightening her own grip on him. She became instantly aware that he was fighting her and trying to pull from her and as she gazed into his eyes and saw the terror there she released him feeling her heart breaking in two as he retreated to the far side of the room, wrapped his arms around himself and proceeded to begin pacing back and forth like a caged animal in fear for its life. She swallowed hard aware that she was responsible for putting the fright into him and knew that she had to calm him. 

She continued to watch his anxious pacing and quickly set to work soothing him again, "Daniel...Daniel. Daniel you're all right. You're all right. Talk to me. Talk to me Daniel. Please. Please Daniel. Please talk to me." 

"No, no, no, no... No, Sarah, no...you'll tell him. You will, you will and...and...no, no...no." 

Sam gasped when he referred to her as Sarah and realized almost instantly just why he was behaving as he now was. He was having a flashback. Something about the last few moments sent his mind back in time to another memory. A memory of a woman who from the way he spoke about her had allowed Osiris to harm him. Had Sarah been conscious and aware the entire time? Had she willingly allowed Osiris to hurt Daniel and to use...oh God, oh God no. No. Surely she wouldn't have... NO! But the longer she watched her friend and listened to his mutterings the more certain she became that there was some truth to her thoughts and if Sarah...if she had truly been aware and Daniel had known that she was... God, he had probably felt so betrayed by her. Hadn't Daniel at one time loved her? To be betrayed by someone he had at one time loved and had loved him in return...to have the knowledge that she was there while Osiris did...things to him but failed to intercede... God, no wonder Daniel had resisted her. No wonder he seemed so confused and so upset by what had just happened. If Sarah had... God the things Daniel must have suffered. Not only had he been used by Osiris, but he had been betrayed by Sarah...by a woman he had at one time loved and cared about.

Oh God Daniel how can I help you through this? How can help you? 

"Daniel how can I help you through this?" 

Daniel paused in his pacing casting her a confused look as he softly prodded, "What? What?" 

"Daniel..." 

He cocked his head to the side as if he were just now realizing that he wasn't alone and that she was with him. As he spoke her name she was certain that he had momentarily forgotten that he wasn't alone, "Sam...Sam why are you...? I...I... Um, how long have you been...?" 

"Don't you remember...?" 

"Remember? Remember what? Sam I don't...I don't feel so good. Maybe, maybe I should go home..." 

"Wait, Daniel what just happened? Tell me what is happening with you. Please." 

He shook his head feeling suddenly afraid and puzzled. He felt as if he had missed something and couldn't explain why he felt that way. He shook his head as he gazed into Sam's eyes and attempted to offer an answer...but he didn't know what to say to her so he settled for shrugging his shoulders instead. Why did he feel like he, like he... What just happened? Had he blacked out or...? Why couldn't he remember? He questioned, "Um how long have you been...been...here?" 

"How long? Daniel... A...a few minutes..." 

"And I..." 

He shook his head as he remembered suddenly holding her and then, and then...? He shook his head as he continued, "I...I panicked didn't I? I...that's why I can't remember you coming in here...I panicked again..." 

"Again Daniel?" 

He only nodded before providing more of an answer, "I... My Lord mentioned that there were times when I...when he could sense that I wasn't all...there. There were times that he said I seemed distracted almost like...like I just blanked out for a moment or two. I thought he was full of shit, but I guess...I guess he wasn't. I'm sorry Sam. I hope I didn't scare you. I really didn't mean to..." 

"No, no you didn't..." 

"Good. I'm glad." 

She allowed the silence to stretch between them for several long moments before inquiring, "Daniel, have you...have you told Janet about these...blackouts?" 

"Janet? No, no. Why would I tell...? No." 

She nodded as she continued "You do know that they're a symptom Daniel an indicator." 

"Of what?" 

"Trauma." 

"Trauma? No, no look Sam I'm fine. Really I am. I... Can I please get back to work? I want to get back to work. I just want to sit here and...and translate." 

She frowned when he refused to see what she was trying to tell him. She knew what he was experiencing, well she had a fair idea but he wasn't listening to her. He was doing what he always did...acting as if he were fine. Why did Daniel always resort to...? 

She shook her head as she suddenly realized that she couldn't say that because she didn't know how he dealt with things now. He had been gone a year and a lot could change in a year. A lot...including the ways someone coped with stress or stressful situations. She had to get to know Daniel Jackson all over again, for he although was the same person he had been a year ago he was now permanently altered by his captivity, and by the things he had been forced to do as a slave. She had to get to know him all over again just like he had to get to know himself again. 

She shook her head, saddened by how much of an effect abduction could have on someone, and angry that Osiris had carelessly uprooted her friend and changed him into something he wasn't. It was so damned unfair! So damned unfair! She gazed at him deciding to give him time to himself. She would have to talk to Janet. She wanted to learn how best she could help her friend through the healing process and after the reactions she had witnessed in the last few moments she was now certain that Daniel was in dire need of help to heal himself and move on with his life...

 

* * * *

 

Daniel decided to leave the mountain early finding that he wasn't really accomplishing all that much to begin with, so he left and returned home deciding to wait for Jack...wait for Jack? Boy did that ever seem odd to his ears, especially since he had pretty much accepted that he would be with Osiris for the rest of his life. In the past month he had surrendered allowing himself to accept that his life was no longer his own but controlled by another. His fate was someone else's to decide. 

After surrendering, after accepting his new life things became so much easier for him to bear. Everything became so much easier because he succeeded in numbing himself completely, only feeling emotion when Osiris made love to him. He had all but given up on any chance of a rescue. He had been forgotten and left behind, abandoned to a fate worse than death...the fate of an indentured slave. He decided that resistance was futile because he would never be free again, so he gave himself over to his lord and embraced his new life as Osiris' precious Daniel, determined to silence that other man, Doctor Jackson for good. 

He belonged to Osiris and no other, though his heart, his soul, and his love were permanently severed from his body now imprisoned with a man he loved beyond all others. A man he would probably never see again and as he surrendered to Osiris thrusting upwards to meet his powerful thrusts, clutching him so desperately to him while pleading to be fucked faster and to climax for his master's pleasure he had sent a silent prayer into the heavens that Jack O'Neill would somehow find a way to forgive him for finally accepting his new life, for embracing his new title and truly becoming Osiris' personal slave and attendant. He sent a prayer to the heavens that Jack O'Neill would keep his heart, his love, his soul safe and would cherish those last gifts he had to offer for though he had surrendered to Osiris and became what Osiris had demanded, expected and yearned for those were the things he would never give up. As a result he was now cleaved in two trying desperately to collect the shattered remnants of one Doctor Daniel Jackson and fuse them back into the being, the creature now known as Osiris' precious Daniel. 

He silenced those thoughts feeling suddenly helpless and afraid. He could feel a migraine beginning, could feel his stomach cramping and twisting in his gut. He could feel the pain that seemed to stalk his every move and as his arms began to tingle and his legs began to grow numb he knew he had to distract himself. When pain entered his chest he became worried tensing as he felt as if he were suddenly in danger. He then began pacing and wringing his hands together. 

He had to do something. He had to do something, anything... He couldn't stand still and he felt extremely fidgety. He had to do something, something...but what? 

As his eyes raked over the sink he nodded. He knew what he could do. The dishes...they needed washed. He could do the dishes. 

Without a second thought he set to work gathering the dishes up and filling the sink with water. Once he had all the dishes that needed washing beside him he began the laborious task, keeping his mind occupied while he waited for Jack to return home. 

 

* * * *

 

Jack headed home a little worried about Daniel. Carter had said he had an "episode" in his office earlier and he wanted to make certain that Daniel was all right. Once at the house he felt relieved to see Daniel's vehicle parked in the driveway. Thank God he had made it home. 

He then proceeded to approach the house trying to dampen down his fear and anxiousness, uncertain of just what he would see when he found Daniel. He drew in a calming breath before entering the house and softly calling Daniel's name. When no response came to him he listened hearing a soft humming on the air. The humming sounded sad, almost eerie. He could hear despair in that tune and felt his heart leap into his throat as the realization of just who must be humming sank in. As he listened to the haunting, eerie melody he could feel chills climbing his spine... Daniel, God it was Daniel. Daniel was humming like that, humming as if he were mourning or weeping. God! 

He forced his legs to move following the sound to its source, only pausing to stare dumbfounded when he saw his lover standing at the sink, back turned to him, a stack of dishes gathered beside him not yet washed while on the other side a stack of obviously clean dishes was accumulating. He watched the man in silence listening to that creepy humming and watching those hands he knew so well scrubbing a bowl before rinsing it. He stood like that for several long moments just watching Daniel's actions before drawing nearer to him and gently prodding, "Daniel what are you doing?" 

The younger man glanced up at him smiling briefly before turning back to the sink and continuing the task he had started. He quickly answered, "What does it look like I'm doing, Jack? I'm washing dishes." 

Jack cocked his head to the side raising his eyebrows in mock surprise saying, "Yeah I see that." 

"So how was work?" 

How was work? What the hell? He shook his head as he further inquired, "Daniel, are you washing all the dishes?" 

"Yep. How was work, Jack?" 

"All of them Daniel?" 

"Yes all of them. Didn't I answer that question already? So how was..." 

The excitement in Daniel's voice disturbed him and he suddenly realized his lover was a bit...hyper. He decided to stop Daniel's task by saying, "Daniel they all don't need to be washed." But Daniel kept right on talking not even taking a breath in between words, "Sure they do Jack. I mean just think about it. When was the last time...?" 

"Daniel you don't have to wash ALL the dishes." 

Daniel stopped for a moment looking at Jack as if perplexed before shrugging his shoulders and answering, "I was in the mood to clean." 

"You were in the mood?" 

Daniel offered him a brilliant smile before continuing, "Yes... Will you tell me how work went Jack, or did something happen that you're trying to avoid?" 

"What?" 

Daniel paused midway through scrubbing a dinner plate waiting for Jack's answer. Jack just continued to watch him a bit confused as to why his lover was washing ALL the dishes in the entire house. When Daniel suddenly stopped he realized the man was still waiting for an answer so he quickly provided one, "Fine, same as always..." 

"Really?" 

"Yes really." 

As Daniel finished washing the plate he put down the washcloth and picked up another one setting to work on drying the dishes he had just washed. 

Jack shook his head feeling somewhat concerned about Daniel's odd behavior. The young man seemed so fidgety. He seemed to be bouncing from one foot to the other behaving as if he were hyperactive and unable to use any self-control. He watched in awe as Daniel moved from drying the dishes to wiping out the cupboards before stacking them back in their proper places and then resumed washing the remaining cookware. He became so wrapped up in just watching Daniel moving as if he were in overdrive that he failed to realize that when his lover started to sweep the kitchen floor with just as much fervor as he had washed the dishes, half an hour had passed. 

He didn't know how to even begin to react as Daniel jumped from one task to the next bounding about with an unfathomable amount of energy. He moved as if he were in high gear not missing a single beat as he continued the same routine for the rest of the evening. By 8pm Jack was ready to write out a prescription for Adderall and Cylert for Daniel and some Prozac and Depakote for himself. 

He lifted his gaze when his thoughts were disrupted by a still hyperactive Daniel singing way off key to "Love Shack" by the B52's. Oh, Lord, help us! When the hell would the man's overabundance of energy finally give out? 

"Daniel? DANIEL!" 

"Yes Jack?" 

"Could you please keep it down...?" 

"Oh Jack, Jack, Jack am I disturbing you? So sorry, so sorry, truly I am. I just... I can't sit still. I...I..." offering him an impish grin Daniel continued, "Sorry Jack," before picking up the chorus right where he left off and returning to dusting every goddamned thing in the living room. SHIT! 

By 9pm Jack was almost screaming and prepared to flee the damned house when Daniel suddenly fell deathly quiet and ceased moving about so vigorously. He tensed as unexpected fear traveled through him and he could feel his throat closing spastically. Daniel's hyperactivity had been nerve-wracking enough, but the sudden silence... 

He turned calling in a strained voice, "Daniel? Daniel, are you all right?" 

He caught sight of his lover standing by the stairway gazing fixedly at the bookshelf with an unexplainable expression crossing his facial features. As Daniel suddenly lifted an object into his hand he swallowed convulsively before offering a lame explanation, "Uh, um, yeah about that..." 

Without looking up Daniel held the item in his hand transfixed feeling a vast array of emotions swirling within before he whispered, "You...you kept this? Wh...why? Why Jack?" 

Jack sighed heavily suddenly wanting that hyperactive Daniel back but knowing, sensing he was gone...at least for the moment. He approached Daniel drawing up behind him, pressing his chest up against his back and leaning forward before placing his hands on either side of his lover's hips and glancing at the item Daniel now seemed to be clutching. 

Daniel unconsciously leaned back against him insinuating his body perfectly against his own before asking again, "Why Jack?" 

"I, I...I couldn't... I couldn't make myself put it away... Um, there's a lot of...things I couldn't put away." 

"Such as?" 

"Books you had been reading before...before... Coffee mug, your favorite coffee mug... Um, magazines...your toothbrush... Your watch just...just things I...I couldn't... I needed them with me." 

"Things Jack? Why?" 

"I tried to...tried to put them away but it just felt so...so wrong. You weren't... I couldn't do that to you, Dan. This house, this house was so big, so cold without you and I just... I couldn't bear the thought..." 

"You couldn't bear the thought? Of...of what Jack?" 

He sighed softly before answering truthfully, "Of living without you." 

Daniel inhaled a shaky breath before nervously flicking his tongue out across his bottom lip and blinking back the sudden mist that seemed to be filling his eyes. He didn't know how to react or even what to say and ended up stuttering, "You...you, you...you couldn't? You...you missed me, Jack? You..." 

"Yes I did...a lot. God Daniel so much...I need you so much. I... I couldn't... It just wasn't right." 

He sniffed before relaxing as Jack's arms encircled him from behind shivering as Jack's soft warm moist lips pressed to the side of his throat before he whispered, "Missed you so much, Danny, so damned much." 

Daniel moaned as he allowed himself to feel the warmth of those lips, the strength in those arms and the heat in that body. He smiled softly before dropping his head lightly back against Jack's shoulder muttering a soft, "Thank you Jack," before his last reserves of strength gave out and he collapsed against his lover, falling deeply asleep as a result of his frantic excursions throughout the evening. 

Jack panicked when Daniel suddenly went lax against him, but as he calmed himself and carefully examined his lover's face, listened to his breathing and heard the man sighing in his arms a smile stretched across his lips as he realized that Daniel was finally exhausted. 

Jack eased the book out of Daniel's hand and sat it back where it had been before scooping the languid form of his lover up into his arms bracing him about the back and knees as he carried him upstairs and settled him in their bed, taking great care and patience with removing Daniel's clothes and making him as comfortable as possible. Once he was satisfied he slid under the covers and drew the now softly snoring Daniel Jackson into his arms and held him close pressing several kisses to his lover's precious face before whispering a soft "good night" and an "I love you" to him. 

He awoke several hours later as the sound of moaning permeated his sleep-clogged brain. As that moan was followed quickly by a whimper he turned to the source of that tormented cry noticing that his lover was once again tossing restlessly about. Daniel, shit he was having another bad dream! Shit! He automatically reached over to gently stroke the face of the man he loved so completely hoping to soothe his fitful partner in some way, tensing when Daniel responded to the touch with a desperate plea of 'please don't touch me' before lapsing into a mantra of no. He closed his eyes shaking his head in frustration and worry. God why, why couldn't he have a night of peaceful rest? Why? He had hoped that Daniel's momentary hyperness would have tired him out so completely that he wouldn't dream, but as Daniel twisted onto his right side still pleading for his lord not to touch him again he set out on a mission to calm the man and keep him asleep. 

He began to softly croon to Daniel, stroking his hair to ease his discomfort and feeling anger building as Daniel continued to plead with his lord not to make him do things. He knew what Daniel's pleas implied and suspected that sexual servitude must've been a big part of his captivity. Trying to dampen the rage those thoughts evoked within him Jack focused once again on his lover's face. He continued to speak to Daniel in soothing tones hushing him and assuring him that he was all right, that he was safe. He relaxed when Daniel finally started to show indications that he was calming again and felt relieved to know that he had helped his lover in some way. As Daniel settled he wrapped his arms around him then leaned down to brush his lips with his own, receiving a soft sigh of pleasure in response along with a nice warm hand being placed onto his right shoulder as Daniel burrowed in against him. He pressed another kiss to Daniel's forehead relaxing further as Daniel's pleas fell completely silent and sleep again claimed him. Thank God. Thank heavens he was able to keep Daniel asleep and the dreams didn't disturb his rest as much as they could have. Thank God. 

As he held Daniel in his arms Jack thought over all that Janet had said to him the other day. She wanted him to go see a friend of hers. She had made the suggestion to Daniel adding that if he didn't meet with her at least once then she would be forced to place him on stand-down. She said that Daniel had agreed to do as she requested but was unsure as to whether or not he would be able to do so on his own. He decided that talking to her just might be what Daniel needed. He would speak to him in the morning and see if he could encourage Daniel to speak with her. Though his lover had only been back for a few days he felt certain in his gut that this woman could possibly help him in some way. He, also, knew that he would have to be careful in his approach because Daniel would no doubt become enraged with him for making the suggestion in the first place. If he could urge Daniel to make the move to meet with this woman then she just might be able to help him start to heal. 

He allowed himself to start settling when Daniel's even breathing filled the room. He gazed at the man who now had his head placed directly over his heart and smiled. Daniel would be all right for now. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully once again and he knew that the sound of his heartbeat was always soothing to Daniel. His work for the moment was done. He could go back to sleep now. He smiled as he closed his eyes and allowed the veil of sleep to once again descend around him. 

 

* * * *

 

Jack awoke early the next morning seeing Daniel watching him with wide-eyed wonder and felt a sudden urge to topple that man onto his back and worship his body from head to toe before making slow passionate love to him all morning long. He swallowed hard as he silenced those thoughts. It was way too soon. Daniel was definitely NOT ready for sex. Oh no. Those thoughts would have to be put on hold because he was certain that the last thing on Daniel's mind right now was getting laid so he chose instead to smile at Daniel before inquiring, "Daniel, what are you doing?" 

Daniel remained silent. The only indication that he was listening was the slightest cocking of his head and the hand that reached for his face only to hover a scant inch from his right cheek. He could see Daniel's internal struggle and it saddened him. Daniel wanted to touch him, but he was still so afraid. He was probably afraid that none of this was real. He was quick to comfort, "I'm real Danny. I'm real. Go ahead. You can touch me. I'm real. I'm not going anywhere. I'm real. Touch..." 

He held his breath hoping that Daniel would take the initiative to do so, certain that Daniel was probably frozen in indecision knowing that it would break his heart if he reached out only to grasp empty air. He silently urged Daniel on, smiling when the younger man made the attempt. He felt the faintest of brushes across his cheek as Daniel grazed his skin with his fingertips releasing a shaky breath to the air. He watched Daniel intently waiting for his next move. As a soft shy smile broke out across Daniel's face he felt euphoric. Daniel then broke the silence by saying, "I'm...I'm glad you're here, Jack." 

"Yes I'm here. I'm real and I'm not leaving." 

"I...I thought it was her, uh him...it again. I...I was so afraid to open my eyes. Afraid...afraid she'd...it would..." 

He shook his head silencing his confession and gazing at Jack expectantly. Jack slowly lifted a hand up to cup Daniel's face in his palm as he gently prodded, "Did you have to sleep in the same bed?" 

Daniel froze and stared at Jack not certain what to do. He felt panic surging through him in response to the question and quickly shook his head before turning to gaze at the wall. He remained silent as he drew his arms around himself protectively and began to rock ever so slightly. He stayed like that for several long minutes before answering, "I...I don't want to discuss this, Jack. I don't. Please, please don't ask me. I'm... Please." 

"Daniel? Daniel, look at me. Daniel." 

He slowly turned to gaze at Jack afraid of what he might say or do. Jack reached up gently cupping Daniel's left cheek as he urged him to focus on him. Daniel made eye contact briefly before casting his eyes to the floor. They sat like that for several minutes before Jack suggested, "Maybe...maybe we should go meet Janet's friend. What do you say Daniel?" 

He jerked his head up to stare at Jack asking, "What? What are you...? What...she told you? She told you? Why? She..." 

"Daniel, relax. All she told me was to make certain you visit her, talk to her...just meet her. That's all, that's all Daniel..." 

"That's, that's, that's it? Nothing else?" 

"No." 

"Did she tell you why?" 

"All she said was that you needed to visit her and if you didn't you'll be placed on stand-down... In fact, you shouldn't even be at work until you do as Janet said but for some reason she's making an exception." 

Daniel forced a grin as he attempted to joke, "Oh you know me, Jack..." 

"Yes I do and I know that she may be able to help you." 

Daniel fell silent and focused on the floor again no longer gripping his arms around himself. Now he was wringing his hands together in his lap, a nervous habit that Jack had only observed a few times in the past. He watched those hands wringing together before continuing, "Daniel, I think you should at least meet with her. I'll go with you, if you'd like..." 

Again that head came up as Daniel moved his mouth as if to say something fishing for words that didn't seem to want to come before asking, "Did she tell you what her friend specializes in Jack? You might not want to come. You might... She...she isn't going to be discussing the weather, Jack." 

"I know that Daniel. I know that." 

"And you still want to come knowing she's a...a...one of those people?" 

"One of those people? She's a counselor Daniel, a psychologist..." 

"Of...of... Jack I can't ask you to do that." 

"Daniel, I want to go with you, be there for you. I want to help you. Please let me help you, Daniel. Please." 

"I've been alone a long time Jack having to rely on just myself and occasionally Zeenan or My'la to help keep me sane. I want to let you help me, but it's very difficult for me Jack, very difficult." 

Jack tried to ignore the sudden intense jealousy and anger that filled him upon the mention of Zeenan and forced himself to focus on what Daniel actually said. They were the only other two that could help keep him sane? God did that mean... "Who's My'la?" 

"Who's...what...?" 

"My'la, who's My'la?" 

"She was a slave, like me. She...she prepared me each morning for my lord...trained me to use my voice in... Why Jack?" 

She trained him to use his voice? She prepared him? She was a slave like...like him? God that sounded so wrong! His Danny was no slave! He shook his head disturbed by the things Daniel just said. He quickly silenced those thoughts continuing, "You never mentioned her. I never saw..." 

"She was there Jack in the throne room right before...before we left. She was standing beside our lord...Osiris, she was standing beside Osiris." 

"Oh the one that..." 

"Looked sort of like Sha're...? Same hair, same skin tone...thought that from the first day I met her. She reminded me of Sha're and that helped, that helped. Zeenan, Zeenan reminded me of Teal'c. They both helped me a lot Jack. Without them, without them... I don't know what I'd be like if they hadn't been there. Actually I don't want to even think about it. Let's not think about...about that okay?" 

"Okay Daniel. Okay." 

Daniel offered him a shaky smile before slowly rising out of bed determined to get ready for work. Jack stopped him by gently grasping his hand causing Daniel to gasp and freeze in place casting a fearful glance his way. Fear of touch that's what he was seeing now. He noticed Daniel swallowing convulsively and sensed that he wanted to jerk away, but was making himself accept the touch. When Daniel offered him another weak smile he remained quiet a few seconds more before speaking in a soft tone, "Daniel you will speak with Janet's friend, won't you?" 

Daniel held his steady gaze longer trying to dampen down his need to jerk from Jack's gentle touch. God he was afraid, so afraid, but why? As soon as Jack touched him it was as if a jolt of panic traveled his body making him so damned scared. What was he afraid of? Jack would never ever hurt him, so why was his heart now pounding so furiously in his chest? Why did he feel as if he needed to flee or fight to protect and defend himself? Why? 

Determined not to accept the panic without a fight he made himself accept the touch that seemed to be the source of his new found anxiety. He gazed at Jack seeing a mix of concern and worry in the depths of those dark eyes and forced himself to hold that gaze. As Jack spoke he noticed it was a struggle to make sense of the words eliciting from his lover's mouth. After several moments of struggling with comprehension he nodded replying, "Yes Jack...yes I...I will just not...not today. It's too... I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet." 

"Okay that's understandable. We'll wait but Daniel..." 

"Yes?" 

“You will probably never feel ready to meet with her, but you have to some time." 

"I...I know Jack. I know... I'm going to, uh... I'm going to go shower if, if that's okay. May I shower now?" 

"Daniel..." 

He shifted nervously from one foot to the other and back again as he answered, "Yes Jack?" 

Being careful of how he relayed the words to his lover knowing that they had the obvious potential to upset him further Jack smiled warmly providing, "You don't have to ask me for permission to bathe." 

Jack watched his eyes widen in surprise as Daniel suddenly realized what he had done. Daniel nervously flicked his tongue out of his mouth dragging it across his bottom lip before commenting, "I...I didn't... Did I?" 

Seeing the uncertainty and frustration in his lover's eyes he pulled Daniel's hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the palm before saying, "It's all right Daniel. It's all right. It's going to take some time to get used to no longer being...with him. It's all right. You're all right. Now go, go get your shower before we're late." 

Daniel smiled before nodding his head, thanking Jack and turning to exit the room. 

Jack pressed another kiss to his lover's precious hand before he released his hold and watched Daniel quietly make his way to the bathroom. He didn't move until he heard the shower clicking on then he drew to his feet and started to get ready for work himself keeping his ears tuned towards the bathroom listening for any sounds of possible distress or frustration coming from his lover and prepared to break down the damned door to get to him if he heard so much as a peep of Daniel in danger or upset. 

 

* * * *

 

Later That Day... 

Daniel glanced up from his desk as Teal'c entered his office and smiled as an immediate, overwhelming feeling of safety consumed him upon seeing his Jaffa friend. He asked, "What took you so long to come visit me Teal'c?" 

The first thing Teal'c noticed was that Daniel seemed to actually be focused on work, a marked improvement from the last few days. He had heard Doctor Fraiser and Major Carter discussing just how easily distracted Daniel Jackson now was and made the decision to visit his young friend. As he saw Daniel busily working he very nearly turned around, but then his friend spoke and he could not ignore him, "I was unsure as to whether you would desire my company after what you have endured." 

Daniel offered him a perplexed expression as he continued, "Why would you think that? Teal'c you...why would you think that?" 

"Why would I not? You have endured much. It is understandable that my presence might only increase your anxiety." 

"Teal'c no, no. Do you know that it was partly you who kept me alive while I was there, Teal'c? Zeenan helped me immensely..." 

"Osiris' First Prime..." 

"Yes. He... Do you know how he helped me?" 

"I do not." 

"Because he reminded me of you, Teal'c. He is a lot like you. He treated me the way you treat me...not like a slave but as his equal, Teal'c, and he offered me solace when I could find none," Daniel chuckled as he continued, "You know he was always trying to get me to meditate with him saying that I needed it... You know he was right. He performed the same rituals you do...a circle of candles all lit, sitting in the midst of them to do his Kel-no-reem. He invited me to join him in that circle like you have done in the past and...and he would get me to relax then would question me." 

"About what may I ask?" 

"My feelings, my emotions... He would...he'd often point out the obvious like how I learned to shut off my emotions when Osiris used my body for pleasure. How I locked my heart up for Jack. How I loved only Jack and had never willingly betrayed him...things like that and it helped, it helped me so much. I felt...safe with him like I feel, have always felt, with you." 

Teal'c could feel his heart swelling in response to those simple words uttered by his friend. He loved this man before him and respected him. Daniel Jackson was part of his family and to hear, to know that he had helped him in his darkest hours meant a lot to him. Zeenan, Zeenan had reminded Daniel of him and that was why he drew so much comfort from him? Because... 

Daniel interrupted his thoughts as he continued, "At first, when I first met him he made me nervous and anxious, but you know I never really feared him ever because he reminded me of you so much and knowing that helped me more than you'll ever realize. You know I used to think, while I was there, that you...spoke to me through him. Doesn't that seem strange? I know it does but that's how it felt, like you were helping me..." 

He swallowed passed the lump of emotions balling up in his throat as he softly answered, "No that does not seem strange, my friend." 

Daniel's smile broadened further as he gazed at Teal'c before offering, "Thank you, Teal'c. Thank you... Um, I...I did have...have a, um, a question... Would you mind...? I mean can I...um, can I...?" 

"You may join me whenever you desire Daniel Jackson. The offer has always been extended towards you." 

"Thank you I... Sitting with him...it really, really helped me a lot and I'm certain that...that sitting with you will do the same. In fact, I know it will." 

"I was on my way to do so now, but I desired to see how you are doing. If you would like you may join me this night." 

"Can I...I mean I can?" 

Teal'c smiled, unable to miss the sudden excitement and relief lining Daniel's voice. He suddenly felt sad that he had waited so long to approach his young friend. He had been uncertain as to how Daniel would react to him after what he had experienced. Now he could see that Daniel had been waiting for him to visit and has probably been wanting to ask if he could join him for his Kel-no-reem since his first day back on Earth. Perhaps by again extending the invitation to Daniel he would be able to help his young friend after all. 

 

* * * *

 

Together he and Daniel went to his chambers. He watched as Daniel gazed around the room seeming more calm and relaxed than he had in days. He wondered about the observation. He started to light the candles in preparation for performing Kel-no-reem when Daniel spoke, "His room was similar to this. I was very grateful to Zeenan. He offered me solace whenever I needed it. He said that if I ever wanted to I could go to his chambers. Zeenan was, is, a great friend. I miss him though. He...he used to stall Osiris when he knew I needed time to myself. His chambers became my refuge, my personal escape. In his chambers I was never bothered. I could write or just sit and think and not have to worry that my lord would come for me. He never entered Zeenan's chambers. I think he knew that I needed at least one place I could go to where I could truly be free from his watchful eye. Zeenan, Zeenan would often check on me to make certain that I was all right and to reassure me that I would not be disturbed. I found a safe haven in my otherwise chaotic world provided by Osiris' First Prime whose heart was as big as yours, my friend, and that made all the difference for without him, without Zeenan there to listen to me, to offer me advice, to help me relax and stay in touch with whom I once was I...I believe I would be even more shattered than I already am." 

"He was a good friend." 

"As are you, Teal'c. As are you." 

Teal'c nodded his head before lighting the final candle and offering Daniel his hand. Daniel accepted the hand still smiling as Teal'c led him to the center of the circle of candles and together they lowered to the floor sitting facing each other. They both remained silent focusing on the sights and sounds around them before Daniel spoke in a low voice, "He taught me to listen to the sounds around me, not just the obvious sounds but the ones underneath all other sounds..." 

"The beating of your heart, the sound of your breathing, the sound of the flames upon the candles..." 

"Yes." 

"This is how Jaffa begin Kel-no-reem. We must first attune ourselves to the environment in which we reside before we can begin our meditation..." 

"It was amazing, Teal'c. It actually worked for me..." 

"This I am glad to hear Daniel Jackson." 

Daniel nodded as he continued to listen to the sounds around him noticing the faint nuances and rhythms that resounded within Teal'c's personal chambers. Once he settled and calmed further he began to talk again, "He would allow me to speak to him when I felt ready to do so." 

Teal'c smiled as he softly questioned, "Do you wish to speak now?" 

"Yes." 

"Then please feel free to do so." 

"Teal'c I don't want to burden you with..." 

"Do not believe you will burden me. I should like to hear what you have need to say, my friend. Please do not fear speaking to me." 

"You see that's just it. I don't fear speaking to you. I fear speaking to Jack and I want... I need to speak...to someone." 

"But you do not yet feel safe with him? You are unsure of your self, of how well he will accept you after what has happened to you." 

"Yes." 

"Do not fear for he loves you." 

"I'm not so sure he can love what's left of me Teal'c..." 

Teal'c opened his eyes focusing on Daniel noticing his eyes were closed and that he seemed relaxed, calm, momentarily at peace. He sent a silent thank you to the heavens and to Zeenan for taking the time to teach his friend how to meditate and for giving him a place to feel safe. A smile lit his lips before he closed his own eyes again focusing on the sounds around him and preparing himself to begin Kel-no-reem. 

As Daniel spoke Teal'c felt happy and joyful, glad that his young friend felt safe enough with him to be able to talk so freely of himself and his experiences. He sensed that Colonel O'Neill knew none of what he had just been told in a few brief moments. For some reason Daniel Jackson had selected him to speak to about his hidden thoughts, emotions and feelings. He felt privileged and honored that Daniel chose to confide in him. He listened as Daniel continued, "You know Teal'c, I..."

He fell silent once more and as seconds moved into moments Teal'c was certain that Daniel would say no more but then he spoke again, "I...I wouldn't say that I'm a religious man. I mean I didn't attend church daily or read the Bible every night...I didn't... I have never been a religious man...too much knowledge of different cultures to find which religion would be...right for me, but I'd like to believe that there is one all powerful God who has created all of this... I have to believe that there is a reason for our existence, that there's a purpose because if I don't believe that then...then I'm lost...but even believing that I'm still lost, you know. I...I'm shattered. I'm no longer the same person I was a year ago before my life became one of imprisonment. I...I need to believe that there's some reason, some purpose for why I spent a year in captivity as a slave. There has to be a reason, a purpose because if there isn't then everything...all my suffering, all my torment, all my shame and all my guilt, all of it is just so...so senseless. It's all so senseless and I can't accept that there was no reason why I went through that. There had to be...there HAS to be a reason..." 

Teal'c listened to Daniel as he tried to make sense of the direction his life was now taking. He could tell that his friend was confused and upset. He wasn't only questioning himself overall, but he was questioning his beliefs and trying to make some sense out of why his life had taken such a drastic turn during the last year. He knew that Daniel was searching for answers and trying to make sense of his life, of what now remained of his life after such a lengthy captivity and he wanted to help his friend the best he could. He was determined to help Daniel through the healing process and help him to find who he once was again. For now he would just listen to him and wait offering the man time to recollect his thoughts. He knew that Daniel wanted to speak but was having difficulty getting his point across. He was determined to listen to the man and offer what advice and support he could. He was determined to help him heal completely.


	19. 'Til Death Do Us Part

**‘TIL DEATH DO US PART**  
**Disturbing Thoughts**

As Jack entered the house he searched for his lover immediately stopping as he noticed him sitting on the couch, head bowed and arms wrapped securely around himself as he clutched a pillow to his chest. He closed his eyes taking in a calming breath and waiting for his heart to stop its rapid beating. It had been several weeks since Daniel's return and still he was scared to death to enter their home. He was scared to death that he'd open the door and look around for his lover only to realize that Daniel's return had been a dream and not reality. Why couldn't he accept that Daniel would still be there when he returned? He always panicked himself during his drive home worrying, fearing that while he was away in the hour or so since Daniel had said goodbye to him that he would be stolen, beamed up, ringed up or something. He was also afraid that one day he would return home only to discover that Daniel was still MIA, or that Osiris had returned for him. After all, the snake did threaten to keep Daniel if he sensed any danger to his favored while in the custody of his lover. The bastard had actually accused him of being a possible danger to Daniel, and he was prepared to return for Daniel if he suspected the man was being abused. The nerve of that damned snakehead to accuse him of hurting Daniel after the hell he had put him through, the fucking nerve of that son of a bitch! 

He silenced his angry thoughts upon hearing Daniel sniffling as if he were...crying? Shit! His feet moved before his brain registered the action bringing him to his lover's side in the span of a heartbeat. As he drew to a halt before Daniel he noticed Daniel was staring blankly at the floor rocking slightly and so very silent, glistening tracks of wetness marred each perfect cheek from the tears he had been shedding. He felt a lump beginning to form in his throat as it felt as if a hand seized his heart clutching it tightly as he gazed into the beautiful face of the man he loved. He knew that he would have to proceed with caution, so he slowly raised his hand making the action as non-threatening as possible as he lowered himself before Daniel. He stopped his hand just short of touching Daniel's face caught in indecision...should he touch him? How would he react? Would he flinch? Would he look up? Would he...jerk away? Was touching him really the right thing to do or...? 

He silenced his persistent thoughts doing as his heart urged him to. He reached out pressing his left hand against Daniel's cheek. He held his breath waiting, uncertain of how Daniel would respond. The instant he touched his lover Daniel hissed and pulled away, gazing at him in shock and fear. The look nearly broke his heart in two. Daniel then spoke his name breathlessly as if the name were a prayer and a confirmation at the same time, as if it were a quiet verbal acknowledgment to himself that he wasn't just imagining things again. 

Daniel's next move bothered him even more as realization struck of whom he was with. Daniel responded by breaking eye contact and turning his face away as if to hide it in shame. The nervous hand that reached up to haphazardly brush away the tears from his eyes proved to him that Daniel felt ashamed of being caught crying. The young man's obvious distress also came across in the sudden halting of his rocking, and the way he tightened his hold on the pillow he still clutched to his body. He decided that a confrontation was in order so he softly prodded, "Daniel?" 

"What? What Jack...?" came the tense, strained voice of his lover. He quickly decided to change tactic suddenly unsure if confronting Daniel about why he was crying was such a good idea after all. He chose reassurance, "It's all right you know. It's all right." 

Daniel blinked before nervously glancing at Jack and again hiding his face. He really didn't want Jack to see him like this. Why hadn't he paid more attention to the time? He really didn't want to explain to Jack that he had no sooner gotten into his car when an overwhelming urge to cry had swept through him. He really wasn't in the mood to tell Jack how he had held those tears at bay forcing them back, denying them permission to fall. He didn't want to explain how several tears had managed to escape gliding slowly down across his cheeks or how he had dashed them away with his hand in anger as he drove. He wasn't ready to tell Jack how he'd become so angry with himself that he had successfully managed to turn sadness into anger...until he entered the house, yanked off his coat, entered the living room and dropped down onto the couch like a dead weight unable to prevent the sudden onslaught of tears that had come fast and furious refusing to stop even when he resorted to old methods of comfort: curling up, clutching his arms to his chest and rocking incessantly. 

When he'd begun rocking he had recalled another time when despair had gripped him so tightly that he had resorted to similar actions to soothe his aching, tormented soul, as he recalled the mix of anger, fear, shame and guilt he had felt when Osiris had given him to Lord Chandra for punishing. The tears continued to flow, dropping harder than before as thoughts of that time filled his mind. When he had started to feel as if he were being pawed all over again and remembered the feel of Lord Chandra's warm breath as it bathed his ear and face he had screamed, surrendering to the pain and allowing the tears to continue to fall until they became nothing but trickles and occasional droplets. 

He heard Jack's voice again assuring him that what he was now experiencing was normal. Normal? How the hell was this normal? He had started to cry for no goddamned reason! No reason, there was no reason he had just started...crying. It wasn't until after he had started crying that those memories intruded, driving a stake into his heart and triggering the gut wrenching sobs he had caved into only moments before he had heard Jack's car pull into the driveway. God, why had he started to cry? What had triggered...? What...why? He suddenly felt foolish as he unconsciously admitted to himself that he really didn't know what caused those tears. He just started crying out of the blue. No reason, no explanation, no nothing. The tears had just come and that was so damned unnerving! It wasn't normal to just start crying...that just wasn't...normal. 

Again Jack's soothing voice broke through his morose contemplations, "Daniel what you're experiencing right now is perfectly normal. Trust me. Part of the symptoms of trauma is frequent crying and exaggerated emotional responses." 

Oh great so now Jack not only was saying it was normal but that it was frequent? Oh that was just great! Damn it! And he mentioned that same word Sam had the other day: trauma. Trauma? What fucking trauma? He had surrendered so how the hell could that cause trauma? He had allowed his lord to use his body in whatever way he desired. How the hell...? He shook his head feeling suddenly scared and panicky, but couldn't explain the sudden variation in his mood. He heard Jack droning on about his reactions being normal but beyond that he was having difficulty comprehending. What the hell was wrong with him? 

He refused to look up at Jack keeping his eyes trained on the floor, unwilling to do anything else. He suddenly felt so alone and so pathetic. Here he was with tears streaming down his face scared to death and unable to come up with any reason for those feelings. Just what the hell was wrong with him? As Jack called his name sounding a bit peeved all he managed to force passed his lips was, "I'm...I'm cold. Could... Could you start a fire please? Please, Jack, I'm really...cold." 

"Daniel..." 

He cast Jack a pleading look as he quietly uttered, "Please." 

Jack watched Daniel for several moments before nodding his head, saying he could do that for him and retrieving a blanket, which he carefully draped around him. He tucked the blanket under Daniel's chin before placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder and asking if he felt better. Daniel nodded suddenly very grateful for Jack's concern feeling his fear and anxiety beginning to slowly crumble as Jack told him to sit tight while he built the fire. 

Daniel watched Jack busying himself until he had a decent fire going. He then watched him as he drew to a halt before him again inquiring if he felt better. After nodding Jack sat down beside him on the couch. He willingly slid in against him sighing in relief as Jack's arms wrapped around his body holding him close. It was then that he realized he had been shivering. When Jack shifted to give him more room he allowed a small smile to escape before attempting to curl in against Jack and lean his head on his shoulder. Once he was settled he felt Jack lean forward to gently prop his chin atop his head after kissing him and proceeding to run his hands up and down his body as if to warm him. 

Jack felt the vise on his heart squeezing a bit tighter when Daniel curled up against him as if trying to fuse himself with him. He became aware that Daniel's body was wracked with shudders. He was shaking. He knew this reaction all too well from his days after Iraq. Daniel was slipping out of the momentary shock his body had been in as a result of what he had experienced. He was beginning to react to what had occurred. He was beginning to feel again, to pull himself out of the open complacency he had exhibited on the day they had retrieved him from Osiris' planet. He knew Daniel's emotions and feelings were now in turmoil. He was experiencing upheaval and was unsure how to cope. He was breaking free of the trauma taking the first step towards the path of healing that he so desperately needed. He was beginning to thaw out. 

The journey Daniel was daring to embark on was going to be a long one, long and so very hard, but it was necessary. All of it was necessary because if he didn't move through the stages he'd never reclaim who he was. Jack's job right now was simple: to offer comfort, solace, patience and most of all understanding and reassurance. He had every intention of providing all of those important needs for his lover. He was not about to make Daniel begin such a long journey all on his own. He was going to stand by him every single step of the way. 

 

* * * *

 

Later that night... 

As he settled down for bed Jack found himself in another quandary: he wanted to touch Daniel, to touch him and to hold him, but he knew that Daniel might not accept. Still he had to try. He waited for his lover to return from the shower determined to make an attempt to reach for him, very much aware that Daniel might jump up and flee the moment he did so...either that or scream so damned loudly that he'd wake the neighbors. Ever since his return Daniel had been acting very skittish, which had both upset and angered him because he didn't quite understand why that was. 

Jack glanced up smiling as Daniel returned from the shower then settled on the bed lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. He rose up on his left arm, propping his head in his hand as he looked down upon the man he loved so completely. The instant he did so he noticed Daniel's chest beginning to rise and fall rapidly...fear. The man was afraid. Damn, what the hell had Osiris done to Daniel to make him so fearful? He watched as Daniel swept his tongue across his bottom lip...a definite indicator that he was very nervous. He continued to watch noticing the man suddenly flick a suspicious blue gaze his way and smiled before softly saying, "Relax, Daniel, I'm only looking at you. All I want to do is look. Aren't I allowed to look at you?" 

Daniel shifted his gaze to his face once more inhaling deeply before answering, "I...I suppose... I'm...I'm sorry, Jack." 

"About what?" 

"Being so...so...I don't know. I'm sorry." 

Jack hushed him then gently pressed his pointer finger to Daniel's lips to silence him. Again Daniel tensed beneath him, unconsciously pulling away from the light touch. Jack continued to speak, "I missed you. I missed you so much, Daniel. It just wasn't the same without you here in our bed...together. I missed you so much... God, you are even more beautiful than I remember..." 

Daniel instantly shook his head, telling Jack non-verbally that he was far from beautiful. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard before forcing them back open and returning his gaze to the deep brown eyes of his lover. He watched Jack intently unsure of what the man would do and feeling extremely afraid and uncertain. 

Jack continued to admire his lover and slowly dragged his fingertip across Daniel's bottom lip. He tensed, gasping in surprise as Daniel began to gently tug the finger in between his sweet luscious lips, staring in shock when the younger man started to suckle on it. Instantly heat slammed into his groin and a fire blazed within. He quickly realized that he wanted to make love to Daniel but knew that he shouldn't...hell, he couldn't. Janet had warned him that he would have to move slowly, but the more Daniel suckled on his finger the harder it became to suppress that overwhelming need and desire. Without conscious thought he released a soft drawn-out moan to the air. As he stared deep into Daniel's eyes he felt the need to make love to the man and just for a moment, a brief moment in time he saw himself turning the man onto his back and taking him desperately. He closed his eyes forcing himself to regain control of his spiraling emotions knowing that he had to stall his own needs and desires for Daniel was not yet ready to be made love to. Instantly he yanked his finger out of the sweet, moist mouth determined to put an end to a possible mistake. 

As Jack's finger started to slowly trace his bottom lip Daniel had instantly responded to the stimulation by tugging the finger into his mouth and suckling it just as he had been trained to do for his master. He hadn't realized what he was doing until Jack jerked his finger away and Daniel saw the expression of shocked surprise on his face. He felt instantly ashamed as he realized what he had just done and quickly cast his eyes downward feeling the warm heat flood up across his neck and cheeks as his face became beet red with embarrassment. As the shame began to take over Daniel jerked up out of the bed and ran for the bedroom door, determined to put as much distance between him and Jack as possible. He quickly darted down the stairs and out the front door ignoring the cold chill of the night air as he became determined to flee. 

Jack cursed as his lover cast his eyes away and took off. He knew that he had to go after him and quickly took up the pursuit. When he next caught sight of his lover Daniel was making his way rapidly towards the road. He picked up his pace running after him, determined to stop him and bring him back to the house. He felt relieved when he caught up with Daniel who had stopped upon hearing his name, but his relief was soon replaced by sadness as Daniel responded by immediately turning his back to him, wrapping his arms protectively over his chest and ducking his head. He knew at that moment he would have to take things slowly and watch what he said and did, or Daniel might possibly take off again. He spoke softly, "Daniel... Daniel, where are you going? You need to come back to the house. It's freezing out here and you have no socks, no shoes...no coat...Daniel, please come back to the house. Please." 

Daniel's only response was a sudden shake of his head. Jack sighed softly before continuing, "Okay if you won't come back with me then perhaps you can tell me what happened back there. What was all that about, Daniel? Why did you feel the need to run?" Silence was his only answer so he resorted to softly pleading, "Daniel, will you please talk to me?" 

Daniel still refused to acknowledge his lover, continuing to stare at his feet and wrap his arms tighter around his body. 

Jack continued, "All...all right fine. Don't tell me but... Daniel, I didn't turn from you because you upset me. I... God I wanted to...I wanted to make love to you so badly and yes, yes what you were doing back there...God it felt very good...I... I wanted to take you right then and there, but I know that you're not yet ready for that. I had to stop before I hurt you. I don't want to rush you or pressure you into anything. The reason I turned from you is because if I hadn't then all my self-control would have gone out the window. I don't know where the hell you learned to do something like that, but it felt wonderful and I...I wanted you to continue...I wanted to do more than just touch you. I don't know where that came from but..." 

Daniel swallowed hard before speaking so softly that Jack barely heard him, "I...I had to do a lot of...things while I was away...I had to do a lot of...things...for him that I didn't..." 

Jack tensed further as he heard those words. He moved closer trying to catch the rest of what Daniel was saying, "He trained me to...to do a lot...a lot of..." 

"Things?" 

Daniel nodded before adding, "For him..." 

"And suckling my finger?" 

"It was expected...should something be placed against my lips I... It was part of my training Jack..." 

"God I'm sorry Daniel I didn't realize..." 

Daniel simply shook his head, not being able to find the strength to continue speaking. He remained silent tensing and pulling from Jack the instant he placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

Jack felt his heart breaking in response to Daniel's rejection of his touch and he suddenly felt jealous rage boiling in the pit of his stomach. He yelled at himself wondering why he was allowing himself to become so damned jealous of Osiris and of what Osiris could draw from his Danny. Why was he allowing that to bother him? Why had seeing Daniel respond so openly, so eagerly to the Goa'uld lord start a jealous rage deep within? Why did he feel anger when his lover pulled from him or begged not to be touched? Why did he feel this uncontrollable urge to lash out and punish the man for daring to reject him? Why was he so damned angry? How could he think such terrible things about the love of his life, and how could he tolerate those violent thoughts, those violent impulses he felt when Daniel shrugged from him? Why the hell did he feel such an intense need to stake his claim and to mark his lover as his? WHY? 

He silenced the disturbing thoughts not wanting to even admit that he was having them. Daniel had only just returned. He had no knowledge of what his lover had experienced. All he knew was what Daniel had so far revealed. He could see that the abduction was wreaking havoc on Daniel's life and he felt so angry and so damned guilty for not finding him and rescuing him sooner. He should be completely focused on Daniel and helping him in any way that he could not entertaining such twisted thoughts of staking his claim on him or feeling jealous and outraged at the mention of Zeenan's name or the images, the memories, of seeing Daniel responding so eagerly to Osiris the day they brought him home. 

My God it was a year, a year that Daniel had spent with both Zeenan and Osiris and in that year he had been obviously trained to do all kinds of things. He had probably been through a lot of elaborate trainings to become what Osiris wanted him to be. He should be anticipating problems, anticipating Daniel's needs not focusing on rage and jealousy due to what his mind told him had occurred on that planet. 

He had no doubts in his mind that Daniel had warmed Osiris' bed, probably every single night. Hell, Osiris had probably demanded that he serve in bed every single night. He'd probably expected Daniel to openly accept his touches and caresses no matter who was there to witness. Hell, the damned snake had probably demanded even more than that, but none of it was Daniel's fault, none of it, so why did he want to lay claim on Daniel? Why did he want to make love to him all over again so badly? Why did he want to...hurt his lover in some of those disturbing thoughts and dreams? WHY? Wasn't it enough that Daniel awoke every damned night since his return pleading, hell begging for his lord to stop touching him? Wasn't it enough that Daniel jerked away from his touch, that he felt it necessary to lock the bathroom door every single night to keep him away? 

The signs and indicators were there. Daniel had been sexually assaulted, hell probably raped every fucking night of the week. It was so obvious that he had been used, abused and assaulted often. There might not have been violence involved but the symptoms were there, yet he still couldn't vanquish those feelings of intense jealously and rage. He still couldn't eradicate those horrible images of himself reclaiming Daniel by fucking him raw or hurting him in the process of lovemaking. He still couldn't believe that Daniel HAD been a victim of sexual assault at all. In fact, he REFUSED to believe that his lover was even raped despite all the evidence to the contrary. Was that why he wanted to harm him? Because he believed that Daniel had been extremely willing to serve Osiris and Zeenan's sexual needs? Is that why he kept having these disturbing thoughts of reclaiming Daniel, of...? Shit, were these violent thoughts normal or was he just some sick twisted bastard who was more of a threat to Daniel than anything? Maybe...maybe Osiris had been right in his assessment...to keep Daniel with him for fear that he'd...that his lover would... NO! NO! NO! That was bullshit, total fucking bullshit! Those thoughts were just images; they had no power over him and no way of harming Daniel, yet they disturbed the hell out of him and made him doubt himself. Were they normal or...? 

He decided that maybe he should visit Doctor Fraiser tomorrow. Maybe she could help him understand better why he was feeling so jealous and having such sadistic thoughts about Daniel, Zeenan and Osiris. Maybe he was losing his mind after all and was a danger to Daniel or maybe, just maybe those feelings and the anger he's been experiencing were completely normal. Whatever they were he hated them. He hated those thoughts and the impulses he felt. He would never, ever hurt Daniel ever! So why then was he having such evil thoughts of harming the man he loved? WHY? 

He shook his head, still angry with himself and his twisted thoughts. He gazed fixedly at the back of Daniel's head noting that he still stood ram-rod straight, his arms wrapped around his chest in a self-hugging gesture. He also realized that he, himself, was standing tensely and that bothered him. Here he stood behind his lover clenching his hands, balling them into fists at his sides. What the hell was he doing? He should be trying to offer his lover comfort not standing tensed as if he were ready to run or pounce. He closed his eyes as he drew a calming breath forcing his fists to open and his mind to calm. Daniel seemed oblivious to the fact that his lover was presently battling with his inner demons and feeling such an intense need to lash out. Again he shook his head and inhaled deeply. This was not good. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be hostile towards Daniel. He had to be supportive and keep his anger reined in, for if he released it then Daniel would probably assume that he was angry with him and right now Daniel's feelings were just too volatile for that. 

Jack felt relieved when his sudden anger subsided. He then reached out to hold Daniel who tensed upon the contact. He waited on edge for Daniel to reject him, surprised when his lover chose instead to lean into him, as if he were searching out his warmth and touch. He swallowed hard as he muttered, "Daniel..." 

"Jack, hold me. Please. Please Jack can you...can you do that for me? Will you...?" 

Would he? What? Why did Daniel sound so damned afraid to ask to be held by him? Why? He instantly wrapped his arms around Daniel pulling him back against his chest and holding him safely in the haven of his arms. He kissed Daniel's ear as he softly added, "Yes I'll hold you, Daniel. I'll hold you as long as you want me to." 

Daniel released a loud sigh of relief and Jack felt the tension immediately leave his body. Had Daniel really feared that he would refuse to hold him? If so, why? Why would Daniel fear such a thing? Why? 

"You know I hated him, Jack. I hated him so much, yet I...I needed him too." 

Jack drew in a deep breath as Daniel spoke wanting to say something but remaining silent granting Daniel the opportunity to continue speaking. He held Daniel tighter not wanting to ever let him go. He was surprised and somewhat disappointed when Daniel suddenly turned in his arms and buried his face in his chest allowing the silence to stretch between them. He sensed that Daniel wanted to talk, needed to talk but was afraid to, so he waited feeling sad and angry as Daniel lifted his face long enough to request they go home before the silence again consumed them. He nodded and together they made their way back neither one speaking, just holding hands as they entered the house and went back to bed. 

Jack slowly lowered himself beside Daniel propping his head up on his left elbow as he gazed at the younger man. He pressed his other hand to the side of Daniel's face as he quietly urged, "Tell me what you're thinking about love." 

Daniel shifted his gaze to Jack's face and cautiously shifted towards him. He wanted to answer Jack's question but hesitated. He held Jack's gaze only a moment longer before breaking eye contact choosing instead to become absorbed in the ceiling as he quietly muttered, "Stuff...lots of stuff..." 

"Like what? Care to share?" 

"Ah, um, well you know...things." 

"Things? Care to elaborate?" 

Daniel softly moaned as Jack's free hand moved to his belly where he started drawing little circles across his skin making goose bumps rise in response to the physical contact. He inhaled shakily before continuing, "About earlier Jack I..." 

"Shh, shh let's not talk about earlier unless...unless you want to. Do you want to talk about earlier, Daniel?" 

"Hmm, uh no, no not...not really but..." 

"Shh, shh no buts Daniel. We won't talk about earlier if you don't want to." 

Daniel nervously darted his eyes in Jack's direction before once again training his gaze on the ceiling above them adding, "So what should we talk about then?" 

“Anything, anything you'd like. How's work?" 

Daniel again glanced briefly at him before replying, "What...what kind of a question...?" 

"You said you wanted to talk, so...how's work?" 

"Not good...I...well...Jack... Never mind... Look I...um...mmm Jaack what...?" 

Jack snickered as he slipped his hand even lower towards Daniel's groin. He was very careful to move slowly, and as he eased his hand beneath the waistline of the pajama pants Daniel was wearing he felt his lover's response as he thrust his beautiful hips upward and hardened beneath the fabric now covering his nakedness. Hmm, Daniel was aroused and he wanted nothing more than to accept the open invitation Daniel's body seemed to be extending to him, but he forced himself to refrain from touching Daniel sexually. Instead he continued to gently draw circles on Daniel's skin just brushing his groin lightly with his fingertips. As he eased his fingers a bit lower he gasped in surprise when he felt the smooth hairless skin beneath his fingers. He gazed at Daniel raising his eyebrows in question. Daniel blushed clear to his roots as he stuttered out an answer, "I...I...it felt...it...I didn't feel comfortable...I... It was a long time Jack and I...I kind of..." 

"Got used to it?" 

He watched as Daniel swallowed convulsively still blushing as he answered, "Uh, yes I...I suppose I, um, I did. I just...you don't like it?" 

Jack focused intently on Daniel removing his hand from beneath his pants as he reached up to turn his face towards him. He then answered, "If you're comfortable shaving yourself then go for it. I want you to be comfortable and if that makes you feel more at ease then do it." 

Daniel cast a shy glance Jack's way before again staring at the ceiling as he answered, "I just...every week...it...I feel funny you know, weird if...I don't know does that sound stupid? It does I know it does...you know he said that...marked me as a slave...slave's don't...slaves aren't permitted...hair. Isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever heard Jack? I...I kind of...I know it, it's another indicator of what I am...um, of what I was but...but it just feels so...awkward you know. I...I just..." 

Jack pressed a finger over Daniel's lips as he smiled warmly and said, "Daniel, Daniel, Daniel you don't have to explain love. You don't have to explain. If you feel comfortable shaving then do it. Okay. If you feel comfortable with it then I feel comfortable too. Stop worrying about it. Okay." 

"But Jack..." 

"Okay?" 

Daniel smiled shyly before nodding his head in response. Jack noticed some of the tension seemed to ease in Daniel's body and was glad for that. He then lowered and leaned forward brushing his lips across those of his lover's as he huskily drawled, "Besides I think it's sexy as hell." 

Daniel's eyes widened in surprise as he again stuttered, "You, you, you do?" 

"Oh yeah. YOU are sexy as hell love." 

"Jack please..." 

Jack grinned as he pressed soft kisses to Daniel's jaw drawing an invisible line from his jaw to his left ear as he continued speaking in that husky tone, "Oh yes, very sexy. Every inch of you is delectable love. Every contour, every curve, every little nuance and texture...you are so beautiful Daniel. So goddamned beautiful..." 

Daniel raised his left hand automatically placing it against Jack's chest prepared to push him away but still wanting this desperately: to be made love to, to make love. He felt the usual stirrings begin as his body became even more aroused, and he prepared to plead for sex. He craved it, ached for it...hell needed it. Every nerve was crying out to be pleasured. He moaned as his dick swelled even more growing harder as the head of his penis began to seep with pre cum. He was so goddamned ready to be made love to, so ready to be fucked. As Jack continued to plant soft kisses across his ear, his face, his eyes, his nose he licked his lips thrusting his hips up into Jack begging and pleading with his body for what his mouth was not prepared to request. He felt the defiance and anger within as he felt his resistance crack and crumble. He would not beg. He would never beg for sex again. He wouldn't. He had sworn to himself, promised himself that Osiris would not draw his pleas from within again. He wouldn't. He couldn't he was saving himself, keeping himself buried and safe, hiding himself away for, "Jaaack...Jack please...please..." 

Jack knew he should stop himself, knew he had to bring a halt to what they were quickly heading towards. Janet had told him, warned him that Daniel was not ready for this. He wasn't ready for intercourse. She had warned him, and he had to listen to her. Janet knew what was right and this, this was so very right, but he couldn't. He couldn't do this to Daniel. Daniel wasn't ready. Hell, the man was still pulling away from his touch. Daniel has only been back a short time there was no way in hell he was prepared to make love, yet he could feel his lover thrusting up against him, hear the pleas, the moans and the sighs Daniel was releasing to the air, feel the way his body was so eagerly responding to his touch... Daniel wanted this so badly, but he couldn't do it. Jack would hate himself if they progressed any further. He couldn't do this to Daniel. He couldn't! 

Daniel continued to feel his need thrumming through his body. He needed this so badly. He needed to be fucked and to fuck in return. He needed it, longed for it and ached for those feelings to return. As he felt the kisses being pressed into his skin he allowed himself to feel again, and his need to make love became overwhelming. He bit into his bottom lip wanting desperately to trap those desperate pleas within not wanting to give voice to the words his lord longed to hear. He couldn't release those pleas for that was what Osiris longed for, that is what he waited for, always. Osiris would rarely progress their intercourse beyond touching and kissing, unless Daniel begged to be fucked. He wouldn't do it. He couldn't do it! He couldn't! But God he wanted to. He needed to feel again and he knew, he knew that by pleading with his master he would be again permitted to feel. By pleading with his master he would be rewarded and his needs would be met. His cravings, his urges would be satisfied and without further thought he released the soft plea, "Please...please, make love to me...please... Please, My Lord, please I beg of you..." 

Jack tensed as he heard Daniel's soft plea. His lover had spoken so quietly that he hadn't been certain he had heard anything, but he had and those words sent chills through his body. Daniel was pleading to be made love to, begging not him, no he didn't say "Jack" what he said was "My Lord". Oh God, Daniel, Daniel...what has he done to you? How did he gain your compliance in the bedroom? Daniel...God how can I help you through this? How? 

Daniel released a soft whimper as Jack pulled away from him, and he reached for Jack pulling him back down on top of him. He needed to feel, needed to experience this, needed to fuck and needed it now. He licked his lips as he prepared to beg yet again. He pulled Jack closer then pressed a kiss to his lips, spreading kisses from his mouth to his ear before whispering, "Fuck me please." 

"Daniel..." 

Daniel moaned again wondering why he wasn't being pleasured. He needed this, ached for it. Why wasn't he being granted what he requested? Why? What the hell sort of game was his lord playing this time? He kept his eyes closed as he gave in to his need to be satisfied. He allowed his legs to drift lazily apart drawling in a sensual seductive voice, "Fuck me, My Lord. I belong to you...only you." 

Jack stared at Daniel in horror grasping Daniel's arms he shook Daniel as he yelled his name several times. When Daniel focused on him he continued, "Daniel, look at me! Look at me! It's Jack. Osiris isn't here...Jack...I'm Jack. Daniel? Daniel?" 

As if a light went on in Daniel's mind he released a quiet, "Jack? Jack what...?" 

"Daniel? Daniel, are you all right? Daniel?" 

Daniel gazed at Jack in worry and concern. He then reached up to press a hand to Jack's face as he inquired, "Jack what's wrong? Jack? Jack, you're scaring me. Jack?" 

"Daniel, what the hell was that?" 

Daniel paled as he suddenly realized that he was sprawled out across the mattress, his legs spread wide as if he were some cheap whore and pre cum dripping from his penis. He swallowed hard as he felt sudden shame fill him. He gasped, hissing as he yelled, "OH GOD! Oh God Jack what the hell...what the...!" 

"Daniel, Daniel calm down. Daniel, you were...I don't know you were..." 

"Jack...Jack what...?" 

Jack noticed Daniel was now shivering, an expression of horror was in his eyes, and he was extremely pale. He quickly drew Daniel against him pulling him close and held him tightly in his embrace. Daniel fought against him trying to push him away as tears glistened in his eyes. Oh God Daniel wasn't handling this well. God. He continued to hold Daniel tightly as the man shook and buried his face in the crook of his arm. The tears in his eyes seeming to take on a mind of their own began to pour down over his beautiful cheeks. He felt Daniel's arms entwining around him clinging desperately to him as he continued to shake as if he were freezing. He crooned softly to his lover telling him that it was all right, that everything was all right. He continued speaking to Daniel feeling relieved only when he stopped shaking and seemed to calm upon the mattress. 

When Daniel finally found the courage to peek his head out from its haven Jack felt relieved and smiled tenderly at his lover. Daniel responded by immediately down casting his eyes, a look of shame upon his face as he did so. Jack was quick to reassure, "Daniel, Daniel don't. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Daniel..." 

"Nothing to be ashamed of? Jack I just...I...I... How can I not feel ashamed after...? Jack..." 

"Shh, shh Daniel. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Believe me Daniel you have nothing to be ashamed of." 

"Jack what...what did I... I...what just...what happened?" 

"You...you slipped into a trance...of some sort. Well that's the best word I can think to describe it. One minute you were here with me and the next minute you were..." 

"With him. Why? Why would...Jack what the hell is wrong with me?" 

"There is nothing wrong with you Daniel. You had a flashback, a flashback that just happened to be triggered while we were in bed and I was...kissing you. Look I shouldn't have done that. Janet warned me not to pressure you. She told me you weren't ready to...you know. I shouldn't have pushed I...I just... I love you and I...I wanted to but...but I had to stop. I wanted you so badly Daniel but I... I can't do that to you. It's too soon." 

"I had a flashback, Jack?" 

"Yes." 

"And a flashback triggered arousal in me? Jack what the...?" 

"No um I...I triggered that arousal Daniel the flashback...I think, I think that's why you had the flashback." 

"But that wasn't a flashback I thought, I really thought that I was...you know and..." 

"It was a flashback Daniel. You don't need to be ashamed of a flashback. It happens." 

"But, but it's so..." 

"Real? Yeah flashbacks are like that you know. You feel like you're there and its happening all over again, but you're not. Your mind is there; you aren't. I know it's kind of freaky but that just happens to be part of PTSD." 

"PTSD? What? You think I have...?" 

"Yes you do. I know you do. You have the symptoms Daniel." 

"No I don't." 

"Daniel, I have PTSD and I think I can recognize it in someone else pretty quickly even when that someone else happens to be the love of my life." 

"The love of your...Jack..." 

"I love you Daniel. Believe that will you. Please? I love you. I always have and always will." 

"But...but how can...?" 

Jack silenced Daniel's question by kissing him firmly on the lips. Daniel moaned quickly responding, yielding to Jack and pressing firmer against him. Jack quieted his voice as he urged, "Go to sleep, Daniel. You look exhausted. Rest and we'll talk about this in the morning." 

"Rest? I don't think I can." 

"Sure you can, Daniel, sure you can. You've had a pretty busy evening. Sleep; go to sleep love. I'll be right here. I promise." 

"I'm not tired Jack. I'm not..." 

As if to deny those words he yawned and snuggled deeper in Jack's embrace sighing as Jack pressed a kiss to his forehead before once again urging him to rest. He swore that he wouldn't go to sleep, but his mind had other ideas and within moments Jack found himself holding a gently snoozing Daniel Jackson in his arms. He smirked in satisfaction and held his lover close determined to remain by his side and stave off any demons that might find his lover in the midst of his dreams... 

 

* * * *

 

He snapped his eyes open, a scream on the very tip of his tongue, one he quickly choked into silence. He clenched his eyes tightly shut aware that he had dreamed again and that the dreams had terrified him. He swallowed hard trying to remain as still as possible hoping, praying that this time he hadn't woken his slumbering partner. When he felt calm and relaxed he gazed at Jack noticing his eyes were closed...had he slept through the nightmare? He hoped so. He felt so damned guilty about waking Jack up every night as his dreams gripped him in terror and panic. He watched Jack for a while. Good. It looked as if Jack slept through the dream. Good. 

He had a sudden incredible urge to bathe and casting another assessing gaze Jack's way he carefully eased himself out of bed making his way quietly to the bathroom, casting his gaze in Jack's direction one last time to make certain that he was still asleep. He then quietly closed the door this time leaving it unlocked certain that Jack wouldn't attempt to join him. He turned on the shower then stepped under the scolding hot streams of water picking up a bar of soap and began to scrub himself vigorously. 

Jack had tensed the moment he realized what had brought him so abruptly awake: Daniel. Daniel had had another dream, another nightmare. He wanted desperately to soothe his lover but hesitated simply choosing to remain still to see what Daniel would do next, sorely disappointed when he chose to retreat to the bathroom instead of turning to him for comfort. Shit. How could he help Daniel if Daniel wouldn't allow him to? How? 

He lay still listening to Daniel's movements noticing that he was taking extra care to remain quiet. The moment he heard the bathroom door close he found himself straining to hear the lock being thrown, and was surprised when the next sound he heard was the shower being turned on. He stared into the darkness stuck in the midst of indecision. He wanted to go to Daniel but feared that he'd only upset him if he did so. After some debating he decided that he would simply check on him and carefully rose out of bed. Approaching the bathroom he carefully turned the knob half fearing he would find the door locked after all, and half fearing that Daniel would hear him. As the knob turned easily and the door gave beneath his hand he sighed in relief quietly easing it open before cautiously entering the room. 

He paused the moment his eyes fell on the shower curtain and on the black outline of his lover's gorgeous physique. He shook his head determined to just watch Daniel feeling drawn to him, feeling an overwhelming need to join him but knowing that to do so would only cause more problems. He forced himself to remain still, gawking at his love and entertaining fantasies that kept bouncing at the edge of his mind before receding. 

As he continued to observe his lover he allowed his mind to contemplate the many questions and concerns he now had about him. The main question that always seemed to haunt him was what had happened. What had Osiris done to Daniel? How had Daniel's life been during the past year? What had he had to do to survive, and just how much did he surrender to the Goa'uld lord who had held him prisoner? He had been a slave, a servant to the Goa'uld lord who now possessed his ex-girlfriend. He already knew that Daniel still experienced much guilt over not helping Sarah when he'd had the chance, that he blamed himself for her possession just as he'd blamed himself for Sha're's. He had hoped to free Sarah but to this day she still remained possessed. How had Daniel dealt with coming face to face with living proof of what he felt was one of the greatest failures in his life? How had he handled that? 

Jack shook his head feeling helpless and angry. Why did so many bad things happen to Daniel? Why? As he watched his lover washing himself, actually he was scrubbing himself harshly from the looks of it, he swallowed hard. Daniel obviously felt dirty as if he weren't clean enough. Why? Why did Daniel feel as if he were dirty? Why? What the hell had happened while he had been away? What had Osiris done to him? He knew that there had been sexual servitude, that was evident in the terrifying nightmares that constantly brought Daniel out of a deep sleep nearly every damned night begging and pleading not to be touched and for Jack not to hate and despise him, not to leave him. The evidence was also present in Daniel's actions. He feared his touch, shrugged away from it...hell, he went to extreme lengths to avoid any kind of touch... There was evidence everywhere of the events that had transpired during his captivity. There were no doubts in his mind. Daniel had served Osiris' sexual needs. He probably hadn't had any choice and now, now he was left to try and live with what he had been forced to do. He had to try to move on knowing that he had offered Osiris every part of himself. He had made a huge sacrifice, a sacrifice that Jack still couldn't comprehend. Could things have been that bad for his lover? Hell, had they really had sex every night? No, no. Daniel wouldn't, he couldn't...but he had, he had so...so now what? What was he supposed to do? Sure he could gather all those little remnants and shards of Daniel Jackson and put him back together but he'd never have his lover truly back, would he? 

Again the images flashed in his mind of Daniel sighing in pleasure, of him thrusting upwards into Osiris begging, pleading with him to be made love to. He heard those words spoken so softly in his mind again: 'Fuck me, My Lord, I belong only to you...' 

No, no, NO! Daniel didn't belong to Osiris, and he hadn't had sex with that snake every night! NO! But what if he had and what if...he had enjoyed it? Had he? After the way he had responded to Osiris on the day they had found him and the way he had pleaded for Osiris to fuck him earlier... He had. God, he'd enjoyed it, hadn't he? Oh God he had! NO! God, he had liked it. He had liked being Osiris' slut, his whore. Oh God! He had enjoyed it hadn't he? That's why he, that's why... 

Jack was so angry, so horrified by that knowledge, so jealous of Osiris at that moment that he turned away from his lover and left the room. He then went downstairs to vent instead of doing so in Daniel's presence. Daniel had liked it, hadn't he? That's why he'd responded so readily, so damned eagerly to Osiris on the day of his rescue wasn't it? That's why he'd given Zeenan that smile before stepping through the Stargate because he had liked it, had enjoyed being Osiris' sexual plaything. He had liked it! Son of a bitch! Without a second thought he had left Daniel in the bathroom not realizing that he was allowing his imagination to provide answers to the thousands of unanswered questions he still had swirling through his mind and jumping to conclusions that only had an inkling of truth to them, a very small inkling of truth. 

Daniel finished his shower and quietly dried himself off. Feeling better than he had upon waking, he then quickly dressed and entered the bedroom determined to slide back into bed as quietly as he had left, but as he lowered himself to the mattress he noticed that Jack's side of the bed was now empty. The moment he made that observation fear consumed him. God, oh God, Jack left him. He was gone. He didn't want him anymore. Oh God, "Jack..." He gazed around the empty bedroom feeling emotion choking him trying to ignore the certainty within that told him his fears were now reality. 

Daniel felt so afraid and so certain Jack had truly left him that tears began to slide unbidden down his cheeks. He called for Jack feeling his heart rate accelerate as no reply echoed back to him. Oh God, God no, no. Jack left! He had lied! He was gone! He had left! No, he had promised. He said that he'd never leave. He swore that he would never leave him... ‘Well, of course he did Daniel. Why would he stay? Why the hell would your precious Jack stay with a slut, with a whore?' 

Daniel released a soft whimper and immediately clamped his hands over his ears trying to block out the cruel inner voice that insisted on tormenting him softly hissing, "No, no please. No," but the voice in his mind only continued to grow louder taunting him and torturing him over and over again, 'You're a slut, a whore. You let him touch you. You let him fuck you. You left him and now your precious Jack has left you. He's probably cursing your name, probably trying to get as far away from you as he can...' 

"No, no, NO!" He immediately lashed out smacking the glass of water that Jack had brought up for him earlier in the night so hard that it flew off the table and shattered against the wall sending shards of glass and water everywhere. He felt so scared, so panicky and so heartbroken that he continued lashing out at inanimate objects ignoring the heated tears that even now streamed down his face as he tried desperately to silence his own condemning conscience. As he failed to silence his inner voice he began screaming no over and over again calling for Jack in between gasps for breath. He continued to force the name passed his lips releasing Jack's name as if it were a desperate prayer unable to believe or even to accept that Jack was gone, that he had left him alone. Jack would never abandon him! Never! He had promised! He had! He would never abandon him! He wouldn't! 

As he saw and heard no sign of Jack, no indication that he still remained within their home Daniel grabbed the lamp on the nightstand hurling it against the wall and screaming as it too shattered into a thousand pieces spraying him with shards that scratched and cut into his tender flesh, but he didn't care. He couldn't care; all he could do, all he could manage was to scream, to scream in desperation at the top of his lungs a denial so firm that one would have to believe it. As he continued to scream fighting his panic trying to deny what his mind was saying had happened to his lover he felt his reserves of strength give out and quickly found himself rapidly descending to the floor beneath him. As he collapsed he immediately curled up into a tight ball muttering pleas for it not to be true. That Jack hadn't left him. He wouldn't leave him. He was here, some where. He was! He wouldn't leave. He wouldn't! But he had, he had and...and... Oh God he had!

 

* * * *

 

Upon entering the living room Jack had begun pacing back and forth feeling so angry and so mad that all he wanted to do was lash out at something, at anything to release it. Daniel had liked it. He had fucking enjoyed being laid by a goddamned snake! How the hell could he have enjoyed something like that? HOW? He continued his agitated pacing back and forth still trying to figure out how Daniel could have enjoyed... _that_. 

As he heard the shower above click off Jack jerked his head up knowing Daniel was done and that he should go back up to bed, but he was so pissed off. Instead he chose to remain in the living room pacing incessantly and listening to Daniel's movements above him certain that he would just go to bed. As a distinct 'No' echoed down to him he felt his heart leaping into his throat. Daniel? Oh God that was Daniel! What the...? Before he could think about what was happening above he was bolting up the stairs taking them two at a time jumping as he heard the sound of glass breaking. Shit, oh shit, Danny! What the hell was going on? 

As he entered the bedroom he could only stare in fear and worry as he witnessed Daniel hurling the lamp against the wall before collapsing onto the floor in a heap and balling up. He waited no longer as he ran to Daniel speaking his name over and over again catching Daniel's soft pleas of 'he left, he left, no, no. Jack, need you, need you. Please don't leave. Don't leave. Please, please...' 

Knowing that he had to be cautious and calm he approached Daniel continuing to say his name before gently shaking him urging him to look up as he said, "Daniel, Daniel, Daniel look at me. I'm here. I'm here Daniel. I'm here. Please look at me. Daniel? Daniel, look at me. Daniel? DANIEL!" 

Suddenly Daniel's head came up and he gazed at him in fear and terror staring in disbelief as his eyes told him something other than what he had believed. Jack felt his heart breaking when he saw the stark cold terror in those blue eyes mixed with intense fear... He knew what he was seeing: fear of abandonment. SHIT! Why hadn't he thought about that? Why? How could he have forgotten? How? He knew without asking that Daniel had panicked. He had been certain that he had been abandoned again. He had returned from his shower expecting to see his lover resting in their bed, and when he came out to find the bed empty his greatest fears had been confirmed. Daniel had had no doubts in his mind that he had been left. Daniel believed that he had been abandoned...again. 

"Oh God Daniel no, no. I'm here. I'm here. I won't leave you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I..." 

"Jack? JACK!" instantly Daniel launched himself into his lover's arms releasing heart wrenching sobs to the air as he gasped out, "I thought...thought you...tired and...and, and left and...left me... I thought, I thought you left me Jack." 

Jack instantly wrapped his arms around Daniel holding him close against him as he began to gently rock them both to and fro, "Shh, shh Daniel I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I did that to you. I just...I needed some time alone to think, you know and I... I just... You should know that I'll never leave you Daniel. I'd never leave you. I can't live without you. You're the other half of my soul. I love you, Daniel. I love you. I will never leave you. Do you hear me? I won't ever do that to you." 

"Pro...prom...promise?" 

Jack closed his eyes tightening his hold on Daniel who now had his face buried against his chest clinging to him desperately as if he feared he would vanish before his eyes. Shit how could he have been so damned careless? How could he have forgotten just how vulnerable Daniel was? HOW? He quickly reassured, "Yes I promise you. I promise I'll never leave you. I'll never leave you." 

Daniel didn't speak only nodding his head in agreement as he continued to cling to Jack as if he were his lifeline, and that was when he realized it. He was. He was Daniel's lifeline, had been throughout everything. Daniel needed him though he pulled from him in daylight, turned from him at night, even put a wall up between them as a buffer daily. Daniel still needed him and tonight he had panicked. Jack had no doubts about that. Daniel had exited the shower only to discover an empty bed and immediately jumped to the conclusion that he had been abandoned yet again. No one should feel that insecure in life. He had thought he had put all of Daniel's insecurities to rest. He, they, had fought long and hard to do that but his abduction, his indentured servitude to a twisted demented snake had obviously stripped him of his faith and trust leaving him feeling extremely vulnerable and breathing life back into the old fears and demons that together he and Daniel had already slain. Damn it, how could Osiris have done that? How could he have stripped Daniel of his safety and security again? Damn it, why? WHY? Everything they had worked so hard for was now destroyed, unraveled by an evil creature whose only goal had been to possess Daniel and use him for whatever he desired. SHIT! 

Jack had now found another reason to hate the Goa'uld. They would have to work together to undo the destructiveness that Osiris' captivity had wrought on Daniel. He started to realize that he would need to spend a lot of time reassuring his love, even if Daniel lashed out at him, ignored him, cursed him, or refused to speak to him...he would have to stand by Daniel through it all and this, this is what Janet's point was when she had pulled him to the side the day of Daniel's return to warn him to tread carefully. No one knew what Daniel had suffered, but he had a fair idea of some of those experiences. Where before he had been certain that Daniel hadn't been hurt all that badly he could now see what the captivity had done...well some of what it had done. Daniel's trust, his faith, his security had been stripped from him and destroyed and now he was left to try to move on, to try to rebuild all that he had lost to the heartless bastard. 

Jack had made a mistake tonight by leaving Daniel. He had only gone downstairs but the fact remained: he had run from his lover. And unbeknownst to him he had reasserted Daniel's obvious certainty that he would be abandoned again. As he took a moment to assess the damage in the room he could see several things were shattered, which only testified to a truth he had neglected to consider: Daniel was certain that he would abandon him. He believed that it would only be a matter of time before he was again abandoned like he had been all his life, and Jack was now determined to prove that belief was very WRONG. He was now more determined than ever to remain with Daniel no matter what happened. He would give Daniel back all those things that Osiris had ruthlessly and thoughtlessly taken from him. He would! 

He held Daniel close continuing to rock him gently offering Daniel the safety and comfort that he so desperately needed. They remained like that for several hours before Daniel finally found enough peace to fall asleep in his arms. Since he didn't have the heart to wake him and didn't want to startle him awake by moving him, Jack remained on the floor holding him, determined not to let him go.

 

* * * * 

 

Daniel woke up early the next morning feeling arms wrapped securely around him and hearing a heart beating beneath his ear. He froze when he realized that he was being held, but as he inhaled shakily Jack's scent flooded his senses and he knew instantly who now held him. He relaxed lifting his gaze to Jack and smiling shyly when he saw that his lover's eyes were closed. As he realized they were both on the floor he furrowed his brow trying to recall what had happened earlier the previous night. As his gaze settled on the shattered remains of the bedroom lamp he suddenly remembered everything. 

My God had Jack sat with him all night? He felt a bit guilty knowing that was exactly what his lover had done. He quietly muttered, "Jack..." 

"Hmm..." 

"Jack." 

"Wha...what?" came the slurred question as Jack opened his eyes. Daniel could see that Jack had gotten little rest the previous night. He shook his head frowning in disapproval before commenting "All right let's get you into bed." 

Jack, who was now more alert, immediately set about to protest that order, "What? No, no Daniel I'm fine..." 

Daniel didn't believe a word out of his mouth and quickly voiced his thoughts on the comment, "Really? Jack, don't argue with me. Come on. Let's go. Up, up..." 

He managed to get Jack to his feet immediately bracing his lover when he tried to head for the bathroom instead of the bed. Daniel wasted little time turning the man around before softly chiding, "Oh no, no, no. The only place you're going, Colonel, is to bed. NOW." 

Jack shook his head ready to protest, "Daniel..." 

"Ah, no...bed. B-E-D. No arguments." 

Jack grumbled a reply but Daniel refused to be dissuaded from his goal choosing instead to ignore the complaints as he led Jack back to bed where he proceeded to lower a softly protesting Jack to the mattress. He grinned as Jack continued to brook an argument with him even as he was making himself more than a little bit comfortable in their bed. He watched Jack as his eyes slid shut while he softly added, "Love you, Daniel, love you." 

Daniel pressed a kiss to Jack's forehead softly whispering, "I love you too, Jack. I love you too," and smiling when Jack began to quietly snore falling asleep with a smile on his lips. He watched Jack for several minutes to make certain that he was sleeping before setting to work gathering up the shards of glass scattered across the floor from the previous night's panic attack. 

 

* * * *

 

Jack awoke wondering where he was and as confusion filled him he jerked upright gazing about the room. The first thing he noticed was that he was alone. The second thing he noticed was that delicious aroma traveling up from below and the third thing was the time: 10am. SHIT! He was late for work. 

He jumped up quickly dressing and racing down the stairs drawing to a halt as his eyes fell upon the man presently standing in the kitchen entrance dressed in a pair of snug blue jeans that teased the eye and wearing a tight form-fitting black T-shirt. His mouth suddenly dried up as he gazed into the eyes of the man with that beautiful physique and felt his dick rise in response to the appealing image before him. 

Soft blue eyes met startled brown ones as Daniel drawled, "Hi Jack. What's your hurry?" 

Damn, how the hell could the man sound so damned sensual when all he did was ask a simple question? Thoughts of work fled his mind as images of Daniel filtered in. He licked his lips as he forced a lid shut on his fantasies cursing his mind for its insistent need to tamper with quite a few of them all at once. He focused his full attention on Daniel quickly discovering that his tongue was also refusing to work as his brain short-circuited. Shit! He continued to gaze at Daniel saying nothing until his mouth finally decided to work, albeit stuttering wasn't exactly what he had intended, "Work, work...late... I'm...I'm late...late for work." 

Daniel's lips curved up into a beautiful smile as he assured, "The General knows you're going to be in late, Jack. There's no need for you to be in such a hurry." 

"The General? Daniel you..." 

"I called Janet. Told her we'd had a rough night and that you didn't get much rest. She informed the General that you would be in after getting some sleep." 

"What the hell did she tell him? That we were..." 

A mischievous sparkle entered Daniel's eyes for just a brief instant before he answered, "Uh, no Jack. She didn't. That would be a breach of the patient-doctor..." 

"Thing?" 

"Yeah. She told him I stopped by, had a rough night. You were here to listen and didn't get much rest. You're fine. It won't be counted against you. Besides you hardly ever miss work anyhow so the General understands and gave you his blessing. He called to check on me and to tell me that you didn't have to be at work until later." 

"And what about you? What did he tell you?" 

"He didn't tell me anything. I told him I was going to take the day off." 

"And?" 

"And he said I should expect a visit from Sam or Teal'c sometime this afternoon while you are working," Daniel continued to smile as he added, "he's just as bad as you are. You're all so damned over protective of me." 

Jack smiled as he responded, "But you like us to be like that, love. I know you do," before wrapping his arms around Daniel and pulling him against his chest. Daniel wouldn't deny that. He liked feeling important to someone, and knowing that his friends were willing to check up on him made him feel a whole hell of a lot better than if they were to ignore him after his return. He needed that reassurance that he was still cared about and that people still worried about what happened to him. He needed it to feel better about himself and to find the courage and strength to continue his battle towards healing. 

Daniel pulled back from Jack as he informed him, "Colonel, our food's getting cold." 

Jack nodded wanting to refuse to eat and not wanting to break their hug, but he also didn't want to do anything to jeopardize Daniel's present mood. He was behaving like the old Daniel Jackson today and he wasn't about to do anything to change that, especially knowing that Daniel might soon revert to being the nervous, anxious, quiet, unsettled person he was after his release. He smiled brightly as he led Daniel to the table and they both sat down to eat. 

After eating Daniel walked with him to the door. Jack kissed him goodbye and turned to leave when Daniel gently grasped his arm. He turned back and Daniel smiled before saying, "Thank you, Jack...for last night...for everything. Thank you." 

He then pressed a timid kiss to Jack's lips blushing maddeningly as he darted his eyes anxiously away. The shyness was definitely new and a creation of Osiris' treatment of his lover. He quickly pulled Daniel into his arms holding him as he said, "Anytime, space monkey. Anytime." 

They stood like that for several minutes before Jack broke the hug, kissed Daniel again and headed to work after telling Daniel to call him if he needed anything at all. 

 

* * * *

 

Jack stopped just outside the SGC infirmary and hesitation crept in. He knew why he was here. He needed to speak to Janet, but what if she...what if she told him that his...that the thoughts he was having indicated that he was, could possibly be, violent? He was on the verge of leaving but knew he couldn't relax until he had spoken with her so he drew in a calming breath before opening the door. 

He entered the infirmary approaching her but remaining silent still unsure of what to do when he decided to ask a question, "Janet, can I...talk to you a minute?" 

She glanced up offering him a warm smile as she answered, "Sure Colonel." 

"Alone." 

She nodded before laying her clipboard down assessing Colonel O'Neill silently before inviting him into her office. Once inside she urged him to sit as she dived in, "So Colonel tell me what's on your mind." 

Jack paused for a moment collecting his thoughts caught between wanting to leave and needing to remain. He sighed loudly before stumbling over the right words to say, "What, uh...well, why...? Um, is it...?" 

Noticing that he had something important to ask her and seeing that he was struggling to voice it she urged, "Colonel I want you to relax and take a deep breath." 

She smiled as he complied with her soft command continuing, "Good. Good. Now tell me what's bothering you." 

He glanced at her briefly before down casting his eyes answering her question with a name, "Daniel." 

Janet nodded understanding why Jack seemed so distracted and was struggling with speaking to her. She continued to keep her tone warm as she softly inquired, "Daniel? Daniel is bothering you? What about him has you so upset?" 

"Well he's not bothering me...not really." 

"I see." 

Jack huffed loudly before continuing needing to speak and knowing that if he hesitated much longer he'd lose his nerve to ask the questions he so desperately needed answers to, "I've been having these...impulses, um feelings really..." 

Janet nodded her head encouraging him to continue, "What kind of feelings?" 

He leveled his gaze with hers as he simply answered, "Violent impulses, violent thoughts about...about Daniel and, and him...Osiris and... I don't, I mean are these...? Is there..." 

She knew what he was asking and provided his answer before he finished his question, "No, there's nothing wrong with you, Colonel." 

Instead of seeing relief as she'd hoped she only saw him growing more disheartened as he uttered a drawn out, "Right..." 

Sensing he wanted to talk more and was having difficulty believing there was nothing wrong with him she gently prodded, "You say you've been having violent impulses and thoughts. Like what? Tell me about them." 

He lowered his eyes in shame as he admitted, "Just, they're just images really of, of me doing...things to him and...and them." 

"Of you doing things to Daniel?" 

He nodded and Janet reached out placing her hand over top of Jack's as she continued in a softer tone of voice, "Tell me about them." 

He glanced nervously at her before turning his focus to her hand now covering his own noticing how small and dainty it was before finding the answer to her disturbing inquiry, "Well I... I do these horrible things to...to him and, and I... Never...never mind." 

"Jack, tell me about them. What do you do? What do you say?" 

"I...I, uh, um, well... I want to hurt him and I...I... I can't. I can't do this." 

She nodded in understanding but refused to back down just yet, "You harm him in your thoughts?" 

"Yes." 

"Enough to injure him?" 

He answered without hesitation, "Yes." 

She nodded before continuing, "Injure him how? How severely?" 

"Oh pretty damned badly, Jan... Look I don't...I don't understand why I have them. I mean Daniel... I would never hurt him, ever yet in these thoughts I... I do." 

"Perhaps you're angry with him." 

"Angry with him? For what reason?" 

She decided to pursue those questions by taking a slightly different approach, "How are things between the two of you, Jack?" 

He jerked his gaze up caught off guard by her question so disturbed by it that he answered without thought, "He...he's different but..." 

"Different? How?" 

"Well I don't know exactly. He...he doesn't want to talk about things; doesn't like to be touched...he's very emotional. He has nightmares all the time. He...he's different, you know." 

"I would be concerned if he weren't, Jack. He's dealing with a lot of issues. He's probably very confused and very uncertain right now. He's scared Jack and he doesn't know how to deal with it." 

"Exactly so why do I want to hurt him so damned badly?" 

"You're angry and hurt too. You see him daily. You see what the abduction has done to him, what Osiris has done to him and you're trying to help him, but he doesn't seem to be getting any better. Perhaps you feel anger towards Osiris for what he's done to Daniel and you are misdirecting that anger towards him since Osiris is out of reach..." 

"What? No, no... Janet in the thoughts I, I strike him. I yell at him. I shake him. Hell, I even...attack him physically. I...I can't... I don't like those thoughts and I don't know how to stop them. They creep up at the most inopportune times and I just... I can't block them or forget them and that's not all... I can't even begin to count the number of times I have wanted to chase down Osiris and beat the shit out of him or break his goddamned neck for what he did to Daniel. I just feel so, so angry and frustrated and...pissed off. I just...I want to lash out and I... I hate those thoughts, Jan; I hate them. Isn't there any way to stop them or make them go away? Some thing to help me deal with them?" 

"Unfortunately these feelings are surfacing because of a sense of inadequacy and uncertainty. You're scared, whether you want to admit it or not. You love him, yet you can't seem to do anything right. You try to help, you try to understand but Daniel makes things very difficult... It's not his fault Jack. None of this is anyone's fault but Osiris'. Daniel was missing for a year. We heard very little about him during that time, and Daniel himself isn't very forthcoming with information. He's holding everything inside. He's afraid to share things because he doesn't want us to hate and despise him. He doesn't want us to condemn him or leave him, and he is so afraid that if he reveals anything to us that is exactly what we will do to him." 

"Yeah that's kind of what our issue was last night. He...I kissed him and he started responding then...then he begged to be...made love to, but it wasn't me he was begging it was..." 

"Osiris." 

"Yeah... He had another nightmare too. Ran into the bathroom...I was angry, thinking crazy things: that he had enjoyed doing it with Osiris, that he had craved it, needed it...crazy, crazy things Jan. I left...went downstairs to think. He exited the shower to find me...gone. He panicked, thought I had...that I had...abandoned him." 

"He's been stripped of everything, Jack. He's justified in his fears. You have to learn to expect that and to be able to remain to help him through it all. He's relying on you for everything. He's just too afraid to ask you for what he needs." 

"So what can I do for him?" 

"Just what I said before...love him, care for him, listen to him and support him... That's all you can do, all any of us can do. You must be patient and take things slowly. The thoughts you are having are normal. In your mind you may hurt him, but not in reality. I can give you some tapes and books on meditation. They may help you with your troubling thoughts. They may help Daniel too. Remember also that you can call me at any time. Sometimes talking about disturbing thoughts helps too." 

"Okay, Jan...uh, thank...thank you." 

"Anytime... Colonel how is Daniel today?" 

"He's acting like his old self. It's strange." 

"He said he had an...episode last night." 

Jack hung his head as he quietly admitted, "Yeah." 

Janet quickly reassured him by informing him, "You helped him a lot you know. You were there for him when he needed you and that means the world to him." 

Jack lifted his gaze feeling a little bit better as he inquired, "Did he say...?" 

She nodded smiling as she answered, "He said he couldn't have done it alone. He didn't really go into details, but he inferred that you helped him a lot, so whether you see it or not you are helping Daniel." 

Jack smiled for the first time since entering her office as he again replied, "Thanks Janet. I needed to hear that." 

"Anytime." 

He felt much better than he did when he had entered the infirmary and hearing that Daniel had said he had helped last night, though the admission hadn't come directly from him, put Jack's mind at ease and made him feel calmer than he had in a while. He focused on her as he informed, "I had better get back to work. I just wanted to..." 

"Stop by any time. My door is always open...to you and Daniel." 

"All right. I'll do that." 

She smiled and nodded watching him as he stood up then left her office happy that she had been able to help put his mind at ease. She remained in her office for several more minutes before returning to the infirmary to again check on her patients.


	20. Striving for Normalcy

**STRIVING FOR NORMALCY**  
**Confusion and Uncertainty**

Daniel set to work cleaning, wanting to keep himself occupied, fearing that if he didn't the questions, doubts, fears and memories would crowd in and drown him. The distraction tactic worked for a while, but it wasn't long before he found himself stopping in the midst of dusting or vacuuming as unwanted memories made an appearance without warning. He gasped as he remembered snippets of his anal training. He shook his head to clear it still shocked that last night he had suckled Jack's finger. God why? What...why had he done that? And to make matters worse, he'd had a flashback. He had begged his lord to fuck him, he was certain, but if he had said those words then why was Jack still here? Why would Jack remain with him after he'd unwillingly demonstrated two of the things he'd had to do for his lord? He was certain that he had begged to be fucked, and then there was that little incident of suckling his lover's finger. God, how? Why? What did Jack think of him now? Jack had to know, had to at least suspect that his sexual service hadn't stopped with just those two things. God, Jack had to know that sexual service had been a major expectation. He had been trained to become a sexual artist, and he had learned those skills well. He knew how to fuck, how to please, how to stimulate and arouse... He knew how to seduce and how to enhance his own sexual appeal. He knew how to do so much to please another in the bedroom, and he knew how to draw enjoyment and excitement from both pain and pleasure. He'd had a very in depth education on the finer points of sex, for his master made certain that he was trained extensively. If Jack were ever to learn just how he had been trained to accept certain things, to do certain things...to perform certain acts he would be horrified. Jack would be horrified and probably would never be able to accept him back. Jack would be too sickened by his presence to want him around. He'd lose him the moment he revealed any of the sexual acts he'd had to carry out for his master's pleasure and enjoyment. He'd lose Jack and that was something he didn't think he would be capable of handling. 

Daniel tried to force his mind to focus elsewhere wanting to forget what he had done to please his master. He didn't want to remember. He wanted to forget. He wanted to forget everything he had been forced to do while he had served his lord. He just wanted to forget it all, but that was something he was finding very difficult to do. How could he when the images and memories repeated in his mind, taunting him and harassing him? 

He swallowed hard clenching his eyes tightly shut as he saw himself writhing upon the mattress while his master crooned in his ear and fondled him with a vibrator. He licked his lips hearing his breathing building as he recalled the pleasure, the unbelievable pleasure he had experienced the moment his master had pushed the vibrator inside him, teasing him and urging him to open up and to accept the sex toy. His lord had praised him for responding so eagerly, so openly to the new experience and had enjoyed stroking his opening, teasing him until he begged to be fucked, until he begged for the toy to fuck him. 

Unconsciously he gripped his groin, clutching his dick and balls in his hand and squeezing as he felt the tightness in the muscles. He softly panted as he felt his dick hardening as the memories stimulated him and left him desperate to climax. He drew his bottom lip in between his teeth gently biting into it as he recalled the intensity that followed the vibrator's invasion into his body. He had climaxed so quickly that day and now he could feel the pre-cum seeping through the crotch of his pants. Shit, he wanted to be fucked right now! SHIT! The images continued to play through his mind and all he could do was respond to them with a softly whispered, "Oh God...hmm..." 

Without thought he removed his hand from his pants and carefully eased it down below the waistband of his jeans, beneath the fabric of his briefs until he cupped his hand around himself, gripping himself intimately, feeling the warmth and moisture of his pre-cum on his fingers. He sighed in pleasure as he slowly started to rub his hand up and down across his now swollen member softly mewling as he came into contact with the baby-soft skin of his shaven groin. He started panting in mere moments as his hand created unbelievable friction leaving him extremely aroused and desperate to orgasm. He started to slowly rock his hips back and forth drawing immense pleasure from rubbing himself intimately as he recalled the feeling of the vibrator's fullness within his body... 

_In and out, in and out his lord continued to torment him, fucking him with the vibrator as it moved to and fro making the sensation even more intense. He clung to the sheets beneath his writhing, bucking body as his lord drew immense pleasure from gliding the toy in and out of his body again and again until he came fast and hard screaming the name of his lover and sagging against the sheets, gasping for breath..._

He cried out as he could feel all the muscles in his genital region tightening deliciously as his arousal quickly guided him towards climax. He could feel his orgasm building moaning loudly in pleasure as the short, rhythmic muscular contractions began deep within triggering his orgasm and forcing a scream to elicit forth from his lips as he forcefully came all over his hand, creaming his jeans and sending him stumbling to the couch to recover his now erratic breathing. He sat on the couch for several long minutes, gripping himself so tightly, drawing immense pleasure from feeling the warm dampness that now surrounded his groin and smelling the intense aroma of sex. 

He began to relax slowly easing his hand out of his jeans. Opening his eyes he gazed in surprise and interest at the wet spot now covering the crotch of his jeans. He could smell his cum and feel it on his body, on his briefs and knew that he would now have to change, and wash his jeans as well as himself. He blushed as he stood up and headed to the bathroom to begin his chore continuing to feel the blush creeping high onto his cheeks as he stripped out of his clothes and began to clean himself with a wash cloth, still somewhat surprised that he came all over himself by recalling his master teasing him with a vibrator. Shit, this was absolutely crazy! What the hell was he a damned sex addict? Shit! What the fuck had Osiris done to him? He shook his head feeling both angry and satisfied at the same time. The orgasm was very pleasurable, but he was extremely angry with himself for allowing Osiris to again be the one to trigger that arousal within him. Why the hell couldn't he have come all over himself thinking of Jack? Damn it! Would he ever be able to forget what that bastard had done to him while he had served him? Would he ever be able to forget that bastard at all? 

His anger quickly turned into a mix of rage and disgust with himself. He grabbed up his clothes and stomped downstairs to throw them in the washing machine wanting to clean them before Jack returned and hating himself for drawing such intense pleasure from memories of a time he had spent in bed with another. As he turned on the washing machine and slammed the lid closed he stomped back upstairs coming to a halt at the top of them as shame started to filter in and tears threatened to spill down his cheeks. Shit! He would not fucking cry! NO! He forced the tears back swallowing past the lump forming in his throat and replacing his shame with rage once again. He gazed at the vacuum cleaner sitting right where he had left it considering momentarily going over there and kicking the damned thing, choosing instead to return to the bedroom. 

As he entered the bedroom he quickly dressed before turning to leave. He paused at the doorway gazing at the window across from him and decided to approach it. Once to the window he stood looking out at the front yard and trying to silence his unsettling thoughts. He then wrapped his arms about his chest and tried to block out the shame and guilt that were trying to seize him. Shit, how was he ever going to get beyond the pain, the shame and the guilt if he kept feeling so damned lost and depressed? How could he move beyond the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that thinking of his master always triggered? How?

 

* * * *

 

Several Hours Later... 

Jack stood in the bedroom doorway watching the silent, withdrawn young man he loved with all his being. He watched him noticing how the light played across his drawn face and soft silky hair. He remembered how it felt to touch that man, to hold him, to kiss him, to love him and it hurt to see him now. He stood with his arms drawn across his chest as if trying to hug himself. He stared out of the window gazing in silence at what lay beyond. Jack closed his eyes knowing that he had to speak to Daniel but not certain how to do so or what to say, so he settled for speaking just above a whisper, "Daniel?" 

Daniel didn't respond. He continued to gaze out of the window not sure what to do with himself. He was free, free but...but what should he do now? He was free yet his life was so different, so complicated now. He was home, home after all those months but still he didn't feel relieved. He didn't feel anything... He was home. He was with Jack. He had been for a while now so things should have changed. Things should be different, yet he still didn't feel anything but endless despair and emptiness. 

He started when he heard his name being spoken so softly by the one he loved with all his heart. He loved the man, he truly did, but like before he felt nothing. He released a soft sob to the air feeling his despair burrow deeper within. He could feel Jack's eyes on him and knew he was worried. He also knew that he should be responding to Jack but didn't know what to say. He tensed as he heard Jack moving behind him approaching him before inquiring, "What are you thinking about? Daniel, please talk to me. Please." 

The younger man lowered his head before answering, "What do you want me to say, Jack?" 

"Just...tell me how you're feeling." 

"I'm fine." 

"But how do you feel, Daniel? How do you feel?" 

"I'm fine, Jack." 

"You are not fine." 

"Yes I am." 

"Daniel, why can't you just tell me how you feel?" 

Daniel stood still, continuing to stare out of the window, refusing to turn to face Jack or even acknowledge that he was behind him. He allowed the seconds of silence to stretch before simply replying, "Lost...I feel lost, Jack, just...lost." 

Jack inhaled deeply feeling his heart lodging into his throat as tears pricked the edges of his eyes. Lost? Daniel felt lost? 

"Ah Danny." Without hesitation he reached out and touched Daniel's arm, waiting for his automatic response to yank himself away. When it didn't occur Jack slowly eased his arms around Daniel pulling him back against him. He couldn't miss the gasp of shock or the sudden tension in Daniel's lean frame as he did so. He shook his head before adding, "How can I help you through this, love? How? How can I help you?" 

"I...I don't know, Jack. I don't know." 

Daniel fell silent easing his head back against Jack's shoulder. They stood in the silence, both gazing out of the window and neither saying another word as evening became night. 

After several more hours passed Jack softly urged, "Would you like to go to bed now Daniel?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Bed? How does that sound?" 

"Jack you didn't eat and..." 

“I ate at the office. How about you and I lie down." 

"I don't think I can sleep Jack." 

"Come on, love. Let's lie down. I'll hold you and you can tell me a bedtime story. How's that sound?" 

Daniel snickered and smiled before yawning. He felt his eyes watering and blinked sharply, aware that he was feeling extremely tired. He then nodded replying, "Yeah that sounds good Jack. Let's lie down, but I warn you I won't be able to sleep." 

"Well we'll be more comfortable." 

"Yes..." 

They made their way across the room together and Jack helped Daniel undress and urged him into bed. Daniel willingly obliged, crawling in under the blankets and moving around until he was settled. The older man quickly discarded his own clothing before slipping beneath the covers and quickly drawing his lover into his arms. He held his breath momentarily afraid that Daniel would yank himself away, releasing that breath only when Daniel immediately slid his lithe body up against him and snuggled deep into his embrace. He gazed at his lover's face smiling secretly as Daniel closed his eyes releasing a rather loud sigh to the air. It was only moments before another yawn captured him and he surrendered to his tiredness. Jack could only chuckle softly as within moments Daniel was sleeping soundly in his arms. He pressed a tender kiss to the side of Daniel's face whispering, "Sleep Daniel. Sleep. I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise you, love, I'm not going anywhere." 

Jack sighed in pleasure as he felt the warm, sensual body of his lover pressed so intimately against him. He deeply inhaled Daniel's precious manly scent and found himself nuzzling the man's neck. As Daniel shifted to snuggle deeper into his arms Jack tensed as he felt the sexy derriere rubbing up against his groin causing quite a stir in him. He shifted as his obvious hard-on pressed firmly against his lover's backside and hoped that the swollen organ wouldn't cause Daniel's rest to be disturbed. When minutes ticked by and Daniel didn't awaken, tense or shift away from him he began to relax, feeling extremely giddy knowing that Daniel didn't feel threatened by his lover's obvious arousal. In fact, Daniel felt so comfortable that he hadn't moved an inch, and Jack wasn't about to move away from him. Instead he refused to break his hold on his lover enjoying the pure pleasure of holding him so close. It wasn't long before he too found himself fast asleep with an armful of archaeologist to keep him company during the long hours of the night.

 

* * * *

 

Jack jerked awake the moment he heard the desperate pleas and felt the struggles of the one still entwined in his arms. As he focused on his bedmate he knew instantly what was happening and cursed Osiris for providing his lover with a ton of new nightmares to disturb his peaceful slumber. Every single night since his return Daniel had dreamed and every single night he became restless begging and pleading with invisible ghosts, fighting in his arms to break away while gut wrenching sobs flew forth from his mouth. Every night Daniel dreamed and the dreams never gave him a moment's solace. Damn! It was bad enough that before his captivity he had tons of nightmares that stole precious hours of needed slumber and now he had even more. It was so unfair. Daniel shouldn't have to suffer like he was. He shouldn't have nightmares. He shouldn't have to fight to heal from a lengthy captivity. Why did he have to suffer? Why? Why did Daniel always have to suffer needlessly and endlessly? WHY? 

As Daniel jumped in his arms Jack immediately tightened his hold aware that Daniel was now awake and breathing much too fast for his liking. He was gasping for breath and still fighting to break free. Yelling and screaming that he didn't mean it and that he was sorry. He repeated Daniel's name several times only stopping when Daniel jerked around to face him and recognition flared in the depths of blue terror-stricken eyes. He silently observed his lover as Daniel started to calm and relax. When he was certain that Daniel was calm enough to speak he gently prodded, "Daniel what's wrong? What's going on?" 

Daniel responded in a haunted broken voice, "I killed them, Jack. I killed them." 

Jack observed his lover stuck between uncertainty and disbelief. He killed them? Who? Who did he kill? He softened his voice another octave as he inquired, "Who Daniel? Who did you kill?" 

Daniel looked devastated. He was quite obviously crying. He started shaking his head and rocking back and forth clutching his arms to his body tightly. Daniel then looked up as he continued in that voice full of sorrow and despair, "I killed them all, Jack. Every man, woman and child... I killed them all. There's no one left, not even a planet. I... It's all my fault." 

Jack swallowed hard not daring to believe his lover's words. Daniel would never kill anybody, especially not women and children. He couldn't do it. He couldn't live with such guilt and shame. He just couldn't handle it. He refused to believe Daniel's own words of condemnation wanting to draw him into his arms and hold him closely but so afraid that Daniel would reject his touch yet again, and he couldn't handle that right now. His lover was in so much pain, so much torment and all he wanted was to soothe him and comfort him, to assure him that he could never do as he had just said. He shook his head again as he denied Daniel's words, "No, no. You wouldn't do that, Daniel. You couldn't do that." 

"But I did. I did and now, and now they're all...they're all gone Jack, all of them...gone and it's all because of me, all of it..." 

"No, no...Daniel, no. I know you didn't, you couldn't... No. You would never..." 

Daniel lifted his face to gaze at Jack, tear streaks glistening across his cheeks, his eyes watery and bloodshot, a look of pure devastation now crossing that beautiful face. Jack reflexively swallowed hard staring in surprise and hurting so badly for his love. He couldn't stall his automatic response, his need to hold Daniel, and pulled him into his arms offering him his shoulder to cry on and feeling relieved as Daniel's arms wrapped around his body as he resorted to clinging to him, holding him as if would die if he was released. Immediately Daniel's face found purchase against his shoulder as he buried his face, hiding it from sight, clinging to him. He could feel the shudders now wracking Daniel's thin frame, hear the catches in his breathing as he struggled to regain control of himself and breathe through his tears, and feel the warm dampness that attested to the tears his lover was still shedding. He tried again, "Daniel, Daniel, you didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault. You didn't destroy anyone. You didn't..." 

Daniel responded by rapidly nodding his head up and down. Jack held him tighter lowering his chin onto the top of Daniel's head pressing tender kisses in the now damp tendrils of hair. 

His dream had been a nightmare. One that kept him tossing violently back and forth, moaning and whimpering as desperate pleas fell from those perfect lips. He had tried to wake Daniel knowing, fearing that the man wouldn't be able to awake soon enough, fearing that the dream would cause irreparable damage. He grew disconcerted as Daniel failed to respond to his soft prods and gentle pleas, failed to respond to the gentle touches and strokes...failed to awake. Instead of settling Daniel had only grown more and more agitated; his pleas escalated to screams and demanding requests for forgiveness before finally, after breaking out in a sweat and becoming extremely restless, he had abruptly jerked awake still screaming and casting a horrified gaze his way as he tried to fight free of the demons still clinging to him while he was awake. 

He continued holding Daniel and crooning to him trying anything and everything he could think of to help him calm and relax, but he seemed to be failing miserably at the task. He tried a different approach, "Who do you believe you...?" 

"Failed? Who did I fail? Everyone Jack. I killed everyone. I destroyed Alandria and..." 

"Alandria?" 

"Yes I..." He fell silent as if realizing what he was revealing and considering whether he should continue or not. After what seemed like a lengthy debate Daniel continued, "Yes Alandria. I destroyed Alandria. I killed all those people..." 

"Would you stop saying that please?" 

"Why? It's true." 

"No it isn't. Daniel, you wouldn't... You didn't do anything to those people. You didn't do anything!" 

"I refused My Lord. I denied him and he, he...he punished me for refusing. I...I refused to...and, and he punished me by... It was my fault, Jack, all my fault." 

"No, no that's where you're wrong, no. Daniel, do you hear me? Are you listening to me? That's where you're wrong love. That's where you're wrong." 

"No, no I'm...no, no." 

"Yes. Yes Daniel yes. You didn't hurt anyone. Osiris did. Osiris is the one who killed those people not you, not you. Osiris, it was Osiris..." 

"But, but I let him...I left him..." 

"No. NO! You had no choice. No. He used you. He used your compassion against you." 

"But, but..." 

"No, Daniel, no. It was him not you. HIM!" 

He was unsure what Alandria had been and just what Daniel was discussing, but he knew for certain that Daniel would never hurt someone, ever. He sensed that Osiris had used his lover's compassion against him, had somehow manipulated him into open compliance. He wasn't a hundred percent sure what Osiris' plan had been for destroying Alandria, but sensed that he had done it only to hurt Daniel, to hurt him, to torment him, to make him feel guilty and to make him feel ashamed. Osiris had used Daniel's compassion against him, probably to gain control over his stubborn lover, to gain the upper hand knowing that he could manipulate Daniel by using compassion as a weapon. Damn him! DAMN HIM! He held Daniel close allowing his lover time to regain control of himself and relax again. 

Daniel remained silent staring into the darkness of their bedroom feeling the warmth in Jack's embrace and loving him all the more for being willing to just hold him. He could still hear their screams, still see images of those he had doomed on that fateful day and still felt solely responsible for their deaths. Had he obeyed his lord that day, done what was asked of him then the inhabitants of Athena's beautiful world would have been spared, but instead he had watched helplessly as an entire planet had been blown up right before his eyes. God, a whole planet had been destroyed simply to gain his compliance in the bedroom. How twisted was that? 

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he remembered being ordered to crawl for his lord and serve him. He felt ill as he recalled willingly pressing his lips to his master's body and allowing his lord to suck him...oh God! He felt a sudden overwhelming need to be free of Jack's hold and forced the words out in a strained tense breath, "Jack, let me go. Please? I need to...I need to go to the bathroom. Please. Please Jack?" 

Jack noticed the sudden change in his lover and upon hearing his barely audible request sighed in frustration before softly answering, "Okay. Okay Daniel. Okay." He released Daniel feeling his heart clench when Daniel turned and softly whispered, "Thank you Jack. Thank you. I'll be a few moments. I just need to... I need some...time Jack. Thank you." 

Jack closed his eyes feeling Daniel's loss the moment he climbed out of bed. He wanted nothing more than to pull Daniel back down beside him and hold him until morning, but something stopped him and he found himself encouraging, "Take all the time you need, Daniel. I'll be right here. Take all the time you need." 

"Thank you Jack. Sorry, I'm sorry I...sorry..." 

Daniel quickly turned and headed into the bathroom turning on the bath water, determined to bathe, feeling the need to clean himself overwhelm him. 

Jack wasn't surprised at all to hear the water being turned on in the middle of the night. Ever since his return Daniel seemed to need to bath more often and to take longer than before. He was certain that bathing so often and for so long helped his lover in some way, so he never complained. He accepted it and settled for listening to his lover, prepared to go in after him if he heard any sounds of distress.

 

* * * * 

 

Later... 

After an hour passed Jack became very worried and though he hated to disturb his love he decided that it had to be done. He rose out of bed and approached the bathroom door feeling extremely worried when he could hear no sounds indicating that Daniel resided on the other side. He hesitated only a moment more before knocking on the door. He tried the handle and softly cursed again realizing that Daniel had locked it so he called, "Daniel?" feeling relieved when the man replied with, "Yeah Jack?" 

"Are you all right?" 

"Yes, Jack, yes." 

"Will you let me in?" 

Dead silence answered the inquiry. He grew more anxious and disappointed when Daniel refused to respond. He waited giving his lover ample time to reply but when no answer came he softened his voice, "Daniel, please let me in. Please." 

A choked response came back barely audible, "Wh...why?" 

"Because I want to see you. I want to make sure you're all right. Please Daniel." 

Daniel hung his head sitting still in the bathtub. He had his knees drawn to his chest and his chin propped on his knees. He was shivering. He knew he should go open the door for Jack but couldn't move. He had been bathing when the memories came back of the time that Osiris had destroyed Alandria before forcing him to crawl and seducing him in the bedroom. The memories persisted. He hadn't expected them to succeed in breaking out. One minute he was thinking about nothing and trying to force the memories to remain buried and in the next moment images invaded, debilitating images of a moment in time he thought he had since forgotten. 

He lifted his head as Jack's voice echoed to him from the other side of the door then forced himself to rise out of the bath and open the door, not caring that he now stood naked before his lover. He lowered his head not able to look at the older man due to feeling so humiliated and ashamed of himself. He mumbled, "I told you I was fine, Jack. You worry too much." 

Jack assessed Daniel raking his eyes up and down across his body noticing how Daniel stood hunched over, unable to even look at him. As he entered the bathroom those arms immediately went up as Daniel shielded himself by wrapping his arms around himself. He could tell that Daniel was very upset and disturbed. He approached, gently cupping Daniel's face and lifting his head. As he looked into solemn blue eyes that were red rimmed and puffy he realized that Daniel had been crying and without hesitation he reached out wrapping his arms around Daniel's still shivering frame while gently urging in a tender voice, "Come here." 

Daniel focused intently on his lover's face releasing a choked sob to the air before surrendering and wrapping his own arms around Jack muttering a quiet, "Hold me Jack, please." 

"Shh, shh I'll hold you Daniel for as long as you need me too. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not." 

He began to run a hand through Daniel's hair while holding him determined to soothe him, wondering what had made him so upset and silencing all of his questions to focus all his energy on comfort, support and understanding knowing that Daniel needed to be held more than he needed to be quizzed right now. He suspected the nightmare had triggered some other unpleasant memories for him, but didn't have the heart to demand he talk about them. 

After Daniel relaxed some Jack helped him to dry off and drained the water in the bathtub before guiding him back to the bed and helping him to climb into it. Once Daniel was settled Jack slid in behind him and pulled Daniel close gently rocking him, aware that the motion would create a calming effect within his mate. He knew that he would probably have to hold Daniel all night and sensing that it was what he desperately needed... 

 

* * * *

 

Jack awoke from rest early the next day gazing at the ceiling and thinking about the events of last night. As his lover suddenly shifted upon the bed his eyes were drawn to him. Jack gasped and stared in surprise and amazement at Daniel. His lover rarely was in bed when he awoke in the mornings. Ever since his return Daniel usually found some place to escape to so as not to wake up next to his lover. He no longer remained to cuddle like they had in times past. Instead Daniel would retreat to the bathroom, the kitchen or wherever his lover was not. It bothered him immensely, but Jack tried his best to understand and to respect that Daniel needed his space in the mornings. 

He smiled as he watched Daniel sleeping. Hearing him softly moan he watched in delight as Daniel's eyes fluttered open, unfocused at first then widening upon making out who was beside him. Jack tensed expecting Daniel to run away, but when he only continued to gaze at him Jack quietly greeted, "Hey." He felt his heart flutter as Daniel offered him a shy smile before answering, "Hey." 

"Sleep well?" 

"Hmm...yes...yes I did, actually." 

"Well good. That's what I like to hear. How are you feeling?" 

"Um good, good. I'm good Jack." 

Jack smiled and nodded reaching towards Daniel but hesitating to touch him. Daniel looked from his face to his hand then back again before saying, "I think I want to go today, Jack." 

"What?" 

"To see Janet's friend. I think I'd like to see her today if, if that's okay." 

"Are you sure Daniel? I don't want you to do something you're not yet ready for." 

"I'm sure Jack." 

"If you..." 

"Jack..." 

Jack fell silent determined to make Daniel aware that he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. Daniel continued, "I think I need to do this, Jack." 

"Oh...okay, Daniel, okay. Would...would you like me to come along or...?" 

"I would like that very much, Jack, but if you find things uncomfortable or..." 

"No. No, no, no. I'm fine. I'm good. I want to come along." 

Daniel assessed him for several minutes before nodding his head and saying, "Thanks Jack." 

"You're welcome, Daniel. So..." 

"So?" 

"Shall we get dressed?" 

"I suppose we should..." 

"Yeah..." 

Together they rose and Daniel went downstairs to start a pot of coffee and make some breakfast while Jack showered. After showering he called to make certain they could speak with Janet's friend then he joined Daniel for breakfast. 

 

* * * *

 

Jack glanced at Daniel as they sat in the parking lot outside the counseling office. He noticed that Daniel seemed very anxious and fidgety. He frowned before gently prodding, "Daniel are you sure you want to do this?" 

Daniel glanced at him briefly before down-casting his eyes then darting his focus to the side watching a young woman struggling to unlock her car door with one hand while she juggled a briefcase and files in the other. He watched her with interest becoming wrapped up in her mannerisms finding himself softly cheering her as she managed to get the door unlocked just before one of the folders prepared to glide to the ground. He heard his name being quietly uttered and nodded while still watching the woman with interest aware that Jack was still speaking and catching the last bit of what he was saying, "...if you don't want to do this..." 

As the woman started her engine and started backing her car Daniel knew he had no where else to divert his full attention, so he turned to face Jack running his palms across the tops of his pants in an attempt to rid them of the sweat that seemed to be clinging to them. He managed, "Yes. Yes Jack. I want to do this. I...need to do this." 

"But if you're not sure..." 

Daniel silenced the worried voice of his lover as he opened the car door and climbed out bending down to answer, "I'm sure. Let's just do this and get it over with. Are you coming?" 

Jack assessed Daniel prepared to leave at a moment's protest should it be necessary. As Daniel turned the full force of his eyes towards him Jack saw something he had thought might've been quenched in the last year: the fire of determination. Feeling relieved to be witness to such an intense emotion he nodded his head, exited the car and approached his lover. Daniel turned and started to walk ahead of him when Jack reached out snatching his left arm and drawing Daniel completely around to face him with obvious questions burning in his eyes. He smiled assuredly before saying, "Daniel?" 

"Yes Jack?" 

As a puzzled expression crossed Daniel's face Jack's smile brightened and he continued, "I'm proud of you." 

He watched as Daniel opened his mouth in a silent "oh", shock very evident there as well as a shaky inhalation of breath upon hearing the compliment. Daniel fished for words before finally managing, "Thank...thanks Jack, that means a lot to me." 

He nodded before urging, "If you feel the need to leave at any time, Daniel, any time don't hesitate to say so and we'll go. Got it?" 

"Yes Jack." 

"Good. Now let's go meet Janet's friend whatta ya say?" 

Daniel nodded then turned forward again, feeling more relaxed when Jack moved to his left still holding his hand as they walked together into the counseling building. 

 

* * * *

 

Dr. Wentworth's Office... 

Jack kept his eyes on his lover as introductions were made, determined to remain by Daniel's side throughout the entire meeting and providing him with whatever support he needed. He relaxed only after seeing Daniel relax a bit more. The counselor, a Doctor Sally Wentworth, was doing most of the talking to start with. Daniel said little, but listened to her words. It wasn't until about fifteen minutes after the start of the session that Daniel finally spoke up nodding and asking a question of his own. She smiled obviously glad to be receiving a response from the otherwise very silent Doctor Jackson "Well initially we begin with you telling me a bit about yourself and about why you're here..." 

Daniel truthfully answered, "I'm here because I was told I had to visit you." 

"Or be placed on stand down, yes. Janet has told me already." 

Daniel instantly tensed sitting up straighter as he cast a suspicious gaze her way before inquiring, "Oh she has? What else did she tell you?" 

Not seeming to mind the sudden defensiveness in her possibly soon-to-be client Doctor Wentworth answered, "Just that you were gone for some time. MIA for a year was it?" 

"Uh, yes..." 

Seeing the sudden lowering of his head Jack squeezed Daniel's hand silently showing him that he was here and was supporting him. He earned a grateful smile in return. 

Doctor Wentworth continued, "And that you might want to...talk about some of what went on in that time." 

That brought Daniel's head up as he quickly fired back, "And what if I don't? What then?" 

"That is your choice, Doctor Jackson, and ultimately your decision to make. I'm here if you would like to talk about anything or if you need help adjusting..." 

"Help to adjust? No, no I'm fine. Really." 

Doctor Wentworth nodded sensing the lack of truthfulness in those words. She could see that he was afraid, that he knew he needed help but was refusing to admit or accept it so she decided to push him just a little, "Doctor Jackson you were MIA for a year and in that time much has happened to you. Anyone who has suffered as you undoubtedly have is not completely fine. There's nothing wrong with that. It's to be expected. You shouldn't feel ashamed because you're having difficulty readjusting to your life after what has happened to you." 

"Nothing happened..." 

Daniel tensed when Jack placed his other hand over top the first encompassing his own between the two. He flinched at the contact down-casting his eyes when he realized that she had witnessed his reaction. He started relaxing further when Jack again squeezed his hand sending him comfort in touch. The woman remained silent for several moments before continuing, "I'm not here to judge you or to criticize you. I'm here to listen to you and to help you...if you'll let me. The only question I have is will you let me?" 

Daniel gazed at Jack then at the woman before lowering his eyes to his lap and saying, "I'll listen to you, but I haven't decided whether I want or need to do this yet." 

"I understand and that's perfectly all right." 

He focused on her as he sternly inquired, "Is it?" 

"Yes. You're here because Janet believed that I could be of some help to you, and I will be IF you let me help. If you choose to see me regularly know that some sessions will be hard and others easy. Some days it may seem we're taking two steps forward while other days it may seem as if we've accomplished nothing. The healing process is slow and difficult, very difficult. It could be several years before you even begin to feel normal again. I would be lying to you if I were to say that the sessions would be a walk in the park. The issues we discuss will prove challenging. There will be things you'll refuse to speak of and things that you'll want to talk about. I'm here to listen and to help you deal with all that has happened to you. I'm here to give you new coping strategies to direct you along the path of healing. I can't cure you Doctor Jackson. I can't take all the pain, all the memories, all the guilt and all the trauma away...if I could I would but that's impossible. All I can do is guide you, lead you, and walk with you on that path... I can't wish your pain and suffering to end, and I can't stop it. All I can do is support you, guide you, lend an ear and help you along the way. YOU have to decide if you want to heal. YOU have to decide how fast or slow you'd like to take the journey. YOU have to decide what you want to discuss and what you want to conceal. YOU are the one with all the power and control here Doctor Jackson. You are the one who has to make the ultimate decisions about what you'd like to do, what you need to do and what you have to do. I know that alone is very scary. You have learned to depend on your captor for basic needs: food, shelter, clothing, and safety... You had to depend on another to make decisions for you since you were denied your independence. You need to break that cycle and strive to become independent all over again. It's scary. The road to regaining your independence, to regaining yourself is long and full of dangers and risks, challenges and decisions. You decide it all. You make those necessary steps to heal yourself and to restore your soul completely. I can't make you do anything. Colonel O'Neill can't make you do anything. Janet can't make you do anything. YOU must do all these things yourself, and you must be willing to accept that it won't be easy...some things may hurt and some may not. This road you're journeying on isn't easy Doctor Jackson, but it's a road you must take if you are to retrieve the part of yourself that you have lost, the part of yourself that was stolen from you. You must take it back or you may never feel complete." 

Daniel nodded before replying, "I understand, but I would like some time to...think about this. If you...if that's all right?" 

"You may take all the time you need. No one wants to force you to do anything Doctor Jackson. We are here to help you and if you feel you need it I will provide it." 

Daniel nodded then fell silent for several long moments before asking, "Do you think that I...need help to...?" 

Doctor Wentworth focused on Doctor Jackson knowing what she wanted to say, but also knowing she couldn't force him to do what was probably needed, so she answered, "Let me ask you a few questions, Doctor Jackson. Now you don't need to answer them aloud I just want you to think about them." 

"Um sure I can, I can do that." 

She nodded before continuing, "In the time you were...missing did you ever feel helpless? Did you ever feel lost or depressed? Did you ever blame yourself for what happened to you? Did you ever feel as if you had betrayed your friends or your lover? Did you ever feel as if you would never be free? Did you ever wish to die or be killed by your captor, ever?" 

Daniel tensed swallowing hard as he offered her a nervous half grin that told her so much more than he realized. He shifted in his seat before speaking in a half serious, half joking tone that broadcast to her that he felt very uncomfortable at the moment, "Uh I don't have to answer those...right?" 

As he shyly ducked his head seeming to struggle to maintain eye contact she had her answer to her many questions. She then provided an answer to his, instilling in him relief as she did so, "No, Doctor Jackson, you don't have to answer any of those questions. I just wanted to..." 

Daniel offered, "Analyze me?" 

"I just wanted to give you some things to think about before you made your final decision." 

"Ah I see. Well, in that case uh... Can I... Are we...finished here? I'd like to take some...time to think about...things." 

"You may go whenever you desire Doctor Jackson. No one is keeping you here." 

Daniel raised his eyebrows in surprise as he pointed to the door and softly inquired, "I can...go? I can leave now? You, you won't try to stop me?" 

"No, Doctor, I won't." 

"Really?" 

"Yes." 

She watched him with concern seeing his tension and fear broadcasting so loudly to her. He had feared leaving without being granted permission. He didn't believe he could just get up and leave. He was still behaving much like a servant and slave. Janet had been right to send him here. She could help him...if he wanted her help, but if he didn't she'd have to honor his wishes, for she wasn't about to confirm the basic beliefs now ingrained so well in him by his captor. She would ask him what he wanted, not tell him. She would honor and respect his wishes and if that meant he left today and she never saw him again then she would have to accept that. She nodded before adding, "Would you like to go home now?" 

"Yes. Yes I would. Jack, can we go home now? Please?" 

"Daniel, are you sure?" 

"Yes Jack. Please?" 

"All...all right." 

"Thanks Jack." 

She smiled rising with him before taking his hand and shaking it noticing the hidden fear that flared as she touched him. She forced herself to remain calm and neutral knowing that he needed help and fearing that she'd push him into something he didn't want so she quickly said, "It was a pleasure meeting you Doctor Jackson. I do hope to see you again, but if I don't good luck with everything." 

"Thank...thank you." 

"If you decide to take me up on my offer here's my card. Call me at anytime." 

"I will. Thanks. Thank you." 

"You're welcome Doctor Jackson and best of luck to you." 

He nodded before turning to Jack and nodding his head. Together they walked back to their vehicle. 

Once inside Jack started the car softly prodding, "So Daniel what did you think of her?" 

He glanced at Jack securing his seat belt as he replied, "I like her." 

"And...?" 

Daniel's face grew pensive as he stiffened in the seat before speaking in a strained voice, "And I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat." 

"Hungry? Daniel we just ate." 

"Well, so that doesn't mean we can't eat again...does it?" 

Jack continued to watch him mentally wincing when he saw the spastic smile that now stretched across Daniel's lips. Well, discussing Doctor Wentworth any further was definitely out of the question, so food? Daniel wanted to discuss food instead? He could do that, "Where would you like to eat?" 

The relief Daniel felt was overbearing when he realized that Jack wasn't going to push the issue of Doctor Wentworth. Good. He wasn't quite ready to decide what to do about her open offer to help him. He needed to take time to think about it before committing or not committing himself to counseling sessions. He felt tears threaten to spill when he saw nothing but love shining in Jack's eyes as he waited calming for an answer. God, how had he been so lucky to find Jack O'Neill? How? He smiled shyly as he answered, "You know what Jack I'm, I'm not really hungry but I could use a drink..." 

"Well then a drink you shall get, my love, just point the way." 

Daniel snickered as he replied, "Uh anywhere would be fine Jack." 

"Then anywhere it shall be." 

"Jack..." 

"Yes?" 

"Thank you for...for being here, for coming along and for understanding what I need..." 

"My pleasure Daniel. It's all my pleasure. I love you, and I want to help you in any way I can. We can get through this, we can. It will just take some time." 

Daniel relaxed as Jack placed his hand over top his own. He nodded then said, "As long as you're with me Jack I think...I think I'll be okay." 

Jack smiled feeling overwhelming joy flood his insides at Daniel's innocent confession. He nodded before clearing his throat and asking, "Drink, about that drink..." 

"Ah yes I'm thinking..." 

"Coffee, coffee sound good?" 

Jack chuckled as he saw a twinkle in Daniel's eyes before he answered, "Coffee sounds delightful, love." 

Jack's eyes widened as Daniel unconsciously added the endearment onto the end of his sentence, but he quickly covered his surprise not wanting to upset Daniel in any way by drawing his attention to it. Instead he added to Daniel's enthusiasm, "Yes absolutely delightful." 

He watched Daniel, amazed to see that he was now totally relaxed. He was glad to see that Daniel was still able to do so. He nodded as he turned and shifted the car into reverse before mentioning, "There's a Starbuck's Coffee Shop a few blocks away..." 

"Well, then let's go." 

Jack smiled as he backed the car out of the parking space and headed for the coffee shop certain that Daniel was feeling much better than he had in weeks. Maybe this doctor could help him after all, but that decision was solely his. If Daniel chose not to see her again then he would have to watch that he didn't try forcing his lover into seeing her either.

 

* * * *

 

Several Hours Later... 

As Daniel stood in the shower allowing the warm water to rain down upon him he smiled to himself lifting his face to the streams and enjoying the simple pleasure of water trailing down over his body. He pressed his hands to the wall before him arching his back like a cat would and sighing in relief as the warm water began to pelt across the tense muscles of his shoulders and back. He remained like that for several minutes releasing a silky drawn out moan of pleasure as a memory suddenly flashed into his mind of himself writhing and bucking. He tried to push the thoughts back knowing that a memory was attempting to invade and catch him off guard, afraid to allow it to appear but unable to block it. Again an image flashed and he felt his dick hardening instantly in response to such intense, graphic imagery. He knew that the image wouldn't give him a moment's peace so he allowed it to break through flushing with a mix of embarrassment and intense desire as the memory grew clearer and he "saw" Osiris using a dildo to please him and to train him. His mouth dried up and he found that he was now effectively horny as his mind sent him back to a time when his lord was training him with the dildo: 

_"Today we will begin your sexuality training my pet. We have already started to train you on the butt plug, with which you have been doing very well, but now it is time that you show me how well you perform...other tasks."_

_Daniel remained on his knees tensing and swallowing hard as he watched his lord carefully secure a dildo and harness on himself. He unconsciously stared at the fake phallus now jutting out from Sarah's body and found that he really didn't want to know what purpose the dildo would serve._

_He watched as Sarah's small dainty hand engulfed the phallus and began to trail up and down across the length of it. He felt the first stirrings of arousal within as he watched Osiris caress the phallus as if it were real and quickly discovered he wanted that hand stroking him. As he glanced down at his own groin he blushed feeling ashamed when he noticed the shiny gold metal plate that cupped him intimately making any sort of physical stimulation impossible for him. He jerked his gaze towards Osiris' feet as he heard his lord's teasing chuckle, ducking his head more so to conceal the blazing blush of embarrassment now tingeing his cheeks from his tormenter._

_Osiris soon drawled, "Yes that is what I like to see, my servant feeling ashamed that he cannot stroke himself. Let this be a reminder to you that I own you slave. You belong to me, completely. No part of you belongs to another. You are my property and you do as I command always. Is that understood, slave?"_

_Daniel tensed wanting to refuse to reply but knew that resistance would be futile so he hung his head even lower as he meekly responded, "Yes My Master."_

_“Very good slave. Very good... Tell me, slave, do you desire to touch yourself, to stroke yourself intimately?"_

_"Yes My Master."_

_Osiris sniggered before stepping before him and ordering, "Raise your head. Now slave!"_

_Daniel quickly complied finding that his lord was much closer to him now and that he was now level with the fake phallus jutting up from Sarah's voluptuous body. He again found himself drawn to the sex toy, tensing as Osiris chuckled before squeezing the tip of the shaft between his fingers and softly commanding, "Suck it."_

_"What?" Daniel sputtered in shocked surprise. His lord wanted him to suck the phallus? Uh, hell no! He started to shake his head in denial when Osiris commanded in a slightly harsher tone, "Take it into your mouth and suck it, slave."_

_"No."_

_"Daniel, do not challenge me in this matter or I will make things most...uncomfortable for you, my pet."_

_Ignoring the veiled threat Daniel shook his head in denial saying, "I...I can't..."_

_Osiris began to run his fingers gently through Daniel's hair as he made the command again, "Suck it my pet."_

_Daniel shook his head no and started to verbalize his refusal when Osiris quickly slid his hand to the base of Daniel's neck grasping a hand full of his hair before yanking his head backwards and moving closer to Daniel deliberately towering over him, forcing his hips forward until the phallus hovered a mere inch from his mouth wanting Daniel to feel the vulnerability of his present position. He continued, his voice taking on a cold edge, "What I ask of you is not a difficult thing. It is also not a request but a command, and you WILL do as I order you slave or I WILL shove this so far into your mouth that you will feel as if you are swallowing it whole. The choice is yours slave. Either accept it willingly or I will make certain that you receive a definite mouth full."_

_"Master..."_

_Osiris' eyes flared bright white as he mercilessly yanked Daniel's head further back drawing a pain-laced yelp from his slave in the process and demanding, "AH! What will your choice be, slave?"_

_Daniel knew, sensed that Osiris would follow through with the threat so swallowing what little remained of his pride he opened his mouth, prepared to draw the dildo inside feeling both embarrassed and ashamed as his arousal seemed only to build and become more intense as Osiris wasted no time pushing the toy into his servant's open mouth. Daniel tensed, immediately pulling back as the toy invaded and wincing as Osiris only increased the tension on his hair immobilizing his attempts to change his mind. Resistance became futile as Osiris gently eased the grip on Daniel's hair palming the back of his head as he forced Daniel to take more of the dildo into his mouth..._

Daniel tried to force back the next onslaught of memories feeling arousal thrumming and burning through his body as the images continued to play before him as if being displayed on a tape. He remembered the feel of the dildo in his mouth and against his tongue, remembered how odd it felt compared to a real cock and hissed in pleasure as he remembered the taste of his lover so suddenly. He tried to silence the memories but was too far gone to do so and allowed them to continue playing in his mind, groaning and pressing his forehead to the shower wall as the urge to stroke himself became overpowering. He closed his eyes breathing heavily as he hoarsely croaked, "Oh God," before gripping himself. 

He wanted to touch himself, needed to, but hesitated hearing his own voice beyond the sudden ringing in his ears as he softly requested, "My Lord, may your slave be permitted to climax for you?" 

He growled in frustration as he recalled how he was not to touch himself intimately and not to climax unless his lord and master granted him permission to do so. He whimpered as he recalled the extensiveness through which Osiris had trained him to orgasm on request, stimulating him minutes after he begged still denying him the permission he sought. Sometimes he would grant his poor desperately horny slave permission and other times he would flat out deny him, deliberately icing his dick to make it shrink in size and to reattach his chastity belt knowing that he was desperate to orgasm. Sometimes he would make his servant serve for days without release and other times he would make it weeks. Sometimes the denial of his own pleasure would be a game to his lord and other times a punishment for a failure or a disappointment. No matter what the reason, no matter how desperately he had to orgasm, the right was always contingent on the mercy of his god. If he came without permission he was treated to humiliation or...other disciplines. 

His lord's favorite punishment for coming without permission was to secure him to the bed and spend twenty-four hours stimulating him to the point of orgasm without granting him release. He would spend much of that time expressing his disappointment and dissatisfaction in his servant's inability to control himself. Daniel hated that punishment for it taught him better than anything else did that he was truly a slave and owned property. Property that could be treated and used however his master decided and that there was nothing he could do about it. He belonged to Osiris and no other. He was Osiris' property. He was completely owned and controlled by another. If his lord forbade him from doing anything he had no choice but to do as stated, for when he became Osiris' personal servant he became Osiris' property, Osiris' toy, his plaything...he became totally dependent on his master for everything, and he hated that so much. 

He silenced his thoughts wrapping his hand around his hard cock and tensing as he heard his lord command him to stop and order him to lie on the bed and allow himself to be secured in place. He moaned as he recalled how his master would stroke him and caress him, cupping his dick and balls in his hands, rubbing them and petting them. He could feel the muscle contractions within signifying climax was near and quickly slid his fingers between his legs finding the perineum he pressed it groaning loudly and tossing his head back as he stalled his ejaculation in its tracks, hissing when his need to touch, stroke and pump himself continued to urge him on. 

He planted his left hand firmly against the shower wall, spreading his legs hip length apart before sliding his right hand to his dick and wrapping his fingers firmly about the hard shaft beginning to slowly pump his dick as he found himself back with Osiris being educated and trained on sexuality... 

_Osiris' eyes glowed with pleasure as he gazed down at his beautiful slave upon his knees before him, his mouth firmly wrapped about the dildo as he had been commanded. He refused to release the pressure on Daniel's head as he softly taunted, “Hmm that is it slave... Now show me how you suck him in the late hours of the night."_

_Daniel felt humiliated as he found himself with a mouthful of fake cock and as Osiris whispered his next words his face burned even more with embarrassment, for he knew to whom Osiris was referring. He closed his eyes trying to block out what was happening and pictured Jack in his mind finding himself already beginning to suck the cock his master demanded._

_Osiris began to moan and gently thrust, very conscious of the fact that he could choke Daniel if he thrust too deeply, being cautious not to do so. He watched Daniel intently knowing that if he pushed in a bit too far Daniel would react instantly so he kept his gaze trained on the handsome face of the man who was sucking him off._

_After several minutes of watching Daniel suck he crooned, "Make it wet, slave. Make it slick with your saliva. Prepare it for your next lesson."_

_Daniel complied still feeling awkward and disgraced at being ordered to suck a dildo for his master and lord. He tensed when the hand still palming the back of his head began to tenderly pet his hair. He swallowed hard as Osiris gently ordered, "I want both of your hands on my ass, slave. I want you clinging to me as you service me. Holding me close as you service me."_

_Daniel slowly planted both of his hands firmly on Osiris' ass then pulled him to him as ordered continuing to give head to the system lord. Osiris was very pleased when Daniel complied instantly with the gentle order and decided to begin offering him some constructive criticism on his technique, "Use your tongue and twirl it around the shaft of my dick, slave. I want to see you laving the weeping head as you pull back then go down on me again. Do so now!"_

_Daniel tensed even more as Osiris began to give him instructions on how he was to perform adequately. He cursed but carefully eased his mouth back up to the head of the phallus laving his tongue around the head as commanded. Osiris seemed mighty pleased with the action as he complimented, "Yes that is correct, Daniel. You are so good...so deliciously experienced at this. How often do you give your lover head?"_

_Daniel stopped freezing to the spot as Osiris again prodded for information on Jack. Why the hell did he keep bringing Jack up at times like these? Why? How dare he ask how often he did this for Jack! It was none of his business, none of it!_

_Osiris chuckled as he continued to watch his servant deciding that he needed a nudge to continue sucking, "I did not permit you to stop yet, slave. You have much to learn. You will be trained extensively on the dildo and on several other toys, so I suggest that you familiarize yourself with such things and that you learn to be comfortable around them."_

_Daniel didn't reply partly because he had a mouthful of cock but also because he didn't like the connotations behind those comments. He knew from those few words that this would not be the last time he would be sucking a dildo, and he also knew that this wouldn't be the last time his master experimented a bit with his personal attendant. He shivered as he wondered what other toys the Goa'uld lord might have plans to "educate" him on..._

Daniel inhaled sharply panting and moaning as he could feel himself drawing closer to his apex yet again. He could feel the heat, the arousal and the desire building to explosive proportions and knew that it would only be a matter of time before he erupted. As his mind led him to what had happened after he had thoroughly lubricated the dildo with his saliva on that day he was certain he would fall over that edge shortly. He tensed feeling pleasure travel through him as the contractions signifying the return of his orgasm began again. He started to moan loudly as images began flashing before his eyes of Osiris turning him, pushing him to his knees and pressing the dildo to his anus. He gasped as he saw Osiris in his mind's eye rubbing the saliva coated dildo across his opening, teasing him with it as he begged to be fucked fast and hard by his lord. As the images changed to Osiris making the first invasion into his body Daniel started panting louder and thrusting his hips as he pumped his dick harder and faster. He screamed as he saw himself in his mind's eye responding to his lord tossing his head back and being ridden for all he was worth as Osiris fucked him again and again with the dildo. When Osiris' hands captured his dick and started to toy with him and pump him he knew that he was lost; as the memories surfaced of the moment of his orgasm he found himself screaming as warm cream squirted out of him and coated his hand. He sagged against the shower wall trying to regain his breathing and feeling pleasure rippling through him again and again as his body became over sensitized by the powerful climax he had just experienced. 

He swallowed hard still gripping his dick in the palm of his hand, pressing his forehead against the shower wall harder as he realized the shower was still on and water was still pounding across his naked flesh. He knew he should move. He knew that he should clean himself off especially since Jack was just downstairs and probably was waiting for him, but he found that he was so gloriously satiated that all he wanted to do was remain where he stood, feeling his body cooling down as his powerful climax abated. He could only relax a moment more before insistent pounding flooded the room and Jack's voice called to him from the other side of the door, "Daniel, are you all right? Daniel?" 

He blushed like an impish schoolboy who was caught with his hand digging into the cookie jar and quickly jerked upright nearly falling as his head spiraled a bit. Damn that was one hell of an orgasm he had just experienced. He closed his eyes inhaling deeply trying to center himself again as he formulated a response, "Yes Jack I'm fine." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes." 

"I thought I heard you screaming..." 

He blushed furiously before coming up with a quick excuse, "Uh no, no that was, uh singing Jack. I was...singing rather loudly and off-key. Sorry if I disturbed you." 

Silence answered his excuse and he found himself wondering if Jack bought that lame lie or not. If Jack didn't then how would he explain...this? How? Damn, he had been showering when images of his captivity started to bombard him and the next thing he knew he was jerking himself off in the shower as he recalled part of his sexuality training. Shit, what the hell was he thinking? SHIT! As Jack's voice echoed back, "That's all right," he released the tense breath he had been holding before adding, "I'll be out shortly Jack. I'm just finishing up." 

"No need to hurry, love. I'll wait for you." 

Yes he would. Daniel knew that he would and found himself smiling tenderly at the concern he heard in Jack's voice. Ah, he was worried about him again. He hated making Jack worry but knowing that someone cared enough about him TO worry made him feel so much better. He turned back to the shower allowing the water to rain across his body and wash away the remainder of his spending suddenly wondering why he didn't feel more ashamed of what triggered it in the first place. He had hated Osiris and hated serving him always, but he couldn't deny the fact that some of the things Osiris did to him turned him on even now, and he knew that it was wrong to feel this way...he shouldn't be aroused by recalling a training session, he shouldn't be turned on by the memories of a degradation and a punishment but he was, oh how he was and that confused the hell out of him. How could he have found pleasure in anything that his lord had done to him? How? 

 

* * * *

 

After finishing up in the shower and dressing again he headed downstairs wanting to spend some time with Jack, needing to spend time with Jack. He hated himself for what had transpired in the shower less than fifteen minutes before. At first he was pleased after climaxing and for some reason knowing that his lord is what triggered it didn't upset him as much as he had expected...at first, but then the guilt and self-loathing found him shortly thereafter leaving him feeling disgusted and angry with himself and his poor lack of self-control. My God he couldn't even make love to Jack or stand to have Jack touch him, yet he could stand in the shower and masturbate himself to completion in response to memories...of his captivity? How sick was that? What the fuck was wrong with him? Why the hell did he do that and enjoy it so damned much? Maybe...maybe he had enjoyed all the things his lord had done to him. Maybe he had enjoyed being humiliated and degraded. Maybe he was a sadistic bastard, one of those goddamned masochistic sons of bitches after all. Shit! 

He jerked his head up when Jack said his name glaring at Jack before asking, "What?" 

"Do you want to watch a movie, love?" 

"A movie, Jack? You want to watch a movie?" 

"Yeah I figured you know we could make some popcorn, snuggle up on the couch, relax a bit. You know together." 

"A movie? You want to watch a damned movie, Jack?" 

Jack flinched but held firm to his suggestion as he said, "Yeah. I think it would do us both some good. We can sit down and watch a movie together, just relax and enjoy each other's company..." 

Jack jumped in surprise when Daniel suddenly erupted, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT JACK? What the hell do you want from me?" 

Jack tensed seeing that his lover was now very upset and agitated. He watched the man's jerky movements as he began pacing rapidly back and forth before him. It didn't take a genius to realize that Daniel was pissed. He wasn't sure how to respond to the sudden explosion. He knew that no matter what he said or did the conversation could go one of two ways: either they'd fight and argue or they would talk and Daniel would calm down. He shook his head as he tried to rein in his patience. Daniel was so moody and so temperamental since his return. One minute he was nice and loving the next minute he was screaming and demanding. He decided to settle for approaching the situation calmly knowing that there was a huge potential for devastation if he was not careful, "Okay Daniel we don't have to watch a movie tonight." 

Man did that ever sound so...stupid. Daniel was angry about a Goddamned movie of all things. You'd think the man would be angry about something more important than a stupid movie, but again he had to be understanding towards him because Daniel was dealing with a lot and his emotions were far from controlled. He sensed that the abduction affected Daniel way more than the man had yet to reveal, but any questions or concerns regarding the missing year of his life were usually halted by Daniel's anger, or rage, or depression, or silence... He still wanted to know just what the hell that fucking bastard put Daniel through to make him so different from the man he fell in love with so long ago. What the hell had happened with Osiris and why did Daniel hesitate to even mention the Goa'uld lord or his captivity? He silenced his thoughts when Daniel suddenly turned glaring at him with rage-filled eyes as he demanded, "What? WHAT? You think this is about some goddamned movie, Jack? That's not what this is about!" 

Well no shit Danny but are you going to clue me in to just what this explosion of temper is about? I'd really like a clue...a bone if you would love. How the hell can I help you if you refuse to let me? How? He shook his head as he tried yet again to pry any information out of Daniel that he possibly could sure, before he even started, that it would be a useless attempt because Daniel wasn't about to tell him shit, "All right. Okay, then tell me what has you so upset?" 

"I...I don't fucking know! I just...I just... I don't know." 

Okay that's a start. He didn't just walk away from him or snap at him or glare at him. He truly tried to offer some kind of explanation, futile as it was, to cluing him in but hey he'd take anything other than the silence or the rage. 

He watched as Daniel jerked away from him yet again as he continued to pace incessantly. Damn but this was getting so old! Daniel was irritated. Hell, he was madder than a damned hornet yet he still remained stubbornly silent. What is going on in that brilliant mind of yours Danny? What has made you suddenly so angry? Please tell me something, anything, please. 

Daniel turned abruptly from Jack running his question through his mind repetitively. What has him so upset? Why was he so upset? Why? He sure as hell didn't know why, couldn't even begin an explanation because the truth was he didn't know. He didn't have one inkling, one single clue as to why he felt so angry that all he wanted to do was lash out at the nearest person, which always happened to be Jack O'Neill...unfortunately. He felt like hitting something or kicking something. All he wanted to do was lash out and smash something beyond all repair, but he couldn't understand why. Why did he feel such anger and such rage? Why did he want so badly to destroy something? Why? He paused his destructive thoughts as Jack's calm soothing voice filled his head as he softly inquired, "How are you feeling, Daniel? How do you feel?" 

"I'm...what?" 

Jack watched as the man suddenly wrapped his arms around his body before continuing, "I'm...um, fine...I'm fine." 

Jack frowned certain that Daniel was far from fine and not sure how to help him. He continued to watch Daniel's agitated pacing trying to think of what to say or what to do to help him, but nothing was coming to his mind. He had to help Daniel. He had to. It was so obvious that the man was falling apart and that he had no control over his emotions. It was so damned obvious, but how the hell could he even begin to help Daniel when all he did was shut him out repetitively? 

Daniel paused in mid-step trying to recall where his train of thought left off then shook his head before saying, "No...nope...I'm not...not...but...no." 

"What?" 

He glanced up at Jack nervously before softly speaking, "I'm not...I don't... I'm not doing too well am I, Jack? I... You know what just forget it, Jack. Forget it." 

"No Danny I..." 

"FORGET IT JACK!" 

Jack cursed before demanding, "Why the hell can't you talk to me, Danny? Why? What...what the hell do you want me to do, Danny? Do you want me to walk away? Do you want me to leave because I will if that's what you really want...what do you want from me?" 

"What Jack? What are you talking about? What are you trying to say here?" 

Jack sighed heavily before continuing, "I want to help you Daniel I really do. I want to help you to get your life back. I want to help you heal but...but..." 

Daniel stopped staring at Jack feeling suddenly anxious, fearful and worried. He had a brief thought that this was the end, that this was where Jack was going to give up on him, and he didn't want that to happen. He didn't want to face this alone. He didn't want to lose Jack, but he just didn't know what to do or even how to behave anymore. He couldn't even remember who he was anymore. All he knew was that he didn't want Jack to give up on him, and if Jack gave up on him...God, if Jack gave up... What would he do if that happened? The way he was feeling right now he'd no doubt find the tallest building in the city and throw himself off of it. Suicide...God, he was thinking of killing himself just because Jack was prepared to give up on him? What the hell was wrong with him? Why the hell was his life such a damned mess? WHY? 

He felt tears welling up in his eyes at the prospect of Jack leaving him and never coming back, and he knew that he would die if Jack abandoned him. He knew it and without thought he put voice to that fear, "I don't want you to abandon me, Jack. Please don't leave me too. Please. I...I need you...I need you so badly but..." 

Jack swallowed hard feeling a tense silence falling between them and feeling his throat swelling up with emotion. Shit, Daniel didn't want to be abandoned? Where the hell did that come from? He shook his head as his heart ached for his lover and quickly approached Daniel stopping him by placing his hands on the man's shoulders and saying, "I...I won't do that to you, Daniel. You know I won't. You shouldn't be afraid that I would. I could never... I'm not going anywhere Daniel. I made a promise to you and I intend to keep it. You and me forever, Daniel... You and me forever... You don't have to be afraid. I won't ever leave you, Daniel. I'll never leave you." 

Daniel stopped as if to contemplate those words trying to believe them but finding the task was a bit too difficult. One question kept running through his mind again and again: why? "Why?" 

"Why? Daniel what kind of a question is that?" 

"A good question...why would you stay with me when I'm so screwed up Jack? Why would you even want me knowing that he touched...that...what he did to me? Why would you want me after he used me? Why? How could you love me? How? I don't deserve your love not... Not after what I did for him, Jack...not after what I did. Jack, Jack...you couldn't understand...you... Not after what I did for him." 

He fell silent waiting for Jack's response cutting him off before he had a chance to provide one, "Jack do you still...love me? I mean REALLY love me?" 

Jack remained silent staring at Daniel not knowing what to say or do. He was half in shock by the question alone. Did he still love him? Well yes of course he did. Didn't Daniel know that already? How could he not know that? Why would he ask if...why...? 

As he gazed into Daniel's eyes Jack noticed that he was nervous, anxious and uncertain. He looked scared and sad at the same time. Did he really think...? Did he really believe...? 

"Yes Daniel I do..." 

Daniel remained quiet allowing the silence to stretch between them. He wanted to feel relieved at Jack's admission, but he didn't actually say 'I love you' he said 'I do' so... He lowered his gaze from Jack's penetrating one nervously biting into his lower lip. Once upon a time a simple 'I do' would have been enough but now, now he needed something more, something...something was missing now, but he couldn't figure out what. He glanced up as Jack spoke again, "I love you Daniel. You know that I do. I love you with all my heart and it hurts, it hurts so much to see you suffering like this. You don't have to do this alone Daniel. I'm here for you. I want to help you heal. You don't have to do this alone." 

Daniel glanced up feeling better when Jack said the words he'd longed to hear, but he also found himself questioning if Jack were telling the truth. What if Jack was only lying to cheer him up? What if he didn't love him? What if...why the hell would Jack want him after he prostituted himself to their worst enemy? Why would Jack want a Goa'uld whore? He hung his head feeling tears pricking the corners of his eyes as the answer whispered through his head...he wouldn't. Jack wouldn't want him, not after what he had done for his lord. Jack was just saying he loved him to make him happy. Jack didn't really love him...did he? 

He focused on Jack staring into his eyes trying to find any little inkling of doubt and shocked when he found none. What he saw in Jack's eyes told him that this man truly did love him, but if he did then why the hell was it so difficult to accept? Why couldn't he accept that Jack loved him? Why? Why was that so hard for him to comprehend? 

He gasped when Jack brushed his lips lightly across his own feeling the automatic heat surge through him as his lips tingled in response to the feathery touch. He continued to gaze at Jack becoming quickly lost in the soft brown hue of his lover's beautiful eyes. In Jack's eyes he could see the truth behind his words and the depths with which this man before him loved him, and it shocked him. He didn't deserve Jack's love. He didn't deserve to be loved so completely after what he had done. He didn't deserve it. He had slept with another, had begged another to please him, had crawled for another and had done as another bid. He had betrayed this sweet man before him and he didn't deserve him. He wasn't good enough for Jack. He was no longer pure, no longer clean. He was no longer worthy of Jack or his love. He was nothing. He wasn't important. He was a whore. He didn't deserve anything but to be punished by this man before him. He didn't deserve Jack's love after what he had done to him. What he deserved was to be stripped and punished by this man for all of his crimes against him. 

Jack watched Daniel sensing that he was feeling very inadequate and very guilty about something. He quickly moved in to stop the negative thoughts that were most likely whirling in his lover's mind at this very moment. He said, "Daniel? Daniel? Daniel, look at me. Daniel?" 

"Yes Jack what..." 

"I love you and I want to help you. I won't leave you. I won't ever leave you." 

"Why? Why stay with me, Jack? Why would you stay? Why would you want to stay when you know that I...that I...pleased him in so many ways? Why Jack? Why?" 

Jack swallowed back the tears threatening to spill as he reached up to cup Daniel's face in his hands before saying, "Because I love you. I can't live without you. You are my heart Daniel Jackson. You are my soul. You are the air that I breathe. Without you, without you in my life I'm...empty, incomplete, lost. I need you Daniel. I need you so badly. Do you even realize how much you mean to me? How important you are to me? When you were gone from my life I was...different. I walked as if in a fog. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't even sleep. I need you that much, Daniel and I love you so much Daniel. I love you so damned much." 

"But you deserve so much better Jack. I'm...I don't deserve you." 

Jack cut him off as he replied in a voice lined with gruffness, "NO. No Daniel you do deserve me. You do. Don't you dare think otherwise, don't you dare..." 

"But Jack how could I not..." 

"Daniel you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be cared for and cherished. Don't sell yourself short and don't allow him to win. Please don't allow him to win this battle." 

"What battle? What are you talking about Jack?" 

"He convinced you that you don't deserve to be loved and cherished. He treated you as a servant and taught you to obey without question. He had to work on you a long time to gain your complete compliance, and I believe that he didn't completely succeed but he managed to do some damage. It's obvious that he hurt you, that he harmed you so much..." 

"No, no my lord was good to me. He treated me with kindness. He took care of me. He..." 

"He used you, Daniel. He used you and he abused you." 

"No, Jack, no. He didn't abuse me. I did what he wanted. He didn't have to abuse me Jack." 

"Oh but he did Danny, he did. How else did he gain such a strong hold over you? How else did he make you so compliant to his will? He used you and abused you, Daniel. None of this is your fault. He's the one responsible for all that you are suffering. You aren't guilty of anything. It's his fault Daniel, it's all his fault." 

"Jack I...I did a lot of...things that..." 

"Under duress..." 

"Under? No, no...no there was no..." 

"Daniel, please listen to me. You've done nothing wrong. You are the victim here not Osiris and not Sarah, you...you are the victim. They both used you. They both hurt you and they both victimized you." 

"No, no...NO!" 

Daniel started shaking and feeling suddenly very nervous. He needed to escape. He needed to get away. He couldn't hear this. He couldn't...he had to go. He had to. As he made a dash for the door Jack caught him and pulled him into his embrace. Daniel fought with him for only a few moments before surrendering and allowing Jack to usher him to the couch. He was so confused and so scared. He didn't understand what was happening. He couldn't comprehend what Jack was trying to tell him. All he knew was that he had done some horrible things. He had betrayed Jack and didn't deserve him. He had hurt his lover by surrendering his body to another. He had allowed the sex and he had enjoyed it. He had allowed himself to be made a slave, and he had enjoyed his servitude. He had. He was certain even though a small, tiny little voice buried deep under layers and layers of trauma called out to him and told him that he hadn't enjoyed it, and that he had been abused. He shook his head in denial instantly crushing that tiny little voice within that tried to call out, tried to make itself heard. He crushed it refusing to believe that he had been victimized. He refused to believe it because if he were to accept that he had been used and abused then he would have to admit to being a victim and being incapable of protecting even himself. He couldn't do that. He couldn't admit that he was totally and completely helpless to protect himself from harm. He couldn't do that and he wouldn't do that. 

Jack continued to speak to him with tender words and Daniel, though he wanted to fight and to resist, allowed Jack to console him for this one moment in time. As Jack urged him to relax upon the couch Daniel tried but remained sitting holding his back ramrod straight not knowing what to do or how to even behave. He was so damned confused and lost that it scared the hell out of him. What should he do? Should he just sit here or should he run? What should he do? 

He cried out when Jack's hands returned pressing to either side of his body resting against his biceps and gently tugging him back. He shook his head in denial. No, no he couldn't do this. He couldn't. NO! He couldn't handle being that close to Jack, not right now. He just couldn't do it! But he quickly realized that again his resistance was futile for he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to collapse so he allowed Jack to urge him on complying by sidling his way back against Jack. 

Daniel momentarily tensed in response to feeling that hard broad chest pressing so intimately close. He closed his eyes as the need to pull away flowed over him, fear slammed into his chest and panic pumped through his every nerve. He forced himself to relax inhaling and exhaling slowly urging his body to calm while repeating in his mind over and over again that he was with Jack, and he was okay. As Jack's arms entwined around his body he wanted nothing more then to launch himself away from the touch and beg to be left alone, but he bit into his bottom lip to silence such a plea. 

As a deeper calm settled around him he quietly chastised himself for the unnecessary fears he had experienced upon being drawn into his lover's comforting embrace. This was ridiculous, so ridiculous! Why did he react to touch like that? Why? He pushed the questions out of his mind forcing his attention on the feel of Jack against him, the scent of him, the warmth of his closeness and the soft light kisses that Jack occasionally dropped to his temple. They sat like that for some time before Daniel broke the silence, "Why do I act like that Jack? Why does...why am I...?" 

"Afraid? Afraid of touch?" 

"Um..." 

"Because you went through a harrowing experience. You...there were many things expected from you and resistance wasn't an option." 

"But...but how do you know? How do you know I resisted?" 

"How could I ever believe otherwise love?" 

"I did a lot of things, Jack, a lot of things I'm not proud of so...how do you know I..." 

"I just do." 

"And in six months what then?" 

"What...?" 

"Will you still be so sure that I resisted him? Will you still be here in six months? Will you still love me or will you chase me away? What will you do in six months, Jack?" 

"I'll still be here for you love. Right here." 

"Is that a promise or just..." 

"Daniel, you already know the answer to that question." 

"Do I? Do either of us really know the answer to that question Jack? Six months is a long time and..." 

"We'll take things day by day. Don't worry about the future, love, or you'll drive yourself crazy. Focus on today, on now..." 

"And how can I do that, Jack? How? How can I focus on today when I'm still looking back on yesterday and seeing all the horrible things I did?" 

"Daniel, please don't do this. Don't blame yourself for..." 

"Don't blame myself Jack? Don't blame myself? How can I not? How can I not when I... How?" 

"Because it's not your fault. None of this is your fault." 

"Yes it is." 

Jack sighed in frustration cursing Osiris for what must be the millionth time again noticing how royally Osiris fucked with Daniel's mind. Shit! The fucking bastard couldn't be satisfied with just holding Daniel prisoner instead he had to give him a major mind fuck in the process? The son of a bitch! Damn it, the serpent had succeeded in destroying Daniel's self-confidence, his self-esteem; hell, he had succeeded in nearly destroying Daniel leaving him feeling afraid, doubtful, nervous and anxious. How could anyone do that? How could someone so willingly destroy a person's very soul? Osiris hadn't destroyed Daniel completely, but he sure as hell chipped away at his lover until there wasn't much remaining. Daniel's trust, his security, his sense of safety, his confidence...all of it was gone now, destroyed by an enemy who only wanted to own him and possess him; an enemy whose only goal was to make Daniel his totally and completely, to control his every move, every thought, every action...everything. His only goal was to obtain complete and total domination over Daniel and that pissed him off so much that he wanted to hunt Osiris down and break the damned snake's neck for all the shit he put Daniel through. The bastard! How could he do that? How could he do so much to one person? HOW?


	21. The Middle Grounds

**THE MIDDLE GROUNDS**  
**Walking a Tight Rope**

Daniel whimpered as his mind dared to send him back in time to his captivity. No, no, NO! He would not do this again! He wouldn't allow himself to go back there again. NO! But even as he cranked the shower up a notch and made the water scolding hot the images still refused to abate, the memories still refused to leave him alone. He clenched his eyes tightly shut as he leaned forward pressing his hands palms down firmly against the wall before him, automatically spreading his legs hip length apart, as well as his arms. He lowered his head moaning as images continued to flash before him. Images of the rack, of the feel of soft leather as it kissed his flesh, the smell of sex in the air as his lord drew from his unyielding body again and again. He tossed his head back opening his mouth prepared to scream as he suddenly felt the cloth being forced between his lips, the manacles being locked about his wrists and ankles and hands groping at his body as a tantalizing voice tormented him... 

_Daniel tensed as his lord ordered him to stand within the metal rack. As he gazed about him he felt extremely nervous. The room looked like a torture chamber full of devices that could do God only knew what to the human body. As he focused on the object his lord ordered him to stand before he felt a mix of fear and excitement flood him. He found that he was speechless as he directed his gaze forward, staring at the sinister looking object rising before him. He knew, sensed that he would be restrained within the crude metal contraption and felt the overwhelming urge to turn tail and run, but he remained determined to face this new experience head on while wondering if he hadn't just lost his mind along with his soul in this place._

_Daniel shivered as Osiris moved to stand behind him invading his personal space as he leaned in and softly purred, "This is my play room, my pet. Do you like what you see?"_

_Play room? Why did he find those words both terrifying and arousing at the same time? He unconsciously moaned as Osiris' breath fell across his neck and face bathing his skin in warmth and sending pleasurable little chills tingling up his spine. He choked back his need to respond sarcastically to the inquiry managing, "Master what...?"_

_"Hush and give yourself over to us. Allow us to show you unimaginable pleasure. Allow us to please you, our love."_

_Daniel tensed as Sarah's hand wrapped around his right wrist gently drawing his arm above his head. As she tugged his wrist towards the shackle dangling from the upper right corner of the metal rack he knew that he should resist, knew what she intended to do and allowed her to snap the first restraint in place only realizing after her playful laughter teased his ears that she was already forcing his left wrist into the other restraint. He tensed softly moaning as Osiris used his leg to gently nudge his own apart. He hissed as his lord wasted precious little time securing his ankles to the bottom corners of the rack. When he realized his present predicament he blushed to his roots aware that he was now in a very vulnerable position, spread-eagled for his master, on display in his lord's "play-room". He opened his mouth to request his release when cloth found its way between his lips. He moaned feeling his dick harden as he realized that the gag was Osiris' special panty gag liberally coated in Sarah's juices._

_Osiris leaned by his left ear and Daniel shivered as his lord suggested, "You may grip the framework of the rack should you have need to, my love, and I assure you that you will be grateful for it as I draw your blessed spending from your body throughout the entire evening again and again and again..."_

_He whimpered as Osiris' fingers began to tweak and squeeze his nipples making his breath catch in his throat as heat continued to spike sharply within. He then shuddered in pleasure as Osiris pressed up against him becoming quickly lost in the hot velvety skin now pressed so intimately against his own. He softly mewled as Osiris wrapped his arms around him pressing against him as he blew across Daniel's left ear sending chills through him. Osiris continued his bold exploration by sliding his hand downward until he cupped Daniel possessively in his grasp. Daniel arched as his lord squeezed him finding that he was losing himself in the intensity of those stimulating touches. As a tongue laved his earlobe he cried out dropping his head lazily back and breathing shakily as Osiris proceeded to suckle his earlobe tenderly. Osiris then began slowly pumping his dick and paying much attention to his earlobe bringing him near completion before stopping the blessed caresses. As he released a strangled cry of disappointment his lord chuckled before asking, "Shall I teach you what it feels like to be helpless, my precious one? What it means to be inferior? You deliberately anger your god. You challenge me, you defy me so perhaps it is time that I taught you what true slavery is my precious one."_

Daniel cursed as he again tried to silence the memories threatening to encroach and drown him beneath their persistent onslaught. He growled in frustration when he realized that he was now panting and was extremely hard. His need to climax burned deep within and he hated it. He hated how memories of his lord educating him, teaching him, training him and humiliating him could bring him so easily and so quickly to his own completion. Memories, they were just memories so why in the hell did he get off on them? He had hated his lord's twisted mind games, his sexual domination and seduction...hadn't he? Shit! Why could a stupid memory of his lord get him off? Why couldn't he remember times spent with Jack, instead of these godforsaken memories of slavery and captivity? WHY? 

"Daniel? Daniel, are you all right?" 

Jack, it was Jack checking on him again, always checking on him, always worried and concerned. Why? Why did he bother? Why? Would he still be so devoted if he knew what had happened there? Would he still care so damned much if he realized that his lover was no more than a sexual plaything who followed the whims of his master always? Would he? 

"Daniel?" 

As Jack's voice sounded again Daniel knew he had to respond, but all he could manage was a sharp "Yes." 

"Are you sure you're all right?" 

Oh God please just go away Jack. Go away. Now isn't a good time. Go away! Again he answered, "Yes I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes." 

"All...all right Daniel. I'll just..." 

He snapped in irritation, "I'm fine Jack!" and quietly chided himself for snapping at his lover again. He was just a bit concerned, that was all. He had no need to bite Jack's head off for caring...so why had he? Shit! Why couldn't things just be the way they used to be? Why did things have to change? Things had been going so well before his lord... 

_'Shall I teach you what it feels like to be helpless, my precious one? What it means to_  
_be inferior? Perhaps it is time I taught you what true slavery is...what true slavery is...'_

He softly hissed, "No, no, NO! Shut up, shut up just shut up!" 

He shook his head hating those words, those thoughts, those memories and the feelings they invoked within him. They reminded him what he was, what he was destined to be: a slave, a servant to the Goa'uld lord Osiris for all eternity. 

"NO!" 

He grew angrier as he twisted the shower knob off and stepped out quickly drying himself before dressing in jerky motions. He approached the mirror still unable to look at it and snatched his comb from the counter beginning to rake it viciously through his hair feeling his anger growing insurmountable as rage flooded his heart. He quickly finished the task and hurled the comb onto the sink before turning to head for the door feeling nothing but red-hot rage boiling within. He wanted to lash out, to hurt and to kill. He wanted to destroy something and quickly jerked the bathroom door open not even flinching as it banged loudly against the wall drawing a startled gaze his way. Brown clashed with blue and danger tinged the air. Something was about to happen, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. Jack was the first to speak, "Daniel?" 

He snarled, "Jack," drawing tension from the man across from him and noticing that he took one slight step backwards. Daniel snickered before casually inquiring, "Frightened O'Neill? Do I...scare you?" 

"Daniel..." 

"Hmm I never thought the great O'Neill was frightened of anything." 

"Daniel, what are you doing? What...?" 

"Do you know what it feels like to be dominated Jack? To be completely under the control of another unable to even piss without permission?" 

"Daniel what...?" 

Daniel cocked his head to the side feeling some of his uncontrollable rage leaking away as he focused on Jack seeing fear, worry and concern reflecting in the man's eyes. He closed his own, shaking his head as he became aware that he was literally shaking with rage. Why the hell was he so damned angry? He forced his eyes open, making an effort to regain control of the intense anger he was presently feeling. He forced himself to speak, "I know what it feels like, Jack." 

Jack softened his voice a bit recognizing the indicators that Daniel was regaining control of his flailing emotions. He swallowed hard feeling relief beginning to surface as he questioned, "What Daniel? What are you talking about, love?" 

"I know what it feels like Jack, and I hate that I know. I hate it, yet it's now a part of me. A part of me I want nothing more than to destroy." 

"Daniel..." 

He flicked a gaze Jack's way before lowering his eyes to the floor as he continued, "How do I destroy that part, Jack? How do I destroy that part of me without destroying myself?" 

Suddenly realizing that Daniel was referring to the part of himself that made him vulnerable and submissive Jack answered his question, "You...you can't. It's a part of you that you have to accept..." 

"A part I have to accept? No, no I don't. I don't have to accept it at all, Jack. I don't." 

"Daniel..." 

"NO! Why should I accept it, Jack? That part of me it makes me weak, easily controlled, easily manipulated. Why should I have to accept that part of me, Jack? WHY?" 

"Because it IS a part of you, a part of all of us and without it we don't see our mortality. We don't see our strengths and our weaknesses. That part of us makes us better not worse Daniel, better because we know that we are not omnipotent. We know we're not omniscient. We know that we are..." 

"Gullible? Weak Jack? Foolish and helpless, Jack?" 

"No. No, Daniel, no." 

"I don't want to be easily manipulated Jack. I don't want to be controlled..." 

"And you're not. You're not Daniel." 

"Aren't I Jack? Aren't I? I can't forget. I can't force back these needs to be your servant. I can't force back the internal voice that tells me I'm breaking every goddamned rule by standing here and looking directly at you. Do you want to know what I feel I should be doing? I don't feel right looking at you and that's totally insane!" 

"Then what makes you feel comfortable?" 

"Oh no, no, no. I'm not... NO!" 

"Daniel..." 

"Do you really want to know what makes me feel comfortable Jack? Do you? I assure you that it will disgust you. It will horrify you." 

"No, Daniel, it won't." 

Daniel felt his anger rising again coming head to head with a sudden overwhelming feeling of vulnerability and guilt. He couldn't explain it or even make sense of it. He felt as if he had no control and he didn't know what to do or say. Oh God, what was he supposed to be doing? Was he supposed to be standing or kneeling or sitting or...? What was he supposed to be doing? He shook his head tensing when he heard Jack slowly approaching. He immediately raised his hands up before him feeling terror grip him. He snapped his eyes open again and quickly stated, "No don't touch me, not now Jack. Please not now. I can't...I can't handle it...not, not right now I'm too, things are too...scrambled up here. I can't...I can't have you touching me, not right now. Please." 

He saw the disappointment reflecting in Jack's eyes and it nearly shattered him. He could only offer Jack a despairing look as it felt as if a cold fist were now wrapping around his heart. He spoke in a quavering voice, "I'm...I'm sorry Jack. I'm so sorry. I keep hurting you and I... I'm so sorry." 

Jack momentarily closed his eyes shaking his head before again looking at Daniel and making his voice as calm as he could, "No, no. I understand Daniel. I understand." 

Daniel lifted his left hand reaching to cup Jack's face tenderly but unable to do so. Tears glistened in his eyes but didn't fall, as his breath hitched he asked, "Do you?" before he drew that hand back to cover his mouth as he tried to hold in his grief. He gazed at Jack a bit longer before finding it was too much for him to handle at the moment. He quickly turned then dashed from the bedroom heading for the front door. 

Jack listened as the door beneath him closed and found himself listening for the sound of Daniel's car staring up, but when he didn't hear it he knew that Daniel was walking away from the house. He knew what image would be there if he were to look out their window and refused to be baited, but without conscious thought he was there staring glumly at the retreating form of his lover as Daniel, in his obvious grief, walked from him yet again. DAMN!

 

* * * *

 

As he exited their home and started walking down the street his grief began to choke him. He tried to force the tears back only realizing that they were already trickling down over his cheeks. Damn it not again! Hadn't his tears dried up by now? How could he still cry when he was so certain that he was all cried out? How? God, he was stronger than this wasn't he? Well, wasn't he? He shook his head hanging it in despair as he forced one foot in front of the other trying to forget that he had just run from Jack O'Neill...again. 

He walked aimlessly unable to stop, not wanting to as he carried himself further and further from his soul mate towards darkness, emptiness, loneliness... He kept on walking allowing his grief to fill him, still defiantly challenging the tears that refused to stop falling. DAMN IT! This was ridiculous! What the hell was wrong with this picture? He was a grown man, one who swore that he had no tears left to shed and swore not to cave to such a weakness again. So what the hell was he doing now? SHIT! 

He forced himself to continue walking, placing one foot in front of the other, determined to make it somewhere though he didn't know just where that might be. As minutes turned into hours and the skies grew dark above the cold chill of night began to set in making him suddenly long to have a jacket with him. He had left the house in such a rush that he had neglected to grab anything he might need along the way. He knew he should turn around but he couldn't make himself, not yet. It was too soon, the emotions too fresh, his heart feeling too raw and split open. 

He drew to a halt gazing about him shocked by his surroundings. Had he really walked THAT far? He focused on several buildings that he could just make out in the light of the full moon and shook his head in awe. Surely he had to be mistaken! He couldn't have walked that far in one night, but he was positive as he assessed his surroundings yet again that he was nearly at the Mountain. He remained frozen in indecision. Should he turn around and go back to his home, should he return to Jack or should he continue on? After all he was almost at the Mountain and he could go to his office for a bit... 

Daniel began to feel tense as he became suddenly anxious and nervous. Without thought he jerked his head up eyeing the car that was now heading towards him, and as those headlights fell on him he felt the rush of panic descend upon him. Without conscious thought he began to walk briskly feeling as if there were some unknown danger or threat out there just waiting to attack him. He felt as if he were no longer alone out here, as if someone or something was pursuing him, and he didn't like that feeling in the least. 

He swallowed hard as his body went on full alert. His hearing grew sharper as he listened intently for any little sound, jumping when a dog barked, a branch cracked or a car drew near. He began to dart his gaze frantically about searching out danger and seeing it in every little shadow. His palms grew sweaty as he became certain that someone was about to grab him, to seize him from behind and haul him away. As ice-cold fear sliced across his nerves he forced himself to walk faster casting several anxious glances behind him for signs of his assailant and feeling his heart beating rapidly in his chest as yet another shadow took on a demonic form that also seemed to want to pursue him. 

Oh God, what had he been thinking coming out here alone, placing himself in such a dangerous situation? Was he crazy? Why didn't he think before leaving home? If he were there now he'd be safe. Jack would protect him. Jack would beat back his menacing assailants and silence his many fears. Jack would hold him close and whisper reassurances to him telling him that he was all right and that he was safe. He had been foolish when he had left the house without a backward glance and now, now he was being pursued by invisible demons, attackers hiding in the darkness waiting to trap him, waiting to snatch him and steal him away again. They were out there lying in wait to trap him and to return him to his master where he belonged. No, no, NO! This was insane! Osiris had let him go! He left him go; he wouldn't be out there stalking him, pursuing him in the dark for that was crazy, totally crazy! But if that were truly crazy then why did he feel so damned afraid? Why did he feel as if he were now in serious jeopardy? He was going to die tonight because of running from Jack. That was going to be his penalty, his punishment for fleeing Jack again. He'd be killed, and he was certain that he would be. 

He forced himself to walk faster feeling utter panic consuming him. He cast furtive glances all around him jumping at little sounds, jerking around several times to make certain that no one was behind him. No one was there. NO ONE! He was safe. HE WAS! But even as he shouted it, put voice to it he broke out into a cold sweat. As another dog barked he jumped yelping before caving to his overwhelming fears and panic quickly moving from walking at a brisk pace to running as fast as his feet could carry him. He ran fast and hard as if the devil himself were on his heels. He forced himself to run as fast as he was able refusing to look behind him again not wanting to see those waiting to kill him or capture him. He wouldn't let them get him. HE WOULDN'T! He ran faster releasing a cry of relief as Cheyenne Mountain suddenly came into view. Yes, there he would be safe. He would be! He had to be. 

He slowed down his pace reaching into his pocket and releasing a quiet thank you to the air as his hand wrapped around his ID. Had he unconsciously grabbed it as he had exited the house? He wasn't sure but was glad to have it with him. 

Feeling more confident and relaxed, he quietly approached the mountain not wanting to alert anyone of his presence and grateful when he made it so easily through the check points without being questioned. People were used to seeing him here all hours of the night and day. It wasn't unusual for him to arrive early to work or stay late into the night. He was grateful for that and found his only challenge presently was to keep a tight grip on his ever-surmounting terror and panic. 

Once inside Daniel felt a lot better; as he stepped into the elevator he began to relax a bit more, feeling his unease subsiding as he exited on his floor walking determinedly towards his own personal office and shocked when he realized that he had somehow ended up standing before Teal'c's door instead. 

Without hesitation Daniel knocked feeling an overwhelming sense of relief flood him as Teal'c opened the door. All at once his energy fled and he quickly found himself being held in Teal'c's strong, capable arms gazing into worried eyes and being physically carried into the room. Funny he didn't remember throwing himself at Teal'c or collapsing before him. 

He shook his head as Teal'c settled him on the bed then knelt before him as he softly questioned, "Are you not feeling well, my friend?" 

"Teal'c. Teal'c, God, I'm sorry, sorry I don't...don't know why I'm here. I was just... I... We... I couldn't face him, Teal'c, had to get away. Walked, I walked..." 

"Am I to understand that you have walked all the way here from your home, Daniel Jackson?" 

He focused on Teal'c suddenly becoming aware that Teal'c was now rubbing his arms vigorously trying to warm him up. Now when had Teal'c started doing that? Better yet why was he allowing it? Didn't touch frighten him? Hadn't his lord proved to him that touch was not to be trusted no matter who extended it towards him? Touch scared the hell out of him, yet here he sat allowing Teal'c to touch him and he hadn't even realized that his friend was doing so. Damn, he must really be out of it. Shit! He realized suddenly that it felt good; Teal'c's touch felt good, safe...he felt safe with his friend. He knew beyond a doubt that Teal'c would never harm him and that was why he was now so relaxed in his presence. 

He offered a shaky smile to his friend focusing intently on him. They remained like that several long minutes gazes locked on one another as Teal'c continued to rub warmth back into his arms and hands while Daniel eagerly drew comfort and a sense of safety from him. 

Daniel was the first to break the intense gaze down casting his eyes, grateful that Teal'c didn't pressure him or inquire as to why he was here, how he was feeling or what he was doing walking to work in the middle of the night. He felt overwhelmingly safe and protected in this room, with this man. He felt himself continue to relax drawing comfort from Teal'c and wrapping it around himself, drawing the courage and the strength to speak to Teal'c from his friend's unselfish acts of kindness. He swallowed hard preparing to reveal a truth to Teal'c that he had told no other. 

Daniel lifted his head forcing himself to hold Teal'c's gaze knowing that what he was about to reveal to his friend was scaring the hell out of him, but he needed to say it so without further hesitation he did, "I'm...afraid," and felt relief flood him when he was able to actually make such a confession before again lowering his head awaiting Teal'c's response, "Of what are you afraid Daniel Jackson?" 

He fell silent not sure of what to say or how to say it. He remained quiet for several minutes as he thought of Teal'c's question...of what are you afraid? What was he afraid of? Well death, abandonment, anger... Basically, "Everything." 

He glanced up at Teal'c to see his reaction to such an admission. He expected to see disappointment or confusion in the Jaffa's gaze but all he saw was understanding and concern. Teal'c nodded before answering, "Fear is a natural reaction to what you have experienced." 

He shook his head replying sadly, "Teal'c I fear everything...death, abandonment... I'm afraid of being a failure, a disappointment... I'm afraid of Jack leaving me, of losing my mind... I'm afraid of my anger and the anger of others... This isn't normal Teal'c. I shouldn't be afraid of dying every single day. I shouldn't be afraid of being attacked when no one is there. I shouldn't be afraid that Jack would leave me because of saying the wrong thing to him. I shouldn't be waking in the middle of the night screaming. Teal'c..." 

Teal'c steadily held Daniel's gaze as he assured, "Your reactions are normal Daniel Jackson. What you have experienced no one should. The life of a favored one is very difficult. It is extremely difficult for one who has known only freedom in their lifetime. The things Osiris no doubt required of you were challenging. This I am certain. You were expected to behave a certain way, to serve without question and to do as your lord requested at all times. Your life was no longer your own...your fate no longer yours to decide. Now that you are free again you must take back that which was taken from you. It is a hard road you must travel and many times you will lose your way, but you will regain that which you thought lost again." 

Daniel remained silent for several more moments before answering, "Thanks Teal'c. Thank you." 

Teal'c nodded before saying, "Come let us meditate, my friend." 

Daniel smiled before nodding and allowing Teal'c to lead him to the floor. Once settled amid the circle of lit candles he offered his friend another smile before closing his eyes allowing his mind to quiet and his thoughts to settle. It took several minutes before he found himself calm enough to be able to relax. 

Teal'c observed him knowing, sensing that fear was part of what brought Daniel here tonight. Again Daniel had sought him out and again he felt honored and privileged to be of service to his friend. He watched Daniel for several minutes noticing that he was relaxing further and smiled glad that he was here for his friend. When he was certain that Daniel was relaxed and calm he too closed his eyes allowing the silence to encircle them and embrace them in the light. It wasn't long before Daniel began to speak to him: 

"I ran from him again. I ran from Jack again. I don't know why I just... I couldn't face him. Sometimes, sometimes it's so hard to face him knowing what I did to him, knowing that I willingly betrayed him. I... He stays with me Teal'c though I don't understand why. I'm such a burden to him, yet he stays with me and tries to comfort me. He tries so hard to help me Teal'c and he does...sometimes. I'd be lost without him. I need him Teal'c. He is my lifeline. I lived for him. I survived for him. I survived each and every day for him. I prayed that I would see him again. I prayed for freedom, for safety, for love...I prayed for it all to end... I even tried to escape HIM several times. Each time he caught me and punished me. He hated me when I left him. It was at those times I saw how dangerous he could be. I feared him more at those times than any other, yet I still tried to flee from him... I'd like to believe that those were the only times I feared him, but they weren't. They weren't Teal'c. Oh God, I panicked when he tried to, to sleep with me. I panicked but soon learned to adjust to it, to accept it even to enjoy it. I still feared him though. I knew, I knew every time we were in bed together that he could easily overpower me. I knew how much control he truly had over me and I hated it. I hated it and I hated when he was on top, hated when he would...grab me and throw me down, trying to spice up the sex I guess. Hated what he, she, it became at those times... I feared him and feared being under his complete control. He liked to play games. He even enjoyed...securing me on occasion. I...I panicked when he would...when he did that, so he stopped. He hated seeing me in the midst of a panic attack. They, they frightened him, it I think..." 

Teal'c nodded aware that again Daniel was speaking of his captivity and again sharing things with him that he sensed Daniel had told no other. He listened keeping his anger in check though with each confession, each comment about what Osiris had done to him and how he had made him feel fuel was added to the flames of Teal'c's anger and hatred of the Goa'uld lord. He felt the need to avenge Daniel by killing Osiris, but knew that was not the answer. He chose instead to listen to Daniel, to keep his anger and murderous thoughts private and to offer Daniel the safety and solace that he came here seeking. Again he felt proud and happy that Daniel Jackson sought him out in times like these when he needed a safe place to talk, to relax and to calm himself. He was overjoyed to offer Daniel whatever he needed and very thankful that his young friend felt safe enough with him to come to him, meditate with him and speak to him.

 

* * * *

 

Teal'c arose early the next morning smiling as he noticed his friend curled up on the floor amid the now extinguished candles. Daniel had sat with him most of the night enjoying the peaceful quiet that surrounded them both. He had managed to remain awake until about 3am when he had slipped into peaceful rest. Teal'c had tried to get him to lie down in his bed telling him that he'd be much more comfortable there, but Daniel had insisted that the floor was fine and proceeded to drift rapidly asleep. As he focused on his friend now he smiled seeing that Daniel was still comfortably resting. He didn't have the heart to wake Daniel so he decided to go work out. 

As Teal'c exited the weight room, after a strenuous work out he set out determinedly to check on Daniel running into an anxious Colonel O'Neill along the way. He barely had time to react when O'Neill questioned, "Teal'c have you seen Daniel?" 

"Not since this morning, Colonel O'Neill. Why do you ask?" 

"Well he...he was upset last night and left the house. He...he never returned Teal'c." 

"I see." 

Teal'c started heading towards his room again, O'Neill hot on his trail. Once to his room Teal'c opened the door and entered spotting Daniel still curled up asleep. He turned to address O'Neill, "Fear not O'Neill for Daniel Jackson is safe." 

"So you know where he is?" 

Teal'c moved aside allowing O'Neill to see beyond him and smiled when the Colonel gasped aloud before asking, "He came here?" 

"He was here all evening, yes." 

"And...?" 

"And he is much calmer now." 

Relief was evident in O'Neill instantaneously. Teal'c watched as he slipped past to approach his lover informing, "He did not rest until early this morning." 

Jack lowered to his knees beside his sleeping lover focusing intently on his handsome face before turning towards Teal'c already talking in quieter tones, "But he did rest?" 

"Yes." 

"Without dreaming?" 

"Yes." 

"Oh thank God." 

When Teal'c gazed at him puzzled Jack quickly answered the unspoken inquiry, "He dreams every night, Teal'c. Bad dreams, hurtful dreams, nightmares... He can only sleep a few short hours before they begin. Usually they bring him awake but sometimes I can keep him asleep. Sometimes." 

"Has he sought help for these nightmares, O'Neill?" 

"No, no. He seeks me, clings to me... He spoke with Janet's friend. The first meeting went well, but since then he's only stopped by on occasion. He feels...inadequate when he meets with her. He, it helps him but he doesn't like seeking her help." 

"He should not feel this way, for perhaps she can help him." 

"I believe that she can." 

Jack lowered his gaze to Daniel's face before reaching out to tenderly stroke his hair. Daniel moaned softly before turning into the loving strokes and opening his eyes. As he focused on Jack a smile stretched across his lips, radiant and full of love as he softly greeted, "Hi Jack. Found me..." 

"Yes. I was worried about you, you know?" 

Daniel closed his eyes fighting back a yawn as he nodded before speaking, "I know. I'm sorry. I just...I couldn't breathe, couldn't stay... I...had to leave." 

Jack nodded his head before saying, "I understand, Daniel... Care to tell me about what happened to bring you here?" 

Daniel opened his eyes focusing intently on Jack opening his mouth to speak before closing it again. As he opened it a second time he managed to force out, "I was scared, Jack." 

"You were scared?" 

"Yes." 

"Of what?" 

"Of my anger, Jack. My anger, my rage, my inadequacies..." 

"What inadequacies? You don't have any." 

"Yes I do Jack." 

"No you don't, love. No you don't." 

"Jack..." 

He shook his head no again. Daniel sighed in frustration knowing, sensing that this was one argument he wouldn't win, so he chose to apologize a second time, "Jack, I really am sorry about last night. I just..." 

“You don't need to apologize, Daniel. I understand. I'm just grateful that you're okay." 

Daniel nodded before sitting up and pressing a shy kiss to Jack's cheek before saying, "Thank you Jack." 

Jack cupped Daniel's left cheek in his hand smiling goofy as he answered, "You're welcome." Then he leaned forward to capture Daniel's lips in a deep kiss hearing his lover moaning in pleasure as he quickly melted. He wrapped his arms around Daniel holding him close as he continued to kiss him failing to see their Jaffa friend smiling happily before slipping from the room. 

As Jack broke the kiss he noticed that Daniel was gasping for breath and smiled as he realized that he still had the power to charge Daniel up and literally steal the breath from him. 

Daniel focused intently on Jack licking his lips before struggling to make his tongue comply with his brain, "Uh...um, hmm that was...nice. I...hmm... I didn't know you could still...uh what, what were we talking about Jack?" 

Jack laughed huskily as he answered, "You were thanking me and I was...returning the favor." 

"Oh, uh, yes, yes I see. Um, I have to get ready for work, Jack, or I'll be late..." 

As Jack watched Daniel become suddenly nervous and anxious throwing himself into rising out of bed and folding his blankets Jack tenderly teased, "Daniel, you're already at work. You don't have to rush off." 

Daniel blushed as the realization struck and felt immediately embarrassed quickly finding himself again entwined in Jack's arms as he said, "Don't. Don't feel embarrassed." 

"I, I don't Jack." 

Hearing the words tumble forth from Daniel's mouth in a rush warned Jack to tread softly so he said, "All right you're not embarrassed Daniel. You're just anxious to get working." 

The mega watt smile Daniel offered him and the sudden relaxing of overly taut muscles told him he had just said exactly what Daniel had needed to hear at that particular moment in time. 

Shortly afterwards Jack kissed Daniel then excused himself to give his lover ample time to shower and get dressed for their next briefing, and as he walked towards his office he knew that he'd be on Cloud 9 for the rest of the day. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Several hours later Daniel found himself sitting in Doctor Wentworth's office again. He had visited her several times after their initial first meeting and discussed several issues, but nothing extremely personal until today. He looked at her wondering what she was thinking about, and what she thought of him. He made things very difficult for her at every session, but she seemed infinitely patient saying only that he sought her out for a reason and that he would speak of it when he felt able to. No one knew that he was meeting with her except for Jack and Janet. Janet kept urging him to visit with her at least once a week, and he agreed to try it...on a trial basis of course, and now he found himself sitting in her office again as the silence stretched between them wondering why it was he agreed to this before the words decided to make an appearance... 

Daniel swallowed hard before breaking the silence, "I don't know why I came here again. I mean we're getting nowhere. All you do is sit there and let me talk. You don't say much of anything so...why am I here?" 

Doctor Wentworth felt relieved. Trying to get Doctor Jackson to talk was like trying to pull teeth, but she was determined to be patient with him. Janet had warned her that he could be quite difficult at times. She smiled trying not to let Dr. Jackson see her overwhelming relief that he had said more than two words to her before she replied to his inquiry, "Perhaps you need someone else to talk to, someone who isn't so close to you, someone neutral." 

"Yeah right." 

She softened her voice as she continued, "We all have certain topics we will never discuss with our friends, our co-workers and our loved ones. We allow our friends close; we allow our lover's closer, but there are some things that can't be discussed with a lover. Perhaps those things make us afraid, make us fear that we will lose a loved one if we reveal it. So we bury those things deep down and hold them inside of us like treasured secrets, secrets screaming to be released, but are too painful, possibly even too dangerous to release." 

"So...?" 

"When you meet someone who isn't close to you, who you don't have a deep meaningful relationship with, an outsider if you would, it becomes much easier to release those secrets. A stranger will judge you based on those secrets and may leave after discovering them, but it hurts so much less to watch them walk out of your life then it does to watch someone important leave you. If a stranger is disgusted by those secrets one reveals and leaves then that confirms the secrets must remain hidden because if a stranger walks away after one reveals such things then so could those you love deeply..." 

Daniel nodded before revealing, "He doesn't...touch me anymore..." 

Doctor Wentworth paused caught off guard by the sudden comment. She swallowed hard realizing that Dr. Jackson was finally allowing her admittance into his inner turmoil. She sat up straighter and leaned towards him with interest surprised and giddy that he was finally telling her something. She nodded as he made the quiet confession and gently prompted, "And do you let him?" 

"No, no..." 

"Why?" 

"Fear... I, I scream when...when he does." 

"You scream when he does?" 

Daniel nodded before Doctor Wentworth urged, "What would happen if you let him touch you?" 

"I, I do just not... He doesn't, not... He used to but now his touches are rarely...sexual." 

She noticed how he effectively dodged the question and allowed him that much choosing instead to pursue his last comment further, "And you want them to be?" 

Silence ensued before Daniel offered her a shy smile blushing faintly as he answered her inquiry, "Yes." 

Doctor Wentworth cocked her head to the side quietly assessing him before asking in a softer tone, "Why?" 

"Why? I...we're... I miss the connectedness, the intimacy we used to share." 

"Doesn't he already provide that for you?" 

"Well yes but not... He holds me when I need to be held. He...I know he loves me. He's tender, caring, loving, concerned...he's perfect except that he doesn't...touch me sexually and... I miss that level of intimacy he and I used to share before, before...what happened." 

"Have you told him about how you feel?" 

Daniel laughed nervously, shaking his head answering, "No." 

"Why?" 

"I...I can't. We...the times we've... I've either panicked or...or begged another to...and, and I can't... It... I just... I love Jack, I really do but it's so hard to look at him knowing that I...what I did to him." 

"You're referring to your sexual relations with your captor, aren't you?" 

Daniel jerked his head up staring at her in shock before snapping, "Janet, tell you that too? What didn't she tell you? I thought she couldn't give out personal information..." 

"She can't." 

"Then how?" 

"Things you've said. Your responses to me..." 

"Bullshit! This is all bullshit!" 

"Doctor Jackson?" 

"I have to go." 

She tried again, "Doctor...?" and mentally cursed as she saw him shutting down before her. Damn it, why wouldn't he let her in? Why was he running away? She knew she had to find a way to keep him in her office longer than fifteen minutes or nothing would ever be resolved, but she also knew just how important it was for Doctor Jackson to have complete control over their meetings, so she yielded yet again knowing he'd be back next week, but that this session was now over. DAMN! She made one last attempt, "Doctor Jackson please..." 

"Please? Please?" 

She saw the debate within as he struggled to resist his submissive training that kept him sitting in the chair across from her. She knew that he was upset, and she also knew that she had to let him go. He had to do this, to make the final decision on whether to stay or go. He had to make that decision on his own. She watched him rise then falter caught in indecision. Then she saw his anger and self-hatred, and wanted nothing more then to offer him comfort, but she held back. She smiled when he finally said, "No, no, NO! I don't have to stay here." 

"You're right. You don't." 

He glanced at her hearing her unspoken words and feeling anxious. Shit, this was so stupid! How could he be afraid of, of making a decision? He shook his head before turning and leaving her office feeling as if he committed a serious crime by not submitting to her will, but determined to do what HE wanted to do, not what someone else expected him to do. 

Daniel headed home and entered the house coming face to face with his obviously distraught lover. When Jack saw him he approached grasping him by his upper arms and staring intently at him. Daniel wondered about the reaction; feeling puzzled and confused, he prompted, "Jack?" and found himself quickly wrapped in his lover's arms. He allowed the contact reveling in the feel of Jack's strong warm body and his close proximity. He moaned softly as Jack's groin collided with his own and purred as he felt the hardness of his lover's cock pressing against him before managing to question, "Jack what's wrong?" 

"I...I didn't know where you were and I...I..." 

"Got scared?" 

Jack only nodded. Daniel inhaled sharply before asking, "Of what Jack? I won't leave you. I'm not going anywhere. I may be a little confused and...difficult at times, well most of the time, but I don't intend to go anywhere." 

Jack hung his head as if ashamed before stuttering, "I...I know." 

Daniel sensing there was more to Jack's reactions than he was letting on gently prodded, "Jack, this is the second time this week that you were afraid I was gone. Jack, what's going on? What are you so afraid of?" 

Jack swallowed hard debating about answering that question, deciding that Daniel deserved to know and answering, "When we were on that planet..." 

Daniel suddenly stiffened against him, his voice straining as he put a name to the place Jack was referring to, "Bursiris..." 

"Is that...?" 

"Yes, Jack." 

"Oh, I didn't..." He shook his head before apologizing and continuing, "When you were led away by, by..." 

"Zeenan..." Daniel choked out feeling a loss as he spoke the name realizing how much he truly missed his friend before turning his gaze towards Jack imploring with his eyes for Jack to continue and nodding when he did so, "Yes he...Osiris told us you'd be safe and you'd be back. I didn't want to believe him, and I was afraid he'd... Anyway what I'm trying to say is... Well, he told us that if he sensed any danger to you that he...he would...he'd..." 

Feeling his heart beating frantically in his chest as his throat clenched spastically Daniel managed to force out a question interrupting Jack in the process, "What? What Jack?" 

Jack swallowed hard before dropping his head momentarily then focusing again on his lover's face as he replied, "He told us that...that he wouldn't release you." 

Daniel instantly felt he could breathe freely as his anxiety began to abate before reassuring, "What? Jack, he asked me what I wanted. He knew what I wanted. He granted me freedom because he knew I wasn't happy, that I'd never be happy with him..." 

Jack held Daniel's gaze as he voiced a truth he hated to admit, "He loved you Daniel." 

"No he didn't Jack. He wanted to own me, to control me, to make me submit to him always. That's not love Jack." 

He shook his head before continuing in a quieter tone, "Daniel he told me if I didn't protect you and treat you right that he'd...he'd return for you and take you from me." 

As he heard Daniel shakily inhale Jack felt like an ass realizing that by telling Daniel about the threat he had also enhanced some of Daniel's own fears that Osiris would return for him. He felt Daniel's embrace tighten and tightened his own hold pressing a kiss to the top of Daniel's head before apologizing. Daniel nodded and silence fell around them before he managed to find the courage to tell Jack one of his deepest fears, "I...sometimes I feel like he's...watching me, Jack, and I get so scared, you know? I don't want to go back to him ever, yet I...I feel like he's constantly out there watching me, waiting to reclaim me and... I can't go back with him, Jack. I'd kill myself. I couldn't, I couldn't handle that, Jack, not again, not ever again." 

As he gazed into his young lover's eyes he pressed a soft kiss to Daniel's forehead before saying, "God, I'm sorry Danny, so sorry about all of this." 

Daniel held his gaze, raising his right hand he gently cupped the side of Jack's face softly saying, "Don't be Jack. Don't be just...just hold me for, for a while. Please? Please Jack I don't, I don't want to be alone right now. Please?" 

Jack nodded before pulling Daniel tighter against him feeling the tension in Daniel vanish as the young man chose to place his head on Jack's shoulder momentarily. Jack's instinct was to tighten his hold more as he offered Daniel the comfort he continued to seek. They remained like that for some time before Jack offered, "Would you like to eat?" 

"Yes." 

"Come on. Let's go make something to eat." 

Together they entered the kitchen and began to put a meal together. As Daniel set the table and Jack checked on the food he questioned, "Daniel, where did you go...earlier?" 

"Doctor Wentworth's." 

"I thought your appointments were on Wednesdays." 

Daniel paused in setting the table focusing on the wall before him and nervously flicking his tongue out of his mouth before responding, "Um, yeah." 

"So what did you two talk about?" 

"Noth...nothing really. I... She said some things. I said some things. I got mad and left." 

"You got mad? About what?" 

"Oh just... It was a mistake, seeing her today. I should've waited." 

Daniel gasped as tender hands landed on either shoulder and Jack leaned in by his right ear saying, "It wasn't a mistake, Daniel. You needed to talk and she's there to help you." 

"I should've waited until Wednesday. I just..." 

"She said you could stop by any time you needed to Daniel. You needed to speak with her. She saw you but the discussion didn't go well. It happens. The earlier sessions are always the hardest. You're telling this woman things you don't feel comfortable sharing with any other and you're placing your trust in her that she will keep the discussions confidential. Trust alone is very hard to extend, especially after what happened to you, but with her you really can't avoid it. You have to believe that she will respect your privacy and that she will be there for you whenever you need her." 

“I...I know Jack but sometimes it's just so...hard, you know." 

Jack urged Daniel back against him and slowly draped his arms around Daniel as he answered, "Yes I know Daniel. I know. It's going to take a long time. Healing isn't a miraculous thing. It doesn't happen in minutes or hours. It takes years and for some it even takes a lifetime, but it does happen. You just have to be patient and learn to face each day as it comes." 

Daniel remained silent for several moments before saying, "Thanks Jack. Thank you." 

"You're welcome." 

They stood together for several more moments before the buzzer sounded indicating that their supper was ready. Jack then pressed a kiss to Daniel's cheek before releasing him to retrieve the food, smiling when Daniel finished setting up the table before taking a seat. Together they ate sharing a companionable silence before they both agreed to go to bed early. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Several Days Later... 

As he sat gazing upon the ancient artifact trying to decipher the fine carvings on its surface Daniel became aware of just how difficult the task was. He couldn't concentrate and was quickly becoming extremely frustrated. Why was it so difficult to focus? He loved deciphering long dead languages it's what he did, so why was it suddenly so hard? 

He forced himself to pick up the artifact and again focused on the etchings. He inhaled deeply making another attempt at interpretation quickly discovering that the more he concentrated on it the more things seemed to be meshing and blending together until everything became indiscernible. He could no longer see the artifact, his hand or even the desk. They were all replaced by endless blackness that began to pitch him head first into dark, shameful memories of a past he wanted so much to destroy. 

He blinked rapidly upon realizing that he was spacing out, but attempted to sharpen his focus by blinking several more times, quickly discovering that his efforts were useless. The thoughts and the memories still lingered teasing him as flashes of single moments in time tormented him. He gasped as he saw himself arching his back as Osiris licked a trail up his spine pausing briefly to nuzzle his neck and inhale the scent of his freshly shampooed hair. He could hear Osiris chuckling and automatically slammed his eyes shut trying desperately to quiet his overactive mind. He waited several more moments before again looking at the item in his hand certain that this time, this time he would be able to interpret the elaborate scrawls and felt anger flood him as his mind treated him to yet another image of Osiris flipping him onto his back and pinning him in place before straddling his hips. Oh God, God no! He wouldn't do this again! He couldn't do this again! NO! 

He softly moaned feeling his mouth go dry as he recalled the softness of Sarah's lips on his skin and shook his head from side to side clenching his eyes tightly shut as he quietly scolded himself, "I will not do this. I will not do this! NO!" But as another image sharpened he tensed mentally cursing his mind's refusal to be silenced. Damn it, he couldn't do this! He couldn't! Not here! Please NOT HERE! 

_"You respond so eagerly to my touches sweet pet. Shall we...experiment today? Would that please you, my love?"_

God no, no, NO! He tried to crush the memories terrified that they would surface and somehow broadcast themselves throughout the SGC. God no, this couldn't be happening! It couldn't! He was determined to block the thoughts out and as they seemed to lapse a bit he dared to allow himself to feel a bit more relaxed, but that was short-lived as the memories returned with a vengeance: 

_Daniel tried to resist answering, fighting to remain silent and denying his lord that which he so eagerly sought. He nervously licked his lips moaning quietly as he felt soft leather caressing his face lovingly. He could also feel his dick hardening as arousal began to flood his being, sending every nerve to tingling pleasantly. He found himself nodding before putting voice to his answer as Osiris prodded again, "The idea excites and tempts you does it not, my precious one?"_

_"Mmm, yes My Lord."_

Daniel violently cursed determined to silence the memories, struggling valiantly to maintain control and losing the battle as his mind continued to lure him back into the past... 

_"Have you ever felt the unbelievable pleasure one of these beautiful whips can produce?"_

_"No, no My Lord. Please."_

_"This is called a cat-o'-nine-tails. If used the right way it can bring you inconceivable pleasure. Shall we try it, my precious one?"_

_Daniel inhaled deeply swallowing hard as Osiris continued to rub the handle of the menacing device against his right cheek. The leather felt soft like deerskin and he could smell the leather itself. Unconsciously he moaned as the thought, the idea sparked a bit of curiosity and anxiousness within. He tensed as his lord softly chuckled before continuing, "Yes we shall try this today. Do not fear for I will be very careful, my pet. There is a very fine line between pleasure and pain. This particular implement is capable of delivering both. We shall begin slowly: a pat here, a pat there until you become accustomed to the feel of the whip. I want you to experience pleasure beyond your wildest imaginings, sweet Daniel. Now go spread yourself across our bed and lie on your belly."_

_"My Lord..."_

_"Do so now!"_

_"Yes My Lord."_

_Daniel approached the bed feeling both terrified and intrigued at the same time. He stared at the bed for several moments contemplating what was about to happen before slowly removing his robe and allowing it to drop and pool around his ankles. He bent to gather the garment up when Osiris halted him, "Do not worry about your robe. I shall do that. You just make yourself comfortable."_

_Daniel tensed as he felt a soft kiss being pressed to the back of his neck and gasped in surprise wondering just when his lord had approached him. He closed his eyes as his lord whispered seductively in his ear, "Make your self comfortable, Daniel," before blowing gently across the lobe and moving to retrieve his robe. The instant Osiris moved Daniel felt a bit calmer and quickly lowered onto the bed as commanded._

_Once settled Osiris sat down beside him placing the cat-o'-nine-tails against his hindquarters; Daniel startled jerking his gaze towards that of his lord's and moaning softly as the leather was drawn across his buttocks tickling lightly and succeeding in arousing him further..._

Daniel cursed again extremely frustrated that he couldn't even focus on his work. Damn it! He was getting nothing done! NOTHING! As another image invaded of the feel of that whip lightly impacting his back and the unnatural pleasure he had felt upon the contact invaded he jerked out of his chair walking purposely towards the door. He had to get out of here! He had to! 

He entered the hallway walking towards the first office that came into mind trying to beat back the saucy memories that continued to dance on the edges of his mind. When he finally reached her office and entered he felt fully aroused and sick to his stomach. Her voice drew his attention and he quickly moistened his lips before addressing her, "Sam." 

"Daniel, what are you doing here? Are...are you all right?" 

He gazed at her for several moments before answering honestly, "No, no I'm not all right. I'm not. I, I can't concentrate. The images, the memories they keep invading and I can't... I can't work, Sam. I can't do it." 

She watched her friend as he began his agitated pacing back and forth across the length of her office picking up on his distress and frustration instantly. She immediately tried to offer support as she said, "You're welcome to stay here as long as you need." 

"Thanks Sam. I don't understand why... I just can't forget. I was fine. I was translating an artifact and then...then I heard his voice and... I couldn't do it. I tried but each time I focused harder the memories they... I couldn't do it Sam!" 

"Maybe you just needed a break or..." 

Daniel cut her off quickly, "No, no, no, no..." 

He continued to pace allowing silence to engulf them for several minutes before quietly informing, "You know I begged him to...to fuck me every night, every fucking night. I...I couldn't get enough. I needed it, craved it, yearned for it, for him to...to fuck me again and again, for him to use me like some cheap goddamned whore! I can't tell him that Sam. I can never tell him that! What would he think if he found out that I...that I fucked it over and over and over again? I can't...I can't do that Sam. I can't." 

Sam inhaled sharply feeling both shocked and relieved at the same time. Daniel was talking. He was actually talking about his time away. She was surprised he even breached the subject but relieved knowing that he was going to be all right. If he could talk about things he would be all right, but she didn't like what he just implied. He implied that he had enjoyed serving Osiris when she knew that he had been coerced. He would never serve in the bedroom without use of threats or force so she voiced her belief, "You were raped Daniel..." 

Daniel halted abruptly as he raised his voice in irritation, "Raped? Raped? How? How was I fucking raped Sam? I begged for it, pleaded for it so how is that rape?" 

Sensing the discussion could escalate rapidly into an angry exchange Sam kept her voice calm as she continued to explain her certainty that Daniel had been raped repeatedly, "Because he used you...persuaded you..." 

Daniel shook his head releasing a sarcastic chuckle as he answered, "Oh there was no fucking persuasion necessary Sam! NONE. Hell, all he had to do was touch me and I opened up for him, allowed him to fuck me over and over again, allowed her to..." 

Hearing his self-loathing she immediately strove to dispel it, "No. No Daniel. NO. Why...why did you do it Daniel? WHY did you surrender? Tell me what made you stop resisting him? Tell me Daniel." 

"What made me...? I'm a whore, a whore, a..." 

Sam shook her head feeling tears welling up in her eyes hoping that she could get through to Daniel feeling his pain consume her so completely. She refused to allow him to blame himself for serving Osiris in bed. It wasn't his fault! He had been used over and over again, used and abused by his captor. He wasn't at fault. She persisted, "No, no, no. For what reason did you give your body to him Daniel? What reason?" 

Daniel swallowed hard before softly muttering, "Alandria." 

Feeling relieved that she had something to go on she continued to question, "Alandria? Okay what is Alandria, Daniel?" 

"It's a...a planet, a planet he...he... If I refused to he'd do it again...destroy another world..." 

Yes she had her answer! She reiterated for his benefit, "If you hadn't surrendered he would have destroyed another world?" 

"Yes, yes he..." 

Feeling excitement continuing to fill her that she now knew why he had surrendered she strove to make him see that he wasn't at fault either, "Daniel, there's your reason. If you hadn't surrendered he would have destroyed another world. He raped you, Daniel, every single time he raped you." 

"No, no, no...NO!" 

Sam had to make him see, make him understand so she continued to push him, "Yes Daniel. Yes. If you had refused to do as he requested then he would have destroyed a planet...he would have Daniel. You know it and I know it. We both know it, Daniel. He used you. He raped you and no matter how much that knowledge horrifies you, angers you, panics you and shames you it IS the truth, Daniel, the truth. He raped you. You didn't betray Jack and you didn't surrender willingly to him. You were coerced, threatened... He raped you Daniel. You have to accept that. You have to understand that. You have to." 

"Rape...? No... I..." 

Seeing the horror in his eyes Sam swallowed hard hoping that she was doing the right thing as she continued, "You were raped so many times, Daniel, so many times yet you still can't accept it, can't see that he abused you, that he used you and abused you..." 

"No, he took care of me, Sam. He did." 

"But he still raped you. He still sexually assaulted you and THAT wasn't your fault Daniel. It wasn't..." 

She noticed him lower his head and reacted by drawing him in against her wrapping her arms firmly about him as she continued, "It wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault, Daniel. NONE of it." 

"Yes it is. I liked it. I allowed it. He didn't, he didn't rape...doesn't happen to...to... It just doesn't happen!" 

Sam felt her heart aching for her friend as she realized that it would take a lot more than words to convince Daniel that he had been raped. For some reason accepting that he had truly been raped was so much harder for him than to believe that he had enjoyed it. He was denying the truth like all victims of rape did at one point in the healing process. 

Denying what had happened so that life could return to "normal," but life would never be as it had been before such a brutal assault on one's body, mind and soul. And though Daniel was determined to believe that he had never been raped, that he had voluntarily surrendered to Osiris each and every time, rape wasn't something that would just go away. The simple fact remained that Daniel had been raped and though he denied it that truth would come out one way or another and when it did she prayed that Daniel would have enough support to handle it, for she was certain it would feel as if his mind, his soul were being raped all over again...and that alone could be his final undoing. 

After talking with Sam a bit longer Daniel felt more able to focus and thanked her for listening. She smiled and extended an invitation towards him to speak with her at anytime. He nodded and headed back to his office. He then sat down at his desk quickly finding himself once again enthralled by the puzzling translation he had been working on prior. After several hours of translation work Daniel put it aside. Noticing the time he quickly piled his notes together, grabbed his keys and headed for the door aware that his next meeting with Doctor Wentworth was in less than an hour. He made one quick stop to refill his coffee before exiting the mountain and driving to her office.

 

* * * * * * 

 

Doctor Wentworth watched her visitor closely. She could see that he was very nervous and fidgety. Doctor Jackson continually shifted in his seat going from tapping his foot to pumping his leg furiously up and down like a piston. She was certain that he didn't even realize it. She waited watching him switch from that to shifting constantly in his seat before he finally settled on rubbing his hand constantly across the scar she knew was on that vulnerable wrist. Something had him upset so she decided to start the conversation by casually stating her observation "Colonel O'Neill told me you have a scar on your wrist. Is that what you keep rubbing?" 

Daniel's hand instantly stilled and he jerked his head up flushing with embarrassment before stuttering, "He, he, he did? He noticed?" 

"Yes he did. He notices everything about you Doctor Jackson." 

"He does? Yes, he does. I just, he never... Why wouldn't he ask me about it?" 

"Perhaps he already knows where it came from and sensed that you don't feel comfortable discussing it with him." 

Daniel nodded laughing nervously before ducking his head shyly and saying, "He's right." 

"Would you like to tell me about it?" 

Daniel focused to his right appearing as if lost in thought as the debate went on in his head about just how far to trust this woman and just how much he was willing to reveal to her. He continued to keep his gaze averted as he said, "Ah, do you really want to hear about it, Doctor?" 

"Yes I do." 

"It's...from a knife. It represents the one time I became so lost in despair, in the pain, in the anguish that I decided to...give up. Now, now it serves as a reminder..." He lifted his gaze to hers as he continued in a calmer voice, "A reminder that there is always an easy way out, but that isn't the answer to anything." 

"Pardon me?" 

Daniel continued on as if he hadn't even heard her question, "The scar also represents friendship, my hopes, my dreams..." 

"It does? How so?" 

"Because on that day I had finally realized that someone else cared enough for me to stop me. Before that I felt, oh I don't know...hollow, maybe? Pathetic? Weak? Trapped. Alone." 

"So are you proud of the scar?" 

"What? No, no, hell no. But I can't erase it. It's there. The evidence of my darkest hour, of my weakest moment... I can't pretend I didn't try to kill myself that day. I can't pretend that if Zeenan hadn't arrived just when he had...I'd be dead right now." 

"Zeenan? Who is Zeenan?" 

"A friend... Actually he worked for my captor, but he was always there for me. He watched over me, protected me, like an anxious older brother always keeping an eye on me, prepared to charge in and help me at a moment's notice. He was a good friend. He helped me a lot. He helped me get Jack back." 

"He sounds like a very good friend." 

"He was the best." 

"What endeared him to you?" 

Daniel smiled at her word usage as he said, "Endeared? What endeared him to me? Good choice of words. I like it... Um, he reminded me of someone else I'm very close to. A friend who would likewise protect me at all costs. A friend who would never allow me to fall, to surrender or to submit to despair... They were so similar. From the moment I met Zeenan I was fearful of him. I was afraid, but I knew instinctively that he'd never hurt me. I knew he would protect me just like Teal'c always has." 

"Teal'c?" 

Daniel paused as if debating something in his mind before questioning, "You're Janet's friend, right?" 

"Yes." 

"So how much has she told you...about me, about us, about what she does? Do you have Top Level clearance or...not?" 

"Doctor Jackson I had to have Top Level clearance to speak with you. General Hammond insisted." 

Daniel snickered smiling as he said, "Oh did he now?" 

"Yes." 

"So I can...tell you anything, and you won't think I'm...loopy?" 

"Loopy? No." 

"That's good. But I think I'd better confirm that before we have any more of these little sessions." 

"Why?" 

"Because the things I know would amaze you and if you have no idea what I'm involved in then there is no more you can help me with." 

Doctor Wentworth gazed at Doctor Jackson for several moments knowing instinctively that they had just reached a new level of connectedness. Once Doctor Jackson confirmed that she had Top Level clearance she was certain that their sessions would become longer and that he would feel more confident to speak freely with her. She was certain that they had just reached the point where patient trusted doctor enough to begin revealing things that beforehand were strictly off limits. 

She watched him as he stood up certain that he would soon return, feeling excited knowing that a major barrier between them would soon be destroyed. Doctor Jackson was a very private person. He was a man who didn't easily share things. He guarded himself well, for the walls he had erected around himself were nearly impenetrable but for some reason he was willing to allow her entrance. From their very first meeting she tried to establish some positive rapport with him and all her efforts seemed to be paying off. She knew that the hurdle they were jumping now was a small one, just a start but it was a step in the right direction. 

She smiled as she shook his hand before nodding her head in dismissal and telling him that she'd see him next week. He returned her smile and thanked her for listening before leaving her office. She watched him go continuing to smile, knowing that next week they would finally be able to do some work on Doctor Jackson's present issues and maybe, just maybe, she could help him to begin reclaiming his life.

 

* * * * 

 

Later that evening Daniel settled into bed making himself comfortable before focusing on the ceiling. He thought about what Doctor Wentworth had said earlier and realized that he wanted to find out just why Jack never commented on the scar. The scar was alarming and most people couldn't just ignore it. Most people wanted to know why someone would do such a thing and the circumstances that had pushed them to such desperation. Jack had said nothing. Hell, he hadn't even looked at it that Daniel could recall and now he was determined to find out just why that was. As Jack slid in next to him he waited for Jack to also get comfortable then asked, "Jack, why haven't you asked me about the scar on my wrist?" 

Jack turned onto his side facing Daniel and gazed at him quietly gauging his lover's responses to treading into previously uncharted territory. Seemingly satisfied that Daniel was all right with the discussion Jack answered, "I wanted you to be the first to bring it up. I wanted you to bring it up when you felt comfortable enough to do so and..." 

"And?" 

Jack lowered his head before quietly admitting, "And I already know how it was created." 

"WHAT? What do you mean you already know how it was created, Jack?" 

Jack averted his gaze knowing that it was time he revealed to Daniel the visions he had experienced on occasion during his lover's lengthy captivity, "It was with a dagger, Daniel. The first time you only scratched yourself. The second time you managed to cut a little bit deeper. It was the third time, the third time that you found the strength to create that scar..." 

Daniel was pale and unable to speak. All he could do was stare at his lover aghast as Jack continued, "You debated about it, but in the end you made the move. You knew that you had to finish it quickly or you'd lose the nerve, so you pressed the blade to your arm again prepared to make a parallel incision. You pressed the tip into your skin and started to do just that, but someone stopped you. I don't know who or how. I just remember the sudden pain that flared up in my wrist and the unbearable pressure. It felt as if all the bones in my wrist were being crushed simultaneously..." 

Daniel managed to force words passed his lips as he softly questioned, "Your wrist?" 

"Yes, my wrist." 

"But that's..." 

"I felt your pain that day, Daniel. I heard your voice. I heard your voice in the air, felt that blade slice, felt your despair... I fell to my knees as your pain became my own. Not just your physical pain Daniel, no, I felt the weight, the burden on your soul. I felt your despair, your anguish... I felt it and it brought tears to my eyes. You hurt so much that day. Oma...Oma told me that you were in pain. She said that your spirit was crying out for comfort..." 

"No, no. Jack, this, this is impossible. You couldn't..." 

" 'He can sense you though he does not understand. He believes he merely dreams of you. He does not realize that you speak to him and calm him though he is so far from you...' These were her exact words to me, Daniel. Her EXACT words." 

"But...how?" 

"How should I know? I don't know. How did she know where to find me? How did she know you were suffering? How? I don't know, but she did and I felt you on that day Daniel...and that wasn't the first time either. You used to call to me at night, pleading with me to find you, to save you, to protect you from him..." 

"What...what else did she say?" 

"That we are one, that we live as one... She also said we'd be okay in the end. We'd be okay." 

"I hope she's right." 

"When has Mother Nature ever been wrong, Daniel?" 

"There's a first time for everything Jack..." 

"No, no. I don't think she's wrong. I really don't. This feels...something about this, about US feels so...right. No, I don't think she was wrong at all, Daniel." 

Daniel released a tense breath as he softly added, "I'm glad to hear that Jack," before he chose to turn his back to his lover and curl up on his side. Jack felt his heart lurch in his chest as he sensed Daniel's automatic withdrawal. He knew that to touch Daniel now could either startle him, anger him or relax him and he knew that Daniel needed some form of comfort so without considering the repercussions of his actions Jack lowered to the bed and gathered Daniel in his arms. He carefully spooned his body around that of his lover's pulling Daniel into a hug. He then decided to try something hoping it would help ease the young man further and focused on matching his breathing to that of his lover's. 

After some time Jack noted that Daniel was now more relaxed and at some point in the last few minutes had managed to drift off into a comfortable, calm, relaxing sleep. He was relieved to realize that his little experiment had paid off. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Early the next morning Daniel jolted awake. He snapped his eyes open remaining still as he felt ice-cold fear rush through his veins. He gazed at the ceiling above immobilized and uncertain as to where he was. His first thought was that he was with Osiris and quickly panic arose to join his fear. My God what was happening? Where was he? Was he alone or...? 

As a soft moan filled the room Daniel's panic threatened to steal his very breath slowly robbing him of oxygen. He clenched his eyes tightly shut listening to the terrified beating of his own heart and feeling defenseless, helpless and alone. As a warm hand found his arm he gasped jerking his gaze towards the source and finding himself already making attempts to leave the bed undetected. When he managed to slip off the bed without disturbing his deeply slumbering partner he approached the window briefly looking outside before hanging his head as he became aware of his surroundings. He was with Jack. Thank heavens. For a few moments he had been so certain, so positive that he again lay with his lord and that his release from indentured servitude had just been another dream, a wild attempt on his part, a desperate yearning for something that never would be. 

He drew his arms tightly across his chest as a cold chill filled him. When would this stop? When would the panic, the doubts, the fears and the uncertainty stop? It was bad enough that ninety percent of the time he couldn't sleep and now, now he was struck full of terror upon waking? Why? Why was this happening? He was with Jack so why did he still wake some mornings believing he had dreamed that he was free? Why couldn't his mind accept that he was home and stop making him feel crazy? My God, first he struggled to fall asleep then he struggled to stay asleep and now? Now he was afraid to wake up? Why? He shook his head in disgust as he counted in his mind the number of times he had awaken to terror and panic. How many times was it? God, it had happened more times than he could count... What was happening to him? Was he going crazy, being driven slowly insane? What the hell was happening to him? 

God, he couldn't concentrate. He couldn't sleep. He had horrifying nightmares and now he was afraid to wake up in the mornings? What the hell was that about? And what was with the damned intrusive thoughts and memories that hounded him and snuck up on him at the worst possible times? Was all this shit normal or was he really going crazy? What was happening to him? Why was this happening? 

He shook his head forcing his mind to quiet down as he made himself look out the window. When he saw a squirrel scurrying up a tree he tried to keep his entire attention directed on it, but soon discovered that his mind refused to be so easily silenced. Instead he began thinking about his life up until now. Things had been so simple, so easy for him before Osiris had stolen him and used him. Things had been so much better before Osiris had forced him into indentured servitude, had forced him to become his personal servant and had ruined his life. 

He lifted his head slightly upon hearing the approach of another. He knew who it was and was grateful that Jack was here for him, but at the same time he wanted to be alone. Instead of telling Jack that he remained quiet listening to his lover, knowing that he was about to say something but unsure as to what. 

Jack smiled as he approached his lover who stood gazing out the window, and like so many other times before he found himself wondering what was running through Daniel's mind. Did gazing out the window ease him or soothe him in some way? He hoped that Daniel found some solace in it, for Daniel needed all the solace he could find. He stopped behind his lover saying, "Daniel, are you all right? Do you...?" 

Daniel tensed swallowing hard as Jack's voice seemed to suddenly fade out and be replaced by that of another... 

_"Does this excite you, my pet?"_

He closed his eyes trying to fight back the intrusive memories forcing their way into his conscious mind not wanting to remember, but hopeless to stop the onslaught... 

_"I want you to lie on our bed. Come spread yourself out for me. I desire to see all of_  
_you..."_

"Daniel..." 

He jumped as Jack's familiar voice filtered in breaking through his memories temporarily. He turned his head slightly prepared to speak but unable to think beyond the memories still invading. He closed his eyes as he reached up to grip his nose gently between his fingers managing a quiet, "Jack..." before images in his head proceeded to send him back in time. He tensed further as Osiris' voice echoed in his mind blocking out Jack's completely... 

_"Does leather excite you, Daniel? Do you desire to feel the kiss of the lash across your_  
_beautiful backside?"_

Daniel shook his head beginning to softly mutter no over and over as he saw himself willingly offering his body to his master for punishing, saw images of himself begging and pleading for the cat-o'-nine-tails to be applied to his skin, saw images of how he had panted and moaned as in between strokes of the lash his master openly fondled him, gripping his dick and massaging his balls before finger fucking him, saw still more images of how he had climaxed as a result of Osiris' little experimental game of pain and pleasure. 

He jumped as the sound of the lash impacting his body filled his head. Again and again the sounds filtered in and filtered through driving him further and further away from himself, away from his body and away from Jack. He remembered the feeling so well. He was disassociating. God no, NO! He couldn't do this! No, if he left he'd never be able to find his way back again. Never. NO! 

He screamed feeling his heart pounding erratically in his chest as his palms began to sweat while he tried to regain his breathing. He was panting, gasping for each breath trying to stumble passed the fog his brain enveloped him in. He jerked around as a light stroke glided across his shoulder prepared to fight the one who had dared to touch him. Without thought or consideration he lashed out shoving his assailant as hard as he could while screaming a desperate "no" at the top of his lungs. He watched in satisfaction as his attacker flew to the floor prepared to lash out again if the man dared to make another move. 

Jack tensed when Daniel stopped responding to him. He realized immediately that Daniel was ignoring him. At first he thought Daniel was deliberately shutting him out and he became so angry that he touched Daniel's shoulder determined to turn him around and MAKE him pay attention. He was completely caught off guard when Daniel violently shoved him. He didn't even know what had happened until he found himself lying on the floor. When he looked up at Daniel he saw a mix of emotions crossing that face: fear, anger, terror and most noticeable was the lack of recognition. Daniel didn't even seem to be looking at him, rather he was looking right THROUGH him. 

His mind tumbled that information about bringing him quickly to the conclusion that Daniel had just been triggered. He was all too familiar with triggers because he still experienced those on occasion. Certain smells, sounds and comments could automatically send him on a one-way trip back to his Iraqi prison. He knew instantly that something he had either said or done had "tripped" his lover sending Daniel on a trip back into memories of the missing year of his life. 

He felt torn, unsure of how to proceed and wanting nothing more than to take all Daniel's pain away. He spoke softly, "Daniel? Daniel, listen to me. Daniel, you're at home. You're free. You're free. Osiris has no control over you now. Daniel. DANIEL!" 

His words fell on deaf ears for Daniel still had a far away look in his eyes. He was trapped in a past he wanted to forget. Jack knew he had to proceed with caution so he slowly stood up continuing to speak to Daniel keeping his voice calm. Daniel watched him with suspicion and uncertainty. He held himself rigid and Jack knew that he was prepared to fight or flee if he felt threatened at all. He prayed that Daniel would choose to fight if it came down to it because if he were to flee in his present state... He didn't want to even consider what could happen if that were the case. He knew how important it was to keep Daniel right here and continued talking to him in a calming voice, relaxing only when Daniel seemed to come out of the memory saying, "I did it again, didn't I? God, I can't believe I did it again!" 

Again? As if a light bulb suddenly clicked on in Jack's head he realized why Daniel was drawing more distant as of late. Daniel had just recognized that he had drifted away again so that could only mean... "Daniel, have you been experiencing a lot of flashbacks?" 

"Flashbacks Jack?" 

"Yes invading memories. You're working or talking when a sound or a phrase or scent sets off your memories, sends you back in time to your captivity, makes you feel as if you're re-experiencing everything all over again." 

Daniel swallowed hard not wanting to answer the question, and knowing that Jack was wandering way too close to the truth. He immediately became defensive, "So what if I am?" 

"Then you need to talk about it Daniel. Things are setting you off and you don't even realize it." 

"Setting me off? What the hell are you talking about, Jack?" 

"PTSD..." 

"I told you I don't have that, Jack!" 

"Yes, Daniel, you do." 

"NO! I wasn't hurt! I wasn't!" 

"Daniel you were traumatized..." 

"Traumatized? You've been talking to Sam, Jack? Is that it? Do the two of you enjoy discussing me behind my back, Jack? Is that it?" 

"No, Daniel, no. Why are you getting so defensive?" 

"I AM NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE, DAMN IT!" 

"Yes you are." 

“NO I’M NOT!” 

Jack focused on keeping his voice calm as he continued, "You need to speak to Doctor Wentworth..." 

"I don't need to do anything, Jack!" 

"Daniel, this is very serious. If you're experiencing flashbacks, if you're being triggered..." 

"I AM NOT CRAZY!" 

"No you're not Daniel and no one has said you are, but you need to speak to..." 

Daniel faced Jack head on eyes blazing as he responded, "Fuck you, Jack. FUCK YOU!" before shoving past his lover and heading straight for the door. He heard Jack demanding, "Daniel where are you going? We need to talk about this." 

"I'm taking a walk." 

"Running away isn't going to solve anything, Daniel. You need to face this." 

Daniel held his back ramrod straight refusing to turn back and look at his lover. Instead he continued walking out of the bedroom hearing Jack still calling his name and making his way as quickly to the stairs as he was able not wanting Jack near him at the moment. He refused to turn around though he knew Jack had followed, instead he headed downstairs, grabbed his keys and left the house wasting precious little time starting his car and pulling out of the driveway only aware an hour later that he still wasn't completely dressed. Upon that realization Daniel turned the car around knowing that he needed to return to the house but uncertain what to expect once he arrived. 

As Daniel pulled in the driveway and entered the house he saw Jack sitting in the dining room still not dressed himself. He sat there staring off into space not even looking in his direction as he approached. He wanted to speak to Jack, to apologize for earlier but was hesitant to do so. He was afraid, afraid of rejection, of Jack's anger, of his rage and most of all he was afraid to see disappointment in Jack's eyes, disappointment and hurt that he was solely responsible for placing there. 

He swallowed hard continuing to stand at the entrance to the dining room, unable to make a move towards his lover. Feeling disheartened and angry at his own inability to face Jack quite yet, Daniel turned abruptly away and raced up the stairs wiping haphazardly at the few stubborn tears that had managed somehow to leak out and tumble down across his cheeks. It took him several moments to calm down enough just to get dressed and once he was able to do so without shaking he entered the bathroom, brushing his teeth and combing his hair before taking a deep breath determined to speak with Jack. 

As he returned to the dining room Daniel noticed that Jack hadn't yet moved. He hesitantly took the seat nearest the older man afraid to speak or touch Jack for fear that he would be angry and upset with him, so he entwined his hands placing them in his lap before staring at them. He knew that he should say something, anything, but was too frightened. He tried to anticipate Jack's reactions finding that all possible ones were anything but positive, so he remained silent feeling an overwhelming need to run away again but determined to sit and wait to see what Jack would do. 

After several extremely tense minutes passed with neither saying a word or moving Jack questioned, "How was your drive?" 

Still unable to even look at his lover and feeling like a kid in trouble with the principal Daniel quietly answered, "Uh good, good." 

"Uh huh." 

"Yeah." 

"That's good. That's..." 

"I didn't drive very far. I just... It was nice." 

Again the silence fell around them becoming tenser than previously. Daniel swallowed hard as he became aware of the fact that it felt a little hot in the room and his chest was tight. He cleared his throat and closed his eyes as he tried to keep his breathing steady and normal, but as several more extremely intense moments went by his breathing only grew harsher. When those seconds turned into minutes with neither saying a word Daniel felt his chest squeezing tighter. He cleared his throat again aware that it was starting to ache and his breathing still wasn't calm. He tried to remain motionless not wanting Jack to realize that he was having a little difficulty drawing air into his lungs, but his chest only ached harder. Without conscious thought he slowly lifted his hand to his chest placing it protectively over his heart still keeping his eyes shut and trying to swallow passed the dryness in his throat. He was completely unaware that the simple action drew Jack's undivided attention and that his lover was becoming very worried for him very quickly. 

When Daniel entered the dining room and took a seat Jack felt relieved, but it wasn't long before that relief developed into nervousness and uncertainty. He knew that he needed to speak with Daniel, to say something but he had no idea what. When Daniel had left abruptly earlier his first response was anger. He was outraged that Daniel had again chosen to run away from his problems instead of facing them head on. He was pissed that Daniel refused to confide in him. He had planned to chase after Daniel like he had in the past but decided the effort was useless. All he'd do was piss Daniel off even more and their disagreement would quickly escalate to a screaming match. Hell, they had nearly reached that level of tension earlier but Daniel had left. Jack had decided to remain in the house determined not to go after Daniel and bring him home. Daniel would have to do that on his own because he was sick and tired of chasing Daniel's ass all over Colorado Springs only to bring him back and further enrage him, so he sat in the dining room refusing to move, ready to jump down Daniel's throat the instant he returned. But as minutes quickly developed into a half an hour then forty-five minutes his rage quickly turned into fear; he found himself sitting on the edge of his chair waiting for the call that would destroy him and feeling guilty as hell for allowing his lover to leave the house angry. His thoughts then quickly turned to worries and fears that something would happen to Daniel, and he would be responsible since he had been too stubborn, too pig-headed to chase after him. 

When Daniel had finally returned Jack had felt a mixture of emotions with relief and anger being the two most dominant. He knew if he had opened his mouth at that time then Daniel would've probably turned right back around and left him again, so he remained silent allowing his anger to develop into rage as he listened to Daniel moving about upstairs. By the time Daniel returned and had taken the closest seat to him he had no words to say finding that he was afraid to speak and uncertain as to just what to do, so he decided to leave Daniel be the one to initiate the conversation. But as time ticked on he could stand the silence no longer wanting desperately to fill it he asked the only question that came to mind, which in turn set up one of the oddest and quickest conversations he ever had with his lover. Again the silence fell between them and that's when Jack heard the soft wheezing in his lover's breathing. He immediately became afraid, unsure if Daniel even realized that he was practically gasping for breath but as he focused on his lover and watched Daniel clutch his chest he knew what was happening: Daniel was on the verge of a panic attack, and he was the one responsible. He watched his lover trying to regain his breathing and felt his heart leap into his throat as Daniel seemed to be losing the battle. He knew Daniel was close to all out panic, but he couldn't think of a thing to say or do to help his love calm down. If he said the wrong thing Daniel would slip into the panic. If he said the right thing Daniel might still slip into panic. What should he do? What could he do? He swallowed hard refusing to take his eyes off of his lover, sitting on the edge of his seat, prepared to leap out of it if Daniel needed any help at all. He grew frustrated when he couldn't think of what to say. Damn it! 

Jack licked his lips before nervously gnawing on the bottom one as he watched Daniel closely. He knew that he had to say something. He had to keep his voice calm so he prayed he'd say the right things and started, "Have you told Doctor Wentworth about your flashbacks?" 

Daniel only shook his head still struggling with his breathing. It now sounded even harsher, which scared Jack shitless. He mentally ordered Daniel to breathe and to speak but his lover didn't seem to be listening to that advice so he continued, "You should talk to her about them. She's a good doctor and she's trained to deal with those kinds of things." 

"I know," came Daniel's strained response. Jack was encouraged by the comment so he continued, "You're not crazy, Daniel. I know it may seem that way to you. I know that you're experiencing a lot of the things we discussed and I know you don't understand any of it. I was the same way. I didn't know what was happening and I thought I was going crazy myself. The flashbacks were partly responsible for my divorce and my drinking problem." 

The comments drew Daniel's attention and Jack felt relieved that Daniel was now looking at him, but he still clutched his chest and his breathing still sounded harsh so Jack continued, "They surface unexpectedly. You could be sitting in a park when a kid screams and find yourself on the ground, hunched over, covering your head and cowering in fear. You could be talking to someone when suddenly the voice of your captor emerges and drowns them out. You could be watching television when an alarm sounds and instantly you're scared shitless. Daniel, these are all normal reactions to PTSD and I know you don't want to believe you have it, but you do. You don't think you need help. You believe you can do it all on your own and you are doing well but suddenly invasive memories surface, you can't concentrate, you can't sleep, you wake up at the oddest hours of the night, you can't keep names, dates, information straight... You feel like you're alone and you feel like you're losing your mind, but you're not. You're not Daniel..." 

"I'm not..." 

Jack winced as he heard the slightest elevation in Daniel's voice indicating that the panic attack was close at hand. He got up and dragged his chair over to Daniel pulling Daniel's free hand into his and looking Daniel directly in the eyes as he continued, "No, you're not crazy. You never were crazy. You just need a little help right now. Your mind has decided that it no longer wants to be passive in your healing and is making you recall what happened to help you deal with it, accept it and move on. There is nothing wrong with you Daniel." 

"Nothing?" 

The high pitch echoing in that word set Jack's heart to racing. Daniel was so close, so close to all out panic. Without thought or consideration for his actions Jack placed his other hand over top the hand Daniel was clutching desperately over his chest. The moment Jack made contact with that hand Daniel realized that he knew a panic attack was looming. His eyes widened and his breathing grew harsher as the attack threatened to draw him in. 

Jack was quicker holding Daniel's gaze locked with his own, gripping Daniel's left hand in his squeezing it in encouragement while keeping his other hand clamped firmly over the hand Daniel clutched to his chest. He started speaking in softer tones urging, "Breathe Daniel, breathe for me. Breathe..." 

As Daniel pulled in a very shaky breath Jack continued, "Breathe, love. Breathe with me. Listen to my breathing and breathe with me. Come on love we did this last night breathe with me. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale... Good, good love you're doing great. You're all right. You're all right. I'm here, you're here...we're together and we'll always be together. Come on Danny breathe, breathe with me. That's it. There you go, inhale slowly. Exhale. Slow, slow love we're not in a hurry. Take it nice and slow. Breathe for me, baby. Breathe..." 

Daniel managed a gasping snort as Jack addressed him as 'baby' and tried speaking, "Baby... Jack...you don't...call me...that...often..." 

"Breathe, Daniel. Don't try to talk yet. Breathe. Breathe. In...out...in...out... There you go... You're right I don't. I seem to recall you forbidding me to address you as baby... Good Daniel. Keep breathing, hold my hand, squeeze it if you like. Feel my hands on top of yours. Listen to my breathing. Nice and easy, in and out, nice and easy, slow...slow. Good love. You're doing great." 

Daniel managed a weak smile as he forced out, "Lamaze coach...Jack..." 

Jack smiled and answered, "Do you think I'd be good at it?" 

Finding he still couldn't breathe completely normally Daniel settled for nodding continuing to listen to Jack's breathing, listen to what he was saying and grip his hand tightly. He knew just how close he was to panicking and the last thing he wanted to do was have an attack right here in front of Jack. He forced himself to listen to his lover, to concentrate on his voice and his breathing, hearing Jack's soft encouraging words and feeling the tension beginning to ease within his chest. He closed his eyes trying to match his inhalations with those of his lover's and smiling softly when he realized it was working. Thank God it was working! 

When he finally regained his breathing and succeeded in calming completely, Daniel offered his lover a warm smile saying, "Thank you Jack." 

Jack, feeling extremely proud of Daniel and extremely relieved at the same time, eased his hand off of Daniel's chest, tenderly cupping the side of his face before replying, "Anytime, Daniel, anytime..." and felt his heart swell with love as Daniel turned his face into that hand pressing a light kiss to the palm. He smiled before softly inquiring, "Better?" 

"Yes..." 

"Come here, hon." 

Daniel nodded before moving into Jack's arms, smiling more as Jack pulled him into a comforting embrace. They stayed like that for several minutes before Daniel gazed at Jack who returned the smile before swooping down to capture Daniel's lips in his. At first Daniel tensed feeling his breath escape harshly, but as Jack deepened the kiss he began to moan and part his lips melting into the shared kiss and feeling desire stirring in his loins. 

Jack drew much pleasure from kissing Daniel and found that he wanted his lover badly. He released Daniel's hand before pulling him closer then casually sliding his left hand down across Daniel's back before insinuating it beneath the fabric of his lover's jeans, smiling as his fingers grazed the waistband of Daniel's underwear. He wanted more than just a kiss but forced himself to refrain from going any further. As they broke apart both breathless Jack felt his dick hardening. When Daniel leaned in to capture his lips Jack found himself slipping his hand around to the front of Daniel's jeans beginning to work on unbuttoning then unzipping them. As he pushed the jeans down some Daniel instantly captured the wayward hand in his own and gripped it tightly before breaking away and uttering, "Too...too soon Jack. No...please. Not...not ready for this." 

"I want you Daniel. I want you so badly..." 

"I...and I want you too but..." 

"No. No buts..." 

"It's too soon. We can't, especially after what just happened." 

"Why can't we?" 

"Because I can't." 

"But you're so damned ready, Daniel. I can feel you. You want me too so take me." 

Jack leaned in to capture his lips and silence Daniel's protests continuing his attempts to part Daniel permanently from his jeans, but Daniel continued to grip his hand, squeezing harder as Jack continued. As Jack slid his other hand up to palm the back of Daniel's head his lover froze jerking away as he screeched, "Not the neck! Please not the neck! I...I don't want to remember. Please." 

Jack instantly stilled both hands as he recalled the last time his hand ventured towards the base of Daniel's neck. He swallowed hard as he realized how very close he was to a trigger spot on Daniel's body and immediately all thoughts of making love to him fled as concern filtered in. He could see the terror and fear reflected in Daniel's eyes. He could see how Daniel was ready to scream and pull away but remained still, and as he lowered his hand to the middle of Daniel's back he saw immediate relief fill the younger man. All he could manage was to pull Daniel back into his arms and hold him close as he whispered, "Ah Danny. I'm sorry, so sorry hon, so sorry." 

"No, not, not your fault Jack. I just... I... It frightens me to, to lose touch with all reality to, to find myself back, back there because of a touch and I just... It's all right love. It's all right." 

He tightened his hold on Jack before propping his forehead against Jack's and softly saying, "Love you, Jack." 

"Love you too Danny. Love you too." 

Daniel softly moaned and closed his eyes as he questioned, "Does it ever get any easier Jack?" 

"Yes Daniel it does." 

"When?" 

"With time. It takes time." 

"Yeah..." 

"A lot of time, but it does get easier, Danny. I promise you it does get easier." 

Daniel nodded and pressed a shy kiss to Jack's lips before lowering his head to Jack's shoulder and drawing comfort from being held so closely.


	22. Dispelling Inhibitions

**DISPELLING INHIBITIONS**  
**Extending A Helping Hand**

Daniel sat in Jack's car in the parking lot of Doctor Wentworth's office. Jack was watching him, concerned that he wasn't all right. Daniel smiled reassuring him that he was fine and thanking him for bringing him here. Jack questioned again if he was sure he didn't want company today sensing that it would be a very difficult session for Daniel. When Daniel told him again that he wanted to do this alone Jack yielded kissing him before telling him that he'd be waiting for him. He assured Daniel that he would stay in the parking lot in case he desired to leave at some point before the end of the session. Daniel thanked him before exiting the vehicle and heading inside. 

After their initial greetings Doctor Wentworth waited for Daniel to get comfortable before beginning by asking, "Doctor Jackson how do you feel today?" 

Silence stretched between them. Doctor Wentworth watched her visitor who seemed to be finding the floor rather intriguing. She waited for him to speak knowing she had to be patient and understanding; that he needed to be the one to initiate any further discussion. She hoped that Doctor Jackson trusted her enough to confide in her. When he showed no outward signs of even being aware of her presence in the room she felt her hope starting to die. Then he surprised her as he softly answered, "Like a failure. I'm scared and I'm weak. I can't even lead a normal life. Hell, I don't even remember what a normal life is. I'm so, I'm...I think I'm...crazy..." 

As he said that last word she realized the admission terrified him and quickly strove to dispel the wrong assumption, "Doctor, you aren't crazy. You're struggling with a lot of issues right now. You are often anxious and afraid but that doesn't mean you're crazy." 

"Then why do I feel like I'm losing my mind? Why can't...? Why do I still feel like I'm there? Why do I jump at the slightest touch or sound? Why do I constantly feel like...like I'm being stalked? Like he's going to return and take me away again? Why do I...? Why can't I relax? Why do...? Why?" 

"Because Doctor Jackson you have suffered so much. You had to fight to survive, to live another day. You had to hold on and you had to sacrifice so much to do that. What you went through your experiences, were harrowing..." 

"Why does everyone keep saying that? They weren't! How could they be when I surrendered? HOW?" 

Keeping her voice calm Doctor Wentworth gently pried, "Doctor Jackson, tell me why you believe that you're..." 

"Crazy? I am crazy. I have to be crazy or something." 

"Why? Has anything changed or..." 

"NO!" 

He answered too quickly and she knew that she had to push him a bit more so she continued, "How are the nightmares?" 

"WHAT?" Daniel inquired in a high-pitched voice but she persisted, "Are you experiencing flashbacks, Doctor Jackson? Snippets of memories that consume you, make it harder for you to focus and to concentrate, make it...?" 

Doctor Wentworth trailed off as she observed his entire demeanor change to one of a person highly agitated and nervous. She knew beyond a doubt that she was correct in her assumptions. He was experiencing flashbacks and nightmares, and from the way he continued to fidget in the chair she was certain that they disturbed him greatly. She was also positive that Doctor Jackson had no idea that what he was presently experiencing was absolutely normal. To someone who didn't understand the effects trauma had on one's mind, body, spirit and soul Doctor Jackson would probably appear to be a little...odd but not crazy. No, Doctor Jackson obviously felt that because he couldn't control the invasive memories and couldn't understand why they were happening that he must be crazy. She knew what her next topic of discussion needed to be so she continued, "Tell me about them..." 

Daniel jerked his head up glancing at her briefly before brushing his tongue quickly across his bottom lip managing, "What...what are you...?" 

"Tell me about the flashbacks, Doctor." 

"No, no I don't...I don't have any of those. I don't..." 

She could instantly tell that he had just lied to her. She held her lips in a grim line before proceeding further, "Doctor, there is nothing wrong with you. You're not crazy, but you are confused, uncertain, weary and afraid. There are things happening to you that you don't understand and you believe you're the only one who has ever experienced these things, but you're not alone. Many people experience what you're experiencing..." 

"So, so how do they...cope?" 

"They find help and they work on the issues." 

"And how many actually are cured?" 

"No one is cured of PTSD, Doctor. What people do is they learn how to deal with it and they find new ways to cope." 

"So is there anything I can do to...?" 

"Yes there is." 

"What?" 

"First I need to know if you're willing to work at it." 

"Yes. You know I am." 

"Yes I believe you are." 

"So what, where do we go from here?" 

"Doctor Jackson I want you to do something for me." 

"What?" 

"I want you to go back through your memories, your experiences and see if you can identify anything that could trigger responses in you." 

"What? I don't understand..." 

"In order to gain control over the flashbacks and prepare yourself for when they are happening you need to know what triggers memories and responses in you." 

"I don't... I..." 

"For instance, touch is a trigger for you, especially when it's sudden and you're not paying attention to it. Like your first visit here, the moment Colonel O'Neill placed his hand on top of yours you tensed. You started to panic but maintained control. The touch triggered the panic. You may have noticed since your return that certain phrases, scents, sounds and actions have made you instantly upset, fearful or anxious... These are all triggers. You experienced a lot of trauma during your absence and though you probably don't want to recall what happened to you during that time your mind refuses to allow you to forget. Instead the ringing of the telephone, the dropping of a book, a knock on the door makes you panic, makes you freeze and makes you afraid. Sometimes these feelings are accompanied by vivid images of your captivity, sometimes with phrases your captor said and sometimes with nothing at all. By examining your memories, by examining each moment when something triggered your panic after the abduction you can narrow down what causes you to panic. For example, during the first meeting when Colonel O'Neill's touch frightened you what about the way he touched you upset you?" 

Daniel remained silent staring at his now entwined hands. He inhaled deeply hesitant to answer but desperate to figure out if what he was experiencing truly was normal. He was so afraid that he was crazy but from what Doctor Wentworth was saying he wasn't, and he wanted so badly not to be crazy that he answered, "Um, it, it was...sudden, too quick, unexpected. Um, I... It just surprised me." 

"I see and have you experienced other times when touch has upset you?" 

"Yes." 

"Can you remember those times, Doctor?" 

Daniel glanced briefly at her chuckling nervously before softly answering, "I try not to." 

"Okay, that's understandable but I need you to remember those times." 

"Well that could prove...challenging." 

"How about I start?" 

Daniel puzzled over that question before asking, "You?" 

"Yes." 

"How could you start when...?" 

"Do you remember our discussion several sessions ago when you told me that your lover no longer touches you sexually?" 

Daniel blushed furiously before answering, "Um, yes..." 

"You told me that you usually screamed when touched." 

Daniel hung his head in shame before replying, "That's...that's correct." 

"Do you remember any times when your lover's touch made you scream?" 

Daniel paused as he suddenly recalled the first night after his return when Jack was kissing him and... "We were kissing and... The back...the back of my neck... Um, I, when I was...a prisoner I... A golden collar was...fused around my neck...a, a leash...a chain was also secured to it. It was eventually removed but... There was a time when, when I was... They used the leash to control me, pulled on it so hard that the collar bit into my neck. I, I couldn't breathe. I panicked. I...I guess when he...touched the base of my neck I..." 

Daniel fell silent wringing his hands together and trying to keep his breathing controlled, surprised to realize that he had been breathing harder when he spoke of the memory. He waited several moments before focusing on Doctor Wentworth and continuing, "The touch made me scream. I shoved him away. I shoved him so hard that he landed on the floor. I was so afraid, so... It felt as if I were being...attacked all over again and I couldn't breathe. I...I just...I couldn't control my actions." 

Doctor Wentworth nodded before saying, "That was a trigger for you, Doctor Jackson. The behavior is completely normal. Triggers happen when you least expect them to. Sounds, certain looks, comments, odors, anything can be a trigger. You have no control over them at first and they keep surfacing. With each episode you feel you're losing it. You feel like you're crazy, but you aren't. They are normal. You're not alone." 

"That's, that's what Jack said but... I don't know anyone else who...acts like that." 

"Colonel O'Neill has similar experiences I am certain." 

"WHAT? Yeah, right." 

"He has had counseling and has learned what triggers his panic, therefore he can control it better. The key to controlling the triggers is to first figure out what they are and what things set you off. I want you to think back over your memories of your captivity and of times afterwards when you had similar reactions like the one you just described. Write them down. Keep them in a journal or a book and bring them with you for our next session. Take the book with you and record the triggers. If you would like you may also record the memories. They would help immensely but if you find that you can't write them down then don't force yourself to. We'll work on the memories another time. Right now I want to focus on finding your triggers. We can make a chart of the triggers and together work on how to deal with them. Do you understand?" 

"Yes." 

"Write down the instances when you feel the adrenaline rush to fight or flee and also those instances when you shut down physically or emotionally. Triggers could be anything: sounds, smells, and objects you see, even certain people may remind you of the trauma. Things such as emotional overload, stress and even difficulties at home or work may trigger these reactions. Write them down then try to record your reactions to each. For example, do you isolate yourself, lash out at your lover, pace, experience headaches or muscle aches? Are you unable to concentrate or focus? Do you feel drawn to alcohol, drugs or food? When you react to your triggers what happens? You may want to try to trace the origins of the triggers, which would require you exploring past memories of your abduction. Once we have some things written down we will make a chart that should help you to understand that a trigger is occurring and to anticipate the automatic responses to the trigger. Once you identify the triggers and can anticipate them then you can control them." 

"Oh...okay. I think...I think I can do that." 

"I know you can do that. It won't be easy but in the end it will definitely pay off." 

"I hope you're right. I can't keep living like this..." 

Doctor Wentworth offered him a warm smile before saying, "Healing takes time, Doctor, but you will heal." 

Daniel stilled then lifted his gaze to hers as he softly questioned, "You really believe that?" 

"Yes, I do." 

"Thank...thank you." 

She nodded continuing to smile waiting several more moments before further inquiring, "Is there anything you'd like to discuss today? How are things at work?" 

"Um oh...okay, they're okay. Sam and I had a talk and...well..." 

When silence fell between them and Doctor Jackson began to drum his fingers while gnawing on his bottom lip she knew they were entering disturbing territory for him, so she softened her voice as she gently pried, "What is it?" 

Daniel swallowed hard before lowering his head quietly saying, "She thinks I was...raped." 

"And were you?" 

"NO! No, no. I..." 

"Why?" 

"What?" 

"Why does she believe you were raped?" 

"Because, you know, she...I..." 

When he started stumbling over his words she quietly stated the obvious, "This is very hard for you." 

"Yes." 

"Take your time." 

Daniel offered her a brief ghostly smile before again lowering his head. He inhaled deeply several times before continuing, "I was coerced, threatened. If I didn't serve he would... He'd destroy so many. But, but I wasn't rap...raped. I wasn't." 

"If you were coerced then by definition..." 

"NO!" 

"You said no?" 

"Well, yes but that doesn't mean..." 

"How many times did you say no before he coerced you?" 

"How many times? What does it matter?" 

“It doesn't. No means no whether you said it once or a thousand times. No still means no, Doctor." 

"I...at first I refused but then... He, he killed all those people and, and threatened to do it again if I didn't...yield to him." 

She nodded knowing that he just defined rape and realizing that he couldn't accept it. She knew she had to tread carefully or she could cause more damage than good so she continued trying to choose her words carefully, "Doctor Jackson, you say you weren't raped... Why?" 

Daniel focused on her for the briefest of moments before jerking his head away and rising to his feet. He wrapped his arms tightly across his chest before pacing back and forth. He said nothing for several minutes before answering, "Because I enjoyed it too much to be...that." 

Doctor Wentworth swallowed hard as she watched her agitated patient pacing nervously back and forth. She thought of what she wanted to say being careful to keep her tone calm as she dared to tread into the choppy waters of Doctor Jackson's denial, guilt and shame. She cautiously said, "Just because you enjoy sexual relations with another doesn't mean you have given consent to that person. Doctor Jackson, we all feel and react to different situations in certain ways. When we have sexual relations with another our bodies all react the same way to such stimulation. Many women who have been...assaulted sexually feel great shame and guilt..." 

"But why? It's not their fault that they were attacked." 

"No it isn't." 

"So why do they feel ashamed? They have no reason to." 

She watched Doctor Jackson noticing how he so easily accepted that when a woman is raped or assaulted she is not to blame, yet he couldn't accept that the same thing was true in his case. She sensed that at the heart of his lack of acceptance was the betrayal. He felt he had betrayed his lover by sleeping with another, and he refused to see that he had been raped. He was punishing himself for something he had never done. He believed that he had betrayed his lover and therefore deserved to suffer. He refused to admit that he had been coerced and therefore raped. She shook her head before replying to his last question aware that her answer could have the potential for ending this session, "They feel ashamed because they reacted. They feel ashamed because they felt pleasure during such a brutal violation." 

Daniel's voice cracked as he questioned, "They felt pleasure?" 

Doctor Wentworth watched her patient closely aware that his pacing had increased and he seemed to be growing even more agitated and anxious than previously. She inhaled deeply before adding, "Yes, Doctor, they did. None of those women enjoyed being violated and assaulted, none of them but the human body is designed with nerve endings and they are closest to the surface in the sexual organs. When you're raped your sexual response doesn't just shut down. You become stimulated and though you refuse to yield your body is designed to make intercourse and penetration pleasurable, therefore the sexual responses are unstoppable. It's biological and innate. Many people who are raped can no longer find pleasure in lovemaking. They can no longer be stimulated or reach orgasm. They can no longer stand to be touched or kissed. This is because they cannot understand why such a brutal crime felt good to them. They believe that since they enjoyed some part of it that they must be a tramp or..." 

Daniel paused flinching and gasping as she said that word. His reaction told her that he felt similar and her heart ached for him. She continued, "Doctor Jackson, the reason people find some pleasure even when they are attacked or assaulted is because it is biological. We were created to derive great pleasure from lovemaking, for without it we would have no desire to reproduce. This automatic response in the human body is the source of many sexual assault victims' guilt and shame. It's a reaction that we have no control over." 

"No control?" 

"None." 

Daniel paused again saying, "I still wasn't..." 

"Doctor, you said no. You said you were coerced, that you were threatened. You yielded after he threatened you?" 

"Well yes. If I hadn't he would've..." 

"Killed others?" 

"Yes." 

"So how can you stand there and tell me something that's not true?" 

"I didn't...I'm not..." 

"You were raped, Doctor Jackson." 

"NO! NO I WASN'T!" 

"You said no. He coerced you. You cooperated because he threatened you. That's not willingly surrendering Doctor Jackson." 

"No, no. I enjoyed it. I...I begged him... I...I pleaded. I..." 

"Was raped." 

"NO! NO! NO! Stop saying that! I wasn't. I wasn't. I WASN'T!" 

"Why? Why weren't you?" 

"Men don't get raped!" 

"Yes they do." 

"NO! No. I surrendered. I liked it. My God, I even begged for it. How is that...?" 

“Because you were coerced. Tell me Doctor after you yielded did you ever refuse again?" 

Daniel froze clenching his eyes shut as he recalled fighting against Osiris when he was pinned to the bed after being thrown down. He recalled a time when he begged Osiris not to touch him and when he pleaded with him to stop. He nodded his head before quietly answering, "Yes. Several...several times." 

"And did he stop?" 

"Not...not always he..." 

Daniel drew his left hand up to his forehead and gently grasped the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger squeezing before closing his eyes and lowering his head feeling a migraine starting. He tried to focus on Doctor Wentworth but the migraine seemed to build making his head throb. He squeezed tighter hoping the headache would just disappear as suddenly as it had surfaced. He forced himself to continue his answer still gripping the bridge of his nose and keeping his eyes tightly squeezed shut, "Sometimes he would pin me beneath him and...and draw pleasure from securing me in place... If I asked him, pleaded with him to stop he...he'd laugh and begin stimulating me. I... The pleasure would...take over and soon I'd be begging for him...not to stop so...so I was never... He never... I drew too much pleasure for it to be..." 

"Rape Doctor?" 

Daniel nodded his head and Doctor Wentworth closed her own eyes briefly as she heard his words and knew that beyond a doubt Doctor Jackson had been repeatedly raped and assaulted by his captor. Now she had to make HIM realize that he had been. Once he accepted it then they could further the healing process. She watched her distressed patient knowing that he probably had a headache brought on by stress. She allotted him several minutes of silence prepared to end the session when he spoke again, "Um, I think I should go. May I leave? I'm...I'm going to go home. Get some sleep. Is that...is that okay?" 

"Yes Doctor. Did you drive yourself in?" 

"No, no. Jack...Jack brought me in." 

She relaxed a bit thankful that Colonel O'Neill thought to drive Doctor Jackson in. She offered, "Would you like me to get him for you?" 

"No, no thanks. I can, I can make it." 

Daniel then looked up releasing his grip on his nose as he continued, "Thank...thank you." 

She smiled warmly and nodded before saying, "I'll see you next week." 

"Yes next week." 

"Take care of yourself, Doctor." 

He nodded before exiting her office, making his way quickly to the parking lot, relieved to see Jack exit and approach him. As Jack drew to his side Daniel felt calmer. He offered his lover a shaky smile, glad when Jack's only response was to ask him if he was ready to go and to lead him to the car. He was more than a little relieved that Jack didn't question him but knew that in time he would have to talk to Jack about what occurred in the session. Right now his only goal was to get home as quickly as possible. 

 

* * * *

 

Later That Night... 

He jerked upright out of bed screaming as stark cold terror gripped him. He automatically wrapped his arms tightly around himself clenching his eyes shut as he struggled to regain a normal breathing pattern. God, God, God not again, NOT again! Why couldn't he forget? Why? He started rocking and mumbling unaware that he was. He also forgot where he was, completely unaware that he had woken his peacefully resting lover when the nightmares became too terrifying. He didn't even hear Jack say his name or feel the bed moving when Jack sat up prepared to comfort him, for he found himself trapped in a past he thought he had destroyed. He wasn't aware of Jack hovering beside him until Jack touched him. He screamed again trapped in the nightmare not fully awake still seeing the terrifying images that roused him so thoroughly. He saw movement and inhaled sharply as fear swamped him. He saw a hand reaching for him and whimpered softly as that fear built up to terror. No, no, no...not again. Please NOT again! 

Jack awoke to a loud scream and felt his heart pounding frantically in his chest as a result. He wondered where the scream of terror had come from and as he focused on Daniel he felt his heart leap into his throat. God, God Daniel! Daniel was screaming! God, what the hell? He was certain that Daniel had suffered another nightmare so without another thought he attempted to wrap his arms around him jumping as Daniel screamed again and jerked away from him, plastering his body against the headboard, curling up in as tight a ball as he could form and darting his eyes maniacally around the room. He knew then and there that he would have to talk Daniel down. He wasn't even sure if Daniel was fully awake yet. He started speaking to him in a quiet gentle tone assuring him that he was safe now and that no one was hurting him, but still the stark terror reflected in his body language and facial expressions. He continued to speak to Daniel hoping that he could get through the fear and reach his lover, "Daniel, Daniel it's Jack. You're home now. You're safe. You were dreaming, Daniel, just dreaming." 

Daniel released a high-pitched screech that lapsed into a soft whimper before his shrill voice repeated one word, "Dream...?" 

"Yes Daniel dream...a dream... You were just having a bad dream. You're safe. You're safe now love. No one's going to hurt you. I won't let them hurt you. I'll protect you, Daniel. I won't let anyone hurt you. You can trust me Daniel. You can trust me." 

Again his shrill voice filled the room sounding less maniacal as he questioned, "Trust...?" 

"Yes, Daniel, yes. You can trust me." 

"No trust, can't trust... They want to hur...hurt me..." 

"Daniel they aren't here. There's no one here but us love." 

"No one..." 

"No one." 

"But us?" 

He tried not to get his hopes up too high when Daniel actually started speaking knowing that he was still very afraid, still pale and still gulping for air. He knew, was certain, that if he were to check Daniel's pulse now he'd find it beating extremely fast. His lover remained curled inward holding himself rigid against the headboard so Jack proceeded with caution continuing in his calm reassuring, soft tone "Yes Daniel no one but us. It's just you and I alone in our bedroom together. You're all right love. You're all right. You're safe now. Safe..." 

"Safe? Safe with...with you with..." 

"Yes with me, Daniel, with me...safe with me." 

He held still as Daniel seemed to slowly relax before his eyes. He still hesitated knowing that sudden movement could send Daniel back to the terror he was trying to pull him free from. He wasn't sure he was successful until Daniel softly croaked, "Ja'k...Ja'k..." 

"Yes, Danny, yes. It's me. It's Jack. Look at me, look at my face Daniel. Really look at me." 

As Daniel responded by focusing on him he felt overwhelming relief and immediately moved to encompass the younger man feeling extremely relieved when he spoke his name and launched himself into his waiting arms. He couldn't be happier to receive an armload of Daniel Jackson at that moment in time and as Daniel wrapped his arms around him he could feel the need and desperation in that hold. Daniel needed this, needed to feel safe and to know that someone was here for him. He pulled Daniel tightly against him smiling as the man snuggled into his embrace and buried his face in his chest. He held Daniel continuing to croon softly to him when he heard soft sobbing. He felt dampness on his chest and knew that Daniel's tears were now soaking into his shirt, but he didn't care. He was determined to hold Daniel and comfort him. He started to gently rock Daniel allowing him to sob in silence knowing that Daniel was trying to hide his emotions from him and trying to conceal the fact that he was indeed crying. 

They sat like that well into the night Jack comforting Daniel and Daniel clinging to him desperately. As the minutes became hours Jack was certain that Daniel had drifted asleep in his arms...that is until Daniel spoke, "I was there again and...and they were trying to...to...and this time they succeeded. They...my hands were tied, couldn't fight them...was so scared, so damn scared... Knew I'd be...knew they planned...he...he..." 

He tensed surprised that Daniel started to speak. He softly prodded, "He? Who is he Daniel? Who?" 

“Di...Di... His servant tried to...practically choked me to death...stuck his tongue so far down gagged...nearly gagged...fought but...but not successful still...still... Zeenan stopped them, killed them... He killed them for me. I...I didn't...don't support kill...killing but I was...I was happy when...when he told me... Snapped his neck...the one who wanted to...to while I was helpless...tied up... I tried to bite his fucking tongue off but then the guards they...they started kicking me, kicking me and laughing as he touch...touched me." 

Jack felt anger and rage filling him as he realized that Daniel was speaking of an attack, of a time when someone obviously wanted more from him than he had been willing to give. God, a servant tried to...tried to do what? He tried to tongue him? SHIT! Bastard! He probably tried to do more than that... Why did rape keep flashing through his mind in bright bold lights in response to those comments? He didn't believe Daniel was speaking of Osiris but he had to be certain, he wanted to be certain so he asked, "Who tried to hurt you Daniel? Who? Osiris?"

"No, nope...no. He was mad at me, pissed but not enough to...to attack me and...and molest me." 

"Osiris didn't...attack you?" 

"No, no he didn't..." 

"Why was he mad?" 

"Thought I...escaped him again." 

Again? Escaped him again? Did that mean Daniel had tried to run from, "Escaped again?" 

"Yeah but I wasn't, not that time. He was pissed...escaped not long before that, was recaptured but..." 

Escaped? He had tried to escape not once but several times. He had... Daniel had actually... God, why was that so surprising to him? Of course Daniel would have attempted escape, but why did that admission surprise him so much now? 

His mind echoed an answer that made him shiver, 'Because you believe that he enjoyed every minute of his enslavement, especially the sexual servitude. You believe he willingly prostituted himself to Osiris and Zeenan...' 

No... NO! NO! He slammed a door on those twisted demented thoughts wondering what the hell triggered them and realizing that he was feeling jealous again. Jealous? Damn it, here Daniel was clinging to him after dreaming of nearly being raped by a servant and all he could think about was that Daniel probably loved fucking Osiris and Zeenan? What the hell? Where did those twisted thoughts come from? Why did he...? He quieted his thoughts focusing solely on holding Daniel and soothing him determined to help him relax again. As those thoughts that had momentarily distracted him seemed to vanish from his mind he sighed in relief again focusing all of his attention on Daniel. 

Daniel fell silent feeling the sudden need to bathe. He shivered before quietly saying, "I'd... I want to get a shower, Jack. I need to... Do you...? Can I...?" 

"Yes Daniel. You don't need to ask." 

Daniel lowered his gaze as he stuttered, "I...I..." 

Jack placed a finger under Daniel's chin gently lifting up his face before saying, "Go get your shower." 

Daniel nodded muttering a quick 'thanks Jack' before rising and making his way quickly to the bathroom. Jack watched his lover enter the small room and close the door. He didn't hear the lock being thrown and relaxed a bit. Hearing the shower click on several minutes later Jack quickly found himself in a dilemma. Should he stay here or attempt to offer comfort to his lover who was probably now scrubbing his body and burning his skin under searing water? He remained sitting in bed only a few moments longer before rising and preparing to approach Daniel hoping he wasn't about to make a big mistake. 

As he opened the bathroom door he drew to a halt watching his lover while still debating whether to approach him or leave. He hated feeling indecisive and hated being so uncertain about what to do. He debated only a few moments before approaching the shower and easing the curtain back. He stood transfixed admiring Daniel's ethereal beauty at the same time that he noticed the jerky motions with which Daniel now bathed. He hesitated as he thought about how to proceed. 

After several more moments he made up his mind, carefully stepping into the bathtub before softly murmuring Daniel's name, grateful that he hadn't touched Daniel yet, for as his lover jerked to face him fear was his most noticeable emotion. Daniel was scared to death. Jack waited for him to calm before softly prodding, "Would you like me to go?" 

Daniel's immediate response was the shake of his head. No. Daniel didn't want him to go, but he still asked again, "Are you sure Daniel? I don't want..." 

"Please stay... Stay with me Jack. Please I... Please." 

He smiled and nodded. The moment he nodded he observed Daniel's sudden sigh of relief before he sagged against him. Jack immediately wrapped his arms around Daniel and held him. Together they stood as water gently cascaded over and around them while they drew comfort from each other. He again asked, "Are you okay with this? I mean..." 

"Yes. Please Jack just...hold me." 

As the words left Daniel's mouth Jack could hear the underlying sadness and fear. The fear always disturbed him, especially when Daniel was requesting simply to be held closer. That fear in his voice told Jack more than words could ever tell him: Daniel feared that one day he would make that request and be denied. If that ever happened then it would destroy what was left of his precious soul. Jack would never allow that to happen no matter how angry, frustrated and outraged Daniel made him. No matter what he said or did in the future he would make certain to always, always offer Daniel the simple comfort of being held in loving arms, being held and cherished, of knowing that no matter what happened, no matter how bad things became, no matter how much he felt that he was undeserving of such a simple gift he would receive it. He'd make certain that Daniel learned that he could always turn to him for unconditional love, for comfort, for those needs he refused to admit were there. He would always receive the gift of being held close no matter how long it took, how many hours passed, no matter where they were if Daniel needed to be held he would be. 

As the minutes ticked by and Daniel started to relax further against him Jack asked, "Would you like me to help you bathe?" 

Daniel nodded in response allowing Jack to soap up his body and scrub him clean. He noticed that Jack was being slow and much more gentle than he had been to himself in the past few months. Instead of scrubbing harshly Jack was gently running the washcloth over his body. There was no pain, no familiar burning and tingling of his skin only calmness and tenderness. Jack's hands were so tender upon his body that Daniel nearly cried as a result never expecting Jack to be so gentle with him ever again. Not after what he had done to him. 

Jack gently urged Daniel to turn towards him and he complied keeping his head bowed, unable to look at Jack as he began to soap his back with just as much tenderness still holding him close as he did so. Jack paused to pull him closer and Daniel tensed upon feeling their groins clash. He tried to pull away, but Jack only held him beginning to press butterfly light kisses to his neck as he spoke reassurances to him. Soon he felt himself again relax and give in to the tenderness his lover was raining down upon him. After several more minutes Jack resumed his gentle scrubbing and after he was finished with the task he leaned back to peer at Daniel's face frowning when he noticed that Daniel still held his gaze to the floor. He gently lifted Daniel's chin with his finger saying, "Hey, look at me love. Look at me." 

"But Jack..." 

"Please? I want to see your beautiful face." 

Daniel hesitantly complied lifting his head to look at Jack feeling warmth begin to coil in his stomach for the man before him. As Jack leaned in to capture his lips Daniel sighed and softly moaned responding eagerly. Jack smiled pulling briefly back seeing the need, the yearning and the desire in his lover's eyes. Daniel wanted him and by God he wanted Daniel. He slowly backed Daniel against the shower wall leaning in to press another kiss to his lips making the kiss deep, penetrating and tender. As Daniel released another quiet mewl of pleasure Jack found he wanted to take one step closer to lovemaking and began to run his hands up and down across Daniel's back, rocking his hips slightly back and forth feeling Daniel hardening beautifully against him. As Daniel's hand slipped lower down his back Jack growled out huskily, "I want you. I want you, Daniel." 

Daniel hearing the statement immediately pulled back, gazing in fear and shock at his lover. He stared at Jack for the longest time seeing the fire of desire burning in the brown depths. Jack wanted him? Jack wanted HIM? Why? Why would Jack want one so tainted and dirty? Why? 

As Jack started to lean forward preparing to again capture his lips Daniel lowered his right hand to Jack's chest pressing it against him trying to force some distance between their bodies. Jack seeing the hesitation calmed his voice further saying, "I want you, Daniel, and I know you want me too." 

"Jack... No." 

"Daniel..." 

"No, please Jack. It's just too... I can't do this Jack. I just can't." 

"Why?" 

Daniel lowered his gaze unable to speak his thoughts aloud: "because I'm filthy. I no longer deserve you. I betrayed you..." on and on the reasons surfaced in his mind making him feel extremely inadequate and unworthy. 

As if Jack read those words in Daniel's eyes he immediately began to say, "No, no. Don't think like that Daniel. No. I love you and you love me. Don't believe those things he told you." 

"Jack I don't..." 

Knowing instinctively what Daniel was going to say he interrupted, "You do deserve me, damn it! And I'm not leaving you! I'm not leaving you." Feeling a desperate need to assure his lover Jack pulled Daniel tightly against him and held him close repeating those words while kissing his doubts away. 

As Jack rained kisses all across his face, his ears and neck Daniel found himself wanting to believe him, to believe what he was saying and relaxing further in his embrace. When Jack felt Daniel calming further he pulled him closer. Together they stood like that until Daniel was ready to return to bed. Jack turned off the shower, helped Daniel dry off then led him to the bed where they settled with Jack once again spooning his body around Daniel's and holding him as he drifted asleep in his arms.

 

* * * * * *

 

Two Days Later... 

Jack entered the house preparing to call out for Daniel when he saw his lover in the living room. He quickly approached having returned early from work when Janet informed him that Daniel had requested to leave a few hours early. He asked her if Daniel had been upset or had suffered any flashbacks. Janet told him no, that Daniel had complained of feeling tired and having a headache earlier in the day. The Tylenol she had given him had failed to work and Daniel had asked to leave early simply stating that he wasn't feeling well. 

He paused at the entrance to the living room noting that Daniel was clutching his arms across his chest, staring at the wall and rocking slightly. Aware that he would have to be cautious Jack slowly approached before asking, "Daniel?" 

When Daniel failed to respond to his name in any way Jack was certain that something had happened so he tried again, "Daniel? Daniel, it's Jack. I need you to look at me. Please Daniel." 

When Daniel still failed to acknowledge him he became worried and concerned continuing to draw his lover's attention, "Daniel? Daniel, look at me. Please Daniel. You don't have to be shy around me you can..." His voice trailed off as Daniel turned and looked at him in something akin to terror. 

Daniel tensed as his mind sounded a warning. He slowly turned to face Jack feeling as if someone just walked over his grave. He felt suddenly open and exposed shaking his head and shrugging off the feelings of panic and fear that were stirring deep within. He focused his full attention on Jack asking, "What? What did you just say to me Jack?" 

"You don't need to be shy around me, Daniel." 

_"You have no need to be shy around me, precious one..."_

Daniel turned away closing his eyes as those words echoed in his mind, words spoken by another long ago. 

Jack noticed the odd changes in Daniel's countenance as the young man suddenly downcast his eyes falling completely silent and not moving. He was just...sitting there. He seemed disturbed prompting Jack to inquire, "Daniel?" 

"Yes My Lord?" 

Jack tensed repeating Daniel's name feeling his breath hitch as Daniel immediately rose off the couch then lowered to his knees, bowing his head and speaking in a meek tone, "How may I serve you, My Lord?" 

His first reaction was to grab Daniel and shake him but he sensed that would only confuse his lover. He knew what was happening, recognizing the symptoms in Daniel he himself had experienced in the past. He tried to remember what had usually helped him to return to the present and again spoke Daniel's name. Daniel remained on his knees holding his gaze downcast, resting his hands palms down on his thighs and Jack sensed that the posture was one Daniel was used to assuming. He shuddered as he thought of just how often Daniel had gone to his knees for Osiris and felt the need to strangle the snake once again arise. 

He watched his lover uncertain as to what he could do when Daniel suddenly jerked his head up and glanced anxiously about. The moment he became aware of his present position he jerked to his feet releasing a panicked screech to the air. He refused to do anything but keep his gaze averted before managing, "What...what did I just...do, Jack?" 

He swallowed hard clenching his eyes tightly shut as panic continued to fill him. He really didn't want to hear Jack's response, afraid he might have showed his lover just how he learned to "please" his lord. He recalled serving Osiris on his knees by licking... God, he hadn't done that to Jack, had he? HAD HE? 

He flushed with embarrassment before jerking his head up to stare at Jack's crotch aware that his pants were still zipped and quickly felt relief mix with embarrassment as he again averted his eyes. He tensed as Jack spoke answering his question, "You...you lowered to your knees and addressed me as lord. You asked how you could serve me." 

Daniel nervously licked his dry lips before saying, "That's... I didn't do anything else?" 

"No, you didn't." 

"Thank God." 

Daniel immediately clamped his mouth shut as he realized he had possibly just revealed more to Jack than he had planned. Jack heard the comment and felt nervous about it, but didn't pursue his question. Instead he asked, "Would you like to talk about...?" 

"NO! No, no that's all right Jack. No, I'm fine. Really, really Jack." 

"Oh...okay, Daniel, okay. I just..." 

"I'm fine. Stop worrying. You worry too much." 

"It's my job, love... Daniel, you realize that you just..." 

"Recognized a trigger? My God!" 

"Do you know what the trigger was?" 

"What you said, the comment about not having to be shy around you. Osiris said that to me when he ordered me to... He said that to me at one time. I, I need to write it down. Doctor Wentworth said to write them down when I recognized..." 

He glanced at Jack seeing his lover smiling and knowing the smile was all for him and his newest accomplishment. He nervously pecked Jack's cheek before saying, "Thank you Jack for, for being... Thank you." 

Jack nodded, grateful to see Daniel so proud of his accomplishment. It felt good to see Daniel smile and be thrilled about taking another step in his healing. He pulled Daniel into a hug before pulling away and saying, “Let's go write it down then." 

Daniel's smile broadened and he retrieved his notebook making a notation of what he discovered still feeling happy about his ability to recognize a trigger. Jack watched him admiring his lover at work feeling thrilled for Daniel and grateful that Daniel had been returned to him again. Life without Daniel had been the hardest thing for him to bear and now that he was back, now that he had been returned safely Jack had no intention of ever losing him again. 

 

* * * * * *

 

The Next Day... 

Jack arrived at work smiling as Daniel retrieved a cup of coffee before heading to his office telling him he'd see him later in the day. Jack watched him head down the hall hoping that today would run smoothly for his lover. When Daniel was out of his sight he turned and headed to his own office pausing by the infirmary and debating about talking to Janet. She said if he ever needed to talk all he had to do was stop by. 

He hesitated but instead of leaving he found himself entering the infirmary and asking Janet if he could speak with her. She nodded her head and led him to her office. He followed as she retrieved a chart saying, "How is Daniel?" 

"He's better but..." Jack trailed off before Janet inquired further, "But what?" 

He shrugged his shoulders wanting to talk but hesitant then he spoke, "I don't know. Some days he's... Some days are harder than others." 

"That's to be expected. How is he coping generally?" 

"Oh, um fine...fine." 

"Colonel, how is he really handling things?" 

Jack looked at Janet prepared to lie to her but unable to quickly finding himself telling her things he'd never planned to speak about, "Sometimes... Sometimes he... He sits for hours, Janet. Hours, and does nothing but stare at the walls or at his lap. He sits there clutching his arms across his chest and just...rocks and rocks. He won't speak to me. He won't tell me a damned thing and when I try to talk to him, when I try to speak to him he just...ignores me, acts as if I'm not even there." 

"That's normal Jack. He's dealing with a lot of things and he...he needs his space and time. He needs to think through all that has happened to him and he needs to find a way to accept it...accept it and move on..." 

“Yeah right. It's been how many months now?" 

"Jack, remember when you returned from Iraq? Remember when Charlie died? How did you feel? How did you cope with everything?" 

Jack fell silent for several moments before admitting, "I didn't cope. I drank till I passed out...pushed my wife away, destroyed our marriage..." 

"Daniel is simply trying to cope. He's just using a different means of achieving that." 

Jack nodded his head in understanding before admitting, "He's a mess, Janet, a complete mess. He... God, I watch him torture himself. I watch him scrub himself so hard in the bath tub until he becomes so frustrated, so pissed off that he hurls the soap and wash cloth against the wall then collapses in on himself rocking incessantly...that's of course on those few times he leaves the bathroom door unlocked... Sometimes it takes him hours Janet, hours to bath. Sometimes he'll jump out of bed and run into the bathroom to shower or...or he leaves the house. I don't know where he goes. I just lie there and listen for his return. When he comes back I pretend I'm asleep keeping my relief silent when I smell no alcohol or cigarettes on him. I smell the woods...soft woodsy, earthy smells...the outside. I think he walks the woods or the neighborhood. God, Janet the only time he really responds to me, really allows me to comfort him is when he's sleeping. When he sleeps and dreams. When he becomes restless and mumbles. He allows me to comfort him. He has nightmares nearly every night and refuses to speak to me about them. I catch snatches of things: words, phrases and pleas but they make no sense to me. I try. I try so hard to make sense of those utterances because that's the only time he does speak to me about what happened. I...I don't know what to do. I...I can't handle this much longer Janet." 

She sensed that things weren't quite as extreme as Jack was making them sound, but could tell he was reaching the end of his patience, which could prove a very dangerous thing indeed. She then continued, "You have to, for him. You have to handle it. He needs you desperately. He's just too afraid to let you know that." 

"He doesn't need me." 

"The fact that he is speaking to you at all is an indicator that he desperately needs you. When he clings to you at night, when he allows you to hold him that's when he's revealing to you just how much he needs you in his life, with him." 

"He used to tell me things. Not a lot of things but...now, now he says very little. He keeps everything bottled up so tightly. I try to help him but...but I don't know how. At night he'll sometimes talk to me after he's been dreaming, but that's about the only time he does anymore." 

"He probably feels safest with you at night. At night is when it's safest for him to confide. He's probably using the darkness to his advantage telling you things when he can't see how you'll react." 

"What? Why wouldn't he want to...?" 

"He doesn't want to see the disgust in your eyes, the hatred in your eyes so he speaks to you in the darkness. He let's his shield down at night. He feels safest at night. He knows that if he reaches out for you that you'll be there for him...to calm him, to soothe him and to hold him. He knows, and that's what he desperately needs." 

"I want to help him so much and I don't feel like I am..." 

"You are. You are, Colonel, just by being there for him. You're helping Daniel more than you realize. He needs you and you're there for him. Don't give up on him. He needs you. You're doing all you can do for him. You may not be able to see how you're helping him but you are." 

They continued to talk for a little while longer before Jack excused himself and returned to work. Janet watched him leave feeling the weight of Jack's heavy burdens. She understood his feelings of helplessness and uselessness and she also knew that Jack was doing all he could for Daniel. She was grateful that Daniel had Jack to turn to. She was glad that they had one another, for it would make the path of healing so much easier for the two of them to traverse. 

 

* * * *

 

That evening, Jack entered their bedroom smiling when he heard the shower on and saw that the door was slightly ajar. Could that mean Daniel was finally relaxed enough to leave the door unlocked now or was the door open because Daniel was certain that he was alone? He wondered about that. Ever since his return Daniel has been adamant about locking the door to the bathroom when showering. It bothered him something fierce to know that his reason for doing so was to keep his lover out. He knew that's what it was. Daniel was afraid to trust him and afraid to be caught in the shower all alone. He could understand Daniel having such a fear as that after what he had gone through during the past year. What he didn't know was what had created the fear and made the fear so strong. What had Osiris done to Daniel when he was bathing? He didn't want to believe that anything had happened at all. He wanted to believe that Daniel had been allowed at least some privacy, but something told him that rarely happened. He sensed that Osiris stole even that. He was certain that privacy was a very hard thing to come by while Daniel had served the Goa'uld lord and if that were the case... 

He had an idea. Janet had told him to be patient and understanding several times and earlier in the day she had told him that the only time Daniel felt "safe" with him was when he was asleep. Well, he was about to change that and the first thing he was going to work on was Daniel's fear of being caught alone in the shower. He shouldn't be afraid of that. No one should. When you bathed you shouldn't have to worry incessantly that someone might do something to you while you're there. He made up his mind. Today he was going to start working on helping Daniel with more of his issues whether he wanted that help or not and the first issue was going to be teaching him that he didn't have to be afraid in the shower. 

He quietly undressed before approaching the bathroom door. He pushed on it slowly opening it to see his lover, catching his breath when he could see the man's silhouette outlined so perfectly on the shower curtain. He could smell soap in the air around him and inhaled the fresh clean scent. He debated about closing the door deciding it would be safest if he left it ajar that way if Daniel panicked he would have an escape route. The last thing he wanted to do was trap Daniel and deny him an escape route because he was certain that was one of the many things Osiris had done to gain control over him. He was certain that Osiris resorted to cornering Daniel, trapping him before descending upon him and he wasn't about to repeat that method of gaining control over his lover. 

He approached the shower gently easing the shower curtain aside stopping to gawk openly at his lover, admiring that broad tanned back, the thin waist that led to pert round cheeks, that set of sinewy legs...shit, he was hard! Damn it would that scare Daniel too, knowing that seeing him naked could make his partner rock hard? Well there was little he could do about that for Daniel always could turn him on with a single glance. He inhaled deeply reminding himself to move slowly and not to frighten. He had to be slow, gentle and careful about everything. Certain that he had control over himself he stepped into the shower behind his lover pulling the curtain closed behind him. 

He stood still watching Daniel as he tossed his head back exposing his face to the spray of the shower. His eyes were closed and he looked magnificent, beautiful and oh so goddamn sensual. He swallowed hard again taking a deep calming breath before moving closer to him. He was slow and careful as he placed his hands on each of Daniel's shoulders feeling his lover immediately tense up holding his body as taut as a damned bowstring. Shit, what the hell had Osiris done to him to create that kind of reaction upon initiating contact? He swallowed hard feeling the pain his lover had experienced for so long sweeping over him. He knew he had to reassure Daniel quickly so he bent down to press a kiss to the hollow of Daniel's throat before whispering, "Hey you." 

A smile stretched across his face as the tense body before him suddenly relaxed and instead of releasing a scream of terror Daniel released a soft arousing moan asking in a sensual tone of voice that made his blood pump even faster through his veins, "Jack, what are you...?" 

He responded to that question sounding suddenly breathless as his need for Daniel grew in intensity, "I'm joining you." 

"Joining but...but..." 

He interrupted Daniel in mid-complaint as he said, "Now before you get excited I'm just going to touch and kiss you. That's all. I won't do any more or any less...except maybe scrub your back..." 

"But Jack..." 

"Shh, hush." 

"But...I don't..." 

Jack silenced that complaint by pressing another kiss to Daniel's throat and bringing his body within an inch of Daniel's own not yet pressing skin against skin, but letting Daniel feel his body heat in the closeness and brushing his buttocks lightly with the head of his now engorged cock. 

Daniel tensed upon feeling that hardened organ teasing his buttocks and became aware that he was suddenly breathing heavier, a tinge of panic filling him. As if Jack sensed that he was heading quickly towards an all-out panic attack he questioned in a firm voice, "Who am I?" 

Daniel was confused by that question prompting him to ask one of his own, "What?" 

Again Jack's soothing voice filled his ears, "Who am I, Daniel?" 

"Jack that's a stupid..." 

"No. I want you to tell me who I am." 

"Why?" 

"Because..." 

"Because?" 

"Look, Daniel, humor me. Who am I?" 

Choosing to humor his lover as requested he immediately announced, "Jack," and felt that edge of panic threatening to consume him abate a little. Jack. He was with Jack. Jack his lover. Jack his friend. Jack his companion and partner. He was with Jack. He had no reason to be afraid. No reason because he trust... No, no he didn't trust anyone anymore. No, not trust he...knew, yes he knew that Jack would not harm him or trap him or corner him. He was certain even now that the door to the bathroom was still ajar. He was confident that Jack would have done so to help him feel safe. Assured in the knowledge that Jack would have taken such consideration for his lover Daniel allowed himself to relax further and listen, just listen to Jack. 

Jack's voice fell around him like a caress as Jack pressed a kiss to his ear before softly whispering, "And what am I to you?" 

Daniel started to answer, "My..." and stopped as he began to feel a bit silly questioning, "Jack...?" 

Again another kiss found his ear as Jack whispered in that sensual, sexy drawl of his, "What am I to you?" 

Daniel moaned feeling his blood heating up as Jack's closeness and tone of voice succeeded in charging him up and making him yearn for things he feared, making him yearn for things he desperately wanted but was too afraid to request, making him yearn for things that terrified him to death. He swallowed hard before releasing the answer to Jack's question in a sigh, "My lover." 

Jack smiled as he noticed Daniel relaxing further. He continued pressing kisses to the side of Daniel's face, his neck and his beautiful ear as he added, "Yes, your lover and I love you, Daniel. I want to be with you. I won't hurt you. Relax and FEEL what I'm doing to you. Feel, allow yourself to feel, Daniel." 

Allow himself to feel? No he couldn't do that. It was too dangerous, too dangerous to feel. He couldn't allow that and quickly started putting voice to his thoughts, "Jack this..." but Jack urged him to hush as he continued to encourage, "Shh. Feel me Daniel. Feel what I'm doing to you. Just allow yourself to feel." 

Allow...allow... Hmm, he could feel Jack's hands on his shoulders, feel his body so close yet not touching, feel the desire in the hard tip that even now was brushing his ass and sending all sorts of messages to his brain, but then he forced himself to block out those feelings beginning to deny what was happening, "But..." 

Of course Jack would have none of it as he continued in that sensual husky voice, "Shh...shh...feel my lips on your skin..." 

He then leaned down to press a kiss to Daniel's neck forcing Daniel to focus all attention on what he was doing. As he felt that light kiss being pressed to his damp skin he swallowed hard aware that Jack was stirring him up with mere words, making him dare to feel things that he didn't want to feel. He opened his mouth to protest but all that escaped was a soft moan of pleasure as Jack whispered, "Feel my hands on your body..." 

"Hmm Jack...Jack..." 

"Feel my body heat..." 

As Jack closed that small gap between their bodies pressing his warm skin against his own Daniel felt as if an electric current suddenly sparked within, arching through his body triggering every nerve to feel the pleasure in that skin on skin contact. His breath caught and before he knew it he was pressing back into that body jumping as that hard organ that had been moments before only brushing his ass lightly was now nudging at him, pressing against his middle making him desperately ache and long to open up and allow it entrance into his fiery inner core. His mouth dried up as his own organ grew harder and the floodgates of feeling, of yearning, of pleasure, of passion flew open. 

Jack sensing the change within his lover forced himself to go no further knowing that if he pushed too hard all his work here would unravel before he even got started. He ached to enter Daniel but knew that doing so now could potentially backfire making Daniel even more afraid of physical contact than he was already. He pressed another kiss to Daniel's ear before blowing warm breath across it making Daniel unconsciously shiver with pleasure. He then asked the question he had upon initiating contact, "Who am I, Daniel? Who am I?" 

"Hmm...feels good..." 

"Daniel, who am I?" 

"Who..." 

"Tell me who I am Daniel. Say my name." 

"Jack, Jack, Jack..." 

"Again." 

"Jack wha..." 

"Say my name again." 

"Jack..." 

"Yes Jack and I love you, Daniel. I love you." 

"Love you too...Jack...need you..." 

His smile broadened as Daniel uttered those words. He deliberately told Daniel to say his name wanting Daniel to remain with him and not to slip into that trance he seemed to slide into as soon as touch became sexual. He didn't want another repeat performance of Daniel's begging his lord for sex. Those times scared the hell out of him and he didn't like them at all. He wanted Daniel to know the difference between him and Osiris, to know it and to feel it. He didn't want anymore of those flashbacks to creep up when he stroked Daniel or kissed him, or even cuddled him. 

As Daniel allowed his head to drift back against him Jack kissed him again moving closer against him to support him. He questioned, "Daniel, what are you thinking?" 

"Hmm...truthfully?" 

"Yeah." 

"That I want to fuck you silly." 

Jack reddened upon hearing that statement feeling slightly embarrassed. Another thing he noticed since Daniel's return is that though he was now severely shy with initiating sex he was very bold when discussing the issue. He didn't think twice about saying "fuck" or anything like that. It was as if Osiris had always spoken crudely about sex and Daniel adopted that crudeness, which also bothered him. He sensed that to Osiris sex was something expected, something to be used to control, something to be used for pleasure. He was positive that Osiris didn't make love to Daniel instead he fucked him repeatedly for sport or something. He used Daniel's body for pleasure. He didn't love the man he was using...or maybe he did and the snake just had a twisted, demented way of showing it. He found himself asking, "Did he...love you at all Daniel?" and cursing when he realized what he'd said. 

Daniel stiffened before answering, "He said he did. Whether that was true or not...I don't know. He did release me because he loved me but... Yes I think he loved me...in his own way." 

"In his own way?" 

"Yes." 

"Did he... Did... When the two of you, you know, did he love you then Daniel or did he simply view...that as...as if he had conquered..." 

"Jack he fucked me and I fucked him. That was all there was...that was all I surrendered to him." 

"Your body?" 

"Yes...but never my love, Jack. Never that." 

"Did you...desire him, Daniel?" 

Daniel tensed closing his eyes and swallowing hard wanting to answer that question but so very afraid to. Did he desire his lord? Yes he had. Hell, he had begged it to fuck him often. His lord could trigger his desire with one simple stroke, look or word. All he had to do was cast a certain gaze his direction and Daniel knew instantly that he was being commanded to serve his lord intimately. He remembered that look so well. One look would have him instantly lowering to his knees and bowing his head in submission before he released the plea, the request his lord had expected from him, 'How may your slave serve you, My Master?' 

He moaned softly as he could see in his mind's eye his lord standing over him, assessing him before lifting his chin and gazing into his still downcast eyes as he offered Daniel that smug, pleased smirk before ordering in that gravelly voice, _"I want you in our bed, my sweet."_

_"Yes Master."_

_"Rise and wait for me there while I tell My'la that we are not to be disturbed...for any reason."_

_"Yes My Master."_

_Daniel remained on his knees awaiting the dismissal his master had yet to utter, rising instantly when he was granted the right. He quickly approached the bed knowing that if he hesitated his lord would call two guards to physically escort him there, and once they had him pinned to the bed they would proceed to secure him to it spread eagled. He shuddered in response to his thoughts for Osiris always seemed to draw some twisted pleasure from having him secured before him, staked out like a sacrificial lamb before the slaughter. His lord would then spend much time openly ogling him and lecturing him on why he must obey every command without hesitation._

_As he settled on the bed he focused intently on his lord watching as Osiris slowly sauntered over to him feeling the tension and heat intermingling in his body in response to the predatory gaze being directed his way. As Osiris focused on the bedpost before eyeing his wrist Daniel felt a mix of fear and desire thrum through his body knowing that his lord was considering having him secured for the evening..._

Daniel flinched shaking his head as he tried to silence the memory threatening to consume him finding himself speaking without thought or consideration as he asked a question that disturbed him greatly, "Jack, if I were to refuse you now what would you do to me?" 

Silence was his answer, silence and the obvious tension now coursing in Jack's body. He closed his eyes tightly shut as he immediately regretted asking such a question and fearing what the simple inquiry might have unintentionally revealed to his lover. Stupid, that was stupid! How could he have been so stupid? What would Jack say if he were to reveal that he had allowed his lord to secure him to the bed to fuck him and to toy with him? What would Jack say about that? Why did these stupid memories keep intruding and forcing him to remember things he'd sooner forget? Why the hell did the stupid memories surface at the most inopportune times? Why? He waited on edge for Jack to speak, afraid of what he would say or do knowing that he had made a mistake by revealing to Jack that yes he had been secured in place in the past by Osiris. He hadn't actually said that he was secured, but what else could he have meant when he asked what Jack would do to him if he refused? Shit why didn't he just shout at the top of his lungs that several times throughout his service to Osiris he allowed himself to be secured to the damned bed for the evening? DAMN! 

Several long seconds lapsed before Jack spoke again breaking the tense silence Daniel found himself in, "I would respect your decision Daniel. You know that I would." 

"Yes...perhaps..." 

"Perhaps? Daniel..." 

"Would it...anger you?" 

"No, Daniel. Why are you asking me this?" 

"Um curious...curiosity." 

"Uh-huh curiosity? Tell me Daniel did Osiris...?" 

Sensing his response to that question could brook a huge argument Daniel settled for, "I was his personal attendant, Jack. I belonged to him. I was OWNED by him." 

Jack inhaled sharply before replying to those statements, "In other words he gave you no choices?" 

"Slaves don't have any choices, Jack." 

"No I suppose they don't." 

Silence fell between them for several moments before Daniel interjected, "Sometimes he would respect my wishes, my feelings...my thoughts... Sometimes." 

"But not always?" 

"No. No. I think he liked controlling me too much to be that lenient with me, but he tried Jack. He did try to respect me, and my wishes. He tried..." 

"I see." 

"Do you?" 

"Daniel..." 

"Do you realize what I truly was to him, Jack? I responded to him yes. I won't deny that. I can't deny that, but... I had no other choice available to me Jack. I had no choice BUT to do as he commanded. I had no choice but to serve him in whatever way he commanded." 

Jack remained silent contemplating Daniel's words and recalling all the times he'd woken in the night begging his lord not to touch him. He knew that Daniel had served as more than Osiris' liaison, but he hated to even consider just WHAT Osiris had truly demanded from his lover. He tensed when Daniel spoke again interrupting his thoughts as he quietly informed, "I was always the one he desired. He never once cast me aside for another. He wanted me in his bed always. He couldn't get enough of me. Zeenan said that he used to have more than one partner in bed, until he met me. I became the only one he wanted, he desired, yearned for... There were times when I prayed that he would select another, but he never did. Even when I was injured or unable to perform for him he refused to turn to another. He waited for me and only me..." 

Even when he was injured or unable to perform Osiris had waited for him, wanted only him? WHAT? Jack closed his eyes tightly shut becoming aware that he had tightened his hold considerably on his lover when Daniel suddenly winced before beginning to squirm against him. He opened his eyes and immediately eased his hold some asking, "Daniel, what's wrong? Daniel..." 

"Let me go. Jack, please let me go." 

"No, Daniel, no." 

"JACK!" Hearing the edginess and anxiousness in his lover's voice Jack spoke soothingly, "Not until you calm down." 

"I'm calm. I'm calm." 

"You're breathing too fast. You're panicking Daniel." 

"I'm...not, no...I'm..." 

Jack kept his voice calm, reassuring and tender as he prompted, "Daniel, who am I?" 

"Jack this...this..." 

He tensed as he heard the sudden wheezing in Daniel's breathing and knew that if he didn't break through to his lover Daniel would slide into another panic attack so he continued to prompt him keeping his voice calm and controlled as he again questioned, "Who am I? Who? Say it. Say my name. Repeat it over and over...please, Daniel." 

"Jack...Jack...Jack, Jack..." 

Feeling relief start to enter him as Daniel seemed to be regaining control of his breathing Jack continued to speak tenderly to him certain he knew just what had triggered Daniel's panic response and determined to set things right, "Daniel, I don't hate you. I'm not disgusted by what you just told me. I'm angry but not with you." 

"Jack...Jack..." 

"When you said he would never choose another even when you were injured or unable to perform I became enraged. Not with you Daniel, with him. It angers me to learn that he also hurt you, injured you..." 

"Jack...Jack, please..." Daniel started calming listening to Jack's voice and tuning out all other sound, all other stimuli until there was only Jack. He then turned his head pressing the right side of his face against Jack's own and resting his head on Jack's shoulder as he placed a hand firmly over Jack's now entwined hands secured firmly about his waist holding him close. He then continued his small request, "Hold me. Please just...hold me." 

"It would be an honor, love. It would be an honor." 

And so they remained standing in the bath tub with the shower water still beating down on them Jack holding Daniel as his lover continued to relax and calm in his arms. 

As he entered the bedroom afterwards he felt irritable and didn't understand why. The shower he had just taken was the first one in a long time that was calming, yet he felt more irritated now. Why did he feel so aggravated? Jack had joined him, helping him bath and holding him, yet now he felt...annoyed. Not with Jack or anyone else he just had the overwhelming desire to lash out at something or someone. He shook his head noting that Jack was already in bed and quickly joined him. Unfortunately the moment he got into bed Jack was reaching for him, probably determined to hold him. As Jack touched him he softly snarled, "Don't touch me." 

Shocked at the reaction Jack replied with a tender, "What? Daniel..." and reached for him again. Daniel jumped nearly launching himself out of bed as he yelled, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" 

"Daniel, what's wrong? What's wrong, love?" 

"Nothing, Jack, nothing. I'd like to get some sleep is all..." 

As Daniel settled with his back to him Jack felt his heart breaking for his lover. Daniel was angry again and like usual he was lashing out in anger. He knew he should just leave Daniel alone, knew he should do as Daniel asked, but he couldn't. He tried and found that his conscience wouldn't let him, so he leaned over and pulled the stubborn, angry archaeologist into his arms hearing Daniel cursing and struggling against him. He refused to let him go choosing to spoon up behind his young lover and again try to match his breathing with Daniel's own inhalations. Daniel continued to squirm and curse but soon gave up resisting when Jack refused to yield to his demands. 

Daniel cursed when Jack had refused to listen to him choosing instead to wrap his arms firmly around him and spoon up behind him. He hated to admit it but despite his sour mood Jack's stubborn refusal to release him and his steadfast persistence made him feel good. It felt good to be held by Jack, to be held by his lover even when he was being a pain in the ass. He continued to squirm in Jack's arms not sure if it was because he wanted Jack to release him or because he wanted Jack to continue holding him despite his protests. As he started to settle and close his eyes he determined that he had been fighting his lover to see what he'd do and when Jack refused to release him his faith in his lover increased, his trust in Jack was starting to return, but it would be a very long time before he trusted so blindly again. Osiris had shown him that trust was a joke and had successfully managed to destroy his. He shook his head and released a soft sigh of remorse as he again realized how much Osiris had stolen from him. He then found himself curling up tighter and pressing firmer against his lover needing the close contact. He thought Jack was asleep until his lover inquired, "Daniel, are you all right?" 

"Um...not, not really..." 

"Want to talk about it?" 

"Not...not right now, Jack, maybe...maybe later if...if that's..." 

"That's fine with me. Go to sleep." 

Daniel fell silent and Jack thought certain he was complying until he softly added, "Thank...thank you Jack for... for..." 

"You're welcome, love. You're welcome. Now go to sleep. I've got you." 

Daniel nodded as he settled, snuggling deeper into Jack's embrace before closing his eyes, feeling like he could finally rest. As Jack pressed a kiss to his cheek Daniel smiled and snuggled more feeling safe and secure in Jack's loving arms. 

 

* * * * * *

 

Several Nights Later... 

 

As arms wrapped around him from behind and he was pulled gently back against a warm broad chest the only response he could manage to release was a soft whispered sigh and moan of both pleasure and relief. He closed his eyes allowing those arms to tighten around him knowing who held him, confident that he was safe and wouldn't be harmed. As he realized that he felt relaxed a soft smile spread across his face. He moaned again as he felt warm moist lips press to the side of his neck before warm breath bathed his ear as his partner whispered, "Hello, lover. How are you?" 

He continued sighing in contentment, feeling a little giddy knowing that Jack was again taking the time to visit him while he showered. He also felt a bit relieved when his body didn't seem to be going into full alert upon physical contact. Thank heavens! 

Daniel softly questioned, "Aren't you supposed to be doing something else, Jack?" 

"Nope." 

"Jack didn't Sam...?" 

"Sam will wait. Right now it's my time to be with you." 

“Jack she'll..." 

"Hush." 

"You're supposed to be working." 

"I am working...with you..." 

"Jack..." 

"Don't argue with me, love. I'm on a mission." 

"You're on a mission? Jaaack..." 

He smiled as he spoke in a husky tone of voice, "I'm on a very important covert mission... I'm not leaving here. I'm going to keep on joining you in the shower until you learn that you no longer have to lock the door..." 

Daniel tensed briefly upon hearing those words, but as Jack nuzzled his neck planting more soft kisses in the hollow of it Daniel spoke words that came out a bit more strained then planned, "Do you have any idea how vulnerable you are in the shower, Jack?" 

Jack paused in the midst of lavishing Daniel's neck to consider his words before replying, "No. I've never felt vulnerable when showering, Daniel." 

Daniel swallowed hard hesitating for the briefest of moments before speaking again, "Well I know. I was taught that lesson well Jack. When you shower you have nothing to hide behind. You are completely naked...naked, defenseless and so easy to trap..." 

Oh God, did those words ever hurt upon impact. He tried to speak, to say something, anything in response to Daniel's admission, but he didn't know how to react to such an unexpected admission. He felt his anger and rage boiling towards the surface again but fought valiantly to keep a tight rein on them as he asked a question he was certain would remain forever unanswered, "Is that what he did to you Daniel? Trap you when you were..." 

"Defenseless? Unaware? Not paying enough attention? Distracted? When I felt as if I had found some solace no matter how minute it was, Jack? Yes, of course he did. You know that. You know them, what they're capable of, what they desire, what they strive for..." 

"Power?" 

"Domination." 

Jack shivered upon hearing that one word finding himself wondering how one word could sound so sinister. Domination...complete and total domination over everyone and everything...that especially included slaves, which meant that Osiris tried to gain complete control over his lover, and probably did whatever he could to attain such a goal. 

Why did that come as such a shock to him? He knew what the Goa'uld were capable of and he knew what one did when they viewed others as possessions. To the phoenix lord Daniel was a possession. He was a pretty creature that could be placed on display. He was a challenge, he was spirited, he was beautiful and he had a pure heart. Every one of Daniel's strengths would be a temptation to anyone to destroy. He closed his eyes as he silently cursed the system lord who had managed to succeed where so many others had failed. He got his hands on Daniel and he had managed to hold onto him...for an entire year and he probably spent every single day trying to conquer Daniel, trying to assert his control and trying to dominate him, trying to prove to Daniel that he was powerless, helpless, defenseless and exceedingly vulnerable. DAMN IT! 

Jack helped Daniel out of the bath and began to dry him with a towel before wrapping it around his hips and cinching it softly encouraging, "Come on Daniel. Come," as he took Daniel's hand and started tugging him towards the door. 

Feeling suddenly nervous Daniel shook his head quickly finding a plausible excuse not to go with his lover, "Jack I need to get dressed I..." 

Jack sensing Daniel's fear and uncertainty forged ahead hoping he could convince Daniel that what he wanted was simple, "No, no, no. Come. Let's lay down..." 

Lay down? Daniel swallowed spastically before shaking his head and saying, "No Jack really I...I... No please." 

"Come on Daniel. All I want to do is hold you, that's all." 

He pulled back feeling nervous about being almost naked in the bedroom. He again tried to refuse, "No, really..." but his pleas fell on deaf ears, for Jack was determined to lead him over yet another dangerous hurdle he had to clear on his path of healing, "Look let's just lay down for a few minutes. Just let me hold you." 

"Jack I really don't feel comfortable..." 

"Let's just try it. You tell me when to stop. Speak up when it becomes too uncomfortable for you." 

Daniel hung his head nervously nibbling his bottom lip before he whispered, "I'm already uncomfortable, Jack. I, I don't know...I just..." 

Jack felt Daniel's pain and knew that he should stop pressuring him, but he also wanted to help him. Daniel couldn't spend the rest of his life afraid of touch and the only way to get him comfortable with it was to take it slow and urge him to accept just a little bit more. He watched Daniel determined to stop if Daniel's tension and fear increased any more than it already was. He cupped Daniel's face in his hands as he softly questioned, "Who am I?" 

Daniel lifted his panicked gaze to Jack before asking in confusion, "What?" 

"Who am I Daniel?" 

Daniel started shaking his head informing, "Jack this won't work it..." 

"Who am I Daniel?" Jack persisted. 

"Well, you're Jack but..." 

"Yes and you know that I won't hurt you. You know..." 

"Jack that was before. Now..." 

"Now? Now what Daniel?" 

"Now I can't... I can't..." 

Jack hesitantly finished for him, "Trust? You can't trust me?" 

Daniel held his gaze nodding slightly and it hurt, God how it hurt to hear that confession, but Jack refused to give up just yet as he continued, "I won't hurt you, Daniel. You know that you can trust me. You can trust my words..." 

Daniel wanted to. Oh how he wanted to but he was so afraid, so very afraid to extend trust even to Jack and it shattered him to know that he couldn't even give Jack that much. God, Jack I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He quietly answered, "Jack please just...please." 

"Lay down, love. Can you do that?" 

Yes he could but he was already shaking his head no, "Jack..." 

Jack saw his lover's distress but was determined so he continued, "Please Daniel let's just try this. Let's try it. Please?" 

Try it? Try it? No, "It won't work Jack." 

"Maybe not but how do we know unless we try?" 

Daniel lowered his gaze and Jack remained silent allowing the question to hover in the air. How did he know that Jack's touch would trigger his fear? How did he know? After all this was Jack, and Jack... This was Jack he could...he could... He'd try this...for Jack, for Jack. He glanced at Jack nodding his head slightly. Jack smiled before replying, "Okay we're just trying this Daniel. If you feel uncomfortable at any time..." 

Daniel quickly informed, "Oh don't worry I'll tell you..." 

That hurt, oh did that comment hurt but Jack tried to leave it go, determined to try this experiment with Daniel. When he was focused completely on his lover he gently urged, "Lie down for me love. Lie down." 

"Jack..." 

"Please Danny. Please." 

"For...for you? Okay. Okay Jack." 

"Not for me Daniel, for you. This is all for you. I'm just here to help you, to support you, to comfort you..." 

He nodded slightly before climbing onto their bed and settling feeling nervous as hell. Jack smiled as he gazed at his lover naked but for the towel wrapped haphazardly around his hips. He noticed how the towel clung to Daniel's body revealing more skin than Daniel probably realized. He moaned as he felt his desire continuing to grow for the man on the bed. 

Jack forced himself to go slow lowering beside Daniel as he said, "Why don't you lie on your belly, Daniel?" 

Daniel complied flicking his tongue out of his mouth to make a quick sweep across his bottom lip before settling on his belly. Jack smiled saying, "How about we start with something simple?" 

"Like?" 

"Massage..." 

Daniel tensed remaining silent several long moments before replying, "I don't think that's a good idea, Jack." 

"Why not? I'll take it slow and you just relax into it. If I do anything that upsets you tell me to stop and I will. How's that sound?" 

Daniel held Jack's gaze several long minutes before nodding his head yes and drawing in a shaky breath as he tried to maintain his hold on his anxiety and fear. He stiffened as Jack eased over his hips straddling him while gently stroking his hair. 

Once settled Jack remained still allowing Daniel the time to adjust to his location. He waited several moments before questioning, "How are you doing, love?" 

"Hmm a little ner...nervous but, but I believe it will pass with, with time..." 

"Are you ready for me to place my hands on your shoulders, Daniel?" 

"Ah no. No not...really just... Give me a few more minutes. Please?" 

"No problem, Daniel. We'll go as slow as you need. As slow as you need." 

"Thanks Jack. Thank you." 

"Are you all right?" 

"No. Why...why is this so hard Jack? We've been...you've been touching me so why...?" 

"Yes I have been touching you but not quite this intimately yet." 

Daniel frowned at those words before inquiring, "The shower wasn't intimate?" 

"That was a bit different." 

"How?" 

"We were standing. You had more power, more maneuverability, more control..." 

"And now?" 

"Now, now you're lying down and...you're more vulnerable lying down, Daniel. We all are." 

"More vulnerable? Jack...?" 

“This isn't going to be easy, love." 

"I...I know but I at least thought that this...that this would be a bit...easier..." 

"It will. In time things will become much easier, but it will take time Daniel." 

"How much time Jack?" 

"Some things will take longer than others. All of us recover and heal in different ways, at different speeds...some things you get over, some things you won't. Some things will hurt more than other things..." 

"But..." 

"We'll get through this Daniel. We will. We'll work through this together. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you, love." 

Silence stretched between them before Daniel quietly said, "Um, you can touch me now Jack." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes." 

"I don't want to pressure you into anything. I don't want to rush you." 

"You won't Jack. You won't." 

"I'll go as slow as you need Daniel. If you feel uncomfortable at all or I touch you somewhere that panics you please speak up. Tell me and together we'll work through it. Promise me you'll tell me when something doesn't feel right. Promise me." 

“I...I promise Jack." 

"I'm going to put my hands on your shoulders, Daniel. Now relax I'm just going to massage your shoulders and back. Relax." 

As Jack placed his hands on Daniel's shoulders Daniel momentarily tensed but soon began to relax, sighing in pleasure as Jack began to work his fingers into the muscles of his shoulders easing the tension out of them slowly. Within minutes he was much more relaxed than when they had started this little experiment. 

As Jack worked his fingers into Daniel's pliable flesh his eyes fell to the marks that now were a part of Daniel. As he carefully scanned each fine white line he felt his anger build. He suspected what had caused them but had held back his questions not wanting to pressure Daniel into anything. As he leaned forward to press a tender kiss to the most noticeable scar Daniel gasped and tensed beneath him. Jack kept his voice calm and gentle as he softly questioned, "Daniel who am I?" 

Daniel dryly replied, "Um, what?" 

"Who am I?" 

"Jack why do you always...? Jack..." 

Jack smiled as he noticed Daniel starting to relax almost instantaneously before sighing contentedly and saying, "Thank you Jack." 

He pressed another kiss to the nasty scar before replying, "Any time, my love, any time." 

He continued to massage Daniel's back as they both fell into a comfortable silence. After several more moments Daniel spoke again, "I should...tell you about those." 

Jack perked up knowing automatically exactly what Daniel was referring to...his newest array of scars. He tenderly urged, "You will, you will one day when YOU'RE ready, not before. Don't feel you have to discuss things because of me. I want you to tell me about what happened to you, but not because you feel I should know. I want you to decide when you are ready to talk about things not when you believe I want to hear it." 

"But Jack..." 

"When you're ready to talk about things then do so. Don't push yourself to do something you, yourself, aren't prepared to do." 

"But it's not fair to you Jack." 

"No Daniel, you're wrong. It's not fair to you..." 

"But Jack..." 

“When you're ready not before and not after. When you're ready Daniel..." 

"Oh...okay Jack if...if..." 

"I'm sure Danny. I'm sure." 

Jack continued to focus on slowly stroking Daniel's back with the ends of his fingertips. He smiled as Daniel seemed to be relaxing further. He continued working his fingers gently into supple flesh sensitizing all of Daniel's nerve endings. As Jack started to scrape his nails gently across Daniel's back his lover tensed jerking upright in the process. Jack instantly ceased using his nails and returned to running his fingertips across Daniel's back. He swallowed hard as he could hear the rapidness with which Daniel was now breathing. He softly asked, "Would you like me to stop, Daniel?" 

A shake of the head was his only answer so he continued to gently stroke Daniel's back with just his fingertips only relaxing when Daniel managed to calm. Jack chose that time to ask, "Fingernails?" 

"NO!" 

"Daniel, relax. Relax for me love. Relax..." sensing that Daniel was complying Jack continued keeping his voice calm and soothing as he questioned, "Can you tell me why you reacted like that when I used my fingernails?" 

Daniel closed his eyes tightly not wanting to speak but finding he couldn't remain silent as he answered, "Part of... Osiris sometimes became...aggressive and would claw me like, like... I don't, I never enjoyed it but he did." 

Jack closed his eyes as the confession made him feel somewhat dizzy. Osiris had enjoyed clawing Daniel when they... Why? What...? How often had that happened? He felt anger flood his being but forced the emotion away determined to remain calm and continue massaging Daniel. He listened closely to Daniel for changes in his breathing, soft utterances, gasps, and any indicators that he was uncomfortable or relaxed. He closed his eyes centering himself listening to Daniel's breathing and feeling the smooth skin beneath his fingertips. He tried to attune himself to Daniel smiling when he opened his eyes again and focused on continuing to make the massage soothing, tender and pleasurable. 

When he was certain Daniel was relaxed he lowered his head pressing a light kiss to the back of Daniel's neck avoiding the area that still triggered his panic when touched. He closed his eyes as he "saw" the gold collar that had been placed there over a year ago by Osiris. He remembered how the collar shimmered in the light covered in the back by Daniel's golden velvety hair that even now dipped to the base of his neck. He tried to force the memories away tensing as he recalled seeing Daniel with Osiris that final day, but determined not to recall how eagerly he responded to the Goa'uld lord's touch. 

As he succeeded in quieting the torturous images and wiping them from his mind temporarily he again returned his focus to Daniel. He smiled as he pressed another kiss below the last one then proceeded to trail kisses to his waist where he paused to carefully lick his lips before pressing his relaxed bottom lip to Daniel's back and drawing it slowly up across the center of Daniel's back pausing only to re-moisten them before flicking his tongue across Daniel's now heated flesh. He smiled mischievously as Daniel gasped in pleasure before arching into the arousing strokes. He questioned breathlessly, "Do you like that, Daniel?" 

"Mmm, yes, yes Jack, yes. Don't...don't stop, please..." 

Hearing the breathlessness in his lover helped fuel his own arousal and he quickly returned to pulling his moist lower lip up across the rest of Daniel's back flicking his tongue out occasionally before using it to make long luxurious strokes up across Daniel's beautiful body. Daniel quivered beneath him as he released a soft pleasurable moan. Jack smiled realizing that he was successfully arousing Daniel without triggering his panic response or his fear. He knew he had to remain cautious and move slowly because any stroke, any lick, any little touch could have the potential to trigger Daniel's panic. He had to relearn the things Daniel enjoyed and learn the things, the places on his lover's body that triggered his panic responses. Osiris had held him for a long time, long enough to create more than one "hot spot" capable of eliciting an all out panic attack in the one he loved, and the only way to destroy those things was to first locate them then work together on conquering them. Massage was one of the fastest ways to do that. 

The body tended to remember more than the mind in these kinds of situations and Jack was prepared to unearth all Daniel's memories, including the ones his mind could no longer recall. 

He continued to press light kisses to Daniel's now heated flesh admiring the way his lover arched upwards into the strokes and seemed to be purring like a kitten. Daniel was very aroused, but Jack forced himself to go no further. He was determined to help Daniel with the intimacy part of their relationship. He wanted Daniel, wanted to make love to him, to hear him moaning and crying out as together they rode to the heights of passion. He yearned to hear Daniel call out his name when he came but refused to push him. Daniel had to be the one to take their physical contact one step further. Daniel had to be the one to make that decision, to take the leap and surrender his body, his soul to his lover and Jack was certain that he was far from ready. Daniel was still severely shy. He knew; sensed Daniel wanted him yet he was too afraid, too uncertain, and too leery to take their lovemaking one step further. Daniel's self-confidence and self-esteem had taken a near fatal blow when Osiris had striven to destroy him by attempting to conquer him, and now Daniel had to get back what he had lost. He had to find the courage, the strength within to take things another step. He had to be in control and Jack would try his hardest to give Daniel that control. Restraining himself was difficult at times, for his lover was so beautiful, so sensual, so, so...perfect and he greatly desired to make love to him, but that was another thing Daniel needed to control. Daniel needed him to hold back, and he needed to give him back the control he had lost by allowing him to decide when he was ready to do those things. He was content with that for now, though sometimes the cryptic thoughts surfaced and the desire to act on his fantasies reared. Sometimes it was very hard to stop when Daniel needed him to because he wanted the young man so much. He battled with those impulses determined to keep them under wraps for as long as he was able, hoping they'd never surface, for he had no idea what he'd do in such a circumstance and he feared the consequences of such actions. 

As he continued to massage Daniel while tormenting him with kisses and gentle strokes he noticed how relaxed his lover was and was grateful. When the massage led to Daniel relaxing so much that he drifted asleep all Jack could do was smile before easing off of him and settling next to him, reveling in pulling a sleeping Daniel into his arms who sighed in pleasure before snuggling in against him. Jack pressed a kiss to Daniel's cheek before reaching down to draw the covers up over them and settled in for the night inhaling deeply the fresh clean scent of soap and shampoo that clung to Daniel and mixed with his lover's heady male scent making him desire to do far more than just hold the peacefully sleeping man in his arms. He held Daniel close and soon was drifting asleep as well. 

 

* * * *

 

Several hours later Daniel awoke feeling warm and relaxed. He tried to recall where he was and what had happened before sleep had found him. As he heard a quiet snore he recalled that he was with Jack. Jack had been giving him a massage when... He stiffened as he realized he wore only a thin barrier between him and his lover, a single towel was all that separated them. Feeling a bit nervous about his present state of undress Daniel carefully slipped out of the bed turning back to tug the covers gently around his lover admiring the peacefulness with which Jack rested, wishing that he could still sleep as soundly. He felt anxious and afraid certain that he hadn't just awoke for no reason. He was certain that he had been dreaming but couldn't recall what it had been about. All he knew was that it must've been bad, for he felt very cold as he watched his sleeping lover. 

He shook his head before quietly making his way to the bathroom to retrieve his robe and boxers. Once he had pulled them on he reentered the bedroom certain that sleep would not find him again for several hours so he approached his slumbering lover, pressed a kiss to his forehead then left the room quietly making his way down the stairs into the darkened living room where he sat down on the couch and closed his eyes tightly as memories of Lord Chandra assailed him. God, was that what he had dreamed about? The time his lord had ordered him to service Chandra? The time when he had been secured with his hands above his head unable to fight or resist as he had been blindfolded and then pawed at? 

He shuddered as the memories assailed him making him feel both disgusted and ashamed at the same time. He had allowed his lord to use him in front of others, allowed his lord to offer him to another like he were a slut or a whore. He had allowed it. Why? Why had he so willingly accepted Osiris' punishment? Had he found Chandra intriguing or...? Why the hell had he allowed his lord to secure him? WHY? He felt extremely cold and wrapped his arms tightly around his body, closing his eyes as he began to rock ever so slightly while his mind tried to answer those unspoken questions. He soon found that one particular question continued to surface more than all the others: What do you do when you can't even look your lover in the eyes due to the degrees of shame you feel? He sat in the silence, in the darkness, finding himself contemplating that question. He tossed it around in his head repetitively feeling the question burning deep within and searching for that ever-elusive answer that continually remained just beyond his reach. 

He had left Jack again. He had left their bedroom, left the solace of Jack's arms to come down here and stare into the darkness alone. Why couldn't he talk to Jack about his feelings? Why couldn't he talk to Jack about what Osiris had done to him or what he had had to do to survive? Why? Jack had tried so many times, in fact, was still trying to talk to him but he refused to let the man in. Jack would be ashamed. He would be so ashamed if he knew the truth of what had happened during the long year of his captivity. He would be so ashamed and that was why he refused to share anything with him...that was why he still refused to let Jack beyond his shields, because he could never live with his scorn or his ridicule ever. 

Shame, shame was a word he knew so well. He had learned what shame was at the hands of his master. His master taught him very well. His master taught him what it meant to feel ashamed of your self, what it meant to be a true slave. His master had taught him what humiliation and degradation meant and taught him to yearn for such sadistic things in his life. His master had taught him how to beg and plead for sex, how to shamelessly offer himself repetitively to the carnal pleasures of another. Oh, his master had taught him so very well. He was the perfect sex slave, willing to go as far as humiliating himself for a few moments of pleasure, of joy in the arms of the one who controlled him completely so again the question came back: what do you do when you can't even look your lover in the eyes due to the degrees of shame you feel? Yes, what do you do? 

He heard movement above him and knew that Jack was awake and walking around. Jack was most likely preparing to come downstairs to him and try to speak to him...unless he had decided that such an attempt was useless. Actually he was surprised that Jack even took the time to still ask him how he was or what he was thinking about because he never really answered the questions. He ignored them, ignored every single one and he ignored Jack O'Neill. Oh he loved the man so much...well had loved him at one time when his heart wasn't locked away and the key was still within reach, but now he still couldn't share many of his feelings, emotions or memories with the man he committed himself to for a lifetime. He wondered why Jack even continued to stay around. Why did Jack stay? Why didn't he just...give up? 

He stared intently at the wall before him, gazing into the blackness and listening to the sounds of feet as they traversed the stairway. Jack was looking for him. He was searching for him. Why? Why did Jack continue to tolerate his presence? Why? 

When his lover approached Daniel remained completely still, refusing to even gaze at the older man or give him any indication that he knew Jack was there. Instead he continued to stare at the wall drawing comfort from the darkness, from the fact that Jack couldn't see his face in the darkness, couldn't see the fine sheen of tears that he refused to release, that he still denied were even there and couldn't see the devastation and humiliation he felt. Darkness was his solace. It kept him safe and blocked Jack out. Darkness was a good thing...at least it had become a good thing for him. He waited on edge as Jack drew to a halt and wondered what the man was doing, what he was thinking. 

Jack had woken the moment Daniel had got out of bed and raced downstairs. He knew that Daniel had suffered another nightmare and knew that he had run away to keep his torment and suffering silent. Daniel was hiding again. He was hiding himself from his lover. He stared at the ceiling for several long minutes listening on edge for the familiar sound of the door to open or his car to start, but when neither of those sounds flowed up to him he was certain that Daniel had chosen to run to the living room tonight. He knew that he should attempt to approach him but wondered if he should even bother. Every time Daniel denied him or refused to even acknowledge him it hurt so badly; he wasn't sure if he even wanted to take the time to approach Daniel, but of course his heart won out like always and before he realized it he was halfway down the stairs heading for the living room. He drew to a halt at the bottom of the steps seeing Daniel sitting staring ahead of him not moving. He then turned preparing to go back upstairs realizing that this was a mistake but again he found himself drawn to the lonely man he loved so much. He stopped behind Daniel remaining silent for the longest time before finding his voice to softly inquire, "Daniel what are you doing down here?" 

When Daniel turned his head ever so slightly Jack took that as a sign of encouragement and quickly moved around the couch depositing himself beside his silent lover before gently prodding, "Well...what are you doing down here?" 

Again the silence swirled around them falling on him like a dark shroud. He felt his heart aching as Daniel still refused to speak to him or even look at him. How could he help him? How could he help Daniel if he insisted on ignoring him and thwarting his every attempt to soothe and comfort him? How? He shook his head sadly preparing to rise and return to the bedroom when Daniel's voice stopped his movements in their tracks, "I had a nightmare again..." 

"The same one?" 

Daniel turned to focus on him shock evident on his face and reflecting in his eyes as he softly inquired, "What do you mean the same one?" 

"The one where they attack you and you...and Zeenan helps you? Or was it the nightmare about Chandra..." 

Daniel gasped and jerked his gaze away from Jack feeling suddenly very afraid, uncertain and scared. Jack realized his mistake and quickly attempted to make an apology, "I'm sorry Danny it's none of my business. I shouldn't have..." 

"How...how do you...how do you know about...about Chandra?" 

Jack lowered his gaze as he replied, "You...you, uh...talk in your sleep sometimes." 

As Daniel tensed even more Jack was quick to inform, "Sometimes, Daniel, only sometimes." 

"What do...what do I say?" 

"Uh...well, do you really want to...?" 

"I really want to know, Jack. I need to know." 

"You beg...beg them to...to leave you alone. You beg them to stop...stop touching you. You beg Osiris to stop touching you also. You..." 

Daniel's face blanched as Jack spoke of Osiris. Daniel immediately hung his head as he choked out, "So you...you know what he, what they...you know." 

"I only know what those dreams tell me, Daniel. Whether they are accurate or not...that much I don't know. I...when you responded... Did...did you try to escape? You said you...you said he hurt you when you..." 

Daniel glanced up at Jack briefly before down casting his eyes and interlocking his fingers. He stared at his tightly clenched hands as he answered, "Yes." 

“Yes? Yes, what do you mean?" 

"Yes he...he hurt me. He...he punished me for...for running." 

Jack tensed feeling his heart pounding as rage speared him at the same time that he realized Daniel was actually speaking TO him. He watched the man beside him silently urging him to continue. When Daniel remained silent he questioned, "He punished you? How did he...punish you Danny?" swallowing hard as he could see the multiple scars across Daniel's back in his mind's eye, aware that a whip usually created those kinds of marks. He focused on Daniel as the young man stuttered, "Um you know the usual way..." 

Tensing Jack forced the next question passed his lips, "Which was how exactly?" 

"Um...enough to hurt me..." 

"Daniel..." 

"Wha...what?" 

"That still doesn't answer my question. How did Osiris punish you for your escape attempts?" 

Daniel started to wring his hands together, and swallowed reflexively as his anxiety began to build. He tried to comprehend just why he was talking about this to Jack. Jack didn't...he swore he wouldn't tell Jack anything, yet here he sat telling him that Osiris punished him for escaping? Why? Why was he speaking now? He wanted to stop, knew that he should stop before he revealed more to Jack than he wanted, but he couldn't make himself stop. He sighed loudly as he answered, "I...I spoke to you at those times you know. I was so feverish after...after the beatings...I...I hallucinated I think. He said I called for you..." 

Jack gasped and paled recalling many times he awoke to Daniel's pleas and feverish rants before inquiring, "You...you were feverish? You spoke to me? When, Daniel, when?" 

Daniel lifted his gaze to Jack in puzzlement. Why was Jack asking him that question? Why did he sound so strange? He shook his head blaming the odd inflections in Jack's voice on the impact of his words. He then continued, "Yes. The lashings produced the fever... I...he was so angry when I escaped. He made me...made me beg for his forgiveness, but first, first I was lashed...lashed for disobedience then locked in our bedchamber left unattended until my lord determined that I was worthy enough to be tended to." 

Gritting his teeth, Jack started to voice his outrage, "Worthy enough to...? What the hell?" 

"Jack the penalty for escape was death. My Lord showed me mercy when he ordered me lashed." 

"Your lord? Why do you still call him that?" 

Daniel hung his head as he clenched his eyes shut before proceeding, "Because that is how I was to address him, unless he grew angry with me. It was at those times I was to address him as my master." 

Jack balled his fists up at his sides and mentally cursed. Damn it, Osiris demanded Daniel call him his lord and his master? That son of a bitch! He punished Daniel by...by... As Daniel's explanation of his punishment filled his mind Jack hissed saying, "He lashed you? You mean he whipped you? He WHIPPED you to punish you?" 

"Yes Jack he did." 

Anger filled him but he couldn't understand why it was so intense. He had known, had suspected that Daniel had been lashed from the moment he saw Daniel's scarred back. He knew that a whip was most likely the cause, yet he didn't feel extremely enraged until Daniel told him with his very own words what punishment he had suffered. Hearing Daniel say those words had sent his blood boiling, and he wanted nothing more than to destroy Osiris. When it became apparent that Osiris would never pay for what he had done to Daniel he voiced his frustration loudly, "He whipped...that fucking son of a bitch! He whipped you? WHY?" 

"Because that was the punishment he selected for me. When I was recaptured after my attempted escapes he always lashed me first, then he would leave me unattended for several hours or days depending on his mood at the time, then he would attend to me. Sometimes he would use the healing device and sometimes he wouldn't. As further punishment he forbade me to address myself using pronouns. I had to call myself his slave, his servant, this slave, your slave...I wasn't allowed to... He addressed me as his slave and his pet demanding that I call him master until I remembered what I was to him..." 

"WHAT?" 

"I was his slave Jack. His slave and his servant...he collared me and put a leash on me. He demanded complete obedience and complete reverence from me. I was his favored. I belonged to him. He owned me Jack. He marked me as his and he chained me to his side. I was his property. I was his to do with as he pleased..." 

"Daniel..." 

"Jack he did a lot of...he demanded a lot of things from me throughout my entire captivity. He demanded a lot of things from me that I am very ashamed of. He did a lot of things to me that I will never tell you...not because I want to hurt you or push you away but because I can't... There were many things, Jack... I...I was debased by him. I was...I was humiliated by him... I was...I...I can't talk to you about those things Jack, not yet but someday...maybe someday I will, right now I just...can't." 

"Oh...okay... Um, Daniel did...are the marks on your back from...from the lash?" 

"Um yes...he used the healing device, so a few still remain..." 

Jack inhaled sharply before swallowing hard and asking, "He used the healing device?" 

"Yes but not always right away. He wanted me to...learn from my scars, but he also didn't want a severely marred slave Jack. He wanted a perfect slave, perfect in every way. He wanted my skin flawless so he could keep me up for display, but he also wanted faint marks to remain. He viewed my scars as...brands, his brand upon my body. To him that made me perfect. I um...I...I didn't wear much in the clothing department during my...stay with him." 

"I noticed that you were very scantily clad on the day that he released you." 

A pink tinge highlighted Daniel's cheeks in response to that statement, but he ignored his momentary embarrassment as he continued, "Oh yes. He...I was a trophy to him. I was his prized slave, his prized eunuch...I was his favored. I represented his ability to conquer others, for one who was so savage and so beautiful would be a challenge to anyone who dared to control them." 

"What?" 

"His words not mine. He said that I was wild and untamed. He said that I served him willingly, yet inside I defied him. He said that I was a most beautiful creature but that I was a savage beast. He...he wanted to possess me and to own me completely. He did whatever he could to maintain his complete control over me. I was a challenge to him and I...appealed to him on more than a basic level. He...he desired not only to control me completely but to claim me as his alone." 

"To claim you? Just how did he plan to...claim you Daniel?" 

Daniel refused to acknowledge that question not wanting to tell Jack anything more. He was determined to remain silent but found that he wanted to talk still, so he changed the subject asking a question himself, "Would you still love me if you knew the things he did to me and the things he made me do to him, for him?" 

"What?" 

He shook his head cursing as he realized he verbalized a question he meant to keep silent. He quickly thwarted any attempt that Jack might make to answer the question by saying, "Never...never mind Jack." 

Jack paused before answering, "Yes, Daniel, I would." 

Jerking his head up in surprise Daniel asked, "What?" 

"I would still love you if I knew everything he did to you. I will always love you and no one can ever change that. Ever Daniel." 

"But..." 

"No, no buts... I love you. I always have and I always will. I love you, Daniel." 

He reached out to Daniel placing his hands on the young man's shoulders and encouraging him to come to him. When Daniel slowly slid into his arms Jack released the tense breath he hadn't realized he was holding, thankful that Daniel had accepted his offer. He entwined his arms around his lover holding him close and relaxing further as Daniel wrapped his own arms around him before propping his head on Jack's right shoulder. Jack smiled softly when he could feel Daniel's warm breath against his neck as he breathed and was glad that Daniel had accepted his offer of comfort. He spoke softly again, "I love you, Daniel. I wish you'd believe that." 

Daniel said nothing only closing his eyes as a single tear slipped down over his cheek as he silently wished that he could also believe Jack.


	23. When Darkness Falls

**WHEN DARKNESS FALLS**  
 **Degrees of Shame: Humiliation, Degradation and Disgrace**

Daniel snapped his eyes open staring wide-eyed around the room feeling a hand softly stroking his thigh. He clenched his eyes shut shouting a denial in his head: no, no it wasn't a dream! He was at home in bed with Jack not, not Osiris. NO! He swallowed hard hearing the raggedness of his own breathing filling the room around him and as his eyes began to focus he hoped, prayed that this was not the bed chamber on Bursiris or the bed chamber aboard Osiris' vessel... Oh please God no, don't do this to me! Don't tell me it was all a dream. Please I couldn't bear that if it were true. Please let this be Earth and let Jack O'Neill be the one resting beside me, touching me, pressing up against me... Please let his breath be bathing across my neck, his body warmth keeping me warm and his hand touching me soothingly please. Please don't let this be a dream. God, please I beg of you don't let my return have been a dream. PLEASE! 

He opened his eyes and forced himself to focus on the one beside him feeling his breath escape as relief flooded him. Oh God, thank you. Thank you! Jack, it was Jack not...he was with Jack not... Thank you! He reached a shaky hand towards his lover afraid to touch him fearing he'd disappear again. He clenched his eyes shut trying to draw together enough courage to touch the one beside him. When he opened his eyes again he pressed a finger to that beautiful face smiling as his hand brushed feathery light across a roughened beginning of a five o'clock shadow. He lightly traced that face remembering how it felt to touch the one beside him and to be touched by him in return. As he continued to lightly trace Jack's face he became sad realizing that this was the first time he had actually touched Jack...actually touched him first and of his own volition. He felt his heart growing heavy in his chest as he realized how easy, how natural the simple act of touching had been before Osiris stormed into his life and very nearly destroyed him. He leaned forward pressing a tender kiss to the center of Jack's forehead hearing his soft moan and feeling his own eyes misting up as he whispered, "I'm sorry love...sorry you have such a fucked up person in place of your lover. God, I'm sorry, so damned...sorry." 

He jerked his gaze away wiping haphazardly at his eyes before carefully easing out of bed not wanting to wake Jack and feeling like such a failure, such a sorry excuse for a man. He didn't deserve Jack, didn't deserve him at all, so why the hell did Jack keep holding onto him? Why didn't Jack just drop him for someone else? Someone better, someone more attractive, someone more caring and concerned, someone not so fucked up in the head? Why did he stay around? Why did he tolerate such a, such a...? 

Daniel released a soft choked sob to the air hanging his head as he approached the window unaware that Jack was now awake and had felt those fingers trace his face, felt those lips brush so lightly across his forehead and heard those sorrowful words he spoke when he was certain they would not be heard. 

Jack was prepared to remain still, to pretend he was asleep like he did nearly every night Daniel awoke screaming, begging and pleading for him to be real, for this to be real, for Osiris to stop touching him so damned much, for the pain to end... He listened as Daniel left their bed refusing to remain. Sometimes he'd hear Daniel rush into the bathroom and click on the shower. He never asked Daniel about his urges to shower in the middle of the night, but sometimes he'd slip in and watch him... Watch as the light displayed his lover's silhouette on the curtain, watch as that silhouette would begin washing, watch as Daniel would soon begin his vigorous scrubbing as his gut wrenching sobs occasionally rent the air. He would watch as Daniel hurled the washcloth against the shower wall dropping to the tub floor only to curl inward and rock while the water, the steaming water seared his flesh. Other times, other times he'd hear Daniel's soft footfalls on the stairs, hear the door open...sometimes the car would start, other times no sound could be heard, but as he gazed out the window it was always the same images that greeted him: Daniel walking away or Daniel driving away. No matter what that image contained whether it be a car or a man the fact remained that Daniel was running away, running away from the sanctuary of their home and running away from HIM. Nothing wounded him more deeply than seeing Daniel hurting so damned much and refusing to turn to him for comfort. No, Daniel rarely shared his pain and suffering instead he kept a tight lid on it, kept it bottled up so tightly, refusing to let anyone see through the cold hard exterior that Osiris helped him forge and build so damned strong. It was times like those that he hated that snake, hated how he forced Daniel to build such strong unbreakable walls around himself. It was times like those that he hated the snake, and he hated Daniel as well...hated him because he refused to lower those walls, even for him. 

He watched Daniel now, wondering and waiting to see what the man's escape would be this night. He was rather surprised when Daniel merely approached the window, opened it and stared up at the moon. As Daniel's arms wrapped tightly around himself Jack felt a surge of anger so strong flood him. He hated that damned defense so much because Daniel always became so damned closed off when he did that and instead of turning to him he felt that he could only draw comfort from himself. Damn it Daniel, why won't you talk to me? Why won't you open up? Why won't you let me inside that shield of steel you've forged so effectively around yourself? WHY? 

He felt the urge to go to Daniel fill him and ignored it. He wouldn't go to Daniel because Daniel didn't want him anymore. Daniel wouldn't trust him, wouldn't open up to him... Daniel had shut him out of his life, and he wasn't about to go over there and... But as another of those heart-wrenching sobs escaped Daniel's lips he cursed rising automatically prepared to attempt again to offer comfort to his now cold-hearted lover. Jack O'Neill you are such a damned fool! Stupid! How can you continue to let him do this shit to you? HOW? You're a damned fool! He shook his head to clear out those angry thoughts and slowly approached Daniel. He tensed when Daniel's head lifted and turned ever so slightly in his direction. Daniel had heard him. Daniel now knew that he was there, but he wasn't tensing up...yet. 

Jack continued to make his approach slow feeling an overwhelming urge to touch his lover. He decided to try to be as noninvasive as possible as he leaned forward and gently propped his chin on Daniel's shoulder expecting the man to turn and snap at him in rage or jump in fear the moment he did so, but Daniel did neither instead he eased back against him. SHIT! What the hell? 

As Daniel pressed into him he carefully entwined his arms around that slim, still too thin body, tugging him close not certain of just how far Daniel would allow him to go. When Daniel merely sighed in relief and dropped his head lazily back against his left shoulder wrapping his own arms over top of his Jack didn't know what to do. He was so shocked. Instead he simply held Daniel offering him the comfort he was now seeking. His anger melted away to be replaced by relief as Daniel allowed him to just...hold him close. 

When Daniel seemed to tense in his arms Jack was certain that he was ready to pull away and unconsciously he tightened his hold not yet ready to yield it. NO! This is how they belonged! He wasn't letting go until he was ready to let Daniel go...and right now he was most definitely NOT ready! He tensed himself expecting Daniel to attempt to break the hold or curse him out, but his lover only seemed to relax and melt further in his arms. He didn't understand any of this. Daniel had been so standoffish lately and now all of a sudden... 

"I...I dreamed of this..." 

Shit, Daniel was speaking to him now? What the hell? He forced his anger and excitement back as he focused on listening to Daniel speak and holding him closely silently urging him to continue, to speak, to tell him something...anything. Please God anything! 

As if God heard his silent plea Daniel's soft, quiet voice filled the room yet again, "Used to dream of you holding me... Fantasized a lot about you Jack...A LOT... But he...he knew. He always knew..." 

Jack swallowed hard croaking out softly, "Knew what Danny?" and praying that he hadn't made a big mistake by asking the question. He waited for Daniel to continue fearing the man would retreat into silence yet again and relaxing only when that sweet, musical voice again caressed the air, "About you...about us...about how I feel about you... He hated it you know...hated that he always had to compete for my affection, my attention... Hated that his competitor wasn't even within his reach, hated his competition...hated it even more that you were millions of miles away, light years away and still you challenged him and held what he always wanted. He...he... Sometimes he tolerated it...tolerated you, but I don't... I don't know why. I guess he sensed I...I needed you..." 

"And do you still...?" 

"What?" 

"Need me? Daniel, do you still need me?" 

He could feel Daniel suddenly sag against him fearing the man had lost consciousness only realizing when Daniel released another sob to the air that the man was still very much alert. God, was his sorrow so great that he simply...collapsed against him? Ah Daniel what the hell did that bastard do to you to make you so sad, so upset and so angry? What the hell did he do to you, love? 

Daniel's voice came to him sounding broken and defeated as he managed to croak out, "Do...do you still need me?" 

"What?" 

"Do you even want me anymore, Jack?" 

Jack cursed feeling as if Daniel had just punched him in the gut with that question. Oh God, his heart hurt so badly now. Shit! How could...why would...? God, Daniel what the hell happened to you there? 

He thought, hell he would've sworn, that he didn't ask that question aloud except that Daniel was suddenly fighting to be released from his hold. He growled out, "No, Daniel, no. You're not going to do this to me again. NO!" 

Daniel froze when it became apparent that Jack wasn't letting him go. He choked back a desperate plea before he released it not wanting Jack to hear him beg not to be touched again. Instead he snapped out, "He hated you! Hated what we shared, hated it and wanted to destroy it, destroy us! But he knew, he knew what that would do to me. He knew, knew I'd die of a broken heart Jack... Died, I died up there Jack, died so many times...can't, can't... He hated you, but I still continued to dream of you, to talk to you, to speak with you, still yelled your name when...and he despised you for it, but he tolerated it. He wanted me to hate you, to forget you. Wanted me to let you go but...wanted me to give up my faith in you...wanted to...to... God, Jack I can't, I can't talk...can't talk about this anymore! No, too hard...NO!" 

"Daniel..." but even as the name left his lips he already knew that he was too late to stop Daniel's obvious retreat and it hurt, God it hurt when the man wrenched himself out of his embrace and ran for the stairs. It hurt so damned much to see Daniel race out the front door and run down the street. It hurt so much and made him so fucking mad that he lashed out at the nearest object unaware of the glass that met its untimely demise against the far wall shattering into a thousand tiny pieces, just like his heart now was in response to Daniel's outright rejection of him. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! What the hell was he supposed to do now? How the hell could...? What was he supposed to do? Damn it, Daniel was pissing him off...again. Damn it Daniel, why can't you talk to me? Why the fuck can't you talk to me? He had tried he had but then... Instead of answering Daniel's desperate question he had demanded an answer to one of his own questions. No wonder Daniel ran. He was desperate and probably needed to hear the truth, needed to hear that yes he still wanted him, yes he still needed him, that God yes he still loved him and would never leave him, but what did he do? What did HE do? Asked a question, asked a fucking question of his own instead of giving Daniel an answer to a question he desperately needed to hear. What was happening to them? They were falling apart and yet...he still couldn't accept, couldn't believe that Daniel's time with Osiris was so bad. The man fucking responded, he fucking responded to that bastard! Hell, Daniel probably fucked that snake every night and probably enjoyed every goddamned minute of it! Son of a bitch! Is that why Daniel refused to talk to him because he didn't want him to know that he had enjoyed fucking Osiris? 

Even now the images bombarded his thoughts. He could see it now: Daniel offering himself to the snake and drawing immense pleasure from his captor. Damn it, is that why he wouldn't talk to him because he had actually fallen in love with...? No, no if that were true then he wouldn't awake screaming, begging and pleading to be left alone. He wouldn't freeze up every time his lover attempted to touch him. No, Daniel didn't love Osiris, but he had probably drawn great pleasure from making out with it... 

SHIT! He had to stop thinking like that, had to stop being so damned jealous of that goddamned snakehead! No, Daniel wouldn't have fallen in love with Osiris but Zeenan, Osiris' First Prime...that he could see, and he felt so intensely jealous. Did Daniel offer himself to the First Prime as well as his lord during his captivity? The way he had responded to Osiris...no fear, no shame, no nothing...pleasure, pure pleasure. He had responded, had enjoyed those touches... Damn it, Daniel had enjoyed having sex with the snake! DAMN! 

He knew that he was being unfair towards Daniel and knew that Daniel would never fall in love with a Goa'uld lord. He'd never cheat... But then his mind would drum up those images of his love moaning and responding to Osiris, clearly enjoying every one of those strokes and kisses, and his jealousy made all kinds of nasty assumptions for him that made him just want to hurt Daniel and make him pay for...for what? Obeying under duress? Drawing pleasure in his enemy's touch? What? He didn't know. All he knew, all he felt, was an intense need to hurt the man and make him realize that he belonged ONLY to him and God how he hated himself for having such sinister thoughts, feeling such sinister urges and ill will towards his lover. He had to talk to Daniel again. He had to or he'd end up losing the love of his life forever, and he wasn't about to lose his Danny...FOR ANY REASON. 

 

* * * *

 

He ran, ran so hard and so fast needing to place as much distance between himself and that man as he was able, needing time to regain his control, time to regain his focus, time to silence his chaotic thoughts... He ran until he couldn't run anymore, and once he could go no further he resorted to walking endlessly having no idea of where he was going only knowing that he needed to get away. 

Daniel walked along the quiet streets with the full moon casting the only light about him. He wrapped his arms around himself realizing that he was now shivering... God, he was so cold, why? He should go back. He wasn't properly dressed. He really should go back, but he couldn't. Not yet, it was too soon... 

He couldn't go back there yet, so he continued walking yelling at himself for again seeking the coward's way out. He'd tried to talk to Jack; he'd really tried but...but he just... He couldn't do it and Jack...Jack, oh God... He was so fucked up! He was so fucked up and so damned tired of everything. He thought that once he was home, once he was back with Jack that he'd be safe, that he'd be better...that he'd be normal again but now he knew otherwise. He wasn't normal. He was crazy. He had horrible nightmares that kept him awake all damned night. He couldn't focus. He always felt scared and nervous. He screamed when Jack touched him. He ran off in the middle of the night. He'd walk for hours just so he wouldn't have to fall asleep and become a prisoner of Osiris' all over again. He was afraid to sleep some nights, and he had the shortest temper. Hell, there were days when he felt like screaming at the top of his lungs and there were days when all he wanted to do was curl up and die. He was an emotional wreck though he refused to admit it to anyone, and he refused to tell Jack anything. God, how could Jack stand being in the same house with him? HOW? 

He noticed that Jack's temper was now shorter, his patience thin, his frustration high. Jack was growing more and more distant by the day, and he had no idea how to stop the man he loved from slipping from his grasp. In fact, he often wondered if maybe he should just let Jack go. Walk away from him and never return. He was nothing but a burden to the man. A burden responsible for placing those frowns on his face, producing the hunch in his shoulders and creating the leeriness that Jack now felt around him. He was solely responsible for making Jack angry, upset and frustrated. He was doing Jack no good. All he was doing was making his life a living hell. He should let the man go. He should just break off the relationship and give Jack his freedom. It was unfair to keep him anchored to his side, but God how he needed the man there. How he felt so lost without him. How he panicked when he returned fearing that Jack would be gone. If Jack left him... If Jack left...he'd die. He couldn't lose him. He couldn't, but he also couldn't keep Jack with him when it was so unfair. He wouldn't chain Jack to his side the way Osiris had kept him tethered to his side. He couldn't trap Jack. It wouldn't be fair. Jack deserved so much more. He deserved to be happy, and he really needed to just let him go now. Let him go and disappear somewhere where nobody could ever find him, where he could remain "Fucked Up Jackson" and not cause his friends any further pain or harm. It was the only choice he had left, and when he returned home tonight he would tell Jack to go away, to leave him, to forget about him. He would leave Jack go, just as Osiris had let him go and though to do so would permanently shatter what remained of his fragile heart and soul he had no other choice. He'd do it anyway and maybe, just maybe, Jack would find happiness again...maybe they all could.

 

* * * * * * 

 

As he exited the bathroom Daniel drew to a halt seeing Jack standing there just...watching him. It would be today. It had to be today. He had to let Jack go. He had to release Jack and allow him to leave and pursue happiness with another. He HAD to, but God he didn't want to lose him. He loved the man so much and to lose him would be to lose himself, but he had no other choice for he loved Jack enough to set him free, loved him enough to let him go and pursue happiness with someone else someone...normal. 

As if Jack sensed what was about to happen he uttered his name so softly before approaching and casting a concerned gaze his way. All he could do was hang his head as he tried to keep the pain of releasing Jack from overwhelming him and driving him to his knees. God, Jack I love you so much. I love you so much but this just isn't right. It isn't fair that you have to put up with someone who is now a stranger. It's not fair Jack and though it breaks my heart and shatters my soul to release you, to let you go to spread your wings, I can no longer keep you tethered to me. I can't do that to you. You deserve someone so much better than me. You deserve someone who is normal and has no problems. You deserve to be happy Jack, and it's obvious to me that I'm no longer capable of doing that for you. Jack, please go. Don't make this harder on me than it already is. Please understand why I have to do this. Please love... 

He closed his eyes swallowing hard as he prepared to tell his lover in the kindest, nicest way that it was now over between them. He didn't want to do it, but he had to. He had no other choice. If you love someone set them free... 

As Jack reached out and gently lifted his chin up with his fingers he thought he would break down and cry. When Jack proceeded to cup his right cheek all he could do was turn his face into that hand and press a tender kiss to the palm. He heard Jack's sharp intake of breath and knew the gesture surprised him. Jack cleared his throat before uttering his name again. He kept his face hidden and turned away as he softly mumbled, "There's something I have to do Jack...something I have to tell you." 

"Daniel..." 

He turned towards Jack keeping his eyes downcast as he began, "I...I have something to tell you...something... I have to do something, something I should have done a long time ago..." 

Jack tensed as he watched his lover stare at the floor, visibly shivering where he stood. He instantly stepped forward to enfold Daniel in his arms but the younger man gasped and instantly wrapped his arms protectively around his chest before saying, "No, no Jack. God, please just listen..." 

He felt anger and rage fill him when Daniel rejected him. He wanted to scream at the man and tell him that he could trust him. God, why couldn't Daniel trust him? WHY? As Daniel spoke again his words made him freeze and made his heart ache for Daniel: "No Jack I don't deserve..." 

He didn't deserve what...to be held, to be loved, to be comforted and to be cared for...what? Before he realized it he interrupted Daniel mid-sentence demanding in a voice gruffer and angrier than he had intended, "What Daniel? Don't deserve what? To be held by me, loved by me...what?" 

He watched Daniel tighten his arms further around himself finding that seeing that protective response was beginning to irritate the hell out of him. Why couldn't the man just speak to him, just talk to him? Why did he always have to ignore the issues, dodge the questions and shy away from him? Why? Damn it, just how long has it been now and Daniel was still resorting to those same damned coping methods: shutting down, clamming up, placing a barrier around himself that was so goddamned high that no one could get past it...? 

As the man sent a haunted uncertain gaze his way Jack could only curse. When he saw his lover flinch in response before taking a step backwards he found that he wanted to slap him, to slap some sense into him. Damn it, when would Daniel realize...? When would he...? Damn it, when would he confide in him? When would he open up and talk to him? When, damn it? God, when the fuck would he realize that he was safe here and that he was in no danger? WHEN? As his ire continued to build towards his lover he heartlessly snapped, "Why don't you just get over it, Daniel?" 

Daniel stared at Jack for the longest time allowing a tense silence to stretch between them before asking, "Get over it? What kind of crap is that Jack?" 

"Daniel, things can't be that bad..." 

"Don't. DON'T SAY THAT AGAIN!" 

"Why?" 

"Because you don't know! You don't know anything!" 

"Daniel, you have no need to be upset..." 

"No need? NO NEED? You stand there and tell me to get over it? How long did it take you to get over your captivity, Jack? How long?" 

"That was different Daniel." 

"How?" 

"How? Well, I was tortured for one..." 

"And I what? I wasn't hurt? I was treated well because you didn't see any bruises on me? Let me tell you something, Jack. I had bruises, but I covered them up. I didn't want you to see them, didn't want you to ask where they came from..." 

"Okay, but it's still not the same..." 

Daniel felt his anger building even more, shaking his head in disbelief at how his lover was making his abduction out to be so unimportant. He focused on Jack as he continued, "Tell me something. How the hell can you stand there and say that to me? HOW?" 

Jack stepped forward reaching for Daniel who automatically took a step backwards holding his hands up to ward off his lover and hissing, "Don't, don't touch me." 

Jack threw his hands up in the air in frustration as he said, "What the hell are you so afraid of? I won't hurt you, damn it! You know that! Why do you pull away from me? WHY? Look I don't pretend to know what happened to you, but I saw how you responded to him, Daniel. There was no fear in your response, no flinching, no anger...you just allowed him to touch you and YOU RESPONDED!" 

"Yes I responded! Doesn't that tell you anything, Jack? Does that sound like something I'd willingly do?" 

"No, but you did. I saw you..." 

"You saw me...so what? It pissed you off?" 

"Daniel, why are you getting so defensive?" 

"Oh so now I'm getting defensive?" 

"Yes, you are." 

"And that's a problem for you?" 

"Yes..." 

God, this was wrong, this was so WRONG! He was supposed to be releasing Jack from their relationship not yelling and cursing at him, but Jack's words hurt and stung and he found that he needed Jack to see, to understand why he was about to do something Jack probably wouldn't be able to comprehend. He tried to formulate the words, but he was so angry that he snapped at Jack instead of talking to him calmly like he needed to, like he had intended to..."Well too bad Jack! I have a fucking right to get defensive when my lover won't even take the time to understand what I went through and try to help me heal. What? Do you think I liked being a slave, Jack? Do you think I liked wearing a collar and being led around on a fucking dog chain?" 

"There was no chain..." 

"There was no...WHO GIVES A FUCK! That's not my point!" 

"Then what is the point of this, Daniel? Fill me in because I'd really like to know." 

"The point is...you don't think I was victimized. You don't want to believe that I was hurt. You expect me to be the way I was before all this shit happened, and you refuse to see the obvious indicators that I'm falling apart here... I need your support, Jack, not your cynicism. I need my lover back. The one who tells me we can make it through this together, the one who accepts that I'm different now and loves me anyway. The one who reassures me when I flinch or pull away and most importantly I need my lover to believe me and believe in me. If that's too much to ask then maybe we should stop seeing one another because I can't go on like this. I can't do this, Jack. I just can't do it anymore." 

As Daniel uttered those final words Jack felt as if the floor opened up beneath his feet. Daniel was ready to give up on their relationship? Why? No. He wouldn't lose Danny. He couldn't! 

"No." 

"What?" 

"No, Daniel, no. We can work through this. I know we can. We're just having a bad day. Please don't give up on us..." 

"I don't want to lose you, Jack, but I need your understanding and your support." 

Jack reached over and ignored Daniel's flinching as he wrapped his arms around the man and pulled him close. He could feel Daniel tensing instantly and could hear the fear in the man's breathing, the shaking in his body and the hesitancy with which he accepted the touch flow over him and fill him, but he didn't care. He wasn't releasing Daniel. He spoke softly, "And you have it, Danny. You have it." 

Daniel didn't know how to react when Jack's arms wrapped around him. One part of him wanted to scream endlessly and to jerk away while the other part of him, the part buried so deeply begged and cried out for Jack to never stop holding him. He wasn't sure how to react to that part of him that wanted and needed this so much. He also became aware that he was actually allowing Jack beneath his shield just a little. He closed his eyes suddenly wanting Jack to take away all the bad memories and all the nightmares as he spoke the words so softly into the air, "Make love to me, Jack. Please. Make me forget, help me to forget...please Jack." 

"Danny are you...? Daniel what if...?" 

"Please Jack." 

"Are you sure? Daniel, I don't want to rush you..." 

"Yes..." 

"Now?" 

"Um, can I...can I bath first...then...?" 

"Daniel, if you have any doubts or fears then don't do this." 

"No, no...I want to do this just... I want to be clean for you. Please Jack." 

"Oh...okay. If you can't do this just speak up." 

"I...I will." 

"Would you like some help?" 

"No, no...I just...no." 

"Okay then. I'll give you some time to bathe and then I'll come collect you." 

"Thanks Jack." 

He offered Jack a brilliant smile before easing out of the hug and heading towards the bathroom to bathe. He wanted to be clean for Jack. He wanted to be clean...he needed to be clean. He wouldn't feel comfortable until he was clean enough for his lover. He didn't want Jack to touch him when he was dirty. He was so glad that Jack seemed to understand innately just what he needed to do before making love with him. 

He also knew that what he was doing was probably wrong, but he needed this so desperately. He didn't want to lose Jack, didn't want to let him go but... God, what should he do? He couldn't saddle Jack with a messed up, screwed up partner for the rest of his days. He just couldn't do that to him but maybe, maybe after today he would no longer feel the need to release Jack, maybe by making love with the man he could return to himself. He could become normal again. Maybe all he needed was to make love with Jack and feel Jack's loving touch to heal his tormented soul... Maybe this was what they both desperately needed. 

As he entered the bathroom and started to run water into the bath he smiled feeling overly anxious and excited...Jack wanted to make love to him. Jack had agreed to make love with him. Jack still found him desirable. Thank God he did. 

God, he needed this. He needed to feel Jack's tender hands caressing his body. He needed to feel those hands again familiarizing themselves with his skin. He needed to feel that possessiveness and that open exploration in those strong, perfect hands. He needed Jack to reclaim what was rightfully his, what had always been rightfully his. He needed Jack to reclaim him and to show him how much he loved him, how much he needed him. He desperately needed reassurance in that department because lately he had definitely been feeling less than desirable. He needed to feel cherished and loved, and he needed Jack to show him just how much he was loved. 

When the tub was filled he lowered himself into the comforting warmth sighing in pleasure as the water worked its magic easing his tension and making him clean again for Jack. He felt giddy and excited. He felt like a damned schoolboy all over again. It had been so long since he was touched intimately by anyone other than Osiris, so very long. He hoped that by doing this he could forget. He wanted those memories of his times with Osiris to be replaced by new memories of Jack. He loved Jack so very much and wanted nothing more than to please him and make him happy. 

Daniel smiled as he focused on washing his body and making himself clean for his lover, clean and desirable... Jack was waiting for him and he so desperately wanted to run to the man, but he wouldn't, not yet, not until he was clean. When he was clean then he would go to the one he loved more than life itself and maybe just maybe tonight he could take another step towards healing the shattered remains of one nearly broken man. 

As he exited the bathtub and dried himself off he focused on combing his hair and making himself presentable. He quickly dressed feeling nervous about being naked in his lover's presence. Damn, his palms were sweating. Why the hell did he feel so anxious? He'd made love with Jack before. Jack had seen him naked before. Jack knew him intimately. Jack knew every little inch of his body, so why now did he feel nervous and shy as hell? Damn, he wasn't a besotted teenage virgin having sex for the first time in his life. He knew what to do. He was, in fact, quite educated in that area...much more educated than he had been a year ago. He knew how to have sex. He knew how to seduce. He knew how to make Jack climax. He knew what he was doing and Jack knew what the hell to do to him, so why was he feeling so, so...uncertain, scared, afraid, worried? Why? He could do this. He could, but as he headed towards the bathroom door he froze holding his hand suspended in the air hovering just above the doorknob and closed his eyes tightly as those doubts began to crowd into his mind. God, he loved Jack so very much but hated saddling the man with such a screwed up lover. He hated it and he would fix that problem, he would. He just had to get his damned ass in gear and stop hiding in the bathroom blushing like a goddamned virgin. SHIT! He would show Jack that he was back and that he was going to be just fine, but damn he was scared. What if this backfired? What if things went wrong? He shook his head dashing those thoughts and focusing on approaching his lover and showing him how much he truly loved the man who held his heart in his hands. 

He slowly entered the room glancing around nervously searching for Jack not sure he wanted to even find Jack. As his gaze swept across his handsome lover standing so casually by the fireplace, a beautiful smile stretching from one ear to the other across that face, Daniel felt his breath hitch. He froze in place as his first instinct was to turn tail and run from the room as fast as his now wobbly legs would carry him. My God, he was fucking scared shitless! How the hell could he be so damned scared of Jack, of making love? Shit, whatever happened to the confident man that had once inhabited this body? 

As Jack's honey-drenched voice filled his head with a sultry, "Hey," Daniel felt his mouth drying up and desire shoot through him. He could feel his dick harden automatically in response to the voice that he had craved to hear for so damned long. He tried to breathe aware that he wasn't being very successful and continued to stare as Jack chuckled softly before walking, aw hell it was more like sashaying, towards him. As Jack drew closer to him he could feel that heat in his belly shoot up another notch and when the man drew to a halt directly in front of him so close that he could smell his manly scent, could feel that familiar, comfortable heat coming off of that very sexy body he knew that he was lost. He returned that seductive smile with one of his own before breathlessly answering, "Hey." 

His smile broadened further as Jack automatically wrapped his arms lazily about him drawing him in against that rock hard body. When Jack dipped his head to whisper, "Care to try a little of that horizontal mambo?" the only answer he could formulate was a very eager, "Oh yeah." 

Jack's eyes lighted with a mix of mischief and desire making those brown eyes grow even darker as hunger and need captured him as well. Jack continued to focus that heated gaze on him as he brushed his lips ever so softly across his own before licking them as if to taste him and whispering, "Hmm then let's go." 

As they entered the bedroom Daniel felt his heart rate increasing not sure of what to expect and feeling all giddy inside as Jack suggested they make love. They hadn't done so for a very long time, and he was very excited about it. Perhaps Jack would be able to effectively wipe away his guilt and shame at having willingly submitted to the Goa'uld lord for the sake of others. 

As Jack leaned in to gently press a second kiss to his lips Daniel sighed tensing for the briefest of moments and releasing a silent plea to the air: please help me forget, Jack...help me to show you just how very much I love you. Please help me, my love, help me. 

He parted his lips slightly as Jack deepened the kiss feeling relief as he responded to that kiss. Maybe...maybe Jack could do what he needed him to do, maybe...but as Jack slipped his tongue into his mouth and attempted to deepen the kiss further he found that his hopes were being quickly dashed, for he was trying so hard not to think of Osiris but, of course, the system lord refused to let him live in peace. He continued to respond to Jack but could feel himself automatically sliding into the robotic trance he had effectively created to shield himself from what Osiris had truly been doing to him every time they made love. He felt no love now only that thrumming, burning desire and it felt so wrong. With Jack he should feel love and comfort and safety, but he didn't know how to feel. Oh God, what if he couldn't put his heart into lovemaking any more? With Osiris he had tried very hard to treat the act of lovemaking as merely pleasure and raw sex. He allowed himself to get lost in the intense euphoria and heat that unbridled passion and desire could spark within him, but he had managed to successfully keep his heart safely locked behind a door where only Jack O'Neill resided. 

As he continued to kiss Jack trying so hard to focus on him and forget Osiris he became very frustrated. When Jack stripped him carefully of his clothes then preceded to kiss him again he moaned thrusting his hips against him wanting to feel that love and warmth that always came from his lovemaking, but it was mysteriously absent. He had to stop. He couldn't do this. He spoke softly, "Jack..." 

"Yes, love?" 

"I...I can't...I can't do this...I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry...I just...can't..." 

"Sure you can, Daniel, you're responding to me..." 

He closed his eyes feeling the sadness overwhelming him as he continued, "That's the problem, Jack. I'm responding to you...only reacting to your stimulation. Jack...oh God, how can I explain this to you...? I want to make love to you. I desperately want to, but I'm having some difficulty here. Please Jack..." 

"You're doing great, lover. You just need to relax..." 

Jack started to plant kisses across Daniel's throat and face. He moaned enjoying the raw pleasure of Jack's stimulation, but that was all that was present: desire, passion, yearning...but no love. Oh God, he loved Jack so much, so very much but he couldn't unlock his heart. He had spent too long shielding it so that Osiris wouldn't own him completely. He tried again, "Jack stop. I can't..." 

"Yes you can." 

"No...I can't do this...please." 

"Daniel, relax..." 

"NO!" Daniel jerked away from the older man not sure of why he did so only knowing that he needed to break the contact and to stop Jack now, for his heart still wasn't involved. Oh God, he felt numb! Oh he felt desire and need...he felt heat and passion but no other emotions. He felt...numb. He wanted to cry, to scream and to shout out in rage. How the hell could this be happening while he was with Jack? HOW? 

Jack stared at Daniel for the longest time shocked that the man actually asked him to stop. What the hell was wrong with Daniel now? The man was responding. Hell, the man was on fire, yet he was telling him that he couldn't do this? Bullshit! Again Daniel's voice flowed over him as he said he couldn't do it, not like this. Jack felt anger and rage fill him. Images of Osiris and Daniel suddenly flitted through his mind: Daniel moaning at a simple touch from that snake, Daniel responding so passionately to one simple kiss... How the hell could Daniel be telling HIM no? He had given himself to Osiris so many times, so how the hell could he be saying no to him? He became extremely jealous of Daniel's time spent with the Goa'uld lord as he again refused. His rage increased as those images continued to torment him by flying through his mind and bombarding him. Okay, so maybe Daniel enjoyed the damned snake so much that he could no longer give his love to him. Son of a bitch! Jack continued to caress him running his hands over his body noticing how Daniel arched up in response and moaned in intense pleasure. How the hell could he be asking him to stop when he was responding so openly? As he reached down to wrap his hand around Daniel's erection his lover cried out yelling, "NO JACK! PLEASE! NOT LIKE THIS!" 

Jack paused in surprise not expecting Daniel to yell. He focused on keeping his voice calm and his temper at bay as he questioned, "Not like what?" 

"I don't want to..." 

"Don't want to what? What the hell is your problem, Daniel?" 

Daniel swallowed hard clenching his eyes tightly shut as he felt completely helpless. Oh God, he was numb! He was responding to Jack, but there was no love. He didn't want to make love to Jack just for raw sex, just for pleasure...he wanted to love Jack with his body and soul while they made passionate love all night. He was crushed at the realization that he couldn't open up his heart. God, he was with Jack. Jack was touching him, caressing him and loving him not Osiris! JACK! But his protests were useless, he couldn't find his way beyond the numbness so he pleaded with his lover again, "Jack, please, I need you to stop...please. God, I'm so sorry, so sorry love, but I can't do this. Please stop..." 

Jack spoke up in agitation, "Stop? STOP? NO! You didn't tell Osiris to stop when he was touching you like this, so why the hell should I stop? No! Daniel, you're doing fine you just need to relax..." 

"NO...please, Jack. You don't understand. I can't...I can't make love to you...not like this. It's wrong...wrong, Jack...please, you have to understand what I'm saying to you..." 

Feeling his anger begin to surmount Jack's voice took on a darker tone as he questioned, "I have to understand?" before pausing to try and temper down his anger, barely maintaining control as he heartlessly snapped, "Oh I understand all right. I understand how you flaunted yourself at that damned snake! I understand how you responded so openly to his touches and his caresses, yet you can't do the same with me? Why the hell not, Daniel?" 

Daniel tensed, nervously licking his lips, understanding Jack's anger but knowing he had to stop. He wasn't ready, so he tried to further explain his answer, "Jack, Jack, you don't understand. Please, you have to understand. You have to! I can't do this, Jack. I can't..." 

"WHY NOT?" 

"I just can't Jack. It's wrong. It's...this isn't right. It's...please just stop!" 

Jack glared at his lover feeling a mix of emotions choking him. He was angry with Daniel for refusing, sad that Daniel still couldn't surrender to him, anxious that Daniel sounded panicked, and frustrated that he was again pulling away. The emotions were churning so furiously within that Jack again snapped at Daniel demanding, "WHY? TELL ME WHY!" 

Daniel didn't know how to even begin to explain to Jack why he knew that this wasn't right. He still felt so numb, so separated from his body. He could feel Jack touching him and stroking him, and it felt wonderful. Those hands felt so amazing against his skin. He was burning for Jack, but it was only raw passion that he was feeling. His heart was still locked up safe and secure. He couldn't free his heart. He wanted Jack, burned for him...he needed him desperately, but not like this. He didn't want their lovemaking to be hollow. He wanted to feel all those glorious emotions, but most of all he wanted to feel loved and cherished and he wanted to share that same love with Jack, but he just couldn't do it. He tried desperately to block the images of Osiris out of his mind. He needed to focus on Jack. 

When Jack started to slowly pump his erection Daniel bucked in reaction releasing a low throaty groan of pleasure but still felt nothing else. It was as if he were watching himself on a television screen performing sex for pure entertainment. There was no emotion involved. It was as if he were detached from his body. He knew damned well his defense mechanisms were in full gear. He was still shielding his heart, hiding it from the injustices being done to his body. He was separating himself and allowing raw, primal instinct to take over burying his true self and his true feelings so far inside that no one could touch him or tarnish him. He had convinced himself so thoroughly that what he had with Osiris was simply raw sex because he hadn't wanted to admit to himself what was truly occurring. He hadn't wanted to know that what Osiris was really doing to him was raping him over and over and over again. Osiris had not only raped his body, but had raped his soul. Rape was a word he didn't want to even think of, but the stark truth was that Osiris had forced him into sexual relations by holding millions of lives over his head to get his compliance. He had said no repeatedly, but Osiris forced him to consent. Osiris had raped him at least a hundred times over the last year. NO! GOD NO! It couldn't be true! It was just sex! Just sex and nothing else! Pure sex and pure pleasure! He found it very difficult to convince himself of that right now and as he felt Jack's hand continue to pump him and felt his body responding like a robot he shuddered. He didn't want this! He didn't want his relationship with Jack to be anything like his relationship with Osiris. He cried out in rage yelling, "NO! NO! STOP! I SAID NO! I DON'T WANT THIS!" 

Jack's voice crooned in his ear as he whispered, "Shh, yes you do, Daniel. You need this release..." 

"NO!" At that moment he snapped and started fighting Jack, trying to buck him off. All he wanted was for Jack to stop! This wasn't right! He couldn't make love to Jack like this! He couldn't! He didn't want to be numb any more! He begged and pleaded, "Please, Jack, please...don't do this to me. Please! Stop! OH GOD, JUST STOP!" 

Anger burned and lanced through Jack like white-hot lightening making him again snap at his lover, "WHY? TELL ME WHY!" 

"I'm not ready, Jack...not ready. It's too soon. Please...it's too soon. This doesn't feel right. It feels so wrong, Jack, so very wrong! I can't...I just can't do this...not now...it's too soon. Please, you have got to understand me. STOP TOUCHING ME!" 

Rage filled him and ate away at him. Daniel was still telling him to stop. He not only was telling he was fighting. Daniel was fighting him! What the hell was going on? Why the hell would Daniel throw himself at Osiris' feet yet fight him and order him to stop touching him? The fury burned within as he watched Daniel continue to resist him trying desperately to get away, and something just snapped inside allowing pure jealousy and rage to flood him. He'd be damned if he'd allow Daniel to deny him after he so openly responded to that goddamned snake! He'd be damned if he'd stop! Damn it, he would make Daniel forget that fucking snake! He would wipe his mind clean of the passion...the love they had shared for so long. Daniel was his! His damn it, and no goddamned snake would steal him away! 

As Daniel pleaded with him to stop again, this time attempting to shove him off, Jack lashed out and without thinking brought an open hand across the left side of Daniel's face. The slap was so loud that it echoed throughout the room the sound breaking only to be replaced by Daniel's sudden scream of pain and terror, but hearing that scream still didn't get through to Jack, for he could only see images of Daniel making love to that fucking Goa'uld snake. Son of a bitch! 

Daniel's confusion quickly grew into all out panic as Jack refused to let him go. Jack wasn't listening to him, and he felt his heart plummet at the realization that Jack was probably going to rape him just like Osiris had for so long, only this rape would be forever engrained in his mind. Oh God, how could Jack even consider attacking him? How? He pleaded again and shoved Jack violently trying to push the man off of him, aware that Jack was no longer in his right mind. When Jack suddenly lashed out at him bringing an open hand across his face so hard that his head snapped to the right and he started seeing flashes of light Daniel couldn't move. His body only grew number as shock began to set in. Jack had struck him. He had actually slapped him across the face with an open hand...hard. OH GOD NO! It couldn't be true! IT COULDN'T! Jack would never hurt him! NEVER! Please let that only have been in his mind! PLEASE! As he felt the burning reminder of what Jack had just done to him he realized that Jack had actually struck him in violence. He reached up to press his hand gently to his now red swollen cheek and felt the beginning of tears as they threatened to spill over, dampening his eyelashes. He didn't know what to do. He felt confused, angry, ashamed, humiliated...he felt deadened somehow. The numbness was encompassing him now, attempting to shield him and offering him some form of solace. 

Daniel yelped as he felt brutal hands suddenly digging into his hips and attempted to curl in on himself. He was stopped as those brutal hands grabbed him and pinned him to the bed. He heard Jack yelling at him saying horrible things to him that made him feel dirty, used, ashamed and guilty. The words came out crystal clear as Jack yelled in his face, "How could you do this to me! HOW? How could you flaunt yourself in front of that damned snake? How could you so openly respond to that snake yet deny me? HOW? HOW COULD YOU?" 

Daniel was hurt and shocked at his lover's unpredictable behavior. He didn't understand why Jack had hurt him and snapped at him. He tried to deny it was happening sensing that Jack was very dangerous at the moment and again tried to reach him saying, "Jack...Jack, please don't do this to me...Please...oh God...please stop..." but Jack wasn't listening and to Daniel's horror another open hand came across his face chalked full of rage and violence snapping his head to the left. The tears started then as the shock continued to fill him at the realization that his lover had just struck him out of anger and rage. He held most of them at bay allowing only a few tears to slip passed his eyelids and fall down over his cheeks. His lip was now split open and bleeding, along with his nose. He tried to fight off his attacker trying to forget that Jack was the one who was hurting him so severely. Daniel cringed feeling shame and humiliation wash over him as Jack's next words came out full of rage and directed towards him only to hurt him, "I'll tell you how! Because you're a whore! A FUCKING WHORE! You gave yourself to that damned snake how many times? You allowed him to touch you, to satisfy you and you enjoyed every fucking minute of it! Only a fucking dirty whore would willingly give himself to the damned enemy! You're a goddamned cock tease! Tell me was it good? Was he good? Did he make you cry out in ecstasy? Did he fuck you to orgasm, slut? Did you beg him to fuck you? Did you enjoy being his bitch? TELL ME!" 

Daniel felt the words slice through him, plunging into his soul, tearing him open and wounding him deeper than any knife ever could. As Jack continued to toss venomous words and comments his way Daniel felt as if his soul were being stripped and filleted raw. Those vile words said in anger and rage nearly destroyed him making him feel like filthy, cheap trash. The humiliation and degradation of what Osiris had forced him to endure filled him and he nearly crumpled under the cruel, harsh onslaught. He felt so ashamed, so used, so cheap, so filthy, so pathetic...the humiliation and degradation were now complete as his lover, the man he gave all of his love to told him just how sick and disgusted he now made him. Oh God, he had been right. Jack couldn't even stand to look at him any more. He was repulsed and disgusted with him. He swallowed hard as his heart began to ache so much that he swore it was now being broken in two. If Jack couldn't love him, couldn't stand the sight of him then he truly must be repulsive and pathetic. Oh God no! He was ruined. He was used property now. A cheap and easy lay according to Jack...OH GOD NO! 

Daniel again attempted to curl in on himself as he could feel the tears falling, running down over his cheeks, but Jack wasn't going to allow him to completely withdraw into himself and to fall into the remaining solace he had. No, Jack was still holding him, pinning him to the bed. He could feel Jack's fingers digging mercilessly into his arms pressing painfully against the bone as his anger continued to build. Daniel was crushed, completely crushed by the cruel things his lover said to him. He felt emotionally and physically numb. He could feel himself shutting down completely and fought against it trying to speak to Jack, trying to make Jack understand, to make him see. He had to at least try to make another attempt at getting through to the man he loved unconditionally, the man he had locked his heart away for while Osiris had exposed him to such atrocities because if he lost Jack completely...if he lost Jack... His voice came out shaky as he struggled to speak loudly and clearly, "Jack...God, Jack how could you think...? How could you...? I never wanted it! I never wanted him...NEVER!" 

Jack's response was a sneer as he snapped, "Sure you did. You obviously couldn't get enough of that fucking Goa'uld. I hope you're proud of yourself! You can fuck a goddamned snake, yet you can't give yourself to your lover? BULLSHIT! Show me how good a fuck you can be, love! Show me how passionate and horny you can be! Come on show me you fucking whore! SHOW ME!" 

Daniel felt a shudder travel the length of his body as Jack continued to speak to him as if he were worthless. He made another attempt at getting through to his lover sensing that no matter what he said or did Jack wouldn't listen, Jack no longer cared, but he had to try. He had to! He again tried to make Jack see, to make Jack understand why he denied him pleading for understanding, "Please, you don't understand! I can't! I love you but I can't, can't make... I can't...NOT WITHOUT LOVE! I need to feel alive, Jack! I need your love! I need to be able to love you back. JACK! God, you don't..." 

"SHUT UP! SAVE YOUR DAMNED EXCUSES AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!" 

Daniel cringed feeling his fear only building as hands, vicious brutal hands, gripped his hips digging into flesh pressing against bone. In a matter of only a few scant seconds he found himself effectively flipped over and dumped onto his stomach. He screamed in rage and denial as he felt those hands reposition themselves between his thighs digging into flesh as his legs were yanked viciously apart. He screamed and fought, but his screams were drowned out as Jack continued to yell at him and tell him how he would wipe thoughts of Osiris from his mind. He would make him forget all about Osiris. He would make Daniel forget the love and excitement he drew from Osiris. Daniel cried out yelling, "For God sake Jack please! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! I didn't love him! I could never love anyone but you! Jack, please! You have got to hear me! PLEASE!" 

His attempt at breaking through Jack's rage ended in another scream of sheer agony as Jack savagely rammed his finger into his anus several times. Daniel struggled and squirmed, tears now flowing down over his cheeks unbidden. Each time Jack poked him with a finger sheer pain answered the assault. He desperately swung backwards cracking Jack across the side of the head before the older man gained the upper hand grabbing each of his wrists and scooping them together tightly. He then forced Daniel's arms above his head and cruelly pinned them to the bed. Daniel's panic only increased as he writhed and bucked yanking against the physical restraint while still attempting to plead and beg Jack to stop hurting him so badly. As his attempts continued to meet with failure he started hyperventilating certain that he'd soon pass out and positive that at any moment Jack would rape him with more than just his finger. He tried to brace himself for the horrendous assault he was sure would soon follow when Jack abruptly stopped what he was doing. It was as if he had suddenly realized what he was doing and his body seized up on him. He clenched his eyes tightly shut terrified of what Jack would do when he heard a pained cry of disbelief before the man spoke, "OH GOD! OH GOD NO! What the hell am I doing? Oh God, Daniel! DANIEL..." 

As Jack had prepared to rape Daniel he suddenly froze as reality started to encroach his vision. He felt frozen and unable to move. All he could do was stare down at his young lover lying on his stomach burying his face in the pillow. It took him only a moment to realize that Daniel lay before him and only another minute for him to realize that Daniel was cowering in fear...from him. What the hell had he been thinking? What the hell was he preparing to do to Daniel? Oh God...rape...no, NO! He felt so sick and so ill as he realized that he had been about to rape Daniel. He could see the red marks even now standing out sharply against his lover's paler skin. The marks covered his hips and thighs, and there were even scratches on his back. HOLY SHIT! What the hell had he been thinking? What the hell had possessed him to...? As he realized what he'd almost done to Daniel he crumpled crying out his denial and staring at the man he loved with all his heart...the man he had so nearly destroyed. He reached a shaky hand towards his lover cringing when Daniel shrieked in terror, "DON'T TOUCH ME! OH GOD, JACK, NO!" 

He dropped his hand only able to stare as Daniel realized that he was suddenly free and shakily sat up. He darted his gaze around the room spotting his clothes at the foot of the bed. He grabbed them up pulling them against him tightly as if they were capable of shielding him. As Daniel focused terrified eyes on him Jack felt his heart nearly stop and gasped as he noticed the fear Daniel now directed his way. Along with that fear he saw humiliation and disbelief in those vivid blue eyes. He cried out again as his heart broke upon seeing Daniel beginning to shake violently. Oh God, shock...he was in shock. Jack felt tears falling unbidden as he watched his lover shaking violently before him. He was trembling in fear and terror. God, the pain and anguish he saw in those eyes, the shame, the humiliation...oh God the guilt... Daniel looked devastated. He looked crushed, destroyed and it was all his fault. Oh God, what if he had succeeded in destroying Daniel's fragile soul with his harsh words and uncontrolled rage? OH GOD NO! He swallowed hard as he noticed the tear and blood streaks on Daniel's face before the man jumped to his feet and darted past him. 

Daniel stopped at the door quickly yanking on his pants and turning to flee the room. As he reached for the knob Jack panicked and lounged at him. He grabbed Daniel and shoved him against the wall cringing as the man shrieked in terror and fear immediately becoming submissive and meek in his arms. Seeing Daniel freeze as if he were now numb the instant he touched him cut Jack like a knife. It was as if Daniel had just slipped into a trance-like state of compliance. It was as if he just shut down completely, as if he were trapped and unable to fight any longer. Seeing his lover so meek and submissive reminded him of how Daniel had stood beside Osiris on the day of their capture. He had stood there as if he were a robot just going through the motions, and the only time he came alive was when Osiris had touched him and when he, himself, had spoken. Seeing Daniel so subservient had struck him hard that day, for now he knew his lover had been anything but subservient. 

Jack shook his head trying to block those memories that were crashing into his mind and focused on Daniel. He tried to plead saying, "Daniel, God, Daniel...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't...I don't know what...God, Daniel..." 

"Leave me go...please leave me go!" 

"No! Daniel, please stay so we can fix this! Please! Please, Daniel. Don't leave. Don't leave me. PLEASE!" 

Daniel felt the fear and shock threatening to choke him and without thought lashed out at Jack pushing him as hard as he was able. When he realized that Jack was no longer barring his escape he darted out the door and down the stairs not sure of what he was doing or where he was going, all he knew was that he needed to leave as quickly as he was able. He tore out the door racing to his car. He yanked the door open then jumped inside starting the engine before tearing out the driveway and not daring to look back at the place he had come to call his home. As he drove down the road, not sure of where he was going, the tears started to fall heavier running in sheets down over his cheeks soaking him and making it nearly impossible for him to see just where the hell he was going. He carelessly wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand several times so that he could see but the tears refused to abate, so he simply drove until he couldn't drive anymore. He spotted a house and recognized it recalling that it was a safe haven. Without thought he jerked the steering wheel to the left pulling his car into the drive then exited his vehicle. He was still so shocked and disoriented that he left the keys in the ignition and the car door hanging wide open. All he knew was that he needed to get to that door and get inside. Inside he would feel safe, and he could relax. He could. He approached the door nearly collapsing as he resorted to pounding his fist against the door as hard and as loud as he possibly could. He was determined to draw out the inhabitant. As the door opened beneath his onslaught he heard a gasp as a feminine voice spoke, "Daniel, oh my God, Daniel...what happened? Come in. Come in." 

Arms, warm and comforting wrapped around his still shaking body and he felt himself being guided inside. He felt numb and still disoriented. He was certain that he was leaning heavily against her and that she would probably stumble and fall. He knew that he was too heavy and knew that he should try to stand on his own, but he just couldn't. Her sweet voice spoke soothingly to him as he was guided onto a couch. He couldn't speak or even look up. Hell, he couldn't even remember just who the hell was with him. All he knew for certain was that she was somebody he trusted, somebody he could rely on, somebody who could keep him safe and somebody who could help him. He sighed in relief beginning to slowly relax as a warm comforter suddenly found his still shivering shoulders and enveloped him. He closed his eyes as she gently tugged the loose ends of the blanket around his still shuddering frame before pressing a tender hand to his forehead saying, "You just sit here for a moment, Daniel. I'll be right back okay..." 

As she stepped away he instantly reached out for her finding her wrist he wrapped his hand around it nearly panicking when he was certain that she was leaving him. NO! God no, he didn't want to be alone right now. He didn't want her to leave him too. He was afraid to be alone and put voice to that fear, "No, no...please don't leave me. I'm afraid...please...I don't...I don't want to be alone...please..." 

Her calm, reassuring voice came back to him, "I won't leave you, Daniel. I'm just going to get my phone and call Janet okay? Okay? I'll be right over here. I'm not going anywhere. Okay?" 

He nodded his head slightly releasing his hold on her wrist and attempted to fold himself into a fetal position on the couch. He could hear her on the phone talking in hushed, worried tones telling Janet to come over quickly and to bring her medical bag. She then hung up and approached him sitting beside him. She reached over and pulled his left hand into both of her hands as she quietly asked, "Daniel, can you tell me what happened to you?" 

"Sam..." 

Sam, that was her name...Sam...oh God reality was beginning to come back to him. He was beginning to return to himself again. He looked up at her whispering, "It was...I...He... I tried to tell him, Sam...tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen...refused to hear..." 

"Tried to tell him what, Daniel?" 

"I tried to explain, but he...he just went crazy. I tried...Sam, I really tried but he...he wouldn't hear me. God, I was so scared Sam. I don't like to be scared. I'm tired, tired of it all...too much pain...why does everyone have to...hurt me...?" 

Sam hushed him as she pulled him gently into her arms and started to rock him back and forth. She spoke softly, "Shh, you're all right now. You're safe. You can relax." 

The tears continued to flow and his throat began to tighten up as he tried to resist letting them come. He struggled to speak between broken sobs and gasps, "Relax? He...he, oh God, Sam he actually...he struck me, slapped me several times...then he...he... I don't understand. I tried to make him see, make him understand that I wasn't ready...tried to tell him why...why I...why Osiris did those...things to me...why I responded so...so...to Osiris but not to him...love, Sam...I needed to unlock...unlock my heart. I, I hid it away Sam...hid it so Osiris couldn't have me...couldn't have all of me... My heart...saved it for him...saved my love...for...for Jack, but he...he couldn't... He didn't... He hurt me, Sam...called me...horrid...horrible things...Sam...Jack he..." 

"Shh, shh...it's all right, Daniel you don't have to tell me this now. You can relax. It's okay." 

She pulled him tighter against her noticing that the shivers still wracked his body. She was very upset by what Daniel just told her. Jack...Jack had been the one to hurt Daniel like this. Jack must have attacked Daniel. God...why? Why would he do that? 

Daniel whispered barely audibly as he continued, “He...he...called...Jack called me a...a whore Sam...said I was a...a...then he asked me if I enjoyed it...if...if Osiris...if he made me cry out in ecstasy...told me I was a...a whore...and that I willingly had sex with the enemy... Called me a...a...a bitch...a...a dirty... Said...said that...that...couldn't get enough of...of the...snake...cock tease, he said I was... God, Sam you have to understand. I had no choice. NO CHOICE! He threatened to destroy...to destroy worlds if I refused to...to openly respond to him...if I refused to allow him to bed me... If I refused to respond with...with desire...passion...if I rejected his caresses, his touches...his kisses...he would...he said he would destroy an entire world. I knew that he would. He did it before...Alandria...blew it up because he knew how much it would hur...hurt me...knew I'd willingly come to his bed just to prevent that same fate from happening to...other heavily populated worlds... Couldn't... I had no choice but to, to accept his touch. No choice but to willingly give up my body to him...he...he didn't get my heart...no...locked it away...away for Jack...only for Jack...but Jack...doesn't...he doesn't love me anymore, can't stand to look at me, thinks I'm a whore...thinks I loved Osiris...I, I didn't, never...only, only loved Jack...always Jack but now... He can't stand the sight of me, Sam...can't...make him sick...disgust...I...I disgust him...doesn't...doesn't love...love me anymore...Sam...he... Kept my heart safe...for, for Jack...love Jack...on...only Jack but he...he... Not anymore, not...no love...I...I'm ruined...disgusting...I...I repulse...him...he...he...doesn't want...doesn't love me anymore...lost him...lost Jack...he...he..." 

Daniel's ramblings fell silent as he started to cry harder. Sam continued to rock him and hold him tightly shocked at the things Daniel had just revealed to her and knowing that he had suffered sheer hell at Osiris' hands. Jack thought Daniel had loved Osiris, but how could one love their rapist? Jack probably didn't even realize that Osiris had raped his lover over and over again using threats to coerce Daniel's cooperation, using destruction to lure Daniel into his bed and to force him to respond always. She shivered as she recalled the day they were captured by Osiris. She had been shocked when Osiris ran his fingers through Daniel's hair and Daniel had moaned in pleasure. She had been horrified when Osiris kissed Daniel and he returned the kiss. It had almost been as if Daniel had been somehow programmed or brainwashed into open compliance to the Goa'uld lord. Now she understood exactly how Osiris had trained Daniel to respond so openly to his caresses and touches: he had threatened to destroy worlds if Daniel refused to act pleased and satisfied by his "lord." 

She lifted her head as a knock sounded on the door and called, "Come in, Janet. It's open." 

Janet entered asking, "Where's Daniel...?" 

She stopped as she saw him on the couch with Sam. Sam was holding him and gently rocking him. Daniel was clinging to her as if she were a lifeline. He was shaking and obviously crying. She felt her heart aching for her friend's suffering. God, first he had suffered hell at the hands of Osiris and now this. She approached before quietly asking, "Has he talked?" 

"Yes..." 

"Did he tell you what happened?" 

"Yes. Apparently, from what I understood...Jack and he were engaged in foreplay...when Daniel panicked...told Jack to stop and..." 

"He didn't?" 

Sam only nodded her head. She then continued, "Janet, he... The Colonel... Daniel said that he told Jack he couldn't make love to him, that he told Jack no but...the Colonel obviously didn't accept Daniel's refusal. Daniel said that he couldn't...he couldn't, he told Jack that he wasn't ready, that it was too soon. He said that the Colonel...hurt him and called him a...whore, among other things. He accused him of enjoying what Osiris did to him. He's pretty shaken up, Janet." 

She swallowed hard before nodding and lowering before Daniel gently prompting, "Daniel...Daniel, it's me. It's Janet. I need you to come with me, Daniel. I need to examine you and check you for injuries. Daniel, will you come with me? Please, Daniel." 

He remained silent for several long minutes before nodding his head slightly and looking at Janet. Janet felt her heart breaking as she saw how puffy his eyes now were. He had obviously been crying a lot. She could read very strong emotions in those eyes: anger, rage, confusion, frustration but the most noticeable was the shame, the guilt and the humiliation. She could see his self-loathing...Daniel was ashamed of himself. He probably felt used, betrayed, dirty and afraid. It hurt her to see how much he despised himself at the moment. What the hell had Jack been thinking? What the hell had he done to Daniel? What the hell had he said? She had told him to expect this, to expect that Daniel might not be able to perform so soon after such a lengthy abduction, but obviously her words of warning had fallen on deaf ears for if Jack had listened to her warnings then Daniel wouldn't be here right now. 

She reached up to gently cup his cheek noticing his split open lip and bloody nose before asking softly, "Did he do this to you? Did he hit you, Daniel?" 

Daniel continued to look at Janet not responding. She asked again softer this time, "Daniel, did Jack hit you?" 

Daniel lowered his head instantly before nodding his head slightly. Yes, Jack had struck him. Jack had struck him several times very hard from the looks of the obvious swelling and bruising already rising on his face paired with his bloody nose and split lip. Those marks were evidence of very uncontrolled strikes, strikes full of anger and rage, strikes meant to hurt Daniel immensely. She continued, "Okay...what else did he do to you, Daniel? Did he try to...to penetrate...?" 

Again the slight nod of his head told her the answer she was seeking. She calmed her voice further as she continued, "Did he succeed?" 

Daniel clenched his eyes tightly shut as a new wave of tears rushed down his face as he recalled Jack ramming his finger in him several times before he managed to break free. Daniel spoke softly, "With...with his...his finger...several times...didn't...just..." 

"Okay. Okay, Daniel. I'm going to need you to get undressed so I can examine you for any other injuries. Sam, can we use your bathroom? I'm sure Daniel will want to shower after I'm done." 

"Sure. He can stay here tonight as well. I don't mind the company." 

She nodded before returning her gaze to Daniel and gently inquiring, "Would you like to go upstairs and bath, Daniel?" 

Another nod answered the question. She smiled warmly as she said, "Okay, let's go. Can you...?" 

She was going to ask if he could make it up the stairs on his own, but as he shakily drew to his feet she immediately braced his back with her arm to help him. The instant she wrapped her arm around him she could feel the shivers that were wracking his body. Daniel was still in shock over what had happened to him. He looked exhausted, frightened and very anxious. It didn't slip her notice just how heavily Daniel was leaning on her for support. She looked at him again before helping him into Sam's bedroom. 

Once inside she guided him onto the bed urging him to sit before saying, "I know how hard this will be for you, Daniel, but I have to examine you. I have to examine you internally as well. I need to see if he...if you were...injured by the penetration. We'll start with the normal physical first. Okay?" 

Daniel only nodded casting his eyes downward. She continued, "I need you to undress for me. Can you do that for me?" 

Again she received only a slight nod of his head. She softened her voice further as she asked, "Can you undress yourself or do you need some help?" 

Daniel merely looked at her before slowly pulling his T-shirt off then undoing his jeans and pushing them down over his legs. He sat quietly as Janet carefully examined him, not liking what she was seeing. It was very obvious that Daniel had been attacked physically. He had deep bruising already forming on his buttocks and inner thighs, as well as his hips. There was also bruising on each of his wrists and his upper arms. Along with the deep bruising she also found several scratches across his back and on his inner thighs where Jack had obviously been so brutal that his nails scratched open the tender flesh. She was very worried for Daniel knowing just how deeply in love he was with Jack and knowing just how deeply their trust ran. She also was very afraid because he was still recovering from his imprisonment with Osiris. 

As she looked up at him again to see how he was doing she felt sad, for she no longer saw trust in Daniel's eyes. She only saw weariness, shame, guilt and confusion. He was having a hard time dealing with what Jack had tried to do to him. It would take him a long time to get over the attack. Someone he deeply loved had viciously attacked him. The man he gave his love to, a man who was supposed to protect him and care for him, had attacked him. Jack should have been protecting Daniel and helping him heal from what Osiris had put him through, but instead of being supportive he had turned around and hurt Daniel more than Osiris ever could have. He had not only violated Daniel's body, he had violated Daniel's trust. Daniel had trusted Jack totally and completely, and now that this had happened... He had unselfishly given Jack his complete love and trust only to have it thrown back in his face and stripped from him all in the span of a few minutes when Jack's rage had taken hold and his anger had made him lash out at the one man who loved him unselfishly. God, Jack O'Neill was such a fool. 

When she finished with her exam of Daniel's body she urged him to roll onto his side and pull his knees up towards his chest. She explained to him what she was doing as she pulled on plastic gloves before carefully examining his anus. She could tell that even though Daniel had said Jack only used a finger he was torn open some. There was some blood on him. She quietly asked, "Do you feel sore or anything?" 

Daniel clenched his eyes tightly shut before nodding his head yes. She wasn't a bit surprised since he had a few cuts around his anus that extended into his rectum. Though the damage was only minimal on the outside she knew that the internal scars were much more painful. 

After finishing her examine she helped him into the bathroom and into the tub remaining within hearing distance in case he needed any help. She frowned looking up at Sam in worry when Daniel left water out of the tub then filled it again after only a few minutes. She then said, "He's scrubbing himself...that's the second bath..." 

"Is that...?" 

"Yes, that's normal. He feels dirty and used...Jack calling him...those crude names didn't help much either." 

"Why do you think he did this to Daniel?" 

"That I can't really answer Sam because I don't really know. I think he believed that Daniel should have no problems functioning sexually after his imprisonment. You told me about how Daniel responded to Osiris that day you were captured. Jack probably figured that Daniel had enjoyed his sexual relations with Osiris. He saw Daniel responding to Osiris openly. What he failed to take into consideration was the fact that Daniel would never have willingly given up his body to another for sexual favors UNLESS he'd been threatened with something pretty damned serious. To him he saw Daniel's reactions and figured that there was little suffering on Daniel's part, but in reality Osiris had raped him and violated him every single time he'd touched him. Daniel had been unwilling to cooperate, so Osiris used something to get his compliance..." 

"Osiris threatened to destroy an entire planet if he refused to service him. Daniel said that Osiris destroyed a world before and that was how he gained his full cooperation and his open responses..." 

"He coerced Daniel...used threats to coerce his cooperation in bed. What it boils down to is a very simple truth: Osiris raped him each and every time he requested any kind of sexual favor because Daniel only cooperated to spare the lives of those inhabitants of the planets Osiris threatened to destroy. I think if Jack knew the full truth he'd be less likely to accuse Daniel of being unfaithful. Daniel was raped probably hundreds of times while with Osiris." 

"And then he returns home only to be nearly raped again." 

"This time by the one person who has the power to destroy him completely..." 

"How could Jack even think that Daniel...? Daniel, this is Daniel we're talking about here. Daniel." 

"I know. I know." 

She sighed in frustration hearing the water running for the third time. All she could do was shake her head sadly... The damage had already been done and now it was up to Daniel to pick up what remained of his already damaged soul and somehow find a way to put himself back together again...if that were even possible anymore. 

 

* * * *

 

Daniel was grateful that Janet had helped him into the bathtub and waited until she left feeling much better when she closed the door behind her. Once alone he grabbed the soap and a washcloth and began to gently scrub his body feeling more relaxed as the warm water came into contact with his skin, but when his eyes fell to the bruises on his wrists he no longer felt enjoyment. He, instead, felt an overwhelming desire to scrub his body extremely hard. He was filthy, dirty...ruined. He had to get clean. He started to scrub harder wincing as the pressure only triggered more pain in his bruises, but he didn't care he just wanted them gone. He wanted all the marks to disappear. He scrubbed harsher becoming desperate when the bruises remained and his skin became covered in redness as he started to rub his wrist raw. He knew he should stop, but he just felt so dirty and so unclean. God, if Jack couldn't even stand to look at him, or to touch him with anything but violence then he obviously was dirty, disgusting and filthy. He was a dirty, filthy slave...Osiris' dirty filthy slave...his slut, his whore...his fucking lover... He was tainted now; ruined, destroyed...Jack didn't want him. Why the hell would he want him? He was damaged goods. He was soiled property. He was a whore. He'd deserved to be slapped and attacked by Jack. He had given in to Osiris...he had betrayed Jack, and his lover had every right to punish him... 

He started to cry heavily again scrubbing, desperately trying to block out the memories and the pain of the last year of his life. He had tried, he had really tried...he had kept his heart locked away! HE HAD! He had saved his heart, his love for Jack. He kept it shielded and guarded. He refused to let Osiris touch him in his heart. He was determined to save at least that much of himself. His body might be filthy and dirty, but his heart was still clean and pure. His heart was for Jack, but Jack didn't want him anymore. Jack couldn't see that he had saved the best part of himself for him. He had guarded his heart. He had been determined to keep his love untainted by the horrible things he did for Osiris. Osiris could do whatever the hell he wanted to do to his body, but he'd never have his heart, for Daniel greedily guarded it and kept it safe for Jack. He'd kept his heart safe for Jack, and when Jack wanted it he couldn't give it freely because he'd had kept it hidden and locked up for far too long. When he had told Jack, tried to tell him that he couldn't give him his heart quite yet Jack had lashed out at him telling him that he was a whore, a bitch...telling him that he didn't want him anymore. 

Daniel continued to scrub his body with the rag crying so hard that he couldn't really see what he was doing. When he was finished he washed off, but he still wasn't clean enough. He still needed to be cleaner...cleaner for Jack. Maybe if he could become cleaner...cleaner for Jack and for himself... He angrily drained the bath and then flicked on the water filling it up another time, determined to get himself clean. He felt so dirty, so filthy and so disgusting. He grabbed the soap and started to scrub harder determined to get clean, but as the bath didn't clean him enough he became so angry that he grabbed the shampoo bottle and hurled it at the nearest thing. Instantly a loud crash emanated throughout the room as Sam's mirror shattered. He stared at it for the longest time before getting out of the tub, determined to clean up the mess. He didn't hear the door as it opened, and didn't hear Janet or Sam as they both gasped in shock... 

Janet reacted first running over to Daniel, lowering beside him and asking if he was all right. He didn't even look at her all he did was softly mutter, "I broke it, I broke it. I'm sorry...sorry...dirty...I'll clean it up... Clean it up for Sam..." while making desperate grabs for the jagged pieces. 

Janet immediately attempted to stop him, tensing when Daniel shrugged her off and thinking of just how dangerous it was for Daniel to be handling broken pieces of glass with his bare hands in his present state. She quickly spoke keeping her voice calm as she said, "Daniel? Daniel stop. Daniel, please!" 

He continued to ignore her focusing intently on cleaning up the broken shards of glass, completely oblivious to the fact that the glass was slicing his hands and knees open mercilessly cutting into his flesh and drawing blood to the surface. 

Janet grabbed his arm determined to stop him from continuing to harm himself, and he jerked from her shrieking as she touched him. He yelled, "No, NO! Don't touch...please...I'll get you dirty...too dirty...don't want to ruin you too...PLEASE!" 

Janet felt the tears piercing her eyes then and there as she heard his comment. Oh God. He was hurting so badly. Sam approached saying, "Daniel, don't worry. I'll clean it up later. Don't worry. You can finish your bath, and I'll take care of this..." 

Daniel didn't hear her now lost in his own rambling thoughts and his own feelings of humiliation and shame. He spoke softly, "Got to clean it up...dirty...made a mess...Sam...Sam's going to be upset...God..." 

The tears started to run harder down his cheeks as he recalled Jack's words to him again. He screamed as those words sliced into his soul wounding him deeply. He dropped the shattered pieces of glass before slamming his hands against the floor screaming when pain tore through his hands as the broken shards dug and cut into them. Janet quickly stepped around the glass wrapping her arms around his body and holding him tightly as he stared in shock at the blood now running from his hands. 

The instant he felt arms wrapping around his body he started to fight against them muttering, "No, no...dirty... I'll get you dirty...no...don't touch me...NO!" 

Sam felt tears start gliding down her face as well and without thinking she too approached Daniel and held him close. Janet was whispering to him trying to reassure him and calm him. Daniel fought to break free of their holds continuing to say that he was too dirty and filthy to be touching them, then he suddenly stilled in their arms as if the strength just left him. He curled up the best he could while being held between the two women and cried harder. He said, "I'm sorry...sorry...Janet...sorry Sam. I'm so messed up. I'm sorry. I...I just...I feel so dirty...so used...I...if Jack...I Jack can't even look at me then I must be...I must be pathetic...I...I responded to Osiris...oh God, I let him...I let him do all kinds of things to me...let him touch me, make love to me...let him kiss me...and stroke me...God, no wonder Jack hates me. I betrayed him, betrayed his trust, betrayed our love...betrayed Jack..." 

Janet calmed her voice saying, "No, Daniel, no you didn't. You didn't. You had no choice. Osiris used threats to get your cooperation. None of those things you did with him were of your own free will. Daniel, he raped you. He raped you over and over again. You didn't give in to him. He forced your compliance and used threats to get control of you. You didn't do anything wrong. What you did you did to survive. You were raped, Daniel. You didn't comply. Osiris used you. You didn't betray Jack or his trust. You didn't betray yourself. You survived. You're a survivor." 

"I feel so alone...so...so...unclean...so vile..." 

"Daniel, it's only natural to feel that way. You're only human, one who has suffered a year of imprisonment fighting for your life." 

"But I lost myself...lost who I was...Have nothing left...couldn't save anything for Jack...all gone..." 

Sam spoke up then saying, "No, Daniel, you even told me you managed to save your heart. You saved your love for Jack. You protected it and shielded it so it wouldn't be tainted. You have your love for him left..." 

"Sam, he doesn't love me anymore. You... He...he told me with his own words just how much he despises me...thinks I enjoyed what he did to me...thinks I loved Osiris...I'm ruined...we're ruined. There is no more...Jack and Daniel...can't work, won't ever work now...too... He hates me." 

Sam focused intently on Janet while still holding onto Daniel. Janet looked at her and continued to rock Daniel gently back and forth. She continued to gently croon, "No...no, Daniel, he doesn't. He could never hate you. No one could ever hate you, Daniel. No one..." 

Daniel laughed a maniacal, desperate laugh as he responded, "Why not, Jan? I'm the Goa'uld bitch you know...his whore, his slut...his goddamned fuck toy...why would anyone love me? I'm not worth it...I'm not." 

Janet's eyes widened when she heard the anger, the self-hatred and the self-loathing in Daniel's voice. Oh God, he had been hurt so much worse than she had ever imagined. He now hated himself. He now felt as if he were unworthy of love and care. Oh, Daniel, how can I help you see, help you realize that you are none of those things? How? She knew it would be nearly impossible now, for Jack in his rage had helped to reassert in Daniel's mind the belief that he truly was unlovable, that he truly was repulsive and that he was only a Goa'uld whore... God, to hear Daniel himself speak those vile words and to know that he was calling himself those names... 

She shook her head sadly and propped her chin atop his head holding him closely, knowing that he needed their comfort and their love more than ever right now. He was waging a war inside himself now trying to make sense of why his lover would have attacked him, why his life had turned out so terribly wrong and why he was so unworthy of any kind of care and concern. She glanced up at Sam seeing those same feelings reflected in her eyes. They had to help him through this. They had to help him heal. 

She glanced up again as the doorbell rang giving Sam a questioning glance and feeling Daniel tense immediately under them. He started muttering, "No, no...not him...can't be...doesn't know I'm here...God, no...can't look at him...can't face him...no..." 

"Shh, shh, Daniel, everything's all right. It's okay...it's okay..." 

Sam spoke softly, "Probably Teal'c...I called him when you brought Daniel up here for his exam...I thought we might be able to use his help..." 

They both felt the tension in Daniel suddenly begin to leave his body when he heard Sam's voice and heard her confirm that it was Teal'c at that door and not Jack. She knew Jack was the one he couldn't face. She knew that Jack was the one he couldn't look at, and it saddened her. She nodded her head hearing light footsteps on the staircase leading up to this level. 

Sam called to him, "Teal'c, we're in here...in the bathroom. Please come in." 

Within only a few short moments Teal'c entered the room stopping when he saw the sight before him and feeling his sudden fierce protectiveness and concern for the young man in their arms surge to the forefront. 

Sam broke the silence first keeping her voice at a minimum, so as not to disturb Daniel further. He seemed to be calming some, and she knew that loud voices would not help. She offered him a small smile before saying, "Daniel needed to vent..." 

"I see. What has happened to him?" 

"Um...he was...um..." 

Janet spoke up quietly, "He and the Colonel had a bit of a misunderstanding..." 

She felt Daniel tense under her upon the mention of the Colonel and nervously bit into her lower lip hoping that her simple comment wouldn't make things worse all over again. 

Sam seeing the young doctor struggling to provide an answer to their Jaffa friend continued, "He...hurt Daniel very badly...they were preparing to...make love when he allowed his anger and rage to take root...he..." 

"Major Carter, did O'Neill attempt to make love with force?" 

Sam lowered her gaze before quietly answering, "Yes...yes, Teal'c he did." 

"Why would he do such a thing? He should have realized it is too soon. Does he not know how a system lord's favored is treated?" Seeing Daniel's sudden discomfort and hearing him gasp and cringe upon the mention of the word "favored" Teal'c immediately regretted speaking out of turn. He knew that his young friend had suffered much at the hands of Osiris. Many who are chosen favorites to a system lord are used in whatever way the Goa'uld lord wishes. One does not have a choice when one is a favored to a god, for they must show the utmost respect always to their lord. Teal'c knew for certain that Daniel had suffered much. Unlike O'Neill he had not been surprised to see Daniel responding so readily to Osiris upon a simple touch, for all those who were a favored to a system lord were put through extensive trainings and disciplines to become as such. Osiris probably demanded that Daniel present himself as a sexually desirable slave always. He was probably trained on how to carry himself in such a way. He was to resonate sex...be appealing to all those who saw him, be sexually ready and eager always for his lord and to respond openly to any touches his lord placed upon his body, even while in the presence of an audience. He was to be sexually promiscuous, sexually desirable and sexually eager always, among other things. The failure to do any of those things was grave. 

He frowned as he noticed the broken shards of glass around his friend and gazed at Major Carter catching the concern and understanding in her eyes. His young friend had broken the mirror before he arrived. He now remained on his knees half sitting, half kneeling while being held between the two women. Teal'c could see blood dripping from Daniel Jackson's hands and his concern grew stronger. He approached asking, "What has happened here?" 

"Daniel was upset and he decided to take his anger out on my mirror. Don't worry about it Teal'c. Daniel's fine, he will be fine. My mirror however will need replacing sometime." 

Teal'c quietly offered, "Shall I take him from you, Major Carter? I can help him to finish his bath and clean him up." 

"Wait a few more moments Teal'c." 

"As you wish." 

Teal'c turned his focus towards gathering what he would need to clean and bandage the freshly bleeding cuts on his friends hands and wrists before returning and kneeling before his young friend asking, "Shall I help you finish bathing, my friend?" 

Daniel lifted his head gazing at Teal'c as he tried to make sense of his question. When he realized that Teal'c was offering to help him finish bathing and get cleaned up he stumbled over his reply, "What? Yes...yes Teal'c, please. Thank...thank you." 

"I am happy to be of service Daniel Jackson. Will you be comfortable in my presence or...?" 

"Yes I'll be fine." 

"Are you certain?" 

Daniel offered him a shy smile as he informed, "Teal'c when I was...away Zeenan often took care of me and my injuries. He took care of my needs...I'll be fine." 

Teal'c felt a surge of concern and anger run through him as Daniel confessed that Zeenan took care of injuries often. Did that mean that Osiris spent much time harming Daniel Jackson? He felt an insatiable need to find the Goa'uld lord and kill him with his bare hands as he again thought of the horror, the terror his young friend must have suffered through while serving another. He was determined to help his friend in any way he could and smiled when Janet and Sam eased their holds on his young friend allowing him to offer his assistance.


	24. Secrets Revealed

**SECRETS REVEALED**  
**Regrets and Loneliness**

He entered the house feeling angry and afraid. Then he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator trying to keep a tight grip on his panic. Where the hell was Daniel? Where the hell had he gone? God, Daniel was now out there, on the roads, extremely upset and behind the wheel. What if he had an accident? What if he was so upset that he couldn't focus on his driving and had a damned accident? He'd driven around every area he could think of searching for Daniel and hadn't located him. He'd called Sam, he'd called the SGC and he'd called Janet…none of them had seen him and none of them acted suspicious…they would tell him if Daniel was at their houses, right? They wouldn't leave him suffer not knowing what had happened to him…would they? No. Sam and Janet would never lie to him; they wouldn't…but if Daniel were to show up at one of their houses looking as distraught and battered as he had upon leaving this house then maybe they would do just that. God, please let him be at one of their homes and let them just be lying to him. Please, let him be any where but out there on those roads driving around in the state of shock and depression he had left in. 

What if Daniel decided to kill himself after the stupid attack…oh God, he wouldn't do that would he? WOULD HE? Shit, now he WAS scared! Would Danny resort to…to…to that if he felt as if his world were crumbling around him? My God the hurt, the pain, the misery that had marred his beautiful face earlier…all that pain, all that misery was his fault. HE had put that look in Daniel's eyes. HE had hurt Daniel immensely by attacking him, and the things he had said to him…God, the things he'd called him. Shit, did he really call Daniel a whore? No, please let that have just been in his mind! He would've never said such hurtful things to Daniel…would he? No, no. Never! But he'd not only called Daniel a whore, he had accused him of things: accused him of enjoying it, accused him of begging for more…Oh God no, he couldn't have said such spiteful, hurtful things to the love of his life…could he? 

He felt so ashamed and so angry. He had treated Daniel worse than Osiris probably ever had. He had hurt the man immensely. The pain, the anguish in those pristine blue eyes of his...God, how many times had Daniel said no? How many times had he begged and pleaded telling him that he couldn't do it, that he wasn't ready? HOW MANY TIMES? And instead of listening to his gentle lover he had attacked him, backhanded him and attempted to rape him... He was such an ass, such a fucking asshole! He'd probably lost Daniel tonight; he'd probably lost his lover for good and that made him hurt so damned much. He felt like his heart had been physically ripped from his chest while still beating. How could he have done such horrible things, made such cold accusations, showed such hatred to the man he loved with all his heart? How could he? He took a deep swig from the beer bottle he now held and as the bitter smooth taste of the alcoholic beverage slid down his throat he turned and gave it a wail...whipped it as hard as he could against the wall feeling much better when the glass splintered and shattered into a thousand little pieces. He stood for the longest time staring at the remainder of that beer bottle and the brown liquid now running down over the wall forming a small pool on the floor. His answers were not in that bottle. The last thing Daniel needed was a fucking alcoholic trying to apologize to him and trying to make things right. No, alcohol was not his answer. 

Jack turned viciously around glancing at the empty house that seemed to be weeping in silent mourning for the absence of his soul mate. Daniel was not here and the house felt colder than hell. The house felt so cold, so lonely and so damned big without Daniel in it smiling and laughing. The house reflected how he now felt: empty, cold, lonely...hurting so damned much that he wanted to double over in pain. He allowed the pain, the constant insistent ache in his chest to remain, for the pain reminded him of what he had done, reminded him of the horrid crime he had committed. He had quite possibly destroyed the love of his life this evening. Aw, God, Danny I'm sorry, so sorry, so very goddamned sorry... 

He walked up the stairs slowly, feeling his rage and anger quickly turning into full-blown depression. If Daniel didn't return to him then he had nothing left to live for...nothing at all. As he crested the stairs he continued his slow, labored path back to their bedroom finding that the closer he drew to the place where he had destroyed his lover, the more his heart ached and the more his legs felt like lead. The door to their bedroom seemed so very far away. When he finally reached it he shoved the door open hearing it bang and rattle against its hinges as it struck the wall hard. He took one step into the room and stopped staring at the bed with abject horror. There on the mattress was blood...Danny's blood...whether it was from his nose or the forced penetration Jack didn't know. He shuddered as he recalled shoving his finger not once but several times into the man...he had raped Daniel with his fucking finger...oh God, he was such a bastard! He was such a cold-hearted bastard! 

He didn't know what to do with himself. He couldn't make his legs move to enter the room, and he couldn't make himself retreat. It was as if that little bit of blood on the sheets captivated him. Bright red blood contrasted sharply against the pure white sheets...it was only a little blood, but the contrast was enough to make him want to throw up and before he realized it he was en route to the bathroom. He quickly found himself hanging his head over the toilet retching up his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Oh God, he was so sick. He allowed himself to retch and dry heave feeling that he deserved this sudden onset of misery. He deserved a hell of a lot more than the pleasure of emptying his stomach contents into the white toilet basin, hell he deserved to be flogged, beaten, dragged and quartered...even that wouldn't be enough to equal the pain and suffering he had caused his lover on this day. After spending what seemed like an eternity on his knees with his head hung over the toilet he felt the queasiness begin to abate. He could feel the taste of bile in his mouth and throat, and the taste only made him want to retch more. He quickly rinsed out his mouth then flushed the toilet watching as the contents of his stomach spiraled downward towards his septic tank. 

He rose shakily to his feet and attempted to re-enter his bedroom pausing when he saw a box sitting on the edge of his nightstand...Danny's book...his journal. He had meant to return it to his lover certain that he would want it back. He made it to the nightstand in two strides and quickly lifted the journal into his arms. He had an overwhelming urge to read it. He needed something of Daniel close to him now. He didn't want to pry but needed to do this...he needed to be with Daniel, so he returned to the bathroom as his stomach threatened to empty further deciding that sitting in there might not be such a bad idea. 

He shut the door before he squeezed his body between the bathtub and sink. He drew his legs up then sat the box on his lap. He stared at it for the longest time not wanting to pry but unable to resist the lure of it. He carefully eased the lid off then pulled out the journal. He sat the empty box on the floor beside him and placed the journal on his bent knees. Again he stared at it slowly running his fingers across the cover imagining the many times Daniel had probably done the exact same thing. He remained like that for a long time before with shaking hands he opened the journal to a random entry. He focused on the page noticing and recognizing Daniel's careful penmanship on the pages. Yes, he could tell that Daniel had written this. He hesitated still not wanting to pry, but as he lowered his eyes to the top of the page he could no longer prevent his curiosity from taking root. He started to carefully read Daniel's meticulous handwriting: 

**Journal Entry**

_I'm trapped with no chance of freedom. I want to give up. I want to die. I want to cry and_  
_I want to forget. Sometimes I can forget, Jack, sometimes. But then he returns demanding_  
_services from me, demanding my respect, demanding my allegiance and my complete_  
_submission. I don't know how much longer I can hold on, Jack._

_I dream of you every night...even call your name. Hoping, praying that someday you'll_  
_answer my call. I need you, Jack. I need you more than you'll ever know. I'm all alone...alone_  
_and afraid, so afraid. Will you love me when I return? What if I'm no longer the man you_  
_once knew? Could you accept me back into your life after having been absent from it for_  
_so long? Could you accept me as I am, Jack? Damaged, scarred, used? Would you want_  
_me back if you knew what I had to surrender to Osiris to survive each and every day?_  
_Could you ever forgive me for the things I had to do to ensure you and Earth were safe...to_  
_ensure that he wouldn't destroy another entire planet as he did to Alandria? Could you ever_  
_accept me into your life knowing that I have been used and knowing that I have responded_  
_so openly to his attentions? I don't think you can, Jack. I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't,_  
_but each time I think about it my heart breaks...and I lose another piece of my soul._

_I'm trying, Jack. I fight every single day but still when night comes I have to serve him...if I_  
_refuse..._

_You could never love me knowing that I surrendered my body to Osiris. Never. I don't even_  
_know why I keep hoping that you will understand. I want you desperately to understand,_  
_but how could you? How could you ever look at me in the same way again? The answer is_  
_obvious though it breaks my heart to admit it: you couldn't. I'll never be clean again. I'll_  
_never be your lover again. Why the hell should I be when I have so willingly prostituted_  
_myself to my captor? Why should you even have to care for me any longer, Jack? I'm just_  
_a burden now. Someone you would be best to forget. Someone you would be best to get_  
_rid of for I am no longer worthy of your undying love. I belong to Osiris now..._

_Oh Jack, Jack my love, I will miss you but I am no longer worth your time. I am no longer_  
_worth loving, for who could ever learn to love someone so tainted by evil?_

**End of Journal Entry**

Jack could no longer see the words on the pages of the journal. He set it beside him on the floor not wanting his tears to mar or soil the passages Daniel had obviously written for him. God, he had wronged Daniel so this evening. He pulled his knees to his chest and attempted to curl in on himself, rocking in his abject misery at the realization that he had succeeded in proving to his lover that he was no longer worth his time, his energy, his concern or his love. Oh God, what have I done to you, my love? God, how I must have hurt you by my actions tonight... I'm sorry, so goddamned sorry Daniel. What can I do now? What can I say? I've probably ruined any chance I had with you; hell, I probably ruined you. I'm so sorry, love...so very sorry. How can I ever make up for all the pain I brought you this night? I didn't know, Daniel. I didn't know...how could I have known that was how you felt about things? I should have known, Danny. I know you better than anyone. I should have known that to offer yourself to him would feel to you as if you were betraying me over and over again...betraying our love. You had no choice, Daniel, no choice and instead of helping you through this I've only added to your anguish and suffering. Oh God, love, will you ever forgive me? Hell, will you ever forgive yourself?

He sat alone in the silence letting each hour tick by wanting to pick up the journal and read more but finding that he just couldn't do it, not yet. He had to find Daniel. He had to set things right. He had to make Daniel understand that he had nothing to feel guilty about and nothing to feel ashamed about. The things he did for...that snake he did to survive, and instead of understanding him he had condemned him. Tomorrow he would speak to Daniel... Daniel wouldn't miss work, would he? He wouldn't call in sick would he? Where was the man now? Was he with Sam or at the SGC? Or was he still out there somewhere driving recklessly as his sorrow and despair took hold? He shook his head sadly not knowing what to do. He chose to remain on the bathroom floor holding himself so compact that his body started to protest the position, but he refused to move out of it. He refused to relax his body for he deserved to suffer for all the pain he had caused his lover. He deserved to suffer endlessly.

* * * * * *

**THE JOURNEY OF HEALING BEGINS**  
**Taking the First Step**

Sam entered her bedroom smiling when she noticed that Daniel was fast asleep curled up in her bed. He had some how managed to fall asleep, but whether it was of his own free will or simply because he was too exhausted to continue on she didn't know. She quietly slipped into the room trying not to make a lot of noise, not wanting to disturb Daniel as she moved about. She quickly retrieved her clothes from her closet then entered the bathroom carefully shutting the door behind her. She showered before dressing and once done returned to the bedroom.

She walked over to Daniel to check on him and make certain that he was still resting comfortably, but as she focused on him she noticed that he was now awake watching her as she moved about. She smiled warmly, softly greeting, "Well, good morning Daniel. How are you feeling?"

Daniel stared at her for a while before saying, "A little better than last night but still not too good..." 

"How about you relax and try to get some more sleep?"

Daniel shook his head no immediately before replying, "No...it's time to get ready for work."

Sam was quick to inform, "Daniel you don't have to go to work. You should take the day off and take it easy."

"No, no Sam, I...I need to be busy... I...I can't... If I stay here all I'll do is think and...and worry..."

"Okay if you're certain."

"I am." 

"I'll get your clothes for you then..."

"Sam, all my clothes are at... I...I don't...I don't have any here."

"Teal'c brought some from your locker. He said that you would probably rather go to work today too."

Daniel allowed a small smile to escape as she said that. Sam returned the smile saying that she was going to go make him some coffee before they left.

Together Sam and Daniel went to work. Daniel was a bit nervous about entering the SGC when he had bruises on his face. He knew they were there but hadn't been able to look at himself in a mirror this morning. He didn't want to see the marks now marring his face from...from his attack.

As they entered the SGC Sam noticed how Daniel kept his head bowed as if he were trying to hide the bruises now covering his handsome boyish face. She knew how hard it was for him to return to the SGC knowing that he was bound to run into Jack sometime and wearing evidence of having been beaten the night before. She smiled at the airman in the elevator noticing that Daniel nervously pressed his hand to his face as if trying to conceal his injuries from prying eyes. She knew the airman could see the bruising but to his credit he remained silent not drawing attention to them...it was almost as if he sensed that Daniel needed him to remain so.

As they exited the elevator they ran directly into Janet. Janet looked at Sam with disapproval quietly chiding, "Daniel, you should have stayed home today."

"No... I...I need to be here... I'm all right. Really, Jan..."

"Come see me if you experience any pain. Do you hear me?"

"Yes."

"All right," she cast another glance in Sam's direction passing her a non-verbal message that she was to keep an eye on him. She nodded her head in silent understanding before walking with Daniel to his office. She didn't want to leave him alone but, also, didn't want to hinder his need to do this...to work even after all he had suffered during his abduction and during the previous night. She watched him as he approached his desk before returning her gaze and informing her that he would be fine and would call her if he needed anything. She nodded her head, told him she'd be in her lab and would check on him later then left him to the solace of his office. 

Daniel watched her go glad that she quietly closed the door behind her. He then sat down and quickly realized that it was a bit uncomfortable. He felt revulsion and disgust run through him as he recalled just why he was so sore...Jack...oh God Jack had...had... He shuddered shaking his head angrily and shifting more onto his hip to alleviate some of the discomfort.

He soon hung his head feeling despair threatening to engulf him as the pain refused to subside. He swept his eyes angrily across his desk pausing when they fell across the ancient artifact he had been studying. Without thought he picked the item up examining the alien text with open interest. It wasn't long before he found himself thoroughly engrossed once again in attempting to decipher the fine markings scrawled across its surface. The alien text intrigued him and puzzled him, and as he picked up his notes he found himself quickly becoming involved in trying to decipher the complex puzzle that had been stumping him.

Sam decided to check on Daniel to see how he was doing and as she eased his office door open she smiled noticing that he was studying an artifact while furiously writing notes on his notepad. She was very glad to see that he was able to focus on his work. She jumped as Janet's voice whispered so quietly behind her setting her heart racing as she questioned, "How's he doing?"

Sam turned and offered her one of those magnificent smiles of hers as she whispered, "See for yourself."

Janet leaned in momentarily becoming distracted as Sam's sweet scent tantalized her nostrils. She found herself automatically leaning closer towards the young Major wanting desperately to press a kiss against that beautiful column of neck now exposed to her eyes. She inhaled sharply when she realized how close she'd actually come to pressing her lips to that neck. Shit! What the hell was wrong with her? She was at work! Fraternizing with a woman was against the rules...shit! She quickly jerked her gaze away from Sam focusing beyond the petite blonde at the young man now bent over his desk furiously writing on a tablet. She smiled herself when she saw that Daniel was doing very well indeed. Maybe his coming to work today was a good idea after all.

Sam looked at Janet casting a goofy grin her way because she was so happy for Daniel. Janet focused on her and quietly said, "The next time you check on him bring him something to eat and drink. It looks as if he's going to be quite busy today, and we both know how Daniel tends to forget the basic requirements...like food and water when he's that busy."

Sam nodded continuing to smile as she said, "I'm glad he's able to focus. Do you think he's going to be all right, Janet?"

Janet gazed again at her young friend still furiously working on his newest project before answering truthfully, "I think it's going to take some time...a lot of time and a lot of patience. We don't have him completely back yet. He has to deal with a lot of issues and now with the attack last night...healing is going to be even more of a challenge for him...and for us."

Sam nodded her head before saying, "We should leave him alone. I'll come back and check on him in another hour or two."

"Let's go."

They both left as quietly as they had arrived. Daniel hadn't even realized that the two women had been spying on him, he was so focused on trying to translate the writings on the artifact that he had allowed his guard to drop momentarily.

* * * * * *

**LONELINESS**  
**Fear of the Unknown**

Jack had felt the tension among his friends the moment he'd set foot in the SGC. He was certain they had seen Daniel or spoken with him, as the looks that Sam, Janet and even Teal'c had tossed his way were enough to kill. All three of them had been very abrupt and brisk towards him. He'd managed to get no more than a polite 'hello Colonel' out of Sam, and Janet had only spoken to him when she'd absolutely had to. Teal'c had just plain ignored him. Yep, they had obviously either seen or spoken with Daniel recently, for the air was so damned cold in here today that he would need a furnace to warm up. Shit! Normally he would have been pissed off at the way his co-workers were treating him, except he felt that they were completely justified. Hell, he deserved a lot worse than what they were bestowing upon him. 

He quickly made his way to his office wanting to hide away from those condemning glares that only reminded him of what had transpired the previous evening. He was having a hard enough time blocking out Daniel's wounded expression. He sure as hell didn't need the icy stares to go along with those images.

As he settled in his office he wondered if Daniel was here. He tried to focus on his work determined to give Daniel some space, but the longer he sat there the more the images from the previous evening danced across his vision: Daniel pleading, Daniel begging, Daniel fighting against him, Daniel running from him and Daniel running from the house...Daniel, Daniel, Daniel... He cursed loudly both disgusted and angry with himself. He became so pissed that he threw his hand across his desk upturning items and knocking others to the floor. He stopped and gawked at the mess he made then quickly set to work cleaning it up. By the time he was finished he could no longer stay away from Daniel. He HAD to see him, had to apologize and had to speak with him. He had to! 

Before he realized what he was doing he'd made a beeline directly for the young archaeologist's office needing to see him to make certain that he had made it safely to wherever he ran to the previous night. As he drew nearer to Daniel's office he gasped when he heard his lover informing someone that he was okay just shaken up a bit. He couldn't move as he heard Daniel's voice floating out into the hallway, but as he heard the visitor saying good-bye he quickly darted out of sight, not wanting to be caught spying. He wanted so badly to speak with Daniel but lost his nerve. He quickly retreated to the commissary to get some food, cursing himself for taking the coward's way out by hightailing it out of there. Wimp! He was a damned coward! He couldn't even work up the nerve to apologize to the man. The doubts began crowding in: what if Daniel refused to see him? What if he panicked? What if he ran? What if...? He shook his head before bolting. Coward! He was a coward! Damn! 

* * * *

Jack couldn't stay away from Daniel. After lunch he found himself again standing outside his lover's office door staring at his name spelled out on the golden plaque before him. He lovingly ran his fingers across Daniel's nameplate feeling his heart aching for his lover. He then reached for the doorknob slowly wrapping his hand around it and turned it ever so slightly. All he would do was look at Daniel. He would spend a few moments looking at him then he would leave again. He would.

As he opened the door he paused gawking at his lover now turned away from him focusing on an artifact as he wrote notes...translation... Daniel was translating. He knew that he was. He was determined to leave but quickly discovered that he just couldn't do it. Without a thought he stepped into the room closing the door quietly behind him and approached Daniel. His feet moved leading him on a path directly to his lover.

Daniel was so focused on his translations that he'd failed to hear his approach. Jack raised his hand preparing to place it on Daniel's shoulder but stopped himself afraid that he would only hurt him all over again. He held his hand there hovering just above Daniel like a phantom. He was caught between the need, the desire to touch Daniel and the uncertainty of whether or not doing so was the correct thing to do. He settled for silently observing the man still holding his hand in the air prepared to lower it onto that broad shoulder or yank it away when he finally made a decision. He watched that bent head admiring the way the light was drawing out the red and gold highlights and swallowed hard as he recalled just how soft the hair was. His fingers twitched as he felt an incredible urge to run his hands through that silky hair... 

Jack shook his head yelling at himself determined to leave as quietly as he had entered, but before he realized what he was doing he spoke one word, "Daniel..." 

Daniel jumped jerking his head around so fast that Jack didn't know what to do. The instant Daniel's eyes fell on him he jumped to his feet and darted back behind his desk placing it between the two of them. Jack swallowed hard feeling his heart ache as Daniel felt the need to keep an object between them. As he looked at Daniel's face the first thing he noticed was the raw fear and panic there. The man was staring at him in something akin to horror and Jack could feel another crack form in his heart. Oh God, Daniel was scared to death...of him. God no! NO! The second thing he noticed turned his blood to ice...bruises, dark bruises marred that gorgeous face...marks placed there by his hands. He looked at his hands in disgust knowing that those bruises originated from them, from when he...when he...backhanded Daniel to...to punish him...oh God...to punish him for his betrayal. But there had been no betrayal on Daniel's part...no, the betrayal was from him and he had betrayed Daniel's trust...his love...oh God. He could no longer look at Daniel as he cast his eyes towards the ground extremely ashamed of what he had done.

Jack continued to listen to the tense silence becoming aware that Daniel's breathing was rapid; he sounded so afraid. Oh God, Daniel I'm so sorry...so sorry. I've caused you so much pain. How can I help you heal now? How? He glanced up as Daniel spoke in a shaky voice, "Jack, what...what are you...why are you...?"

"Danny..." 

"Don't call me that!"

Jack flinched but conceded to Daniel's request. He raised his hands before him to show Daniel that he wouldn't pressure him and wouldn't harm him again before he softly uttered, "Okay...Daniel..."

"What do you want, Jack?" 

"What do YOU want, Daniel?"

"You to leave...now." 

"No, I can't do that."

He heard Daniel gasp in surprise and heard him shift his position. As he glanced up again he noticed that Daniel was picking up his phone and dialing a number...whom was he calling? Security? Sam? Who? He suddenly realized that he didn't want Daniel to call anyone. What he wanted was the man to speak with him, to listen to him. Without thought he interceded placing his hand over top of Daniel's. Daniel snatched his hand away so rapidly that Jack was speechless. Oh shit, he was acting as if the touch burned him...shit! He shook his head sadly before pressing his finger onto the phone, depressing the button to disconnect the call. Daniel stared at him unmoving with fear and uncertainty flaring in his eyes. He quietly spoke, "You had no right to do that."

"I had every right to do that," Jack spoke sternly only realizing it when Daniel unconsciously flinched before asking, "Oh, oh you did? And since when did you become my master, Jack?"

"What?" Now where in the hell had that comment come from?

Daniel quickly snapped, "I don't need a fucking master, Jack! I'm no longer a fucking slave!"

"Daniel..."

"Don't talk to me, Jack...leave!"

"Daniel…" 

Daniel became angrier as he pointed to his face yelling, "Do you see these bruises, Jack? I can't even stand to fucking look at myself in a mirror knowing that MY LOVER despises me so much that he felt the need to discipline me and punish me for doing things I had no control over!"

Jack swallowed hard before managing to squeak out, "Daniel, please..."

"Please? Please? You're pleading with me now? How come last night my pleading nearly got me fucking raped? You didn't listen to me then, so why in the hell should I listen to you now?"

Oh, ouch that was a very low blow, but Jack knew he deserved no less. He then stepped around Daniel's desk attempting to eliminate the barrier that his lover was trying so hard to place between them. Daniel's response was automatic as he retreated backing away and raising his hands as if to ward him off. Jack felt a wrenching deep within that his lover even felt the need to do so. Oh God, just how badly had he hurt the man?

He was determined to fix this. He was determined to apologize, and he sure as hell wasn't going to do so from across the room. He moved around the desk in an attempt to approach Daniel, but didn't get very far before Daniel's door suddenly flew open making the young linguist jump in shock, obvious fear flaring in those eyes as the unexpected noise startled him. The door admitted a very angry and perturbed Jaffa hell-bent on protecting Daniel from anyone who dared to hurt him in any way. He could only yelp as Teal'c rapidly intervened grabbing him by the arm before informing, "You will leave Daniel Jackson alone now, O'Neill."

No. NO! He had to fix this! He had to talk to Daniel. HE HAD TO! He was so desperate to make Teal'c understand, to make him see that it was extremely important he be allowed to speak with Daniel that he resorted to pleading, "Teal'c...Teal'c please let me speak with him. I need to talk to him. Please."

Teal'c glanced at Daniel noting the fear and anxiety in his young friend and softened his voice as he questioned, "Daniel Jackson, do you desire to speak with O'Neill?"

Jack looked at Daniel hoping that his lover would say yes, pleading with his eyes for Daniel to just give him a chance to explain. He felt his spirits fall as Daniel shook his head no. Teal'c nodded his head and Daniel spoke so softly that he had to strain to hear him, "Thank you, Teal'c." 

"You are welcome, Daniel Jackson." 

Jack felt defeated and allowed Teal'c to escort him from Daniel's office. Once they cleared the door Jack spoke up in irritation, "You can let me go now, Teal'c. I can walk fine on my own."

He merely nodded before releasing his grip, but he didn't leave until he'd made sure Jack headed for his own office. 

As he entered his office Jack felt rage and anger take hold, as well as frustration. In his mind's eye he could still see the bruises that now marred his lover's face and could still feel the acid eating at his stomach as he realized that he was the one responsible for doing that to the man. He kicked the wall deciding to leave early and informed Hammond that he was taking the rest of the day off.

He'd meant to drive straight home, and had been determined to do so, but instead he drove directly to a local bar and helped himself to several drinks. When he felt a bit more relaxed as the alcohol began to do its work he drove home.

He headed directly for his bathroom quickly showering before retrieving Daniel's journal and squeezing his body between the sink and the tub again. He drew the journal close to his body as if it were a gold treasure...to him it was. This is how Daniel was speaking to him and telling him how he had felt. This journal was quite possibly his last link to the man, and he'd be damned if he would ever give the precious volume up. He was determined to read everything certain that there were some very painful entries contained within, but he would read them all. He had to read them all. He could no longer control his need to read the journal again so without thought he opened it randomly to another page and started to read: 

**Journal Entry**

_I feel his hands touch me so gently, and I want to die. I feel a shudder of revulsion run_  
_through my body, and I wonder how I can do this again. I have no choice. If I refuse..._  
_I struggle to accept his touch, fight to keep all outward indications of how he disgusts_  
_me from showing. He demands total submission. I must give him my passion, my desire,_  
_my body. I have no choice. I close my eyes as I build my wall, my box, around my heart_  
_and around my love. I must shield them for you and keep them pure for you, my love. I_  
_close my eyes as I feel my body responding to his intimate knowing touch. He knows how_  
_to excite my body and how to draw what he desires from me._

_I feel his hands stroking me, fondling me, caressing me...feel my hunger surge, feel the_  
_arousal he triggers within me. Lust that is all it is, lust pure and simple. Lust and primal_  
_urges, primal need. His touch is one of experience for he knows my body so well. He_  
_knows what will excite me, what will make me burn and what will make me groan. He_  
_knows my body almost as intimately as you, my lover. I have no resistance and no defense._  
_I hate the way he can make me feel inside. I hate how he knows my body so intimately._  
_He should not have such knowledge. That knowledge belongs to you Jack. He stole that_  
_knowledge and uses it to control me, to make me ache, to make me plead for completion._  
_I hate it and I hate him for making me respond so instantaneously to his strokes, his kisses,_  
_his licks. I hate him and I hate myself for responding so openly to him..._

Jack closed his eyes tightly clenching them shut not wanting to read any further. God, Daniel hated himself for responding? He actually hated himself? Does he still hate himself? Jack shook his head sadly unable to make himself look at the page again. God, he couldn't read any more of this could he? The things Daniel must have suffered, he must have done...the self-loathing he must've had for himself... God...and all he had done was show Daniel that his self-hatred was justified. Shit, he was such an asshole...such a clueless fucking prick! 

He knew that he was crying again but didn't give a damn, for Daniel's words spoke to him, telling him how much pain and anguish he had endured while serving Osiris. How the hell could he have accused Daniel of liking what that fucking snake had done to him? My God! Daniel had every right not to forgive him, every right! He didn't want to read any further knowing that Daniel's words would crush his soul, and make him cry so much harder...make him cry for his lover and for all that the man had lost...all that he was still losing. Oh God...he didn't want to keep reading, but he needed to. He needed to understand, needed to know...needed to feel how Daniel had suffered to survive for so long as Osiris' prisoner. Without further hesitation he focused on the page again quickly locating where he had stopped and swallowing hard as Daniel's words continued to break his heart... 

_I can't take much more of this, love. I feel so dirty, so used, so cheap and unclean. How_  
_can I handle this again? Each time I respond quicker more eagerly, I scream louder, beg_  
_longer for he knows how to satisfy me so well. He knows how to make me hot, horny_  
_and wanton. He knows just what to do to draw that passion burning deep inside me to_  
_the forefront. He knows how to push me to and beyond the edge of euphoria..._

_I can no longer bear to look at myself. After I climax for him again I will spend days_  
_upon days avoiding mirrors of all kinds, days to myself, days in the bathhouse scrubbing_  
_my body again and again trying to wipe his filth off of me, trying to forget that I allowed_  
_him to rape me all over again._

_Oh God, his hands are always caressing, rubbing my dick, tweaking my nipples, running_  
_through my hair... He always has to touch, always and I hate it! I can feel myself losing_  
_the battle and as a defense I picture you in my mind, imagine his hands are your hands_  
_and you are doing these wonderful things to me, you are making me come for you, love._  
_You are coaxing my body to respond. As we climb towards the pinnacle of orgasm_  
_together I come...bursting, erupting, squirting my juices into the air... I scream one name_  
_as I come hard: Jack, it's always your name Jack._

_He doesn't get angry even though I call your name when I climax. He is just satisfied to_  
_have had the chance to touch me and enjoy my body. Never mind that I call only one_  
_name when I come..._

_Jack, Jack...JACK!_

**End of Journal Entry**

He hung his head lower, clenching his eyes tightly shut as shame and guilt continued to swamp him. How could he have accused Daniel of betrayal? Daniel had obviously fought so hard against betraying him. Daniel had imagined that he was with him and that he was making love to him instead of Osiris? He always called 'Jack' when he climaxed? Those acts were not of betrayal they were of self-defense. They were the ways Daniel coped with his body's betrayal of himself and of his supposed betrayal of his lover. Daniel hadn't betrayed him. What he had done, what he had allowed Osiris to do to him was all for survival...his survival, Earth's survival and his friends' survival...everything Daniel had done was to protect those he loved, those he cared for. There was no betrayal even present in Daniel's behavior, yet he had coldly accused Daniel of betraying their love. God, he was such an ass and such a damned prick! He was so stupid, so goddamned stupid!

As Jack continued to sit in the bathroom he pulled the journal against his chest holding it closely knowing that this was all he had left of the love he had quite possibly destroyed. He knew that he had to try to speak to Daniel again. He had to! He couldn't give up on his lover. He wouldn't give up! He had promised Daniel on several different occasions that he would never leave him, and he was bound and determined to keep that sworn promise no matter how challenging things became for them. 

He would speak with Daniel. He would get his lover back, and he would make certain that Daniel knew how truly sorry he was and how much he loved him. He would not lose Daniel ever again! He was determined to pursue him to the fiery depths of hell and beyond to bring his lover back to him. 

As he began to rock slightly clutching Daniel's journal to his chest he verbalized his promise, "I will get you back, Daniel Jackson. Whatever it takes I'll get you completely back! I promise you!"

* * * *

Daniel watched Jack leave with Teal'c and felt the tension quickly drain away. He reached blindly for his chair feeling the familiar, comforting texture beneath his fingers as he gripped the back. He gratefully sank into it, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers as a tension headache started to grip him in its clutches.

Daniel focused inward immediately recognizing his haggard breathing and becoming even more upset. He recognized his reaction instantly as what it was...fear, he was afraid...not just a little afraid, extremely afraid. How had he so quickly become afraid of his lover? How? It was only yesterday that he...he...

Daniel hung his head...yeah, it was only yesterday that his lover had managed to instill fear in him...only yesterday that he had been betrayed...only yesterday that his world had been completely turned upside down by the man whose solace, whose comfort, whose protection and whose love he desperately needed. But instead of providing those things for him Jack had successfully driven home to him just how unworthy and undeserving he now was.

What was he going to do? What did he have left now? His greatest fear had become reality when Jack attacked him and showed him physically how much he now loathed him. He could feel himself beginning to shudder and the valley of despair he had been balancing on the edge of opened wider. He was sliding closer and closer to desolation and destruction. He was so close, so very close, and all he felt like doing was taking the plunge...allowing himself to become full of despair and hopelessness but then…but then he'd truly be lost and unable to find himself ever again.

He inhaled sharply when he realized that the desire to end it, end the pain, end his suffering, end everything was beginning to rear its ugly head again. All he wanted to do was...NO! HE WAS NOT A QUITTER! NOT A QUITTER! He had to keep fighting although he was continually being pulled downward. He felt as if he were in a lake of immeasurable depth. There were no signs of land anywhere, nothing to hang onto, all he could do was tread water endlessly, for if he stopped he knew he would sink like a stone under the surface of that black water...down, down further and further feeling his body being encircled and enclosed by that deadly water until he became one with it. He could see himself flailing and kicking to breech the surface again, desperately trying to hang on to something, to anything, but there was nothing to hold onto anymore. He wished that someone would care if he disappeared into this vast emptiness, yet no one made an effort to come and save him. He heard a strangled cry of desperation, fear and panic fill the air and gasped screaming out in surprise when a warm hand suddenly reached out and encompassed his own cold one, so cold...his hand felt like ice. The one who came to his aid must've felt the coldness for they were now gently rubbing that hand between theirs. 

Daniel opened his eyes seeing a very concerned, very scared and very worried Samantha Carter before him, and he had no idea how to react. He was so grateful for her presence that all he could do was reach out, reach out and desperately grab hold of her pulling her tightly against him. She must have sensed his need for she quickly wrapped her arms around him and held him closely, softly crooning that he was no longer alone and would never be alone again. Whispering that she was here for him and would always be here no matter what. Those words were the most beautiful he had ever heard.

Sam had decided to check on Daniel again, especially after Teal'c told her that the Colonel had paid him a visit. She'd made her way to his office sensing that he needed to be with someone. When she'd entered the room she'd immediately spotted him sitting in his chair so still, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. As he'd released the grip and lowered his hand back to his lap ice-cold fear had flooded her body, for what she'd seen in her friend's face had been enough to scare her to death. Daniel looked as if he could take no more. He'd looked utterly exhausted, utterly alone and so, so very lost. She'd sensed that he was fast losing the battle he's been waging within and once it was over Daniel would be lost to her and to them all forever. She couldn't allow that to happen. She'd quickly approached grasping his hand and feeling her fear increase, as she'd felt the coldness. No, no! She couldn't be too late, she couldn't! He couldn't be giving up now, could he? Not after all he'd had managed to survive. In her panic and fear she'd started to rub the cold hand between her own willing heat and circulation to return to it. When Daniel had turned to her and pulled her into that desperate hug she'd known that he'd desperately needed her at that moment and she'd willingly given of herself, relieved that her precious friend was still present. 

* * * * * *

Early the Next Day...

As he approached Daniel's office Jack felt very apprehensive. Would Daniel even speak to him or would he react in the same way he had yesterday? Jack swallowed hard, closed his eyes and sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening that Daniel would speak with him and hear him out. He slowly eased the door open catching sight of Daniel who was drawn in on himself. He was curled up as much as he could be in his chair, rocking back and forth. Jack felt his heart breaking knowing that this was what he had done to his love. He had shattered Daniel's soul completely by lashing out in jealousy and uncontrolled anger. Daniel had been held captive for a year, being forced to betray the love of his life on an almost daily basis. Knowing that he had betrayed his lover for so long had no doubt left Daniel deeply scarred, for nothing could shatter his lover more completely then causing another harm. But instead of understanding how Daniel was feeling and trying to help him Jack had only added to his lover's destruction. 

He slowly approached the younger man staring at his bent head, again noticing how long and silky his hair was. He wanted to run his fingers through those golden tresses, hell he wanted to pull Daniel against him and hold him forever. He watched the one he loved with all his soul continue to rock without making a sound. He inhaled shakily before softly speaking, "Daniel?"

His response to his name, the only indication that Daniel had heard someone speaking to him was the instant stilling of his persistent rocking. Jack tried saying his lover's name again as he placed a hand gently on Daniel's left shoulder. The younger man stiffened automatically preparing to jerk from the touch. Jack continued to speak hoping the words would alleviate Daniel's fears, "Daniel, we need to talk. I...I need to talk to you..."

"Go away," came an unenthusiastic grumbled reply.

Jack charged on taking advantage of being given some time to speak with the man fearing that at any moment Teal'c or Sam would check on Daniel and chase him away, "Daniel, please..."

Daniel raised his head and glared at the man he still loved saying, "Leave me alone." 

"Please just..."

"Please? Please go away, Jack." 

Jack raised his hand to brush a loose strand of hair from Daniel's forehead and when his lover suddenly pulled away, his breathing becoming haggard, Jack could see fear. Daniel was afraid...afraid of him. He spoke softer feeling his throat drying up as seeing that fear only upset him further, "Daniel, God, Daniel you have to give me a chance to..."

Daniel could feel his heart rate increasing and fear filling his body. He wanted to flee, to escape because he was so afraid that Jack would lash out at him again. He needed Jack to leave before panic overwhelmed him. As Jack raised his hand again, this time lightly brushing the stray strand of hair off of his temple, Daniel clenched his eyes shut speaking barely above a whisper, "Please...please don't...don't touch me. Don't, don't hurt me."

Jack's voice cracked with emotion as he softly replied, "Oh God, Daniel, no...I won't..."

The hand didn't move and Daniel was ready to scream. He managed to speak through barely controlled fear, "Please, please do as I ask. Give me that much courtesy. Please don't...don't make me...plead. Don't do that to me, Jack." 

"Daniel..." 

As Daniel sat in his chair flashes of the attempted rape began to fill his mind. He recalled how Jack had backhanded him and called him a whore, shuddering before jerking out of his seat and screaming, "GET OUT!" 

Jack stared at Daniel in confusion and shock. He hadn't expected Daniel's sudden move. He sensed that he was quickly losing his chance to speak with him and to apologize, but wasn't yet ready to give up hope. He had to make Daniel stay. He had to make him listen, so he stepped towards Daniel who immediately backed up shouting, "NO! NO! NO! STOP! Why are you doing this to me? WHY?"

Jack looked at Daniel in confusion as he questioned, "Doing what to you, Daniel? I'm simply trying to speak with you, and if you'd only listen..."

"No. NO! Why should I listen to you when you didn't listen to me? I said no, I meant no, so GET OUT!"

"Daniel..."

Daniel backed up screaming as his mind sent him spiraling back to their house, back to Jack striking him, calling him horrible names and raping him with his finger. Oh God, he still hurt. He could feel tears threatening to spill but knew that no more would fall, for he had long ago forgotten how to cry. No tears would tumble down his cheeks, for he had no more left to surrender. He gasped as he felt the wall against his back and felt suddenly claustrophobic. He started to panic.

Jack recognized the symptoms of panic immediately and moved closer saying, "Daniel, Daniel...DANIEL?" 

Daniel couldn't focus; all he could manage was, "Go...please. I can't handle this right now. I...I can't do it...I can't. Please...go...just leave." 

"No, Daniel, I'm not leaving you like this. NO!"

In his sudden panic Daniel desperately cried out, "GIVE ME A CHOICE! I need choices! Don't tell me what to do! Give me choices..." 

"Daniel, you need to relax. Please, Daniel, you're only going to hurt yourself more if you..."

Daniel screamed at the top of his lungs yelling "no" desperately. It was then that the door flew open and Sam entered followed shortly by Janet. Sam ran over to Daniel seeing his fear and panic. She spoke softly, "Daniel, Daniel it's Sam. Daniel look at me...please look at me. Daniel, I need you to look at me. Will you do that for me?"

He felt his panic threaten to overtake him, but as Sam asked him if he could look at her he felt the panic starting to flee. He turned to her then said, "Sam...Sam..."

"Yes. Yes Daniel it's me. Are you all right?"

Daniel fumbled to latch onto her arm continuing to speak only after he managed to secure his grip on her, "I asked him to leave. I did but he wouldn't...he won't... Why doesn't anyone listen to me? Why doesn't anyone listen to what I want? I don't want to be told what to do I want... I want..."

"Shh, shh, I know what you want..."

Sam wrapped her arms around Daniel before telling Janet to get Jack out of there. Janet nodded then led the Colonel out of the room. The older man was so shocked that he allowed her to guide him down the hall and into her office where she said, "Have a seat, Colonel, we need to talk."

He sat down without argument noticing the tight set of Janet's jaw, the way she held herself completely rigid and the cold sparks glinting in her eyes...Janet Fraiser was pissed off.

He swallowed hard and inhaled shakily as Janet started speaking, "How could you be so stupid? Tell me that, Colonel. Answer me that..."

"What?"

"How could you do that to him? I warned you that this would happen, but you didn't listen... Why didn't you listen to him when he told you no?"

"I...I..." 

"He's lost, Colonel, lost in a very dark, dangerous place and he's confused. He already hates himself for what took place between himself and Osiris. He can't even stand to look at himself in a mirror, Jack. How could you...how could you turn around and hurt him? You are supposed to love him."

"I know. I do. I don't know why I...I was jealous."

"JEALOUS? You were jealous? Of what? His reactions? Colonel, do you really think that Daniel had a choice in the matter?"

Jack could no longer look into her eyes for he felt shame and guilt fill him with absolute misery as he could only mutter a soft, "No."

Silence stretched between them like a sieve before Jack spoke again still feeling too ashamed of himself and his actions to even look at the petite doctor. He'd messed up, boy had he ever messed up big time and he knew that his impulsive actions, his uncontrolled rage and boiling jealousy might well destroy what still remained of his lover's fragile soul. He was definitely lost and so very confused. He shook his head as he continued, "I...I don't know what came over me. I...I don't... I hurt him so much...I... God, I took advantage of my lover in his most vulnerable state… I...I crushed his trust with what I did... God, Jan what if...what if I destroyed the man I love? What if I destroyed what was left of that brilliant, beautiful, gentle man? I'll never forgive myself, never...I... How could I do that to someone I love so deeply, so completely? How? I'm a monster."

Janet noticed one thing in Jack O'Neill's eyes: regret. He regretted what he had done, but he had no idea how to undo it. She could see the glistening of tear streaks that now marked his face and felt the lump in her throat grow. She tried to swallow passed it thinking of how Jack and Daniel had come so far only to... This was crazy! She shook her head sadly as she interrupted, "Jack, I believe his trust was destroyed a long time ago."

He gasped, startled that she spoke and focused pain-filled eyes on her as he softly answered, "I believe you're right."

Silence filled the room again stretching into minutes before Janet continued, "He's afraid, Jack. He's so afraid and so angry. He hates himself. He feels as if he betrayed you every time he... Jack, he had no choice. He had none."

"I...I know that now...I should've known that..."

"Jack, we're losing him. Each day that goes by we lose a little bit more of him. He's denying everything. He was devastated to return home only to...to be brutalized by the only person in the whole world, hell in the entire universe that gives a damn about him regardless of what has transpired in his life. Unconditional love is what he desperately needs and no longer feels; he no longer believes that he is even deserving of it. Jack, he told us...he... He said that he deserved everything you did to him. He said that he deserved to be attacked by you and punished for his unfaithfulness... He was never unfaithful, yet he believes that he was."

"I know... Janet what the hell am I going to do about it? What the hell am I going to do about him? He's scared to death of me now."

"His fear is justified. He went through a harrowing experience. None of us know what his life was like during the time he was away. The truth of the matter is that he was raped repeatedly. There may not have been much violence in the acts, there may not have been much physical harm, but he was still raped. His feelings were raped, his emotions were raped, his spirit was raped, his soul was raped and his body was raped, and not just once, oh no, it was over and over and over again. I...I'm not really sure if there IS anything you can do to help him anymore, Colonel. He may already be lost to us. The recent attack may have...may have...might have been the last draw for him."

"Oh God, I don't know what I'll do if I lose him, Jan. I can't lose him, I can't. I can't live without him. I...I just..."

Jack hung his head pressing his hands into his eyes as more tears ran down his cheeks. What was he going to do now? The damage had already been done what if... God, Danny.

He shook his head feeling his despair continuing to surmount. He had wronged Daniel so much, so very much, "You know what Janet?"

She lifted her gaze towards him surprised that he spoke and waited for him to continue, "I...I..."

"What Jack? What?"

"I...I wanted to punish him Janet, to hurt him. God forgive me but I did."

She inhaled sharply forcing herself to remain calm as Jack continued his confession, "I wanted him to suffer for all the times he shut me out, all the times he clung to me one minute only to shove me away the next. I...I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting... I wanted him to know that I was hurting, and I neglected to consider that he was already suffering. I forgot, Janet. How could I...? I... You know I...I wanted to...to hurt him Janet. Can you believe that? I...I don't know why I just, I just... Each denial, each refusal, each angry outburst, each time he tensed when I touched him only made me angrier with him and I couldn't seem to forget how eagerly he had responded to Osiris yet refused to let me touch him. When Osiris... All he did was run his fingers through Daniel's hair once, one time and he had Daniel moaning in pleasure responding eagerly to him yet, yet Daniel couldn't stand to be touched by me..."

"Did you ever think that shame is why he never wanted, wants you to touch him? He feels dirty and used, soiled he said...ruined. Did you ever think that he didn't want you touching him because he didn't want to sully you too, Jack? Did you ever think about that?"

Jack continued as if he hadn't heard her, not wanting to think about the words too much knowing they had the power to crush him, "I wanted to hurt him for his unfaithfulness, for accepting something from someone else that he constantly denied me. God, Janet I'm a monster...a goddamned monster!"

"No you're just a lover, a friend... You see how he behaves now. You remember how he used to behave, and no matter what you try to do or how you try to help him you can't. You see how the abduction affected him. You see his lack of trust, lack of safety, lack of faith... You see first hand his devastation. You see him struggling so desperately to move on with his life and no matter how hard you try nothing you do seems to help him, it only makes him more anxious, more paranoid, more frightened, more panicked so you don't know what to do for him anymore. You don't know how to help him and it's tearing you apart. I told you before how hard it is to be a supporter, to stand by someone who has been so thoroughly traumatized. It's not easy; it never is. What you have to remember is that none of this is his fault or even your fault, none of it. You have to remember that he is no longer complete. He has been sliced in half, shattered numerous times and left to build the pieces up again and again. His life has been shattered and like a broken mirror he will be forever cracked, forever changed. Your job is to help fuse those pieces back together again. Your job is to help him to use more than tape or glue to put himself back together. He has been trying to fuse those shattered pieces of his soul, his spirit back together, but he can no longer do so on his own. Now, now he needs a second set of hands to help mend those shards and make them more solid. He separated himself and gave the best part of himself to you for safe keeping now, now he needs that part back because without it he's still broken, still shattered nearly beyond all recognition. He doesn't know who he is anymore. He knows who he was before his captivity, knows what he became during captivity and knows what he wants to be again but it's so hard for him to find his way home. He's still broken Jack. He's still lost and confused. You hurt him, and he can't understand why. He has convinced himself that since he betrayed you so often by giving himself to Osiris that he deserves to suffer. He feels that you are justified in punishing him. Your attack to him is justifiable but now, now he's a victim again. He's back in the role of complacency. He's back in that role of a slave. You confirmed what he had already convinced himself of: he is only good as a..."

"Fuck toy..."

"WHAT?" She stared at him both horrified and upset by those two words. How could...how could...? God...what the hell? How could the Colonel say such an awful thing?

Jack saw the shock on her face and quickly explained, "That's...that's what he called himself in...in his diary, Janet. He...he hated it, hated surrendering but had no choice. He was... God, Janet he was...raped...and I, I didn't see that. I didn't realize that. I thought…I believed he enjoyed...but he didn't. The way he reacted that day I would have sworn he enjoyed every damned minute of their...time together but after...after reading several entries in his diary... He hated it, hated Osiris, hated Sarah, hated himself... Why...why was I...? Why was I so quick to believe that he had enjoyed being raped? Who could enjoy rape, Janet? Who?"

She remained silent for several long moments before continuing in a sad voice, "He refuses to accept that you know...says he wasn't raped. He says it was all pleasure...all sex. He sways from one extreme to the other. Sometimes he believes it all was just sex, sex for pleasure and then other days...other days he sees what it really was. He realizes that it was rape, but he can't accept it. He can't accept that he was raped. His shame, his guilt is so overwhelming that when the realization creeps up he protects himself by saying it was sex pure and simple. By believing it was just sex he no longer has to feel shame for having allowed it to happen..."

"No, he just feels shame because he thinks he betrayed me..."

"Unfortunately yes... He...he's trapped himself in shame, guilt and despair and he can't find a way out. He can't so he reaches out for someone, anyone in the hope that there might be someone out there somewhere who's willing to take his hand, to pull him free and offer him life again. That person he's relying on...that person is you Jack. He needs you to be his savior. He is depending on you to put him back together again, to make him whole and complete again. He's relying on you to do what he can't do for himself, and if you turn from him, if you refuse to accept that outstretched hand he keeps constantly extended towards you then you will destroy him. You'll crush him and he'll never be complete again..."

Jack shuddered at that realization. Daniel was relying on him still, had been from the beginning and even though what had happened recently was horrifying and terrible Daniel was still relying heavily on him to save him, and again he vowed to do just that, for he was never going to lose Daniel EVER AGAIN!

* * * *

Daniel entered the bathroom, relieved himself and managed to avoid looking in the mirror. He quickly approached the sink and washed his hands. Without thought he glanced up and stopped to stare at the image reflected there. Oh God, was that him? Was that battered, pale, skinny, destroyed man him? No, NO!

He raised a hand towards the glass shocked and horrified at the image being reflected back at him. Bruises marred pale thinned out cheeks and stood out sharply against a wiry neck. As he turned his head slightly to the right he could see another pattern of black bruising that dipped beneath his shirt heading on a direct path towards his shoulder. Bags hung under his eyes making his already sunken-in face look even worse. As he focused upon his image in the mirror he could see now why Janet seemed so concerned about his health. She had reported that he was physically healthy but had neglected to tell him that he was still underweight and still looked as if he hadn't slept in months.

As he continued to concentrate on the grotesque image in the mirror he thought of the attack. His lover had attacked him and in a fit of rage nearly raped him... Daniel wrapped his arms around his body holding them across his chest as if they were protective shields that could guard him and keep him safe. As he glanced at his wrists he could see the dark bruising there from fingers that had attempted to restrain him as the one he'd trusted completely, the one he'd loved with all his heart had prepared to rape him. NO! He hated that image, hated it and wanted to destroy it.

He continued to look at the stranger in the mirror seeing flashes of his captivity, remembering how he'd begged and pleaded to be fucked and to be humiliated. He could see himself crawling on all fours thanking his lord for allowing him to be his dog slave. He could see himself straining against restraints as hands trailed across his body leaving fire in their wake and effectively making him hard. He could see himself pleading to smell his master and to lick him. He could see himself bowing in the humiliating kneel forward position presenting his assets for his master's exploration and admiration and he hated those images, hated himself for being in those images, hated himself for so willingly surrendering to his captor. Again he heard Jack's words and they cut him deeply: whore, bitch, slut... He shuddered as he recalled Jack's accusing words: 'Only a fucking dirty whore would willingly give himself to the enemy,' 'did you enjoy being his bitch,' 'you obviously couldn't get enough of the fucking Goa'uld,' 'show me how good a fuck you can be, love...'

No, no, NO! Daniel felt rage and anger fill him, and all he wanted to do was lash out and destroy. He wanted to destroy that image reflecting in the mirror. He hated that person standing there, hated him and wanted to destroy him, destroy the broken, shattered creature he had become. Daniel screamed driving his fist into the mirror feeling pain flood his body and listening to the distinct chink of glass breaking and shattering. As he focused on the mirror he could still see the broken man in the intact pieces and wanted the image obliterated, so he drove into the mirror again striving to destroy the image, to destroy the being he now was. He was so lost in his anger, rage and despair that he didn't hear the door to the bathroom flying inward, instead he drove his fist into the mirror again feeling a sadistic little pleasure as the mirror shattered under the cruel onslaught and shards of glass went everywhere.

He didn't realize he was no longer alone until hands grabbed him and attempted to wrap around him. His anger turned into utter panic and fear. He fought screaming, yelling that he wasn't going back; they couldn't make him go back ever again! He continued to resist, fighting and nearly breaking free of the hold, but when the person refused to yield he collapsed in exhaustion and allowed himself to sink to his knees not caring as glass sliced into his legs. He grabbed a shard of glass and held it before him briefly contemplating ramming it into his own neck to end this horrible existence once and for all. As he raised the shard a strong arm seized his wrist jerking his arm so painfully that he was certain his shoulder had been dislocated. Then he resorted to twisting in those arms begging to be released. He yelped as the grip only tightened further, and it felt as if the bone in his arm was being crushed to a fine powder. He released his hold on the glass not caring when the sharp edge dug into his hand slicing open the palm as it clattered to the floor and splintered into even more sharp barbs. 

What happened next was a blur to him as he was suddenly bodily lifted into powerful arms and rushed down the hallway. He couldn't even seem to recall where he was or what was going on then he saw Janet Fraiser as she softly accused, "My God, Daniel, look at what you've done to yourself!" He moaned feeling his sorrow encompass him. Then he attempted to curl inward on himself. He heard Janet tell the aids to hold him, but they weren't fast enough to stop his normal response to extreme suffering as he folded in on himself and curled into a fetal position. He faintly heard Janet say that she had to get a look at his hands and wrists to check for damage then darkness surrounded him and tugged him under. The last thing he heard was Janet's quiet whisper of, "Thank God he's asleep," before he allowed himself to drift away. 

Later that same day Daniel awoke and smiled warmly towards Janet, who was standing over him as if to protect him. He softly spoke, "Looks like I messed up again, doesn't it, Jan."

Startled eyes turned his way as Janet replied, "Daniel, Daniel, how are you feeling? Are you all right?"

"Hmm...feel like...like I was in an accident..."

"Daniel what happened?"

"I hate mirrors, Jan."

"What?"

"Can't...can't stand to see my reflection any more...I...I couldn't... I caught sight of myself and...and it all came back...those words...hateful words and accusations that Jack made...the...the things I was forced to do while with Osiris...it all started...bombarding and I...I didn't know how else to respond so I..."

"Broke the mirror with your fist?"

"Yes...I'm... Hammond's demanding I seek psychiatric help isn't he? Please no, Jan can't go back there. NO."

Janet smiled at him as she responded, "The General doesn't know anything about this. Teal'c found you and brought you to me. Sam cleaned up the mess...no one knows about this other than us, Daniel."

"But you'll have to tell him..."

"Yes, eventually...of course something like this comes under the doctor/patient confidentiality act..."

"How...how badly did I...?"

"You injured your knuckles, gained another nasty cut on the palm of your hand, scratched up your wrists a bit and acquired some new smaller cuts across both of your knees but other than that you're fine."

"But I'm not...am I Jan?"

"What?"

"I'm not fine...what's happening to me?"

"Daniel, you endured a harrowing experience and you survived only to be hurt further by the man you loved and trusted completely. Your responses are completely normal, Daniel. In fact, I'd be worried if you hadn't exhibited any of these behaviors...it's all part of healing, Daniel. All of it..."

"All of it? You mean I'm not losing my mind? Because that's what it feels like, Jan, like...like I... Jan, I don't know who I am anymore."

She tensed feeling that confession digging at her heart. Daniel sounded so lost and confused. She forced a smile as she gently urged, "Why don't you get some sleep? We'll talk about this later. Okay?"

Daniel nodded slightly and closed his eyes. Janet watched him, feeling a sense of relief when she heard the distinct change in his breathing pattern, which indicated he was now fast asleep. Thank heavens. She reached out gently stroking his hair as she watched him resting. He would have a long way to go before he was completely healed from this. She wanted to say that he would completely heal but knew that she couldn't yet say that for he had been gone for so long, had been raped so often and attacked by the one man he loved above all others in the span of a year and a half. He might not be able to find himself again but she prayed, oh how she prayed for him to heal and to find his way home.

* * * *

After Jack's discussion with Janet, he decided to go home a bit early. He needed to think about stuff. Mainly, he needed to think of how he could get through to Daniel, of how he could apologize to him, and of how he could help him to continue to heal. He had hurt Daniel severely and hated himself for what had occurred that night. Now, now he had to figure out how to reach Daniel, and how to convince him that he was sorry and would remain with him always.

As he paced back and forth in the bedroom thinking of how to reach Daniel again he paused, feeling drawn once more to the box sitting on his nightstand. He knew what that box held, and his hands itched to touch it. He needed to touch the journal, to read it again. Without conscious thought he retrieved it and slipped into the bathroom making himself comfortable as he opened the volume to yet another entry, prepared to understand Daniel as intimately as he would allow. The journal would be his door to understanding his lover and to experiencing what Daniel had during his captivity with an evil Goa'uld lord...

**Journal Entry**

_I wanted to grow old with you love, grow old and have a good life. I wanted to continue_  
_to travel the stars with you, but that dream has been yanked from me. I no longer have_  
_that dream to look forward to, so I've created other dreams, dreams for just you and I._

_I dream of you laying before me smiling at me, telling me you love me...I dream of how_  
_it feels to sleep against you with my head resting on your chest as I listen to the beating_  
_of your heart and feel your strong arms around me, holding me, comforting me, loving_  
_me..._

_We had a great relationship, love. I love you with all my heart and all my soul, but I no_  
_longer have you with me and it hurts. It hurts so badly. Sometimes I can feel my heart_  
_breaking into a thousand little pieces, shattering when I open my eyes to see only Osiris,_  
_my warden, my jailer. Oh, how it breaks my heart to awaken to find my captor sleeping_  
_beside me and not you. You with your endless brown eyes, your warm smile, your husky_  
_laughter, your gentle caresses..._

_Where are you, my love? I ache for you. I burn for you. I need you. I'm lost without you._  
_Please come to me, my love. Return to me and chase all my nightmares away, chase all_  
_my pain away, chase all my rage away... Please, love, I beg of you to come to me._

_I need you here... I need you with me. I'm falling apart and only you have the power to_  
_save me._

**End of Journal Entry**

Jack sniffed before brushing a hand across his eyes as he allowed those words, Daniel's precious words to sink in. In those words he could read Daniel's emotions so easily. He had made Daniel happy, full of spirit and a lightness of being. He had made Daniel feel special and important, but when Osiris had stolen him, trapped him and refused to release him he had destroyed all those things leaving Daniel feeling empty. He had destroyed Daniel's dreams, his hopes and his joy, but still he clung to the fragile hope that some day, some how, they would be reunited again. They would be happy again and they would both live their lives to the fullest enjoying one another and sharing a love that would endure beyond time.

Jack felt the tears spilling again and strove to dash them away closing his eyes as he saw his lover standing before him happy and joyful, full of love and laughter. Daniel was always hopeful and as he read the words again he felt certain that Daniel had always felt safe with him. Safe, warm, loved, comforted... But as he read those final two paragraphs a second time Jack felt his throat clogging up as he felt Daniel's despair, his loneliness and his longing. He knew beyond a doubt that he had been Daniel's reason for living, for fighting, for waking each day. He was the air Daniel breathed, the warmth he sought, and the safety he was desperate to attain. He was Daniel's hope, his joy...his entire life. He was the reason Daniel fought to survive and Daniel's biggest fear was that one day he'd be abandoned again. He heard Oma's words to him echoing back as if to remind him of what they were and why they were meant to remain together always: 'You are as one. You live as one. You love as one...' 

He needed Daniel as much as Daniel needed him and as long as they remained apart neither would be happy, and neither would be able to survive the loneliness. They would both feel empty until they were reunited. He had to get Daniel back. He had to bring Daniel home, completely. There was no room for failure, for if he failed at the task he must complete then Daniel Jackson would truly be lost to them, and Jack feared that this time, this time there would be no way to retrieve him...

* * * *

Several Hours Later...

As Daniel opened his eyes he smiled softly upon seeing Janet Fraiser sitting beside him, watching him like Jack always had. He released a yawn and stretched wincing as he felt each individual cut on his hand, wrist and knees. He then settled asking, "Did Jack go home?"

"Yes."

"Does he know about...?"

"No. He left before your accident."

"My accident?" Daniel chuckled before continuing, "You make it sound like I had no intention of breaking that mirror." 

“How are you feeling?"

"Tired, a little stiff but okay..."

"Good. Do you feel up to...?"

Daniel's smile broadened as he lightly teased, "Am I being discharged?"

"Yes."

"Already? Why, Janet, I never expected to leave so soon after what I..."

Instead of allowing him to finish his statement Janet chimed in, "Daniel, are you always so...sarcastic when you're awake?"

"Oh yeah. Drives Jack nuts."

"I see. It's a wonder he puts up with you so well."

As Daniel flinched Janet realized her mistake. The words had hurt him and she immediately apologized for speaking without thinking. Daniel assured her it was all right before rising out of bed and dressing in silence. She felt guilty for hurting him and wanted to take back those words. She continued watching him expecting him to leave without a backward glance and was surprised when he sat back down on the bed before quietly asking, "Janet, do you think Jack still...loves me?"

Without thought she answered, "Yes. Yes he does. Very much Daniel, very much."

"Then why did he...hurt me?"

"I, I...I'm not...sure." 

Daniel noticed how she seemed unable to hold his gaze any longer and prodded further, "You've spoken to him since...since..."

"Yes. Yes I have."

"And?"

"And he's devastated, ashamed, angry..."

Daniel downcast his eyes as he choked out, "With me no doubt."

"NO! No, not with you Daniel, with himself, with himself Daniel." 

Daniel smiled certain she was just saying that to make him feel better and not wanting her to realize that he didn't believe her words. He nodded before thanking her and getting off the bed to leave. Janet stopped him as she said, "It's true Daniel. He isn't angry with you at all. He loves you. He's just ashamed of his own actions. He's disappointed with himself. He hurt you and he has no idea how to mend that hurt. He needs you as much as you need him."

Daniel glanced at her holding her gaze for several long moments before excusing himself and leaving the infirmary with his head bowed down towards the ground. She felt tears threatening to spill as she stared at the closed door and wondered how Daniel was ever going to heal. She stared at the door for a long time before brushing her hands hastily across her eyes to catch the wayward tears and returning her focus to her job while trying not to think of how much her two friends were now suffering.

* * * *

Later That Evening...

Daniel hesitated outside Dr. Wentworth's office door wanting to knock but afraid to do so. He stood there for several moments before knocking. When she called for him to come in all he wanted to do was turn around and run away, but he forced himself to open the door keeping his head bowed as he said, "Um can I...am I too late for my...?"

"No, no you're right on time. Come in, Doctor Jackson. Come in."

Daniel nodded then entered approaching her couch before lowering to it keeping his head held low and attempting to conceal his injuries from her.

Doctor Wentworth smiled, pleased that Daniel was making every effort to come to his daily sessions. From the beginning she'd sensed they would have to go week to week. Doctor Jackson didn't seem to be the type of person who accepted help readily, and talking about himself was even more difficult, yet he still somehow managed to make it to each session.

She watched him noting that he held his head down and was sitting more compactly than usual. She swallowed hard sensing something had happened during the past week that had greatly upset him. She softly inquired, "How have you been, Daniel?"

"Oh um well same as always...fine, you know..."

Okay that was a very awkward response now she knew for certain something had happened so she continued to pursue the evasive answer with idol talk, "Is there anything in particular you'd like to talk about? Is there anything bothering you, Daniel?"

Silence answered her questions, silence and the sudden fidgeting in his seat marked by the way he focused all his attention on picking invisible lint off his clothing. Something was really bothering him. He wanted to talk about it but was uncertain how to start the discussion. As she watched those fine lean fingers working she took notice of the new bandages now on his hands. What had happened to him? She was very disturbed by those bandages and knew she'd have to pursue that issue as well, but first she would allow Daniel the time he seemed to need to work up the courage to speak to her about what was occupying his mind so thoroughly.

As the silence continued to build she tried again softly questioning, "Is there anything you'd like to talk about, Daniel?"

Daniel remained silent caught in indecision. He wanted to talk to her about how he was feeling, about Jack's unexpected assault and about how he could no longer make sense of his life. He felt as if he were hanging on to his sanity by a very thin thread. He feared he was about to completely lose himself in his overwhelming despair and anguish and he wanted desperately to remain here, to reclaim his life and to find that missing part of himself that would once again make him whole. It hurt to know that missing part was Jack O'Neill, and he had no idea what to do about it.

He nervously brushed his tongue across his bottom lip knowing he had to answer her question but was afraid to even start a conversation with her on the issue that was at the forefront of his mind. He remained silent for several more moments before clenching his eyes tightly shut as he quietly uttered a question he hadn't expected to ask, "I was raped, wasn't I?"

The question was unexpected, so unexpected that it rendered her temporarily speechless. She had expected him to say something but, not to ask if he had been raped. She was left trying to figure out just what she could say or how she should even respond to him. She tried to formulate a response in her mind when he spoke again, "He ra...raped me, didn't he?"

Was he finally accepting that his captor had raped him repeatedly or was he still trying to convince himself that he had willingly lain with another? She tried to read his emotions but it was impossible when he kept his head bowed so low. She was starting to feel a bit anxious as she began to wonder if there was a reason he was holding his head so low. Had something happened or...? She tensed before saying, "Daniel..."

"God he did. HE DID! NO! I can't...no. It can't be true! I was willing I..."

"Daniel..." 

Daniel lifted his head then as he heard the worry in her voice freezing when she fell silent and paled. He knew that she was looking at the bruising now marring his face and felt fear like no other pounding through him. He waited on edge for her next response not certain what to do or how to even react when she gently prodded, "Daniel how did...the bruises on your face...?"

He lowered his head in shame as he answered in a choked whisper forcing her to lean further forward in her chair to hear him, "He...he tried to...to... He tried. I tried to stop him but... He stopped on his own, but not before...hurting me..."

She hissed loudly before adding, "You're talking about Colonel O'Neill, aren't you?"

When he seemed to grow even more compact before her she knew she had her answer and tensed releasing a soft, "Oh God, I'm sorry."

Daniel released a soft sob before shaking his head and focusing intently on her forcing out, "Don't be. It was no more than I deserved."

She flinched unaware that she hadn't controlled her emotions as she had been trained immediately recognizing her error and composing herself accordingly as she cleared her throat before gently prying, "No more than you deserved? Daniel, what do you mean by that?"

Daniel held her gaze briefly before casting it towards the wall and continuing, "He punished me. I betrayed him repeatedly by giving myself to another and he punished me accordingly. It was his right..." 

"WHAT?"

She stared at him in horror as he told her that he deserved to be beaten for sleeping with another. What the hell was the man trying to do punish himself for being raped repeatedly? My God, how had he become so good at self-blame? She shook her head forcing back the tears that wanted to come forth, tears for his pain and his torment, tears for all he had lost and all the burden he was carrying on his shoulders. She had to help him realize that he wasn't to blame for what had happened during his captivity and that no one NO ONE deserved to be beaten for something for which they had no control over. She was determined to get through to him and informed, "No, no Daniel it isn't. No one has the right to hurt another no matter what the reason. He was wrong. What he did was wrong. He attacked you. He hurt you. He abused you. That is so wrong Daniel. You didn't deserve that kind of treatment, and you need to stop taking on so much burden..."

Daniel responded in a small quiet voice, "But I betrayed him..."

"Daniel, you didn't betray anyone. What happened during your captivity wasn't your fault. Why do you insist on taking the blame for everything that transpired during that time?"

"I...I don't do that. I just...I know I'm at fault and..."

"NO! No you are not. What you did there you did to survive...there is a BIG difference."

"No I still betrayed Jack. I..."

She pursed her lips as she noticed that he was still assuming all responsibility for what had happened to him, and he was still trying to justify the abuse. She had to help him get beyond the self-blame and help him to realize that he wasn't evil or wicked like he seemed to believe. She decided to take the conversation back to his initial question searching for a direction in which to take the session without getting into a full-blown argument with her patient. She focused on him as she said, "Daniel, you asked me if you were raped. Why did you...?" 

Daniel inhaled sharply before casting his gaze back to the floor thinking of the moment when he'd started to accept that Osiris had raped him. He shuddered before attempting to explain to her why he had asked that initial question, "Um when Jack...when he pinned me to the bed..."

Without thought she asked in outrage, "He PINNED you?" causing Daniel to fall silent and hang his head again. She swallowed the rest of her complaint fearing that she might have just stymied her patient by interrupting and tried to smooth over the rift she had unwittingly placed between them, "I'm...I'm sorry please continue."

She sat on the edge of her seat fearing that Daniel would revert to silence. It was always so hard to get him to open up and talk about things and to interrupt him in the midst of an explanation like that could prove to be hazardous to his healing. She silently chided herself for being so thoughtless. She closed her eyes and tried to separate herself from her client. She was aware that she was reacting to his words and allowing her emotions to get caught up in the session. She had to stop doing that. She knew that as a counselor she needed to keep herself under control and keep herself from getting too wrapped up in the pain and suffering of her patients. She hadn't had difficulty in the past with that but Daniel was different. She could easily relate to him, which could prove dangerous if she didn't watch how she reacted.

As he lifted his head to look at her once again she quieted her own thoughts and gave him her complete attention patiently waiting for him to continue while silently praying that he would. When he focused intently on her she knew that he was willing to go on and was thankful she hadn't halted him.

Daniel hesitated feeling nervous and anxious, not wanting to answer her question but knowing he should say something, so he took a deep breath before continuing, "When we were in bed I started to realize that he... My Lord had rape...raped me..." 

My lord? She had heard him make reference to "his lord" once before and from that title knew that he had been treated as a servant, a slave who was forced to call the one who held him prisoner his master and lord. She shivered upon hearing those words and what they implied. She knew that Daniel's suffering had been extreme and that the scars went very deep, but she knew very little of what had actually transpired while he was a prisoner. From what Janet had told her no one yet knew much about what Daniel had to endure. The not knowing bothered her excessively and the fact that no one seemed to know what had happened even now after several months bothered her even more, for it told her that he kept his secrets locked deep and kept things buried so far down that few people, if any, would ever learn what had happened to him. If he didn't start talking about the things that had happened while he was held prisoner then his healing would take a very long time indeed. He had to open up to someone and she had hoped that Jack O'Neill would be the one but since he'd assaulted Doctor Jackson she was no longer sure if he'd ever speak of what he had to endure for all that time.

She quieted her thoughts again as she asked another question, "Why are you no longer certain that your captor raped you, Daniel?"

"Well because...because he...I... Rape is violent. It's brutal and...and most people are injured, physically. I rarely had any physical injuries. Occasionally I'd have scratch marks, bite marks and bruises but that wasn't very often..." 

"How did those injuries come about?" 

"He...he would...he liked it rough at times. He used to...he'd play this...game with me where he'd grab me from behind. He...he'd then...then he'd throw me on his bed and...and pin me. He liked rough sex and I'd often end up scratched and bruised from it."

"I thought you said it only happened on occasion." 

Daniel jerked his gaze away from her focusing on his hands as he began to wring them together aware that he had just told her something he had never planned to tell anyone. He desperately tried to cover up the truth as he said, "Oh it was seldom. I mean...it happened only a few times...I..."

"How often did your captor require you to serve him in bed?"

"How often? Why...why do you want to know that?" 

She observed his sudden anxiousness and fear. He was nervous as hell and continued to wring his hands together unable to hold her gaze any longer. She knew she was pushing him but wanted to draw an answer from him on the issue. He was actually telling her a few things and she wanted to get all the information out of him that she could, unsure of what had prompted him to speak so freely all of a sudden. He hesitated before quietly mumbling, "Every evening..." 

God, oh my God! Every evening? He had been raped every evening? Surely not! She shook her head as sadness filled her and repeated, "Every evening? From the beginning Daniel?" 

"Yes several times a night...actually but I..."

Several times a night! Well no wonder he tried to convince himself that he'd been willing. He had probably been raped over a hundred times during his imprisonment. He had been held for a year. A year was a long time and if he had been required to serve his captor in bed nightly sometimes several times in one night then the number of rapes was astronomical. How had he survived such atrocities being done to him on a daily basis? She understood more now why he was so convinced that he had been a willing participant in the sexual acts he performed. It was much easier for him to accept that he had enjoyed the sex and that's why he'd done it so often than to admit that he had been forced to survive repeated rapes. She felt a tear roll down her cheek and quickly dashed it away forcing the conversation onto a different topic as she cleared her throat and asked, "You called him 'My Lord' earlier..." 

Daniel snapped his head upwards as he emphatically denied, "No I didn't!" which caused her to fall silent shocked by his intense denial of what he had said earlier in the session. Why did being told he had addressed his captor as "My Lord" draw such a strong response from him? She wondered how to proceed wanting to pursue the issue but uncertain as to how so she tried a slightly different approach, "Doctor what was your function..."

"My function?" Daniel fell silent clenching his eyes tightly shut as the answer flew back at him: 'the master's pet whore'. His "function" as she had so delicately put it had been to serve his master in the bedroom and to do everything he'd ordered without question. He couldn't tell her that! He paused as she seemed to stumble over her own choice of words before continuing her question, "What happened to you while you were imprisoned?"

"What happened to me? What...what do you mean?"

"I mean what... What jobs were you required to perform?"

"There were lots of jobs that I was required to perform admirably. I…I don't understand what you're asking me."

"Were you addressed by your name? What was your title?"

"My title? I was a prisoner, a prisoner of war. I was a valuable asset to him and he didn't want to release me. He wanted to own and control me completely. My title was what he chose. I served him in many capacities. I was...my status was that of a servant, a slave to My Lord. I had the rank of a servant even though I was his chosen...I... Is that what you're asking?"

"You served? You were a slave?"

"Yes."

"I see."

"You do? Well I don't. What the hell do you want from me?"

"I want to help you."

"And how does determining that I was a slave help you to do that?"

"It gives me a better understanding of you, of where you're coming from."

"Really?"

"Yes. Daniel, are you aware that we have now met many times and this is the first time you've mentioned that you were kept as a slave?"

Daniel trained his gaze on the floor as he quietly answered, "I wanted it that way. I don't like to share my life with many."

"Why?"

"Because it's no one's business but my own. My life... I've faced a lot of challenges through the years. I've survived a lot of bad circumstances. No one wants to hear about those things, and I would rather not make it common knowledge. I like to keep my private life very private."

"In your personnel record at the SGC it stated you lost your parents when you were a child. You saw them die before you..."

"So?"

"It also stated that you had been married but that your wife is deceased..."

"Well I'm glad you can read, Doctor, but could you please explain to me why we're even discussing this?" 

She cocked her head to the side before stating a fact, "You don't let many people in do you, Daniel?"

Daniel focused on her before asking, "What...what kind of a question is that?"

Instead of answering him she asked another question, "Who do you turn to when you need a little understanding, a little extra comfort...who?"

"Sam, Teal'c and..."

"And Jack?"

"Yes..."

"Have you told him anything about what happened to you?"

"Not, not really, no…I told him that a lot happened to me. There were a lot of things that happened that I will never be able to share with him."

"Have you told him anything at all?"

"Well...not exactly. I did but..."

"But what?"

Daniel felt a headache beginning behind his eyes and reached up to grip the bridge of his nose. It was another stress headache. He knew it was. Doctor Wentworth was starting to confuse him. Her questions were odd and he wasn't sure exactly what she was trying to pull from him, all he knew was that he didn't like it. She wanted information and he wasn't willing to give much of that up. He shook his head as her last question permeated his mind responding with a soft, "Never...never mind. Um what...what are we talking about again?"

Noticing the distress in her patient Doctor Wentworth reconsidered her course of action. She was trying to keep him slightly off balance wanting him to reveal more to her and had hoped he'd cooperate, but she could see that her questions were only placing him on higher guard. He was quickly building the wall back around himself, and she was left with trying to figure out how to proceed. She swallowed hard before softly repeating her question, "Have you told Colonel O'Neill anything about what happened to you during the course of the past year?"

Daniel continued to grip the bridge of his nose hearing her question but finding that he couldn't continue. He shook his head before replying, "I, I can't do this...not now. Please I just..."

He drew to his feet nervously licking his lips before continuing, "I...I have to go. I'm...I'm sorry. I just...can't...not, not tonight. Please may I be excused?"

Again she noticed how he'd asked her for permission to leave. She sensed that he'd had to request permission to do just about everything from his captor and if he failed to do so he paid a heavy consequence. She only wished he'd confide in her and talk to her, but he was so closed off. Momentarily she thought of asking him why he insisted on seeking her permission to leave before thinking better of it and choosing instead to answer, "Yes Daniel, you may."

"Thank you...My Lord..."

She jerked her head up as she caught the last two words she was certain he whispered faintly, speaking his name abruptly as she feared that he was being triggered. When he snapped his head up casting a startled gaze her way she was certain he had been on he verge of falling into a past memory. She waited for him to speak hoping he'd stay, sensing he wouldn't. When he nodded before apologizing again then turning away she was certain he wouldn't return. She watched him leave her office feeling as if he were slipping away and wanting more than anything to call him back, but he had to come back on his own. As she watched him walk away she sent a silent prayer into the heavens that he would return, and she could help him defeat his inner demons. He needed to find peace and find himself. He needed to heal and she knew that would be impossible if he chose to journey the road alone.


	25. Lost in Confusion

**LOST IN CONFUSION**  
**The Realization**

Jack swallowed hard wiping at the tears still moistening his cheeks. He rocked steadily back and forth clutching the precious journal to him as he thought of the passage he had just read. He didn’t know how to react to it. Daniel, his precious love had suffered so much and in a fit of rage… What was he going to do? How could he fix the damage he had caused? He needed to speak to Daniel again, needed to feel the young man in his arms, needed to hold him close. He needed Daniel. He ached for Daniel. 

He carefully eased the journal away wanting to reread the passage that had made him ache so fiercely. He cleared his throat before carefully opening to the last entry he had read noting how his hands shook as he did so. He closed his eyes tightly before again returning them to the passage that had nearly ripped his heart out of his chest with the depth and sorrow of it… 

**Journal Entry**

_Alandria…a name I’ll never forget. It haunts my dreams; they haunt my dreams. Their_  
_screams fill my head as they cry out for justice, as they cry out for mercy. They didn’t want_  
_to die. They shouldn’t have had to die._

_Alandria is one of those threats Osiris loves to use against me…ranks right up there with_  
_threatening to destroy Earth, to destroy Sam and Teal’c and to destroy you. What_  
_is Alandria you ask? Well, let me tell you about it, love. Alandria was a very beautiful_  
_planet that we visited, oh in the first month or two. Osiris had a meeting with the_  
_goddess Athena and Alandria was one of her planets. From the heavens it was…it sort_  
_of looked like Earth, only instead of white and blue it was pink and purple. You should_  
_have seen it Jack. It was a beautiful planet._

_We had transported to the surface of Alandria via the rings, and I couldn’t resist taking_  
_a peak at it. You know how curious I am…I had to look, but perhaps I shouldn’t have._  
_Is that why Osiris did what he had? Did he see how much I admired the beauty of the_  
_planet? Is that why he chose to…?_

_Oh God Jack, I killed them. I killed them all. Every living creature on Alandria died_  
_because of me. It’s all my fault. If I had only agreed to become Osiris’ bed mate…_

_He destroyed them you know…destroyed the whole damned planet. He killed every_  
_living woman, man and child, every plant, every animal…all of them. They’re dead,_  
_gone. What remains are…rocks, rocks floating in space. God Jack, if I had just_  
_allowed Osiris to have his way with me then Alandria would have been spared._

_God, on that day my heart broke. I could feel the tears falling down my face…_  
_didn’t want him to see them but I was so heartbroken and so shocked that I just_  
_didn’t care. Now, now they’re dead, all of them are dead because I denied him…I_  
_denied my lord._

_Jack, do you have any idea how it feels to be totally responsible for the destruction of an_  
_entire planet? Well, I do and you dare to ask me how I could so willingly go to bed with_  
_my captor? It shames me to have to offer my body to him so often and so willingly. I_  
_feel so degraded and so damned humiliated when he touches me and I respond. He’s_  
_trained me so well, Jack…trained me to obey like a damned dog. One touch, one little_  
_touch is all it takes and I’m responding to him willingly. I feel so cheap, Jack. I feel_  
_like a whore, a slut the way I respond so openly and so automatically to his touches, but_  
_he’s trained me so well. How did he do it you ask? By destroying Alandria before my_  
_eyes and telling me that if I refused to offer myself to him every night he’d do it again._  
_By telling me that if I didn’t surrender my passion, my desire to him then Earth would_  
_be added to his list._

_God Jack, their screams are so loud sometimes. Sometimes I’ll lie in bed and cover my_  
_ears trying to block out the screams of those innocent victims. Their blood stains my_  
_hands, Jack. I killed them. I destroyed an entire planet._

_At night they return: sometimes to cry, sometimes to scream, sometimes to accuse…_  
_The nightmares are getting better, but now instead of dreaming of those innocent_  
_victims on Alandria accusing me of murdering them I see you and you are accusing me_  
_of allowing such a horrible thing to happen. Jack, it breaks my heart those dreams… I_  
_can’t stand to see you so angry, so disappointed, so ashamed of me…ashamed because I_  
_allowed it to happen. I allowed Osiris to destroy that planet. I allowed him to destroy_  
_everything…_

_‘After tonight you will no longer pull away from me, you will no longer deny my_  
_pleasure and you will do whatever I desire of you…’ Those were his exact words to_  
_me, and after he destroyed Alandria…his reason for doing so: because I denied him,_  
_because I denied him, Jack._

_God, his first command after I…after I submitted to him? ‘Crawl, crawl for your lord._  
_You will learn to crawl on command. You will crawl for me, my precious servant…’_

_Humiliation doesn’t even begin to cover how I felt on that day when he ordered me to_  
_crawl for him…naked…like a damned dog…crawl to him and service him… God, when_  
_I refused again he, he said that I would begin my position training and made me bow in_  
_such a way that, that everything was fully exposed to him… Aw, God, how I hated myself_  
_that night…how I still hate myself for allowing him to humiliate me so…_

_He uses humiliation as a weapon. He wields it without a conscience and I nearly_  
_crumble under it. Jack, I know how ashamed you must be of me; the things I’ve done to_  
_ensure that no harm would come to you, Earth or any other planet…the humiliating_  
_things I’ve had to endure…_

_God, Jack, you could never understand…_

**End of Journal Entry**

The tears were still traveling down across his cheeks as he felt Daniel’s pain and suffering cut at him like a knife. His lover had suffered so much, too much. Why? Why did Daniel always have to suffer? 

His sadness was quickly overpowered by another stronger emotion: anger. He was angry with the one, with those who had dared to allow such a beautiful person to suffer so much. He was angry with Osiris for the hell he had made Daniel live through each and every day. The snaky bastard had not only destroyed Daniel’s trust he’d torn away his faith in himself, his safety, his self-esteem… The bastard had stolen Daniel and had attempted to destroy him by corrupting his soul and trapping him in self-doubt, shame and self-blame. He’d stolen Daniel’s sense of self and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to do everything in his power to get that all back for his lover. Even if he had to wrestle with the devil himself he was going to bring Daniel completely back! Osiris had stolen so many precious things from his lover and he was going to walk through hell and high water to get those things back! He was going to give back to Daniel all those things Osiris had ruthlessly stripped from him, and he was going to wrap Daniel in a tight cocoon of love. He was determined to get his lover back and to shower him with that unconditional love he so desperately sought. He would save his lover, and he would save himself. They were going to succeed. They HAD to succeed or Daniel would pay too high a price.

 

* * * * * *

 

Early the Next Morning… 

Jack saw Daniel and approached him; he needed to speak to him, to get through to him and feared that if he didn’t soon succeed Daniel would become lost to him. Taking a deep breath he softly said, “Daniel, can we…talk?” 

Daniel jumped as Jack startled him. He turned around staring at the man with whom he had trusted his life at one time, but whom he now feared. He shook his head mentally cursing as the stubborn Colonel refused to back down and leave him alone. He focused on Jack prepared to send him on his way as quickly as possible simply snapping, “NO.” 

“Daniel, please I…” 

Daniel raised his hands attempting to place some distance between himself and his lover, momentarily forgetting about the newest bandages on his wrists and hand. He repeated “no” falling silent as Jack’s gaze shifted and his face seemed to go a shade paler. Before he realized what had caught Jack’s attention the older man was within reaching distance. He immediately jumped back attempting to maintain the gap between he and Jack O’Neill. 

Jack sensing how edgy his lover was stopped in his tracks trying not to stare at the bandages or to think about why they were now there. Had Daniel…? No. NO! He forced his gaze to Daniel’s face swallowing hard before softly questioning, “What happened?” and trying to keep all accusation and fear out of his voice. 

Daniel flinched as Jack reached for him immediately taking a step backwards before casting his gaze downwards and muttering a quiet, “Nothing.” 

“Nothing? BULLSHIT! What the hell did you do to yourself?” 

Edginess shifted quickly into anger as Daniel yelled, “WHAT DID I DO TO MYSELF? What the hell kind of a question is that? What? Do you think I’m suicidal now Jack?” 

“Daniel…” 

Seething he interjected, “Does that possibility SCARE you?” 

Jack, caught off guard by Daniel’s vehemence and sudden unexpected change, quieted his own voice, “Daniel, calm down. All I was asking was what happened.” 

“You aren’t worried about what happened, you only want to make sure I didn’t try to kill myself.” 

“Daniel…” 

“Leave me alone, Jack.” 

Jack tried to keep the fear and uncertainty out of his voice as he continued, “Just tell me what happened to your wrists, Daniel.” 

He glared coldly at Jack becoming infuriated with the man’s prying. What the hell business was it of his anyway? Jack had no business prying into his life! NONE! He gritted his teeth before continuing, “Had a bit of an accident…with some glass…” 

“WHAT?” 

As he saw the horror on Jack’s face and the panic in his eyes he scowled at his lover, “So are you going to run to Janet and tell her that I have suicidal ideation, Jack?” 

Jack shuddered as he heard the irritation in Daniel’s voice. His lover sounded so cold and so uncaring. God, had he actually tried to kill himself last night? He jerked his head up as Daniel continued in a voice dripping with venom, “Run to her, Jack. Tell her that poor Danny’s gone off the deep end and wants to kill himself, go on Jack, tell her. I dare you.” 

“Daniel, I don’t like this…” 

“Don’t like what, Jack? Am I…scaring you, Jack? Am I upsetting you, lover? Are my comments disturbing you, dear?” 

Jack felt sudden chills crawling up over his spine again as his lover sounded so different from the Daniel Jackson he knew and loved. He shook his head sadly as he replied, “You’ve changed…” 

“And this surprises you?” responded Daniel sarcastically. 

“A little…” 

“A little? Well, tell me just how am I supposed to act, Jack?” Not giving Jack a chance to even respond to that inquiry Daniel continued, “Just what do you think happened to me, Jack? Do you think that after being gone a year I would still be the same person I was?” 

“No Daniel, that’s not what I meant. I…” 

“Then just what do you mean Jack?” 

Jack shook his head sadly only managing, “You’re not the same.” 

He arched his eyebrows up in surprise before retorting, “You know what? You’re right, Jack. I’m not the same. Being made into a slave kind of changes ones’ outlook on life.” 

“Daniel…” 

“Jack, do you have any idea how I felt, how I really felt while serving Osiris?” 

“I’d like to think so.” 

Daniel crossed his arms protectively over his chest and focused intently on Jack’s face before continuing, “You’d like to think so?” 

“Yes.” 

“How could you possibly have any idea, any inkling of how he made me feel? You believed that I wanted him. You believed that I begged for his touches…” 

“Daniel…” 

“No. No. Don’t you dare stand there and try to tell me that you weren’t upset by the way I responded to him…” 

“I…” 

“You thought I liked it, didn’t you? You believe that I enjoyed the things he did to me and…and…how could you believe that? HOW?” 

“Daniel…” 

“Then you come to me and have the damned nerve to tell me that I’ve changed? How could you not know that I would be different? How could my life ever be the same after being imprisoned with him?” 

Jack dipped his head before licking his lips and focusing intently on Daniel as he continued, “Daniel, I don’t…I don’t like some of the changes I see…” 

Daniel swallowed past the lump in his throat resisting the tears that were demanding release as he answered quietly, sternly, “No one is asking you to care, Jack. No one is asking you to give a damn! You expected me to still be your perfect little Danny and not have changed at all. Well, I have some news for you buddy I’m no longer as naïve as I once was! I’ve changed all right. I no longer trust anybody, of course, you couldn’t possibly understand why because you don’t think I should have changed at all. You don’t like the changes in me but in order to love me you have to accept those changes and after doing what you did to me…you have no goddamned say O’Neill! NONE!” 

“Daniel, you’re not making sense.” 

“I’m not making sense? Fine, all right, how’s this? This conversation is over, Jack. Over. Get it? O-V-E-R. I want you to leave NOW. I want you to go away. Go Jack…” 

“No, Daniel, no…” 

“Go, just go…” 

“No…” 

Daniel tossed an irritated gaze Jack’s way as he said, “Fine then I’ll go.” 

He abruptly turned preparing to exit the room, but Jack refused to let him leave as he placed a hand on Daniel’s right shoulder to stop his escape. Daniel turned on his heels and glared coldly at Jack as he spoke evenly, “Don’t touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again!” 

Jack yanked his hand back as if he’d been zapped casting a confused, frustrated gaze towards the man he loved with all his heart. He was losing Daniel if he hadn’t already. Oh Daniel was different. He was very different. Jack tried again, “Daniel, wait. Please don’t leave. Don’t go yet.” 

“I have things to do.” 

“Please, Daniel, don’t…” 

Daniel turned to leave making his steps quicker hearing Jack’s last few words spoken as he exited the room, “Don’t leave like this, Daniel, please. We’re not finished…please!” 

He refused to turn back as he increased his pace making a rapid escape from the room and from the man who still remained on the other side of the door. The further he walked the colder he felt and the sadder he became. He continued on until he just couldn’t go any further. He stopped as he entered one of the storage closets and proceeded to vigorously rub his hands up and down across his arms trying to ward off the sudden chills in his body. He hung his head knowing that he had just abandoned his lover. He cursed, feeling sad and angry at the direction his life was now taking. God, he hated himself. He hated himself so much and knowing that by walking away he had hurt Jack immensely he felt that self-hatred burrowing deeper within. 

Daniel pressed his forehead against the wall still clutching his arms across his chest trying desperately to maintain control over himself. He allowed his thoughts to take over mentally condemning himself even further. God, how had his life become so fucked up? How had he come to this point in time? When had he lost himself? When had he refused to call out for help or even reach for it? When had he become so withdrawn that he refused to even allow his lover to make amends? His life was such a mess right now and he had no idea how to fix it. He had to keep going, had to convince everyone that he was fine and that he was dealing with his abduction just fine. He was perfectly fine. He was… Never mind the fact that he could no longer feel. Never mind the fact that he could no longer trust another. Never mind the fact that he was slipping rapidly under the surface of that black endless sea of torment and despair. He was coping just fine. He was perfectly fine. He was. 

Daniel shook his head before muttering to himself, “What total bullshit!” 

He was doing so damned fine that he was losing everything that ever mattered in his life. Oh he was coping really well. Since when was isolating oneself from all others a positive coping mechanism? Why was he so ready to push everyone away and not allow anyone in? Why was he so determined never to allow another person to breech his defenses? 

He felt his despair cut deep and automatically slid down the wall to rest against it. When he reached the floor he resorted to curling up and slowly rocking himself back and forth in an attempt to soothe his haunted soul and badly damaged spirit. He would stay here until the pain went away, until he could no longer sit in such a compact position. He would stay here until he was ready to face the world once again and hide behind the perfect mask he had managed to erect. Once his mask was again firmly in place then he could carry on convincing everyone that he was perfectly fine and that the abduction meant nothing to him and didn’t affect him in the least. After the mask was firmly positioned then he could avoid all the questions and stares that set him on edge. He could avoid all the looks of sympathy and all the hushed whispers about how horrible he now looked. He could ignore everyone, for when he hid behind his mask he was safe from the world and safe from himself. 

 

* * * *

 

Sam Carter was walking down the hall when she heard soft moans like someone was hurt. She immediately went searching for the one making the sounds drawing to a halt when she came before a storage closet. She listened for the sounds again certain that they were coming from inside. She wasted little time entering the closet and froze when she saw the man balled up on the floor rocking and moaning. She knew who that man was without even seeing his face. She whispered, “Oh God Daniel,” and immediately closed the door sensing that Daniel would not want his turmoil broadcast to everyone in the SGC. She then turned to face him and slowly approached saying, “Daniel, Daniel it’s Sam. Daniel, do…Daniel…” 

She reached out to press a comforting hand to Daniel’s right shoulder and could only stare as the man growled out a quick “no” before darting away from her. As she focused on him she saw his fear and confusion as clear as day when he cast that haunted blue gaze her way. She responded by instantly calming her voice and saying, “Daniel? Daniel, it’s Sam. You’re safe now. We’re in the SGC. We’re safe. You’re home. Daniel? Daniel, please listen to my voice and look at me. Look at me Daniel. Focus on my face and listen to my voice. Daniel, it’s Sam. You’re safe now. No one’s going to hurt you, okay? Daniel…” 

She was scared out of her wits unsure as to whether or not she was even getting through to him. She was becoming more and more worried when Daniel exhibited no indications that he knew where he was or even who she was. She was debating about calling Janet when Daniel spoke so quietly that she wasn’t even sure he had, “Sam…Sam…” 

“Yes, Daniel, yes. It’s Sam.” 

“Sam? Sam…” 

She saw his instant relief when he recognized who was with him. She smiled as he inquired, “Where…why are you…? How did you find me here?” 

“I heard moans. I thought someone was injured so I…investigated. I found you. How are you Daniel?” 

Daniel ground his hands into his eyes as he sighed heavily and answered, “Oh not good, not good…” he then dropped his hands to his lap and offered her a lopsided half smile as he asked, “You?” 

“Okay now. I was worried Daniel. For a minute there you…you weren’t responding.” 

“Disassociation.” 

“What?” 

“I…I came here to calm down to… I don’t know. I was fine then suddenly I was…there again. I…I’m sorry.” 

“No, no, that’s okay. Really. Daniel, what…why did you come here? What…what led you to come here?” 

“Hmm curious?” 

“More like concerned.” 

“Ah…yes, well… Um…Jack…” 

“What?” 

“He’s what led me here.” 

“I don’t…” 

“He…he tried to speak to me again. Didn’t go well. Really didn’t go well. Bad enough I panic when he comes near me now. This time…” 

Daniel fell silent briefly before continuing, “He thinks I’m suicidal, you know. Thinks I’m crazy. He’s so damned sure he knows everything. He doesn’t know jack shit.” 

Daniel laughed, a humorless laugh, at the slight pun, which earned him another of Sam’s worried glances. He nodded then continued, “You’re worried too…about me.” 

“We all are, Daniel.”

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m perfectly fine. I’m fine like always.” 

“Daniel, you are not fine. You’re trying to cope and haven’t figured out how to do it yet.” 

Daniel held her gaze a moment longer before lowering his eyes and suddenly finding his hands extremely intriguing. He remained silent for what seemed like hours but probably was only a few minutes before replying, “No…no. I guess you could be right but I’m dealing with it. I’ll get through this. I always do Sam and I don’t need anyone’s help.” 

“Daniel you do need help. You need friends to support you and help you, and you need to let them do so. Daniel you can’t expect to get through this all on your own.” 

“Why not, Sam? I’ve always been on my own.” 

“No you haven’t. Daniel… Daniel, I’m here for you. I want you to know that. If you need anything, anything…” 

Daniel glanced up at her as he nodded his head and continued her statement, “I can depend on you. I know, Sam, I know.” 

Sam smiled then approached Daniel and wrapped her arms around him as she said, “Oh Daniel you’re no longer alone. I’m here for you. I’m here for you.”

“I know… Thank you.” 

“Any time.” 

She held him for several moments before releasing him and suggesting, “Hey what do you say you and I get out of this closet?” 

Daniel nodded but as Sam rose to her feet he grabbed her hand and said, “Not just yet…” 

She nodded then sat back down this time sitting beside him. She watched as he examined their entwined hands for a long time before he released the hold. She sensed he wanted to speak but was afraid to so she sat with him in the quiet waiting for him to say what he wanted. When she was certain that he wasn’t going to speak after all she again prepared to make the suggestion that they exit the closet but before the words left her mouth Daniel spoke, “You know when he…touched me, Sam. I…I learned how to not feel. I couldn’t feel. I was good, very good, at not feeling. I…I…now I don’t think I can do it anymore. I kept my feelings, my emotions so closed up that I…I lost myself. I’m still here. I’m…I’m still me but I just can’t…feel. It’s as if…as if I’m numb inside, you know?” 

Sam gently reached over and entwined her fingers with Daniel’s looking at him and feeling the need to cry overwhelming her. She wanted to cry for Daniel and all that he had lost during his imprisonment. She wanted to speak but didn’t want him to stop talking so she squeezed his hand in encouragement and understanding. He looked at her and attempted to smile but it looked more like a grimace. My God, did Osiris also take Daniel’s ability to smile and laugh? Poor Daniel. 

Daniel watched Sam gauging her reaction wanting to confide in her but fearing that she really wasn’t listening to him and that she just didn’t care, but as he felt her reassurance and encouragement reaching to him through their now entwined hands and those eyes of hers that spoke volumes he found the courage to continue, “I don’t know what to do, Sam. I can’t feel anything. It’s like…it’s horrible. When…when we were together…Jack and I…he…he…oh we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I…I had to stop…” 

“Why?” 

“Because…I could feel his hands on me and I knew that I loved him. I knew I was safe, but I just…I just couldn’t feel. God don’t get me wrong I wanted him, oh how I wanted him. My body was on fire responding to his touches and caresses, but it was only my body responding. Emotions and feelings were mysteriously…absent.” 

“You learned to shut off…” 

“My emotions. Yes I did. That’s how I survived Sam. That’s how I survived all the assaults, all the betrayals…everything. I learned to turn off my emotions like turning off a faucet. The only time I felt anything was when he…when he used me for his sexual…gratification. Jack…Jack thinks I wanted him. He believes I begged for it and…and I did, Sam, I did. I begged for Osiris to…to… I begged but not because… Because I wanted to feel alive again… I wanted to feel something, anything other than pain, despair…depression…betrayal. I…I…Janet says he rape…raped me…raped me over a hundred times but I…I… Is that…why would I…over a hundred times, Sam? Why would I let him over a hundred times unless…unless I en…enjoyed it? Who…who would…what kind of a person does that make me? I let him. I left him over a hundred goddamned times! You know I…I…I think I’m still there…on that planet with him. He…he stole something from me and…and I can never get that back. That part of me is lost…that part of me is still trapped on that godforsaken planet in that goddamned gilded cage that was my home for the past year. I…I don’t know what to do anymore. I…God, Sam I still can’t feel a damned thing! All I feel is this rage, this goddamned rage and anger, but that’s not prevalent. No…no…sadness, helplessness, hopelessness…fear, panic, depression…I…I…I can’t feel anything anymore except, except…God and I’m supposed to live with that, continue living when there is no one, not a single goddamned solitary soul out there who gives enough of a damn about me to bring me back, bring my soul back, put me back together? I…he was my rock you know…my anchor in the midst of the storm. He was all I lived for in the end. I had no other reason to live… I mean look at me. I’m this, this tainted, filthy creature. I’m a goddamned worthless slave only good for a free fuck, a goddamned free fuck! That’s all I am. A pathetic whore who will fuck his lord anytime he asks because he needs to feel something, anything other than this never ending darkness and despair. That’s why he did it you know, that’s why Jack punished me… You see he knew he knew that I betrayed our love. He knew that I could put out for him. He knew he could fuck me and leave me and I’d probably come crawling back to him because… Shit, I’m so damned fucked up, Sam! So damned FUCKED UP!” 

Sam had tears streaming down her cheeks as she listened to Daniel talking and heard his self-hatred and self-loathing. God, he had lost so much more than anyone had ever realized and all he wanted was the unconditional love of one man. The one man who could save his soul and heal his shattered spirit but that man was foolish, so foolish for instead of accepting him back into his life and shielding him, protecting him, loving him like he swore he would he had lashed out and had attacked Daniel hurting him more than Osiris ever could by proving to him that he was worthless, that he wasn’t worthy of that unconditional love he clung to in order to survive. The man he held onto, the one man he entrusted his soul, his heart, his love to took those precious gifts and…threw them away. Discarded them as if they were nothing but trash and as a result left behind a broken, shattered, tormented soul.

 

* * * *

 

He stared blankly at the spot where Daniel had stood only moments before feeling at a loss about what to do, only glancing up when Teal’c approached him. He felt a bit wary of Teal’c knowing that the Jaffa was probably very angry and upset with him after what had happened to Daniel. He watched him through hooded eyes wondering if Teal’c was prepared to beat the shit out of him for daring to attack Daniel. His first comment came out snippy as he inquired, “What brings you to my neck of the woods, Teal’c? The last thing I heard I was ostracized.” 

Teal’c cocked his head to the side before answering, “I believe that you are concerned about what transpired on Osiris’ planet, O’Neill.” 

“Nah thought never crossed my mind…” 

“I see… While I do not understand why it is you felt it necessary to attack Daniel Jackson and assault him I also do not believe that you realize what he has suffered.” 

Jack only nodded allowing silence to stretch between them for several endless moments before glancing up at Teal’c and asking out of the blue what a certain saying meant. He remembered the exact words that Zeenan had spoken to his lover on the day they had rescued him. Those words still haunted him not just because they were spoken in Goa’uld and he didn’t understand what had been said but because of what he feared the meaning of those words was. He tensed waiting for the worst when Teal’c interpreted, “Take care of him, love him, help him heal and please be patient with him for he has suffered much.” 

Jack’s face went ashen as he squeaked out, “What?” 

“You did not know what those words meant. They are Goa’uld, O’Neill. Did you hear such words spoken that you remember them so clearly?” 

“Yes…that Jaffa…Osiris’ First Prime…” 

“Zeenan, yes. Did you fear that his words had another meaning O’Neill? Perhaps you suspected that they were lovers?” 

“They…they weren’t but…yes I did.” 

“How can you be so certain that they were not? Do you understand what being a favored to a Goa’uld lord entails, O’Neill?” 

“I’m…I’m beginning to learn.” 

“You are concerned? This has bothered you for some time. Why have you waited so long to speak with me? You know that I once served Apophis. I am able to tell you what the life of a favored entails. Perhaps if you had come to me on this very issue then you would not have felt it necessary to attack your lover and destroy him.” 

Jack hung his head and swallowed hard clenching his eyes tightly shut as those words continued to echo through his mind. He then softly prodded, “Do…do you think…do you think I…I did…destroy…?” 

“Daniel Jackson is in much pain. He is haunted. He is frightened and he is scared. He needs our support not our scorn. I will not lie to you, O’Neill. What you have done to him may very well have destroyed him.” 

“God, I hope not. God, I’m so sorry…I…I don’t know what to do.” 

“Perhaps there is still hope. Do not walk away from him. Continue to seek him out and to apologize but do not harass him. If you see that he is becoming distressed then do not push him. Perhaps in time he may yet find his way back to us.” 

“Do you think…?” 

“Daniel Jackson is very strong though he has suffered much. You do not see all that he has sacrificed, all that he has done to appease his lord. He had no choice, O’Neill. A favored’s place is by their lord’s side always. They must do whatever their lord wishes of them or they are punished severely. A favored is mastered and ruled by their lord with an iron fist. If one cannot be obedient, respectful and submissive to their lord others will see such behavior as weakness, for a lord should be able to control a simple slave and the slave he selects as his favored should be made to comply with his wishes always. If one fails to do so then he is frowned upon, and the punishment severe.” 

Jack said nothing remaining respectfully silent listening to Teal’c’s words feeling his guilt and rage at himself for daring to attack his lover burrow deep within. Teal’c noticing that O’Neill was, in fact, listening continued, “The status of most favored is the highest position a slave can attain, O’Neill, and with that title their duties are many. He will be expected to carry himself appropriately for his lord and to perform every task given to him with excellence…whether he served in the bedchamber or otherwise. He is expected to perform admirably and to obey always. If his master requires that he crawl or humiliate himself then that is what he is expected to do…” 

Jack hissed inhaling shakily before he spoke softly, “ ‘He orders me to willingly degrade myself, humiliate myself…he loves to make me feel shame and disgust…’” 

Teal’c arched his eyebrows up in question and Jack gasped as he realized he spoke those words aloud. He shook his head before sadly answering, “His words, Teal’c, those were his very words. He wrote them down in his journal and there’s more, God, there’s so much more… He made Daniel crawl for him, Teal’c, made him do such…such awful things. Daniel…Daniel referred to himself as an…as a dog, a pet…as a, as an…as Osiris’ little whore and I, God I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know. If I had known, God if I had known…I would’ve never, never… God, I hate myself for what I’ve done to him. I…I don’t deserve him.” 

Teal’c merely nodded not surprised by the admission of what Daniel Jackson had written in his journal. He suspected that Osiris had done more than just use the man sexually, for Daniel Jackson’s self-esteem was nearly destroyed, crushed by the Goa’uld lord who had imprisoned him. All he could say to O’Neill was, “You may believe that you do not deserve him, but you are exactly who he needs to heal completely. He relies on you. He needs you though he refuses to allow you to accept him back.” 

Jack snickered bitterly as he replied, “Do you know he, in those entries he… Teal’c I didn’t start reading that journal until AFTER I hurt him. Perhaps if I had… Do you…do you know that he survived for me? He, he was depending on me to save him and I, I…had I known… God, Teal’c he relied on ME to save him, heal him, make him feel complete again and I…I lashed out at him and threw such a precious gift back into his face. I threw him away Teal’c and all because…because I was jealous. I couldn’t stand to see him responding so readily to that snake, couldn’t stand to see how deeply he cared for Zeenan…couldn’t stand it and it ate away at me until I lashed out at him, until I decided to make him pay for… Teal’c I don’t deserve that man. He’s too precious, too special, too…I don’t deserve him Teal’c.” 

“And if you give up on him, if you refuse to help him then he will truly be lost. You must show him, prove to him that he was correct in trusting you to keep him safe, keep him pure. You must prove to him that he was correct in relying on you to heal his shattered soul. You must teach him to trust again, O’Neill. Teach him to trust and teach him to love…you must help him to unlock himself. You must give him the safety, the shields, that he so needs to begin to open his heart again and you must be very patient and very understanding, for when someone becomes so shattered, so lost, it takes a long time to help them put themselves back together again. It could take years to heal him, O’Neill. It could take years before he allows you to touch him again. Do you have the strength, the patience and the understanding…? Do you have the ability to stand by him, support him, love him unconditionally, to spend the rest of your life with him knowing that you may never truly have Daniel Jackson back, knowing that you may never have the right to touch him again, to hold him, to make love to him, to comfort him or to support him again? Do you have the patience you will need to see this through, to help him find himself all over again? If you do not then you must walk away from him now and never look back for if you do not have such patience, such an ability to love him unconditionally, to accept that he may never trust you again, to accept that he may never be whole again then you will only cause more damage to his tormented soul. You will only destroy him completely. You must decide what Daniel Jackson means to you and if he is truly worth fighting for. You must be ready to fully commit yourself to him and to helping him heal before you can ever consider going after him. You must decide whether or not he is worth such an intense commitment and once you say that he is, once you commit yourself then you must remain with him for all time, for if you leave him at any time you will only succeed in destroying him and shattering him completely. Are you able to commit your whole life to helping that man heal, O’Neill?” 

Jack fell silent hearing the truth in those words and knowing his answer. He looked at his friend and nodded his head in response. Teal’c respectfully bowed his head before saying, “You will not have to do it all on your own, for we will all be there to help. It is not an easy path you have chosen, but I believe it to be the only way to return Daniel Jackson to us fully.” 

Jack softly sighed before saying, “But will he be able to give me another chance, Teal’c? Will he be able to forgive me for the wrongs I’ve done him? If he can’t do that then we’ll never get him back and that’s just not an option.” 

 

* * * *

 

Once again the silence fell around them and she watched as her friend hung his head refusing to look at her. Daniel was so lost and so devastated. God, she wanted to help him, but she didn’t know how. What could she do to help him? What could she possibly do to help Daniel regain his life? She was certain he would remain silent glancing up in surprise as Daniel spoke again sounding more devastated than previously, “You know what Sam? There was this time he…he made me feel so damned ashamed of myself…actually he made it a habit to degrade and humiliate me as often as he could. He would make me do these…things…” 

She swallowed hard aware that Daniel was again speaking and that he was looking to her for companionship and support. Determined to give him what he needed she asked a question she didn’t expect him to offer much of an explanation for, “Like what?” 

Daniel shook his head glancing at Sam briefly, answering, “Uh just…things and, and I enjoyed it…” 

Sam could hear the guilt and shame in those last few words and wanted nothing more then to wrap her arms around her friend and hold him for as long as he needed it, but she also noticed that he was again sending off signals that warned her touch wouldn’t be accepted quite yet, so she held back choosing to speak with him for now, “Daniel, you had no choice…” 

He lifted his head to look directly into Sam’s eyes as he responded with a question of his own, “No choice? NO CHOICE? Do you even realize what he would make me do for him? He would make me go to my knees before him, make me worship him and honor him. He…he would make me beg him; he…it excited him, I think…to see me beg him, to see me plead with him for the right to be fucked by him. He’d make me say the words and make me call myself a dog, his precious pet; his mutt… He would make me tell him that I was his, that I belonged to him…” 

Daniel fell silent finding it very difficult to continue talking about what had happened as images popped into his mind of the things he had willingly done for Osiris. He shook his head not wanting to continue but needing to vent, needing to tell somebody something about what had happened to him. He remained silent for several minutes before continuing, stumbling over the first few words before revealing more of what he had had to do for his lord, “There was this game he liked to play. He enjoyed it immensely. I had…I had to tell him that I was…that I…that I was his…his, um, his ass slut then beg him to fuck me, to use me, to please me… I…he… He would taunt and tease me. He’d torment me and get me aroused. He’d get me so aroused that I was willing to do anything, Sam, anything and he…he would laugh at me. He’d laugh at me and tease me. I…I… Sam what kind of a person allows another to do something like that to them? What kind of a person allows it AND enjoys it?” 

Sam felt the tears continuing to well up in her eyes as Daniel spoke of what had happened to him and confided in her things she was certain he had never told another living soul, not even Jack. She felt relieved to hear him speaking about his time and glad that he felt safe enough with her to confide in her. As he looked at her now she knew he was waiting for a response and knew that he needed to hear a response. She answered, “Someone who’s scared, someone who’s afraid of others being hurt, someone who is willing to sacrifice their own happiness, their own freedom, their own LIFE for other people. Someone who has no choices and must find a way to survive or risk losing their self…” 

“Sam I…” 

“Daniel, you had no choice but to do what you were told. If you didn’t obey then others would have died. You had to serve him.” 

“But I didn’t have to like it Sam!” 

“Daniel…” 

“He degraded me and humiliated me. He made me fucking crawl for him, beg him, worship him and I…and I… I fucking liked it Sam. I FUCKING LIKED IT!” 

“Daniel…” 

“No. NO! I’m a whore just like he said. I’m a slut just like Jack…” 

“No, Daniel, no. NO! You’re none of those things!” 

“The hell I’m not!” 

“Daniel…” 

“I LIKED IT SAM! I DID AND…AND…” 

“AND WHO WOULDN’T DANIEL, UH? TELL ME THAT! WHO wouldn’t have liked it?” 

Daniel jerked his head up staring at her, his mouth agape in shock as he asked, “What?” 

Sam became aware that she was yelling so she quieted her voice as she answered Daniel’s question again repeating what she had asked previously, “Who wouldn’t have enjoyed it, Daniel?” 

“Sam…” 

She raised her hand wanting to offer comfort with her touch but hesitated not yet certain how he would react, so she chose to soften her voice before placing her hand on his shoulder as she continued, “Daniel, you said that he would get you aroused, didn’t you?” 

“Well yes I was his…his… It was my… It was expected that I would please him in every way. I was expected to do whatever he commanded or watch him destroy people. Sam…” 

“Okay, okay you said that he would get you aroused…” 

“Yes.” 

“Why? Why Daniel why?” 

He gazed at her with a puzzled expression crossing his face and she only hoped that he was following her logic. She was determined to prove to Daniel once and for all that he had been raped and that he had no choice in the matter. She was determined to prove to him that he hadn’t been as compliant and willing as he obviously believed. She had to show him why his self-blame was so very wrong, why his personal judgment and guilt was wrongly placed on himself instead of the perpetrator who had assaulted and raped him. She had to make him see that his logic was incorrect and that he was blaming himself for something that he’d had absolutely no control over. She waited on edge for his response hoping that he would unknowingly reveal that he was not to blame for what had happened to him during his captivity. She tensed feeling a bit giddy when he replied to her last question, “Because he knew I couldn’t… I’d… He knew it would be difficult for me to…” 

Daniel blushed furiously silencing his explanation feeling a bit embarrassed to be discussing the level of intimacy he and Osiris had shared during his captivity. He swallowed hard before simply stating, “I couldn’t always do it on my own. Sometimes, sometimes I needed… Sometimes I needed a little…” 

“Help?” 

Daniel couldn’t look at her feeling too embarrassed and vulnerable to at the moment. Sensing his discomfort she finished for him, “You needed help to become aroused, to respond sexually to him, to please him, to satisfy him…?” 

Daniel nodded his head slightly. She felt relieved that he had just given her the opening she was searching for and she continued on her mission to prove to him that he was not at fault for what had happened during his abduction, “When did you start responding willingly, Daniel?” 

“Um several months…several months ago.” 

“No.” 

He jerked his head up in surprise before stuttering, “What?” 

“I don’t agree.” 

“What? Sam…” 

She could see that he was still confused and still needed a bit of help to realize what her goal was so she continued to explain her last statement, “When we found you on that planet and he was caressing you… Daniel that wasn’t you.” 

“Sam you saw how I responded. I couldn’t resist him. He trained me to respond to his every touch, his every caress and stroke. He trained me to be sexually desirable and to be… He trained me.” 

She held up a hand to stall his words in mid-delivery, “But that wasn’t YOU, Daniel, that wasn’t you.” 

“No? Then who the hell was it Sam? Who the hell was it?” 

“Daniel the man I saw that day he…he wasn’t enjoying himself. He wasn’t willingly responding to those strokes. He WASN’T willing.” 

“Yes I was Sam. Yes I was.” 

“No. No. That man was simply responding to stimuli. That man was simply reacting to actions. There was no enjoyment. What I saw that day was someone who was simply reacting to things. He didn’t love the one who was touching him. He didn’t feel anything. He was reacting like he was trained. That person, that man, wasn’t you Daniel. He was someone who didn’t feel anything, didn’t care about anything or worry about anything. He was someone who knew he had to do as directed or suffer a horrifying punishment, a consequence that had the power to destroy him. That man was you, but not the REAL YOU. That man was someone who had learned through punishments and trainings what he must do to survive, to live to see another day. Someone who had learned that the only way he could survive or he could escape was to train himself to remain compliant on the outside. The only way to make it through another day for him was to shield and protect his soul, his spirit and his true self by pushing those things deep down inside where they couldn’t be hurt or damaged by what was happening around him and to him. Daniel that wasn’t you, not the real you.” 

Daniel shook his head in denial before attempting to disprove her theories, “Look Sam I really appreciate what you’re trying to do but it’s no use. I responded to him. I liked it Sam. I responded…” 

“And who wouldn’t respond?” 

“What? What kind of a question is that?” 

Sam would not be dissuaded as she proceeded to offer her answer, “A good question, Daniel. One you should be asking yourself.” 

“What? No. NO! There’s nothing to question Sam. I liked it. I responded! I…” 

She shook her head before gently reminding, “Daniel that doesn’t answer my question.” 

He gazed at her in shocked dismay only able to voice one word, “What?” 

Certain that he wouldn’t provide her with the answer she sought she chose to answer her own question, “I’ll tell you who would respond, Daniel. Everyone. Everybody would respond if they were stimulated, excited or caressed. Daniel our bodies are very sensitive to touches and strokes. Daniel all I’d have to do to you right now is touch you, cup you in my hand and you would respond. Not because you’re enjoying it but because the groin is very sensitive…” 

She felt a little bit of relief when she saw Daniel’s brilliant mind taking in her words and stirring them about trying to make sense of them and draw from them the point she has been desperately trying to make to him. She decided to push a little bit more as she continued, “Daniel you can’t sit there and tell me that if I were to touch you right now you wouldn’t respond. You can’t tell me that if you were to brush against my breasts my nipples wouldn’t harden in response. You can’t tell me that because it’s NATURAL. Our bodies respond to stimulation, to touch. He had to GET you aroused in order to get you into his bed. Sarah was your girlfriend in the past correct?” 

“Yes but…” 

“No, no. No buts just listen. She was your girlfriend…” 

“Yes.” 

“And did you ever make love to her Daniel? Did the two of you ever have intercourse?” 

“Well yes but…” 

“Then he had an advantage over you, a very unfair advantage.” 

“What?” 

“Sarah is his host and a host knows everything that their symbiote does and vice versa…” 

“Yeah so…” 

“So he would already have knowledge, have access to Sarah’s memories…INCLUDING those where the two of you made love. Daniel all he had to do was access those memories and he would easily learn what to do to turn you on, where your erogenous zones are, what you like to do in bed, how you make love, how to make you climax, how to make you shudder and buck beneath him, how to control your sexual desires, wants and needs… All he needed to do was access those memories of the time you and Sarah made love and he had you trapped. You responded to him whether or not you wanted to because your body is sensitive and certain things heat you up no matter WHO is touching you or loving you…” 

“But…” 

She shook her head saddened that he was having such difficulty comprehending what she was saying but understanding why. He had blamed himself for everything, still was and felt responsible for surrendering to Osiris. He had to live with the knowledge that Osiris had gained control of his sexual desires, impulses and needs. He had to live with knowing that Osiris could control him in the bedroom or any where else for that matter just by touching him a certain way, kissing him in a certain place or rubbing against his body. He had to also live with the knowledge that he had slept with Osiris numerous times while committed one hundred percent to Jack O’Neill. He believed that he had betrayed Jack and in accepting full responsibility for what had occurred during his imprisonment and refusing to admit that he had actually been raped repetitively Daniel was overwhelmed with extreme guilt and self-loathing. He felt certain that he’d deserved Jack’s assault on him, that he’d deserved to be brutalized while in bed with his lover because he had cheated on Jack, so Jack had every right in the world to punish him for his unfaithfulness and his indiscretion. In fact he might have deliberately angered Jack to that point unconsciously, feeling that he deserved to be punished by his lover for such wrong doing. Victims sometimes did that…they would deliberately anger and irritate their loved ones feeling that they were not privileged enough or deserving enough to be happy or have a family or to even be loved, and Daniel might very well have been one of those victims to believe that. Guilt was a very powerful weapon that could exacerbate feelings of shame and self-hatred. It could drive someone to do anything to incur the wrath of their loved ones or set themselves up to be victimized yet again all because the victim felt that they deserved to be hurt, punished, beaten and abused for what they had done while imprisoned, for surrendering, for allowing themselves to become victims in the first place, for surviving when others were not so lucky. It was a vicious circle that many victims traveled, a sinister dance that had no end. What was needed was unconditional love and someone who refused to give up on the one pushing them away no matter what happened as a result. What Daniel needed to save his soul, to save himself was Jack O’Neill. He couldn’t heal on his own. He needed others to help him along the way and if he refused to accept those who continuously offered their hands to him then he would be forever wandering aimlessly in a sea of confusion and despair. He would remain forever lost and unable to ever reclaim whom he had been before being so badly abused. 

Realizing that she had gotten lost in thought for a few precious seconds Sam quickly focused on her friend, reaching out to encompass his hands in both of hers as she asserted, “I’m right Daniel. I’m right about this. You responded to stimuli and that was ALL you did. You forced yourself to enjoy the sex so that you could live, so that you could survive and move on, so that you could escape and return to your one true love.” 

Daniel spoke without thought in a voice lined with need, “Jack…” 

He gazed up at her then, suddenly comprehending the point of her entire discussion. He shook his head feeling guilty and ashamed for not seeing a different side to the same situation and voiced his thoughts aloud, “I don’t know Sam maybe I wanted him to be angry with me. Maybe I wanted him to attack me, to assault me. Maybe I was trying to push him completely away and deliberately pissed him off, tested him until he snapped and did as I expected. Maybe I wanted a reason, an excuse to push Jack out of my life because I feel deep down that I don’t deserve him, which I don’t after what, not after…all that. I don’t Sam so why, why does he still pursue me? Why does he still seek me out? Why?” 

“Because he loves you.” 

“He loves me? Sam he tried to rape me!” 

“But he stopped…” 

“He still hur…hurt me Sam. He still…Oh God!” 

She tensed as she caught the sudden panic in his voice and the sudden shock and terror as he continued, “Oh God, maybe that’s what I need to…to…oh God!” 

Hearing the self-loathing and shame in his voice Sam immediately demanded, “What?” 

“To…to be hurt to…to… Sam that’s, that’s sadistic! Would I… Do I want to be hur…hurt in bed to, to…oh God do I want to be dominated in bed, Sam? No… NO!” 

She inhaled deeply, aware that the direction of their conversation was entering dangerous territory. She quickly reassured him, “No, Daniel, no. I don’t believe that.” 

“But what…what if it’s true? What if that balance of pain and, and pleasure he always used with me made me… I don’t know twisted like him? Sam…” 

She chose that particular moment to pull Daniel into her arms determined to hold him and assure him that he was wrong about that. He was so very WRONG! She held him close as she assured him repetitively that no Osiris hadn’t done that to him, hadn’t twisted him and made him into someone who craved pain to get off. She cursed Osiris for what he had done to her friend and wanted nothing more than to kill the fucking bastard for damaging her precious friend so severely. Damn him! DAMN HIM! 

After several moments Daniel softly admitted, “I still love him, Sam, even though… God, I still love him so much and it hurts. It really hurts…” 

She swallowed hard before asking, “Would you take him back if…?” 

Daniel didn’t even hesitate with his reply answering, “Yes in a heartbeat.” 

“Even after…?” 

“After what? What he did?” 

She nodded and he continued, “What did he do, Sam? He punished me for being unfaithful…” 

“NO! Daniel, no! You were never unfaithful! You were raped Daniel. Raped. You said no! He threatened you, forced you to comply and…and he raped you. You did nothing wrong. NOTHING! He…” 

Daniel felt his heart skip a beat in his chest before hoarsely replying, “Raped me but… God. SAM!” Daniel reflexively held her tighter suddenly feeling very cold and anxious as the truth of her words began to truly sink in. Raped, he was raped. God, Osiris had raped him! Osiris and Sarah… GOD! He clung to Sam needing her now more than ever just to hold him. Sam was more than happy to oblige, determined not to let him go and very glad that Daniel had finally accepted the truth of what had happened to him. She was now certain that he’d be able to face his lover and work on repairing the damage that had forcibly separated them. She was overjoyed with the knowledge that Daniel had just taken another very critical step on his path to healing.


	26. Understanding and Communication

**UNDERSTANDING AND COMMUNICATION**  
**Learning to Trust Again**

 

 **Journal Entry:**

_I hate myself. I totally hate myself. Do you know why? How many times, Jack? How_  
_many times am I going to allow him to take me to bed, to fuck me, to humiliate me? How_  
_many times am I going to willingly give myself to him?_

_I’m sure you hate me now, Jack…hate me and despise me. If you only knew the things_  
_he makes me do to him, for him..._

_He orders me to willingly degrade myself, humiliate myself…he loves to make me feel_  
_shame and disgust. Some of the things he orders me to do are…God, Jack you’d_  
_never be able to understand. You could never understand why I must openly humiliate_  
_myself for my lord._

_Sometimes he makes me crawl for him, Jack. Yes crawl, on all fours like a_  
_damned dog. Sometimes he orders me to smell him like a dog would. God, Jack I feel_  
_so dirty and used. I’m so used to the way he treats me now that it actually excites me._  
_He can excite me by ordering me to crawl to him, to smell him…God, Jack I can’t help_  
_it. He has me trained so well…I’m now his perfect little fuck toy, his perfect slut, his_  
_perfect whore. I’m so ashamed. I must be losing my mind or think so little of myself…_  
_I…how can being humiliated and degraded…how can that excite anyone? Yet when he_  
_orders me to crawl for him I instantly become turned on and am ready to do whatever_  
_he asks of me…anything to be granted the right to climax, anything to be freed from_  
_chastity. I’ll do anything for him Jack, anything if he’ll permit me to climax. I…I can’t_  
_stop myself as I willingly obey him. His touches, his orders, his presence triggers some_  
_kind of ingrained response within that makes me instantly want to harden, makes me_  
_instantly want to beg and plead for sex, to be pleasured and to please…_

_God, I’m such a filthy little whore now Jack. I know you can never love me. I’m_  
_ruined and soiled now. I have nothing left. My body has betrayed me, my mind has_  
_betrayed me and I have betrayed you. I have betrayed our love._

_Leave me Jack. Please forget about me. I’m no longer worth anyone’s effort. I want to_  
_die now, Jack. Things seemed to be better, but now I want to die again, to end my life…_  
_just disappear, disappear and forget. I’ll never lead a normal life again even if you_  
_somehow locate me. I no longer have any desire to live. I could never live knowing that_  
_when you look upon me you will only see a slut, a bitch…a worthless excuse for a_  
_human being. God, Jack I love you. I’ve always loved you, but I’m not worth your_  
_time or your energy any longer. Just let me go, let me suffer my humiliation alone._  
_Somehow I’ll make it through…somehow. Maybe, maybe death is my best alternative._  
_It seems to be the only alternative I have left._

_I’m sorry Jack, so sorry that I left him destroy me…_

_So sorry that I left him destroy us…_

**End of Journal Entry**

They stood face to face in the silence Jack wanting to reconcile and Daniel looking as if he were preparing to run. Jack had been a bit surprised to find the younger man completely alone. He was by himself. No one else was around to warn him away or order him away. He stood there staring at Daniel for the longest time not sure of what to say or do but knowing that the last thing he wanted was for the man to run from him again. He spoke softly as he addressed his lover, “We need to talk. I mean really talk. We need to take the time to sit down with each other and talk through what happened.” 

Daniel swallowed hard feeling his fear and uncertainty thrumming throughout his body. He swallowed harder then licked his lips before speaking barely audibly, “There’s nothing to talk about. I think you made your opinion of me pretty clear when you tried to rape me, Jack.” 

Oh God, there it was that word, that dirty filthy word. Jack felt his body shudder in response to Daniel’s comments. Just the thought of how close he had come to…to doing that disgraced him. He had lost control and because of his stupid jealousy he had nearly destroyed the man he loved with all of his heart. He continued, “Daniel, I’m so sorry for…I’m sorry. I allowed my anger and rage to take over…I allowed my jealousy to take hold.” 

Daniel flinched in response to that comment before continuing, “Jealousy? What the hell did you have to be jealous of, Jack?” 

Jack cast his eyes downwards feeling a mix of anger and frustration fuel him. He knew what he had been jealous of or rather who he had been jealous of: Osiris. He spoke again, “I…I… Osiris. I was jealous of your love for Osiris…” 

Daniel couldn’t believe what he was hearing coming out of Jack’s mouth. His love? HIS LOVE for Osiris? What love? He didn’t love him, never could. What kind of a person did Jack think he was? He should’ve known that there was no love, no relationship…Osiris had used him and he had allowed it to protect all those the Goa’uld lord had threatened to destroy. There was no love involved. Love never entered the picture so where the hell did Jack come up with that thought? He spoke now half irritated as he responded, “My love? MY LOVE? What love? I didn’t love him. I never loved him, Jack.” 

“Well the way you responded to him I figured…” 

The comment stung. He tried not to let it bother him, but he couldn’t help it. Jack…God, what did the man think of him now? He snapped back, “You figured I was a whore right? I believe that’s the word you used to describe me…a whore and a bitch…an easy fuck…” 

Those words cut through him like a knife and he choked out, “Oh God, Daniel…” 

“Don’t want to be reminded of what you said to me? Why not? After all you just may have been right about that. Perhaps I did enjoy it and I am a whore…in fact I did enjoy it. I loved being fucked by my enemy, my captor nearly every damned day! Yeah, I loved being raped by that fucker countless times! Is that what you want to hear Jack? Do you want to hear how I learned to like it, to want it…to want HIM? Would you like to hear how I begged and pleaded for him to make me come for him, Jack? Is that what you want to hear? Why don’t I tell you about how I loved to tongue fuck him and how I enjoyed his hands on me…yeah, is that what you want to hear, lover? How I enjoyed being raped in every possible way while I served my master, my lord. Oh yeah I was a real good sex slave, Jack. The bastard couldn’t get enough of me…I couldn’t get enough of him. I loved the times he would bite me and claw me. Enjoyed the times he mauled me and made me perform for him in front of other system lords. Oh yeah loved it when I had an audience. Are those the things you’d like to hear? Do you want to hear how much of a whore, a prostitute and a slut your lover is Jack? Would that make you happy? WOULD IT?” 

Jack felt his heart aching and crying out for Daniel. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms tightly around the man and hold him until all the nightmares went away until all the self-loathing and self-hatred leaked away. He couldn’t stand to hear his lover saying such crude things about himself. He didn’t know how to even respond to the onslaught of words that had just poured from his mouth. All he could muster was, “Oh God, Danny, no…no I don’t want to hear those things. Daniel, you’re none of those things.” 

Daniel felt his anger fleeing just as rapidly as it had surged forth allowing the depression and despair room to enter and take control. He spoke barely above a whisper finding that the words were becoming so very difficult to utter. His throat hurt, his body hurt, his heart hurt…his damned soul hurt. He forced himself to reply feeling the weight of the words threatening to crush him under their huge strength, “According to you I am…you…you… How could you say those things to me, Jack? How? How could you be so cruel, so cold? Tell me, Jack, do I really disgust you that much? Am I really that repulsive to you now?” 

“God Danny, no, no you’re not. You’re not repulsive to me…” 

Daniel focused on Jack feeling tears beginning to pool at the edge of his eyelids preparing to spill over and roll down his cheeks. He held them back and choked out, “Then why can’t you look at me, Jack? Why can’t you stand to be near me?” 

“I can look at you. I am near you…” 

He started to shake his head sadly back and forth quietly commenting, “Jack, you’re on one side of the room and I’m on the other. God, Jack, you can’t even look at me! I know that I’m…ruined…I know that I’m soiled…dirty… I know that I’m filthy, that I’m no longer clean. I know, Jack, believe me I know. I know that I’m simply used property…God, Jack, you don’t have to rub it in. I already know.” 

The tears started to slip down over his cheeks and he could no longer look at Jack as he hung his head in shame and disappointment. He still felt so cheap and so, so unclean. He whispered, “I know…that you can’t even bear to be this close to me and it hurts…hurts so badly…” 

Aw God, Daniel was hurting so much…so very much. Osiris had not only stolen Daniel’s freedom he’d stolen his self-esteem. He was so shattered now…so… He was…he needed to heal. He needed to learn to respect himself again and to trust himself again. God, had he been partly responsible for the broken man before him? Had he helped Osiris to nearly destroy the love of his life? He had…he had…when he attacked Daniel…when he tried to…to rape…he had helped Osiris bring Daniel Jackson to his knees. How could he ever forgive himself for what he had done to his lover? Daniel would probably never forgive him, and he doubted he’d be able to do so either. As he stood there looking at the broken man before him he recalled some of those words from one of Daniel’s journal entries:

 

_‘My life is sheer hell and you stand there and dare to pass judgment on me? You can’t understand why I desire to end my life now. I have no reason to live…none at all…I love you, but I can’t go on any longer…please don’t hate me for what I’m about to do, love…’_

 

Oh yeah he remembered those words very well. He could probably quote that entire passage, for that was the time Daniel had been preparing to kill himself. He’d written about stealing a knife from the armory and hiding it. His plan: to go to a place no one would look for him and kill himself. God, he had almost lost the man then…probably several times before and after that as well and could see, could tell that he was again nearly at the end of his rope. He had to help his precious lover to deal with everything that had happened to him. He had to help Daniel to heal and to regain his self-respect. He had to try to bring Danny back home…back from Osiris’ clutches. He needed to bring Daniel back home where he belonged. If he didn’t Daniel could end up lost…forever. He made his first attempts at getting through as he said, “Daniel, that’s not true… Why are you being so hard on yourself? Why?” 

Daniel slowly raised his head, angrily wiping at the few tears that managed to escape before continuing, “Jack, if I really was clean to you then you would have never felt the need to force me to make love to you. You tried to…to rape me, Jack. Hell you did…you…with your finger… It wasn’t enough for you that I already felt cheap and used. You had to prove to me just how pathetic I was…am… Go away, Jack. Leave me alone. You’ve already done enough damage. Just go away.” 

Go away? Was he crazy? Jack shook his head emphatically before replying, “NO! I won’t go away! I refuse to go away…” 

Daniel stared at him momentarily stunned by Jack’s vocal refusal, but quickly recovered as he snapped back, “See you don’t even respect my wishes! You can’t accept no! I said go away! I mean GO AWAY! Get out of here! Don’t let me sully you any more than I already have! GO!” 

“NO! I won’t leave you!” 

“You already have…go! Please just leave!” 

Could he be too late to save his lover? Had he waited too long to reach out and attempt to grasp that hand before Daniel slid into the abyss of despair? Was there any hope left at all or had he waited too long? NO! He would not give up! He refused to give up! Dammit Daniel would just have to deal with his presence, for he wasn’t going any where. The man would have to simply get used to him being around because he was not leaving…EVER AGAIN! Daniel would have to kill him to keep him away. He refused to give up on him. He had almost given up on Daniel before and it nearly cost them both their lives. He’d be damned if he’d turn his back on him again. Nope Daniel Jackson would just have to learn to deal with his presence because he was not going any where! He quickly spoke to dispel Daniel’s request of him, “Daniel, you really don’t mean that. I know you don’t mean that.” 

Daniel gaped at him becoming outraged and angry when Jack still refused to leave. The tears were now falling unbidden down across his cheeks, but he didn’t care about that now all he wanted was for Jack to leave. As Jack again refused he snapped and launched into him shoving and pushing him towards the door, yelling for him to leave. Why wouldn’t Jack just leave? WHY? He didn’t want him here! He didn’t! He screamed with a mix of frustration, fear, rage and shock as Jack’s arms suddenly entwined around him pulling him against his solid chest and effectively pinning him in place. He fought against the hold cursing and ordering Jack to leave him alone. He tried to kick Jack, to head butt him and to claw at him determined to escape any way he could. When the arms grew even more unyielding Daniel struggled more fiercely cursing and twisting in Jack’s arms desperately trying to break free and wanting nothing more than to be left alone. He demanded that Jack release him, but the older man refused to do so choosing instead to wrap his arms even tighter around his lover. Daniel stiffened in his hold the moment the grip grew tighter, hearing Jack’s voice crooning against his ears as he urged him to calm down and to relax. No, NO he would not calm down! HE WOULD NOT! Instantly he returned to violently twisting and squirming in Jack’s arms determined to free himself from the hold fighting with every fiber of his being to escape the unwanted touch. When it became apparent that he wasn’t strong enough to do so he resorted to pleading with Jack to release him feeling panic and fear stirring within, but Jack still refused to yield. The more he pushed the more insistent Jack became until most of his energy and strength fled. He collapsed against Jack cursing when he realized that his struggles were futile. Damn Jack! Damn him, for being the stronger one. DAMN HIM! 

Jack held onto Daniel with an iron grip determined to keep him there and to deter any further attempts of his to run away. They were going to talk and they were going to do that RIGHT NOW, whether he had to hold a combative Daniel all night or not! He relaxed only slightly when he felt the resistance abruptly flee Daniel’s body quietly urging, “Tell me how you feel, Daniel. Tell me what you’re going through…please.” 

Daniel felt trapped; his heart was racing in his chest and fear was once again threatening to rear its ugly head. In an attempt to force it back and maintain what little vestige of control he had he resorted to lashing out, pounding his fist against Jack and shouting, “LET ME GO! LEAVE! PLEASE GO!” 

“No, Daniel, no! I’m not going to let you go and I’m definitely not going any where! I left you once and I refuse to leave you again. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me…” 

Daniel could hear the determination in the older man’s voice and started to feel helpless sensing that Jack would never release him. His panic continued to build triggering new attempts to resist and fight. He quickly returned to violently squirming in Jack’s arms trying to again slip free while shouting a denial, “NO! NO GODDAMNIT! YOU’RE STILL NOT LISTENING TO ME! You still aren’t hearing me. Let me go! Please! Don’t touch me! GET AWAY FROM ME!” 

Determined not to surrender Jack only tightened his hold calmly answering, “Give up the fight Daniel because I’m not going any where.” 

Daniel shrieked in frustration as fresh tears cascaded down his face. He felt helpless, totally and completely helpless and he was scared to death. As his strength left him he felt his legs buckling beneath his body. He sagged against Jack who slowly lowered him to his knees on the floor. He attempted to curl up as Jack’s voice demanded answers. God, he couldn’t handle that right now! NO! As the fight went out of him he started rambling through a mix of gasps and sobs, “NO! No, God please no! You used me…you hur…hurt me so badly…and after all I did for you…you couldn’t accept my gift…couldn’t understand why I wanted to wait…couldn’t believe me…COULDN’T TRUST ME!” 

Jack held him tightly beginning to rock him listening to the onslaught of comments as Daniel tried to break through his panic, his pain and his shame. Daniel continued, “I…I saved myself for you…locked it away…locked it up and kept it safe…kept it safe for you, Jack…didn’t want it tarnished or soiled, so I locked it up…” 

Calming his voice to a soothing pitch in hopes that the tone would calm his lover Jack continued questioning, “What Daniel? What did you lock away? Tell me, please.” 

Speaking through a voice thick with tears and sorrow Daniel attempted to answer the questions struggling to catch his breath in between words as he tried to force out the answers Jack was demanding, “My love…my heart…locked it away and buried it deep, so very deep, so Osiris couldn’t get all of me…no, I refused… He…he made me surrender…made me respond…had no choice, no choice. If I refused horrible…horrible things would happen to everybody. I know he…he showed me what he could do if I denied him…all dead, dead because of me…they’re all dead. No more…gone because…because I refused to comply…after that I had no choices left. God, they’re all dead because of me…because I wouldn’t willingly surrender. I killed them all…my fault, all my fault…so, so many lives…so, so many people dead…gone…no more…all my fault…all of it. He told me so…had no choice, none or he’d…he’d do it again…and again until I listened…until I obeyed…til’ I surrendered my body to him…raped…raped over a hund…hundred times…then come…come back here and you…you hurt…hurt me…threw my love away. Threw me away…dir…dirty now…soil…soiled, mine…I’m…mmm…filth…filthy… unlovable…used property…damaged goods…no good…no more…destroyed…everything…everything’s been destroyed now. I have nothing left…nothing. Lost you…lost the most important thing in my life…you…needed you…need you still but…but you don’t…you just don’t…can’t stand to…to…” 

Daniel fell silent as it became so much more difficult to speak. He knew that he was rambling and most likely not making sense. He could barely talk now as he gasped for breath and started sniffling. He could feel his shoulders violently shuddering and his throat aching so much. He fell silent curling up in Jack’s arms and continuing to silently cry for all he had lost. 

Jack pulled Daniel closer lowering his head and attempting to cocoon him within his embrace. He enfolded Daniel in his arms knowing that he would be able to relax some when his body was held more compact. Daniel was so frightened, so scared, so uncertain…so depressed and angry…Jack swallowed hard hating seeing his lover reduced to such despair. He hated seeing him reduced to a mere shell of the man he used to be. Daniel’s sobs broke his heart. The man was lost, so lost and so confused. He recalled the many pleas Daniel had made to him throughout the months of his captivity. There were numerous journal entries where he had asked him, had begged him to come and save him…told him that he was the only one capable of healing his shattered soul, of returning him to the man he had once been. He swallowed hard as he spoke softly, “I’m so sorry, Daniel, so sorry for all the things you’ve lost, all of your pain and sadness. If I could I’d willingly take on your torments and your suffering. I would gladly take on those things. I’m so sorry for what I did to you and for what was done to you…so sorry… God, Daniel I don’t know how to help you, I don’t know how to heal you. What am I supposed to do? What do you need me to do for you, Danny? Please tell me what you need from me. Talk to me. Tell me how you feel…how you’ve been feeling…please…tell me. God, I love you Daniel. I love you. I know that’s probably very hard for you to believe after the way I treated you, but it’s true. I love you with all my heart and all my soul.” 

Daniel remained silent still crying and remaining curled up sniffing. After what seemed like hours of silence Daniel spoke in a broken voice, “I still can’t, Jack. I can’t…” 

“Can’t what?” 

“Can’t. I try. I’ve tried but I…I just can’t…not anymore…” 

“Can’t what Danny? What are you talking about?” 

“Can’t…my heart’s still not here…I…I can’t.” 

“Your heart?”

Daniel started to cry harder wanting Jack to understand but knowing that he most likely wouldn’t. He hadn’t understood before so why should he understand now? He still spoke softly as he continued, “I…I…I still can’t feel, Jack…can’t…love you so much but can’t…unlock…buried too long…I can’t feel…I don’t feel anything, Jack. I’m…it’s like I’m numb…and I hate being that way, especially with you but I’m…I can’t feel anymore. I…I feel nothing…you don’t understand…could never understand…” 

Jack held Daniel tighter thinking about all those journal entries he had read in which Daniel became so lost, so good at disassociation and spacing out that he shut himself down. He safeguarded what he could by shutting himself down…shutting everything down…now he couldn’t open those things, those places he has kept hidden for so very long…that was probably what he was trying to say the day Jack almost…the day he had almost…the day…that day…he couldn’t do it…couldn’t make love not because he loved Osiris or any other reason except that he simply couldn’t unlock his heart and allow feelings and emotions to surface. 

Jack could feel tears piercing his own eyes and threatening to spill. Daniel sounded so lost, so heartbroken. He started to hush the man gently rocking him while holding him tightly against him. He softly crooned, “Shh, shh…let it out Danny. Let it all out. I’m here for you and I’m not leaving. We can get through this. We can…” 

“No, no…you don’t…don’t want…” 

“I do, I do…God Daniel I made a mistake, a horrible mistake that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I almost destroyed you…almost destroyed the one person in this world who means so much to me…” 

“Not…not true…” 

Jack continued speaking with conviction, “Yes, yes it is true Danny. I need you. I love you. I can’t live without you.” 

“I’m no good…soiled, dirty…” 

“I don’t give a damn about that, love, all I care about is you. All I care about is being here for you, offering you strength and support, loving you…” 

“Don’t believe…” 

Jack stopped his rocking motion leaning back to peer at Daniel’s still hidden face. He reached up with his left hand and pressed it so tenderly against the side of Daniel’s head. He quietly urged, “Look at me. Look at me, love.” 

Daniel’s answer came in the shake of his head. Jack continued, “Please look at me. Please. I want to see those beautiful eyes of yours, love. I want to see that handsome face. I want to look upon the face of the man who holds my heart in his hands. Please Danny. Please.” 

Daniel slowly lifted his head but kept his eyes downcast refusing to look at Jack. Jack smiled then said, “Yes, that’s it. Raise your head, look at me…” 

Daniel shook his head no scared to death to look into the face of the man who he felt he had betrayed and the man who hurt him so badly. He continued, “I can’t…I can’t Jack…” 

“What are you worried about?” 

“I’m…I’m…afraid…” 

“Afraid? Of what?” 

“That you won’t like what you see anymore. I…I can’t do it, Jack. I can’t see the hatred and loathing, the scorn in your eyes…the pity…I…I can’t handle that, not from you, please…please don’t make me. I don’t think I can bear it. Please.” 

Jack felt those pleas stab at his heart. God, Daniel had suffered so much, too much. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to the top of Daniel’s head. Daniel gasped in shock, surprise and fear. He’d never expected Jack to ever kiss him again, not after how ruined he now was. Jack softened his voice further as he continued, “Daniel, I don’t hate you and I sure as hell don’t loathe you…” 

“Yes you do. Don’t lie to me to make things better. It won’t work. I’ve been lied to so much already please don’t insult me by lying to me.” 

“God Danny, no, no. I would never do that to you. Never. God, why would you think…?” 

“Why would you think I enjoyed being his sex slave? Why did you believe I enjoyed being his fuck toy, his servant or his damned dog? Why? How could you have even…? Please just stop lying to me. I can’t take the lies anymore. I CAN’T! Please…” 

“Danny, I love you with all my heart. These past few days without you were worse than the last several months…” 

“Why because you got your tramp back, but he refused to warm your bed?” 

Oh God, Daniel was so bitter with himself. He shivered as those words told him the depth with which Daniel’s sorrow and despair went. Those words told him just how much Daniel loathed himself. He hated himself. God, how could he undo all the harm that has been done to his lover not only physically but also psychologically and emotionally? He shook his head saying, “No…no… Because I knew how badly I hurt you on the day I…I…” 

“Tried to rape me?” 

“Danny, I…I know that I hurt you terribly and it’s nearly killing me to know that I’m responsible for all the pain and torment you’ve been struggling with. I’m so sorry I hurt you, so sorry. I wish that I could somehow go back and undo that momentary lapse of control when I allowed jealousy and rage to surface.” 

He pressed another tender kiss to the top of Daniel’s bent head before asking softly, “Do you have any idea how painful and difficult it’s been to wake up alone this past year only to have you return to me and in a fit of jealousy I hurt you more than he ever had?” 

Daniel said nothing and still kept his eyes downcast. Jack continued in a softer tone of voice, “Danny, I need you. I can’t live without you. I’ve been fooling myself, fooling myself into believing that I could handle your absence from my life. I’ve been fooling myself and I’ve been such an idiot. I know I can never make up for my attempts to…to hurt you. I just…I just kept seeing images of you and him…of the two of you together and it angered me, it enraged me to see that he could bring you so alive with a single touch. He succeeded where I failed. Yes, you started to respond instantly to my touch, my God you were on fire but it wasn’t enough for me, it wasn’t. I wanted ALL of you. I wanted to see love, tenderness and caring reflect in those perfect eyes of yours but it was mysteriously absent. Tell me did you have those things in your eyes when you looked at Sarah?” 

“NO!” 

Daniel again shoved at Jack trying to push him away, angry now that Jack would ask that question. Jack quickly gained control of his lover pinning him in a hug. He listened to Daniel’s now harsh breathing, giving Daniel time to relax. When he sensed Daniel was able to listen again he continued, “Of course you didn’t. I know that. Your love has always been for me, for only me…” 

Daniel inhaled sharply continuing accusingly, “Then why’d you ask…?” 

“Because it hurt me to know he could get your passion and your desire but what hurt more than anything, Daniel, more than anything was knowing that when we attempted to make love upon your return all you could give me was that passion, that fire as well. I became angry initially because you responded so willingly, so quickly to his every touch. Then when I attempted to make love with you and you started to tell me no, started to fight me, I became so angry…I just…I just didn’t know how to handle it and handled things so wrong.” 

Daniel’s next words were spoken so softly that Jack had to strain to hear him, “Then tell me…what made you stop? What made you stop hurt…hurting me, Jack?” 

“What made you say no to me? What was going through that brilliant mind of yours that night? 

Daniel refused to answer feeling his heart aching as Jack deliberately dodged his question refusing to answer it. He started breathing heavier feeling suddenly as if Jack were smothering him. He tried to remain still but was only growing more restless, nervous and fidgety. He wanted Jack to answer his question. He needed Jack to answer it. Why had Jack stopped hurting him that night? Was it simply because he was tired of the resistance and of the denying? Was it because Jack no longer viewed him worthy of having sex with? Or were there other reasons? Why did Jack stop? Why was it so important to him that Jack answer that one little question? 

Jack sensed Daniel’s restlessness and could tell he was no longer comfortable in his arms, for the man was squirming as if he were trying to wiggle free. He lowered his gaze before continuing, “Daniel…it’s very hard for me to discuss what happened that evening…I’ll never forgive myself for the hurt I caused you that night. I…I… Oh God, this is so hard…I… Every time I remember that night I remember your desperation, your need to flee…from me. I remember your fear, so potent… You’re still afraid of me. I remember the shame and degradation I saw in your eyes. I remember the despair…the self-loathing, the shock so clearly. Danny…um…hmm God I, ah, I… You begged me and pleaded with me to stop. You said no at least a dozen times, but I still wouldn’t listen. I became angrier, so angry with you. I became angry with you and you did nothing to deserve it, nothing. I…there…there were even a few…moments when I was so…so pissed off that…that I… God, the things I accused you of. The things I said to you. I feel so ashamed of myself for doing that to you…words spoken in anger that were like poison to you… You were already feeling so upset and angry with yourself. You hated yourself. I think you still do…and instead of helping I…I lashed out, made things so much worse and nearly destroyed you with cold, harsh, bitter words, words you’ll never forget…words that will fester inside of you and eat away at your soul. You probably still hear those words and…and you may actually believe them. They’re not true, Daniel, they’re not but you’ll never be able to forget them or the one who said them to you. I don’t deserve you…not because of what he, what they put you through, not because of you but because of what I did to you. I love you, I love you so much yet in a moment of weakness I…I hurt you, crippled you, wounded you more than Osiris ever had. I…oh God, Daniel, I actually struck you…I…I hit you not once but twice…even after you screamed…oh God, that scream was so horrible. I still hear it you know and it breaks my heart to know I made you scream like that. You panicked when I hit…hit you…you…oh God…I crushed you. I know I did…I could see your shock, your denial of what was happening. Instead of…instead of I…um…I accused you of so many things…called you such awful, vicious names. You attempted to curl in on yourself, to protect and shield yourself and I wouldn’t even let you do that. I was determined to keep total and complete control over you. You fought and I…hurt you more. I don’t deserve you. You’re too precious, too…too good…you’re too good for me, Danny. I don’t deserve you. I don’t. What made me stop? You…you made me stop. You and my love for you… God, when you froze under me, when you gave up the fight, when you stopped resisting me…when you…when I saw you cowering in fear from me I…I knew I lost you, especially when you screamed at me not to touch you. I couldn’t move as you sat up, grabbed your clothes and ran for the door. I knew you were in shock and knew I lost you completely. God, Daniel, I don’t want to lose you but I don’t deserve you. I swore to protect you, honor you, cherish you…I swore to love you and I couldn’t even shield you from myself. I couldn’t be there for you when you desperately needed me to be there. I was blinded by rage and jealousy. I was a fool. I am a fool. Oh God, when you…when I pushed you against the door desperately trying to cling to you, to make you stay…it cut me like a knife to watch you slip into a trance…scared the hell out of me, Daniel, to see you become instantly submissive and meek, instantly robotic…you were merely responding to stimuli…that’s when I realized you’d sacrificed your heart, your love, your feelings and emotions…that’s when I realized what you had been trying to make me see and understand. You wanted me to stop because you couldn’t love me…you were too afraid to release your love, release your heart…so afraid, so afraid to make that ultimate sacrifice. You were right. It was too soon for you. I should have never even suggested we make love that night. I should’ve known it was too soon. I should’ve listened to Janet. I should have listened to you.” 

Jack continued to sit on the floor holding Daniel tenderly in his arms as he rocked him. He started pressing kisses to the top of Daniel’s head between words and comments and gently rubbed his hands across Daniel’s back marveling in how wonderful it felt to hold him again. He wanted to stop talking but knew that Daniel needed to hear his words so he continued, “I’m talking a lot, aren’t I? I have a lot to say and a lot to atone for. I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry for everything and sorry it’s taken me so long to say the things that I should’ve said way before now. I was scared to death that night, especially when you left in your car crying and upset. I kept thinking you were going to give up. I know you’re not a quitter, but I was still afraid…” 

“Yes, I am.” 

“What?” Jack was a bit surprised that Daniel spoke. Daniel continued, “I almost gave up so many times, Jack…so many times.” 

“But you never went through with it.” 

“Came so close…had it all planned out perfectly…Zeenan stopped me…Zeenan and…and you…you would speak to me sometimes…telling me to keep fighting, to hold on. Telling me you were coming… You used to warm me too…warm me and soothe me when it became too much,” Daniel chuckled sadly as he continued, “I had this place on his ship…this window…just a window. I’d sit there for hours…watching the stars, thinking of you…and everyone…made me feel closer to you. It was just a silly window but to me it was everything…” 

Jack found himself recalling passages from Daniel’s journal that he had read several times…so many passages…so many pages and pages of letters, messages to him, for him…that’s how Daniel spoke with him…most of the journal was written directly to him. 

The silence stretched between them until Jack broke it with the low tones of his own voice, “Could you ever find it in your heart to forgive me…?” 

“I don’t have a heart anymore, Jack…” 

Jack felt the tears fall then as those words nearly killed him. He was too late to save Daniel. He waited too long, too damned long. He inhaled sharply as Daniel focused on him for the first time. He no longer felt it necessary to hide the tears from his lover. Daniel stared at him looking at his face intently. He could only stare at Daniel as the man reached up and gently traced the path of tearstains with his finger looking at him with the innocence and wonder of a child, and Jack found himself recalling when they had first met: the geeky archaeologist and the hard-nosed military Colonel. What a pair they’d made… They had conflicted from the moment they met yet sparks flew between them as friendship became love… Jack concentrated on Daniel’s face wanting to remember this look…he feared he’d never see it again because he was too late, too late to save Daniel and too late to help him unlock his heart, for Daniel said that he no longer had one. 

Daniel looked up at Jack seeing the tears in his eyes and…and love? Oh God, love? No, no…Jack didn’t love him he despised him. NO. But the longer he stared at the man holding him close the more that love seemed to shine brightly in the man’s eyes. Without thought he gently traced a tear track marveling at the fact that Jack was crying and looking at him with love sparkling in those dark brown depths. He licked his lips still keeping his finger pressed lightly against Jack’s face as he softly explained “I gave it to you a long time ago.” 

Jack’s eyes bulged out upon hearing those words. He was speechless. All he could do was stare. Daniel still loved him? Still needed him after…after? Oh my God the man was amazing! He noticed Daniel still looking intently at him and as he made eye contact with him Daniel’s lips turned upward into the most beautiful sight he had seen in a very, very long time…a smile…not just a smile, this smile held warmth and tenderness…this smile was just for him. Oh God, oh God dare he even believe that Daniel…? No, no, no…Daniel hated him. He did! But then Daniel suddenly lifted up and pressed those luscious lips to his own. A kiss…a kiss so soft, so light that he would never have believed it happened except that his lips tingled. The kiss was shy, experimental, hesitant but so goddamned magnificent! Those lips remained touching his for the briefest of seconds. His lover was no longer as confident as he had been. In that kiss he could feel all of Daniel’s fears, uncertainties, doubts and hesitation but the kiss was beautiful. 

Daniel glanced away shyly acting nervous and frightened. He spoke softly, “I’m…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…I…” 

“Shh, shh, it’s all right.” 

Daniel focused intently on him and in those blue depths Jack saw a faltering confidence and so much uncertainty. Daniel continued speaking so softly that he had to strain just to hear him, “Jack, can you do it?” 

“Do what, Danny?” 

Daniel downcast his eyes, licking his lips nervously and forcing himself to answer the question. He focused on Jack again continuing, “Bring me back…bring me back from there, from him? Do you have the power, the strength, the patience and the desire to…to help…help bring me home? I want to come home, Jack. I want every part of me back. Do you have the patience and the strength to do…to help me…heal?” 

Jack inhaled sharply shocked that Daniel would ask for his help after all the pain he had given the man. He spoke softly not daring to believe, “Yes, if you would let me but…” 

“No, no buts please…I’m tired of feeling nothing…tired of…of…please help me, Jack. Please.” 

“Do you want me to help even after…after the things I did to you?” 

Daniel continued to hold his gaze staring at Jack for the longest time trying to push back the doubts and fears that wanted to encroach and destroy what little vestige of hope still remained within his shattered, torn soul. He made himself respond before he lost his nerve nodding his head and saying, “Yes…yes I do. Please?” 

Jack could see the little ray of hope sparking within Daniel’s magnificent azure gaze but along with that little sliver of hope still remained his fear, his doubt and his hesitation. He watched Daniel intently, silently urging him to accept the help he so desperately needed to become whole again. As Daniel nodded his head Jack felt as if a heavy weight lifted off of his shoulders and a dam had broken within him. He could feel more tears sliding past his eyelids, gently cascading down his cheeks to drip on both himself and his lover’s upturned face. Again Daniel’s hand moved and his finger traced the tear streaks. Daniel gently swiped away some of the tears with his thumb as he focused those fear laden eyes on him and Jack answered him, “Yes…if you’ll have me.” 

Daniel felt the hand he had been waiting for, reaching for and desperately trying to hold onto reach out and snatch him pulling him back from those deep, dark depths…back from the murky water he had been treading in for so very long. For the first time in a long time he could finally see the shore up ahead and no longer felt as if he were desperately clawing and screaming, frantically struggling to keep his head above the surface. He could finally relax and allow the still water to buoy him and allow the strong arms to hold him and carry him back to that distant shore. The tension in his body started to fade and tears of joy and hope sprang from his eyes but instead of wiping them away he continued to look upon the face of the one who could save him, the one who came back to him after being gone for so very long. He no longer had to fight the overwhelming battle alone for he now had someone with whom to share his burden, someone who amazingly still loved him even after all that had happened. Someone who still loved him even though he was no longer the same man he had been all those months ago before Bursiris, before Osiris, before Alandria, before Dionysus, before his enslavement, before his lover’s cruelty and misunderstandings, before his eternal nightmare and condemnation even began… 

As Daniel once again found his voice he answered, “Yes.” 

“This won’t be easy…” 

“I…I know…I’m afraid it may be too late for me already…” 

“It’s never too late… Tell me how you feel. How do you feel Daniel?” 

“I…I can’t…I don’t feel…the only time I could feel was…was during sexual…acts and then I only felt passion…desire, primal need…noth…nothing else. I feel helplessness, hopelessness, sadness…shame, guilt…I can’t feel anything else, Jack.”

“Well that’s going to change. I promise you that,” and as Jack looked deeply into the pristine blue eyes of his lover he smiled answering, “In fact, I believe it already has.”

 

** The End **


End file.
